#i hate how long the ending is
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i really love how during the week i am forced to be peak normcore bc thats the only way i can survive at work and then all that mental illness gets condensed on the weekends where i engage in some sort of disruptive behavior like playing the totk ending 5+ times bc ocd went its my turn with the brain so-
its 10pm and i just finished work after giving up on a feature release and having a lowkey breakdown on call with a coworker who probably still heard me sniffling and voice cracking and who then spent an hour giving me a life talk while i just sat there holding my cat like ;-;
anyways i know in my head i should draw but my heart is like i wanna turn brain off
#i just beat it again and was like OKAY THIS IS THE PERFECT RUN THROUGH WE ARE DONE THIS IS IT FREEDOM#before my ocd was like pst pst pst….u forgot….a picture…..of ganondorf……#mf!!!!#knitting furiously right now#i also drew a gj but honestly that act doesnt even register on the event meter anymore#i hate how long the ending is#anyway i normally dont talk about my ocd kinda bc its just been with me like my entire life#and so it Also sometimes doesnt register as abnormal#until i take a step back and go wow this is really impeding my life rn#going back to work i am like there is something flawed with the logic and strategy of this company#but i am too mf tired and busy to contemplate what exactly that is#like fundamentally some of my coworkers and i just do not share the same ideology and approach#and so i really only get along with those that have come from like silicon valley tech#the kind of just ship it if it breaks u fix it#ship it even if its a little broken frankly#urggg my head hurts
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Hello I love your bg3 content and your Dorian is so lovely! Can we get like an alternative reality with Dorian and Ascended Astarion? What would your headcannon be for them? 🙇
something like this, probably
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tavstarion#ascended astarion#tw blood#long post#i may have gotten carried away with this#the only good thing dorian got out of being vampire lord astarion's concubine was a lovely bedchamber and a dramatic robe#i think dorian's attitude to a lot of things is 'it can't be that bad' until it is very very very bad#'maybe he won't be that bad' until you've been locked in a palace for decades and there's nothing left for you to love anymore#i got nauseous writing this i HATE him#it was such a delicious prompt though and i can't say i never thought about it#also i didn't realise until after i wrote it that this was how interview with the vampire ends. nvm
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Curly's little blurb on his steam trading card just keeps reminding me he is a much more miserable person than people realize.
We don't get a lot of his thoughts, inner confliction that aren't bogged down by what Jimmy says or does. Even in the The Last One and Then Another, his dialogue is reflective, not the Curly before the crash but the result of everything. Parts of the him he was are there of course, but also disfigured and warped beyond recognition just like he is physically.
Curly really doesn't think much of himself and desires. He clearly chases fleeting moments of happiness. He doesn't really have prospects for himself, assumes in a similar way to Swansea, that if it should make it happy then he is happy. Though, he hasn't reached the point Swansea did to admit it doesn't. He neither sees the glass half full or empty, it's just water, something he needs and he'll take it from any perspective.
He wasn't running from anything but he's never really been going towards something either. He's listless. I've been using the term complacent to describe how he feels about his life and the closest people (really just Jimmy) in it, but now that word feels too neutral, too nice. Happier than Curly really was. There isn't just one word for it, he's unfulfilled, uncertain, uninspired. There are no active problems he faces and that's the issue, why should he be upset?
I believe he really is a person who doesn't know who he is or wants to be. He follows a structure. I don't think he's suicidal, but he clearly doesn't think about what makes him happy. He's numb. I suppose that is a better word than complacent, used to the feeling even if he hates it. It doesn't hurt so why stop it?
#like curly is very much does his job goes home takes care of self repeat i dont think hes like an asocial person but he doesn't take the tim#time to indulge in himself the way he thinks hes a bigger picture guy so as long as nothing is disrupted hes relatively okay even if its#slowly chipping away at him and making him feel hollow like he thought space was endless that he could never reach a point of feeling finis#he never had to predict what to do after the end and suddently he realizes there was no end to it because there cant be an end to nothing#hes accomplished so much objectively but hes done nothing with his life outside of his work like he mentions no hobbies other friends or an#thing of the sort he doesn't even feel like he can vent it cause what? hes complaining about how hard it is to get promoted to have securit#in a job you hate and a position that keeps weighing you down like I feel like if he explained himself at the party and didn't let Jimmy t#talk for him hed actually have made points the others would get cause even if they envied his position he still is justified in being unhap#not everything that you think would bring you happiness does or fulfills even a small part of that desire#idk hes a lot more fucked in the head but like towards himself than people realize like how he lets Jimmy treat him is indicitive of that i#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#captain curly#curly mouthwashing
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tim mentioning what they did to him in his torture session: so yeah they had this thick chain out that they'd hit me with
bear who's brain has literally been rewired from the cult: huh ,they had u on they easy stuff . god i remember my first time. they started with the barbed whip and then they pulled out the brass knuckles! but im glad u only got the easy stuff baby
tim, horrified, head turning like he's in a horror movie: ..... they did what to you?
#i 1st talked about this on AJ's gorgeous gorgeous pices of art of tim in the torture chair from urb leg 4#but i think about tim going through the same pain bear went through (for however long he was with the cult) for one night#like do you think that for one brief weightless moment tim could see how this could become addictive#so do you think he spent the entire time thinking about how horrifying it was that bear did this to himself#do you think he still thinks about it???#do you think sometimes on bear's bad days tim'll lay next to him and he'll think about the shit the cult did to him#and then he'll look at bear and wonder what they would do to him. bc they only had tim for 1 night but they had bear for who knows#how long? and on bear's end. do you think he was horrified??? do you think he hated himself for a moment?#bc the cult was supposed to be a way to punish himself. tim was never supposed to get caught up in it and yet there tim was#with a story of torture and all bear can think 'you were never supposed to be there.'#anyway i think about that scene all the time. i swear im normallll#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber
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diligence is the only strong suit of the all-knowing talking corpse
#the world ends with you#twewy#joshua kiryu#yoshiya kiryu#joshua twewy#I HATE THIS GUY. THE JORT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my sister was laughing at me earlier for having my figure of him like. in my hand as i drew this#ITS A GREAT TOOL FOR REFERENCE I DONT EVEN NEED TO LOOK HIM UP BC I HAVE HIM IN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anywyas i spent so long on the lineart and had no idea how to colour this so i just did it in greyscale and then put a gradient map over#and some imagence#and it worked ! i think!#anyways i hate this guy with a passion he sucks so bad <3 (turns back to my tablet to draw him again)#my art#(btw lyric is from golden number by iyowa bc i was listening to the watashi no heritage album the entire time lol)
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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DAY 74: practice drawings
#codacheetah#isat#in stars and time#isat loop#isat siffrin#sifloop#please click this one for quality. i spent too long rendering shit in Ms Paint.#i enjoy drawing loop tremendously but i think i need to retire the kemonomimi formula for loop's head that i've developed#it just doesnt work!!! it ends up badly proportioned a lot of the time. i dont like it.#so u get a bunch of sillays. and 2 drawings that i went tryhard on#i like shading shiny things a lot... i still need to draw ferrofluid loop but Mysteriously Shiny Loop will have 2 do for now#i feel like me of a few months ago would go ballistic at how i draw now.#ms paint warrior hates aliasing loves doing shit on one layer. what happened to me
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And some days, I just wish you wouldn't look at me at all.
#ffxiv#sketch#wol#meteor survivor#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#oh no#its the consequences of his actions#everything is fine until the only man on the star you care about looks at you with the same contempt your father did#(Meteor's not doing it intentionally- its a reflex after he comes back for quite a bit)#and zenos is getting bodied because its been a while since... you know... him being able to really feel anything at all#and no- its not him regretting anything that had to do with varis- just him regretting the thought meteor could look at him like that#little does Meteor know he's emotionally bodying the man he's trying to be cordial with#its a little okay because in how I write adventurer zenos this serves as one of his main wake-up calls to make some changes#and realizing both the mistakes he's made with meteor and that meteor hating him in any way is actually -not at all- what he wants#but not okay on the end that every time meteor does this he has to watch zenos actively dissociate right in front of him#until zenos just kinda autopilots and walks away#the second time (or perhaps third) in the last 11 years that zenos has felt regret to any major capacity-#on meteor's end I just enjoy seeing the progression of the WoL through subtext#and why meteor is willing to even entertain the idea despite how much he hates zenos- his decisions and the path he's walked#is the realization that there is high chance that he could actually be a direct catalyst for zenos' growth#and the realization the wol has that they were the only one zenos has ever genuinely reached out to#besides- i just like the idea of having your equal other half fighting back to back with you- or being able to handle threats you cant#and i find their dynamic neat- of meteor not forgiving zenos but giving him his last chance- and growing to enjoy being around him#and zenos being able to work on moving past being the weapon or the monster- finding the connections he's longed for#and giving himself purpose to finally truly just live- for him to learn to experience and have the freedom to find what he enjoys#(and curiously him having estinien's brand of accidently helping people even in StB gives me ideas...)#but enough tag ranting- ill get to zenos' actual adventuring in another post lol
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words cannot describe how happy i am that heket remains lamb's #1 hater in the entire world even after her cleansing
#i haven't drawn anyone from this game other than monch in so long. lmao#the new update has infused me with so many THOUGHTS!! it's driving me CRAZY#i had to draw this scene because this dialogue makes me sooo . happy. i love how angry she is. i love that she STAYS angry.#while everyone else feels more at peace she's still pissed off and i love that for her. heket they could never make me hate you#i think. while i don't much care for the bishops overall because i'm an npc enjoyer until the end. i think this solidified#heket as my favorite bishop . like I wish they didn't heal her voice for whatever fucking reason BUT. i can ignore mm's stupid ass decision#and focus on the less stupid ass decisions. <3#ok i'm done talking now. i drew this impulsively i can't stop thinking about this scene#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl heket#cotl lamb#cotl unholy alliance#cotl spoilers#clamart
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Warning! Warning! Character No longer Exists!
#svsss#shen qingqiu#Shen jiu#scum villian self saving system#scum villain#scum villains self saving system#scum villain's self saving system#been also thinking about Yue Qingyuans reaction to the system reveal#about him learning about how Shen Jiu is no longer here#how he's been with an imposter for so long#how he actually failed to save Shen Jiu and in a way betray him in a way by thinking this other guy was him#god im also thinking about the system calling him a character#how angry he'd be#a lot of fics have Shen Yuan scared that Binghe would be abgry that he read his story and just used him as entertainment#they have a happy ending so its ok but Yue Qingyuan???#he never#no matter which story or dimension#would be happy with Shen Jiu#i think shen jius love for Yue Qingyuan also sufficated him along with his hate#you know how it hirts when you think about the what ifs after you see what you could of had#Yue Qingyuan doesnt even get a good side to that its always a broken future#anyways this is why every fic that fixes that i thank you for crating a dimension that had him with a happy future#Creating*#my art#nibbelraz
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"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."
What the fuck were the House writers on
#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#this quote is attempted murder#i cant live like this#This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective#“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it”#because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life#as long as he was doing good and helping people#but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted#because in the end it didnt make any difference#brb sobbing#thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#wilson#housemd
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When Ritsu grows up he'll exclusively wear trenchcoats and one day he'll be walking down the street and see Reigen and they'll be wearing the same coat and it'll be the worst day of his life
#this post was inspired by the fact that like. lets be real here Ritsu would wear long coats that billow in the wind hes dramatic like that#and in the alien arc Reigens wearing That One Trenchcoat which is the singular article of clothing he owns thats decent#and i wanna spread my agenda that ritsu and reigen can be lowkey similar and i think if ritsu ever realised it he'd explode#kinda the same vibe as that one hc ive seen here and there with ritsu growing frustrated with his boring office job and doin smth impulsive#just how reigen ended up creating SnS#like. yeah. i get yall.#this is in the same vein. i want ritsu to grow up and start understanding reigen a bit more and hate every second of it#mp100#mob psycho 100#kageyama ritsu#arataka reigen#cine te a intrebat
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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what's weird about the fantasy high drama is that like. it seems to me like people forget d&d is primarily a) a game you play with your friends and also b) luck based.
I mean it's fine to say that "nothing felt like a challenge" and "they just dominated everything and there weren't any stakes" but like. it's not as if they weren't up against huge threats. they lost the mall fight. the last stand was an onslaught of enemies. they fought a dozen dragons from an airship. the fights were hard. they're just really good. they've had very good dice luck in general this season and are all very high level and highly specialized. fig is gonna beat deception and performance checks. adaine's gonna figure out the arcana. riz is gonna succeed investigations. like. for some reason their strategical competence and wisely picked abilities are. a downside? a disappointment?
the thing about d&d that you need to remember is it's first and foremost a game. it's mostly random and it takes you down weird paths and you're playing to have fun with your friends. the dice are literally telling the story that it's their time, it's their year. they've struggled enough. they've trained enough. they're good at what they do. and in my post about the academic/domestic/personal stressors being the focus, d&d doesn't have any other system to work them out than rolling different skills. that's what d&d is. brennan set specific challenge levels for different tasks and the players strategized to prioritize which abilities they were strongest in. the challenges were there. and the players rose to them. they were both smart in their delegation of responsibilities and lucky with their dice rolls. of which, both are foundations of d&d.
don't mistake them being good players and getting lucky with there being no hardship. just because they smashed through the wall, that doesn't mean the wall wasn't strong. they were just stronger.
#i know some people are disappointed from a storytelling perspective. but you have to understand.#what was brennan supposed to do. he threw things at them both at and above their challenge level#he created a whole system to simulate academic and person goals and stress throughout the year#he gave them plenty of chances to fail#he set DCs high.#the players just knocked it out of the park#you can't tell any story but the ones the dice want you to#if he had manufactured more danger or difficulty where there was none it would have felt cheap#and do you not remember the night yorb fight#like. the whole point of the year was that it wasn't hard. it just never stopped#they can do it they're capable they're smart. but the hustle and the stress and the fighting and the working never ends#that's why nothing 'had stakes' or 'felt challenging'#it's the slog that gets you. it's how long you're willing to keep going.#how much life can break you almost to your last breath but you get through it and you keep going anyway#but. i digress.#and i say all this with complete and total respect to other people's opinions#i feel no hate and wish no bad feelings on anyone who disagrees with this!#it's just my personal view on the whole thing#sorry if im being annoying i just have. opinions.#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#fhjy
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beast will always mean SO much to me because of everything it tells us about atsushi and akutagawa. all the parallels between them. they were both victims of circumstance—akutagawa ended up on the side of “good” in beast and atsushi didn’t and at their core they were both just teenagers trying to find a way to survive with the hand that was dealt to them
#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bungou stray dogs#shin soukoku#sskk#atsushi nakajima#akutagawa ryuunosuke#bsd beast#i hate talking about morally gray characters and themes because i can never get it right like i can never hit the right points#but i think this is a pretty goood example#atsushi would’ve ended up an assassin in canon if things went any differently#and it sounds so cliche but. they were just KIDS#they were doing anything they could to survive#it didn’t matter to akutagawa that he was gonna be a ruthless killer in the mafia#as long as he had his reason to live he didn’t care#even if in beast he talks about morality and how he could never picture himself in the mafia#god. i love them. i’m sick.
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“Yes. Stole my own hypothesis and turned it against me.”
“Fascinating. I’d love to meet her.”
“… Ah. So you’re just like her here, aren’t you?”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“*Sigh…* unfortunately, you’ve already made it quite obvious.”
#yeahhhhh#sometimes my colouring pops off and I have no idea how to replicate it lol#anyways this is my mirror Moira bc#hc*#I can’t get onboard with the Long Hair mirror Moira#unless it’s a butchy mullet I just can’t see her ever having long hair#mirror or not#I don’t hate the design choice but I’m very Meh about it#so I hc that goody two shoes moira still hypothesized genetic deconstruction#but never had the intention of actually testing it#mercy (or Vengeance) called her out on her cowardice and ended up testing it on Moira herself out of morbid curiosity#mirror moira considered it and that’s all Dr. Ziegler needed to go through with the experiment#Moira couldn’t stop her if she tried#I’m thinking she manipulated moira into thinking it was a smaller-scale test when it really wasn’t#somethin like that#then our Moira hears about this and is like b0nerrr alerrrt!!#and thus our Moira wants to meet this fallen angel herself#overwatch 2#mirrorwatch#moira odeorain#vengeance mercy#mercy overwatch#moicy#moira overwatch#ow2#talon mercy#also I acknowledge that she would probably not say that inch/mile saying… but maybe mirrorwatch world uses imperial moreso than metric lol
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