#i go to my parents for love now and they dont care but if i dont they act like im some scared animal they want to abuse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

daisybell-on-a-carousel · 2 months ago

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Still very wild to me when people try to gotcha Jason with the whole "if you can kill other people for being evil why can't they kill you" when jason is like. One of the most passively suicidal characters I've ever seen. What if man

#augh i dont want to cw this because im just talking about The Character and i feel bad when i do it for characters but i probably should #suicide mention #ask to tag #while im here i do absolutely believe hes been suicidal since jaybin times. maybe even before just in different ways. but like #going into that building with shelia? yeah #now. i DONT think he was aware of it and if youd ask him hed say no fully believing thats the truth #but like if a ghost jaybin had some introspection time i think he'd maybe eventually be like yeah #his outcomes to him were have a loving parent or die and hes a very big fan of ultimatums like that.#but he doesn't fully see it like that as jaybin because oh hes a hero and saving others when no one else can is what heros do :)#ramble. ivee been feeling it lately yknow how it is #ive once saw a post saying jason was planning to die after the joker was dead in utrh and yeagh i can see that #he puts A BOMB in his HELMET #suicidal characters in the context of hero stories are so fascinating to me. the self sacrifice.#the not caring about your own safety as long as you save someone else. the pushing yourself #the way itd be so easy to make it look like they just fell in battle. to be considered a hero in the end #anyway ive been glancing at suicidal jason todd fics. how bad is it that im still getting mad about characterization #because theyre not killing him right #AND ANOTHER THING. since im here and i try to avoid making posts about The Character like this so might as welk get it all out #think about suicidal jaybin as well as the fact 80s bruce very much considered suicidal people/people attempting like #weak and lazy? yells at them? i think thats about it. Very Much. je seems to straight up just hate them #again very much feel free to ask me to tag this one ^-^'#and i hope no one thinks im being callous here im very worried about that. i just its a very important part of his character to think about #and its fun to explore as someone who is passively suicidal myself #jason todd analysis #anyway no one look at me i am in my corner just rotating him #WAIT to clarify i dont think jaybin fully realized Just becauceof the heros sacrifice thing. i made it sound like that i believe #anyway. if you read him as suicidal since jaybin times and go to ditf with that lens like i did. well. the post death victim blaming..

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moeblob · 2 months ago

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Rice. From my plot that's literally just a game of chess. (he's a rook)

#my characters #CHESS BABIES #they actually had a tag here and i adore it bc it was in caps lock for a while #no idea why it was in caps but whatever it was thems the rules #rice has a younger sister named turnip and shes a pawn and then his coworker rook is a guy named cakes #and cakes has a huuuuuuge crush on him and doesnt think to hide it so rice just kinda puts up with it and then somehow #they meet with one of the white knights and are like well he seems mostly harmless #and since they dont attack or try to kill him he decides hes actually in love with rice as well so cakes is like oh no #im going to lose my years long crush to some foreign guy #but the white knight is just vibing cause out of the entire white army he has the least stake in it bc he was born in the land of red #so he doesnt really care but since one of his parents was a white native he got recruited kinda #look it sounds so bad to have colored nations and them being white black and red #but its chess i swear and my dad had a REALLY FUCKING NICE wooden chess set when i was a kid #and it was AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL and each piece had red felt on the bottom to about scuffing the pretty wood board #anyway thats where the neutral land idea came from - all of his pieces had SOME red on them #and now i gotta go to work for more video orientation #guys theres been so many videos in the past two days #i have no energy for art #i have so many things i wanna draw but i havent managed to actually do anything yet #i need a fuckin schedule.....

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itsseriouslyridiculous · 2 months ago

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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever #my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything #i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad #my skin is bad though my skin sucks #in my eyes im disgusting #and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross #but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it #like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly #and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry #this is a problem i have #bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but #even though i am what i am #sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t #thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever #so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me #that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and #give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just #magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats #someday i will have irl friends again #sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just #this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom #i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change

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scalpelsister · 7 months ago

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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.

#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha #NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly #and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist #a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw #and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that #unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it #and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship #like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship #i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall #bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared #anyways enough oversharing #i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post

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girlivealwaysbean · 22 days ago

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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now

#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope #like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday #i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them #then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right #and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying #for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam #and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard #and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs #and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes #but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too #and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50 #and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell #like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good #because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence #he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously #and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell #granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends #only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares #and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking #that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta #and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but #idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best #to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin #it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me #or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents #and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house #and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE #ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit

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anaalnathrakhs · 9 months ago

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getting out of my bed is ALWAYS a mistake <3

#give them an inch they'll take a mile #they always have to ruin everything #i just have to start the topic of ''uh so about dinner...'' and instead of perhaps. supposing.#that their kid struggling w various eating disorders might be already kinda stressed about the whole thing #they just go ooooooh yeah why not dine out tonight #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #why have you completely stopped giving a single flying shit about what might be difficult for me #the very second i started being able to control the VISIBLE UNSTOPPABLE PANIC #why does something have to be litterally the end of the world for me for you to fucking care for once #why is this the only way to have quality time with my own goddamn parents. mandated enabled binge sesh.#I KNOW IM THE PROBLEM #TRUST ME I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF EACH OTHERS LIVES EITHER #BUT IN THE MEANTIME YOU COULD FUCKING TRY TO NOT TRAP ME INTO IMPROMPTU TORTURE SESSIONS #LESS THAN SIX MONTHS BEFORE IM OUT OF YOUR HAIR FOREVER HOPEFULLY #YOU SIGNED UP TO MAKE SOME SACRIFICES WHEN YOU HAD A KID CMON DONT GIVE UP NOW #im. god. i know i shouldnt hate them for that. they do make sacrifices and efforts.#just entierly the wrong sacrifices and efforts that don't ever fucking help #they're full of love but goddamn are they awful at raising a child #broadcasting my misery #vent

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4uru · 4 months ago

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I'm pretty sure me being a child of divorce also has smth to do with me being an atheist.

Even though I wasn't raised to be that religious (I was reading the Qur'an atp but I saw it as a thing to be studied and they didn't tell me the meaning, i could just recite it) But idk having your view of love, respect, trust, relationships and the world on the day you turn 8 does smth to a bitch.

#like i couldnt believe in a god who allowed all that to happen #my whole view of love and relationship were from my parents bc they had a love marraige and all that. so got fucked up bc of that too #i got desensitized to the “god has a plan” and all that jazz when my mother was crying in the balcony at our new tiny apartment #we didnt have a dime to our name and my grandfather had to pay for us #while my dad was living in our old home with his now wife #i never really thought about god as child. bc my dad said god is not a singural being #he told me it was the essence of life and everything that lives is god #so i saw no point in worship or prayers #as i kid i believed that god exists in evrything that lives.#now i dont #its honestly as simple as that i think #i did try to be religious around 2020 when my mother forced me to pray everyday all 5 times #and i did for some time #i tried to belive and earnestly pray #and then i started to pretend to pray. and my prayers werent really serious #i realised i truly dont believe in a god #but my upbringing still has an effect #i am afraid of the dark still and sinning ig #then sometimes i think i maybe do believe there is a god and im just angry at them #i think i told myself that god doesnt like me from so early on that now i dont care if he exists or not #bc in my mind if he exists then im going to hell (a fact i made my peace with 5 years ago) and if he doesnt then i cease to exist (nice)

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angelstrawbabie420 · 5 months ago

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hmm i think i am not coping. very well

#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore #i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care #and it’s going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that #july was so horrible. so so bad it’s the worst month ive had since my dad’s passing #i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before #but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it #nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become it’s not like that’s a relationship i #truly feel supported and safe in but it’s all i have #ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting #i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e #even try. and when i want to it’s a task so daunting and draining #i don’t have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds #despite knowing a community of some kind would help #but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not #i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either #i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place #ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you #cant just stop living so it’s only compounded on top of that #it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore #not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc it’s not something ive ever wanted #idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming #dlt ltr

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thecomet-and-themeteor · 8 months ago

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I don't know how much sense this makes but I need a Langelique Cinderella AU, I think it'd work pretty well

#brought to you by:#my last post about angelique's fuck-ass sneakers #& juliet #and juliet #&j #okay but genuinely I think it would work really well #like Angelique is working for lady and daddy cap right #ignore how I called him daddy cap we did Romeo and Juliet for the school play this year and that's what we all called him #and like May and Juliet are the quote unquote evil stepsters #but you know they're not evil they're just like way nicer in comparison to their parents #and like you know the prince holds a ball to find a wife and it's this like whole thing #because lady and daddy cap want Juliet and may to go to like end up with the prince #and like the prince is still Frankie here because maycois is goated let's be real #and like this is kind of where you could either make it centric to a specific ship or you could just do like the whole thing as an au #you could say that like Frankie likes May but when they approach the capulets they're like oh Juliet you want Juliet and it's a whole thing #and you could do jumeo because I don't know maybe Romeo is like you know what Paris was like in the actual Romeo and Juliet play Romeo is #like Paris and the capulets hate him because Lance has kind of like pushing Frankie to be with Romeo but Romeo wants to be with Juliet #and Juliet wants to be with Romeo and blah blah blah but Lance and Angelique specifically comes in where it's like okay but what if Lance i #also looking for a new partner at these balls because you know his wife like died and he needs someone else to share the throne with and #that's why both may and Juliet end up going because their parents don't care about the age difference because their parents suck and they'r #just like you're going to end up with royalty one way or another and you know Angelique is like be safe and actually parenting them and #and warning them and making sure they're prepared to like actually go out to this ball because royalty or not it's still dangerous and #they're both like why don't you just come with us and it's a bit where like maybe April and William play the role of fairy godparents #and you know Angelique is able to go and she meets Lance and they have their little shoe thing and they have the Cinderella ark meanwhile #there's the whole love square with May Frankie Juliet and Romeo and Juliet gets to have a moment where it's like how are you so controlling #that you're pushing May to get with a man like 30 years their senior yet you cant deal with me getting with the wrong rich guy and may is #like screw y'all Juliet was The Golden child anyway okay I get what I want now and it's all happily ever after #and angelique gets Lance a magical girl transformation and some CLEAN FUCKING SNEAKERS EVEN MINE ARENT THAT DIRTY N I DONT CLEAN EM FOR SHI #anyways

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cutebisexualmess · 1 year ago

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you ever think you're doing amazingly and then one day pulls the entire thing apart and you've gone back three steps and feel like shit again

#tw vent #vent post #some weight talk #i'll be fine in a couple of days but I had a really shitty day today #its making my anxiety spike again and my thoughts are spiraling a little #ive been so happy and finally felt like the things that I love doing weren't a chore anymore but now my parents are forcing me to go when i #not up that level again yet. but they are making me go anyway even though im incredibly self conscious about that day of high-intensity wor #because i haven't done it for three or four months and have lost a lot of my fitness #and i made an offhand comment earlier how ive gained a bit of weight in my thighs cause of it and then my dad said that I was #talking about it and im not going to lose the weight if i dont go. it was non-malicous and true but it still made me feel like shit #and were doing a fitness section in pe atm and that's making me feel like shit too #like ive only gained a couple of kilos and don't care about that at all. I care about the muscular strength and endurance I've lost #so now im shit at the thing I used to be really good at #just because i lost the momentum to go for a few months #that on top of other shit happening to friends etc and also end of year exams coming up is not making me feel great

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gaysonlyocean · 1 year ago

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today is not going well

#i WAS going to play fireteam #but now i cant cause im about to cry #and we dont know where yogi went after he came in deathly sick #cause he just ran off and augh #and my parents dont care #their biggest concern is just getting rid of this old chair #like fuck you think the cat possibly dying is more important #and im just #i cant fucking do this besties i love that cat #and i dont even know where he is now #and i cant do anything cause my parents dont listen to me when i tell them about how we should keep them inside #and now yogis probably gonna die somewhere and well never find him #im so upset

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iknaenmal · 1 year ago

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actually you know what. my blog my posts i can post about whatever i want

#whatever i want in this case being good omens #like YOU DONT UNDERSTAND im having thoughts and feelings about these guys they keep me awake until 4am and im like fuck you #so sorry to everyone who doesnt care abotu it i actually first got interested in it bc some mutual started posting a LOT about it like nine #months ago bbut i didnt know where to watch it so i just said okay ill just pick up whatever i can from these posts on my dash and then -#talk abt it to my parents and my sister while wea re in the car and then like a month ago or so i saw it was in prime video and then it all #went downside from then #whar im trying to say is. im going to start goodomensposting a lot. im really excited bc a lots of things are happening like !!! im gonna -#send a message to muriel as soon as my sister is back home. okay ? idk if the number works on whatsapp but im ging to TRY #anyways thats all. if you read all of this i love yuou. also you should watch good omens now #if enough people watch season 2 theyll make season 3 as well :)

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sk3l3t0n444 · 1 year ago

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oopsie <- just looked at posts from the happiest time of their life and wanted to die cuz they miss it

#back then everything seemed so perfect #like nothing could go wrong #and here we are #everything shattered around me...#why do people leave #just stop leaving me please #i go to my parents for love now and they dont care but if i dont they act like im some scared animal they want to abuse #i try and ask for love and they just turn me down #im so tired of this

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 10 months ago

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god i don't know if i can do this anymore

#camera talks #vent #this is NOT a suicidal post btw i swear #this is mainly about this whole fucking friendship situation happening rn in my life #and i genuinely can't handle it #its been totally blown out of proportion and i feel actually Empty #this person told me i said i wanted to punch them. ive never said that Ever and god it just fucking hurts #to see someone i was close to treat me like this idk what to do #(it feels like my relationship with my parents but worse bc i care about this person)#i feel awful like. just everything is fucking bad #and i dont want to feel this way i just dont know what to do i dont want to stop being friends with them but this is so unhealthy #and ive explained the Actual situation to them a million times and its not getting through and ive just given up #what the fuck ever.#im going to go make cookies and play video games now #i love you all so much you mean the world to me <3

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stellardeer · 11 months ago

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i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird

i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account

i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever

i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective

very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;

#like idk it makes me feel a little bad sometime that im able to live comfortably while others arent #fuck i mean i got one of my friends living on my fucking couch rn i have a daily reminder of the inequality in this country #cause he doesnt have any qualifications to get a good enough job to fucking LIVE in this city #he's been trying to find a place to live but everywhere wants you to be making 3x the rent #and there's not a fucking job in this town that will pay you that much...#it's college town most people here are not even paying their own rent their well-off parents are paying it #ive never even fucking paid rent here i was living off the good fucking graces of my friends and my partner for like 7 years #and im still not paying rent i live in a trailer park and i own the trailer it's a shitty 2bd that i've had to pay to fix multiple times #but the fact that i can even afford to do that now is INSANE TO ME #I OWN A BUILDING WTF #i mean i do pay lot rent but it's only $300/mo #but rent prices here keep going up and up and up and i feel bad for my friend cause i dont know wtf he's supposed to do #i'm not charging him anything to live here so he's saved up a bunch of money but no matter how much he has the apartment places dont care #cause he wont have that money once he has to spend it all on bills and then his paychecks wont be able to cover living costs...#and i love him but he's just a little bit stupid and like.. doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot afford a place that's $900 :'D #like he thinks that because he makes $1500 a month that he can spend $900 of that on rent like buddy NOO #what about FOOD? and OTHER BILLS? that's JUST rent dude what about lights and water????#but also idk i dont feel THAT bad for him cause he could always just move back in with his mom or live with a roommate but he fcking refuse #anyway this got off on a tangent the point is once im out of debt im donating all my fucking money

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odysseys-blood · 1 year ago

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while im trying to fall asleep i dont think ive ever shared one of the most personal reasons i hate the big reveal about the dual mizukis in aini

so one thing i related to with mizuki in the original aitsf was her relationship with shoko. despite how much shoko hated mizuki and loathed her for not being a perfect child (which is not something that exists but that is the point when you think of why her treatment of mizuki is so cruel its an unobtainable task for her) mizuki still loved her. because that is her mother. the person who gave birth to her. no matter how terribly mizuki was treated she thought it would all be okay if at the end of the day she could make shoko proud of her.

and i get it! hell im sure plenty of us do. ill be the first to say i am not my mother's favorite child. i spent so much of my childhood being berated and insulted for this or that, asking for nothing making myself small and doing everything i could to make her proud only to get a 'do better'. being called slow and having my intelligence diminished so often and made to feel useless for years but at the end of the day she's my mother and i wanted to prove i could be a child she could love. and i found companionship with mizuki in that!

and then aini tears that all away and is like "nope she's a clone and adopted :)" like please fuck offfffff this sucks.

#cliffnotes/.txt #aini spoilers #if anyones worried things r better w/ my mom now but. awkward to me honestly #i graduate hs and now you're. nice to me? it was like a complete 180 and i still dont know how to feel abt it #but anyways it makes me upset to think about.#sure yeah adopted parents can be just as shitty as blood ones #but the whole thing abt mizuki's relationship with her blood family being so strained was. the point #the point was that blood family isnt always whats best for you. like thats why u dont go back to them in date's somnium #u go forward. to date. someone who cares about her without being blood related #anyways mizuki's the poster child for people who love their mothers but shouldnt #mommy issues president

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