#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope
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hii hii lumii !! I ADORE your interpretation of lighter so far— I love him smm
anyways, I hope my req is okay but I was wondering if you could do a comfort fic ? maybe reader has been a lil distant lately and just in some feels and he gives them a lil talk after being blown off here and there to find out they were having issues w their mental health and not feeling good enough and maybe he’s caught off guard because reader is usually so out going and always has a smile on their face and to see them feel so small makes him wanna take care of them so much and gives them so much reassurance and gentle kisses and cuddles 👉👈
I hope it’s okay !! I’ve been in the feels lately
hi anonn !! im gonna answer this one first because i've been in the feels too and i think we all deserve some reassurance, especially after all of the sad lighter story.
i don't take lighter for the kind to be too intrusive. that's not to say that he doesn't notice the way you're staring off into the distance, as if always having something on your mind. or the way you left earlier than usual for the SoC's nightly hangouts around the fire. or the way you had just been distancing yourself from him.
maybe you just needed a day, or two, and so he waited. he waited, and waited, but it just seemed like it was getting worse. he was beginning to get anxious, coming up with possibilities and worse case scenarios. even his favorite grape-flavored lollipop couldn't reduce the anxiety that was building up inside of him as he followed after you one night.
he shook off his nerves, spending quite a bit of time at the front door of your lodging while in blazewood. mentally practicing what to say so that he wouldn't make things even worse than they already were. one step, two deep breaths, three knocks on your door. he cleared his voice, usually confident and smooth but now carried a hint of worry in it.
"hey, uh... everything alright?"
you could hear the ruffling of his jacket, the soft metal clinks of his gloves. he didn't dare open the door until you allowed him to, so he waited, just like he always had. "lighter? yeah, everything's fine," was that a slight crack in your voice? no, no, he had to have imagined that. he knew it was wrong but he had waited long enough. he turned the knob, opening the door just a little bit but still not walking in.
"you don't have to tell me everything. just... know that i'll be here, waiting for you." he wasn't the best at comforting, nor was he good at even navigating these sorts of things but at the very least, he wanted you to have the knowledge that you had him. it didn't take long for you to finally get up, opening the door that separated the both of you. you looked so... different. the light absent from your eyes, the edges of your lips normally turned upwards but now they weren't. if he couldn't say what you wanted to hear, maybe you'd understand through his actions.
his arms wrapped around you. squeezing you just a little tighter than usual as he somehow made the both of you waddle backwards into your room. he had kept his gloves in his pants, not wanting to hurt you even more with them. his embrace was a familiar warmth, like the fire during particularly cold nights in the outer ring. you could hear his heart racing, was it from nervousness? anxiety? fear? even he didn't know.
he took this as an opportunity to place soft kisses on the top of your head but then stopped all of a sudden. he turned around to the door and realized that it was still wide open. he kicked it close with his foot, feeling embarrassed at the fact that he had to stop because of something so minor. he wanted you to feel safe, to have privacy, to be able to breathe without others barging in. technically, he had invaded this space of yours but you were slowly melting into him, as if you had been waiting for this too.
every passing second hugging you, kissing you, it made his own worries disappear. he hoped the same for you as you slowly spoke to him about your own problems. as he listened, he'd pause every once in while to give you a deadpan stare. not because he was making fun of you or anything, but it genuinely baffled him how you could say such things about yourself. you felt so insecure about yourself and your image, about being with him, being with the SoC. he had to physically stop himself from just blurting "i love you" every time you said something so degrading.
instead, he chose to wait and listen. his calloused hands gently caressing yours, his lips pressing kisses on the side of your head as you nuzzled into him. he loves you for who you are, the person in front of him, not the image that you had made yourself out to be in your mind. but he waits for you to let it all out before he says anything else. he will wait, he will listen, he will always be there for you.
#lumiresponds ˚✧₊⁎☆#lighter zzz#lighter lorenz#zzz lighter#lighter x reader#lighter x gn reader#lighter x you#i think i butchered this req idk im sorry anon#i didn't want to make the problems very specific#because everyone goes through different things#but just know that if you're not in a good mental space#it's alright to take breaks#there are people around you who are willing to listen#and lighter exists#he would give the world to you if you so ask#i know this cuz he told me anon mhm#i also don't think i write lighter that well tbh#haha ig this is one of my own personal problems#i hope i didn't ruin him for yall#i think many other writers write him much better than me#but i really appreciate it <3#i hope that everything gets better for you anon#even if its slow it gets better
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a personal poem on my feelings towards final fusion.
#personal vent#web weaving#did#osdd#osddid#did system#final fusion#healing#healing journey#recovery#i am new and yet i love these people like ive known them forever. the idea of no longer being separate is scary#but i know in my heart in my soul it is for the best#and i will carry their love with me#but it hurts#and its scary#im terrified#also this post is NOT meant to fearmonger towards final fusion#final fusion is a way of healing#it is not death#i am just sad about it for our personal system#i dont want to lose my family in any capacity. even though i know they'll always be with me#do not start discourse or syscourse on this post please#traitor.txt
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you'd think losing people would stop hurting as much after you've gone through it a bunch of times but I guess if humans can learn to love over and over with the same or even greater intensities it makes sense that the following pain of losing said people you give that love to is proportional each time too
#are you ever surprised at how much things affect you#because i genuinely cant wrap my head around why this hit me so hard. it doesnt make logical sense. ive been through so much worse#i should not gaf at this point. or at least only feel mildly sad for a brief while. not full on lose my fucking mind and literally not be#able to function for days on end#like i know life isnt over the world is still spinning i have a lot of love in my life#but it still hurts almost as badly as the first time i had my heart broken#i know that's a net good thing. i know that means im still human and havent completely numbed myself to the world#and my heart is bigger than it used to be#and its a good thing that i could love with enough intensity to feel the same amount of pain even in the aftermath#heck there are people i love so much more. so this is GOOD#but it doesnt make it any less painful in the present ijbol#anyway.#liveblogging.pdf
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repeating “jealousy is a disease get well soon bitch” in my head every time i block rude anons and delete hatemail so i can try to brush it off but i am not ur strongest soldier so can you all stop being mean 🩷 please
#♡.gabi barks#im okay i prommy (im crying rn)#like omg seriously what did i do!!!!! i dont do anything but mind my fucking business!!!! and talk to my precious little friends!!!!!! but#apparently i cant even do that bc no matter what i always get meanies in my inbox 🤞#like im seriously not doing anything i just came back and im already receiving asks telling me to kms and deactivate like do yall realize#im a person too.. like im literally real and i have feelings and im not a complete ditz#like what is so hard about treating people with kindness!!!!#ive spent all morning blocking mean anons and deleting asks and trying to brush off the mean words i see and receive and it hurts!!!!#im just a girl#if u send hate or tslk meanly to or about me im assuming ur a LEWSER and have no life bc i dont even do anything fr!!!!! im coolin!!!!!#i was gonna post this with the jealousy is a disease get well soon girl meme but i couldnt find it#anyway im fine!!!! (as im actively texting my therapist)#no bc im so upset and so angry WHAT AM I DOING WRONG#what am i doing to deserve this like please give me a valid answer so i can fix it im so tired of being sad and mistreated and bullied :(#i know i promised i was gna try to be more active but my little heart is so heavy and sad
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u guys don't understand how much writing nabi gyu hurts me.
#he's just SO!!!! :((((#beomie is still silly but we all know how sentimental he is and how much he feels and feels so much.#wanted to highlight more that character of his in this fic!!!#like how my friend puts it— he just loves so easily and USHSJJDSKWK#sorry guys......my silly writings are put on pause because i'm down in the basement and wallowing in my beomgyu feelings#this is just from the first third of the fic ive yet to write more heart stabby things.#not in a sad way. it just HURTS me!!!!!! im sensitive and emotional!!!!#i can't even post a preview yet bcs i haven't made the header nor have i thought of a synopsis HUAHSHAHAHHA.
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Monday blues are hitting me hard today
#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings#but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl#and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back#which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like#i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt#so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me#1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and#it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics#even in pics where i was present at the time#and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts#i just want to be important to someone#i want to be someone’s person#not a last resort like#they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left#but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories#am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one#idk i must exude some sort of energy#i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years#(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day#ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life#it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets#i feel like hired entertainment sometimes#idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop
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my heart is aching.
#i just dk. i feel bad. like. my heart truly truly hurts. i don’t even know why.#my whole body feels like sonething else. my hands do not support me and everything feels so bad.#like i dont know why but im feeling so bad#i might even cry at this point but#this feels something so awful a pain that is not leaving my heart at all. i can’t distract myself or feel better#the pain so bad that I feel numb. the book feeling so real now but. why.#why am i feeling awful. bad. sad. hurt.#nounou's beans
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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I was searching some creepypasta fics on quotev, when I suddenly remembered some fanfics I read before about a reader getting turned into a proxy but with some other characters too. I tried to find it but I couldn't- and I was so confused then I remembered their other fanfic about homicidal liu becoming a patient to the reader and i vividly remembered that cause the reader died! so I tried to search for it and it work... but the link isnt there anymore- and I'm sad.
#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#homicidal liu#text post#like i know the reader died in the end (thanks jeff) but its still a good story#i havent even finished the cody x reader they made-#the harem fic that i said holds a special place in my heart cause that is the very first creepypasta fanfic i read on quotev#and i only joined last year! im not a creepypasta fan but now i am#like bro- those endings on the harem fic make me feel things#i dont know if the author deleted it or not but it was good while it lasted#i only read it once but the memory is still there#ahh i still remember hurting my back cause of me reading those chapters...#i should probably draw them...#i mean- i dont actually know why it disappeared but im a bit sad#its not the first time my favorite fanfic got deleted
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im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.
#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w#so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me#he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine#nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am#nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me#that made me very sad nd hurt nd like#he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him#bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions#i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it#nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is#i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from#instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed#so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations#but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that#however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him#maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend#i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part#if imginna get over these feelings#i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you#then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media#then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him#but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now#my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop#since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it#but i have no idea how to stop#god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count��� and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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y’all I am drunk as fuck but i am fed the fuck up. i am like hopelessly into this guy in our friend group bc he is so kind and wonderful and attractive and unfortunately he has decided that i am the one person to trust abt his love life and so i must apparently sit through him explaining his struggles with another girl while i am SUFFERING
like he is just so sweet and kind and YES it is a crush and yes i am putting him on a pedestal but he is nothing but kind and sweet to me and it definitely seems like he is flirting with me sometimes but i definitely cannot tell and he does talk abt this girl that he is very into OFTEN (she is for sure not me) and it’s driving me crazy i am so heart broken
#ignore this#ignore me#anyway yeah im fucking wasted so sorry pals you get me being emo abt a boy who simply doesn’t care about me#and who i am telling all my friends that i don’t care about#but he sits next to me!!!#and draws doodles on my papers!!!!!#and smiles and looks at me and tilts his body towards me and like ajdbfb#all night he let me loop my arm in him and helped guide me but then he literally told me abt the girl he’s in love with#and he was giving me a ride and being. so kind so I gave him advice about how to like date/get w/ her but it simply hurt my heart so bad#im literally bawling my eyes out AUGH#sorry team this is what happens when you follow a theatre manor who has t even graduated#you get someone so horrendously dramatic and emo#AUGH#i can’t even make up my mind abt him but i do know i want him so bad#we were enemies now we just need to get to the lovers part#it’s just so sad that he had decided that he can tell no one else abt his love life and his secret crush except for me#bc like.. girl i want you to fail (just kidding he’s so wonderful and i want him to be happy)#but it does definitely hurt but also bring me such joy for him to be like “oh i only trust /you/ with this. im attracted to someone else.#he literally let me loop his arm in him and let me touch him all night#but the second he was drawing home he asked abt a situation which her and her inviting friends to a hang out with him#and it just brown my hearT#i just#agony#sorry team im feeling emo
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wAIT just thinking about what Tal said...I really hope that doesn't imply that Lestera might have poisoned herself--
#IT PROBABLY DOESNT AND IM TAKING IT TOO LITERALLY BUT#i dont know i always thought her death was a bit...? strange...? theres no warning signs#i honestly believe theres every chance kylre mightve been feeding on her#and the way molly just goes 'oh no--' when they find out what hes been doing just. makes me think#i wonder if it was possible that we would have had a reveal like that if molly tried to confront kylre--or hell gUSTAV--about it--#but then again there is something about her death panel that strikes me as...odd timing#the fact that molly was out when it happened#that hed gone to get her favorite drinks and food--possibly at her request?--and then lestera was already gone when he came back--#i dont know it felt like they were supposed to meet up and maybe. she intended for molly to be out when she passed#and i hope thats not the case because. it would just be so sad and hurt him even more#this is just personal rambling but#the molly comic makes my heart heart ;;#tw suicide#please let me know if theres any other warning i should tag just in case
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#vagueblogging in the tags im sorry#there's not even gonna be anything of substance in here#my heart hurts a lot and i can't talk about it lmao#ive been compartmentalizing it v effectively but it just hit me like a truck#im gonna have to find a way eventually but im trying very hard to honor someone's wishes#but im angry and sad in equal measures and i cant actually do anything about either of those things#and guilty! even though i shouldnt be#want to believe i could have done something but that's just wishful thinking and i KNOW it doesn't help#idk why people can't just. be better. especially when they have every fucking opportunity to#when theyve been given EVERYTHING and somehow stil feel like theyre entitled to more#please go die quietly alone and ostracized
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i'm thinking about the sunchildren again bc enkanomiya ost is my go-to study music.
Like Ion for example was someone who was inept with telling people's fortunes, but on his grave, it's written "he failed to predict his own short life." Tbh, based on the one conversation we get to have with his Sunshadow, where he tells us that many people of Enkanomiya have such poor luck so he chooses to lie to them instead, I feel that Ion must have known about his death. He doesn't know the context of it or why this is the case, but in that short span of life, he may have just wanted to make people happy, even if it meant lying about their fortunes.
Or Rikoru who was manipulated to believe Aberaku was trying to kill him when it was the one who manipulated him that would be the cause of his death. Aberaku was trying to speak up against the Jibashiri using a child as a puppethead over the rest of Enkanomiya, but of course, the Jibashiri would jail him and tell Rikoru that Aberaku was wrong and that he's just trying to threaten Rikoru. Plus, Rikoru being the first sunchild -- it makes me wonder how did the Jibashiri manage him first, setting a basis of how to treat the Sunchildren before tending to the others. I just wish that there was more information regarding the Jibashiri to understand them more.
#will probably come back to this later to ramble more i just really love the sunchildren#im just sad bc idk anyone else who loves them the way i do#my heart breaks everytime i go through my notes and remember finding the kids to talk to#and then just...#bc up to that point EVERYONE around enkanomiya including hteir caretaker clymene#all agreed that the sunchildren were bad - they pinned all the bad things that happened on the sunchildren#even though THEY WERE BEING MANIPULATED BY THE JIBASHIRI#like where is the argument against the jibashiri? ig its easier to blame a kid than an authority figure who could kill you in an instant#but ... that makes me really sad#ion is probably one of my faves mostly because he reminds me of two of my ocs - sheila and estrella#like i wonder how much these kids are told of the past sunchildren before they come to power#did ion know that the past sunchildren used to be so deeply hated?#i think we only know the first and last sunchildren - rikoru and orepeusu respectively#so ion wouldve/may have heard of the hatred the people held for their power#WHICH MAKES THE WHOLE 'I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY' IDEA HURT ALL THE MORE....#snow speaks#enkanomiya#yeah....i just....i wish i could talk more about it.... make ideas w someone#i have other peoples fics to help me but ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#also im pretty sure i read most of the ones i had saved.... so now im out
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"Maybe you believe deep down that no one will ever be able or even willing to meet your needs.. :-(" yeah haha maybe. Maybe NOT so deep down lol
#like yaaaaaa being used and abused and mistreated and taken advtange of all yr life can do that#like genuinely can i just have a deep calm love 😂#where i dont feel like im walking on eggshells or need to play a role or make myself uncomfortable to make it work 😂#where im never pressured to do things that will harm me or be blamed for my own mistreatment 😂#can i just have that 😂#it feels so impossible. like yes subconciously ive played a part in it obviously#i have things im attracted to that arent good for me#but genuinely i didnt realize up until now#im nuturing yes and love to spoil but i dont think i actually LIKE being 'mommy'#it just feels familiar. it feels like that's what is wanted and expected and so i play into it#idk my heart breaks for all the shit i did in the beginning of the relationship that i didnt really want to do#i genuinely 100% THOUGHT I WANTED TO. I THOUGHT i liked it but looking back i was just#doing what felt familiar and doing what i felt i had to to not get abandoned#and it just hurts my heart#how much i betrayed and hurt myself just so someone wouldnt leave me#and now i see that if i had just been myself and he left it would have been an alignment#a moment of 'oh we're not right. oh well'#i mean it wouldnt have gone down that way and i didnt know the knowledge i do now#but just. idk.#my heart just hurts for myself tonight. how badly i want to be loved and belong but how impossible i make it to FEEL love#how i assume other people dont like me so i hang back and save them from having to experience me#yuck! you dont wanna be around me! im annoying! im cringe! i dont want you to have to pretend to like me when you dont it's ok#and it ends up pushing ppl away. i have to be myself to attract the people i belong w#which is so scary#if im myself if im just open and authentic then it's also up for anyone to reject me and judge me#but it lets people see me who WANT to know ppl like me#but even that feels so surreal to me#i force myself to believe my friends want me around because it's so mean to assume they dont#but i just cannot believe it#anyway idk i reached tag limit. im just sad and wish i had more community
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