#...things in my environment rn. i love mentally picking out different instruments in music. always something small i miss on regular listens
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#yo it's amazing how fast the 5 senses thing helps get focus off panic attacks#im still anxious and had to divert scent and taste into more touch but guess what#i have a fuck ton of yarn out rn so i went and touched them all and described those instead of finding things to smell and taste#((rly dont like smelling or tasting when im not in the mood to do either thing))#but describing the yarn qualities was exactly what i needed#fuck man that shit seriously scared me so badly#im still anxious but thankfully not panicking now#i also started blasting music in my headphones as soon as that started so i went and picked out the 4 instruments in it instead of...#...things in my environment rn. i love mentally picking out different instruments in music. always something small i miss on regular listens#like a weird subtle hidden synth bit in a song i never noticed on my first hundred listens#fuck anxiety man. this shit is so fucking embarrassing but its been a build up of anxiety ive had for years#i never used to be scared of rockets or thunder but when that rumbling feeling is what i feel when i have a regular panic attack...#...its like well fuck youre pavloving my body to feel like im about to fucking die how else do u expect me to react#im sure its only going to get worse from now on the way politics are going. i wish ppl would understand how serious this is for me#especially when most of the launches happen at night when theres less ambient noise and im in my room where its louder#(i feel earthquakes way harder in my room too)#its frustrating and theres absolutely zero empathy from anyone about it due to blind obedience to their leader#i really hope i dont get a heart attack one day lmao its that fucking bad#i cant take my anxiety pills at night either bc one of my sleeping meds is in the same class#at least i remembered the senses thing this time!! it helped a bit. wish i could do more. wish we didnt have launches.#im not even in the town that has them (it was so embarrassing being on a call while house-sitting in that town when a launch happened)#so yeah sorry needed to talk this out bc i was really panicking#imagine the thx noise except youre feeling it in your chest and entire house and it keeps getting louder/feeling more rumbly#...over the course of like 5 whole minutes and then 2 minutes after it stops suddenly theres a huge blast...#...that sounds like if something exploded above your house and theres a meteor the size of planet fucking jupiter about to drop on you#thats what its like for me#its horrible#it should be unacceptable#delete later / /#anxiety / /
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