#bc the times ive been like this and not medicated? there has been no reprieve
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#delete later#as awful as the past couple of weeks have been in terms of intrusive thoughts and random waves of panic and intense emotions and#blankness. there have also been random patches that have been. okay. and that is how i know my medication is working#bc the times ive been like this and not medicated? there has been no reprieve#like although i feel. awful and useless and am internalising my work failures in a non helpful way that im trying to fight#i am having moments of#hey we're okay. they raised an issue in a way that was gentle bc youre a good employee usually. and honestly although you#feel terrible for fucking up. someone you care about very much died a month ago. you have been experiencing a mental health#almost crisis (i refuse to call it a full crisis bc im not self destructing really badly) and quite frankly the fact that you're functioning#at all is. pretty decent. youre trying. i am of course having moments where im convinced that they hate me and want to fire me immediately#but that has no evidence. and the fact that i know it has no evidence is a pretty insane piece of progress#shout out to my therapist from two courses ago who drilled the moral shit into my head.#she genuinly helped me a lot with this.#also was really really hoping for the usual christmas bonus this year bc my finances are tighter than usual but the company had a#lean year so no bonuses for anyone. so dont have the leeway to try out sliding scale therapy for a while. but it is what it is.#this will pass. its just been a rough four months and i havent had a break. ive also been waiting fir thr other shoe to drop at work#and it finally has so i can at least stop torturing myself over maybes. im getting my meds. i can refer myself to nhs depression#therapy. which will be mostly useless and the same as it always is but it tends to help me feel like im trying to progress which is still#helpful in some small way. it will be what it will be. one day at a time and all that jazz#this is also how these things go for me. i lose it slowly over a month or so. have a horrific couple weeks until a day of a genuine#full breakdown. i survive that day and the day after and then slowly start clawing myself up again. ive just had a few breakdown#days this time. what can ya do. is what it is. im sure I'll have another breakdown soon as i can tell im not done crying#and will almost certainly have a breakdown at my parents bc i am not good at hiding the dead eyed look and mum will#definitely clock im being weirder than usual with food and touching things. so there'll be a#anyway nevermind. ill do what i must
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RACE RECAP: Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon
I love this race. Absolutely love it. That shouldn’t be much of a surprise. I kinda talk about it year round. Between this, Nebo and Run Elevated this pretty much is the heart of my race schedule each year. These are my three “A” races. It doesn’t hurt that I absolutely love each canyon as well.
Going into the Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon I was feeling pretty good. Over the previous month I hit my two fastest half marathons over the past 18 months. I felt confident that I could hit a year best time at Revel, especially a sub-2:40 time goal. Especially since I knew the course so well.
And, as much as I would love to say that I hit that benchmark — I didn’t. And, there were a number of factors for that. For one, going into the race I was simply sick. I had a chest cold that got the best of me that week. It was weird because it was only focused within my chest, otherwise I felt fine. So I still felt that I’d be okay.
HA.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 7, 2018 at 10:36pm PDT
I probably shouldn’t have gone into the race with such expectations, but I knew I had it within me. Plus, Jill was going to be running it with me and I always run better when I run with others. I wanted it, bad.
The day before the race I felt pretty good. My legs felt fresh and I wasn’t coughing as much as I was earlier in the week. The discomfort in my lungs were there, but I wasn’t too worried. I was too worried about my pace once I got to mile 10 and outside of the canyon. I knew miles 10-12 were going to be on me — there’s a deceiving gradual uphill that’ll kill ya.
The night before a bunch of us from the Trails & Pavement group met up for a pre-race dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. It’s always fun to socialize out of a running atmosphere. It’s also a great reminder that we all wear things other than running clothes. It was just a fun evening of a lot of laughs and fun times — it helped me get even more excited for the race the following day.
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Pre-Revel Dinner! @trailsandpavement #thisiswhereweeat
A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 7, 2018 at 9:27pm PDT
Race morning was pretty typical. I got my drop bag of stuff ready — which was pretty much my race fuel, hoodie and breakfast. I didn’t eat anything out of the usual from the past few months. My typical race morning meal consists of one or two chicken bacon sausage links, some brie cheese and a handful of pecans — a great ration of fat, protein and carbs. It’s not too heavy on the stomach, but it’s sustainable enough to give me enough energy fro the run.
After commuting to bus pick up I walked over to the Maverik to grab a Smart Water as well while waiting to meet up with Jill and Mark to take the bus up the canyon with them. I started munching on my breakfast during the ride up and while waiting up in the canyon for the race to start. It was a good morning and I was really feeling good.
Which was a total flip from the year before when I (stupidly) ate a salad right before the race — which ended up all over a Honey Bucket when I try to slip into one after the gun went off. I have a very low tolerant gag reflex. Something that you’ll want to keep in mind for later in my race story.
>>>
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Checklist for tomorrow’s pre-race food — ✅ Bacon Sausage ✅ Brie Cheese ✅ Pecans All ready to run @runrevel BC in the morning! #half152 #revelbigcottonwood @josherwalla.run
A post shared by JosherDoes Keto (@josherwalla.fit) on Sep 7, 2018 at 10:40pm PDT
The race started at 6:45am and Jill and my goal was to stick together as much as we could and go for that sub-2:40 — and for Jill this would be a PR attempt. We wanted to help pace each other along. We inched our way across the starter’s mat about 12 minutes after the gun sounded and soon the shuffle turned into a jog, run and then sprint.
But, that sprint didn’t last long as we tried to consciously calm our excitement and nerves. Plus, starting a goal race like this TOO fast is one of the biggest cardinal sins of running. So we slowed down and let the crowd pace us for a bit.
The first few miles were not only fast, but absolutely gorgeous. The sun was rising over the mountains and gave the canyon a feel that not only autumn was almost here, but like you were almost running in a Bob Ross painting. There were literally happy little trees everywhere.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 8, 2018 at 3:12pm PDT
Around mile 4-5 I started feeling fatigue inch into my legs and lungs. I wasn’t too surprised by that because I wasn’t running intervals — I was just keeping up with Jill. But, at the Mile 5 aid station we ran into Amanda, Mike and Brandy — who were running intervals. I told Jill to go ahead so I could stay back with them. I wanted Jill to get her PR.
Intervals were a welcome change of pace. They allowed my legs a small reprieve from the steep decent and having trained mostly in intervals (and fartleks) it was something my body was used to and happy about doing at that point of the race. And, quite honestly, I probably should have been doing since I crossed the starting mat.
But, that’s a story for another day.
I had a blast running with the Bjarnsons and Brandy. It’s always fun running with those three. We posed for a couple of pictures. Mainly at the S curve with my Hokas and then when we were running down ‘the fastest mile’ like Phoebe Bufay. Like I said, we had a blast!
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A post shared by JosherDoes Keto (@josherwalla.fit) on Sep 8, 2018 at 3:36pm PDT
It was right after ‘the fastest mile’ when we ran past the electrical plant that my body just started wanting — well — more like needing to slow down. I let the Bjarnsons and Brandy go ahead. At this point I just kind of conceded my race because my chest cold cough decided to make an appearance.
By Mile 8 I started cough a bit uncontrollably and without much effort — I threw up. Usually after I throw up … I’m fine, if not better. But, I wasn’t. My stomach soon got the message that it needed to get rid of EVERYTHING in my stomach. That included my breakfast and dinner from the previous night.
Not fun.
I got to the Mile 10 aid station and knew I needed rid more of my stomach contents. Not wanting to barf in front of volunteers and runners I grabbed a trash can and went behind the row of Honey Buckets to spew. It was less graceful than my upheaval at Mile 8, but definitely not the worst at the end of the day.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 9, 2018 at 6:34pm PDT
I carried on and just focused on the last three miles in front of me. By this time I knew I was well past my sub-2:40 time and more than likely past a sub-2:50 time. I still wanted a sub-3 time, but at the same time — I just didn’t want to die. Not only wasn’t my stomach stable, but being out of the canyon exposed me to the sun. There were no happy little trees to give me shade.
The weather was doing me dirty. Those last three miles went from a hot clear sky to overcast in what seemed like every half mile. It was horrible. As soon as I got used to the shade of the clouds BAM there was the sun. This just seemed to make things worse for me.
At Mile 12, I was done. I knew I had nothing left in me and I tried to walk. But, I couldn’t. The simple act of walking made me cramp — yet — running didn’t?! It was a cruel punishment, because I really didn’t want to run. And, while I was in that moment lamentation — I threw up again.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 8, 2018 at 3:57pm PDT
At this point that last mile seemed like an eternity. My focus now was to simply not pass out. I was worried about that, because I could feel that my body was dehydrated. I couldn’t stomach hardly any water as evidenced by my last aid station stop. I just wanted to stay up on my feet, finish the race and then die.
I kept shuffling along and by complete surprise from me — I was passing people. It really didn’t have much to do with my athletic ability or speed. It was probably a combination of other runner’s struggles and the fact that if I stopped to walk I would have cramped.
I got to the finish line and as my friend Nick gave me my finisher’s medal I immediately felt a familiar feeling — the brewing of another stomach eruption. I desperately looked for a trash can. Nick pointed me toward the medical tent. But, within two steps toward the tent everything came out all over.
All over.
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A post shared by JosherDoes Keto (@josherwalla.fit) on Sep 9, 2018 at 10:39am PDT
I made this desperate attempt to catch the vomit with two of my cupped hands. That was a joke. After I deposited my load a medical volunteer handed me a vomit bag and pointed me toward the tent and a cot.
To my surprise Jill was laying next to me with taped up calves sipping on water. After throwing up again — this time in my vomit bag — I asked Jill how her race went. Obviously, she got in before me, but I wanted to know if she got a new PR. Which she did! She came in at 2:34 — an eight minute PR!
While reveling in that accomplishment for her the nurses were assessing my situation. They gave me an anti-nausea pill — which helped. But, I still couldn’t really stomach water — which I needed. Knowing this I asked for an IV.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 8, 2018 at 4:18pm PDT
An IV is usually a last resort, but I could feel my body’s need for hydration — fast. And, I’ve had IVs after a couple other races in the past. They can really turn the tide after a hot depleted race. And, this IV did the trick.
After hanging out in the med tent with the IV and sipping water afterwards for about an hour I hobbled over to the Run4fun tent to continue my post-race rehab. Once I got my legs back underneath me I made the long — yet short — walk back to my car for the ride home.
I was exhausted, but much better than when I crossed that finish line. I just needed a nap. And, a few more hours before thinking about food. But, more than that a nap. So, when I got home and collapsed for a couple hours. It was perfection.
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A post shared by I’m Josher … (@josherwalla) on Sep 8, 2018 at 4:30pm PDT
In retrospect, I know what went wrong. I know what I need to do to avoid this kind of outcome again. I need to stick with intervals — or at the very least race the way I train. I got overeager with my goals and wanting to stick with Jill. I needed to run my race and let Jill run her race.
I also should have put into account that I was sick that previous week when making race plans. That really was just dumb. I tried to mentally avoid that key fact of reality. Should I have not raced at all — no, of course not. I am not going to miss this race. I am a Legacy Runner and I take pride in that. But, I should have slowed down and been more conservative.
But, the good that came out of all of this I guess is that I finished under three hours (2:56:46) — and it really could have been much, much worse. There were a number of runners that didn’t make it to the finish line and that just wasn’t going to happen to me.
And, it didn’t.
Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon Times
2013 – 2:12:37 (42) 2017 – 3:10:21 (128) 2018 – 2:56:46 (152)
Revel Big Cottonwood Marathon Times
2012 – 5:39:09 (2) (PR) 2014 – 6:42:21 (6) 2015 – Swept (8) 2016 – Swept (9)
Join the Trails & Pavement Revel Big Cottonwood 2019 Team
Registration is now open for the 2019 Revel Big Cottonwood Full & Half Marathon — happening next year on September 14th! For many runners here along the Wasatch Back this is THE race of the year. It’s not only fast, beautiful and well organized — it’s a full out party!
The Trails & Pavement Facebook Group will have a team at next year’s race! Being a part of the team comes with some perks — you get a $5 off discount for joining, we have special bibs with our team name on it and we’ll have a canopy tent at the finish line of the race.
With registration open for 2019 if you join our team AND use the code GOBIG at checkout, you’ll get $15 off your registration. That’s the lowest price you’re going to get for next year’s race! Just sign up using this link >>> https://bit.ly/2wYxsNS or search for trailsandpavement when registering at www.runrevel.com/bcm.
My Next Five Races
Moonlight Half Marathon; September 21 Ragnar Sunset Relay; October 6 The Haunted Half: Salt Lake City; October 20 The Haunted Half: Provo; October 27 Holiday Hero 5K; November 3
A post shared by Trails & Pavement (@trailsandpavement) on Aug 30, 2018 at 7:04am PDT
RACE RECAP: Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon was originally published on PhatJosh | My Life Running.
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