#i just have Feelings about it specific to my trauma so i avoid it when i can

[ghouldtime]

Random Rant on Fanfic Pet Names

Let me say this is more me screaming into the great unknown because it's something that I KEEP seeing and it keeps irking me and causing me to cringe out of my skin. Putting it under the read more, it's just a rant mainly about the COD fandom, you're not missing anything if you don't read this

Disclaimer: I mean absolutely no hate to the writers who do this. Because you should be writing what makes YOU happy and what YOU like to write. Writing is unique and independent to each individual and just because I don't like something doesn't mean that it's inherently bad or shouldn't be done. You do you, you go on your own journey - just cause we both like hiking doesn't mean we have to take the same trail or that one path is better than the other. Judging people like that who write different than you is nasty and policing harmless writing over little things is stinky sock sniffer behavior. Just cause it's my yuck doesn't mean it is everyone's and I don't expect everyone to agree with me nor is my point meant to be an objective truth or statement. It's literally just my feelings and I need to yell about it

The COD fandom in particular I've seen is atrocious for doing this. But I abhor when they make the characters use pet names like "pet" and "little girl" or "little boy".

Especially when they've literally JUST met

Every time I see it I immediately have to exit off the fic as I gag. I swear it's instinctive at this point. You know those videos of cats who do the extremely dramatic gagging when they smell something they slightly don't like? That's me. 110%

It comes up and I look at the page like this

It just feels so so gross to me and has this icky undertone that I cannot stand. And I don't know if I'm reading into it too much or if this is just me a me thing but I swear to any gods above this keeps happening. It's done so much I have tried putting filters on specifically to avoid it

It strikes me as so odd??? Like why that out of everything. Why something emphasizing age/maturity or treating the reader like they're a possession when it's a regular ass fanfic.

It makes my skin crawl and the possessive/dismissive undertones there are NOT cute. It always reads as ignoring reader's autonomy and treating them more like an object or thing instead of a person. When they just met too or the relationship really doesn't call for it or where it would be weird, it's just shoehorned in and I reallllly really really hate it oh man.

Like if it's established and is a fic where it's like "hey, this is what this is going to be! We're doing a nsfw/bdsm-y undertones here! That's the vibe!" Then great! Fantastic! That lines up, you're expecting that. Not when it's like a fluff fic or supposed to be super causal

I see this mainly with Ghost in fan fics. For some reason, he seems to be numero uno when it comes to calling reader "pet" as a form of endearment. I'm so sorry but I can't ever see him doing that. The guy who has extensive trauma with animals from his childhood, who would take an IMMENSE amount of time forming a close bond with someone to ever get into a relationship (following the comics for his history anyhow which is what I've seen most people do, Ghost has literally seen his family killed and has been through so so much trauma it's wild and the dude has a lot going on mentally), calling someone he cares about a pet??? I just don't see it happening. I sure as shit don't think he'd do that to near strangers either. Even if you ignored that past history for him or write Ghost different -that's just a flat out weird thing to call someone you don't know and has the implications of ownership/subservience on that person's part. Doing that to someone you REALLY do not know is insane

And the little girl/boy one used in conjunction with an age gap??? No??? That's just. So many shades of ew to me and is really putting emphasis on the wrong thing there (at least how I see it and in the context of the fic. I've never seen it used appropriately unless the reader is meant to be a literal child and it's a platonic fic. Context matters). ESPECIALLY when they emphasize reader is young (as in, barely legal, just turned 18/19 or heck even 20). Which I also keep seeing too when it is used. I'm not here for that reallllly creepy vibe that sounds like something you'd eventually hear about on Dateline or in a youtube exposé video

Like y'all. Anyone being shipped with them should be a grown ass adult because THEY are all grown ass adults. For me the little is never emphasizing size when paired with a gendered term, it's emphasizing how small their age is and that's wacky. Maybe that's just a me problem but when I hear "little girl" or "little boy", I'm thinking of a kid. Because girl/boy are most commonly used for children and when you're pairing it with little there, that's what you're emphasizing and you're practically guaranteeing that image.

Be real, if a guy you JUST met who you don't find attractive sneers and says, "Be quiet, pet." or "hush little girl/boy, " you wouldn't find that hot, you'd find that creepy. It's only excused because you're attracted to the character and find them hot. I'm picking a fight, I'm throwing hands if that's dropped on me in the real world out there. Probably not because I'm too non-confrontational but you bet im cringing and giving him the most:

look I can absolutely muster.

Maybe this is just a me thing and I'm losing my marbles. Or maybe it's the fact that I've had that happen to me where a dude I barely know called me "little girl/boy" (despite me being older?? and like the same height?????) and I just died on the inside viscerally that day

For the record if someone pulls the 'pet' card, I'm living up to it. I'm puking on the carpets somewhere in the dark at 3am, I'm yelling at the mailman and doorbells, I'm doing parkour off the couch when you're trying to sleep. Why the absolute hell are you calling someone you JUST MET that when it isn't even supposed to be that kinda nsfw fic.

It's one thing if the vibe is established and the tags are there and you know what you're getting into. But I lose my mind when it's a casual fluff or meant to be romantic and then all of a sudden, BAM THERE IT IS AGAIN.

It makes it so hard to read fics because it's like roulette, I swear I'm always suddenly hit with it and there goes my interest in trying again 🥲

To anyone who read this i admire your courage and akbwdbkawd im having a moment over here

(And hopefully everyone is having a snazzy day! 💚💚💚 my inbox is always open if you ever need to vent or need someone to talk to or want to join me yelling into the void)

Rant over,

Ghoul out

[leftmysoulbythesideoftheroad]

i don’t like taking medicine + i have adhd, and i forget that over the counter meds even exist. so when i do take something like midol for my cramps because they’re so bad i can’t stop thinking about it, it feels like fucking magic. like i just swallow these little guys, and 20 minutes later, i feel perfectly fine. my hips have stopped aching, i don’t feel like i’m going to throw up any more, my body can actually relax. it feels like i just took a health potion from a video game. and it’s silly because i always have this option but i almost never use it, and i don’t think most people even put this much thought into it. but i think about all the ways people who had periods have found methods to reduce suffering over the centuries, and it took so much testing and knowledge being passed down over the generations, and now i can just take a little pink pill and feel so much better. those remedies still exist, and they work, but not everyone has that knowledge passed onto them. how nice is it that people who were afab don’t have to struggle to find a method that works when there’s no one in their life to turn to? how wonderful that we don’t have to be in pain, and how excited our ancestors would be to see how easy it is for us. i didn’t mean to get all serious about this, but yeah. magic.

(*all of this applies to people like me who can take some midol when the pain is too much. it doesn’t work for everyone, and some have much more pain than others. i am not discounting those people, only speaking to my own and similar experiences. i hope everyone who suffers on their period can find a way to lessen the pain; we all deserve to be comfortable.)

[helliixns]

@thenextchapterbegins replied to your post:

It needs to happen however im bog fear that will never happen and they’ continue to just paint blitz as the sole factor

Unfortunately yeeahhh

[princessmyriad]

.

[starfishinthedistance]

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

We talk about how mischaracterized Hobie is - which he is - but I honestly think someone else is characterized REALLY weirdly by fandom

Miguel O'Hara and Misrepresentation of His Rage: a.k.a Miguel has Ken Energy you fools

[this is a breakdown where I examine Miguel's trauma, his relationship with Miles, his role in The Society, and his personality]

I talk a lot of shit about the Hobie tag, but the over-saturation of smut in the Miguel tag is at critical mass.

And like Latino-fetishization aside, I feel like he's not written as a human.

He's written so flat.

I swear ya'll be writing him as the angriest, coldest, most anti-social man on earth. Ya'll be having him rude and avoidant with no friends whatsoever or a romantic soft latin lover and NO IN BETWEEN

which is so funny cause like... I feel like Miguel is Just A Guy

I know they're easy to overlook but I think about moments like these all the time

But I ALWAYS see him written him as friendless, and cold, or constantly irritated and angry but like - I feel like most of the time Miguel is just some dude. Like in a Good Way.

And he's fine with that.

Miguel runs a Society Full of Spider-people, and they're working for him voluntarily. Peter Parkers wouldn't work for someone they didn't think was genuinely, good-likeable, and level-headed.

He compliments Lego-Spider-Man. When Hobie was there he wasn't pissed he was just like 'not in the mood rn ngl'

and Hobie didn't take the piss outta him - because I feel like him and Hobie have a mutal understanding/relaxed relationship. All throughout the movie Hobie isn't talking bad about Miguel in specific - he never says anything about Miguel being annoying or evil - he's always taking about The Society Miguel has made.

Even Hobie - who will openly talk bad about the PM, doesn't really feel the need to diss Miguel's character in specific. Which I find very interesting.

I think this, along with a couple other things shows that the way we view Miguel in fandom is not really how he is, like..when he's not going buckwild insane.

Miguel and His Role as Canon

I could see Miguel taking his role as boss very seriously - the same way he took being a father.

Miguel has assumed the role of 'leader' over these Spider-people. In his eyes, it's his job to lead these people through their canon events to the other side, for the safety of the universe, and for them to become the people fate says they're supposed to be.

Because he made the mistake of 'going against fate'. A lot of the time we say that Miguel's justification is 'because I suffered, you must too'. But in his eyes, it's more like 'I tried to run from who I was supposed to be and it blew up in my face. Please don't make the same mistake - it's not worth it.'

Quiet literally 'Do what you're supposed to do, and things won't fall apart around you.'

And I think that really says a lot about how he feels about his own choices, and his own daughter.

Miguel broke canon to be with his daughter, and because of that, she - and billions of others, died. And Miguel feels directly responsible for that. In his eyes, he killed his daughter and murdered billions of people.

And although he loves his daughter - he sees it as not worth it. He sees taking her father's place as a mistake.

To Miguel, canon events and the pain they cause are much more 'worth it' and 'tolerable', than the pain and guilt of killing an entire universe.

Because with canon events, there is no fault. It's not your fault you couldn't catch Gwen Stacy. It's not that you're not fast enough, it's that it's suppose to happen. It's not your fault.

But in Miguel's case - it was his fault. It wasn't suppose to happen.

That's why Miles sets him off in a way others don't and can't. Because he wasn't supposed to happen.

When things are under control, Miguel is fine. When things aren't, Miguel isn't.

Miguel needs order. He needs canon. Not because he likes it, but because he feels beaten into submission by it. He feels safe in the idea that canon events happen even if you do everything right, because he still feels the guilt of having done something 'wrong'.

That's why he sees letting people die in canon events as 'the right thing'.

It's the trolley problem.

A trolley is hurtling at someone you love, on the other track there are 5 people. Do you let the one you love die, or do you hit the switch and save them - and take the blame for killing five people?

What's the right thing to do? Save your captain father and letting a universe die? Or letting your father die, but the universe will for sure live.

Miguel has already made his choice, even if he didn't know it at the time. By becoming a father, Miguel hit the switch. And he chose his daughter at the expense of a universe. And he regrets that decision. He feels guilt, like he's to blame.

When canon events happen, there's no one to blame. When anomalies happen, there is.

Miles and Miguel

Miles and Miguel have an interesting and unique dynamic with each other, one that I haven't seen anyone mention yet.

When I look at Miles and Miguel, especially in this scene:

I kinda see Miguel and a past version of himself. Miguel trying to stop what he sees - as someone about to make the same mistake he did.

When Miguel met his daughter, he didn't know about it's threat to the multiverse. And although it might be described as the best time in Miguel's life, he regrets it. If he would go back, he would have rather let his daughter live. Fatherless, but at least she would have lived.

Miguel didn't know. But Miles does. And that's what makes Miguel so furious.

Miles is going to go against canon, be with his dad, and threaten the multiverse. And Miguel believes that if Miles does this, billions of people and beings across a universe will die. 100% totality rate, 100% assured.

Miles is in the same position as Miguel once was. Miles has the same choice. To choose the one he loves over canon.

The only difference is Miles knows. He has a chance.

Miguel believes that Miles can spare himself the pain, and the guilt of murdering billions - if he just listened to him.

Miguel is the only Spider-person who has ever killed a Spider-verse. And he doesn't want that for Miles.

Miles being an anomaly was one thing. He was ready to calmly talk about that. But when Miguel sees him going down the same road as he once did, making the same choice even though Miguel is telling him not to - it makes it snap.

Because if Miguel could go back, knowing what he knows - if Miguel could only be in Miles' place - he wouldn't. Like Rio said - Miguel would kill to be in his place.

He sees Miguel like how Rio describes herself, oddly enough. Rio says she'd kill to be in Miles place, and she doesn't understand his 'irresponsible' behavior. But unbeknownst to her - his 'irresponsible' behavior is more heroic than she can understand.

Miguel is just the same. He sees Miles' choice as irresponsible, that he's making all the wrong choices even though people are throwing opportunity at him.

Miles is the only other Spider-person to risk what Miguel risked. And, genuinely believing everyone will die because of this - he's furious at Miles, the same way he's still furious at himself. He loved his daughter, and he knows Miles loves it dad. But having been on the other side of it all, he sees it as not worth it.

Miguel wants to be the only Spider-man who is the way he is. He doesn't want to Miles to do what he did, become what he is. Because he knows theres no coming back from that.

If Miguel could go back and shake himself and scream in his face to leave Gabriella alone, to just leave her dimension alone, he would. But he can't.

So he does it to Miles.

Miguel as a Boss

I don't think Miguel is an outright mean or abrasive person. I feel like outside of Miles, he's fairly calm, albeit a bit stressed. I could see him being really organized and good at time management -

And I can see Miguel being good with people. I don't think he's the kinda boss that'd be like 'Oh, you had a canon event last night? Your girlfriend fell off a building? Yeah, we get that a lot, get over it.'

And if anything - I think he'd want to help the Spider-people when it comes to processing canon events.

Miguel believes that canon events are necessary, not just to the multiverse, but to the development of who Spider-people are 'supposed' to be. So I think he'd set up support systems around HQ to help them process it, and he'd at least be a bit understanding.

I could absolutely see Miguel as the type to ask a teammate "Are you alright?" after something intense, or telling them to sit out. I could see him giving generous leave for Spiders who are going through stuff.

By Jess's response, it seems as if he leaves most of that to her, but I feel like the fact he stops to tell Gwen "Don't worry, kid." shows that he's use to comforting people, or prioritizes putting people at ease.

I mean, what Spider-man doesn't?

Miguel does seem to get along with people (aside from Miles and Gwen when he's scolding her), and it seems like people do like Miguel.

Miguel's Personality

Tbh - I don't think he's nearly as angry as fandom makes him out to be.

He was raising a child. I imagine that for the most part, he's pretty patient.

Like if you call him a name, he's not gonna get pissed. I feel like he's more likely to be like "Haha. Very funny." Or just pinch his nose bridge and be like "You done?"

I mean I know with all the gnashing and clawing and yelling and going apeshit, it can be easy to imagine Miguel as JUST that.

But I also like to imagine that most of the time, he's just like that normal boss as Target.

And a lot of his day is spent doing boring mundane things.

He's not always standing there brooding over videos of him and his dead daughter. He only does that when he's psyching himself up to yell at Miles.

Outside of that, he probably has a lot more things to do, realistically speaking. Organizing missions, checking status reports, looking over intake forms of anomalies, okaying and vetoing different protocols. Approving new technology, taking complaints from members, dealing with Hobie (an extra job in its own right), fixing things MayDay breaks, etc, etc.

And he's completely fine with that. Maybe he even finds calmness in it. When there's order, and routine, and everyone is working together and there's no kinks in the hose per say, he can operate.

Like yeah he's a little irritated and looks like he only slept 4 hours - but he's here and he's going to work with his team and employees, make sure things run smoothly, and make sure everyone gets home safe.

He's gonna try and make the society a nice place to be and make sure people on the team (like Lego) feel appreciated and odd-one-outs like Hobie get to hang and do what they want without much kickback.

The other Spider-people - like Pavi - wouldn't have joined otherwise.

If Pavi had showed up and Miguel was all stern and cold and rude, he probably would've been like 'no thanks my friend'

Miguel knew Peter B. before he lost Gabriella. So he had to become friends with Peter some way. He was putting up with Peter and his humor by choice, and in return Peter must have found Miguel cool enough to hang out with.

I think it's because Miguel is good with people, a lot of different types of people.

He's pretty down to earth, even if he is a work-aholic. He can be fun to chill or hang out with, even if he's a bit of a tight-ass.

Sure his humor may be dry, and his personality tame, but he's just him.

But I can see him as being a guy who you see at the gym routinely and never say hi to but you just nod at each other in silent respect while doing your workouts sometime.

Or the dude at your job you only see at the coffee machine - you know he does other stuff, but you never run into him anywhere else.

Or the dude who'll stop on the street when you ask for the time and lift one earphone before telling you it, then walking away without another word.

DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN DO YOU GET THAT VIBE Like just Dude He's like a dad but not like a 'Dad vibe' with like sneakers or anything but like 'Dad who comes to PTA meeting but doesn't talk to anybody and quietly leaves when it's over'.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS VIBE It's giving Ken.

Anyways stop avoiding Miguel's Kenergy.

[teaboot]

Forgive me if you’ve already answered something similar but how do you deal with crushing guilt when you did fuck up but there’s not really anything you can do to like make amends or you’ve already done anything you could and still feel guilty?

Like I know the guilt isn’t productive at all, if anything it’s just paralyzing me, and mentally beating myself up over it isn’t actually helping anyone. But I don’t know where to go from there. Idk how to actually forgive myself, or at least be able to move on

CW FOR SELF HARM

Okay, so this is something I've had to work through for a very long time myself, and there's a few different strategies that I've used to cope and process with varying levels of success.

What I used to do was handle the "I've ruined everything and hurt people and am never going to be forgiven" feeling by hurting myself in a number of creative and stupid ways, from physical hurt (Everything you'd expect) to mental hurt (wallowing, speaking badly of myself, going over the bad thing over and over again in my head) to passive hurt (neglecting my health, not eating properly, failing to pursue good living conditions, letting others hurt me, deliberately wandering into risky situations) and despite any short-term relief or peace I got, none of it ultimately fixed anything.

At the end of the day, making myself suffer as retribution or apology didn't fix the thing I'd done and didn't make the guilt go away, and all it gave me was an additional sense of shame and isolation because now not only was I a garbage person, I was a garbage person with something to hide from my loved ones. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.

The stuff that DID help was harder and is going to sound stupid because *I thought it was stupid* until it worked for me.

First: Learn the difference between GUILT and SHAME.

GUILT is how you feel about your choices.

SHAME is how you feel about yourself.

"I was late to a date again, that was inconsiderate": GUILT. The issue can be resolved by analyzing the reason behind the action and planning steps to avoid repeating it in the future. Guilt is productive because it motivates us to improve our choices. Once you've corrected the behaviour, it's over.

A"I was late to a date again, I'm inconsiderate": SHAME. The issue can be resolved by asking ourselves:

What negative thing to I believe about myself?

What other experiences support this belief? What evidence do I have that the bad thing is true?

Do those previous experiences have anything in common? Where they actually proof of a personal lack, or did someone just tell me they were? Were my choices and actions understandable? Did I have a reason? Was I trying to hurt others, or was it a mistake, accident, or learning experience? Have I grown from that experience?

Can I forgive myself for the past? What do I need to do to forgive myself for those past events? Was I really at fault at all, or was it out of my control?

Accept that.

Your present traumas and shames often have roots in beliefs you had about yourself before the new shameful thing occurred. When you dig into resolving the issues that led to today, you can use those conclusions to work through tomorrow. This is something I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy.

There are a number of ways of unpacking these questions, but as I felt I was deliberately avoiding my thoughts and feelings, I chose to jump into them directly, and found it to be effective.

You can write things down, talk to someone, paint something, draw something, whatever. Whatever at all works for you.

My solutions was to find a comfortable place on the floor, sit down, close my eyes, and do box-breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) while deliberately thinking about every upsetting memory attached to a specific bad belief that I could recall until I had nothing left to go over.

Judge and jury. Was I a bad person, or did I make a mistake? Did I have malicious intentions, or did someone accuse me of malicious intentions? Am I bad, or have I been conditioned to believe I'm bad? And at the end of it all, am I capable of better? Do I want to be better? And would a truly bad person care?

It was more emotional than I expected the first few times. Cried a lot, actually. But if I can liken it to a common feeling, it was like getting out of a very thorough shower and realizing you didn't know how dirty you were before.

The process sucks ass, no lie, but it's worth it. Like draining pus from a gnarly wound to get it healed up properly.

I'm not an expert, of course, but life has gotten better since I started. I'm better at forgiving myself, at least.

Also: Some people will never forgive others even for tiny things. Sometimes once you've done your best, you've just gotta say "fuck 'em". C'est la vie, mon amie.

Good luck, yeah?

♡

[thestarstoasun]

Possibly a hot take, but I think the Tartarus trip actually helped Will a lot. Obviously I have my disappointments with the book, but we do not only see Nico healing from the copious amount of trauma Rick fit into him; we get to see Will come to terms with darker parts of himself.

It's canon/very heavily implied (I can't remember and don't feel like looking it up) he came to camp at a very young age, younger than campers that aren't deemed "powerful" or have a strong scent. Despite Will thinking he isn't strong, he is the best healer Camp Half Blood has seen in, what we can assume, at least a century. He's a year-rounder, so he hasn't experienced life on the outside in years. Hell, until Trials of Apollo, his godly parent hardly took notice of him.

His older brothers and other siblings were his biggest supporters and motivators. They looked out for him and took care of him in place of a parent, specifically the older kids (Lee and Michael.) And he lost them during the Dark Prophecy - less than 2 years apart from each other. He didn't even get to search for Michael because Percy took him for a joyride across Manhattan on a motorcycle to help Annabeth.

Even after all of that, its implied/seen that he's someone who is always looking on the bright side of things, never making anything about himself, always helping others, etc. He's a ray of sunshine in everyone's life, never allowing himself to show anyone that he's hurting or suffering because he feels like he just can't. After all, he's Will Solace. He is the head medic, the infirmary can't just stop running. He's the counselor for cabin, his siblings need him to be strong.

He represses his negative emotions, even admits to it in Trials of Apollo. I think he represses them to a point he can avoid/ignore them or pretend they aren't his. It's easier to be a ray of sunshine in people's lives if the negativity and darkness you feel are projected onto someone else.

These tendencies are also something that causes strain in Nico and Will's relationship, because Nico doesn't understand how Will can't see how hypocritical he is. When in reality, Will does know, but it's easier if he avoids it. Ignorance is bliss after all. This doesn't mean Will doesn't work on trying to let Nico in, because he does, sort of.

On bad days, the days when he wakes up and wants nothing more than to curl up in the arms of his older brothers, he would go to Nico's cabin. However, his only explanation would ever be, "im tired." It frustrated him just as much as it upset Nico. He wasn't even sure if his boyfriend could tell. (Nico could, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.)

In Persephone's garden, he was forced to face the fact that there is darkness/negativity/hurt inside of him. He can't deny it when it's right in front of him, so he finally has to stop repressing everything, stop running away, and face his pains.

[howtofightwrite]

i feel like, when it comes to people trying to use violence to knock people out - rather than avoiding methods that could cause permanent injury entirely, the previous anon(s) could just go for it while acknowledging the potential consequences in-writing?

so we can say that maybe, a kidnapper knocks another person out via head injury, and the KIDNAPPER doesn't care; but when the person is rescued the rescuers are worried for them because 'what do you mean you were hit in the head?!' and immediately checked for a concussion.

one could also have it so that the person doesn't know what head trauma or other bodily harm can cause and be appropriately horrified if/when they learn - or, if it's a character who uh. doesn't care for their body or health as much, they could hear this and refuse to care. follow what the character would do on that

they don't even need to actually have the person get a permanent injury. there can be a hospital scene or first-aid responder scene where they check the victim's head and go 'you are very. VERY lucky to not have a permanent brain injury from this', and insist on them to keep monitoring for any future symptoms.

there's a lot of other ways to go about knocking someone out, but iirc this will also apply to other methods of forced unconsciousness, like sleeping pills, sleeping gas or chloroform. in real life, it's always going to risk extra consequences because it involves forcing someone's bodily functions to shut down, if temporarily

and that shouldn't stop them from writing anyway, since fiction is often going to stretch the realm of belief a little with improbable situations, y'know? a lot of stories already take liberties with it. but it's both admirable and a good thing when someone wants to be more faithful to reality, regardless, so that's why i'd like to give my own thoughts.

if the person trying to find a non-lethal angle to knocking someone out is really worried, they could just make a disclaimer saying 'unrealistic depictions of violence/recovery' or 'creative liberties taken with the consequences of bodily harm' at the start of the story and go with their previous plans

but it's perfectly fine to just write as is while acknowledging the situation in-story too, is what i feel. or even have the character actually suffer the consequences. that angle is always interesting when explored.

timeskips are also a way to cheat on the recovery period, if you want it to be really realistic. imagine this scenario; a person gets knocked unconscious during a kidnapping. they wake up and manage to escape with a concussion - but they still have the concussion from the initial assault, along with other injuries during the hostage period. they are promptly hospitalised.

timeskip to several months after. the person has recovered! (or mostly recovered, depending).

a new kidnapper enters the scene! but they don't want the victim to actually be hurt, and the waiting period was hell, so they either just get their bouncer to grab them with no chance for reprieve, nab them while asleep, or threaten them via gun to head/consequences for someone else/etc to get in the car. no actual knocking out forcefully, only unconsciousness is falling asleep in the car.

consequences make for an interesting narrative too, is what i'm trying to say; and there's no need to shy away from it, but rather acknowledge that reality as fact.

I normally wouldn't light up an ask like this, but it is doing a lot of mental gymnastics to try to skirt around the central problems with violence.

So, let's start at the top: Acknowledging a problematic behavior as problematic can still result in the author endorsing that behavior, if they present the specific examples of that behavior in a positive light. If you're having characters casually knocking people out, you are endorsing inflicting extremely hazardous, and potentially life-altering injuries onto people, “but, it's okay, because I didn't kill them.”

The problem comes from an author wanting their upbeat, happy-go-lucky protagonist to also be an absolute bad ass, without interrogating the ethical issues inherent to their “heroic activities.” Worse, in many cases, they want their character to be perceived as a good person, regardless of the horrors they inflict on their fellow human beings.

The last time I covered this, I took a passing swipe at Batman, but it remains a relevant factor to consider about a lot of action hero characters. He engages in absolutely disproportionate violence against people who are engaging in criminal activity because socioeconomic factors that are beyond their control.

A lot of fictional violence gets framed in contexts where the nobility of the protagonist is preserved either because, “they don't kill people,” or, they specifically limit their violence to groups that are “socially acceptable,” targets.

In fact, you can even see an example of the latter in the listing above, with the express targeting of, “kidnappers.” Now, I have no love for human traffickers, but seriously consider for a second that this specific, highly-specialized, career path was called out as the group to engage in this behavior. I'm sorry, “why?” What is it about a kidnapper that makes them more likely to be willing to inflict harm on their victim than some other group? But, that's not the point. The point is so that when your protagonist does truly horrible things to those kidnappers, they're still “a good person,” at the end of the day. (There's also a little goofiness about kidnappers in the ask, because they care more about the physical health of their victim than most criminals would. Think about it this way, a mugger wants your wallet, and you're just an incidental obstetrical between you and their target, for a kidnapper, you are the wallet. They want their victim reasonably intact. Whether that is for a later sale, or for a ransom, they don't get paid if their victim is “non-functional.”)

Actually, a really messed up example of this, on this blog, was a few years back, when someone was asking about their “vigilante” characters gunning down drug addicts. Which, yeah, that's pretty fucked up.

When the author botches their, “acceptable targets,” (which is the point of that Batman critique, by the way), the entire illusion can start to break apart. And it can really expose the idea that you're trying to pretend your character is a good person, because their actions target people who the author felt were, “undeserving,” of continuing to breathe.

Falling Down (1993), with Michael Douglas and Robert Duvall is an excellent interrogation of some of these concepts. I don't want to say too much else, because the film is open to interpretations, (some of which are extremely scathing), and I think the film speaks for itself better when no one is telling you how to interpret it. Just be prepared for an uncomfortable viewing.

Back when we were both regularly active, ScriptMedic and I used to have a bit of a back and forth about pharmaceutical means to subdue someone.

Chloroform is a classic example in fiction, and it was popular in crime thrillers from 80-90 years ago, in an era when ready clinical information to laypersons was far more limited. First of all, the rag over the mouth doesn't work. This is a gas used for anesthesia, and you need a lot more than a single vial to keep someone under. Second, you need to keep applying it to keep them under. Again, that rag isn't going to hold enough. Third, if you somehow got enough chloroform onto that rag, it would sedate everyone in the vicinity, because it's an anesthetic gas. (The liquid form is extremely volatile, and will quickly convert to a gas at room temperature. That gas is what is supposed to knock someone out.) Fourth it used to be a common additive in toothpaste, and frequently occurs as an out-gassing from polymers and adhesives. Popular culture hilariously overestimates how potent this stuff is. You need a lot to put someone under, and you need a trained anesthesiologist to keep them under without accidentally killing them. Also, prolonged use results in liver damage and cardiac issues, which is why we no longer use it for anesthesia. If you try to put someone under without an anesthesiologist, and you manage to sedate them... they'll die. Turns out, it also suppresses the respiratory system, and they suffocate.

It's a similar story with most anesthetic gasses, and in fact, chloroform is one of the “sleeping gasses.” Not all of them have the liver or heart issues, but none of them are, “fire and forget.”

ScriptMedic was a fan of Ketamine for knocking out characters. And, to be fair, Ketamine is fantastic for anesthesiologists. Exceeding the necessary dosage just puts the patient out for longer, which may be inconvenient, but it's vastly preferable to, death. The problem is, it's not great for fire and forget tranq adventures. Ketamine does not suppress salivation. Which isn't a big deal on the operating table, as you can pretty easily keep someone from drowning in their own spittle, but if you just inject some poor mook, and leave them on the curb, they're going to drool themselves to death.

Actual tranquilizer guns are a real thing. They're frequently used in animal control. You don't use these on people because TV lied to you. You get darted, and if you decide to keep the dart in your neck as a peculiar fashion statement, you've still got somewhere between fifteen minutes to an hour to finish up whatever you were doing, before someone rudely added a nap to your schedule. Oh, yeah, and if the dose is too high, these anesthetics can kill you. Dosage calculations with these things are educated guesses at best, and it's why sometimes animal control really can't afford to use tranq guns. It's not callousness, it's a calculus between the threat the animal poses to others, and if they have the time to wait and see if the tranqs work.

What you really need to not shy away from, is the idea that if your character engages in violence, there are going to be consequences for that violence. Unlike in real life, as the author, you are responsible for applying those consequences to the participants. This creates a real problem when you have authors who intentionally try to skirt around the parts of the events they find uncomfortable it reduces the impact of that violence.

To drag up that Batman example, the reason it's a slightly peculiar and subversive take is because it's outside the scope of the comics. Batman goes in, beats up muggers, comes out completely unharmed, and it's all okay because we know Batman's a good person, doing this for good reasons, and the muggers are still alive to reform and become better people in society.

Except, if you step away from the idea of a superhero comic, none of that makes any kind of sense.

The story you're trying to tell doesn't need every instance of violence to be followed with an extensive interrogation of the philosophical implications of what your characters did. However, if you're trying to tell a story where violence is a spectacle that happens in a regular rhythm, it's not going to hit in the same way.

I'm pretty sure I've said this many times, but violence has diminishing returns in your story. The more you use violence (particularly non-consequential violence), the less it will matter, and like any other tool you can call upon, the less your audience will respond to it.

There's nothing wrong with putting some violence with your story, but the one thing you do need to do is be honest with yourself about it. You can lie to your readers. (Though, that's something you want to be very careful of.) But, if you lie to yourself it will harm your story. Sometimes that does require doing some serious soul searching about what you're trying to do. Because, what you're trying to do right now is tell me that you want serious violence, without really coming to grips with how that constrains your options about how violence and physical harm work.

Again, there's nothing wrong with popcorn action. But if you want to write breezy fights between superheroes, you really need to admit, to yourself, that's what you're doing. Your story will be better for it.

-Starke

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[mimasroom2]

Bunny baby ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ♡

Ellie x reader w ptsd

𓂋

ʚ♡ɞ

I was inspired by @elliezlils11utt fic of Ellie x hypersexual reader and it reminded me I’ve always wanted to write some Ellie hcs that can help my ptsd :)

This is specifically with Jackson!ellie bc she’s my favorite :3

C/w: ptsd obviously. A bit of smut. Mostly fluff tho :3. Flashbacks. Intrusive memories. Triggers. MDNI 😒

W/c: ≈ 800

~

- It depends on how you guys met + how your relationship started,, but you’d definitely be super shy ab your trauma & ptsd and would avoid telling her as long as you can.

- When you finally tell her she’d be soooo sweet☹️. She’d sit you guys down on the couch and sit across from you criss cross applesauce style

- You wipe your tears away and laugh a little at how cute she is. Like why’d she have to go and sit like that ?!!

- You don’t feel nervous with her per se,,, but you feel kinda weird uncanny and naked (in a gross way) talking ab this, so most of the time when ur ranting you’ll focus on her eyebrow scar.

- You talk for as long as you want to and Ellie listens and nods and holds ur hand if u start crying ☹️☹️

- Surprisingly she doesn’t say anything like “whoever did this to you is gonna fuckin’ pay ‘mkay??” Because yknow….. she’s Ellie. She doesn’t want to rile you or herself up and make you uncomfortable >•<

- When you’re done explaining she’s gonna hug you and ask to kiss you. She’ll reassure you and say “Thank you for telling me baby. Now that I know I can try to help you in any way I can,, and I’ll stick by your side no matter what.” She giggles as she pulls you in closer :))))

- She’ll try to understand your triggers but sometimes it’s really hard for her to. “Fuck I’m so sorry princess.. was it what I said or like.. the way I said it?”

- The truth is she LOVESSS cuddling and if you’re ever upset she knows it’ll for sure calm you down.

- Even if ur trauma isn’t related to sex she’d still be careful and sweet with you. Like,,, you’d have to BEG her to degrade you.

- “Els please… I know what im asking for I literally think it’s so hot when you do it🙁”

- “Angel idk if it’s really a good idea bc you had all those intrusive memories today..”

- “Ellie if you don’t degrade me I literally don’t think I will cum.”

- And then she perks up and yelps “ON IT!” 😭😭😭

- During the middle of it she’d literally stop and ruin it😭 “Yeah? You fuckin’ like these fingers huh babe? God such a fuckin’ slut for me..” she whispers in your ear”… heyyy is this like… still okay or? I dunno just seemed weird.” As you were like MOANING AND WHIMPERING

- You playfully smack her face “YES ELLIE please just- you don’t have to hold back!”

- Aftercare would be hugeeee for the both of you. Just in general Ellie really needs it but especially for you.

- “Jus’ don’t wanna hurt my princess after I’m done fucking your cute pussy” she looks down at you and you squeal for her to stop and cover your face with your hands.

- She laughs and rubs your back and starts talking casually about what her plans are for tomorrow.

- Sometimes you feel guilty that you’re taking up most of the attention in the relationship bc of your ptsd but she immediately interrupts your rambling and reassures you ♡

- If you have nightmares she’d wake you up and cuddle + distract you until you were tired enough to fall asleep again.

- Maybe if you were in the mood she’d distract you by eating you out 🤭

- If you ever felt uncomfortable or had a panic attack or flashback in public she’d take you home immediately even if it was inconvenient.

- “No babe.. what the fuck no.. it was not your fault okay. Getting scared is never your fault.” She tilts your chin up (,,•o•,,) “Let’s just try to calm down, yeah? That’s my girl.”

- Ellie hears ab service animals for ptsd and since Jackson really only has horses she managed to find you a BUNNY

- “Ellie how the fuck WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THIS BUNNY?!!,??.!.”

- “Don’t be scared babbbbbeeee I just got it somewhere okay?” She smiles all mischievous and lifts the brown bunny up. Its nose twitches.

- “Who’d you have to trade? WHAT did you trade actually??” Your eyes grow wide.

- “Jus’ got it from Tommy baby,,, no big deal.” She sits down on her knees to put it in the cage she got. “Found this cage jus’ lyin’ there. Asked around and nobody needed it.”

- After a few hours of playing with your new bunny you kiss her cheek in bed and whisper “Really, Els. Where’d the damn bunny come from.”

- “Really I already told you! Got it from Tommy… I was uh.. askin’ about like what he thought would be good for ptsd and he told me about a time where people would have dogs and other animals trained to help people. I dunno I thought it was cool.” She smiles sheepishly.

- You think that is the sweetest thing EVER because you thought she just finally wanted a pet for the two of you (❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡

~

I’m actually gonna melt why do ppl never write sweet Ellie 😞💘

[cupcakeslushie]

I sincerely see little issue on you coping like that, as long as its not, you know, graphic

Would i be uncomfortable? Very. Im still not quite over my own experience

But I'd be lying if i said i hadnt thought of putting some characters i relate to in such things and having they deal with it and feel like i did (as much as they can in the circumstances)

Yeah as long as this stuff isnt fetishized im on full support of it

Okay I feel like I’m stuck in a loop where the target is still being just slightly missed. I appreciate your intentions with this ask, and I can see where you were going. But “as long as it’s not graphic” and “as long as it’s not fetishized” are still putting qualifiers on art.

Art has no bounds. As long as triggers are tagged properly, and put behind a “read more” for the visually graphic images, any art can be created. When we start requiring stipulations for artists to meet before making art, we start the process of sanitizing it. If you read the warnings and still click on the post, then your discomfort is on you. If you aren’t mature enough to know your own limits in what you can handle, the artist shouldn’t have to issue a statement decrying their art, and listing all their traumas for some kind of purity tribunal to then decide it’s okay, and only when it’s being used as a coping mechanism.

It’s kinda funny, after all this, I likely wasn’t even going to actually DRAW anything sexually graphic, and at most, simply hint at it. But it doesn’t matter. If I wanted to, I should be able to, as long as it’s given all the warnings required. If I don’t like certain triggers, I avoid them. I’m not delusional enough to think that in all the whole, wide expanse of the internet, people will pander to my specific icks, likes and dislikes. I curate my own internet experience.

I can only hope, as I go about my day, that I am given the same courtesy of being warned ahead of time in the summary and tags, that I’m giving. But if another artist does want to draw that, I’m not going to request to see their trauma resume, just so I can approve of what they made. If I clicked, after reading the warnings and knowing damn well I would be triggered, I’m not going to be mad at the artist. That’s on me.

[flowermodd]

Yui's endurement living with Sakamaki's/Mukami's/Tsukinami's/Kino

To understand about Yui's situation, we have to take some criterias in consideration and that her fate couldn't be changed, no matter the outcome.

So in that analysis, I will take some factors around Yui and then to the topic.

Sacrificial Bride and having Cordelia's heart

The one factor that could had being avoided, but we all know that there was one problem: Cordelia's heart. That demonic heart that doesn't alow Yui's fate to be changed, no matter what she want to do with her life

We can easly blame on two specific vampires: Richter (the one responsable to put Cordelia's heart inside of Yui's body) and Karlheinz (the masterminder of Adam and Eve project).

Living with Seiji Komori, the priest

Another factor has to be on her adoptive father, Seiji. Yui might lived alone for the most of her life, which that expains why she acts like she didn't had any role model to look up to.

Might Yui thought that she will go to live by herself and leaving anything behind her when she will be 18. Yui never exepected to be sent to Sakamaki Mansion and leaving with them. Never expecting that vampires are actualy real.

The endurement

In the first game (Hunted Dark Bridal) and season 1 of anime, Yui was sent to live with Sakamaki brothers, not even knowing that they are Do-S vampires and could be cruel to her. Yui was forced to be live in this ever ending circle of constant punishments, blood drinking, harassment, insults etc.

Even in MORE, BLOOD amd season 2 shows the exact same thing happen, but is more like who is going to have Yui instead and some kidnapping stuff. If I had to say one thing that Sakamaki's and Mukami's hand in comon is that they want to became Adam, to make Yui their Eve. The second being to became more powerful and to rule Makai.

The same thing could be said even in Dark fate: another family add. In Tsukunami's case is to try to force Yui to carry many Founder children as soon as possible and even tortured her worst then other two families combinate.

Kino also shows a huge ego (similar with Ayato) and at first disrespected Yui, expecting that everyone to do for him (I'm sory but I'm not that familiar with Kino).

Yui was disrespected by those boys and yet, she treated them with kindness. The boys fall in love with her despite what they did to her makes me feel (some moments) unconfortable. If I had to chose which family could be considetate normal is imposible. Why? Because the way they treated Yui, but also they had their own trauma which let them intro that path.

Yui has her owns trauma and yet, she doesn't let that anger to comsume her and define her nature. The boys have their own trauma and pass those down to Yui, to make her suffer without an explanation is why they do this to her. Two sides in the the same coin.

The hate from fans

I feel that hate that Yui had from fans years ago is so wrong. Just because they say "Yui is annoying" or "Yui is a pick me girl". STFU and put yourself in her shoes and then regret later for your words!

I will protect Yui until my last breath because she deserved better then those boys!

Yui did nothing wrong. She is a girl that wants to be loved. She fate was sealed since from the beganing (her birth), was neglected by Seiji, sent to Sakamaki Mansion, she endured that pain from all fronts. All because of Karlheinz's stupid exepriment

[bimbolita]

I’m so glad everyone is having the same visceral reaction to episode 4 like I did. I thought I was being too sensitive but fucking no. It is painful. It is horrid. Knowing that this type of abuse actively happens to sex workers and those who are trafficked. It’s jarring because I didn’t expect to see this dark and explicit depiction in a cartoon that jokes about penises every 2 minutes. It’s like when light hearted coco melon shows start talking about death, it was just unexpected because I never took this show serious. I’m going to share more of my thoughts below! Trigger Warning: Mentions of SA ⚠️

I don’t think it’s my place to deny or confirm if the ‘poison’ scenes were fetishized, I personally believe it’s subjective. I know how I feel but I think no matter where you stand, you are right in your own way. Many things can be true at once. What we can all agree on, is that it was harsh. In a way, I hope the audience is able to understand how exploiting and non glamorous sex work is. There is nothing fun about having your body used multiple times a day by people you do not know and having said scenes recorded then plastered all over the media. Of course all forms of engaging in or creating adult content are different, I am specifically talking about sex workers who have no say or control over their bodies and finances. Like Angel. Let us put emphasis on WORK in sex work.

It is demanding. It is laborious It is scaring. Remember that and remember the unheard voices who must do this to simply survive.

There is a lot of criticism about angel’s personality and yes I agree it is annoying but you have to understand, it is a trauma response. Hypersexuality is a common trait among those who are sexually abused. Angel just outwardly expresses it all the time because it is all he knows. This thought process is the only way to tolerate his behavior. I say thought process because it is only an interpretation. It’s very obvious viv just adores writing sexed up characters with zero nuance or depth but let’s just pretend she can actually write male characters that think beyond their cock and balls. Let’s pretend that Angel Dust is a two dimensional character and not (grits teeth) fetish bait.

Now, let’s talk about Charlie. Alright great, she saw her friend being mistreated and was about to stand up to his abuser, ok good good. The victim (Angel) gets upset and wants her to leave because he was beaten. Yes, average response of someone who is an abusive relationship, he is afraid and wants to avoid more conflict between him and Val. The situation at hand couldn’t be more than obvious. How does Charlie respond? She cries. And not because she is frustratedly concerned for the safety of her friend. It is because he yelled and rejected all her poor attempts at helping. Charlie is weak as shit and I think that interaction was weirdly written. I wish she had the mental fortitude to understand how much danger Angel’s life was in at that moment. I cannot enjoy her ‘aggressive kindness’ cutie do no wrong baby girl type of character in a moment like that.

And I feel the same about Husk’s song. Out of all the responses you could’ve made, this is what made it to the final cut? Do better. I don’t care if I lack the mEdIa LiTeRaCy twitter keeps yapping about. It’s bad. You just showed a sexual assault montage and the rebuttal was basically “my uncle broke his neck tap dancing once :/“ lol we’re both losers and that’s ok, suck it up buttercup, I like you regardless. This was the best response to an SA victim? No degree in media literacy would ever help me think that was an acceptable response. I dunno about ya’ll but I major in common sense at the university of using my eyes and fucking ears. Now imagine, if that entire segment, when Husk and Angel are at the bar plus the musical number; imagine if all of that was placed BEFORE we see Angel and Val interact and then poison plays as the final song. It would be 10x more impactful because then the audience sees how deep and stuck Angel actually is. Trauma olympics is never acceptable but neither is trauma participation trophies. It is not right to make Husk’s issues be seen as the same as Angel’s issues. They are not the same and it is ok to acknowledge that Angel has it worst than Husk. It’d be more genuine if Husk were to just hug him in complete silence after dragging him out of the bar and have Angel tearfully embrace him back. The first non sexual and benevolent interaction between them. The first physical act of care with no ulterior motives of lust.

I grind my teeth at the wasted potential.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

June 20th

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1. Hi! I would really appreciate some help yo find two fics!

A) The first was a fic in which LZ is a concertist (maybe violin or cello?) And was going home after a concert when it starts to rain and he goes into a book store, where Wen Qing works, and behind the book store there is a coffee shop, LZ sits near the bar and interacts a little w a-yuan, then WY plays a song and LZ finds his passion for music again or something like that. I don't quite remember the rest

B) the second one was one in which, during seclusion(? LZ finds a book his mom wrote that had gardening tips inside, so he starts tending to the garden however he can without being able to leave his house. Eventually he discovers that the book isn't just about gardening but instead about a different kind of cultivation involving plants, and that with it he might be able to bring back WY. He works hard on it and is eventually able to do it. I don't quite remember the other details @katt-patt

1A)

FOUND! for you, andante by xuanxuanwo (ostentatiouslyrealistic) (T, 35k, WangXian, Modern AU, Music, Musicians, Pianist LWJ, Guitarist WWX, Kid Fic, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Existential Crisis, Unrelated JGY & QS, Friendship, Romance, Light Angst, Happy Ending)

1B)

FOUND! From my heart's ground. by orange_crushed (E, 37k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Grief/Mourning, Corporal Punishment, Canon-Typical ViolenceVomiting, Injury Recovery, Trauma, Blood Magic, Elemental Magic, Gardens & Gardening, Resurrection, Dissociation, First Time, Oral Sex, Language of Flowers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cultivation......... Literally, Arson, Self-Harm, Self-Harm for Blood Magic Reasons, Suicidal Thoughts, Spiritual Coma, Brief Reference to Temporary Incontinence as a Result of Said Coma, Self-Esteem Issues)

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2. Ok I’ve been avoiding doing this bc it feels rude to ask for pwp (not rude at all! We take all types of asks ^^ - Mod C) so you can ignore this if you want, but I’ve been looking for this one fic that was dragon lwj and Fox wwx, in like a magical forest, and I specifically remember a scene where wwx is in heat and everyone knows but he’s just playing with children and messing around near a water source until lwj comes out and finds him and if you can find it for me I will love you forever thank you

FOUND? #2 it's "Budding Chrysanthemum" by Anonymous. Looks like its deleted from ao3 but i have a copy ~imstillthinkingaboutithmm

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3. Hello! I'm looking for this fic where modern!wwx gets sent to the world of mdzs and spends a year there before going back to the modern world. I remember that he was roommates with modern!wq and that during the year he was gone modern!wq and modern!jc put up missing posters for him

FOUND? Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

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4. hi!! I love your blog, it has helped me massively in finding fics to read ❤️ This is my first time asking for a fic so I don't know if I'm doing something wrong okay? I'd like to request help in finding a fic...

It was like a time traveler fic with Wangxian where they were saying goodbye to each other as Wei Wuxian left the cloud recesses lectures. It was in Lan Xichen pov.

They were declaring their intent to court each other, LWJ said that he will come with a dizi as his first courting gift. WWX said that he would become a famous cultivator and court LWJ by 22 yrs but then LWJ said 22 yrs is too late and WWX should court him at 19.

Lan Xichen also remarked that WWX gave the Compass of Evil & some other inventions to the lan sect and they would be very fine courtship gifts with the proper presentation

Could you all help me in finding this fic? It was part of a series too

FOUND? Wait, What? by MarbleGlove (G, 1k, WangXian, Time Travel, POV Outsider)

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5. I'm trying to find a fanfic of alternative/time travel ghost Wei Wuxian taking care of Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen, the story takes place after the siege and he somehow ended up in a time just after madam lan's death and finds Lan Wangji in the snow, only Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen can see him, later on he gets Qingheng-Jun out of seclusion (he can see him too it just isn't revealed until later. @samriajack

FOUND! Waiting by Morgana_avalon (G, 46k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Short Story, LWJ is five year old, LXC is eight year old, LWJ as a boy kneeling in the snow at the jingshi waiting for his mama to return, brothers looking out for each other, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, canon divergent but also canon compliant, Mystery, Mysticism, Chenqing, Bichen, happy endings, The Qilin, Based on the TV-series and not the novel)

~*~

6. Hi I need your help again oh great master of finding fic so I don't remember the name obviously but I know it's a podfic so here's what I remember Madame Lan is alive she was released by uncle Lan and she travel to yiling

And meant little wei ying where he told her his parents' names and then she went and tried to find their bodies and she did find her bodies and then she took their swords for their son and then she traveled with wei ying and this is a serious but it's not complete yet and I'm kind of want to read it but if the podficer is going to pops it all I want to hear it so please help me find it

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7. Hii, okay so this one is kind of harder :(, I am looking for this fic where idek what is going on but what I really do remember is them sleeping together during the indocrination (sounds wrong lol) but what I mean is that everyone is all of a sudden closer and instead of sleeping in the beds the wens gave them and also not do anything, they separated the girls and put up privacy walls using their robes? to give them privacy. I can't remember anything else sorry. @thatperson0-0

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8. Also, for the next FF, I kind of remember reading a fic where WWX was desperate to get somewhere fast and I think they managed to get Li'l Apple to ride a sword? (Probably 2 or 3 swords tandem, a single sword would have to be an FF7 buster sword to fit a donkey.) maybe they carried her? @mreisse

FOUND? Menace by MnemonicMadness (T, 7k, LQR & WWX WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, BAMF WWX, Downplaying an Injury, awkward comforter LQR, reluctant matchmaker LQR, Humor, Pining WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Self-Sacrificing WWX, POV LQR, LQR is stressed, And also secretly a softie, Post-Canon)

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9. Hi! This is for fic finder. It's modern au where WWX was a chef i think? He worked in restaurant with wen chao. That restaurant was owned by wen ruohan i think. But wen chao did something that makes WWX gets fired. Then near the end of the story i think, LWJ invited WWX to his music performance (not sure about this part. Its either he invited WWX or WWX wants to tell LWJ something). But when WWX arrived, he noticed that the kitchen is a mess. He found out that LWJ hire Jin Zixun as chef because Jin Zixun bothered him too much. And then WWX takes over the kitchen. Thats all i think. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

#9 is right! I can't open the link so i search for another website and i found it in SquidgeWorldArchive for registered user only

FOUND! i swim in hollow lakes carved from memories by spookykingdomstarlight (T, 154k, WangXian, XiYao, Modern AU, Coffee Shops & Cafés, Music, Baking, Social Media, Misunderstandings, Consequences of Fake Dating Schemes, Flashbacks, Vlogger WWX, Professional Musician LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mistakes, Pining, Matchmaking, Romance, Illnesses, Slow Burn, Background SangNing, POV Multiple, Second Chances) I think it was wc not jzx who was hired, otherwise matches

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10. hello!!! I'm looking for a fic where WWX falls into a underground cave and encounters a dragon in his disciple era and takes a sword that transform him into a dragon. I really can't remember what happens next, only that he goes on his rogue cultivator arc and later on find LWJ but believes that's his descendants and not LWJ himself. I'm going to keep looking but maybe you are luckier than me and find it first.

FOUND? Our Immortal Blood by Saori (M, 81k, WangXian, Alternate Universe, Temporary Character Death, Minor Character Death, Platonic Relationships, Family Feels, Blood and Injury, Night Hunts, Monsters, Immortality, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Slow Burn, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Marriage Proposal, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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11. For fic finder: It was a WangXian arranged marriage au. What I remember is that the two did not have sex on their wedding night and this caused a rift. For Wuxian who grew up in Yunmeng culture it was a huge offense that Wangji wouldn’t sleep with him, but Wangji didn’t know this because it was standard practice in the Lan clan not to sleep together (I think the Lans had a designated month or something where they had sex). Basically cultural differences in expectation caused the boys to be uncertain around each other. I think Yanli eventually pulls Xichen aside and scolds him for how the Lan have “slighted” Wuxian this way. 

FOUND? In Love and War by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 68k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Canon Divergence, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Arranged Marriage, Kind of a slow burn, enemies to lovers ish, rampant sexual tension, Miscommunication, past emotional abuse, Dubious Consent, Consensual Non-Consent, Semi-Public Sex, Anal Fingering, Dom/sub, Anal Sex)

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12. Hiya! Looking for fic, I can’t remember much of it but I remember that the Jiang’s leave Wwx at the cloud recesses during the study arc because of there abuse being revealed(?) or something about mistreatment. @candyyii

FOUND? 💖 Hoards and treasuresby  apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and   not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect   happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting)

FOUND? 💙 Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)

FOUND? 🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, cloud recesses, NHS & LWJ friendship, developing relationship, LWJ pov, minor injuries, autistic LWJ, implied/referenced child abuse, aka YZY warning, genius WWX, light angst, hurt/comfort, WWX protection squad)

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13. I’ve been looking for this one fic that I just can’t remember much about

I don’t remember how it happens but WWX and LWJ have an arranged marriage (I think or something along this premise) WWX doesn’t want to get married and fights it the entire time but LWJ is steadfast in getting married to WWX. Like WWX tries to come up with so many excuses and LWJ is in love with WWX. I know JC, JFM, JYL, and YZY are all in it.

I remember JFM asking WWX if he really thinks LWJ will mistreat him. WWX says no but still doesn’t want to get married.

It ends with them getting married but WWX still saying he doesn’t want to get married.

It’s a one shot but I think I remember being in a series and having a second part to it. I remember there being art at the end showing them getting married but WWX whining about it.

Im making this sounds kinda angst/non consensual but it’s a comedy pretty sure the whole is just WWX being in denial of his feelings @trashyjen

FOUND?🔒Another Kind of Marriage by Titans_R_Us (T, 1k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, supportive families, Fluff and Crack)

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14. Hi, thank you so much for your great work . For the next fic finder, can you please find me a fic. I don't remember much, just that Lan Zhan takes Wei Ying and the wens and hides them in a secret hidden village. That village is where Lan Wangji's mother's home . Lan Zhan has a maternal grandpa and a cousin, I think Lan Xichen finds out about the place eventually 🤔.

FOUND? pale shadows of forgotten names by Chrononautical (T, 56k, wangxian, Madam Lán Lives, Madam Lán Deserves Better, Good Sibling LXC, Badass LXC, He gets there in the end it just takes a while, Not particularly JGY friendly, Gūsū Lán Sect Rules, Canon-Typical Behavior, Unresolved Sexual Tension, the universal fear of growing up to become one of your parents, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives AU, Except WN but he’s very polite, Arranged Marriage, Forced Marriage, Imprisonment, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, not between wangxian, Drunk LWJ, to lighten the mood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Traumatized WWX, though he will not admit it, Taking time to heal, canon-typical communication skills)

FOUND? Arbitrary by devinokaze (T, 137k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Burial Mounds Ensemble as Family, but live somewhere else, hidden society, Not Everyone Dies, POV Multiple)

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15. Hey first of all thank u for doing a great job. You found a lot of the fics I wanted. I'm searching for another fic. It's post canon and wei ying was traveling alone. He meets the juniors on a night hunt and saved them from a beast I think . He gets badly hurt on the stomach and lan Zhan gets there immediately to bring him back to cloud ressesive. Lan zhan nurses him back to health but uncle wants him to leave after he recovers. I hope i can find the fic and thanks in advance @smarti1997

FOUND? A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (E, 22k, WangXian, Semi-Public Sex, Public Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Anal Sex, Sex in the cold springs, Mutual Pining, Grief/Mourning, Injury Recovery, Ethical Dilemmas, Ethical Edging, and Boners for Justice, It takes a long time for them to bone but they get there, Risk Aware Consensual Patience, Edgeplay sort of, 20K words of sad horniness, Happy Ending, Just the tip but not the way you're thinking) This probably isn't the right one for 15 but A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps is nearly identical to the description but with the roles reversed (Lan Wangji is injured in the stomach and Wei Wuxian takes care of him during his recovery).

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16. hello! I’m looking for a fic that was a modern setting AU and it follows wei ying as a poor teacher I believe( I’m not 100% sure on that, but it’s essential to the plot that he has little money but continues to pay for lan zhan’s services) and one day he stumbles across a website or something and lan zhan is a dom and Wei Yang pays for his service. I’m a big fuzzy on the details but I’m pretty sure there was a spicy scene with the two of them in front of a mirror. And then they continue their sessions and one day they run into each other in a grocery store by wei ying house. Thank you so much for your hard work!!! @bittersweet-loveliness

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17. for the next ficfinder can you help me find this fic? im pretty sure it's called Brothers in Law, where Jiang Chen and Lan Zhan go back in the past, don´t remember much but i think Wen Xu was kinda obssessed with Wei Ying, didn't find it in ao3 but hopefully it wasn't deleted, thxx @omgnuttytale

FOUND! Brother-In-Law’s by Loveable_Psychopath (M, 332k, JYL/JZX, wangxian, JC/WQ, canon divergence, time travel fix-it, Memories, Butterfly Effect, Sexual assualt, Self Harm, Self Doubt, BAMF JC, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Recovery, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Everyone Lives au, PTSD, good parent YZY, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Canon-Typical Violence, Warning: JGS, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulation, Second Chances, WIP)

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18. Help me find a fic pls! Wei wuxian is an omega in this one and when lan zhan (alpha) smells him he gets a strong reaction and gets into rut. Wei wuxian is basically outcastes by the lan sect and later on I think he becomes a spy?? lol pls help idk tbh 🙏🙏

FOUND?🔒Pendulum by ShippersList (M, 69k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good MY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse) from the series omegaverse murder gremlins

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19. Bby gurls I need help with a fic where the juniors saw lan zhan with a person in a dress and thought he was cheating when they were getting donuts at a sleep over (they were not allowed to be out that late). The juniors planned to steal his phone during a cookout, only to find searches of him planning a trip of bora bora. Apperantly he want cheating and it was just Wei wuxian dressing up (thx bby gurls I love u)

FOUND? Junior.exe has stopped working by Luminos07 (T, 4k, WangXian, Crack Treated Seriously, Attempt at Humor, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Junior Trio Shenanigans, Crack, Humor, Comedy, What’s the tag for the juniors going through LWJ's phone?, Protective JC, Modern, no actual infidelity, Established Relationship, LWJ's sugar daddy tendencies, WWX Protection Squad)

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20. hi! i'm looking for a particular fic in which there was a recurring anecdote/motif of a wife(?) who would touch the teapot to check the temperature for her husband so often in the same spot that she developed a burn scar on her hand from it. at some point in the fic wangxian had a conversation about whether or not that was romantic, and at another point the pov character (i think it was wwx?) realized that he or lwj had been doing the same thing (in a figurative way) through his actions. i think the fic was a canon era au but it could have been anything, and unfortunately i can't remember enough of the plot to find it. thank you! @ineskew

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[a-dauntless-daffodil]

What do you think Charlie's main flaws are? I see her not listening to others especially when she's close to what she wants, naivete, impulsiveness, and overly trusting nature.

meeeeehhhhhhhhh, seeing a crappy world and deciding to believe it can be better and that you're gonna treat it that way no matter how many crappy people call you stupid for it isn't a flaw in my book.

She's energetic but I wouldn't call her impulsive. Every major thing she does in s1 is usually part of a bigger dream she's been working on for a long while now.

She admits to Vaggie that she thought things would be easier but that still means she's been THINKING about it. She plans out group activities ahead of time and adjusts them depending on what's been going on- coming out from the Angel Dust thing with the idea of talking about boundaries and stuff. Same thing after the thing on the roof with Vaggie.

Sometimes she makes what feels like an well planned choice, go try to work out more hotel time for Angel Dust, put Vaggie in charge of trust building since she's (supposedly) also a sinner but one who's already learned this. Then she realizes in the middle of it that there's more here than she thought and she's suddenly a horrified bull in a tea shop trying to figure out how to get out without breaking more stuff.

Socially she's eager and wants to listen to people, she's just not a natural at it or at reading between the lines- at least not in hell where everyone's got trauma and most of the population is actively inflicting more of it on everyone else.

I can't call her overly trusting either.... she chooses to trust, sure, as part of her belief people can change, but it takes her being at her LOWEST POINT before she makes even ONE small deal with Alastor, for example, and she does NOT take that lightly. She expected him to ask for her soul, she warned him she wouldn't hurt people for him. She knows those are things he's capable of, and that he'll probably try twisting the deal somehow anyway.

And she's not unware her friends have done are doing and probably will do bad things. That's where the redemption thing comes in.

Her whole thing is knowing souls did horrible stuff to end up in her home, and not liking that horrible stuff at all, and thinking sinners sTILL shouldn't get destroyed over it.

Her not listening to people- well yeah, she's used to being told she's an idiot and her ideas are hopeless and she should care less about others and lie to people more. Now though her ideas are actually starting to become real things with real results like a hotel and people staying at that hotel and the people staying in the hotel actually starting to get along instead of just hating or murdering each other-

so s1 is her swinging between massive highs of confidence and decisive action and then crashing down into guilt self-blame and misery whenever the ideas that seemed to be working suddenly stop working for her.

and then she corrects course and tries again. It's not like she doesn't REALIZE when she oversteps or fucks up, she just doesn't notice it while it's happening, so it takes her a pretty normal hot second to reflect and go Oh and work on avoiding that specific thing next time.

if it's something she's actively managing or adjusting for then for me that's not a flaw, it's a personality trait.

Kinda like how Vaggie's personality is being strict and sharp tempered but her flaw is being so shamed of her secrets not even the threat of blackmail can pry them out of her until it fucks up the one thing she cares about most.

For Charlie the only real "flaw" I see is she's not got much experience actually figuring out WHAT she's feeling and why. Hence the occasional bursts of actual flaming fury and needing Rosie's help looking at and processing the Vaggie secret reveal thing.

She copes with the whole "mom missing people dying no one will listening to me dad disconnected" mess by ignoring how that makes HER feel and pouring herself into how she can make OTHERS feel, aka

"Don't worry, mom. I'll make you proud"

That's not a very sustainable way to cope with bad things happening to and around you.

I think Charlie needs a good long break down. Full on sobbing. Not about having failed anyone (her crying outside Angel's door) or losing anyone she loves (Sir Pentious, Dazzle) or being scared she'll lose them (curled up in bed angry and terrified vaggie might have been lying about loving her too).....

for once I want her to be sad just about herself, her sadness, her pain, her loneliness, her feels as a person named Charlie instead of the princess of hell who's trying to save the souls that heaven has already decide to damn.

Lucky she does have Vaggie and Vaggie gave a small nudge in this direction with the whole "and in the end if it's only me you've saved" thing, so odds feel good Charlie'll get there someday.

....buuuut that's just me an what i see when i look at her XD bubbly dramatic repressed girlie on main~

[starlitiris]

how I imagine some hxh characters would react to their s/o having sa trauma

erm hiya folks welcome to my first ever hxh headcanon post

there's only gonna be like 5 characters here, but I do wanna do more than just these guys. i plan on making at least a part 2 for this with different characters. i just don't know who i'm gonna pick yet :/ feel free to make requests for the part 2! this isn't exclusive to the hxh men so if you wanna request any of the hxh girlies then go for it <3

WARNINGS: very brief and non-detailed mentions of sa, implied murder and torture, also very brief and non-detailed talk about sex

Ging Freecss

when the topic comes up in conversation and you eventually open up to him about what you've been through, he listens intently. no matter how much or how little you tell him about it

when you've finished telling him, he doesn't have much to say about it. he nods and hums to let you know he heard you.

his reaction might come off as him being disinterested or not wanting to know about everything you've just unloaded onto him, but he really REALLY does care, and he's glad you felt comfortable enough to open up to him about it

you might apologize for trauma dumping on him, but he'll quickly shut you down.

"don't you dare apologize."

he'll hold your hands, gently rubbing his thumbs against the back of them

if you start to cry, he'll wipe your tears away and pull you in to hold you close (if you're okay with it at the time) while you let all the waterworks out

again, he won't have much to say about it. he doesn't want to pry for more details than you're willing to give, either.

he isn't the greatest at talking about feelings and putting things into words, but he'll make sure you know he cares through his actions

he'll hold you for as long as you need to be held, then do something nice for you. like get you some of your comfort food and put on a nice movie you two can watch together on the sofa

after you open up to him about your trauma, he's more attentive to your comfort when being physically intimate. not that he wasn't before, he just pays extra attention to it now. it's sweet

Uvogin

the topic of sa comes up while you two are hanging out alone together

you make a comment implying that you yourself have experienced that kind of abuse

uvo is slightly taken aback and pries

you kind of awkwardly explain to him what you went through in minimal detail

"… huh."

you aren't sure what to make of this reaction, and silence falls between you two.

then he asks for the name(s) and address(es) of your abuser(s)

this catches you off guard

you know exactly why he wants that information you really don't even bother asking

whether you give him the info he asks for is entirely up to you! <3

uvo may be a murderous bandit but he understands the importance of respecting your boundaries. he isn't a COMPLETE monster!

he won't bring it up again or ask you anymore questions about it, but he will keep it in mind

a few days after you opened up to him, he'll really contemplate what you've told him

and later on that day he'll probably pretty bluntly ask you if there's anything specific you're not okay with. like if there's a certain way you don't like being touched, a certain thing you don't like to do, etc.

and ofc when you tell him he keeps that in mind as well and makes sure to avoid the things that make you uncomfortable

Feitan Portor

he listens quietly as you tell him however much you're comfortable with telling him.

he falls silent for a moment after you finish telling him. you can tell he's thinking.

you start to worry that you should've kept your mouth shut. feitan can be really hard to read sometimes.

"when did this happen?"

"where?"

"who?"

it's up to you whether or not you answer any of these questions.

though, if you chose not to answer any of the questions he had, he'll likely find out who it was that hurt you one way or another

it's inevitable that he'll find out

very quickly after you told him about it as a matter of fact

no matter how much you might not want him to

he will find your abuser(s)

he will approach them

and he will do what he does best

and he'll let you know about it, too

i imagine the way you find out is when he comes home after hunting your abuser(s) down

"i took care of them."

you'll either be very grateful or absolutely befuddled

assuming it's the latter, you ask him what he means by that and what he did

you also remind him that you seriously didn't want him to do anything drastic

"why are you mad? i only gave them what they deserved."

you're stressed that he went against your wishes and sought out your abuser(s) anyway, but he tries to make it up to you by treating you to some tea and cuddles

he's unusually sweet to you that night, but you aren't complaining

as much as you might be super not used to it like at all

Illumi Zoldyck

"oh."

you're not sure how you expected your boyfriend to react to this kind of information

he doesn't seem to react much at all honestly

clearly had nothing to say about it

you just sigh and let it be

illumi is an apathetic person. you knew that going into this relationship, so you really can't say you expected much

nothing in illumi's behavior changes after you tell him until you're in the bedroom with him

"is this okay?"

"is it alright if i touch you there?"

"are you sure you're up for it? we can hold off."

you are oh so very confused

but when you realize why he's being extra cautious, your heart melts

you answer his questions truthfully, you reassure him that certain acts are okay, you tell him if something makes you uncomfortable, and he respects your boundaries fully

again, outside of the bedroom he's just as illumi as he was before you told him about your trauma

but he continues to be extra mindful of your comfort when you're being physically intimate

he might ask less questions overtime as he learns more about what you are and aren't okay with, but he'll always check with you when necessary to make sure you're doing okay

Chrollo Lucilfer

imagine you two are either going on a scenic walk together or laying in bed preparing to sleep when it comes up and you tell him what you're comfortable saying to him

he listens to you intently

he might ask you a few questions about it, but only a couple. he doesn't wanna pry too much.

"when did it happen?"

"was it just the one time?"

"who was it?"

once again, whether you answer any of those questions is entirely up to you.

he doesn't act weird or uncomfortable about it, and gently changes the subject when he sees you're ready to move on

the rest of your day/night continues normally without it coming up again

the next day, chrollo gets to work on finding out everything he can about your abuser(s)

completely without your knowledge

it wasn't that difficult to get the information he needed

once he has what he needs, he tells you he's off to an important meeting and leaves

you didn't bother asking who he was meeting with. knowing the kind of shit he gets involved with, you wouldn't have expected him to tell you anyway.

once he's gone, he wastes no time in disposing of the human garbage that is your abuser(s)

then he cleans up, comes home, asks you about your day and treats you to a fancy dinner

he never tells you what he did

if you do somehow find out, though, he'll be completely honest about it and tell you what you wanna know

and as for physical intimacy, nothing really changes

he was already very respectful of your wants, needs and boundaries before you told him