#~ signed yours truly. ps tell the trees i’m still the same
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birthday girl
summary: It’s (Y/n)s birthday so Gabriel does everything possible to make it the best day of her life.
request: Could you write something for Supernatural (maybe a Gabriel x reader) and it’s the reader’s birthday and he wants to do something special for the reader? This is my first time requesting something overall so I’m nervous lol
pairings: Gabriel x Reader, Castiel x friend!Reader, Dean x friend!Reader, Sam x friend!Reader
warnings: fluff, sometimes a little bit cheesy
words: 2219
a/n: this gif is soooo cute I love him :)) Hope you like it and have, had or will have a really good birthday xx
MASTERLIST REQUEST RULES
Small kisses all over her face wake the girl from her beautiful dream. She opens her eyes slowly and looks into a smiling face. Gabriel is leaning over his girlfriend, currently taking his lips from her right cheek.
“Good morning to my favorite birthday girl”, the archangel whispers with so much love in his voice, (Y/n) can feel it touch her heart. A smile forms on the girls lips because of Gabriels sweet behavior.
Finally, their lips meet in a soft kiss which quickly turns into a heavy make out session. Gabriels hand wander all over (Y/n) body, under her shirt, to her hips and eventually back to her neck. Reluctantly, the archangel parts from his lover and sits up so that he is still straddling her hips.
“As much as I would like to continue this, we will have plenty of time for that tonight”, Gabriel says.
Only now (Y/n) realizes she isn’t laying in her bed in the bunker anymore. Instead the bed is bigger, softer and almost feels like she slept on a cloud. With a confused expression the girl looks around, seeing a room she never saw before.
“Where are we, Gabe?”, (Y/n) asks slowly and sits up. Her eyes wander from the expensive looking wardrobe to her boyfriend. Gabriel is smiling innocently.
“Don’t worry we will visit Tweedledee and Tweedledum today too”, the archangel says and gets up from the bed. The answer to (Y/n)s question stays a secret until now. He lifts the tray full of exquisite and delicious food from the floor and puts it next to (Y/n).
“Only the best for my best girl.”
(Y/n) takes a bite of a strange looking fruit and her eyes widen quickly. It tastes delicious like nothing she ever ate. And the other food on the tray tastes as delicious as the first berry the girl ate so that the tray is blank after fifteen minutes.
Gabriel only eats one really sweet looking fruit, then leaves the bedroom only to return with (Y/n) favorite outfit in his arms. Even her favorite pair of shoes are in one of his hands.
“Come on, pretty girl. Your presents are waiting”, he says and hands her the clothes. Of course the archangel doesn’t leave the room to give his girlfriend some privacy because he already saw every inch of her perfect body.
After dressing herself under the hungry eyes of her angel, (Y/n) wants to leave the room but Gabriel stops her. He materializes a bandana and ties it around the girls head, covering her eyes. (Y/n) giggles and takes both of Gabriels hands, following him.
“Prepare yourself for the best presents ever”, Gabriel says confident but deep down he is concerned his present wont please his girlfriend. When they reach the living room he slowly takes off the cloth covering (Y/n)s eyes.
On the table in front of the two a few presents form a small pile. Next to them are a lot of bouquet of flowers. In disbelieve (Y/n) looks at her boyfriend because she can’t believe all of these presents are for her. Gabriel nods and gets a heartwarming hug from his girl.
(Y/n) kneels in front of the table excited like a little kid and slowly takes the first present. It’s rectangular, like a box or a book. The girl unwraps the present and stares at the cover of a book. A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare.
“It’s a first edition, personally signed by Shakespeare.”
(Y/n) opens her mouth but no words leave it. Carefully, she opens the book and looks at the first page which shows the pretty handwriting of William fucking Shakespeare.
I hope you enjoy my work and honor it like I would.
Ps: teach your friend some manners
W. Shakespeare
“Gabe, what? How? Wait, what does...Shakespeare mean with ‘teach your friend some manners’?”, the girl asks overstrained and stares at her boyfriend with an open mouth. Gabriel giggles before he answers.
“Well, I might have punched the poet in the face.” (Y/n) eyes widen and she gasps. “He talked too much, darling. Half of it made no sense to me”, the angel explains.
“If this wouldn’t be the best present I ever got, I would kill you”, (Y/n) tells Gabriel and wraps her arms around his body. “Thank you”, she whispers and presses her body harder against Gabriel. The angel starts grinning like an idiot.
After their hug they part and (Y/n) turns back to her presents. Her small hands slide over the colorful flowers and then she grabs the next present. It’s smaller than the book and after the girl removed the wrapping paper, a velvet book reveals itself. It’s golden, just like its content.
The girls eyes widen the moment she sees the beautiful necklace. It’s pendant are two golden wings which remind (Y/n) of Gabriels. She only saw them once but she remembers them as if she saw them yesterday.
“The necklace is made out of one of my feathers”, Gabriel explains and once again his girlfriend looks at him with shock. “Don’t worry it fell without any force or pain.” (Y/n) nods but still can’t react properly.
After some time (Y/n) can think straight again and thanks her angel for the necklace. With his help it soon lies around her neck.
“How are there still presents? These two were more than I can handle”, (Y/n) jokes but Gabriel only grabs one of the remaining presents and lays it in her hands.
The other presents are a dress (Y/n) admired through a shop window, another few books and sweets.
Just after the last present got unwrapped, (Y/n) turns back to her boyfriend and showers him with soft kisses all over his face. They giggle and enjoy the moment together. Preferably, they wouldn’t like to part but Gabriel has some other surprises for his girlfriend so he pushes her as gentle as possible from him.
At that moment (Y/n) realizes Gabriel is wearing something he never wore - a white shirt with a cute bow tie. Her hands wander from his waist to his neck and her fingers fiddle with the bow tie.
“You look cute”, she tells him with a smile on her lips and can see him blush for the first time they are together. Her smile forms into a giggle.
“Okay, let’s go outside”, Gabriel says and ignores (Y/n)s last words. They get up from the floor and slowly walk to the door. Not until the angel opens the door and a forest as well as lake appear, the girl remembers she isn’t in the old and boring bunker anymore. Instead she is standing in a small hut in the forest, surrounded by trees, animals and a crystal clear lake.
The two of them leave the hut and step on green gras. A few animals are walking around the lake, not minding the human and the archangel. Until a rabbit turns to the hut and smiles at (Y/n). A squirrel on a tree raises his hand to wave at the girl.
Once again (Y/n) is confused and surprised at the same time.
“Why is the rabbit winking at me, Gabe?” Gabriel laughs and snaps with his hands. The animals disappear, apart from the fish in the water. His girlfriend tries to smile but she is still disturbed by the weird behavior of the animals.
“Do you...Do you like it, cupcake?”, the archangel asks slightly unsure and lets his gaze wander to the ground. (Y/n) takes both of his hands in hers so that Gabriel looks into her eyes.
“I love it. I love you”, she says with the biggest grin on her lips. (Y/n) moves her head closer to Gabriels and their foreheads touch. They are still staring in each other’s eyes. Then their lips meet again and the beautiful forest is forgotten because at this moment only the two of the matter.
Before the kiss can lead to something more intense Gabriel takes his lips and hands off (Y/n).
“Let’s visit the Winchesters so we get that over and done”, Gabriel suggests and takes one of (Y/n)s hands. The next moment they are standing inside the bunker.
Sam and Castiel look up from their books and immediately stand up. The younger Winchester is the first one to greet (Y/n) with one of his hard hugs. The girls feet leave the ground and hand in the air. It’s almost impossible for her to return the hug but after some seconds she can wrap her arms around Sam.
“Where is your annoying brother?”, Gabriel asks and Sam tells him he is in the kitchen. The archangel swallows and runs to the kitchen. He told Dean not to go into the kitchen until he and (Y/n) arrive. Because his surprise cake for his girlfriend is there and Gabriel knows that Dean can’t resist any cake.
Screaming from the kitchen causes (Y/n) and Sam to part. The girl can give Castiel a short hug but then she runs to the kitchen. There Dean is getting presses against a wall and knife is against his neck. Gabriel looks as if he is close to murder the older Winchester but that doesn’t happen because (Y/n) lays a hand on his shoulder.
“What happened?”, she asks because (Y/n) knows screaming would make everything worse. Moreover it’s her birthday and she wants to fights during this day.
“He ate the whole fucking cake, this filthy rat”, Gabriel screams and can’t bring himself to remove the knife. His girlfriend does this for him. Carefully, (Y/n) takes the knife out of his hand and lays it on the table.
“Yeah, because it’s not like you can magic another one with a snap of your fingers”, Dean says sarcastically and with even more anger in his amber eyes Gabriel grabs the man once again.
“That’s not the same. It wouldn’t be made by me, not truly”, Gabriel growls and presses his teeth together. Then he takes his hands off the human and turns back to his love. His eyes look sad as well as apologizing at her.
In that moment (Y/n) realizes why her boyfriend was in the kitchen all day yesterday. He baked her a cake because he wanted to make it and not magic it.
“It’s okay, Gabe. You already made this birthday the best one of my whole life. The cake doesn’t matter even though” With the next word (Y/n) looks a little bit angry at the older Winchester. “I would have really liked to eat a piece of a cake you made.” The birthday girl raises her hand and caresses Gabriels scrubby cheek.
A snap fills the kitchen and Sam, Dean and Castiel are alone again. They didn’t even got their chance to give (Y/n) her presents. Cas seems to be the most disappointed because he got her a talking plant.
Gabriel and (Y/n) arrive at the lake in front of their little hut. The girl lays her eyes on a picnic blanket, food and her first edition drama.
“I though we could eat, read, enjoy the view and maybe make out a little bit”, Gabriel says with a grin. His girlfriend nods and sits down on the blanket, taking an apple slice and putting it in her mouth.
Gabriel sits down next to her and takes some flowers from the meadow, slowly weaving them into a crown. While (Y/n) eats some cookies, the archangel puts the colorful crown on her head.
“Show me how to do that”, the girl requests and for the next hour the two of them try to make more flower crowns. In the end (Y/n) is wearing a crown with sunflowers and roses, while Gabriel wears one with daisies and orchids.
Then they lay down and read in A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare until the sun sets and stars as well as the moon rise. The two of them stay where they are because it’s perfect how it is. Gabriel influences the air around them so that they wont get cold.
“You know what I never did before?” (Y/n) lays on her side and looks with love in her eyes at the angel. She doesn’t wait for an answer from him. “Skinny dipping.”
The first thing (Y/n) takes off is the flower crown, then her clothes follow until she is standing naked in front of Gabriel who is still laying on the blanket. He watches her and lets his eyes wander all over her pretty body which soon disappears in the water.
Gabriel stands up and takes his clothes as well as his crown off. He follows his girlfriend in the lake and wraps his arms around her from behind. Small kisses meet her shoulders and neck. (Y/n) sighs and closes her eyes to enjoy the moment completely. Gabriels hands wander over her skin, caressing every inch of her.
“Thank you, Gabe. That was the perfect birthday”, (Y/n) says and turns around in the angels arms, smiling at him. “I love you so much, my angel.”
The archangel places his hands on (Y/n)s cheeks and strokes her soft skin with his thumb. “I love you too, my favorite birthday girl”, he tells her and presses his lips against hers. Gabriel lets himself fall back and into the cold water, pulling (Y/n) with him.
#gabriel#gabriel x reader#gabriel imagine#gabriel oneshot#gabriel one shot#gabriel x you#gabriel the archangel#supernatural
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Few months ago
The green light blinked. WORK. “Ugh” I grunted. Three and a half hours still to go in this bleak grey boring cubical. How long has it been? Two years? Felt like way longer. It was suppose to be a summer job. Safe some money and go to University. If only they didn’t offer me a full time job at the time. Just one year I’d tell myself. The money was good. And again at the end of the year they offered me just a bit more. But I’d had to work a bit longer as well. I should have stopped then. Nine hours a day... six days a week and only 2 weeks of every year. I looked at the sigh above the blinking light. Joja. Join us. Thrive. It should have been: Join us and die slowly. “Ugh” again I let out a low grunt. “Are you okay?” the voice from the cubical before me said. I don’t even know her name... pathetic, right? “Yeah, yeah I was just...” I tried to tell her before she spoke again. “Better keep working. I saw them looking at the monitors again.” She said in a softer voice then before. “Okay, thanks for the heads up.” I said back.
This place sucks the life out of everyone that worked here. If I didn’t know better I would say that the one in the cubical before the woman that spoke to me, had died a long time ago. But that couldn’t be true. How can a place be this depressing? I felt like crying. I hadn’t felt so sad in years. Grandpa... his stories came to mind. For the first time in weeks I smiled. It felt weird. And then I remembered. The envelope... I had it here right? I opened a drawer and started to look. I had accidently took it with me on the first day. It was in the pile of important documents but dumped here somewhere. There! With watery eyes I tried to open the pretty purple seal without tearing it up. In it were two documents. But my attention went to the handwritten letter. I dried my eyes so I could read... “Dear Dezem, If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change. The same thing happened to me , long ago. I’d lost sight of what mattered most in life... Real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong.”
This sounded like one of his fairytales. They always started like that. You turned to the back of the page and there was more...” “I’ve enclosed the deed to that place... My pride and joy: New Hope Farm. It’s located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It’s the perfect place to start your new life. This was my most precious gift of all, and now it’s yours. I know you’ll honor the family name, my dear. Good luck. Love, Grandpa. PS: If Lewis is still alive say hi to the old guy for me, will ya?” I quickly looked at the other document and like he wrote in the letter it was the deed to New Hope Farm! Unbelievable! The place all his stories began. I didn’t even noticed that was on my feet. I was ready to go. Get out of this place and see were this precious gift that Grandpa gave me would take me. I didn’t think anymore. Got my coat and started to walk to the exit. “Hey! Where are you going? You’re still on the clock!” One of the supervisors yelled at me. “Don’t care! I quite!” I yelled back while walking even faster. Like I was running form them. “You can’t just quit!” He tried to keep up with me but I was just to quick. “I just did!” reaching the door I smiled at him, waved and opened the door and walked away.
I ran to the bus stop and searched for Stardew Valley. I was in luck! A bus would leave in 30 minutes. I quickly bought a ticket and waited for it to come. I felt free already. The bus departed and I was lost in thought while looking out the window. The city made way for suburbia and then it was just mountains...
I could get used to that. After a few hours we’d arrived. It was the last stop and no one else but me, and the driver of course, was still on the bus. The bus stop was... just a sign and a ticket machine. I didn’t know where to go next. Then a redheaded woman walked by. She had a huge axe in her hand. It made me a bit nervous to be honest but when she spotted me she smiled.
“Why hello there! Lost?” Her tone was friendly so I walked towards her. “Uhm yeah a bit. Is this Stardew Valley?” I said a bit shy. “Yes, Pelican Town to be precise. Can I help you with something?” Aaah that was what the PT had stand for in the seal. “Yes, please. I’m looking for uhm... New Hope’s Farm?” It sounded a bit corny to say out loud. “New Hope Farm!? Wow uhm yeah it’s that way” As she pointed to a overrun path to the west. “But no one is there... or has been for 25 years or so. Why?” The woman continued. “Well you see, it was my Grandpa’s and he gave it to me...” Your voice sounded small but a glimmer of hope. “Really now!? That’s awesome! But...” She bit her lip. “The place is a mess... It’s not even livable now. Come I’ll try to show you. If anything get’s in our way I got my trusted axe to cut our way through.”
We walked for a bit but we could only see it in the distance. She hadn’t been lying. The place was a mess. “Hey now don’t worry! I can make it livable. I’m Robin by the way.” “I’m Dezem... you sure you can?” I must have seen very sad cause Robin wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “Of course! just give me some time.” A big smile on her face made me trust this woman I’ve never met. Suddenly we hear some footsteps behind us. “Hello?” It sounded like an older man. Apparently Robin was familiar with the person because she didn’t bat an eye when we heard. “Who’s there?” “Ah mayor what are you doing out here so late?” “I could ask you the same Robin. You know this place is of limits for cutting trees right?” “I know Lewis. I just showed our new friend the place she wanted to see.” Bringing me in the sight of the older man with the moustache.
“Hello, I’m Dezem.” “Dezem... Never heard of you before. I’m Mayor Lewis. What business do you have with this old farm?” The distrust was dripping from his words. Then I remember that I’d heard his name before. Well read his name before. “Lewis.... I had to say Hi to you from my Grandpa.” “Grandpa?” The older man asked. “You’re Jacob’s grandkid?” This was the man he talk about in the letter. No doubt about it. I nodded. “He gave me the deed and I... I want to live here. If that’s okay?” Robin smiled brightly “Jacob! He’s like a legend around here. The stories Lewis tells us... It seemed unreal but here you are. Living proof that Jacob exist!” “Excited... He past away nine years ago...” I wish I could have said he was still around but it wouldn’t be fair to keep it from them. “I’m sorry” she looked at the ground. “He was a wonderful man. He wouldn’t have wanted these sad faces.” Lewis said and he was right. “So when will you start living here?” I looked at Robin after Lewis’s question. “After I fix it up. You should give me your contact information and I’ll get to work right away. Seeing the shape of the place it won’t be cheap though. Sorry to talk business right away but it’s better to be said then a surprise afterward right?” I nodded at her. “Right. So I guess I should go back for now. Get all my things. I kinda got up here on a whim. Hahaha” laughing at my own stupidity. “Oh dear you need to be quick then! The last bus leaves in 10 minutes!” Of course the Mayor knew the schedule! I thanked them both and quickly wrote down my contact information and took the bus back...
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Magnus Chase and a Plotless Hogwarts Fanfiction
Chapter 9: Christmas story: Blitz and Hearth’s Adventure 1/2
Summary:
Happy Chirstmas eve in July. Update tomorrow with the rest of the story.
Blitz and Hearth head to London. Hearth has found an object he had been looking for for a long time.
There is a smut chapter linked to this that you can read or not read. I’m not the boss of you.
Ps. Ignore the spelling mistakes.
You can find the whole story here
http://archiveofourown.org/works/11429727/chapters/26076582
The rest will be posted tomorrow
******************
Blitz pov
Blitzen loved Christmas. He was absolutely head over heels in love with Christmas. And Christmas at Hogwarts was the most magical by far. Blitz had taken over the decorating of the castle since he started teaching here. He personally picked out every single Christmas tree, garland, bobble, and bow. As soon as December 1st arrived Blitzen worked all day and night to have the castle ready for the next next 25 days. He pulled out all the stops. Enchanted icicles, live fairy lights, blooming mistletoe and large red poinsettias growing along every doorway and banister. Armour suits sang carols and fake snow that fell in the entrance hall.
Blitz had even managed to get Hearth into the holiday season. Hearth helped Blitz put up and decorate all 12 Christmas trees that went up in the Great Hall. He didn’t even make fun of Blitzen when he annoyingly fixated on making sure 2 ornaments were never too far from each other but never to close. Alex said he was anal retentive, he would say he was more of a perfectionist.
One the last day of term Blitz sat at the desk at the front of his classroom. His 4th year class sat around chatting and playing board games. Blitz knew that trying to teach during the last period before holidays would be hopeless. Instead he let his students relax and have fun. He sat at his desk reading a book T.J. had lent him about armour making. Hopefully it would inspire something. When the bell rang the hoard of students began to file out of the room. Blitz looked up when he heard a few students say.
“Hi professor Hearthstone” and “Happy Chirstmas Professor Hearthstone”
Blitz watched as Hearth waved to the students as he passed through the door. He was wearing his holiday sweater that Halfborn had knitted him last year. It was black with a light grey and white Nordic pattern with those dancing deer. It was hideous especially with his candy cane striped scarf, yet it was Hearths favourite sweater. Blitz was pretty sure Hearth wore it just to annoy him. He would never admit that was his motive yet every time he pulled it out he got a mischivious glint in his eye. As he approached Blitz’s desk Hearth waved. When he got to the desk he sat on the end as Blitz started putting away his paper work in the desk drawers.
“Last class. Now we are officially off. Would you like to come with me to London overnight. I need to pick up something.” Hearth signed.
“Of course. I also could pick up some things myself. I’m running low on some sewing supplies. And there’s not alot of good selection in Hogsmade.” Blitz said as he signed.
Hearth smiled and followed Blitz up the staircase to his office. Blitz dropped a stack of essays on his desk in there and followed Hearth into his/their small place. Hearth already has a bag slung over his shoulder. He had probably gone back to his office before he came here. Blitz went into his bedroom and also began packing an overnight bag. He packed some muggle clothes since his favourite sewing supplies store was in the muggle part of downtown. When he came back into the living room Hearth was pulling on his black woolen cloak. Blitz grabbed for his dark navy peacoat.
They walked down to the gates. Once they were outside Hearth held out his arm to Blitz. Hearth was a much stronger wizard than Blitz therefore he could get the both of them to London by apparition. He didn’t do it often though as it left him tired and dizzy. Blitz grabbed his arm and with a gut twisting compression of darkness they apparated.
They landed in the middle of Diagon Alley. Snow was lightly falling from the sky. The streets were packed with witches and wizards all covered in a light layer of snowflakes, milling around doing their shopping. The shops and lightposts were all decorated with wreaths, holly berries and fairy lights. The smell of cookies and other sweets wafted from the bakery. It was truly magical.
Blitz reached over and took Hearths hand. They walked down the cobbled streets together toward the Leaky Cauldron. The Leaky Cauldron was a rowdy mix of chaos and excitement. It was also absolutely packed. Hearth got his room key and immediately signed.
“Lets go upstairs. Less crowded. Come down for dinner later.”
Blitz nodded and they headed up the rickety wooden stairs. When they got to the room Hearth dropped his bag on the floor shed his cloak and fell face first into the bed. Blitz laughed and hung up their stuff. Hearth was the messiest guy Blitz knew. Or maybe Blitz was too much of a clean freak. Blitz went over and threw a log in the fireplace. He prodded it a couple times to make sure it was good then went to sit on the bed beside Hearth. When he sat down Hearth rolled over to his back so he could talk to him.
“I hate apparition” Hearth signed. “Makes me dizzy.”
“Practice makes perfect. Plus I wouldn’t complain. Most wizards would give their right arms to be able to apparate that far. Myself included. I wouldn’t really be complaining about being so powerful” Blitz said.
Hearth rolled his eyes.
“Our abilities aren’t measured by the power if our magic. Only by how we use it. Plus you have many talents I would trade you for any day.” Hearth signed back.
It was Blitz’s turn to roll his eyes.
“What do you need in London anyway?” Blitz asked changing the subject.
“Something I have been looking for for a long time is here.” Hearth signed raising his hands up in the air in front of him while still on his back.
“What’s that?” Blitz asked.
“A secret. None of your business” Hearth signed then stuck his tongue out at Blitz.
Blitz raised and eyebrow at Hearth but didn’t push it. Although this would explain the sudden flux of owls Hearth kept recieving at breakfast the past 2 months.
Hearth let out a loud exhale and closed his eyes sleepily. Blitz leaned down and went to kiss his forehead. Surprisingly before he could place his lips on Hearth Hearth reached up and grabbed Blitzs head pulling him down into a proper kiss on the lips. Hearth pushed into the kiss passionately and Blitzs hands automatically went around Hearths waist. After a few seconds of deep kissing Blitz went to pull away but Hearth pulled him closer refusing to let go. He kissed Blitz again in the same way. Blitz felt himself go light headed. He pushed back into the kiss his lips moving more purposefully.
After what seemed like forever Hearth and Blitz fell away from one another.
“What was that for?” Blitz asked Hearth. Hearths cheeks were flushed and warm. Blitz was glad for his dark complexion or he might have looked just as flushed.
“Nothing. Just wanted to kiss you. Is that a crime?” Hearth signed.
“It should be.” Blitz joked. “Your not usually so…” Blitz cut himself off “Anyway you should take a quick nap then we can head down to dinner.”
Hearth gave a faint smiled and nodded. He sat up and grabbed the quilt at the end of the bed he pulled it over himself and laid back down.
Blitz got up and went to sit in the armchair by the fire. He pulled out his armour making book. After his first page he heard the familiar sound of Hearth snoring.
*
When the clock on the wall read 8 o'clock Blitz woke Hearth. He was looking much better after his nap. They both made their way downstairs. They grabbed a table at the back of the room and ordered some dinner from the inn keeper. The place had clamed down significantly. Hearth slurped up his vegetable soup and stared intently at the flame from the candle on their table. He seemed lost in thought and a little fidgety. Blitz scanned the room and watched other patrons as they milled about. He spotted some wizards he knew use to work with his father at the ministry and they waved when they passed their table.
Blitz also noticed two strange looking wizards at the other corner of the bar. They were glaring in their direction. They kept pretending to not notice them every time Blitz looked over. Both wizards were tall and muscular. Their blonde hair was neatly trimmed and combed back. They kinda reminded Blitz of Hearth. Minus the kind eyes and lanky frames. Their skin and pointy ears though were unmistkingly similar. Blitz noticed they were keeping a particularly close gaze on Hearth. He frowned and nudged Hearth under the table with his foot. Hearth looked up at Blitz who very lightly signed.
“ don’t turn around right now. But I think there’s two guys here watching us.”
Hearths eyes widened slightly but he kept his expression the usual blank slate. He twirled his thumbs nervously. After a few seconds he pretended to drop his fork and glanced back at the guys as he retrieved it. When he came back up he looked grim.
“Lets go back to the room. Now” he signed.
Blitz nodded and they quickly headed upstairs. The two guys watched them go but didn’t get up themselves.
When they got back to the room Hearthstone locked the door and waved his wand over the lock.
“So are you going to tell me what that was about” Blitz asked concern creeping into his face.
The corner if Hearths mouth twisted and he signed.
“I don’t know. But those 2 guys use to work for my father. Don’t know why they would be here unless my father sent them to spy.”
“Why would your father be sending people to spy on you?” Blitz asked.
Hearth gave half a shrug and frowned slightly.
“Father sent me a letter a month ago. After that one I showed you demanding to know about rumours he wasn’t so happy about hearing.”
“what rumours were those?” Blitz asked.
“Rumours about us. ” Hearth simply signed. He then crossed his arms across his chest. Hearths version of I don’t want to talk anymore. Hearth walked over to the window and glanced outside. Apparently seeing nothing interesting he strode to the armchair, sat and began taking off his shoes.
“I wouldn’t worry. Could just be a coincidence. Plus there nothing they can do to me or you here” Hearth signed after he kicked off his boots.
Blitz gave him a skeptical look but decided to leave it. He knew Hearth didn’t like speaking about his family issues. Blitz kept a mental note to keep a close eye on Hearth until they got back to Hogwarts.
Hearth got up and threw another log in the fire. He warmed his hands up against the warm heat coming from the fireplace. Blitz took off his shoes then went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. He washed his face, brushed his teeth, brushed his neatly combed hair and put on his pjammas. When he came back out Hearth was already in bed in his PJs. He was on his back staring up at the curtains. Blitz scooted in beside him. They were so comfortable sleeping together now he didn’t even need to ask Hearth to turn off the light . Hearth reached over to grab his wand and flick the lights off. Blitz pulled the covers over Hearth and his shoulder and rested his head down on his pillow.
********* You can now go to my smut chapter if you want to read it. You totally don’t have to read it. But if you do you can read it here
http://archiveofourown.org/works/11600784
**********
Hearth pov
Hearth woke up as the sky started to turn orange with the rising sun. He could feel Blitz sleeping beside him. His chest gently rising and falling his hands up behind his head and his leg hanging off the side of the bed. Blitzs hair was becoming a tangled mess in the pillow. A sight he knew Blitz wouldn’t be to pleased for anyone including Hearth to see. Hearth smiled like an idiot as he began to remember what happend last night. He resisted to urge to lean over and kiss Blitz awake. Hearth gently pulled the blanket off himself and did his best to get out of the bed without disturbing the sleeping Blitz.
He padded across the floor grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom. He quickly took a shower and put on his clothes. A simple white t-shirt under a black wool v-neck sweater. His nice black boots and dark black pants. He reached into his bag and pulled out his carefully folded blue and bronze embroidered scarf Blitz had made him. He carefully wrapped it around his neck.
He turned to the mirror and for the first time in 3 years combed his hair back into a perfect slick. The way his father made him always brush his hair. Hearth hated it, it made him look like a very pale blonde Transylvania vampire. He frowned at his reflection. A strand a hair fell down from his now neatly combed hair. He brushed it back in.
Hearth wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for Blitzen. Hearth had spent the past year searching for it. Unfortunately the only way to get it was to go and do his best to look important and intimidating. That unfortunatley meant dressing like his father and going somewhere wasn’t so comfortable going.
He sighed and then exited the bathroom. Blitz was now awake. He walked over to Hearth and reached up. He straightened Hearths scarf.
“You look… different” Blitz said taking in Hearths hair.
Hearth gave a sideways frown and signed.
“Gotta go somewhere today that requires it. I hate it. I feel like my father. Minus the scarf.”
Blitz looked up concerned. “Where are you going? It doesn’t sound like a place you should be going to.”
Hearth just shrugged off the question. He signed. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing, just something I need to do”
Blitz frowned. “Hearth that’s not an answer. Also what do you need to do?”
Hearth shrugged again and signed. “Go take a shower and get dressed. Your hair is a mess”
Blitz patted his head and scowled at Hearth. Thankfully he didn’t push the issue any more. He did however give a look that conveyed the message ‘this conversation isn’t over’. Blitz grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom.
Hearth went and sat in the armchair. He picked up the book Blitz had been reading and flipped through it. Enchanted armour, that was interesting. Hearth remembered a book his brother and him had once read on goblin armour. Hearth always thought goblin made objects were fascinating. The goblins knew how to craft in amazing ways. He remembered once at dinner Andrion had said to his mother and father that he wanted to be a Goblin. Hearth remembered the anger that had flared in his father’s eyes. His father never hit Andrion, but this was the first time Hearth had seen his father yell at someone that wasn’t himself. No pure blood son of his was going to profess his wish to be something as low as a Goblin. He remembered that night Andrion crawling into his room tears flowing down his face. Hearth held his brother all night. Andrion kept saying things but Hearth wasn’t so good at reading lips back then, also it’s pretty much impossible to understand someone when there crying. Thinking of his brother dropped an all too familiar rock in his stomach. He felt sick, he missed his brother so much. Until he ran away and met Blitz Andrion had been his only friend. The only person he felt comfortable sharing his feeling and fears with.
Hearth was brought back to the present when Blitz emerged from the bathroom. He had combed his hair back into perfection and was now sporting a dark gray suit with a navy dress shirt dress shirt underneath. Today he had tied a maroon floral pattern bowtie around his neck. He looked as fashionable as ever. Hearth loved when Blitz dressed like a muggle. He had always been drawn to muggles. Probably out of some sort of subconscious rebellion.
Hearth signed. “You look good, as always”
Blitz smiled and slipped on his dragon hide boots. And grabbed for his coat.
“Come on let’s get breakfast I’m starving” Blitz said as he signed. Hearth followed him out grabbing his cloak and bag off the hook.
*
After breakfast Hearth followed Blitz into downtown London. The streets were packed with weekend shoppers and people visiting the city. Snow was falling gently from the sky in large flakes and the wind was bitterly cold. Hearth hiked up his scarf around his ear thankful for its magical warming. Blitz seemed fine in the cold. He had put on his dragon hide gloves. Hearth had just tucked his hands in his pockets so he couldn’t sign or hold hands. Blitz didn’t seem to mind he laced his arm through Hearths and they walked arm in arm down the sidewalk.
They got to their destination around 20 minutes later. Blitz unwraped his arms from Hearths. He went to open the shop door for Hearth but Hearth shook his head. He pulled his hands out from his pockets risking losing them to the cold.
He signed. “Actually I’m going to go do the thing I came here to do. I’ll meet you back here when I’m done.”
Blitz looked upset and aggravated.
“I don’t like the idea of you going off on your own with those guys we saw last night around” Blitz argued. He signed with his gloved hands which were hard to read but Hearth got the gist.
Hearth shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be back in less than 30 minutes. Promise.”
“Hearth” Blitz started to argue but Hearth reached into the inner pocket of his cloak. He grasps his wand and with one quick look around to make sure no-one was watching he turned on the spot. He gave Blitz a mischivious smile. The last thing he saw was Blitz face knot up in irritation as he tried to grab Hearth before he dissaperated.
*
Hearth appeared in the middle of Diagon Alley. The streets were packed so he struggled to get through . Eventually he found what he was looking for. The stairs that led into Nocturn Alley. Hearth stopped at the top of the alley entrance to steel his nerves. He straightened himself trying to stand taller and more sure of himself. He pulled his hood up over his head and walked down the stairs.
Diagon Alley was almost deserted. Only a dew dodgy looking people walked past Hearth. There feet clacking on the cold wet stones. One wizard with long pointed yellow teeth and a scar across his face glanced curiously at Hearth. Hearth pulled his hood lower over his face and did his best not to quicken his pace so he didn’t seem suspicious. After a what seemed like the most stressful 5 minutes of Hearths life he found what he was looking for. A dark dimly lit store. The sign above the window read. Borgin and Burks. Hearth took a deep breath and straightned himself. Gathering his thoughts. ‘You got this, just act like father would’, words he thought he would never say to himself. He stepped through the door.
The shop seemed to be empty Hearth glanced around at the objects displayed around him. An old vanishing cabinet sat in the corner of the room. Various swords encrusted in jewels and beautiful ornamentation decorated the walls. Probably goblin made. Cobwebs covered everything. Hearth found a cabinet filled with beautiful pieces of jewelry. He slowly walked over and peered into the glass. A sign on the door read. “Cursed objects: Do not touch”. Hearth peered in but didn’t see what he came to find. Which he was thankful for. He didn’t think he would be able to do much if it had been cursed.
Hearth almost jumped out of his skin when he felt a gnarled hand grab at his shoulder hard. He turned quickly his hand jumping to his pocket with his wand instinctively. A grizzly old man with an eye patch let go of his shoulder but started talking to him obviously in a not so nice manner.
“Are you deaf!? I asked you what are you doing in here?” The man said.
Hearth wanted to shrink, or at least pull out his wand but he resisted. He remembered his act and stood tall doing his best to look as if this man was the scum under his foot. Hearth knew that look well. It was the look his father gave to everyone, including himself. Hearth had prepared for his inability to talk as well. He reached into his other pocket and pulled out a small leather bound book and a quill. Honestly Hearth preferred pens but he figured this wasn’t the crowd you wanted to go pulling muggle objects out around. A pen enchanted to have ink constantly would do. He opened the note book and wrote.
“I am deaf, but that is none of your business. I am looking for a watch. A very specific watch.” Hearth wrote he then as cold as he could handed the man the book. The man read. His mouth moved as he struggled through the words.
“Watch eh?” The man scowled. “How am I to know your not ministry swine. You look awfully like those bunch of muggle lovers”
Hearth did his best to look annoyed and angry instead of unsure like he felt. He snatched the book back with as much of his father’s gusto as he could. He reached up and pulled his hood off showing off his practically white hair. He then reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a ring. The family ring he was made to wear when he was still at home. He shoved it in the man’s hands. The man examined it gingerly. Staring intently at the family coat of arms etched in the front in precious jewels. A look of understanding and fright grew on the man’s face. Even if the British wizards didn’t take kindly to wizards with wood elf blood they did know of his families reputation. The Aldermans were powerful and wealthy. Those who crossed them usually went missing or ended up dead.
Hearth held his hand out and the man carefully placed the ring back in his palm. Hearth tossed it back in his breast pocket. He did his best to stare down impatiently and disgusted at the man. This time it wasn’t so hard. The man seemed to have shrunk now realising he might be in trouble.
“This way Mr.Alderman” the old man said as he shuffled to the back of the store. Hearth followed. For once thankful for his family name, a name he hadn’t used in years.
Hearth watch as the old man ducked under a counter and dissapeared into a back room. He came back carrying a large trunk. He dropped it on the counter. He turned to Hearth and asked.
“Exactly what kind of watch?”
Hearth pulled out his notepad again and wrote down.
“A specific pocket watch my sources say you have acquired. It should be gold and unscripted with Nordic runes.”
Hearth placed the book on the counter and the man read it. He frowned and went to open the chest. He rummaged inside and then pulled out a large black velvet box. He placed it on the counter in front of Hearth. Hearth reached out and opened the box. Inside was a small pocket watch cast in gold. The design of tree was etched in thin delicate silver in the front. The silver lines so thin they looked as if a needle had painstakingly drawn them on. The thin lines so carefully drawn made such a realists image the tree looked as if it was actually swaying in the wind. Hearth reached out and picked up the watch. Along the side old Nordic runes were inscribed. Not many wizard could read old Nordic runes but Hearth could.
Be the light in the dark Be the calm in the storm Be at peace while at war.
On the back in simple English the words inscribed said.
To my son Bilbi, May you always find the time to be happy.
This was it, Hearth had found it. Blitz’s father’s watch. He gently placed the watch back in to box. He reached over and wrote in his book.
“Barter”
He reached into his front pocket again and placed the ring on the counter. The old man read the word and glanced between the ring and the watch. Then up at Hearth skeptically. Hearth did his best to look intimidating. Eventually the man nodded and snatched up the ring. Hearth reached down and grabbed the box with the watch. He placed it in his coat, put his hood back up over his head and turned quickly to walk out of the store.
#hearthstone/blitzen#blitzstone#blitzen#hearthstone#magnus chase#magnus chase and the gods of asgard#harry potter crossover
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Midnight Coffee
Jasmine Cephas Jones x Fem!Reader Words: 1760
well hello there. surprised to see me writing again? so am i honestly.
i got a keyboard the other day and all i’ve been doing is playing it and crying when the pedal misbehaves (the keyboard ends up sustaining by itself and the pedal stops the sustain which is the wrong way around)
but anyway. i’ve had a bit of writers block and i’ve had a lot going on in my life. i’m horrible at all of my subjects, i feel pretty isolated at school and on here and i kinda just gave up for a little while.
tonight, i just started writing. this was going to be an anthony x reader or a daveed x reader but i never have written a jasmine x reader. i suppose this could be day 6 of the hamwriters challenge (that i never did finish oops)
i’ll finish my speech now because i really wanna watch this episode of legion and then maybe (probably not) get some sleep. i hope you all enjoy this!
requests are open or if you wanna chat or something, you can message me. I love you all
ps. i really love dan stevens wow what a man
Masterlist
~ It was late one Sunday night when you first met Jasmine.
You were sitting in your tiny apartment with its paper thin walls and it’s horrible acoustics as you tried to finish a song. You knew the song needed to be finished by midnight at the latest for it to be counted towards your grade, but you also knew that your current writer’s block may have been the worst ever.
The task was simple and one you had completed many times before, but when you sat down at your keyboard, you felt nothing. There wasn’t a melody in your head besides “Careless Whisper”, the song your ex had played a cover of in class today.
He had dedicated it to you, which made you roll your eyes once again. He really hadn’t clicked on to the fact that you weren’t interested in him, nor any other guy on the planet. Alas, your parents seemed to have a hatred for people in the LGBTQ+ community that you just couldn’t explain. You weren’t sure what it was, but whenever they saw a same sex couple in public, they would turn their noses.
You knew you weren’t coming out anytime soon. You still hadn’t found the right person, so what was the point anyway?
You sighed when you realised your mind had drifted again, turning your attention back to the blank page on your music stand. It looked like someone had taken a scan of your brain and printed it out onto paper… you had nothing, the page had nothing, it was a match made in heaven.
A three minute song couldn’t be that hard to write, right? You usually smashed out five minute songs in about an hour when you didn’t need to. But now that there was criteria, that people were judging you… you simply didn’t know what to do.
About another hour passed of changing the direction of your stare from the tree outside your window and back to the sheet music when you decided you had finally had enough. “For fuck’s sake! I’m never getting this done!” You exclaimed, picking up your music stand and throwing it at the wall out of frustration.
A cloud of dirt filled the air as the music stand went through the wall you shared with your neighbour. You gasped, staring at the hole in shock. You hadn’t thrown it that hard, had you? Maybe you had… how the hell were you supposed to cover this up? Or pay for the damage you had caused?
You pulled the music stand out of the wall, glancing through the wall at the nicely decorated apartment. You had never met your neighbours, but from the loud rap music you often heard some nights, you had assumed they were thugs.
The door in the apartment swung open to reveal a young girl with short hair. You gasped, looking around anxiously before bolting and sitting down at your keyboard. You acted natural, biting down hard on your lip as the girl stepped forward and inspected the wall.
“Still haven’t gotten that song done?”
Your eyes widened. You looked up from where you were pretending to play, a red blush coating your cheeks. “U-Uh what?” You replied, resting your elbow on one of the keys and jumping when a low note was played. You fell backwards off the chair, groaning and closing your eyes in embarrassment.
The girl in the opposite apartment giggled. “Is your door open? I’ve heard the other originals you’ve written and I think I could help create something similar. Your assignment’s due tomorrow, right?” She asked.
You looked at her in confusion, having no words for the extraordinary girl. You had never seen anyone like her before… she was beautiful, kind and she didn’t seem angry about the wall. In fact, she hadn’t even mentioned it yet. That had to be something good, right?
Letting out a long sigh, you laid on the floor and watched as the girl disappeared, your head snapping to your door as she walked into your apartment.
“I’m Jasmine by the way, and you might want to consider locking your door. There are some weird people around here,” she stated, holding out her finely manicured hand and helping you up from where you laid on the ground.
“(Y/N). I’m (Y/N),” you said, sitting back down on your chair. “Now, would you mind telling me how you know so much about my assignment? And so much about me?”
Jasmine’s eyes widened. She blushed slightly, pulling a seat over to the piano and sitting next to you. “Well, my ex-boyfriend / best friend is always off in the studio making music. I’m home a lot, and I’m often curious when I hear you playing. Well, I’ve always been curious. You always play sad songs, even if they’re not your originals. I was wondering what kind of person was waiting behind the wall,” She started, playing with the hem of her sleeve as she continued on.
“As you know, the walls are pretty thin. I’m sure you’ve heard Anthony and I arguing over stupid things before… but whenever their was silence on my side of the wall, there was always yelling or conversations on yours. It made me feel kinda safe to know there was someone else living here… as you may have noticed, most of the neighbours are totally insane. I hope that answers your question.”
You looked up from the keyboard keys to her, your eyes glancing over her as you tried to find the words to fill the silence. “S-So you’re not mad about the wall?” You asked, freezing as she looked up from her hands. She truly was one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen.
“I was a bit shocked at first, but I like to take everything as an opportunity. I was thinking maybe we could go and get coffee and then get started on some chord progressions and lyrics? I’d love to help you out. You do seem rather stressed,” Jasmine suggested, a small smile appearing on her face.
“Wait, really? You’re not worried at all… I’m afraid I don’t even have the funds to pay for it, and I wish I did because I feel so horrible that I-“
“Hey, don’t worry. Tonight is about getting things done and new opportunities. So what do you say? Do you want to join me on this adventure?” Jasmine interrupted, standing up and holding out her hand.
You smiled and nodded, taking her hand and standing up. The two of you exited your apartment (after you made sure the door was locked) and made your way down the street.
“Is anywhere going to be open? It is quite late… god, I should’ve never left my apartment. I should’ve tried to finish that stupid song,” You said, sighing.
Jasmine smirked as the two of you came to a retro like diner with a flashing open sign above it. “Have I mentioned I like to take chances?” She asked, opening the door and holding it for you as you entered.
The diner looked like something straight of a 50’s movie. You looked around, taking in the plastic, flashing neon lights and the many, many posters of Elvis and Marilyn Munroe. You scoffed slightly, looking at Jasmine. “You sure this is a good idea?”
“We’ve both done a lot of questionable things tonight. This can just add to the list,” She replied, walking up to the counter and ordering a coffee for herself before letting you order one as well.
“What kind of questionable things would you be talking about?” You asked, taking a seat in one of the uncomfortable booths as the two of you waited for your coffees.
“Well, smashing a music stand against the wall was definitely your first questionable decision. What else would go on the list? Letting a stranger into your house, I could be a serial killer for all you know. Or even worse, I could be one of those annoying neighbours that’s always smiling and talkative,” Jasmine stated, shuddering.
“You mean like that old man across the hall? He’s sweet as anything, but I do have to agree. He is a bit annoying sometimes. I guess I’ve just grown to tolerate him,” You said, shrugging and smiling as your drinks were placed down in front of you.
It felt like time stood still as the two of you sat in that diner, chatting and laughing. You never had met anyone quite like her. You were shocked you hadn’t spoken to her before, you could’ve gotten along so well if you had met earlier.
A loud beeping sound coming from your phone interrupted the flow of the conversation and sent you back to reality. As you pulled out your phone to turn off the alarm, you gasped as you saw it was nearly midnight. The song hadn’t even begun… you were majorly screwed.
“Look Jasmine, this has been incredible but I think I have to go. If I don’t get this song in to my professor in the next fifteen minutes, it’ll go ungraded and that’ll bring all my grades down… it’ll pretty much be a disaster and I’ll never forgive myself. This was so lovely though…” You said, quickly standing and getting ready to run home.
Jasmine grabbed your hand before you could go, holding onto it tightly. “I think you worry about the future too much,” she stated, pulling you back into your seat. You raised your eyebrow, slipping your phone back into your pocket.
“You think so?” You asked quietly, your worries about the song disappearing as you looked into her eyes.
“I think that for tonight, you should just stay. Don’t worry about the future, don’t worry about the song! I think we’ve really got something special happening, and I don’t want to let it go yet. So please for tonight… stay?”
The millions of thoughts that flew through your head whenever you were doing anything seemed to stop when she began to talk. You admired the way her smile could light up a room, and how her voice seemed to flow like a never ending melody.
You never did hand in that song. That night and many more were spent in that diner, talking about your worlds and everything in them. You found yourself falling in love with Jasmine more and more every night.
Eventually, you handed in Midnight Coffee to your professor. A song about love, friendship, and an old diner that you couldn’t seem to leave.
#jasmine cephas jones#jasmine cephas jones x reader#jasmine cephas jones imagine#peggy schuyler x reader#peggy schuyler imagine#maria reynolds x reader#maria reynolds imagine#hamilton x reader#hamilton imagine
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Je Suis Pretty Bloody Relaxed
I’ve just been away for four days and I didn’t do any work at all! Four whole days without my laptop! Taking childbirth out of the equation (and those necessary, blurry months either side) I haven’t spent that much time entirely work-free since I went to Florida for the New Year which was in – please hold whilst I Google my own life – 2013. Over six and a half years ago.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been on holiday since then, I’ve relaxed since then, but never – not for more than about two days in a row – have I been parted from my trusty MacBook Pro. We can’t be separated, usually, and I’ll tell you why: if there’s ever going to be an administrative crisis, such as a server going down or a client wanting some sort of detailed analysis of a brand campaign or an app developer needing the login to my developer account, you can guarantee that it will happen approximately seven hours after I’ve left home. So having my laptop with me is like being in a mobile office – I have everything I need, apart from a chair that spins (surely a must) and a stapler (probably not so important these days), and I can fulfil almost every type of task from whichever far-flung hotel room or holiday home I’ve hunkered down in.
But the only problem with this mobile office scenario is that the temptation to check in on things is just far too strong. You start off by logging into BA.com to choose your seats for the flight back and before you know it you’ve tinkered with your website design, spent four hours reorganising your Youtube videos into keyword-optimised categories and written a quick comparative piece on budget sunscreens. Instead of being out in the warm, lying beneath a fig tree with a glass of something chilled, you’ve spent the majority of your precious afternoon in a boxy hotel room listening to the air con unit wheeze, drinking a minibar coke that’s so expensive it’ll potentially require its own secured loan.
So for this trip I left the laptop at home. I should say, in the interests of complete transparency, that I left the laptop and the children at home. Which was a real first. Mr AMR and I have been away for a couple of nights in the UK on our own together, but never abroad. It felt incredibly odd for the first three, maybe four minutes and then we just wiped away our tears and got on with the difficult task of doing absolutely anything we wanted to do, at whatever time, without having to constantly look around us to check whether one or more small child was trying to escape/eat something inadvisable/draw on walls with a red crayon.
I jest, obviously, we missed them an enormous amount on the first day.
I can highly recommend a short break without your children, if you can manage it and you have trusted family members that can step in to take care of the babysitting element. We don’t really have family that nearby, so it’s a very infrequent occurrence for us, but boy is it reviving. My children are my absolute raison d’etre, the lights of my life – I often feel quite physically pained on the occasions I have to go away for work – but I would say that, on rough calculation, a two night holiday somewhere hot without your dependents in tow gives the same degree of relaxation as 4,356 days somewhere hot with them.
It’s like concentrated, hyper-boosted relaxation time. You really do completely switch off – it’s amazing how quickly you can go from highly-strung hunter of missing felt-tip pen lids to laid-back, zen goddess. I was so relaxed by day three that I could barely speak – I was so relaxed that I let a wasp feast on a speck of air-dried ham that had stuck to my knee. And I have a fear of wasps that nears phobia level.
Maybe it’s different if your kids are older, and going on holiday with them gets easier, but still. What can be more rejuvenating than passing on nearly all your responsibilities to another person? You can still stress about whether you’re going to accidentally damage the hire car, with its €1500 insurance excess and wobbly wheels, and you can still worry about the mosquitoes and the currency exchange rate and whether the “do not disturb” sign will actually stop the cleaner from opening the door when you’re still in bed/naked in the shower/on the toilet, but ultimately you’re fretting over the small-fry.
Holiday anxieties are not the same as parenting anxieties. And of course you return home to the same old insecurities and worries – whether you shout too much, whether a temperature of 39C requires a call to 111, whether any supermarket will ever stock girls’ white knee-high socks ever again – but I can’t help but thinking that a few days’ respite from the relentless, often repetitive daily routine is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
Also I must say this (soppy part): the excitement when you’re on the return journey, knowing that you’re going to be reunited, is almost as good as the relaxation. My two tiny people were asleep, but I risked waking them up and I scooped them into my arms (separately, I’m not Hulk Hogan) so that I could give them a squeeze and have a good old smell of their hair.
Question: do holidays with kids get easier, or is it just that the demands on you change? Are holidays with children ever truly relaxing? I ask this non-rhetorically, because mine are so small and I have no idea what’s coming to me. I like to imagine that holidays with teens are easy-peasy, because you can surely just drop them off at the windsurfing depot and pick them up again at tea time, but then do they roll their eyes at you when they’re not allowed to use their phones in the restaurant? Do you have to watch them in case they fall in love with the bar-tender and then sneak out of the adjoining room (interconnecting doors!) in the early hours of the morning? Let me know. I’ll begin mental preparation tomorrow.
PS: I went to Provence for a wedding and it was no kids allowed, which was possibly one of the greatest gifts the bride and groom could have given to their guests. I mean at first, I did think, oh, the children would’ve looked so cute in little smart outfits and it would have been such fun taking them to all of the lovely old towns, but after approximately eighteen seconds it dawned on me that I would be going to a wedding. With wine. Not pregnant. Totally at liberty to wallow in a hangover for as long as I wanted.
As it happened, I didn’t really have a hangover but the wedding was epic. I don’t want to embarrass her, but @maddiechester was the most gorgeous bride and did half of her speech in fluent French, which impressed me to the point that I almost cried. (I cry at odd things.) It also made me want to scrub up on my French, so I think I might download one of those online courses that I can listen to through my earphones. Y’know, in my spare time. Any recommendations, drop them below.
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Coping
Road trip prep. Kids, you're in charge of the cookies.
My alarm went off at 4:00am—an abrupt wakeup after finally finishing packing just three hours earlier. I snoozed it once…..ok, twice, and then we shoved the kids (still half asleep) into what little space was left in the loaded car, and headed west. It was a lonnnnnnng drive across Nevada—driving into the wind the entire way, dust blowing onto our roadside break of turkey and cheese.
Thanks to the Internet and a few pointers from friends, we had a couple “ideas” where we may want to set up camp for the next four nights-we are not usually great at making FIRM plans….we are more “general idea” kind of people. You could say we are almost always winging it. We headed down a 10 mile dirt road towards what we knew would be THE. MOST. AMAZING. campsite ever—in the trees, right on the lake, perfect. We were tired, hungry, and ready to get settled. Last fall we bought a little pop-up trailer—we figured as often as we camp, it would be nice to get out of the elements occasionally. We have loved it so far—we are always able to find secluded places to park it off the beaten path and keep away from crowds; we had planned on this time being the same.
We could faintly see the clear blue water through the trees, and were relieved and happy to have finally arrived after a full day in the car. But then we pulled up and saw what seemed to be a “local’s only” party….and we were definitely not invited. A few cars and tents scattered around near the water’s edge—no room at the inn—and here’s the kicker, the only place to turn around was occupied by several cars. And we were pulling a trailer. Whoops.
Robby handles these situations much better than I do—we slowly drove through—every head turned. He laughed and waved like we were in a parade “we’re from out of town. Obviously. We didn’t know this place was so popular”. I sat in the passenger seat sweating and sinking lower and lower in my seat, wondering how we were ever going to get out of this place with nowhere to turn around. We inched our way through the trees—Robby maneuvering our set up (that all the sudden seemed like a TRAIN in such tight quarters) and finally managed our way out, using a 57 point turn. We peeled out and kicked up dust as we sped away—except totally opposite of that, because the trailer only allows us to go so fast—and laughed all the way back out to the main road. At least we gave the locals a good laugh, right!? We didn’t want to take our chance down anymore unknown roads, so we put our tail between our legs and headed towards a campground.
California!
We got camp set up around ten—it was 45* in Lassen, and we were still in flip flops and shorts and really too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed and crash. So we chose sleep over dinner and called it a day.
We took our time waking up the next morning, ate eggs and bacon until we couldn’t eat another bite, and loaded up our packs to head out.. We spent the next three days hiking, paddling, fishing, exploring volcanoes, and completely disconnecting from the outside world. No phone service, no work, no emails to respond to, no worries really—except how stinky our armpits were and how tangled our hair was getting--it was truly the best.
We always manage to find winter in summer.
As we packed up one evening after a day on the lake—fitting kayaks, fishing gear, granola bar wrappers and tired kids into the car, an older gentleman came over—he and his wife were from Los Angeles and driving through the area. He struck up a conversation about our day. “How was the lake? (perfect. empty.) How was the fishing? (more fishing, less catching.)”, and what really struck me, “and your kids LIKE this stuff? How do you make them do all this? How do they cope without their Playstation?”
“Well…..this is kinda...what we DO. They like to play outside—we actually go camping all the time”.
“You mean, you just go out into the woods?”
“yep”…………..
If we were living in a cartoon world his eyes would have popped out of his head and his jaw would have hit the ground.
“Huh.”
end scene.
we had the lake to ourselves.
This conversation really got me thinking. As I type this, we are driving back after eight days on the road. We are exhausted—both physically and mentally, tired of camp food, and absolutely filthy—our best “shower” was soaping* up in a river, hoping the icy cold current would rinse away some of the grime. I miss my animals and my garden, yet I’d happily continue on down the road—I am happiest when I’m out exploring somewhere new. It’s who we are, it’s what we do, and it’s PART of the reason my kids can “cope without their Playstation” (which by the way, we didn’t tell the guy we didn’t even have one.)
But, it’s only part of the reason—I realize that our particular lifestyle is not for everyone, and that’s ok. But there ARE other ways to keep kids from being completely dependent on screens, gadgets, gizmos, and the need for constant stimulation and entertainment. Here are a few of my ideas: (I'm not saying this is the only way to parent, it just seems to work for us:)
Don’t buy them screens/gadgets/gizmos/etc. Hey that’s easy—and cheap! My kids are not this special breed of children who have no desire to glue their faces to something plugged in. But it’s a lot harder to do when they don’t have access to it. They don’t have their own phone or ipad, and we have an old xbox with 4 games that they can earn time for on weekends after all their chores are done--it's GREAT bribery! (ps. I think Minecraft is a GREAT game! So much creativity to unleash!) Do they ask for all the above mentioned stuff? Do they say “but alllllllllllll my friends have ______” They DO! And guess what I say? “I don't care!" And occasionally I like to throw in things like "because I'm the mom and I say so", and then I feel super legit. I realize that as my kids get older, this one is unavoidable, so we will:
Set limits. Maybe you are a cooler parent than me and your kids have a gadget or two. Great! But they don't need to have it in hand alllllllll the time. I started an Instagram account so my kiddos could post the pictures they take and share them with cousins and grandmas and grandpas (and mostly so we could print more Chatbooks!) I log them in so they can post a few photos, we look (together) at what's going on with our cousins, and then I log them out--no time wasted mindlessly scrolling, and no wondering what garbage they saw on Instagram. But they feel connected to their cousins who live far away--win win! When they want to use the computer they have to ask--I want to know what they'll be doing.
Have other options. As much as I wish we could--we can't spend 100% of our time outside. We are a movie loving family and movie nights are our favorite, but I hate the tv always being on--it's such an easy "out". We've had a scorcher of a summer, and some afternoons we have to hide out in the house to beat the heat, but we are making sure to do lots of reading, writing, and artwork instead of letting the tv constantly entertain us.
Don't start them so young! I will probably ruffle so many feathers by saying this, but I honestly can't believe how many babies and toddlers I see with a screen in their hand--the grocery store, church, restaurants--everywhere. I somehow raised my babies without a screen in hand (they weren't even invented yet.) And when I say that, it sounds like I raised my babies in the 1800s and just let them play with tumbleweeds, but really it was just a few years ago, I promise. Was it hard to go to Target with a 4 year old and 2 year old? OH MY GOSH IT WAS THE WORST! But did I somehow manage without attaching them to a glowing screen? I DID! And there were a fair share of public meltdowns, tantrums, whining, complaining--because guess what, they are KIDS, and that's what kids do. But if we stick an iPad in their face (and pretend to be ok with it because it's "educational"), just so we can have a peaceful grocery store experience, how can we expect them to learn to function in real life without that constant stimulation? (I ran out of breath reading that last sentence, did you?)
I am absolutely not a perfect parent, and I pray every day that I'm not screwing these kiddos up too badly. But I do work ridiculously hard to make sure my kids get dirty, breathe fresh air, do chores, don't rely on screens for constant stimulation, know how to be creative, have original thoughts, and entertain themselves. I would love to hear YOUR ideas on how to better keep kids connected to the real world, and not rely too much on electronic interaction.
They seem to be coping just fine.
*I mentioned we soaped up in the river--it was the BEST, and I recommend it (but watch out for people coming down the hill--you'll have to run for cover in your skivvies). We use THESE SOAPS --they are biodegradable and don't mess up the water and vegetation :) **I also mentioned Chatbooks! Do you get these? It's a subscription that I use through my Instagram (you can also create books without IG, but it's so easy and brainless to do it how I do). Every 60 photos I post it sends me a notification that my book is ready--then I can edit captions, take out photos, or do NOTHING, and it will send my photo book automatically--each book costs $8. We LOVE them, and look through them so often (we've been getting them for the last 2 years)--they are great little scrapbooks. If you aren't yet using Chatbooks, go sign up and use the code SHEENA to get 20% off your order now through the end of the month.
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Source: http://inthelittleredhouse.blogspot.com/2016/07/coping.html
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Coping
Road trip prep. Kids, you're in charge of the cookies.
My alarm went off at 4:00am—an abrupt wakeup after finally finishing packing just three hours earlier. I snoozed it once…..ok, twice, and then we shoved the kids (still half asleep) into what little space was left in the loaded car, and headed west. It was a lonnnnnnng drive across Nevada—driving into the wind the entire way, dust blowing onto our roadside break of turkey and cheese.
Thanks to the Internet and a few pointers from friends, we had a couple “ideas” where we may want to set up camp for the next four nights-we are not usually great at making FIRM plans….we are more “general idea” kind of people. You could say we are almost always winging it. We headed down a 10 mile dirt road towards what we knew would be THE. MOST. AMAZING. campsite ever—in the trees, right on the lake, perfect. We were tired, hungry, and ready to get settled. Last fall we bought a little pop-up trailer—we figured as often as we camp, it would be nice to get out of the elements occasionally. We have loved it so far—we are always able to find secluded places to park it off the beaten path and keep away from crowds; we had planned on this time being the same.
We could faintly see the clear blue water through the trees, and were relieved and happy to have finally arrived after a full day in the car. But then we pulled up and saw what seemed to be a “local’s only” party….and we were definitely not invited. A few cars and tents scattered around near the water’s edge—no room at the inn—and here’s the kicker, the only place to turn around was occupied by several cars. And we were pulling a trailer. Whoops.
Robby handles these situations much better than I do—we slowly drove through—every head turned. He laughed and waved like we were in a parade “we’re from out of town. Obviously. We didn’t know this place was so popular”. I sat in the passenger seat sweating and sinking lower and lower in my seat, wondering how we were ever going to get out of this place with nowhere to turn around. We inched our way through the trees—Robby maneuvering our set up (that all the sudden seemed like a TRAIN in such tight quarters) and finally managed our way out, using a 57 point turn. We peeled out and kicked up dust as we sped away—except totally opposite of that, because the trailer only allows us to go so fast—and laughed all the way back out to the main road. At least we gave the locals a good laugh, right!? We didn’t want to take our chance down anymore unknown roads, so we put our tail between our legs and headed towards a campground.
California!
We got camp set up around ten—it was 45* in Lassen, and we were still in flip flops and shorts and really too exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed and crash. So we chose sleep over dinner and called it a day.
We took our time waking up the next morning, ate eggs and bacon until we couldn’t eat another bite, and loaded up our packs to head out.. We spent the next three days hiking, paddling, fishing, exploring volcanoes, and completely disconnecting from the outside world. No phone service, no work, no emails to respond to, no worries really—except how stinky our armpits were and how tangled our hair was getting--it was truly the best.
We always manage to find winter in summer.
As we packed up one evening after a day on the lake—fitting kayaks, fishing gear, granola bar wrappers and tired kids into the car, an older gentleman came over—he and his wife were from Los Angeles and driving through the area. He struck up a conversation about our day. “How was the lake? (perfect. empty.) How was the fishing? (more fishing, less catching.)”, and what really struck me, “and your kids LIKE this stuff? How do you make them do all this? How do they cope without their Playstation?”
“Well…..this is kinda...what we DO. They like to play outside—we actually go camping all the time”.
“You mean, you just go out into the woods?”
“yep”…………..
If we were living in a cartoon world his eyes would have popped out of his head and his jaw would have hit the ground.
“Huh.”
end scene.
we had the lake to ourselves.
This conversation really got me thinking. As I type this, we are driving back after eight days on the road. We are exhausted—both physically and mentally, tired of camp food, and absolutely filthy—our best “shower” was soaping* up in a river, hoping the icy cold current would rinse away some of the grime. I miss my animals and my garden, yet I’d happily continue on down the road—I am happiest when I’m out exploring somewhere new. It’s who we are, it’s what we do, and it’s PART of the reason my kids can “cope without their Playstation” (which by the way, we didn’t tell the guy we didn’t even have one.)
But, it’s only part of the reason—I realize that our particular lifestyle is not for everyone, and that’s ok. But there ARE other ways to keep kids from being completely dependent on screens, gadgets, gizmos, and the need for constant stimulation and entertainment. Here are a few of my ideas: (I'm not saying this is the only way to parent, it just seems to work for us:)
Don’t buy them screens/gadgets/gizmos/etc. Hey that’s easy—and cheap! My kids are not this special breed of children who have no desire to glue their faces to something plugged in. But it’s a lot harder to do when they don’t have access to it. They don’t have their own phone or ipad, and we have an old xbox with 4 games that they can earn time for on weekends after all their chores are done--it's GREAT bribery! (ps. I think Minecraft is a GREAT game! So much creativity to unleash!) Do they ask for all the above mentioned stuff? Do they say “but alllllllllllll my friends have ______” They DO! And guess what I say? “I don't care!" And occasionally I like to throw in things like "because I'm the mom and I say so", and then I feel super legit. I realize that as my kids get older, this one is unavoidable, so we will:
Set limits. Maybe you are a cooler parent than me and your kids have a gadget or two. Great! But they don't need to have it in hand alllllllll the time. I started an Instagram account so my kiddos could post the pictures they take and share them with cousins and grandmas and grandpas (and mostly so we could print more Chatbooks!) I log them in so they can post a few photos, we look (together) at what's going on with our cousins, and then I log them out--no time wasted mindlessly scrolling, and no wondering what garbage they saw on Instagram. But they feel connected to their cousins who live far away--win win! When they want to use the computer they have to ask--I want to know what they'll be doing.
Have other options. As much as I wish we could--we can't spend 100% of our time outside. We are a movie loving family and movie nights are our favorite, but I hate the tv always being on--it's such an easy "out". We've had a scorcher of a summer, and some afternoons we have to hide out in the house to beat the heat, but we are making sure to do lots of reading, writing, and artwork instead of letting the tv constantly entertain us.
Don't start them so young! I will probably ruffle so many feathers by saying this, but I honestly can't believe how many babies and toddlers I see with a screen in their hand--the grocery store, church, restaurants--everywhere. I somehow raised my babies without a screen in hand (they weren't even invented yet.) And when I say that, it sounds like I raised my babies in the 1800s and just let them play with tumbleweeds, but really it was just a few years ago, I promise. Was it hard to go to Target with a 4 year old and 2 year old? OH MY GOSH IT WAS THE WORST! But did I somehow manage without attaching them to a glowing screen? I DID! And there were a fair share of public meltdowns, tantrums, whining, complaining--because guess what, they are KIDS, and that's what kids do. But if we stick an iPad in their face (and pretend to be ok with it because it's "educational"), just so we can have a peaceful grocery store experience, how can we expect them to learn to function in real life without that constant stimulation? (I ran out of breath reading that last sentence, did you?)
I am absolutely not a perfect parent, and I pray every day that I'm not screwing these kiddos up too badly. But I do work ridiculously hard to make sure my kids get dirty, breathe fresh air, do chores, don't rely on screens for constant stimulation, know how to be creative, have original thoughts, and entertain themselves. I would love to hear YOUR ideas on how to better keep kids connected to the real world, and not rely too much on electronic interaction.
They seem to be coping just fine.
*I mentioned we soaped up in the river--it was the BEST, and I recommend it (but watch out for people coming down the hill--you'll have to run for cover in your skivvies). We use THESE SOAPS --they are biodegradable and don't mess up the water and vegetation :) **I also mentioned Chatbooks! Do you get these? It's a subscription that I use through my Instagram (you can also create books without IG, but it's so easy and brainless to do it how I do). Every 60 photos I post it sends me a notification that my book is ready--then I can edit captions, take out photos, or do NOTHING, and it will send my photo book automatically--each book costs $8. We LOVE them, and look through them so often (we've been getting them for the last 2 years)--they are great little scrapbooks. If you aren't yet using Chatbooks, go sign up and use the code SHEENA to get 20% off your order now through the end of the month.
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Source: http://inthelittleredhouse.blogspot.com/2016/07/coping.html
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10/01/2018
My recollection of us.
It was junior year in high school; I had lunch with two girl “friends”. I say friends in parenthesis because after we broke up Luciel admitted she never liked me, hated me actually and Kelly stopped being my friend because of Luciel (PS the fact that Luciel admitted she hated me immediately after we broke is why it was so devastating to hear you were going to senior prom with her). Anyway, the three of us left lunch early one day and walked towards the history wing where we saw you standing outside of your history class. I remember my first thought was, “Ooo he’s cute! But I haven’t seen him around. He must be new.” You started coming to lunch with us and that’s how we all became friends.
Changing scenes, I remember leaving my eighth period class in the new wing that branched from the cafeteria and taking the outdoor route back to the front of the school rather than my usual indoor route and I saw you. Once I realized that was the route you took after school to go home, I started taking the outdoor route rather than the indoor route just to see you. One random day, I assume once we became good enough friends through lunch (haha), we stopped each other and you allowed me to walk you home. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but you revealed later on in our relationship it was because another girl, Lianna once asked to walk you home and you turned her down because you weren’t interested. Anyway, I walked you home and you walked me back to school. On our way back to school, I said “It’s so cold, my hands are freezing!” I was really just making conversation, but you grabbed my hand and I swear my heart sank to my feet, I was so happy hahah I’m lame! Anyway, I didn’t have practice that day so a few cheerleaders and I went into the gym and stunted for fun, you stuck around. I just finished a stunt, ran over to you and sat in between your legs, I turned around and we kissed for the first time ever. Some days after that I received a text message from Colby who asked if we were dating. I handed you the phone and you shrugged. I responded, since the 1st (November 1st) because that was the day all of the above happened and you responded, “I would’ve said the exact same thing.” Fast forward to after we broke up, you said I took it upon myself to say we were dating...another devastating thing to hear. You made it seem as though you never wanted to date me to begin with.
Anyway, the next couple of months, until February to be exact, we found ourselves in a whirlwind of what I thought was genuine love, after we broke up and even till this day, I’m not sure if your love for me was genuine, but I can say my love for you was. I remember a bunch of amazing memories that still till this day makes my heart light up. I remember our late night phone conversations, especially the one where we told each other we loved each other. It hadn’t even been a month since we started dating when we both told each other we had something to tell one another. I didn’t want to tell you I love you first, but you made me tell you what I needed to tell you before you would tell me what you needed to tell me so I did and I remember you saying you loved me too, but you needed me to tell you first because you didn’t want me to say it because you had. I remember you telling me when you first moved to West Hartford you were in the shower praying to God for someone to love and to be loved by someone and then I came along. I remember the first time we became intimate, it was the day before Thanksgiving. You took my bus home with me, but immediately after you had to leave because my parents were coming home soon and we were going to PA. I remember telling you for the first time we should break up, it was because I was afraid I was falling for you, I was afraid of getting hurt. You were so confused, but you told me you weren’t going anywhere. (PS reason why I can’t believe you when you said you had no idea all of my suggestions to break up were out of fear). Anyway, I remember feeling relieved we connected well on that level; I remember being afraid we wouldn’t connect well on that level because we connected so well emotionally. I remember you sneaking out of your house, walking to mine and sneaking in through a ladder so we can spend almost every night together and I remember you sneaking down the ladder the next morning hahah I would go downstairs first to make sure my mom wasn’t by the kitchen window hahah. I remember you giving me a swarovski bracelet before Christmas because you just couldn’t wait. I remember you carving a heart with a plus sign in the middle on a tree for us, you wanted to carve our initials with me there...unfortunately we never got to it. I remember you told me you chose that particular tree because it was on the route we took from school to your house when our relationship began and you chose a tree underneath a street light so we’d be able to see it even at night. (PS I’ve gone back to that tree multiple times throughout the years to follow. I think the last time I visited that tree was 3 years ago. I haven’t been back since Carlos and I became serious and committed.) I remember you going home after school then coming back with a ham and cheese sandwich and some cheese-itz for me before a game. I remember my mom taking us to go get me birth control. I remember going to church with you and you going to temple with me. I remember so much!
Though I genuinely loved you, I never failed to pick fights with you. I didn’t pick fights with you because you did or said something wrong, you were always absolutely perfect to me. I picked all of those fights with you because of personal insecurities, which were caused by Weslys and Sergeo, the two boys I was interested in before you. They made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be loved. So, throughout our relationship I picked a bunch of fights with you to test whether or not you actually loved me, because if you did you would fight for me right? In hindsight, that is absolutely ridiculous. Instead of fighting you and testing you, I should’ve just loved you and allowed you to love me, but I was damaged then... I mean, I’m still damaged, but now I know I deserve to be loved. Ultimately, all of these ridiculous fights pushed you so far away, you broke up with me and never looked back.
I remember the day we officially broke up. I ran after you as you were walking home, I kept telling you I didn’t want to break up and I love you, but you brushed me off as if I meant absolutely nothing to you. Before I turned around to walk back to school for practice, I told you I’d be waiting at home for you when you got back from Stamford. I remember that weekend I laid at home crying and listening to “Break Even” by The Script on repeat. That weekend felt like the longest weekend ever, but finally you were home. We met up at Eisenhower Park where I told you I still loved you and still wanted to be with you because I knew in my heart you’d be the one I marry one day. You responded, “so you mean to tell me of all the people you have met and have yet to meet I’m the one?” You also told me Andrea was your one so after that day I lied and told you Sergeo was my one. I never thought about a future with Sergeo, I just said that to not seem like the loser who got left and can’t move on while you already have. I’ve actually only thought about a future with you and now with my current boyfriend. Anyway, I guess I was wrong because here we are 8 years later, you’re married, but not to me...
8 years later and we finally talked about how we actually felt during and after our relationship. Though I expressed to you now more than I did then about how I felt about you and our relationship, I did not do so 100% and I wasn’t able to before you blocked me on instagram, hence this post.
First and foremost, how could you just block me? I guess the same way you were able to just break up with me and never look back...because you never genuinely loved me. I always thought our love was genuine, as I mentioned above, but throughout the years after we broke up you’ve always chucked our relationship up to be just a young fling you learned from, which is so incredibly hurtful every time you made it seem to be just that because I was actually 100% all into and for you. Now I know in our last conversation, you said you were 100% all into and for me as well, but I can’t seem to believe it. I can’t seem to believe it because of the events that took place immediately after we broke up. If you were 100% into and for me, you wouldn’t have brushed me off as if I were nothing when I ran after you after school that one day - you would’ve stopped and talked to me, you wouldn’t have had a fun weekend with Andrea in Stamford - you would’ve stayed loyal to me, you wouldn’t have brushed me off as if I were nothing when I tried to mend our relationship at Eisenhower park - you would’ve tried to mend our relationship as well. If you were 100% into and for me like I was into and for you, we would’ve gotten back together. Second, I had that conversation with you about us because I thought it’d give both of us closure and I guess it did give you closure because after that you blocked me, but it did the exact opposite for me. Instead of closure, our conversation reopened my heart to you. To be honest, I was better off before our conversation. Before our conversation, I held onto our memories, but that’s what they were, memories, memories of the past. Now, I can’t seem to stop thinking about what could of been and it’s so unfair, not only to me, but to my current boyfriend who is the first boy I’ve truly opened up to since you. Carlos is perfect; he’s handsome and talented and understanding of my family; he treats me like I’m a princess...
To conclude, I am walking away from you now with resentment. I resent you for breaking up with me and walking out of my life without a second thought leaving me completely shattered even till this day. I resent you for moving on by getting married and having kids before we had a chance to clear up how we felt about one another then and now. Don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy for you for finding happiness because you more than anybody deserve it, but I resent you for finding it without me.
All in all, I don’t think I will ever have closure from you and for that I resent you. I also resent you for blocking me, again, as if I were nothing.
Goodbye.
Addendum: Our conversation took place Saturday night. I felt an immense amount of pressure weighing down my mind and heart all day Sunday and Monday. In fact, all I did Monday was sleep. For that reason, I went back to writing and wrote this post. Immediately after I finished writing this post, I confessed to Carlos our conversation and how it made me feel. It wasn’t until after my conversation with Carlos that I felt at ease, at peace. You reentered my life and flipped it upside down, making me feel like a weak and vulnerable high school girl again. I don’t know what I would have done if Carlos weren’t here for me, if Carlos and I didn’t have a strong enough bond where we could communicate anything and everything with one another. Carlos reminded me I wasn’t a weak and vulnerable high school girl anymore, he reminded me I’ve become a strong woman. Maybe everything does happen for a reason... Because if things worked out between us, I would have never met Carlos - my rock, my peace of mind, my better half.
I will never forget you and all of our memories because you were the first boyfriend and my first glimpse at love, but I will no longer allow you to affect my mind and heart. I deserve more than what ifs, goodbye Kevine.
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