#so while I feel the strength to do so
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UMETAROU NOGUCHI - Demon Slayer [full colour]
more art || character page || commissions
Tag list (ask to be added or removed): @carrionsflower @statichvm @risingsh0t @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @kanos @bbrocklesnar @confidentandgood @unholymilf @florbelles @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @roofgeese @aezyrraeshh @faerune @tekehu @jackiesarch @minaharkers @sergeiravenov @carlosoliveiraa @rosenfey @nokstella @queennymeria @heroofpenamstan @alexxmason @tethrras @jamessunderlandgf @a-treides @solasan @bigbywlf @delzinrowe @fenharel
#my art*#oc: umetarou noguchi#artists on tumblr#demon slayer#ds oc#kny oc#kny#demon slayer oc#my ocs#original character#character design#digital art#just a depressed girl trying to make herself feel better#I hate waking up on the verge of a panic attack every morning#if this one thing got resolved I would be okay#I think#but honestly im expecting another bad thing to come from all this#so I’ll probably get worse#so while I feel the strength to do so#enjoy some art#here is baby boy#the gender fluid icon that they are#I only have 8 more ocs to render which is insane#they’ll be done soon#hopefully… maybe…#I might update Hideko too tbf#love her general pose but her arms being up feels weird to me#might have her holding the mask at her front?#idk#anyway enjoy I’m gonna go cry some more
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astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#astarion#*kisses his forehead* my awful little bastard man... i love you and your big sad watery eyes.#IT'S SO FUCKING QUIET THOUGH IF YOU YOURSELF ARE PLAYING HIM GOOD LORD#I'M SO USE TO HIM COMPLAINING TO MY TAV!!!!#OR BANTERING WITH HIM OR KARLACH OR WYLL!!!#I MISS HIS THEATRICS!!!!!!!#not that it's ENTIRELY quiet. until i found karlach i was travelling with shadowheart lae'zel and gale.#and let me tell you. gale and lae'zel do NOT shut the fuck up if they are together.#they were literally having an entire tinder date while we were trecking through the woods to go get karlach.#i NEVER knew they talk so much because while i've travelled with them individually in past saves...#...i've NEVER had them in my party at the same time!#gale is actually pretty nice to lae'zel! he asks a lot of questions but doesn't condescend her as he does others sometimes.#that's probably because he's afraid of her though. I would be too were I nothing more than a wizard with 8 strength.#I do like how you can look at pretty much any two companions and get a well written and generally enjoyable dynamic!#It feels like they considered that a lot of people would want to maybe pair off the companions they didn't romance with each other!#and wanted it to be easy for really any pairing to work... if a person just paid attention to their shared interactions.
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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green beetle black beetle
#star wars#the original trilogy#boba fett#darth vader#hi. sorry for star war jumpscare. genuinely#i feel like ive kinda been on an art hiatus lately due to health stuff#i got diagnosed with a parathyroid disease recently (wahoo) so now i know why i have been feeling so bad! need more tests though#anyway. in the mean time most of the entertainment my brain can handle has been like. youtube clip compilations of shows and movies#not even the actual shows or movies. literally just sections of them on youtube#i wish i was joking#the only reason i know what happens in succession is because i have watched it in disjointed order in youtube compilations. not joking#anyway so ive learned a lot more about star wars than i ever. thought i would#mostly just the original trilogy and prequels. some of the old comics & books are interesting too#(sick to my stomach) i like darth vader he has like the same personality as ganondorf except he had no good reason for doing anything#when vader/anakin does literally anything weird or unacceptable it like. makes me laugh so hard its like jerma when he sees a car accident#boba fett’s costume design has been rotating in my head a lot too it’s very good#he’s very colorful and like. matte/unpolished compared to vader and it makes them a cool duo visually#those 2 are my favorites. vader why is the space cowboy the only person aside from sidious or tarkin who is allowed to get mad at you#sidious is my 3rd favorite. he sucks so bad as like a person that you just. you have no expectations of him except just being evil#so its just really funny like everything he does is horrible and he’s so happy all the time like good for him#i’m making it sound like ive never seen star wars before. i have i just never really cared about it until i got an endocrine disorder lmao#but yeah idk art may continue to be slow while im figuring out treatment stuff#if anyone reading this also has or has had hyperparathyroidism im wishing the strength & radiance of 1000 beautiful horses upon you
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the way that silver said "I will stand here with you an hour, a day, a year" to flint and "I will wait a day, a month, a year, forever" to madi....I'm sick to my stomach. who is doing unhinged devotion like this man
#I have no doubt this exact post was made ten years ago or whenever the finale aired#but I'M NEW HERE#black sails#black sails spoilers#lauren feels things#the way that silver is just like...'oh there's a strong willed person who wants to change the entire world with their strong will?'#guess they're my life now!#the way that flint and madi are sooooooo similar#except that silver diagnoses flint perfectly! he mostly just wants to burn the world!#whereas madi actually has true strength of conviction and ideals#and silver#who has been living with james 'my way or the highway but also if you outsmart me I might grudgingly respect you#but my whims are going to be IMPOSSIBLE to understand or track' flint#sees madi and is like 'yeah she'll be mad for a little while but we'll move past it'#and maybe they do! but he soooo miscalculates I love it#also the way that he looks at madi when she is looking at flint after they're all safe#is........so insane#loves her knows she loves him#is obsessed with flint#and yet the fact that madi respects and trusts flint#and that they share so much naturally in their thinking that silver has hard won#drives him craazyyyyyy#ANYWAY I'M UNWELL CAN YOU TELL
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This time last year I would drive out to shows an hour and a half away from me and my back would already be in pain by the time I arrived. All I could do was stand there and nod along and stand one or two rows back from the pit and hold my arm up to keep people standing if they knocked back into me. By the end of the show I would be fatigued and my feet, my back, my neck, and my shoulders would be in moderate to severe pain, even if I took a naproxen before I left.
Last night I went to a show the same distance from me where the headliner had an hour and a half set. I was on the edge of a rowdy push pit full of sturdy to beefy dudes in their 30s and 40s and even on the edge there was a lot of dancing and jumping and shoving. I honestly only recognized one song from the headliner but I was having the time of my life and was incredibly sweaty and tired out by the end, and only my feet were mildly sore, not even having taken pain meds
It only really struck me last night just how different my experience is now to when I started going to shows regularly 2 years ago, and especially last year at my worst point with pain, and it got me reflecting on what's changed.
I had a breast reduction/top surgery. I had physical therapy, which I'm still seeing the benefits of even though I definitely had some deconditioning after surgery. I switched to slightly better shoes. I also have a different car and the head rest doesn't tilt my neck forward lol. I can't tell if I'm more active or not - I've been going to more shows and going on like 1 or 2 10-min walks per week, but my job changed from hybrid to fully remote so it's hard to tell.
The best part though? Fatphobes can get absolutely wrecked because in the past year I've put on maybe 20-25lbs and my knee and hip pain are gone so🖕🖕
#I think the PT and surgery are the biggest factors but the rest adds up!#I was feeling down the past few weeks about still not having great stamina or strength but yesterday put into perspective how far I've com#I don't feel so hopelessly deep in a hole - maybe I can still make even more quality of life improvements to my activity level like this#And I did it without spiralling into unhealthy attitudes and behaviors to do with exercising even while experiencing shame in that category#Anyway I'm in my 30s and getting back out there after a looot of isolation in the first 3 yrs of the pandemic. It's hard but worth it 🖤#*masked through all this too!
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I have been meaning to talk about how accomplished Jun is though. She:
is such a powerful psychic that her clan apparently considered her a 'chosen one'
is literally such a strong fighter that she is able to suppress projecting her aura - something only the most powerful are able to do - which is why animals feel safe to approach her
fought well enough in the second tournament that Kazuya still thinks about her strength 22 years later in the story mode and waxes lyrical about it in his character ending (❓ on if she actually faced him though)
defeated Devil while pregnant ✔️ (only the half, but still counts)
has the survival skills to not only survive but thrive far from civilization
defeated Ogre ✔️
achieved the above via drawing power from sacred ground, something the average person obviously cannot do
is implied to have Yatagarasu guiding her per one of her intros
#in another world she's a shonen anime series main character let's be honest.#regarding the ❓ i have Opinions™ but tried to keep this factual.#being real with you the number of ppl on the planet that she couldn't school in a fight is in single digits for sure.#also raw strength aside i do feel kaz prob also deeply admires her spirituality#she has attained a non-material fulfillment that culturally is quite significant and as i said in a prior post--#--is considered a measure of one's quality as a person and the value that you bring into the lives of those you love.#i did not mention the 'kazama blood' or potential link with 'angel' bc rn those are not clearly defined#also being born with special blood isn't something 'earned' rly so while it matters™ it doesn't belong on an 'accomplishment' list imo.#i love that she's so strong and well rounded in her own right and not just 'the mom' or a distressed damsel
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was kinda thinking about this when I saw Renee Rapp live recently-- I didn't know her visual vibe, I'd heard a few songs here and there but I hadn't really *seen* her, and her attire at Osheaga was really casual, a jersey (baseball/basketball?) and slacks. And that was so amazing! I couldn't help thinking, the work Billie Eilish has done for how women in pop music are allowed to dress is incredible. Seeing her up there all comfortable you just know that Billie walked in her oversized tops so that Renee in her slacks could run; Billie walked through all the critcisms about how she dressed slobbily and having to assert that she didn't owe anyone a display of skin, so that Renee could be comfortable and unquestioned running up and down the catwalk in front of 10,000 people. How iconic.
And I don't think we even realised at the time how much something as simple as letting Billie dress the way she as a (then-) 17-year-old teenager dressed, could end up meaning for a future generation of women in music.
Obviously there is still way to go, there were weirdos complaining about how 'plain' Dua Lipa's Glastonbury outfit was this year (in 2024!!), l have to ask, are you at Paris Fashion Week?? She is the musical HEADLINER of an entire day of music at one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and you can't grant her the space to exist as an artist, you have to moan about her dress not being excitingly revealing enough. There's work to do, it's still dismal out there. But the space Billie Eilish has created for a most ordinarily-dressed woman popstar is still heartening.
#music#rambling away; I'll log off#man. I remember how on the other hand when I was going to my first ever gig my guitar teacher said to me#notice how plainly he's dressed? No frills. His music speaks for himself.#(The musician in question was Slash and apart from his very recognisable hat and sunglasses; he was wearing a plain white t-shirt with a#minnie mouse graphic print in the centre. I think sometimes about how not even women in rock music are afforded that.#Like this is a thing across genres#With the exception of Franz Ferdinand for whom Alex has actually said in interviews that they treated FF gigs as nights out#and so dressed like they'd be dressed for a club night out--#most other guy bands are like *picked a tee off the floor*#whereas the girls in bands I've seen-- even literally just local musicians-- the girls in our local rock bands feel compelled to#dress like it's graduation day#Like we had this really cool local band-- singer's a girl in second year of uni#keeping up with the fact that they were playing like RHCP and Muse covers on stage; fast stuff--#she was up there in a delicate dress and heels and stomping across stage n all#and the rest of her band; dudes; were quite comfortable in their t-shirts#like of course she made a choice herself and was more than capable of stomping in heels--I mean I've seen Phoebe from Lambrini Girls#JUMP OFF a 5-ft platform stage while wearing 3-inch block heels. And in a party dress!#But then again Lambrini Girls genuinely are freaks of nature and I envy anyone who's going to see them open for Amyl & the Sniffers rn#bc that's an EXPLOSIVE combo. Nonetheless. I was saying.#Part of it certainly comes from a normalisation of just superhuman strength; balance + praying there's no malfunction with your skirt#which DOES happen at rock shows more frequently than you'd imagine. It's just if you're in a good crowd they'll pretend they saw nothing#but it's certainly more practical to gig in sneakers and trousers lol. From experience!#billie eilish#renee rapp#women in music#pop music#dua lipa#Also like Billies doing it for the pop lesbians#lesbian
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I don't get why people hate the timeline so much, its not like you can't pretty much completely ignore it when you play the games. The only time it even approaches mattering to the story is when there is an explicit sequel like botw and totk or zelda and zelda 2
Hey sorry your ask got lost in the sauce of my broken tumblr, but: yeah!
I mean, I get why in some sense. It's been a heated point of debate and I think some people understandably resent the space it has taken not only in fandom discourse, but in how people began to understand the game and its narrative aesthetic choices. There is such a thing as over-rationalizing everything to hard logic, and sometimes it's just not the fandom for that --especially when you begin to forget it's all just fan theory and start to forget what the games are supposed to be like and evoke beyond just strict facts displayed in a linear way.
What I think bugs me with TotK in particular is that it both evokes and relies on continuity and the idea of a timeline, of archeology, of history itself, while being so loose and vacant with it that it both is doing Timeline Shit while also completely failing to understand why some parts of the fandom were invested in Timeline Shit to begin with.
But that's just my two cents of course!
#asks#tloz#timeline#totk critical#thanks for the ask!#I do... feel two ways about that myself#I think pure evocation is genuinely one of zelda's greatest storytelling strengths#that mood is sufficient and enough in itself and doesn't always need justification#it is the way the games center story --and that's genuinely wonderful and a strong take on narrative in games#as something freeflowing and accompanying gameplay rather than the opposite#and to ignore that and focus on hard facts all of the time kind of misses the point of the games' stories to a degree#BUT#I also get quite annoyed at the weird condescencion towards fans that do decide to engage with the stories more factually#especially since this is either revelatory regarding some of nintendo's choices#(that the aesthetics of evil are so tied to The Desert TM while taking so many inspirations from european fairy tales for example)#(it's not neutral even if we ignore ingame “lore”)#or just a great fodder for creativity and narrative play#and it is a part of the IP too!! just as much as dungeons and items and musics and curiosity-driven exploration!!#I do have beef with people not resonating with that aspect thinking others that do so are just stupid or childish#and that you can only have an enlightened relationship with zelda if you like it “the right way”#(which is somehow always mechanics/logic-driven which is. interesting to me.)#(or in a completely passively aesthetic way as in “I like fairies they're pretty”)#but you know it's the weird Triforce Shirt Dude stigma thing#that notion that you can (and must!) Love Zelda Deeply and Defensively#but you cannot be *passionate* about Zelda#then it's weird and immature#I don't know I feel like there's a lot to analyze in that arbitrary dychotomy#anyway sorry for the mega novel in the tags!!
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there's something so comforting about artists you admire talking about their own struggles and insecurities
#txt#was watching supereyepatchwolf's video on chainsaw man again and listening to fujimoto express regret about things he didnt learn#and how he's clearly envious of his peers is so... comforting?#i think about my own strengths and flaws and often times i get so frustrated with my shortcomings#im not good at drawing feet; my backgrounds are purposefully simplistic and lack a lot of detail; sometimes my designs have a tendency to#overlap or feel very 'safe' in terms of what i really want to do#its why; despite my love for clowning on media and animated works. i never want to feel like its from a place of malice#the joy of art is always seeing those little mistakes and nuances. its also noticing the achievements other creators have made that you#still lack#even for a certain hell-based show i love to poke fun at for its many. many issues. its undeniable how incredibly passionate the work is.#and i do respect anyone who is willing to get their flawed media out there (myself included)#i see stuff about people calling me their inspo or how flattered they are when i compliment their work and its like. gee. i hold myself at#such a high bar and even still im always surprise when people tell me how much my work moved and changed them#i really love writing just little fun things that i just dont really see anyone else touching and its kind of fun how despite my own#personal grievances with my own flaws and mistakes#people really do find things that they love within them.#anyways I know this is getting long but I’ve just been getting sentimental abt the creation of art#sometimes people make fun of me for love of drawing women and lesbians and bugs and so on#and while I will never let me deter me from my process. sometimes it does get to me#but then I remember that I love doing this and could ever see myself holding back#and knowing despite how other people feel. I have so many followers who resonate with my weird ass shit#that it’s all worth it. ya know?
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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obsessed w jeanee Actually. she drove hours in the middle of the night for him. she organised a heist for him. she blackmails a university for him. she was willing to break into the nest w brute force for him. she was willing to rob a hardware store to do it. she seriously contemplates climbing over barbed wire fences to get to him. she handles diversions and distractions with grace for him. she has the invasive curiosity to want to know all abt his little knick knacks. she resorts to violence when someone tries to stop her from getting to him. she prays for him. she talks to him softly when the only feeling in the room is rage. she pushes his hair out of his face. she checks his pulse obsessively. YEAH………… are we all seeing this rn
its so wonderful to me too because like this is RENEE. renee, who is a bad person trying very hard to be good. there was a post going around maybe a month ago how empathy for everyone circles back around into empathy for no one i can't remember any of the specifics but it rlly did something for how i see renee because shes a protector. its defensive. its safe. she knows the limits, she knows the point of no return because shes been to rock bottom and clawed her way up but she's willing to do whatever she needs to to get jean out of the nest.
there is a big difference between cradling allison when andrew hurts her vs actively threatening eau, going on the offense to make sure jean leaves safe with her. there's something insane to me abt how a few months of texting and calling jean could push her to that point, the point where she needed to be talked down off the ledge before the plan was more natalie than renee because this was something she absolutely could not fuck up. she knew that her efforts would be worthless if she didn't create a plan that couldn't backfire, because the punishment for jean trying to leave and failing (and i'm sure that message to renee would be used against him) or leaving and coming back would be 1000x worse than whatever they could do to him from a distance.
and then when she has him in his arms and she knows he's going to be safe, he'll be okay as long as she can get him to abby, she can let herself be kind again.
#IT DRIVES ME INSANE#like helloooooo??????#i genuinely am not sure if this makes sense or if its just wordvomit but DO YOU GET IT#it may not be love yet but it IS something worthwhile. you know#they havent even known each other for that long!!!!!!!!#i said a few tags back that renee's actions arent lesser if theyre based on romance and like i know its been maybe 2 hours since i said it#but i still agree!!!! renee i think doesnt get her due diligence for her motivations. in the pursuit of like the strong independent#woman archetype i think we've neglected the fact that you know. a woman can be motivated by romantic feelings and it doesn't make her any#less strong or liberated#having a connection with a person isn't a weakness#feminism is so nuanced! there is no one size fits all! restating this idea for the third time this post but there is no weakness in love#even though misogyny has made it so easy to get reactionary with it and claim that any show of strength isn't motivated by it at all!#do u catch my drift. i can say it a different way a fourth time if necessary i dont think i can verbalize my thoughts well#hm ok thoughts to chew on!#back to my shitty hockey novels while i wait for tsc to drop!#jeanee#asks
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me thinking about the moment in the movie where leo is fighting krangified raph and he is feeling so much pressure and so much stress and guilt and he is so so scared for his family and for raph especially because he just wants to get raph out safely, he just wants his brother with him and their family unharmed and in one piece, but he can’t get through why won’t raph HEAR him why isn’t raph LISTENING he just wants to SAVE HIM why is he making things SO HARD--
and that is the moment where it finally fully clicks for leo, after all this, where raph was coming from at the start of the movie. that it wasn’t about being stubborn or wanting to call all the shots and be the boss, it wasn’t pettiness or raph being hard on them for no reason. it was always just raph wanting them to be safe, and getting scared and frustrated when doing that was difficult. or when, perhaps, certain stinker lil brothers seemed to be going out of their way to make it difficult.
like he really has that hard stop moment of realization while he’s looking directly at raph... at his own reflection u could say... love that
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rise leo#rise of the tmnt#ive seen the interpretation that leo yelling about raph making things so hard is also him sharing his own POV about their dynamic lately?#and i dig that too!#another notch in the ways that honestly they are very similar in motivation tbh#the OH moment!#OH this is why it's been so tense OH this is why raph has been so hardline and irritated when i fly off solo#like after raph was captured leo spent a lot of time kinda bullheadedly larping what he thought raph would do?#bc leo was angry (bc leo was feeling guilty and absolutely terrified)#all the way up to the roof scene where he finally learned his listen to the team lesson (a lesson raph also had to learn in the series)#like it was such a genuine misunderstanding and miscommunication leo is over here doing his best raph but what he THOUGHT raph was doing#and like raph is a great leader while raph is leader! does very well learns and grows ive gone on about that before but#like for all their similarities they are still different people with different strengths so the double whammy of trying to do a raph AND#sincerely not GETTING where raph had been coming from#was a recipe for disaster#and like leo's leadership strengths come through more after the roof scene but this scene is about his relationship to raph#this little moment where he stops himself and has this what am i DOING moment has this no wait i finally GET IT moment#like that's just all i can see when i see that scene; the final breakthrough for leo that makes him able to reach for raph properly#bc he WAS just fighting him before that; and maybe in raphs zombie mind hell that carried over idk
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Waugh...
WAUGH....
#mixed feelings abt most of the movie itself but. im grateful it gave us this#my screencaps#splash star#cure bloom#cure egret#sakimai#<- to me <3#sigh. the movie is Fine but splash star was Peak for me so. do you get my disappointment#it felt like it didn't utilize the time theme as much as it could've (esp considering how it'd connect w the series' main nature motifs)#and it didn't play into what i think is the series' greatest strength: the duo's relationships with the supporting cast#+ uh. i feel like the girls' characterizations were a bit. off? for the sake of them arguing#ok ok enough rambling. i was in a weird posture while watching and now my left arm kinda hurts goodbye
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weird connection but i feel like transforming into a werewolf would feel similar to vomiting
#dectalk speaking#emeto#IDK like#the weakness while ur body puts all its strength into vomiting/transforming#and how all the liquids get out of ur face like snot and tears#and how it just seemingly keeps going#like logically there’s an end in sight but in the moment it feels like ur stuck here#and once ur done u feel like absolutely squashed like a paper ball#do you get what i’m getting at. do i sound insane#OH and also the feeling of like#feeling so weak and empty bc ur body literally pushed out all its stomach contents#slash literally turned into a fucking werewolf
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fine okay i'll admit it: maybe the five uninterrupted days i had to spend with my family this month were bad for my mental health. maybe i'm feeling weird and sensitive right now because i had to talk to my mom and she hurt my feelings. i am not actually over anything i thought i'd finally gotten over. maybe i got out of the washing machine for a little bit before being thrown back in, now sopping wet from the dirty brackish water i let fester in there. whatever. i'm very normal.
#i keep feeling really snippy lately when friends say things that brush against my insecurities#and i know its because my strength is down so every weird comment doesn't bounce off me#i had to use all that strength in michigan to not scream my head off while my entire family grieved my late grandma#but i don't know how to regrow that armor i used to have#i don't know what to do#except be sensitive forever – just a weak freak with no skills no strength just nerve endings#don't reblog this please#i'm just writing to get it out of my head and somewhere else
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