#i just want people to acknowledge and validate my experiences is all

[prettybluebro]

i loave doodling

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[mymarifae]

i think that you would be an amazing teacher and i wish i could be in your class

aw thank you so much!! i'm glad you think so.. hopefully i can make at least one student's high school career a little easier, and hopefully i can remind them why they should never stop loving learning, no matter how hard the school system tries to beat it out of them :')

[vanivanvanilla]

been thinking recently about ccs in fandom spaces and ultimately, whether people like it or not, ccs will engage in fandom in one way or another but ccs (and other fans) need to respect fandoms and acknowledge that not all of the content is made for them

(under the cut bc it’s kinda long)

fanart is widely accepted as cool (usually as long as it’s not ship art), but other forms of fandom creativity are usually either unseen, ignored, or in fanfiction’s case, made fun of. fanfiction has a bad rep in fandoms, not just mcyt spheres.

when people think of fanfiction, they usually think of cringey ship fics made by young teens online. not all fanfiction is like this (there’s thousands of elaborate stories that could be their own independent series), but even the ones that are, so what?

fanfiction is an outlet for creativity just like fanart is, it’s just not held nearly in as high of a regard. people spend hours upon hours brainstorming, writing, and editing their fics just like an artist spends time sketching, coloring, and shading a piece of art.

fanfiction is just as valid as other forms of creativity. if you really want to make fun of it, i recommend doing so privately or at the very least ask for the author’s permission to talk about it in videos, streams, whatever

all fandom content has a target audience. a lot of the time, this target audience is not the content creators! fanworks are typically made for other fans. it’s nice when ccs engage with fanworks, but they need to keep this fact in mind especially when viewing stuff like shipping content

a lot of it comes down to curating your own experience online. yes, people will ignore or break boundaries but there’s not much that can be done other than blocking or ignoring them and going along with your day.

there’s been countless times where someone (either cc or fan) will call out another fan for making content they don’t like, even if it doesn’t necessarily break any boundaries

this causes a lot of unneeded stress on all parties and often leads to whoever was called out to receive harassment, which i don’t think should be encouraged regardless of the content

no one can dictate what a fandom can or cannot do— ccs and fans alike have tried many times in the past, present, and i’m sure will continue in the future, but no one can truly enforce rules upon someone.

just try to respect each other and various forms of fandom creativity that you see; whether this is art, fanfiction, analysis, shitposts, anything. not everything needs to be pointed out to be laughed at nor does everything need to have a callout post. block/ignore and move on if you don’t like what you see 🙏

also, as someone who has been in youtube fandoms for over a decade, this is an issue i’ve seen again & again in All youtube fandoms, not just mcyt fandoms. this isn’t directed at anyone specific, just a general word vomit of my thoughts from the past so many years :p

[nichelink]

nichelink: a newly coined niche relationship/relationship dynamic that differs from social norms, but is consensual and aware of potential risks.

differ from the norm: this is flexible and vague on purpose. see the ‘examples’ section.

probably niche: niche, probably not many people will identify as this, it’s just now been invented and posted on tumblr dot com, but it’s still a valid want and identity label.

aware of potential risks: this is inspired by the kink phrase Risk-aware consensual kink or risk-accepted consensual kink (RACK), and it means that everyone in the relationship is silently nodding and acknowledging there might be risks. you don’t have to prove yourself to others on this, don’t feel expected to tell everyone your personal business on how you’re managing this risk, because it’s not their relationship…

consensual: this is inspired by the kink phrase Consensual non-consent. basically it means that everyone in the relationship agreed to have the relationship play out a certain way, and the relationship may play out (maybe in a sort of roleplay-like fashion) like it’s non consensual, but everyone in the relationship is both expecting this to happen and still has the ultimate say on if things need to 100% stop or if it’s time for them to leave the relationship.

newly coined: i want to make it clear that existing relationship dynamics shouldn’t be shoved into this label because that feels disrespectful to those existing words, so essentially this means that existing words for it didn’t 100% describe this dynamic, so you can’t just say xyz thing is actually this term. (however, if you find one of these describes something you've already been doing for years, it's perfectly fine to start identifying with this of course.)

examples:

relationship where one person is treated as if they are an object owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a deity, and the other/s in the relationship are their followers

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a pet owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a child adopted by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is transforming the other/s in the relationship into something

labels under this umbrella have a Ratings System.

All-Ages: a label that is suitable for all ages.

16+: a label that would be best if it was only used by people 16 years or older (bodily). this doesn’t mean that it’s NSFW or something, but should be used when the term has something pretty intense or serious about it which probably shouldn’t be practiced with younger people. all terms under this umbrella that involve identity modification or training are inherently 16+.

18+: a label that is inherently not suitable for people under 18 years (bodily).

grammar:

nichelinking: the state of being in this kind of relationship with someone else. “we’re nichelinking,” “we might start nichelinking”

nichelink: 1) the specific terms themself. “i coined a nichelink,” “definition: an all-ages nichelink where you…” 2) the relationship itself. “our nichelink,” “his last nichelink”

nichelinker: someone who participates in nichelinking.

there is currently no word for having a nichelink-related crush on someone, suggestions welcome.

inspirations

neurowiry

relationship anarchy

roleplay

found family tropes

desirdae

dissomei

my own personal experience of becoming someone’s “dad” - i made a friend in high school who i came out as transgender too, and then as a joke based on how people in the undertale fandom called toriel “mom,” we began referring to me as my friend’s “dad.” this joke stuck and then started genuinely being a serious part of our friendship. reflecting on this made me realize that there’s actually lots of relationships in life that’re similar, where you refer to each other as something unusual and it feels like it changes the entire status of your friendship. i liked the idea of making a word someone can use for this kind of friendship/relationship if they wanted.

i did a lot of writing about what this term means and can be used for and it ended up being long so you can read it on this page. (updated 1/10) here are some of the faq questions (but not all, so please read that page):

is this a k*nk thing?

no, it’s not intended to be. there are plenty of nichelink terms usable by anyone at any age. however if you’re an adult and you find a term appealing and start to use it because of k*nk things, more power to you, go right ahead.

is this anti r*dqueer?

i don’t find it makes sense to say that something that isn’t a stance term/blankqueer term is anti this or pro that. but this term was inspired by r*dqueer “consensual abuse” relationships, and i did start working on this because i saw that there were a lot of people who craved a specific relationship dynamic or way of being treated who felt like they couldn’t get that outside of the r*dqueer community, so i wanted to make a risk-aware and safer alternative that is not attached to a harmful community known for abuse, transphobia, racism, etc.

if you crave being treated a certain way, yes even in a “harmed” way, this term is welcome to you.

can i coin my own?

not yet. i’m still working out the kinks (🥁✨) on definitions and guidelines. i also have a big list of terms i’d like to coin for it. you can send me a request at least.

can i post this term on…

wiki/term definition sites: yes, and you don't have to ask, but i would like to be informed.

pinterest/other social medias: no, never, i'm not comfortable with someone else posting my term for me.

tags: @antiradqueerguy | @radiomogai | @the-silent-fellowship | @harmlesspersonalidentityarchive | @beyond-mogai-pride-flags | @desirdae-archive | @dissodic-archive | @kiruliom | @anti-rq-gumi | @antiradqueerguy | @neopronouns // ask to be untagged

general flag for all All-Ages nichelinks:

general flag for all 16+ rated nichelinks:

[melonsodypop]

H-hi! I hope It's ok if my first request is not a smutty one? Yakuza men and what makes them feel loved? Thank you in advance!

yakuza men and the things that make them feel loved !

❀ pairing -  kazuma kiryu, goro majima, taiga saejima, shun akiyama, y0!akira nishikiyama, daigo dojima, ryuji goda/reader (all seperate)

❀ tags - fluff, angst, gender neutral reader, probably sloppy character analysis, these men all really need therapy, love languages, alcohol/smoking mentions

❀ a/n - of course non-smut requests are welcome!! stares at my college degree on the wall that focused almost entirely on how people's experiences, relationships and environments affect them and their inner wounds/ways they want to be loved... i am so ready to break these down hehehehe (also i learned how to use gradient text are u guys proud of me)

kazuma kiryu ❀ spending time with him

deceptively simple, kiryu feels the most loved when you decide to just exist near him

oftentimes he feels like he's undeserving of company or that his mere presence is a danger to his loved ones, so frankly your insistence on being close to him is going to freak him out at first

he might even start avoiding you in the early stages of a relationship - don't take it personally, it's just that he loves you so much that he's anxious about hurting you

the more and more you stick by him, the more he realizes that he doesn't have to do everything on his own

in fact, he likes not doing everything on his own, a wave of relief every time he remembers that he has someone he trusts and admires deeply at his side

it slowly heals that deep emotional wound he carries that for someone to love him means for them to be hurt

the reason i hesitate to use the word 'quality time' with him is that he doesn't even really need you to be doing something with him

just being in the same room as him, focusing on whatever you both are working on separately

he's never been one to be comfortable expressing himself in words, the silence between the two of you like a warm blanket instead of awkward

i could get into my hc that he's autistic so it's a form of parallel play to him, but i digress

if you look over at him, you'll see that there's a rare soft smile on his lips

wordlessly will walk over to you and pull you flush to his side gently, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead

"i like when you're here," he'll grumble softly to you - which in kiryu-isms, really means 'please stay by my side like this forever'

goro majima ❀ letting him vent/talk about his feelings

oh boy i have so many thoughts about majima and how hard of a time he has accepting love

he's a master at self-sabotage - he doesn't know how to process feelings of love or affection, nor does he really feel that a piece of shit like him deserves it (see: how often he tells others that they'd be better off without him)

so he often chooses to bury his feelings instead of doing something about it

it was much the same when it came to you - he loves you so much, painfully so, but there was always that annoying voice in his head that told him that that you had better things to do than spend time on a mongrel like him

he'll keep his conversations surface-level with you at first, but ask him how he feels about everything and validate what he says

it'll catch him off-guard at first, and he might even try to put up a front and say he doesn't like talking about that sappy shit

but he'll eventually start giving in, going on long rants about all the crap he had to deal with that day or his 'tragic fuckin' backstory' while you listen intently

the more you wrench his ribcage open and force him to expose his real heart to you, the more he starts falling helplessly for you

not only are you letting him acknowledge and let out the emotions he keeps bottled up close to his chest, but you're seeing every ugly, rotten part of him and you still love him

now, that doesn't mean don't hold him accountable when he's kinda being a dick

praising everything he does will just make him feel like you're putting him on a pedestal or seeing some idealized version of himself you made up in your head

which will give his brain an excuse to run out on you before he eventually disappoints you

so don't let him run - from his feelings, from accountability, from you

the mad dog doesn't like to be collared, but for the person who looks past every facade he puts up and lets him just be goro majima - he'll happily put himself on a leash if it's you who's holding it

taiga saejima ❀ giving him physical affection

for most of his life, saejima was treated like a dangerous beast due to his size and that perpetual scowl on his face

it only got worse after the ueno seiwa hit - shackled like a circus tiger as he was dragged from jail to jail, never able to escape whispers of 'the man who slayed eighteen' and 'the stone-cold hitman' that make him sound more like an urban legend monster than a man

saejima has his own pride in his strength, and for the longest time he just accepted that he was the untouchable, scary beast that everyone made him out to be

it's not until you come into his life and start to subjecting him to little casual touches of affection that he realizes how touch-starved he is

grab his hand, cuddle him, catch him off-guard with kisses to his weary face - it makes his chest tighten in a way he doesn't understand just yet

he feels silly that such small, soft things are affecting him this much at first, but every casual little touch you give him makes him feel less like the boogeyman and more like a person

the fact that you trust him enough and feel safe enough to him to attach yourself to him... he feels like he could cry

it takes a while for him to start returning your touches, but when he does he suddenly turns into the biggest teddy bear

every time he holds your cute little face or holds you protectively against his chest at night, he's taught that his hands can do more than just inflicting pain

he'll never, ever admit it out loud but he loves it the most when you hug him, your arms barely able to wrap around his thick torso but trying your best regardless

he can't help but chuckle as he feels your body meld against his, patting your head and wrapping his arm protectively around your shoulders

he knows people would gawk if they saw how cuddly he gets with you, but he can't really bring himself to care

he's not a monster, a beast, stone-cold, or a killer when he's in your arms - just a big, soft tiger

shun akiyama ❀ taking care of his physical needs

akiyama SUCKS at taking care of himself, often relying on other people (i.e. hana-chan's scoldings) to remind him to eat or get his work done

it's not like he's completely helpless, he insists - he at least keeps himself clean and well-groomed

but being homeless for as long as he was, he eventually just forgot how to attend to his needs

even now, with all the money in the world, he's still unlearning how he had to just suppress his hunger pangs when food was an uncertainty and sleeping on a regular schedule when shelter wasn't always guaranteed

his body does it unconsciously now, often attending to his paperwork for hours on end without even noticing that he's hungry or tired

he feels embarrassed when you start slipping him bentos here and there when he's so wrapped up in his work, often giving you an apologetic smile and profuse thank you's

but the fact that you cared enough to notice, and cared even more to go out and get him something to eat makes him remember why he fell for you in the first place

he might protest weakly when you pull him away from his work when you notice his eyes are getting sunken and his body's lagging behind

or roll his eyes with a smirk when you snatch a cigarette from between his lips and smush it in the nearby ashtray, reminding him that he was whining about needing to quit smoking just yesterday

but he's truly, genuinely thankful that you're forcing him to take care of himself, the fact that you're invested enough in his wellbeing to scold him

he'll be damned though if he becomes one of those boyfriends that treats you like his mother, though - he may call himself a bum, but he's not THAT much of a bum

expect to be taken care of in equal measure, akiyama insisting to pay for your meals and run your errands for you to show with his actions, not just his words, how cared for you make him feel

akira nishikiyama ❀ praising him

yeahhh i couldn't not talk about nishiki's inferiority complex and how damaged his self-esteem is

his cool-guy bravado very thinly covers up a mountain of insecurities

he doesn't really feel like he does much of anything right, too pathetic to be a scary yakuza and too cowardly to stand up for himself or what he believes in

so anytime you genuinely praise him and tell him he did a good job with something, the high he gets from it is strong enough that he could probably quit nicotine, he thinks

he preens when you compliment how stylish he looks or how well he styled his hair - he takes a LOT of pride in his appearance, probably one of the few things he doesn't really have insecurities about

he can't help but grin ear to ear when you cheer for him at karaoke, or clap and whoop when he gets a strike at the bowling alley

he admires you so, so much, and that verbal affirmation that you think just as highly of him soothes that little boy inside that never thinks he's good enough for anything or anybody

every time you compliment him, he gets so giddy that he'll grab you by the waist and start pressing kisses all over your face

"i did that for you, baby," he'll claim proudly, his eyes shining with affection

the first time he cried in front of you, he was shocked that you didn't call him a crybaby or told him to man up

you just held him gently and wiped away his tears, whispering that he did the best he could and that you were so proud of him

he absolutely crumbles when he hears that, hugging you close and crying even harder :(

it kills him (in a good way) that even when you see him at his most vulnerable, you don't think he's pathetic or weak, just someone who needs the reassurance and comfort he's been deprived of his whole life

i'm not saying you'll fix him, necessarily - but perhaps the entirety of 1 could have been avoided if someone just told him he was doing a good job

daigo dojima ❀ letting him be weak

from the moment daigo was born a dojima, he was expected to be as strong, proud, and cold as the rest of his family

even when he left the tojo clan after the ryuji incident to not have to carry that expectation anymore, he still had a gang of people who started to follow him and put them on a pedestal as their leader

and now, as the sixth chairman, he has even less opportunities to let his guard down, not with thirty thousand people looking to him as an example and his enemies lurking at all times

daigo's resolve is strong, having long since accepted his lot in life as a leader - but he can't deny that he just gets so exhausted sometimes

so when he can come home to you, who doesn't expect him to be the sixth chairman, a dojima, or hell, even a yakuza, just daigo, is when he feels the most loved

sometimes just lays his head on your lap when it's just the two of you on the couch in the living, the feeling of your fingers threading gently through his jet-black hair and just being able to relax making the stress in his muscles melt away almost instantly

his greatest peace is when you both lay down to sleep at night, holding him in your arms and whispering to him about how hard he works and to get all the rest he needs

he hums softly and nuzzles into the crook of your neck, not saying anything back as he revels in the feeling of your fingernails scraping against his scalp as your digits comb through the tresses of his hair

there's no expectations, no danger, nobody expecting him to make a decision on the spot or suppress his personal feelings for the good of many

just his darling lover who sees him for who he is, feelings and weaknesses and all, and still loves him

he knows that there's a long list of things he has to do tomorrow and put on a strong face again, but for now he lets himself cuddle in your grasp, letting your words and gentle touches soothe him to sleep

ryuji goda ❀ when he gets to show off for you

a very... simple method of affection for a very straightforward man

he's just got some somewhat dated ideas about what it means to be a man in a relationship, and a lot of them revolve around flexing how strong and skilled he is to you

nothing makes him more satisfied than seeing your eyes shine with awe when he helps you move an insanely heavy piece of furniture or when he shows you just how much whiskey he can knock back in one go

it's less of the showing off itself that makes him feel loved - he's confident in his strength and his skills so he needs no reassurance in that department

but your cutely surprised reactions and the fact that you're so openly proud to call him your boyfriend that you'd let him strut his stuff out in public to show the world how cool and strong he is... yeah, that's what makes him happy

he gets so determined to show off for you that he sometimes gets in way over his head about things he usually wouldn't give a shit about

for example, when he tried to get you the cute stuffed animal that you wanted from the ufo catcher

ryuji scoffed and told you to step aside, confident that he would get it first try

until he didn't. and didn't on the second, third, fourth, fifth tries-

he let out a string of colorful curses as he watched the claw uselessly pinch at the round little sparrow, his jaw tensed in concentration as he shoved another coin into the machine's slot

ignores your reassurances that he really didn't need to do this for you, retrying until he eventually gets the damn thing to drop in the hole

he feels stupid until he hands the round bun-chan toy to you, your eyes wide and a smile on your lips

as soon as you hug him with a squealed thank you, he laughs, patting your head and telling you that it wasn't a huge deal

ryuji's not one to usually lie, but your praise and admiration is, unsurprisingly, the BIGGEST deal to him

as he wraps his arms around your waist to walk the streets of sotenbori, showing off both you on his arm and the little plushie he won you, he knows he would move both heaven and earth if it meant it would make you proud to call him your lover

[diazsdimples]

Evan Buckley being bisexual is so much more to me than a step closer to Buddie and here's why.

Evan Buckley being bisexual is the representation we are so lacking in today's media, of a man, in his 30's, who has been marked as a "ladies man" since day one, finally able to be authentic and true to himself as he learns and grows through this journey.

The reason this is personal to me is as follows.

I have always been into men. To the extent that I never really had to come out as gay as it was just... known, ya know? The grass is green, the sky is blue, James likes dick. I am gay. BUT. In the last 2-3 months, I've been having feelings that maybe I might not be? For years I've only been interested in men. I am married to a man!!

But then, a singular woman came along, was extremely hot, and fuck, my entire identity of being gay and solely into men was spun around and fucked bodily against a wall. And it was scary. It still is! This is the first time I've like, openly acknowledged that yeah, I think I'm bisexual, without feeling like I'm going to panic or freak out, or feel like I have to deny it.

And then, imagine going through all this, questioning your identity, suddenly seeing women (plural, this has been lifechanging) in this new light, as not only people I desperately want to be friends with and work alongside, but also maybe have sex with? Whilst still being married TO A MAN!!! And now, sitting there minding my own business, watching my happy little wee woo show, and Evan fucking Buckley, the man who I relate to most, kisses another man and realises that fuck, he might be bisexual too?? To see my own experiences reflected on TV at the same time as I'm experiencing them??

I genuinely wept.

Because now, Buck and I get to explore our bisexuality at the same time. And I feel a little more confident to do so, because seeing this on TV is like the breath of validation that I needed. It's okay to come into your own later in life (I say at 23 but still), it's okay to not have everything sorted in your teens, and it's okay to just be yourself.

Because that is what Buck is doing, and I'm going to do it too. Thank you, to ABC, Oliver Stark, and Evan Buckley for giving us - giving me the representation and the validation that is needed.

[star-anise]

Everyone's got a take, and I've got a take too, about the current Internet Villain: James Somerton, a gay Youtuber who just got exposed (in the back half of a 4-hour video) as massively plagiarizing the work of LGBTQ+ media critics, historians, and memoirists, and then exposed in another 2-hour video as just making up the wildest nonsense about the topics he demonstrably had access to accurate information on.

He achieved a six-figure income on his work by squeezing money out of his audience with claims...

That only he was creating content that preserved queer history and elevated the voices and experiences of the LGBTQ+ community (a lie)

He was in serious financial distress and would have to go out of business if people didn't give him tons of money (a lie)

That he was going to use some of that cash to make definitely good and not-at-all-plagiarized independent movies, a thing he was definitely skilled and experienced enough to do (a lie), and

That those plagiarism allegations were incorrect,, and frankly,,,, hurtful and homophobic. (a GIANT lie)

Like, here's a visualization of the script of one of his videos, "Society and Queer Horror". The highlighted bits were lifted nearly verbatim from the works of others—the 18 authors identified at the time the exposé was posted—and presented as Somerton's own work.

So here's what drives me absolutely up the wall about this:

If he had just ADMITTED that it was the work of other people, THAT WOULD STILL BE COOL. If he had just said, up front, "We are going on a survey of thoughts and insights people have had about this topic", that would still be a good video with a real audience!

Like yes, he studied business in university, he might not have gotten the kinds of research skills and knowledge someone like Kaz Rowe uses to not just report on the history and analysis of others, but evaluate their relative validity and trustworthiness.

But honestly, since watching my niblings (oldest is 13) watch Youtube, I think you honestly can't underestimate the number of viewers who are really hungry for someone saying, "I don't understand this topic! Let's explore it together!"

But NOOOOOOO, Somerton didn't want to be just some schmuck waxing enthusiastic about homoeroticism on film and acknowledging the smartness of other people. He wanted to be HIM, MR. SMARTYBOY, very sophisticated and alluring and thoughtful and deep. Definitely an intellectual heavyweight who just happened to spout off his own personal ideas and analysis that put him at the forefront of all the scholarship on the topic he's come across.

I hate being wrong. Hate being wrong. But blogging for most of my life has forced me to confront constant textual evidence that two or ten or twenty years ago, I said some dumb-ass shit. Honestly, it'd probably keep me up at night sometimes even if I didn't have a written record. I absolutely understand the desire to scan the field, find the coolest people around, and quickly clothe yourself in as perfect an imitation of them as you can manage.

But if you want to be an artist or a scholar who produces something lasting, you can't prioritize coolness over truth all the time. To develop your true, independent voice, you need to find a time and place where it is just you and just the work you're doing, and you have pick up your tools and say, I don't know if I'm doing this right, but this is what feels right to me.

There are a lot of things in life to which we can only truly contribute our presence and our perspectives. Things we can only witness or hold space for. We cannot go back and bleed the pain out of history, or erase the complexity of another person's life. Not honestly, at least.

But those are the times that need our presence, our perspectives, our witness, and our space. When we gather round and tell sad tales about the death of kings, honesty can be the only thing you give that's worth a damn in the large scale of things.

If this dude had owned up to the truth and honestly showed the work of trying to piece together a queer understanding of the world, trying to draw the threads of culture together until he found a place he fit inside them, it would have been so much more valuable to our culture as a whole.

He probably made more money this way, though. While it lasted.

[starmosaics]

Venus square Mars synastry

Mars person may be confused as to why they feel compelled to the Venus because the Venus person may not be typically the person the Mars person would pursue, but they feel drawn to them and is usually the one to initiate something between the two.

Venus person finds the Mars person's energy super vitalizing and is attracted to the way the Mars person exudes themselves. Mars finds the Venus person to be enthralling and captivating, especially when seeing them engage with others in a social setting; They may perceive Venus to have a lot of prestige. Venus may view the Mars person to be super charismatic and outgoing and likes their demeanor, along with finding things that the Mars person is doing to be intriguing. There's so much passion between the two initially, it's honestly a rush. Other times, the passion seems dormant and you guys may not even realize that there's more to the connection until someone else points it out or until one of you guys realize there's more feelings there; maybe at first you two didn't even like each other at all until there was a realization.

I don't want to get too into my own personal experiences with this, but I've had a few connections with people who’ve had their Mars squaring my Venus and all of them acted super intensely towards me. You will know if Mars person is into you because they’ll be pretty direct; other times them coming onto you will feel like it came out of nowhere (Mars represents impulse).

This can be a really exhilarating connection where Mars somewhat vitalizes the Venus person by exposing them to new things and environments that they haven't experienced or been in before. Example, my ex and 2 of their band mates all had their Mars squaring my Venus and they all introduced me to the music scene and I started spending a lot more time going to shows and meeting other musicians which I wouldn't have done if I wasn't exposed to it.

Mars person likes joking around with Venus, but may push it too far which could end up hurting the Venus person’s feelings. They may even be somewhat competitive with the Venus person. Mars person also loves doing just about anything to get their attention and validation. They may end up showing themselves off just to get the Venus person to acknowledge them.

Mars person can be super encouraging towards Venus person, but may push Venus past their limits in what they're capable of accomplishing. Venus person can feel super inspired by being around the Mars person.

In a sexual context, this can be a really sexually charged dynamic where both people want something and are driven to get it for pleasure. Mars will want to totally consume the Venus person and may even come on way too strong at first. Mars person will want it all.the.time. once the Venus person gives them access. This is a very lustful aspect and the lust can be what drives the Mars person to keep trying to get Venus' attention.

If Mars does come on too strongly, this can cause the Venus person to repel. The Mars person needs to be mindful of the Venus person's wants and needs before acting on something that they personally wish to happen. Consent is important in any connection regardless of synastry aspects, but in my own personal experience with this aspect, the Mars person may think the Venus person wants the same thing as them, but they're really only considering what it is that they want and is usually extremely driven and persistent to get it which can put the Venus person in an uncomfortable position. Mars can be incredibly selfish and can only have their interest in mind in worst case scenarios (ex. only doing activities that Mars person enjoys, disregarding what Venus wants to do. Another ex. during sex, Mars person finishes, but doesn’t check in with Venus to see if they’re satisfied).

A few more possible downsides of this aspect is that the passion and excitement burns out and eventually becomes replaced with annoyance and resentment, along with the timing being wrong. Like I said, I've had a few people I had this aspect with in our synastry (me being Venus) where when I wanted them, they were dating somebody else, and when they eventually wanted me back, I already moved on or was in my own relationship; super frustrating to be honest. Mars person can also end up trying to control the Venus person and push their agendas onto them.

Overall, I'd say this aspect is a mixed bag for sure and can go either way where it's full of passion and excitement or irritation and frustration; most likely all of the above. I'd love to hear your guys' personal experiences with this aspect!!

[a-bit-predictable]

I have 0 problems with people who cannot enjoy Caitlyn or caitvi because they cannot get past horrible actions that hit close to home and resemble issues extremely personal to them in the real world. indisputably valid.

I have problems with the people twisting the entirety of Caitlyn's narrative into "always was always will be 100% evil and should have died for it" and getting high on spewing neglectfully simple statements with extreme terms that don't apply in full or even at all, just because it makes them feel morally superior to anybody that allows even the slightest bit of room to acknowledge the complexity of a fictional character.

you don't have to like her or what she's done (and you shouldn't like what she's done, but at least get right what actually happened and why). at the same time, that doesn't make it impossible to still acknowledge she has (and was purposefully written with) goodness and compassion in the heart of her character. this was made abundantly clear all throughout season 1 and is something she absolutely compromised in season 2, BUT also realized she hated herself for and wants to do better going forward.

(and look, i understand longing for more meaningful reparations on-screen, but a fictional narrative doesn't owe you a perfectly depicted solved problem by the final frame. they gave us the first steps with a clear intention to continue improving (listen to Caitlyn's closing speech). not to mention it wouldn't make practical or narrative sense to deliver a giant montage of fixing every issue when arcane is ultimately a backstory and, to my knowledge, the piltover/zaun conflict is still part of current league lore and potentially other on-screen stories yet to tell.)

real evil does not experience remorse or make efforts to change. and making 1-for-1 comparisons of Caitlyn to.. certain real world figures & groups that don't do those things not only (1) is a huge failing of your own understanding of humanity, but also (2) severely undermines the severity and depth of those real world evils and ideologies.

(this show does not and never did intend to be a comprehensive and accurate depiction of real world issues, but references and makes parallels to it anyway. whether or not the way they executed that is a disservice in and of itself, is a far more important discussion than a single character's moral judgement. though I personally think the show did the best it could with the unfortunate original league lore.)

fiction aside, we're never going to get anywhere dismantling awful ideologies and dealing with people's moral lapses in the real world if we outright refuse their attempts to turn around because it's easier to demonize them forever. rehabilitation is vital.

[our-aroace-experience]

i see a lot of positivity posts like "aroaces can still be in relationships, its okay if you're aroace and still want a partner" and dont get me wrong, these kinds of posts are good and aroaces who are/want to be in relationships are an important part of the community, but,, i feel like i dont see enough posts about aroaces who dont want partnerships at All. maybe people assume this is the "common" aroace experience so theres less posts about it specifically, but with how many people seem to want to wash us out by making posts like "aroaces can still love!! aroaces can still be in relationships!! we arent all heartless!!" i just think nonpartnering aroaces deserve more acknowledgement and positivity than they currently get.

being nonpartnering can be a wonderful thing too. being nonpartnering is so important to my aroaceness. to stare in the face of a heteronormative/amatonormative couple-centric society and say "no thank you" is so freeing and im proud to be nonpartnering and aroace.

nonpartnering aspecs are very valid and welcome!

[aeantizlkamenwati]

The Hound

So @the-kingshound updated and I dove headfirst into feelings and needed to get some feelings out...So I wrote a thing. As you do. A bit terrified to post outside of anon, but...2.5k words is too much for an ask and the discord...so...here we are.

Some moderate CW though, it contains depression, sexism (I know most people aren't going to want to delve into this sort of stuff because it's escapism, but I find it cathartic and validating when it's at least acknowledged how shitty it is to have a uterus at any point in time), and my Hound is not the nicest person around. (Arthur please don't give up on her, she'll get there)

OH and a part is inspired by a really old poll Kal asked about what color we'd like our dog-hounds to be and I know everyone went with the Christian Black Hound of Hell cause it IS iconic and spooky, but I was going...but a white hound would mean something to the Welsh. It makes a statement. SO I added it in the end to soften the angst.

Enjoy below the cut because I have no chill.

Guinevere stared across her small table at the King. Her husband, she supposed, though in the eyes of the court the title was not official. He seemed unable to meet her bright red eyes—not uncommon in her experience. Even in her own House people struggled to hold her gaze. More than once had she overheard whispers of the unsettling otherworldly heir, the one that must’ve been taken by some spirit or another.

Here was no different, only the terms changed. Annwn, Arawn, Mallt-y-Nos all were whispered as she walked past instead of Da Derga. ‘Bad omen that one’ was still the same though. ‘It’ll be the death of the Pendragons, letting one such as her share a bed with the King,’ in some form or another.

She waited patiently, stoically for the King to sort through whatever went on in his head. She refused to let her gaze leave him. To show any sign of weakness lest he go for her throat so to speak. She watched him as any prisoner might when face to face with their judge and executioner.

Arthur, as a person, was not…terrible. Though the most she saw of him was at their wedding, to be fair. Her hackles bristled at even the memory of the word. Wedding. It was nothing more than a celebration of her family’s downfall. The handfasting, nothing more than a shackle, a collar to show the might of Camelot.

But it was not yet a total victory.

After all, there were still more humiliations the king could bring against House Venegard. One, in particular, she dreaded more than others. She understood her duty, of course, and she would bear the torment like the cliffs do the raging sea…

That did not mean her stomach did not cramp. That bile did not coat her tongue. Her fists clenched in her lap, waiting those dreadful words, the terrible command. Her throat tightened against the rising emotions. Her skin prickled.

‘It won’t come to that,’ Saraah had told her. Radel and Ghaven had tried to comfort her as well. In their own way. Ghaven told her to use their wedding present on Arthur if he tried. It…it did make her laugh despite the crushing despair. Saraah had tried to tell her she’d be safe, that they doubted Arthur would force her to do anything.

She loved her siblings, but…she also knew they didn’t understand, not truly. They were, in the judging eyes of the law, men. They had the rights to their wives—not including Saarah of course.

They did not get the lectures from their mother about how to cut one’s own throat or womanhood should they ever be captured. They did not hear old wives tell horror stories of their first nights. They were not told tricks to get through it, how to fix themselves afterwards because their husband would just leave them once he was through—or fall asleep. They did not hope to die with the birth of their firstborn so they did not have to suffer anymore violations.

After all, what could be more symbolic of the King’s victory than breaking her in their marriage bed as his father did his mother so long ago?

Guinevere bit her tongue to keep her numbness in place. Pain forced her back into the hardened warrior her House had demanded she become. She remembered her mother telling her to never let any man see her scared, see her cry, and she refused to disappoint her.

Arthur cleared his throat. He straightened in his seat. He tried his best to look calm, but there was…some kind of nervous energy. He picked at his fingers out of reflex. His mouth opened and closed a few times. “I wished to ask you something,” he started carefully.

Her stomach twisted sharply. The slight dizziness that plagued her since her betrothal sent sparks over her eyes. She could already understand where this was no doubt going. The court had been rather loud as of late, crying that the marriage was not true. She was only surprised they didn’t demand the King show them the bedsheets afterwards.

She signed without feeling, as always, “Come to take your dues, then?”

Arthur blinked, reminding her of a puppy. “Beg pardon?”

She shrugged, each motion empty of any semblance of emotion. “I’m surprised they’ve let you wait this long. They seem quite eager for you to show me my place.” Her eyes drifted around the room. She noted the places she stashed weapons…assuming Gwyar hadn’t moved them again. They seemed exasperated every time they found a new hiding place…but they also didn’t take the weapons either.

“That’s not what I…” Arthur shook their head, as though trying to shake the thoughts into line. “I’m not—”

“So, a mistress then, that’s to be my humiliation,” Guinevere nodded to herself. “Probably for the best.” Her fingers gently traced the horrific scar across her neck, hidden by her bodice. “Wouldn’t wish to sully the Pendragon line with a wraith.” It was a stark reminder he did not wed a delicate flower, she fought and bled against him. One of his people nearly took her head off.

And the sick part was…she wished they had.

She shook her head against the darkness creeping up her spine. She figured out long ago she would never be a beautiful maiden; she would not be swept off her feet, or whatever Saarah’s fantasies were. She didn’t know why it still stung at this point.

She slowly rose from her seat. The fabric of her dress pulled and tugged uncomfortably against her movements. The neckline rubbed and scratched at the scar. Almost like feeling the rough, chipped edge of the sword again.

Her fingers were cold against her neck. She put them between her skin and the stupid Camelotian garment. Gwyar had convinced her it might be wise to attempt to acclimate to…here. Apparently, some of the court were scandalized by her tattoos. They apparently made her petite-self intimidating, like a barbarian. Or some other drivel.

Maybe they just didn’t want to admit her eyes scared them. Or maybe they were just trying to test to see if the King’s new dog would bite.

She plucked the letters from the table. The seal she was beginning to recognize as Saraah’s glared up at her in accusation. She assumed the others were from various other siblings he had corralled into sending to her. Probably sometime after the fifth letter she didn’t reply to.

She blew out a breath before placing them with the growing pile on her desk. Weight pulled at her bones. The old habit of talking to Saraah begged for her to try. Her chest hurt at the pain she must be causing them.

She drifted away before she could crumble. She had already broken in front of them; she would not do it again. She was the seventh heir of House Venegard. It was time she acted like it. Her feet took her to the window as they often did. Not to stare out over her new domain, but to the sky where birds played with the clouds.

A chair scraped over the floor. Perhaps the King grew tired of her. Or, more likely, he had other arrangements. Spending time with prisoners was hardly worth his time, but still nice of him to stop by, she supposed.

“I wanted to ask how you are,” Arthur’s voice disrupted her quiet contemplation of a flock of birds. She looked to the side as if she could see him behind her. Her back tensed. “We haven’t been able to speak since…” He didn’t say the words as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Your brother asked after you, well his husband asked, but on his behalf, I’m sure.”

Slowly, she turned, smoothing her face against anything that might show the crushing weight on her heart. “I am fine.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at the simple answer. He kept quiet as he observed her carefully, as if he could pull answers from her like a sword from a stone. “If there is something I can do to make you more comfortable…”

“You cannot.” Her hands moved like swords, cutting off the line of questioning. “As I told Morien and Gwyar, I will remain living.”

Any more than that, she could not guarantee. She would pretend she was collared and leashed, sit when told, rollover as necessary, endure whatever she had to keep House Venegard alive. She would hide what and who she was, bury it so deep down it would crush her very soul into nothingness.

The two of them engaged in a strange staring contest. Her rubies as lifeless as the gems themselves against his captured-skies bright and beckoning freedom. He tapped a finger against the table. She could see him thinking and sorting through the thoughts, or perhaps he was trying to sift through the dense mist of her façade.

“Would you accompany me this afternoon?” he asked suddenly. “I was going to take Mordred, and I know we would both delight in your company as well.”

*****

Why she went was a mystery even to her. Perhaps it was strategic? To be seen with her husband and…stepchild? Show they did have some sort of relationship to keep the nobles at least somewhat complacent.

Maybe she just had a weakness for the child. Or was curious about the destination. Maybe after weeks drifting alone inside her rooms, only venturing out in the mornings to the dead training grounds or for mandatory appearances, she was going mad.

Arthur was pleased with themselves. They had a soft smile and a spring in their step as they escorted the group to a building. A kennel if the baying of hounds told her anything. Mordred’s hand tugged on their sleeve, eyes wide in either excitement or question. Arthur smiled wider. “Yes, they sent word this morning.”

And with those cryptic words, he pushed open the door and gestured for Mordred to go through. The child hesitated, but whatever was beyond the door drew them forward just the same. Arthur turned his smile to her, holding the door for her.

Guinevere eyed him oddly as she passed—well as best she could without pulling her neck muscles. She ignored the softest brush of warmth coming off him, reminding her how cold she always felt. She looked around the humble abode instead.

It did not take long for her eyes to find Mordred…being swarmed by wriggly, wobbly puppies. The mother hound watched over her litter like a queen, but didn’t appear to mind them entering her space. Her tail wagged as Arthur stepped inside behind Guinevere.

She blinked at the one, two, three…six puppies all bounding around on their tiny legs. Two were gnawing on each other’s legs, while a third played with one’s ear. One was pulling at Mordred’s tunic. Another was getting scooped by the child.

A bit of ice inside her chest cracked. It sizzled and popped at the scene. She turned to look up at Arthur. “Puppies?” she signed in confusion. “You brought me to see puppies?”

Arthur smiled. “Yes? They are cute and these ones the houndmaster said were old enough for a visit now.” He shrugged, though the way his eyes moved over the scene made her think he was up to something.

Of course, she always thought he was up to something, she supposed. Still…unless he was going to order the bitch to tear out her throat for good this time…what harm could puppies do?

“I was once told the Irish have great reverence for their hounds,” he eyed her, “even going so far as to give their great warriors and kings the epithet ‘hound’.”

She blinked at him, the nod almost involuntary. Why did he care to know that? Why bring it up? Her chest felt…twitchy under all the ice and darkness. She gave him a probing stare, trying to find answers. “Cú,” she spelled carefully, “it shows they are worthy of the loyalty hounds give.”

“I find it rather…beautiful to think a king is only worthy of his title if he is worthy of his hound first.” He smiled again, before motioning towards the puppies.

Ignoring the strange…prickle in her chest that his cryptic words seemed to conjure, she approached carefully, keeping an eye on the mother before gathering her dress to sit on the ground. The unoccupied puppy plodded its way towards her. It gave a little whine, perhaps a practice growl, before sniffing her. It was black like its mother with wavy fur.

Still, her chest clenched tightly. She made little tongue clicks at the puppies. Her hands petted the brave one that came up to her first. It wobbled and fell to the side. Her mouth parted in a soft laugh, more audible puffs of air than anything. Tiny teeth gnawed at her fingers as she tickled the soft belly.

When the puppy had its fill of her play, it tottered off to a group that gathered near Arthur. For a moment, their eyes met. Bloody red and heavenly blue. A strange pang struck Guinevere’s chest like a shard of ice had stabbed her heart as it broke away. She pulled her eyes down to his hands.

And found a tiny white ball of fur held safely against his chest.

She blinked. A glance at the rest of the litter found only blacks and a few red or fawn ones. The mother’s ears perked as the tiny bundle squeaked. She panted before sniffing the air as if trying to decide if the squeak was distress.

Arthur followed Guinevere’s eyes and gave the tiny bundle a soft smile. He shuffled over to her side, careful to keep a distance between them. He rubbed at the little puppy’s head. “This little one the houndmaster was worried wouldn’t make it,” he spoke softly, glancing up at her. “She’s the runt—and well,” he gestured to her fur.

Guinevere knew well what he meant. Pure white animals were often abandoned by their mothers, easily spotted by predators, or were otherwise ill. Runts were much the same. Her brows pinched together. She gently stroked the soft fur of the puppy’s ear. Her own white hair fell over her shoulder as she leaned forward.

“But it appears she’s much stronger than we thought—or just stubborn,” Arthur chuckled. “Some might say she’s a bad omen, that she’s already marked for Arawn’s pack and it is best to send her on her way…” He smiled wryly at her, like he knew the insults thrown her way. “Between you and me, I think they are just scared because they have wicked souls and fear she’ll sniff them out.”

He held the puppy out to her as another attempted to climb into his lap. The little thing was warm, soft like all babies were, but oh so still. She didn’t squirm or wriggle, just gave a dissatisfied squeak as Guinevere held her to her chest. The puppy’s tiny breaths pressed against her fingers.

Her heart twisted again. The bubbling need for this thing to survive choked her breath. She rubbed her thumb against its ear again, making clicking noises again. Fight, she told the hound mentally. She tried to impart some of her own will into the small hound. Fight and remind them hounds choose their master. And give them pity if they think they have any power over you.

[artfightdramaconfessions]

I'm autistic and I have a really hard time expressing my feelings sometimes. I always say "thank you" to everyone who makes art for me and always try to add at least something about what I like about the piece. "I like how you shaded this piece!", "I love the way you drew her eyes!", "It looks really cool how you styled him!" etc. so it doesn't come off as just a generic copy/pasted "thanks I guess" because I do genuinely like these pieces.

But growing up I would always get shat on by my family for being "ungrateful" because I'd open up bday/Christmas presents and then basically react the same way. "Oh wow! This is that book I wanted! Thanks so much!" But because I wasn't jumping up and down, screaming and crying so hard I threw up because I was so happy and grateful to have this gift, I'd get labeled as "ungrateful". And because of that experience, even with me making that addition, I can't help but feel like people are reading it the same way sometimes. ;v;

But as I've gotten older, I've learned to ignore those feelings more. Sure, there are going to be assholes every now and then who are going to think I'm being "ungrateful" for not writing a 10-page essay on how much I love the art they made, but if they're going to get that upset at a simple "thank you", then that's their problem to deal with. I don't join Art Fight to seek validation from others and I shouldn't expect others in general to have joined for that reason either. As long as I am saying "thank you" and acknowledging the time and effort those artists put into drawing my characters, I think that should be good enough! After all, there's hundreds of thousands of characters on Art Fight, and they chose mine out of them all; that's pretty cool that I was able to inspire them like that!

But I guess in the end what I'm trying to say is to not get discouraged or feel like you're being ungrateful for not writing 10,000 word essays on how much you love the art you've gotten; a simple "thank you" is good enough and anyone who says otherwise is being a dick. And for the people who are getting upset that they "only" got a simple "thank you" and nothing more, consider that they struggle with expressing themselves like me? They might be mentally freaking out about how cool your piece was, but they don't know how to express that to you. Not getting 12 paragraphs of them gushing about the piece doesn't mean that they hate it or dislike it either.

(please keep me on anon)

.

[stxrsniolo]

i know that these past few days have been emotionally turbulent for our community, with both negative and positive moments; complex situations have come to light where legal issues might be involved, some of us have been emotionally affected by these reasons or by personal experiences behind our screens. i know it can all feel overwhelming right now, but i want to tell you and remind you —and i'll do it as many times as necessary— that you're not alone, that your voices (and everything they imply: your thoughts, rights, values, opinions, even your identities) and what you do with them matter, they're worth it.

we're all humans in this community, with the same basic and social needs, and none of us should be or feel placed on a pedestal by anyone other than ourselves. no one is exempt from making mistakes, however, it's important how we act when we acknowledge those mistakes, as it defines us as people.

you're not alone, you'll never be alone, it's just a matter of giving ourselves the chance to realize there are people willing to listen, validate, and/or accompany us in our journeys; it's just about giving them the opportunity to do so.

as i've said on more than one occasion to several folks here, my dms are always open for those who need it, so don't hesitate to drop by if you need to, and even if you don't, feel free to, because i love meeting new people.

LOVE, 𝐀𝐄𝐆★𝐍.

[cherrielatte]

genuine question do you even understand what a proshipper is ? like youre okay with people romanticizing pedophilia and shipping minors and adults ? you think thats okay?? GENUINE question.

Hello! Judging from the way you worded this - I'm gonna be honest: I don't think you know what proshipping is. I was very close to not answering this because it was sounding a bit in bad faith ( and this isn't the first time I've gotten belligerent asks on the same topic) But well, I decided to give it a shot and give benefit of the doubt.

 I know it's common ground to jump onto proshipping with the idea that it means you romanticize pedophilia, abuse, toxicity, etc. It's the typical high ground taken when people hear that dark fiction enjoyers exist. But that's not actually what it means. It just means that YOU, as an individual, understand that a drawing is not the same thing as human being. Written characters are not the same as human beings. Harassing REAL people over a non existent character because they put them into situations that make you uncomfortable says more about the harasser than the writer/artist. Proshipping is about taking personal responsibility for your experience online. Not long ago, the idea of a proshipper was just considered having fandom etiquette (ie: Don't like; Don't read type of tag lines. ) I'm a proshipper and there are plenty of things I don't like & make me uncomfortable. But I also understand that I can easily not engage. I can filter tags so I don't see it. I can block people that make that kind of content. I can refuse to click on something clearly labeled as the content I don't like. I can control what I see. And I can also understand that that if someone draws something I don't like it doesn't mean anything about them in real life nor what they enjoy in real life. Besides, a lot of people that consider themselves proshippers are victims of abuse or have had to endure traumatic events in their lives. Engaging in what you might consider dark fiction allows people to cope and navigate through complex emotion/trauma and express themselves in ways they are not allowed to or haven't allowed themselves to. I've seen some people say "I've been through trauma and I don't engage in proshipping." And okay, I'm happy for you. But not everyone copes the same way you do. And no one should be held to the same standard. If we were all carbon copies of each other, maybe I would understand that argument. But that's not the case. I should also mention, that it's become a bit standard for people to only excuse those that have been through trauma to make dark fiction. But only if they publicly acknowledge what kind of trauma they have endured. I am 100% against this way of thinking. I do not think it is anyone's right to demand an account of my or anyone's personal traumas just to validate the existence of certain piece of art. No one is entitled to anyone's abuse story. If a person is willing to share, because they want to, that's the personal decision of the individual. But look, much of the horror genre (movies, books, tv, etc) wouldn't exist if we put these high censorship rules onto art as a whole and unfortunately, I see this happening more and more these days like discussed in this post about someone's experience in publishing gothic horror.

Going back to an earlier point, you have to really understand that the characters are fake. 100% fake. If I ship Sora ( KH) and Ash (Pokemon) neither of them are going to be upset about it because they don't exist. If I draw them kissing, it is a drawing of anime looking characters kissing. That's all. They don't look anything like real human people. Wasting energy fighting over fictional characters is just that. Wasting time and energy. Who are you saving? Ash? Sora? They don't need help, because they aren't real. Fight for real people that actually exist. I have seen people outside of the Soriku fandom genuinely upset about people shipping Riku x Sora because they are underage! Mostly because they are both male but without fail, they always slap on the argument: "they are kids, you sicko!" But you know why they go to that? Because assuming the moral high ground wins over arguments quickly. People are eager to be superficially perceived as morally good. I have seen people ship Riku x Ansem SOD, which could fall into that age gap - problematic shipping you referred to in your ask. But you know what? I get it. I see people interpret their relationship as one of abuse, metaphorical SA, manipulation, etc. I completely understand and see that interpretation and where it stems from. And unfortunately, there are many people in fandom that have had this exact experience. Honestly, without me needing to ask anyone specifically, I KNOW there are people in fandom projecting their experiences onto Riku and Ansem as a means to replay it with a bit of actual control. And even if there are people who don't. I'm not going to ask, because it's none of my business. So again, as a proshipper I am completely in control of my online experience. I can block, mute, filter, and not engage with the things I don't like or things that trigger me. But as long as it is fiction, it remains as just that : Something I don't like between characters that dont exist. I don't have to harass, bully, nor threaten people over fiction. Of course, there are bad apples in every circle. But to me, whether someone is a bad person or not is expressed through action toward real people and the intentional harm done onto them, whether it be through inappropriate interactions, abuse of any kind, exposing personal information, harassing family/at work, or encouraging harm. Those are real actions on real people and engaging in these actions is what counts to me as markers of a bad person. Not someone drawing two fictional characters that haven't aged in the last 20 years kissing or having sex. 

[v-arbellanaris]

i go out of my way to tag my critical posts because i dont want to interrupt people's enjoyment of the game, but ive gotta say im getting really fucking annoyed at fan attitudes about anyone who has criticisms of the game at all

white people in the da fandom will hear "hey, why isnt the fact that racism/classism exists (which THE GAME has made clear for like 15 years now), and is systemic, ever mentioned or acknowledged in any real way in this game" and immediately have the worst bad faith take on the statement ever to immediately scream about how evil it is that People (because ofc they never imagine that any person of colour might be upset at the blatant erasure) Want Depictions of Bad Things like racism in their media

as an example, there is no consideration of slavery as a systemic practice in dock town - even as 'the poorest of the poor' social level, soporati are not slaves. i dont know if youve ever interacted with members of your society, but we do not fucking exist in a vacuum. dock town is not magically Not part of tevinter or tevinter politics - the fucking black divine literally has a whole fucking home base there. it literally wouldn't have taken that many changes either. we could have heard ambient banter about how the pay's shit, etc, but We All Know It Could Be So Much Worse (you could be enslaved). an ambient dialogue/banter about maybe someone working themselves desperately to the bone to try and buy their sibling back from servitude from a magister. like those are ugly situations, yeah, but do you see how that 1) lends some fucking depth to the population that is both consistent with the lore of previous games and 2) emphasising that people in dock town are not magisters, and are as subject to the whims of the ruling class as slaves are (can't believe i want class consciousness in my media, i know) and c) creating social and power distance between the magisters of tevinter and everyone else. but i dont recall getting anything like that in the game, but i do recall the two dockhands trying to awkwardly go on a date together. this is because veilguard is not interested in delving into these topics, which is a decision that was made, that i - a person who paid money for this game - get to criticise. on my own damn blog. under a read more on a correctly tagged post that you can choose not to engage with so as to not spoil your own hype.

YOU can't deal with your guilt so it makes YOU uncomfortable to see depictions of racism, but i dont have that problem. i don't get to opt out of racism in real life, i don't get to opt out of classism and casteism in real life, and so it's important to me to represent these experiences authentically and respectfully. if that kind of storytelling is not your cup of tea, that's fine, you can literally just say that - we all have different things we want out of our media. i might privately judge you but that's a valid take to have. but im getting really fucking annoyed by people acting Holier Than Thou and like Superior Understanders, and constantly undermining valid criticisms of how flat the sociopolitical contexts are in veilguard are either just Coming From The Racists, bad faith interpretations and/or illiterate idiots in the most fucking condescending way possible