#I will never stfu about this BECAUSE THE WORLD WONT LET ME

[lost-romantique]

Will I finally know peace when people finally remember...

That this motherfucker IS THE MAIN CHARACTER!!!

[nekkodiaries]

— knock me down. (teaser)

RELEASE: march 18, 2023.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: finally hard-launching the fic that i've been working for a few months now. hhhhh. i'm excited but also very insecure because a good quarter of this fic is written and i'm so ! anxious ! about my writing skills (as someone who knows they're bad at describing and bad at being literate in general. rip.) anyway. i hope you guys enjoy this fic like you did with cheating on you. if you want to be added to the taglist, just reply or send an ask.

reblogs are super appreciated! 🫶

after a tough day of contributing absolutely nothing to the greater good of society, jay decides to do what men like him choose to do to relieve stress: by playing a high-stress game.

what he wasn't expecting, though, was to get a snarky partner who would actually reciprocate his angry chats (as a result of his bad temper) and shit-talk him back. like what they're doing right now.

killstrike: wtf you should have covered me notursniper: yea well u shouldnt have been peeking. killstrike: ur ign fits u bc ur shit at sniping 😂😂 notursniper: i HAD him but ur big ass head was IN THE WAY now u got headshot boohoo 😛 killstrike: just stfu and come revive me

jay was pissed. there's no way he's losing this duo match. it's down to three teams and he can't risk losing more points for his rank when he's so close to reaching crown four, so he breathes in and out, trying his utmost best not to let the arrogant demeanor of his partner get on all of his nerves. notursniper heals him and fends off two players while he heals, leaving just one more team. 

you got this. you got this. jay internally chants before a barrage of shots echo from his phone's speaker. he's too busy to look for the enemy to notice his partner's been knocked down. the motherfucker's proning. the circle's getting smaller and jay's getting anxious over the constant request for healing when all of a sudden: 

better luck next time player killstrike! top 2/100.

"fuck!" jay shouts in frustration, watching the loading screen as the game demotes him from crown five to regular crown rank. "great. that's just great." in the heat of his frustration, jay adds notursniper just to be able to message them— and as soon as he sees them added to his "friends" list, jongseong taps his frustrations away. 

killstrike: its your fucking fault. now im just crown

notursniper: 🤨 ?

killstrike: well??? are you gonna admit your wrongs???

notursniper: 1, is this how u treat women lmao and 2, no i wont :p notursniper: maybe if you actually healed me then we wouldve ranked up notursniper: but ur too selfish and tried to shoot before attending to ur teammate notursniper: so i'd say that rank demotion is DESERVED ❤️

killstrike: man fuck u 😐

notursniper: sry there's a line for gamer boys who wanna bang. you gotta get in line babes 😘

was it possible to choke on air? because jay's convinced he choked on air when he read that. it doesn't help that his eyes immediately darted to the icon where her cuteness was radiating despite her hand and phone covering her entire face. he blames his temper for why he's feeling hot right now— definitely not because he got a visual of what could happen if he did choose to get in line. definitely not. never. no.

killstrike: ew

notursniper: hey u can block me if u want to lmao 🤣

impulsive by nature, jay taps a few times and gets so close to removing user notursniper as their pubg friend but he hums in thought. having a higher rank meant having more skilled enemies and he's never seemed to get past top 40 players without dying, so it was a miracle he got until the top 2 tonight. his teammate's shit-talking aside, he'd say they were actually really good. 

and again, real cute on her icon.

"what?" his own intrusive thoughts snaps him back to the real world, to see that she actually removed him as an in-game friend. what the fuck? in a span of panic, he tried to add them again. 

a few days pass by but alas, no response from her. jay does not know why he's itching to check on his phone every now and then. heeseung and sunghoon don't even want to question why he's been staring at phone with his brows furrowed for hours now.

it's only because they're a good player and they can help me rank up. that's it. 

soon enough, jay's routine has become waking up, going to school, and checking if user notursniper has accepted his request at every waking second of the day. the same goes for the following morning when jay anxiously opens the game again and finds one new message from a friend.

notursniper: hey loser. back for more?

masterlist. ┆ next.

summary: park jay lives life as a hot-headed gamer by day and.. well.. still a hot-headed gamer by night— except he secretly goes by the name killstrike. after losing a match, he finds himself trash-talking, his teammate notursniper, who happens to be the mysterious classmate he's been admiring for over a year and more.

taglist [open]: @yvnjin-s @wondering-out-loud @rikisly @babystrlla @shinrjj @homelycat

[gabtapia]

Warning extra long ask lmao:

The last three chapters broke me. 😭😭😭

But the worse thing was reading first two paragraphs of ch 31 and having it go from Patroclus’s narrative to third person narrative because Patroclus is dead so he can’t tell the story anymore 🥺🥺😭

I have so much to say so i’m gonna use quotes to help:

“A prophecy,” she said. “That the best of the Myrmidons will die before two more years have passed.”

She draws down the blanket, releasing me into the air. She cups my face in her hands. “Be careful tomorrow,” she says. “Best of men. Best of the Myrmidons.” She places her fingers to my lips, stopping my objection. “It is truth,” she says. “Let it stand, for once.” Then she leads me to the side of her tent, helps me slip beneath the canvas. The last thing I feel is her hand, squeezing mine in farewell.

No. My hands flurry in the air like startled birds, trying to halt the spear’s relentless movement towards my belly. But I am weak as a baby against Hector’s strength, and my palms give way, unspooling in ribbons of red. The spearhead submerges in a sear of pain so great that my breath stops, a boil of agony that bursts over my whole stomach. My head drops back against the ground, and the last image I see is of Hector, leaning seriously over me, twisting his spear inside me as if he is stirring a pot. The last thing I think is: Achilles.

WHY??? Why does Patroclus have to be the person of the prophecy. They made it pretty obvious that it was him but my God actually reading it I-

Calm down Chiara. Say this properly.

WAIT NO THERE IS NO WAY TO SAY THS PROPERLY PARTOCLUS IS DEAD 😭 AND THE FEW PARTS WHERE ACHILLES DOESN’T KNOW HE’S DEAD YET MY GOD I JUST STARTED BAWLING IT HURT TOO MUCH

HIS GRIEF AFTER PATROCLUS DIES IS JUST SO RAW I COULD LTERALLY IMAGNINE PATROCLUS IN THE TENT AND ACHILLES CRYING OVER HIS BODY AND MY HEART-

But he cannot feel it. There is a numbness in him. The writhing field is like a gorgon’s face, turning him slowly to stone. The snakes twist and twist before him, gathering into a dark knot at the base of Troy. A king has fallen, or a prince, and they are fighting for the body. Who? He shields his eyes, but no more is revealed. Patroclus will be able to tell him.

HE SEES THE THING IN PIECES. Men, coming down the beach towards the camp. Odysseus, limping beside the other kings. Menelaus has something in his arms. A grass-stained foot hangs loose. Locks of tousled hair have slipped from the makeshift shroud. The numbness now is merciful. A last few moments of it. Then, the fall.

He snatches for his sword to slash his throat. It is only when his hand comes up empty that he remembers: he gave the sword to me. Then Antilochus is seizing his wrists, and the men are all talking. All he can see is the bloodstained cloth. With a roar he throws Antilochus from him, knocks down Menelaus. He falls on the body. The knowledge rushes up in him, choking off breath. A scream comes, tearing its way out. And then another, and another. He seizes his hair in his hands and yanks it from his head. Golden strands fall onto the bloody corpse. Patroclus, he says, Patroclus. Patroclus. Over and over until it is sound only. Somewhere Odysseus is kneeling, urging food and drink. A fierce red rage comes, and he almost kills him there. But he would have to let go of me. He cannot. He holds me so tightly I can feel the faint beat of his chest, like the wings of a moth. An echo, the last bit of spirit still tethered to my body. A torment.

I’M MAD AT BOTH OF THEM FOR BEING STUPID IDOITS FOR ACHILLES NOT LETTING HIS PRIDE GO AND FOR PATROCLUS FUCKING GETTING HIMSELF KILLED BUT I CAN’T EVEN STAY MAD AT THEM BECUASE HELL THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND THEY DIDN’T DESERVE ANY OF IT

And then Pyrrhus? I want to kill the asshole:

“When I am dead, I charge you to mingle our ashes and bury us together.”

There's is a slight pause. “Your father and his companion. Patroclus.” “And why should this man be buried beside Aristos Achaion?” The air is thick. They are all waiting to hear Menelaus’ answer. “It was your father’s wish, Prince Neoptolemus, that their ashes be placed together. We cannot bury one without the other.” Pyrrhus lifts his sharp chin. “A slave has no place in his master’s tomb. If the ashes are together, it cannot be undone, but I will not allow my father’s fame to be diminished. The monument is for him, alone.” Do not let it be so. Do not leave me here without him. The kings exchange glances. “Very well,” Agamemnon says. “It shall be as you say.” I am air and thought and can do nothing.

Pyrrhus’ hand closes on the shapeless, blowing dress of the princess Polyxena and yanks her towards the altar. “This is what my father’s soul deserves.” He will not. He dare not. As if in answer, Pyrrhus smiles. “Achilles is pleased,” he says, and tears open her throat. I can taste it still, the gush of salt and iron. It seeped into the grass where we are buried, and choked me. The dead are supposed to crave blood, but not like this. Not like this.

And then the way Achilles just becomes a cold killer after Patroclus dies reading that part felt so bad because it wasn’t Achilles anymore and i was so glad when he died. But then Patroclus didn’t get a proper bury and i freaked because why??? I thought the book might end with him not being reunited with Achilles in the underworld and i had another good cry because seriously that would be the most unfair thing. I was so, so, so happy when Thetis wrote his name.

So basically i’m not okay right now and ever time i think about them before the war happen my eyes fill with tears because they were just so happy and innocent and in love and it hurts to think of what happened during the war. I’m glad i read this book thought, but i know the pain wont go away for a while watch me punish myself by reading all the fluffy scenes 😭

@in-love-with-themoon did you finish yet? I realize i may be spoiling for you, sorry about that! 😅 tell me if your finished the book! And i will send you bunches and bunches of tissues

Sending you lots of love, hugs, ice cream, and tissues!! 💙

I swear I had to take a break after reading that book

The last 3 chapters are just pain

Tbh I was crying since they said goodbye to Chiron because Achilles told him that they were going to come back in a few days and I was like nope you are not and even Chiron knew they weren't coming back 😭😭😭

Since the prophecy said that "the best of myrmidons" I was like fuck is Patroclus and this is bad

The scene that broke me was when Patroclus said that they didn't say the words (I love you) because they would have more time to say them, like in the night when they talk about their day and I was like please tell him 😭😭😭😭😭

THE MOST PAINFUL THING IS THAT EVEN WHEN PATROCLUS KNEW HE WAS GONNA DIE, HE TRIED TO STOPPED HECTOR BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT IF HECTOR KILLED HIM, ACHILLES WOULD KILLED HECTOR AND THE ACHILLES WOULD DIE AND HE DIDN'T WANT THAT 😭😭

AND OMG I WAS SO MAD WITH THEM, WITH ACHILLES FOR BEING SO STUBBORN AND WITH PATROCLUS FOR FIGHTING EVEN WHEN HE KNEW HE DIDN'T STAND A CHANCE!!! 😭

YES I KNOW WHEN ACHILLES IS SURE THAT PATROCLUS IS GONNA COME BACK AND EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE FINE, BUT WE KNOW THAT HE IS ALREADY DEAD 😭😭😭😭

ACHILLES GRIEVE BROKE ME HOW HE DIDN'T WANT TO SEPARATE FROM THE BODY AND HOW HE JUST WANTED TO KILL HECTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

AND I WAS CRYING MY EYES OUT WHEN HECTOR'S FATHER TALKED WITH ACHILLES AND TOLD HIM THAT THEY SHOULD LET THE DEAD REST, AND ONLY AFTER THAT ACHILLE AGREED TO BURN THE BODY 😭😭😭

WHEN ACHILLES DIED WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THAT FINALLY HE COULD BE REUNITED WITH PATROCLUS 😭😭😭

Don't let me get started with Pyrrhus I hate that jerk so much I was happy when thetis said he was dead!, When he was taking decisions on his father's name I was like stfu you don't even know him!!

And for real I thought they would never be reunited and that Patroclus' soul would be strand in the living world forever I was crying but then thetis appeared and for once in the whole book she wasn't a bitch!

Yes before the war they would never imagine what the fate had for them and it's so sad because they just wanted to love each other, and their love was so beautiful and I love their communication because no matter how bad the things were they always tell the truth to the other 😭😭😭

Believe me I already reread their fluffy scenes and it's never enough! 😭

I'm glad you enjoy the book too, even when it left us with a void in the heart!!

[browngurl-stuff]

TBH

idek what I'm gonna write here..like literally. please ignore my language because I haven't put my feelings into words for a loong time...its suffocating in a way..because the reason why I'm not writing is obviously privacy issues.. 

okay, first things first., I haven't studied a single word in this whole year!!! and yes I mean literally..this has to be the most UNPRODUCTIVE YEAR of my life..! I have never been sooo slacked of since I can remember.. I used to at the very least dance my heart out but haven't really done that in like 3 years? lots changed in those 3 years!! in a way I cant or don't want to explain.

I learnt that having family comes before friends.. and to once in a while calm down and just go with the flow..its okay to loose some friends along the way.. at least I tried to own up to what I did wrong.. I TRIED.. but idk whether that was enough..BUT HEY, nothing ever turns out perfect in life, you make mistakes, you loose by those mistakes too.. if the friendship was meant to be.. it wouldn't have broken in the first place. 

I have discovered the art of being lonely. and I DONOT mean it in a bad way at all. I have realized that being alone is alright. I mean for me, for now, its okay.. I don't mean that I have absolutely no friends or anyone, I have few beautiful souls that have helped me get through with this lockdown.. but still not being around with someone, even if its online, for 24/7 is okay. I have a life too uk..they have to understand that and if they cant its their problem not mine. I'm not being rude, but I have given up being the only considerate, loyal, matured one in the group.

lmao that few lines of that paragraph may have sounded like it came out of nowhere but ill just keep it there because it came out of my mind just like that.. I wanted to put those feelings to words so bad.. so ill just let it be there

I have understood that being social is a very important thing in our, no , in MY society.one HAS TO talk to everyone and be social with everyone. even if you’re not comfortable doing that. ‘why?’ you ask, ill tell you. because.. they f-ing think that you clearly have some attitude issue and that you think highly of yourself.. like hello..being antisocial is also a thing uk.. ugh.. I cant even. btw those who are completely extrovert and say that you are an introvert.. please stfu.. because clearly you don't know what introvert means.. 

making new friends is hard but maintaining friendship is harder. no offense but in my experience with friends, maintaining them is the hardest part.. because you can only know ones true colours only after few days,weeks or even months. after that in order to maintain it forever one needs to put ‘effort’. Okay I kind of understand that part..but is it really necessary to put that much effort to a point were you feel exhausted and messed up? I think more than effort what every relationship needs is trust and only trust.! with trust one can maintain any relation for ever..!!

talking about trust, trusting someone in todays day and age has become the most challenging thing. I don't know whether I'm the only one having these issues but now everyone is hiding behind their screens.. a friend shares a meme the other responds with an ROFL and a gif but in real life is that person really rolling on the floor laughing? obviously NOT. this is just one example to explain what I'm trying to say..one can say ‘I absolutely understand’ and not give a damn at the same time. but is there a solution for this issue? idek. but we can, by truly connecting with that person. instead of ‘wassup’ texts and ‘nm’ reply everyday ,lets try calling the person thrice, twice or even once in a week. I think that's how we can truly connect. that's how new bonds should be build. the connection should not be measured by how fast our network connection is but by how fast we open up with that one phone call.

after 8 boring and annoying paragraphs I have realized that this is turning out to be a throw back to 2020. but its okay.. ill keep it that way then. 

I have learned so so many things this year and mostly life lessons.. which are really important btw. I clearly still don't know how this shit works but it must go on. ending things is like giving up and I don't think ill feel very well if I give up. I don't have any future plans but I do hope for a really productive year. I hope I can make my parents proud again. though I have to start working on it this very moment..but still I can dream and hope for the best no? its called optimism and over confident my friend.. and being over confident in yourself is not bad.. I mean you should trust yourself once in a while...though don't show your over confidence to others.. that is not a good idea.. trust me.. been there done that.

soooo yeah I guess I can wind up now.. um if you are still reading it..

HEY YOU! NEVER GIVE UP ON LIFE. IT IS A BEAUTIFUL AND ANNOYING WORLD THAT YOU ARE LIVING IN BUT THINK OF IT AS A GAME. YOU’D NEVER WANT TO GIVE UP SUCH AN ADVENTUREOS GAME RIGHT? I KNOW YOU WONT. LIVE.LOVE.LAUGH. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT ITS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY, ITS OKAY TO BE ALONE, ITS OKAY TO BE OR FEEL A PARTICULAR WAY IT, ITS OKAY TO RELAX AND BREATH. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. YOU HAVE YOUR FAMILY,FRIENDS, AND ME.

XOXO. <3

[annashipper]

JT Anon

i think that a lot of this anger is just that anna, your confidence. they are honestly SO MAD that you don’t give a shit what they think. they are FUMING that you don’t worship their celebrities and nothing they do or say can make you stop laughing at ben and his wife, STFU, and worship. they are SEETHING that you love yourself, have friends to go drink and party with, get fulfilment out of your life and there is not a single thing they can do to change that

following the showmance for us is a hobby. its funny and whether they believe it or not (and they kinda know it, hence the anger) we are laughing about it behind the scenes. we laugh at the wife, then we also spend time talking about other things. we know whats up in each others lives, we support each other and joke w each other. we don’t take this very seriously. its a hilarious silly pass time. part of what makes it funny, to me anyway, IS their anger and fuming. their faux “no no no we just think YOURE funny and pathetic” sure sure sure i totally believe that

for a lot of these ubers their fandom of ben IS very serious. its like those over zealous star wars fans who three years later are still super angry about rian johnsons movie and message him about it. he made a great comment on it. he said he LOVES star wars, that it really was one of the formative movie moments of his life that really influenced his desire to become a director. however for some fans their fandom really does take up too much space in their head, too much time in their lives. no movie franchise should take up so much room in a persons life that they are furious and angry for years and years and years

for a lot of these ubers their fandom of ben really is serious, and too serious to be healthy. they have sunk literal years of their lives into him. hours a day running fan accounts on multiple platforms. thousands of dollars on vacations to see him over and over and over again. when visiting one of the worlds greatest cities (Or instead of travelling Europe and asia) they go to the same places over and over. ben, his life, and his fandom have taken up an inordinate amount of time in their lives and in their head. it is serious. its why they can’t just let go, start to love other media. its why they can’t abide people not worshipping him or pointing out flaws.

no matter how much the nans insist that they DON’T worship ben and the wife, it won’t change that they do, and a part of them knows it. no matter how much they scream, spittle flying in our face, that WE are the obsessed ones, it wont change that we aren’t. that we talk about other things behind the scenes

i actually have a little sympathy for them. its kinda like we all  get a bit defensive or feel weird when someone doesn’t like music that we love and means a lot to us. why is that? why music in general is there this universal feeling of weirdness when people make fun of bands we love and loved as youth? its because music really hits us and speaks to us and becomes personal. laughing at it, for a split second, feels like you’re laughing at a part of us

a lot of the nans treat their worship of ben like music on steroids. any attack on the object of their affection is an attack on them, and who they are, because ben has taken up time, money, their thoughts, their down time, their social media time, their writing and creative endeavours.

its why they “protect” him online. its why they fly into a rage that we don’t worship him. that we don’t love him. that we laugh at his PR attempts. we don’t centre him, as if he was our personal friend, in our life and mind and thoughts. and they cannot take it.

they lash out and when they realise they can’t make us just please please STFU please please believe everything he says, believe he is perfect, believe nothing could be wrong, believe that he would never. please you must accept the way we worship and who we worship. when they can’t do that they have to lash out calling us names and laughing about us dying.

its because they are protecting themselves, and their own lives and purpose.

if ben isn’t perfect, then that means they made a mistake. if he doesn’t live up to their impossible standards that they have created, then that means they read him wrong, which means they weren’t as special or as tuned in as they thought. if they made a mistake then maybe all this time, money, energy, thoughts, friends, life they created around him was for nothing. or at last a little bit of a waste. maybe, just maybe they could have travelled the world one time. they could have chosen a career, spent time on a degree. maybe it was a bit of a waste.

nope, it cannot be that. we must just be fatty haters. yeah. thats it.

J printing out a picture of Anna and setting up a shrine T anon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

JT, I think you have quite literally hit the nail on the Nans’ head(s)!

PS.  Do you want me to send nudes for the shrine, or is your girlfriend going to be upset?  :P

[comicsnas]

showtime

WARNING: eye gore!!, violence Disclaimer: this is..... an au where guy fieri isnt a cool and chill dude that just likes food. i am very sorry for what i do to him in this. i dont mean it and if the cops knock at my door i will blame it on hussie word count: about 3.7k. i am so sorry

context john gets kidnapped by his mom dave doesnt panic

Los Angeles, CA, Wednesday

“No matter what happens, nobody cancels the premiere,” you say. “Okay? No matter what’s in the news. No matter how bad it gets. The movie drops on Thursday, and people are gonna watch it. Got it? This is a scare tactic and we’re not falling for it. Even if the world is ending, we are premiering this movie and going through with the promo. With or without me.”

Catalena, your manager, has been with you for too long to think that you’re joking. She was who flew you in from Houston to LA back when you were twenty, who let you sleep on your couch until you made enough money to get an apartment, who thought that the message you had for the world was one worthy of her help. She knows that all of this is real, and that she can’t stop you.

Her face says, Dave, you’re scaring me. Her mouth says, “You got it. Could you at least tell me… what you think is going to be in the news that would make us not premiere it?”

“Something bad,” you say. “Hopefully, anyway.”

She tilts her head. “Are you faking your death?”

“Lalonde and I are gonna disappear for a sec,” you say. “How people interpret that is gonna be up to them.”

“Not like you to leave things up to chance,” Catalena says. “Some will think it’s elaborate PR.”

“That’s why I’m only telling you. Lalonde and I are gonna frame this to look serious, and no one else is gonna know what’s going on. You keep your cool, but don’t let anyone know that you’re in on it.”

“I mean, I barely am.” She gives you a Look, a capital L Look, then sighs and nods. “Fine. So if I hear about your presumed death tomorrow, I won’t freak out. At what point am I allowed to assume you are actually dead, and freak out a little bit?”

“If you don’t hear from me in a week,” you say, “then Lalonde and I have been killed by Betty Crocker.”

Houston, TX, twelve years ago

You’re blind.

That’s not true. You’re not blind. You don’t think you are going to be blind. There is no way that you’re fully blind, because the assassin only got your right eye, so it doesn’t make sense for you to be blind, but you’re blind.

The pain might originate from your right eye, but it’s engulfing your entire head by now, and there is something sticky in your left eye and you can’t open it anymore and it burns, and you’re going to go blind, and then you’re going to die in a ditch, in a pool of your own blood, and this is it. It’s over. You and your half sister fucked around on the internet a bunch, got really deep into some conspiracy theories, and barely two weeks after you made the discovery that Betty Crocker definitely, undoubtedly, literally is an actual alien, someone was sent to kill you.

They didn’t manage, so far. They got your eye, and they broke your glasses, leaving a cut on your nose, and a bunch of cuts everywhere else, and you think you cracked your head open when you fell. But you cut their knife hand off, good and clean off, watched it fall to the ground right in front of you. By the time it hit the pavement, the assassin had already turned around and ran away, leaving you to crumple and suffer here by yourself.

This is it.

“Strider?” Rose says. Before the blood trickling into your good eye ruined your vision, you managed to dial her number and call her up, and now you’re lying on your side with your phone pressed to your ear, imagining her in her college dorm room in New York. You were going to visit her there, years ago, after you ran away from your parents. It never worked out. Neither of you has the money. You really wish you could have seen her at least once.

“Yeah,” you croak. “You at home?”

“At the dorm, yes. What’s going on?”

“You gotta go. She sent someone after me, she’s gonna come for you too. If she knows that I know, she’ll know that you know.”

One of the most comfortable parts of friendship with Rose, you’ve found, is that she never asks you to clarify what the fuck you’re talking about. Either she just lets you ramble, or she knows exactly what you mean. “Shit,” she hisses, and you can hear rustling on her side of the line, hopefully from her getting ready. She probably has a getaway bag somewhere, you think. You have one, but not on you right now. It’s too late for that.

“They’ve already hit me, so whoever she sent to you can’t be far,” you say. You try to blink your eye open, but then it hurts the other more, and it burns. You can’t even tell where exactly. It just burns. “Hurry up, Lalonde.”

“They’ve hit you?” she echoes, still rustling, breathing into the phone. On the move. Good. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you say. “Gonna call an ambulance after this. Just get the fuck out and text me later, yeah?”

Rose pauses. You can hear her pause, you can hear everything go very silent for a second. She says, “You called me before you called for help?”

“Yeah,” you say. She told you, once, that there is a quick and easy way out the window of her second-storey dorm room, that lets her balance over to her girlfriend’s room only a few windows ahead. She can’t hide there, it’s too close, but it’s a start. She’ll figure it out, she always will. She was the first person to ever have your back. “Of course I did.”

On a plane, Thursday morning

“What’s on your mind?” Rose asks.

You’re leaned back, staring out the window, listening to the clicking of her knitting needles next to you. The pilot here doesn’t know who he’s dealing with, just that he is flying two rich people and their car to Washington, DC. Your Mustang is in the cargo part of the plane, a vital part of the plan. You’ll torch it later. It was the first car you bought with your own money, after SBaHJ had become big and you had finally paid off your hospital debt.

Rose’s apartment isn’t that old, she got it after Roxy was born and she decided to move to Los Angeles, so you could help each other babysit. Trashing it still felt wrong. A home is a home, but you wanted it to look broken into, to make sure that people put two and two together. This isn’t a Dave Strider marketing scheme, you both got hit. After all the work that you’ve done, at least some of the public should understand what that means.

“Us,” you say.

“That’s very sentimental,” she says. “Are you sure you aren’t mourning your car again?”

“Shut up,” you say, and blindly swat at her, hitting her elbow. She hits you back, hand slapping your shoulder. “It’s a good car.”

Rose hums. When you look at her, she’s already back to knitting. You have no idea what she’s making, but it looks like a onesie for an octopus. “We will be fine,” she says. “We have to.”

You nod, and go back to staring out the window, thinking about what Alma said. “It’s just,” you say quietly. “We gotta start thinking about the endgame, here, don’t we.”

“Start?” Rose echoes. “Dave, we know the endgame to this. We’ve known for a while. The second you landed in the hospital with a cut inside your eyeball, you and I both knew that this would end in death.”

You don’t say anything. She’s right, of course she is. You knew then, and she knew, as soon as you texted her from your hospital bed, and she texted you back from a Greyhound bus. And you tried to forget, you both did, for a very long time. You almost managed, for a whole decade, until last year, someone made you scared and angry enough to ram a sword through his throat. Until Rose came and disassembled the body on your rooftop, and then helped you burn it. Reality has caught up with you, and someone is going to die.

The clicking of her needles has stopped again. You turn your head to look at her, and she’s looking back at you, and her face seems younger than it should be. She is just as scared as you are. Neither of you ever wanted it to go this far. Neither of you wanted to kill.

“I don’t like it either,” Rose says. “But someone is going to wind up dead, and it sure as shit isn’t gonna be us.”

Washington, DC, now

)(IC: u comin or what TG: yeah about that

You’re on the hood of your car. The children -- and Sally, John’s pet hedgehog -- are with the one sitter you still trust. Rose is in position, which means she is at a remote location outside the city holding Guy Fieri hostage. She has sent you a picture of him tied to a chair and gagged, which means that it’s go time.

All according to plan.

TG: how about you come kill me somewhere else instead of home sweet home )(IC: why would i do that TG: dying mans last request? )(IC: stfu lol this is so obviously a trap TG: wow ok so is yours )(IC: fair TG: just thought that you know TG: john means something to both of us and dont try to tell me no because i know he does TG: so like can we maybe duke it out somewhere where i wont accidentally blow him to smithereens TG: innuendo intended )(IC: UG)( )(IC: gross TG: lmao TG: anyway bethany you know me and you know im comin with c4 in my backpack if im comin TG: do you really want that around your son or can you just get off your ass and meet me here so john stays safe )(IC: u reely think ya have a fighting chance to even get that far )(IC: buoy you set one foot in my house and ya get spearfished TG: yeah not really making a great point for me to come there rn TG: just thought maybe youd wanna be with your guy guy )(IC: who TG: you know TG: guy the guy )(IC: tf

You text her the picture that Rose sent, just Guy Fieri looking miserable, no indication of whether or not you or Rose are with him.

)(IC: )(-EY )(IC: motherglubber what do u think yoar doin TG: yoar??? TG: thats literally not a word. wym you oar?? what TG: anyway im gonna dismember this asshole if you dont agree to keep john safe and come here and im gonna start with the frosted tips )(IC: FIN--E )(IC: cant effin wait to be done with you )(IC: ill come krill ya if its so shrimportant just gimme the location TG: ok shrimportant is actually pretty funny TG: [coordinates] TG: see you soon

She drives a fuchsia Jaguar that looks like Xzibit threw up all over it, because of course she does. You watch it leave from your perch on your Mustang, then slide off the hood. shes gone, you text Rose. get ready to bounce

Before you leave, you turn back toward you car, and gently pat the roof. “See you soon,” you repeat, “for one last ride.”

Look, it’s a good car, alright.

Later on in the plan, once you’ve convinced John to come with you, and Rose has joined you in the no doubt brutal course out of the house littered with security guards, the three of you will pack into this car, and you will drive. You will be tailed, you know you will. Rose and you estimate two to three SUVs with more security personnel that will follow you, and sooner or later, you won’t stand a chance against them.

So, you’ll call the cops. You don’t usually do this -- even during all these years, neither you nor Crocker ever called the police on each other, and technically, you still won’t, today. You will just anonymously call authorities, and tell them about a burning car by the side of the road. Then you will hang up, and you and Rose and John will hop out of a moving vehicle as you crash your beloved Mustang and have it go up in flames. Authorities will come and find Dave Strider’s infamous car, and hopefully that’ll get people talking.

Crocker’s guys will hopefully exit their cars and go looking for you, or at least for John. It’s an easy con from there -- while they look, you will steal their SUVs and drive off toward your safehouses. Simple. No sweat.

“This better work,” you mutter to yourself, then leave your car behind and start climbing the fence around Crocker manor.

You’ve been here once before, while she was out and John was showing you around. You weren’t actively trying to case the place back then, just spending time with your boyfriend and checking out where he grew up, but you couldn’t help how curious you were. You still remember the most important spots, and you did your best to paint a proper picture of them to Rose (you drew a map in MS Paint), so now you have a pretty good idea of where you need to go.

The guard posts, of course, are randomized. You’ll have to take these as they come, and you feel prepared enough, with just your sword and a handful of knives. You’re wearing the kevlar you wore to the Oscars. You’re gonna be fine.

It’s a race against time now, knowing that there is no guarantee when Crocker will be catching on and returning to her house, and knowing that you stand no chance actually fighting her face to face. You climbed in toward the side of the house, because it’s the shortest distance between fence and wall. The front and back yards are ridiculously huge and opulent, and while you would have plenty of gaudy statues to hide behind, you’re not looking to make your way through there.

The first guard spots you right as you hop down off the fence, and your knife is in his shoulder before he even finishes drawing his gun on you. He’s also wearing a vest, but those don’t stop blades, and you take offense in knowing that she made them dress up like that. As if either you or Rose were going to show up with guns. She really doesn’t know you at all. You knock out the guard with a hit of the knife grip against his temple. Maybe you can get through this without deaths.

One of them you comfortably take out from behind a useless fountain placed in this part of the garden for some reason, appreciating how quiet and low-key you can be about it so far. The bigger the ruckus, the sooner she’ll return, so having them all go down in silence is your best case scenario.

It’s the third guard that ruins your track record. You’re almost at the house wall, and you know you’re under the right window, which means all you have to do is scale it and climb right into John’s room, but for that to work you need to have a clean path behind you. Which you don’t, you realize the second a bullet hits your back.

Your vest catches it, but the momentum still knocks you down, and you scrape both of your palms open on the weird break between lawn and pavement. You hate this fucking garden. Who lives like this? You’re gasping for breath and trying not to inhale any grass, dealing with the reality that this is the first time someone has shot at you and actually hit you, and the bullet might not have penetrated skin at all, but Jesus Fucking Christ it still feels awful. Like someone kicked you in the spine, only with a bullet instead of a foot.

Onward. You hear footsteps behind you, and now it’s your turn to kick, hitting them in the face with your boot in the same motion that you’re pushing yourself up from the ground. As they curse and stumble, you draw your sword, but they catch their footing quickly, and you know you only have a split second to act. That gun is pointing at you, again, or still, and they’re going for your head this time, and if you don’t fight now, the journey ends for you here. Someone is going to die, and it sure as shit can’t be you. Your arm darts forward.

The sword goes through their vest, their ribs, and their heart -- you wouldn’t call it smoothly, you really wouldn’t. You can feel resistance with every inch, you feel it right up to your shoulder, and you hate it, and it makes you want to throw up, but you can’t, now. You shove them off your blade and watch them crumple to the ground, and turn right back toward the wall. They are not getting up again. That’s on you, and you can deal with that later. You have to get moving.

Your phone vibrates.

You manage to pull yourself up on a balcony and crouch there, hiding from whatever is going on in the yard now. Other guards must have heard the shot being fired, so you really need to get the fuck out of sight, but this has to do, for now. If Crocker is messaging you, you have to respond, so she doesn’t think you’re in her goddamn garden.

)(IC: yo )(IC: send me proof yoar still with him )(IC: almost there this betta be worth it TG: one sec

As expected. All according to plan, so far. You hope the blood on your sword won’t make the sheath sticky. You’ll have to clean it, later. You don’t want to.

TG: shes asking for proof TG: go ahead. sorry TT: No worries. TT: I know we don’t endorse violence, but honestly, Dawon, after being in a room with him for this long, I am quite happy to do this.

She sends you a picture, and you grimace at your phone. It takes a lot to make you grimace, as a Strider born and raised -- at the same time, you’re not easily shocked or grossed out, but this isn’t great to look at. Fieri’s eye has been pulled from its socket, dangling down his cheek suspended from the nerve, a hole in the eyeball. You hope Crocker won’t be able to tell that this was done with a knitting needle, and forward the photo to her.

TG: hows this )(IC: )(--EY FUCK OFF )(IC: stop i reely like guy 38( TG: yeah well i really like john TG: eye for an eye TG: hurry it up im waiting and theres a second eye to gauge out )(IC: ten minutes )(IC: ur gonna be so sorry buoy

TG: 10 mins TT: On my way.

Okay. Crocker is on her way to a location where there will only be Guy Fieri and a set of elaborate boobytraps which you know won’t kill her, but hopefully slow her down. Rose is on her way here, to help you and John get out of here. That’s plenty of time you still have. Things are going suspiciously well, you think, before you remember the ache in your back and the fact that you killed someone.

You have to get to John.

He’s another two floors up, but you are right in front of a balcony door. For a second, you wonder if you could get into the house from here and do the rest from inside, so you don’t present yourself to the mob of people with guns in the garden. Unfortunately, before you can do that, another person with a gun appears on the other side of that door, mouths an angry what the fuck at you, and draws an assault rifle. Alright, well.

The thing that has mostly kept you from becoming too violent in the past is the fact that you’re fast, and you’re a great climber, so when you hop backward onto the banister of the balcony and pull yourself up to the next one above you, it happens so fast that nobody in the garden reacts. It’s after you’re already crouching behind the balcony, thankfully made of robust concrete, that the shots start hitting it. You do nothing, count the bullets, wait for them to get rid of half of their magazines down there. Then you pull a knife, peek over the balcony, and throw it right into someone’s bicep.

More shots. More ducking and counting. You have two more knives to throw, and you do, rinse and repeat. The people down there are very angry with you now, and very much still able to shoot, but you figure at least their aim will be off, and they’ll be slower. You hope. You haven’t held a gun yourself in fucking forever.

You take a breath, and jump up to grab the balcony you know belongs to John.

As soon as you’re in the open, another bullet hits your back, further toward your side this time, and you almost let go. You let out an undignified noise instead, and hold on harder, focusing all you have into your arms to pull yourself up. Shots are ringing in your ears, and one hits the concrete right next to your head at almost the same time that another one grazes your leg. You hiss in pain, grunt in exertion, pull, pull, and roll yourself onto John’s balcony.

Someone in the garden yells, “Motherfucker!”

You sit, curled up, and pull apart the tear in your pants with your aching fingers to check the wound. It’s not deep, certainly not as bad as the chunk of missing flesh you have in your arm from being shot at last year. It’s fine. You’ll forget about it in a second, when your newest problem will be telling your amnesiac boyfriend that he needs to come with you.

You pull yourself up into a crouch, not more. You don’t want to risk getting shot in the head as you finally face him, so you just do it like this. Hunkered down, disheveled and bloody, you lean forward and knock on John’s window.

[prorevenge]

Misuse your political powers for corruption, enjoy your ruined life 😊.

This is a long and political one, so brace yourselves( TL,DR at the end if you need it).

sorry for any wrong grammar in advance.

This happened when i was like 12 years old(17 rn) and this all technically happened with my dad, so i don't play any role in this.

Cast:

CS: Corrupt Secretary(the villain)

BD: Badass Dad(the hero)

R: Other Residents

BW: Bachelor Woman

This story began when we moved into the new society when i was 12, all was good for me, new school, house being renovated, new friends.

Before we moved to the new society, we needed the approval of the society committee, which was only the CS, his secretary and few other residents(there was no chairman), we introduced ourselves and were approved.

Turned out CS would be our neighbor, so he asked us whether we needed someone to renovate our flat, my father not suspecting anything, pitying him and thinking as hes the neighbor lets get it done by CS(my dad thought that CS was into real estate and renovations business or something, he was dead wrong).

Everything was fine(ish) the workers were renovating, workers were unprofessional af, didn't know what they were doing, almost applied the wrong color to the wall with texture until we stopped that dumbass(10% of the wall must still be visible with a darker shade than the rest of the wall, even after trying to get it fixed, it still triggers my dad even tho we don't live there anymore).The real problem began after the work was complete when CS asked 10,000 Rs more than the agreed amount for the "extra paint they had to purchase, to compensate for 10% of the paint tub the used(the entire tub must've been about 2,000 Rs) to fix the fuck up they did". It was not a small amount, this sparked a dispute between my father and CS, at the end my father paid that idiot (xxxx Rs, not disclosing the details to not make it obvious if the person is reading, for safety and legal reasons) to make him stfu and leave.

Everything was fine for like 6 months, until another massive dispute rose, when CS and his wife beat BW over a personal dispute they had(wont disclose).

Everyone(R) was triggered by what CS did, and finally decided to take some action against him, turns out he wasn't even a real estate guy, his main source of income was the society, he stole the money from the societies monthly maintenance bill(which every R paid), and he was living lavishly for a very very VERY long time, but no one was willing to go against him because he was a political party's member who's party was in power in India that time(a politician can fuck your life up here in India).But everyone had had enough of his bullshit, eating, sleeping, shitting on our money, how the fuck dare he, it fills ME with rage now that i more or less understand how the world works.So everyone, led by BD(he was a politician too in his college days but quit for a better life(plus my grandmother told him to quit, BD has an excellent grasp on English and wrote all the documents for his party, but thankfully he never was corrupt, dont worry he's a very good person :P), filled an FIR against CS for assault and corruption and tax evasion(ig), they also informed the MP of my state about him and got him kicked from the party.CS's spy in the party gave info to him, that someone named my BD, came to their office to file a complain to the police and get him fired from the party.

It was a very tense time in my society at that time, parents prohibited their kids from going down to play for their safety, especially my parents(i frowned at that time and whine as well, but now i understand), my parents accompanied me at all times when i absolutely had to go down(school bus etc), even the teachers at school were instructed by me parents to keep an eye on me.

At the end CS was removed from the political post and also from the secretary position, and BD was made the chairman, he was jobless(not like he had a job anyway) and was having a hard time living(he had a lot of kids(wont specify the number).

We moved from the society in the following 4-5 months, because BD feared for me and my mom's safety(CS was home all the time and my dad was not, and we were neighbors).

My dad asks the R sometimes as to see what CS is up to, they say that he keeps to himself at his house, but he somehow purchase a new car(???), hes a shady mf.

TL,DR: Secretary of society stole money from the society and finally got his ass handed to him by my dad(and other residents).

(source) story by (/u/TermKnive)

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[suadabdelrahman]

100  facts about me

1. Name -Suad Abdel-Rahman

2. Age -20

3. City that you live in -Accra

4. What do most people not know about you? -I was born with a lisp

5. What do most people know you for? -My social media presence

6. Hobbies -Watching series, listening to music

7. What are your passions? -film directing

8. What do you search for in a significant other? -Kindness

7. What are you most proud of? -My growth

8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love? -Cant remember

9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it? -Wine

10. List 10 things off of your bucket list. - Get a nose piercing - Learn to swim - Get more tattoos - Travel all around the world - Direct a movie/ music video - Fly in a hot air balloon - See the Northern Lights - Publish a book - Go stargazing - Speak in public

11. What was the last thing you learned? -Dispute settlement at ICSID

12. How many relationships have you been in? -3

13. Turn ons -Nice perfume

14. Turn offs -Dirty feet

15. Favorite food -Kelewele

16. Favorite drink -Cranberry juice

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received? -A painting of myself

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? -Realistic

19. Do you sleep during class? -No

20. What is the most expensive thing you own? -I dont know

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? -Eyebrow pencil

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone? -50

23. Text or call? -Text

24. Opinion on long distance? -It can work if you both want it to

25. What is your definition of success? -Making money from doing what you love

26. Favorite song? -Like by Reekado Banks/Tiwa Savage/Fiokee

27. Favorite artist? -The Weeknd, Travis Scott

28. Celebrity crush/crushes? -Drake, Hector Bellerin

29. When was the last time you read for fun? -Last week

30. Favorite flower? -No preference yet

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now? -Money and diamonds

32. Any guilty pleasures? -WAGS Miami and Superstory

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? -Laziness

34. What do you search for in a friend? -Vibes

35. How many times have you said “I love you” in the past month? -Cant remember

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home? -School

37. Why do bad things happen to good people? -Life isnt fair

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye? -Being stabbed in the eye

39. How many green shirts do you own?

40. Do you like anime? -No

41. What do you invest the most time in? -Watching movies

42. What was the name of the last book you read? -Ho Tactics

43. What’s the difference between loving and liking someone? -I think love is a deep feeling of care for someone and like is enjoying someones energy so much that you want to be around them.

44. Where are you most productive? -Depends on the activity

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends. -Playing games -Partying -Swimming

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone. -Sleeping -Watching movies -Eating

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist? -No

48. Do you have any allergies? -Alcohol intolerance

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone? -Cant remember

50. What was the last promise you made? -Cant remember, i rarely make promises

51. What was your last dream about?

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? -My family (4) and Kuukua

53. How many countries have you visited? -Two

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music,dance,painting,etc.) -Music

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you? -Yesterday

56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself? -I dont think so

57. Do you consider yourself mature? -Yes

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? -100

59. What is your favorite quote? -Its a tie between “Knowing is better than learning so because i know i wont learn”- Kuukua AND “A plenty talking cannot let a dead man hear you” -Bukom Banku

60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be? - Do not force people into the religion - Be reasonable not radical -Be your brother/sisters keeper

61. What is your greatest accomplishment? -Wait on it

62. Do you believe in the death penalty? -Yes

63. What are your goals for life? -To be happy -To be rich -To be healthy

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? -Probably relaxing.

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. -Some peaceful island

66. What were you like in 2013? -Naive

67. Do you have a job? -Not yet

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend. -Her name was Lady Shudy (not sure how it was spelt) She had a brother named Rocky. One time we snuck out of class to play on swings and got into trouble. Thats literally all i remember about my first best friend

69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be? -The unwillingness to listen

70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before? -Too many to count

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? -Its a tie between Tumblr and Pinterest.

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? -Almost anything (not murder or anything like that)

73. Does money equal happiness? -It can

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime? -Not even sure tbh

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime? -Not sure

76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? -Honestly i cant pick one, ive had too many laughs

77. When was the last time you looked at the news? -Cant remember, not a fan

78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? -Stfu

79. What is your favorite animal? -Goldfish

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it? -Yes

81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at? -Listening to understand rather than reply

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? -It all varies

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity? -No

84. What is your favorite clothing store? -Dont have one.

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves? -Beanies

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? -Wings

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? -Yes

88. What do you fear the most? -Regret

89. How many digits of pi can you recite? -3

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? -2016

91. Describe yourself in one word. -Complicated

92. Describe your last victory. -What i learnt came in my exam

93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? -Cant think of anything

94. What is something you will never forget? -The day my illness kicked into full effect

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail? -Remember in detail

96. Have you ever broken a bone before? -No

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? -Love

98. Coffee or tea? -Coffee

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way? -Drinking water, eating less junk and not drinking soda.

100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? - About 2

[gohyuck]

NCT 127 reaction to you falling asleep on them

rest of the reactions under the cut - kept as gender neutral as possible

taeil

honestly he’d probably be running his fingers through your hair while you lay down on top of him while watching tv or something

it’d be a while before he even noticed you’re asleep

when he does it’s kind of startling because you’re so quiet?? wow amazing

“wow”

when he realizes he stops combing through your hair because what if it wakes you up or something

but then you stir and move your head a little higher up on his chest and he’s like oh

so he goes back to playing with your hair and braids it and stuff

have fun combing it all out when you wake up lmao

your legs and his are entangled and one of his hands is on your back and the other in your hair or behind his head

you’re basically flat on top of him

he doesn’t want to move too much

taeil is like... crazy afraid of waking you up because you must be s o tired and he doesn’t wanna ruin your much needed sleep

“ah they’re so pretty”

turns off the tv eventually because he’s watching you now and not even paying attention to it

wont make any noise honestly

eventually he’ll probably fall asleep to the sound of your breathing tbh

while you’re listening to the sound of his heartbeat

johnny

johnny, softly, but with feeling: “holy shit”

his frame is like x2 yours lmao he makes for a gr9 bed

also his clothes are always soft and highkey he smells like home so when you guys are just chilling and cuddling in downtime and it’s quiet ofc you’re gonna fall asleep

you’re pretty much halfway on top of him at first, with an arm and a leg thrown around him haphazardly 

he’s worried you’ll slip off when you fall asleep though so he moves you so you’re entirely on top of him

one arm finds its place around his neck and the other hangs off the couch in like...ultimate chillaxing position

johnny’s all about being super relaxed and cool and shit lmao but in his head he’s aaaaaaaaa because you look adorable and also you’re falling again

both of his arms are wrapped around your waist

if you originally are a little lower on him he’ll gently pull you up so your chin is near his collarbones

johnny the type to take approximately 389243 pictures of you sleeping

probably posts a couple to his sc story

“they’re so tired they fell asleep on me”

“i ain’t even mad tho look at how cute they are”

(haechan responds to his story with “they fell asleep because you’re boring as shit”, a fight ensues)

you wake up to find him knocked tf out, possibly snoring

it’s your turn to take pics and post now

(haechan - “he’s so boring he put himself to sleep”)

taeyong

he’d probably be unable to hold in a tiny squeal because “oh my god look at them”

your head is on his chest and one arm and one leg are slung across him

tae’s lowkey touched because you have the whole bed and choose to fall asleep entangled with him and basically on top of him

he’s 100% sure you’re the cutest thing to exist ever

has his hand on your waist and probably rubs little circles into the skin above your hipbone because it’s so s o f t

moves hair out of your face

tucks it behind your ear so he can look at you better

“ah i guess if they’re asleep i should be asleep”

he really wants to kiss you because you just look so adorable and are everything good in the world (you are his world) but he also doesn’t want to wake you up

crisis????

if anyone else walks into the room, like the other members, he makes the “shh” gesture before they can even think abt opening their mouths

when you wake up he moves so he’s over  you

presses like........... a million kisses to your forehead and cheeks and nose and just everywhere on your face before your tired ass pulls him down for a proper kiss

“did you sleep well?”

“yeah, but i like being awake because i can be with you”

“so...you DON’T dream about me”

“yAh”

yuta 

i couldn’t find a nonsexy gif of yuta?? a GOD

he’d lowkey be shook as shit

prob tries to be like.cool about it but internally he’s panicking because this hasn’t ever happened before and he doesn’t really know what exactly to do

pets your hair a little bc??? he just...dk

licks his lips a lot while he’s messing with your hair

stops you from falling off of him and onto the floor a couple of times but a small part of him is tempted to let you fall so you’ll wake up and you guys can hang

eventually he’ll get tired of hoping you’ll wake up

he gives you a long nap tho bc he knows you’re tired and he’s kinda tired too but like

he doesn’t wanna fall asleep bc lowkey he’s a little afraid you’ll fall onto the floor if he isn’t there to stop you

after like...an hour of switching from mild awkwardness to exasperatedness to admiring you silently he gets a little tired of it tho

“wake uppp” 

you yawn really loud and sit up so you’re straddling him, rubbing sleep out of your eyes and he really can’t help himself

he flips you both over on the couch

smiles down at you and then sighs

“good, we can do stuff together now” he smirks and kinda does an eyebrow wiggle and you just laugh and smack him on the chest a lil bit

he laughs too and buries his face into your shoulder, carefully balancing his weight on you

you guys just talk from that position for hours until the other members come back only to see the two of you dead asleep

doyoung

he’d be another to take wayyyy to many pictures of you

he prob wouldn’t post any though they’re just ~for him~ for when they go on tour or have schedules and he misses you

gently turns you guys over so you’re lying under him and one of his arms and one of his legs are carefully put across you

this way if his legs fall asleep he can get up and move them around without really disturbing you

when you’re underneath him he can’t really stop himself from just sitting up for a second and admiring how stressless you seem when asleep

“oh my god... they’re wearing my shirt”

would smile crazy hard his face would probably hurt

struggles to keep a squeal in because he literally can’t believe of everyone ever you chose h i m and now you’re wearing his clothes and sleeping in his bed beside him like

will wonders never cease?

doyoung can’t help himself tbh he presses chaste little kisses to your forehead, the junction of your jaw and neck, where your shoulder and neck meet, just, sweet kisses where he can

you shift a lot in your sleep and it always kinda panics him

you: moves your pinky finger - doyoung: *gaSP*

eventually though he does fall asleep beside you 

only to be woken up by you lightly kissing him

you apologize profusely because you didnt mean to wake him up you just couldnt hel p  yourself

and he just laughs and tackles you to the bed, getting into a tickle war

im screaming itd be s o c u t e

jaehyun

prob just chilling lying on the couch and you’re sitting on top of him, straddling his legs because its comfy

after a while it gets silent and eventually he drifts off, only to wake up like 5 min later

he blinks a couple of times to get the very short  and disorienting nap out of his system only to see you still straddling him but your head leaning against the back of the couch, small and very cute snores leaving your half open mouth

he takes a pic for the Y/N MEMES album he has on his phone

it’s his most treasured possession - shitt y meme pics of you

“one day our kids will cherish these images too”

he half sits up, raising himself up on his elbow on one arm so he can use the other to gently lift your head

places you head on his chest and lies back down reallyyyyy slowly so you don’t wake up

he’s tired and you’re tired

for a little while though he just stares at you because goddamn you’re real and you’re with him

jaehyun’s getting existential up in this bitch

you’re still snoring so he shifts a little and you quit it and he can’t help but chuckle to himself 

he starts yawning 

before he knows it he’s half singing songs to try to stay awake so he can see your face when you wake up super groggy 

he can’t do it though

when you wake up your boyfriend is knocked tf out and you’re lying on his chest

you just go back to sleep because you’re 1) tired and 2) in love with the idea of just napping with jaehyun nice

winwin

like yuta he kinda wants to wake you up the second he sees you asleep

however he’s really just... amazed by how you just basically melted into his arms while laying against him in bed

you basically dozed off midsentence like you were talking and your words faded until you just exhaled little sighs

and with that sicheng knew you were super asleep

you have a death grip tbh so he can’t really get up but he soon realizes that he honestly doesn’t want to because it’s pretty rare that he just sits and chills or hangs out with you

and even if you’re asleep he’s still with you and honestly?

that’s all that matters

your lips are against where his neck and shoulders meet and both of your arms are around his neck 

it’s kinda uncomfortable for him at first but after some tentative shifting he finds a good position for himself

one arm behind his own head, propping himself up against the pillow a little bit so he can see you, the other lightly resting on your head

the rise and fall of your chest is slower than his since you’re sleeping, he can’t help but compare your heartbeats

it’s like poetry in motion for him

he says dumb shit to you while you’re sleeping like “ah you drool when you sleep, what a s l o b” that’s obv a joke

reaches for his phone and texts all the members to stfu and not interrupt them bc you’re sleeping and you deserve the rest

even tho he originally wanted to wake you up so you guys could talk

just really loves you and wants you to be happy im s o f t

mark

after a video game session you guys hang out on the couch together to just talk and catch up before his members get back fro being outside

mark sits up, leaning a little against the couch’s arm and you lie with your head in his lap 

he really likes twisting strands of your hair around his fingers while you talk its like...his Thing

but yeah it gets late and after a while it gets quiet and you just fall asleep

mark cant help but laugh because honestly??? it was so sudden but wow

he moves your head so he can get up off the couch, makes sure the door to his dorm room is open, and picks you up 

hes lucky you dont wake up while hes carrying you to his bed 

when he puts you down he makes to leave and pick up the games and snacks yall left out but your sleeping self makes grabby hands

he c a n t resist and he just giggles a little bit but slides in next to you

marks p surprised when you move to hug him in your sleep 

then he remembers how you cant sleep without holding something, just like taeyong

or someone, apparently

eventually falls asleep

both of you wake up to taeyong acting shook af that yall were cuddling in your sleep

haechan takes plenty of pics b4 that tho as b l a c k m a i l

all in all a successful stay-at-home date

haechan

he’s lying down and reading on the couch when you get to their dorm

one hand behind his head propping it up and the other holding the book 

when you get there he puts it down and opens his arms wide

you laugh and lean down to hug him only to get d r a g g e d down

“doNGHYUCK”

“just lie down on me i’m a good pillow”

he’s so exasperating honestly but you love him and he loves you so it’s all good?? you make him sit up tho and you snuggle into his side after he puts in the movies you guys are marathoning for the night

“if you do twilight i’ll kill you”

“damn y/n why you gotta ruin my dreams like that”

it ends up being old horror movies that arent scary and like halfway through the 4th movie your head is on his shoulder and youre asleep

he stops the movies and turns the tv off, sighing, roasting you fondly

“idiot couldn’t even stay awake for all of it”

he lies down really carefully on the couch, bringing you with him

he really is a good pillow

it’s like 2 am by this point and some of the members are just about to be getting back from practice 

haechan sings really softly while youre asleep, your legs entangled in his and head squarely on his chest

he basically sings himself to sleep, and its in that position the other members find you, asleep together on the the couch

johnny cops haechan’s phone and takes a bunch of pics, making one of them haechan’s lock screen

haechan doesn’t change it when you guys wake up

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

Mkay so.

I am very scared of driving. It is scary. And I'm not like scared scared, like I want to be able to drive, but my anxiety will not let me (along with a smidge of possible trauma from when I failed my permit test and my mom yelled at me for two hours and wouldnt talk to me for a few days lmao.) So i cannot physically or mentally drive without shaking and crying.

My parents have been signing me up for driving lessons. With some random driving instructor. Which is horrifying for two reasons.

1. Driving is scary and it will make me cry.

2. Showing emotions is scary and if I have a mental breakdown in front of my driving instructor I will probably drive off of a bridge (after I make him get out of the car bcause hes a rly nice person)

And I have told my mom "Hey mom this shit is terrifying, maybe we should talk to my therapist about how to get my shit together (or go to a new therapist bcause mine is not helping) and maybe get me some new meds given that I'm fucking dying over here.

(More context: My mom grew up "poor-ish" her words not mine it means lower middle class. Her mom died. She loooooves to tell me about the fact that her mom died (may her memory be a blessing). My mom didnt have a car until after college. So they've been doing the nice thing of saving a car for me when I learn to drive. And I hate driving, so now I'm ungrateful. Anyway back to the story.)

My mom told me that I have a driving lesson tomorrow and I freaked out. She gets angry and says (while I'm over here repressing my overwhelming emotions in a sweatshirt ball) that when she learned to drive she "hAd To BeG hEr FrIeNdS fOr RiDeS tO pLaCeS bEcAuSe ShE dIdNt HaVe A cAr So I sHoUlD bE gRaTeFuL."

I am grateful that they're thinking of my future like that and I have told them such

I am sorry that you grew up like that but tbh it is not my fuckin problem

Lmao at least you had friends (jk I have friends and honestly if you had to beg them for rides, they ain't ur friends)

YOU WONT EVEN LET ,E GO PLACES AND ALSO I CANT GO PLACES BECAUSE THERES A FUCKING PLAGUE

Please stop projecting your childhood depression on me and just get a damn therapist (and get me a new one plzzz)

YOU ONT UNDERSTAND. THIS SHIT FILLS ME WITH TERROR. NOT "oh ah driving I'm so scared!" LIKE BRAINS LIKE JESUS FUCK DEATH IS COMING AND NOT THE GOLD KINDA DEATH THE BAD KINDS DEATH WHERE YOU GET CRUSHED OR YOU DROWN ON YOUR OWN BLOOD AND UR A CRAPPY PERSON ANDD IF YOU DOE NOW YOULL NEVER FULFILL YOUR POTENTIAL AND THE ONLY THING YOULL HAVE EVER DONE IS HURT THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE IN IT ALSO HOLY FUCK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE AND OTHER CARS AND YOURE DOING THIS WRONG JESUS FUCK IM GONNA FIE THERES SO MUCH STUFF I WANT TO DIE BUT NOT LIKE THIS AHAHHSFHEVINEFKKWN

So I kinda started crying bcause, y'know, I feel fucking guilty. Because shes guilt tripping me. So I kinda sat on the couch for like 5 mins just trying to get myself to calm tf down when...

My mother comes over and bursts into tears and tells me that she didnt want me to feel bad because I'm much more fortunate than she was she just wanted ,e to understand that theres no reason for ,e to feel like this because they're doing everything that they can

BOI STFU UR MAKING ME FEEL WORSE

ALSO YOU MADE ME THIS IS UR DAMN PROBLEM SO FIX MY BRAIN OR TAKE ME OUT

Also damn the tears why tf do you need that bish I know ur not guilty you just want me to feel bad and I know it be cause you did it 6 minutes ago.

But yeah now I'm sad because I fucking hate driving

Yall, my mom just guilt tripped me, then she guilt tripped my for being sad because she guilt tripped me.

Wtf

[heartsoftruth]

if he moves, how do i talk myself into supporting a club i explicitly dont like and now despise because of the dirty and corrupt way they are taking away neymar from the club i love? how can i cheer and root for him while hating the club he plays for?

That’s what I also been thinking about…

Let’s just wait and see what happens and try to push these thoughts away… Tho I also have them… 

Anonymous said:idk why barca even let him go to china and record stuff for the team when he’s about to do his medical for psg the day after…

Anonymous said:NEYMAR IS LEAVING GUYS THIS TIME IT IS MORE THAN OFFICIAL !!!

Anonymous said:Al Khelaifi (PSG president): “Negotiations for Neymar are going well. I’m very confident.” So yeah that’s that

Anonymous said:Neymar going for a medical with PSG??? I’m sorry did I miss something when was this confirmed??? Last time I checked we are still awaiting his decision!!! Stupid Barca App

Nothing is official. Let’s hope he isn’t, but tomorrow and Wednesday gonna be crucial… 

There’s also rumors Pai told Barca he doesn’t know what to do yet… 

Anonymous said:those ney shirtless videos i mean can he stop being so hot .. i just need to jump on him and start kissing him and beg him dont leave ney dont leave bae plzzzzzzzzzz

Deffo way to many hot videos from today

nonymous said:meanwhile, Neymar out there today still following brumar pages and liking brumar quotes about his great love no one understands, jesus!! what a 14 year old! I don’t wanna insult anyone but I’m starting to think this guy is not the brightest in the bunch….

Probably bc she opened her mouth about them in an interview… All of a sudden I also saw many Brumar things on the suggested page by INsta xD 

Anonymous said:Next thing you know PSG are also buying Gabriel Jesus and Countinho and the rest of the Brazilian starting team 😂

Let them leave my baby Gabi with Pep!!! 

Anonymous said:Neymar looks very good in Barcelona’s shirt❗❗❗❗❗❗❗just in Barcelona shirt .

Real Talk!!!! 

Anonymous said:I seriously cannot understand how Dani thinks it’s “brave” for Neymar to leave Barca. It’s stupid to leave the best club in the world, not brave. What would be brave is to stay and face all the fans he has disappointed!

Dani only says that bc he wants Ney to come. He can stfu. 

Anonymous said:Who is that Amanda girl Marcelo and Ney were having a photo with??

Some YouTuber apparently 

Anonymous said:velvarde said some positive things about neymar, that he has some hope that neymar will stay.

Let’s hope so. I hope he makes the right decision: stay!

Anonymous said:Omg i know you’re not neymar i just wrote what i think because this whole thing makes me so aggressive we all don’t know what is 100% true and what not

Oh ok! hahah. Since you addressed it to Neymar I thought you thought I was him hahah. (That happens sometimes so thats why haha). 

Anonymous said:neymar signed the contract at barca knowing about leo’s role there. he should take some notes and realise leo worked and earned his way up to his position. now when the first offer of so much money comes along he takes it because he can be a team leader? no a true leader climbs his way up to the top, and earns his way. he has iniesta as a captain and an influence, if he didn’t learn anything from them or the team, can’t say i wouldn’t be hugely disappointed because i will be. let’s just see :/Maybe he sees that Leo is gonna be a leader for so long stlll and wants to be that too, but knows he won’t be at Barca for a while… I mean I could understand if he went to another team for that growth, but not P$G… That’s just a stupid decision. Anonymous said:Feels like Suarez and Messi were angry against Neymar yesterday… kind of disappointed with this, I expected them to be closer especially if it was Ney’s last match. Note (before people misunderstand my ask) : i’m not throwing shade at Messi and suarez

Didnt quite get that vibe, but maybe that’s just me :) 

@msn-forever​ said:Hi! Will Neymar really do that China thing? Or wasn’t it cancelled? Please do still post about him even if he’s a …u know player! I would hate to see him leave, only the thought about it is killing me, but I could never stop loving him! So please post about Barcelona and Neymar, whatever will happen. I also don’t know what to do about my name MSN-FOREVER…if the N wd get lost…😢😢😢

Hi, sorry for the late reply, but as you’ve seen Ney really did the China promo thing. (He also confirmed it on one of his INsta pages he was gonna go). 

Let’s hope he stays. There is still a small chance… 

Anonymous said:Neymar is an example of modern footballer love the work not ur company. He loves futbol he hasn’t attached any extra sentiments to the club. It’s just how it is. He is practical that’s it. Something leo messi isn’t if he was he wouldn’t stay at one club his lifetime given his quality once in a lifetime footballer he should’ve actually gone to different leagues&hence increase his brand value show he can do it anywhere which we know he can but still actually doing it makes a difference

I love players with club love. Love it. Since it’s so rare these day. I love how Luis still talks about Ajax with love. It’s the same here as an Ajax-fan we would welcome Luis with open arms again. 

Nothing wrong with club love and staying where you were made into a champ. Leo started at a top club and he made it to the top and still is the best. I think the argument that he should went to other leagues is so overrated. If you see how long he’s been at the top that answers the whole question. No other player accomplishes that. 

@naleyforever​ said:No it really wont be wrong because even if they are paying the money they are doing so for a job he is doing for them thats becoming the face of WC after that its his money not qatar loaning money, that happening wud get them into direct problem. Offcourse if people want to contest this as violation they can but in the long run nothing will comeout. Qatar as a gift is also going to give him an island.

Well UEFA will officially look into it and whatever happens or where he gets the monet from that company in Qatar can’t be affiliated to PSG otherwise they will breach the FFP. Or they will have to sell players hence why they probably are offering us Di Maria and other players we dont need. 

Anonymous said:So ney’s large group of friends not one of them can offer advise to him?! Gil is 28/29 one of the oldest in the group and he can’t even guide his younger friend because he foots all their bills?! I just don’t understand how they can all sit back and let their friend ruin his career and reputation like this.Ney is easily influenced that much is obvious so I am sure if any of them talked to him he will listen/at least consider their view but it seems they’re a bunch of yes men to Ney &his father!

I have no ideaaaa. I hope they slap some sense into him and tell them how much they LOVE barca and spain in general. They all made friends, speka the language etc… 

Anonymous said:To the anon: Carol and Davi living in Barcelona won’t stop Neymar from going to Paris. It’s a 2 hour flight from Barcelona to Paris. I bet they won’t move to Paris with Neymar since they have their lives settled in Barcelona, but they can always go to Paris.

@ anon. 

Anonymous said:hot lips yes they are so hot .. but they stole your tag idea them lips

HAHAHHA, Damn right they stole my lips from me! I thought of it as well xD 

[phantasyprone]

The Memeing of Life - A pretty extensive philosophical critique

Hey everyone, I’m just gonna take another break from writing my graduate thesis to briefly run through some of the points (???) made in Dan’s video. I’m pretty tired and stopped watching Supernatural to type this up so this is incredibly informal so yh, excuse the rambling nature of this. I’ll type what he said in the video then provide my thoughts.

 ‘‘Born too late to explore the earth, born too soon to explore the galaxy, born just in time to browse dank memes.’ Also a phrase that defines the purpose of our existence at this point in human history. Do you ever find yourself wishing for a different life, that your weren’t just a kid at school, or you weren’t just a young adult trying to work out what to do, or a person stuck in a job, but instead a person with a calling – a mission to go on adventure bigger than the life we know’ – OK, I have so many issues with this. 1. Only white males get to say that they wished they lived before this point. 2. ‘just’ a kid, and ‘just’ a young adult? Mate, Dan my man, no one is ‘just’ anything. Every single person is a complex, awesome human being capable of so much. No one is just anything and you say that like everyone out there thinks so little of themselves? Yeh of course, some people are on a journey to try and work out their life’s purpose but some people aren’t? For some people their purpose is to have close friends or family, or theyre on the career path they want, or some people are not in their mid twenties and just wanting to enjoy/get through the hell that is school. If I was 14 and watching a video where someone was telling me that ‘we’ all spend life trying to find our calling or mission I would have been like ‘fuck no. I just wanna pass my exams and get to uni mate, stfu.’ Or many teens, as actually was the same when I was young and super into philosophy, liked to think about this stuff on occasion, but in an informed manner not some chill youtube video they used to escape flinging an existential crisis at them.

  ‘our boring time’ – No, Dan. Our time isn’t boring. It’s exciting, amazing, there’s so much good in the world. Yo, have you even seen videos of baby pandas? Have you read the amazing things activists and progressive politicians, and inspiring children, and wonderful artists, and artists and non white cis straight amazing people are doing to make the world fucking awesome are doing? Nah mate. Not having it.

 (this shit got long so more under the cut)

‘well this is your life and its probs the only one youre gonna get’ – WHY DO YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING??? The fact that we only have this one life is such a beautiful thing to cling to and whilst sometimes things may seem shit, theres no need to go saying that phrase in that way like our lives are bad and we should just accept that? Yeh I could be Hermione Granger if I was in the Harry Potter books but would I want to be? NO. Yo, I wouldn’t give up my best mates for anything. And Hermione couldn’t play the guitar but I can. And Hermione didn’t laugh so hard she cried when my mate and me were out walking with huge rucksakes and my mate got stuck between two trees and couldn’t get out, then heaved herself through and fell flat on her face in the mud. NO, I saw that. – a wonderful moment. Yeh, this IS my life, and it’s the only one I’m gonna get SO GREAT. Things can be shit but yo, my mate got stuck in a tree so pffffft, this shit can be pretty awesome sometimes.

 ‘this reality could be a computer simulation talk’ – erghhhh, don’t throw stuff like that out so flippantly. That shit is actualy worrying to some people. I had a breakdown which took me 3 full months to get over that ONE thought, so cheers for saying that so casually. But it’s fine because if this is a computer simulation (which I highly doubt cause I did research, a lot of research) then this is what life is and it’s pretty great anyway so lets just not think about that and enjoy life if we can.

  ‘it’s a lot more difficult for us to find a quest that will give us the big answers’ – who are these people needing quests? Why do we need these big answers? You talk like there is some great, intrinsic meaning to everything and we should all be searching for it? Nah mate. Just enjoy what we have, don’t spend your life constantly searching for answers you’ll never find. Enjoy the now. What’s my big quest? To try and be kind to myself and kind to others. And to try to love myself and love others; there we go – big quest sorted. Don’t go giving people this existential crisis where they feel as though they wont be satisfied if they never find this ‘one true purpose’. You will have many different purposes and many different paths and missions and journeys and you will change and its OK to go in varying directions. There may not even be this idea that everyone has or needs ‘one big quest’ – just do what makes you happy and be kind, and if what makes you happy changes over the years then that’s cool. Don’t ever go thinking that you need to spend your whole life trying to find your purpose and you wont feel fulfilled unless you’ve found that purpose. Why only ‘one’ mission anyway? Do everything that makes you happy and live now instead of waiting and searching your whole life for something that you don’t find because you simply search for it.

 The whole discussion about contributing to science so that only a few people can go to mars – No dan, the amount of incredibly important advances in science, medicine, and technology that was discovered BECAUSE we funded space missions and people tried to find answers in the universe is staggering and I wish I could remember them all, but tust me – the amount of cool stuff in our lives that wouldn’t have been invented if it wasn’t for space exploration is seriously cool and y’all go try and be astronauts because you might change the world even if you don’t get to space.

 ‘reality is slow and painful’ – ergh, I mean, it’s cool if you sometimes think that, I do too! But you cant just say that without any context, or like ‘reality is slow and painful sometimes. But not all the time’. – like, of course we all feel this way sometimes but if you’re making a video you cant just announce that without also saying life is fast and amazing and wonderful. You have a certain responsibility here Dan. So no, reality can’t be defined by that wholly pessimistic and way too sweeping statement that it is ‘slow and painful’.

 then goes onto explain how cool, but not really cool books and film realities are. - yeh, but our lives are pretty cool. I mean, over half all movies and books are based on our reality... so i mean, it gotta be kinda interesting. Which it is...

Good bit being aware of this being a first world problem

 ‘you may say that there are many meaningful missions you could go on from perusing personal passions to politics, science or even changing the world to being a better place by doing charity work, and yep, that is all true but its not something that we can completely escape to, leaving what we know behind. I know, pretty disheartening right.’ – I mean, yay, finally some optimism but it was all ruined when you said that basically no matter what you do, you cant escape this reality. Eergh. No, Go do all those amazing amazing things and there is no way that any of these things are lessoned by the fact that they’re still within our reality. Escapism isn’t necessarily the best thing? Sometimes we gotta look at our reality and see how awesome it can be amongst the shit. And we should do all these amazing things to make it even better because if you could escape to a different world would you? If everyone who had something to give to society left then what state would humanity be in? A shit one. I for one am glad we can’t escape and I wouldn’t want to. Changing the world and making it a better place, whether that’s through charity work or by being a generally nice and lovely person, is awesome and the fact that we cant leave this reality isn’t disheartening.

 ‘But what do we have… is a world that might never do anything particularly amazing apart from destroying the world; memes’ – No, just no. People now are doing pretty fucking awesome things. Like, I don’t really need to say any more. Have you seen how far we’ve come? How much societal progression has occurred for minorities and women and the LGBTQIA+ community, and those who are disabled? Of course we have so so so far to go, but things are slowly progressing in general.

 meme discussions – they are relatable and show us how we all have relative experiences – but like no, memes are a cultural artefact which can be alike to Dadaist and surrealist work pointing out the absurdity of our time and how meaning can be warped and blah semantics, existentialism, satra, kafka, keikergaard, Joseph Heller, (I can’t be asked right now to go into a discussion of memes and existentialism and meaning because it’s interesting but long and tbh Dan should’ve covered that so I’m salty he missed this great and obvious discussion)

 ‘it’s what we do all day, and perhaps, that is us attempting to find meaning within ourselves in a time when the universe isn’t providing any easy answers’ – ergh, why do we always have to be searching for this true meaning you’re talking about? Maybe we just shouldn’t search for an intrinsic meaning? Look for love and kindness and humanity because who can argue with that, and let’s just not give your entire audience an existential crisis, or if you did want to discuss existentialism then please do so in a balanced, well researched and UPLIFTING WAY. This shit is serious and I’ve had so many breakdowns because of it but through YEARS AND YEARS of reading am I good and OK and not in that deluge or worry for meaning anymore. If you wanted to discuss such deep and truly worrying stuff as this, you needed to be more eloquent, less ‘ergh life is shit’ and just generally more optimistic (which I know you can be so, like, why was this so dreary and ergh)?

 so go reach for your dreams because what is important is that it’s your choice – erghhhhhh where did this argument go? We’ve missed so many steps in your discussion of finding one ‘true mission’ into you having a choice? Mate, I know how you could jump between these but you haven’t explained how you got here or how this all links up and whaaaaa? You need to back up WHY peoples choices make sense within the existentialist discussion youre basing all this on. You cant just say it and expect people to know?

 Sorry guys, that was my incredibly messy discussion of this video which was not at all eloquent because my brain is fried and I paused my rewatching of Supernatural to type this stuff up. 

[noidsome]

Digimon tri: Loss rant aka butthurt

So there are things that bothers me a lot about these Digimon tri movies and this movie, well lets just say its teh drop that tipped the glass. I dont really like rewieving things..but i am very passionate for digimon, so i suppose this will do.

So what is there to say about Digimon tri? or spesifically... loss? hehe loss..more like loss of my intrest in these movies..

TLDR; the movie is long, boring, little action, meiko is shit as always, the conflict with sora, tai and matt doesnt exist, some scenes go nowhere and are more filler then plot, still questions left unanswered, 02 kids are dead and gone and nobody cares at this point, and shitty, limited, boring, bland and dissapoiunting animation. 

Anyhow where do i even start? first i suppose i should start off by saying the things i DO like about this movie. I did enjoy seeing tai more in the spotlight, and it was nice seeing tai, matt and sora talk again. And not to mention, digivolutions! Where most of the digis became ultimate! hell yeah! and my boi machinedramon, i always loved that fella. And more digi kaiser?? YES PLS FUEL MY NEEDS FOR FOOTAGE!! and of course, the animation was well done with the fight scenes and the action was really neat! My favorite part of the movie was the last part.

and now, onto the... MANY many problems these movies had, with none other then shitty animation, awkward scenes, bad art styles, scenes that go nowhere, meiko, and FILLER!! clench your asshole because this is going to be a long one...

Ok so we start off the movie strong. This flashback goes well with me because its this old timey wimey film effect, and we get to see the backstory of himekawa and black hair teacher typography mcgee, i forgot his name..anyway thats cool, we get plot! and then cuts to meiko being left out with her dark evil special digital device. GOOD. she has no way to enter now. she should be left out like the shitty written character she is. im glad shes out.. but would i be like this for long?? NOPE, NOT HERE IN DISSAPOINTMENT LAND I WONT!!

So then we get tehse cute bonding scenes, which are just very nice. its good they take their time with these, and boy....do they take their time :))))) the shitty happy music desu comes so abruplty that you just sit back and say “nice here it is.” so the rest of the digimon get along just fine with the kids again, which is nice i guess....except for pyokomon or whatever. For some reason she is the ONLY CONVENIENT one that wont like her. now, im fine with this, because things never happen the same way twice. however, she is THE ONLY ONE, and the others open very fast, so why?? eh whatever wont bother explaining too much about that ;))

so after this kawaii desuka moment, after toei “””””””””””””””animation”””””””””””””””” show us a slideshow of their best drawings of the kids just sitting there, with no movement, we get on with it. 

There is one thing i learned in animation class, and that is that YOU NEVER HAVE ONE STILL FRAME in animation, and these movies have a lot of them, and so fucking shittly placed as well. Just sometimes to save time, or just because lazyness, the animators just pan a akward still filler frame. i know things are hard, and horrible in NEY-HON, especially with animation, but for gods sake i cant help but go “animation is hard XDDdDdDD” whenever watching these movies....because sometimes....SOMETIMES.......

anyway so onto the story, “special super powerful” meikoomon appears, crying because she is adult and remembers meiko. why, you ask?? WHY??????? WELL who cares stfu. so she runs away and jumps into a distortion. did she make it? did the digital world provide her with some? will we get answers??

so then, PTaiSD starts doubhting if we can save the special boy cat, and Yamaha has to of course get angry about every single little thing tai does, and walks off in a huff. Was this scene forced like all hell?? is yamiffedo being a bitch for no reason?? Yes. yes he was. at this point, it feels like they just put this here to give matt a reason to be angry because they have nothing left to bitch about to eachother, or yashitto just wont let up. either way, it is so frustrating..but i digress. 

we also cut to black haired crocks wearing mcgee again, in and out, of him saying “i cant figure this out” and we get told this 2 times. ... ANYYYWAYYYY then the kids remember their personalities again and tai suggests we do something now, and the digimon digivolved. HURRAH!”

byomon is still not trusting sora, which is fine i guess bonds take time, and they did take their time, which was fine. so they keep cutting to this trolly, the one they slept in in digimon adventure. HEY GUYS, REMEMBER THE TROLLY???? REMEMBER DIGIMON 01?? WASNT THAT SERIES COOL??? 

special OP baby cat meikomon just sits and laments because she cant find meiko, so she gets all infected and fucks up everything again, making the reboot for NUFFIN if she keeps this up. BUTT WAIT, why does she still have this infection?????? OH NO SHE TURNED EVIL AGAIN!!!! but does the movie explain??

so here we are with the blank kids club as izzy expositions the shit out of the other kids, which is nice. its nice to get plot... BUT ITS NOT THE PLOT WE ACTUALLY NEED, just...just a little bit of it. just a little bit.......... anyway everyone cuberbullies meiko and basically says that she is a shit and wont fit in here because all she would do is cry or fuck up something beyond repair. that is what she would do.

so then sora walks off and sits by a trunk and is sad because her tamagotchi doesnt like her anymore. BUT.......and this is a big but...Taishit and Yaman come to the rescue. BUT...they are both stupidly blank and doesnt know waht the fuck to do or say, but they try. how will they tackle this point??

So basically sora is suprised to figure out that tai and matt cant read her mind, and just runs off and is understandably angry about the situation. so as tai and matt is visibly upset they cant fix this, which you couldnt tell because their expressions are about as vibrant as a piece of wood, Taichi basically says something good for once. Sora spends her times worrying about other people and doesnt say anything about her own worries. which is....good??????

im sorry but to me thats not good at all. if you fix everyone elses problem, and you shut your own problems inside, you are going to suffer. THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING HOLY FUCK WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT??!?!?!?!? unless i am completly misunderstanding this kind of behaviour but to me, this is not good. fuck that shit. so that scene ends. nothing gets resolved.  then finally, after fucking FOREVER with filler scenes and awkward crappy animation, machinedramon finally appears and is here to fucking kill this second hand emberassment. they run from him, and the others see whats going on. so then they try to do something and fails, and then meikoomon isnt evil anymore...........????? and then something which i think is one of the biggest, STUPIDEST cop puts of all time happens. 

macinedramon shoots them at point blank, and really hard and long too, like so long the camera makes sure to show ALL of their faces as they slowly burn to death by the giant super death cannon...and so they all get fucking obliterated and die... EXCEPT THEY DONT!!!!!!!!!! A DISTORTION PORTAL APPEARS AND JUST... TROWS THEM ACROSS THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!!! AND THE KIDS ARE ALSO UNHARMED!?”!?”?!?

WHAT THE FUYCK IS THAT SHIT?!?!??! WHY DID THE DISTORITON APPEAR??? WHO MADE IT?? WAS IT MEIKOOMON??? EXPLAIN!!! EXPLAIN FOR FUCKS SAKE IM TOO AUTISTIC TO UNDERSTAND THIS DEEP LEVEL OF STORY TELLING!!!

oh and we get a cute flashback to actually knowing what himekawa wanted. she just wanter he digimon back.......which is why she acted this way all along? so she could get her stupid digimon back=??? thats why she had to act like she was secretly the one fucking everything up?? ....eh idk ANYWAY

byomon sees sora cry and decides wew lad....that changes everything.,..so that scene ends, and what does byomon find?????? WELL WOW ITS MEIKO WHO JUST FELL INTO THE DIGITAL WORLD JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! 

it was at this point i got really upset with this crappy movie. The scenes drag on for too long, scenes just end and go nowhere, and GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY FOR SAYING THIS BUT MEIKO IS A FUCKING MARY SUE. she is such a classic example of shittily written self insert characters that it fucking hurts. if i wanted to read your shitty digimon fanfiction from 2008 then i would of done that. Its fucking insane to see this level of writing from a professional writing team, holy fuck. 

and then........this.......this takes the cake.... fucking tai and kari are together. finally, they get to talk a little about things, like for example bringing up whats bothering tai all this time, or why he has to be such a tittybaby with yamato, or maybe have a little chat about character development. but no we dont get none of that. shitty sad music plays and....no tai just says “oh man im so angry i didnt make it” and kari says “its ok” and then tai just looks down.... AND THEN THATS IT!!! ....OK??

so then a whole lot of fucking nothing happens for a while, and i mean, they just.....dont say ANYTHING worthwhile. tai goes all “man i wish tai would read my mind and not be an asshole. my name IS MATT AND I JUST CANT TALK TO MY FRIENDS SO I WALK AROUND LIKE AN ANGRY PISSY BABY BECAUSE THATS MY TRAIT, WHICH IS NOT FRUSTRATING AND TIRED AT ALL” 

and byomon being a little warmer, going to meiko just because shes a cunt at this point, like now shes just being a dick, and generally everyone just walking around having a grand ol time. i guess its nice, and cool and all...but it drags ON FOR TOO LONG WE DONT NEED THIS LEVEL OF CALM WHEN YOU HAD ONE ACTION SCENE TROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MOVIE!!!!! and just generally....just stuff that goes NOWHERE!! like that train scene???? literally filler. was it a trowback to 02 where agumon came back on the train after being with the dark master?? i dont know!! fuck!!

then expositionmon comes, and its vague, and leaves. and then whatever anyway

meikomon cries and when she gets back to meiko again she tries to slit her troat, and meiko supringly tells her that she isnt good.....wow..thats nice. but they reuine and FINALLY gennai arrives again. in his kaiser disguise. why does he have that avatar to go back and forth troughout the world? why did he chose to use kaiser?? my guess is just to be a dick to the others, because thats the only good explanation at this point. 

and sora does say “oh hi ken please dont” but thats it. im sorry but at this point, the 02 kids are oficcially dead and gone. there is no logical explanation to why they act like this anymore. none that are actually good. forget about them, the others have. just....forget about it.

so distortions appear again and everyone reunites again, because hell we needed SOME explanation to them meeting again. so action happens, and everything is nice and fine and then gennai just

hes so insane im kind of liking it..... ANYWAY stuff happens and so they run away while gennai talks to them about some answers to our questions, which they might not hear because of the BIG HEAVY  STOMPS AND ROARS from the digimons but whatever... yuggrasil i dont remember who is and at this point i just wanted the movie to be over, so this last part, there isnt much to say because i liked it.

however sora getting BTFO by a giant mountain and machinedramons claw should have killed her, but nah whatever. and the scene with tai and matt drowning??? i jsut... dont understand it. what the fuck happened??? why did they just not drown anymore?? what?????? did the power of magic save them or somethin? I DONT GET IT!! and i mean...they should have drowned at that point jfc 

then half the movie is the digimon digivolving and now im so god damn sick of writing, but meikomon fucks everything up again and NOW IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! REEEEEEEEEEEEE

SOOOO yeah thats it...the movie was slow, boring, fun, and overall awkwards. the kids had ALMOST no personality, and the scenes that the movie advertized, like the conflict with sora, tai and matt was nonexistant, and just....i myself, and a lot of people, are fucking dissapointed.

if you read this far, thank you. but i have no big hypes for the rest of the movies anymore because the shitty animation, no facial expressions, crappy storytelling, boring character interactions, and MEIKO makes me hate these movies more and more...........and that makes me sad.