#i dont know im just slow usually
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in other news i think i only have like 6 or 7 of the oc parade chibis left :D im only........several months late
#they take abit of time because i wanna make them perfect tbh#i dont know im just slow usually#anyway woo!!!#working on a couple of them to post hopefully this week#and then im adding some other ppls ocs when im finally finished!!!!!!!!!
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sorry to be a bit of a hater but i do wish youtubers weren't so scared of making their videos just like, "reviews", whys everything gotta be a "video essay" all the time. every day my recommendations are filled with 40 minute videos titled "_____: An Underrated Masterpiece" where the first like five minutes are reading the wikipedia definition of "masterpiece" in a somber voice with dramatic themed text on screen. please just tell me how good or bad you think something is and use the rest of the runtime to explain why. you dont need to put on all these airs
#i know the ahem. channel. of some awe....... that whole situation kind of scared people off from using the word review#but like we live in the future now. you can make a review. i believe in you#AND LIKE i like a good video essay!! but im picky. because i read academic shit for fun#when i see a capital E essay im expecting theses. im expecting sub headers. im expecting multiple examples AND footnotes with asides#(and i know this is a controversial topic but i do expect them to be long. because if you read aloud a 4 page journal article its gonna)#(take a bit of time LOL maybe i just read too much academia shit. but i dunno man. theres not a lot you can say about like a big huge)#(topic with multiple angles if you only have like 10 minutes. maybe i just talk too slow. i need to breath <3 )#theres other formats too. surveys. retrospectives. informative essays. persuasive essays. etc#and like i also read lots of reviews not just of like movies and books but of like gallery exhibitions and shit!! they can be extremely#interesting a lot of work and some really beautiful writing!! nothing wrong with a review!!! theyre important#but i do get annoyed with like. the odd air of pretention i see in a lot of video essays. especially cause its usually not backed up by#the content. i dont care for those airs in academia either. nor do i like it in documentaries#just talk naturally. you'll find your voice. there might be pretention in it in the end but it'll be yours#if im making sense. i hear a lot of people talking in a pretention that is not their own. something they put on because thats what they#think they should do. you need to find your own pretention. be pretentious in a way that feels natural to youuuuuu#hell im being pretentious. about this LOL but like its my own. it is a pretentiousness ive built over the past half decade#play around. write a blog. i dunno. find your voice dear youtubers. find your voice
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moth-flowers #17
#moth-flowers#my art#comics#autobio comics#Its a little crummy but im glad i made something. and actually posted it!#depression#Our neighbors r pretty cool. talking with the husband makes me happy cos he's just a chill dude and i think he's kinda like me?#Like he was cleaning out his car one time and he said it just takes him longer than most people bc he's kinda slow. and i had a moment of#like. recognition. I get things done but i just take a lot longer than other people and i dont really know why its just how i am#And he's like. a real adult. with a partner and kids and a house and a job. and if he can make it then maybe ill be okay too.#Also I like listening to him talk he has a very interesting cadence and overall soothing voice quality#Also the sleep schedule thing. Right now I've been feeling my best when i take a 2ish hour nap when i get home. I usually dont go to sleep#Until 12pm regardless and good god has the nap been helping me. I feel less like shit and more alert its so great#My dad keeps giving me shit about it. but fuck it we ball
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i've never posted my lisa the hopeful art here(idk why) so have this
true idiot love :)
#my stuff#i was INSANE about them 3 when i had just played it#i still am#but everytime i replay hopeful i get sad at certain points and leave it for later#so im a slow replayer#lisa the painful#lisa the hopeful#beltboy#benny oberwinch#cyclops#clyde von volger#lanks#liam mccoy#do people tag them as their real names i dont know#i think benny's last name is the only one i usually remember#lisa the hopeful polycule
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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growing up my family wasnt in any community groups and my parents didnt have many or any friends (def none i personally knew), and we weren't allowed to have guests over (except my brothers friends) so yeah the idea of there being lots of large events for hobby groups sounds like brand new information to me
#the events i did go to were school related#its not that i dont know events go on im just always surprised to hear about large groups doing activities ive never hea#*never heard of#the fact rhat this was already in my head and then i got hit with 'so theres drama in the enthusiastic dance group which has overlap with t#the burner group which has overlap with the swingers group-' like please slow down hold on#but yeah i mean i am a homebody but i would in theory like to go do more things#the main issues are i work retail and usually closing so scheduling is hard#also i have like zero desire to make New friends#one of my goals is to figure out stuff to do and take charge and make plans and invite my friends out#instead of constantly not going to events bc the only things my friends do are swingers orgies
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no daily today! i need to study for a bio test
#so sorry progress on the game has been so slow#i keep taking an absolutely no sleeping route because im scared of missing out on stuff#shout out to mlp for helping to ease the tensions#i dont usually play horror games..#AHHH!! its so thrilling though!! gods i cant believe its already been 3 weeks and ive made barely any progress#so sorry for the erratic art quality sometimes#ive recently gotten out of a 4 month artblock and you know how it is..#i should probably let myself go and just save already.. its okay!! its my first run! gods me!
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i love watching anime on hardmode (doing other stuff while also having to read the subtitles)
#new hobby unlocked#and it’s doing hobbies while watching anime#making SO many bracelets during one piece💪#one piece is playing rn while i make this post too#a man is basically dying on screen rn tragic really#idc i dont know him😤#side character moment🤷♀️ im sure he’s fine#so far im very casual about one piece not super crazy about it but i enjoy watching it!#i usually get obnoxiously obsessed with stuff though so it’s a very nice experience to just plain like something#its a very slow and no pressure watch for me it’s relaxing😌
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Got therapy in half an hour and I'm nervous that it might overlap with the apartment inspection today (which they only told me about yesterday). I did message to request it not happen during that hour, but I haven't received a reply so who knows.
Feeling... not the best. A brain squeeze. Primarily because of the inspection, I think. It wasn't a stressor I was anticipating having, and it made me get not enough sleep (for the third night in a row). I won't be able to nap until the inspection is done, which might be as late as 4 hours from now. So I'm not happy about that.
Got some cleaning done, though. I'm not really supposed to have posters up, but I'm hoping they don't actually care. Worst case scenario, they give me a fine and tell me to take them down. It's in the lease as something not to do, but I'm hoping that it'd just end up being me paying for any damages that there might be.
Also, my wrist hurts. And my head hurts. Which isn't really helping my mood.
#speculation nation#negative/#been reading too much fic and not getting enough sleep so my brain is a blender#i havent been wearing my glasses today bc my brain is just. i feel like itd make it worse.#so i am just existing in the squinting reality of pain and unfocus.#and my headache is bc of the tension and the lack of sleep but my wrist really has no business hurting rn#pretty sure it's just a fibro pain. aka my wrist is just decided to be a bitch today#imagine a slow throb that spreads through the wrist and into the hand before relaxing again#then after a few seconds it starts again. like a slow teasing torture. ya kno.#ive already taken 2 ibuprofen (when i usually only take 1) so really im better than i could be#still dont know how im gonna do my therapy tho. i dont really have access to my emotions rn.#outside of just. tired and unhappy.#oh well. i'll get through it i guess.
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Fics where asmo goes from being somewhat passive aggressive/ignoring mcs existence to slowly wanting their attention
Peak
#like yea sure it happens in canon#but i like it more in the fics#cause its usually because the mc is buddying it up with his brothers#and u can tell hes becoming curious#i cant remember#if it happened like this in canon#maybe off screen#but asmo becomes friendly after the helene thing#i prefer that slow burn#cause its amusing watching him wanting the attention of a (seemingly) regular smegular human lol#i haven't read asmo fics properly in a long while#but when i did#MWAH#loved that#if yall know heart attack by chuu#literally the beginning of the music video shows exactly the type of shit i love#the whole song reminds me of asmo but yea#for this specific post...#the first like 1st minute kinda just shows what im talking about#I WILL NEVE SHUTUP ABOUT HEART ATTACK#god dont make me pull out the loona obey me post i made all those months ago....#obey me asmodeus
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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<3
#hot damn#i dont usually come here to write about good things but#god damn i caught myself SINGING again#SINGING#...i used to do that all the time. always have. it might even be like a stimming thing for me#...i dont know when i got so sick i stopped. in fact i didnt notice the lack of it until i just caught myself doing it#im only seven days into recovery after 2 lomg miserable years and im already starting to come back i think#honestly i dare not think it. i cant handle the disappointment again#but the brain fog was gone aftrr 3 days#18 months of my brain being slow and thick and never getting my point across#stutter and speech tick becoming infinitely worse#and then it was just... gone#7 days#7 days and im singing again#i fell to my knees the moment i realized and literally just. sobbed#im never gonna take anything for granted again. this was more than a wake up call#this is a new beginning for me I think#fuck. only 7 days#today is also the first day in over a year i ate fresh things instead of fast food. no fast food at all today!#the first time i almost burned down the house i stopped cooking. the first time I accidentally cut myself I stopped cutting fruits n veggies#but i cooked today. i ate kiwis and fish and asparagus and im gonna go make more fish and maybe a pot of potato soup#gonna go clean a whole tub of strawberries and eat them all at once right off the leaf#i am going to peel a cucumber and deep throat that motherfucker. 2 bites max im tellin ya#fuck. i'll never take it for granted again im gonna use this life to do as much good as i can#....im too scared to say im actually getting better. cuz what if this is just like last time. what if my last 2 MRIs pick up something?#what if this is just another calm before the storm and im about to live through some new fresh hell i didnt think i could sink to?#...but im seven days into recovery#and today i started singing again#and thats not nothing#id say delete later but i wont
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milking my little breaks for all they're worth
#i have 5 more minutes and then 1h 20m left of my shift#i like the job i have fun w my department#but usually after like 4 or 5 hours our dep is done so we help with stocking shelves#and its not bad or anything i enjoy stocking its just. i am consistently paired up with one guy#and i like him! he seems cool! but hes. i dont wanna say condescending bc i dont think he is#but hes been here a while and knows where everything is and i Dont Know where everything is so i am slightly slower than him#and he doesnt say anything theres just a. vibe?#i think some part of him feels like hes babysitting and im slowing him down akshrls#i just don't know how anythings done bc i wasnt trained in the stocking stuff i just have to work it out as i go#and in the few times hes told me how things are done its been really nice and he emphasized that if no one told me then how would i know#but im still 🧍♂️#2 mins left of my break#im meant to go do laundry right after my shift but i dont wanna im Tired#but i need to. so i will. regrettably
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watching house md rn
#had to stop and go to tumblr because of my terribly low attention span#im only like. three episodes in but this shit is fucking wack???#not entirely my first impressions to the show but i have some commentary anyway#first idk why but i thought each doctors name was their first name for some reason???#so i deadass thought someone named their kid foreman 😭😭🙏🙏#tbf the rest of them have last names that could pass as first names and also im slow ok?? 😞😞#also why tf does wilson follow house everywhere???#dawg u have a job to do GO DO IT 😭😭😭#i dont even know what he does but hes in uniform!!!! so he does something!!!!!#also predicting chase and cameron get freaky at some point#not that im encouraging them to or anything but they just seem like the token straight couple of the show#also despite there being a ton of medical language its pretty easy to follow#idk if that’s the standard because i usually don’t watch tv shows like. at all#(see above: low attention span)#but i’m not looking shit up constantly so#or maybe i just don’t gaf who knows#uhhhhhhhh thats all i got for now#might liveblog but probably not#ok bye :3#jc’s cawing
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having not played rhythm games for months and then picking up kamicity ensemble ive gotten SO bad at proseka. i was like its so over but im finally down to 5 greats it may possible to ap maximizer ex yet.
#god i would love to ap maximizer in ensemble ensembles beat map for maximizer is incomparable to proseka its SOOO good#proseka had so many options to make the maximizer beat map so so fun and interesting and they just did not#its so unfulfilling. speaking from playing both ex & master modes. theyre so unfulfilling#ensemble doesnt even have sliding or flick notes & its 10x as satisfying to play. they did sooo good with maximizer#im glad they didnt make it a glitch song but its they decided to make a glitch ver in the future it would also be amazing#im starting to get more used to using 4 fingers for ensemble so i was like! lets try phony!#i was not prepared to need at least 5 fingers to play & i was always in the wrong position for the multi notes#so rough but it would be sooooo fun once i can manage it#the lanes are rough for me in ensemble tho im constantly missing for not spreading my fingers enough. sad.#also it loves to drop inputs for me. i have very clearly pressed to at least get a good & it just. doesnt register#it also doesnt help i play ensemble sooo slow. and then going to prosekas 10.9 speed is. so fast.#all the notes are coming to beat me up at once.#its fine after playing one song but the first one is rough#i do love proseka beat maps a lot of them are so perfect but they just did not deliver with maximizer unfortunately#i had. SOOO much hope after realize. realize is so fucking fun to play. maximizer did not live up to that & it very well couldve#if shuuen touhikou ever gets in they better do that one justice#this is also not to say i think prosekas maximizer beat map is Bad. its not bad its just averagely fun to me#we couldve had fun little details in the long notes & some of the tap note arrangements dont sit perfectly with me but its not bad#like kyoufuu all back? perfect beat map playing master is so fucking fun i love that#compared to that the maximizer beat map is so nothing#ensemble beat maps are usually really fun too i hope SOOOO badly laboratory & either kannagi or yamete kudasai get added#at the very LEAST. PLEASE. olease put in One song where someone even Sort Of knows how to tune rime#bc these songs do Not show off how good she is. they Are good songs. in general. people cant tune rime tho for some reason#.... thats a different rant ive gone on before & will again but we've lost the point of the post by now
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there is something so special about self fulfilling prophecies
#txt#i woke up early this morning to take advantage of the good weather after the hurricane left#because i tried to get a skate in yesterday. failed miserably. and made it a maintenance day instead. and had to adjust my wheels.#anyways everyone else thought that as well because there was a lot more people on my route than usual so early in the morning#and i was like 3/4ths of the way through my route and there was this really pretty woman with preformance fans that were flowing so prettily#in the high winds with a cute traditional dress dancing and then i promptly ate shit staring at her because i was trying to slow down#but the winds knocked me off balance and i couldnt catch myself in time because of said staring and realised a little too late she was#filming and she finished her dance stopped filming and turned to me in utter disbelief as she smiled like#YOU COULD JUST PASS BY??? YOU DONT NEED TO STOP??? because she thought i stopped because i didnt want to mess up her video#and i didnt have the heart to tell i only noticed after i was kneeling on the floor waiting for her to finish that i even saw her tripod#and i was like nono!! youre good its okay!!! im okay 👍!!! and scuttled off and went honestly this is what i get for wearing the tank#i got at pride today of all days like this one is on me ive fufilled the prophecy i never wear it out because the sun is a ferocious thing#and the last time i did my shoulders burned pretty bad even with sunscreen but i had a hoodie ontop because it was windy today#and i thought oh its fine itll be fine. chat never change your habits and routines. superstitions are real. and the gods will punish you.#anyways why self fulfilling prophecy. well if you guessed the tank had the best buy logo but instead of “buy” it replaces it with “bi”#youd be correct. and also the disaster bi allegations are very strong with this one.#anyways im think im just afflicted with dumb shit happening when im in the middle of the route because last time a guy did chat me up#while i was resting and invited me back to his hotel room after i yapped his ear off about the pantrs#and i didnt say it but i did turn it down because... the cats were playing in like 2 hours so...#or like that other time-#okay you know what i do have to stop
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