#i have no idea whether any of that makes sense or whether it was just incoherent babbling

[ariatwang]

Hi, @radfemquestioner. I'm a radfem and although I think a lot of your ideas are flawed, I do admire the creation of your blog. I like seeing attempts at genuine dialogue (at least I hope that's what this is).

I would like you to take a look at this post. I think it's a really dead-on metaphor for the situation we're discussing and it's helped a lot of people understand what OP and I are talking about.

At the most basic level, I think we agree. One demographic of people (men, in this case) are not inherently evil. I, too, think all souls are born kind. But, just like how my voice is similar to my mother's because she is the one who taught me to sing and I grew up surrounded by her music, we inherit the things that come from the generations before us. We did not choose to. We cannot control whether or not we do any more than I can control the fact that I have my grandpa's nose. This goes for inheritance of societal patterns as much as it goes for physical traits. That's what a lot of radfems are talking about when we refer to "male/female socialization".

So men and boys, from the moment they are born, inherit what has been the global truth for thousands of years: we live in a system of very deeply ingrained patriarchy and oppression of women. The whole time they are growing up, their entire lives, this is being ingrained into them every single second. No matter how good or pure they want to be, no matter how much their parents try to teach them better, regardless of any other factors, they can't avoid it because it is everywhere. (If the post I linked at the beginning was helpful, you can think of this as how men get the gun put in their hand.)

The point of OP's post was that men, if they want to try to lower the arm holding the metaphorical patriarchy-gun despite not being able to set it down, need to be very very aware that they have the gun in their hand in the first place. So, without the gun metaphor, they need to actively understand that men as a demographic are unavoidably made into oppressors of women because of the environment that they're immersed in from the day they're born if they ever actually want to make an attempt to be better.

Please feel free to respectfully ask other questions, or ask for clarification about anything I've said here if something isn't making sense. (Or start a discussion about anything else.) I appreciate your curiosity.

Normalise letting men know that they are the majority of rapists, murderers, and violent criminals. Quit claiming “humans are so evil” when it’s just one specific demographic.

[voidpacifist]

viktor headcanons

[modern-ish edition + meljayvik because I cannot resist, also I'm desperate to see more unhinged little ideas about him outside of being everyone's favorite blorbo. we should fear that man and this is my thesis]

learned a weird amalgamation of martial arts and self defense as a kid due to growing up in zaun. despite being in what was considered the "safer" part of the underground, his mother worried he wouldn't be safe on his own. his core strength and arm strength are absolutely ridiculous

in fact, one time he was hooking up with a fellow academy student, and by the time the whole affair was over with, he was hardly breaking a sweat while the other person was trying to catch their breath. he became somewhat of a local legend at frat parties because not only can he wear someone out for hours but, allegedly, he's real freaky with it too

knows the exact monetary value of different human body organs on the black market. whether or not this is from experience is something jayce and mel are unable to determine. vi is also knowledgeable of this and has traded tragic backstories with him in detail

has had to kill a man before, and tells this to jayce frequently to win petty arguments (jayce never actually believes him, even though it is fully and one hundred percent true). it doesn't work on mel

jayce and mel have a secret chart written of how many substances viktor has tried and with how much frequency. weed is at the top of the list, with alcohol being shockingly low. in spite of coming from a slavic background, viktor didn't learn how to hold very much liquor without feeling ill, but for some reason is fine with the illicit psychedelics that grow naturally in the undercity near the runoff tunnels. so far the list is nearly half a page long

will not hit anyone with his mobility aids but will ABSOLUTELY find ways to blackmail and hustle his way out of embarrassment. he learned the blackmailing skill from mel, and frequently looks to her for information since she somehow knows the most about the student body

extremely morbid sense of humor. jokes about being fatherless/motherless behavior and then hits you with, "I would know :]." mel is an honorary member of the motherless behavior banter, considering her own mother disowned her shortly before she came to piltover

taking care of one another is equal parts give and take with him, jayce, and mel, but it's never in a way that demeans each other or exploits each other's weaknesses. for example, viktor hates being carried or manhandled without consent and finds it incredibly patronizing if someone assumes he needs help without just asking him (common sense, but the student body is full of ableist sharks). if he's having a bad pain day or is finding it hard to move, he and jayce (or he and mel, depending on time and place) have a system for getting him to or from somewhere without drawing much attention and even have specific "I need help but don't want to be stared at about it" phrases

father's half of the family is slavic and mother's half of the family is romani. cannot follow a recipe unless it has specific measurements, but can improvise ANY stew or potato based dish with little more than his nose and a few kitchen tools. jayce can improvise any dish, but will always somehow overdo the spice if it calls for spice. mel is happy to try any and everything they make (on her birthday, she's spoiled with their attempts at making the ethnic food from her family, and she'll never tell them but she's very touched by their efforts)

owned ONE pet in his life and it was a hamster. instead of freaking out over it's death, he studied it's body post mortem until his father declared it a biohazard and forced him to dispose of it

learned most of his chemists knowledge from a disgraced former academy professor, but taught himself everything else he knows (if he couldn't get access to it in school). including, for fun, how to preserve and analyze body parts. he initially wanted to be a surgeon or biomedical engineer, but then stuck with chemistry (specifically regarding infectious diseases) to try and find a cure for the grey

shows up randomly at jayces or mels dorms at strange hours in the evening/morning. the first time he showed up at mel's, she thought a burglary was being attempted. he made it out with a bad knock to the head, but she did make him tea in the aftermath as an apology (he hated it but drank the whole thing anyway)

gets stoned with jinx on the weekends, since she's the only one who can find him good, ethically sourced weed. he pays her back by teaching her things he's learning and researching at the academy

meljayvik + caitvi + timebomb dates but they have to find a way to rent out the whole place because each and every one of them has Some Kind of History with the other academy students even though jinx and ekko are still a couple years shy of college age

viktor threw up at the distinguished innovators competition because jayce did first. it was a whole disaster. they spent hours after the ordeal hyping each other up on gatorade and pure adrenaline. it was the physically worst jayce has ever felt around viktor but far from the worst viktor has ever felt around jayce. this was just days after the two of them met mel, and she spent the rest of the evening forcing them to sleep or eat something that wasn't "pure chemicals." somehow, this ended in a heated debate between herself and viktor about the validity of gatorade as a substantial meal. he still refuses to admit he lost

I've said this before and I'll say it again: he has a closet full of ramen. mel takes from his stash often

can run on caffeine and very little sleep to the point where he is physically incapable of resting like a normal human being without feeling drained. flu season is absolute hell

showed up to one of his lectures shirtless once because he was in a hurry. fed everyone who looked at him funny the most outrageous sob story about how "weak" he was, then laughed about it with mel and jayce like an absolute sociopath for days about it. jayce did not find it altogether very funny. mel and him still joke about it

beat vi in an arm wrestling contest before he got sick. still almost beat her after his diagnosis too, but still took the betting money anyway. she'll never admit she's slightly terrified of him, but it shows

can wield many different kinds of knives but is terribly clumsy when it comes to other weapons like clubs and swords and staffs. tapped out of adaptive sports within his first week because it was "boring him." spent the next month teaching martial arts to his fellow disabled peers until the board made it an official extracurricular

turned sky down in the nicest but most insane way possible. nobody knows what happened or how, just that they ended up spending MORE time together after the fact and that it involved illicit activities. the rumors were insufferable for weeks. and wildly funny

(please feel free to add more, I'm gonna start a collection)

[utilitycaster]

ok but while I am thinking about the impending ending of Campaign 3, I have to say: the trope of "taking a third option" is obviously, as are most tropes, utterly neutral, but also? I don't love it, for several reasons.

There are three options already, for what it's worth, in terms of what Bells Hells as protagonists can do: they can attempt to prevent its release (whether or not that is successful, the intention is what matters in this context); they can choose to release it with the intent of simply letting it out to do what it does; or they can choose to release it with the intent of containing it or destroying it. Whether or not any of this works, and regardless of the specific outcomes (eg: the gods could get eaten or the Archheart's thought could be correct and they just leave Exandria but still exist elsewhere), those are the only real options I see other than "just ghost this whole situation", which I think any thinking person can agree would be an unsatisfying narrative and just cause for the Exandrian Accord to go apeshit.

That doesn't mean they can't learn more about the nature of Predathos - I expect and hope they will - but I just...find a lot of Take a Third/New Option outcomes in fiction in general to be really unsatisfying because it often requires some poorly signaled last-minute revelation, and because it fosters a sort of magical thinking that I find really childish. I just generally find the idea of pretending like there's some perfect solution to the problem that makes everyone who is deserving (already getting into really rocky territory with that concept) happy that will arise at the moment of greatest need is painfully naive and not even rewarding. I keep thinking back to how my issue with Rusty Quill Gaming's ending (which is not, to be clear, an unambiguous happy Morally Pure one) isn't the nature of the choice to get rid of magic and disconnect from the gods; it's that it's never once explored earlier on. And I wish I had the faith in this campaign to believe there was a subtly hinted-at secret option that all comes together and makes brilliant sense that I'm missing, but I really do not.

[demonvampire180writes]

Thank you to @alliwantforchristmasislou for setting up this amazing thing! <3

Warning: I don't know how not to ramble, or make sense.

I don't work during the winter, and I'm trying to pay down debts so I can buy a house in 2025, so I unfortunately don't have any money to spare, but I wanted to express my gratitude to the BuckTommy nation for the joy they've brought me.

I started this silly little show last winter on a total whim. Ms. Angela Basset was always there on the title card whenever I opened Hulu so, bored with my endless amounts of reading, I decided to give it a go. Immediately I was drawn in. I loved their dynamics. The stories. Peter Krause's acting, especially in the scene where he breaks down on the couch with Hen and Buck? Yeah, my overly empathetic self was like, this show is mine now.

Mind you, I didn't binge watch it all at once. I took short little breaks, never feeling the need to power through them all. And then, BuckTommy happened. All of a sudden, I had a reason to catch up and catch up I did. I can't tell you precisely why I was so drawn to them, but I have some ideas.

For once, we had a pair of equally masculine men showing affection towards each other. Neither of them could be relegated to the "woman" role. They weren't stereotypically effeminate, but they went against the alpha male stereotypes. You had two men who had been mentally neglected all their lives, into adulthood, who came out the other side being people that wanted to serve and protect for all they were worth. They had trauma, but outside of Buck's sex addiction - Buck 1.0 - they didn't let their trauma define them. They showed affection, not just to the women around them, but to their friends and chosen family. They said "I love you" with their actions. Buck was allowed to have "feminine" hobbies without being effeminate, and maybe to some that's not a big deal but to me that is. Tommy, who could be questionably called more effeminate, was allowed to have more stereotypically "masculine" hobbies despite being a Kinsey 6.

That's a huge deal on broadcast TV. The general audience has certain expectations, as much as they sometimes suck - they're not known for being the most progressive folks in the world - so the fact that the show was allowed to stick it to them was just... an amazing experience. As someone who's only other experience with masculine GAY men on TV was Ian and Mickey, whom I love dearly, it was such a nice change of pace. Also, the fact that they're both mature men? Also a huge deal. I love Alec, from Shadowhunter's, but he's still pretty young, and he's known he was gay for a very long time. Patrick and David from Schitt's Creek? They knew, and David(?) still has a very effeminate air about him, despite being confirmed pansexual.

All this is to say, that BuckTommy drew me in until they had a chokehold on me. I started using Tumblr again, started diving back into fanfiction in a way I hadn't since Kuroko no Basuke. I've produced more fics for the 911 fandom in six months than for any other fandom I've ever written for. And I've been in fandoms since circa 2007? And that's insanely impressive. BuckTommy drew me back into broadcast TV. I literally yell at my brother when the show is on to not talk to me, or bother me, for the next hour. I've got like... Four shows I wait for weekly now, TV antenna and all.

BuckTommy's have also been some of the kindest, most interesting, people I've had the pleasure of "knowing." Every single day I have things to look forward to in the tag, whether it's fics, or art, or headcannons, or honestly - my favorite - complaints about how the relationship ended and how the writers done fucked up. You guys are so amazing, and I love all of you that I've ever interacted with.

I'm PRAYING to see Lou, and Tommy, again in 2025, but even if he doesn't, I'm back for the long haul. You guys dragged me back from the brink of destruction after the break-up, I've never lost it over a fictional ship like that before in my LIFE, and I've decided that I'm here for good.

Merry fucking Christmas, and Happy Holidays to you all.

[phoenixeclipse-lmkau]

Ok ok, here I am to share my first crumb, and I really hope it has a good flavor reheh~

When I thought of it, I had to keep it in my memory so I wouldn’t forget: What if, during the journey or even afterward, a random character showed up to Reader?

For this idea, I wanted to use my OC, Gi Bao, because I think it would be fun and would fit well to create an awkward moment for Sun Wukong and Macaque, and maybe she could even act as a kind of "ally" for Reader, especially in dealing with her yanderes.

Gi Bao is more of a mystical being in monkey form rather than a yaoguai monkey (is that the right term?). She would stand at around 1.6 meters, with lightly bronzed skin in areas not covered by onyx-brown fur (like the middle of her neck, face, and chest). Her eyes are dark brown, and she has long, straight hair. She has sharp claws and fangs. Her body is small but muscular, with a mask-like mark of two connected stars around her eyes in a deep blue color.

Gi Bao was born from the earth, close to the earth’s core, where the ground mixes with underground scorching magma. In short, she has more physical attack abilities but a complex connection to the earth itself, along with a skill I created for her, tentatively called True Sight. It’s a variation of golden vision, but it works in a very different way—I like to call it ADHD reheh (these earth-related and eye-based abilities act as support for Bao in battle, as she’s focused on hand-to-hand combat rather than magic).

Gi Bao’s strength might not be greater than Sun Wukong’s, but it would be comparable. She can, with raw force, pull and push tectonic plates to cause natural disasters, as well as stretch her arms (like elastic) enough to embrace a mountain range and compress it into a small mountain or hill. Due to these aspects, I believe that whether Macaque and Wukong are cursed or not, she could easily stand up to them (though not necessarily defeat them, as she doesn’t have any magic beyond what I mentioned, and her body isn’t as resistant as Wukong’s stone body, but rather one that reshapes and comes together like earth and magma).

Gi Bao would appear without any warning and, just out of whimsy and interest in Reader, she would approach her and start talking and complimenting her (Gi Bao has no filters, so if she finds something or someone beautiful, cool, or interesting, she’ll say it right to their face. She sees everyone simply as beings, indifferent to what or who they are, so she doesn’t see a difference between a monkey, a yaoguai, a spirit, or a celestial being). Gi Bao is naturally calm and friendly, only expressing her feelings through touch, whether with a punch, a nose boop, or simply being close (if the other person doesn’t want to be touched, she struggles to keep her hands to herself, always fidgeting with her fingers or feet).

I can imagine them talking, and mid-conversation, Bao starts flirting with Reader, mostly by using pet names, like "sweety," "flower," "beauty," "honey"... (Gi Bao just loves to tease and flirt with anyone, always keeping it on a more humorous than serious level, so if the other person feels uncomfortable, she simply stops and apologizes; that said, she loves to annoy others but always stops before it really bothers or discomforts someone).

Gi Bao would have been kind of brought into the Celestial Realm to occupy a position there, as a warrior among other things, so there could be some potential connection to the Celestial Realm (if you think it makes sense or would be fun). If you’re interested in this character, I can give more details; some things are still in development, but I do have a few things ready.

Sorry for going off on a monologue about my character, but I thought it would be good to give some information to explain why I think Gi Bao could be a nuisance for Macaque and Wukong, and an “ally” for Reader. Bao could pull Reader away from Wukong and Macaque at times, helping to keep Reader’s sanity or just when she feels overwhelmed by the two warlords. I’m working on a drawing specifically of this scene because I thought it would be interesting.

Well! I hope you enjoyed my first crumb... Now that I think about it, this would be more of a crossover, right? Well, what do you think? May you be taking care of yourself and have an amazing day!

All right! I love your character! Now while I won’t be adding her into the Cursed Warlords canon, I can still write a small introduction for her. Where she meets the crew during JTTW. Or at least how what they would think of her at least. I’m not writing a scene because I don’t want to get her character wrong.

Sun Wukong – He likes monkeys weather regular, demon or mythical he doesn’t care. He will like her… until she tries to separate him from his darling Reader. She is HIS, Gi Bao can’t have her! Weather she wants to ‘have’ her or not doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like anyone who tries to separate him from either of his mates (Even when he is currently PISSED off at one of them)

Macaque – He doesn’t care what some one is, they can be a monkey he truly does NOT care. He won’t like the person who is trying to get between him and his mate. So he may or may not make her fall down a shadow portal to somewhere, anywhere away from his darling.

Reader – Oh she likes this new friend. She’s so nice and helpful too. She does however get worried when she tries to ‘help’ Reader. She knows how her husbands are, they are VERY protective and possessive. She likes hanging out though and hopes that Wukong and Macaque will back off.

Reader would be pretty nervous if she saw Gi Bao fighting as she gets nervous and scared when here is a big fight around her. But regardless she would like to see someone other than the group around.

Spirit – Jealous, she isn’t a Yandere but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t get jealous. She is your sworn sister not this other monkey demoness. She thinks her jealousy is stupid but even so she kinda wants Gi Bao to leave you alone. While she won’t act on this jealousy it will cause her to be a bit snappy with the monkey demoness.

Tripitaka – ANOTHER MONKEY!? Wait. She’s kind of nice, it’s good to see a monkey demon who isn’t trying to kidnap you.

Pigsy – This is a pretty female! Too bad she’s a monkey demoness, he doesn’t like monkeys at the point of interaction so he limits his contact.

Sandy – A nice woman, he has no problems with her and likes to interact with her.

Ao Lie – he likes that his new sister is getting along with someone. Though Reader gets along with most people when they are nice, it’s still nice to see you interact with someone outside of the group.

I hope you like how I answered this! Love your character, she is very pretty too! Keep up the good work in your drawings! If anyone else would like to send oc’s my way I wouldn’t mind having my characters and my versions of the main cast give their opinions! I hope you enjoyed and I am SO sorry that this took so long!

[aviad1b]

the Zionist movement was started by predominantly secular people.

i must strongly disagree. if you define "starting Zionism" as Hertzel then sure, but i think we can both agree that this is a terrible definition, as Zionism as an idea existed well before. you did however refer to the movement, not the concept, and to that I say - the first 'Aliya had both religeous and secular people participating, as far as i know. the Zionist movement was one of cooporation, not distinction (although there sure were tensions between religion and secularism).

i admit that i didnt know about the subtle message in Yemei HaChanuka - i have a very hard time accepting that. ive always thought of this song as a song that binds together both aspects of the story, referring to both the temple and the Maccabim (as in, the miracle had a part but so did the effort of the Maccabim, and it is not to be ignored). i understand that this is my own interpretation, especially if the intentions when writing the song were different.

you're right that Anu Nos'im Lapidim isnt about Israeli miletary victories, obviously it was written before that. i must ask you something. you know the pasuk

לא תענה על ריב לנטות אחרי רבים להטות

?

it is thought that this pasuk originaly, without punctuation, meant to NOT solve conflicts by the decision of the majority. after the destruction of the second temple, Jewish scolars had to think of a way to maintain decisions, without signs from god. so they made a different interpretation:

לא תענה על ריב לנטות, (אלא) אחרי רבים להטות

meaning, that decisions ARE to be made by the majority. why make this change? our of understanting of the current situation, to sustain life in a changing reality.

when we say נס לא קרה לנו or אשר חוללו המכבים, i kinda look at it like that. i dont care if god exists, in a sense that question is irrelevant. the reality is that if we dont stand and act by ourselves we will be wiped out. whether that is the intention of god or it happens because there is not god, thats irrelevant. we need to act ourselves. thats how i see these songs, and i do believe that early-modern Zionists had this idea in mind: sustaining life in this reality. a reality where we have to act ourselves, instead of being prone to חסדי הגולה. i have a similar view for the song by Levin Kipnis about Bar Kochva. in a sense it's a mashal. it's to take inspiration from.

lastly, youve referred to the Apikorsim, and i must ask a genuine question: is that not a derogatory term? so far ive only ever seen it paired with minim. idk, whenever i heard that term used for me it was for the same people referring to me as a Hebrew-speaking goy (which i could make an entire separate post about)

[in case there are any goys reading: the term got itself isnt deogratory at all, it just means not Jewish, but when directed towards a Jewish person it gives a very strong conotation of exclusion, a way of saying "we are the real Jews and you arent"]

does diaspora jumblr know about the Nes Lo 'Kara Lanu (נס לא קרה לנו, a miracle didn't happen to us) controversy?

[the-mononoke-facade]

One of these days I'm going to figure out when 瞳 (hitomi) is supposed to be referring to someone's eyes and when it's supposed to be referring to someone's pupils, because slitted/narrowed eyes and slitted pupils have two different connotations, did you narrow your eyes or do you have cat eyes? This is important information okay

[auberginesdonthavelimbs]

Ok so I haven't read the most recent trilogy but from what I've seen on social media, there's this new thing being retconned in called Lolth's Embrace where drow who are servants of Lolth get cool tattoos. And I'm assuming that Lolth herself decides who gets tattoos even though that doesn't necessarily make the most sense but go with me here.

I think Drizzt would have Lolth's Embrace.

Maybe he was born with it, as are all drow in Menzo, and it just never went away. Or it did when he left Menzo, but came back later. Maybe after Siege of Darkness? Whenever she realised that he was a force for chaos among drow and generally amusing to watch.

And I think she would shape the pattern so that it's not on his face or hands or anywhere that would be easily visible if he didn't want it to be. Because the point isn't to advertise to other embraced drow that Drizzt is one of them. It's to remind Drizzt that he still serves her whether he likes it or not.

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

[bat-the-misfit]

you know the Si dom i said i mistyped yesterday? i'm starting to think i also got their judging axis wrong lmao

[idolsgf]

thinking about weathering with you and how at the end the characters decide to go with the selfish choice instead of the self sacrificing choice. they’d rather doom the world and be together than apart and i think that’s beautiful

[omgsomeonesomewhereonearth]

I started a whole fucking thinkpiece in the tags and then they told me i was out of tags aaaaaaaaaaaaa

other as in other than your agab, not other than your gender. so for eg a cis woman reading this the question is if you were amab would you be a trans woman do you think

[fandomsandfeminism]

Sometimes I think about how and why some people had such a *bad* reaction to the end of Steven Universe, specifically in regards to the Diamonds living.

Even though they no longer are causing harm to others and are able to actually undo some of their previous harm by living, some folks reacted as though this ending was somehow morally suspect. Morally bankrupt, even.

And I think it might be because so many of us were raised on a very specific kind of kids media trope:

They all fall to their deaths.

Disney loves chucking their bad guys off cliffs. And it makes sense- in a moral framework where villains *must* be punished (regardless of whether their death will actually prevent further harm or not), but killing of any kind is morally bad for the hero, the narrative must find a way to kill the villain without the protagonists doing a murder.

It's a moral assumption that a person can *deserve* to die, that it is cosmically just for them to die, that them dying is evidence that the story itself is morally good and correct. Scar *deserves* to die, but it would be bad for Simba to kill him. So....cliff. (edit: yes, cliff then hyenas. But cliff first. Lol.)

Steven Universe, whatever else it's faults, took a step back and said "but if killing people is bad, then people dying is bad", and instead of dropping White Diamond off a cliff, asked "what would actual *restorative*, not punitive, justice look like? What would actual reparations mean here? If the goal is to heal, not just to punish, how do we handle those who have done harm?" And then did that.

Which I think is interesting, and that there was pushback against it is interesting.

It also reminds me of the folks who get very weird about Aang not killing Ozai at the end of Avatar. And like, Ozai still gets chucked in prison, so it doesn't even push back on our cultural ideas of punitive justice *that much.* and still, I've seen people get real mad that the child monk who is the last survivor of a genocide that wiped out his entire pacifist culture didn't do a murder.

[toiletshit]

I sometimes be thinking about trying out streaming, but I don't really know what to stream (like art or just video games), but with art it'd be like super boring and I'd probably completely forget to at least check the chat (tho it's unlikely anyone'd be watching/commenting anyway).

which just gave me the super random idea that I should stream pokemon puzzle challenge, which would guarantee that I be ignoring everyone and everything for at least four minutes straight lol