#i feel like that's something that most ppl would have that i never do
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br1ghtestlight · 2 months ago
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i hope nobody ever thinks that im like in an exclusive fandom friend group with the ~popular kids~ (more on twitter than here but ig also when i was more active in the bobs burgers fandom) cuz i dont really talk to people or have friends like that 😭 even if some of the more popular ppl in a fandom follow me or we're mutuals the only people i have any real interest in talking to are people who engage in conversations and are funny and kind. just vibes-based. im not in any groupchats with anyone other than my friends of almost a decade who are probably the only people i really talk to regularly
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chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago
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There isn't much discourse about how Mike went from saying that El was a weapon in s1, even encouraging the others to use El's powers when she was still recuperating after finding Will in the void, to then in s3 accusing the others of being reckless with her powers, saying she's risking her life for no reason.
Now, I want to make clear that I'm not bashing Mike here, this has less to do with what he's doing being right or wrong. What this is about is how Mike went from doing something himself, to calling out other people for doing it, without acknowledging that fact and why the writers chose to frame it all this way.
You might think it's insignificant, but these two following scenes are clearly being paralleled to each other. And so the fact that Mike himself is acknowledging this as something to be critical of, makes me wonder what exactly is going on in his mind...
I want to preface this scene from s1 by saying that Mike is giving very off vibes here. I know that I certainly viewed this scene as romantic the first time I saw it, but since rewatching it recently, I was getting completely different vibes.
They literally make a point to focus on Mike being distracted, on the verge of impatience. Then, the way El reacts upon Mike getting up abruptly, gives this feeling of uncertainty about Mike's consideration for her in this moment, as she's clearly not what's on the top of his mind right now. And it just makes you wonder, are we truly supposed to be feeling peak romance rn?
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I never realized how out of place this scene was until now (or is it...). It's just such an odd choice to have El resting her head on Mike's shoulder for comfort, only for Mike to cut it short with him being distracted, and with Dustin and El looking awkwardly at Mike like "Okay?...", then followed by a scene where he's trying to convince the others to use El's powers to help.
Here we have s1 Mike displaying behavior that s3 Mike was calling out the others for displaying:
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Here we have Lucas, who was very, very critical of El being dangerous ALL of s1, and yet now in complete contrast to that, he is showing more consideration and common sense for El's well being than Mike, the supposed love (at first sight) interest ...
'That's the most important thing, remember?'
A question, followed by Mike just standing there in silence, like he's only just now really thinking about El being safe as their main priority... This is something that combined with everything else unfolding over the course of this season and the seasons after, that makes Mike's behavior a whole lot easier to understand.
I'll have to make several other posts about this, because there are a lot of aspects to it, but for now I'm just going to focus on these two parallels.
Here we have what happens in s3, with Mike being critical of the others doing something he himself literally did in s1:
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In fact, how careless all of you are.
THIS. When Mike makes it a big deal to call out everyone for doing something he himself has already done, he's outright admitting that it's something that he believes is wrong, and by not even slightly acknowledging his role in doing something similar in the past, it's very likely that he feels guilty about it.
This was probably his way of trying to make it right, by standing up for El in a way that he didn't before because he was treating her like some superhero and not a real person back then.
It's just that the word love slipped out, in the heat of the moment. And El, upon overhearing this, is seeing this development of Mike herself, with s1 Mike going from, yes being more kind and considerate than the other 2 boys in the beginning, but still sort of expecting stuff from her without her being able to verbally agree to it, to now having developed and changed to saying that one of his big priorities is her safety.
El is taking this as being evidence he went from not loving her, to loving her. Another reason why it's pretty obvious El didn't believe Mike's monologue, bc she herself witnessed Mike develop his apparent romantic feelings for her over time, and so him saying it was love at first sight, was probably the catalyst that made it abundantly clear to her that he wasn't being truthful, bc she knows it's not the truth. She's not stupid.
Again this isn't about Mike doing this back then or even the others doing it now as being bad vs. good, this is about the writers going about it this way, sending a message that Mike feels guilt, enough to try to make things right, but is apparently not ready to unpack the actual guilt that is beneath the surface which lead him to this point.
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And then there's this scene, which... it's actually terrifying how obvious it is they instructed Sadie and Caleb to lean out of that shot with Will and Mike reacting to El entering the room... Like... It's SOO obvious when you watch it now what they're trying to hint at without saying it.
Not only are they hinting at Will's feelings, because that is part of it, they're also hinting at Mike's internal struggle. Will is always on the back of his mind whether he's willing to address it or not. And all while that is happening, he is feeling unaddressed guilt about how he treated El when they first met and spent that one week together helping her run away from the bad guys while also looking for Will, something Mike viewed as being worthy of El using her powers...
I'll have to make the other posts regarding this soon, because it all starts to click what's going on with Mike when you look at all of these things together.
While Mike is just a kid like pretty much everyone else in this story, and while he didn't mean any harm by asking El to help them find Will (none of them did), I think that's kind of the whole point?
I think that he got lucky superman landed on his doorstep, who just so happened to be in danger herself, giving him his own purpose to help her too, with her needing him as well, and so it became a situation where they both needed each other.
But because El could literally not speak, it's not like she could really voice her feelings about things they were doing, beyond yes and no. She had Lucas sort of being critical of her, with Mike encouraging El to do things that would make the others see her as being worthy of sticking around so they can find Will. It goes without saying she felt obligated to do these things, even if they didn't outright tell her she had to or else. We literally see almost all of these scenes with her doing stuff for the others being instantly juxtaposed with scenes of Brenner doing the same. It's not the same scale of severity, but it is an acknowledgment that although she is outside of the lab, she still feels like her powers are what define her and it's all people want from her.
I think what it comes down to, is that in that moment when she is sacrificing herself to the demogorgan at the end of s1, we are seeing in real time Mike realizing what he and the other's have been asking of her this whole time, without outright asking her.
And you can literally see the retaliation and devastation hit him all at once. The instant regret, where he's backtracking and El stops him from even trying.
'Goodbye Mike' singles him out, because while he was the one out of the three that showed her the most kindness from the start, he was also the one who at the end of it all, was still expecting her to risk her life for them...
And that just makes it hit so much harder when you think about how that made Mike feel in that moment.
And then in s2 how that impacts Mike and his journey going forward.
His breakdown at the end of s2 upon her return.
His behavior in s3-4, in relation to him juggling his relationship with Will and El, now that they are both in his life at the same time.
It all starts to make sense.
I won't go too much into it because those other posts are bound to be long with a bunch of pictures too!
But on that note, there's at least one thing Mike isn't acknowledging, and it's literally what led up to the unintentional love confession that then led us to 10 more episodes of miscommunication because of it...
It's going to be important for him to address this guilt for him to fulfill his arc and to also close off his expectations that he has to have a romantic relationship with El in order to keep her in his life at all.
The audience themselves seeing this and being forced to face it is also going to make it a lot easier for them understand why Mike did what he did, not only because he's a queer kid in the 80's who has every reason to doubt and repress, but also because he understandably feels sort of indebted to El after everything.
It's more complex than him just falling out of love with her and falling in love with Will because of XYZ.
I think there is a lot of guilt and shame and trauma connected to their meeting and the events that followed. And addressing that is going to give a lot of closure to the ending of the story and also the beginning.
#byler#stranger things#mike wheeler#i feel like mikes arc always comes off as convoluted to most viewers bc they’re missing the whole picture#like this is literally canon#Mike went from doing something to saying other people doing it was wrong without acknowledging his role in that from the beginning#and so ppl using that development as aww he loves her now…#doesn’t even work when apparently he loved her since the moment he saw her…#not being willing to pay attention to how they are building up mikes arc#dancing around all of his actions with#everyone makes mistakes bc they’re children and that’s okay#and just leave it at that…#bc yes obviously all of the characters should be able to make mistakes and be forgiven#but were ignoring the elephant in the room here#it’s canon Mike feels guilt for how he treated el in s1 yet he hasn’t acknowledged it…#instead of acknowledging his history of doing something similar#he’s pointed out everyone else doing it as if they’re doing something wrong he himself would never do…#as if he doesn’t have first hand experience#they could have actually made this moment romantic and genuine IF they wanted to#they could have had mike open up about how he used to do that#but after getting to know el and realize she is her own person#it made him think differently and he wants to do better by her#then maybe when she confronted him in front of everyone he could have said it again or asked to be alone to say it to her directly#and to apologize for how he acted in the past by expecting stuff of her#and THATS why he is extra cautious now#and then got her reaction#instead they give fans the impression Mike is the ideal male love interest#who is perfect for el#with this moment being one of their top reasons#and it’s a scene where he avoids confronting series long built up guilt…
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perilegs · 17 days ago
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shoutout to people working their dream jobs doing something mundane
#i work in IT and can i be honest. i might complain about my work sometimes but ive never#gone to bed and been like ''man i dont want to go to work tomorrow''#or like. i have had thoughts similar to that but it's always because of something non work related#like rn im excited to go to work and see my co workers tomorrow morning#but also i wish i didnt have work so i could wake up to play monhun#or sometimes i wish i could just sleep in. but i never hate my job#i enjoy going there. i can make a living with it. actually as soon as i graduate i'll be earning pretty well#though most of that will be going to student loans for some years but it's still more than what my parents made combined when i was a kid#pre taxes for both of us. not taking inflation into account.#i know i complain about management and complain at work but i genuinely really like my job#its always been my dream to have a job i dont mind doing. and this is it.#im not saying id feel the same in any it job. but here i get to manage like a billion different systems and device types#and i get to do so much different things and theres always something new and fun going on and i get to be a part of making it happen#and its a very seasonal job so im not doing the same thing all around the year. spring is the busiest but i fucking love spring#both in general and at work#days go by fast bc theyre busy but theyre busy in like ah. how do i say it. in a way i dont have high brain power work#sure i need to know my shit but its easy shit#and then winter is always projects and v much using my brain and less my body#spring and summer some work days are workouts gdvxhdns#also during some weeks in the summer. i can go on a walk anytime and get ice cream or something on the clock#and using the excuse of saying im patroling our systems gdvxhsj#theres a lot to do but the work environment is chill#a lot of IT work is. sure paying way more but also complete hell. not for me.#what im doing rn is like. i would not mind retiring here.#im not surprised lots of ppl do like 40 year careers where i work#sure managements been kinda shit but things are changing rn#and i feel like theyre changing for the better#idk im just v happy rn!#spring is coming and i can feel it#i love spring theres so much new things happening
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confused-alpaca · 1 month ago
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anxiety problem: too anxious to go to thing on my own
solution: get someone to go with me to thing
anxiety problem: too anxious to ask someone to go with to thing
solution: ??????
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mars-ipan · 3 months ago
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still insane to me how ppl pretend fatphobia is about health only to continue to be fatphobic when someone gains weight or even just looks somewhat fatter as a result of improving health
#marzi speaks#i knew it was a thing that happened but it didn’t click to me just how ingrained it is into ppl’s minds to shame ppl for their weight#until ppl started getting weird abt my steroid water retention#a common side effect of long term steroid use is something called moon face#where your face retains more water than usual and starts to look rounder/fatter#this happened to me! never too much and now that i’m on a lower dose it’s even less obvious#but it did for sure happen#people would see me for the first time since i got out of the hospital and go ‘oh! your face is rounder’#and i’d go ‘yeah it’s a steroid thing. no biggie ^_^’#and then they would respond with something along the lines of ‘don’t worry it’s not that bad’#or ‘oh don’t worry! you’re still cute!’#and i would look at them like ?????????? why is it something you assume i’m insecure about#why do you assume that i am ashamed of the fact that i am no longer literally fucking dying#and when i was getting that comment the most i was still medically underweight. i was recovering from malnourishment#i think if the rest of me got fatter too people would have actually started joking about how i’d ‘have to lose the weight’ or some shit#it actually made me feel crazy. what the fuck is anyone talking abt#i had kinda known ‘it’s a matter of health’ was bullshit but that cemented it in my mind#because my face rounding out was a result of me finding treatment for the autoimmune disease that nearly fucking killed me#and people still expected me to be ashamed of it. what the actual fuck
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freakinator · 4 months ago
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If you don’t mind, I’m gonna yap for a second.. I think another problem with Kab is how sudden the turn around was. Like in the first convo where Kab was acting “evil”, Zam fought back with the argument that she’s wasn’t really evil at all and I think he did believe that at least a little. And if Kab slowly began to turn her path around then he would be a bit more trusting cause he would have SEEN her actual emotional growth but the turn around was so fast, it feels like there was no emotional growth at all and that Kab is still the same as before, cause she basically is. She still wants Mane dead no matter the cost and she’s still, intentionally or not, trying to manipulate Zam, but she wants to be treated as if she’s had that whole long term emotional growth
yeah ii think this is where her majority experience with short-term smps really bit her in the ass, i think there are two main directions that other ppl take it tho: 1. is as what you speculate in that some ppl think that she hasnt had genuine growth and hasnt changed at all and 2. that she genuinely changes too quickly and is therefore unreliable regardless of if shes being honest or not
i think the reason zam was so receptive to her in silent scream was cause this has been a recurrent plot point for a couple streams now, kab trespassing zams base to yap while zam tries to decipher her wants and motivations until eventually she just let it all out and in that instance i think he did genuinely believed that she changed even if it was slowly/just a little bit
....but then die for you happened lol
ssee the thing about kab is that shes shes all-or-nothing, going from one extreme to the next after just a little bit of change in character which can be jarring to some ppl to say the least (unless you thought she was lying and therefore any character development shouldnt be believed i suppose) but is something that was a great asset in shorter and arena-based smps where you had to get as much advantage against your opponent as possible without having to worry about the long-term consequences of these actions ie them not trusting you while still having to interact often in mundane ways even after messing with them. while she Can be swayed this only really works with things she was already unsure of which while a great motivator and trait to keep her on track with her goals (again another great trait for short-term smps), can be really jarring and distressing for other ppl if the things she was absolutely sure about goes against their own perspective like for example her thinking that derapchu killing her constitutes zam getting payback for her as the protector of the server (The protector, not A protector like zam insists, The protector of the server)
i think shes far too used to the fast-paced instant acceptance of changed personality in arena smps that is a natural consequence of them being short-term and having a revolving door of members and teams which is why she expects ppl to accept her growth and efforts so quickly even if realistically nobody would hand over their trust that easily esp after essentially being harassed in their own home multiple times, like even in normal smps where theres a baseline amount of trust ppl still wouldnt trust you after doing that, what more in a server like lifesteal where general trust is low basically all the time?
#mine.ask#Anonymous#i wrote most of this at like 2 am cause i couldnt sleep so i hope this is understandable lol#like. kabs actions are logical sure but its one extreme to the next#even zam takes at least a couple weeks before changing into something opposite than he was#and hes one of if not the most fickle ppl on the server#like. idk. ive noticed from tge beginning that kabs lore is pretty fast-paced compared to everyone else#but after she got fixated on zam it increased by a lot i feel#like hating him one moment then loving him the next#like damn girl is he your fp /j#but yeah a lot of things kab does can be explained away by the fact that shes never really had to deal with the long-term consequences#of fucking with someone#whether it be because of the fact the smps she was in were short ones or cause clown was there to get rid of her opps#and like. in a regular smp maybe ppl would believe her more#but this is ls where all the players are accutely aware of the fact that trusting the wrong ppl could get them killed or worse#and kab not only has an untrustworthy rep thanks to money smp (that she was was proudly flaunting)(also derap is here)#but her still continuing to lie and manipulate ppl does not make ppl want to give her the necessary baseline trust#that would constitute believing in her whenever she changes her mind/direction#and unfortunately for her; now that shes been established as untrustworthy on lifesteal itself#(compare her rep to wemmbu whos rep comes from non-ls smps and is proudly trustworthy and loyal on ls itself)#that baseline trust is gonna be really difficult to go against#i was gonna give spoke as an example but then remembered he manipulated pbaj during the election arc lmao#but uh yeah reputation is really important on ls whether the players like it or not and kabs rep is unfortunately not the best#like bruh zam thinks shes less trustworthy than Spoke#do you have any idea how untrustwortthy someone would feel you are to get that low on the trustworthiness tier???#like damn it hasnt even been a full season yet
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puppppppppy · 5 months ago
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reading life changing fanfiction of a subjectively underwhelming source media is a special kind of hell
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agayconcept · 2 months ago
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#oh my goD could my mother stop stealing all my fucking stuff for even 1 fucking week jfc#im gonna scream#she thinks that bc she's the one paying the majority of the rent and is technically my caregiver bc im too disabled to do certain chores etc#that she is simoly entitled to everything in the apartment and can do whatever she wants#steals my food steals my drinks steals my products steals my laundry card etc#now she's stealing my clothes and pyjamas#the fuck dude#i have severe skin allergies and have very selective clothing i can wear w/o a painful reaction#and now she's just. taking that too#the same way she takes the select few foods that don't set off my issues or allergies and steals the drinks that keep my blood sugar up#and steals the unscented hypoallergenic products i have to use#it never fuckin ends this woman is so self-absorbed and arrogant i rly cannot handle it sometimes (most times)#the irony is that she's a teacher and regularly works with kindergarteners who can understand 'don't touch what isn't yours'#and gives regular lectures to her students of all ages about respecting other ppl's belongings and never assuming u can take something#gives a big ol spiel about attentive listening and boundaries and respect on a daily fuckin basis from 8 am to 8 pm for her 2 teaching job#then comes home and immediately disregards that to take everything that isnt hers / disrespect my belongings and space#and yell at me when i tell her not to / get mad at her for doing it#ma'am.#ur 5 yr olds understand this. so do ur 8 yr olds. u r 60 MF YEARS OLD WHY CAN U NOT COMPREHEND THIS#nah actually the worst part is that she *does* understand it. she simply doesn't care#she would never do this to anyone else just me. bc im disabled and a burden and she hates having me depend on her for things.#idk if its vindictive or bc she feels like i owe her for basic care and decency or if she just enjoys lashing out like a petty bitch#i stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago#all i'm fucking asking is for her to STOP STEALING MY SHIT#is that so much to beg for. is it#ugHdjddjsk#someone find me a wall i need to bash my head against it#(or maybe hers. that might be better)#ask to tag#negative
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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 months ago
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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating
it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It
it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this
#might note hardly limited to billions; the series doing bog standard suffocatingly common [Being Normal can't be abusive] replication#nor is their Unaware Replication Of [it can't be ableist if i'm not reacting to ppl who walked up & said Hi I'm Autistic]#well abuse & traumatic treatment can't be Everywhere. like how umm sexism can't be everywhere. neither can white supremacy. ableism. cmon.#oh please not everything can be political. Just Be Normal. which makes it ''apolitical.''#now we all agree abuse can't ever be made palatable; insulated; easy. now ppl doing it never said it wasn't That bad.#if they did they must have been maliciously lying. whereas when i say it can't have been That bad; i mean it :)#and if that person says it was; well they must be lying. or clueless. or a pussy. or scheming to destroy me. Must be. Gotta#& we wouldn't be able to look around & see contexts of imbalance. who's vulnerable. who's life gets smaller. who's supported automatically#who's supported if someone even posits they May have done anything like No; Impossible; now instantly definitely get their ass#you can just go on all day about the ''um i'm just the Realistic Normality vessel'' arguments made boundlessly in bad faith#being like ohh Everyday Interactions / ''Normal'' Semi/Public Situations Can't Be Uncomfortable Imbalanced Dangerous Abusive....#if they are that must be So Rare & created only by Rare Bad Actors with Malicious Mens Rea (itself a great concept to make any act Okay)#something framed as Extreme must be an outlier. could never be part of everyone's everyday life & some much more than others.#could never be what's defined as Normal (associated with Superiority) like how Abuse can't be shit i'd think of as Normal#like how damn if ya don't just wanna kill the autistic coworker and everyone agrees & would clap & cheer if you did And That's Great#you'd have to feel Weird / Abnormal about it! b/c Weirdness & Abnormality is what's bad!#like the autism or the cptsd (the Real abuse can only be: inflicting the existence of a victim's survival skills on Superior Normals)#or whatever else gets pathologized with Polite ABA arguments about how it's not ''social skills'' so hide it or suffer the consequences#winston billions#having that perspective too like oh [our blessed successful conformity] [their barbaric xyz Issues]#if the best you can argue for or against smthing is as Normal or Weird respectively like. no. what's behind that door#the authority figure/s who must be supported lest this all crumble. vs the ruinerrrrrr#billions recognizing winston & tuk the next most shitted on would probably get along & have a mutually supportive friendship#billions also recognizing that mutual support better not be Allowed to get that far. lest this all crumble#like look see we Knew it. we knew the bottom tier ppl who don't really belong in the group who we bully & scapegoat are Always Ruining It.
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bumpscosity · 1 year ago
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too scared to go off anon but we are mutuals and i love seeing your posts about the disney rides and such. its like peeking in a window to something i know nothing about but enjoy seeing on my dash regardless
HAI MYSTERY MUTUAL!! glad ya like it! disney parks are a hyperfixation so it's always fun to post about for me :)
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persistent-wallflower · 1 year ago
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Dude I'm so bad at this dating stuff. It just never feels right
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stonerzelda · 1 year ago
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i think my life would improve so greatly if i could justtt and i mean Just move out lol
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coridallasmultipass · 1 day ago
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#yo it's amazing how fast the 5 senses thing helps get focus off panic attacks#im still anxious and had to divert scent and taste into more touch but guess what#i have a fuck ton of yarn out rn so i went and touched them all and described those instead of finding things to smell and taste#((rly dont like smelling or tasting when im not in the mood to do either thing))#but describing the yarn qualities was exactly what i needed#fuck man that shit seriously scared me so badly#im still anxious but thankfully not panicking now#i also started blasting music in my headphones as soon as that started so i went and picked out the 4 instruments in it instead of...#...things in my environment rn. i love mentally picking out different instruments in music. always something small i miss on regular listens#like a weird subtle hidden synth bit in a song i never noticed on my first hundred listens#fuck anxiety man. this shit is so fucking embarrassing but its been a build up of anxiety ive had for years#i never used to be scared of rockets or thunder but when that rumbling feeling is what i feel when i have a regular panic attack...#...its like well fuck youre pavloving my body to feel like im about to fucking die how else do u expect me to react#im sure its only going to get worse from now on the way politics are going. i wish ppl would understand how serious this is for me#especially when most of the launches happen at night when theres less ambient noise and im in my room where its louder#(i feel earthquakes way harder in my room too)#its frustrating and theres absolutely zero empathy from anyone about it due to blind obedience to their leader#i really hope i dont get a heart attack one day lmao its that fucking bad#i cant take my anxiety pills at night either bc one of my sleeping meds is in the same class#at least i remembered the senses thing this time!! it helped a bit. wish i could do more. wish we didnt have launches.#im not even in the town that has them (it was so embarrassing being on a call while house-sitting in that town when a launch happened)#so yeah sorry needed to talk this out bc i was really panicking#imagine the thx noise except youre feeling it in your chest and entire house and it keeps getting louder/feeling more rumbly#...over the course of like 5 whole minutes and then 2 minutes after it stops suddenly theres a huge blast...#...that sounds like if something exploded above your house and theres a meteor the size of planet fucking jupiter about to drop on you#thats what its like for me#its horrible#it should be unacceptable#delete later / /#anxiety / /
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vamptastic · 16 days ago
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i am very tired by people discussing transitioning as this sort of journey of self-actualization. happy it was like that for you but personally it was just better than not transitioning. i do not feel that i went on a beautiful journey of self-discovery so much as did what made me the least suicidal. to be fair, i was also 11 when i came out, so perhaps i would feel more purposeful about it if i had been in my 20s or later.
#i was actually extremely distraught when i realized being trans was what was Going On with me#just because well. i spent a lot of time thinking i was going to crack the code to being a woman#that it would all pass and eventually the feeling of wrongness around myself and the idea of an adult woman future self would go away#and most of what i was told by adults or read was along the same lines#but well. it wasn't passing. and the distress was quite a lot more severe than most girls' struggles around puberty seemed to be#and realizing that it was Never going to just go away and that i had to do something difficult and socially ostracized#in order to make the dysphoria stop was. upsetting. but again- the only option#i tried to ignore it for about a year actually! and when coming out when badly i tried to closet myself too#didn't work. hence realizing that dealing with social backlash and medical shit was the only way to deal with it#but yeah at no point did i ever feel like transitioning was like... some happy realization of how to become my True Self#ppl talk about it like fucking. realizing your true passion is painting instead of finance#and uh for me it was so profoundly not like that and i spent a long time wishing i would just stop being dysphoric#it's kinda people framing it as like.. a choice? and like idgaf if someone genuinely Does transition as a choice bc i trust them#to make their own decisions. but like. for most of us it is not a choice. a lot of us wish we did not Have to transition.#idk man. i guess it's this attempt to fight the idea that nobody should transition bc of how hard it is?#but instead it just starts to feel like denying that transitioning is hard in the first place
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