chocky. 27. i never got over twilight so i'm here to scream and post headcanons about it
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affirmations didn't work because i failed the driving test lol. and THE WORST part is that i really wanted to go home and cry for lil bit about it but the protocol required me to stay in the car as evidence while the next person undergoes their exam so i just had to sit in the back seat and stare at my face in the rearview mirror like:
#the past few driving lessons have just been about honing my ability to hold back tears while in the car#today was the final boss of trying not to cry#everyone in the car knew i was on the verge of crying but I DIDN'T! and that's still something#i may not have a driving license yet but i have about 8% of my dignity left#driving diaries
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daily affirmations: i'm the best driver to ever hit the road. i know how to park. i'm capable of taking clean turns on intersections
#bonus affirmation: i am not delusional#in other words my driving test is in an hour AAAAAAAAAAAA#i'm okay. it's okay#driving diaries
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do it scared do it stupid do it alone etc etc but don’t do it hungry. eat a snack first
#me and driving#once i went to a driving lesson hungry and did sooooooo much dumb shit#my instructor was like 'why are you so out of shape today?' idk man. i'm a character from a snickers commercial
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hyperfixation please stay with me long enough to complete the project. hyperfixation do not fade. hyperfixation finish what you started for the love of god
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i think that other people have access to an Energy source that i don’t but that’s okay i’m happy for them i do wish that was me though
#me ft. trying to deep clean my flat. how do ppl do it and how do i always somehow avoid saving any energy for cleaning#mondays i can't clean. i'm learning pole dance with my favourite instructor who's a 3h train ride away#tuesdays i can't clean i'm at a swim lesson#wednesdays i can't clean i'm weightlifting#thursdays i can't clean i'm cooking lunch which results in an even messier kitchen#fridays i can't clean i gotta go for a run and tidy the kitchen mess from thursday etc etc etc#obviously i have SOME energy? why can't i just sit tf down and tidy my house instead of leave it to stress myself out with another activity#and the bigger question is what was i doing before entering my midlife gym fueled crisis at 27?#what did i do with my time outside of work before getting into knitting at 25?#i surely wasn't cleaning all the time. my flat was def tidier but oh man how was i even spending my time and energy
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revealing yourself as monstrous and inhuman and expecting me NOT to fall in love? ok….
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fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this
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I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now—if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it—I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he’d given me. More than I’d asked for, more than I’d deserved. Maybe someday I’d be able to see it that way.
#that quote though :( girliee :(((#new moon#bedward#it's my 16th (omg) twilight anniversary today#and it's a shame i'm too overwhelmed with chores and errands to honour it with a rewatch and being all emo
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They think I am hiding in the shadows, but I am the shadows.
ROBERT PATTINSON as Bruce Wayne/Batman THE BATMAN (2022) dir. Matt Reeves
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trying to gaslight myself into wanting to buy a car so i can start driving asap after i pass my driving test may not be the best idea because i'm starting to daydream of getting a cute car in a cute colour. i'm still nowhere near daydreaming about being a good driver and moving from point A to B without needing public transportation. driving lowkey terrifies me. but owning a pale blue car? YES. manifesting!!!!
#i saw a listing for a gorgeous shade of pale blue citroen#and i'm so mad it'll probably be sold by the time i decide to actually go into a lil debt for a lil cheap ass vehicle#it's a weird thing to be proud of but i do feel really good about the fact that i DON'T care about cars at all. someone recently asked me#what my dream car was and i was like 'oh i don't care. it just shouldn't break down easily'#UNTIL NOW. now i care about the colour#OH and yesterday i saw a dark raspberry pink car in a parking lot it was so pretty#owning such a pretty car would make me a great driver i swear#driving diaries
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"'no, no, bella. actually...' he seemed to be struggling for the right word. 'you look... sexy.'" (eclipse p. 235)
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hey, do you write fics and do you have an ao3?
hi! nope, my writing skills end at tumblr post headcanons 😅
#there was a time in middle school when i started reading fic and thought omg i could write my own!!!#and i explicitly remember laying awake in my bed for HOURS trying to come up with a plot and failing lol#asks
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You can think of as cringe (affectionate) or cringe (horrified). Up to you.
#both moments make me die inside a little whenever i think of them#but i voted eating bella's tear as worse#because i accept twilight as canon but not breaking dawn so with any dumb shi the characters say in bd i just pretend it never happened lol
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I remember skipping my 4th hour class nearly every day for the second semester one year because my 4th hour was gym first semester and I could go there and play and run and have fun because the teachers thought I was still in the class.
I loved gym class so much, more than any other class, including art class.
#prev i feel you on this#oh god i feel like i could write a paper on the topic#i hated gym so MUCH#mainly because i'm largely uncoordinated and have slow reflexes#which of course caused me to slow down the entire team in games/competitions in gym class and the other kids haaaated me for that#and that shit breaks your self esteem when you're a kid and stays with you#i know i'm slow and uncoordinated but whenever someone points it out (esp with annoyance) it brings me back right to middle school#and how bad i felt because i wasn't good at sports and how often i was made fun of solely for that reason#oh and i hated running. i never had any condition but i was always a slow runner and hated the feeling of running for a prolonged period#now the freaking irony is that 10 years later suddenly i'm in my gym girlie era lmao. one of the activities i do weekly? running#am i still slow and uncoordinated and have slow reflexes and make a fool of myself?#yes. but at least i don't participate in group sports that would make all my teammates hate me <3
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do you guys promise you will keep blogging with me about vampires forever ?
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