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mir4inotes · 5 months ago

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sigma’s no good very bad day / sigma(tsu) sickfic

originally posted 28 jun 2023

read on ao3! / 3.9k words

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A tea-stained skirt.

That is what Sigma would have to wear if they chose to go into work that day.

They clicked their tongue as several drops of tea landed on their outfit. They had attempted pouring themselves some iced tea while failing to take their shaky fingers into account. They placed the carton back on the counter with a sniffle, cursing their congestion to hell and back.

Sigma’s head throbbed as they bent over in an attempt to dry off some of the stains, their nose suddenly feeling much more blocked up than it had a few seconds ago. They stood up again after a moment with a heavy sigh, gripping the counter as they waited out a wave of lightheadedness.

As much as they hated to admit it, Sigma was ill. They’d chosen to ignore it for the better part of the morning so far, but given they could hardly stand straight at this point, they were forced to accept reality.

Sigma grimaced, digging their fingernails into their palm to avoid passing out. They spotted a stray bottle of water from the corner of their eye, and reached out with a trembling arm to grab it.

They brought the water to their chapped lips and took a few sips, shoulders sagging in relief as the dizziness began to fade away after a few moments. For a while the only thing Sigma could hear was their own distorted, ragged breathing, juxtaposed by the sweet sounds of birds chirping outside.

The journey to the couch was an overwhelming thought at that point, so Sigma swallowed their pride and sank to the floor. They sighed as they rested their back against the counter, uneven as it was. They swiped sweat from their forehead with another sniffle.

It hit Sigma, then, that they were burning up.

They unbuttoned their jacket with clammy hands and tossed it aside, not caring for keeping it clean. The effort of keeping their eyes open was suddenly too much, so they slipped shut as Sigma loosened their tie.

The urge to fall asleep here was becoming stronger with each passing second. It would be so easy to just stay here and drift away…

The Agency.

Sigma’s eyes flew open as they remembered they still had responsibilities despite feeling like they were on the verge of death. That being said, the very thought of ringing up Fukuzawa and explaining… well, this to him sent a familiar twinge of anxiety down their back.

Logically, they knew it would be fine. No one would be mad, no one would call them sensitive, or useless. They wouldn’t be kicked out.

Sigma sucked at phone calls in the first place; there was no way in hell they’d manage calling their boss, especially not in this sad state. On top of that, Sigma didn’t think there was anyone at the agency they would particularly enjoy having this discussion with.

…Except for Atsushi, perhaps.

Sigma winced as they rummaged in their discarded coat pocket for their phone, the sudden movement sending a new thunderbolt of pain shooting through their head.

Once upright, having waited for the floating colors to disappear from their vision, Sigma attempted messaging their friend.

Sigma — I’m not coming today

Atsushi :3 — aw… why?

Sigma’s heart sank as they realized they were going to have to spell it out.

Sigma — I’m sick and i don’t want anyone else catching it

Atsushi :3 — oh no :( are you okay? do you need anything? i can hop out rq and bring you something

Sigma — It’s fine, don’t worry about me. I hope you have a good day

Sigma gazed at the screen through lidded eyes, only to reach the conclusion that Atsushi had left them on read.

At that point, it was difficult for Sigma to keep their eyes open. After considering for a moment, they decided to brave the journey to the couch, despite how much their body was screaming at them to stay on the floor.

They hauled themselves upright, wincing as their head spun. The heat they had been feeling earlier seemed to have disintegrated into chills, they realised begrudgingly. After grabbing a blanket from their room, they made their way to the couch and wrapped themselves up.

It seemed like Sigma had no choice but to sleep it off. They’d never been terribly sick before, but it couldn’t last that long, right?

Right?

////

A knock at the door tugged Sigma out of their fitful sleep. Their eyes were heavy and felt puffy, the effort of opening them nearly too much. They still had a headache that rested right behind their eyes; glancing around too quickly sent stabs of pain through their head. Sigma had no idea it was possible for them to feel worse after their nap, but they did anyway.

Another gentle knock rang through the flat. Sigma winced as they sat up, the blanket slipping off their shoulders and falling to the floor. Another round of lightheadedness struck then, leaving them stuck to the sofa until they felt comfortable to stand.

Knock, knock.

Sigma forced their heart to slow as the knocking remained persistent, a soft moan slipping from their lips involuntarily as they prepared to get up.

It was a miracle the distance from the couch to the door was only a few paces, since Sigma really thought they would have collapsed had they not reached it sooner. A trembling, sweaty hand gripped the doorframe as they unlocked and opened the door.

“Oh, my god.” Atsushi almost instantly entered Sigma’s flat without any other word, and, with an arm around Sigma, guided them back to the godforsaken couch.

“No, don’t touch me,” Sigma mumbled, their words slurring together while sounding terribly unconvincing. Their mind screamed at them to push Atsushi away, but their limbs wouldn’t obey. Their entire body felt like jelly, nearly all of their weight slumped against Atsushi. It was a wonder their legs were moving.

Atsushi only sighed and let Sigma sit back down, keeping a hand on their arm. They slumped against the couch arm, letting their eyes slide shut again.

“I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you look half-dead,” Atsushi pointed out. He placed a plastic bag on the coffee table, then knelt in front of Sigma, eyebrows knit in concern. “I’m worried. Have you eaten anything?”

It was only after Atsushi asked that when Sigma realised that no, they hadn’t had anything to eat at all that day. They simply hadn’t had the drive, what with not being able to move around and all. That, and the notable lack of appetite, at least.

Sigma shook their head listlessly. They couldn’t see Atsushi’s expression, but they could hear him click his tongue and stand up. “Sigma, you can’t not eat when you’re sick,” he told them quietly. The plastic bag rustled; Atsushi must have taken something out of it. Sigma quite honestly didn’t have the energy to open their eyes to see what it was; all they could manage was leaning back against the couch and praying for their body to cool down.

As Atsushi was preparing whatever food item he had brought, Sigma found themselves drifting through a feverish limbo between consciousness and sleep. Worrisome thoughts regarding their absence from work, what the others would think. Images of Sigma being teased or judged floated to their mind. They couldn’t hear a single coherent sentence, but the looks on their coworkers’ faces were enough.

Why hadn’t they just sucked it up and gone into work? Surely they could have handled it. Now the only thing Sigma had accomplished today had been worrying Atsushi and increasing the pile of work they needed to do the next day. They should have just gone in, everything would have been fine—

Then Sigma felt a sudden warmth on their forehead. Their already-burning body flinched away instinctively as they blinked their eyes open once again, only to be met with Atsushi standing in front of them.

Atsushi frowned as Sigma jerked away. “I’m just checking your temperature.”

“You’re warm,” Sigma mumbled, looking anywhere but Atsushi. “I feel like I’m burning…” Another round of dizziness struck them then, glueing them to the couch.

“I know,” Atsushi sighed as he turned back towards the kitchen. “I made you instant noodles.”

As much as Sigma disliked being hungry, the thought of food was nothing if not nauseating. They swallowed the feeling down and nodded anyway, reaching for a tissue and blowing their nose miserably.

Atsushi returned with the noodles, chopsticks and some water, setting them on the coffee table before sitting next to Sigma. Under any other circumstance it would have smelled divine, but Sigma needed to force themselves to pick up the bowl and start eating.

The ramen was plain enough, a simple chicken flavor, but it still felt too heavy and rich. Sigma could only manage a few mouthfuls before feeling the need to stop.

Atsushi looked up from where he was reading his book once he noticed Sigma placing the bowl back down. “Is that all?” he asked quietly.

Sigma nodded shakily. “I’m full,” they whispered, wringing their hands. They knew they should be eating more, but they felt like they’d be sick if they had anything else.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sorry,” Sigma murmured, barely audible. “I’m sorry…”

There was a shuffling sound as Atsushi got up after a few more seconds, seemingly taking the dishes back. “It’s alright,” he told him gently. “Can you at least drink the water?” There was a sort of pleading tone to his voice. Sigma despised it.

“…Mhm,” they agreed quietly. The cold glass was a welcome sensation in Sigma’s hands once they picked it up; they were so warm they felt as if the water would become lukewarm in their grip if they held it for long enough.

As they sipped their water and watched Atsushi retreat to the kitchen, they suddenly felt the strong urge to hide. Atsushi shouldn’t be taking care of them like this; what had they done to deserve it? All they’d done was refuse to eat more and complain about how hot they were.

Sigma felt that all-too-familiar lump growing in their throat as they begged themselves not to tear up.

It was all they could do to sit there and focus on drinking their water as they waited for Atsushi to return. They knew they weren’t being rational, and that was the worst part. Atsushi wasn’t upset, he was only concerned. Nothing more to it.

So then why had he sounded so frustrated when Sigma told him he hadn’t eaten? When they couldn’t even finish a small bowl of food?

He’s just worried about me. It’s fine, he’s only worried, he’s only worried, he’s not mad, it’s alright, I’m okay, he’s just—

“Are you cold?”

Sigma nearly leaped out of their skin as they heard Atsushi settling next to them again. They were gripping the glass so hard their fingertips had gone white.

“No, why…?”

Atsushi laid a gentle hand on Sigma’s leg, almost featherlight. “You’re just shaking, that’s all,” he whispered.

Were they?

They set down their glass with trembling fingers. “Oh… no, I’m not cold, um…”

Sigma heard Atsushi about to say something else, so they hurriedly said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m gonna take a bath,” they muttered abruptly, getting up as slowly as they could.

Atsushi made some sort of confused humming noise. “Um… do you want me to get it ready for you?” He kept a wary gaze on Sigma as he watched them stand up, ready to steady them if needed.

Sigma shook their head wordlessly and made their way to the bathroom, hoping beyond hope they weren’t wobbling as they walked. They didn’t look back once.

As they entered the bathroom, they felt as if their body had been turned up at least ten degrees since they left the couch. Their limbs were incredibly weak; they had to sit on the stool once they undressed, waiting for the bath to fill up. Sigma couldn’t fathom the idea of the water being anything more than lukewarm, so they opted for a cold bath.

Sigma hadn’t bothered looking in the mirror. They knew they looked damp and unkempt, especially after sleeping half the day away. Their stomach cramped painfully in a mix of hunger and nausea, leaving them considering skipping the bath and spending the rest of the evening hunched over the toilet instead.

But Atsushi was here, and that would only make him worry more. A bath would have to do.

Once the water level was high enough, Sigma stood up on shaky legs and entered the bath. They never thought they’d be enjoying a cold bath, but it felt immensely soothing against their warm skin. They relaxed deeper into the water, until their nose was just above the surface.

Maybe they’d be alright, now. They could finish up, dry off and let Atsushi know he could head out. Sigma had never had a fever before; could a cold bath really cure it so easily? They were relieved at the thought of the day’s nightmare finally ending.

But after a few minutes, Sigma began to think that maybe plunging themselves straight into cold water wasn’t the best idea. They had started shivering violently, so much so they could hear their own teeth clacking together.

They tried getting up and out, but their trembling arms and the slippery bath made it difficult. Sigma grit their teeth and strained their legs to stand up, but as soon as they were upright they felt extremely lightheaded.

They quickly stepped out of the bath and immediately lowered themselves to the ground, a little rougher than they would have liked. There was a thud as they landed unceremoniously on their hands and knees, panting from exertion.

Sigma felt as if they were burning and freezing simultaneously. They could hardly hold themselves upright from how bad their limbs were shaking.

This was not good.

Then, as if things couldn’t possibly get worse, Atsushi’s voice floated through the door.

“Sigma? What happened?”

Sigma gasped for breath, beginning to lose the strength in his arms. Not now, Atsushi can’t see them like this…

“I-I’m fine…” they managed between breaths.

“Can I come in?” Atsushi asked, his voice going up at the end like it does when he’s worried.

Fuck.

“…No, It’s okay, I’m…” Sigma’s voice trailed off into a whimper as they sat up and were slammed with more dizziness.

Then the door opened, and Sigma felt a warm arm around them, holding them upright just as they began teetering over.

“What happened to you?” Atsushi asked again, using his other hand to brush Sigma’s hair out of their face. “You’re shaking again.” He spoke quickly, voice wavering.

Sigma found themselves holding back tears for the second time that evening, but they swallowed them down and took in a shaky breath. “Nothing, I just… the bath…” they gasped. Their throat kept constricting, they could hardly breathe.

Atsushi hummed nervously. “Can you get up?”

The very last thing Sigma wanted was to be supported by Atsushi again, letting him guide them through their own flat. Atsushi didn’t deserve this. He should be at home with Kyouka, not helping his pathetic excuse of a coworker.

Even so, Sigma really thought they might collapse if Atsushi left. Then what? Who knows how long they’d be out for? How long would it be before they could get up again?

Sigma didn’t have any choice.

The tears sprang to their eyes again as they nodded weakly. “…Okay.”

Atsushi swiped a towel from the nearby shelf and wrapped it around Sigma. “Here, I’ll go get you some clothes.” He sprang up and swiftly left, assumedly for Sigma’s bedroom.

Sigma was dumbfounded. At Atsushi, for how willing he was to help without Sigma needing to ask, and how gentle he was while doing it. But mostly at themselves, for being so fragile and useless, only able to get themselves in the worst situations, completely unable to take care of themselves properly.

At that point Sigma couldn’t stop themselves from crying.

All of the pent-up frustration they’d been feeling throughout the day had been culminating into one giant ball, and here it was.

Once they started, they couldn’t get themselves to stop. Sigma could only breathe in harsh, rasping gasps that racked their entire body head to toe. Each time they thought they could get some actual air, they entered a hiccuping frenzy, choking on their own saliva.

Sigma really thought they were dying. Their core hurt from how violent their sobs were. They just wanted it to end.

They hugged their towel around their shoulders and attempted to rock themselves from side to side, restraining themselves from tugging on their hair.

Sigma dug their head in between their knees and cried.

Then, of course, Atsushi returned. Sigma felt their frail, trembling body be pressed against Atsushi’s strong, warm arms. They tried speaking, tried shoving him away, but they felt so weak in that moment that nothing happened. They could only sit there as Atsushi held them.

Sigma didn’t register how long it took for them to finally start calming down; it could have been a minute, it could’ve been an hour. Either way, they felt Atsushi gently guiding their head up so he could take a look at them.

Their eyes were all red and puffy, a mixture of tears and snot running down their face. Atsushi dabbed at their skin with the towel, then moved to dry off the rest of Sigma’s hair and body.

Sigma didn’t move; they let Atsushi work quickly and quietly. They still hiccuped and twitched, biting back any sort of sound when the lightheadedness returned, staying quiet when Atsushi got up to drain the bath.

Atsushi handed them the clothes he’d retrieved, then sat back and let them dress themselves. Sigma’s heart sped up as they noticed how wet his clothes were. They knew how much Atsushi disliked being wet, this must be making him uncomfortable.

Sigma held back another onslaught of tears as they pulled a shirt on. Their legs shook as they stood and dressed their bottom half, disregarding Atsushi’s presence at this point.

Sigma balled and released their fist a few times, staring straight at the floor. The intensity of what had just happened hit them like a sledgehammer, nearly knocking them off their feet.

“…Do you wanna go sit down?” Atsushi asked softly, gathering up Sigma’s discarded clothing from earlier. “I can get you something to eat again, if you want…” He was still visibly stressed; he had this one jerky hand movement he did whenever he was anxious.

Sigma would have felt nauseous again if they weren’t utterly exhausted.

“Y-yes,” they rasped, throat rubbed raw from the coughing and sobbing. They still couldn’t look at Atsushi; that lump in their throat returned if they did.

So they simply left the bathroom, mindlessly wandering back towards the couch while Atsushi put away Sigma’s clothes. The area was cleaner than it had been previously, all the plastic bottles, tissues and blankets cleared up. It hardly looked as if it had been Sigma’s refuge for the majority of the day.

They shuddered again as they figured it must have been Atsushi’s doing. Sigma sat themselves down while fighting back another sob. They remembered to breathe deeply as best they could, in and out, in and out.

Soon enough Sigma felt Atsushi sit down next to them again, holding another glass of water and a convenience store rice ball. He set them down on the table, then took a moment to look at Sigma, as if he were deciding what to do next.

Sigma tensed as they felt Atsushi lean up against their shoulder. He was warm, but Sigma had come to accept that that being warm was the reality for the time being.

They were both silent for a few minutes, Sigma using Atsushi’s breathing as a guide for their own. They had stopped shivering, but they were still a little jittery from crying. Their hand trembled as it picked up the glass of water, just as it had earlier in the evening.

And just when Sigma thought they might be safe from needing to talk to Atsushi about it, he spoke.

“…Are you feeling better?”

His voice was reserved and tiny, as if he didn’t want to frighten Sigma.

They nodded. “I didn’t mean to get upset… it wasn’t your fault, I’m sorry…” they mumbled. Sigma shifted slightly, ensuring Atsushi wasn’t jostled too much.

“I’m not upset. I know you aren’t feeling well, I’m just making sure I didn’t like… do anything.” Atsushi sighed, then gasped slightly as he felt Sigma take his hand. Their grip was incredibly weak and shaky.

“You didn’t do anything,” Sigma told him, a desperate edge to their voice. “I was just being pathetic and whiny—�� They broke off into a coughing fit, leaving Atsushi to rub their leg while they spluttered into their elbow.

“Look at me,” Atsushi told them once they had recovered. Sigma paused, not sure they wanted to. They were afraid of what they might see. Of what they might hear.

“Please.” Atsushi spoke quietly, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of Sigma’s hand.

So they did. Atsushi’s mouth turned up into a slight, relieved grin. “God, I was so worried.”

Sigma immediately glanced away again, feeling that guilt spreading through their chest again. Bile rose in the back of their throat. “Why…? You didn’t need to come over.” They sniffled, cursing their congestion to the moon and back.

“I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ve never seen you sick before, I didn’t know whether you’d, uh… be okay?” Atsushi winced as he finished speaking, as if he immediately regretted that entire sentence. Sigma only blinked at him wearily. They were honestly so tired they weren’t taking in half of what Atsushi was saying.

“Anyway!” Atsushi turned abruptly and sat back against the couch. “Um, I brought you more food. The, uh, rest is in the fridge, so…” he trailed off and cleared his throat.

Sigma took another sip of their water and set it down. They were hungry now, but so, so exhausted and drained. They felt bad for leaving the rice ball, but keeping their eyes open was a struggle.

“Can I just sleep?” they whispered.

“Mm?” Atsushi sat up a little. “Oh, yeah, if you’re tired… you would be, huh…?” Sigma saw him scrunch his eyes and shake his head quickly (Sigma’s noticed he does that when he’s embarrassed).

“Thank you,” Sigma mumbled, seconds before laying his head on Atsushi’s lap.

“Oh, you’re sleeping here. Okay, yeah, that’s fine, I was thinking you were going to your room, but…”

Atsushi put a hand on Sigma’s still-damp hair, brushing through it lightly before moving his hand to their shoulder. He rubbed it gently, waiting for Sigma’s sniffling and coughing to die away until he was sure they were asleep.

Then Atsushi fished out his phone (as carefully as possible) and texted Kyouka he’d be coming home late.

But for now, he could afford to stay with Sigma just a little longer.

#bsd #bsd sickfic #sickfic #sigma bsd #atsushi nakajima #sigma is a they/them happy pride month #sigmatsu #cross posted on ao3 #bungou stray dogs #文スト #bsd atsushi

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