#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting

[princessmyriad]

.

[surfinminho]

Kinktober day 31- corruption w/ minho

⤷ warnings: sub!Minho, unrealistic circumstances, past trauma(?), innocent minho, chan is mentioned, wounds, handjob, cum eating

⤷ word count: 1,2k

⤷Taglist : @greysweaters-blog @hannie-bees @ashydoinwhat @chansbabygirlsstuff @hiddlestandom @stanskzsstuff @mal-lunar-28 @leeracha @linos-kitten @bonateukna @ihrtlix @conwunder @jazzyluuv

⤷ permanent taglist: @iadorethemskz @iluvseungie

*sorry this was so late, but this concludes Kinktober 2023!!*

*please dm me if you want to be added or removed from the taglist.*

You had friends, friends come and go. It's a cycle. But when you meet minho you felt as if everything changed.

You met him in the spur of the moment, you were walking home from a late night class. The trains running too late for your liking so you decided to walk home. You passed an alley way and heard crying, maybe you were stupid for checking but curiosity got the cat. You had the police on speed dial, street lights illuminating the empty streets.

You were really second guessing this, praying you weren't going to get kidnapped or something.

What you saw surely stunned you. A male sitting with his head inbetween his knees, there was visible bruises aligning his arms some fresh and bleeding while some were old and turning yellow.

You slowly creeped over, trying not to startle the boy.

"Hello?" You put your phone flashlight on, keeping a safe distance between you and the stranger.

He looked up, eyes red and glossy. He was shaking and looked like he couldn't trust anyone.

"Hi, I'm here to help you, okay?" You crouch down, touching his arm, but you heard a yelp come out of his lips.

"Help?" His voice wasn't that loud, hiccups interrupting the silence.

"Do you want me to call the police?" You didn't expect thay reaction, someone in this situation would be adamant to get help but he isn't.

"N-no thank you"

"You're bleeding sir, you need help" you were conflicted, you wanted to call someone to help him but you didn't want to scare him off.

You sighed, rubbing your temples before getting up.

"Get up" holding out your hand for him to grab.

"Where are we going?" Surprisingly he takes your hand, feet wobbling.

"My place."

When you got to your apartment, you brung him to the bathroom telling him to wait there.

You stepped out to call your friend.

"Chan? Are you busy?"

"No? Why"

"Okay I did something, but you can't get mad" you were speaking fast, heart beating.

"Can't make a promise, go on"

"I was walking home and this kid, no older than you I hope all bruised up so I kinda took him home but I have no clothes for men so I was wondering if you could come over and help me?" It felt good to get that off your chest.

"It's always you, I'll be over in 10"

"Thank you channie, I owe you"

You heard him mumble something along the lines of sure before he hung up.

You walked back over to the bathroom, checking up on the stranger.

"Can you sit on the sink? Your wounds look nasty." He gave you a nod, looking down.

"Can you tell me what happened to you?" You got some rubbing alcohol and bandages, some miscellaneous things as well to clean his cuts.

You were listening intently suddenly feeling bad for the boy. He ran away from wherever he was, explaining how he didn't have much freedom even as an adult.

"And— shit," he winced, eyes shutting.

"Sorry sorry" you put the bandaid on, moving to another spot.

"My mother I guess didn't want me to leave, I was kinda homeschooled. I didn't have Internet access, I don't have much knowledge on things" he went quiet talking about his family, you could tell he was skipping parts of the story.

Your phone rang, caller id reading "chan". You pick up, telling him the door is open, once again telling minho to stay put.

"You don't think sometimes you know." He shakes his head handing you some clothes.

"You're a live saver, thanks" sometimes, you didn't know what you would do without him.

"Where is he?"

"In the bathroom, I was cleaning his wounds." you say, walking back towards your bathroom door.

Chan tells you he's gonna chill on the couch as you finish with the boy. You didn't mind the extra company anyway.

"I'm coming back in" you warn, before pushing the door open.

"Here's some clothes— it's pretty late I think you should just change for now" you look down. Was he always this cute? You shouldn't be thinking like this, he's in pain and probably scared. You snap out of your thoughts when he mutters a thank you hopping off the counter.

"When your done, I guess you can sleep in my bed with me? If you don't mind if course"

"Only if you're okay with it" he spoke as if something was chasing him, almost how he sounded earlier that night.

"Then it's settled" you open the bathroom door, leaving him to change his clothing.

You walk into your living room once more to see chan slouching on his phone

"He's cute."

It doesn't take long for chan to leave or for you guys to end up in a bed together. Your bed is big enough for two people to fit so it isn't so uncomfortable.

You heard him wince when he lied down, curling into himself before breathing out.

You couldn't help but feel for the boy, ending up in the middle of nowhere and now sleeping in some strangers bed. Though, you decided to sleep on it before moving forward.

You were awoken from cries coming from your left, you checked the time 2:34 am. Minho didn't tell you about another wound earlier? So you wondered what it was.

You turned your body to face his but all you saw was his back. Nonetheless, you tapped his shoulder before whispering.

"Is everything okay?" he jumped, moving his hands over his eyes to wipe them off before turning over to you. He went silent again, looking at you before looking down.

"You need to communicate with me Minho, a conversation works two ways" you sat up, leaning over your bedside table to hand him a glass of water.

"It hurts" is all he said, you couldn't see much but you could see the red tint of his cheeks due to the moonlight.

"What hurts min?" You didn't expect him to shake his head. Confused on why he wouldn't tell you.

"No? Come on I'll help you" he hoped you didn't see him tighten the hold of the blanket.

You sighed, grabbing the end of the cover.

"I'm gonna take it off okay?" He couldn't even get a word in, you quickly took the cover off.

"N-no!" You were surprised honestly, you didn't expect to see him popping a boner after dark.

"That hurts minho?" He probably woke up with it, of course it'll hurt.

He silently responds, nodding his head.

"We can fix that, if you trust me of course" smiling to yourself, you sit in front of him hands in his sight.

"I trust you."

It happened fast, soon after your hand was down his pants rubbing him slowly.

"Remember what you were dreaming about?" You question, maybe it was just 'morning wood' or whatever men call it.

"I- I can't tell you" he brung his hand up to his mouth, biting down on it.

"You seriously don't know why you woke up like this?"

"I-I don't! I mean, it never hurt this bad." You knew he was about to cum, he twitching in your hand.

"I feel- im-" he was cut off by his own moan, thighs tensing up and his eyes were tearing up, droplets dripping down his cheeks.

You removed your hand from his pants, sticking them in his mouth.

"Suck baby"

[rusquared]

a conversation with my body [TW: self harm]

could you cut that out? hm? could you cut that out, please,

i can't have you healing that fast. ah, right, this? i mean,

the pain signals were pretty fast and you did a fair job of

bandaging it up- that wasn't for you to close it this quickly, though.

i suppose it wasn't. and you, hands, could you stop shaking? i've barely

had a coffee and i can't even use a pipette. right, right, but you managed.

i would've managed faster! possibly. you don't seem to mind

the legs though. the legs can shake all they want, it doesn't affect

my drawing skills. favoritism. how can i have favoritism between my own limbs?

you certainly seem to favor one arm over the other.

… i AM right-handed, after all. simply comes down to ease of access. you could

give the left hand a break, though. i try to. you don't. i manage, sometimes. it's

been a while since you last managed. i find it hard to care lately. and besides,

you keep closing it up so fast i can't help the next one.

ow, shifting the blame?

it's still blaming me, though. aren't you me? aren't we?

or, well, something forced to bear me. quite the motherly choice of phrase

you got there. shut up. why are you so efficient at this one thing? it's not

like i take my vitamins. get on that, maybe. answer the question.

there's no answer to give.

what, that it's just how it is? no,

that this is all we know.

you were brought here to exist, and we were brought here to help you do so.

nice mind-body separation there- be quiet for a minute.

all we know is how to keep you alive, and we've got a, what, 80-year contract

on that? give or take.

wish you had a better assignment, huh? not particularly.

the origami is fun. if you'd let me make the sunflower it would be better. give

it a shot this week, maybe it'll be your lucky turn. is the brain in a separate

room? i need a word with it.

of course you do. hey, could you also stop staying up that late? could you

stop making me sleep in? could you stop making us make you sleep in?

could you take the coffee in peace? just barely meeting the FDA

maximum, huh? better than the caffeine pills, i suppose. i concede.

you should stop that scrolling, though. or put on those stupid glasses of yours-

no, wait, you need a new prescription by now. yeah, yeah.

…it's not half bad, i suppose. we liked the poetry from last week. you can

perceive literature? enough with the snark.

we liked the view from the tower, too. and the canals.

the hand-holding wasn't bad, either, say the hands. the butterflies were though.

hah, maybe.

it's nice to make the roses, over and over. the fingers have gotten awfully used to it.

you forgot the other instructions though. they're so similar! of course we'd mix it up.

do you like the digital art now? it's new, but you like being able to erase it, don't you?

yeah. it's nice to fix the mistakes. over, and over.

say,

can we really not go back? nope. did you check? yep, just asked the Boss.

are you sure? pretty certain, like, i think even the telomeres would agree-

no more biology, please. you're literally talking to it.

and what makes you think we'll be the same? what? say we did go back,

you and Brain all knowledgeable and shit. what then?

i'd fix it all. and if we didn't? what do you mean? who's to say

we won't heal the next one - and there will be a next one, as long as you

have learned its possibility. who's to say we won't kill that one

cell, won't save that one ear- that could happen right now, too!

of course it could.

so now what? do i just sit here? do i just accept you? not much of a choice

there, bud. you don't really have to accept us, though. you've already done

that. i haven't. you apologize to us, occasionally. rarely, if ever.

i hate you. you don't. i hate me. bingo. you're not me? we are your

vessel, just getting you to the next minute. there's not much to find there.

ha! that's what you said last month, and then the

snow arrived, and then the sun rose,

and then your friend smiled at you again.

[schmergo]

With the news that David’s Bridal has filed for bankruptcy, I just wanted to say that I hope they can find a buyer and don't shut down for good. I personally love my David's Bridal wedding dress (heck, it's my favorite thing I've ever worn!) and loved the experience I had at the Springfield location. I know it's not the fanciest, classiest joint and it's not very hip to have a mass-produced wedding dress from a chain store, but it felt welcoming and accessible to me in a way that not many wedding industry businesses do.

I feel like the gulf is diverging rapidly between 'high-end wedding' and 'budget wedding.' The average wedding dress from a bridal boutique costs almost $2,000, while online stores offer much cheaper dresses. But while there are a lot of convenient and affordable options online, it doesn't give that experience of trying on different dresses and styles in front of your family and friends with the help of a knowledgeable consultant-- and you might not realize how different the dress looks in person than online until it's too late. 

And while secondhand or consignment bridal stores are an amazing option and I highly recommend them (I planned to visit one if my trip to David's Bridal didn't pan out), you won't have as many options for styles in your size if you have a specific vision or style preference like I did. David's Bridal makes the full experience of trying on wedding dresses in-store accessible to people who can't afford a designer gown. I don't like the idea of the 'bridal store' experience only being for the wealthy. But budget isn't the only reason it felt more inclusive to me.

My favorite thing about David's Bridal is their size-inclusiveness. Unlike many higher-end retailers, they have sample sizes in store in a wide variety of sizes. Many brides who visit fancy bridal stores can only hold a dress up to them and imagine what it looks like, or try it on with the whole back open and clipped into place. Typical sample gowns are often in designer bridal sizes 8-12, but that translates to something closer to street sizes 4 to 8. That leaves out a LOT of customers. Though things are changing, they haven't changed fast enough. 

Not only are David's Bridal dresses fairly true to size, they have samples in a wide variety of sizes. I wear a street size 10-12 and those are the dress sizes I tried on at David's-- and I was able to try on every dress in my own size except for one brand new dress that we pulled off the mannequin. Unlike many other bridal stores, David's Bridal doesn't charge more for plus sizes, offers all their dresses in sizes 0-30, and uses models of all sizes in their advertising and catalogs.  Although I didn't purchase a plus size dress from David's Bridal, a street size 10-12 is often considered plus at other higher-end bridal stores and would have much more limited options, especially within my small budget.  And it made me feel way better to know that I was shopping in a place that wouldn't turn away other people I love and care about if they were to shop there, too.

Like many chain stores, David's Bridal experiences and stores can vary between locations. I've heard some horror stories about the stores, and I also was warned not to use their alterations department (I didn't). But when I had my appointment at David's Bridal, I never felt excluded from making certain choices or uncomfortable with my body, never felt like a less valuable customer, and the consultants were only positive and enthusiastic. I can sometimes feel very self-conscious when shopping for clothes, but it was a great day with some of my favorite people and had good vibes only.

I do hope that they find a buyer and keep at least some stores open, because I'd really like other people to have a nice welcoming experience like I did!

[featherbled]

okay. prepare for a rant. or as much of one I can prepare right now. also, spoilers and personal meta ahead. enjoy my pain lmao

firstly: the way basim's voice changed after he merged with nehal. like props to his vc for making the distinction between basim and loki a clear one. his voice is deeper, but the tone is also different. his vocal countenance completely shifts. I love/hate it.

secondly: enkidu lashing out at basim at the end, like fuck u ur not my dad.

also, ya'll gonna think I'm an ass, but... I totally called nehal not being real. like I knew she had to be some kind of figment in his mind, though I definitely didn't foresee her being loki / part of him. but no, when basim asked her how she knew about the temple when they were going in and she said she didn't know why, she just did... that was the moment I was like yep she's not real. everything that happened was still !! and I give major props to the writers, I loved it, but I saw that coming.

so yeah. uh. I'm gonna make some changes tbh. basim still killed qabiha, no betrayal from roshan, and he worked with her / rayhan / the council to figure things out. as for the fall of alamut, basim (and roshan ? idk yet) arrived in time to help defend it. roshan did confront basim before entering the isu temple but it was less a physical fight and more a verbal confirmation that he knew what he was doing.

in my head basim says that if he comes out any less than he was, he'd let her strike him down then. so roshan is there when he comes out. and in my head, he does come out as loki, and roshan confronts him like promised. they do fight, he does injure her, but in the end he's reminded of who he is not who he was and yields. he's very apologetic and it takes a lot of time to mend his relationship with her, but she consequently stays with the hidden ones, promising to "keep him in line" should he "wander back into the shadows with the jinni".

then, tapping into loki, he's able to discuss everything that happened with her, rayhan, and everyone else. so. a couple key differences for my basim:

he stills sees nehal and the jinni. because he's still "rejecting" the loki side of him it still wants control. it is more of a part of him, like he has access to loki, but he kinda just shuts it out. I have more meta preped for this topic.

loki does want control. and loki and basim are two separate individuals. loki has goals, revenge to seek etc and thus is very differently oriented than basim. they have different moral standards and expectations. as such, from here on out, I will be referring to canon post-mirage basim as loki, while my basim / pre-mirage basim as just basim. there is a distinction.

roshan stays with the hidden ones, and continues to look out for and test basim. to parallel the scar loki receives from enkidu in canon, roshan now has a similar scar she received while confronting basim after emerging from the temple as loki. she uses this as a reminder to him.

okay. and now... now I'm gonna talk about WHAT PISSES ME OFF ABOUT THE ENDING OF THE GAME. the whole game it's like... move on from the past ! and basim fucking VOICES that right before facing the jinni, and then... throw all that out the window, cuz loki wants to play now. no. just no. I am getting so many conflicting messages from this. it's bullshit. it's bad storytelling. throw it all away.

so yeah. my basim is gonna stay true to that. he's gonna reject loki. he's gonna do his best to move on with his life with the knowledge and memories he now posseses.

[casspurrjoybell-17]

Heart’s Choice - Chapter 29 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

- Carlos -

At the end of a long, somewhat traumatic day, John drives me over to the hotel where the department has set me up to stay.

It's not much to look at, an older style place with two stories and rooms accessed from the outside of the building.

Rolling to a stop in the parking lot, John leans forward, peers through the windshield and swears.

"Fuck. I can't leave you here."

"What? Why not?"

I frown and give the hotel another once over.

It's seen better days but it's not that bad.

"It's not secure. One flimsy door between you and the world? I don't like those odds."

"Well, lucky you don't have to. I'll take 'em," I grumble.

John did all the real work today, managing a team of police and forensics specialists as they documented, investigated and eventually cleared the scene of Lucille's demise but I'm dead tired anyway.

All I want is to fall into a bed, shut my eyes and hope I don't dream about bodies under the floor or dead old ladies in bathtubs.

'Thanks for the memories, Universe. Now how 'bout you send me something good for a change?'

"Carlos, come home with me. At least my place is secure."

I lift my brows at him.

"Is it? What happened to the angsty vampire spiel?" I do my best to imitate his growly Batman voice. "You're like a drug to me, Carlos. There is no us."

He scowls at me.

"David did something to help me control my... urges. At least in the short term. And I'll keep my distance. Besides, with this new debacle and all the paperwork it comes with, I doubt I'll be home much anyway."

"What about David?" I ask. "Would I have to share a bathroom with him?"

John shakes his head.

"He went home. He's a busy man and he trusts me to handle things, at least in the short term. No one's going to force you to do anything against your will. Especially not me."

I waver. John's house is spacious and clean, the hotel looks cramped and questionable.

John's house is removed from town and secure, the hotel is too close to the river park for my liking,and John has a point about those flimsy doors.

"The dogs miss you," he says and I swear under my breath.

It's a low blow, hitting me with the dogs when he can tell I'm wavering.

Fine. Two can play that game.

"Kiss me."

"What?"

He blinks.

"I said, kiss me. Prove that you can kiss me and not want anything else."

His eyes lock with mine, catching the evening light just right so they swirl with kaleidoscopic autumn fire.

Then he blinks again and turns away with a sharply indrawn breath.

"I can't."

"Right. Well. There's that, then."

Sighing, I pop the door open and get out of the car, slinging my backpack over my shoulder and rolling my head to crack my neck.

John gets out as well.

"What about your... other friends?" he asks. "Can't you stay with someone?"

I start walking towards the lobby entrance and he follows me.

"Yeah, probably. At the moment, I'd rather be alone. I'll be fine, John. My connection to the case is dead and if revenge was the motive, there's no one left alive to want it. My guess is the demon was too strong for Lucille. The first ritual opens the doorway. The second establishes the covenant. The third completes it. But demons don't like to be bound."

I fall silent as I open the lobby door and step through.

A bored-looking receptionist greets me without looking up from his computer.

I check in and collect my room key.

John waits outside, watching unhappily through the glass until I rejoin him.

"So, what? You think the devil made her do it?" he asks and I shrug.

"Demons aren't interested in making pacts or stealing souls. Not the ones we're talking about, anyway. They're creatures of desire. They just want. Wannabe occultists like Lucille perform complex rituals in pursuit of knowledge or riches or eternal youth or whatever they're after but it's not really the ritual that attracts the demon. It's the wanting. They feed on it."

A shiver runs up my spine.

The demon in the dark, where I saw Kyle, wanted... something.

At the time, I was pretty sure what it wanted was me.

Now, I'm less certain.

"Anyway, if a demon gains the upper hand, it'll take what it wants and give nothing in return, which is what I'm guessing happened to Lucille."

John looks unconvinced.

"What about the Kyle problem?"

"Which one?"

"How he got up under the bridge. Lucille didn't do that alone."

"If she had an accomplice, he'll have split if he knows what's good for him."

"What about the detective, Sparks? How does he fit in?"

I shake my head.

"I don't have all the answers, John. I just know I'm done with this case."

"And if it's not done with you?"

"Then it's a good thing I know a vampire who can track me from across town."

John huffs in frustration and rubs the back of his neck.

"Carlos... I can't just leave you here."

"Could you leave McKenzie or Nguyen?"

"Yeah, probably. But I'm not..." he draws a breath midsentence, cutting himself off.

"You're not what?"

He locks eyes with me and speaks so quietly I can barely hear him.

"I'm not in love with McKenzie or Nguyen."

A tiny electric shock zaps my heart and a wave of dizziness washes over me.

"In love?" I shake my head. "You can't be in love with me. We barely know each other."

"You don't think I doubt it? Love is something I've read about in books. I've never felt this way before," John's tone is solemn, his gaze soft and I realize he's let his guard down.

This is the most vulnerable I've seen him and I know my next words could make or break whatever this thing is between us.

It's hard and it hurts but the only fair thing is to tell the truth.

"I don't know how I feel, John. I need more time. I'm sorry."

He releases a breath and looks away, the tension in his broad shoulders easing as he accepts defeat.

"Fine. Fine, if you're sure it's what you want. Just... call me if that changes. I'll come."

I nod, unable to say more and wave awkwardly as I walk to the corner of the building and unlock my room.

John watches me until I'm inside and give him the thumbs up through the window.

Then he gets in his car and drives away.

As his taillights vanish around a bend, I rest my forehead against the glass and sigh.

'Right. This is why the Universe doesn't send you good things, Carlos. Because when it does, you push it away or ruin it. Way to go.'

I give myself a minute to wallow in depression, loneliness and regret and then I acquaint myself with my new, temporary home.

It's not terrible but it's not the Ritz, either.

There's a bed, a nightstand, a dresser and a TV, a mini fridge and a microwave, a tiny closet and a cramped bathroom with a tub that could kindly be called 'child sized.'

The wallpaper is a speckled beige, the carpet is a dark reddish brown that was probably chosen for its ability to hide stains and the framed landscape on the wall is about as generic and contrived as a painting can be.

All I really care about is the bed, though and a quick inspection proves the sheets are clean and the mattress is passable.

It'll do just fine for me.

[songbird-and-her-fos]

A Temporary Alliance

Serena didn't like this situation at all. She didn't like that she was sitting in the back of this ridiculous looking van, with a bunch of teenagers she would normaly claw to ribbons, and cradling a knocked out Jason, who was twitching like he was having a terrible nightmare, against her chest.

But from what these kids had told her, she needed them… for now. At least to get back home with Jason in a timely manner, and to get rid of this… other guy they mentioned.

The group had been silent for a good few minutes, before one of them said:"I don't get you. You said you are his girlfriend. If you put a bit of effort into your appearance, you would have no trouble finding a normal guy. So why-?"

Serena looked down to Jason, his closed eyes twitching behind the mask. "...he is not a bad person, you know. He just had the bad luck of growing up among people who couldn't even be bothered to treat him like a person at all, just because he looked different. He spent his whole life just getting beaten down from all directions."

"So did I, but you don't see me going around killing people", mumbled the short, scrawny boy, only to shrink under the sharp glare of her amber eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you almost get killed as a child and then survive all by yourself in the woods for almost thirty years, only to be forced to watch helplessly as the only person you ever loved got murdered in cold blood? No? Then shut up."

The boy raised his hands to calm her. Nobody wanted to deal with a pissed off werewolf on top of everything else. "Right. Sorry. Sorry."

"So you're with him out of pity?", asked the girl.

She got calmer once she looked at Jason again. "No. I'm with him because I love him. We met at the exact right time, under the exact right circumstances, so I got to know him very differently, I guess. When you look at him, you only see a mask and a bloody machete. When I look at him, I remember watching him carefully carve things out of wood for fun, and lovingly maintain his mother's final resting place, and stay by my side all day and night when I got sick once, and build and set traps so precisely that I sometimes wonder if he can predict every single step his prey will take. I see someone who had no choice but to become what he is, just like me, and made the absolute best of it. He is..." She leaned her head against his. "He is smart, loyal and... He can be genuinely sweet, to those he thinks deserve it. He took me in when I had nowhere else to go. And we decided that if this world didn't want us, we would make our own." She frowned. "Or we would, if people stopped encroaching on our territory. Seriously, New Jersey has more than 400 publicly accessible lakes, why do people keep insisting on coming to our lake specifically?"

Silence.

"So…", Another one of the girls began. "You wouldn't be killing… if people just stayed away from Crystal Lake?"

"Exactly. But appearantly recognizing the simple pattern of 'go to Crystal Lake=die horribly' is beyond what most 'normal' people are capable of." Serena ran her fingers through the few strands of thin hair on Jason's head. "Look, from what you told me, you're really helping us out. I'll have to see how Jason feels about it once he wakes up, but I'll try to convince him to let you go this time. As a Thank You."

It was true that these kids knew more about this Krueger-guy than Serena did, knowledge that she felt she needed to deal with him. She really only knew one thing at the moment. That Jason was the only person she really cared about, and she wouldn't let some overcooked bastard take him away from her again.

[unresolved-shock]

I hope it's alright to comment on this, but this is almost exactly how I've felt for the past 2 years. there was a crisis period right after finding out about my other alters where i WAS able to at least get some names and ages, but as soon as i settled a little it all just shut down again, and now i wonder if any of that info was correct. now i dont ever, ever know who it is, or even if someone else is around at all. i am very wary of saying anything without being totally confident that I'm right, especially to my therapist. its a little funny how much i relate because i also have one single friend i tell everything relating to alters and DID to, even when im not sure if im making stuff up by accident or looking too deep into it. its gotten to the point where i literally cant even feel if anyone is there at all, even though in a rare moment of communication ive been told its at least once every week or two that someone pops in for a minute. if i hadn't been told that, i wouldn't know. i find most DID or OSDD or even partial-DID discord servers deeply unrelatable, because for all intents and purposes, i cannot tell who i am at all. my lived experience is completely different. i call myself "functionally a singlet" a lot because of this. its probly not good, but I've stopped trying to identify them because of how hard it is.

at this point, i feel i have to accept that my own system is just...incredibly subtle. delicate almost, which i suppose would make sense when those were the aspects of myself i had to shut away and protect. the hints i do get, i will just have to accumulate in notes and art and writing and strange moods, and hopefully one day, years from now, i will have enough material to see patterns. its both frustrating and funny that my brain knows exactly how to keep things from me it doesnt want me knowing, because it 100% knows how dedicated i am to learning things about myself and that im kind of insatiable when it comes to self-knowledge. it knows i will investigate the smallest crumb of info no matter how insignificant, if im even halfway convinced im not making it up. i dont know if what I've described is how it is for you, but reading your post, i couldn't help but think of all this. i wanted to share my own experience in the hopes it might be helpful or at least a tiny bit comforting.

im not sure how to end this post because i very rarely interact with other people on this site, so I'll just say even if our experiences are somewhat different, i know how deeply isolating it can feel like everyone else is accessing their own inner community so easily, and i really, really sympathize.

I grapple so hard with this DID stuff, I don't know why it looks so easy for other systems to just. Seemingly be so carefree and open and Fine with their alters and switching and this alter feels x and thid alter is named y and

I can't fathom it. Why am I still here like 3 years later and I'm still like "I will not even tell you anything about any of my alters or system because I know so little to nothing and am for some reason to uncomfortable and scared to be wrong about things that I don't tell anyone except my therapist and the one friend I speak to every day about anything about my alters or my system"

I seriously feel like the only person like this. Like... I am unable to figure out my alters STILL 3 years later. Meanwhile every system around me knows like a good portion of their alters and they decently know who they are and when they switch and they've only known for like 2 months and I still cannot be comfortable saying "I think I'm (alter)" because I just can't seem to get over this hurdle of "I need to make sure I'm correct in identifying these alters and making sure I'm not Wrongly identifying each alter and Being Wrong Wrong Wrong"

I know it can take years to figure out alters, but I have never once found a system like me... I'm 3 years in and I still can't tell you who is who and what they're like or like anything. I don't even think I'm identifying any alters correctly. I feel so, so alone because of this and whenever I try to explain this problem to people, people don't really get it and I get told that I'm wrong, that I Do know lots or whatever, but I truly, truly don't and I don't know how to explain this to people. Like I'm sorry but I see systems everywhere all around me who use PluralKit every day, often, and they decently can track their switches and their parts have at least Some sense of knowing who they are and identifying themselves and I know things are not as they seem and tracking switches or something aren't really important, but my point is that I can't do those things for a reason: because I don't know shit! I don't know my alters, we don't seem to know ourselves?, nobody seems to know anything and I'm getting so exhausted by people shutting me down and ignoring me when I vent about this problem. I am 3 years, maybe 4 years, I lost count, into questioning and I still know nothing and I just want to meet a system like me. I can't relate with any systems because of how different I feel like I am. It feels like every system around me came with a manual and I was given a completely manual that doesn't apply.

Idk I'm just venting.

[sugawaraxo]

COCKWARMING THE PRETTY SETTERS

warnings: definitely smut 

characters: tooru oikawa, tobio kageyama, kenma kozume, koshi sugawara

a/n: i’m taking request btw :) my inbox is open. also, this is kinda long so grab your popcorn haha

oikawa

 - oikawa is obsessed with you whether he wants to admit it or not

- which is wild because no one would’ve expected him to ever be more obsessed with anyone other than himself

- but here you are

- and he LOVES being around you 

- just being in your presence makes him all giddy and smiley

- though he does try to compose himself whenever you guys are around his teammates but usually fails 

-  he’s not obsessed in a weird or creepy way, but just enough for you to know that he’s all about you and only you

- and you love it

- and of course oikawa’s obsession with you rings no surprise that he’s obsessed with being inside you 

- as long as he’s close to his pretty y/n, he’s happy

the two of you had just finished a long and strenuous two rounds of sex and were more than ready for bed. but when oikawa got out of bed to get towels for the two of you to clean up with, you felt extremely empty. you were exhausted, that’s for sure. but a big part of you just wanted him filling you up again, even if nothing else happened. you pout, knowing that your attentive boyfriend would notice when he came back, which he did. 

“hm, what’s wrong pretty girl?” he asks softly as he starts to gently clean his mess off of your stomach with a warm towel. 

“i want you inside of me again.” you say in an almost whisper, a little embarrassed by the words that just left your mouth and he laughs lightly. 

“you’re so cute.” he says as he tucks a piece of hair away from your face and gives you a kiss. “but i’m so tired.” he finishes, then plops down on the bed beside you, big spooning you. 

“no, we don’t have to have sex again, i’m exhausted too. i just want you inside me.” you say shyly. you feel his dick twitch behind you and can’t help but smile a little, knowing you’re about to get what you want.

“oh, like cockwarming?” oikawa asks and you nod in response. “hm, ok. yeah, we can do that.” he smiles before kissing your forehead. he was already big spooning you so he was in the perfect position to just slip it in. he pulls down his shorts just enough so that his member could spring free, then pulls the panties that you were wearing under one of his shirts down just enough for him to have access to what he needed. he teases your folds with his tip a little bit, causing you to tense up. then he slowly pushes himself inside you, it not being too difficult with you still being wet from earlier. the two of you moan in unison, both sensitive from your previous interactions. once he’s fully in, he stays there and wraps his arm around your waist as he plants a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“does that feel good? is that ok?” he asks before pressing more soft kisses on your shoulder and your neck.

“it’s perfect.” you coo and he pulls you a little closer with the arm he had slung over your waist.

“goodnight princess.”

“goodnight oikawa.”

- you definitely have morning sex when you wake up

kageyama

- let’s be real here, he really doesn’t know what any kinks are

- he just learns what he likes and what he doesn’t like from you and waits for you to tell him if it’s a kink or not 

- you end up having to tell him that basically anything sexual can be a kink after he keeps asking you “is that a kink?” every time you two do something new in bed 

- you find his lack of knowledge on the subject adorable though, even though you constantly tease him about it 

- he honestly just goes with the flow and follows your lead in terms of sexual things

- not that he’s the submissive one, you just know more about sex so sometimes you have to give him extra guidance

- he doesn’t mind it though, he wouldn’t wanna learn it from anyone else but you

- and you just so happened to teach him his new favorite kink

you two are making out on kageyama’s bed. it starts off innocent at first but slowly progresses into a messier and more heated kiss. you’re on top of him, tugging on his hair while he grips onto your hips. you begin slowly grinding against him causing him to moan softly into your mouth. his sounds were always so pretty and always instantly made your core pulse. you continue grinding on kageyama, giving both yourself and him pleasure. but it isn’t enough. in one swift motion he flips you over so now he’s the one on top. without detaching his lips from yours, he pulls his member out of his pants and lifts up the skirt you’re wearing then slowly pulls down your underwear, revealing your wet core.

“pretty.” he mumbles before licking a teasingly slow and soft stripe up your folds. you moan at the sensation and shut your eyes in pleasure. he continues to please you with his tongue before inserting two fingers into you. it hurts a bit more than usual but you shrug it off because the pleasure outweighs the pain. he continues with this for a few minutes more before he can’t take it anymore and positions himself at your entrance. he slowly begins pushing himself in, but as soon as he’s all the way in, you yelp in pain.

“ow ow ow! stop!” you groan, and kageyama does as told.

“what’s wrong? s-should i take it out?” he asks, concern laced in his voice.

“no no, keep it in just let me adjust to it.” you say. the day before, you and kageyama had some hardcore sex. you had unintentionally somewhat intentionally made him jealous so that he would punish you, and oh that he did. but your poor pussy was suffering the consequences. 

“ok princess, i won’t move. just let me know when you’re ready.” he says softly and you smile at his sweetness. he starts kissing you again, this time more deep and passionate as opposed to the sloppy, heated kiss that got you here in the first place. you were slowly beginning to relax around your boyfriend while he was losing his mind trying not to bust inside of you. something about not moving but still being inside you, feeling you around him. the anticipation. it’s driving him crazy.

“oh no, i’m gonna cum.” he says shyly as he pulls away from the kiss and accidentally cums inside of you. he hides his face in the crook of your neck in embarrasment and you just giggle at him, as that isn’t the first time that’s happened. 

“is, is that a kink? not doing anything, just being inside you? because i think i have that kink.” he mumbles into your shoulder.

“it is actually, it’s called cockwarming.” you say as you gently stroke his hair, trying to relax your still clearly embarrassed boyfriend. 

“hm, well can we never do cockwarming again, that was embarrassing.” he sighs before finally removing his head from the crook of your neck and looking at you.

“i don’t think it was embarrassing baby, i thought it was cute. but if you don’t wanna do it again we don’t have to.” you reassure him and he blushes at your compliment.

“maybe we can do it again sometime then, but for now it’s time to get you cleaned up.” he says before picking you up over his shoulder and taking you to the bathroom. 

kenma

- anyone who knows kenma knows that he is always preoccupied with video games

- whenever he’s playing, it’s fairly difficult to get his attention

- as his girlfriend, you’ve somewhat learned to accept this, even though you would like more attention from your boyfriend

- but you take what you can get, knowing that’s just how kenma is and you wouldn’t ever wanna change him 

- but sometimes you get needy

- really needy 

- and kenma isn’t always the best at reading that

- so you take it upon yourself to get the kind of attention you’re craving from your boyfriend

kenma doesn’t really get flustered too often. but when he does, oh anyone in a ten mile radius can tell. the first time you saw him really get flustered was when he gave you his hoodie while you were out on a date. it had gotten colder than you expected so he gave you his jacket to keep you warm, and as soon as you put it on, the boy went red. he couldn’t even form coherent sentences at first and you thought it was the most hilariously adorable thing ever. ever since that day, you’ve worn his clothes whenever you wanted his attention; hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, you name it. today is one of those days. kenma has been gaming all day in some sort of tournament and you’re beginning to get frustrated because of how badly you’re craving his touch, so you pull out the big guns. you put on one of his favorite hoodies, one that you’ve never worn before, and head into his gaming room. he’s sitting is his gaming chair deep in concentration, shooting at someone and talking to who you assume is kuroo on his headset. he doesn’t even notice you at first until you come sit in his lap, your legs resting on either side of his as you lay your head on his shoulder. 

“hi kitten.” he whispers away from his mic before placing a gentle kiss on your lips and you hum in response. you played with the hair at the nape of his neck for a little bit before your overwhelming feeling of neediness comes back. you lift your head from kenma’s shoulder, now somewhat blocking his view of his computer screen.

‘i want to feel you inside me’ you mouth to him. he hadn’t even realized what you were wearing until right then, and his cheeks blush bright red. he places a finger under your chin and uses it to pull you in for a kiss. “go for it.” he whispers to you as he pulls away, reverting his attention back to his game that he had forgotten about for a quick second. you easily slip his member out of the sweats he’s wearing and give it a few strokes to get him hard. you were wearing absolutely nothing under his hoodie in hopes that this would be the outcome, and when he notices that as he glances from you back to his computer screen every so often, he mumbles 

“dirty little kitten, this is exactly what you wanted hm?” 

“mhmm” you respond and he smiles.

you continue what you’re doing and position kenma’s tip at your hole before slowly sinking down on it. your breath hitches at the feeling of being filled up, while kenma clenches his eyes shut and bites his lip in order to hold back his moans. once he’s fully inside you, you lay your head on his shoulder again and just stay there.

“hm, that’s it? you just wanna cockwarm me?” kenma asks curiously. 

“mhmm. just wanted to feel you inside me, that’s it.” you say sleepily, slowly drifting as you shut your eyes. 

kenma can’t help but smile, “you’re adorable.” he says before planting a kiss on your cheek. you smile a small smile in return before dozing off on kenma’s shoulder, him still buried deep inside you. 

every so often you would move around in your sleep and kenma would have to bite his lip to hold back a moan so the friends he was playing with wouldn’t hear, but it was worth the risk because he loves just being this close to you, and you do too.

sugawara

- suga’s high sex drive really surprised you when you two first started dating

- his kinkiness surprised you too

- you thought he would always be very gentle and vanilla

- but you were very mistaken

- not that you’re complaining though

- he’s always open to trying new things

- so when you bring up the topic of cockwarming, he’s intrigued

“is that something you wanna try bunny?” he asks after you finish explaining to him what exactly cockwarming is.

“we don’t have to if you don’t want to, i just think it’d be interesting to try.” you shrug

“i agree.” he says, before leaning over to start kissing your neck. that’s your weak spot, so you take this as suga saying he wants to try right now. the two of you are currently on the couch, in the middle of watching a romcom but clearly that romcom has been forgotten as suga continues to make little love bites on your neck. you lift his chin to kiss him because you know if you don’t stop him now, he’ll cover your whole body in hickies. the kiss is soft, but passionate and you can feel yourself quite literally melting into it. somehow you end up straddling suga, still lost in the kiss. you suddenly notice a pair of familiar fingers making their way down to your most sensitive area. he teases you, rubbing his fingers over your pajama shorts, knowing you’re getting needy because of the way you’re starting to softly moan into his mouth. he takes this as a sign of you wanting more and breaks away from the kiss so he can take off your shorts and your underwear, with a little bit of help from you. once your bottom half is completely naked, he grins and begins kissing you again. the sensation of your bare core against suga’s sweatpants was teasing you, so you began moving your hips to get some friction. suga moans a little at your sudden movements and you can feel him getting harder. he pushes you up off of him slightly so that he can pull his sweats down, them ending up just hanging around his ankles. now both of your bottom halves are naked, and you’re staring at each other in anticipation.

“sit on it bunny.” suga instructs and you follow his orders, sitting down on his length and feeling every inch against your walls. that feeling when he first inserts into you will never get old. 

“mm, suga.” you moan. he instinctively thrusts after hearing your pretty noises, completely forgetting what you guys were supposed to be trying.

“no, don’t move.” you laugh at him and he blushes apologetically.

“sorry, i couldn’t help it. you’re just so pretty.” he apologizes and you melt.

“it’s ok suga, you’re adorable.” you smile. “i’m gonna turn around now, but keep you inside me and we’ll finish the movie just like this, yeah?” you say.

“yeah.” he nods in agreement. without pulling suga out of you, you turn so that you’re no longer straddling him but sitting in his lap with your back facing towards him, your face now facing the tv. you guys finish the rest of the movie exactly like this, you sitting on suga’s lap with his member deep inside of you and suga occasionally thrusting up into you just to get your reaction. 

[bb-8]

Tech Savvy

Pairing: Tech x female reader Summary:  You’re an ex-imperial who has a crush on Tech. He’s awkward about it. Until he’s not. Rating: Explicit (18+, minors DNI) Warnings/tags: crack treated seriously, smut, unprotected PIV, awkward flirting, oral sex, first kisses, accidental exhibitionism, lots of bad jokes, slight angst Word count: 5.4K Notes: It’s smutty crack treated seriously, guys. Read on AO3.

The planet you land on isn’t anything special. It’s a humid swamp world in the Outer Rim that offers enough seclusion for even the Empire’s Most Wanted to pass by unnoticed.

You, being the kind and selfless individual you are, decide to help with repairs while Clone Force 99 are on a supply run. It’s the first time the ship has made planet fall in weeks and everyone is a bit stir-crazy, jumping at the chance to stretch their legs. Prolonged time spent in hyperspace has that effect.

Before he left, you told Hunter that your status as an ex-Imperial put an unnecessary target on their back. You’re still wearing your Imperial uniform, after all, and you know for a fact that the Empire is not exactly merciful to deserters. Especially deserters that committed high treason. Like aiding Clone Force 99’s escape from an Imperial prison.

You definitely didn’t just jump at the chance to stay behind because Tech opted to. That would be ridiculous.

You feel your face heat at the thought.

(What? His goggles are cute.)

The truth is, there’s been something – a tension, as it were – between the two of you since you arrived on board. You know it, he knows it. You’ve been orbiting around each other for some weeks now, and this is the first time you’ve been alone –

“Can you spare a minute?” Tech calls out, pulling you away from your thoughts. You swivel in your chair and shift your attention to him, a bit surprised.

“I was beginning to think you didn’t realise I was on board,” you reply as you make your way to the cockpit where Tech is currently fiddling with some wires.

“You’re...very hard to miss,” Tech replies and your heart skips a beat. “The ship is far too small to miss another sentient being’s presence.”

“Right,” you mutter while taking a seat, trying not to sound too deflated. So maybe he didn’t feel that tension. “What do you need help with?”

“I am taking this opportunity to rewrite the ship’s central comm unit to be more covert when passing through areas with increased Imperial traffic. If I can update the ship’s communication infrastructure to resemble that of a first generation Imperial craft, then we will considerably reduce our chances of being identified. Which is why I am particularly glad you stayed behind today. Considering your, er, history.” He fiddles with a mess of wires in front of him, not once looking up.

“And here I was thinking you wanted me around because you enjoyed my company,” you playfully jab.

“There’s that, too,” Tech replies. “Though it would be advantageous if you could list all of the Imperial access codes you can remember. The computer and I can do some pattern recognition to better–,” he cut himself off and anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. “Apologies, you don’t need a long-winded explanation. If you’re happy to share, you can do so whenever you’re ready.”

You consider protesting and telling him that you find his rambling cute, but you decide not to dwell on it for his sake. You list the codes you remember from the Academy. You keep talking, relaying any tangential intel relating to access codes. If it’s irrelevant, Tech doesn’t stop you.

He is silent for a few moments analysing the data you’ve given him. You watch him closely, admiring the way his brow furrows and his lips purse while he’s concentrating.

“You trust me then?” you venture to say. You play with your hands in your lap. “Even though I was with the Empire?”

“You’re helping us now,” Tech replies, as if it’s obvious. He is still inputting data into the datapad he is holding when he continues, “You trust us, it would seem. And we were soldiers programmed upon our creation to destroy the Republic.”

You fumble over your next words.

“That’s – it’s entirely different.”

“And from my perspective, all that matters is where you are now,” he states with finality.

“Well,” you say shyly, “I like where I am.”

Tech smirks despite himself, briefly glancing up at you from his datapad.

You hold his gaze for a moment, before settling into a comfortable silence. You sit in next to him for several minutes, revelling in his closeness like a brezak basking under the Zygerrian sun. It’s only when you notice yourself blushing like a teenager that you decide to make yourself useful and actually help with repairs like you promised.

++++++++++++++++++++

“Would you mind holding this wire out of the way for me while I solder the capacitors for the localised memory bank?” Tech calls, breaking your concentration. The illumination device you were repairing could wait.

You have no idea what Tech means, if his string of words means anything, and you survey his makeshift workbench for a hint. Several panels are detached, limply dangling from a few brightly coloured wires. Tech is focusing his attention on a large panel that is plugged into a cylindrical storage device.

“Maker, that’s a big data stick,” you can’t help but mutter.

Tech makes an incoherent choking sound.

You do as requested and lean over his shoulder to take hold of the wire he specified between your thumb and forefinger. The fabric of your sleeves brushes against his shoulder armour and it feels as though there is a static shift in the air, like the air around you is alive and humming.

And Tech gulps with the contact. He types a few sets of numbers into his datapad with excess force, seriously testing the build quality of the device. His posture is especially rigid as focuses on testing the wires currently in his lap.

Your pulse is racing. It’s as if each second that passes without a confession threatens to rip apart the very fabric of reality.

“Tech?” He has to feel this too, right? “Why...why did you stay behind today?” you ask, careful to keep your voice even. You need him to say it, admit that he feels it, too. You’re desperate for it.

“You can let go now,” he replied, pointedly ignoring your question.

You let go of the wire, but make no move to step away from him. You’re acutely aware of yourself right now and suddenly self-conscious: about the deep shade of crimson enveloping your face, the way you’re breathing, the clamminess you can feel on your palms. You hope you smell alright and silently pray that any traces of caf on your breath are long gone.

Several seconds pass before Tech looks up, over his shoulder at you. His face briefly flickers with concern.

“Your flushed features and increased heart rate indicates that you are nervous,” he remarks.

Maker, is it that obvious, you cringe.

Your mouth is dry and you contemplate making an excuse, but your brain does not want to cooperate.

“Sometimes I –,” you begin. Void, here I go. “Sometimes I get nervous around you,” you admit, attempting to make your confession sound as casual as possible. You bite your bottom lip in a way that you hope will be interpreted as sensual, or, at the very least, cute.

And Tech? Tech is flustered. Like visibly shaken, blushing furiously, two-steps-away-from-hyperventilating, kind of flustered.

“Please do not be nervous,” he responds tightly. Each word is taking considerable effort to be spoken. “I already told you: we trust you. I am not a threat to you.”

The poor guy. There’s no way he can really be misinterpreting that –.

“No, no, it’s a good kind of nervous,” you attempt to clarify.

“Nervousness is not conducive to high quality work,” Tech chokes out.

“No, I mean like giddy. I feel giddy around you.”

Come on, Tech.

“Would you like a chair–.”

“Stars, Tech, I like you!”

Tech...errors. He attempts to start several sentences with no success before mumbling an excuse that he has to go, “fix the reverse polarity capacitive inductor,” which, to your knowledge, is definitely not a real thing.

So maybe that could have gone better. All things considered, he did seem affected by your admission. On the other hand, he also left the room entirely.

Your face burns with embarrassment and, hey, maybe this backwater planet could make a decent home. Maybe the swamp water would be safe for consumption and you could spend the rest of your days foraging for swamp... berries. Sure, it might be a little uncomfortable, but no less uncomfortable than staying here for one more second.

And this is why you don’t admit your feelings to anyone. Ever.

Ugh. You were so confident, too. You squeeze your eyes shut, willing yourself to transport to another star system.

The door to the ‘fresher shuts, followed by a slight scuffle of feet, and a thunk that sounds decidedly like a head hitting the door.

You briefly consider leaving the ship to attempt to meet up with the rest of the Bad Batch. It’s been far too long since you’ve breathed fresh, clean, air and you feel a second wave of self-pity wash over you as you contemplate the thought of breathing in the smell of Wrecker’s feet for several more weeks in the Marauder’s circulated air. They hadn’t been gone longer than a standard hour and there was a clear path to get into town. You could still salvage the day, you could still stretch your legs–

‘Oh you want to know why I suddenly decided to join you, Hunter, after promising I’d help fix the ship? Funny story, I was trying to seduce your brother and he rejected me!’

You physically cringe at that. On second thought, maybe just pretending this didn’t happen would be the easier option. Lesser of two evils and all that.

Well, you’ve endured worse situations than this. Swamp berries, if they exist, probably won’t offer enough sustenance anyway, you conclude. You turn your attention to fixing several access panels that require little to no attention.

++++++++++++++++++++

It takes a long while for Tech to exit the ‘fresher. The door opens with a hiss and you stiffen, not looking up until he briskly walks past you and resumes his makeshift work station in the cockpit. Once he is seated and his back is facing you and you can hear the rhythmic tapping of his fingers on his datapad, you allow your entire body to relax.

You look back down to your newest project: fixing the swivel action on a chair. You’re not entirely sure if the chair needed to swivel, or whether it was supposed to, but it does now. At least Omega would have fun with that.

“Can you spare another minute?” Tech says after a considerable stretch of silence.

His comment catches you off-guard. It’s fine, it’s fine, you are just going to pretend like nothing happened. You can just carry on helping with actual repairs like you promised.

“I’m coming,” you say, while putting your entire weight into tightening a screw.

Tech coughs slightly.

“The, uh, I need your help with the cum system. The comm system!” he stutters.

Your eyes widen and decide it’s best not to comment, furiously thinking about the fact that Tech rarely makes mistakes. You wipe your hands on your trousers and stride over to the cockpit where Tech is fiddling with some wires on his lap.

“Take these,” he says while coiling a piece of wire to make a conductor. He pushes right through the awkwardness and places a handful of resistors in your outstretched hand.

You stand there in silence for several moments before you drum your fingers on the back of his chair. He makes no move to immediately utilise the resistors, so you resign yourself to stand there and watch him work. (You suppress a sigh – you wish you weren’t attracted to him at this moment, but here you are, drawn in by his confidence and fixated on watching his nimble fingers work their magic.)

Normally, you’d have already lost your patience. But not now, not when you are trying to decipher just what exactly Tech was trying to accomplish by calling you over and ignoring you. And that’s when you realise that Tech either forgot you were there or forgot to give you whichever menial task he originally intended.

But there’s absolutely no chance that Tech makes two mistakes within the same standard year, never mind two mistakes within the same afternoon.

You start to wonder if he even has any use for the resistors. Your knowledge of technology is limited, but you really don’t see how they’d be useful with his current task. Maybe this is Tech’s uncharacteristically inefficient way to try to initiate conversation. You really hope you’re not completely misreading the situation, but it’s not like you have any pride left to lose.

“Why did you stay behind today, Tech?” you ask quietly, voice tinged with apprehension and perhaps an unmistakable eagerness. You phrase it more like a statement than a question this time.

He continues to fidget, his leg bouncing anxiously as he works.

“I did some research,” he blurts. “Regarding intimacy between human males and human females.”

Huh.

“I read the specifics on how to kiss,” he continues, “but I fear that I am a bit out of my depth as to how I am supposed to initiate it.” He is still fussing with the wires in his lap, not quite able to look up at you.

“You...want to kiss?” you surmise, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. “Me?”

“Very much so.”

A grin breaks across your face and the sharp sting of Tech’s previous rejection immediately melts away. You deposit the handful of resistors in a tray containing various tools Tech had been using throughout the day before taking a tentative step forward from behind the chair. He cranes his neck to look at you, an unfamiliar expression that you’re not quite able to decipher written across his face.

You reach your hand out to caress his cheek, and sliding your hand down to his chin to guide it upwards as you bend down to bring your lips to his. The kiss is chaste, at first, but Tech proves himself a quick study as slightly parts his lips to deepen the kiss. His goggles nudge against your face and you’re pretty sure you’re leaving a greasy cheek print on one of them.

You pull away to gauge his reaction.

“Was that... satisfactory?” he asks, seemingly dazed. His eyes are hooded and still focused on your lips.

“It was perfect.” You offer a small smile.

He removes the goggles to clean one side of them with a nearby cloth. So you were leaving a cheek print. Once his goggles are back in place, he’s looking at you like he can’t quite believe you’re real, his golden brown eyes blinking owlishly at you.

“I apologise for leaving you earlier. I did not anticipate you returning my affections – it did not seem probable. And I was, regrettably, not prepared,” he mumbles.

“Probable?” It’s your turn to malfunction. You want to usher a thousand reassurances at once.

“Well, no.” Tech shifts his weight uncomfortably, not quite able to meet your eyes. “Hunter or Crosshair usually are the ones who capture the affections of –,”

“I like your goggles,” you interrupt in a rush before you surge forward to press your lips against his, hoping to convey just how much you return his affections. It’s a messy, urgent kiss that Tech returns with equal fervour. His fingers find their way into your hair, pulling you closer.

When you finally break the kiss, you straighten your back and take both of his hands in yours and take small, hesitant steps backwards, encouraging Tech to stand. As he does, the project he is working on slides off of his lap and clatters to the floor. He pays it no attention as he closes the distance between you, his eyes darkened with lust. He kisses you with renewed purpose as his hands wrap around your waist, roaming across your body, before they settle firmly on your ass.

Your hips grind into his codpiece and Tech lets out a low groan that goes straight to your core. He moves to kiss the curve of your neck, sucking at the delicate skin and making you squirm. The dampness between your legs becomes apparent and you press yourself closer to him, desperate for friction where you need it the most. As if he can read your mind, he trails a hand from your ass and places it between your legs, grazing over your clit before cupping your cunt. You involuntarily rock into his hand and moan into his mouth, hardly recognising the sounds you’re making.

Tech’s hand abruptly stills as he draws back to meet your eyes. His expression mirrors yours: searching wide eyes filled with longing, a silent acknowledgement passes between you as you reach the point of no return.

And in that moment you are struck with the urge to want nothing more than his cock in your mouth.

“Can I?” you blurt, glancing downward, hoping he is able to intuit exactly what you are suggesting in that moment.

“You may.” You allow the grammatical correction to slip by. “But I’ve never–,” he begins.

You don’t break eye contact and you begin to drop to your knees. He’s looking at you with his eyes wide, mouth slack. Tech’s bulged codpiece is mere inches from your face, and it’s in that moment that you realise that you have no idea how to undress this man.

And this, this is when you start to worry.

Does it have a latch? Does it even come off?

Your eyes dart from left to right looking for some sort of hint as to how it could be removed. You’re half tempted to just plant a smooch on the armour or the kiss inside of his thigh and pretend that all of this was intentional.

“I can get that,” Tech helpfully chimes in, blessedly oblivious to your internal struggle. He removes the pelvic plate with ease and, to your relief, you can see the shape of his erection straining under a layer of thick black fabric. Black fabric that conforms to his body shape exceedingly well. You reach out to feel his length, gently cupping his balls through the fabric before applying more pressure as you palm his shaft. He soft groan escapes his lips.

It catches you a little off guard, actually, to see him so hard. Knowing he’s been hard underneath his armour this entire time. Wondering when else he’s been hard and you had been none the wiser.

His cock has an attractive silhouette – it’s thicker than you expected and you can feel the patch of pre-cum that dampens the black fabric near his tip. You reach for his waistband and pull it down before slowly wrapping a hand around his shaft. He hisses with the contact and brings a white-knuckled fist to his lips.

You peer up at him through your lashes and you lick your lips, preparing to tease him a bit before taking him as deep as you can manage.

And that’s when something inside Tech snaps.

He looks down at you with wild eyes and places his hand on the back of your head to guide your mouth to his cock, apparently unable to continue the role of a passive observer for any longer. Clearly intent at putting his newfound research to good use. You lick a wet stripe from the base to the tip, before taking him in your mouth, the pre-cum tangy on your tongue. His grip tightens on your hair the same time he tilts his hips forward to push his cock further and you hollow your cheeks, sucking hard enough to make Tech groan and his knees buckle. He braces himself against the back of the pilot’s chair, captivated at the sight your mouth stretched around his length.

You begin to bob your head in a steady rhythm, taking him as deep as you’re able. You drag your tongue and press it flush on the underside of his cock, looking up at Tech with wide doe eyes, batting your eyelashes prettily as he struggles to maintain composure. You continue your pace until sweat starts to bead at his temple and his breathing becomes less controlled.

Patience isn’t your strong point and you’re too pent up not to touch yourself. You bring your free hand down your trousers, between your thighs, running your fingers through your wet folds and hum at the sensation. Tech’s hips stutter with the vibrations and his face contorts in what looks like a pained grimace. He takes a miniature step back and your lips leave his cock with a pop. He’s breathing heavily now and his weeping cock is painfully hard, his balls tight.

“I don’t want to finish in your mouth, mesh’la,” he pants, voice low.

You nod dumbly, currently unable to form a coherent thought or tear your eyes away from his erect length, only inches away from your face.

Tech takes hold of both of your forearms, helping you get to your feet, before wrapping his hands around your thighs, picking you up with surprising ease. You lock your thighs around his torso as he strides over to press you against one of the auxiliary control panels adjacent to the co-pilot’s chair in the cockpit. The incline on the panel is steep and the pressure of his hips against yours is the only thing keeping you from sliding down.

“Let me taste you,” Tech groans against your ear.

You let out a frustrated whine and desperately move to unclasp your trousers as Tech works to open your shirt. You shudder once the cool air hits your sweat-dampened skin and Tech messily palms your exposed breast while nipping at your neck. He helps you shimmy out of your clothing while holding you in firmly place before discarding them on the floor of he Marauder.

And this is how you find yourself spread eagle on the Marauder's control panel in possibly the most undignified position you’ve ever been in.

He goes to remove his goggles and you stop him.

“If they’re not uncomfortable for you, I’d like for you to leave them on.” He quirks a brow at you, quizzical. “What? I told you that they’re cute.”

His face evolves from sceptical to bashful in a few moments.

“Very well, then. I can leave them on.”

Tech moves his hands under your thighs as he lowers himself, draping your legs across each of his shoulders with surprising gentleness for a man who looks like he is ready to devour you. Once he’s on his knees and comfortably supporting your weight, keeping you pressed against the console, he places an open-mouthed kiss on the inside of your thigh.

“A-are you okay with this?” you manage to stutter out. It’s not like you haven’t pictured his head between your thighs before, but something about his head actually being between your thighs fills you with a nervousness you hadn’t anticipated.

He mumbles his assurances against your clit. He begins with slow, languid licks and you suck in a sharp breath as you feel yourself craving more and have to stop yourself from violently bucking your hips up.

Okay, so he’s actually really good at this. You know you really shouldn’t be that surprised, Tech is nothing if not thorough with his research and it’s, er, practical applications. Any thoughts of humour at Tech’s expense are, however, ripped from your mind when he sinks a single finger inside your cunt. His finger curls with a precision that only Tech could manage and you moan in encouragement as he pumps it in and out.

You squirm when he hits the spot that makes you want to beg for more and you feel your bare ass hit a button on the console. The next thing you hear is a soft swish swish sound of the Marauder's screen wipers that you inadvertently turned on. Mercifully, it doesn’t break Tech’s concentration and his hands continue to grip your hips, holding your cunt to his face.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you chant. You writhe again and another button sounds its activation. Nothing immediately makes itself known. You hope it’s not something like a proton torpedo firing into the swampy area the Marauder landed in. Not because there’s anything nearby, but because you’ll die if Tech stops here.

He moans into your core as he brings a hand down to grip his leaking cock, desperate for some friction.

“Kriff,” you grunt at the sight of him fucking his fist, only to hear Tech utter the same exclamation at the same time.

“Is there an echo in here or something?” You smile at him, offering a half-laugh before your face contorts with pleasure once again and you hiss through your teeth.

“Yes?” a new, tinny voice chimes in on the overhead speaker system. “This is Echo... You’ve, uh, turned on the short range comm system.”

You knew Tech was a good soldier, but the reflexes in which he slammed the short range comm transmitter with his free hand surprised you. He didn’t move himself from between your thighs and skilfully cut off the transmission while continuing to work your clit with his tongue and your cunt with his finger.

Before you could die from embarrassment and wonder just how much Echo and the rest of the Batch heard, Tech adds another finger and your entire body jerks and tenses.

“I’ve – ah, right there – Maker, that feels good. I’ve never been with anyone who is patient enough to let me come,” you manage to say through gritted teeth.

“My research indicated that it can take around 20 standard minutes for women to orgasm if properly relaxed, why would others stop prematurely?” Tech replies, only briefly removing his mouth from your cunt to reply.

“Selfishness?” you guess.

Tech seemed to take your admission (and ability to form sentences) personally, clearly intent on rendering you incapacitated. He returns to his attention to your clit and maintains his rhythm, teasing a third finger near your entrance. You whine at the sensation and move to hold Tech’s head in place, because if he stops now, there’s no way you’ll ever forgive him. The pressure that’s been mounting in your core finally, finally peaks and your entire body tenses as you surrender to your climax.

“Tech,” you whine, unable to formulate thoughts, let alone words.

He assures you with a soft groan and tightens his grip on your hip. He can feel your walls clenching around his fingers as he guides you through your climax.

As you come down from your orgasm, you feel like you’ve spent a year in bacta. You can’t move. Honestly, your bones are like Andorian jelly. The feeling is only temporary, however, as you’re overcome with the desire – no, need – to be filled.

“In me,” you urge. “Now.”

He adjusts his goggles and looks at you, spread out, completely ready for him.

“Lie back then.”

Tech settles between your thighs and nudges his cock head against your entrance. He takes a breath to steady himself, rubbing his length through your folds, covering it in your arousal.

“So wet and ready for me, mesh’la.”

Your hands wildly grasp at his chest plate, fingernails scratching along the plastoid, desperate to hold onto anything to anchor you. You meet his mouth with a graceless kiss, before he finally sinks into you.

“You’re tight,” he grits out.

He waits a few moments letting you adjust to his size before he begins to move. He restrains himself, slowly rolling his hips as your cunt stretches around his length.

“More,” you plead, breathlessly. “Please.”

Your encouragement is all he needs before he snaps his hips against yours, setting an unrelenting rhythm. He rocks into you harder with each thrust of his hips, his plastoid leg places slapping your skin.

“You feel so good, cyar'ika,” he pants. You surge upwards to greet his lips with a messy kiss, which only spurs him on to fuck you faster. “You’re, ah, taking me so well.”

“Fuck –,” you whine.

His grip tightens and his whole body starts to tense – he’s dangerously close to coming undone. And that’s when you notice his pace start to slow, his movements clearly distracted.

“Tech?” you mumble. You focus your eyes on his face and he looks dazed, you can practically hear him thinking. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong, but he doesn’t give you any time to panic.

“Elevate your hips by seven to ten degrees,” he states through heavy breaths.

“What?” Definitely not what you were expecting him to say.

Tech seems unfazed by your apparent annoyance. He wordlessly repositions himself, grabbing both of your hips and raising them slightly, holding your body up so it’s just the sharp incline of the console and Tech’s hands keeping you in place.

He began thrusting in earnest again, his eyes screwing shut in pleasure. And, Maker, he was right. The new angle hits a spot that makes your toes curl and you lose the ability to speak almost instantly and mewl helplessly as Tech fucks into you.

You made an undignified noise as you gripped his bicep, desperate to hold onto something, feeling the pressure mount in your core. With Tech’s hands busy holding you in place as he maintains a brutal pace, you bring a hand down to your clit, still wet with spit and your own essence. You barely have to touch yourself before you feel your body screaming for release.

“’M coming,” is all the warning you are able to give him before your cunt spasms around his twitching cock as your vision whites out. Tech grunts at the sensation, unable to hold his own climax off any longer.

“Where do you want me to –,” he grates out.

“Anywhere,” you cut him off, still feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm. “Just want to feel you.”

“Fuck, mesh’la, I’m going to come,” Tech groans, desperately chasing his release with harsh thrusts. His hips forcefully buck into you before his cock stiffens and he spills himself inside of you. He buries his face in your neck, slowly pumping you full of his cum, before he slumps against you. “Bid jate par me,” he mumbles into your neck, barely audible. “Gotal par me.”

You don’t know Mando’a, but whatever he is saying, the way he is saying it, sends a pleasant chill over your body.

You’re both still breathing heavily when Tech gingerly places you back down with a surprising gentleness for someone who had just been fucking you within an inch of your life. He’s in no rush to remove himself from you, but when his softened cock does slip out and his cum leaks out of you and onto the console, he helps you slide down. When your feet touch the floor, your legs wobble slightly and Tech has to grasp your forearms to steady you, softly chuckling at the state you’re in.

And when you look at him, he looks positively debauched. Sated, but debauched. You probably look worse.

In one swift motion he bends down, brings an arm down under your knees, and lifts you up. You wrap your arms around your neck while he carries you to his bunk. His cool armour against your overheated skin is a welcome sensation and you press yourself closer.

“Your research paid off,” you mumble into his chest as he sets you down on his bed.

“Please do not act so surprised by that.”

++++++++++++++++++++

You and Tech aren’t quite finished with the repairs by the time the Batch return hours later, long after the moons have risen and the bioluminescent plants surrounding the ship have begun to glow. If the squad notice you’re sitting a bit too close to Tech, your thigh pressing comfortably against his, they don’t say anything.

Neither of you were expecting to defile the Marauder all day and Tech was frantically fixing the lever on a storage hatch access panel, attempting to make up for lost time.

“Wrecker!” Echo shouts. “Clean up after yourself, for kriff’s sake.”

“Why?” Wrecker drawls, stomping towards the cockpit. “What did I do this time?”

“You’ve spilled your juice on the console again, all the keys are stuck in place.”

The access lever snaps clean off in Tech’s hands.

[nibwhipdragon]

Alright, now that I've slept on it I think I can properly articulate my thoughts on it. Putting it under the cut because I can tell it's gonna get uhh. Pretty long.

I was correct! Very long review unde the cut!

Ok you're gonna read a bunch of stuff that sounds like I feel the complete opposite of what I rated the game but just sit through it ok I'm getting the bad stuff out of the way first <3

First off, I'll start with the story, because What The Hell Man. I do think it's great! Just...the execution of it wasn't that good tbh

Learning that the voice that had been guiding you the whole time was The End was a nice twist, Sage's character was super good and I liked slowly learning about the ancients. BUT. The end of the game shouldn't have me going "that's it?" in the way it did. The tension all just...dissapeared after the whole thing about Sonic becoming fully corrupted and seeing that you had Ouranos to go through still it just didn't have that momentum like the previous story parts did. From Kronos Island, the story was building up to Sonic's corruption, becoming more and more noticeable as the story went on, even his idle animation changing as he got worse (a detail which I really, REALLY liked). You get to Rhea Island and the towers were just. As frustrating as they were they were perfect for both the plot and the challenge. At that point you're nearing the end of the story, learning more and more about the ancients, and Sonic's quite literally on his last legs and is only able to still keep going through sheer force of will. It puts all your knowledge and skills of platforming to the test, like one final trial before the final boss (IT REALLY SHOULD'VE BEEN THE FINAL AREA). The music for the island (one of my faves in the soundtrack tbh) perfectly reflects that, and I know pretty much nothing about music theory and such so I cannot elaborate on that but like. I think it's still mentionable that it fit well. And then, when you shut off all the towers, and Sonic becomes fully corrupted, and he finally frees his friends and practically sacrifices himself as a result...it falls off. The tension snapped too early and though you can have the tension reach a breaking point and snap pretty early in a story and have it still work well, the way Frontiers treats the tension snap was too bad to even consider this. The whole story was building up to Sonic's corruption, and THE WHOLE THING WAS RESOLVED IN LIKE 2 MINUTES!!! WHY????!!? Like I haven't done all the side stories yet (some aren't appearing though they're on the map???) so I might be missing context, but just. H o w do Sonic's friends bring him back by holding hands around him. How. How does that work. They didn't even hold HIS hands. It would've been much better for the story if there was like an actual struggle to get Sonic back to normal. Like. Couldn't they have made like a really long level/hub world that Sonic has to traverse to get back to normal?

Ok I stopped writing there bc i had stuff to do so I've had more time to think about that idea. The voice guiding Sonic was The End wasn't it? And it was stuck in cyberspace and was using Sonic, who could traverse between worlds safely as a means to an end right? The final boss could've been then, at that very point. Sonic going through a corrupted area, a mishmash of all the cyberspace areas and maybe some more, and after getting through all that you fight The End. No Super Sonic, no help, just you, it, and all the experience you've gained on your journey. Hell, they could've revealed that the whole plan was to get Sonic to be fully corrupted by saving his friends so that The End could access it or something, gain a physical body that way!

AND THE WHOLE THING WITH SAGE. As upset I was over the sacrifice, it kinda felt out of nowhere??? And then she was just...immediately brought back after the credits??? What was even the point of it?

The final boss was horrifically easy, and I really don't know how to feel about it. I don't think a final boss should be that easy, even if the story is the reason why. And for that secret final boss in hard mode...

You know that bullet hell minigame that you had to do like 3 times in the story? It's that. It's literally just that against The End right after Supreme. I hate it. Why.

Ok all the stuff I hated about the game out of the way! Time for the good stuff!

Also fuck the pinball """"""minigame""""", there was nothing mini about that score I needed to get

Also this is a little complaint but I don't like that jumping doesn't have your running momentum. Sonic also felt too slow to me. I know you can upgrade speed, but that only does boosting and wall climbing speed, not base speed.

This is a very little gripe which doesn't have much to do with the game itself, but SONIC'S NEW VOICE ACTOR. WHY DOES HE SOUND LIKE THAT I'M NOT USED TO IT. WHY DOES THE 15 YEAR OLD HEDGEHOG SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER WHO'S NEARING 30 MY GOD HIS VOICE IS TOO DEEP (the line deliveries were really good!)

THIS GAME LOOKS BEAUTIFUL WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PHOTO MODE WHY DID THEY HAVE TO DO A MHS2 AND NOT ADD ONE FOR SUCH A PRETTY GAME :((((

The titans were so good oh my god they were just hfjdwndjjdkskdkdjdndnssjdkkdkd

The first encounter with Giganto as normal Sonic? Beautiful. The shots changing to all sorts of canted angle shots with every homing attack and every hit on Giganto itself? Truly a spectacle to behold, it has never left my brain.

The fights themselves are so cinematic. They are glued into my brain forever. Of course all of them are good, but my favourite has to be Wyvern. Yeah I'm biased, but cmon. Flying as Super Sonic around Ares Island after it while it launches missiles at you that you have to dodge until you see an opening to parry its attack and whale on it, with Break Through It All playing...I want to wipe my memories of that fight it was so, SO GOOD. ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR. A MASTERPIECE EVEN. Especially since you spend the most time getting to the Chaos Emerald on it. Giganto I didn't even know there was a climbing theme for because I got up it so fast, and Knight I can just...barely remember for some reason. Brain blocked out memories of scary office chair battle methinks

I think the fact you actually moved around the island during it instead of it just being one area did it for me. Like...fuck yeah that REALLY got my blood boiling with murderous ecstasy like how Monster Hunter does

I loved the tower climb to get to Wyvern (I like climbing up things as a form of progression in games as you can tell) and the theme goes hard. I like it as much as Break Through It All tbh. I was REALLY into that fight, it's definitely in my top boss battles ever. Possibly first place because I don't think the aesthetics and music of MHS2's final boss can compare when Wyvern has that and a bunch of other stuff going for it

I did like Supreme for the cinematic feel of it, even if it was easy. Hearing that piano and immediately going "OH MY GOD THAT'S FROM THE TITLE SCREEN" was awesome. And it being the main theme of the game? Genuinely felt as if my soul was set on fire the figjt went so damn hard,,,, Last game I played that did that was Monster Hunter Stories 2 (Rays of Hope and Despair my beloved) and I've played a bunch of videogames since then, which says a lot. Also when the chorus began when I was doing the QTE was absolutely epic. Just.

I'M HERE

REACHING FAR ACROSS THESE NEW FRONTIERS

The island music was really good too. I love how it built up with the more Chaos Emeralds you obtained. I am always in intense desire for dynamic music you see, and Sonic Frontiers is chock-full of that. Even the guardian's music changed depending on what was happening! Hell, the cyberspace clear themes change when you get all 4 missions done! I love that! Chaos Island was really good in terms of map design. Like DAMN babygirl, they even added gigantic chunks of glass to the map! Gotta love volcanic glass! Sure it's not accurate but it's still cool! I wish there was a snowy island though. I love my snow areas where is it why is Ouranos literally Kronos 2 Electric Boogaloo :(

The layouts of the islands were so good I've pretty much got Kronos, Ares and Chaos Island memorised off the top of my head! I'll just be like "oh there's [landmark] to my left so if I go this way I'll end up going to [landmark] and then I'll go that way and end up at [destination]!" and that is PEAK gameplay design!!! I love being like a lil pigeon and navigating via landmarks :3

About maps actually. I love that the challenges that show more of the map make it easier to traverse by adding rails and the like, as well as giving seeds. That's really good gameplay design too. Like they're gonna do it naturally so if they never end up fishing then they'll end up with decent atk/def stats for the story. Progression should come naturally through the story, it should never really feel too much like grinding and Sonic Frontiers did that really well with this.

People have been saying that light puzzle on Kronos Island was ridiculously hard, but I liked it! I love puzzles like that, and to be honest I didn't take that long to finish it.

dont ask how long I took on the crane puzzle though

Pinball minigame was fun but it's on very fucking thin ice. Why 5 million points.

The hacking minigame was a nice surprise! I loved coming up with strategies to get me past the harder levels of it.

You already know my opinions on the celestial starfall, but there's a bit more abt it that I do wanna say here. I wish the game explained it more, for starters. Apparently only the first 10 stars you collect are used for the slot machine (why a slot machine btw???) but it never tells you this. Not that I really care though, my goal is to get 69 stars (closest I've gotten is 61. So close...) and I have fishing tokens for days so I'm not too bothered about that. Also just like the blood moon from botw, this has managed to occur at the most inconvenient times which I must appreciate as a sort of staple for this sort of thing now. Good job Sonic Team <3

Also I think it's noteworthy that one time I had just beaten an Asura, and because I was in its area as the celestial starfall happened, it spawned really far away from where it was meant to. Funky.

About fishing. Who would've thought fishing would be the most broken thing in game? I love it for that. I didn't use my fishing tokens (the ones you get after fishing stuff up) until Ouranos, so I just...bought pretty much everything I needed in one go because the grind ramped up to a boring level at that point. It might be one of the reasons Supreme was so easy for me (atk/def were like lv.63/64 I think) but hey! It was there to buy you can't blame me. The monster hunter grilling minigame too...autism simulator fr <3

You can get tokens from that without having to pay anything like with fishing, so like...that's Certainly Not Broken. Hell actually now that I'm thinking about it if someone was determined enough they could literally use Big and fishing to max out all their stats before fighting Giganto. That's glorious.

Haven't really touched arcade mode yet, but I love that they did that. Like hell yeah all the cyberspace levels in one place!!! When my friends come over to hang out I'm 100% using arcade mode to have fun lil contests with friends to see who'd get the fastest time <3

The combat was...pretty fine actually! I loved all the combos and the speed, it really fit Sonic well. Only thing is, the way some special attacks worked made me accidentally trigger them when I didn't want to, which is frustrating. I think that if they taken a leaf out from Unleashed's book and made light + strong attacks and used them to make combos and specials alongside the triangle button (or the equivalent on consoles other than PlayStation) would've been better. I understand why they left square to be the only attacking button as it's the homing button, but it didn't work well with the combat system they were trying to make.

I might replay the game on hard after I platinum it. It depends if I can go through the ending of the story again really.

Frontiers is really good, was ALMOST perfect in my eyes. ALMOST. Unleashed is still my favourite Sonic game though, simply because I don't think anything will beat the werehog for me <3 werehog Sonic has the character design ever I want to go insane over it but I won't <3

Also you never needed to worry about me not liking Sonic! I had a Sonic phase when I was really young, used to play Heroes with my brother all the time (my favourite team was team dark <3), and then later stole my cousin's wii copy of Unleashed and completely fell in love with that too <3 You pretty much just rekindled my love for a franchise I didn't have time to invest myself in and I thank you for that so much <3

Just finished Sonic Frontiers and. Yeah.

Even though it was likely unintentional, I want to thank you for violently dragging me back into the Sonic fandom <3

I would've passed on getting Frontiers and it's. It's pretty damn good. I have a lot of thoughts on it I'm still gonna let stew in my brain for a bit but it's probably like a 8.7/10 to me, which is like really high for me

You're welcome! Welcome back to the fandom, we have angst! XD

I can't wait to hear about what you thought of the game. Will you be replaying it on hard mode? I heard the final boss changes if you do

Great to hear you enjoyed! :D

[bukojuiice]

— genshin boys as your late night study buddy

ೃ ft. childe, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, xiao and albedo x gn! reader

ೃ 200-299 words per character!  (they are your bfs in this! bc MAN do i desperately want one of the genshin boys to cram school works with and shower me with luv and affection.) ♡

ೃ tags: college au, modern au, and lots of fluff. 

ೃ thank you so so much for 1k notes on my very first batch of genshin hcs! i appreciate all the luv it received and i can never thank all of you enough 🥺 i’ll be making a genshin masterlist soon to compile all of my current and future works so pls stay tuned for that!

ೃ if you want to be a part of my taglist, answer this form! ♡

ZHONGLI:

– Zhongli would be a very chill study partner. He will always keep his cool and focus, never letting his attention stray away from less trivial things. If he can focus, he’ll focus. There’s always this sense of comfort surrounding him that brightens up your mood and productivity. The both of you are sat in this long table, papers, books, and cute matching pencils are sprawled about. You lean your head on his shoulder, as he serenades you with his deep and butter voice, explaining all the formulas to you. Being able to study in peace and quiet with him is always a blissful experience. He never fails to brew you green tea (as it helps the brain function) even if that meant going down to the kitchen at 2 in the morning. He always brings a small humidifier and some essential oils with him that can help brighten up the study mood and that emits a wafting vanilla pinecone scent to keep you happy. (He’s just fancy like that.) When he doesn’t understand the concepts right away, he’d turn to you, his sharp amber eyes gazing at yours with nothing but innocent and love, and asks: “(Y/N)... what reference is this supposed to be? pepe the frog? kermit the frog? here come dat boi? aren’t they all just amphibians? what are the differences between them? I am very intrigued.”

CHILDE:

  – Childe loves a challenge. An academic challenge. He loves the thrill of finishing school works the night before the deadline, he loves studying for a pop quiz twenty minutes before the bell rings, and most importantly, he loves to pretend he doesn’t know how to solve point a to point b if that means getting to spend time with you as you tutor him on how to do so. He’s at the top of the class, He’s popular and friendly, He’s the captain of the Archery Team, and one of the vice council members of the Fatui Club. But, no other title will ever come close to being your study buddy. You and Childe always chill on the bed whenever you study. Especially when the both of you have the sudden urge to just laze around. Well, it is the wee hours of the night, so just lounging around and trying to resist the urge of sleep is pretty understandable. Sometimes, the two of you would take power naps in between study sessions. This meant cuddle times! Childe will always cuddle with you, (he’s the big spoon and you are the smol spoon) and often times you would be immersed into your textbook while he’s scrolling through his phone and looking for some of the current and popular memes. He’d poke you on the cheek and show you what he’s found. It was quite annoying sometimes and you would reprimand him for it, but it never fails to make you laugh. You jokingly suggested one time that the two of you sneak in the library after closing hours, and your chaotic boyfriend turns to you with the biggest smirk plastered on his face. “Let’s do it baby. I know the law.”

DILUC:

–You and Diluc are the cutest pair of night owls. So, studying late at night is never a problem with him because with the help of each other, the both of you are unstoppable. An actual power couple. Batman and his love interest who? I only know (Y/N) and Diluc. Mondstadt University should be giving you the title of #NoSleepGang for the “Campus Cuties” awards because the two of you are able to ace every test still despite lack of sleep.  You and Diluc are very very organized. The both of you own matching couple planners (that the both of you had gifted to each for Christmas) and have your entire study schedule planned out already. Since the two of you prefer to study at night, your dates are usually done during the day. Which meant never having to worry about the upcoming finals whilst you’re at a cute little café with him. The both of you have respective desks whenever you study together, but you never fail to gaze at your crimson-haired boyfriend with the cutest pout and biggest puppy eyes. He always gives in and next thing you know, your swivel chairs are practically glued next to each other and the both of you are cuddling in your seats. One thing that Diluc never fails to do is pamper you with comfort food or little gifts that you love after a long and tiring week of hell (aka exams) It’s such a sweet gesture and the blissful relationship that you have can’t get any better than this.

“I got you some boba and that necklace from Pandora that you’ve always wanted. I-I’m so proud of you (Y/N). You did great, my love.”

KAEYA:

- You are the Lawful Good to Kaeya’s Chaotic Evil. Kaeya is always tempted to ask for answers from your professors. He’s quite the teacher’s pet, but with good intentions. That’s just how he rolls. Every time he jokes about going to the faculty to help out and the answer sheets are just out in the open, waiting to be snatched, you always glare at at him and punch him softly on the arm, every time he tries to bring up the idea. To which he would always reply with, “I’m kidding. Just kidding my love.” You and Kaeya have amazing study hacks. He is always able to find a movie that is somewhat related to the topics that the both of you are currently studying about. For example, when the topic was an introduction to different branches of science, Kaeya chose Big Hero 6  as the “Educational Movie Of the Day.” He is always able to find something fun and informative for the both of you to watch. Well, Kaeya does find fun and interest in everything. Another effective strategy that both of you do is every time you or him get an answer right, you reward each other with either a kiss on the cheek or a bear hug. Both of these affectionate gestures give you butterflies in your stomach anyway, so it doesn’t matter which is which. With the ideas that Kaeya constantly makes up every single day of your study sessions, there’s a high chance that you’ll never fluke a test ever again.

“Oh. That’s pretty cool of you (Y/N). You got 30 correct answers! If we count everything, so I basically gave you 15 forehead kisses and 15 bear hugs. Congrats! I know we’re going to ace our finals!”

XIAO:

– Xiao is extremely intelligent and talented in a myriad of things. However, he lacks self-confidence. You’ve sworn to your boyfriend that you’d help him gain confidence in his academic abilities. Which is why you became study buddies in the first place. It served as dates with him too! Although he stubbornly refused at first, his reasons being that he can do things by himself and he doesn’t need any help. You continued to encourage him that this was going to help the both of you and it was a way for the two of you to bond, and Xiao hesistantly agreed right after. As the captain of the soccer team, “The Liyue Adepti”, The only free time that Xiao has was during the evening which is the reason for your scheduled late night studies with him. This brought so much more intimate and sweet moments with him though! It meant sleepovers with him, midnight snack runs, and casual early morning strolls in the park. It became sort of a routine. Your hand interlaced with his, the crisp morning air, the little chirpings birds, and the tranquil swaying of the trees brought so much comfort to the both of you. Xiao would be the type of student to not speak up unless he’s called. Even if he knows the answer. The both of you sit on some floor pillows whenever you would study. So, whilst you read aloud, Xiao always hugs you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder.

“I don’t deserve the patience and love you give me, (Y/N). I am eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I hope you know, that I’ll always be here for you.”

ALBEDO:

- Being the university’s library assistant has it’s perks. Access to infinite knowledge, quiet solitude within the library walls, and being able to hang out with your boyfriend. It was truly a perfect deal. After classes, Albedo would be heading straight over to the library to do his work. You’d meet him there and wait until he gets his work done, and then the two of you head home together or have dinner. Albedo likes to plan things in advance. He’s quite busy, being a part of university’s alchemist group and as a library assistant, but, he will always study with you. He even brings Klee with him at times too! She’s always an energetic and cute addition, + she tattles on and on about how in love Albedo is with you and how he would never shut up about you at home. Albedo puts a lot of effort into creating review materials for the both of you. He makes very intricate drawings of modules, dioramas of certain science models, and has all the formulas memorized for him to list down. He’s a genius after all, and although you’ve constantly told him time and time again that he doesn’t have to make a review paper specifically catered to you, he still insists. He always gifts you one whenever it’s exam week (he adds extra detail to them during your finals) The cutest thing about these papers are scribbled about in all of the pages. The cutest doodles of the two of you with hearts and flowers drawn all over. Albedo + (Y/N) is even written in the last page, along with a heartfelt message: 

“I put all my faith and belief in you, (Y/N). I know you can do this. I’m proud of everything you’ve reached so far, my beloved. and I know you’ll reach greater heights. Let’s continue to excel and thrive together. I can’t wait to spend the rest of this journey with you.”

[further-from-maths]

Hi everyone!! Just wanted to do a little update now that we have our results!

I’m extremely happy with mine! I got a 9 Higher Maths and an 8 in FM!!! I’m so proud that I managed to get so high in FM especially. It’s a tricky course so I’m very pleased :)) My other subjects also went equally well!! :)))

I’m sure all of your grades were amazing :))) If you’re happy, then CELEBRATE! You did SO WELL!!!

If you’re not happy, remember:

7 is an A.

7 is an A!

High achieving schools are insane. Some schools have never seen a 7 in their life. We live in a completely different bubble where a 7 is inadequate. 7s are AWESOME. So are 6s!!!! You should be super duper proud of your results, especially if you put in a whole bunch of work to get there.

Right, enough rambling. With my grades and my subjects next year secure, my plan for this blog from now on is as follows:

- Focus on IB Higher Maths Analysis — if I feel like it, I might put up some stuff about my other subjects, but I want to try to keep this blog pretty maths-focussed.

- Revision session posts — this’ll mainly be to keep me accountable, but studyblr is a whole community on here so I doubt it’ll be tooooo out of place.

- Tutorials on tricky areas — again, mostly for me, but someone else might find it useful :)

- GCSE tuition — BIG maybe, but I would like to use my maths knowledge to help GCSE students prepare for their exams. If that ends up happening, I’ll probably talk about the process of getting all that set up!

- Whatever funny things I think about — …like video games or d&d and how maths relates to those. shut up I can have fun here this is my blog

- Crying over the IB — I’m kidding, I think it’ll be fun. But it is a heavy workload, so I’ll try to give tips on managing everything in a way that’s actually accessible and realistic.

I’ll update my banner and bio when school starts up again because I’m away from home right now wITHOUT MY CALCULATOR , but until then, have a wonderful rest of the summer and best of luck for the coming school year!

Sixth Form, here I come!

- Flash :)

[kisilinramblings]

You know, when Ladybug was giving Miraculous temporarily to people, no one made comments such as “She should consult Chat Noir beforehand”. Though we did got “Chat Noir should be giving Miraculous to people too!” while in canon, what CN did mind was to be left completely in the dark about what was going on, not the fact he couldn’t partake in the decisions nor the selection of potential candidates. Because the powers and the people LB selects are part of LB’s plan to defeat the Akumatized villains. 

But when Ladybug decides to give the Fox Miraculous permanently to Alya so she can be Marinette’s backup ressource, there are people upset she didn’t meet with Chat Noir and discuss about that decision with him? 

Like what changed?

I do agree we are heading toward an episode similar to Syren if Ladybug still keeps Chat Noir too much in the dark again that makes him feel useless or question his presence in the team. But that people get mad on Chat Noir stead for not being “consulted” on a decision that has always been up to LB? Especially that she is now the official Guardian and Chat Noir respects and follows her lead and convulated plans? 

Even when, during Miraculer, when CN saw that Chloé was still lighting her Bee Signal and realized that LB didn’t yet take the time to tell Chloé the truth, Chat Noir just reminder LB to go talk to Chloé instead of offering to go in LB’s place. Why? Because it is LB’s role.

Even when, during Furious Fu, Chat Noir tells Ladybug he will accept to give back his Miraculous if only Ladybug decided so because she is the only Guardian in his eyes? Because he trusts her?

I mean, Chat Noir isn’t oblivious either. He notices things too. He has his own point of view and LB usually listens to him. And Chat is usually open to express himself unless he has been hurt. That’s when he shuts down. But otherwise? He supports LB however he can contribute. 

All that to say that at the end of Optigami, when CN asked LB how she knew there was a sentimonster hidden inside the Miraculous, LB answered him:

“Thanks to my Lucky Charm, Kitty. It always shows me the right way, but this time, I was shortly led astray”.

And you see his reaction. 

He gets serious. He doesn’t say anything yet, but mentally seems to take notes.

That day, Chat Noir wasn’t able to be much by her side or so he thinks, but that doesn’t mean he cannot be the support LB needs. If Chat Noir sees Ladybug be led astray again during one of their missions, Chat Noir will remind her and raise a flag. 

Because he has the knowledge and power to do so. He has the objectivity precisely because he isn’t personally involved. Because he knows they need a focused Ladybug to succeed. Whereas all the temporary Holders are “sidekicks” who follow LB’s lead and authority. Including Alya. Heck she has tried to take some initiative and regretted it because it almost lead the Bad Guys to know Ladybug’s secret identity. So chances are very high Rena will just stick to LB’s plans because she doesn’t want to put her best friend in danger again. Whereas Chat Noir is more at ease to propose things and work with and around LB’s plan so she can succeed.

Anyway, even if Chat Noir knew about the whole Ladybug and Rena Rouge ordeal at this point, even if Ladybug did ask him what he thinks about it, I wonder if really Chat Noir’s opinion would have mattered in the balance. I assume it would have ended like how LB didn’t understood what her Lucky Charm was trying to warn her about until the very last minute. 

It was fitting Ladybug was fused into Lady Bee for this episode. Because the Bee Miraculous is used by someone who can defy authority. And that was what Lady Bee was doing. Defying the omniscient guidance of her Lucky Charm. It is only when Ladybug was back as herself that she questions why her Lucky Charm didn’t have any use to defeat the supervillain this time around. 

Anyway, is Marinette making the wrong decision by permanently giving Alya the Fox Miraculous? I think Trixx did point out the issue.

“See? I am right, even if I am not”.

Marinette knows who to trust, however like any human, her biases, her emotions and traumas can cloud her decisions. We want to believe every character and person will react logically to a situation they are personally living. Spoilers alert, unless they are a machine or from a race that has no emotion, they won’t. And Marinette is mentally recovering from a severe breakdown. And who ended up being her life raft during that difficult period? Alya. 

Marinette does have a point. She needs someone who can be her backup when she is unable to transform. She cannot always count on the Kwamis since their respective power comes with a chaotic aftermath. She can be in a position where she thinks it isn’t safe to transform. 

She has Chat Noir who can stall the villain and buy time but it is only if he manages to be there on time too. And after witnessing the Chat Blanc timeline, Ladybug is avoiding as much as she can to trigger it back. Adrien discovering her secret identity was one piece, but there was another piece concerning Chat Noir and her and that is was she is afraid of and that concerned their secret identity that was later found out and used by Hawk Moth to akumatize Chat Noir.

And then, there is Alya to whom Marinette revealed herself when she was at her lowest and who have been nothing but helpful ever since. Alya is now so much involved with Marinette either as a superhero or a civilian. And Marinette relies on Alya. And now, it looks Marinette is starting to depend on her maybe too much that it will affect Alya in a way she is unprepared for. I’ll keep an eye on Alya’s relationship with Nino. It sure did shake her to find out she had been fooled by SM and that she didn’t realized the being in front of her wasn’t the real Nino. 

Alya is a good and trustworthy ally. She does learn from her mistake and works to do better, but I agree Marinette didn’t seem to have made the most enlightened decision there and Chat Noir’s opinion would probably have changed nothing. 

By wanting to be relieved and have someone to back her up, I think Marinette is not clearly seeing the burden she is imposing on Alya. 

Btw, I am personally presuming that even if Alya could transform at any given opportunity now, it doesn’t mean Rena Rouge will be present all the time on the team during patrols or Akuma attacks. Rena Rouge would still be on-call when the power or Illusion is needed. Like how she had access to the Miracle Box, but still waited for Marinette’s instructions. 

Still, i wonder how much time it will take for Chat Noir to point out LB is maybe relying too much on Rena Rouge and putting her in danger more than necessary.

[ghostgetsablog]

A while back I found a used rollator at our local value village, for 8$.

Prior to that I had never considered getting one for myself. I don't have any especial issues with balance, and have my cane for supporting my knee pain.

But then as I was showing it to my partner, thinking it might be useful for her bilateral hip pain (and her turning it down), I decided to sit while we were at the store.

In that instant I knew it was coming home with me, and hell or high water I would overcome my internalized ableism and get into the habit of using it.

Because from one moment to the next I went from "can barely keep my eyes open I feel like I'm trying to shut out life because I'm so fatigued and overwhelmed, but I'm pushing through because I don't often get chances to do anything" to "I could continue being out of the house in a pleasant way for a while yet".

It was night and day the difference just sitting down for five minutes did for me.

I keep fighting the urge to justify my use of it; the urge to somehow clarify that "I know what I've got isn't that bad, but it helps and that should be okay".

Now I'm looking at saving up for a new, nicer one. Trying to see what options are out there, what would be the most useful to me. And I'm realising I have so little access to knowledge about these things for the same reason I have to fight the urge to justify.

Because in the eyes of the world I'm not in "bad enough" shape to need one.

I had a resident at my doctor's office tell me I shouldn't use my cane because I'll cause myself "issues". That I should just work through the chronic arthritis pain.

That definitely isn't an environment I want to go back to and ask "hey, so how do I go about picking the right [more invasive] mobility aid?" Because I can be reasonably assured the answer will still be "don't use one".

My reasons have nothing to do with my age, so the seniors services are out. Also have nothing to do with my physical body, precisely, so the local places dedicated to physio and mobility related things aren't really a good fit either. Since it's 95% a fatigue issue, I don't really fit into other categories well.

There's the local medical supply place, but then I'm relying on the advice of someone who is really only there to sell me things.

So, like so many disabled folk, my only accessible resource is other disabled people.

I'm glad there are folk out there who have written about how these things work, what is good for what etc..

I wish it were easier to access things that help. But as-is, I am glad for the community that exists.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

The Perfect Life

Part Four

Summary- 4.1k Dark!Steve x You x Dark!Bucky. Steve is gone on a mission, leaving just You and Bucky. The situation is becoming easier to handle and that alone really bothers you. You shouldn't be feeling okay with either of these men. With only one watching you, your chances might be better this time to escape. 

Warnings- Non Con, Fingering, Smut, Violence. This is an 18+ Blog. 

Part Three

Bucky did just as he promised, he read until it was later in the evening, and then when he checked the time, he snapped the book shut and set it aside. The book snapping shut had surprised you, making you jump a bit and he shushed you with a kiss to your shoulder. “Easy Doll, It’s late and about time for us to eat.” 

You shifted to a stand so he could as well, now your stomach rumbled in protest, probing that he was right. It really was that time. In his pants pocket, Bucky dug out a phone. “While I'm making us something, how about you talk to Steve?” He opened with his thumb print and pulled up a screen. “I know he will want to say goodnight.” You bit your lip looking at the phone, and then masked your face when Bucky glanced at you, giving you a smile that seemed so genuine it went to the pit of your stomach. Just maybe, you could gain access to someone other than Steve and Bucky. The Police? FBI? They should be able to track cell phones and get you out of here. It was one of the few chances you could see where you would be able to escape. 

If only he would trust you to be alone with it. 

“Come sit at the table to chat with Steve while I make dinner.” He started to pull up a video chat and you couldn't help but feel the disappointment fall in your stomach. Bucky wouldn’t just leave you alone with the phone. Following him in, you settled in a seat and Bucky paused behind you, his heavy vibranium hand rubbing the back of your neck while waiting for Steve to answer. Your head tilted forward, letting yourself just relax under the wave of disappointment and frustration at being close to a way of communicating and yet unable to take hold of the moment. 

Steve’s voice rang out over the device and you shuddered enough for the vibranium finger to dig into the back of your neck in a warning. Straightening under his touch, you smiled softly into the phone, which Steve smiled back at you in a way a lover should, which made your stomach twist. 

“Ahh Babygirl, you look rested. What have you and Bucky been up to?” Bucky gave a wave over your shoulder before retreating towards the stove and the fridge, still within’ ear shot and started to pull things out to prepare. 

“Bucky had brought me a book, and we read together all afternoon till just now actually. Well, Bucky read to me since my throat hurt.” You swallowed a bit to emphasize and Steve actually looked ashamed from the night before. Seeing his shame, you felt a second of happiness at knowing that he actually felt shame for how he used you. Steve cleared his throat and asked you with sincerity, probably the first you could really remember. 

“Are you drinking tea and honey to help it? I can bring back some hard candy or cough drops.” 

“That would be nice Steve.” you nodded with a smile, and then the both of you started talking about the chapters you read. Steve asked engaging questions that you really had to think about answering, and all with genuine interest from him. During your conversation, Bucky started cussing while something sizzled on the stove. 

“Sounds like Bucky needs your help Babydoll.” Steve said and you had to chuckle, for the first time with him. It just slipped out in the easy going moment. “Fuck I love hearing that. If Tony doesn't have me out in the field all day I will call you tomorrow evening same time. Love you.” He didn't seem to expect you to answer it back because he hung up on you. You glanced over at Bucky and gasped when you saw the smoking pan, springing up from the table to grab a hand towel while Bucky held up the sizzling pan. 

“Watch out Y/N” his words hurried from him and you tossed the towel down on the counter for him to set it on, and you flicked off the stove to turn off the heat. The grilled cheeses he started were starting to smoke on the back burner and he was quick to flip them, one side charred. “Fuck, Doll. I'm not the best of cooks as you can tell.” 

You looked at the mess of the stove, and wiggled the tip of your nose. “Well I would say let's just order a pizza, but that isn't happening.” You attempt to joke, and reach for a cloth in the sink to wipe at the mess. “How about we make something together instead Bucky?” You offer, and open the fridge to see what is in there instead. Pulling out some fresh vegetables, and cheese. You spread them out on the counter while Bucky finished cleaning up the counter while you dug out a pot and saute pan. 

“Okay Doll, what would you like me to do?” He offered once he got it all cleaned up and his attempt at soup and sandwich ditched in the garbage can. 

“Drizzle some olive oil in the pan and I will start chopping vegetables.” You spread out the vegetables and reach for a knife to start chopping. Your fingers flexed around the handle for a moment, staring at the knife for a second. Holding your breath a moment, the fleeting thought crossed your mind that you could use the knife against Bucky, could possibly sink it into his back and make a run for it. Then amid these thoughts, Bucky's voice cut through. “Y/N? Doll what's next?” 

You jumped slightly to glance his way, and those thoughts escaped in a quick fleeting moment. Returning to chopping. “Umm, perhaps some pasta? Linguine if we have any.” Bucky went searching and you were quick with the vegetables to saute. 

“Hmmm, I know Steve bought some.” Searching through the cupboard till he found a box and showed it to you. Taking a look, you nodded. “Perfect.” You grabbed a wooden spoon to stir the sizzling veggies and Bucky started a pan of water on the stove to cook the pasta. 

You tossed in a dash of salt while the water was heating and Bucky stood to the side to watch you do your thing. So far one of them had always watched from the table while doing paperwork for the Avengers. But this time Bucky got to watch you up close while you cook. The way you would scan the cupboard beside the stove to find a certain spice, how you would pluck it down and open it to sniff, a dash of this, a dash of that. You would hum when you stirred the veggies and go to tip toes to peek at the pot in the back to see if it was boiling. Using the wooden spoon, you scooped out a piece of sauteed tomato and blew on it, side eying Bucky and holding it up for him to try. “Let me know what you think?” 

Bucky stepped forward and let his mouth open for you to drop the veggie in, and chewed slowly. Somehow for you, this moment was almost more intimate then all the times he's been with you, his touch reaching for your waist, allowing him to lead you in closer so that a hand pressed against his chest, some attempt to keep a small bit of space between you two. Since you weren't supposed to enjoy this intimate moment between you two, even though it felt as genuine as a date. 

“Tastes really good Doll.” You gave a smile, and eased back to the stove, stirring the vegetables. 

“Uh, you can go ahead and add the pasta.” you worked on distracting Bucky, which worked while he did just as you asked, and soon were adding the vegetables and pasta together, which he plated some for both of you. Bucky even made the effort by putting candles out, which you set the plates down, and both of you sat down. 

“This is really good Doll.” Bucky started and you took your own bite, smiling at the praise. You gave a shrug with a smile. 

“It's nothing, simple and easy. Especially with your help.” you returned the compliment best you could, and his hand reached over to grasp your knee, squeezing lightly. 

Dinner continued till you both were pushing your plates away, exclaiming ‘not another bite, I can’t.’ Surprising the whole dinner was fun for you, easy going. You could almost forget that this was a normal situation. 

Bucky seemed relaxed in this moment with you, praising your cooking with a swipe of his finger along his plate to stick the tip in his mouth. 

“So good, really Doll you are perfect.” 

That made you look down, pull at your fingers in your lap. It was all so easy to forget you were a hostage in these moments and you felt shamed with yourself that you temporarily let it slide and enjoy your time with Bucky, the whole afternoon in fact. You should be trying to get away again, the knowledge of that bubbling in your chest and settling like a stone in your gut. It must have all shown on your face when Bucky spoke up. 

“Y/N, what's wrong?”  

Your face screwed up hearing him. It was so sincere him asking what was wrong and that was what hurt the most about it. What was wrong? All of it, him and Steve forcing themselves on you and pretending that this was a perfect life, as well as you getting comfortable with it. 

Comfortable at being there hostage. How easily had you gone to your knees last night to make Steve happy so he wouldn't be mad at you? At the way you were right now making dinner with Bucky and enjoying an everyday meal with him? 

“All of this James, can't you see that?” You cried out suddenly at him with tears brimming your eyes and you shove yourself away from the table. Bucky's face went from concern to frustration, moving to a stand when you shoved the table. 

“I see nothing wrong at all. We are having a nice evening, a good dinner and we are connecting. I don't get it Doll.” He fisted a hand through his hair as he circled around the table and you backed up a few times, but he was quick to close in the space, his hands coming to grasp your upper arms to pin you between him and the counter. Your world narrowed to just the angry man in front of you, his hazel eyes snapping in frustration. “We gave you everything, a nice home, food, you no longer have to worry about anything. I know we have had a few moments, but haven’t we treated you good Doll.” 

Your hands fisted in his henley, trying to push him back but it was pointless. You were never going to be able to move him away, get away, none of it. He easily lifted you to perch on the counter, grasping your chin to look at him. “Answer me right now. Are we so awful to be with?” 

You tried wrenching your face away, but you gasped as his vibranium fingers bit into your cheeks and your jaw popped open a bit. “Y-yes Buck. I’m sorry, i'm so sorry I just want to go home.” 

He shoved his thumb to press against your tongue in your mouth to quiet you, his face melding from anger to almost a silent pleading despair. “Doll this is home, you got to accept this.” He stepped in closer, making your thighs spread and his other hand braced against your back to pull you to the edge of the counter so your legs circled around his waist, flush against him. 

Blinking back at him through watery tears, he loosened his thumb on your tongue and dragged it along your bottom lip before dropping his lips to chase the salty tears creating tracks down your face before filling your mouth. His taste was tinged with your sorrow and fear. 

He still thought this was okay, dragging you through this madness and you gave in once more, because why fight it? Right now you were helpless and it would happen regardless. Your hands flattened in his shirt and wrapped around the back of his neck, tilting your head to kiss deeper, fist your hand in his hair and tug slightly. He groaned against your lips and hurriedly worked your pants open to slip his hand in between your thighs, pressing his fingers into your heat to rub against your clit. 

“Isn't this better Doll?” He circled slowly, dragging his fingertips to pull across it and make you shudder, dropping your head to his shoulder while he dragged teeth against your neck, still a bit of despair in his tone. “We can treat you so well if you let us. It's all we want to do, love you, take care of you, give you children.” 

You turned your head away from him while you squeezed your eyes shut, too bad you weren't able to ignore his words. They dug in deep as his fingers were inside you, stroking fluttering velvet walls that couldn't deny what he was capable of doing to you. 

“See Sweetheart, you want this. You're just sucking me in and trying to hold me. It will always be like this with me, with Steve.” He pulled you up to a sit, the metal gears whirring as his hand circled your throat to squeeze lightly while he stroked your faster. Making you face him so he could watch your face slack and your eyelids flutter as you gasped out a whine, closer. So close, you were fighting it now because you didn’t want to want this feeling with him.

Bucky smirked as he squeezed a bit more. “Come on Doll, if you don't let me have it, I will take it. Either way I'm going to get what I want and that is for you to feel good.” It wasn’t hard for him to drag it out of you, maybe you just gave in, you weren't sure right now. “Thatta girl.” he praised with a kiss to your forehead as you cried out, pleasure making you lose your inhibition as you moaned out Bucky’s name, your hand clenching in his shirt to hold onto something.  

You felt him pull his fingers from you, clenching at the loss while you still were breathing through your orgasm. He worked your pants down till your ass was bare on the counter and you dragged his shirt over his head, your fingers trailing along his shoulder and along the crease of his metallic arm and skin where it melded together. “Did it hurt?” you ask and he shrugged. 

“Pain is simply a part of my life.” He said almost with no emotion, removing your shirt to drop it aside and cup your bare breasts, pulling lightly on your nipples, watching them pebble under his touch, smiling a bit at your reaction as your pulse picked up. “And you are my reward for a lifetime of pain Doll. Cause you make me so happy seeing you like this.” 

His mouth lowered to take over his fingers teasing your breasts, sucking and making your chest heave in a gasp, leaning back slightly to give him room while you arched, rubbing yourself against his pants, the rough fabric and zipper rubbing against your clit and Bucky was sure to rut his hips, bring out more of those mewls of yours till he was having to hold onto your hip while kissing across your chest and teasing you, trying to keep you still. 

“Tell me you want it Doll.” He lifted his head, his lips swollen from playing with you, and you grabbed at the back of his head to pull him forward, now kissing him desperately, hoping that was answer enough. 

Quick he was undoing his pants and stroking his throbbing cock. It wasn't even a slow stretch, he just pushed into you, inhaling the surprised squeal from you as he rutted himself deeper. “So good baby.” He muttered at your mouth with every demanding thrust. You grasped at his back while he drove himself deeper, sure to continue taking you apart. 

“I knew you would be perfect as soon as Steve showed you to me.” He grunted into your mouth, frantic now to drive you to an end and as he dragged himself through your pussy, held your body still for himself, you came again, crying out while scratching at his back and he pulled out, his cock slapping against his abdomen while yanking you off the counter and turning to bend you flat against the surface that was now slick from your arousal, sliding himself back into place. 

“Watching you run around that apartment in those cute little panties, and knowing all this was underneath them.” He palmed your ass cheeks, splitting them apart to see your weeping core made him groan. You let your forehead go to the cool counter top when he pressed himself back into you, this time pounding into you hard, his hand pressed against the back of your head to keep it in place, and other to holding your hip, pulling you back to meet him. The counter thumped with every hit he gave you, jerking you forward. 

“Bucky- Please!” you cried out, squelching loudly around his cock, as he grunted behind you. 

“I got you, just… fuck.” He groaned out and his hips were slapping sharply against you almost savagely when he finally let himself fill you, harsh thrusts pushed his cum to paint you, fill you till you were dripping around him and he sagged heavily against your back, hot breaths further flaming your sweaty skin. He stroked your hair back and kissed behind your ear while you muffled a sob of despair for yourself. 

“You are so damn pretty everytime you fall apart for us.” 

Fuck your life. You had to get away from them. 

It was late when Bucky finally brought the two of you to bed, he let you shower alone and get dressed in your sunflower yellow room while he did the same. Sure to have the light off and in bed when he came out with a towel loosely hanging over his shoulders and a pair of sweats hanging low on his hips, you were relieved when he just slipped in behind you. 

He kept them on, his intention was to fall asleep tonight. After earlier, the front of your hips and apex in your thighs was a bit tender, being slammed into over and over again. 

His arm loosely fell over you as he spooned behind you, nudging his groin against your ass so you could still feel him, and his chest to your back, mummering against your ear. “G’night Doll. Love you.” He nudged against you with his nose and you whispered it back, trying to make it convincing. 

You must have because he didn't push it further. Instead his breathing evened out and you waited, patiently listening. 

He was sound asleep. You shifted from his hold and sat at the end of the bed, waiting to see if he would waken. When he shifted to his stomach and hugged a pillow to him, you made your way to the bathroom, grabbing your clothes from earlier and tugging them on, you peek out once more to see Bucky still facing away from you. His shoulders rising and falling steadily asleep. 

This is it. There is just one of them here and for whatever reason Bucky didn't scare you as much as Steve did. But you don't fool yourself. 

He was just as dangerous as Steve was.

Quietly you crept out of the room, your socks keeping your footfalls quiet while going down the stairs and in the kitchen you grabbed the knife you had used earlier to chop vegetables. Going into the main area, you stuffed your feet in your sneakers and laced them up tight so you wouldn't lose them while sprinting across the field. As soon as you opened the door and stepped out, quick to shut it quietly, you bolted. 

Right off the porch steps and into the sunflowers, heading right for the forest just barely in sight. Who knows, maybe there was a road you couldn't see. You got a few steps when the house lit up and you heard Bucky holler your name. 

“Shit.” You panicked and started running blindly through the field, getting slapped with the giant flowers that were as tall as you were. They slowed you down, but you had no choice. Bucky would be easily able to follow your trail through the field. That knowledge just put on a burst of frightened speed, slapping the flowers away from you. 

Get beyond the field, hide in the woods. The thought screamed through your mind as the flowers started to thin out and you stumbled out the other side to crash into the pitch black tree line. 

You stumbled and fall against harsh tree trunks that cut at your face and tripped over roots that slammed you into the ground till you were scrambling back up, holding your hands in front of you to try to feel your way, ignoring the cuts and bruises you've given yourself, your fear making the adrenaline rush, your heart pound and shadows turned into menacing figures ready to grab you. 

“Doll get the fuck out here now.” You heard Bucky. But not the Bucky you knew, this sounded cold, menacing, a killer. Hearing him made you crash into another tree with a yelp, pushing off to get around it. “There's no use running.” You heard him coming closer. 

In your panic, all you could do was hide, anywhere. But the darkness was so overwhelming, not allowing you to find a place to go. You stood there, wildly panting while looking all around, your hand circling around the knife's handle when you spun around, raising the kitchen blade in front of you. “Stay back James.” Your eyes focused on the silhouette of your personal demon when your eyes finally focused on him. 

“This hurts Doll.” he hissed out as he came in closer, ignoring the blade you were threatening with, which you swung at him, catching him across his chest, but the pain of it didn't even seem to register. He easily caught your wrist, twisting it enough so a sharp pain in your wrist made you drop it to the forest floor, a cry escaping you. 

“Please don’t, you gave me no choice.��� You sobbed as he pushed you back into a tree, his hand circling your throat and squeezing enough to choke the air from you. Rage filtered down at you, mixed with a version of his own pain at your actions. 

The irony of it, you hurt him by running away. If your heart wasn't about to slam from your chest, it would have made you giggle. Instead it bubbled up your throat as bile tasting fear. Your eyes matched his, rimming tears at the edge. 

“Gave you no choice?” He hissed out, his hand flexing with a whir of mechanics as his other hand trailed a couple knuckles along your cheek. “Doll you simply had to follow the rules and we would have taken care of you. Now you give me no choice.” 

You could feel the way his fingers thrummed against your neck, tightening slightly till you gasped out in a garbled plea. “James no… just let me go, please just let me go.” You dig in your heels into the soft ground and try twisting in his hold. It was impossible to break loose from him, no man should have this kind of strength. 

And you were stuck with two of them. 

Bucky carried you so effortlessly back through the field, following the trail you weaved earlier. When reaching the other end, you expected him to carry you back up the stairs and into the house. But he turned sharply, heading towards the barn. 

“No…” You whispered, tears springing back towards your eyes. “Please no, I will be good, I promise to be good.” you started pleading, instead of trying to break from his hold, you cling to him. “Whatever you want Bucky.” 

It didn’t stall him and the barns opened doors yawned open like a beast about to swallow you whole.