#burnt out

[222quinn]

I feel to write but I don't know what to write but I wanna write and I feel so bad for not writing yet I can't seem to write.

[golden-letters]

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

[smokinghorse]

Burnout is a jockey and he's riding me to death.

[elizzsush]

Deadpool coded reader:

Reader: dramatically and sadly, “Day 925, the bats show no sign of releasing me- a totally normal and amazing citizen from this prison.”

Reader; “he has left the second scariest Robin to guard me, Jason.”

Red hood: a little offended; “Second?”

Reader: shuttering looking like she’s reliving something, “Damien is like a angry dog, he bites.”

Reader: “also is this lega- and he walked away. Hey! I want to speak to a lawyer!!”

Reader: now yelling “I have rights!!! I think- do you have rights in Gotham?”

_______________

Batman: finally shows up.

Reader: “hey It’s You! You know if I head a penny for a rich completely normal guy who is the center of a multi million  franchise of hero’s- while also being a hero himself through the means of money… well Id have two pennies!”

Dick: “what…?”

[sysboxes]

[Text: This user is burnt out.]

[Text: This user is overwhelmed.]

[Text: This user is stressed.]

[Text: This user is exhausted.]

[Text: This user needs a break.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use

[sobbing-org]

I’m back!!

[alastor-simp]

Burnt Out😞 - Alastor x Reader

(We all had one of these days, come on raise your hand 🖐🏻🙋🏻)

Sighhhhhhhhh…it was gonna be one of those days. It was another day in the Hazbin Hotel. Everyone was up and about in the morning, either doing one of Charlie’s exercises or just going about doing their own thing, except you. Laying on your bed, tangled up in blankets, you felt emotionally and physically drained. It was another one of your burnt out sessions. They would come and go, some days being mild and others being rough. Just wasn’t in the mood for anything anymore, so staying in bed and getting through it was a better option.

You made sure to text Charlie that you weren’t going to head down in the lobby and you were gonna stay in your room. She knew about your burnt out days and made sure that you were left alone, but sent Razzle and Dazzle to bring you some food, to make sure you were eating. It was nice that she cared so much, you honestly felt like a burden like this, but Charlie had a heart of gold and wanted to give you the time to feel better. Squishing your face into the pillow, you just stared in the corner of your darken room, letting your mind wonder. They were soon interrupted by a rhythmic knock at the door. Ah, it must be Razzle and Dazzle bringing you breakfast. Turning around on your bed, facing the other way, you yelled out "Come in".

They were both pretty silent, as they didn't really converse a lot with anyone, but they were friendly. Something felt strange as instead of the flapping of wings, there was a hint of static in the air. Huh? Suddenly, your bed shook as someone had taken a sit on it. "Why good morning, my dear! Why are you still in bed? Up and at em!" A static voice rang in the room, causing your body to jump. Turning your head to the side, you spotted a smiling red demon looking down at you. "Al? What are you doing here?" Turning your body back around, you continued to lay with your head on the pillow, eyes gazing up to look at Alastor. His piercing eyes were looking down at you, as his mouth was stretched wide, smiling like a jester. "I noticed your lack of presence when I was in the lobby with the other riff-raff. Charlie kindly told me you were still residing in your room, so I decided to pay a visit! He was still seated on your bed, legs crossed with his hands on his lap. His signature microphone was laying against the bed. "Ah I see" you said as you looked down, going back to staring at the corner of the room again. Alastor raised an eyebrow, pondering your lack of emotion.

Raising both of his hands, he placed his fingers to your lips, moving them up to form a smile. "My dear, its not very productive to be lying in bed and being grummy. Come now, gimme a big smile!" Alastor continued to smile down at you, still holding your lips up. You just gazed up at him, eyes devoid of any emotion, which put off Alastor for a bit. Moving your head side to side, you were able to shake off Al's hands on your face, placing it back against the pillow. "I'm not sad Alastor." Heaving a sigh, your eyes were just staring off into space. "Alastor tilted his head at you, confused at the whole situation. "If you are not sad, then why is there still a frown formed on your lips?" Alastor continued to stare at you, waiting patiently for your answer. Honestly, you expected him to be laughing at your situation, since he enjoyed the suffering of others. His eyes were a dead give away to how he was really feeling, and the eyes that peered down at you were filled with confusion, but also concern.

Heaving a sigh, you lifted your body up, sitting instead of laying, with the blanket still wrapped behind you. "Just feeling a little burnt out at the moment." There was a bit of awkward silence, as neither of you said another word. Al was still looking at you, but his head was tilted again. "Burnt out? Was there a fire in the hotel that occurred during my afternoon stroll?" Al questioned, while inching closer to you, looking to see for any burn marks on you. Heh, that earned a chuckle out of you. Laughing for a bit, you shook your head. "No no there wasn't a fire yesterday Al. Have you never felt burnt out before?" Your question earned a head shake from Al. Figures he had no clue what that meant. This man was giddy as could be everyday. "I'm afraid I have never heard of it before, my dear! Care to enlighten me?"

He inched a bit closer, waiting for your response. Looking down, your mind tried to piece together the correct way to explain it to him. "Well, being burnt out is just my body and mind feeling overloaded with stress, yet instead of being anxious, I become detached. I don't feel depressed nor am I being lazy, but I just feel like an empty shell, like all of my feelings are just sapped away, leaving behind nothing. I don't feel any motivation to do the things I usually enjoy doing. My body is exhausted yet I'm unable to fall asleep. I told Charlie that I get like this some days, so whenever I have an episode, I stay in my room, especially since when I'm burnt out, I kinda wanna isolate myself from everyone. It is a bit confusing to explain, so I hope I was able to narrow it down for you." Finishing your little speech, your lips drew into a tiny smile as your eyes gazed at Alastor.

His eyes were still looking at you with concern, his signature smile turned into a small grin. One of his gloved hands raised to your head, stroking it. "I appreciate the explanation, darling. But, it is detrimental to your health to be staying like this." Rolling your eyes at his words, you flopped back down, smooshing your face against the pillow, lifting the blanket to cover your face. "I'll be fine Al. Don't worry about me. I'm sure you must have stuff to get done especially since you're doing more broadcasts, so don't spend all day worrying about me.”

He didn’t say anything back, so you assumed he just used his powers to teleport out of your room. “Wanna hear a joke about paper? He said in an excited tone. What the hell? Peaking your eyes out, Alastor was still sitting on your bed, smiling down at you, teeth flashing at you. “Um no?” Raising an eyebrow, you wondered what brought this up. Alastor began to chuckle at your response, “Oh that’s fine it’s tear-able!” A laugh track then erupted from his microphone. Staring at Al, you let out a soft chuckle, shaking your head. "It was terrible." Alastor made a face, like he was offended, but you knew he was just being dramatic. "Ahh well how about this one? What do you call a bear with no teeth?" Tilting your head, you thought about it before shrugging saying you didn't know. "A gummy bear! AHAHAHAHAHA!" He burst into fits of laughter, clearly very amused with his joke.

That was a better one, you thought as you let out a chuckle. Alastor had ventured further up your bed, sitting closer next to you, with his back against the headboard. "Lets see...Ah! What did the ocean say to the sailor?" Gazing up at Al, who was wearing a goofy smile, you laughed a bit before asking what did the ocean say. "Oh nothing my dear, it just waved!" Hehehe...these jokes were so corny that they made you laugh. Little by little, your mood began to improve a bit, the feelings of emptiness were lifting a bit. Getting up, you sat wrapped around your blanket, copying Alastors position. "I have a joke for you." Alastor's ears perked up, leaning in, ready to hear the joke. "Why did the deer go the dentist?" Alastor leaned back, placing a finger under his chin, thinking of the answer. "Hmmm...not sure my dear." Smiling widely, you said, "It had buck teeth." Alastor just stared at you wide eyed, before he burst into fits of laughter, causing the whole bed to shake. It took him a minute to calm down, before he turned back to you. "Haven't heard that one before! Another one to add to my collection!" He gazed at you, while whipping his eyes of the tears caused by how hard he was laughing. "Glad you liked it. Here's another one. What happens when a doctor gets frustrated?" Al's smile grew, very pleased that you had more jokes. "What happens, my dear?" "Well sadly, they lose their patients."

Oh that one really got to him. Al's head flew back in laughter, as he was kicking his legs, along with holding his stomach. You soon followed after him, laughing at his reaction and the joke. Soon the both of you calmed down. Al was taking deep breaths, having lost it from cackling with laughter. His eyes had pin pricks of tears as well, which he was wiping away. "Pant...pant...that was splendid, my dear!" Alastor was gazing into your eyes, smiling kindly at you. Smiling back, you told him that you were happy he liked the jokes. Al's hand slowly moved and placed itself on your cheek. "Feeling more yourself now, my dear?" He rubbed your cheek with his finger, causing you to lean into it. "A bit yeah." Al's eyes were tender. Quite a sight to see, since he never shows that side of him to anyone.

Removing his hand from your face, he raised his hand to snap his fingers. A tray had appeared on your lap. On the tray was a plate of pancakes, your favorite, along with a glass of orange juice and a bowl of strawberries. "Eat up, my dear! Can't have you being starved!" Al smiled at you, leaning back against the head board. Smiling, you dug in, humming happily with how amazing it tasted. His kindness made your heart ache. He was such a mystery, one side he was the feared radio demon, who enjoyed murder and gore, while the other was the Alastor you knew, a goofy man who loved jazz and cooking dishes his mother use to make. Two sides of a same coin, but you like both of them, as long as the murder and gore weren't aimed at you and your friends.

Flushing, you inched a bit closer to Al, who eyed you with curiosity. Slowly, you leaned your head against his shoulder, eyes still focusing on the breakfast, as you would feel super embarrassed to look him in the eye. His body tensed from the contact, having not expected that from you. His eyes were locked on you, eyebrow raised. "Thank you, Alastor." Whispering out a response, you continued to shyly look down, while nibbling on a strawberry. The tension had left his body, and he had leaned into you a bit. He wore a soft smile on his face, as he leaned his head back to place against the board. His hand then placed itself on top of yours, giving it a soft squeeze. "Anytime, my dear!"

~END~

Tagging:

@pepperycookie , @yourdoorisunlocked, @ghostdoodlen, @aceofcards0-0, @jyoongim, @saturnhas82moons, @unholycheesesnack , @luujjvi, @forbidden-sunlight, @pinkcrystal44 , @veethewriter , @rains-sleeping @danveration , @demoarah, @cookiekyo , @iiotic, @delectableworm , @91062854-ka , @alastorsgoldie , @lokis-imaginary-friend , @themysteriousslenderman , @huntlowfan , @pawstrey , @futureittomainn , @christinaatyourservice92 , @littledolly2345 , @just-trash-yeah-thats-it , @angelinevalentine89

[whumpshots]

Whumptober #29

Trope of the day: burnout

_

Whumpee’s head is full. Too full with everything. But they cannot take breaks, they just don’t have the time. They know Caretaker has been talking to them for a few minutes now, only noise reaches their ears, no words.

Answering feels hard. Caretaker apparently asked them a question, but Whumpee can just shake their head, not even able to verbalise that they just can’t.

They don’t sleep.

No matter how much they toss and turn, their brain keeps running in circles. Keeps messing up the next day by not being able to concentrate at all. Now they are just tired, oh so tired.

They don’t eat.

Deciding on what to eat makes them feel like they are confronted with an impossible task. Are they hungry? Whumpee has no idea.

They just want to rest.

But they can’t.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Burnt Out 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, anxiety/stress, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Robert Laing

Summary: you're stressed out and ready to escape, but the way out might not be as glamourous as it seems.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

You flinch as you peel away the hangnail. Ugh. You need to stop doing that. Your hands are a mess. Short nails, brittle too. The skin and cuticles are fraying but not on their own. You can’t help it. A nervous habit. Stress. 

You’re not sure how much more you can take. It’s not a choice. Nothing in life is your choice. You didn’t even choose to be alive. Your parents always treated you like your existence was forced even on them. That barely matters. You haven’t seen either of them in years. 

You still your hands and go back to typing. If you don’t get this done, you’ll be in for another lecture from Mr. Brenner. ‘You haven’t finished the group reservation? You’re going to mess everything up again!’ 

Yeah, yeah. That’s how it goes. You can’t do anything right. It’s probably why you ended up here. You deserve this purgatory. 

As you import the files from the travel site and review for discrepancies, you hear the doors. Great, you’ll come back to it. You check the time. It’s not even noon. More bad news and the messenger is the first to be shot. 

You glance over the front desk and do a double take. Guilt speckles over your cheeks. The man is handsome. Tall and trim. You don’t know why you notice but you do. His blonde hair is neatly parted, yet there’s a small wave to it. He wears a fine grey suit which probably costs as much as a week of your minimum wage. 

It shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t even occur to you. You deal with all sorts. The traveling businessmen, the body builders in town for the convention, and even those meeting for some forbidden tryst. Hotels are not the place for judgement. 

“Hello, sir, welcome to Sapphire Suites,” you smile. You usually only bother when Brenner is around to fume down your neck. “Do you have a reservation?” 

“I do,” he answers in his lilted accent. Oh. Deadly. “I understand I’m well ahead of check-in, however, I only came to inquire if I might leave my bags with you until then.” 

Polite and he reads the fine print. What more could a girl ask for? Usually, you’d be annoyed. Why would you come so early? Our housekeeping isn’t even done their first floor. Not today. He’s too pleasant to be irritated. 

“Well, I can certainly see if your rooms are ready. We weren’t booked up last night so it’s possible.” You offer. 

“That would be wonderful, so long as it doesn’t put you out,” he steps up to the desk as the wheels of his bag quiet. “Robert Laing. I believe I’ve got the executive.” 

You already know it’s ready. It’s expensive and rarely booked on weeknights. It’s only a Tuesday. 

“Let me see, Laing...” 

“L-A-I-N-G,” he spells it out. “No one expects the I.” 

“Oh, thanks,” you backspace and put in the proper spelling. Yep, it’s green. “Good news, it’s set. I just did the keycards so I’ll go grab yours.” 

You go back to the carefully organized folio, arranged by room number. You spent your first hour swipe and coding each one. You take his and bring it back with the liability form. 

“If you don’t mind, there is a waiver,” you put the paper down. “I’ll need a piece of ID as well. And a credit card.” 

“Of course,” he slides out his wallet and provides both cards. You take them as he looks over the form.  

You go to scan both and upload them into his file. You return them as he signs with a metallic pen, slipping it into his front pocket before sliding the page across. You thank him and scan that as well. You come back to hand over his keys and give him the spiel. 

You retract your hand as he looks down at it. You try to hide your chafed and cracking fingertips. You’re mess. Your name tag is barely hanging on and the scarf is crooked and only half under your collar. 

“Your WIFI and room service details are in here,” you point to the sleek little folio with his door cards. “Everything you need should be in your room. The pool is behind me and the private spa rooms can be booked by calling down. Oh—did you need a parking pass, sir?” 

“Please, Robert works for me,” he insists, “I flew in so not driving. Might I put in a request?” 

“Um, okay?” You stare at him anxiously.  

“Any recommendations for in-town activities? I’m egregiously early for the conference and I get restless pent up in hotels,” he drawls. “Perhaps a shopping center or if you’re permitted, any worthwhile bistros?” 

“Geez, I forgot to mention, there’s Ruby’s. The restaurant attached to us, just that way when you head out the doors. They have a patio but it’s getting a bit chilly. And er, the bar, The Gem, that’s on the second floor.” 

“Wonderful,” he covers the key folder with his hand. 

You smile. If Mr. Brenner was there to witness your immaculate customer service, he might just lay off of you. Or he’d ask why you didn’t smile more often.  

“You’ve been amazingly helpful, dear,” he says. “I do hope the day doesn’t prove very hectic for you.” 

“Thank you, sir—Um, Robert,” you correct yourself as his brow tweaks. 

“And you...” he leans forward to read your name tag. “Beautiful name.” 

“Thanks,” you swallow dryly, “enjoy your stay.” 

Finally, he leaves you. You watch him go, his bag rolling after his long strides. You don’t move until he’s closed up in the elevator. You want to cringe. You’re a mess and on top of that, you’re awkward to boot. It’s not that you don’t want to be good at your job, it’s that you hate it, and you’re no good with people. But work is work. 

You retreat into the back room and dig in your purse. Your lips are chapped and raw. You layer on the medicated balm and sigh. You take out the little daisy-shaped mirror and check your reflection. Aren’t you so stupid? Look at you. A man like that would never waste his time with a front desk worker ant, let alone someone so repulsive. 

[resiliencewithin]

To anyone who needs to hear this:

If you’re feeling disconnected from the positive spectrum of emotions— from the enjoyment you get from spending time with your favourite people, from the comfort of your go-to show, from the satisfaction of engaging in your creative hobbies, from the relief of something hard ending, from the happiness of any situation that on paper should make you feel good…

You’re not broken.

You could be tired, exhausted, not sleeping well, stressed, burnt out, depressed, experiencing symptoms from a multitude of mental illnesses and disorders.

All these things can pass, be temporary, be medicated, or worked on and alleviated.

You’re a complex little human, not meant to always be happy (nice as that would be), so ride it out, do the things that will help without expectation of immediate success and you will get there.

[i-r-gigi]

Preparing for sonic expo so been drawing lots of sonic stuff

[muffinsin]

hello muffin! in case you don't see this until later: happy halloween!! I hope that, amidst writing and other blog-related activities, you have a great holiday and enjoy some spooky festivities!

I was wondering: how do you think the sisters would react to their significant others having pierced nipples?

Please and thank you!!

Did I move this to the front of the editing queue? I might have…! XP

Hey hon! :) Happy-late Halloween! XP Does it still count? I think it might!🎃 Awhh, thank you, hon! I had a fun time🙌 how was y’all’s Halloween, if y’all do anything fun?

My, my, as of now I can already say they’d be quite thrilled…let’s get into it though, shall we?

Masterlists

Bela

While Bela finds your nipples cute without the piercings, she can’t deny the feeling she gets when looking at them

She isn’t a fan of too much or too big piercings

She likes them delicate, almost like subtle pieces of jewelry

Elegant

She likes little silver rings a lot

When wearing them, you can be sure she will hold you down, her skilled tongue working around your nipples and flicking them and the rings a little

She rather sees it as decoration, a piece of art

Her favorite colors are silver and red, and occasionally golden piercings for your nipples

She doesn’t like anything too dark or too big

Her favorite, though, is a set of red nipple piercings in the shape of red jewels at either side of the nipple

She loves to add more red to it, occasionally bite at your chest and lick it back up

Never too much, just enough for your body to match the red of the gems

Her red

The first time she sees your pierced nipples, she’s reasonably surprised

It’s incredibly rare to see one with such…accessories…at the castle, or the village either, really

You’re rare, intriguing

Of course, she’s curious too

She drags her tongue over them and likes to play with your breasts until she figures out just what grants her which reaction

She loves to see you squirm and writhe on the bed below her

Pinned by her, licked

Caressed

Your body hers to explore

Your breasts sucked and groped, your nipples played with

When sporting the metallic rings she likes, she might bite and gently tug your nipples by them

Likely, she will leave you sore, but she’ll take good care of you after

Bela very much so enjoys sucking your breasts, too, and dragging her tongue across whatever piercing you have in at the moment

Like with earrings, she’ll personally ensure you have a variety to choose from, some selected by her, others by yourself

And when you undress, it always serves as a nice surprise to her to see which you’ve picked out

Cassandra

Cassandra loves nipple piercings for various reasons

Of course, as a sadist, she likes the thought of using them to torture you

At many points has she begged you already

Please, oh please, allow her to pierce your breasts and privates, too! Your nose, ears, lip, whatever you like!

She wants to see you squirm!

She wants it so bad

And really, if you do allow her to add some more piercings, she’ll do an amazing job

Often, she tends to put specific piercings on your nipples

Light rings, connected by a light chain she loves to tug at times

Never too hard, just enough for you to fear and squeal for her

Never enough to tear through the little buds

Only ever enough to add more pressure

If she could, she’d have nipple piercings herself, really, as well as a clit one

Sadly, her body is far too quick to regenerate to properly allow this

At times she could keep you tied to the bed for hours

She’d tug your nipples and lick across them, kiss you and run her razor sharp nails across your sides

With every pull of your nipple piercings she gets hungrier, her pupils dilating, her mouth watering

Occasionally, she’ll bite into your breasts, just around the piercing

And she’ll eagerly lick the blood away, moaning and sucking at your breast

She’d lick across the piercing, dip her tongue into the wounds she’s caused

And lastly, she finds it thrilling to put a little larger ones on you

She loves to rock your body, to get a strap and use it on you

To watch them bounce with your breasts with every move into you

The first time she sees them, when she practically tore your shirt off, she’s taken by surprise

So beautiful, so perfect

So delicious

You’re sure she’s ready to eat you alive

And she might just be

Instead, she grabs your breasts and licks your nipples, her strong tongue rolling over your piercings

So eager, so hungry…

Daniela

Daniela loves nipple piercings!

Multiple times she’s tried to have one of her own, squirming and whining and crying out when her nipple got pierced

Her excitement when she got to sport a piercing too, though!

And, far too soon, her annoyance and frustration when she had to take it out for her body to heal the small “wound��� left by the needle

How frustrating!

You, however, don’t share these struggles

The first time she finds out about your nipple piercings is, funnily enough, when she kisses you and gets a little too excited

Reaching up with her hands, her lips gently moving against yours, her fingers suddenly flinch back when she feels something odd under your shirt, just where your nipples are

You giggle at her shocked, surprised reaction

She’s adorable, really

And when you eventually pull up your shirt and let her see, you can see her eyes go wide

She lowers her head immediately, lapping at your pierced nipples with kitten-like licks

Still, she does so, almost every time she gets near your chest

She loves to suck your nipples and to feel the piercing under her tongue

At times, you help her pierce her nipples again, despite how they never stick for more than a few hours until she needs to remove it again

She squirms adorably beneath you as you do, whimpering, gasping, whining in pain

But, when her pierced nipples rub up against yours, it usually ends with her orgasming harder than ever before

She likes to try matching sets in those times

At other times, she likes to buy you piercings to match your underwear or any toy of hers

She thinks it’s cute

[golden-letters]

mum says loved ones who have passed on returns to visit in dreams on the seventh day since their death. it was your seventh day last night. i dreamt of you. i find it poetic and so, so, so sad. i ran to you and hugged you. i lifted you up. i told you we love you and i hope you know it forever. i thought of you this morning in the car. i wept when one of your favourite songs came on. i cried when my mum told me that loved ones who have passed on returns to visit in dreams on the seventh day since their death. i can’t believe it’s been a week.

[squishy-sharkie]

[thetypewriterdaily]

gentle reminder 🕯️♥️

instagram

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

my academic journey (warning: i ranted) -

so ever since i started school till about the end of 8th grade i was always a 90%+/straight A student. the kind of child my classmates & cousins would be compared too. not trying to glamorize comparison btw, i personally think that's really toxic & pressurizing. so yeah, i was a "good" quiet kid. i listened attentively in class and submitted all my homework on time. the only complain teachers had about me was that i was "too quiet" but that wasn't a real issue. i was just shy but talkative with my few friends yano. i spent the entirety of 7th grade & most of 8th grade in online classes so my habits of studying went to shit. still somehow managed 91% in my 8th grade finals. and then 9th began and it all went downhill. teachers kept saying 'next year is ur board exams, u need to study a lot, etc, etc.' so if u're not from india we basically have these major 'board exams' at the end of 10th & 12th grade. but 10th boards don't really matter all that much, teachers just make a big fuss about it. 12th boards matter, but that's also the time we give college entrance exams and that sorta matters more according to most ppl. n yeah, idk what happened but i got overwhelmed. i could no longer just do well in class and study before exams and get good marks. i felt dumb. my grades didn't see a single improvement. i honestly gave up in the middle of it all and got sick of school. and at one point, it became less burn out & more clinging to the familiarity of not doing anything. i became lazy. and i became a hypocrite. i'd always tell myself, this time i'm gonna study, this time i'm gonna score well. well that 'this time' never came. 10th grade got even worse and i scored 73% in my board exams because i barely studied at all. at the same time, my relationship with my parents has constantly been unraveling. and i saw just how much of their 'pride' was dependent on me being the kid they could show off and smile widely when others replied 'wow she's going places'. my father can't hold a single conversation with me now that doesn't go back to me being a disappointment. and now i'm the kid who has to listen to her parents compare her to others. 'be like her, your friend', they say. halfway though 11th rn and i guess what?? still no fucking improvement. but the thing is i know this is the last straw. i can feel it. i got around 64% in my first tests (pa-1) of 11th. haven't gotten mid term results yet but i'm estimating just above 50%. and the thing is it's not that i can't score well. i know my potential all too well. i know i can score such high marks. but the problem is i don't study. if i just studied a couple hours every day, i can easily manage above 80%. with constant improvement i can manage above 90% again. but i don't. and that's ending right this instant. i'm not gonna turn into an academic weapon overnight or smth ik that. but i'm gonna start slowly but surely working hard. i have big dreams, i know i can achieve them if i just put in the effort. plans have been made, all i need to do is execute them. execute my laziness. i'm gonna get better. i'm gonna prove everyone who thinks i'm never gonna do it wrong, and i'm gonna prove myself right. this comeback will be for me, my inner child. the little kid in me deserves to not wind up a washed-out failure.

academic goals! -

pa-2 - 75-80%

11th finals - 80-85%

12th pa-1 - above 90%

uni - iiser (college for pure science research, bs + ms integrated)