#(why wont it let me..?)
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色彩 [Shikisai]
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#yuuji#finally...some not angst.....#im worried out of my mind fr these two right abt now but we cope we cope :)#i woke up early n rushed to render this bc im leaving 2 catsit today n wont b able to spend every waking hour drawing like i have been#almost uploaded it without rendering megumi's ear and frgetting the sukuna scars so im sure ill find something i missed once i hit post smh#this pose fought me also >:( sighs why when i try to do not angst they do not want to cooperate . do they prefer being hurt#anyway !!!#i dont think any1 Listens when ppl put song links in the caption but if anyone is curious ! colours/shikisai galileo galilei#SO themcore im unwell i say that a lot but i mean it every time#speaking of colours i Love how these turned out but they ended up being a lot more cohesive than i intended GKHSDFK#wanted to have yuuji in warm and megumi in cold but that appears to have blended everywhere but their uniforms Oops#sighs these 2 and their sun/moon imagery r my cause of death. i die thinking abt it#resisted the urge 2 have a lmhs caption but let it b known. i amn Thinking it.#anyway i say ill b away from my drawing tablet but i fully plan 2 uber home one of the days so i can draw#i cant b slacking now the itfs reunion is nigh and i feel nauseous abt it i need to channel the nervous energy#have sketches.......just in case....but we dont Talk abt just in case >:(#itfs nation hold strong <3
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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🎇INPRNT SHOP OPEN🎇
YIPPEE I FINALLY DID IT THIS TOOK SO LONG OH MY GOD. But yeah you can now buy my prints if you wish!!!!!!
Including way too many pieces from the desertduo daily challenge i did #dddaily4sherin and a whole bunch of other pieces, all requested by you guys <3 tysm to everyone who helped me select my pieces!
Giant shout out to thello sillyfairygarden for helping me out with this too, go check out her prints too💥
and now i will stop rambling GO CHECK OUT MY SHOP :D There's a 15% off sale going on too ending tomorrow! (Sept 22)
rbs are super appreciated too🫶!
#inprnt#my art#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#mcyt#mcytblr#hermitblr#trafficblr#dddaily4sherin#ig?? LMAO#illustration#SORRY THIS IS SO LAST MINUTE FOR THE SALE IM SO BAD AT TIME MANAGING HASJDHAEHEggoeG#BUT YIPPEEE IM FINALLY FREED FROM THE INPRNT MINES KAJSKDLJKSI!!!!!11#i need you guys to know. how much pain it is to adjust the pixels and dpis for almost every piece AND title them AND tag them#AND INPRNT WONT LET ME COPY PASTE TAGS I TYPED DESERT DUO TOO MANY TIMes#at least the chibis were fun to do BHAHSDHAHA#for legal reasons I need to state that despite the fact that i drew 3l scar there. this is not a scam i promise /SILLY#wait also SHOUT OUT TO THE PPL WHO ALREADY BOUGHT PRINTS WHY ARE YOU GUYS INSANE. USAHDJAEAWJIEJA TYSMMMMMMMMMMMM#if anyone wants to show me how the prints look on their walls/anywhere once they got it absolutely feel free to!!#I would love to see it ueuuaehuaeeuh💥
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Whoever threw this rat, you will always be famous Matthew Tkachuk & David Pastrnak fight | BOS v FLA SCP Rd 2 Gm 2 | May 8 2024
Bonus: Matthew makes sure to pick up his little friend.
#WHY DOES TUMBLR HATE ME WHY WONT YOU LET THE GIF GIF PROPERLY FUCKING HELL#florida panthers#panthers lb#boston bruins#david pastrnak#matthew tkachuk#fla#bos#EDIT: I FEEL REALLY BAD BECAUSE IM SPREADING LIES HE DOESNT ACTUALLY KEEP THE RAT. IM SORRY IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LIED N LET YALL DOW
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having my regularly scheduled weekly freak-out over "whats the old dalish saying? may the dread wolf take you?" -> "and so he did." -> "i did not. i would not lay with you under false pretenses". i think i could literally unpack this for a thousand years and never be satisfied its so fucking insane. its so full of meaning. its so expertly written. its the kind of thing you'd only expect from fanfiction except its REAL.
the way he acts like he doesn't actually know the saying. but of course he knows the saying. of course he knows exactly how the dalish use his name and legacy as a curse of bad fortune. OF COURSE HE KNOWS THIS. we literally hear mihris say it to his face if you choose to attack her during his very first personal quest. the forced casualness of this line in such an otherwise tense and monumental moment of confrontation, "what's the old dalish saying?" with his sad little self-deprecating smile. its insane that he's saying this. its INSANE that he's bringing this up to her, RIGHT NOW OF ALL MOMENTS?? he's dropped the mask and he is so mortal, he's Chuckles making a wry, sarcastic comment, except its all wrong - because it's not funny and its not lighthearted and its not sarcastic, its carrying the weight of all of his lies and manipulation. how was he expecting her to respond????? certainly not how she does. his tone and face immediately changes when she says, "and so he did." her voice and face reflects the severity of the moment that he was trying to break with his levity, she denies him the break in tension he was trying to create.
"and so he did." "i did not. i would not lie with you under false pretenses". WHAT???????? WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the way his thought process immediately goes to sex and interprets this as innuendo is I N S A N E. it is such a tone shift from the rest of the conversation to just throw this line out - but it's not out of character. he does make a few similar comments; "getting you into bed is an enjoyable side benefit" and "i do enjoy the heady blend of power and sex that permeates these events" and of course the first haven flirt that always make players go "HUH!? SOLAS FUCKS!??!!?" but this one is just so inappropriate in the context of this confrontation that it speaks to how FUCKED his mindset is in this moment. WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT SEX RIGHT NOW??????????? its so interesting its SO INTERESTING. and the brilliance of the ambiguity of the line makes me go crazy. solas is unambiguously talking about sex. "i would not lie with you" is basically synonymous with "i would not have sex with you". which is especially bizarre because "may the dread wolf take you" isn't necessarily a sexual curse. it seems to be fairly equivalent to english's "fuck you". while "fuck" is a synonym for sex just like "take" is, its not only a synonym for sex. you can say "fuck you" to people and its not sexual, its just a rude curse. the dread wolf curse is used similarly, by mihris, by merrill, by other dalish throughout the series. it's never been explicitly sexual. but when he hears "and so he did" from lavellan's mouth he immediately takes it as sexual? WHAT? and its not necessarily a confirmation that they did have sex.
i know people get confused about this line but it does work with any player headcanon about the nature of the relationship. it can be interpreted as two ways. "i would not lie with you under false pretenses" can mean either "i did not lie with you because the pretenses under which it happened would have been false" or, "i did lie with you, but the pretenses under which i did so were not false, because i love you". it's less about the "did not lie with you" part and more about the "pretenses" part that allows for the ambiguity. are the pretenses he's referring to the lie about his identity? "i refused to lie with you without you knowing the truth about who i am"? or are the pretenses about whether or not he loved her, that "what they had was real" and that they lay together because he loved her, not because he was acting as the dread wolf to trick and manipulate her. lavellan could have meant "and so he did" both ways too. it could have been a "and so he did take me (sexually)" or "and so he did (trick me, betray me, lie to me, catch my scent like the curse implies), but honestly the sexual one doesn't make a lot of sense? the fen'harel myths are not explicitly sexual so there is no reason for her to interpret the curse she would have used and heard all her life in such a way. its really more him taking it in a way it is not intended, and thus revealing a sort of insecurity or at least a sticking point in his mind regarding their relationship, which is fascinating.
whether or not they were intimate is entirely up to the player because of the brilliance of the line, but what's canon in this conversation is his own anxiety about the ethics of sexual consent in their relationship coming to a head in this climactic moment of catharsis. he is so defensive. "I DID NOT." its the culmination and final acknowledgement of the push and pull, indulgence vs. restraint present in every scene of them together. he dives in, he pulls back. he can't help himself, but he can't give in. it would be kinder in the long run, but losing you would-. he's telling her how aware he was of the wrongness of what he did to her while simultaneously trying to defend himself. it shows how much this issue was truly on his mind the entire time, how much the guilt weighed on him to have him acting like this. id also probably argue this could factor into his spirit vs. physical struggles. he is bad at controlling himself physically in this context, even if he knows its wrong. he is off-kilter in this one area of physical intimacy, he is not as in control and composed as he should be. he knows it. he hates himself for it, so much so that he connects this situation to the curse that has been uttered about him for thousands of years with a sad, brittle little laugh. anyway if we get more lines like this in veilguard im so cooked
#please tumblr let me post this im begging#i wont even tell yall the gymnastics i had to do to get this to post#why am i being censored from analyzing solas's fucked up relationship to sex LET ME COOK!!!!!!#solas
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my sister texted me smthing going on at home thats making me sad but im trying not to think about it and stay whimsical. its fursona friday..... its fursona feidayyyy...
#not unexpected just like. transphobia. u know the deal#her bf came to visit and my family wont call me my name which is what he knows me by#so now she has to like explain to him that im trans....#she was trying to be respectful and let me do it if i felt the need to#but basically texted me distraught like 'im so sorry i dont know why they cant just be respectful to you its not fair'#i love my sisters i wish that none of us had to go through this anymore#her bfs chill too like he knew me as 'allies gay older brother' (#(close enough) so i dont think this will b an issue for him Or them ots just like. Man.
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Decided to fill out a template from @/falling-skyzz I feel normal about . The dragons ! List of characters & design & dynamic thoughts under the cut <3
Also If anyone else fills out thus template feel free to send me the post,, I would love to see other people filling this out!!! I love templates !!
Secretkeeper & Moon • I understand theres a lot of reasonable hate for Secretkeeper but!!! I find her & moon to be a very fascinating pair! To make a long ass thought short, I think Secretkeeper is the embodiment of “product of her environment & deeply traumatize & projecting”. I think she genuinely really loves moon but obviously expresses that through being “”protective””. But I think shes genuinely a character with a capacity for change & realizing the autonomy Moon has over her own powers. Also from the perspective of Moon I think her arc around her relationship with her mom could be really interesting, especially as Secretkeepers authority becomes challenged in Moons life & she has to confront the bullshit her mother has put her through. Overall very very interesting pair I think about them a lot.
Design Note: Secretkeeper is duller in color than Moon & has less stars due to lack of moon light on the island! Also the scales around her mouth are almost completely black, making her mouth barely visible, giving her the name “Secretkeeper” as she “has no mouth to tell others secrets.”
Tsunami & Starflight • Just one of my fav siblings! This specific illustration is from the Arena Scene in Dragonet Prophesy! I really really love Tsu & Starflights dynamic of looking up to eachother & their development together just. So neat!
Design Note: Starflight has very few constellation marks in this illustration as he hasnt spent much time under moonlight quite yet!
Shark & Abalone • One of my more out-there ships! I based this on the thought that Shark was once close with Abalone (cough. Husbands.) and that relates to why he was willing to give Tortoise a lunch-break from watching the eggs. He already saw someone close to him die from being overworked to watch the clutch, he didn’t want to watch another dragon die from his sisters selfishness. I could write an essay on these two I swear
Deisgn Note: Shark is based on a tiger shark & abalone is based on real abalones! hes one of my fav designs here
Six-Claws & Ostrich • He’s just a sweet dad! the little we see of him he seems to really love her & vice-versa <3 they’re just neat
Design Note: Six-Claws is based on a king cobra & is a specific sub-“species” of hooded Sandwings ! Burn found his hood mutation & six-claws super interesting
Tamarin & Pike • My fav background friendship! They’re just fun. I like Pike just chillin out around Tamarin & describing flower colors to her to the best of his ability (she just likes to hear him ramble about a shared interest)
Design Notes: I updated how I draw Tamarins eyes to properly resemble a blind-born dragon ! Also Pike’s deisgn got some yellow in it and I really like it <3
Whiteout & Thoughtful • I just think they’re neat!! They just seem like a sweet pair love them
Design Note: none really! Just experimenting with a rando Thoughtful design that I tossed together for my “ships tier list”
Tsunami • Its just her :) my fav dragon <3!!! I definitely dont think she upholds the “princess” title once she gets older, her only link to the throne is by Coral insisting monthly visits but Tsu otherwise wouldn’t be any interesting in royal life I would imagine
Design Note: Shes caught a waaururrghh something im going bonkers I cant remember what fish that is and my reference photo seems to have dissipated into the cosmos
Anemone • I LOVE HER. SO MUCH ! Anemone haters BACK OFF!!!! Her relationship to her powers is so fucked man. Something you’d think would give her power & control is just a key by which others use to manipulate and abuse her like . Man :( shes literally never had any autonomy over her own identity & intermingled her powers into her identity So Much only for that aspect of herself to also be revealed to be a facade for someone else’s desires like. GUH I love her so much I hope shes having a good day I dont care what anyone says she deserves to be a brat and I support her for it
Design Note: none really! The stars in her talons are just metaphorical though
Snowflake & Snowfox • THE OGS!!!!!! MY FAVORITE PROBLEMATIC LESBIANS <3 Ahhh remember in the early days when they were considered the #1 most problematic ship because they were gay and also evil. I love the evil lesbians so much they’re so shitty sorry Darkstalker Snowfox should’ve been queen I would’ve loved to see that go down it’d be so silly
Design Notes: Snowfox is based on an arctic fox shedding into their summer coat!! I know its p . Away from canon descriptors of her but it was sm fun to illustrate so shhh <3 Snowflake is just grey & blueish per-canon but shes sooo fun. love her.
Okay thats all here are the individual illustrations now !!!!! Because why not !!! If these aren’t transparent its all over
#if youre wondering why I haven’t linked the template it’s because it wont ! let me add a link for some reason! tumblr normal moments!#BUT GUH THIS BEAST IS FAINALLY BEHIND ME I dunno why this was so hard to work on#BUT IT WAS SUPER FUN <33#art#tideart#designin#WoF#Secretkeeper#Moonwatcher#Tsunami#Tsunami WoF#Starflight#Shark#Commander Shark#Abalone#Abalone wof#Six-Claws#Ostrich#Tamarin#Pike#Pike Wof#Thoughtful#Whiteout#Anemone#Snowflake#Snowfox
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hi i can no longer act coy or hope that a job will come in time so im coming to everyone really embarassingly with my issues
in June I attempted to get fired from/left my job after having a really embarassing public meltdown due to having Rapid-Cycling Mixed Bipolar and the unending stress of that job of 3+ years. I've been struggling to get a job afterwards due to being in CA without a vehicle, and i'm currently working on an overdue commission so could not open up any more.
Soon after, my mother's car imploded, and a series of incidents related to a used engine and taking out a loan with a friend has left her both needing to pay back the loan and still needing to get a new car, putting her thousands in the hole.
my mother has allowed me to not worry about paying rent while unemployed, but now the person living with us is moving out, so it will be on me and my mother to pay rent, upping mine from $300 to $500 a month. I am currently job hunting with good prospects, but I am still in need of some assistance.
I DO NOT WANT TO ASK FOR DONATIONS WITHOUT GIVING SOMETHING IN RETURN, I have a very bad time taking help from people without doing something in return because I do not want people to feel like they Have to give me money or help me, I want to Offer something in return for that money, even in a situation like this, because I want everyone to come out on the other end feeling fulfilled, so I'm offering some (slow) cheaper commissions I can work on in between the bigger comm I owe.
My kofi is always open for donation sketches ---- you can donate the minimum amount (or whatever you prefer) and get a drawing like this of anything as long as you put it into the donation message!
i cant currently take on big commissions as I have one i owe and the commissioner is a very generous person who has been waiting a good few months for me to finish one during this hectic time, but if you're interested in getting something a little higher quality for a donation, a $30-50 USD donation can get you a ''simple commission'' styled drawing --- that is, you give me a prompt and character refferences (ocs or fanart, up to 2-3 characters depending on complexity), and I draw them like below (color complexity depends on price, the higher the amount the more the color).
You wont have access to revisions to make this as fast as possible, so i HIGHLY reccomend only getting fanart comms of these and to make sure you really like my style!!
this is one of those situations where I DEEPLY reccomend people do not donate unless they want something in return, if you dont wanna ask for a drawing or anything i reccomend going to people in more dire circumstances and helping them out with your donation!!!
but if you want to help me help my mother get out of a bad financial situation and get a little drawing in return, you can do a small dono and att a message of what you want doodled, or you can email me at [email protected] your $30-50 donation reciept and what you would like me to draw, and ill try to get them as soon as I can
thank you so much for checking this post out and keep it real old school!!!!! i promise once this is over and i get a job we'll be back to your regularly scheduled art posting
[EDIT: PLEASE DO NOT REBLOG THIS VERSION. I AM NO LONGER TAKING THE SIMPLE COMMISSION TIER. REBLOG THE ADDITION TO THIS POST GIVING AN UPDATE]
#i usually lock these posts cause i feel bad having a donation post circulate but this one time i wont#i dont know why i jsut feel so ashamed how much ive had to ask for money these past 2 years. i think its been p rare up until recently#but i hate doing it at all because i feel like a teenager again and it makes me feel horrible#so thats why i dont want just donos w nothing attached puh lease let me draw you something 😭😭😭😭
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World's Worst polycule lmao
#fionna and cake#adventure time#fionna and cake spoilers#shitpost#my stuff#desperately want to make art of these disasters but brain wont let me damnit#you know that one meme of the bride and the two grooms taking turns making out. thats them#winter king#fionna campbell#simon petrikov#candy queen#damn first actual post I make in a months and it's a goddamn shitpost#edit: goddamit it's been 20 minutes why does this already have notes#if this has more notes in the morning Im going to put my hand in a pencil sharpener (being overdramatic)
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Will I finally know peace when people finally remember...
That this motherfucker IS THE MAIN CHARACTER!!!
#helluva boss#blitzø#blitzo#helluva boss blitz#helluva blitz#ro rambles#I will never stfu about this BECAUSE THE WORLD WONT LET ME#Reddit won't let me#Why is Blitz in every episode?#Gee Susan I also wonder why the main fucking character is in every episode
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Nico and Percy's dynamic through the series is eternally funny to me, because it's just. like.
Percy's having a constant mental struggle between his fatal flaw of loyalty with a promise he made to Bianca to protect Nico, versus his Big 3 kid desire to maim other Big 3 kids / Poseidon descendant urge to totally maim Nico specifically. He hates Nico so so much. He thinks Nico's annoying and weird at best, and creepy/sketchy when he's older. The only positive thoughts Percy has towards Nico are "He's Bianca's brother and Bianca was my friend and I owe her/He's Hazel's brother and Hazel is my friend and would kill me if I was mean to him," "He's a powerful asset and useful ally (if questionable)," and "He's kinda pathetic and I feel maybe a little bad about it." Percy has multiple occasions throughout the series where he strongly considers - and on one occasionally actually goes through with - throttling Nico.
Meanwhile, Nico is following around Percy like a lost puppy. He explicitly can never bring himself to even dislike anything about Percy no matter how hard he tries. He has a whole bit in BoO where he's mentally going "UGH he's so stupid BUT IT'S ENDEARING HOW DARE HE." He's totally smitten. He's making deals with his dad for Percy. He's making convoluted plans to help Percy stand a chance against Kronos. During the entirety of BoTL it's like he's playing tsundere - "I'm helping NOT PERCY SPECIFICALLY with this quest! Me helping Percy would be SILLY because I DEFINITELY HATE HIM." Then he proceeds to show up to Percy's birthday party to basically ask him on a weird date and spend the entire next book scrambling around trying to help him or protect him or impress him. And Percy could not give less of a shit.
Just. That dynamic is so funny to me. Percy is the founder of the Nico Protection Club in that he's the one they're all protecting Nico from and meanwhile Nico is throwing himself at Percy to the point where the literal god of gay love calls him out on it.
#pjo#percy jackson#nico di angelo#Percy shows up at CJ and squints at Nico like ''hm. why do i feel like i hate you? like i just wanna punch you in the face?''#and Nico just immediately goes ''huh no idea anyways i have to go-'' and jumps into Tartarus#but not before he gives Hazel essentially a detailed explanation of ''this is Percy i cant say much but please dont let him die <3''#and Nico's whole Tartarus trip was basically a whole ''im doing this so no one else has to''#only for Percy and Annabeth to fall in like one book later and Nico proceeds to spend the next book internally screaming about it#and then Cupid calls him out on it and the next book#Nico's just like ''at this point im hoping i keel over within the next week just so i can force this dumb crush to chill the fuck out''#Nico staring pointedly at Will: ''For my own sake i need to form another crush RIGHT NOW so i can finally get over Percy.''#''this has been so bad for my health''#Nico's crush on Percy is just too funny to me. horrible pick my guy. terrible job. love that for you. he could not be less interested.#Percy LITERALLY TRIES TO KILL NICO and ditch him in the underworld and Nico is somehow STILL like ''but i love him''#Percy basically chokes him. beats up his dad. tells him ''go get smited by your dad for me.'' and ditches him.#and Nico's opinions/crush on him DO NOT CHANGE#though also Nico's reaction to Percy beating up his dad + skeletons is SO funny. his jaw is on the floor. he's flustered about it.#he just witnessed Percy be incredibly hot and proceeded to go ''yea i'll do anything for this man. collect reinforcements of 3 gods? sure''#nico you absolute DISASTER with HORRIBLE TASTE. you can do better. raise your standards.#which tbh is funnier when you factor in sun and the star. Nico just wont stop crushing on guys who dislike him and everything he stands for
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I'm rereading Tim Drake: Robin and honestly, Tim and Bernard's relationship just makes me so emotional. The fact that they both see each other as the 'bad one' in the relationship, with the other being their 'savior' says so much about their previous relationships.
Tim's biggest canon relationship is obviously Steph and, though I love her to death, their relationship was at points extremely unhealthy, and Tim was often shamed for his actions. He's the bad guy when Bruce won't let him tell her his name. He's the bad guy when Darla kisses him without consent. He's the bad guy for avoiding her when she comes back from faking her own death (against her will, I'm aware, but still), even though their relationship hadn't been in good terms at all when she 'died'.
Though Tim has his fair share of romantic relationships, only two outside of Steph, to me, are as meaningful or well-known enough to warrant exploring, and those are Ariana and Tam (There was definitely guilt with Lynx, but that was from the "she's possibly a criminal" kind, and his issues with Cassie come from a very different place too.)
In both these relationships, there are many times where Tim sees himself as the bad guy. With Ariana, he struggles with his growing feelings for Steph and the guilt of keeping a secret identity from someone he loves, not to mention the fact this is his first serious relationship and he constantly feels like he's messing up. With Tam, the secret isn't a problem anymore, but he ends up constantly putting her in danger just from knowing him, and that puts him off the idea of pursuing a relationship with her altogether.
With Bernard, though, it's the first time in a long time he has a complete fresh start. He's been stuck in a cycle of breaking up and making up with Steph, because they see each other as safe and familiar, but even that is something Tim feels guilty for.
Bernard is someone he knew, who Tim has enough history with to trust him, but who he is still getting to know now as the adults they've become, with no expectations of each other. He still sees himself as the bad guy, as the liar hiding his identity from him. They have a couple step backs, like when Tim has to ask him about the cult as Robin, but even then Bernard makes it clear that while he's angry, he understands why he's doing it, by doubling down on the fact that, regardless of Tim's current actions, their relationship is still a happy part of Bernard's life. (This comfort doesn't work that well, because Tim is a dumbass who doesn't realize Bernard knows he's Robin, but I digress.)
Essentially, to Tim, Bernard is the first baggage-free relationship he's had for a very long time, and he's somewhat plagues by the secrets he's keeping from him. To Tim, he is lying and putting him in danger, and Bernard, who he sees as a bright light in his life, deserves better.
On the other hand, we don't have that much info on Bernard's past relationships outside of Darla/Laura and Tim, but it's still easy to see that this boy is overflowing with self-deprecation.
In both Batman: Urban Legends and Tim Drake: Robin we see that his parents are, in the first one, very unaware of his life, and, in the second one, incredibly disapproving of his 'lifestyle' and even borderline emotionally abusive. Bernard really never met their expectations since he was young, and while he seems almost dismissive of this, you can tell it strikes him deep.
The one big thing we know about Bernard is the cult, and that already tells us everything we need to know. No one joins a cult if they have lot of self-love and confidence, especially not when the cult's main idea is to let go of all your problems through torture.
So when Tim, a guy he's had a crush on for years, someone he knows (or eventually finds out, the timeline is ambiguous) is not only a superhero, but his favorite superhero, Robin, he sees himself as dirty. As tainting Tim's heroism. Bernard is a likely depressed queer kid who fell victim to a cult, who has a history of self harm, with a bad relationship with his parents. To him, Tim is the one good thing in his life, and he says it outright even when they are having what's possibly their first big fight (unbeknownst to Tim, who, as I mentioned, is a dumbass <3).
He doesn't blame Tim at all for lying or keeping a secret identity, because Bernard sees himself as second to Robin in Tim's eyes and never once tries to fight back on that idea. Bernard considers Robin to be more important than himself, in general, and doesn't see anything wrong with that. To Bernard, Tim is the best thing that has ever happened to him, and the fact that they're dating is a blessing he doesn't believe he deserves.
In conclusion, these should like. Talk to each other. Please. And also both go to therapy. They love each other so much
#anyway this is my essay as to why the seraph from 35mm is the timbern song ever#also this is a half assed character essay ok please no one get mad at me if i accidentally said something wrong i am just a girl#dc give bernard more screen time right now or die#the reason people complain he's boring is bc 1. they haven't read td:r and 2. DC WONT LET HIM SHOW UP ANYWHERE ELSE#anyways. tis past my bedtime and im insane about these two#tim drake#bernard dowd#timbern#dc#dc comics#my post#mi's late night rants
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…It's nice. You're so noisy. […] Actually, it'd be better if we died together. That way, neither of us would have to suffer the pain of losing the other, right? Shut up.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 13
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#userspicy#userrain#userjjessi#pdribs#*cajedit#*gif#AI DI'S FACE IN THE LAST GIFFFFFF IIIIIIIIII. LOOOOVE. HIIIMMMMM.#this might be the most romantic thing ive ever seen full stop#if you dont want to die with me so neither of us have to live without each other then why would i want you.#(but also ai di would have been okay with that. again. hes like. hes taking what he can get.#he thinks chen yi isnt as All In as he is....and this is the scene he realizes chen yi is just as insane about him and he is SOOOOO. happy!#i also love the face chen yi makes as he's getting in the car while ai di is calling at him to promise. he ROLLS HIS EYES.#he looks at ai di like. SURE jan. SURE ill let you die before me. SUUUURE i wont go insane if you die.#i just love how now theyre completely on the same page with each other. they know how much each loves the other#and both of them are so so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH.#'youre so noisy.' 'shut up.' chen yi just wants to kiss (hes laughing & fond & in love & not as good with words & its really. really cute.)#and the way he leans back and clears his throat like he cant believe what he just said but he would never take it back...baby...
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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per request of (checks notes) two people….the premises of my interpretation of the plot of gideon the ninth vis a vis cytherea and john are as follows:
i. the actions taken by cytherea and john are not consistent with their stated motivations
ii. this is on purpose
iii. we can work backwards from these characters' actions to determine their real motivations
because i am a funny poster and because i love my followers i will explain further under a readmore. abandon all sanity ye who enter here etc.
why canaan house: john and john's motivations
while john does not appear "on screen" in gideon the ninth, his actions set the plot into motion and shape the conflicts the arise. (1)he sends letters to the scions of each house, requesting that they come to canaan house with their cavaliers and no one else. he does not request the leaders of each house, or the best necromancers of each house, or the most experienced. (2)he does not provide information of what the lyctorhood trials will entail, either in the initial letters or upon arrival at canaan house. (3)during the creation of the first lyctors, he did not inform anyone that the death of the cavalier is not necessary, and (4)he interfered in the ascension of anastasia/samael, (5) the pair who spent the longest studying the lyctorhood process and (6)who we can presume were closest to achieving "true lyctorhood," which we can presume is (7)more powerful than "normal lyctorhood" and (8)does not kill the cavalier.
(9)the stated purpose of the events at canaan house is to create new lyctors to replace those that have (really or apparently) died to the resurrection beasts. (10)john further states that he did not intend for any unwanted deaths; (11)that he intended for the necromancers and cavaliers to enter into lyctorhood willingly; and (12)that, if the necromancers and cavaliers decided not to enter into lyctorhood, he intended that they should have been allowed to leave peacefully. (13)we can presume he also intends that any new lyctors created would be loyal to him, or at least not a threat to him.
are these actions consistent for these motivations? in my correct opinion, they are not. the secrecy of what the lyctorhood trials entail and the choice of very young, competitive people as postulants do not lend themselves well to the postulants making wise, well-informed choices. if john wanted the postulants to enter into lyctorhood willingly, and leave peacefully if not, he could have informed them of what the trials and lyctorhood entail, encouraged cooperation between the houses, and stated explicitly that they could leave at any time.
one way to interpret this mismatch is that john was careless or negligent in how he set up the trials, which is possible but not consistent with his characterization otherwise. another interpretation is that john was not sincere in stated motivations 10-12, and that he rather set things up as he did to create uniquely easy to manipulate per 13, which both makes sense and is in character but is not consistent with his other actions.
why canaan house 2: cytherea and cytherea's motivations
while john shapes much of the plot of gideon the ninth, cytherea as the primary antagonist drives the plot more directly. (14)she kills dulcinea and adopts her identity to pose as a postulant in the lyctor trials, and she poorly reanimated protesilaus's corpse. (15)she presumably is responsible for disposing of the transports, stranding the postulants at canaan house. (16)she kills first the fifth house and the fourth house. (17) she prompts the ninth to complete the avulsion trial. (18)she attacks gideon, harrow, and camilla after being confronted by palamedes, but (19)repeatedly offers to spare gideon. (20)throughout her murder spree, she writes on the walls, questioning or criticizing john for the events of her own ascension. (21)she did not participate in dios apate and is not mentioned by mercymorn or augustine as being party to their conspiracy to kill john (i think...correct me if this is wrong!). (22) her identity is not revealed by teacher or the other constructs at canaan house, despite the fact that they presumably would recognize her. (23)she does not contact or encourage the other postulants to contact john or anyone else for help.
(24)cytherea states that her motivation is to sabotage the creation of new lyctors and (25)to draw john to the nine houses, putting himself and the nine house in danger from the resurrection beasts. (26)she strongly implies that this is in revenge for her cavalier or possibly all of the original cavaliers. (27)presumably, she also wants both to survive long enough to accomplish these aims, though (28)she does not seem to intend to survive for very long beyond the events at canaan house.
are these actions consistent with these motivations? again, in my correct opinion, they are not. she does not send a distress call to draw john to canaan house, and she does not encourage anyone else to do so. she kills jeannemary and magnus, even though killing isaac and abigail would prevent the fourth and fifth from ascending; while it could be argued that she would have had to kill magnus to protect her plan, but this isn't true of jeannemary's murder. she further lets other necro-cav pairs live, despite the fact this allows for the opportunity for them to ascend. her stated goals (24 and 25) could be well achieved by (a, for 25) killing (simply or gruesomely) all or most of the necromancers, while allowing the cavaliers to live, and/or (b, for 24) calling or encouraging someone else to call for help or otherwise alert someone that things have gone wrong; neither of these actions would contradict her other stated or implied motivations.
(as an aside: i think many people believe that cytherea killed the fifth first because she suspected they were likeliest to figure out her plan, which is possible but doesn't explain why she would kill the fourth next or why she wouldn't kill the sixth or third.)
one interpretation of this mismatch is that she planned sloppily or haphazardly. while this doesn't directly contradict anything we know about her, it doesn't make much sense to me -- i don't think anyone, let alone a very powerful and reasonably intelligent person, would half-ass a revenge/justice plot as their last hurrah, even if she did not have long to plan or if her plan changed upon realizing that gideon is john's daughter. another interpretation i've seen is that cytherea is simply sadistic and/or dramatic, and that her actions are motivated by a desire to make the postulants paranoid and afraid. i think this is on the right track, but doesn't itself explain everything she does (and the things she does not do).
why be perfect when you could be normal: the original lyctors and perfect lyctorhood
what is "perfect lyctorhood" and under what conditions does it occur? when i use the term "perfect lyctorhood," i'm referring to a situation where both the necromancer and the cavalier ascend to lyctorhood and share their newfound power; this is in contrast to what i'm calling "normal lyctorhood," wherein the necromancer kills and consumes the cavalier and uses them as a power source. in text, john and alecto are the only example we see of "true lyctorhood," while the other original lyctors (and ianthe) are "normal."
while the creation of the original lyctors is not thoroughly described in the text, we do know some details. it is strongly implied that (29)mercymorn and augustine, the first two lyctors, ascended under duress after their cavaliers forced their hands, presumably by killing themselves. much later, (30) anastasia and samael attempted to ascend after (5)spending a long time studying the process, but are (4)interrupted by john, who kills samael. (31)john states this he interfered because anastasia and samael had made a mistake. (32)at no point does john inform anyone that perfect lyctorhood is possible or that the cavaliers do not need to die.
i think it's reasonable to conclude that (33)very skilled necromancers, with strong bonds of mutual respect with their cavaliers, given the right resources (i.e. the trials at canaan house, or something equivalent, and sufficient time) could achieve perfect lyctorhood, or at least come close to it. (34)fear, pressure, and devaluation of the lives of cavaliers, on the other hand, push necromancers towards normal lyctorhood.
i think it's also reasonable to conclude that, in line with (13)his motivation to maintain power over the lyctors, john does not want perfect lyctors to be created, and that (4)his interference in the ascension of anastasia and samael was not because (31)they made a mistake but rather (35)to prevent them from achieving power that would rival his own.
connecting the red string
if john and cytherea's actions are not sufficiently explained by their stated motivations (or of them the motivations commonly attributed to them by fans), what motivations would explain their actions? because john (by asking for young people as postulants, and by being secretive about the lyctoral process, and by not stating that postulants could leave) and cytherea (by killing people, and by preventing people from leaving, and by generally encouraging competition and paranoia among the postulants) both created an environment of fear and pressure at canaan house, and because cytherea (by letting both necromancers and cavaliers live in other cases) john (by not providing a deadline, and by not forbidding or obscuring parts of the trials, and by not directly or indirectly supervising the trials) otherwise do nothing to prevent to an outcome that they does not want, i think we can draw the following conclusion: john and cytherea are both attempting to ensure that normal lyctors, and only normal lyctors, are created at canaan house.
in other words, i think john tasked cytherea with going to canaan house to put pressure on the postulants to ascend quickly and to prevent them from leaving alive if they were likely to not ascend. i think he did this because he did not want the postulants to become perfect lyctors, and because he did not want the secrets of lyctorhood to be known to the nine houses in general, and because he did not want to take responsibility for the deaths. i think cytherea likely did want revenge against john, and likely did not want to live beyond canaan house, but did not want to kill john; rather i think she wanted to be killed by john or by one of the new lyctors.
i think that tamsyn muir is a talented writer who has demonstrated an ability to create twisty, multi-layered plots where characters are often working on incorrect or incomplete information and where characters are often not forthcoming or are dishonest about their actions and motivations, and that therefore the mismatch between characters' actions and stated motivations are intentional. i think my conclusion sufficiently explains the actions taken (and not taken) by both cytherea and john in the gideon the ninth, and while it contradicts their stated motivations, i do not think it contradicts any of their actions or any of their demonstrated motivations. moreover i think it is consistent with their characterization in general: cytherea is dramatic and emotionally distraught over her own ascension, but she is not part of the plot against john, and she encourages gideon in her role as cavalier; john is very smart, and has few compunctions about doing horrible things to children (especially to maintain his own power), but does not want to be blamed for the things he does, and so often outsources the dirty work to his followers.
#gtn spoilers#htn spoilers#ntn spoilers#tlt#tlt meta#the locked tomb#etc etc etc#making this unrebloggable to maintain my reputation as a shitposter#cytherea the first#john gaius#<-idk why i bother when tumblr wont even let me search my own blog but oh well
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had to draw this to understand the way i feel about him now that the manga's ended. 🥲 on that note: if you like hawks and his ending, maybe don't read my tags lol. it's not bashing (imo) but they're not v nice. 😅
bg + unobstructed pose under the cut!
his expression's a lil different 'cuz i only changed the merged layer, all the lighting effects already flattened onto it. 💀 alas.
#hawks#mha hawks#bnha hawks#takami keigo#keigo takami#bnha#bnha fanart#mha#mha fanart#spoilers#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#it's not very positive lol i don't really like the way his character ended 🥲#i think his hero worship for endeavor blinded him from seeing or doing anything that could make a difference#i was so let down when he didm't have any sort of critique or moral dilemma after the touya reveal#and just immediately supported endeavor--it made me think he wss incapable of being critical of his idol.#only further underscored with the way he remembers his endeavor plushie while he defends the rabking system.#like. he thinks about his childhood toy of his hero while he defends the system that ultimately caused that ''hero'' to ruin his family.#so blinded by that pedestal that he unironically thinks about the BIGGEST example of why the ranking system does NOT work#WHILE he defends said system.#he was introduced as this morally complicated guy and instead of his childhood worship of a flawed guy making him more interesting#by having him really THINK about what it means that his hero inadvertently created a super villain#he was instead flattened into an endeavor fan boy. and even tho he was introduced as a guy w a complicated bg of#villainous father + harshly trained by the HPSC from a young age he still doesn't do very much with the system of which he's gained charge.#if he thought of the plushie as a memory of what it meant to have a symbol of hope in his hands it's like...#hawks... abolishing the ranking system wont stop merch and news articles and good PR from happening...#anyways yeah. he was one of my faves for a really long time but the way he ends... i dont like that guy.#that being said him becoming president of the HPSC isnt smth i hate even tho idve given him a vacay and his sought-after free time.#and i like that he brings a katana around now. i tried to make the projection make it look like his epilogue self has wings.#oh and i hated the tiny epilogue panel that made it look like endeavor replaced his entire set of kids. :) just. absolutely loathed it. :))
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