#i genuinely dont know how else to react like.
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badcountryofficial · 3 months ago
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Like it was never about me or what was best for me...I have to laugh because of how absolutely ABSURD it is
#and i let it HAPPEN#i genuinely dont know how else to react like.#stepping away and seeing it all for what it is in the light of day...with sober eyes...like wow. goddamn#like i just?? dont understand#'i told my friends about what you did to me' 'that's ur right' and then not even 2 weeks later 'i cant believe u told them..'#because i did it 'to make them hate you' like 1. then why did u do it. why did u do it then?#2. all i said was what you did.#then my friends said 'hey you deserve someone who listens to your boundaries that's not okay'#i shpuld be able to tell ppl how my partner treats me it shouldnt be smth i hide from them.#telling them was for me. but that didnt matter. your image did#well now they know. and now you know your actions have consequences.#it's just so infuriating. the amount i poured and poured and looking back it's like.#now i see so clearly it was all a fucking mirage it was never fucking real.#it's so unfair. i dont understand how it went on that long#not that he cares he gets to move on because he never really put in anything. no steps were taken no real truth was given#meanwhile i opened my life and bore my soul so.#like good for him ig he can just move on and get what he wants from someone new#and good for me because now i know more#but i still have to deal w this bullshit future i planned w someone who i now realized never wanted it really#like fuck. fuck#goddammit#so whatever i guess#and i hid SO MUCH because i KNEW how it would look#but to ME who had all the 'context' i didnt want them to just see what i told them#but i now realize the 'context' was all bullshit and i should not have been trying to protect someone who didnt even care enough to listen#to me saying no. god. i wasnt even asking for that much either.#i wasnt crazy. i wasnt acting like my dad. i was being a normal adult. it just crushes me.#because if i was in his place and i truly believed i was with my soul mate i would have simply done the hard shit.#but he didnt believe that ig so! now i know!!#yippee!!!!!
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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milfygerard · 11 months ago
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sometimes i go thru the gaylor tag to see updates or reactions or something and its so funny everytime. You people are insane i respect literally none of you etc etc
#barry.txt#taylor swift#NOTE: THIS IS COMING FROM AN RPF FREAK WHO COULD FEASIBLY IMAGINE TAYLOR SWIFT EATING PUSSY#HATERS IM SORRY BUT THIS ISNT FOR YOU. YOU WILL NOT EARN MY SYMPATHY. anyway#i think i just get really frustrated when a fanbase gets so caught up in itself it cant remember how like....people work#or how relationships function even celebrity ones#i have spent lots of time and energy watching how people react and listening to people talk about relationships and so im annoying abt it#kaylors bless ur hearts im glad ur having fun but posts about their secret relationship make me autism angry#i was THERE for the kaylor divorce. ive listened to evermore more time than id like to admit. theyve at most made an effort to mend a bridg#that baby is a kushner and to imply otherwise is either short sighted or genuinely concerning depending on how deep and intense#the theory is#i think part of the problem is that it forces me to interact w the wider swiftie fandom at large which is a no go zone#i have my circle of blogs i respect even if i find all discussion of travis kind of boring and whenever i try to step out of it#i just end up frustrated#stop trying to prove things! you will never prove things! we dont know her!#i also disagree w lots of the general lyrical analysis but thats not anger i respect the readings they just arent mine#but yeah whatever. script doctoring a niche subset of one of the biggest fandoms on earth. i cant help myself!#none of this applies to you if ur 15 or whatever but i do implore that you not waste all ur time on dumb celebrity theories#and go do anything else
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snekdood · 3 days ago
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ik we talk about "karma" in the sense of "whatever you do will come back to bite you", but in a more realistic sense it just means action. every action has a reaction, etc. which is why its incorrect to blame your god/gods for the way you're mistreated in life bc 1. everyone has free-will and 2. they dont have control over the wheel of karma (at least not in hinduism), so when you're mistreated, you shouldn't ask "what have I done to accrue karma in the form of mistreatment" you should ask "why do these people suck so much", lol. it's not your god/gods punishing you, its other people exercising their free will and choosing to use it in a way that makes them suck as human beings 🤷 dont let people get off the hook by blaming the gods or some sort of nebulous "karma" you cant pin down, blame the people for being pieces of shits, dont let them think they're not actors in this and are just dutifully mistreating you on behalf of the laws of karma, bc they aren't, thats not how karma fucking works.
#yes yes ik i engage in 'ur gonna get ur karma' thought and 'why r u doing this to me god' thoughts too but thats like. an emotional response#its not the intellectual side of my brain speaking that knows better#its the emotional petty child in me that hates people and life that's speaking lol#if anything- with regards to karma- aka action- the only thing you should be asking yourself is 'what steps have i taken to end up in this#situation' and sometimes you didn't do shit wrong and other people just suck and they'll get negative shit for it too later#i do think 'whatever you do will come back to bite you' is true in a philosophical sense and maybe a bit in a metaphysical sense#but i dont think its always that clear or easy.#like sometimes my 'karma' is stepping on plastic water bottles or whatever other crap is on my floor bc i did the lack of action of cleanin#it up. its not that deep. sometimes its Just That.#i think karma can encompass both 'things you do will come back to you' and just simply 'action' but everyone only things its the first#when im p sure that wasnt even the original understanding of it? but maybe im wrong...#from what i gather 'what goes around comes around' wasnt the original meaning.#i think 'what goes around comes around' can stand on its own without having to be labeled karma all the time bc then ppl act like#*thats* the only karma that exist and then you end up in a thought loop about everything like 'what could i have possibly done to deserve#this' when maybe you didnt even do anything *wrong* per se you just made a poor choice#its a lot more simple than the metaphysical way people make it out to be. yes obviously everything you do something will react.#you engage in this world and the world reacts. naturally. sometimes it can be a grander 'karmic justice' thing but sometimes#you move your muscles to pick up a water bottle and a water bottle is picked up yaknow sdhjgfdshjgsd#dont get lost thinking everything is some sort of divine punishment ig is what im saying.#bc i have been there. bc some things i genuinely seriously ///cannot/// fathom why it happened to me.#also? sometimes its not your karma. sometimes how you're effected is someone elses karma.#like claiming to love something yet letting it wither and die...
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nexus-nebulae · 9 months ago
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im trying to learn how to better keep & reheat leftovers (bc if i dont know how to do a specific thing my brain won't let me try At All) and im getting better at eating bc im learning how to rely on food i know i like & lasts me at least a few days but is very easily heatable
#frozen meals are quick but i cannot rely on them#because they always either taste really off or i'm allergic to like 5 things in them (BROCCOLI WHY ARE YOU EVERYWHERE)#but if i know a recipe my mom can make at home#then we just make like 4 servings and i eat that for 4 days#and i genuinely do really like eating the same meal every day (it's The Tism™) so it really works#usually i really only know how to reheat things with rice & pasta#because. well. i eat a lot of rice and pasta#but other foods like. my brain goes BAD NO when i get it out of the fridge bc its Not How Im Used To#like i always have a strong reaction to refrigerated chicken bc it smells SO BAD as a leftover but its still fine#but my brain is like *NO!!!! ROTTEN!!!!! SPOILED!!!!!!* i have to like convince it it's fine with Facts and Logic#and so i'm learning how these foods react to being refrigerated so it doesnt freak me out (REFRIGERATED SOUP MY BEFUDDLING)#and learning how to make them last longer (i can save my sandwiches now without the bread getting rock hard!!)#and its kind of helping me eat more often#it doesnt help as much with the days where brain says No Food No Thanks Fuck You#but it DOES help with the days where i dont have the energy/time/physical ability to make something else#usually i don't eat a lot when my mom isn't home because i need her help with Basically Everything now#but if i have something i can quickly shove into the microwave its a lot easier for me to get food by myself#AND i have our crappy old microwave in my room (its 700w lmao) so if i REALLY cant do much#i can just snatch the food from the fridge and sit in bed while it heats up#i'm planning on getting a mini fridge for my room soon to stock emergency meals#the one im looking at is only 200$ plus it has a mini freezer too so i might actually be able to in a couple months#which makes me happy i love finally making progress on accessibility goals
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illululusion · 1 year ago
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Why can't I be pissed like a normal person why is it just crying
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love-byers · 3 months ago
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the first time i saw this, when i was NOT a byler shipper, i thought el was running TO mike. i thought we were getting a sweet moment where el runs to mike and he puts an arm around her or hugs her.
then i realized she was running away from him. 
and i was like, why?? they're supposed to be the couple why does she not want his comfort??
and even after will calls her out on doing mike wrong by lying to him, even after she sees that mike is attempting to talk to her and comfort her, that he's not angry at her, she still tells angela to lie to mike. more lies. that's how much she cares about keeping up the persona. had angela lied to mike, el would've continued lying to him the entire week. something she knows in her heart is wrong and not fair to mike.
this is a theme in s4. putting who you want to be seen as before being honest with your bf/gf. going above and beyond to preserve your lie, to be seen as who you want to be.
chrissy does that with jason. who she portrays herself as is completely different than who she really is and what she's really going through. jason has absolutely no idea chrissy is struggling and refused to believe chrissy would buy drugs, because chrissy didn't want to tell him. who knows how jason would've reacted if chrissy was honest, we don't know because chrissy didn't trust him enough to tell him. that's not love at all, that's sad.
this is a point in s2 as well. murray calls nancy out for being afraid to be her true self, and she stays with steve because she doesn't have to be her true self around him. she is her true self when she's with jonathan, and that's why they worked together. that's love.
the exact same thing happens with chrissy. the first time we see her genuinely smile is when she's with eddie. she's sweet and charismatic, and had she lived she totally would've gone to eddie's show, something you never would've expected from her, something her boyfriend, the person she pretends to love, would NEVER do.
robin and steve reinforce this too
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you fall in love with the person who makes you feel accepted, the person who makes you feel like you can be who you are. the person you trust with your true self.
mike and el don't trust each other enough, they don't understand each other well enough.
they would have to change their behavior towards each other by leaps and bounds, and we're already at the last season. there is no time for that. stranger things isn't a multi season show about the complexity of romantic relationships and the healthy way to resolve problems. there is no time for that in just about any movie or show, especially a sci-fi show. you know what's way easier and way more likable? pairing your character with someone they naturally click with, who bring out the best in each other and for some reason can't help but be their authentic selves when they're with each other.
did it with jancy, like i said earlier
did it with lumax. when lucas and max talked on the bus max found herself spewing about things she'd never even said out loud before, and she had to stop herself. something about lucas just made her feel comfortable, like she could be herself and tell the truth. she trusted him.
"You're nothing like your brother, okay? You're cool and different, you're super smart, and you're like, totally tubular."
jopper too! joyce constantly had to hide things from bob, she was insecure about their family not being normal.
"This is not a normal family."
"It could be."
though bob had good intentions, the message of the show is not trying to be normal when you aren't. whatever it is about you that makes you weird or different, whatever you've been through that changed you, stay true to it. dont bottle it up and try to be someone else. all of vecnas victims in s4 were doing this, and it didn't end well for them.
they even did it with dustin and suzie. dustin constantly tries to impress max with his teeth, then in season 3 he says suzie thinks kissing is better without teeth. he doesn't have to be insecure about that or try to impress her. she likes him for him.
mike isn't comfortable being his true self around el either. he's insecure about his interests, he feels like he has to act older and cooler to impress her.
you shouldn't be with the person you feel you have to impress. you should be with the person who relieves that pressure, who makes you feel like being the authentic you is enough.
jonathan and nancy, lucas and max, joyce and hopper, dustin and suzie,
cough WILL AND MIKE cough...
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vaguesxrrow · 7 months ago
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this was for a request for an edwin payne/gn reader dating hcs but i accidentally deleted the ask SORRYYY 😭😭 if you requested it here you go !!
edwin payne/reader dating hcs
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a/n: there is nothing in this pertaining to the reader's gender but i'd like to clarify they are not a girl, as edwin is not attracted to women (to my knowledge)
reader can be read as either alive or dead
tags: gn!reader
what dating edwin payne would be like...
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- before you started dating, or at the start of your relationship, edwin would be a little closed off (as is expected from him) but it was still obvious to everyone he had a soft spot for you
- even if he didnt outwardly show how taken with you he really was, it would be obvious through his actions alone
- on cases, he would especially watch out for your safety
- if you're sick or feeling even slightly unwell he will suggest you take a break from this case
- "i will come back to you. i promise." when you protest that he might need you there
- he'll give you long, long hugs when he returns
- lying in bed together after the case, facing each other, as he tells you about it
- would lay down with his head between your shoulder and neck, tracing patterns over your hand and wrist
- isn't terribly fond of pda but cheek kisses and hand holding, or linking your pinkies together are always on the table
- will also let you, and enjoy it when, you latch onto his arm
- this boy would totally try to court you
- at first his gifts would be typical types of gifts, like flowers or something expensive and fancy because he wants you to think highly of him
- but then one day he finds a silly stuffed animal he thinks you'd like and gives it to you
- you LOVE it ofc, and you dont waste a second in telling him
- he's a bit surprised but is happy you love it and would grin at you fully once you promise that yes, you really do think it's lovely
- after that, if he finds anything he knows you'll like, or if you say you want something, he WILL get it for you
- edwin taking you out on dates:
- he would put a lot of effort into your first date because, with all the running away from supernatural beings that want to kill you, he thinks both of you deserve a little normal
- imagine: a museum date, but at a kind of obscure museum that showcases ancient artifacts or something
- edwin would know a lot of facts about the different pieces and tell you about them
- however he will feel bad about going on too long, because this is your first date and he doesn't want to put you off already
- "i... apologise. i'm rambling."
- you: 'i don't mind. it's... attractive how smart you are."
- you were totally gonna say 'sexy' but is edwin really ready for that?? maybe not.
- then you kiss him before he can react, and his system kind of crashes (yeah, definitely not ready for 'sexy' just yet)
- he appreciates how you value his whole personality and genuinely love all parts of him
- he loves you just as much, if it wasn't obvious
- his love languages would probably be quality time and acts of service
- constantly making excuses to be near you
- "[ ] and i will go conduct some research in the library, the three of you can interview the witnesses."
- he thinks he's being subtle but charles, crystal, and niko always grin at you knowingly
- "have fun, lovebirds! try not to get distracted," <- coming from either of the other three, or maybe even all of them in unison
- edwin will splutter and blush
- once he realises there's no use in hiding how whipped he is for you, he'll outright say he wants to "go with his [boyfriend/partner]" to do whatever he wants to do
- he likes saying it out loud that you're together - it makes him feel giddy inside in a way no one else has before
- if you want a specific book for your research he'll take finding it very seriously
- you need a book from the top shelf? he's on it (like, literally on it, because if there's no step stool around he might actually climb the bookshelf)
- getting tired from your research? he'll mirror travel to a coffee shop and get you a drink and a sweet treat
- edwin would get jealous, and once he's secure in the relationship he would show it
- in the case of you being alive: imagine someone trying to flirt with you, maybe in the library or something from the earlier scenario
- he would knock over a book on purpose to spook the person who dared to flirt with HIS s.o
- when you tease him for it later he'll mutter something about being 'possibly a bit jealous.'
- it isn't that he doesn't trust you, as he will of course clarify, he's just very protective
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illubean · 10 days ago
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Hii!! No idea if you take reqs rn but if you dont thats fine just ignore this!!
But if you doo... can you pretty please do the stardust cruseders x fem reader who has a identical twin?!?!
I wanna know how they would react and what they would think!! (Since i have a identical twin lolz)
Thank you and have a nice day!!>_<
Stardust Crusaders W/ an IdenticalTwin!Reader
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Characters: Joseph Joestar (p3), Jotaro Kujo, Muhammad Avdol, Kakyoin Noriyaki, Jean Pierre Polnareff Type: Fem!Reader, Headcanons
had really great ideas for Polnareff and everyone else's is kind of short soz >.<
Warnings: none
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Joseph Joestar
cannot tell you guys apart for the life of him
he just calls both of you by your name and see's who responds
pls do not sister swap and prank him he WILL fall for it 😭
he probably made a dirty joke about you being a twin at some point in his life (pls hit him for it)
honestly he probably has been hit more times than he can count for accidentally grabbing your twin instead of you 😭
whether its you or your twin doing the hitting you decide
Jotaro Kujo
even if you guys seem to not have any differences at all Jotaro can still tell you two apart without thought
even if you guys swap clothes or something he will just be like "??? why are you dressed like your sister"
and when you ask him how he knew he just shrugs
or he'll point out something so small, like maybe your left eyebrow is a little higher idk
but yeah finding out you had a twin wasn't that big of a deal to him
like ok cool whatever moving on
he probably doesn't interact with your twin like at all..
every time she's around he's kind of just like 🧍‍♂️ because he doesn't have much interest in getting to know her I guess
very much acquaintances and nothing more
Muhammad Avdol
another one who's really good at telling you apart, though not as instant as Jotaro
I think Avdol is a #certified lover so he spends a lot of time just admiring you
hence why he can recognize a difference
he knows you like the back of his hand too, so even if he couldn't tell you guys apart physically he could based off of your little mannerisms <3
he thinks it's cool you have a twin
he probably knows some nerdy spiritual shit about being twins idk
sometimes he might get you guys mixed up (or just genuinely say the wrong name) but he's quick to fix it and apologize
another one you shouldn't play pranks on because he just gets so genuinely confused and maybe even a little stressed...
Kakyoin Noriyaki
he can tell the difference but he has to stare at you really hard in order to get it 😭😭😭
relies on personality to tell you guys apart
or alternatively, he will get you some sort of wearable gift like a bracelet or something so he can tell much quicker
he doesn't tell you this though, he say's the gift is "just because"
then if you ever ask how he tells you and your twin apart he just says "I can just tell" (liar, its the jewelry)
Jean Pierre Polnareff
this guy...
the first time he met your twin happened to be when you weren't around
if you guys have different hair color/length/cuts bro probably just assumes you felt like switching styles and planned to surprise him or something...
"Oh la la, mon amour! I like what you've done with your hair!"
and your twin is just like ??? who is this guy
he probably tries grabbing/kissing your twin just to get punched or kicked in the nuts
and here you come, rounding the corner looking the same you did yesterday and he's like !?!?!?!?
he's not necessarily the smartest guy and considering the shit he's been through it's reasonable for him to assume your twin was the result of a stand...
and you're like bae no thats my sister
and he's like oh
he apologizes for harassing your twin...
if you guys are exactly identical like same style same hair everything this guy swears he can tell you guys apart when he really can't
he just goes by whoever responds to his nicknames
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ankiebitez · 28 days ago
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Could I request headcanons for WHB Beelzebub reacting to gn s/o telling him how they want to hug him but they're genuinely worried that his nipples might hurt since it's pierced please?
Beelzebub with mc worried about his nipple piercings
tags: not much really, slight nsfw at the bottom
note: sorry that this is really short i feel like there wasn't much else to put 😭 ty for ur request!
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i feel like he'd be a bit confused and think you're joking at first, but he'd think its cute that you're that concerned about him. he's had them for long enough that they're fully healed, so he doesn't even think about them that much
he'd probably pull you into a big hug when you're not expecting it to show you that it doesn't hurt, holding you tight against his chest and resting his chin on top of your head
dont think he wont tease you about it though, we should know that already. he is a demon after all, so even if it did hurt he would hug you anyway. we know from his bloodshed card that he likes pain anyway so.... it might not hurt much but he's more than welcome to letting you see for yourself
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dunmeshi-darlings · 8 months ago
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eeee i love your writing!!! could i get chilchuck comforting a crying reader (who's normally very bubbly and happy)? Bonus if they're crying bc they think their feelings for chilchuck are unrequited 🫣
Thank you kindly dear anon, i hope your day is going well and that you have rested well and ate well.
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Chilchuck was never good with emotions, both his and other peoples. He kept his own emotions hidden so as not to appear vulnerable. And when it came to other peoples emotions he was fine with the positive ones...but quickly became awkward when things turn negative.
In fact he might be the worst (well second worst possibly) when it comes to dealing with emotional issues. So when he walks in and sees you crying he freezes up like a deer caught in the headlights. Its such a foreign sight to him he wasnt even sure if he was seeing it right.
You have always been such a bright cheery person, No matter the situation you were always the one that had the biggest grin across your face telling everyone its going to be ok, to not give up and push on. That was one of the things chilchuck liked about you the most, even if he would talk about how a situation was impossible or that it was to dangerousm you were always the one reassuring him that things were going to be ok. He never said it but it really meant alot to him, usually he would just ignore it or blow it off but he knows deep down it helps him more than he lets on.
He stares at you sobbing, wide eyed for a few moments before quickly making his way over to you. "WOAH woah hey Y/N hey hey its ok! its ok, whats wrong are you hurt?"
He says quickly sitting down beside you putting an arm around you instinctually. He normally isnt one to get physical when it came to comforting people but it was just something he did before he even realized he was doing it.
"Im fine...im just stupid..a stupid stupid idiot...an idiot that should have known better" You said through tears before breaking into sobs again, chilchuck looked around awkwardly before pulling you into him to cry, he sat there patting your back trying to comfort you as best he could. patting your back and repeatedly saying it was ok softly.
Eventually when you finally manage to calm down he wipes away some tears from your face before speaking up. "Now tell me whats going on? what do you mean know beter?" You want to tell him the truth, it had been eating you alive for days and days now. But tonight you realized what the actual truth was, and it was to much and broke you to pieces, it was a truth you had tried to ignore but couldnt and it broke your very being. You dont want to tell anyone about it, let alone him...but you know he wont let you hide away and pretend like this wasnt happening. so you take a deep breath and speak.
"im sorry chilchuck...i know this is going to make you feel awkward...and i know..i know you dont feel the same way.....but i like you, i REALLY like you...i care about you more than anyone else. and i know its stupid and i should just get over it but...it hurts.." you admit to him, not even looking at him, With how you feel right now your sure you wouldnt want him seeing your face right now. He didnt say anything, he only stared wide eyed at you. You should have known this was how he was going to react, you know how he felt about inter group relationships so you know he wouldnt want any part of being with you. However your miserable thoughts were interrupted as he pulled you into a tight hug.
"hey dont talk like that...if there is anyone here thats an idiot its me. I do care about you, I really do. You mean alot more to me than you realize, and you help me stay sane down here." He says squeezing you tight, you sniffle softly as you cant believe what your hearing. "Im not great with emotions...both dealing with other people and my own. Whenever you would be so positive and cheery it would make me genuinely happy, but i didnt want to get to attached so id play it off or something but genuinely you have helped me so much down here. I also have....other reasons on why im so hesitant to show emotions that im not ready to talk about just yet...but i do care about you...in fact i think i might like you the same way you like me. I just struggle being open about things you know? i should have been honest with you and open about my feelings back...that way you wouldnt have to deal with this. Im sorry, But to make it up to you, once we rescue falin and leave the dungeon why dont i take you to dinner?"
You couldnt believe what you were hearing, he had feelings for you to?! you couldnt believe it, you could feel yourself hugging him close as you smiled into his shoulder. "That sounds great, id love to."
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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pumpkinsy0 · 4 months ago
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how do u think the curtis gang (and the shepards) would react to finding papercut (literally) sleeping together
”(literally) sleeping together” is so funny to me😭😭
•pony and curly sleep w their limbs tangled up, they were even cuddling or anything before, they just did that in their sleep like they were wired headphones in ur pocket
•even if they wanted to, they cant just pull em off each other, just let them sleep it out, much to the annoyance and amusement of everyone else
•angela doesnt rlly gaf for what this implies shes using this bs for black mail😭
•tim doesnt care that much but is a lil amused bc he didnt think curly would actually be the kinda guy to WANT to be near anyone while he sleeps
•darry??? dont know how to feel about it but he sure as hell aint that supportive, he’s like “just leave them alone”
•can i say that soda would be a lil jealous that ponys “cuddling” someone else and not him, more so its the fact that its CURLY, if it was anyone else he’d be jokingly jealous, he knows pony and johnny cuddle
•speaking of johnny, he doesnt have a specific emotion, all he knows is he has a bunch if questions to be asking pony later on when he wakes up, hes not wscaping this questioning
•after ppl saw they they went to johnny asking “do u know if theyre,,,,????” and johnny had nothing to say to that, cause atp hes not too sure WHAT they r
•two bit is making jokes about them being gay but he is genuinely curious
•dallas doesnt gaf at all brah he wants the shepards OUT this house LMAOOO
•steve is impressed ponys actually getting SOME bitches like my god
•im saying all this but honestly, when they found them sleeping together, for the next 3 mins they were confused and talked about it but thats it, however for the rest of the time, it was just in the back of their heads, they didnt talk about it but they were surely thinking about it
•when they both woke up, NOBODY would let them breath over finding them like that, they r so done for, ik that car ride back home was hell for curly bc of angela, tim wasnt helping either he was chuckling a lil
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chuuya-kisser · 4 months ago
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im finally free so that i can fucking scream abt bsd 117 and tell my thoughts on this heartbreaker of a chapter (will def make another post feeding my delusions)
(spoilers utc)
firstly.
ASAGIRI. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUXK ASAGIRI. ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI I THOUGHT YOU WERE KILLING-YOUR-CHARACTERS-PHOBIC?????? NOW YOUVE MELTED TWO IMPORTANT CHARACTERS IN TWO CHAPTERS???? WHOS GONNA GO NEXT CHAPTER HUH WHO'S NEXT IN YOUR DEATH NOTE
well
Uh yeah so anyways basically heart broken for multiple reasons so we'll go in order
1- aya. oh my gosh aya. shes what, a ten year old?????? and in the span of a day, she has found out about a vampire lord who is responsible for destroying or saving the whole world, shouldered the responsibility of getting said vampire lord away from the enemy to save the world, developed a father-daughter relationship with said vampire lord, sacrificed herself and got saved by him, believed that the world could be saved now, saw her new father figure's body be torn apart and replaced by a greasy ratass who wants to destroy everything or whatever, with said new father's last words telling her to run to save herself, being saved by said father, then having him dissolve and die again in front of her eyes again. shes a ten year old. what the actual fuck. oh and don't forget, she doesn't know that she lost her other father figure too!
gosh she is going to be SO traumatised and even that is an understatement i really hope she has the strength to recover
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2- so akutagawa is back huh? about time, about time (though im not very happy about the cost it took- but atleast he's back?)and he has agreed to protect aya on brams wish? thats surprising honestly, so im wondering if the stuff atsushi told him while fighting him at the airport or whatever affected his subconscious or something so that he consciously wants to start protecting people?
OR maybe! he sees a bit of himself in aya or smth? i mean look i dont exactly remember what happened before he met dazai and was taken in by him okay, dont come at me. but maybe he sees that terrified little kid and something stirs in him or smth anyways go akutagawa go you're her third father figure please dont die again ‼️
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(also he looks so good-)
3- and the biggest bombshell
kunikida.
KUNIKIDA‼️‼️ NO NO NO THIS IS NOT ACTUALLY HAPPENING PEOPLE THIS IS NOT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT I AM IN DENIAL
just- THINK ABOUT EVERYONE. think about atsushi and tanizaki. who saw him disappear slowly in front of their eyes, to buy them time. think about fukuzawa. who wished for kunikida to be the next president because he was the most ideal. who cares so much, even if he doesnt show it as much. think about aya. she has such a deep bond with kunikida, and now she'll have to face the devastating news that one of the only people who truly believed in her is gone too. think about ranpo and yosano.
think about dazai. who is much too far away to do anything right now, who miscalculated once which led to him being too far to stop fyodors rampage in any way. who was truly doing all this because he wanted to keep the detective agency safe. who, when he realises what will happen next, his first thought is to warn them. who was his new partner, kept him alive, even made him a part of his schedules. who i think he must have to care for, even a little bit.
dazai, who thinks that anything worth wanting is always lost the moment he obtains it. and its happened again. and by the looks of it, it will happen again.
i genuinely want to know how he'll react but i dont want to at the same time. gods i cant fucking do this man
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like huhhh asagiri are you tryna make me cry or some shit???? Because youre succeesing SPECTACULARLY
also- are we gonna see tanizaki get liquefied too next chapter? because this panel sure looks like it
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im scared for september now like what else are you gonna throw at us, huh asagiri? and what do you mean i have to wait a whole month this is crazy
and i am STILL in denial and will continue to be in denial guys wdym, ofc kunikida is alive and well! hes coparenting aya with bram, having fun at the agency and stuff ‼️‼️ hes perfectly peachy theres no helicopter singularity out for everyone's lives!!! (wow this post is LONG)
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moshieee · 9 months ago
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I...
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GLITTCHHYYKK!!!!
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Oh my God how is the, you felt so inspired you.. a floffis?- and an au and I was the inspire you???? I to- og jsvuaibs and the doll is frm the- and you read the info page and-
*incoherent babbling and sobbing*
Surprise!
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You have found. . .
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A decently sized box inside your inbox. It seems to be a present of some sort
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There is a little folded paper that says: “To Moshieee From GlitchyK”
When you open it up, it has a small drawing/doodle/outline of QOTR Pomni, the text says.
“Hey Moshieee, I know I didn’t need to get you anything, and it’s somewhat random, but I figured I would!”
Ps: “Totally not why I asked for your favorite tadc character so I could draw it in the AU you inspired me to make… totally…”
You choose to. . .
Open the box
Save it for later
Don’t open at all
Send back
Oh this is darling thank you this is such a kind gesture and I love the drawing
It still surprises me that I managed to inspire someone to make an au...
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I think a gift is just what I need after my last class
(I would love to open the box)
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oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months ago
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this is a genuine question but why is saiki and kuboyasu such a popular ship? like it's cute but i dont see it too much (to be fair i also have not finished the manga yet so there could be some stuff in there that i dont know about)
watch the live action movie 😋
no but seriously, it's one of those ships that are less about their canon interactions and more about the interactions that they DIDN'T have. i get that most people are like "surface level" shippers (not in a bad way, i just dont know what other word to use) because most people ship characters who have better canon interactions and who they can like look at on the screen and be like "hehe they look like theyre dating", but a lot of my personal favorite ships come from character analysis instead of like... their canon relationship/interactions... yk what i mean?
i mean idk what all the other kubosai shippers think, but i personally started shipping them because i really wanted to see more interactions between them and i think if they had been allowed to interact more, they wouldve had a really cool dynamic... they both have dark and traumatic pasts that they arent proud of, but they reacted to that trauma in almost polar opposite ways, and there was something else i said recently about how kuboyasu is one of the few people who can catch saiki off guard (without the germanium ring) which i think is important in saiki ships... yeah idk i just think their relationship would be super interesting... probably part of why they werent allowed to interact more because its a gag manga and it wouldve gotten a little too... emo ☠️☠️☠️☠️
also maybe im just blind to it because im a kubosai shipper, but i dont think its actually that popular LMAO... from what ive seen, there are very few of us, its just that those of us that exist are very VERY loud ☠️
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