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#i go back to get them but i dont remember what happens i just remember falling down and waking up like FUCK and so scared
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restricting myself to only do 5 snippets lol i love them all so much
🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼 (OH!!!!!! @ that last snippet more pls)
➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰(this one has me on the edge of my seat!)(i say as if the others dont lol)
📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖📖(its new so im requesting more :))
🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷🦷(this one i need a totally normal amount! diaz boys Talking ;-;)
🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨(i just love them so much)
You can do as many as you want! Tanis submits 800 million every week.
I'm gonna put Gentle On My Mind at the bottom bc the snippet is sort of smutty, so I'll hide it under the cut.
That being said, 30 for ➰:
Tagging @steadfastsaturnsrings
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His fault. Sure. The naproxen? He shouldn’t have taken it from Rachel. That’s on him, too. Rachel’s kid cracking his skull open? Dumb bad luck. Not on him. But, fair enough… Three out of four. 
“That makes sense,” he tells Eddie weakly. 
“Why?” Eddie asks. 
“Just curious,” Buck mumbles. 
“Well, don’t worry,” Eddie replies. “Not like you’ve had to watch them, right?”
Yeah… He supposes that’s true…
“It doesn’t matter,” Buck says quickly. “Sorry.”
Something sad flashes across Eddie’s expression. He cups Buck’s face and pulls him in for a kiss. Buck allows it to happen, although he’s not sure he’s in the mood for their usual morning activities. 
“We should get going,” Buck says, breaking the kiss. “Don’t want to be late for kayaking today.”
Eddie nods. “Right. No. No, we don’t.”
---
45 for 📖:
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“Hi,” the woman greets him with a nervous little wave. 
She’s beautiful, Buck thinks. Bright smile. Gorgeous eyes. Eddie is holding her hand.
Buck feels strange. He thought she was out of the picture. Are they back together?
“Shannon,” she adds. “My name is Shannon.” 
“Nice to meet you, Shannon.” Buck says, smiling. He feels a little muted and he doesn’t know why. 
“Nice to meet you, too, best librarian in the world.” 
They chat some more. She’s really nice. Buck can see Christopher in her. Whatever happened there, Buck resolves himself to be happy for the three of them. 
Not that it’s any of his business, anyway. 
vii. 
Life gets busy for a bit. He dates and subsequently breaks up with an interior designer named Ali. In Maddie’s life, there’s a stalking incident. A near kidnapping. Chimney gets hurt. Maddie’s ex ends up in jail. Buck lives in a state of shaky adrenaline for weeks. He takes some time off work to help his sister move apartments again and fight with her new landlord about breaking her lease. Even when he’s back, he doesn’t have as much energy for the job as usual. He feels bad about it, but he just can’t give his all. 
All this to say, he doesn’t get to know Shannon Diaz very well. Even though she’s the one picking Christopher up more and more these days. Even though she’s kind and talkative. Even though Chris lights up when he sees her and it’s clear having her back in his life has been good for him. 
It’s nothing against her, really. He’s just busy. He’s got a lot going on personally. He doesn’t have the same energy for the parents as he did six months ago. No other reason. 
But then… 
Well, then she dies. 
He only finds out about it through Carla. Christopher stops showing up to after school programming. One day. Two. By the third, Buck starts to worry. 
---
60 for 🦷 (YEAH TALKING!):
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Eddie doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know what he’s said wrong. 
“What about when you got back from Afghanistan and you were hurt?” Chris asks. He seems insistent. 
“Uh,” Eddie furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t think I had any ice cream then, Chris. I can’t remember.”
“No, comfort. Who comforted you?” 
Eddie’s chest feels tight. 
“I mean… I think your mom tried,” Eddie replies weakly. “She had, uh… She had a little kid to think about, though. You. And her mom was sick…”
“So no one?” Chris fills in.
“That doesn’t mean she didn’t try,” Eddie defends Shannon. 
“What about…” Christiopher’s eyes dart around. He’s upset. He’s upset and Eddie can’t tell why. “What about when you were shot?”
Eddie nods. Okay, yes. Yes, he can give a satisfactory answer. 
“Yeah, buddy. Buck was there for me. Comforted me all the time.”
“Just Buck?” Chris asks.
“I mean, other people were there. You were there. You being there helped.”
“What about Ana?” Chris asks. 
“Right, yes. Ana.”
Chris narrows his eyes. 
“What is this about?” Eddie asks. “Why all the interest in my own surgeries, Chris? Yours won’t be that bad, I promise.”
“It’s not that,” Christopher sighs. 
“Then what?” Eddie tries to temper the edge in his voice. He doesn’t know why he is getting frustrated, too. Maybe it’s just the confusion of it all. 
Christopher looks down at his tub of ice cream, then back up at Eddie. He looks like he’s going to cry. It makes Eddie want to cry. 
“I… I thought going to Texas would make me feel better,” Chris says. His voice is wavering. Like it’s about to crack. 
Eddie freezes. The ice cream is probably warmer than the blood in his veins right now. 
“I thought… I thought I’d feel better because you’d feel worse. I thought I’d feel better because I wouldn’t be in your way.”
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45 for 🚨:
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“So, uh… So, where is Christopher today?”
Eddie feels a little thrum of apprehension. 
“He’s at the zoo,” Eddie answers. “With his stepfather.”
Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever phrased it quite like this before. To anyone who doesn’t know Buck’s role in his life, Eddie might phrase it like… My partner. My boyfriend. Something like that. There’s a different sort of implication behind my son’s stepfather. A permanence. A finality. One Eddie knows is valid and true. But one that catches Ramon off guard, clearly, from the way he raises his eyebrows. 
“Stepfather?” Ramon asks. 
“Yes,” Eddie replies tightly. Maybe he’s testing him a little. “You saw him. At the funeral. Buck.”
Ramon nods. “My memory of the day is a little fuzzy.”
“Right,” Eddie replies. 
“You’ve been together a long time?” Ramon asks. 
“A year,” Eddie replies. “Friends for longer, before then. He’s a firefighter, too.”
“That’s good. It’s good to… Well, to really know a person.”
Something in his tone says he’s speaking from experience. Like maybe he hadn’t, so well. Or maybe he feels like he doesn’t anymore? 
Eddie nods. “We’re happy.”
He doesn’t know why he feels the need to say this. Perhaps because the implication, when he came out to them all those years ago, was that he could never really be. That he was taking his life in the wrong direction. Well… Here’s the truth. He did right by himself.
---
30 for 🔼:
⚠️NSFW CONTENT AHEAD READ WITH CAUTION⚠️
---
Eddie kisses Shannon as he undresses her. Her mouth. Her cheeks. Down her neck. Her collarbone. Kissing along a line of freckles he has memorized. He knows every inch of her. 
He removes her bra and moves his mouth to her breasts, brain short-circuiting at the fullness of them right now. 
“God, Shannon,” he mutters uselessly. He thinks she says something back but it’s muffled and a little incoherent. 
She’s so beautiful. She’s always been so beautiful. He’ll never stop being amazed by it. 
Her chest has always been sensitive. She’s always liked him kissing her here. Applying a bit of pressure. Today, she’s more sensitive than ever. He obviously understands why. But her reaction takes him by surprise. The volume of her gasping. The sharp digging on her fingernails into his back. It drives Eddie forward with confident resolve. 
He keeps moving. Kissing further and further down her body. Her sternum. He kisses the firm swell of her stomach. Peppers it with the affection he hasn’t been able to give. He kisses her thighs. Another freckle on her hip. He kisses her everywhere he can, and then he gives her exactly what she needs. 
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zutaranation · 15 hours
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Talking about The Search with some moots on twitter, got me thinking some really interesting potentials.
It’s in character that Zuko would forgive Ursa for forgetting him and want what’s best for her and intellectually understand why she did what she did, but I think emotionally, beneath the surface, he would feel deep pain at that.
Ikem and Kiyi’s existence clog up the plot. It’s too many cooks in the kitchen. Dont get me wrong, Ikem is a fine dude, he seems chill, and I love the dadko moments that come from Kiyi, but it’s too much going on directly linked to the main cast’s lives. That’s why it’ll never be addressed, which feels cheap and makes the reader feel cheated. Like Zuko has a STEPDAD now?! That should be a huge plot and discussion, but it’s not. It’s glossed over. There’s too many characters.
The whole gaang could’ve looked at Zuko, remembered what Ozai looked like, and laughed at him for thinking Ikem was his bio dad. That made no fucking sense. Sadly for Zuko, he’s the spitting image of Ozai. I could see Zuko being in denial, but Aang should’ve laughed at him tbfh.
Like Kiyi and Ikem wouldn’t come up in a gaang adult movie they’d be forgotten and that’s why they shouldn’t have existed.
Kiyi also just feels like some weird bandaid consolation prize for Zuko to toss Azula aside ??? It’s weird idk.
Like why are Ursa’s parents presumably dead? They easily could’ve been alive 💀 Ursa should’ve been vibing with them and zuko meets normal grandparents that were hidden from him for years … it feels less cluttering of a story than making up Ikem and Kiyi and then you would just presume the grandparents are old and rickety and have to hang back in Hira’a most of the time so it’s not like bugging your mind with questions and adding more unaddressed storylines!
I’m okay with the Ursa forgetting her kids plot. I do think it makes her shitty, but I’m okay with the tragedy of it and her being kinda a shitty mom.
Ikem is low key a freak for helping Ursa forget her memories then settling down with her like NOTHING HAPPENED
I wish that Ozai and Ursa once had feelings for each other and he slipped into “madness” in an “absolute power corrupts absolutely” kinda way. It’s more interesting than “he’s always an evil big bad gonna tie you to the train tracks” vibe and eliminates the need for stupid ass Ikem. I remember Bryke mentioning this once too in some old ass trivia bit or something for “Zuko Alone”.
The worst part about The Search is the glossing over the emotional scenes. What readers had wanted for years so badly was the emotional payoff of either Zuko facing his mother was dead, or actually seeing them reunite. Also— the most emotional— Ursa reacting to Zuko’s scar is entirely skipped. It sucks.
Not letting Zuko and Katara have a single conversation when Sokka and Zuko do and Aang and Zuko do is insane. Katara had so much to feel and bond and hurt over Zuko with (yes platonically in this case I’m not that in denial @ antis). It sucks so bad they cut this entirely for shipping bs hatred because BRYKE are 6 years old emotionally.
This would’ve been a much better and emotionally charged story on screen. It was really cheated by being done on a limited page comic. It needed more time, voice acting and music.
It’s implied heavily, as many of us always assumed, that Ursa was SA’d.
If zutara was canon, I think Katara would be furious at Ursa and it would be an interesting conversation and story. Maybe I’ll write that fic
Regardless of these many flaws, the story is much more in character than The Promise or Smoke & Shadow. I hate those comics so bad for making the theme let’s all kill Zuko and be nonchalant if he dies! And making it so that it’s like he never had a found family and still no one loved him and also the weird submissiveness they gave to Katara and the retconning of everything and the repetition and recycling of plots and it all is so bad… 💀😭
What thoughts do yall have? Happy to discuss 👀
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celestialecho · 2 months
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🌦️&💤
on childhood best friends.
via ill give you the sun by jandy nelson // via the art of ponyo by hayao miyazaki // jack johnson, we're going to be friends // a message from my childhood best friend // mitski, i guess // via a little life by hanya yanagihara // adventure time, island song (come along with me) // via unknown // abba, chiquitita
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just-null · 10 months
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Dear noritoshi cult leader!!!!!! I wanted to know if you have any recommendations for other artists or content creators that post for our boy noritoshi?
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my devout cult member!!!!!!
I don't know many artists who are still active or still draw Noritoshi stuff. I mostly get my content from pixiv or pinterest even if it's.... severely rare.... and even then, they've only drawn him once, and that's all but it's something!
btw when I say some aren't active, I mean they haven't posted in a while. fingers crossed they cOME BACK PLEASE GOD I MISS YOU.
My list is in no particular order unless you count who came to mind first?? nonetheless, here are some Noritoshi artists that I know of/taken inspiration from
kamo_sympathy [Twitter] haven't been active for a while, but I still enjoy the stuff they have there. Very good!!
getou_0203_ [Twitter] also semi inactive. they're a Getou, Gojo, and Choso enjoyer too. how they drew Noritoshi is smth I inject in my soul.
ohayo_akachan [Twitter] again... kinda inactive, but still. I enjoy their content a lot while I can't really understand what they're saying. DeepL my saving grace.. their style is v similar to the anime style, which I find super cool!!
Gotharcheologist or @/alegnace [Twitter and Tumblr] They're a chosonori shipper and active! I really like how they draw Noritoshi and Choso. how they draw blood is so good, how they draw faces is so good, THEIR ARTSTYLE IS SO FUCKING GOOD
magical_candy15 [Twitter] They didn't post a lot, nor are they active as of now, but the few scenarios were really good and fed me in my drought for a while. I love u..
rin5su0605 [Twitter] A Todo×Noritoshi account with some love to the rest of the Kyoto group too! This person was active as of June 2023, but I'm using copium. I really like how they draw.. and the color choices oh my fuck.
mecuru_MECU (?) [Twitter] I'm a bit iffy on this one. They look to not be doing jjk anymore, but they were once into Noritoshi if you go to their earlier posts. Their linework is beautiful, like their colors! there's something about their work I really like.
and that's all I have, I think? I know there are others out there that i don't know or don't remember, but I'll probably add them over time if i find more or if anyone else has someone in mind to recommend in the comments of this post!
yoshida_jyu [Twitter] They mainly post in a comic format! theres also some Megumi×Noritoshi shipping so if thats your thing, this dude's your dude. i have no idea what theyre saying but they draw cute expressions. also draws mainly Noritoshi, Kokichi, and Megumi
16shelter [Twitter} also a Megumi×Noritoshi shipper. Little warning: their art can be nsfw/suggestive at times, so be careful w that if its not your thing. Their anatomy is good AND POSING im grabbing my pen.. also, this person finds Arata cute, so theres some art with him too!
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fadeintoyou1993 · 30 days
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woke up again. had another nightmare AGAIN
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#txt#it was so weird this time around my brothers and i were at home watching movies w our cousin and i was like i gotta shower to go to bed#n the boys were like okay cool and my cousin went home (thats like the next door to our house)#and my step brother was like wait do u hear that and i was like what??#and we went outside to hear it and it was like a lot of movement n screaming and suddenly there were cops in our street#then my aunt who always knows the tea told us like this killer had bee found out and lived like across the street from us#snd we eere lile Ough thats scry!!!#then i went to lock the gate and it was all broken up and i was like. Okay let me try to fix if#and thsn i noficdd my unclss door was fuckd up too so i callsnmd him and tell him what i noticed and he was like. That IS weird 🤨#then i look to the stairs leading up to the roof and theres a pair of sunglasses and i took it and i turned to my step bronn was like. >#this yours? and he was like..... and he looked behind him and back at me and he was like bruna i think theres someone in the house#and i was like Huh?? and he was like i just heard something i think there's someone here#and i was like. i beliehed him right away bc i was like There Is Someone In Our House. so i just screamed for my uncle#and then like this big shadow of a man comes out behind a wall like tall as hell and super burly too#and we just start RUNNING but our moms are in their room sleeping they have no idea.#i go back to get them but i dont remember what happens i just remember falling down and waking up like FUCK and so scared#and i thought be like 3am too but ir was 7am thank FUCK i was like i dont need to lie awake for hours bc of this fuckass dream#anyway. i cant wajt to be medicated again so the nightmares and sleep paralysis STOP
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hella1975 · 10 months
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i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl
#to the point my one mate today (the one i almost ditched in that seminar LMAO) ((WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOUSE ABOUT HIM))#anyway! he was like 'oh i actually got you something!' which given our dynamic despite RECENT DEVELOPMENTS AHEM#is so unusual like he was NOT required to get me a gift. but then i immediately was like 'it's pringles isn't it'#and he was just like 'sigh. yeah' LMFAOOOOO#and you know what? chuffed to utter bits. ive already eaten half of them in 24 hours. scranning even more as i type this#anyway back to that guy. so you know i sometimes mention my flatmate from first year who also happens to be on my course#so off the bat we've got a weird friendship bc he's not just a coursemate bc i also lived with him#but also first year halls were assigned not chosen so it's not like we were actually FRIENDS#especially bc my flat did NOTTT get on lmfao so me and him were mainly just. acquaintances who lived and studied together?#very strange foundation to have with someone. but we went all of second year barely staying in contact#and then this year we live in the same area and for the LIFE of me i cant remember how we got back in contact#but all of a sudden we were messaging every day and meeting up before lectures and sitting together in them and stuyding together etc#and we get on REALLY well like he has my exact sense of humour i know ive posted about him several times#over the past three years being like 'me and this guy are the funniest people i know' 'he would do bits on tumblr' etc#AND THE OTHER WEEK HE ADMITTED THAT HE LIKES ME AND WE WENT ON A DATE#AND IT WENT REALLY WELL BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM#SO IM TRYING NOT TO PUT PRESSURE ON ANYTHING and i was super clear w him also that im not actively searching for anything#so if smthn happens organically then it happens but if not it's my final year and that will always take priority and he was super chill#so i dont feel like i HAVE to make a decision just yet but we're going out again tomorrow#and it's like. even if it doesnt become smthn romantic i just really click with him?? like we get on so well??? IT'S SO FUN#AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! WOOHOO! pringles post derailed by a MAN. awful#hella goes to uni
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cerealmonster15 · 2 months
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my hxh experience is also very confusing bc i started watching it like 2+ years ago at my partners apartment, but then i think we stopped for a bit / we moved around a bit, and kinda just never got back to it. then a while after we moved in with each other wayyyy later we eventually picked it back up and then this time in dub form bc it's easier for me to focus if i dont have to try and read everything quick enough and also see whats happening jfkldshg so it was like
sub version watched up through like halfway through york new auction arc or whatever
[2+ YEAR LONG GAP???]
picking right back up exactly in the midway spot where we left off, now in dub, i cannot remember Jack Shit and have to keep asking my partner [who has seen/read it before] what's going on and who everyone is every 5 seconds. there are so many characters and i remembered like 6 of them at best fdhjvlksjldhg. killua's grandpa and dad showed up like an episode or 2 after we picked it back up and i was like who are these guys. where did they come from. tbh being told who they were didnt help bc i still didnt understand why or how they were there dfshjfghjgf
#and then they did it again in chimera ant arc.... where did killuas dad come from since when was he in on the plan#AND WHERED THEY GO. I HAVENT SEEN THEM COME BACK SINCE THEN.... did they actually leave this time... i dont know#also dude i miss netero :[ we r like a couple episodes after the big mega heart attack explosion thing#i love a cool old man#i still struggle to remember peoples names bc god there are SO many characters#but chimera ant arc is so long that you at least spend a lot of time with them so theres some names ive eventually learned#but im still me so i cant tell you how many times i called meleoron 'lemeleon'#it's like pokemon with him i cant. remember it very clearly and i mix it up hardcore#other people i just cant remember at all so im like uhhh. ponytail guy <- which barely narrows it down they keep finding ponytail guys....#nobunaga.... shoot.... some other guy i think. actually maybe not that many idr LOL#dont even get me started on the spiders. it took me forever just to get nobunaga lol#there are soooo many of them and i had forgotten the first chunk we'd watched after the irl timeskip#so i was in realtime trying to recall who eveyrone was while they were doing shit and it was REALLY CONFUSING#i really need to restart from the beginning but im gonna wait til we finish the anime lol#oh also i like. completley forgot illumi or w/e was doing the hunter exam with hisoka in that first arc#bc literally theres like ONE or two brief moments in. idk if it was greed island or right before it#where hisokas like yeah i calld a friend. and illumis there like 🧍#and i was like he knows killuas brother??? theyre friends???#bc i just had no memory of them interacting before fdlkhgjkf#i like kinda forgot illumi existed til then i think jdkslf or maybe when he was haunting killua idr#actually we went back and watched part of an episode when killua was w/his family#bc i couldnt remember ANYTHING i was like. why was he there again. dont they suck or something. what happened.#and tbh. i still dont get what their vibe is hwhwhfhehg#things to revisit once i get out of the ant pit
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girl-bateman · 3 months
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it sounds so obvious now, but im pretty sure my physical problems rn can all be traced back to the fact that my brain and body has been in a constant hypervigilance and cortisol overload for 3 months straight. the dizziness, the blackouts, the acne, the constant nausea, the giant eyebags and sudden crows feet ?? Like yeah, no shit thats what happens when ur every waking hour is the equivalent of that camille preaker crying gif
#i know the fact that i faint every couple of days and go a little blind sometimes should be priority here#but it REALLY pisses me off how much and how quickly this (?) stress is aging me#id still like to look good even if i feel like shit. sorry#the worst thing is that im doing everything in my power to do all the right things#but since i dont actually KNOW why having sex affected me in such a weird way. I cant really take the proper steps to get over it#like.. i can treat the symptoms best i can but as far as the root of it all. i have no idea whats actually wrong or how to fix it#in some senses it seems pretty cut and dry- i cant remember my childhood. i was neglected. i have a bunch of issues#i have sex for the first time. i stop functioning. i go into a depressive episode. i cant sleep.eat.be around people#i feel paralyzed by fear at the most random of times and have to hide in a small space to feel safe again. i cry so much i pop an eye vesse#like CLEARLY something is wrong. and just in an objective sense it sounds like something bad happened a long time ago associated with sex#however ! life is more complicated than that and i think its unhelpful to make assumptions (yes im aware i might also be in denial lol)#i already know i have trauma so its not weird for me to exhibit trauma responses. and maybe that was triggered bc i wasnt ready to have sex#it doesnt have to have a sinister explanation. it might just be as simple as me not vibing with the guy and regretting it later#idk. obviously my reaction to it is violently out of proportion. but i might just be a sensitive person !#does that sound silly or reasonable? reading it back i still kinda wonder if its just the denial speaking but idk!#i really really wish i just knew what was wrong so that i could actually start to move on#i know im bumming u guys out talking about it but i cant exactly talk to my family and im trying to not unload everything onto my friends :#bc as supportive and wonderful as they are i can tell they feel bad and have no idea what to say#which is fair enough bc its a really weird situation! so i dont want to burden them more than what i have to for my own sanity#tw#?#diary entries
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lightningbig · 7 months
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goddd botw makes me a little bit insane. link going through the story and meeting all of these people who use to know him. he doesn't remember. but they talk about him, "you used to train me!" "we were kids together" "I always looked up to you". they have lived a whole life while he's been asleep. he has not changed.
#is it obvious i just got to zoras domain. be honest#SORRY IT JUST REALLY GETS ME!!!#hearing so many people say how they trained with link when they were young and how he taught them and was always a mentor#how much they strove to be like him and now here they are#and it makes me claw at the walls thinking about link who doesn't remember them or any of what happened and who also is now#awake and at the same point he was 100 years ago#while everyone else has grown and aged and improved. maybe even surpassed what he taught them#but they will still view him in their minds eye as the person he was to them as a kid#and he still is!! that same person!!! but they aren't the same as they were#theyve changed while hes been stagnant sleeping unmoving#big 'you died and came back the same but the act of bringing u back has changed me irrevocably' vibes#and also like. i know the point of the game is that link is the hero and he's going to save the day#but god could you imagine waking up with no memory only to be told you died 100 years ago failing to save the world#and now you have to try again. the people who helped you died and arent coming back its just you#and despite how you failed the people of hyrule still revered you and so they are overjoyed to see you again#they are relieved they look at you with hope they talk about your success like its guaranteed like there is no other option#they dont doubt you. they put all their trust in you#but you don't even remember them. youve been asleep for 100 years. you dont even have your sword#sorry for writing a novel in the tags i just have a lot of feelings about this#like the prevalence of cycles & reincarnation in the franchise overall makes me froth at the mouth but the way it shows up in botw!!! MAN!!#loz#botw#k rambles
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FREDDY IS IN THE FUCKING HOUSE?????????
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713-4th-ward-g · 11 months
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#now my aunt is in remission...#a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school#I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly#i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts..#but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse#and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen#and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same#if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me#and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all#i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing#i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else#ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again#i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him..#Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment#im tired of it so much#the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep#i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore..#im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling#of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more#why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed#maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things#im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency#Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine..#i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened#and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ...#i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...
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haemosexuality · 9 months
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i think princess bubblegum is (and has pretty much always been) neutral good and marceline went lawful good (before being turned) -> chaotic neutral (obsidian flashback era until the early seasons) -> true neutral (early to mid seasons till stakes) -> neutral good (season 7 until the end of the show) -> almost lawful good (end of the show and fowards)
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truckstoptigers · 9 months
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i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.
and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.
#familial trafficking is a very real thing and i am not okay :)#i still have a hard time coming to terms w it. i mean. thats what happened. i was trafficked. but it wasnt a stranger.#it was my fucking dad!! what the fuck!!!!!#he wouldnt stick around whenever hed bring me somewhere so it could happen. he literally left me w men he didnt even really know.#i remember one of them asked me once 'think your dad would let me keep you?' and all i could do was cry because well.#what exactly was stopping him from taking me? it sure as hell wasnt the law because me being seven fucking years old didnt matter.#im sure some of them thought about it. i just got lucky. i only got to go back home because of dumb luck. not everyone gets that chance.#sometimes i still feel like shit for using the word 'trafficking' to describe what happened to me because i know thats what it was#but it still doesnt feel like its *my* word to use. like im blowing it all out of proportion even though thats. literally what it was.#i dont know how to talk to anyone about it. just typing this made me have to put my phone down for a minute so i could try to calm down.#and then i also had to set it down for like an hour for the same reason. i just. im gonna go play minecraft for a few hours.#csa vent#trauma vent#actuallyabused#actuallytraumatized#tw trafficking#forgetting about this shit for years and having the memories come flooding back all of a sudden has been. SO difficult.#im so tired of thinking about it but i cant stop.
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hella1975 · 1 year
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listening to call your mom rn (god it feels wrong spelling it like that)
gripping u by the shoulders. this song is everything to me.
#OKAY STORYTIME THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR:#do u guys remember that girl that was basically my bi-awakening and we had the very stereotypical#intense homoerotic friendship that traumatised the both of us? yeah her#well basically i still have a lot of love for her and we're still friends like she's in my hometown friend group so when i talk about them#i still mean her and out of our entire group she's the ONLY one who didn't go to uni and me and my other friend spoke recently#about how unhappy we know she is bc she got abandoned by us in this awful hometown and we dont think she loves her boyfriend#so much as she stays with him bc she literally has no one else until we come home her life is literally just waiting for us between terms#and i worry about her all the time and one thing that happened a while back was she did drugs w this one guy by the river#and she completely whitied like it was just weed but she was 17 and had never done it before and turns out she's like me#where edibles just do NOT agree with her on a good day let alone when she took as much as she did and she was with a random boy#by the fucking WIER (basically a big dangerous waterfall) and we were all at our mate's house that was a 40 min walk away#and she RANG ME. i was the one she rang. that still sticks with me. and omg it was so scary bc she was so out of it on the phone#and all i managed to get from her was that Something Was Wrong (didnt know what) and that we needed to pick her up#so we did. we got on bikes and fucking RACED to this girl and we picked her up and in the end she asked for her mum#and i was the one to take her to her mum and knock on the door and stand there with her daughter's arm around my shoulder#barely conscious her sick on my shoes and explain what happened. like WHAT#& yeah basically i still have so much love for that girl and i know she struggles with shit hence why that even happened in the first place#and it's like. im still here. i still love you. i'll call your mum. i'll come and get you. just ring me and i'll pick up. stay on the line.#so yeah this song did unimaginable damage the first time i heard it. literally gives me chills and transports me to my 17 year old self#we were young and didnt know what we were doing and the town was suffocating us#AND WE WERE BOTH DROWNING AND DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SAVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE WAS AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WE WERE DROWNING TOGETHER#ask#noah kahan
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nomaishuttle · 11 months
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btw controversial but fuckk ptsd dude yohre telling me judt bc my parents shouldnt ever have been parents now i have to be fucked up for the rest of my life .
#i know like..coping mechanisms and ris8ng above and learning to live with it but like its fucking stupid and unfair bc im never gonna stop#having ptsd yk. my episodes might get less frequent i might build happier memories but jm always gonna have these memory blocks and trigger#s and nightmares like. forever. im never gonna get to have had a normal childhood thats the most fuckedbup thing ever#like ik this is whiny but like. why. why me what did i do to deserve that childhood. not that any kid deserves abusive childhoods obviously#it sounds like im like ermmm there r wayyy worse kids who shouldve been the ones to go to the zoo 💀 but like ykwim. why does#thus have to happen to so many ppl i hate it i hate it. i wish i could just Actually forget everything instead of just like. not rly#remembering it but Knowing it..yk. i know everything that happened to me even if its all blocked out#and i still feel like. the effects of it even the stuff thats jncredibly hazy to me. and jm never not gojng to feel that. my personality hs#literally been fucking shaped by the childhood i have and like. yes you can 'change' your personality a bit and your choices blah blah blah#but like. even with that. im still always gonna be like. my first impulse will always be distrust and doubt and fear. even if i train#myself not to Act on those emotions i still will always feel them. im always going to expect people to leave even if they dont even if i#dont let myself push them away its something im always going to be terrified of in the back of my mind. im never gojng to have#proper social skills bc i fully missed out on that stage of development im never going to be like. at the same level as my peers bc i#missed out on those skills. sigh. ik ik ik feeljng inhuman and feeljng different from everybody else is a jniversal thing but i truly think#im like. im missing something that everybody else seems to have and i dont even know what it is but i know i dont have it and everyone#can tell j dont have it and it fucking. sucks . basically
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todayisafridaynight · 9 months
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grabbing rainbow sherbet vodka for the stream because I know it's what ichi would want 🤞
bro grabbing that fucking super mario vodka what the shit 😭
#snap chats#i dont know what im gonna get...... i SHOULD get soju since i can get more for cheaper#and soju's more potent now innit... but i am a sake fan... sake my best friend..#but i like my sake hot. unless its nigori then OF COURSE you have to have it chilled....#gddammit i left my shot glass at my moms. i didnt think id need it </3#maybe sake's the game then.....#just to make sure i dont ACTUALY black out NO DID I TELL THE TIME I BLAKCED OUT FOR THE FIRST AND ONLY TIME#ILL TELL IT AGAIN SINCE ITS TOPICAL IT WAS THE NIGHT OF MY SISTER'S WEDDING#and i went out post-wedding drinking with my dad and my sis and her hubby yeah#and /im/ a master of acting like im fine when im not when i care to and since i never want to look A Fool in front of my father again#i acted fine after i reached the point where I Very Much Was Not Fine#LIKE THERE WERE DRINKS AT THE WEDDING OOFC BUT I ALSO GOT SOME WHISKEY AT A BAR WE WENT TO#AND SO EVENTUALLY MY DAD AND HIS WIFE AND I ALL GO BACK TO THE HOTEL WE'RE ALL STAYING AT#god theyre so embarrassing i was walking (read: wobbling) back to the room i shared with my bro#and theyre just :) 👋 Good Niiiight We're Gonna Watch You Go Until You're Safe :) 👋 <- im literally down the hall from them#and the fucking. SECOND i get into my room im just hhoUUGGHGHHH BROTHER OF MINE. WHAT IS HAPPENING#i dont remember what happened i know i started watching Why Dont You Play In Hell again and then i suddenly woke up in my bed#I WAS ON THE COUCH LIKE I CANNOT STRESS THE ABRUPTNESS OF ME WAKING UP IN BED#I SAT ON THE COUCH TO WATCH THE MOVIE I THINK I GOT 27 MINUTES IN AND I BLINKED AND I INSTATRANSMISSIONED#hilarious. anyway i refuse to let that happen ever again AFLKEFJKAJ#so sake's the call. i think. idk we'll see what my wallet thinks cause the sake is a lil pricier than the soju..#it a special occasion live a little. is what ill tell myself ☠️
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