#but i’m not looking shit up constantly so
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femmeroll · 2 days ago
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okay i fear i enjoyed writing about older!sevika too much so here’s more i guess!
sevika x fem reader
cw: fluff and a tiny bit of smut, age gap, modern setting, sexting, sevika is old bless her heart
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older!sevika is so bad at technology it’s insane. she’s gen x, okay! she didn’t grow up with it like you did! it takes her forever to figure out apple carplay in her truck. once she does she plays the playlist you made her every time she drives.
she has no profile picture on spotify and her username is ‘Sevika123456’. you’re her only follower.
older!sevika gets so awkward when you take pictures of her. she’ll turn her head away or cover her face whenever you get your phone out.
“baby, no pictures please. i don’t wanna be on your snapchats or whatever.”
“it’s just for my camera roll, sev, relax. smile for me, handsome. so cute!”
older!sevika has a framed picture of you two in her office at work. (thank you to my friend who said modern sev would be a psychologist bc im obsessed)
one of her clients asks about ‘the girl in the picture’ after a session. she goes twenty minutes overtime gushing about you to her client who literally doesn’t care at all.
older!sevika still has cable and refuses to get rid of it. CNN is the default channel of her tv. she doesn’t understand paying for a million streaming services even though she pays for like…so many channels that she doesn’t even watch.
“look, sweetie. i recorded all the episodes of your favorite show for you. can netflix do that?”
“yes, sevika. netflix absolutely does that.”
older!sevika doesn’t understand any of your niche internet references. if you’re hopelessly chronically online like me, you are constantly quoting the most random shit.
she tried on a suit for some event for you once. you looked at her and said “who is the diva?” and poor sevi was so confused :( she has no idea what all that means.
older!sevika has a piece of masking tape over her laptop camera because she’s convinced that the government is watching her.
when she gets an add for something online that she was talking about the day before, she’ll immediately tell you that the government heard her.
older!sevika freaks out when you start sexting her randomly. she’s hella confused at first but sorta gets it after a while.
‘i’m touching myself thinking about u sev :/ i miss ur body so much’
‘Wow! 🔥🤤 I will be home soon.’
‘were the emojis really necessary’
in conclusion older!sevika has my fuckin heart🤍 i’m so in love with her it’s insane
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genderqueerdykes · 2 days ago
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Thank you for your “cishet looking men” post. I’m a trans lesbian who was hyper femme for many years but now feel at home being butch. I also had to go back in the closet for grad school. My wife is a lesbian, and I’m constantly grieving no longer being seen as a lesbian couple. Everyone thinks I’m a straight man. It’s especially painful in queer spaces. I fear that people look at me with suspicion and disgust, and I know it affects my wife as well (the whole “don’t bring your bf to Chappell Roan” thing). Worse still, for many reasons I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to be fully out again… my wife supports and reassures me wholeheartedly, but it hurts so much sometimes. Anyway, your post (and entire blog) has been really healing for me. I cant thank you enough.
hey im really glad to hear i could've helped you- you are literally the exact type of person im thinking about first and foremost when it comes to talking about why people should NOT assume a "cishet looking man" IS a cishet man.
i'm so sorry that people view you as a straight man just because you've had to return to the closet in the past, and now feel more comfortable identifying as butch. no one should force the idea that you're in a straight relationship on to you- you're not. it doesn't matter if someone has been out for 1 second or 10 years- a trans woman who "looks like a cishet man" is still a trans woman. why are people so willing to throw trans women who don't pass under the bus?
people just don't care about pre- and never transition trans women. people don't take the time to realize some trans women just do not want to transition. people don't take the time to care about trans women who already see their bodies as women's bodies and don't want to change anything about them. people don't give a shit about the fact that trans women have to boymode or go back into the closet for safety reasons. and people especially don't care about trans lesbians who are being assumed to be cishet men. this is what terfs do, can we stop doing this to our own?
like... this is all transmisogyny. does nobody on this planet care anymore that this behavior is transmisogynstic? like i'm happy to break it to everyone, but assuming every person you meet who looks a certain way is 100% without a doubt a cishet man is transmisogynistic. this is straight up erasing transfeminine experiences. policing people by their bodies and what queer spaces they can exist in is fascist behavior
i'm so sorry that you can't be out right now. you should NOT be facing this type of treatment from within your own community. i really can't stand people who assume every person they meet who looks a certain way is definitely 100% a cishet man. you literally just don't know by looking at a stranger. and especially with how dangerous it is to be out as a trans woman, why are we putting trans women through this? you shouldn't have to jump through hoops in the queer community in order to be seen as queer. plus, this behavior completely leaves out questioning transfems and women, like. transfems and women get to question, too. many trans women were men at one point and they shouldn't have to feel alienated for it.
i hope things improve for you soon- thanks for taking the time to send this message. if you need any more help feel free to come back any time, you deserve to feel like who you really are, and not who other people are assuming you are.
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thecourtjester-e · 3 days ago
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Do you have to let it linger? Pt. 1
A/N: hey yall! First fic! This is part one to kind of get a feel for if people like this and want more. Let me know.
Third person POV
You're a streamer/singer/dancer who is asked to sing at the wedding of a fellow streamer. Schlatt is invited too, which means more fake flirting and bullying. Unless the flirting isn’t fake after all.
Y/N- She/her (may write more gn in future)
Slow burn, yearning, fluff
No warnings (for now..)
——————
Being friends with Jschlatt is weird. It’s actually like you’re friends with two people at the same time. In front of a camera he’s a boisterous, loud, obnoxious character, but behind it he’s pretty quiet and closed off even. He doesn’t do the cons or public appearances. He’s actually pretty introverted.
When you met schlatt on “love or host” in 2020 you didn’t love the energy, but did think he was funny. You made him laugh, you related to each other both being from the east coast, and you did find him wildly attractive. You choose host that game which led to an awkward conversation when you won. You invited him to your stream anyway though since you ended up regretting your decision. You playfully bullied and flirted with each other for a couple hours. Afterwards schlatt reached out and was friendly and chill behind the scenes. Even though he does still hold a grudge about you choosing host. This started an amusing partnership spanning the past couple years that was mostly him interrupting your streams to bully and flirt with you and you being “annoyed”. In reality you guys spend a lot of time on the phone after streams talking or just working on your own shit while in each other’s company. You’d fall asleep to his streams on nights he would stream. And he’d call you during them sometimes.
“When are you moving to Austin?” He’d tease
“When you fund my move,” You shoot back.
“Fucking gold digger,” he’d respond, sipping on his drink.
After many months of this and many appearances on each other’s channels and fancams you guys got used to this routine. Constantly getting asked about each other on each other’s streams. You had met only twice in person. Once a couple months after love or host, at the height of the “shipping”.
A week before you met in person for the first time, schlatt called during a stream of yours, “when I get out to LA I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you. And that’s no j-“
you hung up before he could finish the sentence and slammed your phone on the table laughing with fake frustration and put your head in your hands to hide your burning cheeks. You pretended to be annoyed and disgusted even, but in reality, that made for great content. You don’t even have to look at chat to know it’s going a million miles an hour. “Chat, can we ban that guy?”
You guys just knew how to boost each other’s numbers. Sometimes you didn’t even realize he was in the chat until people started freaking out.
You got into streaming because of Ted. You met Ted in college through mutual friends who you don’t even talk to anymore, and he convinced you to get on twitch to boost your numbers on your videos. You normally post your music or dancing, but Ted got you into streaming games and it helped get people into your other content. He’s the one who got you on love or host too. So really he’s to blame for all of this.
The first time you met, Schlatt was coming out to LA for chuckle week, a week of podcasting with Ted and Charlie, which you had been invited to be on. The meeting was highly anticipated and now thanks to schlatt, public knowledge, so your socials were very busy leading up to it.
The day everyone arrived you drove over to Ted’s place where everyone was hanging out. You couldn’t help but feel nervous. It’s weird, you felt so comfortable around Schlatt online, but in person? What if it just wasn’t the same?
When you arrived you went up to Ted’s apartment door and let yourself in with a deep breath and shaking hands. Faking confidence you yell as you burst in, “WHATS UP CHUCKLE FUCKS??”
A chorus of excitement from the group as you entered with schlatt nowhere in sight. You got in and said hi to everyone. Connor came out to say hey, “schlatt’s upstairs,” he said after giving you a hug.
You nodded and went back to mingling, Ted got you a drink and you were all catching up when I heard from upstairs, “where is she? WHERE’S THE BROAD?!”
You looked towards the stairs where you see Schlatt hurdling down them. You move to meet him in the middle of the room and as you do he grabs your waist and hoists you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and laughs maniacally. You immediately started laughing and pretend to struggle and yell.
“HELP HELPPPP ME!” You scream between laughter as he walks out the front door and shuts it, but as soon as you get outside he sets you down laughing. You both laugh hysterically and he gives you a big bear hug.
“Holy shit you’re real!” He finally says holding your arms, looking at you in full now still grinning ear to ear. You can tell he’s a little nervous about being in each other’s presence too.
“Jesus, dude,” You laugh still composing yourself after being manhandled. “Of course I’m real,” you laugh. The nerves melted away pretty quickly as you playfully smacked him.
He giggled mischievously and opened the front door to go back in where everyone was also still laughing. You could see Connor had his phone out recording the interaction. That’ll surely make the rounds on twitter later, you thought to yourself. The evening proceeded and it got sloppy relatively quickly thanks to the excitement of being together.
The week was mostly work for the boys and you only saw them again when you filmed your episode with them, but schlatt did make sure you guys all went out together one more time before he left.
When you did check twitter, the video of Schlatt throwing you over his shoulder and running out the door was blowing up. People in the comments losing it over how cute you two were.
—————
The second time you saw Schlatt in person was just as busy and chaotic. You went to Austin to visit him and other fellow streamers for a big streaming event. You didn’t get to see Schlatt too much but one of the last nights you guys hung out and stayed up all night as his house hanging out and talking. You guys played Mario kart and watched YouTube, but by the end of the night you guys put on Radio Head and discussed their discography and your mutual love for them.
“You know it’s funny though, one of their songs is my least favorite song of all time,” you say.
“Which one?” He responds.
“Creep. I fucking hate that song,” you fume.
“What? Why?” He asks.
“I hate that it’s their most popular song and it’s so shallow. It’s like what guys put on before they tell me I’m “not like the other girls” you know?” You finish.
“Honestly bad take dude,” he responds.
You guys keep arguing back and forth about Radiohead for a while until the conversation dies off.
“I’m moving back to New York,” schlatt finally says.
“Really why?”
“I fucking hate Austin.”
“Wow big surprise there.”
“Seriously dude it sucks. I wasn’t built for this heat, and everything is just fucking insufferable,” he rants.
“Well now I have more of an excuse to go back out to the East coast,” you respond. “When do you move?”
“When you leave I’m gonna start packing.”
You nod and pet Jambo who has found his way over to the couch and onto your lap. Schlatt scoops up the other one and starts terrorizing him. you giggle at them.
“Is it weird that I’m gonna miss you?” He asked. It’s late in the night, the drinks and tiredness influencing his mind.
“Yeah a little. You’re like obsessed with me or something though so it makes sense,” you say shrugging.
“We’re barely business associates,” he said back, Slipping into character, “fucking bitch.”
“Shut up, baby. You know you want me,” You said in a sultry tone. You look at his cheeky smirk. He tried to avoid your gaze and chuckled as he finished his drink. “I’m going to miss you too,” you finally said.
It hadn’t meant to be serious, but you could feel the tension shift after you spoke. All the jokes in person and online, sometimes you wondered where the line was. It was blurry and getting blurrier by the day. When the cameras were off he didn’t flirt with you as much if at all. But there was a genuine side to the playful flirting that seemed too real sometimes. When he’d speak he’d sound so serious even if it was an obvious joke. It made you a little excited and flustered sometimes when he said stuff on camera.
Sitting so close to him, he smelled so good, musky, and like clean shampoo, but also laundry soap. It was distracting. Man you were tired. And delusional. But the way he smiled at you, his eyes were dark and his freckles so perfect on his face. You shook your head and shook the thoughts away.
Fuck I need to go to bed.
———
The last time you saw Schlatt was over 3 months ago, and you did miss Schlatt like you said you would. Working on music and being in the studio dancing kept you busy, not to mention streaming. But late at night he would call you and you would chat until the early hours.
A fellow streamer contacted you out of nowhere several months ago about performing at his wedding you immediately said yes. He wanted you to sing a duet for the first dance and for the mother son and father daughter dances. It was such an honor to be part of someone’s special day like that, of course you said yes. So for the past months you’ve been rehearsing with a fellow singer/creator, Max, and now the wedding week was here.
Hotel arrangements were made in the place the same hotel the wedding will be held so you can get ready there. You showed up a day ahead of everything so you can see the space and practice. you have to do it in secret because the bride didn’t know you would be performing. The groom wanted it to be a surprise so you’ve kept most of it down low.
You did tell schlatt and Ted you’d be there a day early since they were both invited as well. You told them you’d be performing and to keep it a secret. You didn’t tell them much else about it though to keep it confidential. while driving to the hotel you get a call from Ted.
you answer, “Hey what’s happenin’ captain?”
“Heeyyyyy, Y/N!” He responds. He sounds immediately suspicious.
“What did you do?” You crack back.
“W-what do you mean?” You hear someone in the background.
“Who’s with you???”
“No one.”
“Theodore.”
“….Tucker… And schlatt.”
“Heyyyy Y/N,” you hear Schlatt say over exaggerated.
“Heyyy” you hear Tucker.
“Wtf I thought you guys weren’t going to be here until tomorrow morning?”
“They weren’t but then they decided to come a night early so we can hang out.”
“You guys know I have to practice right now right?” You say feeling stressed.
“Yeah but after we thought we’d hang out at the hotel or go out!” Ted responds hopefully.
You sigh trying not to expose how truly excited you are that your friends are here, throwing up a shield of annoyance. “Ok alright, come by at 7 I should be done then.” They agree and hang up.
Getting to the hotel all went smoothly, you met with the wedding planner and their team to be shown where you would be performing and met up with Max. You got to practice a couple times and do a sound check before the rehearsal dinner started. The whole time you felt like your heart was pounding in your chest. You felt distracted at the thought of seeing your friends who you haven’t seen in a while.
Your heart kept skipping thinking about schlatt being here. You couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach when you thought about schlatt lately. You missed him so much, more than you expected and all you want to do is hug him and be near him again. You push those thoughts out of your head as you went back to your hotel room.
You get freshened up and text Ted to tell him you were done earlier than expected. Ted responded almost immediately
We’re in my hotel room
345
Your heart skipped, you didn’t realize they were here already. You grab your purse and flannel and practically run to the elevator. Pressing 3 and waiting trying not to jump up and down. As you got out of the elevator you looked down the hall to see Schlatt swearing at himself in front of a door.
“Hey!” You yelled down to him, making him jump.
“Holy shit. you scared the dick out of me.” He starts walking down to you.
“I missed you too pookie bear!” You say reaching to hug him. He grabs you hard and lifts you up just enough to pick your feet off the ground.
“Ah! Jesus dude.” You say acting mad.
“Sorry toots.” He says and quickly puts you down and releases you gently. He looks down at you inspecting your face.
His gaze felt heavy and intimidating. He seemed more confident this time, less nervous. He was smiling so wide his eyes disappeared behind his lashes. Still standing so close that you could smell his cologne again and it made you shiver. His hair was ruffled and messy under his hat from travel. He looks so kissable. You pushed these feelings down, and out. You felt silly for even feeling this way about schlatt, it was supposed to be for show.
“What were you doing?” You say trying to distract him from your blushing under his gaze.
He looks back at the door sighing his smile harshly falling, “fucking- I fucking locked myself out of my room.”
“How did you do that?” You burst out laughing.
“Fuck off, ok? I was trying to get my bags moved in here and Ted’s room is down the other end of the hall and I just-“ he sighs and puts his head in his hand.
“Come on I’ll go with you to the lobby, Big Guy,” you chuckle and hold out your hand playfully.
He grabs it reluctantly and follows you to the elevator. His hand is so much bigger than yours. It’s warm and soft where yours is cold. He swings his arm with yours as you walk down the hall playfully. He drops it as you approach the elevator making your heart sink a little. Pressing the button and getting in with you. He stands next to you, looking down at you as his frame towers yours. You guys catch up and he tells you about how awful his flight was and how much he hates LA making you laugh.
You’re able to get him a new card from the front desk no problem, and head back up. He heads towards his room and you tell him you’re going to say hi to Ted. He nods and watches you walk down the other end of the hall towards his room. You can feel his eyes staring into you as you walk. Finding Ted’s room you knock super hard and keep knocking until Tucker opens the door.
“Hey! Y/N!!!” Tucker exclaims and hugs you.
“Holy shit, Tucker I haven’t seen you in a minute man how are you!!” You genuinely can’t hold how excited you are to see Tucker. He’s been busy with school and having a wife that you haven’t seen him much. Now that he’s doing streaming and content creation too you hope that will change.
“So you were a victim of Theodore’s pyramid scheme too huh?” I say.
“He makes compelling points!” Tucker says laughing.
“It’s not a scheme! Look how well it’s working for you, missy.” Ted says coming out of the bathroom.
You roll your eyes at him and hug him anyway. He gives you a bear hug that could crack your ribs. You just saw Ted at a creator event last week but he’s happy his friends are all together. It’s truly one of Ted’s favorite things when he can have all his buddies together at once.
“Schlatt’s down in his room,” Tucker says.
“Yeah I caught him already.”
“Oh?” Ted inquires
“Yeah he locked himself out,” you smirk. You explain the situation and series of events minus how soft his hands are and how his cologne makes you want to bury your face in his chest.
They laugh at the story and get to catching up but you can’t stop thinking about the way he looked at you. As you listen to Ted and Tucker bicker about some small detail of a story, there’s a knock.
“Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!” You hear Schlatt say with a deep gravelly voice.
“Not by the hair on my ass!” Ted says back.
“That’s not how it goes,” says tucker chiding Ted.
You just laugh as Tucker lets Schlatt in. The shenanigans ensue and soon you’re all making plans to go to this steak place Schlatt never shuts up about when he’s in LA.
At the restaurant Schlatt complains more about mundane shit and argues with Ted. You guys order food and while you’re sipping a rum and Coke you tune out of the conversation. You sudden realize how hungry you are, smelling the food waft through the room. You tap your foot and look around the restaurant until you glance at Schlatt who has stopped fighting and is looking at you. His gaze is soft as he looks at you. Ted and Tucker are arguing now about something as Schlatt stares at you.
“What?” You say combatively, putting up a fist and pretending to go to hit him.
He pretends to flinch and cower making you laugh. He drops that act fast and smiles going back to his drink. You can’t help but hang on to his every move, suave and smooth, unless he was trying to be goofy. Even then, it was like he had to try to be awkward. You tried to make sure your gaze didn’t linger too long on him. Distracting yourself with everything, anything.
God I’m hungry.
Schlatt insists on paying your bill when you nearly have a heart attack looking at the menu. You tell him it’s fine, but he insists because it was his idea to choose a place this fancy. you had to give schlatt credit though this place was amazing. The food was to die for. You thought you were gonna cum from the first bite. Maybe he wasn’t being over dramatic in his love for this place.
Ted suggests going out to a karaoke bar when dinner wraps up. Tucker and Schlatt protest because neither wants to sing. You love karaoke though so you side with Ted. You decide to make a conscious effort not to take it too seriously or go too hard since you have to sing tomorrow. You didn’t take karaoke very seriously anyway because it was supposed to be fun and you always used it to try to make your friends laugh. You guys pay the bills and head out.
Walking down the block the guys all goof around as you follow. You’re glad you didn’t wear heels, because keeping up with these guys was a challenge. Their strides are much longer and faster than yours while you lag behind. You’d all had a couple drinks already and the jokes were flowing. The night air was warm and the cars were rushing by, you tuned out the boys and pulled out your phone to see Max had texted you about tomorrow. Suddenly Schlatt stops and waits for you to catch up, standing right in front of you, “Trust fall!” He shouts and then starts to fall into your arms. You instinctively grab him, but he stops himself, laughing.
“Nuh uh, do it again motherfucker you didn’t even fall!” You yell.
He looks at you seriously, “Y/n, I’m 250 pounds and 6’5”. You can’t catch me,” he scoffs scowling at you.
“Try me bitch!” You put your arms out this time. He looks at you.
“Ok but if you don’t catch me we’re not friends anymore. it’s not my fault when I bludgeon you to death with my body,” then he turns around and crosses his arms over his chest. Now Ted and Tucker are stopped and watching.
“Do it pussy,” you spat, then he does and as he does he yelps with a girly scream, but you catch him and prop him back up. Ted and Tucker golf clap. Schlatt turns around and looks at you.
“Jesus what steroids are you on?” He laughs now uncontrollably, “you have fucking man strength.”
“Bruh, I’m a dancer? I lift weights?” You roll up your sleeve and flex. Schlatt genuinely looks impressed as he laughs.
“Yeah dude, Y/N’s a sleeper build!” Tucker shouts.
Schlatt grabs your arm and squeals like a girl again “my HERO!” You smack him away and he pretends to be hurt still using his high pitch voice. You can’t help but laugh at him as you continue walking.
——
When you get to the karaoke bar you guys get more drinks and get a room. Ted starts cueing up songs telling you that he wants to do a duet with you but half a dozen duets with Ted later ranging from Barbie girl (he was Barbie obviously) to shallow from “a star is born” you feel yourself getting too drunk too fast. So you take a break and give the microphone to schlatt.
“I’m not singing,” he says indignantly.
Ted whips around to him, “schlatt come on.” Schlatt shakes his head and they start arguing back and forth.
“I can sing My Way better anyway,” Ted says finally.
“Oh ho no you can’t,” Schlatt says dismissively. This leads to ted singing My Way and Schlatt yelling and booing the whole time as you laugh your ass off with Tucker.
“Fine give me that shit,” Schlatt starts going through the menu looking for a song. You can’t see what he’s looking for then suddenly “Creep” starts playing and you groan loudly.
“FUCK OFF DUDE.” You Yell at schlatt over the music. He starts singing it all dramatically. You plug your ears and ignore him but he sits in your lap and continues to sing until you have to join in to get him off of you.
Ted makes Tucker sing with him a couple times and does a couple solos while you cheer and add ad libs. you’re all so drunk and laughing your asses off.
——
After you almost get kicked out of the karaoke bar, you all go back to Ted and Tucker’s hotel room and watch videos on the TV, many a wrestling match between Ted and Tucker later, around 2 am when you decide to call it quits. “Alright I have to go to bed, it's a long day tomorrow,” you say, standing and grabbing your purse.
“Booo party pooper,” says a very inebriated Tucker.
“You want me to walk you to your room?” Ted says.
“I’m a big kid Theodore, I can walk-“ you say stumbling to your feet. Ted rolls his eyes and follows you to the door. You honestly wouldn’t mind having a second alone with Ted.
As you walk toward the door schlatt calls after you, “Good night ookie wookie pookie bear!”
You flip him off without looking and walk out. As soon as the door closes Ted makes a look towards you, lifting his eyebrows.
“What’s wrong with your face?” You ask.
“Oh nothing, you guys are just cute.” He says cheekily.
“God you're worse than the stans,” You whine.
He laughs in response “yeah except there’s no cameras here that was just pure flirting.”
“That was very clearly a joke, Ted.”
“Dude come on you two were staring at each other all night.”
“Look, I don’t want to ruin this friendship with Schlatt so drop it. It’s a joke, you know? He’s joking around and so am I! It’s a bit..” you say not very convincingly.
“Alright… but it would be cool you know! Two of my best friends-“
“Fuck off.”
“Ok.”
It’s true, you don’t want to lose what you already have, especially not for a foolish crush. Plus it’s terrifying being that open to someone. There’s something about what you and schlatt have now that is like dating someone without the vulnerability and just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for them to decide you’re not the love of their life and leave taking a piece of you with them… or something like that.
———
The next morning your head is already spinning. You run down and grab some breakfast and coffee since you know you won’t be eating until much later, you avoid taking anything because you know you’ll be drinking later anyway so you just pray the caffeine and water will do its job. As you get ready in your room you begin your ritual to prepare your voice and get the shower ready. You take a shower, do your makeup and slowly warm up your voice. You make your tea for your throat and do some stretching too to calm the nerves. You’ve given yourself enough time until the ceremony to take your time finishing your hair and getting dressed. For the ceremony you have a pretty boring dark blue long sleeve dress knee length dress. For the the reception however, you have a burgundy red mermaid spaghetti strap dress to put on to perform in. It’s shiny with a deep V neckline and an open back. It’s fancy. And you have to admit it makes you feel sexy. You wear the same black heels with both. For the ceremony an updo then you’ll take your hair down when you perform.
As the ceremony approaches you double check that you have things ready for the reception and make your way down to the lobby. As you ride the elevator you text Schlatt.
I’m heading down, you guys ready?
He responds immediately
Yeah we’re headed down too.
You’re only in the lobby for a minute or two before the elevator dings and the guys arrive including Charlie and Connor, all dressed to the nines.
Schlatt in a suit. I mean come on. you can’t say you haven’t thought about it since you found out he was coming to the wedding. He cleans up really well. He looks so proper. He’s chatting with Connor when he sees you and you have to hide the breath hitching in your throat.
You can feel your cheeks glowing already.
“Nice monkey suit. You clean up alright,” You joke. “Who knew there was a handsome man under there?” You say adjusting his tie when he approaches.
He swats your hand away then suddenly grabs it and kisses it, “you don’t look so bad yourself, toots.” He winks at you.
Holy fuck. My knees are fucking jelly.
He immediately chuckles at your reaction. Cheeks burning up you roll your eyes and turn away.
On the grounds of the hotel, there’s a beautiful garden with a pavilion setup with chairs. You mingle and find other streamer friends you haven’t seen in a while or haven’t met yet. You recognize quite a few faces. You see Tyler (handsumfella) who you have had playful banter with on the SDMP and have streamed with occasionally. You haven’t met him in person yet however. You break off the little group forming to go say hey.
“Tyler, hey!” You say.
“Holy shit, Y/N! You look incredible. God damn, girl!” He says gassing you up, as you hug him. You blush and wave your hand to shoo his compliments.
“Says you! Look at you! now I see where you get your username.” you weren’t lying. Tyler was wearing a gorgeous suit and god damn was he even sexier IRL. Now here’s a guy you could really crush on. You guys flirt back and forth when Schlatt walks up.
“Hey! Tyler! What's good man?” He shakes his hand and Tyler pulls him in for a hug.
“Schlatt! Holy shit dude!” He grabs schlatt’s shoulder, “man everyone looks so good! I was just telling Y/N how sexy she looks.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna take her back to my room tonight,” Schlatt interrupts Tyler. He grabs your waist to pull you close to him, catching you off guard.
Tyler laughs at schlatts words and your shocked reaction and you join. Schlatt has a serious, borderline scary, expression, not moving his hand from your hip. You put your hand on schlatt’s chest to motion that the bit is over now, and he lets you go. Tyler goes on to chat with you and joins the little group forming on the lawn.
The ceremony goes swiftly, smoothly, and rather quickly. You sit with Schlatt, Ted, Tucker, Connor, Charlie, and your duet partner, Max. You’re not huge on the whole lovey dovey stuff so you’re glad this is a short ceremony. As soon as the ceremony ends you grab max and make a game plan to get ready and meet up to set up for the first dance.
As You break off from the group you tell Schlatt you’re going to get ready. You become focused on the task at hand. You slip into the silky red dress, and take down your hair, which you style and spray. You freshen up your makeup adding a red lip. As you inspect in the mirror you feel confidence rising in you. It’s rather revealing and you’re not really used to it, but dammit you look hot. Then you text Max and run down to meet the wedding planner. You check the instruments and microphones quickly before the guests come in. As guests arrive for cocktail hour you grab a glass of wine and stand by the bar.
Schlatt comes in and this time he’s the one blushing as he sees what you’ve changed into. He makes a beeline for you and you try not to watch him stalk over. He comes up next to you.
“Wow,” he says plainly. As introverted as Schlatt was, it was rare for him to be lost for words.
“Yeah yeah get it over with,” you say.
“Get what over with?”
“Your snarky comment about how I look like man in dress or whatever,” you say rolling your eyes and drinking your wine.
He looks genuinely confused, “Y/N. You look stunning.” He says seriously.
His reaction catches you completely off guard, no jokingly flirty remark or snide comment. It was just a genuine compliment. And the way his face was so real made you squirm. It’s a look you weren’t used to seeing on schlatt often. You could feel your heart racing in your chest as you continued to study you.
Before you can respond, the newlyweds are announced and given drinks you know you have about 15 minutes until the first dance. You have to excuse yourself from Schlatt after he just made your heart fall out of your ass. As you walk away you can feel his eyes burning holes into the back of you.
Nerves start to build as you focus on getting into your performance mindset. You are suddenly very aware of the skin you’re showing and how your head is still thumping, and the fact that over 50 of your closest colleagues (basically) are all here to listen to you. You suddenly think about how schlatt is out there now and he’s going to hear you and see you perform. You take deep breaths, being deafened by your pulse.
As the first dance is announced you take your spot with Max towards the dance floor discreetly. You go to sit at the grand piano and Max starts playing the guitar. As the couple starts to dance Max starts to sing “Die with a Smile” the spotlights shine on you two and the room erupts into applause as Max sings the first verse, the bride doesn’t realize you two are there at first but when she does it’s priceless. You focus on harmonizing with max and playing the piano. Soon the nerves melt away as you’re swept into the emotion of the song and of the day. You can’t help but glance around the room a bit. When your verse begins you notice Schlatt staring solely at you. You do your best to ignore it as you put your heart and soul into playing and singing and feeling every word and note.
If the world was ending I’d wanna be next to you, if the party was over and our time on earth was through, I’d wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile
You guys finish and the crowd erupts in cheers you stand from behind the piano and motion to the couple and clap, then to Max, then max motions to you and you bow. You play and sing for the mother son and daughter father dances as well with Max, afterwards more applause and tears. You can’t help but feel emotional about it all. something about this wedding was getting to you. You started to feel an appreciation for the whole ordeal. Once things quiet down you move to find your way out to run and freshen up before dinner.
You make your way through the crowd as people compliment you and praise you for your work. You whisper polite thank yous and excuse yourself through the crowd and out to the lobby. You and max stand in the lobby alone and you hug each other.
“Hey that was great, I think we really killed it,” he says.
“Yeah I think so too!” You respond finally breathing for the first time today. You guys grab each others hands and share a giddy moments
“Bitch, your voice is unreal,” max dotes.
“God the way you hit those notes in the beginning.”
You guys talk about the performance and exchange notes as you walk to your rooms. Max was a singer you met through streaming and you did some collaborations with him. Your voices just melded together so well. Over the years you guys had made a great friendship and working bond.
“Hey so what’s up with you and JSchlatt? Are you guys a thing?” He inquires raising a hopeful brow.
“You’re such a gossip whore.” You respond.
“God he looks so good in a suit,” he says, rolling his eyes at you.
“Yeah he looks fine.”
“If by fine you mean, drop dead,” he says flipping his hair. “You better get up in that otherwise I will.” He finally says opening his room and going in.
You scoff and open your door.
You quickly freshen up your makeup and hair and puff on your weed pen before stuffing it in your handbag and heading back to the party with Max. He jokingly sticks out his arm for you two to walk arm in arm like high school girls back into the ballroom.
When you get back you see dinner is already in motion, you find your table with Ted and the rest and sit down in your spot between Max and Tucker. You say hey to everyone as they compliment you both. By the time you guys get there dinner was pretty much over so you eat a little of whatever is left since you haven’t eaten much today. You quickly clock the open bar again and move to get a drink. Schlatt gets up when he sees your plan. As you weave through the tables Schlatt follows you. When you arrive at the bar you steal another look at him.
“You sounded amazing,” he says shyly.
“Thank you! I’m happy with how that went. I think the bride was pretty surprised,” you respond, giving a chuckle. You try not to stare at him for too long. There’s a small not entirely uncomfortable silence as you wait for your drinks.
“Ready to get fucked up?” He questions as he grabs a shot and his drink.
“Oh absolutely. Open bar for a bunch of content creators? Huge mistake.” You hold your shot out to cheers him, he does chuckling and you both shoot back a shot and head back to the table drink in hand.
After dinner they cut the cake and the dancing begins. Pretty standard party bangers. You get in with the crowd of other girl content creators you’re friends with and you’re all dancing on the floor like fools soon enough. You love dancing, seriously and just for fun. You don’t get to dance for fun often, but right now it’s all fun. You’re grinding on each other and doing the goofiest dance moves. Most of the guys are hanging out together and chatting. occasionally, some of them coming out to dance, namely Ted. Tyler too though. They both dance like fools. Soon you’re all screaming “FROM THE WINDOOOOOW TO THE WALL!” And you can feel the intoxication taking over quickly. You pretend to dance up on Ted and he throws it back at you. You’re laughing and shouting lyrics you can feel yourself losing your voice. After an hour or so of this You start to feel the spins and decide to go sit and nurse a water for a bit. Tyler comes over to sit next to you at a table.
“Hey you killed it tonight!” He compliments.
“Thank you! I appreciate that.” You smile back
“Of course dude.” He nurses a water too while you guys talk. “Where’s your date?” He asks after a while.
“Max? Probably flirting with a straight guy somewhere-“
“No! Schlatt!” He cuts you off.
“Schla- he’s not my- we’re just-“
“Oh shit! My bad homie, just earlier when he said that thing I just expected.”
“No you’re good, I mean idk why he said that but no we’re just friends,” you say maybe not hiding your disappointment very well.
“… I don’t think it’s just friends dude,” Tyler says looking over your shoulder.
“What-“ you start
“Pretend I made a hilarious joke, touch my arm, and then glance over there,” he says gesturing to his right.
“What are you-“
“Do it, trust.”
You fake an exaggerated laugh and grab Tyler’s arm leaning closer to him for a second, then you give it a beat then nonchalantly glance over your shoulder and see Schlatt looking over. He’s not hiding his expression at all now. He’s pissed.
“See what I mean,” Tyler says leaning in.
You do see, but you still can’t believe it.
“I don’t know, he just, looks like that. He’s not huge on crowds.” you respond after a minute.
“Well whatever the reason, he better nut up or shut up. Otherwise someone else will,” he says with a wink then gets up and walks away.
You sit there for another minute or two in deep contemplation. Nut up or shut up.
The music changes to a slow song. you recognize the opening of the song. You jump up out of your seat, looking for around the room. You see Schlatt jokingly threatening someone with a pocket knife and rush towards him.
“Dance with me.”
“Wha-“ he starts
“Don’t fight me, let’s go bitch.” You grab his arm and pull him toward the floor.
“Y/N, I don’t dance. I can’t dance.”
“It’s the song from Click, we have to,” you say chuckling. Couples make their way to the floor and start to embrace while “Linger” by the Cranberries starts to play. At first Schlatt was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. You place his hand on your hip and take his other in your hand and begin to lead. He loosens up when he sees you’re being silly about the whole thing. You do a shitty Adam Sandler impression that makes him cringe. He begins to pretend like you’re middle schoolers at a dance and keeps you as far away as he can as you uncontrollably laugh.
Then why are you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you? But I’m in so deep
When you stop laughing he pulls you in and dips you in a dramatic fashion making you laugh all over again. When he brings you back up he keeps you held close to him and you get into a rhythm.
“What were you and Tyler talking about?”
You know I’m such fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger, do you have to let it linger?
“He was asking me girl advice,” you respond quickly.
“Oh?”
“Yeah he has a crush on this girl and doesn’t know what to do about it,” you say glancing around the floor.
“What did you tell him to do?”
“I told him to nut up or shut up otherwise someone else might,” I say looking him in directly in the eyes now, almost daring him.
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger?
As the song ends you guys stop dancing but make no move to separate. A moment feels like a lifetime as you study his face this close. His lips, his nose, his brows semi-furrowed. The way his hair curls on top of his head.
“I need air, do you need air?” He asks. You nod and you guys move towards the door to the garden.
———
Outside is still warm but there’s a slight breeze. The moon is already high in the sky. The nighttime beasts make noises and the party rages on inside. You were starting to feel very overwhelmed inside. As much as you loved these people, you’re not a huge partier.
“God it’s gorgeous out here,” you say. “Are your ears ringing? Mine are ringing,” you laugh taking a deep breath. Schlatt doesn’t respond.
You turn to face him as he stares at you. You stare back at him as he unashamedly drinks you in. You suddenly feel exposed to him. The light out here bathing you and making you feel like you’re in a spotlight again. The outside air is a stark contrast to the stuffy dance floor you came from, it gives you goosebumps. You shiver a little as you shift uncomfortably. He slowly moves to close the distance between you.
“You look incredible,” he starts. “And your voice is so incredible. You look stunning in that dress. I can’t stand you.”
“Wha- You can’t stand me?” You’re genuinely shocked at his words. He spoke with a matter of fact tone. His eyes shifting wildly to every inch of your face.
“I can’t stand watching you like that all day. The way you effortlessly charm people. Unashamed, effortless, charismatic. You’re just. Astonishing,” he finishes and before you can respond he puts his hands on either side of your face and kisses you deeply on the lips.
You melt in his embrace. What is in reality only seconds feels like the culmination of years of tension being snapped. Years of uncertainty and personal turmoil all washed away. He splits from the kiss and looks at your face, a mixture of shock and pure elation spreading across it. You pull him back for a second deeper kiss. Needier and heavier this time. You hunger, suddenly starving. No amount of contact right now could be enough. You put your arms around his neck running a hand through his hair as he moves his arms around your torso pulling you closer. As His hands slide up your bare back you let out a soft moan from his warm touch. He stiffens at the sound.
After a minute or two you pull away for air looking at him, “About time,” you breathe out, smirking.
“Shut up,” he says, kissing you again.
After another eternity of learning and exploring each other you separate, remaining in each other’s arms. Just smiling at each other like idiots. You put your hand on his cheeks feeling his facial hair. You run your thumb across his bottom lip and shiver. You can’t help but just touch him. After all this time and yearning to be this close you couldn’t contain it anymore.
“You wanna get out of here?” He asks breathlessly.
“Absolutely.”
———-
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Seeing people lust over Luigi Mundane Mangione just because he killed the CEO(“fuck capitalism!” my ass because lbr if a Black person killed the CEO y’all would hate them so much) and then the very next day seeing people shit on the cutest Black girl you ever did see and call her ugly, masculinize her, and compare her to animals, all for not looking like a zombified facelifted mugshawty Barbie sex doll.
This is what it’s like to be a Black girl. Constantly having your dignity and womanhood and value tarnished and dragged through the mud, and being reminded time and time again that the world hates your very existence and considers you the fundamental opposite of everything a beautiful and feminine woman is. Everyone walks all over you, everyone sees you as a despicable subhuman monster who doesn’t deserve or need protection and care, everyone uses you to get a one-up and prop themselves up because you’re seen as easy picking and nobody defends you when the going gets rough because to them you’re just there to remind them that they’re better than you because “at least I’m not a Black girl”. And when you complain you’re “aggressive” and “dramatic” and “it’s not about race/gender” “people can’t help what they’re attracted to, Black features are inherently more masculine anyway”. I hate it here.
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annemarieyeretzian · 1 day ago
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ten fifteen people I’d like to know better!
tagged by: @septembermonologues 🖤
last song: GONE by NF and julia michaels (which like,,, fucking ow?)
favorite color: aquamarine bc I’m a self-centered march aries bitch look ok it used to be yellow but then we were all asked to wear yellow to my mentor’s/father figure’s funeral and I’ve mostly hated it since,
last book: currently reading who cooked the last supper? which I have complex feelings about (it was first published 25ish years ago and is too often white feminist) but I am overall mostly learning things I think
last movie: white christmas (my college roommate katie and I watch movies together every monday and this month is, obviously, our christmas movies month) which incidentally is one of my favorite movies christmas or not
last tv show: the 10th kingdom AND LIKE. LOOK. my aunt and uncle let me stay up too late and watch this when I was way too young and I have been searching for the miniseries ever since. I was finally able to identify it earlier this month and immediately watched it twice. it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I love it. I wish there were two hundred episodes.
sweet/spicy/savory: is this like a I have to pick one of the three, or one for each, or. u know what because of the ocd™ I’ll put them in my preferred order. sweet > savory > spicy easy.
relationship status: hey remember the ‘it’s complicated’ option on facebook
last thing I googled: the black heart emoji so I could copy and paste it for my baby sib up there
current obsession: is it cheating to say art history??? kinda always my current obsession. if I have to pick something I’m not constantly preoccupied by then thistle & spire lingerie currently has me in a chokehold and it’s Not good for my bank account (but it’s great for my self-esteem so who’s the real loser here) (it’s still me)
looking forward to: gonna get burgers and fries and then go to christmas in the park and then head to a cute bar for holiday drinks with my bff on friday!!! (babes the drink I want comes in a plastic dinosaur. ‘TIS THE SEASON)
no pressure tagging: @alliekitaguchi @beauregardlionett @daelenn @endofthelinecaptain @fairymonk @fjorests-of-wildemount @genderless-ghost @gobliiine @ittybittyremy @littlebosslady7 @quipxotic @revvethasmythh @simonthesneasnake @tiredqueermushroom @twinklestarss
this was/is def supposed to be tag ten people but! my blog my rules and I’m nosy as shit I love getting to know people so
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j-crow · 6 days ago
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watching house md rn
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theswedishpajas · 9 months ago
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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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raskies456 · 6 months ago
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on second thought, most of y’all never did actually figure out the whole aphobia being perpetuated by joke posts equating asexuality with cringiness thing so idk why im surprised to see so many of y’all falling for the same exact shit when it comes to polyamory
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quietwingsinthesky · 5 months ago
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bluehairmisfit · 1 month ago
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Not to make “tag vent sunday” a thing but Idk how I can go from having a great string of days where I feel happy and confident to just. Randomly fucking dropping. And feeling like the actual worst.
#okay so here’s the thing#QB and I have been doing lil activities online lately#which helps him with his stuff he has going on and helps me to not feel fucking lonely all the time#bc i had another hangout friend but I Very Much Screwed That Up Tee-Bee-Aych#so I’ve been late to most hangouts. i constantly have little issues pop up where I’m so sure I’ll piss him off#friday night like an hour into the hangout I went ‘idk how to say this but like i recgonize I’m being quiet and if you want me to talk more#please lemme know’ and he told me that he was having some worries attached to that so we talked things out and it was fine#ITS ALWAYS FINE#AND SOMETIMES THAT IS WHAT PUTS ME ON EDGE OR MAKES ME START FUCKING CRYING (off call) WHICH IS EMBARRASSING TO ADMIT BUT LIKE#LOOK I LOVE THAT HE’S PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING. ONLY OTHER PERSON I KNOW WHO HAS THAT LEVEL OF CHILL IS MY ACTUAL PARTNER#BUT I’M SO FUCKING SURE THAT I WILL SCREW IT UP TERRIBLY. LIKE DISASTROUSLY.#SO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? BECAUSE PART OF MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME TO JUST GHOST EVERYONE AND RUN AWAY#SO THAT I CAN AT LEAST CONTROL THE OUTCOME BUT LIKE#I REALLY WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH QB AND WB AND BB AND I’M STRUGGLING SO HARD WITH THIS#like lowkey the thought of screwing up in the same way I always have is literally painful and my chest is killing me I just—#god I fucking hate this shit#can I get the stardew heart ranking system please?? so I know exactly where I stand all the time???#I don’t necessarily trust people to tell me what I’m doing wrong until it’s too late
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bibleofficial · 1 month ago
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where is my fat husband
#stream#i’m lonely !!!! i want a man !!!!!!#me: where’s my man#me at the same time: not leaving the house nor dating apps & also is having a mental breakdown everyday while self medicating#also i’m 90% sure my meds are starting to fail again ALSKALKSLAKSLAKLSAKLSMAKSKK#ANYWAY#i didn’t even go to gay bars when i was allowed to drink like 😭😭😭#it’s all a bunch of straight people#there’s no point#like i constantly here old queens going ‘young gays don’t do xyz’ or ‘don’t know how to xyz’ like ok girl its because that shit died like#idk probably before the pandemic truly it was dying but the pandemic was the nail in the coffin like girl …….. i turned 21 a month into#lockdowns like#ok so i did stuff illegally & went to other shit but it still was straight bars 90% of the time there’s like 6 gay bars in houston total 😭😭😭#like idk what they expect like if … those venues aren’t there & are increasingly AGAINST doing the goofy tings …. how would the YOUNG KNOW#like at this point idk i truly think that it’s kinda on the elders at this point ALSKALSKLAKSAKSLAN like yea they’re boomers at the end of#the day so like i’m not saying that they didn’t have it hard they did they did ok but. get over it ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLA like alright … but#i’m saying this as someone who knows the history & bullshit like ok yea everyone needs to understand what it’s like to have your community#die before ur eyes but at the same time. there’s no community now ? ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLLA like girl …#girl …….#yall HAD a community but now all that shit is gone & none of us young ppl have any funds to make that 😭😭😭#like girl i have 12$ in my bank account i dream of being able to rent a flat at some point like a ONE BEDROOM u know W A LIVING ROOM & yall#own rentals so like this is UP TO YALL …..#like ur the problem ? 😭😭😭😭😭#@gays for trump & loghouse republicans i’m looking at YALL#a lot of these mfs are liberal too - pro invasion of iraq democrat back the blue bootlickin NIMBA faggots 😭😭😭💔#anyway that’s just me bitching#i’ve been so fucking IRRITABLE today
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kaywavy · 10 months ago
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my beautiful wives
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mint-mumbles · 27 days ago
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Gonna use this image any time someone says something low key sexist about Sable (ie "she's showing too much skin" regarding a fucking bathing suit 😭🤦)
I don't hear you complaining about Spirit 😭
#I swear to god some people in this community#just say ‘cover them up whore’ like a normal sexist does#also people who targeted the sables because of their bathing suit outfit and then others saying it’s fine to do that#because of what she’s wearing… do you not hear yourselves?!#purity culture will be the death of us all#and then when you play sable because you look and dress like her and then people say whoever plays her is a ‘gooner’#get off the fucking internet and talk to an actual alt woman#(this is low key a vague post about someone streaming with their friends and making fun of the sable that joined the three of them because#she had the bathing suit skin on and they were saying shit like ‘what a normal amount of clothing you have’ and the whole chat joined in.#it was the first game and I literally couldn’t watch them after that because it just made me so mad. YOU DON’T KNOW WHO’S BEHIND THE SCREEN#for all you know it’s just an alt woman who likes the outfit and your making fun of her because you think skin = sex = gooner which says a#hella lot about YOU more than the person playing her. if you know who I'm vauging about don't be a dick and harass them or send this to the#I was so mad that I just closed the stream and reblogged sable pictures because this hate against her so fucking insane.#I'm not trying to start drama. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I don't think they knew how insensitive stuff like what they were saying is#(even though they really should have; they're an adult and their words having meaning and they clearly have a young fanbase that looks up#them so they should be more careful about the shit they say) but I'm not here to try to fight anyone. I'm just furious about#constantly having to point out how fucking stupid this is and how it's rooted in sexism and purity culture.#when you say this shit you're not just 'making fun of a character'. you're indirectly making fun of alt women who dress less conservatively#you are indirectly shaming a group of people who already have to deal with prejudice outside of your 'jokes')#I love how misogyny and sexism is such a funny joke to these guys (no I don't)#I’m so fucking sick of how this community treats alt women#(speaking as an alt fashion afab person myself)#anyway. I'm just going to eat my dinner in silence.#nah who am I kidding I'm pulling up [popular 90s anime magical girl show staring 'rabbit' whose tag I don't want this to go to]#dead by daylight#dbd#rant#mint mumbles
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speedysoda · 1 month ago
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Some team: Hey exe community, we’re looking to make a full restoration of every well-known exe fnf mod! This is not in support of any bad people or in spite of controversy, this is for preservation and to celebrate how far the community has come! Hope you’re excited.
Half the fandom for some reason: No!! That’s terrible!!! Screw you!!!!
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okcoolthanks · 4 months ago
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Cod I hope I feel like dressing feminine tomorrow
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apathyfairy · 4 months ago
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if i read through my old notes or my old posts from like 3 years ago i’m like. who is that like that person is dead. who even am i anymore like i have lost all sense of self at this point
#honest to god too many pieces of me have died i don’t know who or what i am anymore.#like i can look back on it and be like oh i remember that but i can’t imagine being that person does that make sense#like my current living situation has taken too much from me i’ve had to just dissociate and be a shell of myself just to protect myself#and i think that even if i ever get out of here idk if i can get those parts of me back and that scares me so much like#i don’t want to be stuck like this forever even though i know j most likely will#like i’ve lost every last ounce of hope i ever had by living here i’ve lost everything i’m so jaded now there’s just#nothing anyone can say to me anymore like there’s no amount of inspirational or hopeful like idk messages or meditations or#whatever literally anything i see shit like that and i’m like hm that’s nice but not for me. like i’m just dead set on things never getting#better ever again and i truly believe they wont and i know it’s a protection method like i know i’m just saving myself from getting my#hopes up and crushed and up and down and it’s just happened too many times that i’ve truly in every sense given up#like i’m just resigned to it all bc there’s nothing i can do about anything anyway and i’m not trying to be like oh poor me#like there just truly is nothing i can do my entire life is a rock and a hard place and it just fucking sucks that’s it#i just feel like i’m drowning all the time and just constantly treading water but i can’t ever breathe if u know what i mean
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