#i feel like my hands are gonna fall off
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THE BROS + MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT MAKING STAMPS!!
ur free to use them anywhere with credit :3
#currently posting this at school rn during break#im outside cuz i get the best signal out here#but its like 30 degrees out#i feel like my hands are gonna fall off#womp womp#ALSO i tried to bling the stamps but every glitter website hates me for some reason 😭#transparency issues <\3#eyestrain#eyestrain tw#rainbowcore#digital art#ibispaintx#fanart#rainbow artist#silly art#rainbow art#neon art#neon artist#stamps#tawog#the amazing world of gumball#tawog fanart#tawog gumball#gumball tawog#gumball watterson#darwin tawog#tawog darwin#darwin watterson
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Going to bed. Night 😴✌️
#personal shit#bye til tomorrow#i feel like my hands are gonna fall off#omg my fingers hurt#i need to stop playing Splatoon but i know that isn't happening#i need carpal tunnel surgery bad
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phinktober day 10: sister daniel and father philip 🙏🏻
#i’m pleased w dans arms#i’m NOT pleased w mine they feel like they’re about to fall off#i’m gonna get an early night i think (before 2am)#hopefully yall like this idk it’s probs the piece ive used the least direct reference image for#like i always need refs bc i have total aphantasia#but i drew that hand on his hip just ?? out of my own brain ?? so maybe im not as much of a failure of an artist as i thought#ugh i need a glass of wine a cigarette and a nap#art2 and craft2#dnp#dan and phil#phanart#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#sister daniel#father philip#phinktober
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finally done with my favorite wet eyed kitten
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we sang in the aeroplane over the sea tgth ☆
#27% circle line with a lovely friend of mine rail tracks screeching etc etc u know the usual. im just gonna write down memories#a few weeks ago my friend read thus spoke zarathustra by the fire to the music she was dancing it was her silhouette#against the flashlight lit up gold and royal blues and tiger's silk i tried not to fall in love with her. in bordeaux we searched#for pomegranates he sent her 300 quid by the beach she cut it open with a knife her hand covered in red we each had a taste of her work#sweet red wet the sweetest grit. too barely clothed to go into the cliffside church they painted my eyes we painted hers#8 shots of gin she screamed joyfully IT'S ALIVE! at the book she said become the child i said i feel like a monster she said i was insane#i tried to believe her. fortified wine and later a red pen crossword defiled by humidity her hair in my hands two king sized beds#pushed next to each other she took her top off she told us to watch her arms raised up the musculature on her back was precise cut from#marble we saw oceans we saw the birds take cold baths the midnight sun over a wasp-infested pool our chemicals in their bodies#gold flakes dark skin gold cross shoulders against mine drawing some form of each other on the train i didn't hesitate#to say her eyes were beautiful over and over monks at the soapshop with titanium credit cards i loved you like i loved no other#he tied his hair up and walked us into the river he held a bullet between his lips i never held his hand he said what an honour#you own too much capital your mother thinks i'm a natural i realised i haven't told my mother i loved her in years she's always been mother#never mom i'll watch you watch seaweeds this is terminal akrasia i'll feel your fingers smear perfume on my lips your girlfriend grins#bite into the straw take the shot hold my hand get it all wrong draw in the sand kiss him right stab through leather shower in chlorine#you're the determinable vicissitude is all yours we won the Game AND the Battle AND the War i'm proud of you like crazy we feed each other#saffron cliffside lovers well-fallen brothers fat cats blue windows southwest sun ALife SynBio design aXAA grow us a city in silico#we've grown to the ends of glee fire-jumper ocean-eater sure-footed lists on lists hands on eyelids не устану искать тебя#...anyway ive put my face on this blog b4 but hiii again#feel free to rb btw the rants r not personal
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Larchpaw
She/her, 8 moons, cis molly
#Larchpaw#beetleclan#apprentice#clangen#warrior cats oc#kiri’s clangen#warrior#kiri's clangen#Wow i wonder who this mini Berrymurk is. Surely it’s not his one and only daughter#surely him and his daughter don’t have nearly identical sprites save for Larch having a slightly yellower tint and an apprentice pose#But to be so forreal the name Larch is actually really fitting becuase of that becuase larch trees are a conifer that isn’t an evergreen.#their needles turn yellow and fall off in the fall which fits because she’s just a little more yellow than her dad#I also made the pointy parts of her fur point down instead of up like the rest of her family just to show she doesn’t look all that much-#-like her grandma Gravelshock#She’s technically half-clan and her other parent is unknown so I like to think her other parent had droopier fur (though I have no one in-#-particular planned)#Anyways she’s sort of friends/rivals with Swallowpaw (who I’m planning on having as the starting POV for beetleclan) so expect to see and-#-read a lot of her whenever I get to the actual story part#I actually love Larch a lot she’s very cute I’m tempted to do her POV at least sometimes#but Idk#Also I’M FUCKING BACK!!!#can’t say how regular posts will be considering the computer I use to add the border afterwords is Wigging The Fuck Out Constantly and I-#-can barely use it but I’ve got one more cat queued after this at least so there’s that!#I can’t wait to get to the actual story I’m gonna do it in fic form with some illustrations scattered throughout instead of a comic (unless#-I feel like a specific moons needs a comic)#and I think I’ll put in on my AO3 which’ll be fun so yeah. I’m excited to finally get through all these designs hopefully over this summer#and I’m done with hs now so I can continue working on it during this next year because I don’t plan on doing college immediately!! So yeah-#-I’ve got a lot of time on my hands now and I’m excited to get back to Projects!!#I’m thinking of doing commissions on my main too (including warriors/clangen designs) so look out for that if you’re interested
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Just so everyone knows these two panels flash into my mind at least 5 times a day
#sigmatsu#atsulucy#I just KNOW Sigma is gonna connect with Atsushi like Lucy and Kyouka did#hesitant to say saved because it seems more like Dazai's gonna save him but chapter 76 just reminds me so much of Lucy's situation#not to mention the fact that Lucy was also THERE#like I feel like there were parallels there with like the three of them and jumping off/falling from high places in both chapters#maybe I'll make a proper post comparing Sigma and Lucy and their connection with Atsushi#sigma#Atsushi#Lucy#Sigmatsulucy#wait in both cases Atsushi didn't save them 😨#Lucy got found and made her own way out after the Guild collapse and Sigma let go of Atsushi's hand#sky duo#ATHM#bungobble my post
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SMALL HELLO PAINT POST RAGHHH!!!
I was drawing a little on @artastic-friend's DJMM/MM Hello Paint board last night, now I'm gonna throw my drawings up. :D
FIRST OF ALL HOWEVER, I painfully DREW @ntls-24722's OC COMET BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON HE HAD A GRIP ON ME IN THAT VERY MOMENT.
March was there to witness me draw this nearly the entire time. 💀 I wanna say this took around 1 hour or so? Maybe a little more because I could not stop looking over it. 😭 As you can see by my tiny doodle alone, my hand was going through it. 💀💀💀 BUT I DID THIS FOR THE BIG MAN BECAUSE HE PRETTY!! ✨✨✨ I definitely wanna try to draw Comet more, but god damn, he is a piece of WORK. /lh
Anyway here are the rest of the doodles! :D This time they're just of DJ. Not a lot of drawings, but that's because I literally draw at a snail's pace. 🗿
Little March cameo
Anyway yea that's it *crawls in a hole and dies*
#djmm#fnaf djmm#dj music man#hello paint#ntls-24722#artastic-friend#akikothefuzzball#never gonna be over that Comet drawing dude#I love that I managed to draw it- BUT AT WHAT COST 💀#oh right the cost of my hand nearly falling off :D#it's fine now don't worry 💀#BUT YEA RARRAGARAGARSDJBZH COMET GO BRRR#I think March had mentioned to me that they found it funny that NTLS had logged off the board literally as I started to draw Comet 💀#IT WAS FINE EITHER WAY LMAO#especially since I have a problem with my drawings being recognized by others as I'm drawing them#like if I feel eyes on me while I'm drawing then it gets harder to draw 💀💀💀#but ragargrss anyway#IDK IF YOU'VE SEEN IT YET BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE COMET DRAWING MAN 😭‼️✨
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I am
so freakitin' fracketing normal about him. :'^)
a couple of introduction video was all it took to drag me into brainrot hell for this 3ft muppet
don't even let me start about discovering his canon voice
gOD-
#welcome home#welcome home arg#wally darling#welcome home fanart#me art#scribbles#my hand feels like it's gonna fall off#again.#ouch but i have no choice cuz i don't wanna blow up from all the fixation on him#i can fall asleep now...probably.#gotta love the fresh new feeling of drawing ur blorbo for the first time#his voice is so cute#i fucking love him#goodness gracious
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this is unrelated to literally anything but i hate how much of my hair has been falling out lately
#marzi speaks#i wanna get off these steroids so badddd#you’d think it’d be the biologic making my hair fall out. considering it comes in a chemo bag#but nope! it’s the prednisone#because prednisone. causes thinning in the hair on top of the head. YAAAAAAY :(#it sucks bc A.) pulling out strands of loose hair all the time is messy and annoying#B.) it is distressing to run a hand through your hair and end up with a bunch of hair in your fingers#and C.) i am someone who values the look of my hair and if my hair doesn’t look good i usually don’t feel good#i know i’m not gonna like. go bald or anything. but i’m losing volume and it sucks so baddddd#i need to go get that side shave. and then get spiky layers in what’s left. that’d look so good#and then dye it all a super bright color. i was thinking purple but i lowkey miss bright ass neon green
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sometimes its 1:30 am and your heart just longs for trey parker </3
#like wdym im not gonna roll over in bed rn and find him puffy lipped & heavy breathing while he sleeps next to me and his tummy rises and#falls against my back while he sleeps#wdym hes not gonna take me in his arms kiss my cheek and fall asleep feeling so safe and loved by me#like wtf do you mean by that?#so oh oh okay he’s not talking to me in a groggy strained voice trying to make me giggle one last time before bed because we all know treys#love language is laughter#ohhhhh okay so hes not gonna get so comfy when i lightly trace his face and rest my hands on his his#collarbones as he drifts off to sleep#yeah okay whatever#s loves trey musings <3#trey parker
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uhh. uhhhhh
#realistically i knw that if i went thru with making animatics for all of these songs I think my hand would fall off BUT. i have brainrot#half of these songs are either here bc of the vibe or because i listened to the lyrics and read analyses and put 2 much effort than i had t#ALSO LISTEN. LISTEN BODYBAG IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I IMAGINE WHENEVER I THINK OF WUKONG AND MACAQUES RELATIONSHIP OK#two birds and baby hotline is also kind of self explanatory. although most of the jack stauber songs are mostly for vibe#bitter water is a very specific flavor of pining / unhealthy outlook. kind of has like an insatiable vibe to it but idk how to name it#i want soap to be a healing song but maybe im just being optimistic. im here for the vibes although i feel like if swk and macaque were#actually to make up i think they would go into it kicking and screaming. and im frustrated because i cant find a song to match that#except maybe bodybag which AGAIN. THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THATS HOW THEYRE GONNA HEALL FLYING BARK PLS#what if it doesnt end well also feels like a doomed narrative to me. like if you think about it from how their relationship might have st#started (and im probably taking from how everyone romanticizes their relationship as something really innocent or sweet at the start which#i am also not immune to that). but knowing them it is also a very good possibility thats not the case at all. what it is i dont know#primadonna also strikes me as a swk song but like msotly because he serves cunt. on that note I like to imagine rose colored boy as swk to#MK.BECAUSEEE i love how MK brings out the best in people AND AND AND!! 5000 year old immortal who has seen some shit come on people 'and i#have taken my glasses off' COME ON LOOK ATIT. you could also argue that could be macaque to MK and it would make sense#Spotify#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#yapping#playlist#monkie kid
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always
#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in#the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash#aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats#like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a#garage so idc abt that rn#idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens#that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything#ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles#and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries#like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH#it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk#its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv#and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so
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what do u do on days u wake up feeling empty and the only things that stir smth up in ur brain and body are memories of times/places that are long gone…. like what am i supposed to do with that….. i don’t feel like a person today i just wanna wake up in my childhood bedroom and smell the way it smelled in winter but i can’t do that so i just go through my day feeling vaguely nauseously unsettled and untethered…. and that doesn’t feel fair but i don’t know what can be done about it
#i know i sound like a broken record but i miss my trees. i miss feeling like i’m home. i miss feeling safe in my body.#i miss the owls and doves that fill the morning by my grandma’s old house and the smell of the co-op and the river#and the way the mountains look surrounding the valley. protecting me.#i miss the feeling of my hands on the window in winter and reading my favourite books for the first time i miss chris i miss my old bed#i miss myself. i feel like i’ve been lost for years#sometimes i wake up distracted and i fill my brain with anything i can find and i cheat the system and i feel things#for a little while. if i keep moving fast enough i forget that i’m lonely. i forget that i’m lost#but sometimes i stop and it catches up to me and i have to sit on the floor#sometimes i realise how far from home i am in every sense of the word and i feel like a child lost in a supermarket#except this time no one is coming to find me if i just stand still#i wake up and everything i can think of that would make me happy is a mirage#i wake up and the music isn’t enough and i want to start pedalling backwards and i feel like i’m floating very fast downstream#and there’s a waterfall looming somewhere in the distance and i can’t grab a log#im not gonna fall off. nothing is ever bad enough for anyone to worry about me drowning. but i am still very wet and very far from home#so what. do. i. do. ?#when i was a kid we lived in a house that had a very large oak tree out front (this was before the house with the willow tree)#at the base of the oak tree was a small fairy pond. we moved in during winter and it was frozen solid and u couldn’t see anything in it#but come spring it melted and we discovered the fairy pool was chock full of marbles of all colours and sizes. hundreds of them.#it was so thrilling to know they’d been waiting for me all winter to find them in the warmth. where are the marbles now#is anything waiting for me? is anything hiding in the frozen pond?#@the universe: i need a little help now pls. pls send me something small and colourful i wasn’t expecting. hundreds of them. or just one.#i am open to it all#because i can’t go back in time and smell my childhood bedroom in winter. and i will not go over the waterfall. so bring me marbles#~ signed yours truly. ps tell the trees i’m still the same
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hozier didnt lie when he said "to all things housed in her silence, nature offers a violence" violence of course being -20 degree celsius in early winter
#it is very violent indeed#feels like my hands and nose are just gonna freeze and fall off every time i step outside#needless to say a 10 min walk to the bus stop after work is absolute torture#idk how ppl like winter#its only been 15 days and ive had enough#blood upon the snow#hozier
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