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no fucking shot my old bosses and coworkers didn't like me because they thought i was ugly and creepy. i'm not fucking kidding. IM SO GLAD I QUIT

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will be opening commissions soon. if you like my art enough and want to support me, look out for that. i can draw anything

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hate when i go out and have the time of my life and then the next morning the crash hits and i get so anxious and sad. like bro it is NOT that serious. everyone was so nice last night and i got so many compliments and had such a good time but now im like everyone hate me and i need to die

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anyway let me get off my soapbox labelled "please be nice to people" and get back to what i was doing

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and don't get me wrong. i used to get into crazy arguments on the internet as a teenager, because i genuinely had nothing better to do and didn't leave the house. but now i go outside and talk to people. you stop having the time to spend hours arguing on and off with people when your week is booked with getting out of the house in some way shape or form.

i don't necessarily condone physical violence for petty reasons, and this is a theme that stretches back to the infancy of the internet, but some users on here will say some of the most vile, heinous shit, that if you said to a person off the internet, you would get your ass beat. and some of the most vitriolic, mean people who hide behind their screens and keyboards and anonymity are also some of the most sensitive (derogatory) people in the world. they can't handle even the smallest amounts of criticism without blowing up and blacking out their socials. lots of people love to talk big shit, but truly, imagine saying this to a human being face-to-face outside of a bar at 9 pm. you'd get jumped by like five people for calling someone a slur or telling them to kill themselves. which is why you only do it on the internet.

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where i come from there's a thing called "being polite to strangers" and "treating people how you want to be treated" and a staggering amount of this userbase has never heard of either of these concepts. crazy i know. treating people with kindness? moving on if you don't vibe? unheard of. it's all online harassment campaigns and lolcows and bad faith readings of innocent posts forever and ever.

i don't necessarily condone physical violence for petty reasons, and this is a theme that stretches back to the infancy of the internet, but some users on here will say some of the most vile, heinous shit, that if you said to a person off the internet, you would get your ass beat. and some of the most vitriolic, mean people who hide behind their screens and keyboards and anonymity are also some of the most sensitive (derogatory) people in the world. they can't handle even the smallest amounts of criticism without blowing up and blacking out their socials. lots of people love to talk big shit, but truly, imagine saying this to a human being face-to-face outside of a bar at 9 pm. you'd get jumped by like five people for calling someone a slur or telling them to kill themselves. which is why you only do it on the internet.

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i don't necessarily condone physical violence for petty reasons, and this is a theme that stretches back to the infancy of the internet, but some users on here will say some of the most vile, heinous shit, that if you said to a person off the internet, you would get your ass beat. and some of the most vitriolic, mean people who hide behind their screens and keyboards and anonymity are also some of the most sensitive (derogatory) people in the world. they can't handle even the smallest amounts of criticism without blowing up and blacking out their socials. lots of people love to talk big shit, but truly, imagine saying this to a human being face-to-face outside of a bar at 9 pm. you'd get jumped by like five people for calling someone a slur or telling them to kill themselves. which is why you only do it on the internet.

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KILLING MYSELF POSTPONED OFF IS COMING TO STEAM

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WE ARE BACK OFF FANDOM

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shared some thoughts on southern baptism. okay bye guys

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good afternoon. some thoughts on southern baptism, a society built on shame, and my upbringing in the bible belt.

i don't have many memories of my childhood, but i am slowly uncovering them, piece by piece. i remember being a child, in church, being taught the concepts of heaven and hell. heaven is where good people go. the purest believers, those closest to the lord christ, would go to heaven, and no one else. the definition of who was worthy enough to go to heaven was well-defined as someone who lived without sin, but what counted as *sin* was not. hell was the place sinners went, and was the ultimate punishment. it was, i would come to learn, shockingly easy to go to hell, and others would try very hard to condemn you to it if you stepped out of line. a funny remark that shocked some friends was the pictures we were shown of heaven. suburban houses in the clouds, roads paved in gold, an american paradise with white picket fences. that itself is already a commentary itself. i don't need to elaborate on why a white-dominated church would teach this. it speaks for itself!

it is a culture built on shame, secrecy, and i will admit, child abuse. sinners went to hell, so no one was a sinner. the nuclear family was the ultimate paradise, no matter what went on behind closed doors. parents would pride themselves on how good their kid behaved. if your child behaved poorly, it was a sign of failed parenting, of sin in the house. so parents tried very, very hard to keep their children from bringing them shame. this is not hyperbole. most christian children i knew were regularly hit by their parents, including myself. some worse than others. it was an open secret with the children, but adults never spoke of it. no one wanted to admit they beat their kid with a belt until they left welts. they called it "discipline" and not "physical torture against a 5 year old," because that wasn't proper. this was also enforced in my not-technically-but-basically-christian elementary school. you were threatened with beatings if you misbehaved. some kids i knew were beaten. it's so normal i knew more children that were abused by their parents in some kind of way than children who had parents that didn't abuse them.

shame played the biggest role. emotionally and mentally it took its toll on everyone. if you sinned, you were punished, cast out, ostracized, no longer included. you had to redeem yourself by repenting and being shameful for what you did. and by the lord was everyone ashamed of something. no one was open about anything, except for how good they tried to look. no one wanted to admit that they drank every night. no one wanted to admit they stole their child's adhd medication. no one wanted to admit that they were cheating on their partners because of how miserable their marriage made them feel. everyone sinned - in sometimes very self-destructive, but fixable through community type ways - but no one admitted it, because to be open about your life meant inviting shame. even benign things, such as liking certain "sinful" shows or books or anything deemed the devils work brought shame. and shame is a very powerful tool. it keeps people isolated, it keeps people scared, and that's what southern baptism operates on. everyone else but the Flock is an enemy. the Flock is safe, but the rules of the Flock were so strict, everyone was too afraid to break them. this trapped people in endless cycles of self-destruction. i saw it happen to many people. shame stops you from getting help, not that the people you were around would help you as judgmental as they are, but your church was your world.

the church was more real than the government. heaven was more real than other countries. christ was more real than capitalism. i once believed this. many, many people truly believe this. it's why a lot of christian southerners are so deranged and miserable. you're indoctrinated into this honor-built society where you must flagellate yourself just to be considered a good person. and if you were gay, or trans, heaven forbid, you were at genuine great physical risk by people who you once sat next to in church. but i will elaborate at a different time.

i have more thoughts but this post is already so long. but do you see what i mean? it's more like a cult than anything else. i was very lucky to stop going to church. some people never escape. they enforce it on their own children. unloved children enter loveless marriages and continue living miserably until they die. and the cycle repeats.

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Making a new official post because the original (here and on GFM) has lost traction! My friend Ceaser has been struggling to find consistent housing for several months; right now she can't work due to being out of childcare, and is at risk for eviction again. Her landlord is currently asking for $600, and Ceaser wants to be able to give him at least $200.

Please share and donate if you can!

https://gofund.me/16ae73f4

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Hi, my name is Ceaser, I go by Cee for short. I have 6 children and am facing serious hard times. We've been facing homelessness for about 6-8 months on and off. We finally found an apartment and have been able to move in. Unfortunately, I'm out of work due to not having a babysitter. I work for SEPTA and have a fairly good job, but since being out, it's been hard to pay rent and get the things needed for everyday life, as well as bills and house items. I'm a single parent and I'm very young. This money will help us possibly get back on our feet and be comfortable for the next few weeks until I'm back. I made the amount as low as possible as I understand we all have life going on, especially during the holidays. I'm working as hard as I can. Please help us stay comfortable; we appreciate anything. All helps.

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can we start hating southern baptists like we do mormons. can you do this for me

catholic guilt is one thing but southern baptism shame is a whole different monster i don’t see many people talking about

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catholic guilt is one thing but southern baptism shame is a whole different monster i don’t see many people talking about

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i also realize the only time i use tumblr is to yap early in the morning and then leave. or post art once in a blue moon. and then leave. goodbye until tomorrow where i will inevitably talk about things that sometimes don’t matter again

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if my post blows up somehow and it attracts the wrong kind of attention i am going to delete it. mark my words. i hate when my posts blow up on this website and i will pull the plug at any time and i love to do it

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also it just goes to show that a game about misogyny has really revealed people’s internal biases. anya, who i would argue is the figure of which the entire game revolves around, gets shoved aside instead to focus on the dynamic between curly and jimmy. or even daisuke and swansea. and with curly and jimmy people don’t even do it right. their relationship is one axis of which the game revolves around, but it’s one piece of the puzzle designed to reveal more about jimmy, and to say more about how men will protect other men from their own actions. but anya, my friend anya, she is right there and people misunderstand her character. they might treat her as shy and meek, or unstable, or even (and i’m baffled) pair her up with curly. you are viewing anya through two lenses. one of her rapist and abuser, which she will - naturally - act very fearful around. the other of a man she cannot actually trust. the true depth of her character as one that incredibly intelligent, capable, and sweet is something you must read between the lines and infer, because of perspective restrictions. and people just don’t care about doing that because they are taking the unreliable narrator narrative at face value.

anyways! i miss when discussion of this game made sense. and anya is very dear to my heart. and also fandomization ruins nuanced discussion for everyone and is a plague upon art as a whole. good morning and please enjoy your day

mouthwashing is a good game. but i hate that so much of the discussion nowadays (as opposed to what it was like early on when I got on the boat, before it blew up) is whether or not curly is a good person. if that’s what you focus on i’m sorry, you’re missing the point. curly is a real guy. there are guys in this world that are in the same position, and also chose to do nothing, and ive seen them. he is a participant in rape culture by protecting jimmy. this isn’t somehow me moralizing curly, it’s just what his character represents. but if you cannot help yourself and feel as if liking a “bad” character makes you a “bad” person instead of looking at what curly’s character symbolizes then just. idk what to tell you. you’re just not understanding the assignment, and maybe shouldn’t worry about it. spend less time arguing about whether or not he’s a good or bad person and try to engage with what his character is saying about broader rape culture. i implore you! engage with what this game is saying! please!