#oh.. tumblr has changed so much since i last came back

[att4boy]

some thoughts

i was reminded of this blog bc i was watching mina le's lovely video on subcultures and aesthetics, and rmbed the times i came on here and reblogged all these art hoe (or whatever) photos with the #aesthetic tag, and tried to make my blog look all cohesive and pretty as well. i was 13 when i first started this blog - in fact i started it the day after i turned 13, if i'm not wrong? just a few days after... - and now i'm turning 21, and still thinking about this place. i joined tumblr bc all my friends were on it and it seemed like such a cool place. now all the friends (irl and not) i used to have here are gone.

(are any of you still here? let me know...)

i've been thinking about my relationship with the internet recently, inspired mainly by chia amisola (among many others on twitter). when i was younger i was so careless with what i posted. not using careless in a bad way, btw. i mean careless as in unself-conscious, careless as in happy to chat with anyone who happened to be around. when i had just started elementary school my sister helped me set up a blog where i happily posted about my day (i went to kfc today!), and then in p3 i tried to set up a blog to document my family (though it never materialised in the end; i think my mum heard about it and discouraged me from doing it, though i truly don't rmb much anymore). and when i got instagram i started a transparents account (those overlays to put on pictures that everyone was rly into back then) on instagram that got almost 1k followers, i had (have - it's still available online, though we haven't posted since 2016) a book fandom account with three of my friends where we posted our little fanedits of books like divergent and hunger games and twilight. i remember briefly chatting in the comments to some guy a year or two older whose username referenced mockingjay about singapore and school... making a transparent for this ? influencer ? my age ?? that i thought was rly cool... and then something changed, i'm not sure what. i think i became more conscious not of data privacy and security and whatnot, but of how hostile the internet could be when you had a "bad" opinion. i was finding my way into the parts of the internet that discussed feminism, intersectionality, lgbtq+ rights, etc... and don't get me wrong, i think those are all excellent movements that i'm proud to be part of, but i think i also stumbled into areas where accidentally being insensitive or uninformed was very harshly criticised and looked down upon. and i think, probably, i was already the sort of person to naturally be a bit more worried and anxious about doing the "right thing" - i was always the goody-two-shoes in class, still am today to some extent. so the internet changed around me and i came to know it as somewhere where i shouldn't ask too many questions, where i shouldn't criticise.

but then i've been reading about other people's experiences on the internet - how they grew up and built their entire worldview there, made friends across the globe and changed the trajectory of their lives because of it... and i am of course remembering my younger days of freedom of the internet. i miss that era! i wonder how different i would be if i had walked further into this space and talked more. now all i do is lurk on twitter with a private account, ghost cool people trying to follow me back, dream about replying to posts and weaving a friendship from nothingness... i am definitely romanticising, to some extent, but i don't think my version of the internet back then (/ now) is wholly accurate either. i am imagining a version of myself with more confidence and curiosity, and i am wondering if i can still spin that version into existence.

i guess this post is an attempt at that? the last time i came here to talk abt something and then i ended up moving that into a private google doc. but it feels appropriate for me to post about coming back onto / into the internet on tumblr, where i have "been" for years and years. i've been thinking about starting a blog, or a public twitter, or maybe (this one just came to mind) restarting a tumblr and seeing where things go. i don't know if i'll keep it up... but wouldn't it be nice to try?

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 21/11✨

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hi! Would Macaque kidnap Wukong again? I read your comic, the last page, where Macaque is the kidnapping expert. And I'm very curious about it. Anyway, I love your comics! You are awesome.

Haha I don't think they really need it unless they want to do a "traditional wedding courtnapping" but it would be pretty odd since they kind of already live togehter.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know this is definitely a LONG ways away, but, imagine: Wukong and Macaque playing the newlyweds game. What questions? What answers? Who’s asking the questions? Who’s getting the most right?

I wont list all the lesson but I think Macaque would get most of them right just because Wukong never really changed a lot during the years, while Macaque went through different stages of his life, and and he has new hobbies and tastes.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will mk have a nightmare about LBD? If yes Then we will have some angst with fluffy monkeys family moments!!!

Oh he has. He has many. Most of them he has while he is at pigsy's.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can you please shows up a flashback backstory on how MK/Wukong discovered/found out/came out as trans?? 🙏🙏🙏 Banana sundae with chocolate sauce, rainbow sprinkles, THREE cherries, and a super-deluxe one-and-only Monkie King™️ collectible spoon???

Anonimo ha chiesto: will we see any past Shadowpeach?? I’m interested to see how you frame their dynamic back 5en.

Hahah maybe in the future, I'll see

Anonimo ha chiesto: Can we get Wukong telling dad jokes? Please, I’m begging i want to see MK laughing and Macaque just being so disappointed with Wukong yet so smitten. I want to see more Monkey family domestic blissss. 🙏🙏🙏🙏

I don't have my dad jokes book here but man give Macaque an award for the patience he has with these two children

@goofybearclown ha chiesto: Hi :3 Just wanted to say I love your shadowpeach and cotl AU!!! I didn't notice you made both at first but when I did I was like "waow :0". Tbh your works are in my top 3 series on Tumblr! @fenikzia ha chiesto: I love your LMK comic so much, I look forward to reading the new additions to it when they come out every other day,and reading your comic just makes my day better. Even if it hasn't updated a particular day, I make sure to go back and reread the newest part.Keep doing what you're doing and make sure to take breaks! @skye-minecraftyt-blog ha chiesto: You! I like you! Your Bio parents Lmk au always makes me extremely happy and I regularly reread it. ((o(^∇^)o)) Just wanted to say it @blazeandsilver ha chiesto: Hello, I just wanted to say your artwork is absolutely stunning, it makes my day whenever I see that you posted something new to the BioParents comic. Please keep up the good work and be sure to take some time for yourself, you’re important too.

AWWWWWW THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE!!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hihi shadowpeach au question: You mentioned in the latest comic that Mac is more lean and skinny than Wukong. Will we ever see the full extent of that?? ALSO I ADORE YOUR ART OMG ❤️❤️

A fully naked Macaque you say? Maybe.... who knows....

Anonimo ha chiesto: I come to defend Wukong acting like a man looking at a victorian lady ankles, he hasn’t seen his (ex) husband’s fur in centuries. And he probably hasn’t socialize in years either besides MK and the gang. Romantically he is stunned right? I doubt he has even looked at anyone besides Macaque anyways…

Honestly I like to think that Macaque was the only being in all the universe that was eer able to make him flustered

@mochalikesdrawing ha chiesto: So I got a question, will we ever get to see kaiju MK again?

I have a scene post AU I would like to draw. Maybe.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Ignoring all the angst because it is crushing my soul /pos, I'm lowkey convinced that Macaque knows Wukong feels some kind of way about him because he can hear his heartbeat go crazy at certain moments and isn't dumb, but just isn't calling Wukong on it because he's still trying to sort his own feelings first. BUT ONCE HE DOES OH BOY-

Hahah Macaque knows perfectly well Wukong is down for him. In the meantime Wukong is alwasy afraid he's just imagining things bc he's dense af.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Do you think Wukong and macaque would be cuddling and macaque would be watching something scary and Wukong would be trying to not pay attention to it because he hates scary stuff or would it be the other way around?

yess

@ep2nd ha chiesto: In your shadowpeach bio parents au, if MK and Wukong were created by Nuwa, with Nuwa using Macaque and Wukong as a base, has anyone wondered who created Macaque? And does Macaque himself knows?

Wait Nuwa created Wukong? If that's so I think then all the 5 monkeys were made by her, for some reason.

@boonalina ha chiesto: Sooo what exactly is the courtnapping process like? Is it just a simple "I'm gonna pick you up and carry you away" or is it an entire ceremony? Does someone have to lure the person into place? For example, Mei bringing Redson over to a secluded spot so that Mk can "courtnap" him? (Side note: I've been in this fandom for around two years now, and this comic is what made me find out about courtnapping lol)

I "think" anything that can be counted as like a sneak attack that takes them out of guard and brings them to the designated courtnapped room can be considered as courtnapping technically.

Anonimo ha chiesto: ... Hey so your shadow peach bio parent AU is better way better than season five. WOAH, WHO SAID THAT!! (no but seriously it is like a sitcom I tune on ever so often. Much love 🫶)

Haha thank you! That's a HUGE statement!

Anonimo ha chiesto: I wonder if MK has any unique attributes/abilities as a living mass of celestial material?

He's such a cocktail ofdifferent energies I wouldn't be surprised he is able to glow in the dark.

@cjtuy ha chiesto: I do have a question it's mainly about pigsy and tang when and how long have they been together as a couple and did both of them find mk are they married ?

They have been together for almost a year, but I don't think they are married, but maybe that could happen in the future??? But yeah MK found out a little after season 5 that they are together, that was also the same time he started calling Tang "Papa"

Anonimo ha chiesto: Has macaque added any personal items to the house? Like is he moved in? Have Wukong and macaque improved or changed anything else besides making the bed bigger?

Yes he did! Half of his belongins are in FFM, althought he's a little more minimalistic than Wukong. He also have been bothering Wukong to death so that he can finally organize his stuff (and they were roomates

Anonimo ha chiesto: I feel like if they were to play Minecraft or something macaque would be the base mom. He would be the only one to remember to farm food to not starve. The others would probably forget all the time that hunger is a thing in game. Wukong or Mk: oh dang does anyone have food I'm starving Macaque: (always brings extra for this reason) "sighs" yes

AH!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Remember the Minor Scale episode, from season 2? Where MK learn how to shrink himself? And there’s also the final episode of that season where MK just grow very big to try to fight LBD. I just love that part of his power and I have seen very little people showing it. Like, sometimes that power can show up when the poor boy is experiencing overwhelming emotions that can’t be contained anymore, or pure exhaustion. For example, Having many responsibility can lead to a lot of stress and exhaustion and at some point MK just can’t do more and just become tiny, not able to do more. On the opposite, maybe he experience trauma again through a nightmare (like about azure for example) and the emotional burden is to much and he just becomes big because of that. You see my vision? I love sizeshifting base on emotions :)

Aww and i love emotion-based powers, they are just so easy to play around.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Tbh the show should let macaque have a motorcycle. Wukong gets to be passenger princess

Yesss

Anonimo ha chiesto: as we get into the colder months i like to imagine MK’s first winter coat and he’s all super fluffy and warm

Cool for the monkey parents, bad for pigsy and all the hair in the restaurant from sheeding.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think it would be so funny if MKs rock hadn't been cracked and he'd been raised on FFM by wukong. If the same thing happens in the show macaque planning to take mks powers thinking he's just Wukongs student but then while macaque and MK are training. Since macaque is so close he notices his ears. (Being raised by a monkey he gets his form sooner) suddenly putting everything on hold busting into FFM and is like WUKONG WTF

There's a fic on AO3 about it it's A Son of Two Dads

@cheese-hommo ha chiesto: Hii, fiesta I want to say I love how you draw and everything, it just looks so cool and beautiful. Now, with the last chapter of Monkey parents Au and so, with the acknowledgement of the demon etiquette and else, DBK and Wukong really misunderstand the comfort scene for a confession? Or something more? It was just so funny seeing the two of them getting so embarrassed at the end 🙂‍↕️

Ah, 2 young demons in their true forms so close to each other, blushing? Scandalous.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I've seen Mk is his Lego merch- he gots a tooth gap- so does this MK have one or did he get it filled?

Wait that was a tooth gap??? I though it was like, a detail of the smile

Anonimo ha chiesto: 🎤 what is your official (if any) opinion on Ink MK? (as a character, plot device, literary parallel, what have you)

It's ok. I personally believe "shadow" version of one character with their own fears and doubts is a clique a little bit too much used. But they give a lot of angst.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Thoughts on Macaque knowing either Japanese or Korean due to him liking anime.

I'll give you one better. Macaque always traveled to Japan pretty frequently during the centuries. Then became a weeb

Anonimo ha chiesto: Maybe it's just me but Wukong looks a bit thicker each time, is it because his fur's thickening or is he getting chubbier ??????? Anyway luv ur art

Both.

[seneon]

ESCORT ──── shinji hirako x fem! reader. ib chase atlantic's escort. fluff + mentions of alcohol. wc of 600+

thinking about captain shinji hirako who would most definitely bribe or pay or do whatever it takes just to have you in the fifth division. he'd be so desperate about it, even go on his knees just to recruit you into the squad that he takes charge of. and for what reason?

the mere sole reason that you miraculously stole the heart of the captain while he came down to shin’o academy to demonstrate kenjutsu for the students. you just so happened to be one of the students that the hirako had to personally teach.

as beautiful as you can be and as bright your smile can shine, it only took a few hours for the blond-haired male to fall under your spell. but you never even put a spell on him in the first place. all you did was breathe, exist, and learn as shinji teaches.

as pathetic as the man can be, he doesn't ever show it. in fact, he does the opposite. he'd go all “oh look. it's the student girl whom i taught that sucks at swordsmanship.” like bro you did not just get on your knees to beg yamamoto to put the ‘student girl’ in your division…

he wants you to work for him and be under his wing, so he watch whatever you do. even better if he's seeing you make such a drastic change and progress ever since your academy days. not that he's a weirdo captain or anything that fancies a student of his, but your ages weren't that much of a difference. in fact, shinji is the one who ended up becoming a captain at such a young and admirable age.

“i can give you love for free, y/n…” shinji said during one messy night where the word sober left his vocabulary. all on his mind are fuzzy images of you.

“trust me, sir, she'd appreciate your love one hundred percent,” a voice said as they took away the bottle of sake in their captain's hands. the man simply looked up at the figure and looked back down, snuggling his drunken face into his arms. “you're kinda... pretty.. not any more beautiful than y/n though.”

“woah sir, thanks for the compliment. i honestly agree too, she's very cute, captain.”

the hirako glared at his subordinate who's helping him get up from the table so he can finally leave the pub with some guidance from someone of his barracks. “you keep her name outta your mouth, pink!”

“it's punk, sir. not pink.”

“shut up. only y/n can tell me what's right or wrong,” shinji's head wobbled just as his division member sighed and draped his long arms around their shoulders. they were oddly smaller than the fifth division captain.

“come on, captain. time to go home. y/n wishes that you return home safely.”

the voice of his subordinate is gentle and soft, so similar to his crush’s voice. he couldn't even tell what is going on right now, but he just lets his subordinate escort him home, not really in the correct state to think of anything else. although, his squad member uttering the name y/n made him all sweets and butterflies on the inside.

after such a night, the man wakes up in a frenzy, struggling to remember whatever happened last night and however in the world he ends up in his soft comfy futon without ever remembering how he got back into his bed.

he stares at a bone china vase for a few good minutes, attempting to search and dig for anything that has been buried by the headache that he currently has. but the more he stared at the reflection of the vase, the more he caught something at the corner of his eyes.

shinji shot his head at the few bags of items that laid beside his futon, a note of instructions on the items written down. he knows this writing. he out of anyone would've recognised this immediately. it belonged to you.

then a flash of memories became visible in his vision.

“THAT WAS Y/N?!?!?”

note. requested by @imaginingbleach. tumblr murdered me on the inside when i lost your request ask... i'll write an aizen piece soon trust

© SENEON 2024 ♰ do not repost, alter, or translate.

[thatwritterbeach]

So About that Alley .3

Jason Todd x fmc

DC masterlist ALL OTHER PARTS FOUND HERE

Unedited***Also I swear Tumblr is messing up my spelling on purpose cuz everytime I re-read something I know I fixed it's wrong again

Alex: short, curvy, red hair, green eyes, redheads go through pain meds way faster than normal people to the point I personally don't even take them, it's a joke, they last 30 min at best

Summary: Alex finds out her bf is red hood, after she spills some not so great secrets to the masked man while stitching him up.

Warnings: Vaginismus* angst, sexual assault, self-harm, depression, drug use by Alex, violence, cursing, NSFW, smut, thigh riding, vaginal fingering, guided masturbation?, p in v (not overly described), pain during s*x, hiding said pain, hickeys?, self-hate, insecurities, eating disorder, weight loss

A/N: I do not own dc booho

"Hey, Jay," she asked in a totally calm totally cool manner the next morning, completely numb thanks to the nice little combo she'd whipped up. Not floating or un-present but not in pain, even where the arm of the couch was digging into her side as Jason squished into her, laying fully on top of her.

"Yes, my beloved?"

"Don't make me take away your books you little dork. I was just wondering if your family knows about you...you know, not being dead?"

"Uh, yeah, why?"

"Just if I happened to run into them I wouldn't wanna be like 'oh I'm dating Jason' and they'd be all 'wtf is wrong with this chick, he's dead' you know."

"I guess. Alex," he said grabbing her hand and pulling it to his mouth," I'm gonna introduce you, I'm not ashamed of you or whatever the hell else your mind is trying to say. My family is...overwhelming for most and I didn't want to scare you off."

"I get it dude, and since I just recently placed you as Robin you would have had to hire a family, or spill you deepest secrets to me. Lucky for you, I am the most understanding woman on the planet."

"I'd argue, but you're right. I'll text Alfred, the leader of the gang, and see when we can come for dinner. Be warned though, it could be tonight, they've been trying to get me to come home for a while now."

It was in fact that night. Alex scurried around for a clean pair of jeans, then after a glance in the mirror at her too large reflection she ripped them off and tossed them to the floor. A dress? No, that one has a tear. This skirt? No, it's too short. Jean short, they're clean but who the fuck wear jeans shorts to a mansion. Business slacks, no that says trying too hard. Ah ha, a superman t-shirt, and black leggings, then top it off with one of Jason's zip up hoodies.

"Is that what you're wearing," he asked with a laugh as he came into the room. In fact the laugh became a full blown fit and he doubled over nearly to the ground clutching his stomach and wheezing. With each second she got more and more self-conscious. Of course she couldn't wear what was basically pajamas to a fancy place, what was wrong with her. With a sigh she took off her boots and slid out of the leggings and switched them for her jeans, that she hated but whatever. Searching in vain for something that wasn't a graphic tee, or a business blouse she was half way through her closet when Jason recovered enough to notice what she was doing.

"No, put it back on, it's great, doll, I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing with you."

"I wasn't laughing," she said without emotion.

"Hey, come 'er." Much to her wiggling protest he pulled her tight against him and placed several loud kisses along her scalp.

"Everyone else will be in pj's I solemnly swear, in fact I was just about to change into my matching flannel set, someone amazing bought it for me, but I can't remember who," he said tapping his chin with mock thought.

"Really?"

"Cross my heart," he said, though his fingers were crossed behind his back.

"Ok," she conceded trying to get free. He held on for another minute before spinning her out away from himself and winking when she fell back onto the bed. Matching pj's in hand he headed to the bathroom, not for privacy but to send an urgant group chat explicity stating lounge clothes were to be worn.

See masterlist for more

[rohansdisciple]

𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 ★ .

summary : elliot breeding after you say ‘yes’ to him asking for a baby ♥︎ .

warnings : romance / smut / nsfw . fem / afab reader . established relationship / married . pet names used . nipple play . sex toy ( vibrator ) . oral ( fem receiving ) . squirting . p in v sex . light marking . breeding . and i think that’s it ! tell me if i missed something ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ! 

word count : about 3.1 k *

reading time : about 12 minutes * 

other : 16+ ** . takes place in the stardew we all know and love, i believe i changed some minor things so the plot makes sense ! may have some minor grammatical errors && the entire story is written in lower case and the punctuation has double spacing in between the words * .

a / n : so last month while i was playing stardew valley elliott asked for a baby . which made me freeze in my seat by the way , then i said yes and moved on . then when my character had the baby , i froze once again . but that time i got an idea to write about him asking for the baby and the first baby making attempt :D ! so enjoy pookie bears ^ ^ ! 

credits to @ rookthornesartistry on tumblr and @ crispyporkbelly on deviant art for the dividers !

" finally , i reached the 100th floor ... " you sigh , finally arriving at the location you've been attempting to reach for weeks . you look at the time to see how long you've been down in the mines — it's almost 11 p.m . " i should call it a day and go home , " you think as you board the elevator to the top . when you exit the mines , you choose to use the warp totem to get to the farm since you have no desire to make the 30 - minute walk back to the house at this hour .

once you get to the house , you toss all your findings and valuables into a chest until you can sort and look at them all tomorrow . because right now , all you were concerned about was showering and then getting in bed with your husband . when you walk into the house , you head to the bathroom quietly , trying not to make too much noise since elliott is usually asleep at this time . when you switch on the bathroom light , you discover a nicely folded pair of your pajamas resting on top of the counter ; which is just a simple tank top and shorts . and it came with a note on top that said , ' enjoy your shower , love elliott ' . you grin once you finish reading the short note , and you have to remember to thank elliott for being so thoughtful and conveniently setting out your pajamas for you .

after enjoying your hot shower , you get out, get dressed , and then you make your way to the bedroom to rest for the night . you notice a dim light glowing beneath the bedroom door as you approach it . " maybe elliott forgot to turn the light off before he fell asleep ? " you think to yourself , still under the impression that he's sleeping . when you enter the bedroom , elliott is fully awake and reading a book in bed . it seems like he was waiting for you to come and join him .

“ hey babes , i didn’t expect to see you up at this hour ; whatcha doing up - ? ” you ask while you get into bed with him . “ i was too deep in thought that i couldn’t fall asleep , so i decided to read a book and wait for you to return , my love ... ” elliott chuckles as he places his book and reading glasses on the nightstand before lying down with you . " oh , by the way , thank you for setting out some clothes for me , sweetheart . i really do appreciate it , " you say softly . elliott places a kiss on your forehead and then says , " no problem, honey ... it's the least I can do when you work so hard every day , " he replies .

" did everything go well today , sweetheart ? " elliott asks as he caresses your cheek with his thumb . " mhm ... i got really lucky today in the mines , so i got a lot accomplished , " you reply in a hushed tone , closing your eyes for just a moment . " that's wonderful , my love ... " he says softly , his words trailing off .

for a while , neither of you speaks ; you're too busy enjoying elliott's touch , and he's preoccupied with his thoughts , which creates a brief moment of silence between the two of you. he can't decide whether this is a good time to talk to you about what’s been on his mind or if he should just drop it and talk to you about it some other time . once elliott convinces himself that now is the perfect time to talk about the thing that's been on his mind , he speaks up . 

" can i talk to you about something , honey ? " " it's been on my mind for a while now - " elliott nervously says to you . " of course , what's on your mind , honey ? " you ask , sitting up and leaning against the bed's headboard . once he knows he has your full attention , he speaks , " so , i've been thinking about ... talking to you about trying for a child . " he pauses for a few seconds then continues , " i've always wanted to be a father , and now that i have such a lovely wife , i'd really like to have kids with you — if you want them , that is . " when he stops talking , elliott anxiously awaits your reply .

you consider what he said for a moment , and it suddenly hits you as to why elliott has been ' subtly ' mentioning babies and talking about how you two would be ' wonderful parents , ' and how the farm would be ' an amazing place for a child to grow up in ' . you sit there for a few minutes , silently considering whether you and elliott are ready to start a family , and all signs lead to the answer being yes . the house has enough space to raise a child ; you're financially secure , and you've always wanted to be a mother . " sure , let's try for a baby , elliott , " you say , smiling .

" a - are you sure , honey ? " elliott asks you . " mhm , i thought it through ; i think we're ready for a baby , " you say . elliott hugs you tightly and exclaims , " that's amazing , darling ! i'm happy that you said yes ! " " i'd be down to start trying right now, actually , " you offer boldly . " really ? ! r - right now , hon ? but aren't you tired from the day ... ? " elliott asks , slightly flustered by your suggestion . " i'm not that tired , sweetheart . and , besides , i can see you want to start trying now , too , " you tease , looking at the slight bulge in his sweatpants.

" you got me there , my love . the very thought of me getting you pregnant is exciting ... " elliott whispers , his face flushed as he caresses your waist . " you're just too beautiful to resist ... " he mutters as he draws you into a kiss . the kisses you two share start off soft and slow , but they quickly turn into more passionate ones as you both begin to caress and crave one another . elliott's hands quickly find their way under your shirt , and you tremble when you feel his cold hands grope your bare boobs . " mmh ... your hands are so cold - " you pant once you pull away from the kiss .

elliott chuckles when he hears you say that his hands are cold , and he says , " sorry, baby , they'll definitely warm up if i touch you some more , though ... " elliott teases as he removes his shirt and begins to shift his body on the bed . you watch as elliott positions himself to lean against the headboard of the bed . " come sit , my love ... with your back to my chest , " elliott says to you , patting his lap and pointing to the space in between where he wants you to sit . " o - okay ... " you murmur as you crawl closer to him , your gaze fixed on the growing tint in his sweats .

once you get situated , elliott takes off your shirt and places his big hands over your boobs . " you have such beautiful breasts , honey ... i love how sensitive your nipples are to my touch ... " elliott whispers in your ear , making you shiver . " ngh- " you moan as his fingers run over your nipples . " you like that , baby ? " elliott asks , placing soft kisses on your neck . " m-mhm ... i love it - " you gasp , savoring the sensation of him rolling your nipples in between his thumb and index finger . laying back and letting elliott pleasure your body has to be one of your favorite things ; every touch he gives you makes you tremble with excitement .

when elliott notices that you're practically shaking from him teasing your nipples , he knows you're craving for him to touch you . " e - elliott , please , touch me ... " you whine . elliott chuckles as he hears your desperate pleas for his touch , " alright , hon . lift your hips for me ... " he says as he begins to remove your shorts and panties . you do what he says , feeling yourself getting wetter with each second he doesn't touch you .

" open your legs too, darling ... i need to feel how wet you are for me , " elliott tells you as he puts his hands on your knees . " mmh , okay ... " you say breathily as you slowly open your legs for him . elliott's hands then run down your body slowly , making their way down to your wet pussy . " you're so wet for me , sweetheart ... it seems like the thought of me breeding you gets you excited too ... " elliott says teasingly as he spreads your pussy lips . " i - i charged the vibrator the other day ... could you use that on me , baby ? " you ask him . " oh , of course, darling ... anything for you , " he replies as he opens the nightstand drawer and pulls out the vibrator .

" you want the lowest setting first , right , hon ? " elliott asks as he sets the vibrator on your clit and switches it on , the low vibrations causing your entire body to flush with heat when it comes into contact with your sensitive clit . " mmh ... y - yeah , that's good right there ... " you mumble . elliott moves the vibrator in slow circles against your clit while he teases your nipples with his unoccupied hand . " m - mph ... m - more ... please , baby ? " you whine . elliott turns the vibrator on the highest setting when he hears you ask for more .

" okay , hon ... does that feel good ? " he asks . " hngh-! y - yes ... " you moan loudly as you grip onto elliott's thighs , attempting to stay in place . not even a minute later , elliott notices you were about to cum from how uncontrollable your moans became . " i - i'm gonna cum - ! c - can i cum ... " you cry out . elliott then takes the vibrator off your throbbing clit and puts it aside , which causes whimpers to fall from your lips . " not yet , dear ... i want you to cum on my face , " he says to you as he shifts his body to where he's laying on the pillows . 

" come sit , sweetheart , let me take care of you ... " elliott says inviting you to sit on his face . you immediately do what he asked , hovering your wet pussy above his mouth since you're desperate for some sort of release . that , combined with the fact that you enjoy it when elliott eats you out because he has a very good tongue got you even more excited than you already were . " i - is this good , babe ? " you ask elliott . " i told you to sit , not hover , darling ... " elliott replies as he squeezes your ass . " but , honey , i don't want to suffocate you - " you explain , having only sat on his face once before . " you don't have to be worried , sweetie . " elliott says , " just sit ... " he says , guiding you down until you are fully seated on his face .

" o - oh my god ... e - elliott ! " you moan in pure ecstasy as his tongue begins to suck on your aching clit . elliott laps and sucks at your clit like he's a starved man who hasn't eaten in weeks , causing you to only think about the immense pleasure you're feeling . elliott can tell how close you are to cumming from how much your body is shaking . " hngh! b - baby ... i - i'm so close ... " you say , holding onto the headboard for support as the knot in your stomach tightens . 

when elliott hears those words leave your lips , he focuses on getting you to your climax , continuing to slip his tongue in and out of your wet hole , his nose brushing over your clit as he does . seconds later , you feel the knot in your stomach beginning to unravel . " mph! m'cumming - ! " you moan loudly as your intense orgasm hits you , making you accidentally squirt on elliott's face .

when you come down from your high , you return to your senses and you get off elliott's face . " are you okay , babe ? " you ask , staring at all the fluids you've left on his face . " hehe , i'm more than okay , baby , " elliott says with a contented smile as he wipes his mouth and sits up . " but i'm not done with you yet , darling ... " he says as he removes his boxers and sweatpants, revealing his stiff cock . the pre - cum dripping from his rosy red tip alone is enough to make you drool . you want him inside of you badly ; you desperately want him to breed you right now . " now , on your back , honey ... we're not done just yet . " he whispers in your ear .

when you lay on your back , elliott traps your body beneath his , pinning you down to the bed . " i love you , y / n , " elliott says softly as his fingers intertwine with yours and your lips meet in a passionate kiss . " baby , is it alright if i put it in now ? " elliott maintains a low voice . " i'm afraid i won't be able to contain myself for much longer . " " as i said earlier , you're too beautiful for me to resist ... " he adds , his cock twitching against you . " mhm , go ahead , darling ... " you reply , touching his flushed face . elliott then rubs the tip of his cock on your clit before slowly pushing his cock inside your warm pussy while letting out a low moan .

" you doing okay there , love ? " he asks once he bottoms out . " m - mhm ... m'good , " you say , your walls clenching around elliott's shaft . " do you need a minute to adjust , my dear ? " elliott asks . you merely nod in response . " alright ... let me know when you're ready , okay ? " he adds lovingly as he caresses your cheek .

after a few moments , you say , " i've adjusted ... you can move now , baby . " alright , darling ... " elliott says as he begins to move . elliott let's out a soft grunt as he thrusts into you , your warm walls feel amazing around his cock . that , combined with the fact that you two haven't had sex in weeks , makes him feel like he's in heaven right now . " y - you feel so good , my love ... " elliott says as his pace quickens . " mmh ... s'good - " you moan softly as you rub fast circles on your clit .

elliott's hands then grip your waist to keep a steady pace , so every thrust gives you the pleasure your body deserves and desires . "  mph ... y - you're so beautiful , y / n ... " elliott whispers in your ear through his moans . elliott begins to place small hickeys on your neck as he attempts to find that spot inside of you that drives you insane every time . when the tip of elliott's cock hits your g - spot , your eyes roll to the back of your head with ease . " hngh-! r - right there - ! d-don't stop - ! " you moan loudly . " you like that , baby ? i'll keep doing it then - " elliott pants .

the bedroom is quickly filled with the sounds of skin slapping together , your moans , and elliott's low groans and pants . both of you are clinging to each other so desperately , like the pleasure you two are feeling would just stop if either of you let go . elliott pounds into you mercilessly as you feel the knot in your stomach becoming tighter and tighter by the second . elliott can tell you're close to your orgasm from the way your walls are clenching around him . " y - you're gonna cum , yeah ? j - just let go , baby - " elliott says to you . with a few more deep thrusts and touches to your clit , you can feel the knot in your stomach unraveling . " mmph ! m'cumming ! " you moan , your whole body shaking violently as you cling to elliott . 

it took every fiber of elliott's being not to cum inside of you right then and there as your walls pulsated around his cock as he continued to thrust into you as fast as he could . " mph! it's s'deep - " you whine . you couldn't deny that elliott looked so hot with his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead as he pounded into your sloppily wet cunt . you can tell from how erratic and rough elliott's thrusts were becoming and the way his face was twisting in pleasure that he was close to reaching his orgasm .

" y - y / n ... i - i can cum inside , right ? " elliott asks , wanting to make sure that this is what you wanted . " y - yes ... mph- ...stuff me full w - with your cum - " you say in between moans . now that you've told elliott that you wanted him to cum inside of you , he's only focused on two things — getting off and , most importantly , breeding you . elliott continued at his rough and fast pace , not letting up until he felt his orgasm approaching . " hngh-! baby , i - i'm cumming - ! " elliott moans as his body shakes as he cums deep inside of you , his cock filling your pussy with thick ropes of cum .

when elliott comes down from his high , he lays his body on top of yours and places his head in the crook of your neck , softly panting in your ear , attempting to get your body as close to his as possible . " i wasn't too rough , right , hon ? " elliott questions you once he catches his breath . " of course not , love . i feel amazing , actually , " you reply with a slight chuckle as you run your fingers through his long ginger locks . " you being satisfied is all that matters to me , my love , " elliott adds softly . " now , let's get you cleaned up , dear , " elliott says , lifting his body off of yours .

when elliott pulls out , his face immediately flushes with a red tint when he notices his cum slowly oozing out of you . " i - i'll be right back , honey - " elliott says as he gets out of bed and dashes out of the bedroom flustered . a few short moments later , elliott comes back to the room with a bowl and a washcloth in hand . " what's inside the bowl ? " you ask as elliott places it on the nightstand . " just some warm water to wipe you off , dear , " elliott replies , dipping the washcloth in the water . " all right , hon ... open your legs for me , " he says as he climbs onto the bed .

when you realize he's just trying to wipe you off down there before you two go to bed , you open your legs . " is the water too hot ? " elliott asks as he gently wipes you down . " no , it's warm , baby ... " you respond with a breath of relaxation . you lay there in bed , relishing in the sensation of the warm cloth and elliott's gentle touch , your eyes beginning to feel heavy .

" there , all done , " elliott says as he puts the washcloth back in the bowl . when he looks at you , he immediately smiles when he sees how relaxed and sleepy you look . elliott then lays next to you in bed and pulls you close . " i love you so much , y / n ... " he says in a hushed tone while rubbing slow circles on your back . " i love you even more , elliott ... " you murmur , clinging to him for warmth . elliott watches as you begin to slowly fall asleep in his arms . you truly were his world , his everything . " whatever the future holds for us , i'm looking forward to spending each moment with you , my love , " elliott whispers as he kisses your forehead before drifting off alongside you.

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚍 ★ ...

read the second part here 🍂 !

[kulemiwrites]

Happy Birthday, Boss! | Koji Shindo & Akira Nishikiyama

After years of poking and prodding, Shindo finally figured out the date of his boss' birthday and has made it his mission to remind him that it's something worth celebrating.

Characters: Koji Shindo, Akira Nishikiyama, & background OCs

Rating: GEN

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: I'm literally so burnt out from making banners. Im sure yall can tell lol. Anywayssss, just a little something to celebrate Nishiki's birthday! I know I'm late. One word: Work. This came out kinda flat BUT I didn't wanna spend a millions years on it soooo imma just let it be! Maybe I'll rewrite it sometime? (After I've caught up on requests and prioritized wips ofc) Oh also, this takes place after Nishikiyama's changed but long before the mid game events of Kiwami.

Too long for Tumblr? Read it on AO3!

The energy surging through the Nishikiyama Family Office in the last few days had been nothing short of pandemonium but somehow, Shindo managed. After all, it was his own fault that he had been stretched so thin. As Patriarch Nishikiyama’s right hand man, he couldn’t allow his work to fall to the wayside, no matter how chaotic he let his own personal schedule become– not if he didn’t want the man to become suspicious of him. He’d done well up to  this point but if he had to be honest with himself, he was relieved that the day had finally arrived. He hated having to hide shit from him. With each passing day, he grew anxious that his patriarch would smell something fishy and lash out before even allowing him an opportunity to explain himself. 

These days his boss was becoming increasingly volatile and he couldn’t always predict what might set him off.

Respect was what drove him to swear up but fear… Fear was what kept him honest, kept him in line. 

Even so, he’d managed to rationalize when he arranged Patriarch Nishikiyama’s agenda for the day that a white lie or two wouldn’t offend much, so long as he made it worth it in the end. After all, he needed him out of the way until evening. Shindo knew that if the other man had no pressing matters to tend to outside of that office, he’d remain behind that mahogany desk brooding for hours. 

And not a soul could do anything about it.

If he got to that point, there was no luring him to a secondary location– not unless that secondary location was his home and of course Shindo knew better than showing up at his house unannounced.

He’d scheduled two of Patriarch Nishikiyama’s more important, lengthy off-site meetings for late morning and mid-afternoon, then “dinner” that evening. The choice words his boss had for him as he rattled off the agenda that morning was… colorful, to say the least but, ducking his head in apology, he reminded himself that it was easier to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission. 

After having big meetings like that back to back, he knew full well that his boss would want to leave the evening open and spend the rest of it at home, tending to the migraine he’d inevitably get from listening to people he thought were idiots, blabbing listlessly for hours. He’d nearly told him as much when he violently cursed him but all it took was one familiar name for him to change his tune. 

Shindo knew that it wasn’t one that he'd turn his back on. He didn’t know much of their history but he had noticed over the years that that one old man was an individual that Patriarch Nishikiyama never spoke against meeting with short notice. In fact, he’d seen his boss inconvenience himself numerous times to see to it that he kept his word to him.

The dinner plans were mostly a fabrication– Alright, so, it was a half truth! But, he’d hoped that little detail would be more than enough to save his head from being lobbed off.

Shindo flipped through the stack of pages on his desk, busy work left for him by the big man himself. He’d worked tirelessly since morning to get through it all, even showing up at the office hours before everyone else to do so. He needed to save himself enough time in the evening to ensure the real plans went off without a fucking hitch. Quite literally, he couldn’t afford for tonight to fail. He spared no expense in making sure of that. 

There were flies coming out of his wallet at this point.

He scribbled his name and the day’s date across the final page, smacked his pen against the thick glass desk top then pushed up the sleeve of his coat to check the Rolex strapped around his wrist. 

Good timing, he thought.

So long as things were working as scheduled, his boss should have been entering his mid-day meeting right about now. That bought him more than enough time to head to a meeting of his own and work out any unexpected kinks, if necessary. 

Shindo was experiencing a bout of anxiety he only ever got when he was under immense pressure– pressure to impress Patriarch Nishikiyama, that is. He rolled his chest and cracked his neck as the clacking of his leather shoes echoed down the dim, quiet and narrow hallway. He trusted that the feeling would pass once he was certain that everything was in its intended place but there were so many moving parts and he couldn’t have his hands on all of them. He had to believe in those he issued responsibility, that they would pull their weight and he had to breathe. If he didn't stay on his game, he’d slip and miss catching a mistake that could cost everything.

The silence of his cell the past few hours, should have been reassuring. He should have taken it to mean that everyone was playing their roles properly but knowing that he couldn’t be sure, distressed him. 

If there was one thing he knew in this world, it was that silence wasn’t always golden– not with the band of fools he was forced to rely on.

When Shindo pushed the dark tinted door open, he released a deep breath that he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding. His dark eyes bounced across the large banquet hall, dressed in warm reds, golds, creamy tans and black to set a bit of balance to the color palette. There were bouquets of balloons with golden ribbon hanging from the high ceiling as well as a garland framing the buffet table. Streamers swirled around thick faux marble pillars. A long, narrow area rug spilled wine red from the entrance below the welcome arch until it cut between the two lengthy rectangular dining tables set for 12 each. Square tables set for four, filled most of the remaining space. 

There was a small stage ahead of the dining area that boasted a dark backdrop with grand flower bouquets matching the elegant color scheme and a single microphone standing front and center. Each dark-clothed table held one to three floating candle centerpieces with a thin, golden artificial plant inside. There was a table set aside for gifts next to the bar which had yet to be occupied by the evening’s bartender and another set aside for a grand cake. 

Near the wall, not far from the stage was a cozy booth and table that had the widest view of the room. It was decorated much like the rest but preset with an unopened bottle of the boss’ favorite whiskey and a stack of glasses.

From where he stood, he could see a shiny, black ponytail swishing in the merlot colored booth. His lips curved as he took slow strides toward the owner of it.

“Looking good in here, Shizuka-chan.” he said, his deep voice cutting through the silence and startling the woman enough to cause her to drop the lighter she just picked up then he held up his hands, half apologetic.

“Ah, Shindo-san…” she said, grabbing the lighter and flicking it above the wick of the candle. “You’re early.”

“I got started as soon as I could so that I could meet you before everyone else got here…” he said, shoving his hands deep into his gray pants pockets as he craned his head to admire the room. “You and the girls did good. Helluva lot better than me and mine would’ve done. Guess I really did need a ladies’ touch to pull this shit off after all.” 

The woman scooted out of the seat, remaining a distance from him. Her thin red lips pursed as she gave the table a final lookover. 

“Yes, well. Thanks to you, I was able to hire a more than capable team.” 

“No kidding.” he nodded. 

Shizuka was the event center’s manager. Shindo had hired her half a year ago, after he purchased the building and got it cleaned up. The woman was the face of the business, but she merely acted as a liaison between him and the customers interested in renting the place out. She was meant to help hide the stench of yakuza. It was better that civilians interact with a friendly face than himself and risk stagnation because the common folk associate the place with yakuza. He’d learned that from Patriarch Nishikiyama when he helped him secure the purchasing deal. 

He did wonder if hosting an event, the very first event, for a patriarch was risky for future business but it was the least he could do to thank the boss for his support. And hell, it was Patriarch Nishikiyama’s birthday.

He couldn’t think of a better grand opening than that.

“Where’s the rest of the staff?” 

“I sent them on break,” she said, checking her wristwatch then staring back up at him with her beady eyes. “Shall we go over the checklist to ensure that everything is as you requested?”

“Why not,” he shrugged with an air of nonchalance despite finding a bit of relief upon hearing those words.

“Just a moment, I’ve left my checklist in the back office.” she said, clopping away in her shiny black mary janes. 

Shindo watched her wide figure slowly disappear across the room. Just as he was about to settle himself into the booth that Shizuka only just exited from, he heard the door burst open. He quickly returned to his feet to look in that direction. He could feel the glare wrinkling his face.

“The hell–”

“Thank god you’re here, Cap!” one of his juniors rushed toward him, “Cap, I need your backup on this!”

The younger man spoke in a rushed cadence, sounding almost out of breath. In his hands was a crumpled packet of papers. Another man stomped in behind him, pushing his sunglasses to his forehead to look the captain in the eye.

“Captain’s gonna side with me on this, I keep tellin’ you.” the other said, his voice raspy and laced with annoyance.

Shindo sucked in a sharp inhale as he stared down at the shorter men. He didn’t know what the issue was but he still felt vindicated when he caught the winded one’s distraught face. It had been far too quiet. He’d known something would come up.

“What?” he asked, annoyance cutting through the word on exhale.

“I keep tellin’ this idiot that we need more chicks on the guest list.” the one using sunglasses for a headband said. “The boss's gonna think he showed up at a damn sausage party. We need some girls. I know a few hostesses that–”

Shindo snatched the wrinkled list and his eyes skimmed column after column of names. Most of the attendees were male, yes, but they were some of the family whose company he knew the boss didn’t mind– ones that mostly knew how to behave in a public setting and wouldn’t set the man off when he was intending to help him wind down. There were a handful of female attendees on the list as well. Women he’d hand picked based on what they meant to the boss. These were women he knew that while the man might not say it, he'd actually be delighted to see, especially the one who had agreed to perform tonight. 

“No, no hostesses.” Shindo said. 

While he would personally prefer to see a gaggle of good looking ladies show up to tonight’s party in spades, he knew that the boss would quickly grow annoyed when a band of women with dollar signs for eyes came in lying through their teeth and pressing up against him. 

He wanted to stick with the plan Shizuka presented, one she referred to as having an intimate gathering. That seemed to suit the boss’ preferences and temperament these days rather than him being shoved into a room full of half strangers intending to mingle and schmooze. It was probably best to reserve that sort of thing for obligatory events the boss needed to attend for work, rather than leisure.

“But, Captain Sh–”

“I said no fucking extra girls, got it?” he spat, then shoved the papers back into the other man’s hands. 

“Thanks, Cap.”

“Yes, sir…”

“Now, got anything else?”

“No.”

“Alright,” he said, waving a dismissive hand. “Go help in the back. I want the cake out before he turns up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Shindo checked his Rolex again then brought his rough hand up to stroke at his stubbly chin as another sigh escaped him. Was he annoyed that the guys he chose to act as what Shizuka called “guest coordinators” were bickering about the guest list only hours before the party began? 

Yes. 

However, he did find strange relief that that was the extent of his problems. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he headed toward the back to supervise and make sure that he didn't have any larger fires to put out.

When Shindo heard this phone chime in his pocket, he was looking over the items at the bar for the third time, ensuring it had everything he’d ordered for tonight. He dug into his coat pocket and checked the message waiting for him. It was the guard that accompanied the patriarch and chauffeur today, letting him know that they’d be arriving soon. He’d also warned him that the boss was already aggravated because the chauffeur had passed the restaurant he was under the impression he was due at. 

A corner of his lips curled and an amused breath pushed through his nose. It was nearly showtime now. 

He turned to face the room, much louder than it was when he first arrived a couple hours ago. Majority of the attendees had arrived and broken off into small groups throughout the room, chatting and laughing amongst themselves– all waiting on his say so. He flipped the cell phone shut, slipped it back into his coat pocket and headed toward the stage. 

His heart was pounding now.

When he tapped the microphone to ensure it was live, an unpleasant screech echoed through the room and silenced the guests. 

“Uh,” he said, frowning at the sound of his own voice surrounding him. “The boss’ll be here any minute now. Someone shut these lights off. Everybody get in place and shut the hell up. Let’s not screw this up.”

It didn’t take long for the crowd to disperse and scramble around the room. He carefully stepped off the stage and narrowed his eyes as he checked the crowd for a specific person and once he spotted them, he closed in. The lights lowered as he got closer as if waiting for him specifically. 

Only one light remained, the one cascading down from the high ceiling, above the strategically placed welcome arch.

When the door opened, he could faintly hear the guards’ voice apologizing to their boss as he led him through the dim room. Shindo immediately caught Patriarch Nishikiyama’s tight, downturned and sour expression as they led him below the arch, his eyes yet to adjust.

The lights flipped on and every voice in the facility shouted out “SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Nishikiyama was startled almost to stone. He didn’t intend to stand there for as long as he had. It just seemed to take him a while to process what his sharp eyes registered as they scanned across the sea of familiar, smiling faces in the room. His men were all well dressed, the others too. The layout and design of the room was breathtaking. For a moment there, he didn’t even recognize it as the shabby little event hall, he’d coached Koji through purchasing. 

It wasn’t until his eyes scanned the long banner hanging above the stage that read: “Happy Birthday, Boss!” that he dipped his head and let out a soft chuckle. 

He’d recognize that calligraphy anywhere.

“You idiots…” he trailed off.

The tight expression on his face relaxed ever so slightly and though a smile didn’t curve his lips, Shindo could see it lifting at the corners of his eyes. And that, made Shindo smile hard enough for the both of them.

“Thanks.” Nishikiyama said, most of them didn’t hear it but they all clapped and cheered anyway.

His brown eyes skimmed the crowd until he spotted Koji, heads taller than most, then called for him.

“Koji.” 

Understanding his cue, the tall man emerged from the crowd with a familiar face in tow. He was gentle with the much shorter man, one hand holding his wrist and the other lightly pushing against his shoulder as he guided the elder to the arch where Nishikiyama stood. 

The moment Nishikiyama’s eyes met that of the older man’s they softened and for a long moment Shindo recognized a resemblance to a version of his boss that he hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. The man he met and first came to admire all those years back. Though it seemed so far away now, he always knew that side of him was still there somewhere. 

He could always feel it.

“Happy birthday, ya lil’ shit.” the old man said.

A rare smile split the man’s lips as he shook his head, “Old man Uehara, the hell are you doing here?”

“The hell am I doin’ here? Ya think I’d forget your birthday after these years? My mind ain’t gone yet–” he scolded but there was an affection behind his rough tone that matched the affection in Nishikiyama’s. “It takes one of these chuckleheads ta show up at my door just so I can celebrate with ya?”

He chuckled, lowering his head in a bow to the elder. “Sorry.”

“Forget about it. Lemme give ya–” Uehara turned to look over his shoulder, his head gently shaking from tremors. “Where’s that boy with the box?”

Nishikiyama’s eyes flicked across the faces of those still watching on, silently trying to figure out what Uehara was talking about. Someone stepped forward with a small, rectangular, diligently wrapped box and placed it into the old man’s unsteady hands. 

It pained Nishikiyama to see the man trembling before him. He knew that it was the result of the stroke the old man suffered half a year ago but it still sent a pang of guilt surging through his chest. 

“Here,” Uehara said, extending the box with both hands and Nishikiyama recognized it immediately. “My wife’s recipe… It’s not nearly as good as her’s were but–”

He placed his hands on each of Uehara's, temporarily steadying them. The old man said the same line about his homemade confections for as long as Nishikiyama had been receiving them– a good 15 years now. He’d never even had his wife’s confections but if they were even better than what the old man was capable of, he’d wager it was a good thing he didn’t or he might have been toothless by this age.

“I’m grateful, Uehara-san…” he nodded, holding his gaze to ensure the man understood how genuine he was. “I’m sorry you had to travel such a long way but thank you for bringing them to me.” 

Uehara allowed him to take the box from him, then tapped his cool, shaky hand against Nishikiyama’s cheek. 

“Get some rest sometime, kid. Ya look like ya ain’t had a decent night’s sleep in years.”

He let out a small chuckle, “I’ll try my best, old man.”

When he removed his hand from his cheek, Nishikiyama straightened his posture and his expression hardened when he met Koji’s eye. He didn’t have to say a word. He made a great captain simply because he knew how to anticipate his boss’s needs without much prodding. 

Koji bowed his head, “I’ll see to it that Uehara-san arrives home safely.”

“The hell ya will!” the old man snapped, “I ain’t leaving til his punk has a drink with me. He owes me that damn much.” 

Nishikiyama coughed, “Some things never change, do they, old man?”

“I’m too old to change. I’ll be set in my ways til I die.”

He laughed, “Guess I’ve got even longer to deal with your big mouth then, huh?”

“And I, yours!”

“Oh, then, uh..” Koji gestured ahead. “Let me show you to your table, boss.”

“Sure.” he said, now accepting the responsibility of escorting the older man through the crowd.

Nishikiyama was downright exhausted by the time the party cleared out. He couldn’t remember the last time he let himself loose, well… As loose as he was capable of being these days in a room full of people. He’s not much for parties anymore. It wears him out in a way that makes fatigue set in bone deep. However… He didn’t regret tonight. 

Since he lost Yumi, Kiryu went to prison, and he stopped going to see Uehara regularly, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d properly celebrated his birthday. Hell, he could barely recall the last time he realized that it was his birthday. It wasn’t until that initial fright right there under the arch that it even crossed this mind for the first time today. For years now, he really only came to the realization he’d grown a year older when the year came to a close. All his days ran in together. He only ever paid attention to the calendar when he had important events and obligations to tend to. 

He couldn’t even remember the last time he told someone his birthday. He knew that it was long before he’d met Koji, which made him wonder…

As if he’d known that he’d crossed the man’s mind, he appeared not far from Nishikiyama’s table with a broom and dustpan in tow. After he’d finished sweeping up the pile of broken glass, he peered at his patriarch’s table to see if he was okay before heading back.

They wound up locking eyes and Koji knew he was being summoned. So, he answered. 

“Sit.” Nishikiyama says, scooting so that there’s room between him and the younger man. 

Placing the cleaning items behind the booth, Koji joins his boss at the dark table. 

Apart from the music, they sat in a long silence. 

Koji didn’t feel discomfort though, not like he does when he can sense a scolding coming on. That thought allowed him to relax in his seat. 

It was Nishikiyama that broke the silence, “I almost can’t believe you set all this up. It’s not your style at all.” 

The words came out harsher than he intended.

“It’s not… But it is yours, boss.” he said.

“Koji…”

“Sir?”

Nishikiyama’s gaze slowly trailed from counting the tables that were now half empty to finally settling on him. “I never told you my birthday.”

Koji’s body flashed with heat. He rubbed at the peach fuzz at the back of his head. There was hesitancy when he spoke. “Yeah, I, uh…” he trailed off. 

“You, what?” he murmured, folding his hands on the table in front of him as he stared expectantly.

“I read it on the paperwork you filled out… When you helped with the purchasing agreement.”

The patriarch’s dark brown eyes widened once the realization hit him.

At first he was considering if at some point he’d accidentally slipped and mentioned it. Or he’d left his I.D. lying around somewhere. Or if perhaps, one of his boys took it upon themselves to ask around. Not once did it occur to him that he’d come by the information that way. 

He shouldn’t have been too surprised. The question was dismissed numerous times in the past, in hopes that he’d just forget about it. But Koji was nothing if not resilient and he always did have an eye for detail. 

That was why he trusted him as his captain.

Nishikiyama’s gaze dropped down to his own clasped hands, squeezing just enough to define his veins. Another lengthy silence lingered between them. 

And again, it was Nishikiyama that spoke up to break it. 

“Thirsty?” he asked. 

He didn’t wait on an answer before he reached for one of the extra glasses and placed it in front of the captain. He poured the whiskey into the glass and handed it to him. He raised his hand in a halting gesture when Koji reached for the bottle in an effort to return the favor, then he poured his own. 

He lifted the glass, eyes watching the liquid swaying slightly, lips parting as if he was about to speak but then pressed them back together before gesturing his drink toward Koji’s. 

Understanding, he carefully clanked his glass against the other’s then watched, expecting him to take the first sip. Instead, Nishikiyama nodded at him, wordless telling him to forget the formalities and simply enjoy his drink. 

He’d earned it. 

Koji eyed his own whiskey for a second then shifted his gaze back to him. 

“Now that I know your birthday, boss, I’ll be sure not to forget.” he said, a solemnness shaping his features. “You’ve never forgotten mine.”

There was a dull tug in his chest upon hearing those words. 

Sure, he’d acknowledged Koji’s birthday in some form or another over the years. But, Koji was just a punk kid the last time he’d gone all out for him. Hell, just last year, he had gotten him nothing more than a watch. Nishikiyama’s mind whirled him into silence but it was the other’s voice that broke it this time.

“Happy birthday, boss.” he said, bowing his head then taking a large gulp of his whiskey. 

A hearty chuckle escaped him when he heard the man hiss and curse at the burn. It felt like an eternity since Koji witnessed him let out such a genuine laugh. 

“That it is…” Nishikiyama said in a voice so low, it seemed to have been a response to no one but himself.

A happy birthday indeed.

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but likes and a reblog go a long way! Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this, you're welcome to check out more of my work! I have a masterlist to save you browse time!

[mythicalage]

Maybe This Was All A Mistake - HKS

synopsis: things aren't looking so good in your relationship after 3 years of being with your bf

characters: bf!shota x fem!reader

a/n: i've never published anything on tumblr so pls bear w me as i try to figure things out 😞 also dont know when to add warnings and stuff (non-idol au btw)

everything was totally fine for the past 3 years. perfect even. so why was there so much tension between you and shota?

well you knew why; the constant arguing over stupid shit which would then snowball into bigger things. usually you guys were so good at dealing with arguments and would end with a mutual understanding.

it's gotten to the point where you're tired of shota's mixed signals. he'd distance himself from you, get angry whenever you wanted attention so when you returned the favor, suddenly he'd turn into a clingy bf.

after 5 months of ranting about the issue to your friends, they were completely over it. reasonably so. they'd always give advice and voice their opinions but you never listened.

"break up with him"

"i dont think i can give up 3 years this easily. he's been better recently."

"yeah and then hes gonna go back to being an asshole"

"we don't know that. maybe its just those situations where we have a few struggles in the relationship and everything will be better again."

"girl— oh my gosh."

maybe you were actually stupid to believe that. nothing changed. it was the same never-ending cycle. did you actually waste 3 entire years on him? 1,239 days if you want to get specific. was the time actually wasted if you were happy with him for the first two years? did the love just wear off?

you both had gone out to downtown, walking around and stopping at a cafe where you two had your first date together. you guys came here pretty often, usually happy, but today was just rather sad. shota only scrolled on his phone as you both were sat right by the large window, waiting for your drinks.

you sighed, biting the inside of your cheek as your chest began to feel heavy. you watched soul mindlessly scroll on his phone, occasionally texting. he still had the polaroid picture of you behind his phone case but you wondered why he even bothered keeping it there. or maybe he simply didn't care enough to take it out.

"order for an iced matcha latte and an iced americano!" the worker placed the two drinks over the counter to which shota looked over and then glanced at you.

"i'll get it." you pushed your chair back and went over to grab the drinks. "thank you," you forced a smile at the worker and received a nod.

you don't really know why you ordered the most basic, kind of disgusting, drink ever. you weren't in the mood to drink or eat anything. as you sat back down, you slid the green latte over to shota and he finally placed his phone down, taking the drink into his hands. "thanks."

"its been a while since we've last been here," your voice was soft but had little to no emotion to it.

"yeah, it has been." shota took a sip of his drink before moving the cup in his hand in a circular motion, probably to mix everything.

it was depressing to see him this way. he was normally very silly, making random noises or rambling on and on about things he's into. it'd be an understatement to say you missed it. maybe it's too late to get that version of haku shota back. maybe you're just not the person who can bring it out of him anymore.

you didn't realize tears had brimmed your eyes until you felt the huge lump in your throat. you shouldn't cry. not in front of him at least and definitely not in public.

shota looked up at you from his drink. he stayed quiet for a moment before finally speaking. "you okay?" he reached for your hand and interlaced your fingers together. part of you wanted to snatch your hand away but the other part wanted to feel the warmth of his hand for as long as you could — before you commit to your decision of breaking away from him.

"shota," you choked on your voice, biting your bottom lip afterwards as tears begin to finally slip down your cheeks. you looked at his face before looking down at your hands, "lets.. break up."

although you didn't see it, shota's face dropped, his mouth slightly gaped. "you.. want to break up...?" his grip on your hand loosened but he didn't let go completely.

you only nodded to his response, biting your lip to prevent any sobs from becoming audible, simultaneously trying to stop the tears to no avail.

"baby, what? why? please, let's just talk about this." shota pleaded quietly but loud enough for you to hear.

you looked back up, your eye makeup slightly ruined by the tears. you sniffled as you took your hand away from his, "shota, you know why." you fought to not let your voice crack, carefully dabbing the tears off your cheeks and from underneath your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt.

"no, i don't know why. sure we have these small moments where we're upset but that's normal. we always go back to how it used to be, do we not?" he leans over the table and cups your cheek with his hand, his sad eyes looking into your teary ones.

you think about it. maybe he is right. you might've been thinking a little irrationally.

no. this can't happen again.

you shake your head, pushing his hand away from your face and you get up from your chair. "no shota. i'm tired of feeling this way. you give me attention when you feel like you're losing me but after a while, you go back to being a dickhead." you frown, taking your drink into your hand.

he gets up as well but leaves his drink on the table. at this point a few people are staring but it doesn't matter. "please y/n. don't leave me. we can fix this."

"there's no 'we' anymore, shota. i'm sorry." you drop your head.

shota only stays quiet. he grabs his drink and tosses it into the nearby trashcan and does the same to the cup in your hand. he knows you don't even like americanos.

when you guys came in not too long ago and ordered the drinks, he was confused as to why you had bought it. it doesn't matter anyway.

he swallows the lump that had now formed in his throat, taking a deep breath before talking.

"can i at least hug you for one last time?"

your heart shatters. you look into his eyes with blurry vision due to the tears and you wrap your arms around his body.

his face meets the top of your head as his arms hug your waist, rocking both of your bodies side to side as you silently sob into his chest.

"i'm sorry i couldn't be a better boyfriend to you."

after the hug you couldn't get yourself to say goodbye to him. you simply let go and walked outside and got yourself an uber.

this is going to be a bitch to get over.

a/n: definitely not my best work but i somewhat tried whidkwkd if this is total shit lmk 😭😭 wattpad-esque ahh story omg

[hlficlibrary]

HL FIC LIBRARY ✤ AUTHOR REC

AO3: phdmama 

Tumblr: @phdmama

STATS:

✤ Number of fics: 208

✤ Posting Since: 2016

TOP 5 FICS:

1️⃣ Hold My Heart {E, 14k}

“Excuse me, mate, I’m the window seat here.” The voice was soft, apologetic, and accented in something a bit unfamiliar — northern England, maybe, Harry thought.

“Oh,” Harry jumped to his feet and moved aside, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you standing there.”

The other man laughed as he swung a bag into the overhead compartment and slid into the seat. “You were well caught up in that book, mate. What are you reading?”

Harry paused, wondering how to explain the fact that he was reading an epic and x-rated romance that was the story of a relationship between a prince and the man he’d enslaved. “Oh, you know, just some fiction my sister recommended.” He turned to look at the man and froze.

Sitting next to him was Louis Tomlinson.

Or, the one where famous Louis Tomlinson offers his hand and a lot more to his seat mate on a transatlantic flight.

(Co-written with @a-writerwrites)

2️⃣ Feels Like Coming Home {E, 60k}

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he's hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that's exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn't heard one word from Louis, and he's moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he's a chef, isn't easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he'd left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

3️⃣ On the Go {T, 2k}

From this post because I could not resist.

4️⃣ It's a Better Place (Since You Came Along) {E, 51k}

When Harry Styles, a mid-level talent, Finder, and small business owner, sets off on the vacation of a lifetime with his best friend, Niall Horan, he has no idea the changes his life will undergo over the next nine days. He's got it all planned - there's going to be shore excursions, lounging by the pool on the deck of the luxurious cruise ship, not to mention margaritas. What he does not plan for are the new friends, new bonds, or the mystery from his past that comes back to haunt him, and he certainly hasn't planned for Louis.

5️⃣ For Better and For Worse {M, 12k}

Harry and Louis have been together for 5 years and they've been getting questions when they would be getting married and start a family. Bur Harry doesn't have the time. They were arguing one morning when Harry had enough and left for work. He's a doctor and works at the a&e there is a call that there has been a bad car crash and that there is more than one patient coming in. Harry does his job good and works on the first patient and everything goes great until his next patient is Louis.

HIDDEN GEM:

💎 Unveiled {M, 65k}

The train grinds to a halt and Harry leans forward in his eagerness to take it all in. It’s a gorgeous Spring day, the sky the same intense blue that he knows from home, which comforts him. There’s much here that looks almost familiar, but then so much that is new and strange to his eyes. The bustling station platform and winding streets beyond paved in cobblestones look much like home. There are vehicles ranging from small to very large, some with strange and unusual shapes of which he can only guess the purpose. But most surprising are the people. There is a crowd gathered, filled with men and women, some in what looks to be a military uniform, some in what must be the street clothes in this Land.

There are no robes. And not a single one of them is veiled.

[crybyemissamericanpie]

Academic rivals - Coriolanus Snow x fem!reader (PT,1)

needed to put the story in 2 parts cause I wrote too much, and i cannot change first or anything, idk my tumblr is acting weird

TW: Mentions of death

Coriolanus Snow and Y/n Y/l, the top students of the academy,for years now. They didn't really hate each other,they just like a challenge, and with the hunger games coming up and both of them going to be mentors soon enough, the adrenaline just grew

Everybody is seated in the class room, the teacher calls the names out for the student then tells them their score and their grade "Coriolanus snow,99%, A as usual" The teacher says as she looks at Coriolanus with a small smile putting the paper in front of him, as she walks back she reads out"Y/n Y/l-"The teacher stops, as if she is double checking her reading"29%, F"Says the teacher, the small shock and disappointment in her voice could be heard as the students eyes light up and immediately look at y/n in silence, she puts the paper down in front of herShe looks down at it and the teacher goes on to say the other grades.

She starres at the F, with her head down the entire class until the bell rang, and Coriolanus came over to her desk as the last student left too"Didn't expect that" Coriolanus says, as he looks over her shoulder, his eyes observing her paper

They were academic rivals of course, but after all they've known each other since babies, they hid in the dark days together, and when the tests disappear they can real be friends

"So didnt i"she says, her eyes not moving from the paper, blinking a few times as her eyes feelt like it was burning a hole through the score and the grade next to it

"Is there a reason?why this was so bad?"Coriolanus asks, he knows there is no such a thing that y/n wouldn't study or didn't remember the test, he knows that something is on her mind

"The games"she says, her mind running off. She speaked her truth, no matter if Coriolanus would take adventage of her weakness, making her think about the game more so she would be humiliated at the next test again

The games, it was the 10th game of the Capitol putting kids in an arena, then watch them fight to stay alive for their own enjoyment, or 'to remember what has the districts done' at the rebellion, it was stupid

"Stressed?"he asks,Coriolanus himself didn't know what to think of the games, he thought it was smart that they used it to show power, that they are still stronger than the districts no matter what

"Scared"She replied,the only thing scary wasn't just to watch kids fight to death but that she might get attached to her tribute and what if they can't win after all its 1 vs 23 , expect if they make allies, but either a disease, thirst, hunger, poison or a tribute is gonna kill them no matter what, it was cruel

"You're too smart to be scared about that,it haven't even begun"Coriolanus point out, that makes Y/ns head turn"yeah I don't even know which kid do I have to see die" She barks at him, frustrated a bit

"And..-and what if your tribute won?"Coriolanus tries to make this more positive"still gives them trauma"She replies as her eyes stares into his, as she observes him a bit more

Was he gorgeous, she thought, he was always fine, his blonde curls, his blue eyes,kissable red lips, he could steal anyone's heart in a heartbeat, oh but was he clueless, she thought again, he was always like every capitol born, agreeing with everything the Capitol does, even when not saying it out loud she knows. But he isn't like the Capitol themselves, yet.

Coriolanus sighs giving up to fight for his own opinion and to make it a bit happier, he straightens up a bit, fixing his red uniform"I'll see you later"says Coriolanus, not even waiting for her answer, he walks out of the room, leaving her alone in the cold classroom

[stillsolo]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN. respond to the prompts out of character !

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? oh, where do i even begin?  well, i suppose i should start with how long sw has been in my life.  ANH was the first movie my mother ever saw when she visited the USA; she saw it with my grandmother ( and subsequently developed a massive crush on harrison, so indiana jones became a huge part of my childhood too lol ).  for this reason, my mother introduced my brother and I to sw when we were actual babies.  then, when the prequels came out, it’s all me and my brother consumed.  from the movies themselves to the original clone wars cartoon to the PS2 games to the novels/book series.  we watched it on a tiny portable player for every trip, and every time my relatives needed us to go away to let the adults talk lol.  it also helped our comprehension of english so much. i can’t recall a time in which sw hasn’t been present in my life! before i joined the tumblr swrpc, i kept to myself in the prequels community, wrote fanfic, and rped anakin on skype.  he’s always been a character that hit a little too close to home in one too many ways.  the main parallel i have with him (that doesn’t relate to his mental issues haha) is his love/devotion/attachment to his mother.  it’s difficult for me to explain without getting into the aspects of my culture (孝順 / filial piety), but in short, i am cantonese; if my mother asked me for my thumb tomorrow, i would give her my arm today.  anakin’s love for his mother, his determination to free her from slavery at an early age, was very touching.  EPII has been memed to oblivion, yes, but the pain i feel when anakin doesn’t get to hear his mother tell him she loves him one last time before she dies, and knowing that it haunts him for the rest of his life (eu), makes me want to throw myself out a window lmao  i have an extremely close relationship with my parents; this sort of pain is absolutely gutting for someone like me. anyway, when i joined the tumblr swrpc, writing han solo was never the plan.  i originally wanted to write luke but ended up changing my mind at the last second.  I’d written well over a dozen fics with han at that point, but was nowhere near confident, so i thought of it as more of an experiment. guess that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, because if you really think about it, since the day i started writing him in fics, he hasn’t stopped butting into my brain.  in fact, he’s been harassing me ever since—to the point that i even switched from writing luke to him… lol given my upbringing and my mother’s love for him, han has always been my childhood hero, as well as my brother’s.  our dad was our han solo.  the nostalgic and familial associations run so deep, it’s difficult to articulate.  we share many traits, right down to his universally agreed-upon zodiac sign (sagittarius); i know han solo like the back of my hand—and it’s probably because i wanted to be just like him when i grew up.

is there anything you don’t like to write? character death.  if i have to say another, it’s when people conflate harrison with the character he plays and then decides to address that in a thread.  harrison was a ladies man back in the 80s, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the same for han.  i hate seeing the conflation between the two.  not sure if this happens as often anymore, but there was a time when fics/threads/even han rpers would lean into it, by default, thus totally destroying his character in my eyes.  i mean, write it as a storyline, that’s cool and fine, but infidelity has never been inherently part of his character.  i will die on this fucking hill.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? most unpopular opinion ever: action sequences.  critical situations, fast paced action, thriller scenes featuring immediate, life-threatening circumstances.  i love writing that which exhibits a sense of urgency and tension, with sprinklings of emotional depth and contemplative introspective moments.  scenes with internal conflict combined with aforementioned external events.  even evading enemy forces, sustaining minor/major injuries, dressing wounds.  dunno why those are always the most fun to me.  aside from that?  romance/romantic angst.  i’ve had many writing partners over the years, and each one thought they could outdo me in writing romantic angst.  sometimes, the psychosomatic pain of heartbreak isn’t far from feeling like you’ve lost a limb in battle.

how do you come up with headcanons? by being the most annoying, meticulous person ever.  i’m extremely detail oriented; when i see incongruities in my own work, i perish.  so, when i come up with headcanons, i have to consider all factors that may affect the outcome of whatever question i’ve posed in my mind and feel the need to justify my choices, for whatever reason, by tying it back to XYZ.  my headcanons must align with my muse’s personality, their environment from childhood to adulthood, their current circumstances, and if it’s an AU, how it mirrors canon events.  canon/eu is everything imo, because they are their own choices; it’s what shaped them into the character we know them as.  ofc, this is my process and opinion, so make of that what you will.

do you write in silence or do you play music? no music, no tv.  sometimes people talking is too much for me.  i have adhd and my medication only helps so much.  i will absolutely start writing down the conversation or lyrics playing in the background lol

do you plan your replies or wing them? plotting vs planning replies is different to me.  plotting gives me a foundation, but it can’t be too confining.  to plan a reply is to block out each moment.  if you trap me, i will always deviate; so i wing everything, even when i have a foundation.

do you enjoy shipping? yes, absolutely!  i’m not sure why people tend to assume otherwise, but i’m more open to it than people think.  i’ve never cared about who you write, if they’re in the sw franchise, or even what era of sw etc etc  never given a shit about what people think; if our muses click, they click.  honestly, some of the best ships i’ve had with han, as in the most enjoyable and enlightening of his character, have been ‘crack ships’.

what’s your alias/name? vin, vince, vincent.  vincent van hoe.  trash bin vin.

age? 27!

birthday? dec 2!

favorite color? silver.  if that’s not a color to you, then blue.

favorite song? you can’t expect me to… well, ‘in your eyes’ by the weeknd has been up there for a long time.

last movie you watched? star wars: the clone wars (2008)

last show you watched? … the clone wars lol

last song you listened to? billie jean - MJ.

favorite food? my mother’s 番茄炒蛋 ( egg and tomato stir fry ), unagi, freshly baked breads, fresh fruit …

favorite season? i get mostly tropical weather, but i love a cold winter.

do you have a tumblr best friend? unfortunately, so many people have left the site over the years, but i'm grateful to call these people some of the closest friends i have in the rpc: @techniiciian @desiccation @vibraea @rcvanchist @sgterso @voxcrystallis

tagged : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me!! tagging : if you're still reading this, i tag you!

[spacesapphi]

"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downward Chapter 5- The Ties You've Severed"

Chapter 5.... ough...

Summary:

It's been over a year since that Winter Star party, and everyone's been struggling since. Marnie is struggling with the fallout, finding solace in her friendship with Pam through it all. She desperately hopes for a positive change, but who knows when that will come.

Too embarrassed to face Marnie again, Shane has completely cut her off from his life, leaving his aunt confused and angry. Things are coming to a head in his life where his only options are to swallow his pride or continue to drown. It would take a miracle… or a disaster to get him to do anything but drown.

CWs include : mentions of illness, disordered eating, death, and addiction

AO3 Version is here!

Tumblr version below the cut:

Over a year had passed since that Winter Star party. Marnie had hoped dearly that it was just a matter of Shane needing some time to cool off and think before talking again. The boy could be like that sometimes, go off sulking for a bit before he came back to act like an adult about things. But this time was different. Conversation went from near daily calls to maybe twice a week, then once, then the occasional text, and then nothing.

Shane hadn’t responded to any of her messages or calls in six months now, completely cutting off his life from Marnie. The poor woman just couldn’t understand why. She tried to, she truly did. Even though she knew she’d get no response, she’d attempt to talk to him anyways, letting him know she was still there for him. Even if he wasn’t willing to speak, she wanted him to know she still cared. But seeing that ‘delivered’ status on every single message, a reminder that he wasn’t even reading them, it just punched a hole through her heart. 

She raised that boy for over 20 years now, treated him like her own son, put his needs and wants above her own. It wasn’t like she saw it as something that he needed to repay, but would it hurt to just speak to her once in a while? Did he understand how much it hurt for him to purposely rip her away from the last family she had in this world? 

She began to think that she was the problem. Maybe if she had just reacted differently that night, had talked it out then, then maybe things would be different. Maybe Shane and Jas would still be in her life. But then again, she had every damn right to be angry at him that night and she knew it. Replaying those words in her head, being told to ‘shut the fuck up already’ , oh it made her blood boil. Going to bed to sleep on it was probably the best decision at that moment, but it didn’t make the outcome any better. Why would he just cut off all interaction, why did he just leave without a word and never explain why?! There were so many questions, and Marnie had the gut feeling she’d never get the full answer. 

Sitting at her usual stool in the saloon, she stared down at the reflection in her wine glass, seeing just how tired she looked. Running the ranch was hard, but having the support of her little family made it easier. She didn’t have that anymore though, she had nothing. Yoba, she was a mess nowadays. 

“Yer not lookin’ good, Marn,” Pam frowned, sliding in closer towards her friend, “What’s buggin’ you now?”

Marnie just shook her head, taking a hefty swig from her cup, “I’m fine, really.”

Pam sighed in a frustrated tone. It was so obvious something was wrong. When she had gone to see Marnie the day after the party, she was obviously distraught, and she’d been upset nearly everyday since. Even still, she insisted she was ‘just fine’, and pushed through each and every day. 

“I’ll tell you this much, that stubbornness runs in yer fam’ly,” Pam scoffed, motioning aimlessly with her hand, “If I had a 100g note fer every time I heard one of ya’s tell me yer fine I could be livin’ in a damn mansion ,”

Marnie breathed out through her nose, closing her eyes tight, “It’s just… That boy, he… Oh I don’t know what to do with him anymore.”

“Has he still not talked to you?” Pam looked shocked, shaking her head disappointedly, “Marnie yer a damn saint, I’d never put up with that shit… Lemme tell you, if my Penny ever pulled somethin’ like that there’d be hell to pay.”

“Was I too harsh with him….? I just wanted to help! He needed a wakeup call, I just-” Marnie held her head in her hands, groaning in frustration. She looked up to the man behind the counter, “Gus, what would you do if you were me?”

The barkeep knit his brows together in concern, gently wiping down a glass as he spoke, “I don’t have kids but… I think you’ve done all you can. You can only do so much once they’ve left the nest, right?”

Pam slammed down her bottle, raising a brow, “If you ask me she’s too damn soft on ‘im!”

“He’s been through a lot…” Gus reminded her, giving Pam a knowing look.

“Ain’t we all!” Pam protested, throwing her hands up. She turned and pointed to Marnie, “Look, you got a nice enough boy, Marn. But ya gotta put your foot down at some point. March up to the city ‘n tell ‘im to come home, drag ‘im by the ear if you have to!”

“I just get so… angry with him,” Marnie grumbled, looking to Pam with such an exasperated look, “Is it too damn much to ask that he takes care of himself when he has a kid?! I put myself through hell and back to raise him, I did everything to keep myself together for him, why is he so-!” she slammed her head down onto the table, grumbling angrily, “Pam… I’m so furious…”

“Whuff, if it’s got Saint Marnie swearin’ up a storm, you know it’s bad,” Pam chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Marnie turned her head just enough to show her scowl. Pam smiled apologetically, “Sorry…”

“Eugh… Another one, Gus.” Marnie mumbled, motioning to her glass and letting her hand slump to the table pathetically. He made a face, looking to Pam of all people for help. She nodded in silent understanding, pulling the glass away from her. 

“Listen Marn, if yer makin’ me look sober, you should prob’ly stop for the night,” she suggested, genuine concern in her tone, “Besides… it’s makin’ you look a smidge hypocritical there, mm?”

“Yoba, I hate when you’re right…” Marnie complained. She turned her head to rest her cheek on the table, looking at Pam, “You’re a good friend, you know,”

“Ain’t I just,” Pam sighed, “C’mon now, I’m takin’ you home.”

The pair trudged back to the ranch, Marnie completely silent as Pam rambled on about the day, “Penny tried to make me breakfast today. She tries, bless her heart, but she’s terrible Marn,” she chuckled, “How do you burn and undercook an egg?”

She saw her attempt at lightening the mood had fallen flat once again, that same blank stare on Marnie’s face. Pam wrapped an arm ‘round her back, squeezing her shoulder tight, “I’m sorry, Marn… I hate seein’ you like this...”

“I feel like a failure… ” Marnie mumbled, “Was I really too soft on him? Should I have been harsher?”

Pam pursed her lips, thinking for quite a bit, “Remember back in college, when we first started dormin’?” she asked, “You were the shyest little thing, sweet too. You put up with all my bullshit and I never understood why…”

Marnie raised a brow, “Where are you going with this?”

“What I’m sayin’ is it’s yer nature to be sweet and soft. Ain’t a flaw, ain’t anythin’ bad. Showin’ your family love like that, that’s somethin’ to be admired.”

The two stopped to look over the river, giving them a quiet moment. Marnie never knew Pam to be the introspective type, but she appreciated little moments like this. Pulling her shawl tighter over her shoulders, she looked over the rippling water, “What do you think I should do?”

“Distract yerself. Get back into a hobby! Do somethin’ fun!” Pam grinned, “How long’s it been since you touched a hook or needle?”

“Weeks…” Marnie huffed, “Maybe a month or two. Haven’t had much inspiration lately, I suppose.”

“Can I inspire you with some cash? It’s gettin’ cold, and Yoba knows we ain’t got proper heat in that trailer. Me n’ Penny could use a cardigan or two.”

“I’m not charging you Pam, you’re my friend.”

“Bull shit you’re not chargin’ me! Name a price,”

Marnie scoffed lightly, “Just come over sometime to talk, it’s been a while. I’d accept that instead.”

“I’d do that anyway, Marn, that ain’t any compensation. Just you wait, you’ll find some extra g in yer purse when you least expect, and I ain’t takin’ it back,”

A small, soft smile found its way onto Marnies face, a quiet, soft chuckle escaping her, “Thank you… for trying to make me feel better,”

“Aww there she is!” Pam squeezed her a little tighter, “Been missin’ that laugh,”

She looked over to the path leading into the woods, “Think it’s time for you t’ head home now. You ranchers gotta be up with the sun, or somethin’ right?”

“Somethin’ like that,” Marnie shrugged. She pulled Pam into a hug, “Again, thank you.”

“Heh, don’t mention it,” Pam mused, giving her a firm pat on the back, “And listen, if I ever see yer boy I’ll give him an earful for you, okay?”

“Pam…” 

“Seriously, Marn…” Pam sighed, “Lemme know if there’s anythin’ I can do. Can’t take seein’ you mope around like this.”

“I will, I promise.”

The women waved each other off for the night, heading in opposite directions towards their homes. Closing the door behind her, Marnie swiftly made her way to her room, resigning herself for the night.

The crickets outside the window chirped loudly as Marnie readied herself for sleep. Sitting at her vanity in her nightgown as she combed through her hair, staring off into space as she let her mind wander. She looked over to the framed photo sitting right next to her mirror, sighing softly. It was old and faded, the colors worn from age. She and her sister were merely young teens in it, sitting high atop the ranches fence, posing in a silly fashion as their father took their photo. They looked so happy and carefree, giggling about something she couldn’t remember, hugging each other tight. Marnie missed it so much.

“I don’t know what to do with your boy, Mona,” she huffed, biting a lip in frustration, “He gets it from you, you know. That damn stubbornness. Like mother, like son, neither of you knew when to get help.”

Placing down the comb, she took the photo into her hands, rubbing a thumb over the wood frame, “I’m afraid he’ll end up like you , that I’m going to get that call and… I don’t think my heart could take burying him too. And then I’d have to take in Jas… I’m getting too old to raise another child…”

“You would’ve known what to do, you were always the smart one…” tears bit at her eyes, lips pursing tightly as she fought back crying, “I feel like such a failure… ” her voice grew angry, but at who she didn’t know, “Why’d you have to die on us? Why couldn’t you just accept my help? I told you I’d come home to help you!”

Her mind fled back to her days as a young woman, far before tragedy had fallen upon her family. Marnie wanted so badly to be an artist back in her youth, to travel around the Ferngill Republic and join exhibitions and artists guilds. Mona was her biggest fan, encouraging her sister each and every day to chase that dream. 

Their father had made it clear that at least one of them had to take over the ranch one day, harping on the importance of it to their family history and tradition. It left the girls in a tough spot. Both of them had big dreams, but only one could achieve them. Mona wanted to be a doctor someday, to be someone who could help others. She’d been hoping to study under the doctor who was living in town at the time, actually. But seeing how excited and passionate Marnie was about her talents made her repress those dreams, and accept the responsibility laid out for her. Her sister’s happiness was a priority to her, even if it meant sacrificing her own.

Marnie would go on to be accepted at a great institute with an amazing arts program. She made important connections, met Pam for the first time, and she was truly thriving. She never felt more alive than she did in the city, feeling like for the first time she was reaching for the stars, and could actually touch them. She had no clue how much the opposite it was for Mona until it was getting to be too late. 

The poor woman was struggling. Raising a baby on her own, running the ranch as the sole owner, having little social life and few relationships because of how much time everything in life soaked up. It was taking a toll on her mind and body, a very noticeable toll. She was barely 28 when her hair began to gray, growing sicker and frailer by the day. Marnie had gotten into a huge blowout fight with her over it, concerned more than anything for her sister's health. 

The fight wasn’t too unlike the one she had with Shane, actually. It was eerily similar actually, happening in the same spot in the house and all. She vividly remembered Mona yelling at her to ‘drop it already!’, assuring she was fine when the opposite was clearly true. She all but forced Marnie to go back to college, to finish her degree and fulfill her dreams, leaving the ranch to her. Mona had sacrificed so much for her, and she wasn’t going to let her give up in the homestretch like that. She would die mere months after that fight, the stress quite literally killing her. Marnie had to come home after all, giving up her dream to take over the family business, to raise Shane along with it. 

She’d been a mess back then, a broken, miserable mess. Pam had chastised her for being ‘too soft’ on Shane through this, but she remembered how desperately she needed someone to have been there for her, and she never wanted him to feel that pain too. But now, he was inflicting it on himself, and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing to do but pray. 

She closed her eyes, silently begging Yoba to keep him and Jas safe, to allow him to come back home where he belonged. Her faith had been slipping from her the past year, growing weaker by the day, but she still held on tight to that hope that Yoba would hear her, that they would watch over and protect them. 

“ Wherever they are…” she thought, “ Let them be safe and well.”

- - - - - - 

“I told you, I don’t have it.”

“I don’t care, Yoder. I have given you three extensions, three! I’m not running a charity here!”

Shane rubbed his eyes, leaning against the doorway to his apartment, “Look, I get paid tomorrow morning. Can I give you the rent then? It’s the best I can do, Rich.”

The older man huffed, closing his eyes and shaking his head, “I… fine. Fine. But only because of her.” He pointed through the doorway to Jas, who sat at the kitchen table, “I don’t want to have to throw a kid out on the streets, and I’m sure you don’t want that either. Have it to me by tomorrow and we’ll be fine.”

“Thank you…” Shane breathed, feeling the relief flood him, “Seriously, thank you.”

“If it’s not in my hands by 5 tomorrow, you’re done, ” Rich warned, “No more extensions, no more forgiveness. I’m serious, Shane.”

“I know… Thank you.”

“And clean out your mailbox, would you? It’s overflowing.”

Shane reluctantly looked at the overstuffed box, nervous to even glance at the bright red lettering on the envelopes screaming “OVERDUE” at him. He’d maxed out just about every credit card he could get, paying insane amounts of money each month, going into the red over it at times. Rent had gotten higher after the new year, leaving him with less and less money to afford the important things. Life was expensive, raising a kid was expensive, everything just piled up. His landlord had tried to be understanding, giving him many extensions and breaks over the past year. But his generosity was running thin, and Shane could tell. He couldn’t blame him either

He ripped the letters from the mailbox, shuffling through them as he made his way to the table. Jas sat with her head resting on one hand, making a face as she poked her tv dinner with a fork. 

“Jas, honey, stop playing with your food,” Shane scolded lightly. Jas whined and gave him a pout, “It smells funny…”

“You need to eat something , come on.”

“Why can’t I have something else?”

“We don’t have anything else.”

“Whyyyy?” Jas grumbled, scrunching her nose as she speared a soggy vegetable with her fork.

“We can’t afford it, Jas,” that much was true. Actually, Shane couldn’t even afford this anymore. He was blessed in a way to have that stocking job. As wages stagnated and costs raised, Shane found himself with less and less money for necessities, including groceries. He’d often slip items in his bag after hours, becoming a bit of a ‘borrowing’ pro over the past few months. It was risky, and he could never take too much during a shift, but it was working for now. 

Jas furrowed her brow, giving him a look, “Why aren’t you eatin?”

Shane shrugged, giving her a smile, “Heh. Don’t need to. Uncle Shane doesn’t get hungry.”

“You’re being silly!” Jas laughed, “Yes you do!”

“Nah, it’s a superpower I got! You just worry about your own dinner, okay?” “Okay…” Jas finally gave in, shoveling the freezer burnt food in her mouth. It didn’t taste as bad as she thought it would, more bland than anything, a twinge of  that stale freezer-taste to it. It was to be expected of such a cheap meal. She swallowed a bite and looked back up to her godfather, “I wish I didn’t get hungry...”

Shane’s smile crumbled, replaced with a look of deep guilt. He opened his mouth to respond, but couldn’t find the appropriate words to say. He wanted to apologize for being such a terrible guardian, for letting her down again and again. Making sure she didn’t know just how bad things were was his top priority. The last thing he wanted was for her to have to worry about that, about things a 4 year old should never have to think about. He was supposed to be responsible, he was supposed to shield her from that reality. And he was trying his best, he truly was… but it was getting more and more difficult. 

Jas had noticed, and she had for a while. She noticed when the pantry and fridge got emptier and emptier as time went on, when envelopes with big red letters would come in and make him look stressed, when he’d cry when he thought she wasn’t looking, when he started eating very little at meal times, and eventually not eat at all. He’d been getting so thin . He looked so sick and exhausted every day, his hair beginning to gray before he even reached his 30’s. But even with all of it, he gave her a smile, and told her everything was okay.

Jas pushed away the dinner, “Can I go play now?” Shane nodded, “Go have fun,”

The little girl hopped away from the table, running to grab her dolls and sit under the blanket fort she’d made by the tv early this afternoon. Putting on a show in the background, she began to act out a story with the toys, off in her own little world. 

As soon as Shane was sure she wasn’t paying attention to him, he pulled the leftover dinner close to him, eating every last bit of what Jas left behind, even the parts he hated . It wasn’t even close to a full meal, but it quieted the growling in his stomach just enough to let him focus on something else. He felt a deep pang in his soul as he ate, a feeling that encompassed many an emotion; embarrassment, rage, grief. He couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling of self-loathing he felt right now. 

Throwing the trash into the adjacent can, he sneakily opened the fridge and lifted a can from the shelf. Beer was one of his riskier items to steal, and the most embarrassing. Yoba, Marnie was right about this being an addiction. He hated that it took this long to admit. He just wanted to dump it down the drain, to say ‘no more’ and make a change for the better. But every time he tried, it never worked for more than a few days. Withdrawal would kick in, an itching pain growing beneath his skin, a deep, animalistic urge to grab another can clawing at his mind. He hated it, he hated himself for it, but he just couldn’t stop.

The one good thing about eating so little was that the alcohol got to him quicker. Drinking on a near empty stomach made him get drunk faster, meaning he went through less cans. It wasn’t healthy still, not by any means, but it certainly was better than normal. It was how he justified it to himself, something he lied to himself with to make himself feel the slightest bit better about all of this. 

He jolted as a buzz rang through his phone, the vibration moving it a few inches across the table. There was just a single notification, a ‘goodnight’ text from Marnie. He reached out for his phone, stopping just before his fingers touched the case. Something wouldn’t let him grab it, wouldn’t let him respond. He desperately wanted to call her, to cry and beg for her forgiveness, to ask for help. But his pride held him in a chokehold, refusing to release him for even a moment. 

He didn’t mean for it to get this bad. He didn’t mean to sever those ties with Marnie. Initially he just needed time to recoup from the embarrassment of what he’d done that night, what he said. But eventually, he became more and more ashamed to face her, to tell her the truth of what was happening. He was flat broke, an exuberant amount of g in debt, unable to afford basic necessities, barely making rent even with extensions, and deep in the throes of addiction. 

He was drowning, and he didn’t want her to know. He felt like an absolute failure of a father, a nephew, and a person. He couldn’t bear to face her. Even when he felt ready to, this gnawing guilt in his mind told him to stay away. He’d ignored her for so long already, she must despise him at this point. That’s what he believed, anyway. He felt it was too little, too late to save that bond, and decided the only course of action from here was to just leave it severed.

Looking out at Jas, he knew something needed to change, for her sake. Oh if her parents could see him, he knew they’d despise him now, just like he believed Marnie did. It was a mistake for them to entrust him with Jas, to give such a screw-up like him such a big responsibility. He couldn’t forgive himself for how bad things were, for how bad he let it get. When would he just swallow his pride and run back home already to get help? It would take a miracle, or a disaster, to get him to do so, that much was certain.

He still didn’t believe in Yoba, but just this once, he made an exception. Bowing his head and folding his hands, he thought a silent prayer. 

“If you’re real… Please let Marnie forgive me.”

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Monthly Follower Recs

Monthly follower recommendations for the months of May & June 2024

Another Day, Another Disaster (ao3) - what_the_gosh_dang

Summary: Dan is in possession of Phil's private journal

Carpets, Pokemon and hugs (These are a few of my favorite things) (ao3) -DownDownFangirl

Summary: "Is everything ok?" The tall guy stops. The elevator starts to close. The guy reaches for the door and it opens again. He looks into Phil's eyes and it’s strong and focused and confusing. - Phil works at a motel and Dan is a guest who comes and goes. There are many thoughts to think and many delicate conversations to have... And it can get confusing, especially when you live hundreds of kilometers away from each other.

dan is not a pianist (ao3) - Marranje

Summary: One night, Phil stumbles over a musician's YouTube channel. Years later, they're sharing the most important moments of their lives.

(in which dan pursued the piano, they did not meet in 2009, but still finds each other through the power of the internet)

everything has changed (ao3) - gamingbeats

Summary: Dan and Phil go on holiday to NYC and everything changes when Dan books only the couple's options.

Flashes of Innocence (ao3) - yiffandquiff

Summary: Phil Lester was an aspiring photographer, trying to fine tune his skills in a black and white photography class. Cue Daniel Howell, the attractive male that walks in one day and captures Phil’s eyes. But Dan has a small secret, he needs help. He runs a Tumblr blog and he needs someone to shoot his photos for him. But there’s a catch that Phil doesn’t know right away. Dan runs a NSFW porn blog and he’s asking Phil to help him recreate authentic photos.

hard times, baby (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: For some people, their jumps came with a task. Figure it out, finish it and your past self would just fade away. That's not Dan. He's not sure why his past self is here. But he's got some theories.

I Got One Less Prom Without You (ao3) - ticklishpickle

Summary: Dan Howell, boyfriend of Phil Lester, has always cared too much about what other people thought of him. And so it's no surprise that despite his complete infatuation with Phil, it takes him months to finally muster up the courage to come out to his friends. But hey! They're surprisingly okay with it- except for the part where they want him to bring a girl to prom instead of his own boyfriend. (Because popularity and stuff, or something)

And so he becomes Dan Howell, ex-boyfriend of Phil Lester. Watch him as he tries to get rid of the 'ex' part of that title.

I Swallowed the Sun (ao3) - transdimensional_void

Summary: Phil's past still haunts him, and the memory of what might have been. (Inspired by the song "Daniel" by Bat for Lashes)

It’s been twelve years since Dan last saw Phil, twelve years during which Dan has been to hell and back. It’s been twelve years since the boy Phil fell in love with vanished. But now Dan’s back, and he has a story to tell... (Songfic for "From Eden" by Hozier)

After twelve years apart, Dan and Phil are giving their relationship another go, but things are off to a rocky start. (Songfic based on "Good Love" by Bat for Lashes)

run as far as your dark brown eyes can see (ao3) - chickenfree

Summary: Dan’s laughing, pleased with his own joke about being an awkward child, about misfit war wounds, which Phil will obviously relate to.

Oh.

(Or: the many times Phil has been surprised, and the one thing that didn't surprise him at all.)

snowballs (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: your mum is trying to get me drunk

The Golden Rule (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil is just looking for some friends when he changes school, what he gets is Dan Howell and that's not a good thing.

There's no way you can change the rolling tide (ao3) - rollingtide

Summary: ”Phil threw his head back laughing. And Dan felt a huge urge to kiss him, which made him feel a little bit taken back. In his 23 years on earth he had met many gorgeous men whom he had felt attracted to. But never had he felt like he needed to kiss anyone before. And he couldn’t pinpoint what the difference with Phil was.”

or

A famous/non-famous AU where Dan is hopeless and Phil can’t make coffee for shit.

To Bite The Hand That Feeds (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Daniel Howell is a lycan, his and his family's secret safe from the public. It isn't until Phil moves into town with lycan parents that things become a problem.

Dan has to learn how to control his wolfy nature while also making and maintaining friendships. Can he do it, or will his secret be revealed to the world?

To be loved (ao3) - Thedemonqueen

Summary: Dan knows Phil insisted they’re together. Dan knows Phil loves him. But it doesn’t stop Dan from feeling dirty when he wants to touch Phil.

Typical (ao3) - Junebug1312

Summary: Dan and Phil hate each other. Everyone knows that. But what happens when Dan breaks both of his wrists and can't do certain things himself?

Also when has someone saying "prove it" ever actually worked as an invitation.

Vampire Moon (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Phil knew it was foolish to stay out late on the night of a full moon. It was even more foolish to agree to take a walk with Dan who was never up do any good. But Phil couldn't admit to himself that he had a blind spot concerning the vampire, and now he was going to pay for that.

*Phil said: “Oh! Is this a self-insert fic? I was called hamster boy at school. I wanted to be Oz. Bite me, granddaddy.” And I said: Bet.*

[shychick-52]

What I liked and didn't like about Gyro in 'The Last Adventure' (long post)

This is a repost from my defunct blog. Just a summary of what I liked and thought they could've done better in how the last episode handled Gyro, especially his relationship with Boyd:

Gyro and Boyd at Webby's 'birthday party' at Funso's

This was in the beginning of the series finale 'The Last Adventure', and was the very first time Boyd was seen since 'Astro B.O.Y.D.' (which was only the 6th episode of the third season and came out May 2020; 'The Last Adventure' was the final episode and came out March 2021… just let that sink in).

Liked: It was so AWESOME to FINALLY see Gyro and Boyd together again, and I squealed so hard at this scene when I first watched this episode! He's spending time with Boyd at a birthday party, eeeee! (And I touched on the significance of this scene in this post).

Liked: Boyd could have hung out with Huey and the other kids (which definitely would've been awesome too), but he chose to spend time with his dad instead! That is so cute!!

Missed opportunity: Does anybody else wish Gyro had actually been smiling at seeing his son enjoying himself as a 'definitely real boy'?? Like, c'mon! (And back during the third season, Frank was asked on his Tumblr blog if Gyro and Boyd’s relationship was improving, and he emphasized- and I quote- “Oh, yes. Very much so", but we never really learned what that looked like.) I mean, it probably did warm Gyro's heart to spend time with Boyd and see him just being the happy, free child he'd truly become, but still, he could've looked less indifferent or awkward!

Missed opportunity: Gyro should have laughed here while shielding his face from the candy, instead of the irritated reaction when it hit him. Sheesh, Gyro, lighten up! ☹ Why’s he still so easily irritable, especially when it’s just Boyd having a good time?

Missed opportunity: Now that Gyro's attention has shifted from solely Boyd and more onto the main event, he's really got his typical grumpy expression on and is standing a bit further away from everyone else. It’s very disappointing he wasn’t shown to be at least a little happier and closer with everyone. It’s the final episode, all Scrooge’s friends and family have gathered together in one place for this very important event (not only to celebrate Webby’s birthday, but to finally take down their greatest threat of all), and all these characters have changed and grown so much since the start of the series or when they were very first introduced (which even Frank and Matt, the show’s creators, admitted in an interview). It would have been more meaningful if Gyro had been smiling like everyone else to show his character development since 'Astro B.O.Y.D.' I know people don’t change overnight, and Gyro had a LOT of trauma that affected him for so many years, but still… it would have been nice to show him with a little more growth.

Liked/Missed opportunity: During the entire scene where everyone was gathered around Webby for cake and the birthday song (which was the signal to destroy F.O.W.L.'s security cameras and launch their raid on their secret headquarters below Funso's), Boyd was sitting on Manny's arm instead of Gyro's shoulders. On the one hand, I like that Manny was holding Boyd because that tells me he became sort of an uncle-figure to him... but it would have been twice as cute if he was sitting on Gyro's shoulders, since that would've been more proof of how close they'd become!

Gyro and Boyd on Webby’s family board

Liked: I LOVE that Boyd apparently became an official member of Team Science off-screen, and that there's a string linking Huey to Boyd to say they're best friends (because you wouldn't think so by his absence from the majority of the third season).

Missed opportunity: Why wasn't there a string linking Gyro and Boyd?? And why is there a string between Boyd and Doofus?? It was never actually confirmed whether or not Boyd went to live with Gyro or if he continued staying with the Drakes, but regardless, Gyro and Boyd are absolutely family (FAR more than Doofus was, since he only saw Boyd as a mere machine and an interloper in his family, and there's the little fact that Boyd never had a choice about being part of the Drakes' family... which is why I don't get why he'd choose to still live with them after 'Astro B.O.Y.D.' when he embraced his identity as his own free person with the ability to make his own choices)! Boyd was Gyro's first and greatest creation, his pride and joy, his son in every sense of the word!

Where was Boyd and Fenton after they found May and June?

Missed opportunity: In this scene right after they find Webby's clones, we see Gyro, Huey, Lena, Beakley, Scrooge, Donald, and Della all gathered around, analyzing the clones and trying to figure out why F.O.W.L. created clones of Webby. But there's no reason why both Fenton and Boyd couldn't have been there too! They could have helped- Boyd is a highly resourceful Junior Woodchuck like Huey, and his brain is a supercomputer, making him super intelligent; and Fenton is a scientist (especially ever since Gyro promoted him at the end of 'Astro B.O.Y.D.')! And neither Fenton and Gyro nor Huey and Boyd interact at all in the final episode, so more missed opportunity to further develop their respective relationships too. And I mean, come on, why didn't they especially take what opportunities they had to have Gyro and Boyd share screentime or interact??

In the same scene, most of the rest of the kids burst into the room, anxious to learn more about the mystery of Webby's clones too. But no Boyd (Gosalyn was nowhere to be seen in the mansion either, oddly enough, but I'm assuming she was there somewhere with Drake/Darkwing)!

In fact, we didn't see Boyd and Fenton again until later when everyone boarded the plane to go storm the Lost Library. I'm assuming in the above scene, Boyd was with Manny and Fenton (wherever those two were, but I'd like to think they were somewhere in the mansion too). It was a shame Boyd didn't at least interact with the other kids while everyone was at the mansion, because he didn't hang out with them for nearly the entire third season (not on-screen, anyway)!

"Look After Your Brother"

Liked: SELF-EXPLANATORY. :D :D And I love how sincere, protective, and loving Gyro sounded and looked when he entrusted Lil Bulb with Boyd's safety. This was their most dangerous threat yet, and Boyd's first adventure with the Ducks, and Boyd and Gyro had been together again after 20 years for only some months... so, it only made sense for Gyro to worry about his son (and what makes it even more touching is that Boyd is a superpowered robot, more than capable of taking care of himself, but Gyro still worried about him). He trusted Lil Bulb with Boyd's life!!

(And Lil Bulb would indeed look after Boyd; after the plane crashed when the kids were onboard alone, following Dewey's sky-battle with Don Karnage, Boyd lost his body. So, Lil Bulb removed his bulb and attached Boyd's head onto his own body, which is how they stayed for most of the rest of the episode.)

Missed opportunity: They didn't exchange a single word to each other or even hug, despite knowing what a dangerous mission it was. :( :(

Why didn't Gyro seem more worried for Boyd?

Missed opportunity: I covered this in a separate post here, but throughout most of the rest of the episode ever since Gyro learned Bradford captured and planned to destroy everyone even remotely associated with Scrooge and his family (and Gyro spent the majority of the time captured himself, along with HDL, Webby, Gandra, and Ludwig Von Drake), he never once showed any sign he worried about or missed Boyd. Not once did he bring Boyd up.

The victory scene at the end

Liked: It was cool actually seeing Gyro and Fenton share screentime, even though they didn't interact!

Missed opportunity: Why the heck was Boyd/Lil Bulb standing so far away from Gyro and the rest of Team Science there (especially after they were separated the entire time)?? He should have been right there with them (especially in front of Gyro, or even in his arms)!

The plane-ride home

Liked: AHHHH. Boyd lying in Gyro's lap as he reattached his head, Gyro tenderly cupping his head, both smiling so lovingly at each other! Together again where they belong, safe. It's so beautiful. YES. JUST YES. You can really see the love between them in this scene.

Missed opportunity: Like the "Look after your brother" scene, it's sad they didn't say anything to each other or even hug one last time!

The end credits

Liked: BEAUTIFUL. The very last we'll ever see of them, and Gyro is smiling the biggest, happiest smile he's ever done in the entire series. In fact, I feel like this is the moment that perfectly summed up Gyro's healing journey and development (which we didn't really see after 'Astro B.O.Y.D.', but this almost makes up for that). He looks so happy and free. It's like it just hit him all-at-once here that he's no longer burdened by the demons of his past, that he's got Boyd in his life, and that he's part of Scrooge's family too.

Yeah, so many of these little details could have easily been improved without costing much time and budget. But when they nailed it, they nailed it!

[magicalrocketships]

not me discovering this fine evening that you wrote other parts of Won’t Get To Space here on tumblr 0.o that fic is like *my fic*: i read it probably once a month, i like it that much (plus - me and liam may have something in common and this fic doesn't make me feel pathetic like i sometimes feel - even if i'm in my 30s) .. so, thanks to that anon for talking about this fic and for you to link the other snippets: you just made the (what was supposed to be an early) evening for an European <3 if you ever want to share anything else in that universe, please do <3 i wish you an amazing day / night and thank you *very much* for creating this AU

oh, thank you! I'm so glad <3 It's so lovely to hear that it resonated with you.

I went looking for the sequel file in the depths of my dropbox, it has a last modified date of 2015, it was created in 2013, I don't have the original program I wrote it in anymore so I don't know if any of the formatting is messed up as I really haven't looked it in years, but here's the contents of the file. There's no ending and it's just bits and pieces, but please know that of course they end up happily, and I don't think I ever posted it in its entirety here.

I hope you see this, anon!

won't get to space because I haven't got a rocket part 2 (harry/liam/louis)

(first part here)

Like the sky is blue (all the things that stop you dreaming)

Come to London this weekend, we miss you xx

Liam grins down at his phone. He's on his break, eating two ham salad sandwiches and a bag of cheese and onion crisps in the back of the garage, flicking through The Mirror.

Your both in the paperrrrrrrrr, he texts, once he hits the 3am pages. Did u rlly fall out of a clubbb??????

Shameless lies !!! Louis texts back. we stumbled gracefully !!!!

His phone beeps with a message from Harry. I fell out of the cab not the club. lou just fell over me.

Liam laughs at that. What u uptooo?

Hanging around the record company !! Meetings . Boring !! Louis this time. They must be together, and reading each other's texts. Liam sort of likes the idea of them both peering down at the same phone, together.

Maybe touching all the way down one side.

He really likes thinking about them touching.

Gud luck xxxxx Liam hasn't got long left of his lunch. Mums berthdaaay this fri so cant come down :( sozzzzzzz :(

He has to get back to work anyway, so he stuffs his phone into his pocket before the reply arrives, and heads back across the garage to get on with Mrs Holloway's oil change.

~*~

Liam spends Friday night in Garfunkel's with his mum and his dad and his sisters, eating dinner in honour of his mum's birthday. He orders the chicken even though he normally gets the scampi, just like his dad, but it's nice to spend time with his parents and his sisters and just eat together.

Nicola tries not to talk about her wedding, but it's hard, since there's such a lot to organise, and everyone wants it to be great. His mum has been fretting about what to wear since Nicola first came home with her engagement ring, and she's pushing Nicola to try and find out what Graham's mum's wearing so that they don't clash.

Liam's dad makes the same grimace of 'these Payne women, what are we supposed to do with them' that he's been making at Liam since he realised they could have a secret club of two, and Liam makes the same face of agreement he's been making since he realised he could join in.

"Stop it, you two," his mum says, flicking Liam in the arm with her serviette. "It might not matter to you if we both show up in salmon pink from Debenhams, but it'll be embarrassing for our Nicola. And me."

"I know," Liam says. "What if I showed up in salmon pink from Debenhams too, it'd be terrible. I might cry."

"Liam," his mum says reprovingly, but Nicola smacks him in the arm.

"You'll be dressed like all the other ushers," she says, and Liam is very quickly reminded that Nicola is fast losing her sense of humour when it comes to her big day.

"I was only joking."

Nicola rolls her eyes at him. "I'm turning into a proper little madam," she says. "I know, you'll be all calling me Bridezilla the moment my back's turned."

"Of course we won't," his mum says. She leans over and pats her on the hand as the waiter comes over with their food. "It'll be perfect."

It takes a couple of minutes for everything to get sorted, and his dad's already tucking into his scampi and chips before Nicola turns her attention to Liam, and his Peri Peri chicken. "Have you got your eye on anyone, our kid? Anyone you might want to bring to the wedding?"

Liam immediately thinks about Louis and Harry, Louis sprawled out naked on his bed, laughing, and Harry bringing them both cups of tea. He wants to bring them, but firstly, there's no point banking on a future where they're concerned, and secondly, how could he ever explain that he's bringing two boys to his big sister's wedding? He's not even sure he could tell them he was bringing one boy to the wedding, let alone two.

"Ooh," Nicola says. "There is someone, isn't there? I can see it on your face."

"Is there?" Ruth asks.

Liam tries to school his face into something that won't give anything away. He rather suspects he fails. "Nah," he says. "Nothing that'll come to anything. Single pringle, that's me."

Ruth makes a sad face at him. "You'll find someone. You're brilliant, Liam."

Those people on OK Cupid who ever bothered messaging him back didn't think he was brilliant, and neither did all of Andy's friends. Nobody had, really, until Louis and Harry, and Liam was half convinced that they'd be off again given the slightest chance. Why would boys like that settle for a trainee mechanic from the midlands when they could have anyone in London town? It just didn't make sense. He fakes a smile for Ruth, and one for Nicola and his parents, and tries to turn their attention back to his mum and her birthday.

He's not sure it works.

~*~

His mum does a roast chicken on Sunday, and Liam rocks up at half eleven with a bunch of flowers for her, because it's her birthday weekend and she deserves flowers. He's in a good mood; Louis had rung him up at half past one in the morning to tell him that they missed him and trying to have sex without him there was rubbish and boring.

Liam hadn't believed that for a second, but he likes to be remembered, and Harry and Louis just keep on remembering him, like he isn't invisible, or see-through at the edges, but like he's real.

(talking about Nicola's wedding and asking Liam if he's bringing anyone, and Liam wanting to say yes but not being able to. Texting Louis and Harry from in front of the telly and his family thinking there's a girlfriend) Birthday weekend.

~*~

"What time do you finish work?" Louis asks, as soon as Liam picks up, and Liam’s so used to Louis and Harry constantly using each other’s phones that it doesn’t bother him that it’s Harry’s name that flashed up on his screen. It’s a picture of all three of them that comes with it, anyway, Harry in the middle with Louis on his back with his arm in the air, Liam holding the camera out and pressing in so that he’s in shot. It’s one of Liam’s favourite pictures. 

"Half five, why?" Liam asks. He’s supposed to be seeing them at the weekend, but it’s only Thursday. They have half-arsed plans to go and see the new Captain America film, and Liam’s desperately trying to cover up his desire to see it sooner rather than later. 

"We’re coming to pick you up," Louis says. "We’ve got plans for you."

"It’s Thursday, though," Liam says, puzzled. He has plans for tonight that involve putting a load of washing on and eating beans on toast in front of the telly. It’s the part of his life he tries to hide from Louis and Harry, who are surely only here for the exciting bits. 

"We know," Louis says. "You’re not busy, are you?"

"Nope," Liam says, although he’ll have to figure out when to do the washing now, so he’ll have clean pants for work on Monday. He’s very much in love with Louis and Harry, but he does have a Monday to Friday job he has to work the two of them around, which they don’t. 

"Brilliant," Louis says. "We’ll see you at half five. Love you."

"Right," Liam says, still puzzled, but Louis has already hung up. 

Half five shows up, but Louis and Harry don’t. Liam sits outside the garage with his jacket zipped up, and passes his phone from hand to hand, waiting for them. He doesn’t want to ring in case they’re driving, so he sits outside and hopes that he hasn’t got the day wrong. 

They don’t show up until ten to six, by which point Liam is already about ready to leave to go home. Harry pulls his Range Rover up in front of the garage though, parking it totally skewiff, and Louis is already tumbling out of the passenger door even as Liam is standing up to meet them. 

"Hello," Louis says, bounding over and pushing Liam up against the wall. "Happy Captain America Day, Steve."

"What?" Liam says, but Louis is kissing him hello. Liam can’t quite bring himself to be bothered about who might see. 

"Captain America Day," Harry says, carefully pushing Louis out of the way and kissing Liam gently. "Here, we got you a t-shirt in honour of the occasion."

Louis pulls open his denim jacket to display a t-shirt with Captain America’s shield right there in the centre. Harry is wearing one with a giant Avengers A in the middle. The one they’re holding out for Liam is royal blue, with a white star in the middle and red and white stripes at the bottom. 

"What—"

"Suit up," Louis says. "Here, preferably. Where we can stare at how hot you are."

Liam swallows, and looks down at his t-shirt. “Why are you here?” he asks, because ninety-five per cent of the time, he has no idea why Louis and Harry even bother with him. 

"Because Steve’s your favourite, and because you’re our favourite, and because we wanted to take our boyfriend out," Harry says. "We’ve got tickets for the eight o’clock showing, we’ve got a table at that burger place near that bowling alley that we went to first, and then we’re all going to go back to yours afterwards and let you talk about how hot Captain America is whilst we fuck you."

"That last part’s my favourite," Louis says, leaning in. "That was my idea, that bit. You can talk about how you’d like Steve to fuck you, if you like. Whilst we jerk you off. Make you come all over yourself."

"Oh," Liam says. Luckily he works on a nice, quiet road. It’s good, that, because he’s sporting a semi. "Right. That’s good, then."

"Brilliant," Harry says. "Now, are you going to change your top, or what? It’s been a whole week since we’ve seen you topless, and we’re getting withdrawal symptoms."

"All right," Liam says softly, and pulls open his jacket. 

(weekend at Liam's)

~*~

MINI BREAK

Plan to go away for a mini break, rent a house for the bank holiday weekend – Frisbee and piggy in the middle on the beach, bacon sandwiches, watching dvds and fucking, joking about singing together, Liam thinks it's a silly joke, they're not joking.

"We should go away," Liam says, without really thinking about it. It's either late one night or early one morning, but his watch is too far away for him to check, and anyway, he doesn't care enough to move. It's dark outside and he's naked. Anything else is just details.

"We're away now," Harry points out, from where he's lying, cheek pressed to Liam's chest. He's playing with Liam's nipple, grazing his fingertips over Liam's skin, thumbnail catching. Liam slides his hand down Harry's side, down towards his hip. He's too sleepy to initiate sex again, but he's not tired enough to fall asleep right this instant. "Well, me and Louis are."

"Don't suppose many people actually holiday in Wolvo, Haz." Louis, for reasons known only to him and at best impenetrable to Liam, is standing by the side of Liam's bed, wearing one sock and steadily eating his way through a packet of chocolate HobNobs. "You are talking about a holiday, right?"

Liam shrugs. He hadn't exactly thought about options. He'd barely got as far as thinking through what he'd actually said. "It might be nice," he says, as carefully as he can. Holidays and mini-breaks are what couples do. People in relationships. He's still not entirely sure that this counts. He's half-convinced that every time he sees Harry and Louis, it's going to be the last.

~*~

LIAM WANTS TO TELL HIS PARENTS, he just wants people to be happy for him like he's happy with them. Is convinced they're going to take it well because they've always loved him and supported him and wanted him to be happy.

I told my mum and dad about the 3 of us, Liam texts, on Thursday night. He's careful with his spelling, for once. It takes him about three goes to get it right, and at least two and a half of those he can put down to his hands shaking.

It's about thirteen seconds until his phone rings.

"You all right?" Louis demands, as soon as Liam answers.

Liam lets out a ragged breath. "No?"

"God," Louis says. "You idiot. Why didn't you tell us? We could have, I don’t know, been there. We're like, two and a half hours away. Harry's gone to the shop for a Cornetto and a banana."

Liam tries, desperately, to get a handle on his breathing. "You don't have to—" he says, but then everything he's been trying to keep inside just comes rushing out, and he doesn't mean it to, he really doesn't, but he's crying. He's crying down the phone because his mum and dad don't want him. They don't want him, and they're everything to him, and he really, really thought they'd understand. "They don't want me," he manages, after a while. "Lou, they don't want me."

Louis' breath catches. "Oh, baby," he says. "Sweetheart."

"What am I going to do?" Liam can't think. He can't do anything. He's already been sitting here for the best part of an hour.

"Wait for us to get there," Louis tells him. Liam can hear him moving around. "We'll drive up as soon as Harry gets back from the shop. I'm so sorry. Liam, I'm so sorry."

Liam hates crying. He knows it's weak, and he should be past this, but he can't. It's so hard. "Haven't you got stuff tonight? You're going out. You said."

"Fuck that," Louis tells him. "I'm putting stuff in a bag. You're more important than any stupid party."

"I'm not."

"Oh god," Louis sounds like he's going to cry himself. "Liam, sweetheart. Please. Don't say that. We're two and a half hours away."

"Sorry," Liam says, automatically.

"No—" Louis lets out a breath. "Look, are you going to be okay for two minutes? I'm going to phone Harry, get him to get his arse back here. I'll call you straight back, I promise. Please don't cry, baby. It's going to be okay. I promise. It's going to be fine. Your parents are going to come round, I swear."

His parents had asked him to leave the house so that they could 'think about what he'd told them'. They'd used words like weird and disgusting and ashamed.

Liam's always had a lot of feelings, but right this second, he wishes he could tear his heart right out of his chest, just so that it would stop hurting, if only for a minute. "All right," he says, softly, and when Louis hangs up, he buries his face in his sleeve and lets himself cry.

Andy's there when Louis and Harry pull up outside in the car, looking awkward and a bit useless in Liam's kitchen. Liam has to send him to answer the door because he's on the phone when they bell goes; his mum is crying down the phone at him, and Liam's having enough trouble trying to figure out what she's saying in amongst the tears without having to worry about whether Louis' going to lamp Andy when he's not looking.

Liam can't think about that. He squeezes his eyes shut. "Mum—" he says. "Mum."

"I don't understand," his mum's saying. "We don't understand, me and your dad. How can there be three of you?"

"There just is," Liam says, over the sob in his throat. He hates crying in front of Andy. He knows what Andy thinks about lads crying, but Andy's been good enough not to say any of that in the hour he's been here. He'd given in and texted him whilst he was waiting for Louis to phone him back, a garbled evryyhgings gon 2 shit can u cumm overrrr plese.

This is why Andy's his best mate; he'd turned up forty minutes later with two portions of chips from the chippy and a four pack of Heineken.

Once he'd seen Liam's face, he'd dumped them all on the counter by the Baby Belling and punched Liam in the arm, before pulling him into a one-armed hug.

Andy still looks shell-shocked, and it's an hour later. He might not understand Liam and Louis and Harry either—and he doesn't, because Liam's had the questions to prove it—but at least he's still here. He's grown up with Liam, and he's grown up with Liam's family, and he doesn't know what to make of it either.

He's still here, though. His best mate.

He feels Louis and Harry

~*~

wakes up to find Ruth in the kitchen talking to Louis

When Liam wakes up, he can hear the soft burr of voices coming from the kitchen. He doesn't open his eyes, staying curled up on the couch instead, Harry's hand in his hair. It's Ruth's voice, and Louis', and Liam can feel himself freezing up all over.

"—I just don't get why," Ruth's saying, over the rumble of the kettle boiling. "You're both—you're in the newspapers. What are you doing here?"

"Because we both love Liam," Louis tells her. "Because it might be weird, and no one might get it but us, but he makes us happy and I think we make him happy too."

"But what are you doing here? You must have a proper posh place in London. What are you doing in my brother's shit flat?"

It's a question Liam asks himself a million times a day.

"Because this is Liam's life, and we love him, and we want to be a part of it. And his life is here, and in this flat, so yeah, we're going to be here. With him."

Ruth's quiet at that, and Liam stays where he is on the couch, his heart thumping. Harry's hand in his hair has stilled.

~*~

Liam is sad and alone; his parents want to try, and they all go for a barbecue at Liam's parents.

Louis comes to find Liam in his mum and dad's kitchen after a while, coming right on in and wrapping his arms around Liam's shoulders, pressing a kiss to Liam's neck. "You've been gone a while," he says, not loosening his hold.

"I'm making more salad," Liam tells him, chopping a tomato into eighths. "You lot have eaten all the rest."

"More salad's always good," Louis agrees, but he doesn't let go of Liam, and Liam's grateful because he feels like he's about to explode.

"Where's Harry?"

"Turning on the charm," Louis says.

"It won't work," Liam says, and he doesn't want his voice to catch, but it does nevertheless. His knife skitters over the tomato and down onto the chopping board. "They won't ever understand."

"It'll take time. To everyone who isn't us, this is probably really weird."

Liam shakes his head. "It's not weird," he says stubbornly. "I love you and I love Harry. I don't understand why that's not easy."

Louis lets out a breath, and drops another kiss to Liam's shoulder. "I think you're probably the most honest person I've ever met," he says, which is a lie. Liam lies to people all the time. Louis and Harry don't even know that Liam failed at the X Factor. One day they'll find out that he's lied to them all this time and that will be the end. He lies about how much he needs them and how much this means to him and how much he's desperate for them to love him like he loves them. He lies all of the time, every day, and one day it'll catch up with him and it'll all be over.

"I'm not."

Louis ignores him. "I see you, and you're always just—whatever you feel, you just—you're the most brilliant person I've ever met. You and Harry, but you differently. God, I'm crap at this. I'm trying to tell you that you're so open, and so honest, and that means you get hurt sometimes. If I could, I'd make sure you never got hurt again."

Liam's chest aches. "Louis—"

"People disappoint us," Louis goes on. "Sometimes people we love, they disappoint us. But that doesn't mean they don't love us."

Liam drops the knife. "I want them to love you like I love you," he says, and he sounds all choked up. He tries not to, but he can't help it. "It's not weird, and it's not wrong. We fit."

"I know," Louis says. He shifts, hooking his chin over Liam's shoulder, and wrapping his arms around Liam's waist. "You're fucking marvellous, Liam Payne. Like, fucking brilliant. Me and Harry are going to keep on telling you and telling you until you just know, okay?"

Liam nods, but he doesn't believe it.

When they get back to Liam's flat after the disastrous barbecue at his mum and dad's, Harry and Louis lead him wordlessly into the bedroom, and pull him into a hug. Harry presses his mouth to the corner of Liam's.

"You're brilliant," he says softly, sliding his hand into Liam's hair. "And when we met your mum and dad, we could see just where you get that from."

"They were rude," Liam stumbles over his words. "They barely spoke to you."

Louis slides his hands around Liam's waist, and under his t-shirt to rest his palms against Liam's stomach. "What do you say to the two guys who are having sex with your son, exactly? It's weird for them."

"I wanted them to love you," Liam admits. Louis keeps stroking his fingertips over Liam's tummy, and Liam wants to stay like this forever, in their arms.

"We'll make them love us," Harry says. "Just you wait. You've not seen our long term attack yet. We're excellent winners-over. We've got, like, plans and strategies."

"Just you wait," Louis agrees, mouthing at the sensitive skin beneath Liam's left ear.

Liam tells his parents that his relationship isn't going awawy and then Louis and Harry take him back home and look after him, but they have to leave to go back to London

Liam has to be by himself and Louis and harry are meeting together with Simon Cowell about singing in a group. Liam doesn't think they're serious.

~*~

Liam has never, ever been prouder of his sister than he is when he watches her say her vows at the front of the room. He stands there in his charcoal suit with his fuchsia buttonhole, being her usher, and he cries as she says I do. He can see Ruth doing the exact same thing from her pride of place as maid of honour, but he can't help but glance back over his shoulder, gaze going straight to Louis and Harry, half way back on the bride's side. They're probably holding hands, and Liam wants that so much it hurts, but he's promised Nicola and his mum and dad that he'll keep it quiet, this threesome he's in and trying to call a relationship.

It isn't like he doesn't know how weird it is, but he wishes the people he loved accepted him like Louis and Harry do.

Harry gives him a little half-wave, and that catches Louis' attention. He winks at Liam, bumping his shoulder into Harry's.

Liam turns back to the front. His heart is full.

Nicola comes over later. She's drunk and plump and beaming and beautiful. "I'm so proud of you, little brother," she says, leaning over to wrap her arm around his shoulders. Her wedding dress is the size of about three people. She looks gorgeous, and like she's had the best day ever. Liam only wanted that from today, so he can't help but consider it a job well done. "And I'm really pleased you're so happy."

Liam goes a bit red, but he risks a glance at Harry and Louis anyway. They're all sitting out of the way of the dancing, because if they can't be openly together then sitting in the corner together and tangling their feet under the table is enough of an alternative to capture their affection.

Louis winks at him, and Harry just grins. They've got matching button holes, the three of them, Louis biting his lip and swapping Liam's fuchsia one for a cream rose once the dinner and the speeches and the photographs were all done. Liam had wanted something that marked them out as a threesome, a trio, even if he couldn't offer them both more.

"Seriously," Nicola says, her arm still round Liam's shoulders. "I've never seen you so happy."

Liam knows he's blushing more. He wants to reach over and curl his fingers into Louis', and have Harry come over and wrap his arms around him. "Well," he says, only a little awkwardly. "I am."

"It's been a good day, hasn't it?" Nicola goes on. She waves her arm in the air. "Everything's gone right."

"It's been perfect," Harry says. "And you look beautiful. Thank you for inviting us."

Nicola leans over and takes Louis' hand. "You are being good to him, aren't you?"

"Nicola," Liam hisses, but he can't do anything; it's her wedding day, she can hold whoever's hand she wants to. "Stop that. Put him down."

"Shush," Nicola says. "I'm talking to your boyfriend. One of your boyfriends." She giggles. "I never thought you'd have more than one boyfriend, Lee. Never thought you'd have a boyfriend, come to that."

"Well, I do, and they're perfect," Liam tells her. "But will you put him down and stop embarrassing me for two seconds?"

"No, but seriously." Nicola lets go of Louis' hand and reaches for Harry's. Harry lets her take it, and flushes in what Liam can only think of as a ridiculously cute kind of a way. "This is my little brother," she says, not letting go of Harry's hand. "Like—me and Ruth are really protective of him. Cos he's our little brother. And it's like you are too. Not like Andy."

"Nicola," Liam warns.

"Seriously. I'm trying to tell you something, so shush, Liam." She shakes her head, and turns her attention back to Louis and Harry. "If you hurt him, either of you, then I will personally hunt you down and kill you, and Ruth will help me."

Liam isn't so sure of that, since Ruth is still not quite on board with the Liam-has-two-boyfriends part of proceedings. This is still the most embarrassing experience he can quite remember, so he leaves the Ruth part of things to one side for now.

"You don’t need to worry," Louis says, shooting a glance at Liam. "We're the last people you need to worry about when it comes to Liam. I'm pretty sure we're committed to making sure everybody in the world realises how great Liam is."

"Yeah," Harry echoes. "We think he's brilliant, and we love him."

Liam knows he's doing his best impression of a bright red, on fire tomato but he can't look up. If he looks up he'll do something stupid like kiss both of them, and he'd promised. He'd promised.

"Do you three want to dance?" Nicola says suddenly.

Liam looks up. "With you?"

"Well, I suppose. I just meant—I meant do you three want to dance, together."

Liam looks over at the dance floor. "But everybody will know," he says. "I promised you and Mum and Dad."

Nicola raises her shoulders in an inelegant shrug. "I haven't seen you this happy, like, ever. It's like—I don't think it's very nice of us to be like, come to my wedding, but pretend you're not totally in love for the sake of Auntie Dora and all the cousins and the neighbours or whatever. So I think maybe that you should dance. All three of you."

"But Mum and Dad—"

"Leave them to me," Nicola says. "Anyway, whose wedding is this? It's bloody mine, so you three, get up there and do something romantic for me, all right?" She kisses the top of Liam's head. "Go on, scram. I'm going to find Ed and get him to dance with me too. We'll make a right show of it, us Paynes on that dance floor. Where's Ruth?"

"You're not a Payne anymore, Nic."

"Once a Payne, always a Payne," Nicola tells him, winking at Louis and Harry. "Go on. Up you go." Liam watches as she threads her way through the tables and her wedding guests in pursuit of her new—and quite remarkably drunk—husband.

"Well," Louis says. He smiles at Liam. "What do you want to do?"

Liam smiles at that. "I want to do what I always want to do. Be with you guys."

Harry blinks at that, looking away. "God, " he says. "Fuck, stop making me cry."

"So," Simon Cowell says, when all five of them are in his office, sitting in deceptively low cushioned chairs in front of his desk, "What have you got to say for yourselves."

"This is Liam Payne," Louis says, pointing at Liam, "and he's fantastic. And we think we want to record as a band—"

"I know who Liam Payne is." Simon cuts him off, sitting back in his chair, tapping his pen against the arm. "Long time, no see, Liam."

Liam can't bear to look to either side of him. "I didn't think you'd remember me."

"I'm good with names and faces," Simon says. "It's part of what got me to where I am now. That, and I looked you up."

"What's he mean?" Louis hisses, kicking Liam in the ankle.

Liam shakes his head, and doesn't say anything. This is what the end feels like: this. So close to his dreams, and yet so endlessly far away.

"Didn't I tell you to come back when you'd grown up a bit? Done your GCSEs?"

Liam juts his chin out. "I couldn't afford to," he says. "I needed to work."

"I literally have no idea what's going on right now," Niall says, from Liam's other side.

"I auditioned for the X Factor," Liam sits on his hands. "Two years before you did, when I was fourteen. I went to Barbados with Simon. I didn't get through."

There is no silence like a horrified, wounded silence, and Liam can read this one like a book.

"God," Niall says.

"Shit," Louis breathes, next to him. When Liam looks, Harry just looks horrified. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Liam draws his shoulders up. "Dunno," he says. "Didn't want to tell you I'd failed where you'd all passed. Didn't make any difference anyway, not back then. Then it got too late to tell you. I didn't think Simon would remember me."

"I remembered you," Simon says. He's still tapping his pen against the arm of his chair.

AND THEN: happy ending of course.

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[blueikeproductions]

I’m gonna be honest, I’m falling a little out of love for EarthSpark because of the last batch of episodes. Part of it is the same reason I didn’t like Cyberverse: the absolutely crap pacing and decision making.

Now EarthSpark did start off well enough, I think the first two episodes remain my favorites because it sets the tone and world up pretty nicely. After that it starts getting … messy. Nitpicks abound! As much as I do enjoy the Terrans, Thrash remains the forgettable one to me. He’s just kinda there and has nothing really to do. He gets overshadowed by his siblings being more memorably quirky (Hashtag and Twitch) or having their own arcs (Nightshade and Jawbreaker). Thrash being the somewhat immature, lackadaisical, older brother IS fine, I just wish he had something to help stand out more.

Megatron’s redemptive antihero role is pry the best it’s been written. Not even Roberts, who ushered it in, really handled it that well since it was somewhat forced and skewed into Twitter/Tumblr stereotypes. Imma be blunt: Cyberverse didn’t even try when they did it. The staff patted themselves on the back for a repenting Megs, but didn’t even bother explaining it in-show, instead giving a lengthy explanation on TWITTER. Stuff like “Oh Bisk got arrested because he beat up another Transformer he lost to at a space video game event” is harmless fluff, describing a major component of what your story is trying to do meanwhile is just mind bogglingly horrendous. Not helped is despite this, Megatron is still torturing Autobots, smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick, which runs counter to him having changed upon seeing his worse Robo-Robotnik counterpart. But CV Megatron was still his more traditional villainous self intentional or not, and I do think ES trying to keep Megatron as a heroic character is hurting the overall series. Transformers has a huge villain problem currently, and it’s only gotten worse with modern media trying to make all the Decepticons sympathetic. EarthSpark, the longer it went on, really seems confused as to what role the Decepticons are supposed to have. Are they still trying to cause trouble, are they just trying to survive, were guys like Breakdown simply on the wrong team in the first place? It’s all very muddled, and I NEVER liked the idea that the Decepticons are just slightly more irritable Autobots because you loose the franchise’s defining good vs evil dynamic that’s helped keep the thing going this long. Even stuff like Superlink, RiD15, and the G1 cartoon make it clear the Decepticons are stubborn and refuse to give up to prove a point. They WILL conquer the galaxy, dammit. And stuff like EarthSpark is just… taking the fight out of them. Which gets to my next nitpick…

So the Decepticons, understandably, are locked up by GHOST for their crimes, and the humans are trying to study them/torture them to make weapons. Naturally, the already angry robots would be pushed to the brink, want to escape the fleshies’ grasp, and lay down the pain similar to Dreamwave and Bay, and while we do see a bit of this, at the end the Decepticons just decide they’re suddenly friends with the Maltos? Something here feels very rushed, along with Shockwave also suddenly wanting to be pals after initially finding the Terrans disgusting. The pacing here is just odd, and a deleted scene shows Shockwave petting Fluffy Ears after he was just about to turn her into hamburger meat a moment before. It’s funny out of context, but it still doesn’t make sense. It skews uncomfortably into Diamond territory for me, where I get the logic, but how they got there doesn’t work (at least for me). You CAN have redemption stuff, heck Decepticon like robots like DragoBurst from Daigunder came around, but they, for the most part, properly built up to this. The Decepticons being “good” feels like a split second decision that had no real pay off. Because again, in the past, if the Decepticons helped the Autobots, it was an enemy of my enemy/Earth is where we keep our stuff thing, and they’d go right back to trying to destroying it once the third party was dealt with.

And I feel like EarthSpark may have had some internal problems with the story. How much of this was Nick not being cooperative ala Rise of the TMNT or just genuinely bad planning I’m not sure. The biggest issue for me was Ravage, and, to an extent, Starscream too. Early on they had Screamer, Wave and Ravage concocting a scheme by letting the dog-cougar cassette out into GHOST to snoop around, Starscream laughing evilly with his glowing red eyes. Inexplicably, Starscream’s eyes are blue, even in flashbacks, which has confused a lot of people, and the show doesn’t address this. A characters’ eyes turning red to accentuate a point isn’t a new thing in animation, but I don’t think that’s what this was…? I was assuming it was Allspark Affinity, but I don’t think it’s that either. More than likely him having blue eyes is meant to show he’s a good boy deep in his shell, similar to IDW’s “true inner Starscream” thing. …However, and this comes back to Ravage, Starscream was originally planning to sic Shockwave on Megatron for what amounts to the usual petty revenge on Starscream’s part. Ravage was sent out to get the remote that controlled Shockwave’s stasis pod, but this scene was cut entirely, instead explaining Shockwave’s escape as simply poor upkeep on his pod. The scene was cut for time, but … WHY? There was surely a better means to incorporate Ravage snooping around instead of just turning it into a dropped sub plot. The show attempts to course correct by suggesting via Swindle this was an attempt at a prison break until Hashtag and Mandroid initiated it instead, but Ravage is unaccounted for. I’m assuming this was a plot point that was debated on, as the official guide book INSTEAD says that Soundwave had Ravage snoop around for info on the Allspark due to an agreement they had with Prime and Megs when they got arrested. It feels like they just couldn’t decide on what to do, and chose neither, and while they could have Ravage later reappear and go “Hey guys I found the Allspark’s location and a whole bunch of ancient Cybertron relics on GHOST’s computers!” in S2, that’s fine, but I don’t trust the writers atm to do so…

There’s also turning Starscream into a trauma victim. Again sort of that Steven Universe/fandom mentality made canon thing that bothers me, BUT I completely get what they were going for. The problem for me is that even in the 80’s, Starscream’s constant beatdowns were played for laughs, and frankly a lot of the time Starscream had it coming in the first place. Starscream may have had more common sense than Megatron, but he was also driven by his pride, ego and his comedic sense of self preservation. Starscream also would bite off more than he could chew by messing with relics like the Enigma of Combination, Omega Lock and the Underbase, usually destroying himself in his quest for godhood to simply one up Megatron and show how much better he is at being evil and/or just being a petty glitch. So to play the dynamic straight and make Starscream more of a domestic abuse victim feels… wrong, especially when I’ve seen plenty of Megscreamer ship art of the G1 and Prime versions that suggests… a bit of hypocrisy in the name of a ship. I think Micron Legend Starscream handled the idea the best, though there Screamer was more a young warrior looking for approval, but Megatron thought he was weak and selfish, and the two would fight, but it was more of a anime warrior’s honor kind of way and not the more slapstick marriage falling apart way G1 and other shows did it. I do like Starscream becoming friends with Hashtag, reminds me a bit of ML Starscream becoming friends with Alexis, and I think that’s handled well enough. At the very least Micron Legend shows what EarthSpark wants to do with Starscream CAN work, it just needs a bit more fine tuning to make sense, and I feel internal decisions saw the clearly G1 and Prime inspired Starscream hugely rushed into a role he’s not ready for or arguably suited for. It’s a similar problem I had with Donald Duck in DuckTales 17: he’s barely in the show, clearly has a chip on his shoulder over Scrooge’s role in Della’s disappearance, and off screen he just sorta changed his mind and is suddenly wanting to help Scrooge. I get that part of his decision was influenced by how it was affecting the boys, but I never liked how we never saw Donald change, he just … does.

Mandroid’s descent into villainy is also rushed. Starts off well enough and him Roboticizing himself into a monster by the end makes sense, but it feels like some steps were skipped to get there, which was the same problem I had with IDW Megatron going on this big quest off screen we never saw. Also, a plot point is the Terrans don’t actually use Energon, and instead power up with Emberstone blessed Earth water… but there’s a few instances that contradict this, such as Mandroid’s Doomsday Project that shouldn’t affect the Terrans at all, but it… does anyway. Like… what? Also Mandroid and Alex knowing each other doesn’t appear to be addressed either. Especially notable when Mandroid went out of his way to AVOID killing him, only to not have this qualm anymore. It feels like a step was skipped, I get Mandroid is too far gone but even that was a huge leap in context.

Not a big deal, but do the Sharkticons Transform? Their design seems to skew to Terrorcon Rippersnapper, RiD15 Hammerstrike, and the Street Sharks style Sharkticons of Cyberverse, but I never liked how the later didn’t Transform into a robot or a speedboat or something. I get Mode Attachment, but even guys like RiD15 Grimlock and IDW Leviathan walked around in Robot Mode once in awhile.

Similarly, Jawbreaker scanned an actual fossil to get his Beast Mode, but doing so was new to Grimlock… who has a dinosaur Beast Mode which has left fans puzzled. Fans theorize Grimlock may have scanned a toy of a picture, similar to Nightshade, or that Wheeljack helped reformat the Dynobots into Dinobots as a G1 nod. However a stylized flashback shows Grimlock in Beast Mode on Cybertron, which makes me think in RiD15 terms that Grimlock may have already BEEN a dinosaur, just a “space” one. Though that runs contrary to the discussion how alt modes can help define a Transformer, and Grimlock is shown to be reluctant in the current era to Transform, as he can’t quite control his Beast Mode due to anger and PTSD caused by Mandroid. I never liked FOC’s Hulk like take on Grimlock though, and seeing that be an influence here kinda sours Big Grim for me, especially since my favorite incarnations, G1 toon and RiD15, LOVE being dinosaurs. Grimlock is still handled well otherwise though.

A lot of modern shows like this I’ve noticed have this out of balance tone where they can’t decide what they should be. It’s either super weird and cutesy or hard core darkness and angst. The one time I’ve seen this handled well was Bomberman Jetterz of all things, and that’s a kids anime about a little bomb throwing goofball that was never brought over here. It organically builds up to its darker elements, while the show starts off fairly goofy and weird it still lightly explores some things early on like Mighty’s sense of self and successfully builds on it.

Also Nightshade. Oh poor Nightshade. They continue to be the punching bag and poster child for some why this show is bad because it has The Gay TM. I do think kids can handle the concept of being gay, and I think kids can understand to some degree why a person would choose not to identify as either gender. But I also understand why parents don’t want to have such a conversation and there’s a time and place for this sort of thing, especially in kids media. (Blue’s Clues’ Pride parade animation was well intentioned but a little too… much for preschoolers. Same sex couples, sure, the nitty gritty stuff beyond that, not as much… And I say that knowing an older lesbian couple in college who thought what Adventure Time was doing with PB and Marcy was inappropriate for kids). Nightshade has more stuff going on besides their gender, but those stirring up trouble and even the owl’s supporters tend to ONLY focus on their being non-binary, which isn’t helping. The show only focused on it twice, and I think the first time was enough to set the tone. Optimus wasn’t sure if Nightshade was a boy or girl, NS and Moe clarified they/them, and Optimus warmly accepted, and that’s really all you needed for a children’s. Easy to understand for the target audience. The show then has Nightshade learn the definition of being non-binary by a human teen they help out and become friends with. The scene is fine, but I think it’s a tad over-explained keeping in mind the target audience. It also feels like an artifact of the original intention that was scrapped. In the planning stage, Nightshade simply identified as Terran because gender wasn’t important to their identity as a robotic being. Keeping it simple for the kids at home, as well as for those who might feel like Nightshade where they can go “I’m a Terran!” The official guide book also goes with this explanation. With Nightshade then learning about being NB from Sam makes a little more sense with this older concept in mind, but I think a simpler “Thanks for the save, uh…. I wanna say mister…?” “Oh I’m a they/them! Nightshade the Terran, at your service~!” “No way, I’m they/them too! I’m Sam!” “Ooo, delightful! Oh do you like the Winged Sentinel too?” “Do I? I run a big fan blog about it and Changaliens!” “-Nightshade Transforms and makes happy owl noises-“ sorta thing. At the very least, that’s been my experience being reintroduced to a friend that’s now trans or NB. “Oh you’re a dude now? Sweet! So what’d you think of the latest Digimon episode?” is a typical exchange. Unfortunately no matter of simplifying it is going to keep people from disliking the character as being a form of “indoctrination”, and I worry that’s affected the availability of the toy. I’ve seen people show they have Nightshade’s toy, but locally I’ve not seen Nightshade’s toy at all, and I wonder if controversy has led to stores refusing to carry it. That being said I’ve not seen the Arcee or Hashtag finger puppet toys, the Deluxe Grimlock or the Twitch One Step Changer, but I have seen Shockwave and Jawbreaker, and they went quickly, and as of typing weren’t restocked. So could be crap distribution again, but I can’t help but worry the toy is functionally “banned”. I may not be NB, but I do jive with Nightshade being a reclusive, yet happy go lucky nerd. I enjoy their swagger too, something I wish I had, so there’s plenty to like on top of them having a owl beast mode. I was a Beast Wars kid so Beast Modes rule, man.

Anyhow, going back to another point, this is why I like RiD15 so much. It knew what it wanted to be, a mostly low stakes action comedy, and even when it leaned a bit into darkness, it still felt tonally correct with the show. Here we have a wacky episode about an Energon parasite possessed bear, and then they jump into heavy handed discussions of racism, violence and post apocalyptic disaster the next. That’s not organic, that’s just being indecisive on the tone of your show. It’s this awkward trend of trying to make your kids cartoon into a mature, sophisticated thing, but no one has the patience or finesse to pull it off anymore and it drives me nuts. And I don’t think kids care for it either. The age range for EarthSpark I spoke to are watching the Super Mario movie, classic cartoons and older Disney movies (a lot of them, especially boys, were into Princess & The Frog and Moana in particular as it happens) when it comes to western animation. Last time I saw kids interested in Transformers was Prime, Rescue Bots, RiD15 and Bumblebee. Outside of RotB, I don’t think recent stuff has been doing it for kids, as I haven’t found any kids hugging an EarthSpark Bumblebee like their life depended on it like I did with RiD15 Bee.

I want to be clear I still like EarthSpark, and I like a lot of the characters like Alex, Mo, Jawbreaker, Bumblebee, Frenzy and Nightshade, but the cracks have been starting to show and grow larger. 26 episodes and the end goal still felt very rushed as if they thought this would be like a long running anime and didn’t utilize their time the best, and with the current strikes as of typing, I fear that’s not gonna bode well for season 2’s production either. I am very skeptical atm we get a S3, so I hope they were more careful in crafting the next phase of the story. A second season was greenlit when the first season was still being worked on, so it seems odd to me they still felt the need to rush through things as if they didn’t have time. Maybe they didn’t due to other factors? Still I hope for the best, but I’m not as exited as I once was, and a possible Prime style Relic Hunt potentially being next makes me concerned…