#i just wish i was normal

[thornsinpudding]

There's something so devastating about becoming chronically ill in your teens because everyone around you is still young and healthy and can't relate to or sympathize with your situation, so you're essentially just left to learn that no matter what there will always be a part of yourself that alienates you from everyone else you know

[crime-soncloud]

Google how to stop thinking your friends all secretly hate you and are gonna leave you

[red-lights-of-doooooom]

My friend suggested I download hinge because he truly thinks that online dating is the way to go. Given that he regularly goes to clubs to get laid (and has never found success in doing so), I have a hard time trusting his advice. But it beats doing it the old fashioned way because I'm a socially-maladjusted hard nut to crack.

Plus, I was on HER for a while and was either harassed by creepy guys, mocked for being bi (by both straight men and gay women), and/or recommended some nasty old (otherwise straight) poly couples "looking for a third" when they're old enough to get their prostates checked.

So here we go. Off to sell my soul to the unholy Beelzebub that is social fuckin' media yet again because I genuinely am not good enough for any breathing human to date (much less fuck), and I want to trick them into thinking otherwise for an indeterminate amount of time. Hopefully it'll last longer than a few months. Scratch that, longer than a week. My goal is a year, at least. But we'll see how it goes.

[destiny-in-the-universe]

HIGHLY PERSONAL VENT!

Today’s one of those days where I wish I could be normal about my interests but unfortunately for everyone who knows me- I cannot do this. I just can’t.

I’m annoying. I’m obnoxious. I… do not shut up about the latest hyperfix until it is completely out of my system- except for apparently, RC9GN. I deeply, and i do mean, deeply relate to Randy- and it’s absolutely embarrassing when you’re a whole ass adult. But this isn’t about that.

This is about coming to the fantastic realization that - ONCE AGAIN, if I cannot consume something for my fixation, if I cannot get even so much as a stick figure, I lose my damn mind. I might have to start retailoring my dash for RC9GN after the MCU stuff.

But here’s the fucking thing-

I feel like a waste of space right now. I can’t just enjoy the media- I have to find fanart, merch, fanfic, ALL OF IT or I just feel empty on the inside. And I have constant brainrot, constant AU’s, constant… just so much cooking daily - it never stops.

I love all of my stupid interests but sometimes I just can’t get enough off of it. I need more and more and I… am so goddamn pathetic.

There’s a reason I have so many AU’s.

There’s a reason i reblog, there’s a reason I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated solely to RC9GN. But I need more.

And more.

I just want to be normal.

To not have battling and raging conflict between my autism and ADHD, and I just wish for one damn second, I could just look away from content of my interests.

Autism is a fucking curse and I’m so SICK and tired of being told by people that “oh but you don’t look autistic!” “It’s okay. You have very little autism!” “You don’t have that much autism!” Except. I. Do.

I… am a train wreck.

ADHD also doesn’t help.

I don’t know. I-

I’ll be fine soon. Peace out, loves.

I’ll be back…

[donoteatwingsoutapussy]

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you

[expressionless-fr]

.

[namedforvalor]

Every time I feel like stuff is getting slightly better I end up having a terrible day which leads to a panic attack and then I feel terrible for the rest of the night.

[oars]

[heartofhubris-a]

Often do I lament having the triggers I do. Why can't the be something unique and not important like the crack of a tree branch.

[fairycosmos]

im a grown woman i dont feel the childish need for acceptance that i craved in my youth anymore. shaking and gripping the sink

[fella-lovin-fella]

i just want to cry so bad right now. i shouldn't be this tired. i shouldn't be so exhausted by 10:30. i should be able to do more than one thing. i should be able to take care of myself. god i feel so. useless.

[disaster-by-chance]

everyday i'm more and more convinced to see a therapist but then I really start thinking about doing it and chicken out

[bunnieswithknives]

As much as I love angst I think it would be funny if he just didnt give af

[pickled-flowers]

Sex positivity is also about not calling Ace people prude and using virgin as an insult 👍 hope that helps

[scooterfish]

sometimes i really hate being myself !!!

[sualne]

he's fiiiiine.