#i guess this post is also about how the internet went from having No space for kids to having

[t3tr0m1n0]

the way i see it there's basically no nostalgia for the internet of the 1980s-90s; at most you'd get nostalgia for the internet's portrayal in kids' media and the state of personal computer ownership in general back then. (even for the young adults on the internet at that time i don't think you'll currently find much nostalgia from their grown selves for back then.) going into the 2000s there's still no centralized source of nostalgia due to the lack of major social media sites or a pc gaming scene insofar as either of those could appeal to children- kids were using the internet by then but you'd find much less consensus on what's from that time worth being nostalgic over. that's why any media you'll see today trying to nostalgiabait for that time has either got to be a. niche as all hell or b. broad-strokes to the point of incoherency. see: analog horror is the 70s-90s and then digital horror leaps right into the end of the 00s through 2010s. (also, you can't very well make a creepy subversion of household/kids media from that time when that's what 90% of the content was anyway. look at that, someone's killing barney the dinosaur on the front page of newgrounds.) this post takes its caveats from the 20 year media/generation/throwback/whatever cycle and my age which i assure you isn't giving me much expertise on this subject

[lukolabrainrot]

Firstly thank you so much for your blog. I appreciate your well considered viewpoint and align strongly with your opinions on the current state of the relationship of our favourite couple.

I have been fascinated recently with the different reactions within the fandom to seemingly small events. When I saw the wallpaper on A’s phone I immediately went to a group I’m part of to watch the inevitable meltdown and spiral. As occurs every time a small thing happens there are immediately very different reactions. Those who have always leant to the more negative side of the speculation immediately double down that A and L are still together and it’s absolutely Luke in the photo. From their perspective they are just being realistic and sensible. I firmly believe everybody is entitled to their opinion even if it differs from my own but I don’t believe this view is anymore realistic than mine.

On the other side (which is the side I’m on BTW) L and A have been broken up since at least the Italy birthday trip, the picture is too unclear to confirm anything and even if it is him it tells us nothing about the current state of their relationship.

I’m not really sure what my question is but I guess it’s more an observation about confirmation bias and how we see what we want to see (myself included). From my perspective there is far more to indicate a split than that they still together. I also believe L&N are currently together.

I’ve made a conscious decision to have fun within the fandom. Fun for me is believing the love we saw between L & N is real and they have acted on that. I fully acknowledge that most of what I believe is based on speculation that can be interpreted many different ways. However it is much more fun for me to interpret things in a positive way rather than focussing on the side characters. At the end of the day the only people who know for sure what their relationship status is are L&N and those who actually know them. So why not have fun in our little corner of the internet with the many crumbs N has given us and cheer them on (quietly without being in their personal SM).

Just one final point that has been bothering me is about the Spain photos. For me amidst all this speculation about A being there, palm trees etc there is one thing I’ve never heard mentioned. If she was there and his post was a Latergram why did he take a photo clearly staged to show he was alone. Why would you go on a holiday with your girlfriend and consciously take a photo indicating you’re alone.

Sorry this ended up longer than I thought it would but again thank you for having a space where we can have fun and escape from the realities of the world for a short while.

Thank you Anon, I appreciate it!!

I TRY to keep this space fun and as light hearted as possible.

And I agree, I think if you look at the FULL picture without hyperfixating on one thing, it appears that L/N are likely together atp... I personally think they have probably been together for months by now (but that is just my opinion from what I have seen).

[tuulikki]

I really appreciate that in your response to the Spotify wrapped post, you didn’t just put, “you are not immune to propaganda”, but actually followed that up with thought-provoking questions that help clarify what that propaganda can look like. That’s really helpful and considerate and I really appreciate how kind and thoughtful your response was. It really helped me recontextualize my experience of and reaction to the misinformation post when it went around. Thank you so much

You're so, so welcome. I'm really glad it helped. If you ever have any follow-up questions or just wanna chat, hit me up

I've fallen for misinformation, propaganda, and conspiratorial thinking in my life. Probably everyone has, to some degree. But I've also been kinda obsessed with the study and analysis of it ever since, so I feel like I'm obligated to try to help people to the degree I can.

I will say, it also "helps" that I have the privilege of not being in anyone's crosshairs and not having a personal connection to the issues, other than the basic moral concerns any decent human being would have. A lot of people don't have that luxury. When people are scared and hurting, it's inhuman to demand that they overcome that and put more energy into fact-checking than do those of us with less pain.

So I guess I'll try to condense some key ideas:

Reblogging ("keep talking about this!") is harmful if it isn't accurate. Inaccuracy contributes to the fog of war, causes agony to people directly involved (they see you on social media: the internet is global!), and discredits the legitimacy of a movement.

Misinformation/disinformation blends truth with lies. Seeing one thing you know to be true next to an unverified statement will make you trust that statement.

Crises make us feel helpless and small. But it is privileging your discomfort over the pain of victims if you shy away from tackling complexity.

Sometimes it feels like a betrayal to reserve a space in yourself for doubt. But disinformation trivializes important issues. If something really matters to you, then you will want it to be accurate.

People will make good-faith inaccuracies. I will. You will. Governments/organizations will. People on the ground will. No one is omniscient. Don't double-down in support of the mistake and don't let one mistake discredit a good source.

People in pain will be duped, lie, or exaggerate. Many are seeking meaning with a greater need than you are. You must find compassion for them.

Our best instincts (justice) and worst instincts (self-righteousness) will be manipulated.

Responsibility for fact-checking falls on those of us whose distress is moral, rather than personal.

Everyone is biased. Humans always care for some people more than others. Find two opposing sources and read both: you'll find the truth somewhere between them.

Truth is a hill worth dying on.

Sorry this is a long post and maybe it's useless but I thought it was important to try

[storytowrite]

|You will always be mine ~ Lee Minho series|

PART 4

Paring: Minho x Y/N

Genre: smut, angst, university au

Word count: 1588

Warnings: sex, 18+, Minho is a psycho, dom!Minho, sub!reader, abuse, slight BDSM, kidnapping, violence, age gap, Minho is an university professor, Y/N can be hurt physically (and mentally too I guess).

Synopsis: Who knew that accidental fuck in the club bathroom with a handsome man will bring you to a lot of unexpected events.

Author's note: I kept this series for a really long time not sure if I want to post it or not, but I decided to do it anyway, so I hope you'll like it.

——————————

Time passed quickly. After returning home, she didn't know what to do with herself. You were curious about what your new lecturer had come up with, but you were also afraid that someone would catch you. You knew that sooner or later the affair with your teacher would come to light, although you hoped it would happen later rather than sooner. 

Around eight o'clock in the evening you started getting ready for the meeting. You took a quick shower and put on a red lingerie set. You were to appear at his place after ten o'clock. You checked his address on the Internet. It turned out that Minho didn't live that far from your apartment. All you had to do was take a two-stop bus ride and you'd be there. As long as the bus wasn't late....

You put on black high-waisted pants and a plain white T-shirt. You improved your delicate makeup and, accentuating your lips with red lip gloss, you smiled at your reflection in the mirror. You were ready. On your way out, you picked up your black jacket and went to meet your teacher. 

“Should I take a gift with me?” You asked yourself. “But what does he like...?” 

You began to wonder. You didn't really know anything about him. What did he like? What did he not like? How old was he? Did he live alone? Did he have a wife? A child? Nooo, since he invited you, he must have lived alone. A lot of questions started swirling in your head. You sighed heavily. 

You glanced at your watch - you should have left by now. You took a bottle of red wine from the bar in the living room and put it in your purse. On your way out of the apartment you also took an umbrella, in case it was going to rain when you got home in the morning. You locked the door and headed for the bus stop. 

It was already dark all around, and there were few cars on the street. You waited impatiently for the bus, which was late as usual. You glanced nervously at your watch.  Should I text him? You asked yourself in your mind. No... I'll be with him soon... You began to think. 

Your pondering did not last long. The bus arrived. You got on it and headed towards your lecturer's house. Moments later you were standing in front of the door to his apartment. You rang the bell and waited. After a while, the door to the apartment opened. 

Lee Minho stood before you, wrapped in a white towel around his waist. A few more drops of water dripped from his damp hair. Your gaze followed one that ran down his entire torso, stopping only at the edge of the towel. A blush appeared on your cheeks, and you swallowed your saliva and bit your lip slightly. Minho smiled gently at this sight. 

“Hi kitten.” He said in a slightly more sensual tone. “I was expecting you a little earlier... would you like to come in?” He moved over and let you in. 

“Ekhm, yes... sorry the bus was late.” You replied, to which the man nodded. “I brought wine, I don't know if you like it, but I thought... ”

“That we could drink it together? Great idea!” He interrupted you in half a word and took the bottle from you. “Make yourself comfortable sunshine, I'll get back to you in a minute.” He added and disappeared into the bedroom. 

You had a moment to look around his apartment. The living room was connected to the kitchen. Minho apparently liked the open space. The dark furniture contrasted perfectly with the gray walls. The kitchen was decorated in a modern way, with only a bar separating it from the living room. In the corner of the living room you noticed a winding staircase that led to something, like an entresol. The corridor where you were standing also led to the room where Minho had probably disappeared and the bathroom, which was located right next door. 

You looked inside. You were struck by a pleasant wave of heat, following Minho's recent shower. You looked around the interior. Like the living room, the bathroom decor was rather dark. A large bathtub, which could easily fit two people, stood on a delicate platform against one of the walls. On the opposite wall was a large, glass-enclosed shower, and in the middle was a large countertop constructed of black marble, with a built-in sink. Above the countertop hung a huge mirror, covering the entire wall with its surface. 

“Wow...” You let out. Minho's bathroom could definitely accommodate your entire bedroom. 

“Why did I know you would be right here?” You heard his voice behind you. You jumped up, slightly frightened, and turned toward him. He was standing leaning against the doorframe, with his arms folded across his chest. He was smiling sassily at you. “Come on kitten, let's drink some wine.” He added and winked at you. Without a word, you moved behind him, watching as the white shirt he had to throw on when he entered the next room framed his muscles and the black pants highlighted his buttocks. 

“You have a nice apartment.” You said, standing at the kitchen counter and watching Minho open a bottle of wine and pour the drink into glasses. “Did you decorate it yourself?” 

“Mhm, I actually did everything myself.” He admitted handing you a glass. “I'm glad you like it.” 

“It's so... elegant. And big, definitely bigger than mine.” You said and took a sip of wine. The alcohol warmed your throat pleasantly. 

“I must come to you one day and judge for myself.” He smiled slightly at you. “Have you seen my hot tub on the balcony?”

“You have a hot tub?” You grinned. “I didn't know lecturers earned that much.” You added, then shot yourself a mental slap. Minho laughed quietly.

“I'm not just a lecturer, sunshine.” He said amused. “I'm involved in many things. I invest a lot in new projects and I am the main patron of an art gallery in the city center. I lecture rather out of boredom...”

“Really?” You blinked. “Wow, you're a really busy guy.”

“You don't even know how much...” Minho replied, slightly amused by your reaction. “Shall we sit down?” He suggested and went to the living room, where he set his wine glass down on the glass coffee table, then sat down on the leather couch in a gentle spread. 

You looked up at him, blushing. You were turned on by the sight of a man, and he didn't even do anything like that. You sipped your wine again, hoping that it would somehow make your cheeks return to their normal color. 

“”Come up to me.“” Said Minho suddenly, watching you and your every move like a hungry tiger. His voice was warm, yet firm. You obeyed and approached him. You stood right in front of him. Minho smiled slightly. “Sit down.” He added in the same tone, looking down at his thighs. You struggled with your thoughts for a moment, but after a moment's consideration, you sat on his lap with your arms around him. You rested one hand on his shoulder and held a wine glass in the other. “Good girl.” The man complimented you and looked into your eyes. “Tell me, what do you desire?” 

“I...” You were caught off guard by this question. You didn't know what to do. Minho's voice worked on you like a magnet. His tone hypnotized you to the point that all you wanted was to follow his instructions. 

“You?” He asked, slightly impatient. His hands landed on your hips. With his thumbs, he gently rolled circles on your skin. His brown eyes scowled at you with their gaze. 

“I want you.” You said quietly, barely audible. But he heard. He smiled slightly and leaned in gently, causing a slight friction between your bodies. His one hand slid under your shirt. 

“You already have me.” He whispered in your ear, biting lightly on its lobe. Then he moved his lips over your jaw and slid down to your neck. He glided along your neck slowly. His velvety lips barely touched your skin, thus making you red hot. You let out a quiet moan when he encountered the most sensitive spot on your neck. The grip on your body strengthened slightly, and Minho bit the spot that caused you to make such a sweet sound to his ears. He sucked your skin, and you moaned again, a little louder this time, squeezing his shoulder with your hand.

After a short while, Minho moved away from your neck, but continued to hold you tightly. He smiled slightly, admiring the red mark that had begun to form on your skin. He marked you. You looked at him, with slightly misty eyes. 

“”Will you stay the night?” He asked suddenly, seemingly carelessly. 

“I don't have any stuff... Plus I have class tomorrow...” You replied, not yet fully aware.

“That's okay, sunshine, I'll give you one of my shirts, although believe me, you won't need clothes today.” He replied, looking straight into your eyes. “And as for classes, I guess nothing will happen if you miss a day or two, right?”

“... Right.” You replied quietly admitting he was right. “I'll stay the night...” You added after a while with a slight smile. 

“Great!” Minho smiled.  Great... You thought. It's going to be a long night..

——————————

<- Part 3 | Part 5 ->

-> Series Masterlist

Taglist: @yaorzu-blog, @iovecb97, @hpnsfwaddict, @syedazarintasnim

[dragonsandphoenix]

Raising Your Husband in Danmei

So I've been in the danmei fandom for about 5 years at this point. During that time I've mostly hung around in international fandom spaces, since I'm not a native Mandarin speaker. But I do occasionally dabble in Chinese fandoms simply because the options for novels in English speaking danmei fandom are too limited. Once you've done that you familiarise yourself with many tropes and fandom slang that is so common in Chinese fandoms. They seem to be able to categorise any genre or trope with scientific precision. I'm by no means an expert so if I've gotten anything wrong feel free to correct me. I just wanted to talk about this one trope that I've come across on occasion but never really looked too deeply into. The idea came to me after reading this post, which features the AU idea of Xie Lian raising a little Hong'er. And it made me think of a few other danmei novels that also involve one of the main leads living together and raising the other, usually since they were young. If this concept makes you feel uncomfortable, then feel free to stop reading. TW's of every kind basically.

Raising your love interest or 养成

So while I've kind of seen this term used for danmei novels, I don't know where I first saw it. According to Baidu, the term's actual meaning is to "cultivate so that something can form or grow". 养成系 or "cultivation system", another internet slang term I see, is usually used to refer to "the development of idols" and in games to "cultivate a virtual character to become their ideal state". In the context of danmei novels, it means a story where the two leads have a significant age gap, and the plot revolves around the older one raising the younger and then they become lovers when they're older. Without mincing words, they're basically like grooming novels. Except where grooming in real life is a crime, in danmei fiction, the fantasy is seeing a male character having to be put in a nurturing position, and the other male character having to be dependent and become attached to his guardian not out of feelings of attraction at first. Just like most things in the genre, it's all about the moe factor. Also, a lot of it is unintentional grooming because usually the older character doesn't even realise the younger's budding romantic feelings until much much later. There may be time skips where they're separated and spend years apart, and incest or pseudo-incest may be involved.

Anyway, here are some popular examples listed under the trope that I know through going through lists of 养成 novels compiled by fans (basically I went on 小红书/red note and searched 养成系双男主文 or something):

Scum Villain's Self Saving System by MXTX

Yeah, quite a number of comments in XHS when discussing this trope will be like "oh you're talking about SVSSS right?" I guess any shizun fucker novel could qualify following that logic, but to be honest, we see so little of the "raising" in this one that I'd consider it light 养成.

大哥 or Older Brother aka Unknown by Priest

Another popular recent example that I keep seeing mentioned. It tracks, the MC adopted the ML and literally raised him. I haven't finished the drama actually (I'm sorry, I really should). Pseudo-incest too since they're adopted brothers.

落不下 or Can't Be Left Behind by Yousa

The incest danmei. Also maybe the only 年上 (top is older than the bottom) danmei with this trope that I like. Here the older brother actually intentionally grooms the MC. At least that's my reading. Theirs is a fucked up, intense and passionate relationship that compelled me nonetheless. I've seen this be described as gay Flowers In The Attic and while I haven't read the latter I'm definitely picking it up due to how much I loved this novel.

龙血 or Dragon Blood by Shui Qian Cheng

Adopted father/son. One of my faves from this author. Action thriller about a mercenary who finds a child in the middle of the jungle and trains him to be a mercenary, and the child turns out to be a secret government experiment who can turn into a mutant dragon hybrid. Good stuff. Hot smut too.

And that's it! There are a few more that I know of, but haven't read so I can't really vouch for them. Hopefully this reaches at least 5 of you filthy danmei fans out there.

[quanticq]

Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore”

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

[bahja-blix]

😐💀 A Dumbass Appeared (Ask Edition) A post regarding Viv Stans (Part 2)

Before we begin I want to say that I will absolutely not be censoring the person in this for valid reasons. I'll however censor the people who are just regular visitors.

What brilliance unfolds in my ask box? They put themselves out there on purpose "because reason"... I guess?

Reminder This is the Internet, you put yourself out there, your out there forever and if you do something stupid or say something stupid, your idiocy might go viral enough where you get called out so don't expect people to cover you up when YOU did this To Yourself

When I changed my bio to say "Bored ASF, Ask a Goth" I didn't mean be a god damn loser and make up shit on purpose for Bait reasons.

Yes this is real and Yes these were sent by a Viv Stan and it's OBVIOUSLY Bait but I still wanted to review it just for fun because I was literally laughing my ass off and I ain't even high!! 🤣 that And the actual person was Serious about deleting their profile along with taking the time to remove one by one every like and post from their profile which is hilarious. I didn't even make a post at the time and they disappear Anyway 😂. So I had absolutely no option to respond regardless. Lol you didn't think I'd see that but I did LMAO. You took the time to send me this but couldn't take a couple seconds to block me right after so I don't see your profile disappear but I guess you're just that stupid. What stopped you from just deleting your account without going through lengths to type this shit up?

We start with Kona, a boot lickin Viv stan living in denial over the fact that their obviously a Viv Stan. I said I wasn't going to answer this but this is HORRIBLE 😂 How could I Not share!

I love how you literally sat here and took the time to go ""Anonymous"" on the first ask you sent me showing your name and profile only to turn around and send me Another ask and Then another begging to me down on your knees basically telling me to forget I saw your ass 🤣🤣🤣

Omfgfgfggg🤣🤣🤣

I absolutely applaud how you "went out of your way to ALL these critics" like your some kinda Big Dawg white knighting for Viv telling us to "Listen up" because God Damnit "This town ain't Big Enough for the two of us" only to completely disappear off the face of the earth because you knew I saw your ass and you got scared.

I'm assuming you saw my last post where I said "Stick it" when referring to someone else that didn't agree with the helluva boss and hazbin hotel critical community...so you took it to heart and used it in the ask!? Did my post offend you 🥺🥺🥺? Omg I'm terribly sorry that I'm not a boot licking Viv Stan... I truly am (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

So... you attack Showtoonz for no reason other than *Double Checks Notes* ahh here we go "Having valid opinions" fresh off the table *chef kiss excuse* lol

LMAO they really said "Ass takes" omg no wayyy 😂

I also applaud how you basically said that the entirety of the helluva boss and hazbin hotel critical community an "embarrassment to our democracy" lol where that come from? and that the best argument you can come up with is that "*ughhh* your all "cOnSeRvAtIvEs" like did you travel across time and space through the Internet, see my page, and pretend to get triggered over the fact that I'm p***tically balanced in every direction?? Open minded if you will!? What does critiquing a show have to do with what's going on outside in the world? You do realize a lot of these people critiquing Viv Are in fact Democrats (me included in that spectrum) that Were fans of Viv and don't agree with Viv because she messes shit up on purpose 😂

Love how your one of those people that's obviously too far on the edge who are an actual embarrassment to society because this is the shit you put out there along with the

"YoUr NoT oNe Of Us" argument because what else would you pull out of your ass like legit your literally the type of person that likes to sniff your own fucking farts... Geez

I can't stop laughing 🤣

"One of Us! One of Us! Gooble gobble, Gooble gobble, One of Us! One of Us!" Like I can't. We Dems ain't gonna bow down to you and kiss your ass like your some kind of King so you might as well get over it buttercup

Regarding the last one for Bait reasons you decided to bring janky brained Joe into this... What a legend! You really showed us Dems the middle finger and went "Fuck ALL of You" 😂 Hey pal I'm NGL, but all I'm saying is that maybe you shouldn't be so into your own p***tical fart clouds so much because all that methane n shit will clog up your thinking.

"OMG I've been exposed by my own "Brilliance" in taking down these critics, please don't expose me"

W H E E Z E !!!

this last bits my favorite part

"*Clears throat* "If you disagree with me I'm going to "delete my account"

(Welp I guess I disagree with you :D, have a nice day ^^ Adios!! 🤣) Wait? You were actually Serious??? 🤣🤣🤣

"run to Twitter" with all my problems (because of course your one of those losers) and "bitch" to my two followers that "Will raise all hell" down onto those "Antis" who are so Mean and Negative where my post is sure to go viral enough to take down the entire critical community and reap their rights away from them"

Without any proof, but instead your tail tucked between your legs as you run and hide.

PA THETIC

Managed to get this on the way out. A Viv Stan in denial who's also a hypocrite. Oh but we "anti Viv Stan critics" have "ass takes" and "no valid criticism" You blindly support woomy... The same person who attacked multiple people in our communities for having valid opinions!

Fucking Cringe dude

[caplanbuckybarnes]

OMG I SO SORRY FOR THE ASK I HADN'T FINISHED IT I WAS ASKING ABT YOU GIVING ME SOME WRITING TIPS AND IT AUTOCORRECTED WHEN I WROTE I BC MY PHONES MESSED UP LIKE THAT AND I DIDNT REALISE OML I'M SO SORRY PLZ FORGIVE ME MOOT PLEASE I LOVE YOUR WRITING I PROMISE ESP YOUR BUCKY FICS AND THAT I'M SORRY

no worries, honey.. i figured that was the case. you want writing tips?? Sure.

Never force your writing. If ideas don't come to your mind, don't force them. It will sound like hell, and you will indeed hate yourself over it. Are you stuck on a scene in your writing? Skip it and write what comes after. The words will come eventually. I can't tell you how many times I was stuck on a scene to write out the following few scenes after, and then the scene I was stuck on came back to me in droves.

Write what YOU love and what YOU want to write if you don't want to write out a request/idea someone sent to you, then don't. You don't need to explain yourself. Don't feel as though you HAVE to accept a request from someone; you'll burn yourself out and hate yourself worrying over the request/idea.

Write about whatever you want to: your favourite character/blurbs. Write new AUs, write angst, fluff, smut, whatever you want. Ignore the antis; every fandom has them, and it's honestly not worth the time and effort. Block the people who try to bash you for writing a character/pairing they don't like. Fandoms are meant to be a fun, safe space. Write what you want, and love every word of it.

Don't proofread ANYTHING until you know you're finished with your piece of writing/art.

Get an extra set of eyes to look over your work, whether it's some stranger on the internet you trust or a person in person who you trust to be completely honest with you about edits/scenes you need to rewrite/whatever else they might ask. Sometimes, when we look over our writing, our brain ignores the mistakes, so get an extra set of eyes.

You don't have to post every day/week/month to be a writer. You're still a writer if only one word gets written/typed daily. Take care of yourself first & foremost. I know writers on tumblr/ao3 that have burnt themselves out writing nonstop, it's not mentally safe to force yourself to write just for a few commetns/reviews/kudos.

Which brings me to Ao3/Tumblr stats. DON'T compare yourself to other writers. EVER. Yes, there's always going to be a fic that's more popular then yours will EVER be. & that's totally fine. Whether you get one like/kudos/comment, or a thousand of them. ENJOY WHAT YOU DO! because guess what?? As they say on Whose Line Is It Anyway? THE POINTS DO NOT MATTER! you're writing for FUN, no other reason!!!

You'll be your absolute worst critic when it comes to your own writing. Don't be too harsh on yourself. The reason why you hate your own writing and think it sucks & nobody is going to read it is because you've read it over numerous times yourself and found it to be predictable; NEWSFLASH, DING DING! It's NOT!!

You will ALWAYS improve your writing. I recently went back to look at a bunch of my own writing from 2018 and noticed how much I've improved since then. Yes, the writing makes me cringe, but that's entirely okay. It means I grew as a writer.

Experiment with Aus that you wouldn't see in canon. I tend to always, always go for a good ole Mafia AU, because, let's face it, guns?? blood?? gore?? but also, fluff?? baking cookies with your lover ay 3am AU?? hellooo?? I never know where my mind will take me when I start a new drabble/one shot.

11. Take your time; don't rush a word out.

[kafus]

my friend who passed away was the friend who got me that event pichu exclusive to IRL movie theaters in south korea that i mentioned a while back. his name was Riku

he passed away in the early morning of the 22nd (21st in my timezone). he was in his early 20s and had just moved out on his own and it was way too soon for him to go. just a week or two ago i was watching the kaika and vwp gensho concerts with him at 4 in the morning. he was around literally everyday - me and my friends found out about his death so soon because we were concerned that he was gone for just one day, and on the second day we reached out to one of his IRL friends to find out where he was. he was often in the hospital so i was hoping he was just afk for a particularly long time in the hospital and he would send a picture of his iv drip and the ceiling like he always did. i could not have imagined this would be the time he didn't make it. it is going to be weird not hearing from him literally everyday like i have been for the past 2-3 years. i am really struggling with this, i have had friends pass away but never any this close to me. i'm trying to keep myself together for his sake

leave it to me to process strong emotions through pokemon i guess but i loaded up SV to give the pichu the best friends ribbon so it says "the Great Friend" when sent out. i can't nickname it due to the fateful encounter flag but i've given him the name Anemo in my mind at least since our main shared interest that we met over was Kamitsubaki, and his favorite singer was Isekaijoucho, and the flower things in her hair are called Anemos (short for Anemones) and i thought naming him in a small way after something he loved and an interest we shared would benice

i also did a nuzlocke a while back where i had some special rulings to do with naming all my encounters after my friends from the friend group me and riku were in - the pokemon everyone got assigned were random and decided by spinning a wheel, and riku ended up being my flygon that came to the E4 and everything

i wasn't planning on ribbon mastering any pokemon from that playthrough, but now i really want to RM this flygon specifically. transfer him up and take him with me yknow

riku was not a pokemon fan in particular, but it was something we shared/bonded over - he used to ping me whenever he saw art of any kamitsubaki character with pokemon, and he went out of his way to celebrate that interest with me, even thru our language barrier

his favorite musician of all time was Kanzaki Iori, and some months ago he put out a call for fans to send him pictures he could use in the youtube videos for some cover songs he was doing. riku submitted photos, and on two occasions his photos were actually included - we didn't share pictures of ourselves or our real life often, so these were some of his rare photos of his real life presence

i can't stop listening to these. i cannot imagine how many times he listened to them himself. he was so happy about his photos being in these videos

i'll make a more proper memorial post at a later time (i want to draw something dedicated to him) but i just sort of wanted to ramble about this to get some thoughts out of my head in a public space. riku didn't have a ton of people in his IRL life and we were just friends over the internet but i want him to be remembered and i want my feelings today to be saved somewhere. eventually it'll get easier but for now it's still really raw

[gilfmobile]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright you know what? I'm done being quiet.

Let's go over what happened shall we?

We were in a relationship for 6 months and for the latter 2 you remained quiet while contemplating to break up. What you should have done was to communicate like an adult.

2. A month prior to our breakup, the day of my therapy you asked me how the therapy went and i replied it was a rough week because of my PTSD, to which you sent a very harsh reply saying "yeah you have many triggers" and that you cannot ask me anything.

Which came as a complete surprise to me because I had always tried my best to communicate effectively. I then asked if you wanted to breakup due to the tone of the message. You replied you aren't happy with me and that I have no future plans (which weren't true, but you rejected what i offered. god forbid a person doesn't have their life figured out). Now, this caused me to hyperventilate because it was too much on top of my therapy! Regardless I expected an honest answer. You replied that you in fact do not wish to break up because you love me.

3. Fast forward to Valentine's day (aka month 6), I get you gifts and you seem excited and happy. Nothing seems amiss, except you message me saying you aren't feeling well and I ask you if you're crying over your 10-year-crush rejection situation still and you are surprised that i seem aware of it.

You hadn't really gotten me a gift but i had expected us to have a nice day together that day. Despite that i want to be supportive and understanding and i agree to do valentine's day on the 15th with you and give you the space you need.

The next day you message me saying you need a break from the relationship and we have a phone call. During this conversation you admit you can't promise to get back together and i tell you this is indeed a breakup and i am of course heartbroken.

You ask to go no-contact for a month and i unfollow your social media so i can try to move on. Now during this time i was the owner a resident evil discord server and i can't think of any option but to kick you from there to respect the no-contact. A day or two after this happens, you message me saying you are sad that this happened for which i am also sad but try to explain i had no other choice.

4. Just as the one month ends, like clockwork, you message me a "i am sorry" because you hadn't intended to hurt me which i appreciated. I try to explain to you that i needed more time apart and can't promise on a time frame in which we can go back to hanging out as friends (it was rather naive to think this could happen in the first place).

You get angry and tell me i am portraying you as some kind of "heartless monster" (your words not mine) just because i told you i couldn't stop crying and that you were also crying daily for "pushing away someone that truly cares about you". I simply try to make you understand this isn't the case and I am only explaining my feelings.

5. Guess that goes over your head because a week later you make a callout post on twitter about getting "kicked from the discord server" that you "live in".

Now this makes me feel betrayed and hurt. Why wouldn't you message me privately and discuss instead of making it a problem to complete strangers on the internet? (and yes i did from time to time check your social media because hello! i was heartbroken and missed you).

I then decide that i need advice if i should cut contact with you because this behavior, frankly, is quite immature and was too much to handle on top of all the heartbreak for me. I reach out to a mutual friend and they do confirm that i should cut contact with you if i can't feel like we can remain friends.

I send you a dm after this, to which you reply with a voice message that 9 ppl are also dm'ing you and you will get back to me when you can. You also somehow in your mind equated to ending a relationship out of the blue with getting kicked from a discord server.

I have questions in my head that need answering so i message again:

-Why have you told our friends we were on a break and not broken up? Why are you reflecting the situation differently?

-Why were you still sending me explicit photos of yourself 4 days before our breakup if you had been contemplating for 2 months?

And that basically I cannot keep my promise to stay in your life because of your current behavior.

Part of me wished we could actually have a level-headed conversation and sort things out.

6. You take forever to reply, and send one long very aggressive message and block me after so there's no repercussion for you.

The message includes:

-You have decided to "walk away" and that you were staying in my life because I had abandonment trauma and that you were basically doing me a favor when in reality you had told me you didn't want to lose me and asked me to stay in your life. (Also abandonment trauma means you leave before people have a chance to do so, not beg them to stay in your life)

-That i was basically playing victim and I had played victim my whole life against my "hateful family" to protect myself. Which couldn't be further from the truth because that's not it works to be in life-threatening situations.

-You in the message basically told me that the biggest gift for me was you visiting me and paying for my travel fare and offering to pay for a few meals. (Which might i mention is something super rude to tell anyone in any situation). I had done the same for you and you had even stayed at my place.

Now it's true that i felt like your gift planning felt more like afterthoughts but i hadn't really cared too much about that.. what mattered to me was having you in my life. And you mentioning that i cared not that you visited me and it meant nothing could also be nothing farther from the truth. It had meant everything to me.

Anyway so you blocked me and i set out to move on.

7. Your blog popped up on my friend's dash and guess what? It was a personal message about me so of course my curiosity peaked and i checked your blog aswell. What do i find? A bunch more posts about myself and you expressing regret over your handle of the situation.

I don't do anything and try to keep moving on. (Part of me still wishes maybe she wants to have a conversation to have closure)

8. Fast forward to july, just a few days before i'm posting this i get an anon ask that basically says "Are you haunting me or am I haunting you?". I think to myself is this my ex. Does she want to reach out maybe? So i send you a message asking that if you want to talk, i'm giving us a chance to find closure and if you were that anon.

You reply in anger (big shocker), basically telling me you have nothing to say to me rudely and to that i reply okay so be it then I wish you happiness in life.

And i do truly wish you happiness in life, never truly understood your need to paint either of us as the villain here. Never have I thought of you as a "monster" as you have tailored in your mind.

It is however ironic that you should use the words "Go haunt some other fool" right after telling me you were in fact not the anon.

I was never one for dramatics, or for sharing personal things online but this was the final straw for me.

I am closing our chapter here. Best wishes to you.

[amazing-spiderling]

Ask art🎨! 1. 3. 5. 13. 15. 25. 34

What got you into art? When did you start?

I feel like I was one of those kids who was always drawing. One of the earliest hobbies I remember having was drawing, and since my mom was a teacher, it seemed like we were never at a loss for pencils, crayons and markers in the house. I think I also developed a desire to imitate things I saw on television pretty early on. I remember being TRANSFIXED by the Saban "Grimm's Fairy Tales" that would play on occasional Saturdays as part of Nickelodeon's "Special Delivery" programming. This was old timey anime, but even as a kid I could tell there was something different about it that I liked, and I tried to imitate the style as best I could in the margins of my notebooks.

Later, I got into comic books, and I remember wanting to draw my favorite characters from those (Batman was an early one, eventually giving way to Nightcrawler and the X-Men.) Again, I'd copy pictures out of comics I snuck in my bag to school. By the time high school came around, I was holding pieces of paper up to a paused video on television to get anime characters exactly right (please understand the internet was still in its infancy, and google wasn't even a thing yet). So I guess the thing that "got me into" art was seeing things I liked, and wanting to make them too.

3. What digital programs, if any, do you prefer?

I pretty much only use CSP for drawing, and then I'll hop onto Photo Pea if i need to do any grunt work (resizing/reformatting etc)

5. Who is your biggest inspiration?

Mostly, other people in my fandom circles. When I see people creating art of the things I love, it makes ME want to make art of the things I love. Sometimes this is people posting art that makes me think "I want to try that" and other times it's just conversations that spark something in my mind, but I know I'd be waaaaaaaaay less productive if I didn't have a community of awesome creatives to keep me fueled up!

13. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Hmm. Stories, I think? Sometimes I have an idea with a story connected to it, but I don't know if it could sustain an entire fic, and would rather see it as one powerful image. Other times, I'll hear a song and it will spark a visual in my mind I want to get out. And of course, I love a good redraw. I'm quick to draw associations between things I like, and a lot of time that has to get expressed as art.

15. Any tips and advice?

So, I actually originally went to school for painting hahahaha. I was convinced I wanted to be a fine artist. But I spent a lot of my time in art school convinced that I had to reach certain (totally undefined) thresholds before I would be capable (or allowed?) to do certain things. Use certain materials, attempt certain projects. And to be fair, I was limited by some things, like money, my ability to go places and *get* said materials, my available time etc. But that wasn't the roadblock in my head. Many years later, I was sitting in on a panel of female creators who had made a place for themselves in the digital space, and one of them asked the audience how many of them had an idea for a website, a podcast, a webseries etc- anything creative they wanted to do. A lot of people raised their hands. Then she asked how many of them had a cellphone. Everyone raised their hand again.

"Then you already have everything you need to get started. This isn't the best camera or microphone or computer in the world, but it's enough for you to get going. You don't need anyone's permission to get started."

I think that she did a really good job of articulating an issue I'd given myself- I was waiting for permission to do things, and I didn't need it! I try to keep that in mind now whenever I want to try my hand at something new.

25. Most frustrating thing about art?

Having an idea you're really excited about. Wanting to draw it. And being unable to make yourself get up and do it. I probably spend just as much time figuring out ways to have better habits and rituals around making art as I do actually making it.

34. Piece you didn’t think would get noticed as much as it does?

I cranked out that Scott Pilgrim deleted scene redraw (the comic with Murderdock at a Mary Janes concert) in the course of a single evening because the idea came to me all of a sudden and I knew that if I didn't do it RIGHT THEN i never would. Since that movie kinda only has a cult following, and the scene was only available on the DVD version, (and Murderdock was more niche than he is now) it was really something I did for myself. The fact that a bunch of people have found the idea s funny as I did still surprises me.

[bamfspock]

A friend on facebook posted a question about first computers, first owned or first used or both, and some unknown but volatile spectre took hold of me (boredom it was boredom) and I wrote out this long-ass response that I'm sharing here for difficult-to-discern yet somehow vital reasons (more boredom):

First used was a macintosh, can't recall the model, but my cousin had one and I used it it to play space invaders and found it delightful. It was also the same model used in the computer room at my elementary school, where we went once a week to learn typing (on a program called paws, or something like that), and this is where I was introduced to Oregon Trail, also delightful.

Then came a clunky little guy of a laptop that was my mother's, used for work purposes (creating spreadsheets for grades, simple word processing, and other high-school-teacher-things). It had a windows-like interface and a black and white screen, and I ran Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing on it for practice which I, yes that's right, found delightful.

Fast forward to when I was...16 I think? My dad finally gave in and bought us a family computer, the type that came with a tower and had a monitor that looked like a wee CRTV. It had color, connected to the internet, and ran windows 98, which came with a pinball game that - that's right, you've guessed it, delighted me. I searched the web with Alta Vista until my dad gave in yet again and let us get AOL for a time, where I made prodigious use of AIM to talk to friends and strangers alike. I also used the computer to play my favorite game at that point: Sim City 2000, which I played all the time and eventually grew tired of when I figured out how to essentially guarantee a successful city, but my mom caught onto it and actually ended up using the game for her economics and government students, for which she was lauded and earned the greatest of student praise by being dubbed a 'cool teacher'. It was also on this computer that I discovered the phenomenons of fandom (via internet forums) and fan fiction (often via geocities and angelfire and the associated web rings), and thus sealed my fate.

As for the first computer to call my own, that was an iBook, the earliest model I think or whatever was most current in 2002, which I got as part of the academic scholarship I had at the college I ended up choosing. I had to take it in for repairs many a time, not because it didn't work but because I am a gremlin and kept pulling the damn keys off the keyboard, and I backed it up using a zip drive that was also part of the scholarship package. When I transfered to a different school I was able to buy it from them at half price since it was technically used, and continued to love it until one day it seemed to randomly brick over the course of a week, which is when my mac-savvy friend explained that the reason I couldn't find a defrag program to run is because apple calls it something else and hides it in the safe start (I think?) mode, those fuckers. Bought a second one, was very UNdelighted to find that all my zip discs failed, and that was the last mac I ever owned, the end 🧡

TL;DR I gave an excessive response to a question from a friend about first computers and when I have writer's block it tends to overflow in weird ways

[bromcommie]

For the ask game ;)

🏜️,❄️,🥐,🌻 aaand 🥤

Hope you are having a good day!

Hiya, thanks for the retaliatory hit! (affectionate) hope you're having a lovely day too :) 🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? Ooh, can I just say any? Kidding, albeit I am very grateful for everyone who takes the time out to comment, even if it's just a string of emojis or something! But I am eternally grateful for long, detailed comments and especially love when people point the things that they related to in my work or things that clicked for them (particularly the ones I thought might be overlooked or alternatively, too heavy-handed to land) or even line up certain things or parallels that didn't fully register to me while I was writing except as a vague ~vibe~. I just appreciate it a whole lot, and it makes the whole exchange feel like a conversation. ❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

Hm, I don't know - I don't think I have one specific dream theme/plot. That said I have been thinking a lot about Red Room/Department X plotlines recently. I really love the throughline of the struggle for identity + shifting ideologies/definitions of what it means to be a good person + autonomy & free will vs. wanting to belong dichotomy in those stories. Especially when it's grounded in interesting dynamics that aren't very black and white (i.e. Nat and the other widows, the handlers, the WS.) That era is also just very interesting to me in terms of real world circumstances and events, and the scifi potential to explore trauma and psychological fuckery in general is endless. So I guess I'd really love something that deals with Natasha's memories as a child + teen in the war and how that shaped her both before the Red Room even got their hands on her, as well as during and after; how she became this kind of mercurial person who is still (maybe surprisingly so) solid at her core. Something a la Name of the Rose, if you've read that run.

As for who I'd like to write it, I am in fact attempting to write something to that effect into my current post-CATWS wip, so I guess me? Not to say I wouldn't love to read something similar by someone else - there have been several fics out there that dealt with Natasha in a way that had me staring into empty space for an hour (in a good way) - just that I enjoy the process of developing ideas like that in my head differently than I do reading about them from another angle, if that makes sense!

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

that vine with the two guys with heavy NY/NJ area accents screaming at a duck. wait no - any patrick william charlton vine where he suddenly acquires a german accent. wait no - the can I PLEASE get a waffle one.

oh man. any one vine really. I'm very nostalgic about vine. 🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

I feel like if I started doing that I'd end up spamming way too many people haha. I do wanna say I very much appreciate everyone I've gotten to interact with and follow during this CATWS10 event and over the past two months I’ve been on here more!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love Oh, god. GOD. This is so tough, I'm really blanking right now. I've been around for a loong while lol and there are so, so many insane, brilliant ones. It doesn't help that I really haven't read that many in the last few years as much as I've been writing them.

Off the top of my head though, I recently went back to Speranza's All the Angels and the Saints. One of the all-time old school Cap greats. All of their stuff is just wonderful, foundational Steve, Bucky & SteveAndBucky content. Also everything by magdaliny. I don't even know what to say there, except maybe goddamn.

I’ve also been reading a couple Red Room fics that I can’t find right now but that were great, so I’ll have to dig through my old laptop bookmarks and get back to you with a personalized list, hehe 🫡

[att4boy]

some thoughts

i was reminded of this blog bc i was watching mina le's lovely video on subcultures and aesthetics, and rmbed the times i came on here and reblogged all these art hoe (or whatever) photos with the #aesthetic tag, and tried to make my blog look all cohesive and pretty as well. i was 13 when i first started this blog - in fact i started it the day after i turned 13, if i'm not wrong? just a few days after... - and now i'm turning 21, and still thinking about this place. i joined tumblr bc all my friends were on it and it seemed like such a cool place. now all the friends (irl and not) i used to have here are gone.

(are any of you still here? let me know...)

i've been thinking about my relationship with the internet recently, inspired mainly by chia amisola (among many others on twitter). when i was younger i was so careless with what i posted. not using careless in a bad way, btw. i mean careless as in unself-conscious, careless as in happy to chat with anyone who happened to be around. when i had just started elementary school my sister helped me set up a blog where i happily posted about my day (i went to kfc today!), and then in p3 i tried to set up a blog to document my family (though it never materialised in the end; i think my mum heard about it and discouraged me from doing it, though i truly don't rmb much anymore). and when i got instagram i started a transparents account (those overlays to put on pictures that everyone was rly into back then) on instagram that got almost 1k followers, i had (have - it's still available online, though we haven't posted since 2016) a book fandom account with three of my friends where we posted our little fanedits of books like divergent and hunger games and twilight. i remember briefly chatting in the comments to some guy a year or two older whose username referenced mockingjay about singapore and school... making a transparent for this ? influencer ? my age ?? that i thought was rly cool... and then something changed, i'm not sure what. i think i became more conscious not of data privacy and security and whatnot, but of how hostile the internet could be when you had a "bad" opinion. i was finding my way into the parts of the internet that discussed feminism, intersectionality, lgbtq+ rights, etc... and don't get me wrong, i think those are all excellent movements that i'm proud to be part of, but i think i also stumbled into areas where accidentally being insensitive or uninformed was very harshly criticised and looked down upon. and i think, probably, i was already the sort of person to naturally be a bit more worried and anxious about doing the "right thing" - i was always the goody-two-shoes in class, still am today to some extent. so the internet changed around me and i came to know it as somewhere where i shouldn't ask too many questions, where i shouldn't criticise.

but then i've been reading about other people's experiences on the internet - how they grew up and built their entire worldview there, made friends across the globe and changed the trajectory of their lives because of it... and i am of course remembering my younger days of freedom of the internet. i miss that era! i wonder how different i would be if i had walked further into this space and talked more. now all i do is lurk on twitter with a private account, ghost cool people trying to follow me back, dream about replying to posts and weaving a friendship from nothingness... i am definitely romanticising, to some extent, but i don't think my version of the internet back then (/ now) is wholly accurate either. i am imagining a version of myself with more confidence and curiosity, and i am wondering if i can still spin that version into existence.

i guess this post is an attempt at that? the last time i came here to talk abt something and then i ended up moving that into a private google doc. but it feels appropriate for me to post about coming back onto / into the internet on tumblr, where i have "been" for years and years. i've been thinking about starting a blog, or a public twitter, or maybe (this one just came to mind) restarting a tumblr and seeing where things go. i don't know if i'll keep it up... but wouldn't it be nice to try?

[tripstitan]

Yee Gods Yes

Found this on Harvard Health while I was thinking up a reply to a post about which hypersensitivity a person has the most of. (Hint, for me, it's all. Tactile, light, sound, crowd-overstimulation... Every sense of mine is heightened except smell, which I do not have as a sense. I'm anosmic I think is the term.)

Holy hell that would have been useful when I was trying to "be normal" for most of my life, trying to act as if I were neurotypical and not disabled, trying to work within the bounds of society's expected rules. Way to go Harvard Health. This sorta stuff needs to be seen more often by more people, especially employers.

I don't even realize that I'm stimming when I have to "even out" the pressure on either sides of my cuticles. Like if my right thumb gets pressure along its left half, I have to tap/press the right half of the cuticle thingy in response. Sometimes I just have to hit both sides, then eventually, all my fingers need evening out on both sides of my nail(which, once I notice, can become a near endless spiral, because I use my other finger edges to even out the pressure on my other finger edges...)

Don't even get me started on how wearing denim feels like my flesh is on fire. (Tactile hypersensitivity + fibromialgia = NO JEANS PLEASE.)

I used to be more heavily synesthetic, or have synesthesia to a higher degree. (Maybe I still do, but I've avoided the main triggers for a long, long time.) To me, voices and sounds have/had flavor. Too many voices/too much sound ends up just tasting like vomit, just nasty worst flavors combined coming to the fore. Yuck. Crowds suck. School assemblies SUUUUUUUCKED. I know I was a weird creepy kid, and the few things I remember from my past (yay trauma blanking out memories for me,) I'm pretty regretful of. I was sheltered, and I was an idiot... but I... anyway, let's just say I'm glad I'm in a position in life where if I don't want to, I'll never have to enter a crowded/loud space ever again.

As far as sound, and/or light, it depends on the day, because I do get photosensitive migraines, but I'm hyperaural/hyperaudiosensitive all the time. Depending on how I focus my ears, I can hear things, usually further away things, more clearly. It feels like I'm turning an internal radar dish in a crowded room, picking up other people's conversations, unable to hear the person right next to me trying to speak over the noise. ... I can also hear the thrum of electricity in power lines, and, with enough familiarity, can tell you whether or not someone has more appliances running than normal at the end of a segment of power lines. (I could always tell if dad was watching TV before I made it the 200 yards home down our long-arse dirt driveway basically out in the woods, based on the static hum in the power lines. It was just a tiny bit more audible, or a slightly different pitch. I think I probably could have also learned to guess if he'd opened the fridge and it had to kick in to cool things, or was using the microwave, but the easiest one to prove was the TV being on, or not, as based on the sound when I arrived home from school.)

Sarcasm suuuuuucks to try to detect. I trained myself to learn inflections and so on, and some people deliver without inflection! Or use it online, where there is no inflection! I... yeah I went undiagnosed most of my life, my therapist and I are proud of how far I'd come without help, without even knowing what I was facing. I grew up pretty poor, raised by a single parent, in the 80s and early 90s into late nineties and early 2000s, before there really was a ubiquity of internet access, before anyone could even reasonably be expected to have access to information, especially when living in such a rural area, or areas, as we did.

Anyway, sort of like Ren's admission in Hi Ren, as I got older, I learned to be less rigid about attempting to fit into society, and I honestly lucked out by landing on my feet in the way that I did. It was a pretty long, multi-year fall, a tumble if you will, to the outskirts and edges of society. Not quite as graceful or eloquent as Ren's "an eternal dance, a pendulum swinging between the light and the dark, and that the harder the light shone, the deeper the darkness that followed it" or such. I'm paraphrasing. (Seriously, if you haven't watched it, Hi Ren puts a lot of feelings to words that peeps in our situations feel and deal with. Impostor syndrome, depression, intrusive thoughts, struggling with disabilities and getting the help we need, and so on. I guess content warning for it, since it's pretty personal and deep. I dunno what TW to say, maybe uh... bpd? Ren acts out two different internal voices in the song.)

Gods, I'm letting all this stuff get way too personal. It's just supposed to be my webnovel ad blog thingy. Then again, AAoMM is a huge part of me, it's a chunk of almost everything that I am, in a lot of ways. It's already pretty darn personal, carrying so much of me with it.

[samthecookielord]

💘 (Assuming we can get the characters access to multiverse internet) How do you feel about the Chocolate Guy, Amaury Guichon?

1 says: "After seeing some of his work, I must say I'm quite impressed. I may not be a chocolatier, but I can tell just how much precision and effort must've went into building these intricate and detailed designs, with a fragile material even."

2 says: "oh yeah that guy oeace on earth love it when he shows up on my tumblr dash and im like yo whatcha got for us this time o chocolatey one. except now i CANT see him because THIS GUY doesnt even HAVE A TUMBLR literally outrageous i have to go ask his friend (in quotation marks) for a tumblr dash to look at"

1 says: "And let you have the upper hand by telling you? I don't think so."

2 says: "shrimp🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐FTW!!!!YEAH WOO LETS GO SHIRMP!!!!!!"

1 says: "Though exploring both is very tempting to me, I do have a bias for outer space, as indicated by one of my earlier responses."

2 says: "WA. ON one hand......thers shimp in tha sea.....BUT...... space is so swag cool......................girl idk im hypothetically exploring both baybee you cant stop me im already doing it in my brain get naed"

(tourney post)

Previous answers:

1 said (R1:M5) - Q: "amogus" - A: "Interesting invention of language. I'd like to study you."

1 said (R2:M3) - Q: "What would be your dream job? Specifically, if it could be literally anything, even if it would be impossible." - A: "I have a few ideas. I suppose you'll want to hear my most interesting one, yes? Well, a dream job for me would be to lead in an intergalactic expedition. So many new frontiers to discover... And I'd love to see it with my own eyes."

1 said (R3:M2) - Q: "what is the most Mediocre color in your opinion?" - A: "Hm. Mediocre? Personally, I don't really see any perceived wavelength of light as 'mediocre'. So many wonders of science in these hues..."

1 said (R4:M1) - Q: "I probably asked this before but thats okay new set of people would you smooch a ghost" - A: "Hm. This answer may not resonate very well with you, but I do not believe in the existence of ghosts. However, speaking in a hypothetical situation in which imaginary concepts may exist... Perhaps I may, as you say, 'smooch a ghost'. It would depend on many factors though. Is the ghost hostile? Is the ghost a complete stranger or someone I may recognize? Is the ghost from present day or centuries old? Does the ghost want to interact with me? Did the ghost ask me first? I could be asking questions all day."

1 said (R4:M1) - Q: "Say something nice about yourself :]" - A: "For starters, I've created many impressive machines in the last few years. [insert list of them here because i cant be bothered to actually come up with any rn lol] Plus, I was a top student in practically all subjects back in the day. My husband and I are also currently working on the blueprints for something big... but I won't spoil the surprise."

---

2 said (R1:M10) - Q: "what’s your ideal burger" - A: "BURGER ! ! ! YEAW !! ! ! ! !! !!!!! ideal burger is made by the friends we made along the way"

2 said (R2:M5) - Q: "how do you feel about shapeshifters" - A: "damn that would be so swag gender. well i can kinda do that but not rlly its not like im actually shifting my shape im just like hey looking at me im tricking (like the hit game) this michaelwave or whatever lolll"

2 said (R3:M3) - Q: "Opinions on nicknames? Do you like giving them? Receiving them? Have you gotten any that stand out to you? Would you like to get more or less?" - A: "DUDE NICKNAMSE ARE LIKE. MY BRAND. i better win this one guys cmon my nickname swag is sooooo cool awesome sauce. one of my BESTIES gives me a REALLY SWAG NICKNAME its [REDACTED] oh wait i guess im not allowed to say that or else itll like ruin my anonyminity or whatever 🙄🙄 ok be that way. as if im not obvious already 🙄 cuz im just so iconic 🙄 whatever im changing this guy's contact names again"

2 said (R4:M2) - Q: "if you were a pokemon what type(s) would you be" - A: "electric/ghost baybeee. just like rotom fr :] peace on earth <3 id be like one of those silly regional evolutions probably (trust me this makes sense if you know my silly weird backstory)"

2 said (R4:M2) - Q: "What's your favourite thing about yourself?" - A: "my SWAG and COOLNESS im litearlly so hot and amazing and hilarious ooo you wanna kiss me so bad ooo"