#i haven’t processed literally anything else about this season

[yellowlaboratory]

kiara carrera is the best character to ever grace my television screen and whoever the fuck ruthie is can eat shit and die

[rosemariad]

THE BITTER END | SPN 15x18 DESPAIR: About that Destiel moment in 15x18

Oh boy…the scene that sailed a thousand memes (and counting)…the scene that made us all go feral in the midst of a contentious presidential elections in one of the most disruptive, chaotic years in recent memory (2020 you son of a bitch)

Now i am super late with this since it’s nearly been 4 years since this was aired live on TV and posted like crazy all over the internet BUT…y’all Destiel shippers got robbed. Not just with this scene but the whole Destiel ship in general - just done so dirty.

I started watching this show on and off back in 2021 and I finally got to finish over the summer this year (2024) taking my sweet time, even rewatching certain episodes (for some fanfic writing 😁). I went into this to settle the debate for myself - is this Destiel stuff legit? Or was it taken out of context? Misconstrued.

No. It really wasn’t. They (the powers behind SPN) tried it, tried to pull the wool over people’s heads, with certain fans chiming in (the destiel haters, the homophobes, the anti-mishas, etc.) but no. The SPN showrunners fucked all this up.

From the beginning….

So it’s 15x18 despair - we’re in the last act - shit’s popping off, everything’s going tits up - Billie is trying to hunt Dean down, calling him chaos incarnate. Dean & Cas get trapped in a room with no apparent means of escape or defense - probably should’ve headed for the exit - but I guess since it’s the 3rd to last episode and the execs clearly want things to go back to the status quo 🙄 now’s as good a time as any to cash in on that plot thread from last season and kill Castiel once and for all 😭 (as 1 person pointed out, given the prior context they probably could've just waited Billie out, since them being trapped in that room - Cas was the one that blocked the door anyhow - but I get it SPN showrunners you wanted to get rid of Cas somehow - what a mess)

If you haven’t watched it - here’s where I gasp and scoff in disbelief - please watch it https://youtu.be/l_r9GZeQl1w?si=uVox8PlXByYEYKci

Basically Cas tells Dean he’s the greatest guy he’s ever known, that he fights for love and that Cas lurves Dean 😭 and he’s not the bad things enemies say Dean is. That he’s more than the worst parts of himself - oh Cas.

This was Castiel’s one moment of true happiness - telling the one person whom he adores more than anyone or anything else in the entire universe - that he is loved by Castiel himself.

The confession that triggers Castiel’s demise to go with the empty, takes Billie with him and before Dean can process the massive TRUTH BOMB Castiel just dumped on him, Castiel is gone.

Despair indeed.

They made too many fucking cuts to this scene, at least for Jensen’s coverage. Like if you don’t want Dean to reciprocate…fine. Don’t. But let him fucking respond! Let him use his words. Castiel just told Dean he was in love with him, that is one of the BIGGEST things you can say to somebody in your life. EVER. Especially on TV. And yes it was in love, like romantically. Not platonically because why make such a fucking fuss over fucking platonic friendship! There’s always been a tension between these 2 characters, it hung over between them since season 4. They just made it into a joke, never expecting to get the traction it did over the years. They even tried writing Cas off the show for good back in season 7. But they got stuck with Cas and never really made proper use of him. They literally just waited until the last minute to get rid of him in a way that couldn’t get the show cancelled until that decision had already been made by the network. to make things worse - COVID happened

So don’t tell me the confession doesn’t merit a response, either for or against on Dean’s part - whether he returns Castiel’s affection or not is another story but dammit let Dean speak! How could you not? Cowards!

And Would it be so terrible if Dean did feel something MORE than friendship for the only other individual that has stood by him for so many years? Like really? A relationship doesn’t demand sex (but let’s be honest, Cas probably wanted to fuck the shit outta Dean 🤣) it’s whatever the people in the relationship want! Dean isn’t young by the time s15 rolls around. Older people tend to just want someone to come home to, settle down with. Companionship. Cas fits that to a fucking T. When Dean dreamed of a future, Cas was right there with him (and Sam, cuz Dean always wants his family close as much as he can, given how he grew up).

Couldn’t find a gif of Dean talking about taking some time off after all the craziness of the hunting they do but I’m not crazy I know he wanted it.

The team behind SPN could have finished Dean’s narrative beautifully as man who was driven by fear all his life and opens himself up to a relationship he never saw coming but when the time came he didn’t run because he grew to love more than fear (and choose to live a life of peace after stuck in one of violence for so many years).

This is why Hollywood is shit! Great beginnings, shitty endings. But in this case, it was because they consistently chose NOT to indulge in queer-like narratives with enough care (aside from some other problematic stuff like the treatment towards women being more negative than positive, the inconsistent writing for characters and plot, etc.)

BUT not when it’s the main character 😡 Charlie can be gay AF but not Dean, seriously? That’s fucked. Like at least let him fucking explore/consider it. So people stop watching it who gives AF?! I never even watched the show when it was on air for 15 years, tons of people didn’t. There are still people out there watching SPN for the first time today! People who started but stopped because it’s a show that ran WAAAY longer than any other normally does.

Idk who made it so that Dean couldn’t explore his sexuality or fucked up the Destiel of it all but they SUUUUUUUUCK! You really shat the bed! at least explore it cuz at the end of the day, it may not work out. Gay relationships aren’t that different from straight relationships in that sometimes it just doesn’t work out BECAUSE we’re ALL people. And who knows maybe they could’ve been happy but we’re not allowed to know that canonically because Destiel was never given a CHANCE!

I mean if it was REALLY that big a deal – why introduce it? By making these little suggestions that (in a way that's funny but why would Dean be queer be haha funny - no that's not okay, queerness shouldn't be a joke) furthermore we’re talking about a show on basic cable - all it would’ve taken was fucking hand-holding or the same routine of staring into each other’s eyes like they’d been doing for 12 fucking years already! Just not shying away from the queerness that time. Legend of Korra did it. That 1 Disney show did it (i don’t remember the name). No kissing would’ve been necessary - nice, wishful thinking but not necessary if the kissing became an issue (but seriously it was 2020 man but ofc - that is a year where a pandemic that required social distancing decided to kick in during the final arc of this show) - just so we’re all clear COVID cock blocked Destiel lol jk 🤣

All those times they had Dean & Cas stare into each other's eyes – the forces at work – showrunners, writers, directors AND editors & the network who is showing this to audiences – if its such a big fucking deal - Don't leave it in. By leaving it in, you're allowing people to make assumptions about the relationship – it happens literally every time in every story ever told. You put 2 people in a scene and they're not family (though not always the case) or JUST friends (explicitly proven) there's a chance SOMEONE is gonna wanna ship them no matter how likely it is (OR NOT) they'll hookup or become a couple. That's just how it is. So don't fan the flames and then turn it around on fans that they're wrong, crazy or misinterpreting. If Wincest can exist, so can Destiel and any other ship. That being said, y’all Destiel shippers were ROBBED but I don’t need to tell you that.

I don’t think the relationship would’ve been perfect or smooth sailing - their friendship as it was on the show sure wasn’t. And Dean wasn’t the only one with issues - Cas had some bad qualities too - the angel liked to lie and for a while there he was extremely averse to conflict. And Dean…he gets real fucking angry 😬 not a good mix for a relationship- hell even a friendship.

But the two had a profound bond, with a great deal of affection for one another and that’s what got them through betrayal, fights, amnesia, curses, apocalypses, and all the ugliness in between. They could’ve made it. Or they could’ve just had Cas and Dean stay friends - but we’ll never know since Cas was pretty much omitted after 15x18 - there were references - like only 2 though 😒

Really SPN? 😒😔 so lazy. But sure, go ahead, blame COVID. It’s not like phones exist. It’s not like the actor couldn’t have just recorded Castiel’s voice nope. Totally not an option 🤦🏾‍♀��� same goes for the other characters - Jody, Donna, Eileen - you know all the other characters Sam & Dean cared about but sure - fuck ‘em too. Status quo is the only thing that matters - SMH.

[saglaophonos]

i keep seeing ppl talk about 1941 theories where *something happened* afterwords, and do you know why that is? i haven’t rewatched the 1941 minisode in a hot minute, but was there stuff there that gave off the impression that more happened? /gen

oh that’s a great question and i would love to answer it. there is nothing especially suggestive that something else happened in 1941 apart from aziraphale claiming to have also done the apology dance that year in an earlier episode. however i have always loved the idea of going back to 1941 in s3, which i dont see as a “theory” in so much as i see it as a great place of potential for the story. personally, i see the original 1941 scene as an integral part of the creative process behind s1 for reasons i won’t reiterate here when i can just link you to the post i made about it.

there is something to be said about how 1941 is the only flashback we return to in s1 and s2. the “rule of threes” girlie in me just thinks about how if there are going to be three seasons, there ought to be three 1941 scenes. “nightingale in berkeley square” is literally a song about two lovers spending the night together until dawn….1941 is a long night, but we haven’t seen dawn yet. ultimately there’s great storytelling potential in telling a three part flashback that you can only understand the impact of in its totality once you’ve seen the last part.

if i can predict anything about what neil gaiman may or may not do as a writer, i know he enjoys subverting audience expectations and preheld assumptions - i mean, look to the opening of s2 during the pre-fall scene. i could very easily see a return to 1941 being the opening of s3 and functioning in a similar way in retconning the story in the present. in fact i have written my pitch for what i think that would look like lol

so to answer your question! nothing has especially gave off an impression that the story will go back to 1941. however i have full convinced myself that it is happening because it should lol. @moonyinpisces do you want to jump in here at all lmfao

[thehouseofevangelista]

The Bear s3 spoilers ahead:

I don’t get how season 1-2 revolved around Carmy “not wanting to be shitty” and being shitty at times but recognizing it pretty quickly to a flip just being switched and him becoming every chef he’s hated.

I think Storer should have done one more consult, this time with a licensed mental health professional, because the dynamic between the characters (or more so carmy and everyone else) just seems so off this season. Like in s1-2 both Nat and Syd call Carmy shitty in some way and you can see him process their critique and try (at least in some small way) to get better. But in s3 he’s just off the deep end!

Like the character arc is not arching! you mean to tell me that he’s so far gone there’s not one heart to heart Sydney convo, or a Nat heart to heart! You mean to tell me that the Faks are the only ones we get to see visit the hospital, no reference to “oh the rest of the crew is on the way”. So Donna gets a redemption arc but the main character doesn’t?

And the character development confusions don’t stop with Carmy! (I will say, it makes sense based on s2 that Nat would forgive her mother fairly quickly. It’s what she’s always longed for and it always seemed that if her mother at all gave her an inch she’d run with it.) I loved seeing the little bits of other characters and loved loved loved Tina’s episode, but from s1 Tina to even the confidence of s2 Tina how did we then so quickly get to a Tina that is afraid to speak. All of Marcus’ dialogue seemed chat gpt generated tbh, the “do it for me” line made me cringe so hard. And did any one ask for the Faks to become main characters. I feel like they got the most growth and unexpected screen time and for what reason.

Apologies for all of these disjointed thoughts, I’ll do a rewatch sometime soon and really dig in because I think there are real ways s4 can be redeemed. In many ways s3 felt like 1 long filler episode.

The last thing I’ll say, and I’ll say this not from a sydcarmy shipper perspective, but I literally don’t buy that Sydney doesn’t seriously call him out. Like she walked with a quickness in s1 and especially since she never signed the partnership agreement the fact that she never walked or at least not getting to see her rationale for staying (it would’ve been nice to see more with her dad, I feel like the fact that her dad called this “the thing” is the main motivator for her staying). And I also don’t buy that Carmy didn’t notice anything was off about her as she dealt with the turmoil of having this new offer. It also made no sense to me that when carmy confronted EMP chef, syd said that she was going to go after him and then we literally don’t see her. He spent all that time in the hallway and what she saw him confronting EMP and crying and turned around and said, “nah he’s got it”. Like that plot hole is bugging me, like when they all leave she’s not gunna ask, “oh where’s carmy” like the man she CAME WITH!

All in all, I believe I can enjoy s4 when it comes as long as there’s some actual plot development. This season felt like being caught in a rip tide. You’re swimming your life out, swimming the hardest you’ve ever swam only to realize you haven’t actually gone anywhere, in fact you’ve gone backwards! And what I hated most is that no part of me was rooting for Sydney (or Claire or anyone else at the bear) to stay. I sincerely hope the fanfic girlies can make me not want to see carmy die alone in a ditch.

[young-royals-confessions]

To the person who said they’re kind of excited for YR to be over. I get you!

I will be absolutely devastated when the show is over, I’m not ready to leave Wilmon (although I guess with fanfic I don’t have to fully!!) or their beautiful, masterful portrayal. I’m tearing up thinking about it! This show means so much to me and has got me through so much and I can’t believe it’s coming to an end, I still haven’t really processed that.

On the other hand, Wilmon has taken up so much of my brain space for the past two years that I’m kind of looking forward to what a bit of distance is going to give me. I mean I literally feel like I’m going out of my mind waiting for season 3, like I have no other personality at the moment, like I can’t focus on anything else. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think about them every day, and to be honest I think I’m ready for a bit of distance.

I will probably continue follow Omar and Edvin in their careers as I’ve grown to love them both so much as well, but I’m kind of excited to feel a bit less obsessed (after a long wallowing and mourning period where I will watch season three over and over and over and over). I’ll always return to YR and it’s truly my favourite show of all time ever, and it’s brought me so many good things, but yeah I do totally get also looking forward to what being on the other side of season 3 will look like!

💜

[fluffykitty149]

Does anyone else hate the episode Sophomore Slump?

Like when svtfoe originally came out with the third season I was super excited! I loved that show a lot and I was still reeling from seeing Star’s butterfly form.

When we got to Sophmore Slump I was intrigued by the title and thought a Marco centric story would be interesting. To see how he’s processed all of that’s happened. And apparently the process was turning into an egotistical jerk. It’s funny because I was more a fan of Star than Marco at the time and usually you’re less affected when a character who isn’t your favourite is written as jerk but even this irked me.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t watched in a while but that random boost of ego felt like it came quite literally out of nowhere. Marco was definitely gaining confidence in himself last season but it was more self assurance than anything else. Now they have him acting like a total jerk to everyone and for some reason being plagued by Mewnie but why?

He doesn’t seem to be experiencing any trauma from watching his friend supposedly die or being around when the King was overthrown. Maybe if they touched on that and showed that he was shaken up by what happened there and was just handling it badly maybe it could have worked better.

Maybe instead of the whole ‘best friend’ stuff with Jackie it could have been about how Marco is still trying to bury his insecurities instead of communicating honestly. Also did he and Jackie just never talk about what was said at the party? Maybe if it was written well Marco could have said something along the lines of he didn’t know for sure if it was true and didn’t want to jepordize Jackie and Star’s friendship over it without knowing but was too uncomfortable to talk about it, and then when the two finally did Star lied and said she didn’t so he figured it was just another assumption about them being a couple since they’re a male female friendship.

There are a lot of problems in the show ofc but I really hate what they did to Marco’s character.

[im-out-of-it]

season 1, episode 9 discussion list, “rise up”

this one and the following episodes (especially Malec) will be broken up in many parts so I thank anyone who takes the time and reads them 🥰

1. I feel bad for Simon processing that he’s a vampire. oh and he thinks Raphael did this. wait until he finds out it’s his supposed bestie

2. he has to process that 1. he’s a vampire. 2. his bestie made this choice for him. 3. he can’t go out in the daytime. 4. can never be near his mother right away or tell her the truth without her thinking her son is a monster. 5. has to go through all these changes. 6. having to rely on blood for his food. 7. oh and yeah being a downworlder who is seen inferior in the shadow world

3. “Alec, I need you.”- jace. bro does he know anything besides begging Alec for help? I know he doesn’t know yet that Alec was injured but think about someone else for a change. Alec has done everything for Jace and he’s still like “oh I need you to do this.” good on Izzy for shutting that down

4. like Alec is literally injured??????? I’m sorry about Simon but jace has been fixing Simons problems for the last episodes and no one is concerned about Alec- besides Izzy and Magnus

5. “Valentine attacked my home. Alec is injured, we have to go.”- jace. at least he’s finally showing some concern for Alec. and then clary is all like ummmm I can’t because of Simon. he’s finally putting Alec before clary (which is rare) for a change

6. “say that after you get my bill.”- Magnus making everyone but Alec pay heavily for his services will never get old lmao

7. giving Magnus the cold shoulder 😭 Magnus offered free services and Alec declined 🥹

8. well meliorn has just been arrested so sit tight while Izzy finds a way out

9. and Izzy is not having it

10. and also can we talk about meliorn and izzy? I really like the show version of them together. in the books, he doesn’t really give a shit about izzy and Alec eventually kills him. sorry if I spoiled anything but if it’s saving you from reading the books, you’re welcome, I’m happy to provide my services 🥰 I just wish they would have dated a little bit longer. I like Simon with Isabelle but it’s not formed and explored very well

11. Lydia is basically like you told state secrets Isabelle and be lucky you aren’t arrested lmao “I have orders, I never wanted any of this.”-Lydia

12. it’s hard to take sides because I’m on downworlders side for most things so I agree with Izzy but Lydia can’t just go against the clave without anybody backing her up. also we have to remember that she thinks this needs to be done because she couldn’t save her husband and he died. so maybe a part of her thinks this is necessary which infact they’re going to possibly torture a downworlder and that’s still wrong.

13. well now everyone knows that Alec is engaged 😬

14. I love how most of season one Alec is YOU LIED TO ME because literally almost everyone is lying or deceiving Alec

15. “they’re the ones who tarnished the Lightwood name”.-Alec has a good point because Maryse and Robert but mainly Maryse goes on about how Alec and Izzy need to basically be perfect while they committed atrocities in the past. I do think Maryse had growth in the show but they’re expecting Alec to fix their reputation and that’s a lot to put on your son.

16. and this is why we don’t go home after becoming vampires:

17. you almost kill your mother 😭

18. “Simon, we have always been here for each other.”- clary. oh you mean how he’s been there for you? that’s accurate but have we actually seen clary be there for Simon? yes she helps him when he’s kidnapped but he got kidnapped because of her. I’m sorry but I haven’t actually seen clary actually do something for Simon that didn’t benefit her in a way

19. “you call that love? where I come back to this nothing, where I feed, and I have to hide from the sun, and I can’t bare to be by the people that I love.”- Simon go off 🔥 because she is showing that she did it for herself. oh because I love you Simon! yet you never thought how Simon would process this change

20. Simon had every right to be upset with clary

21. the clave treats jace as some valuable being but here the clave finds out that they have had the cup this whole time 😬

22. “She’s risked everything to find it.”-jace. “and we’ve risked everything for her.”-Alec. literally Izzy almost gets deruned as a result of jace wanting to not take sides until clary is involved. they broke many clave rules but that doesn’t matter to jace. I don’t like the clave but I don’t agree with a powerful cup being in the hands of someone like clary or Jocelyn.

23. I don’t know if Alec has really gone too far with meliorn’s arrest because it’s not like he’s issuing these orders but he is following them. so it’s kinda just as bad, you know????? but after learning about his parents betrayal and jace not having his back, Alec most likely feels he’s ran out of options and thinks this might be the best case scenario (just a thought)

part 2 coming right up

[shrekgogurt]

WORDS

This is a sappy creative talking about being creative post. You have been warned. I did not proofread because I am nothing if not consistent in my personality.

I just got done watching Season 2 episodes 3&4 of the FX’s The Bear and I’m constantly inspired by their storytelling. The two episodes I watched really leaned into the creative process in a way that made me very reflective. I am terrible in a kitchen. However, I really saw similar patterns in my own pursuits.

I have a dear friend who studied brains in university and when I was at my lowest a few months ago she was telling me about how life is just skills. Things like IQ are bullshit. Everybody can do anything if they put the time in. It’s about just choosing skills and developing them. I get mad that I can’t draw. I get mad that I can’t play guitar well. Those are skills I’ve never worked on because the process doesn’t bring me joy, even though they are skills I wished I had. Meanwhile things like science or sports are areas I’ve never had much interest in cultivating anyway so the lack of skill doesn’t bother me as much.

I think about my skillset now a lot more. I think about how learning piano—while I’m frustrated by my lack of expertise—doesn’t make me literally cry while I’m learning. I embrace the challenge unlike something like drawing where I get so upset with myself it’s not fun anymore. This past fall while my confidence was totally shot (for a lot of reasons) I looked at my ability to sit at a keyboard and just play the same riffs from Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights over and over and over and over until I could do them. I learned I could do hard things. That maybe I’m not a total lazy piece of shit who gives up at the first sign of trouble.

And the beautiful thing is? That wasn’t always the case with piano. I’ve dabbled here and there throughout my life but when I first took piano lessons as a kid I HATED them. I didn’t enjoy putting in the work. But I do now because people change. And so maybe one day I will learn to draw but not right now. And that’s okay.

And then I start thinking about singing. There’s this sentiment that people are just naturally gifted, especially at singing. But at least for me that’s not the case. I’m good at singing because as a kid I loved it. I gravitated toward it. I sung all the time to the radio, mimicking the voices I heard. And I listened to SO MUCH music—partially because of my parents but also because I chose to always have the radio or a CD or my trusty mp3 player going. When I was playing with my dolls. When I was riding my bike. When I was in the shower. When I was at dance class. When I was dragged along to my siblings' sports games, I would build worlds while tuned into the nearest iHeartRadio station. (Airplanes feat. Hayley Williams. I loved it. I loved the storytelling. Pt. 1 but oh when the oh so rare Pt. 2 came through over the FM waves it was the best day of my life.)

Eventually, my parents put me into voice lessons. I learned how to sing rather than mimic. (Not that the latter is bad.) But I learned how to use it as an instrument. And I sang and I sang and I sang. In lessons. In choir. In church. That’s why I’m good at singing. It took me forever to learn how to harmonize. I was a soprano—it was always melody. But I’m learning that too as my voice changes. I can’t sing as high as I used to. I haven’t practiced notes off the staff since high school. Life is just skills. I was focusing on different ones. Like film (but we’ll get to that.)

There was something else always there. I don’t know how many people knew it—the extent. You had to live with me to see it…but I loved nothing more than I loved reading. 

I always had my nose in a book. Like a lot of kids who consumed books non-stop it was definitely escapism. But I read and I read and I read. The classic question in my family was “where is Mary?” And the answer was always “in her room.” And if I wasn’t reading a story I was creating one. With my dolls yes, but eventually with my tiny little acer computer and with my thumbs in the notes app on my iPod Touch. (I still maintain that the notes app is where the best art happens.)

It was May in my eighth grade pre-Algebra class when my friend told me what FanFiction was and about how she had an account on good ole fanfiction.net. I made one too. I joined a Divergent roleplaying forum that lasted two months. I started writing a long-abandoned backstory for my character—Antoine, named at intermission of the high school production of West Side Story I was watching. It was bad. But I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was doing something important and I guess I was.

The Divergent forum didn’t last long but a few months later I would create my own. Welcome to Camp Half Blood! Join in! Make an OC! I brought my friends over from the old forum and even as Admin my authority was immediately usurped. We built worlds. And then we rebuilt them. And then our worlds had baby worlds. Generation 1, Gen 1.5 (you suggest a teen pregnancy plot line as a joke one time while on a choir trip in Yorkshire ONE TIME and then you wake up and uh oh two characters are actually teen pregnant), Gen 2, on and on and on. There’s a whole Google Sheets document. It’s deeply comprehensive and filled with all our faceclaims and timelines and playlists.

We rarely wrote action in our roleplay. We mainly talked. Dialogue and dialogue and dialogue for years. I get compliments now on my dialogue in fics. It didn’t come from nowhere. It came from cringe-y exchanges with my friends as we fell in love with each other’s self inserts over and over and over again. I stayed up on school nights until 2am quietly wheezing only to fall asleep in Algebra 1 over my scribbled cursive poetry on the graph paper. Life is skills. I was choosing which ones to build.

It was never math.

It was stories.

In the singing. In the dance (competition team—burned me out. I was never the best athlete. I was always the most expressive. I was telling the story.) In the theatre. And in the little fan videos I would make with my friends for our OCs over on fanfiction.net.

So my dumbass went to film school. And like with singing I learned about stories. How to craft them. And I wrote bad scripts. And we made bad low budget films. And I was so scared of cameras but I learned how to use them. And I directed and I got good at that especially with documentaries. Looking at all the information and chasing down the story. Telling people who were faster editors than me where to cut. Telling people who could make the camera capture what I saw in my eye what to film. God I fucking loved it. And I miss it.

Because my dumbass went to seminary. Why? Because there were these ancient stories that were really important to me that were being used to harm others. And I wanted to learn them. And I wanted to be able to show that there was a different way than the one that spews hatred. And as Phoebe Bridgers sings I “went looking for a creation myth ended up with a pair of cracked lips.” And I’m figuring all that out still. What to do with these stories that mean so much to me. How to tell them. How to Robin Hood theology.

And as my life and my faith were falling apart. I looked at my tiny little shithole apartment. And how I used to hide in my room where I felt safe. And I made that apartment feel safe. It was my room now. And I walked out to my bookshelf and I saw a book I had bought and opened it up. And on the inside of the cover there was a map just like there was in all the best books from my childhood. So I stayed up until 3am reading it. And then the next night. And the next night. And then I bought the sequel and I read about a boy who thought he was going to be something and then he wasn’t that anymore. And he was lost and angry and self-destructive just like me. But then in the last part of the trilogy he decided at the last second to try to figure it all out. And I’m still trying to do that too.

I had been writing all along—non-fiction. Papers. Essays. (Metas—really.) And I learned how to approach a text. How to analyze it in one million different ways. And I think I took those skills I learned from the Bible and I stuck them on some YA trilogy. And I thought and I thought and I had something to say.

And I wrote. And I keep getting better. Because life is just skills.

So I was watching The Bear and Will Poulter as a baker talks about how he used to see some other baker as competition. Until he decided he wasn’t and instead he just tried to keep up. And I want to keep up. And I watch these television shows and I read your fics and I get so fucking inspired. 

And I look at this stupid fucking soccer fic I love with my whole chest and I think about how life is just skills and they all have led me to be able to write it. And I know that in ten years when I’m 34 I’ll probably think it’s cringey just like I think that what I wrote when I was 14 is cringey. But GOD I’m so proud of it. And I think I always will be.

Because life is just skills and I’m really glad I chose these ones.

TL;DR I’ve never been the best “athlete” (had the best skills in a particular medium) but goddamn if I’m not a good fucking storyteller.

[lindszeppelin]

In the press for MOTA (and even a little for D2), Austin often references how out of it and lost he was when he was in London. He even talks in one interview about how he doesn’t remember filming some of the scenes in MOTA.

We all knew he had a tough time “coming out” of his Elvis portrayal, but these interviews I think shed a bit more light on just how scrambled up he really was.

This is the exact time frame when the situationship would have been established. And I bet to him and his camp it seemed like a pretty great idea at the time — low stress, harmless, straightforward. It seemed like it would protect him from questions about V (and it did) and allow him to spend time with someone on mutually agreed upon terms. But…

“When you’re lost, people take advantage.” (Actual dialogue from the Elvis movie.)

Now I am NOT suggesting that he isn’t responsible for his own life and choices. He’s an adult so it’s all ultimately up to him. But based on his facial expressions and body language in the past weeks (months really), it’s quite evident that he is NOT feeling the benefit of being tied to this situation. And I wonder if he had it to do all over again if he would make a different decision. Of course we will never know.

But I suspect he has utterly soured on this aspect of fame and will want nothing more to do with such an arrangement. Or at least not one like this. Apart from the initial shield from speculation about V or another relationship, he’s gotten absolutely nothing back from this. She appears to be too young and spoiled to be anything but a complete drain. In fact, except for Cannes I don’t recall ever seeing her even look excited to be supporting him. I’m not saying I know for sure but from the parts that are visible she just does NOT give off warmth. She gives off needy and self-involved. The most disappointing example of this was Lisa Marie’s funeral. I would bet money that it was not long after that (which was after the Golden Globes), that the whole mess started to feel off to him. Death has a way of cutting through the bullshit. But, of course, the fog of awards season wouldn’t be the time to process that.

It’s so very frustrating to see him stuck in this contract, but I am hoping that when he is finally cut loose, he can actually spend some time in the kind of seclusion/privacy he genuinely wants.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. But I’m also moving this week so I’m insane and haven’t even had time to watch episode 5. There’s more in my head but I just had to stop and take the time to share this much with you Linds.

💕

god MJ i love you and your messages like these, i enjoy them every single time because you provide so much beautiful nuance and depth to your comments. ugh it's so good. and like always i agree with everything you said. we be on the same wavelength like that lol.

that elvis quote you dropped too was PERFECT. like literally, Elvis himself got mixed up with people who were not good for him but he was trapped. and people come through and try to say austin isn't trapped. then what do you call a man who has had no spark in his eyes for the last year+, looking morose every time he is with her, forced to be her pap puppet while she knows he hates being papped, etc? the only time austin feels happy is when he is with his costars and his friends that he loves. but when with her it's like the soul gets sucked out of him and he's mentally somewhere else while his body just goes through the motions. robotic and predictable.

and yes him and kaia met around that time he had finished filming MOTA. this man was barely in hospital for a week before flying over to London and being thrust into a new environment, new characters, new people. these shippers are too young and inexperienced to know how a person who goes through that much stress and quick change can be in a fog for a long time. plus yes, he didn't have to answer anything Qs about vanessa since he was already dating kaia when they were first papped after a gym session.

also let's not forget that this man was put through award season, grueling and 10x more stress for his oscar campaign. all of the events he attended in 2022/2023 were for Elvis and his Oscar nomination. that's an entirely different kind of PR he would be thrust into that he never experienced before. and yes of course while he agreed to do it in the beginning when it was new and different, clearly their dynamic changed and it's never been the same.

but one day when he is able to walk away from it, we will see an entirely vibrant and new austin. i swear to god this man will be totally reborn. it gives the energy of nicole kidman pumping her fits in the air excitedly after divorcing tom cruise lol.

[crippleprophet]

(feel free to not respond to this, hell feel free to be like “please don’t do this again”)

so i’ve had join problems for like 3 1/2 years now and they just got diagnosed like 2 week’s ago, turns out i have runners knee

so i feel bad because 1. it feels lit not as big of a deal as i feel like it is (it is a big deal, it’s impacted my life (thank you therapy))

2. i’m worried that pt and more exercise won’t make it better (i’m on my schools swim team, so 4 practices a week during the season, plus a swim meet on friday)

and 3. i feel like (at least for now) i need more support. my pt doesn’t start until february and i can’t remember the last day i haven’t been in pain or had sensations that are probably due to nerve wackiness. i have used a cane in the past and it has helped me immensely. but i feel bad for wanting something that works for both legs. i’ve literally have had 2 dreams about me having forearm crutches.

i’m just really exhausted, sorry for dumping this all on you rn, i feel like even though i was listened to i still was just told to exercise and loose weight

hey, it’s absolutely no problem & i’m so deeply sorry you’re dealing with this 💕💕

i’m gonna throw like a billion disclaimers on this that, in addition to my usual line about just being Some Guy on the internet, i am definitely responding from a place of trauma here - i don’t know your body & you are the authority on your experiences, i’m just tossing some stuff out there based on my experiences, which might be totally different in other (or underlying physical processes yadda yadda) ways. also like big tw for medical neglect

so. i ran cross country in high school and my joint pain originated in my left knee at age 16, no specific injury or incident, RICE etc barely did anything. xrays and mri showed nothing. tried cortisone shot, euflexxa injections, some sort of topical steroid that was originally used on racehorses, nothing. because i was a runner no one ever considered it could be anything but an orthopedic issue.

i had two exploratory arthroscopic surgeries (which i’ve since learned are as effective as a placebo) with extensive debridement - first dx, plica syndrome, “we have no idea why this was this bad,” cleared to run again after post-op PT, pain came back even worse after ~7 months.

second dx, grade II chondromalacia patellae aka runner’s knee. told never to run again. i knew in post-op PT that something was wrong, this wasn’t the same pain as recovery previously, it felt like the underlying issue was still there. this wasn’t pain of healing, it was making something else worse. my physical therapist didn’t believe me, just kept pushing me, literally told me once that there was no way i was in that much pain. the pattern of swelling, location & sensation of pain, nerve symptoms, etc never made sense to anyone, no matter how many people they called over to poke & prod.

i don’t think i’ll ever know why, especially when he then didn’t fucking do anything with this information, but one day he had me try a lumbar extension stretch. you know the scene in the little mermaid where she’s propping her upper body up with her arms on the rock, waves crashing behind her, triumphant music? it’s basically that pose. it was both the single most excruciating and relieving thing i’ve ever done; even my chronic migraine of 2 years lessened. but we proceeded on a normative linear recovery arc, i got cleared from PT, the pain was better but still there.

flash forward four more years of intensifying pain - first my other knee, then the bottoms of my feet, then more constant and prominent in my lower back, then my upper back & worsening of the neck pain i’d been told and believed was from looking down at books/phone, what i now know as neuropathy increasing all the while - using a cane, then forearm crutches, then a forearm rollator, then a mobility scooter, spending more & more time unable to leave the bed - and i stumbled across an article about ankylosing spondylitis that matched my history fucking eerily, right down to the car crash as a younger teenager. it turns out AS commonly first presents with knee pain, not back pain, in juveniles.

so here’s what i’m gonna tell you: even if it’s “only” chondromalacia, your pain is real and serious and you should listen to your body. and, with again the mega disclaimer that you might be experiencing something totally different, i gently suggest:

read my posts about AS. read my google doc about AS. read anybody’s posts and articles about anything that originates with knee pain, especially if it involves neuropathy.

keep tabs on your body and don’t believe anyone who tells you something is normal until you’ve investigated it for yourself. does your neck hurt? how much? how often? what about your upper spine, between your shoulders? your lower back?

try a lumbar extension stretch, just in case.

if you haven’t been to a rheumatologist before and it’s at all possible for you to do so, do it. if you have a GP and can get a blood workup from them instead, do that. more info on blood testing here - but keep in mind that negative blood work doesn’t rule anything out.

if you can get forearm crutches, one hundred thousand percent do it. make sure they’re sized properly - more info on that here.

do whatever you possibly can to shore up your trust in yourself and your experiences. surround yourself with as many people as possible, in person or online, who believe your pain and make you feel solid in your knowledge of yourself. i’m a big fan of putting up signs with reminders if you can. whether you have chondromalacia, something else, or a combination, your pain is real, it is disabling, and it is in your best interest to develop strategies to cope with the systemic gaslighting that is existing within an ableist society & medical system.

if there is literally anything at all i can do to encourage you, answer questions, etc, please feel free to dm me or send another ask any time. my whole fucking heart goes out to you - you are not the only one who’s been through this, and that is both the horror & deepest relief of chronic pain. so much love to you, may you receive everything you need.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

I’ve been watching How to Get Away With Murder lately and let me just say I’ve had several topics that this fucking show has made me want to blog about that I just don’t wanna spam y’all with so let me bullet point this for you:

Warning: Long AF post about complete nonsense.

1. I never finished Scandal (another series by Shonda Rhimes) but I sure did watch a shit ton of it and I used to genuinely think it was a great show at the time. Haven’t seen it in a while so I’m not sure how exactly I’d feel now, but if watching HTGAWM has shown me anything it’s that god does this woman suck at writing characters. She’s pretty good at writing serialized legal/political dramas, I’ll give her that, but she legitimately only has like maybe 4-5 character archetypes that she just copied and pasted from Scandal onto this show, and boy do the flaws show in this series.

You’ve got the strong, black female lead whose job it is to basically fix problems, ethically or unethically, she pretends to care but doesn’t really.

You’ve got the sociopathic do-it-all guy who does all the unethical dirty work including breaking and entering, kidnapping, killing, destroying evidence, planting evidence, etc. with a troubled past of being in prison.

You’ve got the incredibly basic girl who starts off all shy and cute like she’s an innocent little sunflower, who then falls in love with the sociopathic do-it-all guy which inevitably leads her down a similar road of corruption.

You’ve even got the soft-spoken, ‘dreamy’ white man that the lead has the hots for (as well as the mentally-damaged white girl).

There’s probably more, but honestly that’s all I can remember from Scandal at this point. It’s actually kind of insane to me how it’s literally just the same exact characters just transplanted to a different plot. I don’t know much about her personally, but she strikes me as someone who would probably make bank writing romance novels or Y/N fanfic.

2. Binge watching shows has ruined pacing of older shows, such as HTGAWM, because without that weeklong break in the middle (sometimes longer for holidays) you overlook details because you don’t have time to process them properly, and oftentimes plot points that require time passing (such as relationships, breakups, etc.) can fail completely because it’s not really believable when a couple is together one episode, breaks up to be w/ someone else the next, says “I love you” the next, and is pregnant in the next (yes, this is something that actually happened in HTGAWM).

3. Just in general, the writing for this show really begins to plummet after just S1, but mostly S2. I’ll give them credit where credit is due, a lot of shows that begin with this ‘hook’-like idea--in this case murder and how to get away with it--tend to fail miserably by wrapping up that initial hook in the first season and then winging it every season after that. This show surprisingly doesn’t do that, and every season begins with a new murder that they then have to “get away with” (almost comically-so).

But as I said, this woman doesn’t seem to know how to write characters, at least not likeable or consistent ones. It sometimes feels like I’m watching reality TV or something because a lot of the conflict between characters is incredibly forced. I’m halfway through S4 and despite the fact that these people love to profess how much they love each other, they’re a family, etc. in nearly every episode you’ve got someone “not trusting” someone else, someone keeping secrets “just because”, or someone yelling at someone else for something because it’s “all their fault” when like none of that is ever actually true.

Oliver and Conner broke up because Oliver felt like the relationship wasn’t healthy because, even after he lied to Conner about something really fucking important, Conner instantly forgave him, which yeah sure that absolutely sucks and is a totally valid reason to break up with someone, albeit a sad one because obviously you two still love each other...except in the next fucking episode, Conner is hooking up w/ strangers and Oliver is genuinely considering jumping into another relationship, and also Oliver is changing his story and claiming the reason he broke up w/ Conner was actually Conner’s fault because of like trust issues or something which just isn’t true at all?? It was a wild retcon that came out of nowhere for no other reason other than I guess she needed them to sleep w/ other people that season.

Also I’m sorry but how is Michaela supposed to be even a remotely redeemable character when she’s written to be this huge uptight, racist, homophobic (or possibly biphobic), bitch? I don’t think she ever gets better. Right from the get go in S1, she has this whole ordeal over her fiancé having had one gay experience many years ago when he was younger, and like okay I would understand it if it was just about the fact that he didn’t tell her about it, but she continued to spiral out over it, accusing any man even in the vicinity of him as being his secret lover, and continues to badmouth him as “gay” (I can’t write tone here, but she says it in a very accusing way) to the others including Conner who is literally gay. There’s also never really a refutation to this either, so by the time Aiden is completely out of the picture, I guess we’re left to just assume he is actually gay, despite all possible evidence pointing to the contrary. But I guess all of this is A-OK because she becomes GBFs w/ Conner later for...some reason, I guess.

Then there’s the way she treats Asher which, in the beginning I was like okay fair, he’s the douchey frat boy character. Totally understandable why you’d treat him like an asshole. But when they hook up and eventually get together, she is so unbelievably racist towards him??? She’s constantly going on about “white boy” this and “white people” that, and the poor dude just takes it because he’s super whipped.

The way she also talks about other black people is even off, like if she wasn’t black (and Shonda Rhimes wasn’t black) I would daresay it comes across as fetishistic. In fact, a lot of this show is written like fetish porn of black people. God help if this was written by a white woman which ironically enough, it really does feel like this was written by a white woman. I’m not even joking, if I didn’t already know who Shonda Rhimes was, I would swear to you this show was written by a white woman who really loves black people, to an uncomfortable degree. I’m not even talking about cringy “black empowerment” either, that’s not what bothers me. It’s one thing to promote strong black (female) characters in a show which you know it’s fine I guess, whatever, but this show fetishizes that instead. Black people aren’t just strong and powerful, they’re the strongest and the most powerful. It’s creepy and weird.

At this point, the only reason I’m watching it is because I like Viola Davis and despite her character being iffy at times, she’s still a tremendous actress. And ofc I like Colliver, even though it’s messy a lot of the time. I know I just sat here and shat on the show a bunch, and to be clear it’s definitely not a show I would ever recommend, but it’s not strictly-speaking terrible. It just has a lot of bad moments/elements to it.

[aossimusings]

I haven’t seen the end of 9, nor 10, but imo it’s like this:

A major theme of the Bear that I believe is becoming more obvious throughout the seasons is that Carmy has literally never had the time or space to develop or process his emotions normally or healthily. He was born into a dysfunctional family where the two present adults, and thus parental figures — Donna and Mikey — were both addicts. While flashbacks indicate that Mikey was a lot more stable than Donna, Fishes demonstrates that he could be just as volatile and emotionally immature. Carmy’s third parental figure, Sugar, is a victim of that, like he is. And his one safe place, the kitchen, was so highly pressurized, and eventually, abusive, that it was more of an escape from his emotions that it was a place to process them.

Carmy, as a character, has 0 emotional regulation. Learned from his family. And what we also see learned from his family is that he can be incredibly devoted to very unhealthy relationships. He did cut and run eventually, but I think the way he interacts with Donna in Fishes is really telling. He has to have no contact with her, or else he will be doing everything to emotionally regulate her at the cost of himself.

I think this is also why Mikey cut him off — he literally would have never left Mikey if not for being cut out of his life. Like, he would’ve done anything to stay with him at the cost of his own talent and ambitions.

Sugar points out the same thing with the Beef — he’s staying with a sinking ship, and nothing can drag him out.

Same thing with creepy NYC chef — that relationship was so abusive, but he stayed working there, even after Mikey died.

I think we’re seeing the same behavioral pattern with Claire — with one notable exception. Carmy’s fridge monologue was a mess of true sentiments and self destructive ones. I, personally, think that was he was saying about his relationship with Claire was mostly true. While it’s wrong that he doesn’t deserve to be happy, he was probably right about the fact that he feels terrible about abandoning all these other people closer to him. It was actually a moment of him breaking off a relationship, when normally he falls deeper and deeper in.

He hasn’t done any of the work to break down why he’s like that though, so even though he ended the relationship, it’s still plaguing him.

In a different post I talk a lot about how Claire was a form of escapism for Carmy. Basically the kitchen used to be his safe place, but has since become toxic. He has nothing else in his life, so he fell into a relationship with Claire as a way to escape the kitchen. Now in S3 that he’s all in on the kitchen, and subsequently unraveling himself, he’s desperate for that escapism, when really, he probably needs some serious therapy to work through his incredibly traumatic childhood and recent working life and grief over Mikey.

The bear trying to gaslight me into believing Claire and Carmy’s relationship was all sunshine by putting some never seen before flashbacks where he is suddenly smiling all the time… when the only thing we see season 2 is him miserable and worried and bathed in blue light everytime he is with or thinks about Claire, to the point he even had a panic attack about it????

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[sage-nebula]

I don’t have time to type up a proper and polished meta post right now (because, much like Retsuko, I have work in the morning), but I wanted to say a couple things about the Haida/Retsuko relationship as depicted in season three while it’s still fresh in my mind.

First:

Haida falling for Retsuko when he saw her sneakily filling her water bottles from the company cooler shows that he does like her for who she actually is.

A recurring theme since the end of season one has been that Haida doesn’t know the “real” Retsuko, and that he primarily likes the image of Retsuko that he’s built up in his head. He says this to her in the hospital room at the end of season one, and it was touched upon again and again this season, particularly once Haida discovered that Retsuko was secretly in an idol group and hadn’t told him about it. At the office, Retsuko presents herself as a diligent, passive office worker who lets herself be pushed around by her boss and others. She’s sweet and polite, and a bit shy. This seems to be the Retsuko that Haida fell for.

But in the scene when he’s drinking with Fenneko, we find out that’s not the case. Haida tells Fenneko that he at first thought that Retsuko was too hard-working, which (given the context of the water cooler story) makes it seem as though the front that Retsuko puts on—diligent, sweet, shy, model employee—wasn’t attractive to Haida. It isn’t until he witnessed Retsuko “stealing” water from the company water cooler while trying to be sneaky about it that he started to develop feelings for her. In that moment, Retsuko thought she was alone, so she behaved in a way she ordinarily wouldn’t in front of her coworkers. She behaved in a way that was raw, that was honest to who she was, and that was who Haida started to develop feelings for. He started to develop feelings for the Retsuko he saw when she thought no one else was around. Haida hasn’t seen that side of Retsuko too often, because she hasn’t let him, but it’s safe to say that Haida won’t stop having feelings for her when he gets to know her even more. Rather, he’ll love her even more strongly.

Which brings me to point two . . .

Haida brought her to the karaoke room because he wanted to give her room to express herself honestly.

I haven’t looked at The Discourse™ too deeply yet, and frankly I don’t really want to, but what glimpses I’ve seen of it have indicated that people are upset at Haida for dragging Retsuko out of her mom’s house and having a heavy metal face off with her in order to get her to stop hiding and return to work, with him to be there by her side to protect her. As someone with a bad anxiety disorder who has had brushes with stalking in the past (though thankfully I wasn’t attacked like Retsuko was), I definitely agreed with Retsuko when she pushed back against Haida and I can see where others are coming from when they say that he came on too strong the way he did, that it was too much, too soon.

However:

We don’t know how long it’s been since the incident. When Fenneko said that Haida has been pining after Retsuko for five years, I was shocked. The three seasons combined certainly don’t feel like that long, and I’m sure that this is meant to mean that he’s been pining for her even before the show started (which tracks), but it’s a good reminder that time can pass far more quickly in Aggretsuko than we’d expect. For us that stalking incident just happened, but for all we know Retsuko has been holed up in her parents’ house for months. I would like to give Haida the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t yank Retsuko out of her mother’s house two days after the incident. I mean, we don’t know for sure, so maybe that is what happened, but I just feel like it’s been quite a bit longer for that, especially for Gori and Washimi to go along like they did (because you know they wouldn’t let anything happen that would hurt Retsuko).

Retsuko is never honest with Haida, so he pushed her to get that honesty. Haida says it himself when talking to Tadano in the plane: No matter how many times he asks Retsuko how she is, she always says that she’s fine and refuses to open up to him. And you know, that is her prerogative, she doesn’t have to tell him things if she doesn’t want to. However, this explains why Haida took her to a place where he knew she would be able to express herself (something that Gori and Washimi likely confirmed): Because he wants to be able to help her, but he can’t do that if she won’t be honest with him about how she’s feeling. If you’ll notice, most of what Haida says in the karaoke room isn’t about him wanting Retsuko to be his girlfriend (in fact, he doesn’t really bring it up beyond showing the match results; instead he says he wants to offer her safe harbor, wants to make her feel comfortable living her life again, and that doesn’t have to be romantic); rather, it’s about encouraging Retsuko to open up and live her life again instead of shutting herself away, and we can take this to be both metaphorical and literal. It’s also worth it to note that Haida didn’t grow angry when Retsuko started snapping and screaming at him; rather, he took it in stride and even encouraged that, pushing her with heavy metal lyrics of his own. Retsuko won’t open up to Haida in ordinary circumstances, or at least she hasn’t, so he took her to the one place where she would be able to literally scream at him if necessary, because if that’s what she needs to open up and get everything off her chest, so be it.

Retsuko does need to start living her life again. Look, what happened to Retsuko is absolutely terrifying. I get it. I’ve lived it (though again, not quite to that extent). But as terrifying as it is, she can’t put her life on pause forever. Eventually, she has to get back out there. She has to go back to work (not necessarily at the same company, but somewhere). She has to be able to go out again. She has to be able to feel safe in her own home again. Yes, she feels safe at her parents’ house, but as a person, Retsuko won’t be happy if she stays holed up in her parents’ house forever. It’s completely understandable that she takes some time to deal with what happened with her. But eventually, self-care in that sense becomes self-harm. Part of the healing process is going back out into the world and learning to feel safe in those spaces again. And doing so is monumentally easier with someone by your side who is there to offer you that support. Haida taking Retsuko’s hand and telling her that he will punch the world with her—a.k.a., it’s not Retsuko versus the world, she’s not alone, she has an ally—is Haida offering her the support she needs. He’s not saying, “Get back to work!” and throwing her into the deep end of the pool by herself. He’s taking her hand and saying he’ll walk into the water with her. And that’s something that she honestly needs. Retsuko can’t heal completely if she stays in her childhood bedroom all day every day, hiding from the world. She has to get back out there and face it. Haida is offering her the helping hand she needs to do that. While the way he offered it is unconventional, so is Retsuko herself. That she was able to go back to work after that scene with him shows that it was the help that Retsuko needed, even if it wasn’t the help that she (at the time) wanted.

Just like the ending of season one, whether Retsuko and Haida are dating right now is ambiguous. Personally, I don’t think they are. Again, though Haida showed her the dating app results, what he was really offering in the karaoke room was a supportive hand to help her feel safe out in the world again. Plus, Retsuko didn’t say anything in the karaoke room that suggested she wanted to date him. So I think that, in season four, we’ll open with them still just friends—but closer friends than before. And perhaps by the end of season four, they’ll end up dating.

But either way, the main takeaways here are:

Haida does like Retsuko for who she is, she’s just let him see very little of her true self, and

While unconventional, what Haida did in the karaoke room was ultimately what was best for Retsuko, especially since they never tell us how much time has passed since the attack and the scene in the karaoke room (meaning that it’s likely much longer than it seems to us, the viewers).

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

holy shit, the season 2 finale of the toh was so intense and that’s putting it mildly. i finished watching it almost an hour ago and i still haven’t fully processed it yet

You can say that again.

The Collector is going to be the only thing I think about for the rest of my life.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. This was King's episode, before anything else. Which is reflected in the title and in moments like where we see out of his eyes, or when he dreams of The Collector and Belos (Titan magic mayhaps?) only to wake up being carried by Willow - which was cute as hell, by the way. He saves the day, and he figures out what to do. Of course, in freeing The Collector, he also may have damned the entire Demon Realm including himself and Eda, but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Alador wondering about Hunter is no accident, anymore than it is that a drop of Belos' remains landed on his shoulder before he crossed the door. Everyone who kept predicting that The Collector would possess Luz, or King...well, you were on the right track. I bet Belos possesses Hunter and, remembering Alador's previous words, the seeds of doubt are planted in the gang. Side note: I live for any reference to Amity "Mittens" Blight. It's just so damn cute.

Belos saying farewell to the Boiling Isles just...ugh, if I'd been holding a pencil it would have snapped in two. I'm also living for the imagery of suns and moons, and how that probably connects back to symbolism about The Collector, who is supposedly a "child of the stars." God can you tell that they're all I can think about? Stay focused, Blair. But it's a good moment to talk about how Phillip/Belos is an absolute monster and he really does genuinely think of himself as a hero. He's so damn selfish, apparently having done all this just to become Witchfinder General, so I almost hoped he would make it back to the Human Realm just to see all of his hopes and dreams dashed by a future that has no use for someone like him.

I mean, I'm no fan of Kikimora, but the way he treated her...to say nothing of what he did to The Collector...Belos probably isn't gone for good because like I said, he's totally going to be possess Hunter...but his "death" scene was, among many other things, extremely cathartic. Such a bastard. I'm also really digging the development of the hero/villain dynamic between Luz and Belos. How she helped him in the past, before realizing who he was, and how he's always known that. The way Luz takes a page from his book in this episode. Making him an offer and then double-crossing him the way he did to The Collector.

I'm torn between sobbing because Raine is probably dead, based on that final shot...and also freaking out because they literally just saved Eda's life and took her arm right off. In a lesser show, I'd expect that arm to just be regrown with magic in the next episode, but this is The Owl House...Dana, you just made one of our lead characters into a physically disabled character, and I hope to heaven that you realize how awesome that is. A little thing, might seem strange to be getting so excited about it, but what can I say? Still, if Raine is dead, I'm gonna sob. Especially since they went down saving Eda. Oh, that will tear her up inside.

The design of "Monster" Belos (or should we be calling him Phillip? It seems to be his preferred name) also really works for me and just in general, it really suits him. This is who he is underneath it all. Who he's always been. And surprisingly, it still manages to capture his emotions? When he appeals to Hunter, and the anger a second later. (Don't think I didn't catch him saying "Caleb!" either.) Or when the Collector materializes and he absolutely shits his pants. Hats off to the VA as well.

But King saves the day, and let me tell you, he and The Collector are connected by more than just this scene. More than just their history with King's father being the one who imprisoned them. (And he had a reason for doing so, he must have. That, among much else, terrifies me.) These two characters, despite being children, might as well be deities as far as The Boiling Isles are concerned. We've seen how much power King's blood (Hey! King's blood! I just realized that. Now that's clever.) can have, and The Collector can move planetary objects with a single "boop." They're apparently a "child from the stars." Whatever the hell THAT means. I wonder if The Collector (and their species? If they have one?) haven't always had some kind of rivalry with The Titans. Would tie in with that cult who hunted King.

I can't take this anymore, I need to gush about my little chaotic space child. The Collector could destroy the entire universe just for a game of jump rope and heck I'd probably join them anyway. We stan God in this house if they're just a childlike wizard with a killer fashion sense who plays games that threaten entire civilizations. Man, even The Collector's music is fucking awesome. The perfect blend of playful and circus-like with an uneasy undercurrent of absolute terror. It just feels like it would suit the background of one of their "games." The scene where they kill Belos? (Well, kill him for now) So freaking awesome? The way they reassure him that they're not angry, only to immediately follow up with the "I'm It." Is ice cold, badass, and scary af. I also have to give credit where it's due to their VA. Every single time they appear, this character is a delight to watch.

But now, though it pains me, we must move on. King's gambit, the way he saves everyone by freeing The Collector and learns how to speak their language to basically empty out The Boiling Isles (at least, I think that's what happened?) but then things kind of went south and all the heroes could do was escape - and King, my beloved, he made sure Luz made it through the portal. And then Luz reunites with Camila! (Side note, I wonder if that empty house they materalized in used to belong to the Wittebane brothers?) It's a cliffhanger, so of course we don't get to see Camilla's reaction. But something tells me that she won't be happy about Luz wanting to go back to the Boiling Isles, especially since she already promised to never return once she made it home...but then again, the only reason Luz is even here is because she was escaping the apocalypse....oh yeah, I foresee some drama.

[deareddie]

i cant stop thinking about it now. buddie kiss in the rain when.

I'm literally picturing the episode in my head right now listen:

by the time this actually happens, it's been a long time coming. the pining has been obvious to the audience, they've been shooting longing looks at each other for a good season at this point

maybe in the end of the previous episode they had some kind of long, emotional talk where they kinda sorta revealed a bit too much about their feelings, and now there's this odd tension between them because it feels like they're finally teetering on an edge they can't come back from, and they don't really know which way to step

so the episode opens with them arriving at the station, and it's a vaguely cloudy day. kinda gloomy, but not too bad

but as the episode progresses, we see this storm building, as this tension between buck and eddie does the same (it's a metaphor, you see)

sideways glances, longing looks, awkward conversations, u know what I'm talking about

and the sky slowly begins to darken with grey clouds as they go through their shift, dealing with a bunch of calls that have something to do with the weather I guess (they do like their themes)

and all throughout it, things are just weird between them

so by the end of the shift, Eddie's fed up with it, and he turns to buck once everyone else has left the station and he's like "what's up with us, man? what's going on?"

and buck just. sighs and says "you really don't know? come on, eddie." and starts walking out of the firehouse towards his car

of course, eddie follows him, cause he's stubborn as all hell, and won't let this go without a fight. he's like "what's the matter? what did I do?"

and by this point it's pouring, right? and eddie follows him right up to the threshold of the door, where buck stops and turns to him. "nothing, eddie. that's the problem. we both know there's something going on between us but neither of us are doing anything about it"

and Eddie's a bit stunned into silence cause like. we're actually saying this out loud now?

buck continues, like "I'm fed up with this. either we're going to do this, or we're not."

eddie remains silent for a beat longer (he's processing, okay, give him a break) so buck takes that as a rejection, and tries to be nonchalant about it like, whatever, fine, and shakes his head and starts out towards his car (into the rain. hehe)

and this is the point where Eddie's brain catches up with him, so he calls out the classic "buck, wait!" and buck turns back, but he can't find the right words to say so he figures actions will do instead, and he rushes out towards him in the downpour and BOOM. THE KISS. grabs him by both cheeks and kisses the life out of that man and whew my heart is beating fast just thinking about it

and of course they pull back with the absolute fondest smiles and bucks just like "is that a yes, then?" SCREAM.

but WAIT. NOT ONLY THAT... but this turns out to be no ordinary storm, no sir

this episode is the lead up to the TWO PART HURRICANE EPISODE that we want so bad, and so in the next couple of episodes they barely even have time to see each other and it's killing them

and THEN they get separated during a rescue and one of them gets into some trouble and we see the other trying to stay cool and collected but in fact they're dying inside because they had finally gotten what they wanted and now it feels like it's all slipping away too fast hoo boy the angst potential

but by the end of the two parter they're reunited and they go home together and boom. start of the canon secret relationship storyline

mic drop

anyway as you can see I haven't thought about this at all