#i have structure and routine in my day to day life and the change of a gregorian calendar date is not going to stress me out
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Recent random life images ~
#photo diary#1 - picture of flowers with a cool pattern on the petals. 2 - son baby boy son baby with his arm out in a way that almost looks like he's#taking a selfie or something lol. 3 - some tacos made like I think last summer but somehow I just refound the picture of it lol. 4&5 -#flower with a really cool structure! Like how it's made of these little tiers of smaller flowers going up in a cyllinder type shape but fro#afar just looks like one flower. 6 - the stem of a broccoli that I cut very thin and put small slices of green bean inside of?? I like#messing around with produce scraps sometimes. no idea why I took a picture of this like a year ago. I guess maybe it kind of looks like#a spine or something interesting? 7 - a frozen icy bush from last year. The ice was like an inch thick layered on everything#8 - I just like the term useage here 'Storage under shadow place' which sounds far more ominous than 'keep out of direct sunlight' or whate#ver it probably meant to say lol. 9 - sometimes I get these notifications and they always make me weirdly whimsical feeling like..#imagining a life where I'm a retired elerly person in a quaint little home and I just get up and read the newspaper and play solitaire#and garden and then sleep. no large aspirations. no war. no climate change. just some little alternate reality where all is well#and you have your little cards and your little routine and etc. But rather than evoking a negative like 'grr i'll never have that ToT' sort#of feeling it's more just like. 'ah. a nice glimpse of an alternate reality. perhaps one day microsoft solitaire. perhaps one day.#*calm sigh*' lol. 10 - solitaire board with a lasagna theme. 11 - stil... trying to write... aughh..................#11 - The 'mist' icon for the weather looks really cool? I've never seen it before as I guess I've never seen misty weather. I only ever se#'fog' listed. I like the mist being these little squiggles with dots between? lol. 12 - random boring image but I thought the way my hair#happened to be laying when I looked down seemed kind of artistic-y like the even swoopy little swirl bit at the end looks like#how people often Draw Hair in pictures and etc I guess. 13 - SKY picture.. sky.. clouds.. of course.. always#anyway.. grhgh.. have been very barely online recently due to stress and so on. There's just So Many Things always lol...#It's still very hard for me to balance the fact that I need to be focusing just on my projects. yet also I'msupposed to be posting about#my projects.. Those are just such two entirely seperate worlds to me? a Good And Successful Artist would be marketing and posting#always promoting everything they're doing. But I have such more of a sense of like.. when I am being productive I am in my Isolation Cave#. Goign out to contact the real world and talk about the goingson within my Isolation Cave then breaks my focus lol. It's like just SO hard#to do both at the same time so I never do. grggg... Anyway.. also still working on the friend quiz thing. and sculptures. and I had#done a few commissions for people recently. and dr appointments.. and Existence. and watching geese out the window
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I am safe and protected from New Year's Day superstitions, nothing negative will come upon me or those I love by simply existing during my life.
If I need to cleanse, I will do so, and I will have no net loss nor gain of luck.
#sunnie thoughts#nye#new year#new year's day#new year superstitions#i have structure and routine in my day to day life and the change of a gregorian calendar date is not going to stress me out#ive done laundry/showered on new years day before and survived-its okay not to subscribe to everything you read online#a lot of these are cultural practices for folks so it makes sense that not everything is for everyone
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Is this JM I see on Weverse or is it a mirage?
Well well well, not a mirage. Indeed JM has given us a sign of life.
And quite a sign of life it was.
Before I share some of my thoughts on this, let's look at the numbers for a sec.
JM posted 29.1.2025 at 20:30 or 8:30 pm KST.
On Weverse it shows up as 29 Jan 20:30.
2+9=11
1+2+3=6
We get:
11/6
Which happens to be the day they are discharged from the military.
Coincidence?
I think not. Not when it's JM posting. Not when he's talking to us about the "what comes next after military"...
But there is more...
If we take the date: 29.1.25
2+9+2=13
1+5=6
13/6
Same date 29.1.25 and we can play around with the numbers some more:
2+9=11
1+2+5=8
8/11
One more of those times where JM's choice of date and time leave you wondering...
Yes, this was JM sending us a Happy New Year (Seollal) message. And Seollal was on 29 January this year. But it was celebrated between the 28 Jan and 30 Jan, so he could have sent the message either on the 28th (that's also when we got the message from Jin and Hobi) or the 30th. He chose to post on the 29th. At the time he did. And he also decided to let us in a little, more than just a cute HNY greeting.
Now that I got that out of the way, let's talk about what JM actually had to tell us.
Translation by @btsinthemoment
Obviously I want to talk a little about what JM had to tell us about JK and himself.
I thought of sharing a few translations here. They differ a little one from the other, but the gist of it is the same.
This one is from @btsinthemoment
and a couple more from AI online translators:
and this one:
Before I get to what JM says here, I do feel the need to remind everyone of just how intelligent JM is, how thought out and well spoken.
This post came to mind:
Don't listen to me, listen to JK.
JM is super articulate and ever so careful when he words his messages. They ever so often are layered and nuanced (just like his songs).
And this message from him is no different.
The structure of the message. I - WE - I. Talking about himself - sneaking in the talk about JK and himself (WE) and finishing up with going back to talking about himself (ending it with his love for us). You might even look at it like a prologue - story - epilogue... framing the "WE"...
As part of the "prologue" JM talks about his daily routine in the military.
He really doesn't need to mention JK at this point, tell us they spend their spare time together, because JK already did.
So, JM just mentions the daily routine, tells us how his days are more or less the same since he's enlisted, but that there has been a change since the start of the year. And this change is in the content of the conversations he and JK have before sleeping (and I do think he's talking about 1 Jan 2025, not Seollal, since he's talking about conversations that the two are already having).
Listen to what he's saying.
The content of the conversation has changed since the start of the year, but them having these conversations, that is very much part of his daily routine.
He is saying it loud and clear:
"Prologue":
"The actual story":
And just like JK "happened" to mention JM in his live (no "happened" what so ever, it was fully intentional, including the whole "when we shower together" comment), JM "happens" (nope...) to mention JK.
This is intentional.
They are telling us something.
They are intertwining their messages.
A message from JK is still a message from him, but he is telling us how JM is part of his life, his day to day life, including the miniscule things like exercising and washing up.
A message from JM is still a message from him, but he is telling us how JK is part of his life, his day to day life, including the ordinary things like having those conversation just before sleeping.
They want us to know (not only speculate or guess either way) that their daily routines are intertwined with each other. Not out of necessity (to those that claim they didn't choose to enlist together or that enlisting together didn't mean spending free time together), but out of choice (spending free time together away from the others, showering daily together, having heart to heart talks before going to sleep).
Let's talk about JM's use of "we" shall we?
Again, this is JM presenting himself and JK to us as a unit.
He is telling us that he and JK have these meaningful heart to heart conversations just before going to sleep.
This is said obviously, clearly. But it's, once again, layered.
JM's words can be seen as talking, planning their professional lives moving forward.
JM's words can also be more.
And make no mistake. JM is in touch with the other members. Members he is super close to and with whom he has conversations about the what and how of after military service. And yet, the ones he is having with JK are the ones he is mentioning. These are not only about the what and how. These are about MORE. And here is where the layering and nuancing comes into place again, JM being JM.
The way he just adds it in: "and what kind of lives we will lead from now on..."
The translations are a little different in their wording, one talking about what kind of life they will lead moving forward or what kind of life they will lead in the future. But to me the message is one and the same.
The two thinking, contemplating, discussing how their lives will look like moving forward together. The two of them.
They are having conversations about how their future will be. And this is once again JM showing us how important they are to one another. What they are to each other.
Someone they plan their future together with.
And I can't help but wonder if this message is one more of little (or not so little) hints and crumbs we've been getting from them since their joint enlistment that something is going to change once they get out. Not with them. They have always have been good and will be good. But about how they will be presenting themselves to us. Not just as individuals (that too), but as the two of them together.
A couple perhaps...
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PAMPERS PUBLIC SCHOOL REFORM: EDUCATION REIMAGINED OR REGRESSION GONE TOO FAR?
By Emily Dawson, Investigative Reporter
For years, education reform has been a topic of heated debate. Traditional schooling often leaves students overwhelmed by stress, struggling with expectations, and ill-prepared for real life. In response, school districts across the country have begun partnering with Pampers Corporation to introduce a radically new approach to learning—one that eliminates unnecessary pressure, fosters emotional well-being, and removes the burdens of growing up too quickly.
The Pampers Public School Reform Program has now fully replaced traditional education in multiple districts, converting high schools into structured learning environments tailored to a simpler, more guided lifestyle. Students are relieved of responsibilities that once weighed them down, such as complex coursework, college preparation, and even basic hygiene routines. In their place? A nurturing, preschool-style environment where comfort and security come first.
While many officials praise the program’s success, not everyone is celebrating.
"I’m Not a Toddler—Why Are They Treating Me Like One?"
Emma Reynolds, 18, had spent years working toward an honors diploma, with hopes of attending a prestigious university. But when her high school was converted to a Pampers Academy, she found herself pulled into a system she never agreed to.
"It’s not school—it’s a daycare," Emma hisses, gripping the edge of her desk, which is barely big enough to accommodate her.
Around her, the other students seem perfectly content in their new reality. The majority have already transitioned to full-time Pampers, no longer expected to even attempt bathroom breaks. Many sit in their seats with thickly padded bottoms, others waddle freely around the classroom, their sagging diapers peeking out from beneath colorful onesies. Some suckle on pacifiers while listening to their teacher read a picture book aloud, their attention spans seemingly far removed from any concern about essays, exams, or college applications.
Emma isn’t like them. She remembers what school used to be.
"They call me ‘sweetie’ and ‘princess’ and pat my head when I get answers right. They make me sit crisscross-applesauce on the rug during storytime. They don’t teach math, they teach shapes. We have scheduled nap times. And worst of all?" She shifts uncomfortably, her thick pull-ups rustling beneath her skirt. "They won’t even let us use the bathroom like normal people."
Under the Pampers system, students are placed in protective undergarments based on their "developmental needs." For most, that means ultra-absorbent Pampers diapers, ensuring accidents never disrupt classroom learning. Only a handful, like Emma, are still permitted pull-ups, though even that comes with restrictions.
"I told them I don’t need them. I told them I can hold it during class. But guess what?" She clenches her fists. "I couldn’t."
She shakes her head, looking away. "And when you have an accident, they make a big deal about it. They take you to the ‘quiet corner,’ change you, tell you it’s okay, and give you a sticker for ‘trying your best.’ It’s humiliating. But the worst part?" She swallows hard. "The more accidents you have, the more they ‘adjust’ your routine."
At first, Emma was only required to wear pull-ups during class. Now, she’s in them full-time. She doesn’t know what the next "adjustment" will be.
"What happens if they decide I don’t need pull-ups anymore?" she whispers. "What happens if they decide I need…more?"
A Mother’s Concern: “I Don’t Know How Much Longer She’ll Last”
Emma’s mother, Debbie Hall, initially believed the program was an opportunity for her daughter to learn patience and adapt to new challenges. Now, she isn’t so sure.
"She’s been fighting this since day one," Debbie admits, rubbing her temples. "But every time she resists, the school just… doubles down."
At first, Emma refused to use her Pampers-issued pull-ups, insisting she would simply wait until she got home. It didn’t last.
"She told me she’d hold it," Debbie sighs, shaking her head. "She didn’t."
When the school called, Debbie was asked to bring a fresh pull-up and a change of clothes—a moment she describes as one of the most surreal experiences of her life.
"I stood outside the classroom, holding a pack of training pants meant for toddlers, about to hand them to my eighteen-year-old daughter." She exhales sharply. "I don’t know how much longer she’ll last before she stops fighting it."
And that, she fears, is exactly what Pampers wants.
Success Stories: “Happier, Healthier Students”
Despite cases like Emma’s, school officials and many parents insist the program is working. According to Superintendent Laura Whitmore, dropout rates have plummeted, student anxiety is at an all-time low, and behavioral issues are almost nonexistent.
"When we take away the pressures of growing up too fast, we allow students to flourish in a safe, nurturing space," Whitmore explains. "Pampers helps us create a structured learning environment where students can focus on emotional well-being and positive reinforcement.
Studies show that students in the program are better rested, less anxious, and more cooperative. Many enthusiastically embrace their new routine, growing attached to naptime, play-based learning, and the security of their Pampers uniforms.
"Some students come in fighting," Whitmore admits. "But as they settle into the routine, they come to appreciate the comfort and care we provide. And the best part? They never have to worry about making ‘big kid’ mistakes again."
The Future of Education?
With more schools adopting the Pampers model, traditional high school education may soon become a thing of the past. For students like Emma, who still long for independence, the future remains uncertain. But for many others, a world without adult pressures, expectations, or even bathroom breaks is a dream come true.
And as the Pampers program continues to expand, one thing is clear:
For the next generation, growing up may no longer be necessary.
(Sponsored in part by Pampers Corporation. Because learning should be comfortable.)
#ab/dl diaper#ab/dl stories#regression school#diaper stories#ab/dl caption#wetting diaper#diaper bulge#diaper captions#ab/dl girl#ab/dl
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𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒔 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑻𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑴𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝑺𝒊𝒈𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝑭𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒚
Aries Moon
For my Aries Moons in February, it seems there will be a lot of temptation and things trying to pull you back into the essence you’re attempting to leave behind. You’re trying to move past the toxic energy and avoid feeling trapped in situations that no longer serve you. However, it looks like that temptation is resurfacing, rehashing itself, and coming up again. I sense that there will be a major shake-up in February that brings up this toxic energy you want to break free from. You’ll need to confront it and deal with it, which may cause disruption—arguments, breakdowns in relationships, or even a breakdown in what you thought was a positive period in your life. Although this will have a significant impact, I don’t see it taking over your entire month. It’s going to happen in an intense way, bringing a lot of toxicity and conflict into play.
This situation is related to something that has been lingering for a while, something that hasn’t fully ended. Perhaps it’s been swept under the rug or there have been moments where it seemed to get better, but it hasn’t truly been released. It’s an old attachment, something stale that reemerges, causing chaos, shaking up the balance and equilibrium in your life. Despite the disruption, this shake-up will actually propel you toward wanting to make a change. Though it may feel like you’re defeated, angry, or out of control while it’s unfolding, I see you picking yourself up from this. This energy will pass, and although it will be a major part of your month, the aftermath will help you regain a sense of control and stability in your life. February holds a sense of unpredictability, with themes of shocking and surprising events, but there’s a positive side to this unpredictability. It can bring a refreshing, rejuvenating energy—an opportunity for a fresh start, a new path. This disruption could lead you to take a leap of faith, risk something new, or step outside your comfort zone to create positive change.
I also see that you’ll likely experience some financial blessings in February, perhaps unexpected support or material assistance from someone. You may feel supported by someone who comes through for you in a way you didn’t expect. There might even be financial opportunities that give you the confidence to take risks, such as traveling to escape the negative energy and recalibrate your life.
Taurus Moon
For my Taurus Moons in February, the energy seems mixed, with a lack of consistency in the themes. It appears there will be a lot of internal focus this month—emotions, thoughts, and mental energy may take center stage. This could lead to overthinking, overanalyzing, or a sense of emotional overwhelm. Valentine’s Day energy is present in your reading, bringing with it a sense of romanticism. There may be a playful, flirtatious, and lighthearted dynamic in your romantic life—a lot of admiration and small, sweet gestures that bring youthful energy. You may find yourself exchanging compliments, giving small gifts like roses, and experiencing the joy of love in its simpler, more innocent form.
However, despite this romantic energy, I sense a lack of ambition, drive, and passion in February. While there is romance, it might be passive, sweet, and gentle, but not particularly passionate or energetic. The physical side of romance may not be as intense. You may also experience some physical fatigue or a need for rest, possibly dealing with illness or exhaustion. February may require you to take time for yourself to recuperate and get back to a place of balance. Energy levels could fluctuate, and there may be days of higher energy and other days of feeling low and drained.
I sense a lack of structure this month, which could stem from struggles with stability—perhaps instability in your daily routine or even financial instability. Your usual routine might be unstable, or you might be experiencing fluctuations in energy and mood. This could leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to follow a consistent pattern.
You may also find yourself putting up emotional walls in February. This could be a defense mechanism as you try to regroup and protect yourself. On the outside, you may present yourself as strong and bold, but behind closed doors, you feel overwhelmed, burnt out, or even sick. I sense that you’re stuck on something from the past—perhaps an old routine or situation that no longer applies in the present. The past might resurface in a way that doesn’t bring you happiness, and this could be part of the reason you’re so focused on internalizing your thoughts. As you ruminate on the past, you may try to protect yourself from vulnerability, though you’re feeling increasingly vulnerable as the past lingers in the present. Navigating through these tough energies will be challenging, but I do see some romance and sweet, playful moments in February to help lighten the mood.
Gemini Moons
February feels like a mixed month for you, and I sense that there’s a situation where things might shift from bad to good or good to bad. Ultimately, though, I think this will lead to a transition from a rough, stagnant period to a more awakened, defined, and clearer phase.
In February, you might feel a bit misguided. You could find yourself becoming more of a homebody, not feeling as ambitious or gregarious, and lacking the drive to be active or spontaneous. You may feel aimless, unsure of where you want to go, and not up to the challenge of pursuing your goals. This likely stems from a lot weighing on your mind. Perhaps you’ve recently gone through a difficult time, dealing with disappointing news or a mentally draining experience. Your energy might feel stagnant, and you could be in a depressive state, making it hard to do much or go out.
You may feel hurt or emotionally drained, especially if something has happened that caused you to withdraw. It might be hard for you to open up or put your heart out there, as you’re fearful of getting hurt again. I feel like you might have also discovered something—perhaps a truth that’s been lingering in your mind—that has contributed to this mental overwhelm and left you in a funk, with little motivation to do anything.
That said, this won’t last forever. You’re taking time to be alone, reflect, and figure out your emotions. You might not feel like being reactive, but instead, introspective, trying to understand why you feel the way you do. While you’re withdrawing, it’s actually a necessary break. You’re not feeling your best right now, and you need time to process everything before you move forward.
Despite all this, I do sense a call to action in your life. This situation is pushing you to go down a different path and make decisions for yourself again. By the end of February, I see a resurgence of energy and confidence that will propel you toward new opportunities. You’ll feel more tenacious, feisty, and motivated to take on new projects. This burst of energy will help you start a new journey with confidence, receiving praise and support from others.
In the long run, this period of reflection and introspection will have a positive impact, especially as you shift gears toward the more energetic and confident months ahead.
Cancer Moons
February may be a rocky month for you, with emotional fluctuations and moments when you feel uprooted or unstable. There could be people in your environment affecting your mood, and you may find yourself drained, unable to show up for others because you feel emotionally spent. This month, you might find yourself needing to check in with yourself more, abandoning plans just to focus on your emotional well-being.
Expect some intense emotional energy in February. You may find yourself dealing with heavier emotions, like sadness, regret, remorse, or even disillusionment. This emotional imbalance may be pervasive, weighing on your mind heavily in relation to past actions or situations. As you process these feelings, it might feel overwhelming, especially when trying to make sense of your reality.
During this time, you may withdraw, not wanting to be around others. You could find yourself in deep reflection, figuring out the root causes of your emotions. You might not be in full-on “hermit mode,” but you will likely spend time on your own, trying to understand your feelings.
I don’t see a lot of structure or stability for you in February. It’s not a month for sticking to a routine or establishing a solid foundation. Instead, it’s a month full of fluctuating energy—both bold and exciting, but also restless. You might feel mentally stimulated, more alert, and ready to engage in stimulating conversations. There’s a sense of confidence and energy, and you might find yourself wanting to act on ideas and projects you’ve been considering.
While the emotional fluctuations and the need for self-reflection are still present, I see happiness on the horizon. Even if sadness or emotional imbalance lingers, I sense that you’re taking action from a place of mental restlessness, filled with creative ideas and a desire to express yourself. You’ll have enjoyable moments, particularly with others, and you’ll feel supported by the people around you. The interactions you have will be harmonious and uplifting, giving you the strength to move forward.
Overall, February will be a month of emotional fluctuations, but also a period of creative growth, supported by those who love and care for you.
Leo Moons
For Leo Moons in February, I feel that you may be experiencing a period of disconnect with someone you’ve had a falling out with. You and this person are likely in no contact and may be ignoring each other. There’s a lack of communication, and both of you seem unwilling to break your pride to reach out and reconcile. This stagnation is likely to continue. The person involved could be someone you envisioned a future with, possibly a close family member like a cousin, aunt, uncle, or even your parents. It could also be someone you’re married to or just someone very important in your life. Despite this connection, there seems to be a lot of turmoil between you, which is contributing to a major transformation in your life this month. Something shocking may arise, causing upheaval and bringing unresolved drama to the forefront. This could trigger the end of lingering issues, but it will also destabilize things for a time.
Though the month may start with a lot of instability, once the chaos subsides, there will be moments of clarity, and you may begin to reevaluate things with a more practical and realistic mindset. This could lead to new opportunities, such as pursuing further education, seeking a new job, or focusing on improving your finances. There’s also the possibility of a fresh start in a relationship, with someone new showing interest or an existing connection offering emotional support. While February may be challenging, it seems to ultimately open doors to new possibilities, and you’ll emerge from the month feeling emotionally fulfilled and with a renewed sense of direction.
Virgo Moons
For Virgo Moons in February, you may find yourself struggling with low confidence and a lack of energy. You could feel less stylish, less strong, or just generally unmotivated. Your physical vitality might also be lower, leading you to spend more time introspecting rather than engaging externally. There might be moments where you feel inner conflict or aggression toward someone or a situation in your life, but you may choose to keep these feelings to yourself rather than confront them. You might also find yourself reflecting on toxic themes in your life but holding back from communicating them to others.
This could be a month where you feel a desire to break free from routine and responsibilities. You might not feel like working or engaging in your usual tasks, seeking instead something different or more spontaneous. You may want to escape the mundane and explore life in a more carefree way. However, despite these internal struggles, there could also be moments of warmth and lightheartedness. Someone may admit to having a crush on you, or you could develop a new romantic interest. Alternatively, you might enjoy meaningful conversations with someone you trust, bringing some emotional relief and connection in the month of February.
Libra Moon
For Libra Moons in February, I see you dealing with frustrating and complex emotional dynamics. It seems like you’re in a period of withdrawal, where you’re retreating from others and spending a lot of time on your own. You might be in “ghost mode,” not responding to people or interacting much, as you go through a difficult time that leaves you feeling stagnant and emotionally overwhelmed. You may be feeling sadness or despair, possibly due to something you’ve discovered that has left you unhappy and uninspired. You might feel disconnected from life, lacking excitement or motivation, and prefer staying at home rather than going out or socializing. This could feel like a month with little growth but a lot of emotional heaviness.
Although you’re withdrawing and taking time to process your emotions, you might find yourself struggling with significant delays in your pursuits. Even if you have the ambition and drive to go after your goals, the energy to follow through may be inconsistent. You may experience fluctuations between moments of ambition and a lack of energy, resulting in obstacles or burnout. Despite this, you’re likely trying to push through, possibly using work or personal goals as a distraction, but the month might feel tough, and you’re likely looking forward to a better month ahead in March.
Scorpio Moons
For Scorpio Moons in February, the month seems to be filled with a mix of challenging experiences. There may be feelings of betrayal or upsetting news that leaves you unsettled. Whether it’s hearing about someone speaking poorly of you or discovering that someone has broken your trust, it could feel like a personal attack. This situation may take you by surprise and leave you feeling defeated. It seems like this is a wake-up call for you to retreat and focus on self-care, giving yourself the space to process the emotional impact.
During this time, you’re likely to nurture yourself and focus on regaining emotional balance. You might avoid practical responsibilities or work-related tasks, choosing instead to relax and take life as it comes. This period of self-reflection will likely lead to an epiphany, where you begin to understand what’s happening and why things are unfolding the way they are. As you take time for yourself, you’ll clear the fog and gain clarity. This clarity will give you the momentum to move forward and resolve any lingering issues, ultimately restoring emotional balance and a sense of tenderness to your life. Someone close to you may offer support, providing comfort and reassurance, which will help lift your spirits and clear the confusion. Although February brings tumultuous emotions, by the end of the month, it seems you’ll have regained your emotional equilibrium and a positive outlook for the future.
Sagittarius Moon
For Sagittarius Moons in February, it seems like this is a month with mixed themes. You may feel shot down, defeated, and lacking the confidence to pursue what you want. There could be a sense of hesitation, with you moving through the month in a more insecure way. You might not have the desire to go out and explore as you usually would, and instead, you might feel like retreating and keeping to yourself. It seems like you’re in a place where you want to care about things, but at the same time, you’re not feeling much of anything. You might feel emotionally neutral or closed off, with a sense of stagnation and no real growth in sight.
This month, you’re likely withdrawing, protecting yourself, and keeping things to yourself. You’re not updating people about your life, instead using this time for introspection and reflection. You may feel stuck and carry some negative emotions, which you’re trying to release before you feel ready to move forward. There’s a lot of internal action happening—spending time in your head, maybe staying up late at night, trying to figure out how to push through and change your situation. Though you’re dealing with heavy emotions, you’re not willing to show others that you’re struggling. After this period of restlessness and reflection, you may start to feel the desire to move forward, setting goals and taking action toward them, especially as you head into March.
It looks like you’ll regain your confidence as the month progresses, building the energy and drive to tackle things head-on. You’ll begin to shine again, feeling happier and more supported. The changing weather may also play a role in lifting your spirits, making you feel more excited to take on new tasks and goals. As you move forward, you’ll feel supported in your efforts and radiate a positive energy as you approach the next steps heading into March.
Capricorn Moons
For Capricorn Moons in February, it seems like you’re stuck on something and unsure how to approach it. You might be holding back, avoiding confrontation, and unsure about how to take action or communicate effectively. For part of the month, you may stall, not making any decisions, perhaps feeling overwhelmed by life and unable to make clear, decisive choices. This could stem from a lack of energy or low confidence, leaving you unsure about how to proceed.
However, by the end of the month, you’ll gain newfound clarity and the confidence to confront the situation. You’ll be able to have a conversation or receive the information you need to make a decisive move. Once you gain that clarity, your confidence will improve, and you’ll feel ready to act. The decision you make will open up new opportunities, allowing you to broaden your horizons and open your mind. With a sense of enthusiasm and excitement, you’ll feel more positive and ready to take on new challenges. Though it took time to build up to this point, making this decision will set you on a new path, with fresh opportunities on the horizon.
Aquarius Moon
For Aquarius Moons in February, I see more positivity than negativity for the month. There’s a strong theme of growth, as you broaden your horizons and feel a sense of adventure. You might feel more spontaneous, pacing yourself and prioritizing enjoying life over simply hustling. You’re less focused on ambition and more interested in finding fulfillment through relaxation and spontaneity. This month, there seems to be a surprising focus on your emotions, especially in relationships. You may experience a new opportunity for emotional connection, with someone offering nurturing support. This could be a person you’re building an emotional bond with, where feelings are reciprocated, and there’s a sense of emotional fulfillment.
This emotional bond may be growing stronger, bringing more stability into your life. You could be discussing the future, possibly even thinking long-term with someone you’re interested in. However, there will be some inconsistencies during the month, with some days being more emotionally open and others being more closed off or moody. At times, you might feel introverted or need to take care of yourself, retreating from social interactions. Despite these fluctuations, the month overall seems to mark a shift away from your usual routine, as you prioritize enjoyment and future possibilities. While there are moments of emotional disconnection or inconsistency in showing care, the emotional bond you’re forming seems to be progressing toward something more stable, even with some unpredictable moments.
Pisces Moon
For Pisces Moons, February looks to be a tumultuous month, full of disruption that weakens your confidence and destabilizes your sense of strength. Though you may prefer calm, it seems like things are chaotic, with decisions and choices overwhelming you. There’s a lot of indecision, and while you’re trying to make the right choices, the circumstances around you are full of drama, explosive arguments, and uncontrollable changes. These situations are likely tied to unresolved hurt and pain, which will come to a head in the form of conflicts or clashes.
You might feel physically and mentally exhausted this month, with little energy to engage in much activity. Overthinking and emotional overstimulation may leave you feeling burned out, and you may retreat into a space of introspection, wanting to release the weight of your internal struggles. This buildup of emotional and mental tension may lead to outbursts or explosive reactions. You may find that both your heart and mind feel unsettled, contributing to the intensity of conflicts. Despite this, it seems you’re trying to right your wrongs and balance things out, even if you’re approaching the situation in a tense and emotionally overwhelming way. There’s a sense of wanting to find harmony and fix the issues at hand, but you may not have the physical or emotional energy to keep up with the demands of the situation. The month will likely be heavy and tumultuous, with themes of shock, toxicity, and conflict. However, your desire to make things right and bring balance to the chaos is evident. You’re working to remedy these problems and reel in the excess energy that is making everything feel overwhelming.
#astro notes#astro observations#astroblr#astrology#astro placements#astro community#aries#cancer#capricorn#gemini#astro posts#astro rants#astro thoughts#astrologer#taurus#leo ♌️#virgo#libra#scorpio#saggitarius#aquarius#pisces
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ESTABLISHING YOUR ROUTINE
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A routine is essential for us to become the best versions of ourselves, but for us to fully commit to a routine, it has to be aligned with our needs and values.
hehe trying out a different aesthetic 😚😚
FIGURE OUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE DAILY. This isn’t what your to-do list currently looks like, but rather how you want your to-list to look like. If you can’t think of anything right now, carry a small notebook or open your notes app during the day to take notes of anything you may want to add to your routine.
BREAK THOSE TASKS INTO SMALLER ONES. This helps us to see more clearly in our routine and helps to make our tasks or goals easier to achieve. E.g. Avoid saying ‘study time’ but say flashcards and re-reading notes.
SET GOALS. This can be daily, weekly, monthly and so on. Just have those little habits in your routines that help you advance to reach your goals. This also helps with our motivation throughout the day.
STRUCTURE YOUR DAY EFFICENTLY. If you have a day where there are no urgent or important tasks to be done, use it to take notes on how you feel throughout. Document the times when you feel the most productive, energised, social and tired. Using this information, divide your tasks into the times that suit each other.
ALLOW FOR FREE TIME BLOCKS IN YOUR DAY. One, for just allowing some time for your brain and body to just chill. Two, just so if anything comes up, you have a free window of time to do it.
TEST YOUR ROUTINE AND MAKE ADJUSTMENTS. Throughout the day, ask yourself; ‘how does my routine make me feel?’ and ‘What tasks do I dread, and what do I look the most forward to?’ If need to be, make any changes.
BE CONSISTENT. This is the only way for a routine to be solid in your life, to do them at the same time every day. This tip sounds mundane, but you can always change it up a little. E.g. Listen to different podcasts or audiobooks every time you go out for your walks.
PREPARE FOR YOUR ROUTINE. Allow your environment to encourage anything you want to add to your routine, for example, if you want to do yoga in the morning, leave your yoga mat in front of your bed where you can see it.
INCLUDE BREAKS, FOOD AND EXERCISE. Resting, eating well and moderate exercise help us to be more productive in the day, and to complete our tasks to higher standards.
KEEP TRACK OF YOUR PROGRESS. See which habits you’re more inclined to do, and which ones you usually avoid. Sometimes, some habits just aren’t meant for us, and that’s okay.
FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR NOT COMMITTING. It’s okay, you’re going to have days when your routine is the least ideal. Don’t beat yourself up for it, instead try to at least accomplish one task that’s a part of your routine.
MAKE IT ENJOYABLE. Your routine isn’t something to punish you, but rather something that helps you to keep an orderly life. It should be something that you’re at least willing to do.
Some ways to make it fun: Listen to music while you do tasks, romanticise your routine as much as possible, include rewards for anything productive and try to involve your loved ones.
#it girl energy#becoming that girl#becoming her#it girl tips#green juice girl#clean girl#it girl#that girl#dream girl guide#dream girl journey#dream girl tips#dream life#dream girl#wonyoungism#self care#self growth#productivity#productivity aesthetic#productivitytips#improve productivity#self improvement#daily routine#morning routine#self love#self control#self development#self healing#routines#habits#habit tracker
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୧ ‧₊˚ caramel mornings
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₊⊹ summary: james potter, a barista in a quiet café, is used to the routine of early mornings and regulars. that is, until you start coming in every day. as he perfects your caramel latte, the connection between you both deepens—slowly, sweetly, and with a few unspoken thoughts lingering between the conversations. in the simplicity of coffee and shared moments, james begins to realize that what started as a casual encounter might turn into something much more.
₊⊹ pairing: james potter x reader (no use of y/n)
₊⊹ warnings: coffee shop au, nothing just pure fluff! that's my first fic ever, let me know what you think!
james potter hadn’t expected to spend this chapter of his life as a barista. it was supposed to be a temporary gig, something to keep him busy while he figured out his next steps. but after a while, the warm smell of coffee beans and the familiar hum of the shop became a strange kind of comfort, anchoring him in a way he hadn’t realized he needed.
there was a rhythm to the job: the hiss of the espresso machine, the soft murmur of costumers chatting over their drinks, and the occasional chaos of a long line of orders that kept him on his toes. james liked it more than he thought he would, though he’d never admit it to his friends.
and then you walked in, shattering the monotony of his carefully structured days.
the first time he saw you, it was raining. not the light, misty kind of rain that made everything look cinematic, but the kind that came down in sheets, soaking anyone unfortunate enough to be caught outside. you stumbled into the shop, water dripping from your coat and hair, and james’s first thought was that you looked completely out of place in the best possible way.
“hi,” you said, breathless and a little flustered, “can I—uh—just get a coffee, please? whatever you recommend.”
james had blinked at you, his usual confidence momentarily short-circuited. “sure,” he managed, fumbling for a cup. “you trust me with that decision?”
your smile was soft, almost teasing. “why wouldn't I? you look like you know your coffee.”
james grinned despite himself, and as he made your drink—something sweet, with just enough espresso to cut through the rain-induced gloom—he felt a warmth that had nothing to do with the steam rising from the cup.
when he handed it to you, your fingers brushed his for a brief moment. “thanks,” you said, meeting his ocean-colored eyes.
james wanted to say something clever, something to keep you at the counter a little longer, but you’d already turned away, heading for a corner table by the window.
it was only after you left, your empty cup abandoned on the table, that james realized he’d forgotten to ask for your name.
you became a regular after that.
every morning, without fail, you came in at the same time, your arrival as reliable as the sun breaking through the clouds. it didn’t take long for james to memorize your order—a caramel latte, extra foam, with the occasional cinnamon scone if you were feeling indulgent.
at first, you’d linger just long enough to grab your drink before disappearing into the bustle of the day. but over time, you started staying longer, settling into the corner seat that had quickly become your own. you brought books, a notebook, sometimes even a laptop, and james couldn’t help but wonder what you were working on so intently.
“still caramel today?” james asked one morning, flashing you his signature grin.
you glanced up from the menu you were pretending to read, the corners of your mouth quirking upward. “what can I say? I’m a creature of habit.”
james chuckled as he turned to make your drink, his movements fluid and practiced. “I’ll have to come up with something new to tempt you. change things up a bit.”
“oh?” you said, raising an eyebrow. “think you can outdo my usual?”
james slid the cup across the counter with a flourish, a foam heart swirling in the center. “try me.”
you laughed softly, your eyes crinkling at the edges as you took a sip. “hmm. not bad. I might have to start trusting you more.”
james felt a surge of pride, even as he tried to play it cool. “high praise. I’ll take it.”
the days blurred into weeks, and before james knew it, you were as much a part of the shop as the mismatched chairs and the ever-changing chalkboard menu.
he looked forward to seeing you, even on the busiest mornings when the line stretched out the door. he found himself saving the best pastries for you, making sure your latte was always just right, even if it meant starting over three times.
but for every moment of warmth, there was an undercurrent of doubt.
james didn’t know much about you, beyond the small snippets of conversation you shared. he didn’t know what brought you to the shop every day or why your smile sometimes seemed a little forced, like you were carrying more than you let on.
one day, he worked up the nerve to ask.
“rough day?” he asked softly as he handed you your drink.
you hesitated, your fingers tightening around the cup. “something like that...”
james wanted to press, to ask what was bothering you, but he didn’t. instead, he watched as you retreated to your corner table, your shoulders hunched slightly as you opened a book.
he hated seeing you like that, and the helplessness gnawed at him for the rest of the day.
james’ friends loved to tease him about you.
"she’s got you wrapped around her finger, mate,” one of them, sirius black, more specifically, said one evening as they closed up the shop.
james rolled his eyes, but his flushed cheeks gave him away. “it’s not like that.”
“right,” sirius drawled, smirking. “that’s why you’ve been drawing hearts in her lattes.”
james groaned, burying his face in his hands. “shut it, t’s not a big deal."
but it was.
he’d never felt like this before—this nervous, this unsure of himself. he wanted to get to know you, to make you laugh, to be the reason your eyes lit up when you walked through the door.
but what if he wasn’t enough?
the rain was relentless that evening, pounding against the windows in a steady rhythm. the shop was quiet, most of the usual crowd having opted to stay home.
you were the only customer left, your book open on the table as you sipped your latte. james had been stealing glances at you all day, his chest tightening with every passing minute. finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.
he grabbed a fresh cup and started on another latte, pouring the foam with extra care. when it was done, he hesitated for a moment before carrying it over to your table.
“for you,” he said, setting it down gently.
you looked up, startled. “what’s this?”
“call it a… thank you,” james said, scratching the back of his neck. “for being the best part of my mornings.”
your eyes widened slightly, and james felt his pulse quicken. for a moment, neither of you said anything, the sound of rain filling the silence.
“james,” you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper.
he braced himself, his stomach twisting with nerves.
“would you like to sit?” you asked, gesturing to the empty seat across from you.
james blinked, caught off guard. “yeah. yeah, sure, I’d like that.”
he slid into the seat, his heart pounding as he met your gaze. and for the first time, he felt like maybe—just maybe—he wasn’t imagining things.
james sat across from you, fidgeting slightly, uncharacteristically nervous. the rain outside drummed against the windows, a comforting backdrop to the tension building between you.
“thanks... for the coffee,” you said, breaking the silence. you traced a finger along the edge of the cup, your expression thoughtful. “you didn’t have to do that.”
james smiled, a little lopsided, and shrugged. “I wanted to. you’ve been keeping this place interesting.”
you raised an eyebrow. “interesting? is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“good,” james said quickly, then laughed at himself. “definitely good. I just mean… it’s nice, seeing you here every day. feels like I’ve got something to look forward to.”
your cheeks flushed, and james couldn’t help but notice the way you looked away, shyly smiling. it was a vulnerability he hadn’t seen from you before, and it made his chest ache in a way he didn’t quite understand.
“I could say the same thing,” you admitted softly, your voice almost drowned out by the rain.
james blinked, his heart stuttering. “yeah?”
“yeah,” you said, meeting his eyes. “you’ve made my mornings a little brighter, James.”
he grinned, the boyish charm that always seemed so effortless now lighting up his face. “well, now I feel like I’ve got to up my game. can’t have you thinking I’m getting complacent.”
you laughed, the sound warm and genuine, and james realized he could get used to this—the easy rhythm of being around you, the way you seemed to make the world feel a little less heavy.
the shop closed earlier than usual that night, the storm outside growing too fierce to keep customers lingering. james finished wiping down the counters while you gathered your things, your umbrella still dripping onto the floor.
“let me walk you out,” he said, grabbing his coat.
you hesitated, looking out at the downpour. “you don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”
“I know,” james said, holding the door open for you. “but I’d like to.”
you smiled, and james thought he’d do just about anything to see that look on your face again.
the two of you stepped into the rain, your umbrella doing little to shield you from the relentless drops. james stayed close, his shoulder brushing yours as you walked.
“thank you, james...” you said after a while, your voice quiet.
“for what?”
“for caring,” you said simply.
james stopped walking, turning to look at you. “of course I care,” he said, his voice softer now. “I—”
he paused, the words catching in his throat. he wanted to tell you everything—that you were the best part of his day, that he thought about you more than he should, that he’d been falling for you since the moment you walked into his shop. but he didn’t know how to say any of it.
instead, he reached out, his hand brushing yours. “I’m glad you came in that day,” he said finally.
you smiled, your fingers curling around his. “yeah... me too.”
#james potter x reader#james potter#marauders#harry potter#marauders x reader#james potter x you#coffee shop au
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From a Previous Life (Pt 2)
Cooper Howard (The Ghoul) x Preg!Reader
Summary: You find comfort in your routine with the Ghoul, but an evening of bonding turns into harsh realizations.
Warnings: Emotional hurt/comfort, pregnancy, non-detailed talk about experimentations, angst, grief, more flirting (less squinting),
Word Count: 3.5K
A/N: The second part to what was a one-shot but the responses were so overwhelmingly lovely about it that I just had to write more! I have more ideas for these two because they break my heart, so part 3 will be happening next week :) I'd love to know what you think 💌
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
A routine had solidified between you both, born out of necessity in this unforgiving landscape. Each day, you travelled further through the barren wasteland, seeking refuge in abandoned structures come evening. As the sun dipped below the horizon, you gathered around the crude fire, its flickering flames casting dancing shadows on the worn walls of whatever shelter you'd found. It was a skill your companion had imparted through countless arduous nights, a beacon of warmth and security in the darkness.
With the day's journey behind you, you would compare your spoils. Tins of pork and beans, salvaged copper, and screws—valuable commodities in the market of survival. Occasionally, luck would smile upon you, offering a giant mole rat to add to the evening stew. It wasn't gourmet by any means, but a welcomed reprieve from the Ghoul's ever-present jerky stowed away in his saddlebag like a grim reminder of the world you now inhabited.
Few words had been exchanged between you. You'd come to understand that the Ghoul valued silence, speaking only when necessary, and expected the same from his companion. He had provided a brief summary of the world's changes over the past two centuries, yet remained guarded when pressed for further details about his own involvement. Despite your efforts, he remained as enigmatic as when he first found you.
Despite the grim reality surrounding you, you found comfort in the routine. Far removed from the life you once knew before the war, you still managed to extract a glimmer of joy from the simple act of preparing the evening meal. With meagre resources at your disposal—a small iron pot, a battered ladle, and two cracked but serviceable dishes—you endeavoured to create sustenance that mimicked the warmth of a homecooked meal, even in these bleak times.
The Ghoul stood as your protector, his watchful presence having undoubtedly spared you from peril on numerous occasions during your brief time together. Cooking was a way to prove your significance in your partnership, no matter how seemingly insignificant it may appear.
The heavy thud of boots and clink of spurs against wood jolted you from your thoughts, the ladle in your hand halting its rhythmic stirring of the broth as you cast a wary glance towards the doorway. It wasn't the first time he had left you alone, deeming it safer to venture into the bustling towns without the added complication of a young woman in tow. He had armed you with a revolver and a combat knife, imparting what little training he could in their use, but you couldn't shake the feeling that his trust in your abilities extended only as far as your loyalty not to run in his absence.
"Well, that smell's delicious," drawled the Ghoul, his figure framed in the doorway, hat tipped low over his scarred features. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips, and you couldn't help but return it, the warmth of his presence a rare comfort after just an hour alone.
"Did you get them?"
"You doubted me?" He teased, stepping towards you and offering out a small cloth bag. You accepted it eagerly, peeking inside at the plump, juicy tomatoes nestled within.
You wasted no time in incorporating the fresh produce into your cooking, the aroma of the simmering fruit mingling with the savoury scent of the meat in the broth. Seated together by the fire, the weathered dining chairs offering a semblance of normalcy, you couldn't help but inquire about his expedition.
"Did everything go alright?" you asked, eyeing him cautiously as he slumped back in his chair, a groan escaping his cracked lips as he stretched out.
"Hunky dory," he sighed, his voice tinged with sarcasm, head back and fingers entwined over his stomach. You could tell he was lying, noticing the slight clench of his jaw and his reluctance to meet your gaze.
It was a tell that you had picked up on in your short time together, one that betrayed his otherwise stoic resolve. For some reason, the Ghoul had taken to concealing parts of the truth from you. Maybe he thought you were too weak, too naïve, or perhaps he simply didn't want to subject himself to further questioning. Regardless, it had begun to grate on your nerves. While you appreciated his protection, you couldn't afford to remain in the dark about so much in this dangerous world.
"I'm coming with you next time," you declared, your gaze unwavering as you stirred the pot, the clinks of metal against metal punctuating your determination. "Two guns are better than one."
A playful glint danced in his eyes as he countered, "Not when you're the one holding it." Yet, the lightness in his tone ebbed away, leaving a hard undercurrent. "Already told you no."
There was a flicker of frustration that passed across your features, but you held his gaze firmly, refusing to back down. "And I've already told you not to underestimate me," you retorted, the fire of conviction burning in your words.
His eyes narrowed as he leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting on his knees, bringing his face closer to yours. A furrow creased his brow, his gaze intense as he pointed a finger towards your growing belly.
"And you underestimate everyone else," he admonished, his voice edged with concern. "You think those vultures would take one look at you, at that cargo you're carryin', and let you walk on by? It's every man for himself out here, sweetheart, and the wasteland makes a man do terrible things. You're a commodity, and it's best you not forget it."
His words hung heavy in the air, the weight of the truth settling upon you like a leaden cloak. Despite your defiance, his words struck a chord of fear within you, a reminder of the harsh realities of the world beyond the safety of the little sanctuary you have cultivated together.
The ladle slipped from your grasp, forgotten, as your trembling hands instinctively hugged your pregnant belly. Tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as the weight of his words settled heavily upon your shoulders. A commodity. That's what you and your unborn child had been reduced to in this unforgiving world, one that felt alien and hostile, yet one you were forced to confront day in and day out.
Anger simmered within you, a fierce blaze fuelled by resentment towards those who had stripped you of your former life, of the safety and belonging you had once taken for granted. And though you knew it was irrational, a pang of ungratefulness gnawed at your conscience, directed towards your reluctant protector for the loss of the freedom you so desperately yearned for.
In that moment, amidst the swirling emotions and the harsh reality of your circumstances, you felt an overwhelming sense of isolation, as if you were adrift in a sea of uncertainty with no safe harbour in sight. Perhaps even the promised haven would prove to be a deception, like the vault you had been a prisoner in for so many years. Yet, for the sake of your child, you couldn't afford to surrender to despair. Hope would become your anchor, however fragile.
With a firm resolve, you brushed away the tears before they could show your vulnerability, steeling yourself against the torrent of emotions threatening to engulf you. Turning your attention back to the bubbling broth, you scooped two large servings into the worn bowls, the aroma of simmering spices mingling with the heaviness in the air.
Handing one bowl to your companion, you found him slumped back in his chair, his weathered face illuminated by the flickering glow of the fire. His fingers traced the jagged contours of scars etched deep into his weathered face. A palpable aura of silent desperation hung around him like a shroud, casting a shadow over the dimly lit room.
Tucking into your meals in silence, the rhythmic clinking of spoons against bowls filled the room, a familiar melody that spoke volumes without the need for words. Each bite was a small reprieve from the harsh reality that surrounded you, a momentary escape from the relentless cruelty that had become all too familiar.
His voice, barely a whisper, cut through the quietude of the room, laden with a heavy weight of remorse. "I've upset you," he confessed, the words hanging in the air.
You looked up from your meal, meeting his gaze with a mixture of exhaustion and resignation. Despite the turmoil within you, there was a flicker of understanding in your eyes as you acknowledged his veiled apology.
"It's not just you," you replied, your voice tinged with weariness. 'I just feel so useless. I can't protect myself or my baby, can't help you without being a burden. I feel like I have no control.'
He nodded, his expression grave as he processed your raw admission of vulnerability and contemplated what to do next. Setting both bowls aside, he reached into a sack he had brought back from the town, his movements deliberate and methodical. From within the depths of the bag, he withdrew a familiar metal gadget, its sleek design reminiscent of the cuffs you had seen the scientists wear during your captivity.
Your breath caught in your throat as memories of your ordeal flooded back, the sensation of cold surgical equipment against your skin sending shivers down your spine. They had treated you like nothing more than a lab rat, subjecting you to experiments and tests that had left scars, both physical and emotional, that may never fully heal.
As he held the device in his hands, his gaze softened, a silent acknowledgment of the pain and trauma you had endured. "I know what this represents," he murmured, his voice heavy with remorse and a tinge of anger. "But it can give you the control you've been denied for so long."
His words hung in the air, laden with the weight of possibility and hope. And as he extended the cuff towards you, offering you a chance to reclaim a measure of agency in a world that had sought to strip it away, you knew that this was more than just a piece of technology—it was a gift, a symbol of resilience. With trembling hands, you reached out to accept it, a silent vow echoing in the depths of your soul: never again would you allow yourself to be reduced to nothing more than a pawn in someone else's game.
As the cuff clicked shut around your wrist, its surprisingly light weight belied the bulk of its appearance. You found yourself staring down at the blank screen, uncertainty knotting your stomach as you grappled with the unfamiliarity of the device. The Ghoul, ever the steady presence beside you, reached over and deftly twisted a knob at the side of the device.
In an instant, the screen came alive with vibrant green text, welcoming you to Vault Tec. An animated image of the grinning mascot of the vaults, a sight you had come to loathe, greeted you with a cheery thumbs-up. You couldn't help but sneer at the sight, the irony not lost on you as the Ghoul swiftly navigated through the interface, replacing the obnoxious Vault Boy with a menu that offered a dizzying array of options.
"It'll take some understanding, but you'll get it in time," the Ghoul reassured you, his voice a steady anchor amidst the chaos of information overload. "The important part is the Geiger counter—it'll keep you out of trouble you didn't even know was there."
Your attention was drawn to the right of the device where a dosimeter's needle bobbed with the steady wave of radiation through the air. Another twist of the knob and on the screen appeared a walking depiction of Vault Boy, displayed percentages accompanying each limb. Below him, a nearly empty bar filled only with a small green block indicated the radiation count of the user. After weeks spent on the unforgiving surface, it came as no surprise that you had been touched by the poison that tainted it.
"Thank you," you whispered, your voice barely audible above the hum of the device on your wrist. Looking up, you met the Ghoul's gaze, gratitude shining in your eyes.
Those words didn't do justice to the gift that he'd given you — it was a lifeline, a tool that held the power to protect not only yourself but also your unborn child. It wasn't a weapon meant for moments of attack, as the revolver he demanded you carry on your hip was, but it was equally essential in its own right. The significance of being able to monitor and mitigate the dangers that lurked in the new world was not lost on you. It wasn't just about surviving anymore; it was about thriving, about carving out a future for your child in a world that had become a battleground for survival. One day, the Ghoul would not be there to protect either of you.
"It must have cost so much," you continued, a note of wonder in your voice, and he simply shrugged in response.
"Always something to be bartered in the wasteland," he replied nonchalantly, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before he cleared his throat. "Don't go crying again, now. You'll give me a bad name."
You chuckled softly. Wiping at your wet eyes with the back of your hand, you couldn't help but shake your head in amusement. "It's the hormones, I swear," you joked, a smile playing at the corners of your lips.
He seemed amused by your explanation, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he gave you a knowing look. Instead of arguing, he simply winked at you, and you felt a flutter in your belly—you brushed it off as a small, subtle reminder of the life growing within you.
"Got any more of that stew?" he asked, his tone light and teasing as he reached for his bowl, a twinkle of mischief dancing in his blue eyes.
You couldn't help but laugh, the tension of the moment dissipating like smoke in the wind. "Of course," you replied, ladling some more stew into his bowl. "I'm glad you like it."
"Oh, it's been many years since I've had a homecooked meal," he told you, his tone tinged with nostalgia as he tucked into his food with relish.
You smiled warmly at his words, a sense of pride swelling within you despite the simplicity of the meal you had managed to put together. It may not have been a lavish feast, but the fact that you could provide him with a taste of home filled you with a quiet sense of satisfaction.
"Maybe we could get some vegetables next time. Carrots maybe," you suggested, a hint of excitement in your voice.
He hummed approvingly through his mouthful, nodding in agreement. "Saw some fine-lookin' turnips on my way out of town too. Reckon you can do anything with those?"
Your eyes lit up with inspiration. "Turnip and carrot mash. We could get some milk from a Brahmin, make it nice and creamy."
He licked his lips, a spark of anticipation igniting in his eyes as he set down his empty bowl. "Well now, that's just given me something to look forward to."
The two of you talked well into the night, the crackling of the fire providing a comforting backdrop to your conversation. You noticed a shift in the Ghoul's demeanour as the topic veered towards plans for future meals and the road ahead, his tense posture easing as time went on.
Determined to keep his attention and the mood still light, you regaled him with tales of your life before, weaving together anecdotes from your childhood and high school years with a touch of self-deprecating humour. He listened with genuine interest, his deep laughter ringing out like a balm to soothe the ache of your weary soul.
You found yourself deliberately steering the conversation away from his own past, choosing to focus instead on the light hearted memories of your own. You spoke of your best friend Patti, with whom you had been inseparable, recounting the antics and adventures that had filled your days. You mentioned how close you had become, so much so that you had even moved into houses next door to each other and planned out each meticulous part of your lives..
However, you made a conscious decision not to mention your husband, feeling a pang of uncertainty as to why. Perhaps it was a desire to keep Glenn and your companion separate in your mind, two distinct chapters of your life that you were reluctant to intertwine for some unbeknownst reason. Or maybe it was a subconscious attempt to shield yourself from the painful memories that lingered just beneath the surface.
Regardless of the reason, you found solace in the simplicity of the moment, in the shared laughter and camaraderie that felt like a bond forging between you both. This was the most that the Ghoul had spoken to you in the weeks since you'd started traveling with him, and you relished the comfort that it brought you. Despite the superficial nature of the conversation, there was a sense of intimacy in the shared laughter and you felt giddy at the prospect of you both becoming more than strangers to each other.
When a yawn escaped you, the Ghoul smiled warmly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he nodded towards the makeshift beds you had prepared earlier that afternoon. Two tattered twin mattresses salvaged from the wreckage of a long-forgotten room, a decent width apart and covered with old, vermin-chewed sheets. It wasn't glamorous by any means, but it was a far cry better than some of the makeshift sleeping arrangements you had been resigned to during your journey through the wasteland.
"Go get. That's enough jaw flappin' for one night," he teased, a playful glint in his eye. Despite his jest, there was affection in his smile, a silent reassurance that you were safe and perhaps even cared for in his company.
With a chuckle, you nodded in agreement, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling over you like a heavy blanket. Rising from your seat by the fire, you made your way towards the makeshift beds, the promise of a few hours of rest beckoning you like a siren's call.
The unwelcome pest of a thought nagged at you, persistent until you found yourself unable to ignore it any longer. With a determined resolve, you moved back towards the Ghoul, your steps fuelled by a sense of urgency you couldn't quite explain. Ignoring the look of alarm that flickered across his face, you leaned over awkwardly as he sat in his chair, and wrapped your arms around him in a brief but heartfelt embrace.
For a fleeting moment, the world seemed to stand still as you felt the surprising warmth of his strong arms around you, the comforting weight of your pregnant belly nestled between you serving as a tangible reminder of the life growing within you. You wanted to thank him, to tell him that this simple gesture meant more to you than words could express—that it was the most human you had felt since thawing from that cryo-chamber all those weeks ago.
But before you could find the words, your thoughts were shattered by the rapid clicking of the dosimeter. Startled, you pulled back, confusion clouding your features as you looked down at the device on your wrist, its needle flitting erratically with each click.
As you glanced between the dosimeter and the Ghoul, a sense of realization began to dawn on you. His eyes remained downcast, his expression unreadable, but the sudden silence of the dosimeter spoke volumes.
In that moment, the pieces began to click into place, like a puzzle slowly revealing its hidden picture. You knew that everything on the surface was a danger, that radiation flooded every inch of land and contaminated everything it touched. Every mouthful of food you took, every swig of water, every wash of your body—each was a necessary risk in the struggle for survival.
But naively, you hadn't stopped to consider the threat that the Ghoul posed—not beyond the immediate danger of him putting a gun to your head or the possibility of him selling you to the highest bidder.
As the suffocating realization settled over you, you felt the overwhelming sense of isolation creep back in, wrapping around you like a vice. Your protector was also your potential killer, and he had wanted to ensure you had a Pip-Boy—to keep you out of trouble you didn't even know existed.
He had given you the knowledge, the control, to make your own findings and decisions, all for the sake of your unborn child. And yet, despite his intentions, you couldn't help but feel a hint of betrayal. You almost wished you could have remained blissfully ignorant about this particular aspect of life on the surface. It was as if you had lost a friend you hadn't really ever had.
"You keep that thing on," he said with a hint of sadness, pointing to your wrist. The only acknowledgement of what just happened. You nodded silently, your hand instinctively running over the cool metal of the Pip-Boy before you turned away.
"Goodnight," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you retreated to your bed. With each step, the weight of the truth bore down on you, a heavy burden you would carry with you as you drifted into a troubled sleep, haunted by the knowledge that even in this new world, friendship was a luxury you could ill afford.
Taglist: @cheshirecat484
#cooper howard x reader#the ghoul x reader#cooper howard x you#the ghoul x you#fallout#fallout prime#fallout fanfiction#cooper howard#the ghoul#fallout x reader
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subtle changes | myg
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summary. your carefully structured mornings takes a heartwarming turn when yoongi becomes a welcome part of your days, leaving you unexpectedly craving more.
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pairing: yoongi x f!reader
word count: 3.9k
warnings: none :3 (i think, plz tell me if i missed something)
a/n: the end of summer hit me like a truck, which is why this took super long 😭 i'll try my best and have an update schedule to keep me on track, but no promises! idk how i feel about this chapter but you guys have been waiting for too long lol. i hope you enjoy <333
!!! this is the second part of a mini-series. you can read this as a stand alone, but things make more sense if you read the first part !!!
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You were very fond of routines.
You liked knowing what would happen next; liked being able to go into auto pilot as your body steered you through the morning, liked leaving it up to your routine to anchor you back to reality whenever life took a toll on you.
Usually, you hated change. You hated its unpredictability; hated the way it slapped at you abruptly like a whip, hated the queasy feeling that bubbled in your stomach whenever it occurred.
But the change that snaked into your strict routine was welcomed with warm, open arms. He slotted into your mornings and evenings with ease, like a jigsaw piece that fits perfectly into the space in a puzzle. A puzzle that happens to be your life.
Yoongi was the first person you greeted every morning before leaving for work or classes. He left his home at the same time as you—something you only noticed in the last fortnight—and would wave at you from his door. You returned the gesture with a bright smile, one that was starting to feel almost too natural.
He waited for you every day without fail, with hands shoved deep into his pockets as he leaned against the wall. When you finally managed to reach his door, he would make small talk with you as you descended the elevator.
You’ve always hated the awkwardness that lingered with small talk but those feelings dissipated when it came to Yoongi. He always listened attentively when talked, chuckling whenever you complained about the lady living opposite you as he agreed. It made you feel comfortable about rambling on about whatever it was that swam through your mind, leaving no space for awkwardness to bubble.
Today, your topic of conversation was the music he claimed to make.
“At this point, I’m starting to think you’re a fraud,” you said.
You both stood outside the elevator of your apartment complex. Yoongi leaned in front of you to press the bottom button, and a ring of red light awoke along the sides of it.
Yoongi’s music has always been a topic of mystery. You’ve practically begged him to share a snippet of his songs with you ever since he mentioned being in a band, and each time he has refused. Though your words were playful, you had no idea if he made music at all. You recently realised how little you knew of him as a person too.
“And why would I lie to you about making music?” he asked.
You shrugged your shoulders. “I dunno. You could’ve been using it to make me fall in love with you or something. Pretending to be some cool, mysterious person in a band when you’re actually the opposite.”
“Well, did it work? Are you in love with me yet?”
You turned to look at him, narrowing your eyes as if to analyse him.
“Nope. You’ve got to try harder than buying me food and walking me to the lobby every morning.”
Yoongi let out a sigh, feigning disappointment. His lips pressed into a thin line that did little to hide the growing smile on his face. “Damn, I really thought I’d have you by now.”
A giggle escaped your lips just as the elevator doors slid open with a ding. You stepped in and returned to your position beside Yoongi, who clicked the second last button. Faint music played in the background, a soft ballad that you instantly recognised.
“I love this song,” you said. Yoongi turned his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows.
“You do?”
You nodded. “Mhm. I’ve been having it on repeat for the last week.”
“Oh- I love this song too. Well- I’ve only listened to it once or twice whenever my friend plays it, but it’s really good.”
“I know right!” You were grinning as you looked at Yoongi, enthusiasm spilling from your tone, eyes wide with excitement. “It’s so- like- cosy? I don’t know.” A laughing breath escaped you.
“No, you’re right. It has that nice, cosy feel to it.”
You gesticulated wildly as you rambled on about the song and why you loved it so much, while Yoongi watched you with a wide smile. It was nice seeing you talk so passionately about something so mundane, how a simple song could brighten your entire day.
Yoongi didn’t interrupt you once, listening to your every word attentively. He wished he could stay with you, maybe even walk you to your college, just to hear your pleasant voice. There was just something about the smile on your face that made his heart beat a little faster.
But alas, he was forced to part ways with you as you reached the lobby doors. You waved goodbye and walked down the pathway. Instead of going his own way, Yoongi stayed as you grew smaller in his view.
Just before turning a corner, you looked back at him. You threw your head back as what Yoongi assumed to be a giggle—he was too far away to hear—left you. You brought your hands up and swatted them in his direction as if to shoo him away. He moved his hands to rest over his heart, feigning a hurt expression. He failed miserably, earning more laughter from you.
He liked making you laugh. It made his skin feel warm, the mere sound of it causing butterflies to erupt in his stomach.
It was stupid how much of an effect you had on him. He was absurdly comfortable around you, something he found difficult to accomplish around people he’s known for the better half of his life, let alone less than a month.
You lit up his day, your everyday routine giving him a reason to get up and be productive each morning. He never woke up before noon; there was simply no need to because anything to do with the band was held in the afternoon, and he usually did the night shift at his part-time job.
So why was he sacrificing the comfort of his blankets just to see you for ten minutes? Why was he debating on whether to change to a day shift because he didn’t even have anything to do in the morning other than seeing you? Why was he smiling to himself as he walked down the street, earning looks from passersby? And why didn’t he care, all because you were the only thing on his mind?
Honestly, he didn’t have an answer. It was too soon to conclude that he liked you. You were just a genuine friend, someone he happened to click with.
Right?
────
“I wrote a new song. I need you guys to sing it.”
Yoongi threw a leather notebook to the side, where it landed on the brunette who lay sprawled across the couch.
“Ow! Hyung, what the fuck?”
Taehyung plucked out his wired earphones, eyebrows furrowed in exaggerated pain as he took the notebook into his hands. He flicked through the pages meaninglessly before landing on the newly written pages.
On the couch opposite him sat Jungkook and Seokjin, completely immersed in some sort of game they played together. They yelled out profanities and shared movements intended to sabotage the other’s gameplay. Yoongi sighed.
Calling the room a mess was an understatement. A multitude of empty energy drinks, a few random sticky notes—reminders from the members to each other that would end up being forgotten anyway—and a stack of empty plates littered the coffee table. A hill of clothes sat neglected in the space beside Jungkook and Seokjin, and Yoongi automatically crinkled his nose despite the lack of any unpleasant odour.
He would have attempted to tidy up the room, but the long day weighed down on his shoulders. He moved Taehyung’s legs off the couch and slumped down beside him.
“Since when did you write love songs?” Taehyung asked. It was comical how fast Jungkook and Seokjin’s attention turned to Yoongi.
“It’s not a love song, it’s a ballad, idiot,” Yoongi mumbled.
“Same thing,” Taehyung replied, rolling his eyes as he flicked to the next page.
“Aw, Yoongi’s in love,” Seokjin piped up, feigning a sympathetic expression. He brought his hand up and added with a whisper, “Don’t worry, it’ll go away soon.”
“Fuck off, hyung.” Yoongi flipped him off and Jungkook chuckled at the exaggerated gasp that fell from Seokjin’s lips. Before he could start rambling on about how you should respect your elders, the youngest spoke up.
“So, who’s the girl, hyung?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I told you, it’s not a love song. There’s isn’t any girl.”
“Yeah, right. Just tell us wh—.”
“Is she the one that lives a few doors down?” The new voice emerged from the side of the room, and everyone’s heads snapped up in its direction.
Jimin shut the bathroom door softly as he vigorously rubbed a towel over his hair. The ink tattooed under his chest was displayed in his shirtless form, grey sweatbands lying low on his waist.
“Who?”
“Why was I not told about this?”
“Yoongi has a girlfriend?!”
“She’s not my girlfr—.”
“No, she’s just the only reason you wake up at ass o’clock to see for like- ten minutes.” A teasing smile played at the corners of Jimin’s lips as he propped down between Seokjin and Jungkook. Yoongi shot him a glare.
“She’s a nice person. So what if I wake up a little earlier to see her? I’d do the same for you guys if we didn’t live together.”
Everyone in the room turned to look at him with a deadpan expression.
“Okay, maybe I wouldn’t, but it’s not that big of a deal!”
“Clearly is if you’re writing love songs about her,” Taehyung added. He threw the book over to the three who sat on the opposite couch, and Jungkook caught it with ease before eagerly flicking to the page with the lyrics.
“I’m not writing love songs about her! It’s not even a love song, it’s a ballad!”
“Okay, maybe you’re right. But there’s no way she’s not even a tiny bit of the reason why you wrote this,” Jimin said.
Seokjin nodded in agreement. “You’ve been struggling with writer’s block for like- the past week. And now you’re suddenly writing a song that’s a complete 180 of everything we’ve made so far?”
All four of their beady eyes stared at Yoongi, waiting for an answer. It felt like an interrogation.
“This isn’t fair, this is bullying. If Namjoon was here, he would’ve stuck up for me.”
“Yeah, cuz you’re a big baby that can’t even stick up for himself,” Taehyung mumbled, though Yoongi heard him loud and clear. He opened his mouth to curse at the younger when Jimin interrupted him.
“Uhm, no he wouldn’t. How’d you think I knew about the girl?”
“Asshole,” Yoongi muttered under his breath.
He told Namjoon about you around a week ago. How it had slipped into the conversation, Yoongi didn’t know. But his mind had been foggy from his intoxication that he found himself eventually telling Namjoon everything; about how you met, how you helped him, the dinner you shared. He didn’t even spare the details; how he thought you’re eyes were the most beautiful things he’d ever seen, how your laugh made his heart leap, how he hadn’t felt like this is years—if ever—and it was scaring him how fast he was falling for you.
Yoongi was frustrated at Namjoon but was also grateful that he didn’t reveal everything he had told him that night. If he had, the members wouldn’t be questioning him right now because they would already have a clear answer.
Yoongi sighed, leaning back his head.
“I- Last week, she mentioned this song that she loved ‘cause it was playing in the elevator. And- I don’t know- I don’t think our usual music is her taste. She’s been asking me to play her some of our songs for weeks and I’ve just avoided the subject. I just- I want her to listen to something that I know she’ll love.”
Because he loved seeing you happy. He loved the way you’re face lit up and he wanted you to have the same reaction when you listened to his songs. But he didn’t say that, of course. Just treasured the thoughts deep in his mind because he hated the truth they carried.
“That’s so cute, hyung,” Jungkook said.
“Whatever,” Yoongi mumbled, becoming more aware of the warmth spreading across his ears. “So, will you guys sing the song? I don’t think any rap verses would fit it, so it’s completely up to you.”
“I don’t think we’ll be able to get it finished fast enou–,” Jimin started, but was abruptly cut off.
“Of course, we will,” Taehyung said, throwing a hand over Yoongi’s shoulder. “When you guys get married, tell her that we’re the only reason she fell for you. You know, with our angelic voices an-.”
“Taehyung, I swear to fucking God-.”
────
Snowflakes poured from the sky, clinging to your clothes for a brief second before disappearing into the fabric. The cold air bit into your skin, slowly seeping into your bones and numbing your face.
You were delighted when the snowfall first began a few weeks ago. It had been the only thing that marked the start of the holiday season, and you found yourself giving into the festivities of it all despite the reminders of your finals looming over you like an angry, dark cloud.
Now that your exams were buried in the past, you realised what a hassle the weather was when it wasn’t the only thing cheering you up.
Your nose was stuffy and an angry shade of red. Your limbs ached, weighing down on you. It took you double the time it usually took for you to walk home due to the black ice that coated the sidewalks. You made the mistake of trudging through it carelessly once, and that ended up with a sprained ankle and complete humiliation. No way would you let that happen again.
No one would willingly go out in such weather.
So why was there someone standing outside your apartment? Why was he choosing the bitter cold instead of the heated lobby that stood a mere three steps away? And why was it Yoongi?
A thick scarf hung around his neck, obscuring most of his face with it’s deep, red fabric. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his black jacket, his head turned down to the floor.
He didn’t notice you as you approached his figure.
“Are you trying to freeze to death?”
His head snapped up. He stared at you blankly for a second before his cheeks rose up ever so slightly, the signs of his rare smile that always made your heart flutter.
“Hi. No—.” He chuckled softly, the sound quickly lost to the busy city. “—I was waiting for you. Didn’t know what time you came back, so...” His voice got quieter as he spoke, trailing off into a mumble.
“Oh, that’s so sweet.” Your words brought a smile to his face, his expression no longer holding a sense of hesitancy. “Why were you waiting for me though?”
“Right. I had to give you this.” He rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a square-shaped envelope. Sensing your confusion from your puzzled expression, he added, “It’s a CD. You wanted to hear some of our songs, so I put together my personal favourites.”
All the words of thanks and appreciation died on your tongue as you took the cover from his hands. It was incredibly light, and you could trace the circular outline of the CD that lay inside.
“Yoongi, I– you really didn’t have to,” you finally managed.
“I wanted to.”
Your eyes crinkled to accommodate the smile growing across your face. “This is literally the best thing anyone has ever gotten me. You could’ve sent me a playlist online, y’know, instead of putting so much effort into it.”
Yoongi hesitated for a moment before speaking.
“I thought you’d like a CD more.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, of course I love the CD. I was just wondering why you chose the harder way.”
“I thought you deserved something more than just a few texts.”
You hoped that Yoongi would overlook the heat crawling across your skin as a result of the cold instead of his words.
“I- Thank you. Seriously, thank you so much.”
He nodded. “You do have something to play it on, right? I actually didn’t think about whe–.”
“Oh yeah, no don’t worry. I have an old laptop that I can put these into.”
Another nod. Yoongi’s eyes darted away as soon as they met yours, glancing around everywhere but you.
“Do you wanna go inside and not risk hypothermia?” you said with a small laugh.
“Uh– I actually have to visit a friend today.”
“Oh, okay.” Had he noticed the way your shoulders deflated at his answer? You hoped not. “I’ll see you around then?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
You stepped past him and fished out your keys from your pockets. By the time you opened the door and turned back to wave goodbye, he had already walked away.
────
Click.
The CD slid into the side of the laptop with ease. Files popped up on the screen, casting shadows across your skin. You could feel the quiet hum of the machine beneath your fingertips, a steady, calming rhythm that contrasted with the sudden quickening of your heartbeat.
Your eyes wandered over it, soaking in the half a dozen songs Yoongi had chosen. You’d already listened to them all once, but you wanted to hear them again.
There was something about the way they played in your ears, something almost magical in the way the melodies intertwined with your thoughts. Each note seemed to resonate with a different part of you as if Yoongi had handpicked them to speak to your soul.
The songs were beautiful. Despite it not being your usual choice of music, you found yourself treasuring each song close to your heart. You hadn’t expected to feel this way, hadn’t anticipated how deeply you’d connect with the music that was so different from what you normally listened to. But here you were, replaying them over and over, savouring each lyric like a secret only you and Yoongi shared.
Maybe it was because you got to see a new side of Yoongi in his music. A confident, almost arrogant version of him that sang each lyric with pure passion. You could feel the intensity in every word, every note as if they were laced with emotions he could never quite express in person.
Or maybe he just knew you well enough to pick out songs he knew that you would like. Songs that would make you think of him, songs that would linger in your mind long after the last note faded away.
Whatever it was, it failed to stop the giddy feeling that enveloped your skin. A warmth that spread from your chest to the tips of your fingers, leaving you lightheaded and dizzy with emotions you weren’t quite ready to name. You couldn’t remember the last time something—or someone—had made you feel this way.
Your fingers scrolled down on the mouse, a habit that had formed ever since you first got the laptop. You hadn’t expected the screen to move. But it did. A subtle movement that caught you off guard, your breath hitching slightly as you leaned closer to the screen.
A seventh file revealed itself at the bottom of the screen. It didn’t have a name. Just a small, blank icon that seemed to stare back at you, as if daring you to click on it.
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Yoongi had probably added it by mistake, but you couldn’t help but wonder if this was something he had intended to keep hidden, something private that you weren’t meant to see. You clicked into it.
Someone cleared their throat.
“Uh, hi. I don’t know if you’ll see this or not, but I hope you do.”
Yoongi’s voice was low and smooth, just like you’ve always known it. But nervousness curled around his words, the hesitance before each one clear as day. It was a stark contrast to the confident, almost cocky tone in which he carried himself within all his other songs.
It made your heart flutter in a way you hadn’t anticipated.
“This is a cover.” He chuckled softly before his voice turned to a mumble. “God this is mortifying.”
You didn’t even realise that you were smiling. The corners of your lips had curled up almost involuntarily. There was something incredibly endearing about the way he sounded so vulnerable, so unsure of himself, and it only made you want to hear more.
“So–uhm. I hope you enjoy, ___.”
Oh, how you loved the way he said your name. The way the word fell from his tongue; like he was born to utter your name over and over again. It felt like a caress, soft and gentle, wrapping around you like a blanket on a cold winter night. You could almost see him there, sitting in front of his microphone, his eyes closed as he let your name slip past his lips.
He plucked the string of a guitar, the high-pitched sound quickly lost to his voice as he began to sing.
The familiarity of the song washed over you, a wave of nostalgia that tugged at your heartstrings. It was a cover of the same song you heard in the elevator a few days ago. The same one you had mentioned to him in passing. The same one he remembered to be your favourite.
He remembered, and it was almost pathetic how such a simple gesture had you feeling things that hadn’t been awakened in your heart for a dreadfully long time.
His voice filled the space with a melodic warmth that seemed to wrap around you like a comforting embrace. You leaned into the embrace—leaned in closer to the laptop in an attempt to be as close to him as you could so that you wouldn’t miss a single word. It felt as if he were singing directly to you as if every note was meant for your ears only.
His voice reminded you of honey; smooth, sweet, clear, and so fucking addicting. You could feel yourself getting lost in it, letting it seep into your very being, soothing parts of you that you didn’t even realise needed healing.
Unfortunately, the song was short. He had only sung half of it, lasting only around a minute and a half. But the enchanting melody lingered in the air long after he finished. You found yourself replaying it in your mind, trying to hold on to the feeling it gave you, not wanting it to fade away too soon.
“I hope I did the song justice.” A breathy laugh. “If I ended up ruining it for you forever, I’m sorry.”
If only he knew how much you would treasure his cover of the song in your heart, or how you would play the CD almost every day because you liked listening to his voice. How you would wake up every morning and–for the first time in a long while–would find yourself looking forward to change.
Looking forward to him.
#bts#bangtan sonyeondan#min yoongi#bts suga#agust d#bangtan#bts yoongi#suga#yoongi x reader#bts x reader#yoongi x oc#bts x oc#yoongi x you#bts x you#yoongi x y/n#bts x y/n#yoongi drabble#bts drabble#yoongi oneshot#bts oneshot#yoongi imagine#bts imagine#yoongi scenarios#bts scenarios#bts min yoongi#bts fluff#yoongi fluff#yoongi smut#bts smut
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Solar Return Observations ☀️✨
Hi friends! Today we’re discussing solar return notes + what I’ve observed from them. I’ve been observing for three years, but I’m not able to fit all of the details in one post. I can always make another 🦋 enjoy and feel free to like, comment and reblog.
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Chiron in the 7th house 💌- Healing through partnership and connections. I’ve had this placement last year and went through a breakup which taught me a lot about self worth (Aries ruled 7th house SR) and I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to be my own best friend and start over after a loss. Everything in terms of my relationship and how I viewed it changed completely. It was a pretty long journey, being that Chiron is the wounded healer, I’d say about a year the cycles were going on. Anyone who has this placement in their SR chart, you can expect for healing to occur in your relationships. Not necessarily a breakup always, but definitely wounding will come up that year.
Neptune in the 6th house 🌷- Routines can be heavily centered around spirituality. Meditation, yoga, occult practices become a theme in the daily life. Incorporating this can help the native grow and develop a consistent routine, and eventually connect with a higher source of love (deity, religion, universe, etc) because Neptune is the higher octave of Venus. With Neptune here there’s an emphasis on romanticizing daily routine and self care. Certain day to day events can feel whimsical, ethereal, and fated even! The native may question that year their beliefs and want to start something new, or reignite spiritual passions ✨
Moon in the 4th house 🌙🌟- Romanticizing the past, viewing things from a nostalgic lenses, daydreaming about a family. The native may deal with family illusions around this time, manipulation, or themes surrounding the family this year. The native might find it difficult to balance their life as family is an important theme for the year, whether it’s their own, or biological. The mother could be significant this year, and the mother may try to build a close bond with the native. The past is viewed from a bittersweet lenses, as there’s an element of moving on but honoring the past for what it was.
Capricorn 4th house 🦋✨- Structure, evolution, and discipline is needed regarding the home. Things may be slow, sluggish, or even depressing in the house. Saturn slows things down and when Capricorn is in the 4th, it can point to restrictions, boundaries, and limits. The native will learn to have boundaries with the family that year, and the value of alone time. The necessity of independence, and rebuilding structure in terms of roots. New job, new ways of managing finances, moving homes even. The native may feel uncomfortable that year within their home, they could feel detached even more than usual, and may long for an actual home of their own. Their own independence apart from family. Family could be stricter that year, and family events may be limited.
Saturn in the 6th house 🤍🌹- Structure, routine, discipline through health. The native may develop a stable gym routine and eating habits that year, and their health will improve with dedication and practice! They may choose a better diet, and learn about proper nutrition that year, and take care of their digestive system especially. Even energetically, the native will find themselves not wanting to consume shows or channels that are stressful. The native is meant to build a stable routine with their health.
11th house stellium 🌷🥂- Emphasis on networking, friends and meeting new people. Lots of people will want to meet the native, and will try to talk to the native. It’s easier to meet people this year, and to form new connections. Even strangers will randomly strike up a conversation with the native. Potential for meeting a marriage partner or best friend is strong! Potential for growing famous online is also strong, you may start an online business or be online a lot more this year.
11th house sun ☀️✨- Finding others is how you come back to yourself. What kind of community will you center yourself around? This year the native will try to figure out what kinds of friends they want, and where they belong. Through others the native comes to themselves, and people will teach a lot to the native. Not necessarily handing out wisdom, but there will be situations in which the native has to choose their own community and their beliefs compared to what everyone else wants.
11th house Venus 🦋🤍- Having friends and community becomes important, and the native realizes the importance of it all this year. Lots of people may want to date and get to know the native, as the 11th house is public. The native will be seen a lot more by others, around the place and people may actually make comments about that (I’ve had that happen with this placement many times!) The native will find that somehow the people around them come the right time when they need help too. Almost as if they’re blessed 💘 The native learns a lot about detachment from others expectations, and opinion. It’s about finding what works for them not for others this year. Potential for dating online is strong! And meeting someone through a dating app or social media.
Mars in the 12th house 💗🌹- The natives abilities and effort may struggle to be seen and recognized. There’s a sense that the natives effort is hidden, and the native feels unseen. It’s important this year the native keeps their plans and goals hidden as there could be others who want to criticize negatively. Especially with virgo 12th house! People may expect perfection from the native this year, or the native will struggle with perfectionist tendencies, and eventually will be the self undoing (12th house) Perfectionism is the natives enemy this year, and the native will have to find ways to understand themselves and work on their tendencies. There’s a chance to end up injured or hurt this year, so be cautious. The zodiac sign in that house will tell you where. For example if you have Virgo 12th house, your stomach in some way could struggle this year or be injured.
North Node in the 8th house ☕️💌- Leaving behind the material realm for the spiritual. Native is involved heavily with healing, releasing, and esoteric practices. The native eventually finds balance towards the end of the year with the material realm, but will likely find 6-8 months of deep inner work. Boundaries regarding spirituality get muddled as the native explores their psyche, uncovering new experiences! Healing and transformation through the past, to be in the present. Certain relationships can fall apart as it’s not aligned with the natives growth. Jobs may change as the native adjusts to their needs.
Libra Ascendant 🥂💗- Focus is on beauty and seeing the world through a connective lenses. Connection everywhere, with nature, people, communities, spirituality, etc. the native will fill more in touch with their fair and balanced side. This year the native will focus on balance, and not doing too less or too much. The act of balancing means things will be out of balance, so this year the native will go through upheaval as well. They will learn about discipline and structure throughout these changes, and work on mending things that were out of place. Going back and rebuilding. Or starting new if needed. The natives peace is important, and the native could find a partner this year! Depending on the other SR placements. The native is looking for ways to be connected to whats around them and within them.
Pluto in the 7th house 🌟🌷- Transformative relationships and unhealthy dynamics can come up this year in the native. Power dynamics and upheaval of roots in connections. The natives relationships with others is changing tremendously, and likely they could attract someone healing as well, and the two can heal. But with pluto here it can get intense and chaotic, if the two aren’t consistent working on themselves. People from outside could try to get into the natives relationship, adding gossip. It’s important to stay private this year with relationships.
Venus in the 12th house ✨☀️- Some I knew actually met a soulmate that year, the potential for a deep bonding connection came up. It was long distance given the 12th house ruling distant lands. If Venus is in a water sign for that year, the connection is a psychic one and very intuitive. Her house had cancer over it, and she developed a close bond with someone. They did things for the first time she’d never done before like traveling to another place! Everything was kept private, as Venus fell in the 12th house. Although this happened, they both mirrored wounds and did inner work to sustain the connection, and had a connection that was incredibly intimate. So Venus in the 12th can bring up a romantic interest, a connection that will be profound in terms of inner healing. It can also mean the native will choose to heal and do inner work, and not have the desire to date that year. It can mean codependency is the natives undoing that year in their relationships.
Sun in the 1st house ☀️🥂- Focus is on the self, growing and improving the body. The native could go to the gym and explore new routines, or be athletic that year. Participating in a sport they enjoy. Their appearance will go through a massive change too, someone I knew impulsively cut their hair after drinking lmao. It was super long, and then they went short! The father could be in the natives life a lot more, whether thats through spending time and bonding, or being intrusive and invasive. The native will realize a lot in terms of their strength, depending on which zodiac sign falls in the sun. For example, if its Leo, the native will realize a lot of their determination; strength, resilience and their self esteem will improve.
Venus in the descendant or 7th house 🤍☕️- Dating someone! Or meeting someone who is a potential partner. Venus was in my 7th house for my SR when I got into long term relationships. Conj. NN will be an impactful relationship, NN is also associated with destruction in a way because it rebuilds, and what doesn’t work must leave, so that relationship I had was incredibly chaotic 😅 But for those who have Venus in the 7th house, you will potentially meet a long term partner that year. Check the zodiac sign and that’ll tell you how! Someone with Gemini Venus 7th house met someone online.
Venus in the 1st 🌟🌹- Appearance changes! A glow up will definitely happen that year, and ideals of your relationship will change a lot. What you expect, want, desire will go through changes. You may prefer healing therapy of some kind for the body, like massages, or yoga. Something to restore the body physically. You could absolutely be in the gym too!
Saturn in the 1st 🌙🦋- Having to be more structural and disciplined within yourself. Setting new routines and maturing personal boundaries. You may struggle with dissatisfaction and apathy this year, because you’re moving towards what fulfills you. Check the zodiac sign to see what will be maturing most within yourself that year. For example if its in Pisces, you’ll be maturing the part of you that has wishes, dreams, but has been passive in taking an approach to make them happen.
Venus in the 5th house🌙🥂- More fun and romance this year! The chance to get to know someone and friendship. However your approach to dating will differ depending on what zodiac sign falls in the 5th house. For example, if it’s in Capricorn, you’ll take on a reserved and detached approach to relationships. You’ll show up practical.
Capricorn Venus 🦋🤍- Material matters are important and you’ll likely pick up extra hours this year. Your approach to relationships are practical, refined and you have a long term focus. You don’t want anyone or anything unnecessary, as you know it’ll hinder you this year. There’s a need to mature when it comes to relationships and understanding how they work, because Capricorn is ruled by Saturn. There will be lessons on emotional intimacy this year!
Leo Venus 🥂🌟- This year there will be a focus on attracting the one potentially, and going big. Not playing small in relationships and attracting abundance. Loyalty is important, and the native wants a commitment within their friendships or romantic interests. The native steps into their worth and their value. By valuing themselves, they learn to realize their value in other peoples life. Lessons regarding self worth and value will come up, and the native will find themselves having to speak up for what they deserve in relationships!
Thats all I have ya’ll! I hope y’all enjoyed and please support this blog 💗🤗 it’s very much appreciated! If ya’ll would like I’d love to do more of this!
#devi post#astrology#astrology community#tarotcommunity#divination#tarot deck#tarot#witchcraft#tarot reading#astrology observations#astro posts#astrology notes#astro notes
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Language learning: slow learning versus toxic productivity
Or: the process in crisis
Five years ago, all of the productivity advice I read (and gave out) as a successful self-learner of many different languages had one basic premise: that I was not doing enough, and that I could always be doing more.
Several burnouts later, running headlong from one mental illness into another, I'd like to invite you to entertain the exact opposite idea: there is a limit to what you can do. I have run face-first into mine on multiple occasions, and burnt out. At many points I've stopped learning the language at all. Most importantly, I've learnt to be distrustful of the very premise that all of the so-called productivity or optimisation advice is based on.
More is not always more.
Listen to a podcast in the target language whilst you exercise. Exercise to give yourself more energy to learn your target language. Talk to yourself in the shower in your target language. Do Anki whilst eating breakfast. Listen to Glossika whilst walking to work. Change your phone settings to your target language. Bullet journal. Manage your time. Make friends in your target language. Control your time. Write a diary. There's always enough time. These are all things I have done myself and recommended others do, to increase exposure to the language, to increase productivity.
Productivity? What productivity? What, exactly, is it that we are producing? I am producing sentences and words but - for who? Who is listening? Nobody's here, in my room, at 7am on a Sunday. If productivity were just speaking or writing, I'd be productive in my native language too, by virtue of speaking out loud. Or conversely, in language learning circles, should we measure it in terms of input? How many hours did you spend listening to Chinese yesterday? What about today? Is there anything you do in your life, in your daily life, that you could optimise? You're wasting time. There's time here, for those that want it. If you want to get ahead, to be successful, to be a good language learner, you have to know how to use that time. Go online, and debate over which tools are the best; watch your videos. What exactly is it that is being produced?
Productivity is a measuring tool for concrete output: the productivity of a field means how much crop it can yield per harvest. The productivity of a factory is how many mobile phone chargers it can bring to market per year. There are direct and measurable ways to increase this sort of productivity. But what is productivity when it comes to knowledge work? Cal Newport's work, The Minimalists, Essentialism: they all run into the same problem, which is that nobody seems to know what 'productivity' for knowledge workers means at all. You can look at a factory line and see which parts need greasing up, figuratively or literally: it is very difficult, on the other hand, to look at the work of a self-contained writer and tell her where she is going 'wrong'. (And by 'wrong', I mean - slow.) And language learning is an even more particular subset of that particular subset of work.
You could judge a novelists' productivity two ways: by the 'busyness' of her daily writing routine, or the amount of novels she produces. But what exactly is being produced when we learn a language? What is the end product?
In some ways, language learning as a hobby is even more playful than traditionally thought of arts and crafts. (By 'play' I mean something which is done for its own sake, and which is pleasurable, and which may yield next to no monetary reward.) We might think of the poet as sitting on a tree and dangling his feet in the river, a vision of artful indolence, but at the end of the day there is output - a poem. A knitter has a jumper. A potter has a pot. But language learning doesn't follow this [work] + [time] = [tangible output] structure. We can't even use the second metric of 'productivity' to measure it at all. Something is being done, of course - I can learn to speak Greek, and speak it markedly better after two months than one - but my point is you can't look at a day's work and say, this is exactly how much I learnt. Learning is not memorisation in the short term - it's receiving input, and practicing how to wield and use a structure. It doesn't happen over the course of a ten-minute podcast.
Learning happens - encoding happens - when the brain is doing other things. In other words, much like every creative process, you need downtime. You need rest, and sleep, and fun, and brightness and joy in your life. You might 'remember' a bunch of words on Anki, but you need to sleep before you can review them again: that's the whole point.
There is a much wider problem here, a culture of goals and optimising your life and glowing up, and to be honest, I find it disturbing. I think that for a very long time my language learning metrics were a stand-in, a relic, for the kinds of unhealthy and obsessively perfectionist thinking that gave me an eating disorder. How many of us truly believe - genuinely, with every inch of our heart - that we are better people if we 'better' ourselves? Learn more. Exercise more. Study more. How do you feel about yourself at the end of a day, exhausted, because you've completed day 75/100? Do you feel better about yourself because you've achieved? I'm guessing that you do.
For many people - including for myself - this wider culture has spilled over into their hobbies. Hobbies like language learning in particular are a target for this because they are so easily quantifiable - and we are encouraged, if we want to succeed, to quantify them. How else will we know how to improve?
Over the last few years, after burning out, after living off grid and without wifi and doing extreme minimalism and a lot of other lifestyle experiments to try and understand why modern life is so fucking hard, it's become clear that most systems of 'productivity' measure 'optimisation' by getting the most done in a day, but they don't stop to question whether you should be doing those things at all.
They don't stop to ask: what matters? They don't stop to ask: why am I trying to write a novel, finish my dissertation, pursue a romantic relationship, get healthy, learn ice-skating, learn to cook, look after my aging parents, and learn guitar at the same time? They don't ask: how do I prioritise, and where do I find silence? They ask: how do I cram more time in the day? They don't ask: how do I slow time down? They don't ask: how can I know what matters, if I never give myself space to think?
In other words: 'productivity' in language learning is measured by 'busy-work', by how much you can see from the surface.
You can't measure how well the learning is going, exactly, but you can measure how many hours a day you show up and grind. Whether or not that struggle is the best use of your time, or whether you're spending the time on things that will truly bring you value and quality, is a different question altogether.
And it's not one most 'productivity culture' will ever ask.
There will be things in your language learning journey that, to borrow from self-help terminology, no longer serve you. Habits and relics and resources and mindsets that worked for you once, or no longer did. Those books that are too advanced that you feel like you 'should' be able to read. That textbook that's been sitting beside your bed for a year. That habit of scrolling social media in your target language that was helpful when you were at a more intermediate level, but does little for you now that you're advanced.
Take stock of these. Simplify. Do less, but do it better. Productivity culture never stops to ask: what can I do without? It always asks, instead: how can I do more? But maybe - just maybe - the way to do more is to focus on fewer things, but do them well.
Multi-tasking isn't multi-tasking, but switching quickly between different focuses of attention. The average American owns 300,000 things, and watches television for 4-5 hours a day. On average, if you are distracted, it takes you 20 minutes to reach the same level of deep focus: but the average American office worker opens an email within six seconds of receiving it. Are you any better with your phone? How much time do you spend there? If you meditate, that's wonderful, but do you have any time to let yourself think? To walk and to understand how to feel? I don't want to sound like a boomer, but: can you name the birds? Do you live in a place, not just a room?
Stop trying to be 'productive'. Do less. Do it well.
I am now facing a wall in my learning of Chinese, and I'm still not sure how to get around it. The reason for this is because so much of the advice I gave others around language learning, and so much of the advice I found online, is focused on this sort of optimisation. But I no longer want to be listening to something, to be watching something, every second of every day. I have a partner to love and a house to appreciate and I want to spend time, humming and pleasant, alone with my thoughts, and it's summer, dear diary, and I don't want to stay indoors. Routines can keep you afloat, but they can also drown you. Do something different. Do something new. Do something that is not productive, that produces nothing, idle away, walk to work without music and perhaps when you sit down to your language learning that evening, you'll be filled with a renewed vigour and love for it. Do it because you love it, not because you scheduled it in your calendar.
A lesson, related, from my martial arts teacher. He said:
If you are tired, do not train. If you do not train, rest. 'Rest' does not mean go on your phone.
The same principle applies here. If you are tired of learning, which you may well be, rest. Not going on your phone, not watching Netflix. I mean taking a walk and sitting under the tree and looking at the patterning of the sky. I mean lying with your dog and absently scratching his tummy. If you're tired, and you have the luxury to stop - stop. Let yourself be tired. Don't drink caffeine. Sleep.
Last year, I was able to write 340,000 words of fiction because I focused on one thing: writing my book. Apart from things that I literally needed to do to survive and maintain my health and relationships around me, I didn't set a single other to-do. My daily list looked like: write for three hours. Not a word limit. Not exercise, though I ended up doing that, not learning a language. I imagine that if I had tried to focus on Chinese at the same time that I wouldn't have achieved anywhere near half the result. I still learnt Chinese, a very decent amount - I went to China and Taiwan for three months in total! - but I did it because I wanted to, of a whim, on a Sunday, something fun. It wasn't a must, or anything I was forcing myself to do. Many days I didn't do any Chinese at all. It was so immensely freeing to be able to think, at 11am: I'm finished for today. Even when I was at work, because I knew I was just there to pay the rent, I felt serene. Stressed on a day-to-day level, certainly, because all work is stressful, but - there wasn't any striving. I just did the best I could. And that was enough.
I am writing this, now, as I come out of my first ever information-overload burnout. I've burnt out, but I've never experienced one of these before: even looking at a book, at a phone, physically hurt my eyes. I couldn't bear to listen to people speak and would lock myself away in my room. I physically felt I could not talk, and had to take extensive time off work. Even looking at a pen and a blank page was too much; listening to podcasts was too much; reading the instructions for dinner was too much too. The only way I could heal was by doing absolutely nothing at all. That period shocked me deeply, because it showed me how absolutely dependent I was on having some input of information all of the time. No wonder I was tired.
I know, now, that there are lots of movements built around this same idea, by frustrated learners all over the world: the growing realisation that metrics and Excel and polylogger and tracking tracking tracking can't be the only way to learn. That a list of the number of books you've read in one year is hardly indicative of how well you understood those books, and what you learned from them. You've read 20 books this year already - good job. When do you think about them? What time do you spend on reflection? Why did you choose those books? Which chapters, and which characters, hit you the hardest? Why?
Minimalism, deep work, 'monk mode', essentialism, every writer's dream to run away and write in a cabin in the woods, slow learning, Buddhism, Stoicism, Marie Kondo-ism, the art of less, project 333, my no-buy-year, slow fashion, slow food, slow travel:
What all of these philosophies have in common is the idea that doing things deliberately ('mindfully') means 1) doing things slowly, 2) doing things well, and 3) doing things one at a time.
I am now at a place in my life where I understand the value of time alone with my thoughts. I don't want to listen to podcasts every minute of the waking day, because I need time to think about them. I need time to let the ideas for my novel grow in the dark. Nothing can be heard in noise; so make space for silence. I am a member of the real, living, breathing world, and that means I cannot devote 8 hours a day to Chinese television shows like I could when I was 20. I have to call my father. I have to do the dishes. I want to flex my creative muscles in other ways. Alternatively - I no longer believe that my worth is tied up inherently with how well I do my hobbies.
You're just some guy. There's freedom in that. You, my friend - you suck <3
Let yourself be bad. Let yourself be mediocre. Let yourself 'slide backwards' or regress, because all that means is that you're putting focus somewhere else. It'll come back. It always does.
I'm no longer comfortable, therefore, with the way that the language learning community tackles productivity. Please don't misunderstand; a lot of us have time spare that we could use to do things 'better' for us. I know. But I just believe now that getting rid of things, like the time you spend on your phone, is going to be more helpful in the long run than trying to force yourself into some gruelling, achievement-centric regime that collapses from within after two months of struggle and self-flagellation.
The other realisation I have had is just how much happier I am spending more time being alive, really alive, and less time in front of a screen. For a language like German or Gaelic that's much easier, because you can study with books, but with Chinese you always have to study to some extent with audios, flashcards, computers. Especially if - like me - you can read novels without a dictionary, but cannot handwrite even your Chinese name. So where next?
I don't have any answers. I'm not sure how to pair the two things together, to be honest, because almost all of my language learning has traditionally made use of technology. It's all been goal-orientated, systems-orientated, and despite the fact that I've failed at using these systems every day for years, despite the fact that Anki has NEVER worked for me, despite the fact that I have spent hundreds if not thousands of pounds on courses here, there, a wealth of overwhelm and five thousand words saved on Pleco, did I read that right? Five thousand. No wonder I'm stressed.
Regardless of happiness, it's much easier to achieve a state of deep focus and work when you're not online. After my period of information burnout, I feel actual physical pain from the weight of choices online. It's exhausting. I'm watching a Chinese show, but I want to go on tumblr. I'm on tumblr, but I feel guilty for not watching the Chinese show. I'm constantly torn between doing this and that, never fully committing to anything, seeing a post by Lindie Botes and thinking, damn, she's good. I should be better. But I don't want to compare myself to her. Do you know what? She is good. I admire her immensely. But I don't want to judge my self-worth by some imagined scale of productivity anymore - and, the more time passes, the more I'm not sure what 'productivity' in the context of language learning even means.
Try slow, focused, deep learning. You might just find it works.
There's something refreshing, almost counter-cultural, anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist, anti-rat-race, about this thought. Slow learning. I think there's an answer here, somewhere. It's a problem I've been dancing around for a while; and do you remember how you learnt your first foreign language? For me, it was on the floor, absolutely absorbed in German comic books, flicking through the dictionary furiously and scribbling things down in a notebook. I only had one book, and one dictionary, and one grammar book. I want to go back to that sort of simplicity. There was joy in that.
One again: I don't have any answers. I don't know exactly what direction this blog is going to go in, as I wrestle with these sorts of meta-problems. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And for now, if there's one thing I'd like you to take away from this long and frankly absurdly rambling post (thank you for bearing with me!) it's an alternative answer for the question I get so often, about what you can do to learn the language when you're tired, because:
Yes, you could watch reality TV shows in Chinese, or you could give yourself permission to be human. You could rest.
Thanks guys. Meichenxi out <3
#langblr#language learning#languages#productivity#productivitytips#^ tagging it with all of the above so it reaches the target audience of stressed out 17 year olds#my dudes. my guys. you are loved. or if you are not now - you will be#all will be well
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First of all - I'd like to note that this post is not intended to pressure anyone to change or to make people feel ashamed for the position they are in in life. I feel like a lot of people don't understand that being in this position is not often a choice. A majority of the time there are mental illnesses or chronic physical illnesses which lead someone to this point. It isn't like they're just hanging out at home all day having a blast - it is emotionally and physically taxing to be in this position, and it can be incredibly hard to break out. Not impossible!! Just very hard.
It is not as simple as "just go outside" "just get a job" etc; that kind of advice is not helpful. This post is mostly aimed at people who want to make some sort of change in their routine. Again, if you don't want to change or don't feel a need to - I'm not here to pressure you into changing your life or to tell you you are wrong for living this way - you're not, you're okay I promise. More so this is for people who are thinking about changing things up or adding a little more structure to their life.
Keep in mind - there is no shame in this. If you're looking at your daily log of activities and it isn't what you want it to be that is okay! Don't beat yourself up or be down on yourself for not being perfect or not being where you want to be. This is just so we can identify trends in our behaviours and more clearly see the things we want to cut back on or the things we want to add to our daily / weekly routines.
Try to keep this in a place where it is easy to keep track of. I typically recommend something digital like a notes app on the phone or a google document since you can access that from a computer or your phone - that way it's much easier to just pop in and write a simple note like "10am - had a bagel for breakfast", or a little pocket notebook that you can keep on your person. Make it as easy for yourself as possible.
It can also help to add little notes about how certain activities make you feel or your general mood throughout the day. This doesn't have to be extensive, but something like "Took a shower, feel refreshed but exhausted", or "2-4pm scrolling TikTok, I don't feel anything, I'm a little irritated". Keeping in mind how certain activities make you feel is a good step in identifying how different things affect your mental health and overall energy / stress levels. This can also help us start to see some of the underlying reasons for some of your behaviours. If you start to see why you do or don't like doing certain things, you can have a better understanding of yourself and how you can go about changing certain habits.
For example if you absolutely 100% detest doing the dishes, the feeling, the smell, how long it takes, etc, it isn't going to be very helpful to have a "just do it" approach to building the habit. It will become much easier if we also adopt other things into this such as having a dish-washing chair, a special soap, or gloves to make the process more bearable before throwing yourself head-first into it.
Some goals are easier to identify than others. For example "I want to brush my teeth every night" is a pretty identifiable goal and the steps you need to take to achieve that goal are pretty straightforward. Other goals like "I want to feel more productive" or "I want to have more energy" are vague and difficult to achieve in themsevles, so we need to break them down.
What does each goal mean to you? What does "being more productive" mean? Does it mean keeping your room clean? Creating a physical product or hobby? Achieving smaller goals throughout the day? Exercising more? Trading social media for something like a book? Learning something new? What smaller aspect of this larger idea stands out to you? Once it is broken into parts it's much easier to work on one aspect at a time instead of just trying to change everything overnight.
Other goals seem like too much, like "I want to be able to go to the grocery store by myself". That's an easily identifiable goal, but it's a BIG goal. There are likely steps you'll have to take to work up to this goal, and those steps are heavily tied to the reasons why you don't like going to the grocery store in the first place. If the crowds make you anxious - going out with friends or family to less crowded places, or going to the grocery store at less busy times of day could help. If the food items stress you out - going out to places like office supply stores that don't carry food items or going to the store without the intent of buying anything just to walk around and get used to it might be helpful. Some stores like Kroger, Ingles, or Target often have little coffee shops in them - maybe going to one of these with friends just to get a snack and hang out can help expose you to the idea of the store itself without the pressure of having to pick out what you're buying or the pressure of interacting with the cashier so you don't have to tackle it all at once. Or if you typically get groceries delivered to your house, maybe you could do a purchase online pick up in-store thing one day - you don't have to spend much time in the actual store, and you don't have to pick items out while you're there, but it'll get you to the actual store and then you can just go home right afterwards. Try to find ways to get slowly closer and closer to your final goal without throwing yourself headfirst into it. (One thing I will say specifically about going to the grocery store is try to avoid planning out exactly what you're going to purchase beforehand - I used to do this and I would end up crying in the middle of the store if they didn't have the exact bread they wanted, it backfired on me more than once T-T so do that at your own risk).
Write out as many or as few goals as you can think of. These are long-term goals, so if your list feels really long don't worry! You don't have to do all of this at once! In fact, I implore you not to try and do too many of these things at once! Try not to get overwhelmed if it feels like a lot - you've got time, this is not a once-and-done kind of thing, we're going to take it slow and try to be reasonable with ourselves and our expectations of ourselves.
But how do you pick a goal? There's a lot of ways you could do this. Some people like to try and go for the one that seems the hardest first - I've never really had luck with this I usually just give up when I feel like it's too hard. Some people try to pick the one that seems the easiest to ease themselves into it - this is always nice because it can help you feel like you're actually making progress and changing things. Some people pick ones that overlap. Like if you want to spend less time on social media and more time doing a hobby like knitting - you can combine those two goals into "trade social media time for knitting" to kind of tackle two things at once. Try not to combine too many things together - we do still want these goals to be small and separate from each other - but smaller ones like that it is okay to and makes sense to combine together.
So! You've picked a goal to work towards! Yay! How do we do that? It depends on the goal you've picked. If it's something physical like showering, brushing your teeth, vacuuming, doing the dishes, going for a walk, or cooking dinner, it's a little easier to track. Setting reminders or keeping a log of when you do these things can help, some people like having weekly or daily checklists to keep track of what has been done and when. Try to avoid putting too many things on the checklist - we don't want to overwhelm ourselves, remember we're just working on one thing right now.
For others, picking a certain day of the week or time of day to do these things can help as well. Having a set time or day for certain activities can help set the routine of doing them, and also makes it a little easier to keep track of when they are done. If you miss these days or times don't beat yourself up! Try to avoid the feeling of "oh well I was supposed to shower at 7pm and now it's 10pm so I missed my opportunity" you can deviate from the timeframes you set for yourself they're just a guide. But over time if you decide you're going to brush your teeth at 9pm every night, after a month or two you'll start being like "oh it's 9pm I'm going to go brush my teeth" it becomes a second-hand habit that you don't have to think about too hard after a few months.
If it is a more nebulous or vague goal, we might want to make a roadmap. Like if your end goal is "I want to be able to keep my room clean consistently" there's a lot that goes into that. Often that includes dishes, taking the trash out, doing laundry, folding the laundry, vacuuming, etc. Trying to take all of that on at once can be really overwhelming! Start small. Let's say, maybe every other night you want to take the dishes from your room to the kitchen. Just focus on that. Or maybe you want to make your bed every day. Or maybe you want to do your laundry once a week. Pick one aspect to focus on for a while, and slowly build on that. After about 2 weeks of taking your dishes to the kitchen every other night, maybe you can add washing them into that. Or after doing your laundry once a week for about a month, you can add folding it into that. If you ease yourself into it, it gets much easier to actually build these habits and not super overwhelm yourself right off the bat. And if you miss a day, that's okay! I'm not expecting you to set a goal and then immediately be able to do it all the time, and you shouldn't expect that of yourself either. Go easy on yourself. Slow progress is still progress. Maybe you're not making your bed every day, but making it once or twice a week is still progress! And over time that once or twice a week will evolve into three or four times a week. And it'll just keep going from there.
On the other hand, if you're trying to STOP doing something as much - the approach is often a little different. Some people like to use timers or notes to show when they last did something so they can see how long it's been or notice changes in whether they're doing it more or less frequently. If it's something like trying to cut back on social media you can set time limits on your phone for how long you're allowed to use each app. These are easy enough to bypass but often times having that reminder of "Hey it's been 15 minutes your time limit is up" can be a reminder to yourself that you want to be more mindful of how long you're spending on these apps, even if you just extend the time limit when it pops up.
Set up alternatives for yourself! It's really hard to say "oh I just won't do that anymore", give yourself something else to do instead. If you want to spend less time on social media, you might instead spend more time reading, drawing, or even playing video games. (Trading social media for video games is a healthy trade I will die on this hill - I don't care how many articles you've seen saying they're just as bad as each other I promise you Persona 5 is not as bad as Twitter for your mental health). If you want to stop smoking, instead have gums, lollipops or a drink you enjoy; or practice breathing techniques when you want to smoke; or if you vape try switching to a lower concentration juice (I'm also trying to stop smoking so I feel you on this it's a tough one). If you're trying to stop SH, have other things like ice cubes, rubber bands, pens, or something that will give you a physical sensation without causing harm (or as much harm). Work with yourself, identify what you're getting from each of these things, and try to make a trade for something that is a little better for you but still gives you some of that thing that you want. Don't beat yourself up if you do still engage in these habits, it is hard to stop. Instead of punishing yourself for still doing these things, praise yourself for doing them less often. (And if you're not doing them less often, praise yourself for being aware of your habits in the first place).
The hardest thing about this whole process is getting the motivation to start. Once you get started it's much easier to keep it going, but that first push to get the ball rolling is the hardest part. For a lot of things you can't wait until you feel like doing it - often that won't come. There are different ways people motivate themselves to do things they don't want to do. Ease yourself into it, don't do everything at once do the first step of the process and then take a little break. For example, if you're folding the laundry, separate it into categories then take a little break. When you come back fold one category, then take a break. Then do the next category. Over time the laundry will be all folded! Set a timer, think about how much time you could reasonably spend doing something. Let's say 10 minutes. Set a timer for 10 minutes, then start whatever task it is you want to do. If you want to clean your room maybe set a timer for 10 minutes and spend that time picking up trash. After those 10 minutes are up you're done. You can come back to more of it later. Often times you'll find that you're able to finish a lot of tasks faster than you thought you'd be able to, and if they're not finished oftentimes times you're more inclined to keep going once those 10 minutes are up since you've already started the ball rolling. Some people use a sort of "rip the bandaid off" technique where they set an alarm to go do something and as soon as that alarm goes off they just force themselves do it. This is hard at first but it does become easier. Think of it like you're jumping into a pool. 3...2...1... GO! Often that initial push to just start walking to go to the thing you want to do is the hardest, and once you're moving it becomes easier.
Tell a friend you're going to do it. Sometimes this helps you feel more motivated to do it since you're giving yourself a little bit of outside pressure to complete the task. On this note, weirdly enough, stretching can help you get motivated to do harder tasks. Like if you want to take the trash out but you're laying in bed, stretching in bed just to get your blood moving can sometimes help you get that initial push to get up and take the trash out.
Work with yourself. Try different approaches, and celebrate your successes no matter how small they may seem. Over time you will find things do get easier, and after tackling one small goal for a month or two, you can add another small goal into the mix.
Some popular app recommendations (I'm so sorry this list is so short - hoping to add to it in the future)
IAmSober - Andriod and IOS - allows you to set multiple goals of things you want to stop doing and shows you timers for how long it's been since you last engaged in that habit.
Flora - Google Play, IOS, and Chrome Extension - sets a timer for how long you don't want to use your phone or computer, once you finish this timer without using your device it grows a tree, and adds that tree to your garden. I used to use this for studying back in college and I quite enjoyed it.
HabitShare - Android, Google Play, and IOS - set habits and keep track of when you've completed them, you can also link with friends to see each other's habits too (although, this is optional you can also keep it private).
These are the best-rated free apps I could find for this kind of thing, if there are others that you use or have used in the past please feel free to comment or rb I would love to be able to add to this list.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope this can be at least a little helpful and I hope it doesn't come off as a "just do it" kind of vibe. I know getting the motivation to start building new or breaking old habits is realllllly hard so hopefully, this is at least a bit helpful T-T
As always, I love you guys and I'm proud of you for being here and doing what you can ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ please feel free to comment or send in any questions, comments, concerns, additions, or anything of that sort ~ ♡
#resource#request#tw sh mention#building habits#breaking habits#jiraiblr#landmineblr#jiraiblogging#landmineblogging#pienblr#hikineet
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Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 11
Taking Care of Your Body
Hi Goddesses! How are you feeling today after focusing on regulating your emotions? It’s a big step, right? Knowing that we can handle whatever comes our way gives us so much more power. But today, let’s shift gears a little and talk about our bodies, our physical well-being. After all, emotional regulation and physical health are like two sides of the same coin. They feed into each other.
I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times: “You need to take care of yourself.” But, let’s be real, it can be hard to know where to start. Sometimes, health can feel like one big overwhelming task. Whether it’s exercise, eating better, or just getting enough sleep, there always seems to be something else that gets in the way.
Let’s start with a truth we can all agree on: health isn’t about drastic changes that leave you feeling burned out. If you’ve ever tried to stick to a crazy fitness routine or overhauled your diet only to feel completely defeated by the end of the week, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too.
Let me share some real-life, totally doable ways to make healthy changes that actually stick.
Starting Your Day
Instead of jumping into an intense morning routine, try this: When you first wake up, before even checking your phone, take three deep breaths and stretch your arms overhead. That's your baseline. From there, you might naturally want to add:
A glass of water with lemon
A 5-minute gentle stretch
Opening the curtains to get some natural light (game-changer for energy levels!)
Making Movement Fun
Here's a secret I wish I'd known earlier: exercise doesn't have to feel like punishment! Start by finding what you enjoy:
Love chatting? Make walking phone calls your thing
Enjoy music? Have a 10-minute dance party while cleaning
Like structure? Try the "commercial break challenge", move during every TV commercial
Work at a desk? Set a timer for hourly 2-minute stretch breaks
Better Sleep Habits
Remember: good sleep makes everything else easier! Here's what works:
Create a relaxing bedtime routine, dim lights an hour before bed
Keep your bedroom slightly cool
Try reading instead of scrolling on your phone
Use the 10-minute rule: just lie down with no pressure to sleep, often you'll naturally drift off
Simple Nutrition Changes
Instead of restrictive diets, try these gentle additions:
Add one fruit or veggie to whatever you're already eating
Keep a water bottle where you can see it
Try filling half your plate with vegetables when possible
Keep healthy snacks handy for hungry moments
Combining New Habits With Old Ones
Here's my favorite trick: attach new healthy habits to things you already do:
Do counter push-ups while waiting for coffee
Stretch while watching your favorite show
Take the stairs when checking work emails on your phone
Drink water every time you check social media
Tips That Really Work:
Track your habits without judging yourself
Celebrate small wins (seriously, even taking the stairs counts!)
Have backup plans for busy days
Find a friend to check in with (anyone in the comments want to pair up?)
This Week's Challenge
Pick ONE thing from any category above that feels almost too easy. That's your starting point. For example, I started with just the morning stretch - three days later, I naturally wanted to add water, and a week later, I was craving a morning walk.
Share in the comments: What's your ONE thing going to be? Remember how we talked about being gentle with ourselves yesterday? That applies here too! No pressure to be perfect, we're just adding tiny doses of goodness to our days.
P.S. Don't forget, it's totally okay to modify any of these suggestions to fit your life. The best healthy habit is the one you'll actually keep doing!
See you tomorrow for Day 12!
♡ ☆:.。 Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.。 With love, Goddess Inner Glow.
#self improvement#personal development#self love#be yourself#self confidence#Self Acceptance#self appreciation#be confident#be your best self#be your true self#becoming the best version of yourself#Becoming that girl#girlblog aesthetic#it girl#it girl energy#confidence#growth mindset#That Girl#selfcare#pinterest girl#pink pilates princess#pilates aesthetic#self help#health and wellness#lifestyle#dream life#glow up tips#self concept#goddessinnerglowblog#goddessinnerglowmagazine
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story prompt: a brand of jockstrap quickly becomes the gold standard amongst college and professional athletics because the competitive price structure that makes them cheaper to buy in bulk than any other brand. The fit is different than everything else on the market too. These jockstraps keep their butts so high and tight it's almost as if they're bigger. Are their butts bigger? That could explain the number of pants-splitting wardrobe malfunctions that are afflicting athletes across all sports. Say nothing of the guys who like the little lift and have started wearing the jocks under their street clothes too
Ok I've actually been thinking about a similar thing for a while because occasionally my Insta feed is inundated with these ads for perky butt pants, which look like low quality chinos that are just well fitted in the back I guess, but I always feel like the algorithm is being shady.
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[Nadir: I left you a gift on the entry table, try 'em on 😛]
[Carlos: Are these those perky butt jockstraps I keep seeing ads for?]
[Nadir: Yeah probably lol. A friend of mine got a sponsorship deal or whatever and they basically threw a case of these at him. I think they kind of work, they're all over my socials]
[Carlos: All of those guys already have nice asses, this is Marketing 101. You flood everyone's social media feeds with athletes and fitness influencers who are already stacked so you can make the claim that *your* special jockstrap has some cutting edge butt lifting technology. Then every faux butt model follows suit, it becomes a ubiquitous gay fashion piece, and the money rolls in until the next fad]
[Nadir: Ok, fair enough. But in the meantime would it hurt to look a little more caked up?]
[Carlos: You're not wrong 👀]
Carlos sighed at his phone, then at the pile of individually packaged jockstraps on the coffee table that his roommate left for him. It wasn't like he cared all that much. He was more so just annoyed at the progression of ads and sponsorship deals preying on queer men's perpetual body image crises. What looked like a regular jockstrap with tighter bands seemed to suddenly be everywhere. Of course personal trainers and athletes with huge followings were ripe for sponsorship deals to build out a market, but now he was seeing random dudes with generally unremarkable figures post in these things like they were life changing.
But they do look good, he admitted to himself, thinking about a friend of his who for years was incapable of putting on any mass, yet suddenly his private stories featured him in nothing but these jocks framing a delectable bubble butt that came seemingly out of nowhere. He held the packaging in his hands. And they seem functional. And I've been needing to re-up on gym gear for a while. And and and... he thought to himself, finally relenting and ripping open the plastic cover.
They were cute, higher quality than expected, but mostly resembled every other jockstrap on the market. He whipped off his underwear right there in the living room and slid on the jock. It was surprisingly comfortable, so much so that he didn't know why he'd been wearing any other underwear all this time.
Not to mention his ass looked great. He had a pretty dedicated workout routine and was so stranger to some heavy deadlifts, but as he turned toward the full length mirror, he almost gasped at the bubble that stood out behind him. He didn't even know he had that much ass to work with. He gave it a shake just to make sure it was real.
"I knew you'd like it," said Nadir, beaming as he entered through the front door.
And he did. He wore them to the gym the next morning, and the next, and the next. They immediately became a staple in his workout gear, and he was having some of the best leg days he'd had in maybe ever. The only issue was keeping himself from leering at his own dump truck in the mirror, or at the other gymgoers who had obviously also gotten the memo about these booty enhancing jocks. He was more than happy to let go of his previous cynicism and learn to love this new fad for however long it lasted.
The way they lifted his butt made a statement, his ass becoming the main attraction in any pair of pants he wore. After a while, he couldn't shake the feeling that his derriere was holding on to some of the added umph even without the jock. He chalked it up to the added confidence producing serious gains in the gym, confirmed when, in the middle of a set of deep squats, he felt an unexpected breeze across his butt cheeks.
He'd been noticing how significant his progress had been, but didn't think it was enough to blow out the seat of his gym shorts in broad daylight. He didn't even know that was a thing that really happened. He tried to cover his ample posterior as his face flushed with embarrassment, but after a quick glance around, realized that everyone around was largely unconcerned. In fact, there were a few others casually finishing their workouts with split seams. He did the same.
"Don't sweat it," said Nadir later that day. "It's been happening to me all the time." He had always had a shapely bottom, carefully constructed through his budding career as a personal trainer, yet in recent weeks Carlos couldn't help but notice it inflating well out of proportion, his follower count and engagement inflating along with it. "At my gym, these are basically optional now," he added, pulling at the hem of a pair of gym shorts that strained for dear life across his comical bubble butt, the bottom third of his cheeks spilling out, framed by the straps of his jock.
It was a look coming back in style, booty shorts that looked woefully incapable of full coverage. Carlos had just donated a bunch of old pairs that he could've sworn fit fine just a few months ago, but now dug into his cheeks halfway down.
Nadir's pants optional policy had been catching on across the more professional, private, influencer-heavy gyms, a pragmatic way of extending the longevity of gym shorts that didn't stand a chance against the juicy pumps emphasized by these now ubiquitous jockstraps. It wasn't uncommon, and was slowly becoming fashionable, to see people walking around with their cheeks exposed, seat of their pants fluttering in the breeze like accidentally assless chaps.
Unfortunately, many day jobs weren't yet so lax with their dress codes, producing a menswear crisis of over-stressed seams, constant tailoring, and increasingly frequent instances of catastrophic failure. It became obvious who had been influenced into wearing these jockstraps not just at the gym but in their day to day, their disproportionately round butts bursting through the fabric of slacks and khakis whenever they bent down too fast, or more often encased in much more forgiving spandex or very loose sweats. A serious bubble butt had basically become the norm, to the point where navigating through the crowd at circuit parties meant risking being crushed to death by a gauntlet of jock-encased oversized glutes.
Carlos, with a blessed work from home gig, had taken to wearing mostly nothing below the belt for the sake of comfort, his massive globes spilling out over the edges of the stool at his desk as he plugged away on his laptop. His phone pinged with a text from Nadir.
[Nadir: Can you check for a package? I'm expecting some new product they asked me to demo. Feel free to check it out, I think they sent extras!]
Sure enough, there was a package on the porch with a thank you note for Nadir and some guidelines for the kinds of posts he should make to feature their product. His fitness career had really taken off in recent months, which Carlos was glad to see. He opened the packaging and pulled out a stretchy tank top that promised to "Lift, frame, and enhance your pecs!"
Again with this, he scoffed, turning the fabric over in his fingers. Might as well take it for a spin. It is push day.
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Himbull Summer 2024
(Long post ahead but worth the read)
I was intending to do something like this again this year but a previous ask really started the gears turning into motion. I really consider last year’s Jockbull summer experiment to be one of the most impactful changes I've made in a lot of ways. I’m still feeling some of the impacts and changes in my life on a permanent basis. I’ve got new friends I made through the process, new appreciation of style and whole new skillsets that I wouldn't have developed otherwise. Which is why I'm super excited to do this again but with a few adjustments to refine the concept and hopefully reap even deeper rewards for my own growth. I will be running this from Nov 15th 2024 - Feb 15th 2025.
I’ll explain some of the adjustments very briefly before I explain the plan and how you all will be able to interact with it.
We’ve cut down from 15 tasks over 3 plans to just 8 over 2.
This year by popular demand the archetype’s I’ll work on growing and encapsulating will be Himbo and Bull. This was voted on by the lovely paid Patreon supporters. With the final votes looking like this
I will only be doing 1 plan with a partner this year. That partner is Abgsado as we did last year and you all can keep track of his progress on discord in his own dedicated channel.
The plans
As I noted above this year rather than 3 plans of 5 tasks we only have 2 plans of 4. 15 tasks was way too much as evidenced by the fact that I would regularly only get a fraction done.
PLAN A
This is the more Bull-centric side of the Himbull summer, focused not just on taking the most of this current bulking period, but also on expanding and centering my mind to possibilities for growth. This is the plan Abg and I developed together using a structure of 1 personal task, 1 task granted by the other, 1 task we compete at, and 1 task where we took some inspiration from the discord community.
Task 1 is my personal task and will involve a stronger supplementation regime with the goal of increasing anabolism, libido, strength and focus over the coming months. What that entails on a practical basis is cycling 2 new supplements into my routine every month. Recording notable changes or improvements from baseline. And keeping consistent dosing schedules.
Task 2 was granted by Abg and focuses on playing around with atypical perspectives and archetypes for growth and change outside of my usual 5/6. I intend to do that by creating some more improvisational mini trances exploring some new growth/corruption-adjacent ideals. These will also be on a biweekly schedule and depending on how I feel released at different levels of exclusivity.
Task 3 is the competitive task for both Abg and I. We both want to expand our fitness socials on sites like Instagram and shift ourselves more into the muscle lifestyle sphere of influence.
Task 4 is the task synthesized from suggestions from discord. We’re gonna fuse the Himbo and Bull gym loops together and dedicate ourselves to listening to it on 2 training days per week. Let ourselves really get mindfucked by the muscle chaos.
PLAN B
This is the more himbo coded plan. No specific structure however for this set 1 is a personal task and 3 were given by some of my top-tier himbo advisors. So big thanks to them, including @thejockout. Task 1 is the personal task. Similar to last year’s task regarding disposing of certain clothes, this year is going to be about purchasing things that I think are gonna draw more attention my way. I’m gonna aim for a new Himbo Aesthetic component every 2 weeks. And I’m going to force myself to wear each component at least twice in public, not just at the gym.
Task 2 is about making semi-permanent changes to my look in some form or fashion, beyond just clothes. These are gonna be fairly big so i think i might do them on a Monthly or maybe tri-weekly basis so i get 3-4 Big changes out of the process. Bit scared for this one.
Task 3 is gonna be interesting. It’s about putting myself forward to be used as a muscular physical being more often. Lifting, pushing, carrying. Doing the physical aspects of work. Very golden retriever farm boy himbo. “I can get that for you, ma’am. Not a problem”. Part of this summer I’ll be doing an internship at a lab. So in addition to being an academic weapon I’ve also gotta make sure this muscle is both functional and for show.
Task 4 focuses on being a bit more of a slut when I'm in public or around my friends. Putting a bit more sauce on my normal speaking voice, being a tiny bit more touchy feely with people who I know it's safe and kosher to do so with, flirting a bit more liberally.
Engagement
Like last year, I want you all to watch me and interact with this journey. But we’re changing it up a little this year. You’ll be able to get 4 different sources for this journey, all of varying intensity and completeness.
The standard base will be a monthly update released on tumblr synthesizing the whole month of activity with some notable events and reflections on them. These will be free and also probably either cross-posted or linked on Patreon. The next level will be more granular fortnightly updates available to all paid patrons, these will include some sticking points, things I’m struggling with. And I might even ask for suggestions for how to tackle tasks I have problems with. I will also like last year be doing fortnightly voice diaries which will likely be similar to the two above but maybe with some extra impromptu thoughts thrown in, again at the paid patreon tier.
And finally, in twitter’s dying gasp(not even gonna link it but you know how to find me) and a begrudging attempt to strike while the iron is hot on bluesky, I’ll also be doing a lot more frequent if less thought through crossposts on those two sites.
If you by any chance want to help me in any of these tasks and have a personal hand in molding me as I’ve molded you then I can provide two options for support. 1st, as always, consider subscribing to my Patreon at any paid tier, but the $5 level is imo the best value for money. 2nd, I have opened up a Throne account(wishtender 2.0) with specific wishlist items geared toward different HBS tasks(namely A1, A 3, and B1). It’d be really hot for everyone to have some of those get ticked off during the summer. And folks who help out in this way will get a shout out in the relevant update.
I really hope this is an amazingly fun experience for you all and an absolutely transformative one for me. At the end of this I’ll be going into my final Bachelor’s year in this country. I want to be the hottest, buffest, and best I've ever been for these super low stakes classes. Let's make it happen folks!
(Models for this Himbull Summer are Kieran Yawson and Trkennet)
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☆☆THE STRUGGLE OF ROUTINE ☆☆
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Some people can just get out of bed and automatically do what they need to do to get the day started. And the same people seem to be the ones we see the most on our screens. "My Morning Routine", "My weekly regimen", "What I eat in a day", and "My Nightly Routine". These people are seemingly put together and perfect like their said routines. But here you are slouched on your undone bed, still in your pajamas, wearing makeup from the day before after waking up after 12 pm. You meaning me, lmao. ☆...
☆The struggle of routine is something we all face regardless of what social media persists to tell us. But I don't really want to talk about how "social media is fake" because that's not even fully true. Some people really do live like this and have very structured routines for their day to day lives, granted it's what pays their bills but that's still technically their routine. But I'm more concerned about talking about how DIFFICULT it is to keep a constant routine. Especially in this weird time we live in.
ミ★I'm a perfectionist. I hate when things don't go the way I want and I tend to want things one way or not at all. But life doesn't live by those rules. Life will throw whatever the hell it wants at you, whenever it feels like it. As an individual you have to learn to work around it all. For me it's an inconsistent work schedule, minor (or major) inconveniences, mood swings, and of course the main culprit is laziness/lack of discipline.
☆We've all done it. On a random day of the week you're up way too late reflecting on your life and what you're doing with it. You suddenly feel the hyperactive urge to fix everything about yourself. You want the perfect body before the summer. You want your hair to grow longer faster. You want to get all your life goals written down and planned out dow not the last minute. You want to post a 1 minute video everyday on TikTok at exactly 3 pm EST and post at least 4 pictures to your instagram every other day. So you open the notes app and make an extremely specific, unrealistic, and way too intense routine to follow everyday. You set reminders, add 30 new alarms to your phone, you fill your amazon cart with stuff you believe you'll defiantly use. And after you make yet another playlist of YouTube workout videos you go to bed confident your life is gonna change forever after this...
Now one of two things happen:
You completely throw away the routine the minute you wake up the next day
Or, you do it for a few days but eventually burnout and find yourself back where you were before, now with just more useless junk you have no room for...
ミ★I have personally been both. But we can all empathize with this because if maintaining a routine was easy it wouldn't be such a successful phenomenon online. Out of the millions of views under "my morning routine" posts, many, if not majority, of them are people who wish they can live the way these people do. I think we as people have developed mindsets that are negative first, positive later. Ever since the quarantine we've been used to online overconsumption. The idea that "more is better", and the scare that was the virus has sparked this fear in us that is wasted time. Hence us wanting to build new giant routines in the middle of the night just to eventually abandon it because our minds and bodies don't evolve or develop like that overnight. Most the time the routines are grueling and just makes us feel exhausted over accomplished. When we don't see immediate change a lot people, including myself, give up then and there.
☆Im not here to tell you how to keep a constant routine or how to become more disciplined because all that information is in the palm of your hands. Honestly at the end of the day it's about your mindset. Realizing what is around you and remembering the reality you live in. You want that body? You want that hair growth? You want to post? It's all possible but here's where the issue lies:
ミ★We forget to forgive ourselves and to be patient with ourselves. We fall under the pressure to perform for social media as well. In this digital age we try to make social media real life 24/7 and put real life on the back burner. Everything must be aesthetic or else! Or if you can't keep a constant routine for a week you're a failure! But the reality is no one just wakes up in their perfect aesthetic one day and has this perfect routine down pat the first time. Another thing that we keep doing is what everyone else is doing. Another example of putting the online first before real life. We've forgotten the beauty of growth, and how things develop overtime. It reminds me of how small artists have the potential to blow up overnight. They suddenly have all these eyes on them and then the GP turns on them simply because their exceptions don't match the artist's personal growth. I think we do the same to ourselves. But regardless of what other people, social media or even what you might even say to yourself the best way to find a good routine is get to know yourself, not someone else. And to not go by others expectations. It's good to hold yourself to a high regard and to make ambitious goals. But you should remind yourself that you want this to last and you don't want to burn yourself out trying to perfect your life like it's a speed run.
☆When following creators who makes content like this I advise to follow people you relate to first. Not saying you can't follow those extremely aesthetic ASMR morning/Night routine videos because hell I watch them too. But know that I watch them for simply that. I've come to the point where I can watch that stuff and not feel incompetent or that I'm failing in life but I digress. Don't pay attention to the many trends and what's hot, just look for people who you might see yourself in, or people who have qualities similar to yours. Physically, mentally, ect. Because if you're a black girl who wants to know how to do a specific 4C hairstyle you're not going to the white girl influencers for tutorials are you? For me I watch Jackie Aina. Her and I don't even have the same tastes in certain aspects, specifically clothing and home decor but she reminds me a lot of myself and some of my values. Her content inspires me but doesn't make me feel like I need to reinvent myself overnight. That's not realistic nor healthy. I think subjecting yourself to that will just give you an identity crisis. Her content helps me feel confident and you should follow people like that too.
ミ★My purpose of this post is not "continue to be a slob" (I'm a Taurus stellium and Venusian. Girl we don't do that over 'chere.) it's to remind and to encourage. A reminder that what you see online isn't what real life is 24/7. Doesn't mean it's all fake, it just means that life doesn't just look like one thing. Social media just tends to make our vision a bit tunneled. Yes, some peoples lives surround what they eat in a day, what they do when they get out of bed, and the steps they follow in their nighttime skincare routine. But our attachment and overconsumption to these types of creators constantly fails to remind us that they're still human. Hell even when the human creators tell y'all "hey I'm human" they still aren't treated as such but guess what? They are! So are you. You are still human. Finding a groove that works for you will take time. And many times you will fail. You will probably forget to do something, you won't have the time for certain tasks, or an inconvenience will pop up out of no where that knocks you off course. But if at first you don't succeed, try again. Social media picture perfect propaganda (lol) has made us forget that life happens and that we will essentially always struggle with routine. Some things stick, some things don't. Some routines last a long time, some only stay for a day. We live in an age where everyone's trying to move as fast as they can to keep with the trends, keep up appearances, and to make up for lost time. And as much as I love the thrill of the fast life, how can I expect to see my growth, what I like, what needs changing and how to fall into a good rhythm when I'm too busy trying to keep up.
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Xoxo, Sydney Mykah -☆
#music#music blog#musician#my music#cover song#sydney mykah#blog post#morning routine#self care#self care routine#daily routine#wellness routine
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