#i hate this arm it’s making me insane
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I finished To lose is to gain and now I don’t know what to do with my life anymore -
I can’t wait for part 2 !! I have so many questions and speculation on what’s going to happen next hhh -
Thank u @hazardous-who for this master piece 😭 I’m going to go and read among ice and snow as I’ve heard it’s also really really good 😳😳😳
I can see a lot of flaws with this drawing but I still like it this way hehe - now I’m gonna draw more from this fix to fill in the void
#my art#naruto art#obito uchiha#I love dead dove so much help#to lose is to gain#fanfic art#i hate this arm it’s making me insane#if I spend one more minute on this drawing I’ll commit#I wanna draw the whole fic
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not to descendants post but it's crazy to me people are still looking at the core four like "you should have saved and liberated the entire isle within a month of being in auradon" girl what. how much power do people realistically think they had over auradon for them to do this without being evil about it (which y'all also hate)
#like any half valid point is immediately ruined by people being stupid#they should have fought harder / not forgotten about the isle but pretending they could strong arm auradon royals is insane i'm sorry#y'all hate when they're evil about shit and hate when they try to play by the rules idk#weird#also ... lmfao ... sorry but the characters you want them to be ... are just other characters#controversial maybe but idk#i'm glad the isle had uma but not everyone was going to be an uma#lest we forget all of those kids grew up being abused and everyone has a different reaction to abuse#(btw the barrier coming down entirely and all of those abusers now being free was not the move but i digress)#like i actually very much like when they lie and fuck up and make bad decisions sooooooooooooo#core four they could never make me hate you#descendants#LOVE that the isle had uma fighting for them but i don't think the responsibility should've been put on any of the abused kids at all#hope that helps#core four
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sorry but the only reason destiel even works is because wincest did it first and also better
i've been thinking a LOT about this and want to get it all out so here it is. if dean was truly in love with cas, he would not have hesitated to tell him so when he literally knew cas was about to DIE. we don't see that. we see shock, grief, disbelief (an angel loves me!), we see him trying desperately to process his best friend is leaving him but nowhere does dean say, or imply, with his eyes, or words, that he's in love with cas. of course he loves cas - cas is family - and cas is not exactly his brother, (closest is brother-in-arms), despite his insistence in an earlier episode - but he's not in the kind of soul-crushing love that cas is with him. he's not in love with cas, and can't be, because he's already in love with sam.
when dean dies, he gets as close as he possibly can to confessing to sam he's in love with him without actually crossing the line. he would never to that to sam - he would never do to sam what cas did to him - because he would NEVER do anything to make sam lose his agency (sidebar: not that cas doesn't respect dean. but his love confession is almost wish fulfillment - i'm going to confess to dean i love him and go out in a blaze of glory and then leave without dean ever even having to reciprocate because i know he doesn't love me back. and he's absolutely right).
dean has already had years and years of not having his own agency from john his whole fucking life! john did whatever he wanted to dean and dean took it because like hell was he going to subject sam to that bullshit. which brings us to sam and dean's childhood - not much is known of their early years before sam went to stanford and that's fully on purpose. we can almost see dean as not only a brother figure to sam but also a father figure. john leaving for weeks maybe even months at a time - how the hell did dean and sam manage to survive? by dean doing whatever he had to do. emphasis on whatever.
you see, john absolutely knows that dean is beautiful. whether you read their relationship as purely abusive or abusive with a sexual component - dean definitely did questionable things to get food on the table for sam, an aspect that's more in fanon that canon but reads true to the heart of the show. sam doesn't know because dean wanted a normal childhood for him. and dean would rather die and go to hell for 800 years than force sam to make a choice, make any choice, of a romantic and/or sexual nature related to him.
back to dean's death. this is again the closest thing to a love confession that dean can make - my baby brother - take out the word brother and it would be not only romantic but stunningly true - he raised sam, this child who grew up to be a man, this child who loves him - waiting outside sam's dorm for hours - can you picture him pacing in the snow, waiting for the one thing he wants but can't have??? why does that sound familiar? oh, right, because that's what cas said but in dean and sam's case it would be actually true. how cruel and unbelievably insane it is to find your soulmate in your brother, the one person you have that you love unconditionally, not just because they are your family but because you are in love with them, and you can never have them as long as you live.
re: american gothic and soulmatism. very different from crimson peak where thomas fully realizes the unhealthiness of the codependent incestuous relationship with his sister and wants to be free and happy with edith. but sam and dean don't want to be free. in their minds, they already are free as long as they have each other and only each other. not getting in all the other romantic relationships that the brothers have with other people bc it would take too long, but they already fulfill that need for each other and don't need anyone else...like i'm sorry i love my sister but i want to get married one day to someone else. if you read their relationship as purely platonic, it doesn't work at ALL.
the kripke early seasons fully leaned into the gothic horror aspect of it all and incest is definitely a part of that...dean and sam literally cannot live without each other. they can't do it! sam dies in dean's arms and dean can't even wait five fucking minutes without making a deal with a demon lmao. he can't eat. he can't sleep. their love is a perpetual resurrection; they keep killing each other and bringing each other back to life. because they don't know how to stop. they are a singular mangled fucked up entity. i read a fic once where the author described sam as hating his own body because it was separate from dean's and dean's whole presence was a phantom pain. and yeah. just yeah. they can't live without each other because they ARE each other.
seasons 1-3 to me are spn at its soul. that's it. cas only works as a side character, if he's a brother (like, purely platonically) to both sam and dean or just unrequited romantic love for dean. the trope of an angel falling in love with a faithless man who can't pray only works if dean hasn't been in love with sam the whole time.
#wincest#anti destiel#supernatural#dean/sam#deansam#samdean#supernatural meta#spn#spn meta#meta#*#i actually don't hate destiel but come on....everything about destiel can be applied to wincest. everything!#“i'd rather have you cursed or not” - like are you kidding me? who is more cursed than sam#the vessel of lucifer?!?!?!#also destiel is too sweet for me. there i said it. cas makes dean better and a little less codependent with sam#but i want dean and sam to be fucked up for eternity#buried alive together.#arms reaching out for each other. do you get me#this also works SO well if you keep in mind cas was insanely rude to sam when they first met#because he fucking KNEW that sam was in love with dean#and dean felt the same way
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if westeros was created to reflect our modern society instead of being loosely based off of western medieval society, then i think people would understand that these political marriages are for alliances, not love, and would agree that the modern lower class sentiments towards marriage are simply not applicable to these arrangements and both bride and groom cannot and should not expect love from their partner.
if our story occurred in a modern westeros very similar to our own modern society, then a lot of the obstacles our characters face would not happen because, simply put, modern society benefits from equality.
as an example, i am quite (100%) certain that the introduction of gender equality and other modern values and advancements to westeros would only be beneficial to rhaegar and elia, which means that this ideology benefits westerosi society on an individual level.
so, in this modern westeros au, if rhaegar and elia still married for a political alliance, and then had two children like they did in asoiaf, they could then peacefully divorce and write out a contract that secures both rhaenys and aegons inheritances. if lyanna and rhaegar met and fell in love while rhaegar and elia were married then the misunderstanding that sparked a war would never have happened. why? because lyanna would have a say in who she marries in this modern au. also, elia would have possibly been seeing others as well. why? because this was a political marriage and love shouldn’t be expected, so why would anyone be concerned about either party finding love outside of their marriage? plus modern westeros would have dna testing so there’s no reason to question the paternity of their children.
also, if elia had a child with someone else (in this hypothetical scenario, perhaps her lover died) and rhaegar decided to claim that child as his own while knowing that he’s not the real father in order to give this child a better life, then this wouldn’t be a problem either. why? because rhaegar’s in the know. (i’m only bringing this up bc of the rhaenyra and laenor situation. guys… laenor is perfectly aware that biologically those kids aren’t his, yet he still claimed them and loved them bc he and rhaenyra had an agreement. i do not understand why real ppl are even concerned about jace, luke, and joffs parentage. in the eyes of the law those boys are legally laenors.)
however, since asoiaf isn’t based off of our modern society and is instead a society riddled with misogyny, xenophobia and other social issues without the progress and advancements that we in the 21st century have benefited from, i will concede one thing to these antis who harp on and on about how selfish rhaenyra and rhaegar were for loving someone who wasn’t their spouse and for having a child(ren) out of wedlock.
because yes, rhaegar and lyanna’s love can be considered an act of selfishness, and rhaenyra loving harwin and having children with him can also be considered selfish.
but guess what? love in general is a very selfish state of being. you are prioritizing your partner and your desires over everything and everyone else in your life.
one of the greatest love stories of all time, romeo and juliet, is a tale of two selfish lovers who seek to be together despite the immense hatred between their families. selfless and dutiful children would never love an enemy. and yet, despite romeo and juliet’s love story ending in tragedy, no one would ever argue that these two lovers were in the wrong for simply trying to be together even though their love caused their families great grief. why? because the feud between the Montagues and the Capulets was stupid. and the story ends with the characters agreeing that this feud went on for long enough and acknowledging the fact that this petty feud between the families was the cause of their misery and the tragedy that befell them.
though the circumstances of all three love stories are different, it’s undeniable that these lovers were selfish for prioritizing their own desires over their duties to their houses.
to end this little spiel, i’d like to mention that the reason i first brought up a modern au was to remind people that the only reason rhaelya and rhaenyra’s relationship with harwin can be so decisively called selfish is because these characters live in westeros. and westeros is a fucked up society rooted in systematic oppression, violence, and abuse and other forms of exploitation in order to further the agenda of the powerful despite the harm it causes. any modern comforts and progressive ideas hinder the control the patriarchs have over their families and put a name to the bigotry expressed against these unconventional relationships. so yes, their love is selfish because being unconventional in such a backwards society is a recipe for disaster, especially since both of these relationships hinge on a woman deciding to take control of her sexual autonomy, which is a big no no in westeros since a woman’s body only belongs to her father and husband. so yes, these love stories are selfish because these characters are prioritizing themselves in a society that benefits from them losing their autonomy and harms them and their loved ones when they try to take back their autonomy.
to finish off, the reason i brought up the tragic love story of romeo and juliet is to remind people that even though rhaegar and lyanna’s love was selfish, other characters still need to be held accountable for their actions that helped to escalate this misunderstanding into a tragedy that consumed all of westeros.
#the only reason any of this shit happened is bc westeros is a fucked up place#their love may be selfish but it’s also commendable#we’re only human~ and we were built for love~#i think some of the rhaegar hate stems from the fact that he can openly love another woman but elia would be scorned for doing the same#but this isn’t rhaegar’s fault. their society just failed them. which sucks#the bodies of nobles in westeros never truly belong to themselves. which is insane. the king belongs to his ppl. a wife to her husband#a son to his father. a daughters body belongs to her father. the common folk belong to the nobles… ughhh#westeros is truly a society built on controlling the autonomy of others in order to gain power/benefits#sorry if all this doesn’t make any sense lol#i haven’t read romeo and juliet recently and just brushed up on it through wiki so im sry if i got something wrong lol#jon snow belonging to the nights watch and getting killed for daring to try to leave to save someone he loves…#hdsjhddhd#nedcat you’ll always be the exception ❤️#political marriages = big business deal#<- nedcat isn’t the exception here tho#me: progressive ideas would be beneficial to the individuals! also me: no shit sherlock#westerosi society escalated a misunderstanding to a tragedy#alicent and robert are arms of the patriarchy#tywin and viserys benefitting from the devestation they caused until they’re dead and the house of cards falls apart#asoiaf#rhaegar targaryen#lyanna stark#pro rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#harwin strong#laenor velaryon#anti alicent hightower#anti alicent stans#anti elia stans#someone once tried to argue about modern au stuff about westeros to me and it just got me thinking lolo
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a lil fieldrake hanging out <3
#aka BUTTERFLY DRAGON BUTTERFLY DRAGON BUTTERFLY DRAGON BU-#im FINALLY fuckin satisfied with the general design for dragons from the golden fields#that makes no sense outside of my brain but its important worldbuilding to me and thats what matters#i hate that this is a random dragon and not a character#bbg i want to name you and give you a story so bad#oh shit i never sketched in a basic arm outline#theyre not a wyvern i swear theyve got four legs#scribble garnish#dragons#oc#original character#not-fish <3#ive been on a worldbuilding Bender#when im not going insane over puppets ofc#my dragon cuisine doc is getting out of hand#though im missing ideas for like. 4/7 territories#anyway its taken me literal weeks to get this design right#i played around with so many head/snout shapes and none of them were good#originally i was aiming for either a snake-like look or like. cat-butterfly-dragons#but this is so much better#im very proud of the wing. and the color pattern. prebby
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I literally do not have anything smart to say here, this drawing literally only happened because my siblings were telling me I should post my brainrot doodles on here, and my anxiety-ridden ass couldn't do it, and decided the only solution was to spend days (read: the entire latter end of April) working on a proper drawing because "if I'm going to post anything on tumblr, it better be a full-ass drawing"
#little fire's art#dragon ball#kaioshin#db shin#grand supreme kai#north supreme kai#south supreme kai#west supreme kai#idk the proper tags#and I don't really care rn#I just want to get this posted so I can hide in the Void for a million years or so#anyway#normal db fan: MY FAV CHARACTER IS [insert super duper powerful character here]#meanwhile#me: *holds up Shin* blorbo...#but hey this drawing did make me make some big steps out of my comfort zone for art#so I guess my db brainrot is good for something??#also for the record I DID finish this a couple days ago#my anxiety just prevented me from posting it here until now#but technically it's still a contender for April's art piece for the end of the year art summary#I'M NOT GOING TO MISS TWO M0NTHS#Feb sucked bc my tablet said fuck you and I had to replace it#if anything looks wonky pose-wise just remember I don't use pose refs much#bc I hate myself#no really#I just about drove myself insane one night trying to figure out how to draw Shin's right arm#bc the angle is weird and idk why I did this to myself#shut the fuck up Fire
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UMETAROU NOGUCHI - Demon Slayer [full colour]
more art || character page || commissions
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @bbrocklesnar @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel
#my art*#oc: umetarou noguchi#artists on tumblr#demon slayer#ds oc#kny oc#kny#demon slayer oc#my ocs#original character#character design#digital art#just a depressed girl trying to make herself feel better#I hate waking up on the verge of a panic attack every morning#if this one thing got resolved I would be okay#I think#but honestly im expecting another bad thing to come from all this#so I’ll probably get worse#so while I feel the strength to do so#enjoy some art#here is baby boy#the gender fluid icon that they are#I only have 8 more ocs to render which is insane#they’ll be done soon#hopefully… maybe…#I might update Hideko too tbf#love her general pose but her arms being up feels weird to me#might have her holding the mask at her front?#idk#anyway enjoy I’m gonna go cry some more
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nelvas Problematiq*eyes roll back into my skull* *falls flat on my face with cardboard cutout physics* ((7 hours later)) *wakes up in barren wasteland* I know everything now.
#text#hold on having automated nelvas truths#i think if t*lvas ever got a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever (actually he'd be ashamed of being gay ithink but i'll have to think -#- about it🤦♀️) n*loth would get so mad at that fact he'd try to hurt his feelings first by saying he's not doing well enough on his work a#- then belittle his relationship in general. The jaw clenching eye rolling white hot rage he feels in himself anytime he hears t*lvas -#- laughing is CRAYZ 😂😂😂😂😂 i fink he'd just hate seeing him happy for any reason because it makes him cringe (in a very broad way)#not because it's t*lvas but bc he just has inset problems that make him hate happy people but it;s worse when it's t*lvas 😊 you feel me#anyways he'd just kill dat girlfriend and spend an hour getting rid of her body. or actually he might be the type to stage it so that -#- t*lvas sees it and is insanely hurt :) so in turn he can use that hurt to soften t*lvas' feelings toward himself when he shows him very -#- very veeeery fake and mild 'support'. that'd traumatize t*lvas so bad that he wouldn't even be against being close to neloff in any way -#- cause he's too busy crying and grieving IO808ITORE5JUDFKGLK bye#nelvas is so powerful because they are the only people in each others vicinity and neloff's grasp on t*lvas is just strong#why are you holding his arm like that bro nobody is gonna take your elven twink away from U#anywasy Yeah.... *proud face* *looking @ my nails*#the natural tsundere to yandere character development pipeline is unrealllll#Neloff is a Jealous Sim
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re: my last post
#LIKE????? HELLO?????? CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME#THE G R I P HE HAS ON HER ARM????? THE STARE???????? i’m ill#jal make me SO UNWELL#like ok we get it you’d do anything for each other. jesus christ#jay and his ten second long intense stare into his best friends face like they are INSUFFERABLE. I HATE THEM#descendants#descendants 3#jal#why am i so fucking insane. what is wrong with me
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*loosing mobility in my arm* I love being a crafter crafting is my favorite hobby I will never stop crocheting it’s very good for me
#dewey does things#today is a bad arm day#every couple of days I have an insane pain flare up in my right arm from the elbow down and it makes it hard to move my hand/wrist#this is most likely caused by excessive crocheting and a small ammount of colorguard#daily it hurts a lot less kinda like a small pain but today my arm hates me a lot#especially my wrist 😭#crocheter#crochet
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Things are in store. Things are going to happen.
#I'm going to make a general tullius art doll#talking#I'm going to sculpt the face and hands#might do the arms too? but im not sure#the armour is the scariest part because I'm not sure how to achieve it#but i know how to find out#i have the yarn for his hair already#tbh if it comes down to it i can always just give him “casual clothing” but id rather have him look like. yk. him#idk im insane and tired#none of you know that girlboy like i do okay.#the sooner we all accept that the better 🫶#anyways the reason I'm not gonna do multiple outfits is because these dolls are art pieces and usually pretty fragile#changing clothes isn't as easy as on a normal doll meant for play#and it would be a LOTTT more work for me#if it goes well I'll make an ulfric#but he would be even more complicated i fear?#or maybe less. maybe i should be buying materials for both of them#idk idkkk#once they're done im going to put them in a jar#half joking idk#god im so fucking funny#I CAN MAKE TULLIUS MEET HATSUNE MIKU#i have a Miku figure that my other art doll has already met#the other one i used airdry clay for the head#DO NOT RECOMMEND. i hate air dry clay#i might actually decapitate him and redo the head tbh#we will see!
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Thought about Starleon for too long LET ME OUT
#stars genuine interest in and respect for the black arms and their culture and such things#EVEN DOLEON HIMSELF who he clearly despises having around. it kind of just. shocks and confuses him. a little. what does he want out of him#he doesnt want anythinggggg........just to know how you function and think and live and exist thats all#lmao no youll have to BEG for answers (doleon just really likes attention.)#(starlines interest in everything about him and his past and such things is soooo fun) hes not saying anythingggg~#and GOOD. star would love to figure that out for himself. to starline doleon being DOLEON is something to be decoded.#hes just one big enigma. every little part of him#doleon doesnt exactly understand how star functions either. not being able to comprehend his actions his behaviors or the ways he goes abou#star always being vague. not knowing drives doleon CRAZY and he knows that 😭 doleon is well aware this guy has that power over him >:(#SINCE WHEN DID SOMEONE HAVE POWER OVER *HIM??* he hates this guy so much dear supreme...still interesting how he managed to do that tho....#THE POINT IS. they both fascinate one another in different ways. in the strangest of ways. theyre similar and different at the same time#idk why thats just soo good to me (i made them tf up)#THEY MAKE ME INSANE FOR NO GOOD REASON#theyre so extra (/pos)#starleon
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started tracking calories again and Oh Boy it may have been a mistake
#personal#i swear i had the best of intentions bc i wanna like. figure out my macros bc i'm trying to gain muscle and hopefully lose some fat#but these apps are The Devil and if you are a woman they try to convince you you need to eat 1500 calories daily#which is Very Little and not enough for a grown woman who is Doing Things#ugh i hate fitness and i hate that everything is so complicated#i like lifting weights and Nothing Else#maybe i should just leave it and accept i will never figure this shit out nor look how i wanna look#and just lift some weights and eat when i'm hungry#but like it feels so frustrating#i don't think amount of belly fat i have is normal and that nothing i do can make it go away#like i had a belly even when i was Insanely Thin and malnourished lol#and i want bigger arm musclesssss#maybe i should deinstall the app it's clearly making me nuts#i thought i could be normal about it but i don't think i can#i must accept my tummy fat i suppose#i'm 27 i think i should make peace with it#if i havent lost it by now i sure as hell wont when i'm older probably so it's just here to stay#it's so frustrating to feel so out of control
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...
#tfw u spend the day being catastrophically depressed then u remember how kush1na uzumak1 is treated by the plot of#narut0 and u get so fucking angry that u stop thinking abt how miserable u r for 2hrs as u furiously draw out an idea#it makes me so fucking mad. but like in a way that fun bc its like who cares its not that serious#and when i get depressed i just like. i dont give a fuck abt anything. there is a film between me and everything and nothing can touch me#except apparently my fucking insane feelings about narut0. like im genuinely so embarrassing when ppl irl make the mistake of talking abt#narut0 to me irl. like i get SO excited. i move my arms a lot and stamp my feet and just get real enthusiastic and my voice goes all weird#and i cant get my thoughts straight bc i have so so so much to say. which is like fine. its just embarrassing to me personally#bc i kno i tent to stay on the subjects im interested in for way longer than most ppl would probably enjoy#and after i watched star trek into darkness in hs i was like at my peak star trek phase and i was talking a mile a minute#and then my sister was like: y is your voice all weird? and it was like she slapped me in the face. slapped me thru time. u bitch 😭#this is y im not allowed to enjoy things 😭 also bc im annoying abt it. ugh. anyway. point is i got so mad abt the misogyny of kishimoto#that i forgot how fucking awful i was feeling for a minute. so thank u for hating women so much u fucking bastard lol#when will i post the idea im planning? who tf knows. its gonna take. well idk how long itll take#unrelated
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Two years later and on the other side of major depressive disorder, I don't remember ever crying for maandag 11:03 like I did today.
#like don't get ne wrong I've cried a lot like A LOT watching Sobbe.. an insane unhealthy amount even#over the littlest of things but#not over maandag 11:03 as far as I can remember#Sander breaking down.. his broken cries in Robbe's arms and I couldn't hold my tears anymore#somehow I relate to Sander much more much much more than I went on the hiatus and it's funny because I already related to Sander more#than Robbe before as well#I just felt what he must feel on a very deep and personal level... to think he can never be loved or be treated normally again to always#feel like a victim of his illness a shadow that's lurking always and can anytime overshadow what little happiness or normalcy he tries to#reach and then have someone to tell you it's okay I'm here you're safe you're good we can and we will get through this together ...#to feel anchored and not like you'd fly off any time to have the stability of a loving caring person even through the worst of times when#you hate yourself#oooffff#a crying mess it made me#the way Sander trying to be strong otherwise but breaks down as soon as he realises Robbe really loves him he's really staying ...#not the cruelty it's the tenderness that makes you break down#just how horrible Britt must have been to him nobody deserves that shit#wtfock#don't know if I want to tag this but I'm keeping travk of my posts this way so anyway tag is bereft of people of sorts
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I had a conversation with my brother the other month, and it's making me wonder just how much we don't remember, how many bad things have we simply forgotten? he doesn't even remember that time we genuinely were scared our dad was mad enough to kill us, and we were clinging to each other in fear waiting for him to snap. it's not like we were that young either when that happened
#mine#apparently I never knew why he hated being touched until he told me in that conversation#our dad would constantly grab his arms all the time as a kid#and I either never noticed or just never remembered#if I didn't have my old diary around. even with how sparsely written it is#would I even remember how miserable and upset I was as a child?#how much I hated my family and felt hurt by them#I feel as though I'd have just forgotten it#I can only remember what I remember#but I know there's more#I can see things like vague flashes of me crying and screaming on the stairs during some argument#but what was the argument about? what did my parents say. what did I say. what did either of us do?#I don't remember. I know it happened but I don't remember any details#and that's just one example of many#and having memories so vague it makes it impossible for me to know if I was the villain here. or my parents#as much as a young child can be a villain but-#how much did I instigate or bring upon myself for acting the way I did?#I'll never remember if I was the reasonable one or if I was simply an insane child who my parents didn't know how to deal with#a lot of the 'abuse' could've just as easily been my fault for acting out and misinterpreting the situation badly#I've always had a tendency to overexaggerate and get upset over things that are entirely reasonable in retrospect#who's to say I wasn't just an awful kid who could've just behaved better to avoid any of it#I just decided the world was unfair and ended up being entitled and ungrateful. thinking I suffered when I didn't#but seeing as I'm missing huge parts of my memory. I guess I'll never know for sure
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