#i just dont knkw what to say

[rowlet-man-spam]

[cloudysfluffs]

Don’t listen to haters, everything ever spread about Vivzie was disproven. Your art is cute.

LMAOOOOOOOO NO IT WASNT????????!!??!?!?

[whumpshaped]

The word challah is no more familiar to me than the word kalács...I would probably just call it sweet bread?

oh dammit i thought itd be smth ppl would recognise more. yea then i'll stick w sweet bread

[turigirl]

ive decided i shall just Not sleep

[muttsona]

i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins

[grlfriends]

went looking for something here then found evidence of when I thought if i worked hard friendships would last 🤐

[ssoupcup]

eyestrain + green blood

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wait.

[sk3l3t0n444]

i really want to find a community of people like me but i have no way to describe how i am so im just kinda stuck

[fregget-frou]

Minor vent today was just really bad :p

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Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

[hsjxishbeoelwj]

tw: vent post, long long rant/vent post lmao sorry :3 im going through it fr fr!!!! 😜 (this is kinda cringe ngl, lol)

god, please let my sister still feel safe and comfortable around me even when I don't deserve it. She deserves so much more than me and my shit attitude and behavior towards her. She deserves to be loved and get out of this house because she's just a kid, my baby, though she doesn't deserve this life we've built for her. She deserves people who won't yell or snap at her for being a kid. I hope she never fears me. I hope she never feels her stomach churn because of the sound of my voice, and I hope she never knows me by the sound of my footsteps. Because, lord knows she deserves so, so much more. She deserves to feel safe in her own room with out me saying to get out (we share a room). And yet, I still can't help but feel that selfishness that screams at me from the darkest parts of my mind, the ones that scream "kick her out before she ruins the delicate system you have built in this room, she doesn't deserve to be here." And yet, I so desperately want to listen to the much, much smaller voice that says "this is her room to, she deserves to feel safe in here to without feeling like shes walking on eggshells. You swore to yourself that you'd never make her feel the way you did when you were her age. But look at you now. Horrible and basically as bad as you feared you'd be." I hate it. I miss knowing my little sister more than I knew myself. She just wants her big sisters attention. She just wanted my love and validation. I see the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking. I hate it. I hate that she looks at me like I'm not the big sister she wants. I miss when she used to look at me with stars in her eyes and awe in her voice as she screamed my nickname so happily, the nickname only she's allowed to call me. It feels weird when she calls me by my actual name, even when it's not that different. Where was I going with this? I don't know. I just miss my baby sister, my baby. My dear sister. And maybe that's my fault. Scratch that. It most definitely is my fault. I pushed her away because I was scared of hurting her, but I hurt her anyway. It's hard not to when you both have shared a room since she was a baby. I've never had my own space. Maybe that's why I do this. Out of my own selfish desire for privacy. She doesn't deserve this. If only she were born earlier. If only she were closer in age. But, would that have changed things? I don't know. I wish I did. God, or whoevers listening, please, oh please, let there be a universe where I can live my baby sister like she needs me too. Where I'm actually a good sister. Where she doesn't fear my mood swings like they're a knife I'm about to stab her with. Where she never finches away from me in fear of what will happen. Where she never gets that long, sad stare when she thinks we aren't looking. Where I can protect her from all the bad, instead of being the bad she needs shelter from. Please, whoever is listening to this. Please, let there be a universe where I'm not a fucked up little kid who will never know whats wrong with me. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Maybe then I'll stop snapping and hurting the ones I love. I don't want to be my grandma. I don't want to be someone who snaps at the smallest things because they aren't how she left them. I don't want to make my loved ones sick of me because of how I am. I don't want to be someone who is feared by my siblings. I don't want my little baby sister (who is taller than me now? when did that happen?) to flea to her room so her big sister to be better just for her to realize I'm the one she's hiding from. I don't want her to feel like she'll never feel safe around me again. Please, lord, don't let me become like my grandma, who makes everyone drained when she starts talking. Instead, lord, let me be like my mother, the kind soul she is, and let me be an open space where I can't help but spill my guts too.

Please let me be a good sister.

Please don't let me become my grandmother and hers before her.

Please, let me be like my mother.

Pleaee let me baby sister feel like she is not wanted because if my stupid mistakes.

Please let her not take to heart what I said when I was angry and had no control over my words and emotions.

Please let her know that she will always have a place in my heart no matter what.

Please let her know that no matter what I say, her big sister will always love her, even if she doesn't love me.

Please let her know it's never going to be her fault for being and acting like a child, for wanting her big sisters approval.

Please let her know I will never, ever truly hate her (I genuinely don't think I can).

Please, lord above, tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it and be a better sister to my older and younger siblings. If not, then, please, strike me down and send me to hell.

I can not handle hurting them again. I think it will kill me. I can not handle seeing my family cry because of my stupid, reckless, impulsive actions. I can't do this anymore.

Please let my family know that if I do eventually die by my own hand, it was never their fault. It was mine for being so weak.

Please let my sister know that she will never be at fault for what her big sister did.

Please let my baby, my little sister know that her big sister has always been proud of her.

Please, God, tell me what is wrong with me so that I may fix it.

(perhaps i wasn't cut out to be a sibling..?)

[ginalinettiofficial]

hmph

[writingoddess1125]

Birthday Gifts

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x FemReader +OOC

THIS IS A BitterSweet ONE

Previous Triplet Series <<<

⚠️WARNING:⚠️ Saddness, Spoilers, Character Death, Depression, PTSD, Child Birth.

I AM WARNING YOU! THIS IS BITTERSWEET AND IF YOU DONT WANT MW3 SPOILERS LEAVE!

Also if you complain about the Bday I found 3 different birthdays and just picked one- No judging.

You knew this mission would be a hard one for Simon, Leaving you for 3 months to do a final mission before taking his leave to be with you.

"I'll be back- I promise" He had whispered to you, before leaving. It was hard, you were fortunate you were still in the early stages of your pregnancy but it didn't make it easy. Comforting yourself during morning sickness, the ache that seemed to settle over your bones. You counted down the days for your husband's return, as your body swelled with your children.

"Simon?..." You whisper softly, he looked so... beat down in his poster. His hoodie drawn up over his hair and still in a face mask. Something was wrong- You could tell immediately by his body language and how drawn away he was from you-

However it was worth it- You knew he would be back.. He had to.

When you got the message from Price that they would be landing on base in a few hours, you jumped in joy. Getting a nice dinner set and dressing up nicely as you rushed to go pick up your husband. Getting in the old truck which Simon planned to trade in for something new you speed to the close by Marine Base to pick up your husband.

With a quick flash of your badge you waited in the parking lot, scrolling through your phone ready to show off different things you wanted to get the babies.

Hearing the passenger door open you beam ready to kiss and cuddle over your husband but pause. His movements were slow as he sat in the seat not even looking in your direction.

"...Johnny is Gone... we scattered his ashes" He said simply- and your heart shattered for him, understanding immediately what was wrong. Silence after that as you took Simon's hand in your own free one before starting the car and driving the two of you home in silence.

"Baby?" You say softly, the two of you sitting in silence for a moment before he gaze a uneasy sigh.

You had to pick up the peices that night, and the night after and for the next few days... Simon feeling guilt in his heart and regret- Swearing he could have done more, he could have saved him if only... crying in your arms and holding you close as he battled demons in himself.

You knew Simon had delt with the loss of comrades before but never like this.. He set so many regrets on his shoulders, mainly for not being enough.

It took time, but he did reveal why this hit him harder then before- Admitting his final conversation with the Sargent was about his birthday and wanting to knkw Simons. Simon dismissing him of course but Soap begging of course which made the man relent and tell him- Soap snagging his phone to save his birthday so his Lieutenant didn't forget it- It had been a conversation that had warmed his heart secretly making him feel like he was a child again and having made a friend in school.

Only for it to be ripped away days later..

While Simon kept up his normal kindness towards you, you saw the fence he had put back up in his emotions from you. You understood it would take time and eventually come down once again- It took a month for Simon to place his unease away for you, Which you didn't mind since it had been your turn to be a rock for him.

Now hitting your 32 week mark you got Simon back fully- him helping you out in terms of movements as he opened up slowly to you.

And in truth you needed it-

You were HUGE at this point. It was hard to move and the pain was increasing by the day.

Tonight was no exception either, You had been trying to get some rest for the past few hours but couldnt- It was only 11pm and Simon was asleep next to you, lucky bastard- There was pressure on your pelvis and you couldn't move, it having been 3 weeks too long since you could shift your own weight while lying down. Sighing you gently tap Simon away, His eyes opening immediately with instant clearness as he stared at you.

"Im sorry- I just.. I have to pee..and i havent been able to get up in 10 minutes" You said softly, Simon nodding without laughing which you were greatful for as he helped you up and began to help you waddle to the bathroom.

Mid step a gush of liquid rushed down you legs and you almost sobbed right there- Both you and Simon looking at each other and sighing.

"That wasn't pee was it?" He asked, almost hoping it was pee- sadly you shook your head no. Simon nodded and helped you to the toilet before going to get the newly purchased SUV set up. Loading up the bags and three carseats for you as you did your business changed and went to meet him to start the grand adventure to the hospital-

The next few hours were a joy- if hell was a playground.

They were getting you prepped for your C-section and so you'd sat there with Simon waiting as the cramps were eating you alive. You were way too early and they had planned to have your surgery in a few weeks, this however was a awful surprise.

You were leaned against Simon, they had warned him you'd be uncomforble for a while as the drugs worked through your system and they prepped you for surgery.

The doctors rushed in quickly, looking over your charts and the machines tooled up to you.

"We are getting you into surgery now- It seems like the labor was brought on due to your triplets being under high stress and your blood pressure has risen greatly" The doctor said as calmly and carefully as possible- Which did not make you feel calm at all! Simon clearly the same way as in a flash they carted you off. Your eyes as wide as saucers as you were lead into surgery- what could only be described as a tent being placed over your abdomen as they added more drugs to your IV making you feel dizzy.

"How are you holding up?" Simon asked, dressed in the hospital covers that he had rushed on by instruction of the nurses and holding your hand tightly as you stared at him loopy-

"I'm scared-" You whispered, Simon nodding at this in understanding as he kissed your hand. The doctors that surrounded your lower body and proceeded with the surgery, Simon felt his anxiety raise as the familiar scent of copper filled the air but he couldn't see anything. Holding your hand tightly as you both patiently waited-

"Alright, We have the first Baby" The doctor announced, there was a pause for a second before a shrill scream filled the air, a nurse walking around quickly to place the baby in the glass bassinet and began to clean her off. You and Simon watching in total awe at the screaming girl-

"Second on the way" The doctor said quickly, before a second scream happened. Tears running down your cheeks as the second nurse went to clean the baby out as well.

"They are beautiful" Simon mumbled softly as you softly cried, still loopy from the drugs but unable to tear your eyes away from the two screaming bodies.

"First girl is 2.1kg (4lb 11oz) and 40.5 cm (16in), Second Girl 2kg on the dot and 38 cm (15in)" The nurse called out.

2 Minutes after the stroke of midnight a the final baby was lifted from you. Clearly this one begins a bit of a struggle as it wasnt annouced but the cord was wrapped around them-

"Its a boy!" The doctor called out, but his body limp and pale. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you saw the doctors quickly turn away and begin to try and get air in the babies lungs.

Simon was sitting there pale and eyes glossed over, it was like when he first got home after Soap died like he could only see his death and nothing more. His hand holding yours in a iron grip as he didn't move an inch-

The loud cry Seeming to break the spell that hung over the room as the boy was quickly rushed into a bassinet to begin his check over and treatment. Simon taking a breath again as he looked at you, his eyes beginning to return to some way of normal it seemed as he reached a shaking hand over to clear the tears from your cheeks.

"For the boy, 1.8kg (4lb 1oz) and 38cm (15 in)" The nurse called out, The bassinet being brought to your side as you saw your three squirming babies scream out at the world. You sobbing silently and watch in awe, Simon kissing your cheek as he couldn't tear his eyes away either.

"We are going to stitch you up and send you to recovery, Dad wanna come with us?" The nurse asked, Simon looking at you and you nodded- already feeling the narcotics pulling you into a forced sleep.

"Okay.."

The next hour was truthfully a blur for both of you. The babies being carted in and out, you bring pumped up with more drugs and Simon in a daze that in one day he was a father to three children..

The nurses asking him questions and lead him away from you to the nursery area were he could hold his kids while you rested. Having him scrubbed down and in cleans as he was seated in the clean room to hold each of his children, Holding both girls as he marveled at them- they looked so much like you.. A perfect mix between the two and in his eyes the most beautiful girls in the world.

"What about feedin's?" Simon asked his exhaustion making his accent stronger, especially after noting the lack of baby bottles. The nurse giving a sympathetic smile to the new father.

"They are on a feeding tubes" She said softly and pointed to the machine one of many attached to the tiny newborns.

Simon sat there, holding the little boy finally. Sadness in his eyes as he stared at the tiny Lad, smaller then his sisters and having barely survived the hard birth as the nurses told him, the tiny tube that was taped on his face didnt help Simons thoughts either.

The girls were asleep in the glass bassinet on the other side of him, He sat there holding the boy who had just been laid in his arms and sighing softly... the flashes of his own father going through his mind as doubt ate at his soul, Tommy as well- How he would be as a father.. what it truly ment to be one.

Jumping from his thoughts his phone started to buzz, not wanting to wake the babies he pulled it out quickly and silenced it- Seeing it was a reminder for something... His eyes widening at the text.

'November 12th 01:07am 🧼 Birthday'

"Son of a Bitch" Simon said with a sad laugh, shaking his head as he remembered his comrade and the request of a birthday gift from the Lieutenant.

"Couldnt let me forget could you?.." Simon said softly, tears welling in his eyes as he stared back at his little boy and held him closer. "Happy Birthday to you then..."

♡ Hazel Grace Riley - November 11th 11:56pm

♡ Rose Ann Riley - November 11th 11:59pm

♡ John 'Johnny' Scott Riley - November 12th 12:01am

[svuobsessed]

Elliot Stabler X Child Victim reader

Started March 1st - Finished March 5th

thought of this idea.

summary: A Little Girl comes to the station, the team find out she is a special victim and forms a bond with Elliot.

Third person pov...

The Team apart from Elliot were going through paperwork, Olivia sighs as she takes a break from writing and reading. Rubbing her eyes, she takes a sip of her now cold coffee.

They had just closed a case they had been chasing for a week straight. "Officer?" Came a childish voice from next to Olivia.

This made the woman look up, a smile on her face as she sees a child no older than 8, she had H/C hair and wide innocent E/C eyes.

"Hey there" she smiles at the girl, the

H/C child smiles back at her. "Hi!" She giggled, this made the others look over at Liv and the girl.

"Are you okay sweetie?" She asks the girl, the girl looks down a scared look on her face and shakes her head. Liv was worried.

"Why not sweetie did something happen?" She asks the girl, the H/C child looks back up at Liv tears in her E/C eyes, she nods her head.

Liv eyes Munch and Fin behind the girl. "Can you tell me what happened sweetie?" She asks gently, the girl holds her hands over her mouth.

Live face pales the worse comes to mind. "You can't tell me" the girl nods her head hands still covering her mouth.

Liv is soon explaining to the team and Cragen, Elliot had arrived after something to do with Kathy. "We dont know anything about this girl, do we even knkw her name?" Asks The Captain, Liv sighs and looks at the young girl in the child's interrogation room.

After the girl had told her something happend she closed up and didn't say anything else, they don't even know her name.

"Not a word, she closed up after talking to me"she explained, then she looks at her partner. "El why don't you try a crack at it, you have daughters?" She tells the man.

Elliot nods his head and walks to the room the girl was in, she was currently sitting at the table drawing with the crayons. The two detectives walk in together.

The girl looks up when they walk in, she smiles at liv recognising her as the woman she spoke to before. "Hey there, I'm Olivia. This is Elliot my partner" she tells the child.

"Hi" whsipers the girl, Elliot smiled at the girl and took a seat on the chair on the other side of the table, Liv stood by the wall. The girl went back to her drawing.

"Hey there, what's your name?" Asks Elliot, the H/C girl doesn't look up from her drawing. "Y/N" she says. Elliot and Liv look at each other, they are getting somewhere.

"Hi Y/N, My partner told me you came here for help right?" He asks Y/N, he watches as thr 8 year old flinches at the question.

"I didn't, I didn't say anything" She says quietly. Putting the crayon on the table "sweetie if your in trouble you need to tell us" Liv says gently. Y/N looks at her unshed tears in her eyes.

"No you can't help me" she cries, sobbing into her hands. Liv kneels next to the girl, as she got closer she saw a purple mark just below her neck, Y/N was wearing a shirt with a collar so it wasn't visible.

Eyes wide Liv looks to Elliot. "El" she motioned with her hand and the two stand up and wlaks away from Y/N to talk. "El she's got bruises"

The man stared at Olivia. "Shit, you thinkin' abuse?" Olivia nods her head,

Y/N had stopped sobbing loudly but hadn't stopped crying.

Elliot rubs a hand down his face. "Okay, you let Cragen know, search ti databases for any missing kids by her name see what comes up" Liv nods her head agreeing, once she left the room Elliot sat back down with Y/N.

"Your right" whispers Y/N, Elliot looks at her "what do you mean Y/N?" The girl lifts her head and looks at the man. "I need help" she cries leaning into him.

Cautiously Elliot wraps an arm around the young girls shoulders as she cried, eventually Y/N told him about her Mum how she was always drunk, she would never feed her and would beat her, how she let her horrible boyfriend touch her.

After his conversation with Y/N Elliot left the room to tell the team what he found out, by the end everyone was pissed off with what Y/N went through.

Suddenly the door slam open and in walks a woman with H/C hair and E/C eyes much like Y/N, straggling behind her was a tall skinny man.

"Hello! I'm here for my daughter" she exclaims, Olivia walks over to the two. "You must be Y/Ns Mother im Detective Benson" she says to her, Y/Ns Mum points a finger at Liv making her step back.

Elliots goes to intervene but stays back to watch. "You give her to me, that little liar. I bet she's been telling all sorts of lies about me and my boyfriend to you" she yells attracting attention from everyone.

Elliot looks at the woman yelling then back to the room Y/N was in. Confused he walks over to the woman. "You mean she's lied before" he asks her, the woman nods her head.

"Since my husband left 5 years ago she's started telling everyone and anyone a load of lies to get attention" she explains waving her hand, her skinny boyfriend nodding his head next to her.

Liv looks at Elliot they have a conversation with their eyes before Elliot leaves and Liv directs the worried woman to the table upstairs ro ask more questions.

Elliot walks back to the room where Y/N was sitting, the girl was staring out of the window playing with her sleeves, the man sighs before opening the door making the girl jump.

She smiles at the Detective as he walks in. "Hi Elliot everything okay" she asks seeing the look on his face. Frowning Elliot grabbed a chair and sat in front of the girl.

"Y/N, your mothers here to take you home-" panic appears in the girls eyes she begins shaking as he continues shaking her head at him Elliot continues.

"-she says that you've lied before, is that true?" Y/N shakes her head so quick Elliot grabbed her shoulders. Wrong move as she cried out is pain, Elliot quickly let go.

Sobbing Y/N curls in on herself. "I'm not lying! You have to believe me" she sobs to the man, Elliot doesn't know what to believe.

When silence greets her Y/N stands up Elliot goes to move but Y/N begins to pull up her sleeves showing off her arms to him. Elliot eyes widened at the bruises that marked her skin.

Tears rolling down her face she yanks up her trouser legs more bruises where on her skin. "I'm not lying! Please believe me. She tells everyone I lie so they won't help me" she sobs falling to her knees.

Elliot holds the girl in a hug as she clung onto the man tightly sobbing into his shirt.

After this new piece of information came out, Elliot and Olivia interrogated both Y/Ns Mother and her Boyfriend. After hours of interrogating they found out the truth.

The two where arrested for Child abuse and Molestation of a child they were sentenced for 20 years no chance of parole, The boyfriend got an extra 10 for molesting Y/N.

Once her Mother and Mother's boyfriend in jail Y/Ns was sent to live with her Father, who had been trying to get custody of Y/N fir years but was always turned down because of his exWife getting in the way.

After that Elliot got letters from Y/N thanking him and the team for their help and how happy she was to be with her Dad.

The end!

Hope you liked this oneshot, sorry for the wait. And sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Requests are open!

Word count: 1405

[pixelyssa]

What would you do if you had to lose 7-10 lbs in a week?

I’m not big on fasting more than 24 hrs but high res is fine.

lovey are u okay?? this is next to impossible especially without f4sting.

i would never recommend anything for someone to lose that much in a week, sorry!!

my best advice is to NOT give timeframes like a week, a month, 2 months.. actually. you knkw why? because shit happens, theres surprise days where u will have to e@t “normal” theres days where you miscalculate and overe@t, it happennssss. so giving yourself time limits is just going to stress you out even more.

if your goal for now is 10Ibs, id say depending on where youre at now, it could take 3-6weeks. and thats not bad at all!

im currently 10I away from my UGW so heres what ive been doing (and im sorry its not the answer you wanted, im more of a harm prevention blog, who happens to be severely disordered lol)

-every thursday-sunday im working. literally non-stop doubles. so i make sure i don’t e@t at work. thats like 11 hours of no f00d. plus the many hours from the last time i at3, the night before. so about 20-24 hours of fasting (i do have coffee/tea/water/medications/vitamins during that time so its not a dry fast). i do this because it makes me feel good. by the time i get home i either decide if im super hungry and i make a low c@l meal, or eat some veg/fruits, or i just take my sleep pill and carry on the f4st.

i know you said youre not into f4sts, i wasnt sure if you meant all types. liquid is best for me because i love having soup, chicken broth, coffee/decaf coffee, etc. and its easy when im working all day im just too busy to think about f00d

-another thing ive been doing is running, well i havent for the last week because theres a family of skunks nearby and im paranoid teehee but ive been pushing myself to do SOMETHING that i enjoy since i hate working out, but running, playing with my dog, or walking with my boyfriend are all things that i actually enjoy and it helps.

-mon-wednesday i dont work, i spend the whole day with my bf each day. like i said we go on walks and play withh the dog, so my workouts are crossed off for those days. as far as e@ting goes i usually cook or bake for him. so i know exactly whats going into each dish and i can prepare (i dont eat what i bake for him because i dont have a sweet tooth, atleast thats what my bf thinks teehee) when i cook i give him a huge portion, and myself a small one. and its an OMAD for me. we stay up late playing games and then i try to sleep for as long as possible to avoid breakfast & lunch. then by dinner time, he has all the leftovers and i have something like salad or fruit or soup.

i know thats just all about me, the point is, i liquid fasting 4 days a week, sleep in on my days off to avoid f00d (and catch up on sleep ofc) and try to have 1 meal and 1 snack only during those days.

ofc i struggle with cravings, sometimes we will order out instead of cooking if its too hot to cook. i opt for things like sushi, getting a lettuce wrap instead of bread for sandwiches/burgers, etc. i pretty much e@t normal food i just stop when i start to feel full, which is around half the portion of whatever i give myself.

i hope this helps, keep in mind ive been doing this for 10 years and its not even a choice for me its second nature. its me on auto pilot, how my brain thinks. and i know its not good im self aware, im just going through it and cant choose to get better.

and i hope youre not mad that im saying your goal is impossible, its just not gonna happen without fasting, and even with, your stomach will trick your brain on day 2 that uou should give up. high r3striction and f4sting and extreme workouts are not something you start with, its something you work up to.

idk what your limit is now say its 800. thats good. 800 some days maybe 900 others. in 2 werks you will probably feel comfortable going down to 600 some days, other days. and you can keep lowering it as you get comfy. jumping from whatever your limiy is now, to 200-300 a day will lead to overe@ting & guilt anyways. for ANYONE, because our body will react.

if you do end up going lower, id invest in some vitamins (D, Calcium, B12, mens/womens multi, C), a big water bottle so you know how much water to drink daily, make sure youre getting all your hours of sleep, and make sure once a week youre spiking your limit up, so that your metabolism doesnt slow down so much that you start maintaining w8.

xoxo fairyuck

[ssho197]

watching movies with xiao

i watched the fnaf movie and i rlly like it BUT I WANNA KNKW WHAT YOU THINK TOO ‼️‼️

hope my 47 followers like my old style of writing (i’m bringing it back to help me post a little bit more) OH SHIT I HAVE AN EXAMCTOMORROW SHIT

fluff and xiao and ofc a little bit (TINY LITTLE BIT OK? DONT BE MAD AT ME BC ITS NOT SMUT) of suggestive for you stinky ones in the back

watching movies with xiao is the best,, he cares about you and he always makes sure that your popcorn bowl is full and your drink cup is full,, all while still paying attention to the movie and dialogue so that he can listen to you rant about your favourite parts of the movie

he’s a great listener for these rants, he also pays attention to the smallest details in the movie

watching movies at home with xiao:

couch with the recliner up, big fluffy blankets covering your bodies and lots and lots of your favourite snacks, specially picked out by xiao earlier that day

he always just knows what movies you like or what you’re in the mood for, horror, comedy, action, thriller, he always just knows,, can he read your mind or something ??

he makes sure that you’re ok with him holding your waist or squeezing your thigh before he actually goes and does it,, but when he does, he’s always super gentle and makes sure that you’re not uncomfortable, the moment you show the slightest discomfort, he’s shrivelled up and his hands are crossed on chest like he’s dead and on his deathbed

imagine netflix and chilling with xiao!!! he wouldn’t want to miss out on what you had on the tv but then you say “we’ve watching this movie so many times anyways,,” and then you two make out yippee!

watching movies in the cinemas/theatre with xiao:

he buys the overpriced cinema food for you, he buys the novelty cups for you so you can collect them, he just wants you to be happy bc your smile means everything to him (i hope you feel the same way about him)

he holds your hand when you walk into the theatre and even when walking up to your seats, he’s still holding your hand,, even when you’re watching the ads before the movie he’s still holding your hand. he just doesn’t wanna let you go bc the fact that you’re there next to him makes him happy

sometimes when you’re leaning over to him while trying to get the popcorn you accidentally press down on his ( clown noise ) and he gets a bit excited and he tries his best not to let this distract him from the movie

[crowleys-hips]

im only venting here bc im terrified of having a physical journal and it being found so scroll past this. or dont. idc. but.

i haven't been having mood swings, no. i've been having fucking mood rollercoasters of doom. i hatehatehatehate admitting vulnerability but i srsly feel like im drowning i havent felt srsly suicidal since last year. i hate it here i wanna die. everyone who flooded my inbox on that day calling me a misogynist, women hater, rapist enabler, etcetcetc. just for. fucking grieving and raging about shit. guess fucking what. i've been S/A i know what it's like to not get believed. but i also have brothers who have been in really abusive relationships where an ex would beat him, and threatened him to call the police on him and say he sexually abused her. the other's ex wife would also get violent, actually did call the police on two occasions, tried to tell them the same shit, they found absolutely no evidence other than the fucking claw marks on his arms. i don't even like my brothers. but i knew these girls. they. aren't. nice. so. i'm not saying i'm taking sides on the current situation. but things aren't black and white, and jesus fucking christ if everyone could just stop jumping to fuxking conclusions and chill the fuckiut but h i knkw that wont ever hppen im just

ive been having flashbacks to those moments they come and go but this has brought them back. i hate it here. i hate everything. im more guarded than ever. im scared to lose friends. im so fuckinggg ANGRYy at everything. i wanna tear everything to pieces and scream until i spit my lungs out. "you shouldn't have parasocial relationships in the first place this is all on you" fuck you. i grew up reading his books. ive listened to him talk watched endless interviews read his old journal. held on to every single word because id been drowning for such a long ass fucking time and i felt like i had found a safe space here. im autistic and have extremely bad bpd. i cant control this. i'm terrified. i'm enraged. i'm drowning in depression. im having flashbacks. ive been holding back panic attacks. and i have the fucking right to feel like this and that doesn't make me a fucking enabler. so FUCK YOU for saying that. and until we get the entire full hard facts, i'm not going to condemn him. fucking crucify me for that i guess.