#i haven’t processed literally anything else about this season

[yellowlaboratory]

kiara carrera is the best character to ever grace my television screen and whoever the fuck ruthie is can eat shit and die

[rosemariad]

THE BITTER END | SPN 15x18 DESPAIR: About that Destiel moment in 15x18

Oh boy…the scene that sailed a thousand memes (and counting)…the scene that made us all go feral in the midst of a contentious presidential elections in one of the most disruptive, chaotic years in recent memory (2020 you son of a bitch)

Now i am super late with this since it’s nearly been 4 years since this was aired live on TV and posted like crazy all over the internet BUT…y’all Destiel shippers got robbed. Not just with this scene but the whole Destiel ship in general - just done so dirty.

I started watching this show on and off back in 2021 and I finally got to finish over the summer this year (2024) taking my sweet time, even rewatching certain episodes (for some fanfic writing 😁). I went into this to settle the debate for myself - is this Destiel stuff legit? Or was it taken out of context? Misconstrued.

No. It really wasn’t. They (the powers behind SPN) tried it, tried to pull the wool over people’s heads, with certain fans chiming in (the destiel haters, the homophobes, the anti-mishas, etc.) but no. The SPN showrunners fucked all this up.

From the beginning….

So it’s 15x18 despair - we’re in the last act - shit’s popping off, everything’s going tits up - Billie is trying to hunt Dean down, calling him chaos incarnate. Dean & Cas get trapped in a room with no apparent means of escape or defense - probably should’ve headed for the exit - but I guess since it’s the 3rd to last episode and the execs clearly want things to go back to the status quo 🙄 now’s as good a time as any to cash in on that plot thread from last season and kill Castiel once and for all 😭 (as 1 person pointed out, given the prior context they probably could've just waited Billie out, since them being trapped in that room - Cas was the one that blocked the door anyhow - but I get it SPN showrunners you wanted to get rid of Cas somehow - what a mess)

If you haven’t watched it - here’s where I gasp and scoff in disbelief - please watch it https://youtu.be/l_r9GZeQl1w?si=uVox8PlXByYEYKci

Basically Cas tells Dean he’s the greatest guy he’s ever known, that he fights for love and that Cas lurves Dean 😭 and he’s not the bad things enemies say Dean is. That he’s more than the worst parts of himself - oh Cas.

This was Castiel’s one moment of true happiness - telling the one person whom he adores more than anyone or anything else in the entire universe - that he is loved by Castiel himself.

The confession that triggers Castiel’s demise to go with the empty, takes Billie with him and before Dean can process the massive TRUTH BOMB Castiel just dumped on him, Castiel is gone.

Despair indeed.

They made too many fucking cuts to this scene, at least for Jensen’s coverage. Like if you don’t want Dean to reciprocate…fine. Don’t. But let him fucking respond! Let him use his words. Castiel just told Dean he was in love with him, that is one of the BIGGEST things you can say to somebody in your life. EVER. Especially on TV. And yes it was in love, like romantically. Not platonically because why make such a fucking fuss over fucking platonic friendship! There’s always been a tension between these 2 characters, it hung over between them since season 4. They just made it into a joke, never expecting to get the traction it did over the years. They even tried writing Cas off the show for good back in season 7. But they got stuck with Cas and never really made proper use of him. They literally just waited until the last minute to get rid of him in a way that couldn’t get the show cancelled until that decision had already been made by the network. to make things worse - COVID happened

So don’t tell me the confession doesn’t merit a response, either for or against on Dean’s part - whether he returns Castiel’s affection or not is another story but dammit let Dean speak! How could you not? Cowards!

And Would it be so terrible if Dean did feel something MORE than friendship for the only other individual that has stood by him for so many years? Like really? A relationship doesn’t demand sex (but let’s be honest, Cas probably wanted to fuck the shit outta Dean 🤣) it’s whatever the people in the relationship want! Dean isn’t young by the time s15 rolls around. Older people tend to just want someone to come home to, settle down with. Companionship. Cas fits that to a fucking T. When Dean dreamed of a future, Cas was right there with him (and Sam, cuz Dean always wants his family close as much as he can, given how he grew up).

Couldn’t find a gif of Dean talking about taking some time off after all the craziness of the hunting they do but I’m not crazy I know he wanted it.

The team behind SPN could have finished Dean’s narrative beautifully as man who was driven by fear all his life and opens himself up to a relationship he never saw coming but when the time came he didn’t run because he grew to love more than fear (and choose to live a life of peace after stuck in one of violence for so many years).

This is why Hollywood is shit! Great beginnings, shitty endings. But in this case, it was because they consistently chose NOT to indulge in queer-like narratives with enough care (aside from some other problematic stuff like the treatment towards women being more negative than positive, the inconsistent writing for characters and plot, etc.)

BUT not when it’s the main character 😡 Charlie can be gay AF but not Dean, seriously? That’s fucked. Like at least let him fucking explore/consider it. So people stop watching it who gives AF?! I never even watched the show when it was on air for 15 years, tons of people didn’t. There are still people out there watching SPN for the first time today! People who started but stopped because it’s a show that ran WAAAY longer than any other normally does.

Idk who made it so that Dean couldn’t explore his sexuality or fucked up the Destiel of it all but they SUUUUUUUUCK! You really shat the bed! at least explore it cuz at the end of the day, it may not work out. Gay relationships aren’t that different from straight relationships in that sometimes it just doesn’t work out BECAUSE we’re ALL people. And who knows maybe they could’ve been happy but we’re not allowed to know that canonically because Destiel was never given a CHANCE!

I mean if it was REALLY that big a deal – why introduce it? By making these little suggestions that (in a way that's funny but why would Dean be queer be haha funny - no that's not okay, queerness shouldn't be a joke) furthermore we’re talking about a show on basic cable - all it would’ve taken was fucking hand-holding or the same routine of staring into each other’s eyes like they’d been doing for 12 fucking years already! Just not shying away from the queerness that time. Legend of Korra did it. That 1 Disney show did it (i don’t remember the name). No kissing would’ve been necessary - nice, wishful thinking but not necessary if the kissing became an issue (but seriously it was 2020 man but ofc - that is a year where a pandemic that required social distancing decided to kick in during the final arc of this show) - just so we’re all clear COVID cock blocked Destiel lol jk 🤣

All those times they had Dean & Cas stare into each other's eyes – the forces at work – showrunners, writers, directors AND editors & the network who is showing this to audiences – if its such a big fucking deal - Don't leave it in. By leaving it in, you're allowing people to make assumptions about the relationship – it happens literally every time in every story ever told. You put 2 people in a scene and they're not family (though not always the case) or JUST friends (explicitly proven) there's a chance SOMEONE is gonna wanna ship them no matter how likely it is (OR NOT) they'll hookup or become a couple. That's just how it is. So don't fan the flames and then turn it around on fans that they're wrong, crazy or misinterpreting. If Wincest can exist, so can Destiel and any other ship. That being said, y’all Destiel shippers were ROBBED but I don’t need to tell you that.

I don’t think the relationship would’ve been perfect or smooth sailing - their friendship as it was on the show sure wasn’t. And Dean wasn’t the only one with issues - Cas had some bad qualities too - the angel liked to lie and for a while there he was extremely averse to conflict. And Dean…he gets real fucking angry 😬 not a good mix for a relationship- hell even a friendship.

But the two had a profound bond, with a great deal of affection for one another and that’s what got them through betrayal, fights, amnesia, curses, apocalypses, and all the ugliness in between. They could’ve made it. Or they could’ve just had Cas and Dean stay friends - but we’ll never know since Cas was pretty much omitted after 15x18 - there were references - like only 2 though 😒

Really SPN? 😒😔 so lazy. But sure, go ahead, blame COVID. It’s not like phones exist. It’s not like the actor couldn’t have just recorded Castiel’s voice nope. Totally not an option 🤦🏾‍♀️ same goes for the other characters - Jody, Donna, Eileen - you know all the other characters Sam & Dean cared about but sure - fuck ‘em too. Status quo is the only thing that matters - SMH.

[thehouseofevangelista]

The Bear s3 spoilers ahead:

I don’t get how season 1-2 revolved around Carmy “not wanting to be shitty” and being shitty at times but recognizing it pretty quickly to a flip just being switched and him becoming every chef he’s hated.

I think Storer should have done one more consult, this time with a licensed mental health professional, because the dynamic between the characters (or more so carmy and everyone else) just seems so off this season. Like in s1-2 both Nat and Syd call Carmy shitty in some way and you can see him process their critique and try (at least in some small way) to get better. But in s3 he’s just off the deep end!

Like the character arc is not arching! you mean to tell me that he’s so far gone there’s not one heart to heart Sydney convo, or a Nat heart to heart! You mean to tell me that the Faks are the only ones we get to see visit the hospital, no reference to “oh the rest of the crew is on the way”. So Donna gets a redemption arc but the main character doesn’t?

And the character development confusions don’t stop with Carmy! (I will say, it makes sense based on s2 that Nat would forgive her mother fairly quickly. It’s what she’s always longed for and it always seemed that if her mother at all gave her an inch she’d run with it.) I loved seeing the little bits of other characters and loved loved loved Tina’s episode, but from s1 Tina to even the confidence of s2 Tina how did we then so quickly get to a Tina that is afraid to speak. All of Marcus’ dialogue seemed chat gpt generated tbh, the “do it for me” line made me cringe so hard. And did any one ask for the Faks to become main characters. I feel like they got the most growth and unexpected screen time and for what reason.

Apologies for all of these disjointed thoughts, I’ll do a rewatch sometime soon and really dig in because I think there are real ways s4 can be redeemed. In many ways s3 felt like 1 long filler episode.

The last thing I’ll say, and I’ll say this not from a sydcarmy shipper perspective, but I literally don’t buy that Sydney doesn’t seriously call him out. Like she walked with a quickness in s1 and especially since she never signed the partnership agreement the fact that she never walked or at least not getting to see her rationale for staying (it would’ve been nice to see more with her dad, I feel like the fact that her dad called this “the thing” is the main motivator for her staying). And I also don’t buy that Carmy didn’t notice anything was off about her as she dealt with the turmoil of having this new offer. It also made no sense to me that when carmy confronted EMP chef, syd said that she was going to go after him and then we literally don’t see her. He spent all that time in the hallway and what she saw him confronting EMP and crying and turned around and said, “nah he’s got it”. Like that plot hole is bugging me, like when they all leave she’s not gunna ask, “oh where’s carmy” like the man she CAME WITH!

All in all, I believe I can enjoy s4 when it comes as long as there’s some actual plot development. This season felt like being caught in a rip tide. You’re swimming your life out, swimming the hardest you’ve ever swam only to realize you haven’t actually gone anywhere, in fact you’ve gone backwards! And what I hated most is that no part of me was rooting for Sydney (or Claire or anyone else at the bear) to stay. I sincerely hope the fanfic girlies can make me not want to see carmy die alone in a ditch.

[im-out-of-it]

season 1, episode 9 discussion list, “rise up”

this one and the following episodes (especially Malec) will be broken up in many parts so I thank anyone who takes the time and reads them 🥰

1. I feel bad for Simon processing that he’s a vampire. oh and he thinks Raphael did this. wait until he finds out it’s his supposed bestie

2. he has to process that 1. he’s a vampire. 2. his bestie made this choice for him. 3. he can’t go out in the daytime. 4. can never be near his mother right away or tell her the truth without her thinking her son is a monster. 5. has to go through all these changes. 6. having to rely on blood for his food. 7. oh and yeah being a downworlder who is seen inferior in the shadow world

3. “Alec, I need you.”- jace. bro does he know anything besides begging Alec for help? I know he doesn’t know yet that Alec was injured but think about someone else for a change. Alec has done everything for Jace and he’s still like “oh I need you to do this.” good on Izzy for shutting that down

4. like Alec is literally injured??????? I’m sorry about Simon but jace has been fixing Simons problems for the last episodes and no one is concerned about Alec- besides Izzy and Magnus

5. “Valentine attacked my home. Alec is injured, we have to go.”- jace. at least he’s finally showing some concern for Alec. and then clary is all like ummmm I can’t because of Simon. he’s finally putting Alec before clary (which is rare) for a change

6. “say that after you get my bill.”- Magnus making everyone but Alec pay heavily for his services will never get old lmao

7. giving Magnus the cold shoulder 😭 Magnus offered free services and Alec declined 🥹

8. well meliorn has just been arrested so sit tight while Izzy finds a way out

9. and Izzy is not having it

10. and also can we talk about meliorn and izzy? I really like the show version of them together. in the books, he doesn’t really give a shit about izzy and Alec eventually kills him. sorry if I spoiled anything but if it’s saving you from reading the books, you’re welcome, I’m happy to provide my services 🥰 I just wish they would have dated a little bit longer. I like Simon with Isabelle but it’s not formed and explored very well

11. Lydia is basically like you told state secrets Isabelle and be lucky you aren’t arrested lmao “I have orders, I never wanted any of this.”-Lydia

12. it’s hard to take sides because I’m on downworlders side for most things so I agree with Izzy but Lydia can’t just go against the clave without anybody backing her up. also we have to remember that she thinks this needs to be done because she couldn’t save her husband and he died. so maybe a part of her thinks this is necessary which infact they’re going to possibly torture a downworlder and that’s still wrong.

13. well now everyone knows that Alec is engaged 😬

14. I love how most of season one Alec is YOU LIED TO ME because literally almost everyone is lying or deceiving Alec

15. “they’re the ones who tarnished the Lightwood name”.-Alec has a good point because Maryse and Robert but mainly Maryse goes on about how Alec and Izzy need to basically be perfect while they committed atrocities in the past. I do think Maryse had growth in the show but they’re expecting Alec to fix their reputation and that’s a lot to put on your son.

16. and this is why we don’t go home after becoming vampires:

17. you almost kill your mother 😭

18. “Simon, we have always been here for each other.”- clary. oh you mean how he’s been there for you? that’s accurate but have we actually seen clary be there for Simon? yes she helps him when he’s kidnapped but he got kidnapped because of her. I’m sorry but I haven’t actually seen clary actually do something for Simon that didn’t benefit her in a way

19. “you call that love? where I come back to this nothing, where I feed, and I have to hide from the sun, and I can’t bare to be by the people that I love.”- Simon go off 🔥 because she is showing that she did it for herself. oh because I love you Simon! yet you never thought how Simon would process this change

20. Simon had every right to be upset with clary

21. the clave treats jace as some valuable being but here the clave finds out that they have had the cup this whole time 😬

22. “She’s risked everything to find it.”-jace. “and we’ve risked everything for her.”-Alec. literally Izzy almost gets deruned as a result of jace wanting to not take sides until clary is involved. they broke many clave rules but that doesn’t matter to jace. I don’t like the clave but I don’t agree with a powerful cup being in the hands of someone like clary or Jocelyn.

23. I don’t know if Alec has really gone too far with meliorn’s arrest because it’s not like he’s issuing these orders but he is following them. so it’s kinda just as bad, you know????? but after learning about his parents betrayal and jace not having his back, Alec most likely feels he’s ran out of options and thinks this might be the best case scenario (just a thought)

part 2 coming right up

[young-royals-confessions]

To the person who said they’re kind of excited for YR to be over. I get you!

I will be absolutely devastated when the show is over, I’m not ready to leave Wilmon (although I guess with fanfic I don’t have to fully!!) or their beautiful, masterful portrayal. I’m tearing up thinking about it! This show means so much to me and has got me through so much and I can’t believe it’s coming to an end, I still haven’t really processed that.

On the other hand, Wilmon has taken up so much of my brain space for the past two years that I’m kind of looking forward to what a bit of distance is going to give me. I mean I literally feel like I’m going out of my mind waiting for season 3, like I have no other personality at the moment, like I can’t focus on anything else. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t think about them every day, and to be honest I think I’m ready for a bit of distance.

I will probably continue follow Omar and Edvin in their careers as I’ve grown to love them both so much as well, but I’m kind of excited to feel a bit less obsessed (after a long wallowing and mourning period where I will watch season three over and over and over and over). I’ll always return to YR and it’s truly my favourite show of all time ever, and it’s brought me so many good things, but yeah I do totally get also looking forward to what being on the other side of season 3 will look like!

💜

[fluffykitty149]

Does anyone else hate the episode Sophomore Slump?

Like when svtfoe originally came out with the third season I was super excited! I loved that show a lot and I was still reeling from seeing Star’s butterfly form.

When we got to Sophmore Slump I was intrigued by the title and thought a Marco centric story would be interesting. To see how he’s processed all of that’s happened. And apparently the process was turning into an egotistical jerk. It’s funny because I was more a fan of Star than Marco at the time and usually you’re less affected when a character who isn’t your favourite is written as jerk but even this irked me.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t watched in a while but that random boost of ego felt like it came quite literally out of nowhere. Marco was definitely gaining confidence in himself last season but it was more self assurance than anything else. Now they have him acting like a total jerk to everyone and for some reason being plagued by Mewnie but why?

He doesn’t seem to be experiencing any trauma from watching his friend supposedly die or being around when the King was overthrown. Maybe if they touched on that and showed that he was shaken up by what happened there and was just handling it badly maybe it could have worked better.

Maybe instead of the whole ‘best friend’ stuff with Jackie it could have been about how Marco is still trying to bury his insecurities instead of communicating honestly. Also did he and Jackie just never talk about what was said at the party? Maybe if it was written well Marco could have said something along the lines of he didn’t know for sure if it was true and didn’t want to jepordize Jackie and Star’s friendship over it without knowing but was too uncomfortable to talk about it, and then when the two finally did Star lied and said she didn’t so he figured it was just another assumption about them being a couple since they’re a male female friendship.

There are a lot of problems in the show ofc but I really hate what they did to Marco’s character.

[youshouldenvymebecauseofmytaste]

So I just finished XO Kitty so spoilers ahead

I really did enjoy this season. Now I wanna keep in mind for everyone that this show is basically just a soap opera and if you’ve ever watched the soap opera, you know for a fact that those couples break up and get back together so much like they changed partners more than square dancers. So I’m not putting too much stock into like the romantic and Tylleman because whatever pairing there is it’s gonna be great everybody on the cast has great chemistry and it’s written well enough that they all seem to work really well together.

Now on to the fact that we are seeing Kitty really start the healing journey and the grieving process. Because last season she was caught up in a whole thing about someone else’s life. But this season we really got to focus on her, trying to find a connection with her mom and especially that missing part of her family that she never knew about. And we got to see like the resolution of like family, feud and other stuff but clearly there is still like more trauma that Kitty needs to work through.

Now in the last episode, we saw Kitty go off with Minho off on tour or whatever which I don’t even know if her dad is going to approve of her going to do that but go off queen. I am gonna be really interested to see what happens in season three if we’re gonna be able to see what happened on tour if we’re gonna be getting flashbacks I’m hoping we get more episodes. But I’m always hoping we get more episodes. I think it’ll be interesting to see what their relationship dynamic will be because remember and keep in mind. We know very little about the romantic relationship dynamics a lot of these characters have with each other because we haven’t had a chance to sit down and explore it. So it’ll be interesting to see how they are. It’ll also be interesting to see if they even end up in a relationship we don’t know.

I do think there is a lot of issues with the queer relationships on the show, but I also think that people are forgetting that like Kitty is the main character like this is an ensemble cast, but the show literally has her name in the title. So yes, we’re not gonna see a lot of what’s going on with the other characters because we have a main character. And our main character is just in a weird place with how she feels romantically about a lot of stuff and is figuring it all out and so there’s nothing quite solid. And I mean, we don’t know what season three is gonna be I mean season three could be like anything in terms of like who Kitty is possibly gonna be dating but I also want us to keep in mind that Kitty hasn’t had a long term like mature relationship yet so we don’t know what that could look like or who it could even be with. Because who you have your first real mature relationship with it’s like a very different kind of relationship than like the relationship you have like with your high school crush

I also wanna say that since we’re like rounding up more to these kids like graduating I am wondering what their career paths are gonna be so I think we might be exploring that quite a bit in the next season because each season is a semester. And I also want to keep in mind that like the characters we see the most of are the characters that are important to the plot lines that Kitty is involved in. If a character is not in the show that much that means their plot line is not involved with Kitty’s.

That’s all to say I did really enjoy the show. I know what I’m getting into when I’m watching it. So I’m not one of the people who gets like very angry about stuff because like I know what I’m watching. I’m not like trying to get anything out of it and I think like a lot of people would be happier if they realize this is a full on soap opera and it’s a lot more fun that way 

[shrekgogurt]

WORDS

This is a sappy creative talking about being creative post. You have been warned. I did not proofread because I am nothing if not consistent in my personality.

I just got done watching Season 2 episodes 3&4 of the FX’s The Bear and I’m constantly inspired by their storytelling. The two episodes I watched really leaned into the creative process in a way that made me very reflective. I am terrible in a kitchen. However, I really saw similar patterns in my own pursuits.

I have a dear friend who studied brains in university and when I was at my lowest a few months ago she was telling me about how life is just skills. Things like IQ are bullshit. Everybody can do anything if they put the time in. It’s about just choosing skills and developing them. I get mad that I can’t draw. I get mad that I can’t play guitar well. Those are skills I’ve never worked on because the process doesn’t bring me joy, even though they are skills I wished I had. Meanwhile things like science or sports are areas I’ve never had much interest in cultivating anyway so the lack of skill doesn’t bother me as much.

I think about my skillset now a lot more. I think about how learning piano—while I’m frustrated by my lack of expertise—doesn’t make me literally cry while I’m learning. I embrace the challenge unlike something like drawing where I get so upset with myself it’s not fun anymore. This past fall while my confidence was totally shot (for a lot of reasons) I looked at my ability to sit at a keyboard and just play the same riffs from Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights over and over and over and over until I could do them. I learned I could do hard things. That maybe I’m not a total lazy piece of shit who gives up at the first sign of trouble.

And the beautiful thing is? That wasn’t always the case with piano. I’ve dabbled here and there throughout my life but when I first took piano lessons as a kid I HATED them. I didn’t enjoy putting in the work. But I do now because people change. And so maybe one day I will learn to draw but not right now. And that’s okay.

And then I start thinking about singing. There’s this sentiment that people are just naturally gifted, especially at singing. But at least for me that’s not the case. I’m good at singing because as a kid I loved it. I gravitated toward it. I sung all the time to the radio, mimicking the voices I heard. And I listened to SO MUCH music—partially because of my parents but also because I chose to always have the radio or a CD or my trusty mp3 player going. When I was playing with my dolls. When I was riding my bike. When I was in the shower. When I was at dance class. When I was dragged along to my siblings' sports games, I would build worlds while tuned into the nearest iHeartRadio station. (Airplanes feat. Hayley Williams. I loved it. I loved the storytelling. Pt. 1 but oh when the oh so rare Pt. 2 came through over the FM waves it was the best day of my life.)

Eventually, my parents put me into voice lessons. I learned how to sing rather than mimic. (Not that the latter is bad.) But I learned how to use it as an instrument. And I sang and I sang and I sang. In lessons. In choir. In church. That’s why I’m good at singing. It took me forever to learn how to harmonize. I was a soprano—it was always melody. But I’m learning that too as my voice changes. I can’t sing as high as I used to. I haven’t practiced notes off the staff since high school. Life is just skills. I was focusing on different ones. Like film (but we’ll get to that.)

There was something else always there. I don’t know how many people knew it—the extent. You had to live with me to see it…but I loved nothing more than I loved reading. 

I always had my nose in a book. Like a lot of kids who consumed books non-stop it was definitely escapism. But I read and I read and I read. The classic question in my family was “where is Mary?” And the answer was always “in her room.” And if I wasn’t reading a story I was creating one. With my dolls yes, but eventually with my tiny little acer computer and with my thumbs in the notes app on my iPod Touch. (I still maintain that the notes app is where the best art happens.)

It was May in my eighth grade pre-Algebra class when my friend told me what FanFiction was and about how she had an account on good ole fanfiction.net. I made one too. I joined a Divergent roleplaying forum that lasted two months. I started writing a long-abandoned backstory for my character—Antoine, named at intermission of the high school production of West Side Story I was watching. It was bad. But I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was doing something important and I guess I was.

The Divergent forum didn’t last long but a few months later I would create my own. Welcome to Camp Half Blood! Join in! Make an OC! I brought my friends over from the old forum and even as Admin my authority was immediately usurped. We built worlds. And then we rebuilt them. And then our worlds had baby worlds. Generation 1, Gen 1.5 (you suggest a teen pregnancy plot line as a joke one time while on a choir trip in Yorkshire ONE TIME and then you wake up and uh oh two characters are actually teen pregnant), Gen 2, on and on and on. There’s a whole Google Sheets document. It’s deeply comprehensive and filled with all our faceclaims and timelines and playlists.

We rarely wrote action in our roleplay. We mainly talked. Dialogue and dialogue and dialogue for years. I get compliments now on my dialogue in fics. It didn’t come from nowhere. It came from cringe-y exchanges with my friends as we fell in love with each other’s self inserts over and over and over again. I stayed up on school nights until 2am quietly wheezing only to fall asleep in Algebra 1 over my scribbled cursive poetry on the graph paper. Life is skills. I was choosing which ones to build.

It was never math.

It was stories.

In the singing. In the dance (competition team—burned me out. I was never the best athlete. I was always the most expressive. I was telling the story.) In the theatre. And in the little fan videos I would make with my friends for our OCs over on fanfiction.net.

So my dumbass went to film school. And like with singing I learned about stories. How to craft them. And I wrote bad scripts. And we made bad low budget films. And I was so scared of cameras but I learned how to use them. And I directed and I got good at that especially with documentaries. Looking at all the information and chasing down the story. Telling people who were faster editors than me where to cut. Telling people who could make the camera capture what I saw in my eye what to film. God I fucking loved it. And I miss it.

Because my dumbass went to seminary. Why? Because there were these ancient stories that were really important to me that were being used to harm others. And I wanted to learn them. And I wanted to be able to show that there was a different way than the one that spews hatred. And as Phoebe Bridgers sings I “went looking for a creation myth ended up with a pair of cracked lips.” And I’m figuring all that out still. What to do with these stories that mean so much to me. How to tell them. How to Robin Hood theology.

And as my life and my faith were falling apart. I looked at my tiny little shithole apartment. And how I used to hide in my room where I felt safe. And I made that apartment feel safe. It was my room now. And I walked out to my bookshelf and I saw a book I had bought and opened it up. And on the inside of the cover there was a map just like there was in all the best books from my childhood. So I stayed up until 3am reading it. And then the next night. And the next night. And then I bought the sequel and I read about a boy who thought he was going to be something and then he wasn’t that anymore. And he was lost and angry and self-destructive just like me. But then in the last part of the trilogy he decided at the last second to try to figure it all out. And I’m still trying to do that too.

I had been writing all along—non-fiction. Papers. Essays. (Metas—really.) And I learned how to approach a text. How to analyze it in one million different ways. And I think I took those skills I learned from the Bible and I stuck them on some YA trilogy. And I thought and I thought and I had something to say.

And I wrote. And I keep getting better. Because life is just skills.

So I was watching The Bear and Will Poulter as a baker talks about how he used to see some other baker as competition. Until he decided he wasn’t and instead he just tried to keep up. And I want to keep up. And I watch these television shows and I read your fics and I get so fucking inspired. 

And I look at this stupid fucking soccer fic I love with my whole chest and I think about how life is just skills and they all have led me to be able to write it. And I know that in ten years when I’m 34 I’ll probably think it’s cringey just like I think that what I wrote when I was 14 is cringey. But GOD I’m so proud of it. And I think I always will be.

Because life is just skills and I’m really glad I chose these ones.

TL;DR I’ve never been the best “athlete��� (had the best skills in a particular medium) but goddamn if I’m not a good fucking storyteller.

[aossimusings]

I haven’t seen the end of 9, nor 10, but imo it’s like this:

A major theme of the Bear that I believe is becoming more obvious throughout the seasons is that Carmy has literally never had the time or space to develop or process his emotions normally or healthily. He was born into a dysfunctional family where the two present adults, and thus parental figures — Donna and Mikey — were both addicts. While flashbacks indicate that Mikey was a lot more stable than Donna, Fishes demonstrates that he could be just as volatile and emotionally immature. Carmy’s third parental figure, Sugar, is a victim of that, like he is. And his one safe place, the kitchen, was so highly pressurized, and eventually, abusive, that it was more of an escape from his emotions that it was a place to process them.

Carmy, as a character, has 0 emotional regulation. Learned from his family. And what we also see learned from his family is that he can be incredibly devoted to very unhealthy relationships. He did cut and run eventually, but I think the way he interacts with Donna in Fishes is really telling. He has to have no contact with her, or else he will be doing everything to emotionally regulate her at the cost of himself.

I think this is also why Mikey cut him off — he literally would have never left Mikey if not for being cut out of his life. Like, he would’ve done anything to stay with him at the cost of his own talent and ambitions.

Sugar points out the same thing with the Beef — he’s staying with a sinking ship, and nothing can drag him out.

Same thing with creepy NYC chef — that relationship was so abusive, but he stayed working there, even after Mikey died.

I think we’re seeing the same behavioral pattern with Claire — with one notable exception. Carmy’s fridge monologue was a mess of true sentiments and self destructive ones. I, personally, think that was he was saying about his relationship with Claire was mostly true. While it’s wrong that he doesn’t deserve to be happy, he was probably right about the fact that he feels terrible about abandoning all these other people closer to him. It was actually a moment of him breaking off a relationship, when normally he falls deeper and deeper in.

He hasn’t done any of the work to break down why he’s like that though, so even though he ended the relationship, it’s still plaguing him.

In a different post I talk a lot about how Claire was a form of escapism for Carmy. Basically the kitchen used to be his safe place, but has since become toxic. He has nothing else in his life, so he fell into a relationship with Claire as a way to escape the kitchen. Now in S3 that he’s all in on the kitchen, and subsequently unraveling himself, he’s desperate for that escapism, when really, he probably needs some serious therapy to work through his incredibly traumatic childhood and recent working life and grief over Mikey.

The bear trying to gaslight me into believing Claire and Carmy’s relationship was all sunshine by putting some never seen before flashbacks where he is suddenly smiling all the time… when the only thing we see season 2 is him miserable and worried and bathed in blue light everytime he is with or thinks about Claire, to the point he even had a panic attack about it????

[crippleprophet]

(feel free to not respond to this, hell feel free to be like “please don’t do this again”)

so i’ve had join problems for like 3 1/2 years now and they just got diagnosed like 2 week’s ago, turns out i have runners knee

so i feel bad because 1. it feels lit not as big of a deal as i feel like it is (it is a big deal, it’s impacted my life (thank you therapy))

2. i’m worried that pt and more exercise won’t make it better (i’m on my schools swim team, so 4 practices a week during the season, plus a swim meet on friday)

and 3. i feel like (at least for now) i need more support. my pt doesn’t start until february and i can’t remember the last day i haven’t been in pain or had sensations that are probably due to nerve wackiness. i have used a cane in the past and it has helped me immensely. but i feel bad for wanting something that works for both legs. i’ve literally have had 2 dreams about me having forearm crutches.

i’m just really exhausted, sorry for dumping this all on you rn, i feel like even though i was listened to i still was just told to exercise and loose weight

hey, it’s absolutely no problem & i’m so deeply sorry you’re dealing with this 💕💕

i’m gonna throw like a billion disclaimers on this that, in addition to my usual line about just being Some Guy on the internet, i am definitely responding from a place of trauma here - i don’t know your body & you are the authority on your experiences, i’m just tossing some stuff out there based on my experiences, which might be totally different in other (or underlying physical processes yadda yadda) ways. also like big tw for medical neglect

so. i ran cross country in high school and my joint pain originated in my left knee at age 16, no specific injury or incident, RICE etc barely did anything. xrays and mri showed nothing. tried cortisone shot, euflexxa injections, some sort of topical steroid that was originally used on racehorses, nothing. because i was a runner no one ever considered it could be anything but an orthopedic issue.

i had two exploratory arthroscopic surgeries (which i’ve since learned are as effective as a placebo) with extensive debridement - first dx, plica syndrome, “we have no idea why this was this bad,” cleared to run again after post-op PT, pain came back even worse after ~7 months.

second dx, grade II chondromalacia patellae aka runner’s knee. told never to run again. i knew in post-op PT that something was wrong, this wasn’t the same pain as recovery previously, it felt like the underlying issue was still there. this wasn’t pain of healing, it was making something else worse. my physical therapist didn’t believe me, just kept pushing me, literally told me once that there was no way i was in that much pain. the pattern of swelling, location & sensation of pain, nerve symptoms, etc never made sense to anyone, no matter how many people they called over to poke & prod.

i don’t think i’ll ever know why, especially when he then didn’t fucking do anything with this information, but one day he had me try a lumbar extension stretch. you know the scene in the little mermaid where she’s propping her upper body up with her arms on the rock, waves crashing behind her, triumphant music? it’s basically that pose. it was both the single most excruciating and relieving thing i’ve ever done; even my chronic migraine of 2 years lessened. but we proceeded on a normative linear recovery arc, i got cleared from PT, the pain was better but still there.

flash forward four more years of intensifying pain - first my other knee, then the bottoms of my feet, then more constant and prominent in my lower back, then my upper back & worsening of the neck pain i’d been told and believed was from looking down at books/phone, what i now know as neuropathy increasing all the while - using a cane, then forearm crutches, then a forearm rollator, then a mobility scooter, spending more & more time unable to leave the bed - and i stumbled across an article about ankylosing spondylitis that matched my history fucking eerily, right down to the car crash as a younger teenager. it turns out AS commonly first presents with knee pain, not back pain, in juveniles.

so here’s what i’m gonna tell you: even if it’s “only” chondromalacia, your pain is real and serious and you should listen to your body. and, with again the mega disclaimer that you might be experiencing something totally different, i gently suggest:

read my posts about AS. read my google doc about AS. read anybody’s posts and articles about anything that originates with knee pain, especially if it involves neuropathy.

keep tabs on your body and don’t believe anyone who tells you something is normal until you’ve investigated it for yourself. does your neck hurt? how much? how often? what about your upper spine, between your shoulders? your lower back?

try a lumbar extension stretch, just in case.

if you haven’t been to a rheumatologist before and it’s at all possible for you to do so, do it. if you have a GP and can get a blood workup from them instead, do that. more info on blood testing here - but keep in mind that negative blood work doesn’t rule anything out.

if you can get forearm crutches, one hundred thousand percent do it. make sure they’re sized properly - more info on that here.

do whatever you possibly can to shore up your trust in yourself and your experiences. surround yourself with as many people as possible, in person or online, who believe your pain and make you feel solid in your knowledge of yourself. i’m a big fan of putting up signs with reminders if you can. whether you have chondromalacia, something else, or a combination, your pain is real, it is disabling, and it is in your best interest to develop strategies to cope with the systemic gaslighting that is existing within an ableist society & medical system.

if there is literally anything at all i can do to encourage you, answer questions, etc, please feel free to dm me or send another ask any time. my whole fucking heart goes out to you - you are not the only one who’s been through this, and that is both the horror & deepest relief of chronic pain. so much love to you, may you receive everything you need.

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

holy shit, the season 2 finale of the toh was so intense and that’s putting it mildly. i finished watching it almost an hour ago and i still haven’t fully processed it yet

You can say that again.

The Collector is going to be the only thing I think about for the rest of my life.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. This was King's episode, before anything else. Which is reflected in the title and in moments like where we see out of his eyes, or when he dreams of The Collector and Belos (Titan magic mayhaps?) only to wake up being carried by Willow - which was cute as hell, by the way. He saves the day, and he figures out what to do. Of course, in freeing The Collector, he also may have damned the entire Demon Realm including himself and Eda, but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Alador wondering about Hunter is no accident, anymore than it is that a drop of Belos' remains landed on his shoulder before he crossed the door. Everyone who kept predicting that The Collector would possess Luz, or King...well, you were on the right track. I bet Belos possesses Hunter and, remembering Alador's previous words, the seeds of doubt are planted in the gang. Side note: I live for any reference to Amity "Mittens" Blight. It's just so damn cute.

Belos saying farewell to the Boiling Isles just...ugh, if I'd been holding a pencil it would have snapped in two. I'm also living for the imagery of suns and moons, and how that probably connects back to symbolism about The Collector, who is supposedly a "child of the stars." God can you tell that they're all I can think about? Stay focused, Blair. But it's a good moment to talk about how Phillip/Belos is an absolute monster and he really does genuinely think of himself as a hero. He's so damn selfish, apparently having done all this just to become Witchfinder General, so I almost hoped he would make it back to the Human Realm just to see all of his hopes and dreams dashed by a future that has no use for someone like him.

I mean, I'm no fan of Kikimora, but the way he treated her...to say nothing of what he did to The Collector...Belos probably isn't gone for good because like I said, he's totally going to be possess Hunter...but his "death" scene was, among many other things, extremely cathartic. Such a bastard. I'm also really digging the development of the hero/villain dynamic between Luz and Belos. How she helped him in the past, before realizing who he was, and how he's always known that. The way Luz takes a page from his book in this episode. Making him an offer and then double-crossing him the way he did to The Collector.

I'm torn between sobbing because Raine is probably dead, based on that final shot...and also freaking out because they literally just saved Eda's life and took her arm right off. In a lesser show, I'd expect that arm to just be regrown with magic in the next episode, but this is The Owl House...Dana, you just made one of our lead characters into a physically disabled character, and I hope to heaven that you realize how awesome that is. A little thing, might seem strange to be getting so excited about it, but what can I say? Still, if Raine is dead, I'm gonna sob. Especially since they went down saving Eda. Oh, that will tear her up inside.

The design of "Monster" Belos (or should we be calling him Phillip? It seems to be his preferred name) also really works for me and just in general, it really suits him. This is who he is underneath it all. Who he's always been. And surprisingly, it still manages to capture his emotions? When he appeals to Hunter, and the anger a second later. (Don't think I didn't catch him saying "Caleb!" either.) Or when the Collector materializes and he absolutely shits his pants. Hats off to the VA as well.

But King saves the day, and let me tell you, he and The Collector are connected by more than just this scene. More than just their history with King's father being the one who imprisoned them. (And he had a reason for doing so, he must have. That, among much else, terrifies me.) These two characters, despite being children, might as well be deities as far as The Boiling Isles are concerned. We've seen how much power King's blood (Hey! King's blood! I just realized that. Now that's clever.) can have, and The Collector can move planetary objects with a single "boop." They're apparently a "child from the stars." Whatever the hell THAT means. I wonder if The Collector (and their species? If they have one?) haven't always had some kind of rivalry with The Titans. Would tie in with that cult who hunted King.

I can't take this anymore, I need to gush about my little chaotic space child. The Collector could destroy the entire universe just for a game of jump rope and heck I'd probably join them anyway. We stan God in this house if they're just a childlike wizard with a killer fashion sense who plays games that threaten entire civilizations. Man, even The Collector's music is fucking awesome. The perfect blend of playful and circus-like with an uneasy undercurrent of absolute terror. It just feels like it would suit the background of one of their "games." The scene where they kill Belos? (Well, kill him for now) So freaking awesome? The way they reassure him that they're not angry, only to immediately follow up with the "I'm It." Is ice cold, badass, and scary af. I also have to give credit where it's due to their VA. Every single time they appear, this character is a delight to watch.

But now, though it pains me, we must move on. King's gambit, the way he saves everyone by freeing The Collector and learns how to speak their language to basically empty out The Boiling Isles (at least, I think that's what happened?) but then things kind of went south and all the heroes could do was escape - and King, my beloved, he made sure Luz made it through the portal. And then Luz reunites with Camila! (Side note, I wonder if that empty house they materalized in used to belong to the Wittebane brothers?) It's a cliffhanger, so of course we don't get to see Camilla's reaction. But something tells me that she won't be happy about Luz wanting to go back to the Boiling Isles, especially since she already promised to never return once she made it home...but then again, the only reason Luz is even here is because she was escaping the apocalypse....oh yeah, I foresee some drama.

[deareddie]

i cant stop thinking about it now. buddie kiss in the rain when.

I'm literally picturing the episode in my head right now listen:

by the time this actually happens, it's been a long time coming. the pining has been obvious to the audience, they've been shooting longing looks at each other for a good season at this point

maybe in the end of the previous episode they had some kind of long, emotional talk where they kinda sorta revealed a bit too much about their feelings, and now there's this odd tension between them because it feels like they're finally teetering on an edge they can't come back from, and they don't really know which way to step

so the episode opens with them arriving at the station, and it's a vaguely cloudy day. kinda gloomy, but not too bad

but as the episode progresses, we see this storm building, as this tension between buck and eddie does the same (it's a metaphor, you see)

sideways glances, longing looks, awkward conversations, u know what I'm talking about

and the sky slowly begins to darken with grey clouds as they go through their shift, dealing with a bunch of calls that have something to do with the weather I guess (they do like their themes)

and all throughout it, things are just weird between them

so by the end of the shift, Eddie's fed up with it, and he turns to buck once everyone else has left the station and he's like "what's up with us, man? what's going on?"

and buck just. sighs and says "you really don't know? come on, eddie." and starts walking out of the firehouse towards his car

of course, eddie follows him, cause he's stubborn as all hell, and won't let this go without a fight. he's like "what's the matter? what did I do?"

and by this point it's pouring, right? and eddie follows him right up to the threshold of the door, where buck stops and turns to him. "nothing, eddie. that's the problem. we both know there's something going on between us but neither of us are doing anything about it"

and Eddie's a bit stunned into silence cause like. we're actually saying this out loud now?

buck continues, like "I'm fed up with this. either we're going to do this, or we're not."

eddie remains silent for a beat longer (he's processing, okay, give him a break) so buck takes that as a rejection, and tries to be nonchalant about it like, whatever, fine, and shakes his head and starts out towards his car (into the rain. hehe)

and this is the point where Eddie's brain catches up with him, so he calls out the classic "buck, wait!" and buck turns back, but he can't find the right words to say so he figures actions will do instead, and he rushes out towards him in the downpour and BOOM. THE KISS. grabs him by both cheeks and kisses the life out of that man and whew my heart is beating fast just thinking about it

and of course they pull back with the absolute fondest smiles and bucks just like "is that a yes, then?" SCREAM.

but WAIT. NOT ONLY THAT... but this turns out to be no ordinary storm, no sir

this episode is the lead up to the TWO PART HURRICANE EPISODE that we want so bad, and so in the next couple of episodes they barely even have time to see each other and it's killing them

and THEN they get separated during a rescue and one of them gets into some trouble and we see the other trying to stay cool and collected but in fact they're dying inside because they had finally gotten what they wanted and now it feels like it's all slipping away too fast hoo boy the angst potential

but by the end of the two parter they're reunited and they go home together and boom. start of the canon secret relationship storyline

mic drop

anyway as you can see I haven't thought about this at all

[yesimwriting]

hi, i love all your work! could i please request headcanons for what it'd be like to go from being enemies to lovers with nikolai lantsov.

thank you:)

A/N maybe i moved this up on my request lists bc i woke up today and went 'nikolai lantsov'

--

- i'm being a little liberal with cannon bc my mind first went to 'princess! reader who hates nikolai bc they're competitive and then they have to team up together to try to get their parents to break up their arranged marriage but fall in love in the process (this might be a little undetailed but i'm thinking of writing a full fic or mini-series with this plotline so let me know if you'd be interested!! i could see a smutty ending to that fic but idk,, lmk what you thing ig lol)

- Ok so first off enemies to lovers with the loml nikolai lantsov would be SO GOOD bc he's so dramatic and obviously attractive so even though you hate him you know he's hot,, there's never a dramatic realization that he's attractive bc it's just a fact

- butttt you'd rather give up any claim you have to your family's throne than feed his already gigantic ego

- okk but lets get to the beginning of your enemies to lovers relationship

- so basically every summer your parents go and stay with Nikolai's family at this super fancy vacation home bc your parents are both royalty and your kingdoms have a very healthy relationship

- just bc it's the summer season doesn't mean it's summer vacation,, so as children for about a month you two share a tutor,, and when i tell you that created a rivalry so fast i mean it

- you're not the eldest princess and you're always trying to be the best for your parents approval, nikolai just wanted to impress the really smart girl who had a pretty laugh (poor nikolai lol,, he had no way of knowing how important being the best in school no matter what was to your self esteem)

- maybe if you two could communicate you’d like each other a little better at this point but it starts when you’re pretty young and by the time you’re like 13 it’s a solidified dynamic (and 13 year olds are the MEANEST and most insecure people in the world so that’s when your relationship turns to full enemies)

- now that you’re 13 you have more princess-y requirements, especially over the summer. So when you see that Nikolai gets to practice with swords and gets more free time while you have to practice setting tables you hate him more than ever. 

- Nikolai senses that you’re extra hostile but he has no idea why,, he tries asking once but he makes a joke about how ‘maybe you’re jealous bc youre no longer the center of my attention’ and even though he’s just trying to ease the tension you feel like he’s making fun of you

- so that’s when things get aggressive, but at that point summer is almost over so it’s whatever

- next summer comes and you’re still SO MAD at him,, so when you get to the estate you’re like ‘i’m not even talking to him idc how quiet these next three months are’ 

- and you get there all determined to hate him,, but once you get there and see him something in you cracks bc he had the audacity to spend the last year going through puberty AND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CUTE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE 

- so youre mentally panicking bc how do you even talk to someone that looks like that now???? but then you remember that you didnt even want to talk him so in a panic youre like ‘maybe i can avoid him and he’ll just assume it’s bc i hate him bc i do,, who cares if he’s unbelievably hot now’ 

- nikolai doesn’t assume anything, he just gets to the estate and is like ‘why hasn’t she insulted me yet?? is she suddenly too good to give me attention?’ so during the lessons that you still share he gets an idea

- he decides to one-up you in everything bc that’s always gotten a reaction out of you 

- it works,, every time he corrects you or steals an answer from you, you’re ready to snap but then you look at him and take in his stupidly perfect face and  you just shut up 

- nikolai thinks it’s not working so he just tries harder

- by the end of week one you can’t take it anymore so when the tutor leaves at the end of lessons you snap, you tell him off for how often he’d repeat what you said and change a few words and get all the praise from the tutor

- on the inside he’s like ‘took long enough’ but the more you rant he’s like ‘is she okay???’ he’d be more concerned if you weren’t threatening his pride and at this point he’s still annoyed bc if you were that annoyed you should have just talked to him instead of ignoring him for a week

- he’s thinking that just bc you got really pretty over the last year doesn’t make you too good to yell at him on the daily

- the worst thing anyone can do to nikolai is ignore him LMAO (lowkey relatable)

- so he starts arguing with you and you’re so upset that you forget about how aggressively attractive he is 

- and you two are alone in this room and the more you argue the closer you two get

- the climax of the argument is when neither of you are yelling, you’re just so mad you’re beyond raising your voice and once you’re both at that point it goes like this: 

“Nikolai Lantsov, you are the most insufferable person I’ve ever met” 

“Well then, Darling, you should look in a mirror.” 

“You are so entitled, so ridiculously self obsessed that it ruins your attractiveness.” 

“...” he literally just like blinks twice. “You think I’m attractive?” 

“Uh? No--i didn’t say that at all, maybe if you didn’t have the language comprehension of a child you’d understa--” he just reaches forward, grabs the collar of your dress, and kisses you. 

- it’s your first kiss so you have no idea what you’re doing and it’s with some one you CANT STAND and you’re so mad bc you had expectations for your first kiss and he’s taken that from you--but the thing is,, 

- he’s good at it. Like really good at it. Like so good it makes you curious about what he does the nine months of the year he’s not stuck here with you bc there’s no way he hasn’t had practice. 

- but you’re also extremely confused and nervous and aware of how stupid you’re being (and a little hormonal bc being 14 isn’t easy) and then he places his hand on your cheek and that snaps some sense of reality into you bc it’s one thing to enjoy the kiss but another thing entirely to want him to escalate it

- so you place one hand on his chest and push him off of you slightly. He takes the hint, pulls away enough to look at you and then you two just stare at each other 

- your hand is still on his chest and you have absolutely no idea what comes next, but you find yourself looking at his lips

- since you haven’t slapped him or pulled away more than a few inches he thinks maybe things are okay so he leans forward slightly and kisses you again. 

- you reciprocate a little too fast, the kiss lasts two seconds before thinking about how insane you’re being so you push away entirely. 

- He lets you go,, and in the most awkward display ever you’re like ‘uh I need to go,, i can’t be late to ball preparation lessons’ and you leave that room faster than you’ve ever left a room in your entire life. 

- the next day you consider pretending to be sick to avoid him but that would only give him more power over the situation so you go,, and he’s just sitting there calmly

- youre on edge the entire day but he never even jokes about it

- a part of you is a tiny bit annoyed bc who kisses you and then pretends it never happened? but overall, you’re relieved 

- the days pass and it never comes up but now whenever you two argue you think of how quickly kissing him both shut him up and got rid of your tension 

- the summer goes by quickly, your usual dynamic has returned and you wonder if he even remembers kissing you. twice. in a row. 

- the next couple of years are normal,, even when you two no longer take lessons together you still dont like him. He’s just so assured and he takes such joy in bothering you. 

- and then one summer your parents sit you down and they’re like ‘we need to plan the future alliance of our kingdom’ 

- you’re a little confused bc you’re rarely allowed to sit in on these things bc you’re a girl and you’re basically meant to just be a royal’s bride--and then you realize why you’re there. 

- you start protesting before your father can finish announcing your engagement 

- the parents were smart bc they announced it at the end of summer so you two couldn’t drive them crazy or conspire

- the first thing you do when you get back to your castle is write to him for the first time ever 

- your letter is basically ‘pls tell me you’re doing something’ 

- the two of you talk until you come up with the plan to get your parents to break up your engagement 

- your parents dont really care about your feelings and they expect the two of you to argue with them,, but they care about the kingdoms

- so you two decide that if you act like youre so in love that you let your duties slip the engagement will end,, especially if you two are in love in a toxic way 

- so the next summer you two make sure to flirt and act like youre totally obsessed with each other and skip lessons together and just are constantly together and acting like you’re on a honeymoon

- your parents are like ?? since when 

- at one point you flirt with a random guard just so Nikolai can have a ‘jealous outburst’ while your families are strolling through the garden 

- ngl jealous nikolai had you ready to RISK IT ALL,, you were ready to drop the plan and marry him on the spot 

- he notices bc he notices everything about you and when your family walks away he gives you a quick kiss and youre stunned,, much to his delight 

- your desire to break up your engagement takes a slight backseat in your mind bc you decide to set off on a secret goal to make him flustered

- it doesn’t take much, your dresses get a little more risky, your comments get a little more suggestive

- the only problem?? he seems to have his own personal goal and it’s to make you even more flustered than he is

- soon the two of you are lost in layers of pretend and competition

- when your parents are finally thinking about delaying the engagement and keeping you two away from each other until you calm down a little (i feel bad for them,, an entire summer of being surrounded by the ULTIMATE sexual tension) 

- you’re sad and you don’t know why bc this is what you wanted, but then Nikolai stands up and says that you two planned for this and he has the letters to prove it (he was ready to drop the receipts LMAO) and youre like ??what are you doing?

- and he says he’d rather marry you then never see you again bc now all he wants is to get know you bc he has no idea how he wasted so much time arguing with you 

- and you just meltttt but your in front of your entire family and his as well so you just sit there for a minute and then you tell him you feel the same way 

- but the summer’s over

- you kiss him before leaving and he says you’ll have to visit bc he can’t go an entire year without seeing your ‘pretty face’ 

- you promise to visit him soon

- your at home for exactly a day and a half before getting an invitation to visit him 

- you laugh bc the only way that letter could get to you that fast is if he mailed it before you even left 

- you say yes obviously,, and spend some time having a really cute fall-dating vibes together until you figure out how you really feel 

- and you feel like he makes your heart STOP and that’s why you hated him,, bc you didn’t like being vulnerable 

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[carmensbroom]

I've once again had 6 hours to process everything I saw in season 4 so I'm just gonna say my thoughts on it (hold onto your fedoras again folks)

first off, WE FOUND OUT GRAY'S LAST NAME?? I was so shocked and happy at the same time I love how everyone asked for player's real name and we ended up with gray's surname for some reason shsjsj. NOBODY ASKED FOR THAT BUT THEY DELIVERED ANYWAY

ALSO GRAHAM IS AN ORPHAN?? my precious boy *throws mommy's boy headcanon out the window*

the second episode really had me shipping carmivy they're so cute we got a girl's trip and I'm all for it

I think I may now be a dash haber stan but let's not make a big thing of it

also ivy eating the chocolate in the middle of a mission deserves an honorable mention because of her cute little tongue (I'm weird okay djsjsjs)

zack trying to bond with shadowsan and him having none of it was delightful

that fucking robot god damn bellum really thought of everything didn't she every time I thought it was gone it made a come back I literally said out loud "carmen is so fucked"

I SWEAR TO GOD EVERY TIME GRAY TALKED ABOUT CARMEN I KEPT THINKING HE WAS GONNA SAY "BECAUSE I LOVE HER" IN WHICH CASE I WOULD HAVE DIED AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY

yall have no idea how relieved I was when I found out that photo of julia was her and her (presumably) mother and NOT a boyfriend sjsjsjs

catch me making a headcanon that julia has a single mom because her father disowned her for coming out as gay based on that picture alone 😭

I'M SORRY BUT THE AMOUNT OF FLIRTING BETWEEN CARMEN AND JULES?? PLEASE THEY'RE SECRET GIRLFRIENDS JUST ADMIT YOU CENSORED THEM AND GO

OKAY BUT WHEN THEY WERE IN JULIA'S OFFICE AND CARMEN SAID "WAY TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART JULES" AND SHE WAS LIKE "YOU REMEMBERED" I LOST IT WHAT DID CARMEN REMEMBER JULES?? DID THEY HAVE A CONVERSATION OFF SCREEN? MAYBE I'M JUST A BIG HUGE LESBIAN BUT THAT'S A BIT GAY LADIES

carmen getting all worried when julia wasn't answering her phone was the blessed gay content I signed up for PLEASE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH

never thought I'd say this but I loved devineaux this season he was funny, he improved his treatment towards julia (I don't recall him officially apologising I must have missed something djsjsjs)

the only thing I didn't like was it kinda seemed like they were trying to hint that chase and jules were into each other and I didn't really vibe with that

all that shit with dr bellum and the crown for cleo really had me thinking cleobellum was gonna be canon what a clown I am (seriously tho the way she lost it when the crown got stolen GIVE IT BACK IT BELONGS TO HER WIFE)

look all I'm saying is: tigress new outfit in the egypt episode was hot

HER FACE AT THE END AFTER SHE GOT TRAPPED WITH ALL THOSE BUGS

I wish julia and gray could have met there's so much friendship potential there 😭

is player... is he a bit 💅 I SEE THAT PRIDE STICKER ON YOUR LAPTOP YOUNG MAN YOU'RE NOT SUBTLE

ngl I nearly teared up when player finally met carmen in person

I'M SORRY BUT JULIA'S BLUSH IN EPISODE 7 PLEASE SHE'S SO SMITTEN WITH CARMEN IT'S BRILLIANT

EVIL CARMEN WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE I WAS SO SCARED SHE'D BE STUCK LIKE THAT FOREVER

I mentioned this in another post but when julia was like "don't you remember me? I'm your girlfriend friend, jules" I NEARLY FUCKING CRIED THEY WERE GETTING KINDA CLOSE AND THEN CARMEN GOT MIND WIPED

JULIA TOPS JULIA TOPS I SAID IT ALL ALONG AND IT'S TRUE SHE REALLY PINNED VILE CARMEN THAT'S TOP BEHAVIOR (also this now makes carmen a bottom I don't make the rules)

kinda shocked that paper star was hardly here I don't stan her so it didn't bother me much but still it was just strange they didn't use her this season

when shadowsan whipped out the last doll and carmen had all those flashbacks to when she was at vile I nearly started crying AGAIN

I LEGIT THOUGHT CARMEN HAD KILLED GRAY DJSJSJS AN ELECTRICIAN GETTING ELECTROCUTED THAT'S SOME IRONY RIGHT THERE

gray really confused me towards the end he kept switching sides every five minutes for the whole season I wasn't sure whether to trust him half the time dhshsjs

THE LOOK ON CARMEN'S FACE WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE'D KILLED GRAY WAS SO HEARTBREAKING AND THEN SHE STARTED CRYING OH MY GOD I'M SORRY BABY

the way she's always been against hurting people/taking lives and then she ended up hurting all the people she loves (she nearly killed zack for god sake) really hit me hard

gray's ending was... kinda weird I understood the parallel of him not wanting to complicate carmen's life like she said about him in season 2 but it was still kinda strange that they didn't have one more conversation or get any closure

I'm obviously kinda upset that carulia wasn't canon they had so much potential imo and the show isn't about romance anyway BUT I'm happy with the content we got and THEY FLIRTED SO MUCH THEY'RE CANON IN MY HEART

THE TEAM RED GROUP HUG KILLED ME IT WAS SO CUTE

kinda annoyed that carmen just straight up left zack and ivy she really just left a note and said YEET

ivy's voice crack when she read the note got me all choked up

ngl I'm still not entirely sure how it ended I had to rewatch it a few times to understand what they were trying to imply sjsjsj

would have loved to know carmen's given name but at the same time she's literally THE carmen sandiego that's who she is, it would be silly to go by a name that she doesn't connect with just because her parents gave her it

her mom being a regular citizen was kinda bittersweet I mean a plot twist would have been good but at the same time it would make the story even more complicated

*dreams of a spinoff movie where we get better closure on everything*

ACME IVY ACME IVY I'M NOT AN IVY STAN BUT DAMN IF I AIN'T SIMPING FOR ACME IVY

I know carmen didn't want revenge but I feel like chief got let off with killing her father way too quickly if I'm honest sjsjsj

JULIA BEING IN CHARGE OF FINDING CARMEN'S MOM OH MY GOSH

I feel so bad for laughing when julia got knocked out the way the cloth fell on her head sent me but when the pole hit her head I was like "OKAY I TAKE IT BACK THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE"

was not expecting julia to physically fight anyone I mean she's always been so calm and collected and then this season she was like fuck it might as well hit a few people before we finish forever

wishing carmen and jules could have hugged or had a scene together where they talked about stockholm but I won't complain it wouldn't have really made sense anyway considering they were cool with each other at the university

so glad the trailer was misleading about the coach brunt situation I really didn't want her to get a last minute redemption

another honorable mention: cleo snapping at julia "DON'T YOU DARE IMPLY THAT I AM COMMON" sent me djdjs she was just stood there like "I am but a humble history lesbian leave me be"

I think that's everything I'll probably add to it later if I think of anything or I might make a part 2 djsjsjs (I've been writing this for almost an hour now 😭)

overall I enjoyed it from start to finish. I haven't really cried about it ending yet I'm still processing everything but I'll probably have a little sob when it finally hits me djsjsjs

CARULIA NATION WE BASICALLY WON NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I REWATCH ALL THEIR SCENES TOGETHER AND MAKE IT MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY