#i feel like im going insane with how much i care about this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gold-pavilion · 1 year ago

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Reminder that this is coming up to air in Tokyo Revengers:

Reminder that this is how this shounen takes the leap and puts a LGBT storyline between two prominent, main-cast characters on screen. A messy storyline about overcoming confusion, letting go of old attachments and facing new feelings that remains relevant through to the end of the story, worked out as any other plot point. Not implied, but expressed in in-story written word and unambiguous visuals.

Again: in a shounen anime.

In a mainstream, dudes-punching-dudes anime series that airs on TV.

Regardless of whether one enjoys Koko and Inui as characters in particular, or the ship in itself, the fact that this happens / is able to happen (god, I hope it's not censored out) is important.

I can't stress enough how rare these things are.

I'm nervous, not gonna lie, these things hardly ever make it on-screen for reasons, but at the same time I trust Liden Films and how much care and respect they've put into Tokyo Revengers so far. Can't wait to see how it goes.

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szaryherbatnik · 1 month ago

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Lovely lovely jade told me to pursue my idea of a leopard gecko insert so here she is i never made a self insert before i dont know her name but she really likes crystals and tarot and uses them in her daily life, she would probs live in hither (cause im super scared of thither although the weather there is better im very scared of skabatha and the god damn moving forest i am NOT going there). Also shes obviously kremys bestie and they gossip together why not. She gave kremy an opal kinda like a friendship gift because opals to me have unicorn vibes. She would absolutely do a tarot reading for each of the krew, perhaps lying a bit to not discourage them or make them sad.

Also shes besties with jades self insert. Obviously. Okay bye.

#i feel awkward do people care about this??#im not gonna ouaw tag this this is for me and perhaps some insane szarers #i was actually thinking of naming her szare?#cause thats not my actual name #but ive grown so attached to being called szare that it fits me better than maria #so idk what her name would be #but shes so cool #its not like for the past month ive been imagining myself in ouaw #and a spotted gecko was my first idea #i love lizardfolk no not only because of kremy #okay its mostly because of kremy #but especially with ocs #it feels much cooler to not look human at all #jealous at how you cant tell if theyre male or female if ur not lizardfolk urself #yeah yeah i dont believe in a gender for myself but sure im okay with she her and being called a woman #i have a job and i go to uni and im depressed i dont have the mental space to also debate my gender #so ill become a spotted gecko girlie who likes to smoke with a certain gator #and she likes trinkets #yea

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aroacee-of-spades · 8 days ago

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^ face of someone (me) who just finished the arcane finale

#GOODNIGHT I NEED TO PROCESS #im STRUCK #there r tears rolling down my cheeks fuck this damn show😭😭 (affectionate. this is the peak of all media ever)#okay yall arcane spoilers #arcane #arcane s2 #that ending was honestly SO well done #the WHOLE finale #and all the rest lmao #but fucking GOD #the cycle....and the way each character was considered within..just- SO GOOD #and ekko......#and JAYCE oml yall better take back all the shit tbh he's genuinely become such an intriguing character throughout s2 #and going to admit. i did Not care abt him in s1 sry😞#but the s2 arc has been captivating from the start and jayce is NO exception #also viktor's eyes im so glad we got to see them again. ohhh the irony of grief and relief mean SO much to me #his eyes. mean sm to Me. doomed scientist yaoi i lov e u #and mel.....omg not much to say regarding initial thoughts. im afraid haha. buuut i wanted to learn more about her link to the black rose #LOVED ambessa. her characterisation was so brilliantly captivating that i dont think i ever rlly hated her lmao #and jinxx omfg im sick. i love her so much. oh fucking hell ep7 killed me actually. im dead.#the sisters r so close all throughout the show and i loved the little direct confirmation of this like i actually started crying then #and VI oh my goddddd vi. could write a thesis on her. the visual rep of the lessening of her guilt after jinx. with singing. with acceptanc #oh fml im going a little insane i love this show so much #and VANDERRR and the beast and FUCK how even at the end he covered jinx.#i love how the show covered her end. it feels like a sigh of relief. the final breath. u end up hoping the best for her.#OH MAN THE MUSIC STARTED AND I STARTED CRYING SO HARD.#this is s1 ep3 all over again #oh and HOLY SHIT we got lesbian sex im ECSTATIC. thannk u fortiche for the whole show but yeah. especially. uhm. this.#okay im loggin off now i need to clock out and sleep. process my thoughts and then word vomit tmr.#nyx talks shit

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puppyeared · 2 months ago

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reading life changing fanfiction of a subjectively underwhelming source media is a special kind of hell

#‘subjectively underwhelming’ bc most of the time its me taking a handful of characters and doing what I want #its not even spite I am just in a state constantly clenching my fists like ‘it would be SO cool but i still feel like #people are going to come for me for mischaracterizing canon that I don’t really care abt’#tempted to make one of those page banners to go with it like ‘I don’t go here I just read a really good fic and when I went to check the #source material it didn’t live up to my expectations so now im just in purgatory and sound insane doing this’#being unwell abt something and then having someone trash talk it to you but not maliciously bc they dont know youre unwell abt it #is so. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbhhhhhhhhh #I dont need to prove myself or anything I dont need to never rub ppl the wrong way to enjoy fictional characters #and none of this is relevant to anything in my life I am just deeply attached to how many different ways these guys can fall in love #but the way I am being so vague about this feels telling of how much I worry ppls opinion of me will change if I bite the bullet #not even of their own accord thats just how far removed my reasons for liking it are #sigh #yapping

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godblooded · 3 months ago

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the little kid i work with escaped the ukraine two years ago. my family immigrated in the 50s/60s to escape the turkish occupation in my papou’s village in greece. and it is both immensely heartbreaking and also insanely healing to help someone the way my grandparents weren’t helped when they got to this country.

#ooc. o kaptain.#[my grandfather didn’t go to school. ever. because he spoke no English. he couldn’t read it. and the enl services were… definitely not about #to help a Greek man who only spoke Greek in the age without the internet at all. my yiayia was a brilliant woman. she could’ve easily owned #a business. she was a phenomenal seamstress with such an insane talent for practicality and logic. she was so left brained. my papou was #such a creative with a tendency for logic. he was practical but always the one who was sillier. they eventually spoke very good English #actually. my papou always sort of had an accent (Greek accents feel like home to me) and my yiayia always did. they were incredible people.#and every single day i think about how much MORE opportunity they would’ve both had had they been born under the permitting circumstances.#my yiayia only had a 5th grade education and that incensed my grandfather. getting to take care of and help a kid who otherwise wouldn’t #have someone care THIS MUCH. especially a kid who’s foreign. i look up words in Russian and she tells me how she says them. i teach her #words in Greek because she likes the way they sound. i just wish my grandparents had been given the same opportunity. just the ability to #have someone in front of either of them and was like ‘hey i know it’s tough and scary but im here and i get it’. I’m not working #this week because i have so much to take care of. but just thinking out loud. i love my job. but more than anything this particular #opportunity has been everything to me.]

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monards · 3 months ago

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i fear that i don’t acknowledge enough the fact that i KNOW rhinedottir's evil !!! and she's horrible !!! and that she's wholly ireedamable !!! i know and love and respect that fact !!! i'd shoot myself in the frontal lobe if hoyo made her out to NOT be wholly evil !!!! but the reason i always go on and on and on about her humanity and complexity is because. SHE IS ALWAYS DUMBED DOWN !!!! TO JUST THAT !!!! it's literally the greatest and most moving theme (IN MY OPINION!!!) in genshin, that human beings are COMPLEX !!!! and they're MORE than just evil or bad or wtv. we see this through every character to almost ever be introduced to us -> literally just take arlecchino as an example. if anyone was at all paying attention to the discourse around her when the fontaine teaser dropped (and. 4.0 in general) it was the BIGGEST thing to watch people argue between "she's a harbinger, so she's clearly the most evil and the big antagonist of fontaine because of these accounts we have right now !!" versus the argument of "we've only seen ONE perspective of her so far, and it's no duh that all this stuff sucks -- but there's no way she's JUST gonna be all these horrible things,, because literally nobody to exist is just horrible and cruel with zero to no good in them. and also that'd make a shit narrative by hoyo in a story driven game" AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED !!!! we saw !!! in REAL time !!! that while arlecchino was rightfully cruel and horrible and, yes the things she did were fucked up beyond belief and she should absolutely not be excused for any of it - she is NOT just evil ! she's shown to care, albeit in a fucked up way that only shows she's even more deranged ; but what's so incredibly important about her is the way that her being "evil" doesn't mean she's incapable of anything else. She is evil, yes— but so many of those evil actions have *motives* and *reasons* that explain them (but not excuse or condone!) and, although they don’t save her grace or anything of the sort, they DO show her true character. AND YHATS SO IMPORTANT!!!! She’s capable of being an antagonist while still being justified in some form, and given nuance and backstory and redeemable traits

I am !!! NEVER !!! going to say rhinedottir is a good person. she isn't! no shit sherlock ! how the fuck do you think im gonna go on and ignore the fact she sent both her kids to their deaths, and also fed one to another. dare i say, that is NOT anything good !!! suprise of the century !! woah !!! -- but what i AM gonna say is that she's much beyond that? hello !! not only has the point of her having not a zero good trait or will in her body been. proven false over and over and over again. but it's such ! Sad and not compelling is character choice for her *not* to be nuanced and complex and justified in a fucked up !! — like do you REALLY think hoyoverse (who is clearly capable of, and likes to make) complex characters, who are horrible, while not being *only* those horrible things, would pass up a golden (haha) opportunity to make a characters whose entire existence is JUST that??!,!2????

believe what you want! Do what you want! This is a silly video game that will be eroded along with time in a hundred in so years ! But god so help me, please don’t be willfully ignorant to the complexity and nuance of characters, just because you want a villain. No villain , real or not, is entirely evil. People are complex and multi faceted and people really, really need to hop off this cart of going “okay but stop saying she’s multifaceted because it takes away from her being evil” because it DOESNT! If anything, it makes her so much more compelling . Which is something some people can apparently. Not handle.

#this isn’t even MENTIONING that she survived the cataclysm and #the implications that you guys are going to immediately villainize the one that got their nation destroyed. rather than the ones #that destroyed and cursed the people of it #HELLO.#-> I don’t see asmoday fans! or phanes fans!#because people are SO ignorant to things when it isn’t shoved in your face #you guys care about Rhinedottir this much because she’s so publicized. but celestia is JUST as bad and I have yet to see more than like #three fans of them. the group/faction who fit people’s perception of Rhinedottir even more than #Rhine herself #(not including the istaroth fans. you are all lovely. I love you guys.)#(thank you for being insane over her.)#-> like yesss guys! let’s demonize and antagonize the war survivor who went through just as much trauma as everyone else #who was just human (a point which was just established in the Fontaine quest to be HUGE when it comes to such extensive trauma like that)#and is clearly fucked up in the head. a tad against her decison #IM NOT SAYING THAT EXCUSES HER??? NO SHIT IT DOESNT???#but GOD so help me. THATS HER REASON!#HER OERSONAL JUSTIFICATION! MOTIVE!#why do people have to be so obsessed with making her an unjustified and evil entity when she’s. not that #she’s justified! even if it isn’t by a practical standard!#but I need YOU to put yourself into her shoes for a second #how the fuck would YOU react to your people being murdered and cursed #being wholly antagonized by everyone to live #experiencing isolation from society #and then going through the whole ‘like teo thirds of my magnum opuses just died’ thing #this isn’t even! to MENTION! the fact she holds a fucked up sense of affection for them?#do you truly think she felt NOTHING #I don’t care if you wanna talk about her sending them out to be killed. that doesn’t meant she can’t feel grief #they’re DRAGONSdeidgned for destruction what the fucj did you expect #-> hate her all you want! that’s okay! but don’t villainize her for no reason other that uoucamt think beyond surface level #crepe rambles

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hella1975 · 10 months ago

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we may have lost another one to the bisexual hotgirl and straight loserboy agenda but trust i am fighting it comrades 🫡

#IM TRYINGGGGG. the fuck of it all is that we've been going on dates on and off for WEEKS now #and i said to him at the start im not looking for anything serious and there's a chance he might be mugging himself off #bc i am just NOT emotionally available and low and behold we were at the pub the other night and wound up having a pretty #serious talk about how ive really liked getting closer to him and i genuinely enjoy our time together but i just cant see anything #serious coming of it NOT BC OF HIM BC GENUINELY I FEEL LIKE IVE MET MY MATCH WITH THIS BOY #NO ONE IRL CAN BANTER WITH ME LIKE HE CAN AND THAT IS SUCHHH A CRUCIAL BOX TO TICK WITH ME #but i just dont think im mentally or emotionally in the place for a relationship and i dont like him ENOUGH to fight for it #like it's been v illuminating v much that 'you never realise just how mentally ill you are until you try persuing a romantic relationship'#bc DAMN. i feel insane like why cant i just be normal about things and enjoy nice things and people in my life #BUT despite me saying all this to him and TRYING NOT TO BE THE ASSHOLE he has fully admitted that he likes me SO MUCH #that he'd like to keep going on dates and stuff regardless of the end result. like he genuinely just likes my company #and will take it in any capacity he can get he literally SAID that he's whipped for me 😭#and im like HOW DO I WIN HERE. IF I TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT IM AN ASSHOLE BUT CUTTING HIM OFF ISNT FAIR EITHER #AND I LIKE OUR LITTLE DATES AND BEING SPOILED AND HAVING SOMEONE BE A LITTLE OBSESSED WITH ME #SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME A BAD GUY. GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING #ughhhhhhh. so yeah we're going on another date tonight. shoot me i dont care!!!!#hella goes to uni

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lovsome · 11 months ago

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am i so hard to care about?

#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer #if i dont put this out somewhere #SH s*icide tw !!!!!#i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it #i dont understand why my friends cant care about me #i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe #it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too #and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always #check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh #but especially when i am struggling they just disappear #like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them #these are supposed to be my best friends #these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again #i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts #and i dont tell them these things #i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my #problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues #i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on #of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e #whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return #i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides #even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me #i dont know what i should do #i want to say something #actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know #why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it #the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know #how i can do that feeling like this #but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood #if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….

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aggghhhhh71279534 · 8 months ago

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im gonna say it BEING FAT FUCKING SUCKS!!! STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! BEING FAT IS AWFUL!!!

#and to clarify: it is Not terrible because of everyone around you #its terrible because its insanely fucking unhealthy to weigh as much as i do (300+ lbs)#and its restricting i cant excersize like i want to i cant jump without being in pain #bras always physically hurt me like they are So uncomfortable to wear #my terrible diet makes me feel worse than i already do for mental reasons #i look fucking terrible. okay? there. i said it. im ugly because im fat #i have huge rolls and a double chin and stretch marks and it looks UGLY!!!!!!!#my thighs chafe when i walk so i cant wear shorts above my knees. my underboobs sweat so much they stink #i look fucking terrible. i cannot emphasize how awful i look #and you know what? ive never known what its been like to be pretty #because ive been fat My Whole Fucking Life.#and my moms fat but its just us in our whole family! just us! everyone else is skinny #weve been trying to lose weight for years the two of us and it just doesnt fucking happen #i dont know my moms reasons but my reason is i just dont fucking care i think #like ill just give up and forget about it. i cant focus on it long enough #and frankly? counting calories makes me fucking miserable #like i already feel guilty every time i eat but when im counting cals its 100x worse #so guess what! im going to be morbidly obese my whole life and it will probably kill me.#i am going to die young and its literally my own fault #anyway my point is im happy for anyone whos fine with being fat literally good for you!!! im happy for you #but please dont force that upon me. ok? i hate being fat and thats literally my own business

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pleafyistired · 3 months ago

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this thing i do when i have not consume anything about a media but this guy who makes art about that media is really good and im gonna follow them. And also its probably because of the sunglas- [I AM SHOT DEAD]

#.this tumblr user is having a certified category 7 insanity #I should never have watchh that old first media i consume. Strangling my 10 years old self WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME #Even if that fandom is the first introduction to gay people young me have seen and normalize gay people so much for me #Fandom did lots for me tbh its good for my 10 yrs old self. Despite that fandom havibg a bad rap #It actually didnt do what people accuse it of doing at all it did not do it to me at least #I was young and all i care about was how stupodly funny it was and holy god good animatics #I LITERALLY DONT CARE ABOUT THAT BAD PART i literally dont even know it exists until later on in my second relaspe #But like i only consume it on youtube when i first interacted with it i dont have social media at that time #And due to it i have been pointed in a VERY good direction #Thank god i didnt become brainwashed by a random evil channel as a kid on unfiltered youtube #And was instead too busy watching gay dudes kissing #Thank GOD for that fandom it did a lot of good for me. BUT IT NOW FUCKED ME OVER SO BADD ALSSOOOOO #I dont know if i ever will admitwhat it is except to a few close people #But i will forever curse out the main guy FOR INFLICTING ME WITH INSANITY WITH SUNGLASSES FIGUREEEE FUCKK YOUUUUUUU #And the dude hes shipped wwith DAWGGG FUCK YOUU TOOO FOR AFFECTIBG ME WITH YOU DISEASE TOO #Except the second guy? You gotta be really specific to get the dude right. And its rare to find a character similar to him that i actually-#-like! Its a whole weird thing with a second dude. I have conflicting feelings about him #But basically the first dude impact on me is much more obvious (see: sunglasses) but yeah the second guy did numbers on me too #TL;DR: WHATEVER! IM GOING INSANE! ^_^

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netherdevil · 4 months ago

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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head

#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow #i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect #hEeEeLP MEeEeEE #i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me #SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK #i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn #like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid #plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask #i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is #or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever #okay speakijg of his face reveal #i have something i want to explain to the wall #a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488 #the rest of me is neutral because idrc #the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features #it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all #idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it #I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character #that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much #but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling #anyway back to what i was saying #hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl #IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY #DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN #i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U #IM SO NORMAL #also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE #DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY

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girlivealwaysbean · 3 months ago

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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists #and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful #she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place #also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow #say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying #so many tours #idk i want #i wish my life was bigger #i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment #what about everything everyone else #i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent #find happiness within hobbies interests #but it feels like a losing battle #i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing #i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy #i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend #i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house #and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working #i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost #always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice #i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september #but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them #and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent #like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life #but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025 #how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever #and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college #but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own

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kavehater · 8 months ago

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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻

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nightfallsystem · 8 months ago

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tw stupid vent in tags

#tw self harm #tw vent #“being a teenager is the best!” I CUT MYSELF ALMST EVERYDAY.#IVE SCARRED MYSELF SO BAD ILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO WEAR SHORT SLEEVES NO MTTER HOW LONG IT SBENE SINCE IT HAPPENED #I ONYL SPEAK TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLE IRL I AM DETERIORATING #I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING SCAR SO BIG U CAN FEEL WHERE IT GETS DEEP #HOW .#HOW IS THIS GOOD #HOW DO I HAVE HTE BEST LIFE HOW R PEOPLE JEALOUS #WHENEVER I GET MISGENDERED I CANT HELP BUT BITE MYSELF UNTIL I BLEED which is really hard to do...#IM SO SIKKC OF IT #IM SO TIREDD.#im going insane again arent i #THERES NOT BEEN A WEEK WITHOUT SELF HARM SINCE GOD KNOWS WHEN #EVERY LIMB HURTS except my right leg specifically i saved that one for spare parts #oh and my goddamn mother only cares about how ill look because of the scars and not that im FUCKING BLEEDING OUT BCUZ OF HER NO LESS #DOES IT GET BETTER. DO I STOP CUTTING MYSELF??#everytime i see a little too much blood it reminds me of when i did it and i feel sick to my stomach

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0809sysblings · 10 months ago

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idk why I'm posting this here but it's fine because I can do whatever I want. sorry I think I'm having an enneagram type 1 moment. it's not mental illness, it's because of my enneagram type! can't help being a Gemini Enneagram Type 1

also I keep using the amulet's powers so I've been being hit with the after effects. such power deranges a man /ref

#milgran't #type 1 momence #btw as a prefacw this is not directed at anyone here. this is just. a thing. that is everywhere.#ok. anyway.#the....... Exotification of DID/OSDD-1... is always so annoying.#and like. i get it. i understand. its probably a difficult thing for many ppl to actually comprehend as a real human experience #which brings me to the main point of this Pussy-Rant (ranting in tags bc im a pussy)#i think. the main reasom its So Exotified. is. '''''''MPD''''''''#serioisky that name has done. so much fucking damage its insane. absolute wack shit #anyway yeah. like. the concept of it being Multiple People In One Body/Brain... when like... that's.. not really whats going on..#like if youre a system and that's how you understand your system to be. then power to you. i dont care do literally whatever #its just. i think CDDs would be a LOT easier for people to understand if--#--it was not looked at as the Multiple People Disorder. but instead as the Fucking Extreme Compartmentalization Disorder #idk its just annoying seein ppl (who are probably very well meaning!) talk about the disorder i experience as if its bizarre and fantastical #~look wooooowwww this is something that can happen to the brain due to The Most Unreal And Most Traumatic Events!! crazy right?~#i am going to get the Evil Alter out here so he can beat you to death.#like yeah its fucking. sad and fucked up what has to happen to develop a CDD. and that should be acknowledged.#and many systems Have had to go through experiences that a lot of ppl can only fathom as being able to happen in fiction.#but.... its just so isolating and makes me feel Capital C Crazy 🥴#dear lord ive just been so irritable and frustrated lately... obligatory apologies.#ah. i think i suddenly figured out why this in particular triggers me so much.#god damn it it's always the fucking trauma huh!#<- spent basically all of elementary school and middle school feeling like there was a giant sign over my head that said--#--''this poor soul went through something so tragic! how awful to think that something that serious could happen to just a little kid!''#its the ''hey can you stop treating me as something helpless that needs to be fixed and just treat me like A Fucking Person'' feelings #but see this disorder is just so beautiful because in a week i may be wanting ppl to see me as a suffering freak who needs to be fixed #or hell even fucking tomorrow. who knows not me #.. ok im actually genuinely afraid talkimg about this is going to lead to her gettinf triggered out KDJSNKDJSNJD so im gonna. stop.

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perenlop · 10 months ago

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that time when scarlet and violet was released around the same time as sonic frontiers and we were all talking about the bugs and bad framerate in sv but sonic fans were going “HA!!! everyone has to apologize to sonic for giving him shit for 06!! cause now theres a WORSE example and we can shit on pikachu for having a bad game!!!” and like look i actually did like 06 so this isnt coming from someone who hates sonic and wants the franchise to fail or whatever, but its so clear to me that we are never gonna escape toxic workplace culture and crunch in video game development because like, what’s happened to 06 and scarlet/violet arent unique phenomenons specific to those companies, they were the result of crunch culture and i really feel like having fandom wars over that is pointless. this can happen to literally any franchise you are not unique. sonic 06 is not retroactively “good” because something that “deserves” to be hated more finally dropped, yknow? both games suffer from the same problem and nothing will change or get fixed if we ignore that

#mentioned this in discord earlier but ive been thinking about it. like its weird #like it drives me insane how ppl looked at the bugs in 06 and decided it was bad cause it had a complicated story or had humans in it #when like!! i guarantee you if the game was actually finished and not rushed and made in such a toxic environment ppl wouldnt care as much #about the story being convoluted. hell maybe the story would have been way better #and then they go ‘’well ig sonic is just a cursed franchise thats bad cause sonic has friends or whatever’m #when sonic boom came out everyone was all like ‘’lmao sonics just inherently bad i guess its made by stupid devs’’#when that game was ALSO put through development hell and the devs were in terrible conditions #idk for sure if this is the same with forces but that also reads like a rushed incomplete game to me #the problem is not the hedgehog it is terrible workplace culture it is crunch it is capitalism #and i feel insane as a fan of both franchises cause im seeing this happen twice to two franchises that mean a lot to me #and instead of seeing the pattern people just weaponize it and go ‘’oh WE never had a problem but YOU do’’#idk if im explaining any of this right its just an exhausting conversation #oh also people retroactively using swsh to insult 06 is bonkers. ‘’ha ha 06 is bad cause it looks like swsh!’’ ????????????#echoed voice

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