#i get a feeling she wants to push boundaries like the doctor wants to press buttons

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

"you were born evil" but you still named her agatha.

thinking about that process, because it took 18 years right. you have a baby and you call her good and she turns out to be smarter than you, more powerful than you, and it scares you, you dont know how to handle that especially in a world that hates you and her already. the things about her that scare you, will scare the outside world who understands even less than you do ten times more. you dont know how to protect her so you try to control her which is like number one bad idea human response to things that scare us.

obviously this backfires and she gets even more furious in her quest for knowledge, every door you close she finds a window, every place you warn away from she gets into, talking to people she shouldnt be talking to, trying out magic she shouldnt be trying. every step she takes is one further out of your control, further out of anyone's control, every new thing she learns makes her dangerous, puts her in danger, puts your coven in danger, shes exposing all of you along with herself. shes in danger, shes a danger, shes a teenager and she knows more than you, of course shes not gonna listen to you anymore, about anything. of course shes not gonna hear a warning, and if she did she wouldnt take it, just to spite you.

what are you gonna do? youre not the only one whos scared. of her, for her. youve got an entire coven getting panicky about the way shes exposing all of you, the risks shes taking that she may or may not be able to fully understand (maybe shes never seen one of you burned before, maybe shes her own first). and if she were on her own that would be her decision to make, but you are still responsible for your coven and you are responsible for her, for her safety and for the threat she poses. so what do you do? do you even have a choice? or is this just where the mob turns. kick a scapegoat onto a pyre and hope fortune turns for the rest of us. if she cant stick to the rules in place for the safety of all, then shes a ticking timebomb. if it's not her at the stake, sooner or later it's all of you. so what can you do? what are you expected to do?

punish agatha.

[f1girliefics]

Too Far

Mick Schumacher x Reader

Summary: When dating him causes rage in some fans, they forget where the line is.

When the news of Mick and you dating came out, you expected the rumours, you were ready for the hate and the comments.

What you weren’t ready for is the crazy fans who decided to harass you in public.

It started off with small things.

When you went shopping, things were missing from your cart. Then people started to push you. You thought it was by mistake but then you realized, it was all a game to them.

Videos on TikTok started to go around, it was almost like a challenge to them.

Who could push you more?

Mick mentioned to you that it wasn’t okay and you didn’t have to deal with the harassment, but you brushed it off.

“Don’t worry, it will die down after a while. You know how people are, they will move on to the next thing.”

He knew you were right. 

But then, it got out of hand. So much so that you fell and got injured.

The video went viral before you could even get some help.

You were rushed to a hospital with a broken ankle and twisted wrist.

Your boyfriend called you, furious. 

“This has to stop!” he texted. “I’m on my way, almost there.” came another text, then. “I’m so sorry that this happened. I love you!” 

Before you could text back, the door opened and he came in.

“How are you feeling?” he asked as he saw the cast on your leg and the wrap on your arm.

“I’m good. The idiots pushed me on a slippery floor and as I fell my leg got stuck under the shelf and I fell on my wrist. How I can press charges?”

“I saw the video, Lando sent it to me. It’s going viral and the public opinion is with you. Everyone’s saying how that is just taking it too far and how they should be ashamed. Someone even found out the name of the girls and even after they took off the video, someone reported them.” he let out a long sigh. “I was so worried about you. I’m glad you are safe.”

“I agree, this has gone too far. Light pushing I can handle but breaking my leg… too much. Thank you.” you smiled at him and pulled him in for a short kiss before the doctor came and let you leave.

You arrived home and ate something while Mick was on his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making a post. I need to set the boundaries and I can’t just let this one go.”

“I understand and agree… just be… kinda nice.” you said as he nodded and continued typing.

‘My Dear Fans,

I’m sure many of you are aware of what happened today. I kept silent out of respect for my girlfriend, but I can no longer do so. 

She got seriously hurt today and I’m honestly surprised it didn’t happen before.

I do appreciate all my fans but I think we all can agree that this is seriously not okay.

I decided to take a break from social media and spend my time with my girlfriend as now she will need someone to help her with tasks.

I hope we all can learn from this.’

You gave Mick a nod and he posted it.

He spent the entire day helping you with anything. He ordered food and even offered to help you eat.

“My other hand is just fine!”

“But I want to help.” he argued and you couldn’t help but laugh.

He wanted you to smile and laugh to forget everything that happened.

But later that night, while he was sleeping, your mind began to wonder.

All your insecurities and fears came to the surface. 

You knew you shouldn’t blame yourself. But you were angry that you let things get out of hand and it got to this point.

You were used to the interviewers, the inappropriate questions, and people shouting at you.

But this was a new low.

You were just happy to have Mick by your side.

DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 22

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: So Tuesday was a mess.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

Dr. Kemp leans forward, elbows on his knees as he watches you. Patient, intent, he listens without distraction to every word you say. His attention is almost eerie but only because you’re not used to it. He hangs off of every word.

“I don’t hate Amber,” you frown and hug your legs, only then realising how small you’ve made yourself in the chair, “I love her… I just don’t know if she ever loved me.”

He nods and sits up, dragging his fingers down his chin as he props an elbow on the armrest. He presses his finger against his mouth as he hums thoughtfully. He drops his hand and smiles.

“Are you worried about if she loves you or… are you afraid that you don’t deserve her love? Or anyone’s?” He prompts gently.

You bit down on your tongue. You lower your chin as you think. Your heart plummets deep as your skin tingles hotly.

“Both,” you admit.

“It’s like I said, sweetheart, you have to love yourself first. Then you will see how others can love you,” he drapes one leg over the other, “but we should unpack your relationship with your sister a bit further. We can’t do all that today, but we can start.”

You nod and cup your chin. You make yourself sit up and look at him. You push your feet over the edge and straighten your back.

“Codependency. It’s very toxic. Amber has her flaws, as we all do. What you’ve pointed out about her isn’t out of the question but I don’t know her, I can’t diagnose her. But I can help you draw boundaries and make sense of things,” he explains, “you feel that you were a burden, that you were entirely helpless without her. Did you ever consider she felt the same way? That she attached herself to you because otherwise, she felt useless.”

You look above him and examine the curtain. That’s easier than looking him in the face. You put your hands in your lap and wring them tightly. No, you never thought of it that way because that can’t be true.

“Why… why would she feel like that? I give her nothing. I’m…”

“Now, let’s stop right there,” he raises a thick finger, “what did I say about talking about yourself? Be kind.”

“Yes, Doctor,” you murmur, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, you owe yourself one.”

You bow your head guiltily. The more you talk to him, the more aware you are of all your bad habits. Isn’t this supposed to help you feel better? Not feel worse?

“It’s work, it hurts and then it feels good,” he says, “but the important thing is that you keep going. You keep the progress up, even if some days we don’t take a step forward, he have to keep looking ahead.” He lowers his hand over the end of the armrest, “I think this week you should write about Amber, try to get your thoughts out. Along with your other homework which is…”

You blink at him and give a dumb look. He smiles, “be nice to you. I want you to write down everything you do all week to that end. Baths, moisturising, reading a book, sketching something, anything that makes you happy.”

“Okay,” you grip your knees, slowly trailing your hands up to tug down the pleats of your skirt. You’re not used to it, you almost forgot you were wearing the thing, “I’ll try.”

“You’ll do great,” he encourages, “you already have done so much.”

🕊️

You're exhausted after the session. Almost despondent on the drive to Andy's as everything Steve said swirls in your mind. A thousand thoughts to add to your already overcrowded head. 

"Honey," Andy's voice cuts through your trance, "are you okay?"

"Uh, I'm sorry," you say, stunned to find the car parked in front of his house, his eyes boring into you with concern, "yeah, I'm fine."

"Oh, you haven't said a word," he slides the keys free of the ignition, "and you weren't responding."

"No, no, it's... I was thinking."

"Ah," he nods, hesitating to get out of the car as he hovers his hand against the door, "about... did Steve say something?"

"Um, just about stuff," you reply evasively, "nothing big."

"Well, you now I'm always here for you, right? That you can talk to me too?"

You nod and fake a smile. He's nice and all but you can't tell him everything. You can't even tell Steve everything you put in your journal. Somethings are meant just for you.

"I know," you murmur, "is it alright if I lay down for a bit. I'm really tired out."

"Sure you can, dove," he reaches over you caress the crease of your skirt, "just for a little. You don't want to waste the day."

"I won't," you promise and pull the handle on your door.

You turn and hide your face from him. He's right but it still irks you. Sometimes he can be so bossy. You've done what he wants. You're doing the therapy, so why can't you have one day to just burrow away.

🕊️

You spend your time alone staring at the ceiling, all tied up with Andy’s suggestion. Don’t sleep the day away. Sigh, now you can’t even close your eyes. You’re too worried about doing just that.

After a few hours, you give up, hoping to find some solace in a cup of tea. You can pop out and assure Andy that you’re awake. Maybe you should work on the painting. He must be getting impatient for that as well.

You pull on a loose wooly cardigan, the one with the patch sewn into it, and hide your clingy t-shirt beneath it.  You come downstairs and pass the archway of the living room. The TV is lit up with the menu but Andy’s nowhere to be found.

You hear him. You go further down and peek into the kitchen. Something tinkles against porcelain as you watch him pour the contents of a bag into a bowl. There are several set out already, on a neat wooden tray with two glass bottles of soda.

“Um…” you step into the doorway. “I… was going to put the kettle on.”

He looks over at you and smiles. It’s only then you notice his clothing. A pair of thin plaid pajamas and a navy blue sweatshirt. He looks cozy. You’re not used to that. He’s all buttoned-up and tidy.

“Oh, sure,” he says, “I can get some tea out… but er,” he sets the bowl with the rest, “you kinda walked in on my surprise.”

“Surprise?” You wonder.

“Yeah, uh, I was thinking we could do a movie night. Your choice,” he presses closed the seal of the M&Ms bag and puts it at the back of the counter. “I got all these snacks and some soda if you like, but if you want tea instead–”

“Oh,” you bat your lashes.

“Oh?” He sounds nervous as he echoes your syllable.

“I… I wasn’t expecting this. I…” you fold your arms over your stomach, “you really… did all this?”

You tiptoe forward and raise your chin to see onto the tray. He grins proudly as you near and see the assortment of snacks; trail mix, chips, gummies, chocolate…

“Pretty simple but I figured maybe it would be fun.”

You suck your lower lip in and look up at him. His eyes are shining, almost hopeful. He did all this for you. He actually wants to spend time with you. He was even excited about it.

“It’s wonderful,” you say, “I hope… I hope you don’t think I’m ungrateful. Only surprised.”

“Of course, honey,” he slides the tray off the counter, “let me get this.”

He carries the spread across the kitchen and you trail him into the front room. You linger at the threshold as he sets down the snacks on the low coffee table. The room smells of raspberry. You hum at the scent and notice the candle already lit on the table. The lights are dim as the flame lends a flicker to the space.

“Like it?” Andy looks up at your audible sniff. 

“Smells nice,” you assure him.

“Well? You gonna just stand there or find something to watch?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you scurry over as he holds out the remote.

You sit on the couch and he drops down beside you. As you sit forward, he leans back, his arm stretched out behind you carelessly. You flick through the title cards of all the movies, intimidated by the endless selection.

“What kind of movies do you like?” You ask, almost embarrassed to choose one yourself.

“Whatever you like, dove,” he says.

It feels like the back of your shirt is moving, just along the bottom. The sensation is so light and you’re too nervous to look at Andy. You put your elbow on your knee and cup your chin. You guess it doesn’t really matter. You choose a title your recognise, not recalling what the movie is about.

“Don’t forget to dig in,” Andy sits up.

“Er, okay,” you put the remote down and take the bottle of soda. You read the label in the low light. It looks fancy. You try to twist the metal cap off but it threatens to cut into your hand. “Ow.”

“Here,” Andy reaches over, “let me.”

He grips the neck and pops off the metal lid with ease. He hands it back to you and takes his own. You thank him under your breath and hover your mouth over the top. You take a sip, the bubbles tickling your nose.

“Mmm,” you hide a cough at the carbonation, “ooh, pretzels.”

You reach for one of the twisted treats. He chuckles as the credits play and he takes a rippled chip. You bite into a pretzel and focus on the screen. He’s sitting so close. You glance over, there’s lots of couch free.

You nibble nervously as the opening scene plays. You focus on the dialogue, not quite picking up on everything. The movie’s much more serious than you expected. You finish a handful of the dry food and wash it down with soda before flopping back.

You squint at the screen and try to untangle the furling plot. It’s kind of boring. You hide a yawn in your cuff and keep your hand to your mouth. The scene shifts and suddenly a bed frame rocks, knocking against the wall as the camera pans down to reveal the two bodies writhing on the mattress.

Oh my! There’s always one of these scenes.

You fight not to close your eyes. You’re mortified as you stare wide-eyed, the room hotly silent except for the activity on screen. You can hear Andy’s breaths and your own. His foot moves as he adjusts his leg and you flinch, almost expecting him to move closer. No, why would he do that?

The scene finally ends. That was torture. Amber always lets you fast forward through those ones. You lean forward to hide your discomfort with another swig of soda. Andy clears his throat but doesn’t comment.

You munch on a mixture of sweet and salty, your stomach squirming. You’re just going to make yourself sick. You recline again, eyes burning and itchy as they threaten to close. No, you don’t want to upset Andy. You can’t fall asleep.

The man and woman argue in the street. You don’t know who would ever do that. Those sorts of conversations are better behind closed doors. You don’t really get relationships; they seem confusing and stressful.

You arch your back, stretching out a kink in your side and a snort from beside you makes you flinch. You don’t look over, not until it comes again. Andy’s shadow sits with its head back, nose to the ceiling as he snores. Oh no, he fell asleep first!

You’re almost happy it’s him. You were so afraid of doing so, fearing at how he might react. You just think it’s funny. This movie really is boring.

You giggle and call his name. He doesn’t react. You call again, “wake up.”

Still nothing. You chew your lip and raise a shaky hand. You touch his arm, poking him with two fingers. You repeat his name. He’s now waking up. You nudge him hard and he slips, first one way then back towards you. Before you can react, he folds over onto your lap.

His weight hits your legs and you squeak. You don’t think as you grab onto his shoulder and try to shake him. He’s so heavy! And big. The difference between you is obvious but even more in that moment. He is immovable, like a boulder crushing you.

“Andy,” you say, “please, wake up.”

He bends his arm and grips your knee, nestling in as he snorts deeper. He must be exhausted. He drove you all the way to therapy and then got all these snacks together for movie night. And now, he can’t even enjoy it. All for you. All his effort spoiled because of you.

You deflate and sink back into the cushions. You kick your legs and try to wiggle free of him. You can’t seem to get out. You surrender and look at the screen. You guess you’ll finish this darn movie.

[annaphoenix1994]

Family of Four

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

»»-------¤-------««

"You sure you don't need an extra set of hands to help, L.T.?" 

"No," Simon sighed, ensuring all of the bags were packed that would be going home with him, double checking to make sure Kiera's after-care bag had everything she needed to help with the healing process. "Already in enough stress as it is." 

No matter how much Simon was annoyed with Soap's pestering, he truly admired how persistent Soap was when it came to being there for Simon. Aside from Kiera, Soap was the only other person Simon could count on when he needed someone to confide to or to get something done. 

When Simon needed help cutting the wood for the crib, Soap would help him. 

Well, Soap eventually pried his way into helping him by picking at him - giving Simon pointers on sanding the wood to refrain from splinters. Simon hated the unnecessary advice but ignored it. 

When Simon had anxiety about Kiera's due date, Soap was there to offer him a shot of whiskey to soothe his nerves, the pair having a glass of bourbon even though Soap hated the burn of Wild Turkey. 

He was stressing immensely on this particular day. Kiera's mother was at a doctor's appointment and today was the day Kiera was cleared to go home after three days in the hospital. She still could barely walk on her own, let alone walk out of the hospital with two babies when she needed a wheelchair to make it to the truck. The time of her discharge was getting closer and closer and the more he thought about it, the worse his anxiety got. He had ended his and Soap's phone call out of haste, pushing his friend's offer to the side as he wanted to be the only one to handle the situation. 

"Are you alright, babe?" Kiera asked, taking notice of his worry. 

"Yes, love. Just ready to go home." He forced a smile. She knows I'm lying. 

"Won't you let Johnny come and help? He's dying to spend more time with you and the babies-"

"I don't need his help right now." He huffed. 

"You mean you don't want his help right now. You know you'll need it." 

I wish you'd stop reading my mind, love.

"Fine. Having another set of hands to help get you and these babies out of here will be nice." 

"There we go," She giggled. "Finally getting somewhere. Won't you call him back and tell him you'd like his help?"

"Then that's giving in to his prodding." 

"No, it's not. It's letting him know that you want him around." 

Although there was something else that began to eat at Kiera's mind. She knew Simon welcomed Soap for any other occasion other than spending time with the newborns - a boundary Simon had set immediately with no intention of letting Soap cross it. 

He was jealous. 

Jealous of the thought that Jacob or Evie would prefer Soap over their own father.

She watched him huff as he removed his phone from his pocket, dialing Soap's number and putting on speaker as if he were proving to Kiera that he was calling his comrade. 

"Hello?" 

"You can come and help if you want-"

"Already halfway there, L.T." 

"W-What?" 

"I knew you'd change your mind," He snickered. "Figured if I came anyway, you couldn't say no." 

"Don't push your luck, MacTavish." 

»»-------¤-------««

Once Soap had arrived at the hospital, he failed to conceal his smile of excitement as he walked through the hallway and towards the elevator, swaying from side to side subtly as the elevator hoisted him up to the second floor. 

Slowly, he arrived at the door that separated him and the ones he cherished dearly, knocking quietly as he could feel Simon's presence inching closer to the door, a smirk splaying across Soap's face as he knew Simon was already irritated by giving in to accept help. Soap knew Simon hated asking for help. 

"Well good morning, L.T." 

"Yeah," He huffed, standing aside to let Soap pass by. "Where's your better half?" 

"Oh, that's below the belt, L.T. A little curious, are you?" He poked, enjoying pressing his buttons. "Oh! You meant Teeter? She's with Kiera's dad and the wranglers sorting cows." 

Simon scoffed at Soap's usual crude words, walking towards Kiera's bed as the nurse was disconnecting the monitors and I.V.'s from her arms. He smiled down at her softly before glancing at Evie and Jacob - Evie being awake and looking around as Jacob was sound asleep. While the nurse continued to talk to Kiera, Simon couldn't help but put his finger into the bassinet, his heart swelling at Evie's warm hand as she curled her small fingers around his. Don't ever grow up, lass. 

"When will you finally let me hold my niece-"

"No." 

"Come on, L.T. Would you rather me push Kiera's wheelchair while you-"

"No." 

"I need to know what you want me to do here," He scoffed playfully. "You're making it harder than what it really is." 

"Don't mean to." 

"Then just relax. I'm not going to snatch up my nephew and run away with him and I'm not going to snatch your daughter and give her to Teeter so she has a first curse word." 

"He has a point, Simon." Kiera shrugged as he hastily offered his hand to help her move into the nearby wheelchair. 

"What do you want me to do, love?" He sighed. 

"Well, you already ran our bags down this morning and the only thing we have left is to take me and the babies home," She smiled. "Let Johnny put them in their carriers and take them down while you push me, okay?" 

She knew Simon didn't like her suggestion, but he nodded anyway, reaching down to curl his fingers against her cheek before turning towards Soap, motioning him towards the couch that housed the two carriers they would be taken home in. "I'm going to get Evie first and put her in since she's awake." 

"Okay, L.T." Soap nodded, watching Simon carefully has he gently grasped his daughter within his large hands, holding the infant so delicately that looked unnatural for a man like Simon Riley. 

He watched as Simon grinned down at his daughter, the light murmurs and groans leaving Evie's lips making it impossible for Simon to be the only one who enjoyed it. So perfect you are, lass.

With careful steps, Simon approached the carrier before easily lowering her into the seat, that familiar swelling in his chest as her bright eyes stared back at him with perfect lashes to outline her eyelids, her little mouth forming into an O with a bulb-like shape on the tip of her top lip. Soap watched how carefully Simon secured Evie into the carrier before stepping back to the bassinet to retrieve the pacifier. 

"Can...Can I put Jacob into his seat?" 

Expecting a quick and sharp decline, Soap was shocked when Simon shot him a glare instead, showing a gleam of thought behind his dark brown eyes. He watched as Simon looked back at Kiera, watching her nod as if she were telling him it was okay before he subtly nodded at Soap, watching him make his way towards the bassinet with Simon close behind him. "I-I don't want to wake him up, L.T..." 

"You won't. Just grab him gently and pull him into your chest."

"R-Really?" 

"I've managed to master the art of picking up a sleeping baby within the last few days. Trust me. Cradle his head and put your other hand at his lower back as you pick him up then let him lay against your chest." 

Soap nodded at Simon's explanation, gently and slowly reaching into the bassinet to grasp Jacob's sleeping form, the infant so small in comparison to Soap's own hands. No wonder Simon freaks out about holding you himself, Soap thought. 

He held the infant close as he approached the carrier, Simon stepping aside an extra step to give Soap room as he gently lay Jacob in his carrier, the pair of men shocked at how naturally it came to them with no prior experience with children before. 

In fact, both Soap and Simon stayed away from children every chance they got. 

"Alright, L.T., package secure." Soap nodded with a grin of pride plastering his face, chuckling at how Simon stepped closer to the carrier to ensure Soap had fastened it right, passing him of the mental test as Jacob stayed asleep.

"You ever going to quit with the military talk, MacTavish?" 

"Don't plan on it, L.T."

[the-wayside]

I don't know if anyone else does this but like my brain plays fill in the gaps and I write whole scenes in my head for most things I watch which is why I have so much to say all the goddamn time.

Anyway, I happened to write down this one. It's a canon-ish compliant how we got from A to B to C of Phaya waking up and going to Tharn's and a bit after that.

the you who is everything. 2.6k. pg-13 for sexy adjacent if you know you know.

It’s Tharn who gets ushered out of his room far too quickly, shining brown eyes with unshed tears and a rough unshaven cheek under Phaya’s palm. It’s Tharn who speaks no words but Phaya can feel his anguish as distinctly as his own. It’s Tharn who lets it happen because Nee is inconsolable and Phaya hazily watches as Tharn moves back to let her come forward. He wants more than anything to speak, to call out for him again but his consciousness slips and his fingers slacken without the steadiness of Tharn to hold onto.

It’s Tharn who is Wansarut. His beloved. Wansarut is Tharn. Phaya feels the tight boundaries of memories that are and aren’t his own. They belong to Master Garuda. Still, they are embedded in his skin and he feels their free edge, pushing and expanding in his mind. He grasps onto not the new memories, but a simple one he knows is his and his alone, his hand cupping Tharn’s throat, asking him not to leave. He knows he has searched without looking, yearned without truly knowing. This person who appeared in his life too many times to be a coincidence. Not a coincidence, a gift. Another chance to defy the will of an immodest god. Phaya curls his fingers against his palm when his thoughts slip to Chalothon. The slayer of his love. It’s like another dream as the nurses hustle and bustle around him, taking his vitals and consoling his sister. He feels someone try to take his amulet and he slams his hand down on top of them both.

“No,” he croaks, barely eeking out a whisper. Not for his safety, but because they can’t take what he gave to Phaya. She. They. His mind swirls faster and the hand slips away as he catches the thong of leather between his thumb and index finger, to keep it tight in his grasp. Tharn’s soul is in this stone that he tucks under his hospital gown. They can’t have it. No one can.

“P’Phaya—” Nee calls out to him and he peels his eyes open with a force it has never taken him before. Time has passed or at least he thinks it has.

He mumbles incoherently and she looks concerned, Dao behind her, holding her arm and her back.

“Tharn,” he whispers with more acuity.

Nee looks back at Dao, “We sent him home.”

Phaya tries to understand why, his face crinkling up and Nee must see the stress on his face. The tear that slips from his eye isn’t entirely his own. He cries and wets Phaya’s face.

“We’ll call him back,” Nee says immediately, trying to calm Phaya down, unused to seeing her brother cry, Dao tries to slow her down as she moves quickly to grab her phone.

“P’Phaya,” Dao tries as tries to split her focus on talking to him and dealing with Nee.

He doesn’t have it in him to speak but he repeats himself, “Tharn.”

It’s all he wants. Now. Forever.

***

When he wakes up a third time, alone and after visiting hours, he feels more centered in his body. His eyes open easily and he feels stronger and more like himself. He gently peels the tape from his canula and slips the needle out, pressing his palm down to try and stem the blood flow. His blood is sluggish and it stops quickly, which he is grateful for. He knows that he’s in no fit state and no nurse or doctor is going to let him go willing, so he creeps, barefoot, to the door and peeks his head out. It’s a gentle clutter of activity that comes with the night shift. Easily sifted through. So, he makes his way down the corridor till he sees a room marked STAFF and he opens it with a hard yank down on the closed lock that breaks under even his lesser strength. He closes the door and what catches his eye is a chair just out of his periphery and on it are some men’s clothes. He walks slowly over and grabs hold of them, raising the jeans up, and he mentally fist pumps the air because they look like they’ll work. He peels off his gown, wincing with the movement before he goes into the ensuite bathroom he sees on the other side of the room and splashes water over his face and under his armpits. He’s pretty sure someone gave him a sponge bath, he hopes it was Tharn, but he feels slightly more human and brushes his teeth with toothpaste and his finger to at least get the taste of the lake out of his mouth.

He looks at himself in the mirror, paler than he’s ever been, life barely in his lips. He’s the same. He’s exactly the same but entirely different. His brows, the slope of his nose and his mouth are all him but for a moment when he looks at himself, he isn’t himself. He’s him. The weight of heavy wings tugging on his spine and the sharp bite of talons when he curls his fingers into his hands.

Sakuna.

Garuda.

Naga.

Tharn.

He’s all that matters. He’s out there, alone, he could be hurt at any moment and Phaya can’t get to him. It sets a wave of panic rising inside him. He shakes it off and stands to the best of his ability. The only way he’s getting out of here is if no one out there believes he’s supposed to be in here. He stares himself in the eye and sees nothing out of the ordinary. He grips that image tight and does his best to embody that vision as he walks back to the door to make his journey out of the hospital.

***

He cradles his ribs the entire car ride to Tharn’s apartment. Every dip and ridge in the road lances him with pain. He can feel sweat building on the back of his neck and he tips his head back and tries to breathe it out. 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes and then he can be sure Tharn is safe.

It all comes tumbling out in a rush. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you sooner. You’re only mine. Phaya feels the words like a burning itch under his skin. Tharn is the water, the only water that can slake his thirst and he wouldn’t deny Phaya that would he? No. Not now. Maybe not ever. Walking back, Tharn barely gets enough space between them and mumbles about the door and Phaya hears him but he won’t give him up, won’t let him change his mind, won’t let him deny them this reconciliation. He raises a hand wildly and flicks his wrist and a gust of air like a flap of a wing swings the door closed.

“Tharn,” he whispers, rubbing his nose along his. Tharn looks up at him with those big brown eyes. It’s so hard because he sees him imposed on her. Her who is him. It hurts his head so he strokes his palms down Tharn’s shoulders, down to his slim hips. Tharn is who he is now. Tharn who fell in love with Phaya between kicking sand at base camp and running after bad guys. Tharn who never leaves Phaya’s side. Tharn who is alive and Phaya loves him so very much.

“Phaya,” Tharn calls out to him with concern, hands coming up to his face, thumbs rubbing at what might be dark circles. He doesn’t dare look a second time.

Tharn is Phaya’s. No matter what. No matter what came before or what comes after. In all the sanity, Tharn belongs to Phaya only.

He looks at him because he wants to memorize Tharn’s face, the curve of his cupid’s bow, the strong line of his jaw, thick brows and fluttering eyelashes.

“I need you,” he admits. He needs Tharn like he needs breathing. His entire being has been shifted and remade with a gaping hole in his chest and he feels like he’s been trying to fill it longer than anything else in existence.

Tharn nods like he’s agreeing. He’ll give Phaya this. He’ll let him take without asking questions and Phaya’s grateful because he doesn’t have the answers, only spun-up confusion.

Phaya walks him back, fingers sliding to grasp Tharn’s shirt so that when they’re in his room, softly lit and twinkling, he can pull it off and dive back to that mouth.

Has it only been days since they last did this? Tharn’s beautiful golden skin barely lit as he lays back pulls Phaya in like a moth to a flame, erratic wings beating like the thrum of his heart. Phaya climbs over him to kiss him and Tharn immediately opens up, meeting him kiss for kiss, their mouths sliding against each other in wordless communication. I want you; have me.

Phaya takes his time blushing and bruising Tharn’s skin, littering his skin with marks that don’t penetrate further than the surface but they please that buzz inside his brain that says, people can see. His soul and mine are one. It’s the truest thing he knows as his fingers slide down Tharn’s throat and Tharn grabs his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles.

His heart squeezes in his chest at the gesture and he skates his lips, tongue teasing until he reaches Tharn’s scar from the knife that almost took him from Phaya. He had previously skirted past it, careful in case it still gave Tharn pain but he tilts his head back, encouraging Phaya to keep up his tending to his body, so he kisses it once, twice, acknowledging its existence but also the truth that it didn't take what Phaya holds so dear to him.

It’s awkward when he tries to take Tharn’s pants off with one hand, kissing back up his chest to his mouth that is leaking breathy whimpers that Phaya wants to swallow down inside himself and keep them there with everything else he knows about Tharn. I did that, I give him that pleasure.

Tharn understands where he’s trying to go and he tips his head back up and focuses on unzipping his pants and shimmying them down his hips and around his thighs. Phaya leans off him enough to help him push them down off his knees and into a heap on the floor. He looks back up at Tharn who pulls on his bicep and tugs him back up to kiss him again, bolder than before and he slides his hand into Phaya’s hair, trapping him as he pulls him to lay across his naked body. There’s little more that he can do but whine as Tharn licks and sucks on his neck, giving him a hickey of his own. When he finally surfaces, leaning back against the bed, he’s smug and Phaya loves him all over again.

There are dark smudges under Tharn’s eyes and it worries Phaya, so he leans over and when Tharn closes his eyes, Phaya kisses his eyelid gently, the tip of his nose, and then his mouth.

“I missed you,” he says quietly and Tharn’s grip on him tightens.

There are a ton of questions that start circulating in his head, some his own, some pushing back from those now opened recesses but Phaya keeps his focus still locked on Tharn, the silence in the eye of the storm.

Phaya slinks down as best he can until he’s knees on the floor, sitting on his ankles, and there’s some apprehension in Tharn but Phaya calms it with soft strokes on his thigh. He won’t do it if Tharn doesn’t want him to. He kisses the thin skin on the inside of his knee, just above that, sucking on the skin and letting it go with a wet pop. He gets a perfect visual of Tharn’s whole body twitching like it’s on one thread from his head down to his toes, connected only to Phaya’s mouth.

“Tharn?” He asks, kissing a little further up but still in a safer zone.

Tharn licks his lips and nods, “Yeah?”

It’s still a question so Phaya kisses his mid-inner thigh nose rubbing before he bites, Tharn jumping with the unexpectedness of it, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Sure, definitive, the go Phaya needs. He sits off his ankles and back properly onto his knees as he pushes Tharn’s leg and kisses the inner crease of his thigh and he jolts again, hooked like a fish on a line. Phaya pays extra attention to it, licking it flatly, tasting the deeper texture of his skin where it is saltier and warmer. Tharn’s fingers wind back into his hair, scratching his scalp gently and sending little tingles down Phaya’s nerves. He retaliates by scraping his teeth on Tharn’s hipbone. Phaya can feel his own blood in his veins, singing eternally about this, about Tharn, about them. It hits deeper in his bones than any fight or battle.

He's supposed to be here with his hands on Tharn’s skin, loving and worshipping all that he’s been given. He is dear to me. My affection is pure.

Tharn gasps and it’s a melody he wants to listen to in this life and all his lives. Phaya swallows and Tharn cries out, fingers spasming in his hair. This is all he needs. Only mine, always. Phaya tucks his arm around Tharn’s thigh to hold him tighter and down and catches in his eyeline as he curls up on himself, thrashing as Phaya draws out and pushes bliss through his body.

“Phaya.” Benediction.

More, Phaya thinks, more of me until there’s nothing else. Until you’re safe from harm’s way.

Tharn tries pushing at him but Phaya is heavier regardless of his state. Without any leverage he has to accept everything Phaya gives him, palm moving to be splayed on his belly to stop him from writhing away again.

“Phaya, please, come o—” Tharn’s words stop but his body trembles, his skin getting hotter and hotter.

Phaya stays with him until all of it eases, his thighs previously corded with tension, slacken away from Phaya’s shoulders.

Phaya strokes his palm over the wet sheen on Tharn’s stomach, comforting him as everything ebbs. Tharn throws an arm over his eyes and breathes out harshly. Phaya eases him down and drags himself up to flop next to him on the bed.

“You—” Tharn accuses from his shielded view.

Phaya kisses his chest, “Mmm, I did.”

That gets Tharn to pull away his arm, and let it drop over his head as he frowns at Phaya with the incredulity of it. Phaya grins at him self-assuredly, “I did, didn’t I?”

That arm slaps his weak chest, “Evil jellyfish!”

Phaya bursts out laughing and Tharn stops, mouth clearly working faster than his brain.

“You’re ridiculous,” Tharn settles for. Phaya can’t tell if he’s embarrassed or not but he takes it as a win when Tharn doesn’t deny him snuggling up closer to his side. There’s a cursory glance downward from Tharn and Phaya shakes his head. It wasn’t what he came for.

“But I’m yours,” Phaya tells him. Tharn doesn’t argue and opens the space by his side so that Phaya can lay his head on Tharn’s chest and listen to the thud-thud of his heart.

Phaya reaches for those same boundaries that felt so prominent in his consciousness earlier in the evening but they have receded, further into the dim back edges of his awareness.

He laments what happened to Wansarut. He feels that distant ache of her passing, the screaming need to save her, and the unflinching sorrow when he couldn’t. He feels her as he feels the walls inside himself but she isn’t everything. Tharn, here and now, feels like everything.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, but I promise I will save him.

[dietmountaindewbae]

vi. stitches

alex turner x reader

word count: 4186

summary: Alex (humbug) gets in a fight, he pays you a visit seeking your help.

warnings: blood, pain k!nk, bdsm.

song recommendation: stitches by orgy

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*⋆ 

New York Fashion Week was coming up soon, you couldn't sleep well for the past few days you were working non-stop on the designs that you'd been perfecting since your year in college began, you were scared that they would be a total disaster but your teacher the one that convinced you to help her design the dresses promised you that you wouldn't disappoint her ever, she had noticed your desire for revolution in the industry of fashion, edgy and kinky, but yet an innocent exterior, the best designer pushed the boundaries of what's acceptable and they take risky chances she had told you, a leap of fate.

The night was calm, only a record of Cocteau Twins played on your computer, you were almost falling asleep in your sketches until two hard and loud knocks in your window woke you up, you jumped like a scared cat, and you glanced at your window.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" You whisper-shouted.

"Uhm... surprising you?" He slurred, "Now, can you open the window please?" You noticed his black eye and bloody nose, and with no doubt, you opened the small window in your room and let him in, he fell on the small couch you had in your room.

"What the fuck happened to you?" There was blood coming out of the cracks of his forehead, "Alex, tell me who did this to you?" You quickly grabbed the first aid kit from your bathroom and rushed over to your room, beginning to clean his wombs.

"Some junkie" He groaned when you pressed down in the wound, "Fuckin' hell be more careful!"

"Well I'm not a fucking doctor, aren't I?!" You spat back, "Now be quiet before my neighbor hears us" You cleaned out the blood from his nose and threw away the tissue, at least he didn't break it this time but if he kept being such a dickhead with you, the odds of getting it were high.

"Is not like we're shagging or anything" God, how drunk was he? you could smell all the whiskey he had, he was utterly shitfaced, you raised his chin to check what other places he had more bruises, his nose was bleeding too, and he had a bruise on the right side of his face just below his jaw, you put your knee in between his legs you could reach deeper into his nose trail, he pulled you closer to him grabbing your hips, you exhaled loudly, "I can't believe you still wear your cross necklace after all of the things you and I did, remember?" He let out a deep chuckle, you were done with his attitude, and you grabbed him by the neck so he could look at you, "Still have trouble sleeping, love?" He said, choking up.

"Listen, if you keep this shit going I swear that I'm going to fuck you up, and even worse than that junkie, so either you shut the fuck up or I'll quick you out"

"Make me" He answered back with a cocky grin, you furred your eyebrows, this time you were done.

"That's it-" He pulled you in to sit on his lap and began to apologize over and over again.

"I'm sorry, alright? I'll stop" He said with honesty, "I don't know what's wrong with me, I know I'm not like this"

"You gotta stop drinking Alex, I'm serious" You understood why he was mad, almost half a year ago his heart got shattered, and since then he lost himself, bottled up his emotins and drank them until the bottle was empty, he kept this attitude for a long time, he began to change a lot and in the way, he stumbled across you, you knew he wanted to change and that's what you helped him to do, he let his hair grow out from that coconut hair cut you called, and let it grow out a bit more, he began to dress in leather jackets, and black boots, and a bit less tight jeans, he looked incredible, but he didn't feel that way, he had a fall out after you, even though he broke things off, he still wanted to get involved with you, and you tried to stay calm and take care of him no matter what he did, but he kept drinking and dissapering for days, you knew it wasn't like him, and it wasn't your intention to break his heart after he tried to come back with you weeks after the break up, but you didn't want to be with him, not until he got better, but you kept helping him whenever he came back to you when he was drunk, you couldn't deny him ever, and truth was he helped you out in so many ways, but in the times he wasn't there you had time to think, this relationship that you had with Alex wasn't going to end up well, or not until you knew what he wanted, it was you or the booze.

He was like a dog, that scratched your door whenever he was lost, "It's not that easy to do when the only thing that makes me feel good is whiskey"

"Did I ever make you feel good Al?" You questioned.

"What do you mean?" He said, "Of course you did, but you rejected me"

"Because you couldn't stop drinking, and you were gone for days, do you know how it feels to not be able to sleep because you weren't there? I didn't want to repeat that"

"I'm sorry" He repeated.

"I know you're fucking sorry, you said sorry so many times, but you never do anything about it" You felt your eyes begin to water, but you tried to stop them from crying, he grabbed your hands and hold on to them.

"I felt so scared to lose you, I didn't know what else to do" He confessed, "And I tried to find a way to fix things, I didn't want to keep hurting you because I loved you and I still do... I'm so lost without you" He was disorientated, so he fell on that bar stool again, trying to figure out why he always had to fuck everything up, he didn't do it, it was the effect of the alcohol that had him like this, he wasn't conscious of what he was doing, and if he was gone he dropped by Matt's he was like his brother, he opened the doors of his house to cuddle him in, but Matt was the reasonable one, he made Alex realize how much did he fucked things up, even if it was rough to him, since that moment Alex tried to get you back, but when you said no, he fell again into that black hole.

"So what's it gonna be then, me or the drinking?" You were giving him another chance, one last ultimatum, and he knew he wouldn't waste it for anything in this world, and this time he was going to do things right, he pulled you by the hair and kissed you needily, he deepened the kiss, he missed terribly the taste of your kisses, the feeling of your soft lips, he felt all of his wounds stitch-up, you wanted more each time he kissed you back, your heart was beating so fast you could hear it in your ears, you got up from the couch and walked back to your bed, he was fast to take off your hoodie and your panties, but what he liked the most is what was under it, he reached for your hands and pinned them together on your back, he momentarily tied them up with his belt, he had something bigger in mind.

"Mind if I use these" He grabbed a piece of long white fabric.

"Yeah, I wasn't going to use it anyway"

"Well, now we're going to use it" He ripped them into three pieces, "I'm gonna make you feel so good," You began to wonder what was going up in that clever mind of his, and the answer was satisfaction.

"What are you up to Turner?" You sat on your legs, already dazed, and soaking for him, he never looked at you with those eyes, penetrating your skull, you could almost imagine all the possibilities.

"You'll just have to wait for me a little longer" He moved your mirror, aiming it at your bed, he walked towards you grabbing your arm, and walking you to the mirror, you wanted to kiss him very badly, but he grabbed your wrists and pulled you against his chest, his hand ran from your collarbone down to your chest, he kneaded them roughly. In contrast, he kissed that spot he knew will send you away, and your legs began to feel weak, at that moment he had a better idea in his head, he pulled up the chair that you were sitting on a few minutes ago putting it in front of the mirror, you sat obediently, he didn't ask but you knew you had to, "Spread your legs" You opened them as far as you could.

He let you free, took out the belt, and replaced it with the white fabric, he began to tease you with the leather of his belt folding it in half, it was cold against your skin, and the next thing you know he hit your inner thigh with it, instead of you complaining you moaned, you followed him with your eyes and he switched to the other side smacking it as hard as the same time, you couldn't handle it any longer, you tried to untie yourself and reach down to rub your clit but he smacked your hand away.

"Unsatisfied little girl?" He ran the belt thru your collarbone, "You want more?"

"Yes," You whispered, "I want more, Alex" You knew his games, you knew that calling him Alex when he was like this, he felt he had power over you, and you liked it, you liked feeling the leather against your skin whenever he hit it, his hand reached to your neck, he kissed your lips teasingly.

"I want you to keep looking at the mirror the whole time, alright?" You nodded, "It's a yes or no question, not a nod, I want to hear it"

"Yes, Alex" He smiled and pecked your lips once more, his finger went down to your sensitive area that was throbbing for him to touch, you saw how his fingers went in and out of you first, how his thumb rubbed your clit in circles making your legs shake, moans fell out of your mouth each getting louder, you saw in your eyes how you were pleased and needy for more, each time he went deeper inside you, he went faster and slowed down when he felt you were getting wetter, "You're fucking crazy"

"About you" He went faster, and you saw the veins in his hand that made you go insane, "And you're crazy for me too" He stated, his voice raspy and deep but yet sweet, his fingers reached deeper inside you hitting that spot that made you cry out his name, but when he took them out you complained, you saw his finger covered in your wetness and he tasted them, humming at your taste, he pushed the chair back allowing to get in between your legs, "Babe, this time I want you to look at me for a moment," He said sweetly, he smiled a strand of hair that fell, he rolled it behind your ear, "Remember the letter I gave you?"

"Of course," You smiled at the thought, "I framed it" He glanced at the frame that was right next to a figure of Mother Mary.

"I meant every single word in that letter, My mouth hasn't shut up since you kissed it, the idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain" He determined, "And I will always choose you,"

"I promise to help you when you need it the most, I love you," You said with despair, "I love you so much, the days I wasn't with you I felt how my heart shuttered, but when I'm with you it blooms" He cupped your cheeks kissing you tenderly, and lovingly, it was unlike any kiss you shared, "Promise me these kisses you've given me will be like this every day"

"I promise" You felt relieved, you didn't have to worry about him anymore, he promised to stay with you, it was like you could breathe after a long time of feeling sick, you felt cured, "Now where were we" He smirked, he kissed your inner thigh getting down on his knees and put your legs over his shoulders, you looked in the mirror, saw your nipples hard, and your skin filled with goosebumps, his hair made you feel tickles, you wanted to touch it, pull it and run your fingers across it, but it was almost impossible, he parted his lips and gathered up spit to lather you up, it was hot against you, his tongue went in circles on your clit and he spread his spit to blow some cool air on you, you gasped and arched your back throwing your head back.

"I can't wait to feel you inside me, fucking me so good" Your words were torturing him now, but they turned you on as you looked at yourself in the mirror, hot and tight for him, your eyes were dark, filled with lust and tearing up from the pleasure.

"You love looking at yourself like this, don't you?" You were the one who ended up fucked up, but you were glad you did, you needed it... you needed him, "You get so fucking wet for me, dirty little fuck"

"I want you so hard Alex, fuck me... fuck me everywhere" You cried out, in his mind, a plan was beginning, he took your legs off his shoulders and got you up, your legs around his torso he bend you over on your wooden desk, cheek pressed against the rough area, you heard the zipper of his jeans open but he went to move the mirror, he wanted you to watch everything he did to you.

"I want you to look at me thru that mirror, I want you to see how I fuck you, how you come in my cock, how I moan your name, how you moan mine" Giving you a hard smack in your ass, and grabbing it possessively, he slipped inside you and your eyes rolled back, you gasped each time he pushed himself inside you, felt yourself self spiraling down a hole, he made a mess of yourself you could see it so clearly, and you saw him enjoying every part of your body, his eyes were focused on the mirror and then they looked thru you with a smudge smile that made you feel wanted, his lips were parted making obscene deep noises, he pushed himself deeper your mouth fell wide open, your walls getting tighter, then he pulled you forward, you could see your reflection, his lips attached to your neck as if he was a vampire sucking your blood, you were speechless you wanted to say something but you couldn't he was fucking you so good all you could do was whine, scream and moan.

When he had enough of the table, he dragged you to your window you could see your reflection, your eyes shut Alex making you his, the sound of your skin colliding against his, his fingers traveling down to your heat circling, pressing it down, "Alex, what are you gonna do with does pieces left, huh?" You breathed out.

"First you're gonna cum for me, and then you'll see" He covered your mouth with his hand, and kept going harder surely living your ass red but you liked it, you liked seeing the after results from the hard sex he was giving to you, you had never felt so hot, he made you feel ways no man could ever make you feel, you knew you could die for him, it was so easy to fall into his arms, he comforted you, and he made you feel better than ever, he buried himself inside you reaching and pushing that button that made your legs shake uncontrollably, your covered his dick in your cum, just like he wanted, for a moment you thought you were done, he untied your hands and you fell forward gripping the frame of your window, trying to catch your breath, "I think that's enough for you" He pulled out of you, you sat in your window frame, still trying to compose yourself.

"No...n-no, I can... handle more" He looked at you, he was still fully dressed with his eyebrows frowned.

"Really?" He walked closer to you, and you said yes with no hesitation, "Beg for it" Getting on your knees you cupped his hands and ran them over your body, you took his hand down to your heat, even if it was sensitive you craved for more, you took his pulsing cock inside your mouth, he groaned pulling your hair so you could look at him in the eye, you were begging with them, hopeless but he stands firm trying to not let you get to him but he pushed your head making you gag around him and then let your head free.

Your tongue brushed the tip, and went in slow circles just to build him up, "Pretty please baby?" You asked sweetly, he smiled at you and brought you up kissing you passionately, you felt relieved, he laid you down in bed taking the remaining pieces of fabric and your wrist, he tied it to the corner of your bed and did the same to the other one, lastly, he sat on top of you.

"Be good to me" He said.

"Always" You answered, he covered your eyes the fabric was a bit transparent allowing you to see a bit but not too much, your room was pitch black except for the natural light of the moon that gave you some clarity, you felt his soft hands caressing your bruised warm skin, he quickly took his jeans and boxers in one drag, you heard the sound of the denim hit the floor, you wanted to rip his shirt off but you were helpless, he threw his shirt away you couldn't see it but you felt the need to run your hands over his chest, you could imagine his body a picture that you could easily draw with your eyes closed, he put his hands on either side of your head, you kissed his wrist and smiled, he took you by surprise when he opened your legs as far as you could, he aimed himself at your entrance and thrust his hips forward, he lifted your lower body grabbing your waist roughly and he got on his knees, you felt him deep inside you, writhing his cock as best as you could because he felt so good but you stopped as you had to be patient and keep your promise, even if it was hard to stop yourself but you didn't want him to stop.

He pushed his hips back and slammed his cock inside you, you moaned trying to unleash yourself but it was helpless you felt your skin fill with shivers, trying to concentrate on the pleasure and not the struggle, he sent you flying when he hit that spot once more, you felt how your cum was dripping down to your leg, you felt so sensitive feeling him so deep, stroking your walls it was just a few thrust until he made you cum again, you also felt him close but he changed the position, your legs up together, and he kept fucking you senseless, "You're a dirty cunt, coming all over me cock, I'm gonna cum all over your face" You groaned when he speeded up, going faster each time he pushed his dick inside you, tears rolling down your cheek.

"Please come all over me, I wanna taste you" Even if you were tired you felt it again, forming in the pit of your stomach, but this time every time he thrust you could picture vividly your skin against his it made you feel so turned on you couldn't handle it anymore, Alex was in awe, impressed by how loud were your moans and the praises of his name, that filed his pride he rubbed your clit in circles, and you came in hot on the bed, you cried out and yelled, he slowly pulled out of you and took your blindfold off, "Alex?" He was impressed, with what you did but you didn't know what just happened.

"I love you so fucking much," He said with a chuckle, "Fuck babe" He ran his hands thru his messy hair, "You made a mess"

"I'm sorry I couldn't... I didn't..."

He covered your mouth, and you were drowned in embarrassment, "It's ok... more than ok! That's the hottest thing I've ever seen you do or like the second I don't fucking know, let's make a mess..." He stared at your eyes which were almost as wild as your hair, "Lioness"

"Fuck off"

"Bet you don't want that" He pulled your blindfold down covering your eyes again, he put his leg in between yours, propping his cock inside you, and put your other leg on his shoulder for leverage, pounding his cock inside you, he felt himself closer but he wanted more from you, "I want you to come again, do that for me doll" You were gasping for air, he was being so rough, but you loved it, there were so many emotions that you were feeling, you didn't know if you could handle more, yet you wanted to feel it all at once like a wave.

"Alex, I-I...can't" He licked his thumb and rubbed your clit in hard circles, pressing it down, you grasped the leashes feeling it again, you couldn't compose yourself anymore, he kept pounding your cunt slow but deep, you were fueled with satisfaction, he could see it.

"I know you can do it, relax babe" He slowed down, and his thrusts began to slow down but still reached to press those buttons one last time, you gasped for air, feeling your heart speed up and slow down, you were dizzy the waves of pleasure washed over you, your mind clouded with lust, he quickly pulled out of you, taking your blindfold off now it was your time to help him, you took him in your mouth once more, he grabbed the bed frame while he pushed his hips to fuck your mouth, you gagged and gasped until he came in your mouth, he didn't even have to ask for you to swallow, "Good girl" He untied your wrists, you felt your whole body trembling, and even that didn't stop you from fetching your sketchbook.

"Thought that you were tired, babe" He cupped your cheek and kissed it.

"Fashion never sleeps"

"But you and I do" It's true, but he gave you inspiration for another piece, never the less he grabbed your book and took it away from you, "You have to sleep, darlin'"

You frowned, you knew he was right, "I know but I have this idea on my head I have to draw it, it's gonna be quick, I swear" He handed it over to you, and he laid down your chest and saw you draw the new piece, you had the idea of a skirt and a shirt that had ripped pieces of white fabric, maybe the top could be a long sleeve that reached to the hand, maybe it could go with boots, but you could figure that out later, when you finished you smiled at it, Alex loved to see how you carefully drew every last detail, you were patient and that was what he loved about you the most.

"Brilliant" He took a closer look, he knew how special you were, "Are you sure these are sketches?" You answered with a chuckle, he flipped thru the pages until he ran across a drawing, it was the profile of a man with long hair, he flipped to the next page and saw a full drawing of his face, you had a vivid picture of him, of his defined jaw, and nose, his big brown eyes, his bushy eyebrows, and his thin and broken lips that you yearned to kiss, he didn't have words.

"You like it?" You asked, you didn't like how quiet he was for the first time.

"I fuckin' love it... you made me look good for the first time" You groaned, and rolled your eyes.

"Don't be like that Alex, you always look good"

"Now it's me turn to draw you" He sat like a little boy with a big smile, and he began to draw your eyes.

"Make me look pretty"

"You're not pretty, darlin'" Your eyebrows pushed together, "You're gorgeous"

A/N:

Hope you didn't think I would actually write smut to a Shawn Mendez song, and I also hope that you listen to the song it's very moody. love u <3, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the intensity wasn’t too much for you, anyways let me know if you would like more chapters like this. 

[unusualindigo]

Twist Of Fate [Olivia Newton-John]

AD 2067, 4/10, Shin Yokozaki City

Akira groans as he cracks his back. It’s been a long day at the hospital, and he looks forward to getting home soon. The rain is absolutely pouring today. He scratches at his left forearm absently as he makes his way through the streets. It always itches when the weather gets bad.

Touya and Kiri are spending a honeymoon vacation together in Naha, and Hinata and Es are doing the same in Osaka. He’s stayed behind to hold down the fort, not that he minds too much. He misses his partners, but he’s in need of some time alone. Old memories have begun gnawing at him as of late. Besides, Yuki is still around, and she’s made for excellent company.

As he approaches the house, he pauses. There’s a familiar figure standing outside his door.

Siebzehn turns to Akira curiously. “Ah, Akira-san. Sorry for dropping in like this, but there was something I needed to ask Es-san.”

Akira stares at the drenched teen for a moment, silently taking him in. He looks so much like his father, thankfully. But there’s still that vague trace of… her.

Akira shuffles his suitcase to his weaker arm, and waves. “She’s not here right now, Siebzehn-chan, but I can pass on a message once we’re out of this rain!”

Siebzehn blinks, but steps out of the way, tugging his coat closer. “Ah. Thank you, Akira-san.”

Akira swiftly unlocks the door and pushes inside, gesturing for Siebzehn to follow. Akira feels loosely uncomfortable, having never been alone with Siebzehn before, but shrugs it off.

Siebzehn follows and hangs his coat up without a word, taking off his boots in exchange for dry slippers with a stoic expression.

“That’s kind of the problem with him,” Akira thinks distantly. “I can’t tell what he’s thinking.”

As they make their way further inside, Akira turns. “I had an umbrella, so I’m mostly dry, but you need to take a bath and get some new clothes. I’ll dry the ones you have. Kiri should have left something in your size…”

Siebzehn nods, gratitude shining through his mask. “Thank you, Akira-san. I’ll try to hurry. I don’t want to impose.”

Akira waves him off with a smile. “Nah, don’t worry about that. I’m kinda curious, ya know.”

Siebzehn nods, and then shuffles past him towards the baths.

Akira watches him go with a neutral expression. His arm is aching worse now. He grits his teeth against the urge to scratch deeply. He hopes this won’t take long.

---------

Akira forces his friendliest smile as he sees Siebzehn emerge, hair fluffy from the steam. He’s been doing his breathing exercises, but his heart rate still spikes when Siebzehn smiles at him.

Siebzehn takes a seat across from him and clears his throat. “So, I accidentally fell through the Boundary.”

Akira’s eyes bulge at that casual statement. He sputters, “W-What?!”

Siebzehn winces and looks away coolly. “It’s no big deal, really. I’m fine. It’s also part of why I came here. To apologize for not visiting last year.”

Akira vaguely remembers Kuon nervously saying he was sick at that time. Everyone had their suspicions, but no one wanted to press back then. Everything was still so weird with Elise, Kuon, and Mei constantly coming to them for advice on polyamorous negotiations.

Akira nods slowly. “H-How long were you…?”

Siebzehn looks guiltily his way. “Until last week.”

Akira sucks in a deep breath. Oh man, what he’d do to have Es here…

Siebzehn continues, “I fell into another… another world, Akira-san. It was so different, and yet… so similar.” He looks troubled as he presses on. “I met some interesting people, even helped a fair few, but…”

Akira clasps his shoulder, doing his best to hide his wince at feeling the natural chill of Siebzehn. “You must be going through a lot right now. Are you sure you want me to help you through it? I’m a doctor, but… I’m not the best at this stuff.”

Siebzehn hesitates, but then nods. “I trust you, Akira-san. I’m sorry if I’m dumping too much on you.” He smiles sadly. “I know that this must be hard for you to hear.”

Akira feels his heart plummet as she sees that pitying smile, so much like hers, so much like… He grits his teeth and shakes his head. He needs to stay in the here and now, damnit.

Siebzehn reaches for him worriedly, accidentally brushing his weak arm.

Akira’s eyes shoot open, and he’s… not here.

He’s back in that alley. Acht’s cold hands on his arm, pressing it to an unfeeling palm as that deep voice resonates, those piercing emerald eyes boring into him.

Akira roars, “G-Get away from me!” He lashes out.

Siebzehn grunts as the fist connects to his cheek, accidentally biting his lip and tasting blood. He falls backward, hastily scrambling to safety, away from the now panicking Akira with wide eyes.

Akira is glaring at him, eyes hazy, breath ragged. He spits, “You damn witch! I won’t let you hurt my friends!” He stalks forward. “I’m gonna—!"

Akira freezes as he comes to, staring at a bloodily bruised Siebzehn.

Siebzehn stares back, looking at him with concern.

Akira’s eyes go wide with despair as he crumples in on himself. He tries his best, but he begins to sob all the same.

Siebzehn quietly murmurs, “Is there anything…?”

Akira violently shakes his head. “I-I’m so sorry! I… I can’t…!”

Siebzehn takes a deep breath, sighing, “I’ll get Auntie Kuon here. She’ll be able to help.” He weaves a hand sign through the air and Akira feels his chest seize.

Siebzehn notices, and quickly rises, rushing to the back rooms as the spell finalizes.

Akira is too busy trying to calm down. With his heart pounding in his ears, he hears nothing else.

--------

Akira sighs as he knocks on the door. It’s been three days since his breakdown. Yuki took good care of him after Kuon put her in touch, but it’s time he made amends.

Kuon cautiously answers the door with a somber look. “Akira, are you sure you want to…?”

Akira nods. “I owe it to Siebzehn-kun. I can’t run away.”

Kuon nods, then calls, “Siebzehn, Akira is here for you!”

There’s some shuffling from upstairs as Siebzehn makes his way down.

The two men stare at one another for what feels like an eternity as Akira crosses the hall.

Akira bows deep at the waist, sighing, “I’m sorry, Siebzehn-kun. I should’ve let you know that I wasn’t in the best shape.”

Siebzehn shakes his head. “No, Akira-san. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t imposed, you would’ve been fine.”

Akira glances up, then sighs again. He feels the guilt eating away at him more. He should’ve called Touya, Es, somebody. He shouldn’t have left himself alone with this man. The wounds are rotting too deeply right now.

Siebzehn sighs, “Auntie Kuon told me that the others are ending their vacations early too. I should’ve waited for them to come back in the first place.”

Akira shakes his head. “I didn’t tell you, so you didn’t know but…” He hesitates before deciding on honesty. “You remind me of your mother, sometimes.”

Kuon freezes in the corner of his eye.

Siebzehn nods. “I understand. I’ll try not to get you alone from now on, Akira-san.”

Akira winces guiltily. “Don’t worry about that. Like I said, it was my fault for not telling you.”

Siebzehn shakes his head. “I should’ve noticed that I was bothering you.”

Akira groans, “Can you just let me take the blame already? Sheesh, it’s like apologizing to Kiri.”

Siebzehn huffs, “You haven’t done anything wrong, so it’s my responsibility to take, Akira-san.”

Akira frowns, but doesn’t argue. This kid is way too forgiving and quick to take the blame. What happened in that other world?

Siebzehn sighs, “In any case, I’d like to finish my story if you’re willing.”

Akira blinks, then nods slowly. “It sounded interesting, being in another world.”

Siebzehn smiles. “Then let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make you something to eat while I talk.”

Akira watches the boy go, and briefly wonders if he’s worthy of this easy of a second chance.

---------

As the tale winds down, Akira is still mulling things over. Siebzehn has been through so much, and he blames himself for all of it. That’s not right, he’s still just a kid.

Akira sighs, “Are you talking to anyone about this?”

Siebzehn nods. “I see my therapist via communication spell about once a week.” He turns. “That’s why we left Ishana again. I needed… some distance.”

Akira nods, remembering how he and Mei had taken a vacation together, to get away from it all with someone who understood what it was like…

Speaking of Mei, she rounds the corner with a scowl. “Kamewari, I thought I told you to call if anything flares up.”

Akira winces, but smiles. “Yeah… Sorry about that, I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Mei scoffs, “No shit.”

Siebzehn scowls. “Auntie Mei, it wasn’t his fault. It’s all mine for not—”

Mei thrusts up a hand. “No. We’re not playing that game! Go upstairs, Siebzehn. I need to talk.”

Siebzehn almost looks like he wants to argue, but reluctantly huffs and strides out of the room.

Mei sighs, “Troublesome brat…” She turns to stare Akira down. “How bad?”

Akira sighs, “I was back there again, It felt…”

Mei nods. “Yeah.” She takes a seat and grasps his hand. “You’re gonna have to stay with me for a bit. I don’t want you to have another episode.”

Akira huffs, “You and me both.” He looks out the window. “Is what he said true?”

Mei nods. “Yeah. They had to keep it under wraps.”

Akira rakes a hand through his hair. “Sounds like a close call. Like we had when…”

Mei pats his hand. “Hey. We’re here. They’re not. Let’s leave it at that.”

Akira nods. “Yeah. Still, what a twist of fate, huh?”

Mei sighs, “Yeah. First Sechs falls in, then Siebzehn. I still get so mad thinking about how we almost didn’t get him back.”

Akira hums noncommittally. He needs to see Yuki soon, get Siebzehn checked out by a real doctor, not just some mages. If there’s anything to worry about, she can find it. And he doesn’t care what the kid says…

…He’s taking responsibility.

[numinousmysteries]

Cramps

I have no idea where this came from. It's kidfic; a plot-free, post-Existence AU

at Ao3

The sound of retching wakes her up. Mulder is still asleep but Scully gets up to see which one of their teenage children is sick. She tiptoes down the hallway and sees a crack of light under the kids’ bathroom door. She knocks lightly. When there’s no answer, she tries the doorknob. It’s unlocked so she gently opens the door. She sees Katie on her knees, head bowed in front of the toilet.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” she asks.

“Ughh…”

It pains her to see her teenage daughter—her beautiful, brilliant, bold daughter—suffering. Katie’s in her pajamas and her chestnut brown hair is tied in a messy bun on top of her head. If Scully didn’t see her daughter go to bed herself she might have feared that she'd been out somewhere and had too much to drink. It hadn’t happened with William yet and even though he was two years older—sixteen to Katie’s fourteen—Scully is fairly sure that Katie is more likely to experiment with drinking. Ever since she was little, Katie had tested her parents’ boundaries. She isn’t a bad kid by any stretch of the imagination, but she has her father’s rebellious streak and healthy disrespect for authority.

“I have really bad cramps and then I got nauseous,” Katie says, still leaning over the toilet.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Scully kneels next to her daughter, rubbing her back like she did when the kids were babies. Since starting her period last year, Katie had been suffering from painful cramps and heavy bleeding, but Scully had never seen her this sick before.

“Uhhh,” Katie moans and turns around, leaning on her mother now.

Scully sees the seat of Katie’s pajama pants is stained with bright red blood.

“Let me get you a change of clothes,” Scully says.

“Fuck,” Katie exhales. “I just changed my tampon, too.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be right back and then you can get cleaned up,” says Scully. She’d normally give her daughter at least a raised eyebrow for her language, but she knows this pain personally and agrees it’s warranted in this situation.

She heads to Katie’s room and pulls out a fresh t-shirt and pair of shorts. On the way back, a thought comes to her. She wants to shake it off but as a medical doctor she can’t ignore it. It’s not a topic she’s ready to broach with her daughter, but then again, she can’t run the risk of not asking.

“Sweetie,” Scully says hesitantly as she hands Katie the clean clothes. “I need to know if there’s any chance you might be having a miscarriage. You mentioned you just changed your tampon and this seems like a lot of blood.”

“Mom!” Katie shouts.

“I won’t judge you at all,” Scully says. “But you need to tell me because, if that’s the case, you might need more medical attention.”

“No, mom, I’m not having sex.”

“Good,” Scully says with an audible sigh of relief. “That’s a conversation we’ll have at another time.”

Katie laughs, the first time Scully sees her smiling all night. In theory, she and Mulder want to be sex-positive with their children and never make them feel ashamed of their bodies, but it’s harder in practice when she still sees them as her babies.

“Get changed and go back to bed,” says Scully. “I’ll go get my heating pad.”

She’s trying to be quiet when she tiptoes back into the bedroom but Mulder wakes up anyway.

“Everything okay?” he asks.

“It’s Katie,” she says. “She’s having bad cramps again.”

“Poor thing,” Mulder says. He’s sitting up now and rubbing his eyes. “Anything I can do?”

“No, go back to sleep,” Scully says. “I’m getting her my heating pad.”

She walks back to Katie’s room and sees the girl curled up in a ball in bed. She unplugs the lamp on her bedside table and plugs in the heating pad.

“Here you go,” she says. “I’m putting it on a timer in case you fall asleep.”

Katie presses the still-cool pad against her lower abdomen and wraps herself around it.

“Try to get some sleep,” Scully says. She leans down, pushes a strand of hair off of Katie’s face, and kisses her on the forehead.

“Thanks, mom,” Katie whispers. Her eyes are shut but Scully knows it’s more out of pain than restfulness.

Scully slides back into bed and rests her head on Mulder’s chest. He drapes his arms around her and presses a kiss on the top of her head.

“She’s lucky to have you,” he whispers. “We all are.”

“I feel so bad for her,” Scully says.

“What else can we do?”

“There’s a chance that birth control pills will make her periods more manageable but…” she trails off.

“You don’t want her thinking we’re giving her the go-ahead to…” Mulder can’t finish the sentence either.

“Mmhmm,” Scully mumbles into his chest.

“I think it’s worth talking about,” she hears Mulder say. “She’s a smart girl, I think we can trust her to be responsible. And besides, it’s hard to see her in this much pain.”

“I know,” Scully says. Her eyes are closed now and she feels herself drifting off. “I’ll talk to her about it.”

Mulder holds her closer and they both fall back asleep.

***

The next morning, Scully goes to check on Katie. She’s still curled up in bed and Scully sits beside her and strokes her head.

“Get any sleep?” Scully asks, although the second she sees her daughter she doubts it. All the color is drained from Katie’s face and there are dark hollows under her eyes.

“No,” Katie says weakly. “I still feel like shit.”

“Why don’t you stay home today? Try to get some rest.”

“Mm, okay.” Katie closes her eyes again and Scully kisses her head.

Downstairs, she finds Mulder and William devouring cereal at the kitchen table.

Mulder looks up when Scully walks in. “How’s Katie?” he asks.

“Not great. She’s going to stay home from school today.”

“What’s wrong with Katie?” William asks, still shoveling cereal into his mouth. Scully is amazed by how much her son can eat. He’s lean but seems to grow an inch a week, already at eye level with his father.

“Cramps,” says Scully. “Pretty bad.”

“Yikes,” William cringes. Scully knows he’s a little uncomfortable with the subject even though they’ve always been open with him about the biology of it all.

“I don’t have any classes today,” Mulder says in between bites. “I can cancel my office hours and stay home with her.”

“I think she’ll like that,” Scully says. Katie will probably stay in bed all day, but Scully feels better knowing Mulder will be here in case she needs anything. After years of plugging in Scully’s heating pad for her and scavenging motel vending machines for her favorite chocolates, he’s had more than enough experience dealing with menstruating women.

“What do you have going on today, Will?” she asks.

“Nothing special,” he shrugs. “I have that physics test and then baseball practice after school.”

Mulder smiles at Scully from across the table and she returns his grin. She knows he loves that their son plays baseball not only because it’s his favorite sport, but because of the memories of their evening of “batting practice” so many years ago.

“Okay,” Scully says. She looks at her watch. “Come on, I’ll drop you off. We better get going.”

***

Around noon, Katie finally makes her way out of bed and downstairs. Mulder’s on the couch reading and she lies down alongside him.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Not great,” she sighs. “I texted mom. She’s going to bring me some muscle relaxers from the hospital.”

Mulder whistles. “Oooh, she’s getting you the good stuff. I told you there are perks of having a doctor in the house.”

Katie laughs quietly. “What’re you reading?”

“Oh, you know, a firsthand account of telekinesis.”

Katie gives him an eyeroll that would make her mother proud. Mulder smiles and rubs her back. He’s constantly surprised by how much their children take after him and Scully while still fully being their own unique people. William’s a straight-A, overachieving student like his mother but with his father’s curiosity and open-mindedness. Katie has Mulder’s sense of humor and defiant nature paired with Scully's skepticism for anything she can’t prove with her own eyes.

“I’m so proud of you,” he says.

“For what?” she asks.

“For being you.”

“I guess this is a bad time to tell you I’m actually a shapeshifting alien who’s taken over Katie’s body.”

Mulder beams. “You must be feeling a little better if you’re giving me the business like that.”

“Maybe a little,” she says.

He traces circles on her back until she’s gently snoring. He’s abandoned his book and is now watching his daughter sleep, like he and Scully used to do when she and William were little, so in awe that they exist. They still talk about how lucky they are, to be blessed with not one but two miracles after believing for so long there was no chance they could have their own children.

Their babies are nearly all grown up now. Katie has started high school and William is already talking about colleges, but he’s never stopped being in awe of them. And as much as it breaks his heart that his daughter is suffering, he’s thankful she still lets him and Scully take care of her—at least for now.

[thirstyforlulu]

Yandere Hellsing x Reader HCs? Including Millennium

Integra:

She’s a very possessive yandere

With her money and power, she has the means to get her hands on you

She’s good at playing cool, you won’t catch on for a while

Sure you notice that she never sends you on missions and that she’s always having you work near her office, but that’s just her being a good friend

When she decides to approach you romantically, she’s very forward

Around you she’s a touch starved animal, unlike her usual put together appearance

If you deny her feelings or try to run, get ready because she’s not giving up that easily

She’ll pull whatever strings she has to in order to find you

She’ll spend thousands bribing people or tracking you

Once she knows where you are, she’ll send Alucard to collect you

When she has you she’s very loving

She’ll want to constantly be touching you in some way

Usually that means sitting beside her while she works at her desk

As long as you’re good, she’ll let you wander the entirety of the manor

Since you tried to run she’s added all sorts of security measures so you can’t get out

Act up though and she will chain you to the wall in her office

“Y/N, your behavior has been deplorable lately and needs correcting.

Don’t give me those sad eyes, this is all your fault.”

Walter:

He’s a sneaky yandere

Very observant, he’ll learn your patterns and preferences

At the start he’ll leave you gifts like your favorite food or pretty flowers

He uses it as an excuse to get closer to you

He’s always offering to do favors for you, secretly lowering your defenses around him

He’s not the type to take anything from you but he will take the time to appreciate them

If you let him clean your room he’ll likely pause to sniff some clothes

You notice how much he knows about you but you just think he’s very observant

You don’t realize it’s due to his obsession

He’s the type to take more precautions

If you deny his advances he’ll lock you up somewhere, probably his room

He’ll get chains and a cage if necessary

If you really act up, he’ll lock you in the basement

The way you cling to him in fear after spending all night in the dark is addictive

His wires are always nearby

If you try to run you’ll only get a few steps out the door before the wires wrap you up and pull you back

He does his best not to hurt you, but if you struggle too much, a few cuts are inevitable

Seras:

She’s a very clingy yandere

She’ll want you on every mission she goes on

When you have free time she’ll take you out into the area nearby for some quality time

If you ever push her away, she gets angry

She’ll pout like a child then force her way into whatever it is you’re doing

At the time, she’ll act like it’s just a coincidence and you might even believe her

You’re not getting rid of her so easily

She’s also a very sweet yandere

If she feels she’s hurt your feelings she’ll go out of her way to get you presents or treat you nicely

Until you say you forgive her, she won’t stop pampering you

No one else is allowed near you, not even Integra

She’ll make excuses and do whatever it takes to keep you to herself

She would never kidnap you or lock you up because she hates to see you sad, but her “loving” behavior will be a trap in itself

Don’t forget that despite how cute she is, she’s still a powerful monster that can and will do what it takes to keep you

If that means making you one of her familiars then so be it

Alucard:

He’s a terrifying yandere

He can control you and the people around you, holding you captive

You’re not a stupid person, you know how easily he could end your life, so you tend to let it all happen

On the plus side, he’s very passionate and often brings you gifts

He’s such a smooth talker you’ll end up forgetting the terrifying threats he’s made in the past

Anyone who flirts with you will mysteriously disappear

Anyone who hurts you will turn up days later torn to shreds in a ditch

He would never do anything to hurt you, but that doesn’t stop him from making threats

“I could tear you apart just like that man from last week. I would love to hear your moans of anguish, but I’d prefer moans of pleasure.”

When you act out he manhandles you

He’ll press you against a wall and bite your neck to remind you of your place

He enjoys when you become complicit, but he likes when you’re occasionally act out

It gives him an excuse to punish you, which he always loves

After that, you’ll think twice before disobeying him

Millenium:

Jan:

Bro this man is already wild

When he sets his sights on you it’s go time

He won’t let anyone else near you or get to know you, not even his brother

He’ll threaten people, meeting them after work for overstepping their boundaries

He’s very touchy, like he’s trying to leave his scent all over you

Out in public, he’ll hang on you, showing others that you’re already taken

He’ll growl at people that look at you too long when passing by

He flicks a lot of people off, all the time but more so when he’s around you

He’s paranoid and doesn’t like anyone else around you, even friends

Clearly he’s a fan of body modification so if he can convince you he’ll want to get some kind of matching piercing/tattoo

If you get it, he’ll pay special attention to it any time you cuddle, running his fingers over it countless times

He can be very intense so he might yell at you, but when he sees the hurt look in your eyes he backs off

In his own weird way, he loves you and doesn’t want to see you hurting

But if he has to hurt you to keep you then so be it

Luke:

He’s not as subtle as he thinks he is

He tries to play it cool, but if someone tries to touch you he will blatantly smack their hand away

Always has an excuse to be around you and if he doesn’t, he’ll find one

He’s not as touchy as Jan, but he does like to hold your hand

You’ll feel his pinky brush against you before his hand completely envelops yours

His grip tightens when he sees you looking at others

Your attention is something he so desperately craves

He gives you every moment of his time and he wants you to do the same

If you’re ever in danger he’s there before anyone else even knows

It helps that he was already watching you

Be ready to compensate him

At first he’s just worried about you, but then once he knows you’re alright, he’ll start making demands

“You owe me for coming to your rescue dear. Or would you like me to toss you back? Maybe then you’ll beg me in such a cute way.”

Rip:

She does not care what other people think

She’ll ruin relationships to get closer to you

She’ll endanger her own job if it keeps you two apart

Doing favors is how she gets closer to you

Anytime you need something she’s there and ready to go

She’d leave in the middle of a mission if she hears you need help

Anyone causing you problems will be slaughtered and presented to you as a gift

“See y/n, I took off their heads just for you.”

She can get very aggressive especially if she thinks you’re denying her advances

She won’t hurt you, beyond a little pinch or so, but she’ll make threats

She’s very sadistic and would be willing to lock you up

Having you as a pet is actually an attractive idea to her

She’ll take good care of you wherever you’re locked up, but she won’t allow many freedoms

“Look at my pretty pet. How lucky am I.”

The Captain:

He’s like a pet, always following you around

He’ll growl at people he doesn’t like around you

His arms are always around you, keeping you close

No one else is allowed to tend to you after missions

When he’s patching you up, he’ll run his hands along your arms and legs, lovingly caressing your limbs

He’ll use that as an excuse to stay around you

Popping in to “check on you” at all hours

You won’t even know he’s come in until he’s sitting on the edge of your bed

He’s the type the would sit there for a moment watching you breathe

If he can, he’ll try to get you to be his assistant

If he can convince the higher ups that he needs one, he’ll do whatever he can

Then he’ll be around you even when he works and will be able to protect you

No one on the battlefield will be able to even get close to you

He’ll ignore his own tasks to protect you

He’s extremely loyal and obsessive

The Doctor

Oh man it is terrifying when he has his eye on someone

He views it like just another experiment, wanting to test and push you

He’ll have you coming to him for “examinations” all the time

He’d likely put a bug on you

Suddenly he knows things you don’t remember telling him, but you can’t prove anything

People you like start disappearing, people you had no idea he knew about

If he suspects you’re starting to catch on and trying to get away, he’ll start drugging you

Then you’ll have to come to him if you’re going to get better

While he’s treating you, he’ll trick you mentally manipulating you to grow closer to him

You’re going to think so highly of him, forgetting all the red flags you’d seen before

He is absolutely a gas lighter but he’s damn good at it

Even if you have experience with this stuff you won’t pick up on it

It’s a game of cat and mouse with him

The Major

He is not subtle and does not care

Your needs or emotions don’t matter to him

If you don’t respond well to his advances he will make terrible threats

If that doesn’t work he’ll take it a step further, allowing the ghouls to get close to taking a bite out of you

Torture is the next step

He doesn’t care about your mood, he has to have you

“Y/N, why do you fight so hard when you know I’m just going to hurt you again?”

He’ll want to do most of it by hand, but if he needs to he will get the others involved

“Would you like me to make a spectacle out of you? I think the others would enjoy that.”

Behave and he won’t hurt you

If he gets mad enough he’ll remove your arms and legs

You’ll become his good little doll, always on display for him

Like a bird in a cage, you’re his favorite display item

[attemptinghaikyuu]

Joking About Dating A Friend But They Take You Seriously

A/n: woohoo, we’re doing another one babbyyy! I’ll never get tired of these sorts of situations honestly <3

G/n reader

Team Captains (most of them~)

Kuroo Tetsurou

He was walking behind you, about to tap your shoulder, witty conversation starter at the tip of his tongue one he totally hadn’t prepared a day beforehand, only to be hit with you saying “Wow, look at you! A fantastic boyfriend i have indeed.”

Reals back, all thoughts flying out of his head

All internal excitement dissipates as panic and dread take its place

You had introduced Kuroo to the guy you were calling your boyfriend, saying you were only friends and yet…

How come he didn’t know? Him and you were close to each other, right? Had he been so deep into your smiles and pretty eyes that he had misread everything? Maybe he had made up the little signs that meant you felt the same

It was probably his feelings making him a lovesick fool

That thought stuck with him the most because that made him pretty delusional if he got everything this mixed up

He has so many questions rattling in his brain, pinning him down, that he doesn’t realize you’ve turned around and are staring at him

It takes your hand waving back and forth in front of him to startle him out of his trance

His panic doubles, voice strained

“Ahh, hey there kitten. What’s new?”

It’s missing his usual excitement and he sounds strangled, you notice right away that he’s also turned away from you

“Tets are you all good? Are you sick, I could get you some medicine if you aren’t feeling well?”

“What no, I’m not- you don’t have to do any of that, I’m better than I could ever be.” He chuckles and he knows he’s not being convincing in the slightest

“Huh, I’ll get the truth out of you in a sec, I’m gonna say bye to my friend and then we can go, okay?”

“Don’t you mean boyfriend.” It comes out before he can stop himself

The bitter tone is so obvious he’s tempted to bolt, maybe start over as a circus clown

He’s positive he could pull that wig off

Your voice is laced with laughter when you ask if he really does need to go see a doctor

“And what boyfriend?” You pause, smile growing. “Are you talking about yourself or what?”

Now he’s flustered and confused. It’s not like you didn’t talk like that with him but you had a boyfriend now didn’t you or was that..?

“WAIT EARLIER YOU-

He takes a deep breath, he could be wrong, he needs to stay calm

“We’re, we’re you just kidding around when you said your friend was, well ya know?”

You laugh again and explain, slightly embarrassed by the mishap, that yes you were kidding around

He feels all of his confidence come back and asks the question that leads to you two finally dating

“If that’s the case and the spot really isn’t taken, how about I become your boyfriend?”

Bokuto Koutaro

He. Is. Crushed.

Everyone around him can feel the tense atmosphere and looking at his face is like a punch to the gut with his heartbroken eyes, he’s staring at you like you’ve died instead of said you loved your girlfriend

All bokuto had wanted was to give you a quick hug before he headed off to practice

Instead he has to deal with the weight of knowing you’re with someone else, that and the realization that he needs to put away his own feelings so he doesn’t ruin your relationship with the person you love

He had known he liked you for quite awhile, it was hard figuring out a time he should confess or whether that would make you uncomfortable

He’s glad he never tried anything since it saved him from the possibility of making things hard for you, seeing as how you would’ve had to let your friend down

Bokuto looks at you closely, there’s a grin on your face as you stare at her and if you’re happy then he can live with this

That’s what he firmly thinks

And so pulling himself up with a smile, he walks over to you with a solidly convincing amount of energy

He talks excitedly and almost exactly like he would normally

What he’s saying doesn’t sit right with you though

His words are depressing and he looks like he’s forcing himself to talk like this

You stop him in the middle of a joke, that wasn’t all that funny with the sad way it was being told, and ask if he’s okay

His smile gets even bigger, and now you can see it’s clearly fake as he gives you some excuse about training being harder on him lately

You decide to wait and give him a little space, you assume he’ll walk off to volleyball practice, and later you’ll be able to talk with him about whatever’s going on

When he keeps talking and it becomes clear he’s not moving, stalling for time, you ask if you can talk alone with him

“Bo, is um, did something happen? You’re upset aren’t you?” You question him cautiously

“Nope! I’m just glad I get to talk with you, it’s not something I’ll be able to do as often since you have to spend time with your girlfriend and all!”

His smile finally slips as what he said hits you both

You’re quick in explaining the mistake now that you know what’s eating away at him

He can’t believe his luck when he hears you say it was just a joke, it’s too good to be true

But he doesn’t care, he’s just happy

Doesn’t even let himself process it all before he’s asking you to please, think about dating him

You’re both glad his smile is back to normal when you say you’d love to

Kita Shinsuke

Keeps it together like the seemingly impassive and parent friend that he is

Hurts so much more then he wants to admit

Doesn’t want to believe what he just heard but if you say that you have a partner, than those are the facts and he can’t change anything

But shit, does he wish he could

He’s standing right next to you, a step away and if he took it you would be pressed against his side

That’s an impossible reality, a fantasy he needs to put to rest now that he knows your feelings for someone else

That step however, is ungraciously closed when you trip backward from what appears to be your partner moving their foot as you had moved forward, resulting in you falling onto Kita

Instantly flustered by it and is feeling so betrayed by his body when he automatically puts an arm around you to keep you upright

He tries to be respectful as he removes himself from your side, it isn’t right for him to be that close to you, he’ll just have to push down the disappointment he feels from the lack of contact

“Kita-kun! I’m really sorry about that, my friend” you give a pointed glare towards the person of your affection. “accidentally knocked me into you.”

He gives a small smile at you, slightly unsure as to why you would address your partner as just your friend

If he’s being truthful, he doesn’t want to think about it anymore and that’s why he allows himself to shrug off the strange event

He acts like he always does in the next couple days, though the aggressive lilt in his voice that appears at any mistake he spots, gives away his frustration

His feelings are boiling over the surface and he realizes he needs to find a way to get over this

The best way to do that, he concludes, is to tell you his feelings so he can take the rejection and move on

A resolution that he puts into motion the next time he’s with you

He does it simply and tries to make it as small and meaningless as possible

“Thanks for listening to this, I know it must be difficult to deal with.”

You’re speechless and Kita wishes this could be easier but he steels himself for what’s about to come next

“I- Kita, I know you’re not and I apologize in advance, but are you a dumbass?” You’re expression is both mortified and happy and he really doesn’t know what’s happening

“I like you. I was messing around with my friend and I promise you, I will never be doing that again.”

Oh, Kita is so relieved and the first thing he does when you become official is pull you in for a hug

And he’s gonna keep pulling you in for hugs :3

Ushijima Wakatoshi

His surprise is on full display and he ends up staring at you so intensely you automatically come up to ask him what was wrong

Isn’t sure how to put into words how he feels at the moment

You are your own person, so he shouldn’t feel any right to being the one to call you his partner

Yet he can’t stop the disappointment from filling every part of him

Ushijima wants to be mature about this though, If you think that girl is good enough for you then he will live with the heartache

So he shakes his head and comes up with a small excuse for his behavior

He seems normal to most in the following week, quite and stoic, more silent around you than he’s probably ever been but nothing really out of place per say

However his annoyance with your girlfriend only grows when he sees that you are not being treated how most would in a romantic relationship

He’s had enough when he hears her tell you about this pretty girl she saw the other day

She’s all casual and smiles when she says it too

Walks over, taps your shoulder, and asks if you can talk in private

It wasn’t right and he was 100% calm when he explained why he thought you weren’t being treated right

And he definitely wasn’t a little jealous and using the way your girlfriend was acting as a way to see if he could prove he could treat you better

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t being completely rational when he was making his points as to why you should maybe, just possibly reconsider the whole dating your girlfriend thing

But the fact that she hadn’t held your hand was very important and he needed you to know that

He needed you to know that you shouldn’t have to listen to the one you cared for like that, speak of another person they found good looking, especially when the most attractive one was you

Ushijima doesn’t know how to take your silence when he finishes, and you seem… embarrassed?

Had he gone too far? Over stepped a boundary in his jealousy?

He was considering an apology for his rash behavior when you spoke up, though it was more appropriate to call it spoke down with the way you had your head lowered and voice quiet

“Toshi, did you mean all that?”

He’s not sure where this is going, he responds honestly regardless

“Yes, I meant it and I’m sorry if I insulted you.” He doesn’t apologize for insulting your girlfriend tho~

“Then you should probably know that I was only playing around when I said I was dating my friend. We’re not together.” You finally look into his eyes. “I’m pretty single and uh, if you really wanna help me in my dating problems you could date me, that’d fix them all.”

The slightest blush appears on his cheeks and when he reply’s with his yes, it’s almost like a happy sigh

He makes sure to show you how much he loves you everyday, he’s also still slightly bitter around your friend <3

Terushima Yuuji

Freaking out

He is having a hardcore internal screaming sesh

Walks away from you so he can pretend he didn’t just hear that

Also wants to make sure you don’t see him panicking

He finds a place where he’s alone, a field outside the gym he had been in, that is till he’d heard you talk to your boyfriend

Who was apparently, very entertaining if the way you had been laughing was any indication

Stands there, blank for a few seconds

Is so set on not crying over something like this because he knows that you’re amazing and shouldn’t be so surprised over you dating some other dude

He should go back inside and act like he always does, or maybe not since you are with your boyfriend

He’s being stupid, acting this overworked

It’s what he tells himself but he can feel a couple tears slip down his cheeks and there’s a sob bubbling up in his chest against his will

This didn’t feel fair

He wants to do something, he just doesn’t know what

Pretending he’s fine would be a good option if he could stop crying

It’s not looking feasible at the moment however

Takes a shaky breath and is coming to the decision he should leave you alone for now when he hears his name

Someone’s calling him, someone who absolutely cannot see him right now

He starts sprinting, but the thing about crying is that it’s pretty exhausting and before he knows it he’s gasping for breath, too slow to move out of your reach

“Terushima! Why would you-

You stare at his tear stained face, concern pulling your features into a deep frown and he desperately wishes he wasn’t the cause of it

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You ask the question softly, making it all hurt a little more

His eyes are closed when he replies. “Nothing you need to worry your pretty head with.”

“Whatever it is I won’t judge and if you want advice or someone to just listen I’m listening.”

“You, it’s really not..” he breaks. “Are you really with that guy?”

It’s none of his business, why’d he have to ask that?

Understanding lights up your face, and with the new information having connected the dots you move closer to him

“I’m not. He and I were joking, so please don’t cry.” He feels a hand wipe a stray tear from his face

“Would you maybe wanna go out sometime,” you laugh a little. “I hope I didn’t completely misread this, if I did I suppose we’d be matching.. and I wouldn’t mind so much if that was the case.”

He answers by grabbing your hand.

“That answer shouldn’t have been so cute, I’ll forgive you by taking you up on that date though.”

[ecurai]

Counterpart

Rihannsu starships ran colder than their Klingon or Federation counterparts.

Starfleet vessels aimed, in all things, for a kind of pleasant neutrality. Their climate controls were mild; not too cool for their short sleeves and light fabric, not too warm for long pants and multi-layered uniforms. Klingon ships, which historically placed far more engineering emphasis on weapons systems than anything else, had environmental systems perpetually fighting an honorable but doomed battle against tight quarters, naturally high Klingon body temperatures, and thick leather armor.

No such issue on the Ecurai. The warbirds of the Republic were kept cool—not cold, but not quite warm. You wouldn’t get a chill in shirtsleeves; but you’d certainly be more comfortable if you put on a light coat.

Which meant that Satra Valel registered the absence of a warm body in her bunk almost before she was fully awake.

That was, in and of itself, not unusual. They both had demanding jobs—Satra herself had vanished in the middle of the night plenty of times, in response to an urgent call from Sickbay.

But here, tonight? Having seen the things they had? 0400 hours, in geosynchronous orbit over Earth for the first time since the Undine… 

She counted backward from one hundred and twenty. The cold sheets said that this was more than just a late-night trip to the restroom, but there was nothing to be gained by acting like a fussy mother hlai.

“Computer.” She pushed herself up on one elbow, reaching out to activate her PADD. “Locate Commander t’Dosai.”

There was no mild computerized voice to respond to the request; a wryly self-aware Rihannsu tendency toward subtlety and the ability to keep secrets had melded well with the coarse Iuruth sensibilities of the ship’s commander. Wasting air, Ael called it—taking the time and energy to make someone sit through hearing you out when you could have simply said what needed saying and let them move on with their lives. The ship’s computer sent a politely silent ping to Satra’s PADD, and left her in peace.

Starboard observation deck. It could be worse.

Deactivating the PADD, Satra sat up properly and pressed the heels of her palms firmly against her eyes. Finally, shaking herself, she picked up a second unit. The subspace comm line she was looking for was already near the top; there was a pause of less than two minutes before it was answered.

“Doctor Valel! It’s been far too long, my friend! Business or pleasure?” 

Despite her concern, Satra smiled. “It’s good to see you, Kuumaarke. Do you happen to have my wife on the other line?”

Kuumaarke blinked mildly. “I’m afraid not, Doctor. Is she having difficulty connecting? I haven’t heard anything about communications issues in the Sol system…” A soft gasp. “But then, I wouldn’t have, would I! If the Ecurai isn’t able to broadcast—”

Sensing a solid five and a half minutes of concerned technobabble and possibly an Alliance-wide red alert in the making, Satra held up a hand to forestall any panic. “Kiuu mnekha. There’s nothing wrong, liorae’lagga. I just didn’t want to interrupt a private conversation.”

With a bright, warm laugh—the unforced sincerity that had led them to call her lightflower—Kuumaarke settled back in her chair. “Well, you may now feel free to interrupt away!” She grinned over a cup of what looked like some kind of tea. “And in future I do hope you feel free to insert yourself into any private conversation you wish, Doctor. I’m never too busy for such dear friends—though I might insist you let me finish my breakfast next time.”

After a moment, however, the humor dancing in Kuumaarke’s eyes faded. She glanced over her shoulder, then tapped something outside of camera range. When she leaned in again, lowering her voice, she had obviously changed the call audio to a private earpiece.

“Doctor,” she said. “How is the commander? Truly. I don’t wish to cross a boundary—I’ve seen some reports, I know some little of what she…what you all saw. But I haven’t…well, I suppose I felt I might not be the appropriate person to reach out to her. Given…”

Given how recently we were all fighting for our lives to get in a killing blow against a woman who looked exactly like you, Satra agreed silently.

Or, perhaps more pointedly: Given how openly your evil doppelganger was fantasizing about the sexual tortures she could dream up for us. Given how openly she warmed the bed of a woman who is terrifyingly, heartbreakingly identical to my wife. 

Given how openly you’re half in love with the real one.

Something of that last thought must have shown on her face. Kuumarke didn’t quite flinch; but she shrank back into herself.

“Doctor,” she said, too quickly. Then, taking a sharp breath: “I hope—I realize, of course, that this goes without saying. You hardly need reassurance from me that—but, given the circumstances, I only—I hope you know that—I have nothing but respect and deep affection for both of you. All of you! Satra, I assure you, I would never—”

“Kuumaarke,” Satra said quietly. “I trust my wife.”

Kuumaarke colored faintly at the censure; Satra acknowledged it with a mildly raised eyebrow, then had the good manners to move on.

“I trust you as well,” she said. “And not just because if I mistrusted you it would mean I mistrusted Ael; and if I mistrusted Ael, I am a citizen of the Klingon Empire. I would have done something about it by now.” That at least got a small, embarrassed laugh. With Kuumaarke finally willing to make eye contact again, Satra said softly, “None of our human allies are responsible for the actions of the Terran Empire. You have done nothing wrong. Neither has she. I wish she would call you at four in the morning. It might help her realize that.”

Kuumaarke looked up with a painfully earnest expression “Thank you. Well. Jolan tru, Doctor. Best wishes go with you.”

Satra inclined her head, smiled, and cut the subspace link. Then she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and stood.

Starboard observation deck.

===

“Come to bed.”

Ael didn’t jump; Satra wasn’t surprised; it took effort to sneak up on Ael t’Dosai. But she didn’t respond, either. Not beyond the faintest twitch in Satra’s direction, just enough to show that she wasn’t being ignored.

She was, otherwise, ignored.

Satra Valel had enough pride that she had once called her rescue by the fledgling Rebellion a conscription under duress for the sole reason that it had inconvenienced her—and enough spite that she had dropped the House prefix from the ancient family name t’Valel for the sole reason that the shattered remnants of noble Houses had formed the backbone of Sela’s Empire, and she had wanted nothing to do with it. 

She did not generally respond well to being ignored.

She sighed. There was no heat in her voice when she spoke again.

“Come to bed, e’lev. I’ll make it an order if I have to.”

That, finally, got the ghost of a smile.

“This isn’t Starfleet,” she said, voice rough from lack of use.

“I never said I’d be speaking as your chief medical officer,” retorted Satra. 

Another long, slow pause. Another faint twitch, another half-ghost of a smile.

“You win,” said Ael softly. She didn’t move to stand.

Satra, who had only very rarely seen her this bad, moved to sit by her instead.

The observation area was actually a small, out-of-the way room near the belly of the Ecurai. It had the novelty of a partially-clearsteel floor, and a gorgeous view of the contrails thrown by the starboard nacelle in a nebula,  but was otherwise an unimpressive room—the real observation deck was the mess hall. 

But what this unpopular retreat offered instead was privacy. Intended mostly to provide the lower-decks crew with a quiet place to read or finish their reports that was more comfortable than their barracks, it was rarely host to more than one or two people at a time. In the middle of delta shift, it was rarely host to anyone at all. And no one on this ship would intrude on their commander.

Well. Almost no one.

Warbirds were kept dim as they were kept cool; neither Starfleet neutral-white, nor the minimal nightvision guide strips of a Klingon battleship. Warm, gold-and-emerald recessed lighting provided just enough light to be comfortable—just enough light that the shadows cast across Ael’s scarred, exhausted face would never be quite deep enough to hide in.

Satra settled onto the padded bench across from her wife, and waited.

Three full minutes later, Ael said, “I’m glad she has a voicebox.” Another long minute later, she swallowed heavily. “She can never…pretend.”

She tried and failed to keep her heart from cracking in her chest. “Is that what you’ve been dreaming? Ael—” Then, “Look at me.”

Olive-green eyes flickered, flinched, and failed to hold her gaze. As gently as she could manage Satra reached out, placed the tips of two fingers under her wife’s chin, and turned her gaze back.

When Satra had first laid eyes on the woman, Ael had been a ragged, underfed scrap of a thing; some feral twenty-something in way over her head, dressed in the torn and smoke-stained rags of what had once been a cheap facsimile of a security uniform, with a shitty plasma pistol at her hip, an ashen face, and a knife’s-edge, fight-or-flight expression.

She’d steadied, over time. With Klingon and Starfleet support, that quivering desperation had faded. With enough food, more sleep, a change of clothes, she started to look less like a half-drowned kitten. And the moment she was offered command of a warbird and made a choice—a real choice, one she could have walked away from alive—was the moment Satra had seen the starfire in her veins for the first time. 

“Ael ir’Iuruth t’Dosai,” she said softly. “Look at me. Look at me, dhael’stelam. What do you see?”

She’d steadied over time. But the hunted look in those beautiful green eyes had never left her. It never would entirely. 

It was a privilege like none in the galaxy, to watch Ael slowly fold that fear away. The tension lines around her eyes softened, and life gradually began to return to her face as she smiled. A true smile, this time. Her eyes searched Satra’s.

“...Fire on the sea,” she murmured. 

“Your wife,” Satra told her. “I hope.”

An old conversation. Fire and Water, she’d said, fingers tracing lightly over the back of Satra’s hand. Brushing calloused fingertips against her skin, raising pleasant goosebumps on the back of her neck. A creature of contradictions. A warrior and a healer, life and destruction, the most compassionate woman I’ve ever met who threw a rock at my head because I got myself hurt in the field, which is a contradiction if I’ve ever heard one—

Stop wasting air, Satra had retorted, and Ael had mimed a shot to the heart. And don’t speak poetry if you’re not going to bed me, Commander. It’s bad manners.

“Ael.” She let some steel—only a very little, but enough—into her voice. “My love. Do you think so little of me?”

Ael, gentle but firm, pulled her hand away. “She has the scar. She could have had my voice. She’s an assassin, i’Vorta. She wouldn’t have to fool anyone for long.”

“You’ve never seen your own face.” Satra released her wife’s chin without protest. “Of course you haven’t. You couldn’t know the difference. E’lev, you couldn’t mimic her if you tried. Your facial expressions are an active threat to Alliance operational security. To this day I have no idea how you managed to survive the Tal Shiar. There’s no need for Vulcan mind techniques with you in a room, you could have filibustered the Tricameron without saying a word.”

“Satra—”

“Ael. I know your name as well.”

A very, very weak smile. Finally, Ael rasped, “I’m just…glad she can’t use my voice.”

It was a solid, reliable distinction. A comfort, with the Inquisitor still at large in the Mirror Universe. Something to cling to. Except that their world had better reconstructive medicine than the Terrans' shattered universe. Except, of course, that Ael could easily receive the same injury as her counterpart. Be fitted with the same voicebox, and lose that easy identifier. Except that it would make no difference.

With deliberate care, Satra took her wife’s face between her hands.

“Do you think for a moment,” she whispered, “that I wouldn’t know you blindfolded?”

Whatever Ael saw in her face, the next argument died before she could voice it.

Satra pressed on. “It does not matter if she has your voice or you have hers. She has your face already and looks nothing like you, Ael. Don’t speak. You cannot order me to lie to you. You have never once looked yourself in the eye. I have watched your face for ten years, my starbird. I have fallen asleep to your voice for a decade. I know how you speak to me. I would hear your voice as clearly through a Terran voicebox as I hear it now.”

“Satra…”

“Don’t speak.” It came out like a prayer. “I know what a thousand forms of love look like in your eyes. I know how love sounds on your tongue whatever tech you might use to speak. And the moment any Terran inquisitor tried to use the name of my wife to hurt the people she loves, and thought a convenient scar or intact vocal cords would be enough to make me let her, I would gut her alive and send her screaming to the blackest fires of Gre’thor.”

For a long time they sat that way, foreheads pressed together, uneven breathing too loud in the empty room.

“You spend too much time around injured Klingons,” murmured Ael without opening her eyes.

"taHqeq,” Satra whispered. She brought their lips together. “Don’t speak.”

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝐷𝑖𝑙𝑓!𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝐷𝑢𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑛𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑦 (𝑅𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑)

Warnings: NSFW content including marking, lactation kink, pregnancy sex. Older Ateez but age differences is still within legal boundaries. Allusions to infidelity (which I do not condone nor encourage)

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

"Y/N. Come on. You gotta focus."

In a futile attempt to try to get his favorite student to get divert her attention back to the screen in front of her, instead he was met by her arms which suddenly wrapped around him.

"Baby, this assignment is due in two days and you haven't even gotten one paragraph down."

Frowning and in need of affection, Y/N didn't budge and instead attempted to pull Hongjoong on top of her.

"I want you to cuddle me!" She demanded.

Hongjoong quickly caught himself before he toppled over her and accidentally put all his weight on the bump that was growing in her.

"And I'll cuddle you all you want.... but can you at least finish part of this?"

Realizing she wasn't going to give up anytime soon, Hongjoong reluctantly gave in and finally settled her on his lap, one arm wrapped around her shoulders while the other caressed the top of her swollen belly.

Not thinking too much about the tiny kisses she was placing along the side of his neck, Hongjoong tilted his head back to rest on the couch and closed his eyes, his body succumbing to the exhaustion of having to teach back at the school in the morning and coming back to help out his pregnant girlfriend. Taking advantage of his unguarded state, Y/N smirked before she latched her mouth onto a certain spot on his neck, sinking her teeth down and sucking on it harshly. Once Hongjoong realized what was happening, his eyes shot up and he carefully tried to pry Y/N off him, proving it to be more difficult since he couldn't use force in fear of hurting her.

"What the fuck Y/N?!" Hongjoong exclaimed when he came back from the bathroom, hand touching the very obvious mark left on his neck.

"I'm sorry. Couldn't help myself." She feigned an innocent smile.

"How am I supposed to go back to the school tomorrow with this on display for everyone to see? How will I even explain it?" He could already imagine the other teachers and students staring at it, the first group no doubt would be nosey and ask about it.

With a cocky grin, Y/N opened her laptop up again.

"Maybe now some of those hags will back off after they realize you're taken."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Coming back after a long day at the courthouse dealing with all the divorce shit, Seonghwa felt like he needed to release some stress or he'd go insane. Coming into the kitchen, he found you quietly standing over the stove, no doubt making food for both of you to eat. You giggled when you felt his hands embrace your large belly, you weren't that far along, but holy hell, carrying twins was something else.

"Have I ever told you you're so beautiful?" He whispered in your ear, teeth grazing against the shell of it. Of course your body was more reactive and sensitive to any touch because your hormones were all over the place. Seonghwa knew that as well and he loved playing with that fact.

Pulling you away from the kitchen, he guided you over to the couch and sat you down. You didn't even question him as he pushed your dress up and slid your panties down, you knew what he was aiming for. You simply inhaled deeply when his mouth began kissing along your inner thighs.

"I hope you don't mind babygirl, but I just really wanted to eat you out."

You nodded at him, resting your elbows on top of some of the cushions so it'd be more comfortable for you. Prying your legs apart as much as they could, Seonghwa carefully placed his mouth on your clit. Starting off with gentle suckles, they soon progressed to more sloppy and intense tongue movements, his lewd slurping sounds mixed in with your soft panting and moaning, setting the mood across the room. Another thing you loved about Seonghwa, he was an expert at oral sex, none of your younger past lovers compared to him in the slightest bit.

Seonghwa let out an accomplished groan when your juices stained all over his face and chin. Pulling away, he himself was panting by how breathless he was left, and he felt proud to see you in an equally similar state as him. Chuckling, he came up and kissed you hungrily, wanting you to taste yourself on his lips. He only pulled away momentarily to tease you.

"I didn't mean to eat my dessert before the meal, but I'm not sorry in the slightest bit."

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yunho didn't even know how to react. Coming home and finding it quiet as usual, he guessed you probably took a nap as you normally did around this time, the pregnancy causing you to become more tired than usual. That's why when he came into the room he was shocked to see you moving underneath the blankets. Your frustrated moans give a big hint as to what was happening.

"Y/N?"

Your eyes shot wide open and your head peeped out from under the covers. You suddenly felt so embarrased, your face turning bright red. You tossed over to the other side, hiding your face away from Yunho. Being the sweetheart he was, he went over to your side and caressed your figure.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you." He apologized although he wasn't in the wrong.

Whining loudly, you punched the mattress underneath you.

"Stupid hormones driving me crazy. And my stupid fingers can't get around this huge belly." You complained as you looked down at the mound that stuck out through the blanket.

Not able to keep himself from smiling, Yunho's hand rested itself on your covered belly.

"It's cute though." He assured you.

Looking up at him, you bit your lip before asking him.

"Yunho.....could you please just......you know..?" You don't know why but you felt shy asking him about it especially given that you were pregnant by him nonetheless.

Yunho looked hesitant. He had fears about being intimate with you in your state, but he also felt bad that you had to go through this. Sighing softly, he scratched the back of your head.

"On our next visit, let's ask the doctor about if it's safe or not? Ok?"

Expecting your pouty face, Yunho pulled the covers off you, swallowing hard when he saw your beautiful, round pregnant body on display for him.

"But for now, are you ok with me using my fingers?"

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Looking down at the pot filled with who knows what that Yeosang stirred which was bubbling rather oddly, your best bet was that he definitely didn't. The reddened cheeks that formed on his face was another telltale sign.

"Trust me honey. I got this."

Right as he said that, some of the contents spilled out, nearly burning the both of you. Luckily Yeosang draped an arm protectively around your barely noticeable bump and moved you back so neither of you were harmed. Instead, the floor became the victim. Having enough shenanigans from your caring lover, you reached over and quickly shut off the stove before anymore accidents happened.

"There goes my chances of wooing you over with my cooking skills." He snorted softly, but he felt bad that he couldn't even make a simple meal for you.

Wanting to cheer him up, you hugged his waist, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck.

"You've already won my heart over Mr. Kang, there's nothing left for you to claim."

Although he felt comforted by your words, there was something else he needed to hear.

"You know how I feel. Now go on... say my name." He commanded you.

Pecking his lips, you gave in. "Yeosang."

You let out a squeak when he pressed you against the counter, pulling you into a deeper kiss that was getting more and more heated. Your moment was interrupted when someone suddenly came into the scene, startling you both.

"Oh God Damian! You scared me man." Yeosang let out a relieved sigh when he saw it was only his trusted butler.

"Rest assured sir, I saw nothing and heard nothing." He smirked at them.

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

You grunted as you stripped yourself out of your shirt, the material feeling too confining and making your breasts feel more sore than they already felt. Standing in front of the mirror, you noticed how your breasts were practically popping out of the top of your bra.

"Sannie! Could you come help me out?" You called out to him.

"Yes my lovely baby mama?" He poked his head into the room, always ready to help you out if you needed it.

"Could you please unhook my bra, I can't reach."

Happy to help you, he came up behind you, eyes focused as he began undoing all of the hooks.

"Are they hurting you baby?" Looking up at the mirror, he saw your pouty face nodding at him.

"Would you like me to massage them for you?" He offered.

"Please." You begged, loving how gentle his hands were whenever he touched them.

Releasing your breasts out of their tight confinement, both you and San were in shock when tiny droplets of liquid gushed out of your nipples.

"Holy shit Y/N, are you already lactating?"

San stared at your breasts in amazement. Keeping his eyes focused on the mirror in front of you guys, his hands came up to gently squeeze your breasts, that tiny action making more milky substance to come out of you. You saw how San licked his lips and it gave you an idea. Tilting your head, you gave him a kiss on his jaw before telling him:

"Wanna suck on them?"

San looked shocked at your suggestion, but then he returned you around and pressed his face against your chest.

"Fuck yeah."

Not even thinking twice, San took one of your tits into his mouth, humming in pleasure as he sucked some of your milk into his mouth.

"We should make this a regular occurrence."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Mingi released soft and blissful sighs as he felt your body move on top of him. His hands held onto your hips, helping you set a slow and sensual pace as you grinded against his dick.

"You feeling good baby?" He asked, making sure you weren't uncomfortable or in pain.

Your only response was your head being thrown back as you spewed out moans from your throat. It seemed the pregnancy heightened your sensitivity, so every move against Mingi's pelvis felt absolutely amazing, especially when he reached a hand over to rub at your clit. He always made sure you felt as much pleasure as possible.

"That's it, there you go babygirl." Mingi himself was enjoying the change in your sex life. Ever since you both found out you were pregnant, you had to halt your rather kinky and intense fucking sessions and replaced them with more soft and romantic love making. Which neither of you minded, it felt much more intimate and helped you both bond even closer to each other.

"Are you close my little lady? I can feel you squeeze tighter around my cock."

Although you were indeed close, you didn't want to cum just yet, not without asking you something first.

"Mingi......please....spank my ass." You turned your head so you could partially see his face from behind you.

Mingi blinked slowly at your request, unsure of what to do. Wanting to please you, he took one hand off your hip and used it to lightly spank the top of your ass. Although it was a rather tame slap, it was enough for you to start cumming on top of him. Mingi of course held you up, continuing to bury his cock inside you, sliding in and out so he could help make your high last longer til eventually he himself was cumming up into you. Making sure both of you were satisfied, he pulled you off him so he could clean you up.

"So I see you still become a mess when someone spanks you." He teased you, moving some hair out of your face so he could properly kiss you.

"Hey, I'm still your little brat even if I'm carrying our soon to be brat."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

Wooyoung slid the tip of his cock against your folds. Although he was anxious to be inside you once again, he had to make sure you were all right and not uncomfortable in any shape or form.

"You sure about this baby? We could try something else if you'd like." He assured you, one hand coming down to gently press against your pregnant belly.

"I'm fine Wooyoung. I just wanna feel your cock inside me again. It's been too long and I need it." You whined out, desperate to get some sort of release through something that wasn't from Wooyoung's tongue or fingers, although they always left you satisfied.

Wooyoung was extremely careful and slow as he plunged himself into you from behind, both of you moaning out loud when were connected once again after a long time. Pulling out once more, Wooyoung made sure to go easy on you, his fingers kneading the soft flesh of your hips and ass as he moved to and fro with leisurely yet deep strokes into you.

"Fuck! You feel so good!" You couldn't help but exclaim as you felt every vein and ridge of his dick hitting deep inside your tight walls.

"You missed this didn't you babygirl? Missed being my little toy?" He couldn't hide the smirk on his face as he went slightly harder against her but not so much. Reaching one hand over, his fingers rubbed at her clit, knowing it would drive her crazy.

"Y-yes! I missed this." You gasped out, unable to think about anything except Wooyoung's dick inside you.

"You dirty girl, even after I get you all knocked up, you still want to get fucked by me."

Rubbing his fingers faster against your clit, his other hand held onto your hip so he could angle himself to hit against your g-spot, brushing his tip over and over again on it so he could send you cumming all over him.

"But that's ok, I'll make sure to fuck another baby into you if that's what you want."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Opening your eyes, you smiled shyly as you woke up to your husband's face sleeping soundly next to you, one of his buff and strong arms was thrown over your body, laying protectively on your bump. Gently prying his hand off you without disturbing him, you quietly got out of the bed and walked out into the balcony of your hotel room, not bothering to cover up your naked body with a robe or anything.

You felt free, truly free as you gazed out at the beautiful scenery of the beach in front of you, a quick getaway place you and Jongho chose as your honeymoon destination after you both literally eloped not even 2 days ago. You wondered what were your parents and former fiancee thinking now, no doubt they were probably looking all over for you or were barely finding out the secret you two had kept for so long.

But you couldn't bring yourself to care. You didn't regret anything, if anything you would have regretted everything if you hadn't escaped with Jongho, whom you hadn't noticed had woken up until you felt his hands on your hips.

"Look at you little vixen coming out here wearing absolutely nothing. What? Did you want anyone passing by to see you standing here all nude?" His tone let you know he wasn't mad, he was simply poking fun at you.

"Hmmm maybe? Would it make you jealous to know someone who isn't you saw me like this?" You joked back at him, pushing your ass back onto him, a grin on your face when you felt his dick poke at your hip, letting you know that he too came out with no clothes on.

"On the contrary my little vixen, you wanted to give them a show?" You bit your lip when he began kissing your shoulder and neck, aligning himself at your entrance.

"I'll make sure we both give them a show."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners.

[jediken0bi]

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

-

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

[annaphoenix1994]

Ch.76 - Family of Four

Previous Chapter - Masterlist - Next Chapter

More Soap and Simon bickering; Pure fluff; Kiera gets released.

"You sure you don't need an extra set of hands to help, L.T.?" 

"No," Simon sighed, ensuring all of the bags were packed that would be going home with him, double checking to make sure Kiera's after-care bag had everything she needed to help with the healing process. "Already in enough stress as it is." 

No matter how much Simon was annoyed with Soap's pestering, he truly admired how persistent Soap was when it came to being there for Simon. Aside from Kiera, Soap was the only other person Simon could count on when he needed someone to confide to or to get something done. 

When Simon needed help cutting the wood for the crib, Soap would help him. 

Well, Soap eventually pried his way into helping him by picking at him - giving Simon pointers on sanding the wood to refrain from splinters. Simon hated the unnecessary advice but ignored it. 

When Simon had anxiety about Kiera's due date, Soap was there to offer him a shot of whiskey to soothe his nerves, the pair having a glass of bourbon even though Soap hated the burn of Wild Turkey. 

He was stressing immensely on this particular day. Kiera's mother was at a doctor's appointment and today was the day Kiera was cleared to go home after three days in the hospital. She still could barely walk on her own, let alone walk out of the hospital with two babies when she needed a wheelchair to make it to the truck. The time of her discharge was getting closer and closer and the more he thought about it, the worse his anxiety got. He had ended his and Soap's phone call out of haste, pushing his friend's offer to the side as he wanted to be the only one to handle the situation. 

"Are you alright, babe?" Kiera asked, taking notice of his worry. 

"Yes, love. Just ready to go home." He forced a smile. She knows I'm lying. 

"Won't you let Johnny come and help? He's dying to spend more time with you and the babies-"

"I don't need his help right now, love." He huffed. 

"You mean you don't want his help right now. You know you'll need it." 

I wish you'd stop reading my mind, love.

"Fine. Having another set of hands to help get you and these babies out of here will be nice." 

"There we go," She giggled. "Finally getting somewhere. Won't you call him back and tell him you'd like his help?"

"Then that's giving in to his prodding." 

"No, it's not. It's letting him know that you want him around." 

Although there was something else that began to eat at Kiera's mind. She knew Simon welcomed Soap for any other occasion other than spending time with the newborns - a boundary Simon had set immediately with no intention of letting Soap cross it. 

He was jealous. 

Jealous of the thought that Jacob or Evie would prefer Soap over their own father.

She watched him huff as he removed his phone from his pocket, dialing Soap's number and putting on speaker as if he were proving to Kiera that he was calling his comrade. 

"Hello?" 

"You can come and help if you want-"

"Already halfway there, L.T." 

"W-What?" 

"I knew you'd change your mind," He snickered. "Figured if I came anyway you couldn't say no." 

"Don't push your luck, MacTavish." 

*

Once Soap had arrived at the hospital, he failed to conceal his smile of excitement as he walked through the hallway and towards the elevator, swaying from side to side subtly as the elevator hoisted him up to the second floor. 

Slowly, he arrived at the door that separated him and the ones he cherished dearly, knocking quietly as he could feel Simon's presence inching closer to the door, a smirk splaying across Soap's face as he knew Simon was already irritated by giving in to accept help. Soap knew Simon hated asking for help. 

"Well good morning, L.T." 

"Yeah," He huffed, standing aside to let Soap pass by. "Where's your better half?" 

"Oh, that's below the belt, L.T. A little curious, are you?" He poked, enjoying pressing his buttons. "Oh! You meant Teeter? She's with Kiera's dad and the wranglers sorting cows." 

Simon scoffed at Soap's usual crude words, walking towards Kiera's bed as the nurse was disconnecting the monitors and I.V.'s from her arms. He smiled down at her softly before glancing at Evie and Jacob - Evie being awake and looking around as Jacob was sound asleep. While the nurse continued to talk to Kiera, Simon couldn't help but put his finger into the bassinet, his heart swelling at Evie's warm hand as she curled her small fingers around his. Don't ever grow up, lass. 

"When will you finally let me hold my niece-"

"No." 

"Come on, L.T. Would you rather me push Kiera's wheelchair while you-"

"No." 

"I need to know what you want me to do here," He scoffed playfully. "You're making it harder than what it really is." 

"Don't mean to." 

"Then just relax. I'm not going to snatch up my nephew and run away with him and I'm not going to snatch your daughter and give her to Teeter so she has a first curse word." 

"He has a point, Simon." Kiera shrugged as he hastily offered his hand to help her move into the nearby wheelchair. 

"What do you want me to do, love?" He sighed. 

"Well, you already ran our bags down this morning and the only thing we have left is to take me and the babies home," She smiled. "Let Johnny put them in their carriers and take them down while you push me, okay?" 

She knew Simon didn't like her suggestion, but he nodded anyway, reaching down to curl his fingers against her cheek before turning towards Soap, motioning him towards the couch that housed the two carriers they would be taken home in. "I'm going to get Evie first and put her in since she's awake." 

"Okay, L.T." Soap nodded, watching Simon carefully has he gently grasped his daughter within his large hands, holding the infant so delicately that looked unnatural for a man like Simon Riley. 

He watched as Simon grinned down at his daughter, the light murmurs and groans leaving Evie's lips making it impossible for Simon to be the only one who enjoyed it. So perfect you are, lass.

With careful steps, Simon approached the carrier before easily lowering her into the seat, that familiar swelling in his chest as her bright eyes stared back at him with perfect lashes to outline her eyelids, her little mouth forming into an O with a bulb-like shape on the tip of her top lip. Soap watched how carefully Simon secured Evie into the carrier before stepping back to the bassinet to retrieve the pacifier. 

"Can...Can I put Jacob into his seat?" 

Expecting a quick and sharp decline, Soap was shocked when Simon shot him a glare instead, showing a gleam of thought behind his dark brown eyes. He watched as Simon looked back at Kiera, watching her nod as if she were telling him it was okay before he subtly nodded at Soap, watching him make his way towards the bassinet with Simon close behind him. "I-I don't want to wake him up, L.T..." 

"You won't. Just grab him gently and pull him into your chest."

"R-Really?" 

"I've managed to master the art of picking up a sleeping baby within the last few days. Trust me. Cradle his head and put your other hand at his lower back as you pick him up then let him lay against your chest." 

Soap nodded at Simon's explanation, gently and slowly reaching into the bassinet to grasp Jacob's sleeping form, the infant so small in comparison to Soap's own hands. No wonder Simon freaks out about holding you himself, Soap thought. 

He held the infant close as he approached the carrier, Simon stepping aside an extra step to give Soap room as he gently lay Jacob in his carrier, the pair of men shocked at how naturally it came to them with no prior experience with children before. 

In fact, both Soap and Simon stayed away from children every chance they got. 

"Alright, L.T., package secure." Soap nodded with a grin of pride plastering his face, chuckling at how Simon stepped closer to the carrier to ensure Soap had fastened it right, passing him of the mental test as Jacob stayed asleep.

"You ever going to quit with the military talk, MacTavish?" 

"Don't plan on it, L.T."

[jonsa101]

Episode 3x14: A Reflection of How Max Stepped Into Love After A Season of Suffering

Gif credit @supagirl

Hey guys! I can’t believe the season finale has come and gone! I think my mind is just taking time to comprehend everything that has happened! Sharpwin is officially canon! As I’m typing this out, it feels strange writing a meta on the other side of things. Since season one, I’ve been writing metas about how these two belong together and making predictions about the trajectory of their relationship. Now, to be on the other side of things where I know longer have to do that because these two are finally together is kinda crazy. I feel so elated!

Now y’all, I’m not going to lie to you, I had a totally different meta planned out and that meta is still in my drafts. I will probably release it because it was a general review of the episode but I thought it was more important that I put this meta out first. When I was watching the finale live, I didn’t love it. I just didn’t. I loved that Max and Helen finally got together at the end of the episode but I had a major issue with how it unfolded. The issue my friends was this scene right here: 

Baby!!! When I tell you this scene TRIGGERED me, it did! Now mind you, I wasn’t upset with Max’s storyline of searching and struggling to take off his wedding ring. It is human nature for Max to still have an emotional attachment to his ring. He’s not still grieving but essentially that ring is the only thing he has left of Georgia and represents a life he once had. Him taking it off was always going to be a monumental moment for Sharpwin and for himself. The issue that I had was Max casually telling Helen that he freaked out about losing his ring!!! To me, after the voicemail he left her, after Helen flew standby and was in a six hour flight to see him, it was an incredibly CALLOUS thing for Max to say. I know Max wasn’t thinking in this moment. I know his intentions were clearly not to hurt her but words matter and him being careless with his was a complete disregard of Helen’s feelings. She was deeply hurt and upset when he said this and rightfully so! I mean just look at her expression here:

Helen’s entire being read like

“I can’t believe you”

And girl same, because neither could I!! He knew he fucked up and he obviously made up for it in the end but y’all when I was watching it live, everything that came after that elevator scene was was tainted for me. I had a hard time believing that Helen would let what he said slide so easily and in the moment, I couldn’t appreciate the beauty of them finally coming together! 😩 In my personal opinion, there were so many other ways that scene could have played out without Max having to literally tell Helen to her face that he was worried about his wedding ring! I know they were trying to build up to the “big moment” where he finally takes his ring off and runs back to Helen’s apartment but man, that moment did not sit right with me in my spirit! It still doesn’t and I don’t think my opinion will ever change on this.

With that said, I’ve now done several rewatches of the finale where I specifically watched the scenes after that awful moment by the elevator. As I’ve had time to reflect, my perspective has changed. I no longer view the moments after the elevator scene as tainted but as something deeply profound and beautiful. Hell, even as I reflect on that scene by the elevator, I still don’t like it, but in a way I understand it in how it relates to Max’s overall journey when it comes to Helen. To me, Max Goodwin is a man who fell deeply in love with Helen in the midst of the most complex situations and a season of him suffering. It’s been deep rooted, complicated and messy from the start and over the past three years we’ve seen Max navigate through the complexities of his feelings for Helen and the circumstances he’s found himself in on our screens. I think when you look at season three finale and specifically the journey of Max finally making a choice to be with Helen, you have to put into context Max’s history and how it influenced what that looked like. So y’all that is exactly what I want to do in this meta so let’s dive in.

One thing I think we need to acknowledge is that, even though as an audience we have loved seeing Max and Helen’s journey unfold, the road has been so TOUGH for them. As Helen said in 3x13, it’s been a fight! Especially for Max. The suffering he has endured over the past three years has been unfathomable and much of his relationship with Helen and his feelings for her have been developed under these traumatic and tragic circumstances. 

At the very beginning of the series, when Max and Helen first meet they clash but it doesn’t last for long. It’s his first day at New Amsterdam and as the new Medical Director, he wants her to stay at the hospital and treat patients instead of doing press tours. Helen on the other hand wants to continue doing press and for the most part ignores his demands for her to return to the hospital. When she finally does return, she does so because she learns that Max has cancer. This bonds them at the onset as Helen is the only person in his life that knows about his diagnosis. As an audience, when we first see them interact, we instantly saw the sparks fly between them. Their chemistry and natural witty banter made us immediately take a look at their relationship and what potential they could have in the future. Though we were shocked by his cancer diagnosis, I think the fun and lightheartedness of Sharpwin’s first interactions really masked how traumatic this must have been for Max. On the first day of his dream job, that he sacrificed his marriage for, he learns that he has cancer while having a baby on the way. Those are the awful circumstances that first bring Max and Helen together. 

As Helen becomes Max’s doctor and he swears her to secrecy about his diagnosis, their friendship and bond grows deeper. His passion and drive to help his patients, reignites Sharpe’s love for medicine again and inspires her to put her patients first. They become vulnerable with each other more than anyone else in their lives. He confides in her about his broken marriage and she tells him that she wants a baby. When he almost dies, she becomes his deputy medical director so that he can focus on his care. All of these moments are significant to them because somewhere along the way they develop feelings for each other. They didn’t plan for it and it’s something neither of them are consciously aware of but unknowingly, they both start to fill a place in each other’s lives that was clearly more than a doctor and patient relationship or a friendship. This “place” wasn’t called out until episode 1x16 were the clairvoyant called out their feelings for each other. When episode 1x17 comes around, after a night of revelations and a scramble to get the power back on in the hospital, Helen decides to step back as his doctor. If she wasn’t aware of her feelings before, in this moment, she’s fully aware of them now. This is an effort to safeguard her heart and set boundaries because the lines of who they are to each other were already so blurred. When she “triages” their relationship Max’s reacts badly and honestly they’re both devastated and are on the verge of tears:

As viewers, we loved this moment but when you peel back the layers of what’s actually going on in this scene, it’s gut-wrenching. The subtext is so clear here yet their situation is so complex and layered. We know for a fact that Max wasn’t trying to lose her in ANY CAPACITY. We also know that in the way he TRULY wanted her he couldn’t have her and Helen knew that too. Not when he was married, had a baby on the way, and fighting cancer at the same time. Y’all that’s hard and profoundly painful when you think about it and it makes this scene all the more tragic. 

When Helen steps back as his doctor, at first Max seems to be handling it well but as his cancer starts to get worse, he completely breaks. Like I said earlier, over the course of his cancer treatment, Helen filled a place in Max’s life that was so much more than just his doctor or his friend. So when he’s dying and no longer has the person he feels deeply for play an active role in his treatment, he lashes out. He’s dealing with a range of emotions he can’t handle or properly process. Things only get worse from there and at the end of season one Georgia and Luna’s life are on the line and Bloom and Helen scramble to save them. When it seems like everyone was able to come out of that traumatic event unscathed, they get into a devastating ambulance crash that changes everything. 

Season 2 brings another level of pain and suffering for Max when he loses his wife after the crash and is thrust into single fatherhood. Not only is he grieving but he’s also dealing with guilt of falling in love with Helen while he was married. The complexities of his feelings is something he struggles with throughout this season and it affects his relationship with Helen. At some points he pushes her away and at others he desperately needs her. Once again, Helen and Max’s relationship is caught up in the most complex of circumstances that is riddled with agony and trauma. 

By time we head into season 3, Max doesn’t even have time to breathe or think about his relationship with Helen because they’re both thrust to the frontlines of the pandemic. 

I bring all of this up again to emphasize that there has never been a time where Max and Helen’s relationship hasn’t been wrapped up in trauma or some sort of suffering. It has always been one thing or another with them. It’s been A LOT and Max has tried to navigate being in love with Helen through his suffering and under these crazy ass circumstances. So after rewatching the finale, the questions that run through my mind are:

How do you step into love when all you’ve known for the past three years has been suffering?

How do you love openly and freely when for so long you’ve emotionally suppressed your feelings for someone because it was “wrong?” 

How do you let go, heal, and move on with your life?

To me, answering these questions is what the season finale for Max was all about. When you’ve suffered so much and endured so much it’s not easy to step into a new chapter in your life that’s hopeful and filled with love and possibilities. For Max, I don’t think in his wildest dreams that he ever imagined that he and Helen would be in a place where they could actually be together. Considering everything they’ve gone through, quite frankly it’s a fucking miracle! So when he actually makes it to the other side and not only SURVIVES but has a chance for happiness, I don’t think he knows what he’s doing. Pursuing/having feelings for Helen from a place that isn’t wrapped up in trauma and tragedy, where there are seemingly no obstacles in his way, is totally and completely new territory for Max. I think he’s clueless in how to do that in the right way and as he navigates through that, naturally there are hiccups.

That’s evident with what he said by the elevator and also in this moment here: 

Max doesn’t have a clue but he wants to make sure that he doesn’t fuck it up because he DESPERATELY wants this! I also think there’s something to be said about how we as human beings can self-sabotage ourselves when we finally have an opportunity to get what we want. Fear, guilt, worthiness usually comes into play with that and I think for Max there was definitely a fear with moving on with his life, guilt of surviving it all and having a chance to be with the woman he’s loved for so long, and a question of if he’s worthy of actually having happiness.

Their walk in my mind perfectly embodies him self sabotaging while also trying to navigate his feelings of desperately wanting to be with her. At the beginning of their walk, you see that at one point he clearly wants to hold Helen’s hand but he doesn’t (I would use a gif here y’all but I literally only have room for 10 😩). I’m focusing my attention on Max here because essentially this whole moment between them is a part of Max’s “mini story” in the episode. The ball has always been in his court and truly what we are witnessing is his journey to step into love because Helen is ready and has been waiting on him. 

The most compelling moment in their walk scene for me was this one: 

I find it strange for Max to walk so far ahead when he was the one who asked her if he could walk with her. My first thought while watching it live was “what is he doing” and I think Helen’s expression reads the same way. After analyzing this for a bit, I genuinely think that’s the point of this scene. Like I said earlier, Max doesn’t know what he’s doing. To be with Helen like this is, where its romantic, peaceful and drama free is probably blowing his mind and he doesn't know how to navigate this. He doesn’t know how to receive this second chance at happiness. 

The internal war of Max stepping into love or allowing fear, guilt, and unworthiness to hold him back becomes all the more evident when they get to Helen’s door: 

He knows he wants to come in. Helen know he wants to come in too. This man literally says goodnight twice and when Helen responds with “you said that,” it perfects this scene. She wants him to come in as well but she’s not going to ask him to. In this moment, she sees his internal struggle and she knows that he has to make the choice himself on whether or not he wants to move on with his life with her.

When he walks away, for a moment that was Max choosing to hold onto the pain and trauma of his past. That was him choosing to hold onto the guilt that was keeping him from healing and moving on. With the suffering he’s been through, it makes sense. In many ways he’s been conditioned to fight, to suffer and to endure. It’s what he’s used to. But praise the lord, he thinks of the moments he just shared with Helen. 

The joy he has with just being in her presence. 

The opportunity he has to freely be with her and have a life with her after loving her for so long.

He is not condemned to a life of suffering. It was only for a season. He’s in love with Helen and wants to be with her. Like hell is he going to let this opportunity at a second chance of love and happiness slip away from him. So guys, he slips off that ring, runs back to Helen’s apartment and makes a choice to step into love. Step into this new, uncharted, chapter of his life with Helen Sharpe. 

Anyway guys! I hope y’all enjoyed this! I might be releasing one more meta but we will see how it goes.

As always feel free to reach out to me on Tumblr and on Twitter @oyindaodewale. Love you guys!

[mikeshanlon]

i really enjoy the way young royals explores the theme of legacy and how detrimental it can be to have to live up to a legacy or be obsessed with reputation. (analysis and thoughts under the cut)

i think wilhelm resents the fact that he has to live up to the role of being in the royal family and yet is very afraid of ruining that legacy bc of all the pressure. before he was sent off to hillerska he went to a normal school and wanted normal people around him and was content with erik having to take on the responsibilities of crown prince. and when he does have to assume that role he says he can never be erik, that he’s always had to be compared to him and obviously doesn’t like that. but even before erik passed and he had to take on those duties he was afraid of fucking up the legacy of the crown, when he sees that sign in the hallway that says you are in charge of your own legacy after he holds hands with simon, his anxiety worsens. you can tell it’s been instilled in him for a long time that what is most important is the crown’s reputation rather than his own wants. in the scene where him and simon fight about alexander being caught, he obviously wants simon to stay, but he focuses on how him doing drugs will fuck up his family’s reputation if it gets leaked. as much as he cares for simon, his legacy and his duties are like this oppressive cloud hanging over him. 

i do think that wille cares for his family of course but to me it’s different that the sort of loyal unconditional care with simon and his sister/mom. erik and wille had unconditional love, erik understood how difficult being a prince in the public eye was, and wille obviously cared for him deeply and felt like he could to talk to him about issues. his relationship with the queen is much more strained, she wants a tailored, doctored representation of him in the media, he cannot be anxious and bite his nails, she makes all the decisions for him. family is important to wille partially because it has to be bc of how special his family is. he helps his family, he helps august pay his tuition, and then makes a point of disowning august after his betrayal as his new “brother”. but again, because of the royal status and expectations upon the family, that supersedes and colors all of their relationships with each other. it seems to be more a sense of “duty” than unconditional love. especially after erik’s death, wille always has to consider how the crown’s image will be impacted, even though he never wanted to have this responsibility, or even the responsibility of being the “regular” prince under erik. being a family unit that is under constant public scrutiny is going to strain relationships. the queen knows that the anxiety of fucking up his legacy will get to him, and she uses that to get wilhelm to back out of admitting it was him in the video and coming out. wilhelm has to choose between his own happiness and their reputation, is forced to think that denying it’s him in the video is the only way. he loves simon and wanted to live freely, but that pressure of legacy won out.

i don’t know if i think wille necessarily values the crown over his own personal happiness and relationships, like in the way maybe the queen does--i don’t think it comes from a place of “i’m lucky to be prince and owe my duty to the crown, so i do what i have to do to stay that way” (like how the queen said the crown is a privilege not a punishment), but from fear of destroying the legacy and his family. afterall, he still wanted to pursue a secret relationship with simon, i think if he fully valued the crown and uplifting legacy and fulfilling his duties he wouldn’t have tried that. he wouldn’t have made a point to tell simon he loves him. hopefully we get another season because i think with the iconic ending revolution rendition and him looking in the camera, which also parallels the shot of him being forced to apologize/go to hillerska, he is realizing that focusing on legacy is taking away what’s important to him, and he’s going to shake shit up.

august is definitely the most obsessed with legacy, wanting to carry on his father’s business, being persistent on befriending wilhelm and trying to social climb, wanting power and perfection with being prefect, rowing captain etcetera. he is so obsessed with perfection and reputation he gets addicted to drugs, he fucks with simon and makes him get stuff for parties he can’t afford because good parties will make him look better, he manipulates sara multiple times, he mostly wanted felice because of her nobility, he fucking films wilhelm and simon and OUTS him, his own cousin. he hates that wille has everything he wants but isn’t as interested in preserving and more importantly improving the legacy he’s inheriting. meanwhile august’s familial legacy is dwindling, and he holds on to the last bit of assets and names that he can.... v much sick and a weirdo that shows how harmful being obsessed with legacy is

the queen is of course v focused on legacy and it really breaks my heart and makes me angry that she doesn’t care about wilhelm’s happiness more than their reputation, and moreso doesn’t get august in trouble for literally leaking child p*rn of her kid for the sake of appearances?!?!?! like how is he even remotely trustworthy she is wrong for that! like i said earlier the obsession with legacy puts a strain on their mother/son relationship. she doesn’t even really say anything about wille’s sexuality or his relationship, and barely comforts him, mostly goes in with a plan she’s already concocted without him to fix everything. 

erik seemed to understand and accept his role as crown prince but obviously had issues with it as well, like when he makes the plan for him and wilhelm to run from the press, or when he tells wilhelm to enjoy himself while there aren’t so many eyes on him that care. erik shows someone who has more unconditional love and empathy but still has to focus on legacy and is much more inclined to continue his legacy, but we do see those glimpses over how even the most “ideal” attitude of preserving legacy causes issues.

felice is expected to live up to her mother’s legacy, of being an equestrian, of being the lucia, but she doesn’t want either of those things. her mother wants her to be thinner and straighten her hair, and find someone of nobility to be with. obviously she does find wilhelm attractive lol but i think the main reason she pursued him and definitely why she pursued august was because she was expected to social climb and have royal kids. felice feels the need to portray a false narrative of herself on social media to uphold a certain image of herself. it’s very fucked up that her mom wants those values instilled in her but i love that felice was putting up boundaries and pushing back against her mother and the narrative she’s supposed to live up to. her giving sara the role of lucia and focusing on supporting her friends more in the latter half of the season shows growth and i’m excited to see where her story goes. 

sara is interesting because she seems to want to reject the legacy of her family and being working class and to fit in with the elite of hillerska. sara hates micke, hates that simon contacted him because it’s bringing in this “shameful” and painful part of their past (which i mean is def fair). other than sara’s betrayal in 1.06, i think the scene where she tells her family that she wants to reside at hillerska really exemplifies where she’s at in her relation to legacy/class. after dining at hillerska and living amongst the elite she gets annoyed at eating around the TV, she blames her mother for not leaving micke sooner, she gets angry with simon for caring for her. she wants to lead her own life, be popular and wanted because people want her, not for pity (even though i think simon of course truly cares abt his sister she feels annoyed with his protection and care). felice says early on that she thinks sara doesn’t care what other’s think or having friends, and sara says she still wants friends though. i think sara’s biggest thing is she wants to belong, her and simon moved schools after she was bullied for being autistic so i think that definitely affected her even though she tries to act nonchalant about hillerska at first. we see sara’s longing to fit in in smaller ways at first, like her asking her mom for a better piece of her uniform because hers are “cheap” and already worn out. she gets annoyed at simon for chewing loudly, or her mother sitting casually at the table. as she gets closer to felice and madison and all the other students, the allure of the upper class and their lifestyle draws her in more. so much to the point where she gets very anxious and upset at the idea of her and simon leaving hillerska because he’s having his own crisis and doesn’t consider his pov. so much so that she effectively betrays simon and felice, the people she’s closest to, to make a deal (and make out lol) with august to room there and “be just like him”. personally i think sara’s attraction to august is mostly that allure of the elite and that he seemed to “desire” her when he kissed her because he was being a manipulative dickhead--again that want to fit in and be wanted. and  i think there is a really interesting angle of jealousy and competition in female friendships, even if it is really subtle or not intentionally insidious or anything, sara does slowly start to trying to assume all the roles/fashions/mannerisms of felice to live that life she wants. i do think felice and sara’s care for each other is genuine and one of my fave parts of the show, but i think a lot of people who experienced being a teen girl know how we are always pitted against each other even in our subconscious because of how society treats and values women.

simon seems to be the character that is least interested in upholding legacy and tradition or giving a fuck what anyone thinks (as omar said here lmao) and that makes him a really interesting foil to wilhelm. there could be something said about micke fearing that simon is following in his footsteps, but to me that plot more so reveals how the upper class (august) continually exploit the working class for their benefit, and the trappings of generational oppression. the other thing that can be said is simon signing up for private tutoring and rowing, but again i think that serves to further show that he is forced to “play” by the game of the elites because the school/society is corrupt, and also, that simon has further ambitions outside of where he’s at. he wants to get good grades because he wants to explore new places and avenues. to me simon’s biggest motivations are his passions, the things and people he loves--music, his family, wilhelm. he isn’t loyal to others just because he’s expected to be, or uphold a certain image but because he really cares. he doesn’t watch out for sara because that’s his expected role as her brother to do so, but because he cares. he wasn’t interested in knowing wilhelm because he’s a prince like everyone else, he makes it clear he thinks the royal family are privileged and exploitative, but he is interested because he saw the real wilhelm. he’s out and proud even though his elite classmates are more conservative, he doesn’t care about voicing his unpopular opinions, he has no problem walking away from august’s dickhead behavior or calling him out on his shit. simon doesn’t care if people don’t think of him in the best light. (the only exceptions ig are the drugs conflict and the video, though literally anyone would have a problem with that because it’s much deeper that public opinion and has ramifications and is deeply traumatic--but just adding that before someone is like “well actually!”) i also think it’s interesting that most of the songs simon sings has themes of pushing back against the societal norms, and being remembered in history, plus of course the revolution song motif, and how much those songs affect wilhelm, he seems to connect deeply, like he wishes he could do those things but simon is the one who gets to sing them and actually live them.