#i dont actively want to
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People really don't talk enough about how it feels to passively want to die all the time.
#i dont actively want to#i wont do anything to make it happen#i wanna live#but also i wanna just sink into a black void and float in nothingness for a while#personal#tmi#suicide tw#self harm tw#self depreciation tw
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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I think I made some of you guys a little sad with my last post, so you can have some happy aftermath twins before part 2, as a treat ❤️
#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls au#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU#gravity falls fanart#stan pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#stan twins#i need to find a gravity falls discord or smth- it's basically a ritual for me with every fandom#i tried to find some on the internet but they're so... rude?? maybe it's just me but i dont think#openly cussing people out and insulting the people who want to leave the server is a very “positive and open” server they claimed to be#which was so crazy because Ive never seen a discord server be like that?? like usually they're pretty chill but these ones like actively#called people bitches and lame assholes after they left the server like CHILL my man- they're allowed to Not stay#it wasnt even just one- I had to go through like 4 to 5 different GF servers and they were all like that- it was CRAZY#anyways!! that was just me rambling it was just such a weird experience for me#GOD I am PLAGUED by thoughts of this AU
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“lilith got charlie in the divorce” “lucifer got charlie in the divorce” actually alastor got her
#update:#yall had your fun but i dont want a post this big#RIP MY ACTIVITY FEED FR#I DONT EVEN LIKE THIS SHOW LIKE ITS NOT EVEN GOOD#HE DIESNT EVEN LIKE KIDS??? HELP. IMAGINE GOING TO HELL FOR SERIAL MURDER AND NOW YOURE JUST BEING PETTY LIKE THAT#like i have a LOT of criticisms for this show but this one joke really got me holy shit.
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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down
#all i want is chinese food#the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place#its my worst option and its not even an option#‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure#even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks#even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long#all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice#more expensive and worse than a takeaway place#but i cant get it from a takeaway place#repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years#the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home#can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to#and its so dumb to want to cry over rice#but its not really about the rice is it#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic illness#disability#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ehlers danlos syndrome#fibromyalgia#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#mental illness#mental health#save post
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okay look, the real reason that zepotha shit is never gonna be Goncharov (besides it being a marketing ploy) is because Goncharov was treated like a fandom (collaborative including celebrities, built upon over time, openly fictional) & zepotha is treated like a tiktok trend (no collaboration, dies fast, treated like reality recklessly). it doesn't matter if it's interesting or cool or what, they've been built on completely different foundations. you're comparing Spiderverse to Endgame here. hydrogen bomb VS coughing baby. zepotha will never have Lynda Carter & Martin Scorsese's approval.
#zepotha#goncharov 1973#goncharov#i know i dont usually tag shit like unreality but like. yeah. the fact they're actively trying to gaslight for real here is just. ehh#like have fun but also. know what youre having fun with#im just really lazy btw i dont want to tag shit. youre allowed to unfollow me because of that i dont care#also yes zepotha not being capitalized (derogatory)
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I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution
#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones#their magic phones. theyre scrolls#mia.txt#tes#skyrim#oh no wait i forgot j'zargo wants the position & actively tries to kill you (these are separate events but still probably not unrelated)#and nirya's gunning for it too. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there and don't do anything#i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right#reddit says “they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him#and he's the new boss' special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it#dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities)#(yes i know this is just how tamrielic mage guilds are but i just think its funny bc everyone fucking hates them specifically#like the rest of the town despises them and allegedly the nords have a special disdain for magic so its kind of funny that they make no#attempt to like. be more normal to gain the locals' trust#and you know what? good for them. fuck them nords)#ulothir#<- mentioned in the tags lmfao
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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hi!! dropping off some of the things i drew on my break so far. ^_^
#☆ my art .#baconnwaffles0#planetlord#mapicc#princezam#wato1876#wemmbu#pangi#eggchan#spokeishere#vitalasy#itzsubz#ashswag#thats all of em i think#spacewaffles#tax duo#ohhhh how i miss them#eclipse federation#ashzam#empire duo#devotion duo#lifesteal smp#unstable universe#lsshipping#this is a mess but i dont feel like organizing it#its just an art dump i guess#i'm feeling better so i just wanted to drop these here#might still be low on activity but i'm definitely doing better#mostly thanks to people from silly time gc hi creatures#a couple of those are uh reqs i remembered i had
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That Good Ol' Fenton Charm
Hmmmm
Single dad Danny (to deaged Ellie and Dan) meets his neighbor Selina Kyle after one of her cats get into their apartment and he finds his kids playing with it.
Cue meet cute where Selina at first is just flirting like always but Danny charms her (aka being a bit dense but somehow adorkable, its charming)
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#selina kyle#dannyxselina#whats this ship name again?#danielle fenton#dan fenton#danielle phantom#dan phantom#Selina flirts but starts to fall for Danny#Danny is adorkable with Selina and the kids#Selina and Bruce broke up again so shes flirting#or isnt there a storyline where Selina and Bruce almost get married but dont?#maybe after that timeline?#Ellie finds Selina so cool btw.#she wants to learn EVERYTHING from Selina#Dan finds her awesome and he gets to pet all the cats she has in her place#i can see Selina denying actually having feelings for Danny for a bit#maybe even trying not to fall so he and the kids arent harmed if her night time activities catch up with her#but then of course the Fenton's have their own secrets Selina#some ghostly ones
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daily musings of officer goldwood
#the cat witchs guild#the misc adventures of mochi and lime#tcwg#tmaomal#lime#limochi#clarinette#in the bg at least#art#ocs#original#note that those things dont actually happen when he goes home he just daydreams that it might#sometimes he gets pretty close to the top one#and sometimes she does let im lay in her lap#rare occasions#but when hes home at least theres a chance itll happen#when hes at work theres 0% mochi time#sad#the two wolves inside lime are (i want to quit this job) and (i need this job to be worthy of her)#country roadddssss...take me hoooommee....to the plaaaaace...i belooonggg...mochis laaaap....#- limes brain#spiral eyes lime is the Activation Indicator
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its weird how as israelis, or even just as jews in general, as soon as you extend sympathy towards the people who were massacred on october 7th u immediately get blamed for "supporting israel" and "not holding your state accountable".
when its like. WE are the ones who have been fighting non-stop to make our government and military officials take responsibility for this. WE have been begging our leaders to take accountability while u guys are sitting there overseas typing out shit like "its actually okay to murder babies as long as theyre settler babies"
#like assuming we're not criticizing Israel just bc we're not doing it on here or not doing it in english is stupid#blogging is not activism and my anti-occupation activism will always be offline and with other israeli and palestinian leftists.#why would i want to write essays in english criticizing israel-#only for them to be spread among people who dont know the littlest thing about this situation#and dont have any meaningful thing to add to the conversation?#jumblr#ישראבלר
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Is it just me or is there way less fanart being made for this game than the previous ones? Kind of makes me sad, I remember with dai I could check the tags every few hours and find something new weeks after launch, now I only can get away with only looking a few times and week and miss nothing.
I don't think that's Veilguard exclusive.
Things I and my mutuals draw now are getting less notes/reblogs than they did even one year ago, regardless of the fandom. Fanfiction is getting less comments and kudos on ao3 too (not that they were getting many comments in the first place) Less gifs are being made because gif makers weren't getting reblogs. Hell, most of the post I make have a huge discrepancy between likes and reblogs and add polls into that? A thousand people voted on something and only a dozen people reblog it. It's a hollowing feeling when you realise you're calling out to an empty void, I don't blame people for creating less art because of that.
I don't see a vast majority of the people who follow me in my notes because I have likes disabled. Multiple times someone has sent me an ask apologizing for spamming me with likes and I don't understand it? That is not a bad thing And unless you reblogged anything along the way, I didn't even realise you were doing it in the first place. And the people whose notes I do see are not annoying in the slightest, I love the tags you add and I'm sure the original poster does even more so
I'm not trying to shame anyone Into interacting with the fandom spaces they're in but the whole point of Tumblr and what makes it a blogging platform and not social media is that this is a show and tell website. You're supposed to look at something you think is cool and then wave it around for your followers to see and then they pick it up and do the same regardless of how old it is
When you reblog an ask game from someone it used to be common courtesy to send that person one of the asks from it. Folks used to leave comments analysing paragraphs from stories people wrote and theorising about what would happen next on every chapter. We used to send each other asks just asking about our ocs unprompted
If there's no interaction or community when you create something, then what's the point of creating it? It sucks that fandom is morphing into something to be consumed and thrown away the second it's more than a week old unless you're one of a handful of blogs that got lucky and picked up traction at just the right moment
I'm sorry for the rant but I get emotional when I think about the decay of fandom spaces for too long. And this goes without saying, but you guys can reblog anything on my dash if the button isn't disabled on it
#ugh screw it#i'm putting this in main tags#veilguard#dragon age#ao3#honestly I'm losing motivation to post anything that takes me longer than 5 minutes to make#the amount of times I've seen somebody say they dont want to post their art here anymore because no one interacts with them is heartbreakin#and I'm one of those people unfortunately#I don't want to pull in woe is me card but it hurts seeing something I spent 12 hours on be completely ignored versus-#-a screenshot with a tweet imposed on a pic of varric I made while heating a hot pocket getting 15 times the acknowledgement#and yes I know I'm not the best artist/writer but damn if a little encouragement doesn't go a long way#one person encouraged me to keep posting stuff the other day and they're the only reason I have#If you read this go into a dragon age tag and reblog somebody's art that has less than 100 notes-#-and mention something you like about it in the tags#and me posting fan fiction as a whole thing here? Forget about it#I'm the funny guy!! I get it! I Get it!#This makes me so scared for compathian skies but that's a whole other basket we don't need to look inside#Again sorry for rambling#Take this post for example! it will have a one to five ratio on likes to reblogs if it gets reblogged at all#fandom spaces are dying and we are all actively killing them together#asks for bee
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universal healthcare is not broken and anyone trying to convince you it is is delusional and a dckrider for big health insurance. yes there are wait times but waiting for care is Not the same as being denied care.
in america your physician prescribes care and an insurer can still cuck you out of it because someone across the continent who has never met you can say: doesn’t seem medically necessary. Leaving you to handle a bill that is wildly inflated by the same insurers that just denied you.
let me drill it through your head you can pay thousands a year in premiums and still end up sick and financially burdened for years by One incident. no insurance company is Avoiding going broke by denying claims. theyre doing it to profit off your misfortune and your illness. Because healthcare fundamentally does not cost the amount that they claim it to be.
#delete later#out of pocket rant#i hate these god awful takes on universal health care#and i hate this oh he killed a father#how many fathers do you think uhc let die be real with me#oh 8 billion is only 6% profit margin#bitch it could be 2 percent it could be a negative loss#this is me saying oh i resold a shoe for $60 after buying it for $50 when i also made it for 80 cents#i have been denied things like chest xrays and lung exams#i btw have had a chronic cough for 4+ years#in canada i got this done on the same fking day and results back within a month#there are indeed horror stories and on both sides of know ppl who died due to delayed diagnosis#and ppl who died bc they didnt even want the diagnosis it would have cost them too much#but robbing someone of the choice in my opinion is the worse of the two#putting someone in an impossible position like that is evil#this country love god so much better start praying u stay healthy bc thats the most important thing#also like those horror stories of wait times in the er#im gonna be real if u have severe stomach pain are actively bleeding heart attack or stroke#you will be seen asap#yes if unfortunately everyone around u that day decided to have a stroke or heart attack ur appendicitis will be punted down the line#this is a resource issue NOT a cost issue#this is a they also cut funding to nursing school and limited the number of ppl who can pursue medical degrees issue#not a we dont have privatized health care issue#bc ultimately u need a doctor to see u#not someones sister who is taking stabs at it#and every doctor is bound by the concept of time???#u still have to wait in america ur Charged for it also#and yall it doesn’t even have to be a Big incident#ur local urgent care might just be closed after 8pm and at 9pm u need stitches#or have severe stomach pains and just want it checked
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REALLY considered not posting this one.......might delete later
ns//fw and/or ki//nk blogs please dni!!!
#PLEASE READ THESE TAGS:#I AM NOT A VIV///ZIEPOP SUPPORTER!!!!!!!!! I ACTIVELY DISLIKE HER#i have been watching haz/bin with my boyf. and for funsies weve been rewriting and redesigning it in its entirity bc....yikes#imm not adding this to my fandom list bc i dont like. the shows lol. so im not gonna do requests or anything probly#this is a one time thing featuring my redesigns bc i refuse to draw them how they really look you cant make me#anyway please dont unfollow me for posting this 🙏 (/j you can do what you want)#tickle art#hazbin hotel tickle#lee!husk#ler!angel dust#my art#please dont send me discourse about this i dont care if you Like The Show just take this at face value <333333333333
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ALSO being on bluesky is reminding me i used to be on social media bc it was kind of fun. i used to be less scared of strangers and of talking to ppl. i have already rambled about this at length other times but i am thinking abt it again relative to necrotech99 and how excited i am abt it. it makes me wanna talk abt my stuff again.... (not TOO much bc i don't like unduly influencing quest suggestions/audience participation lol. like one thing i want to avoid from the tvrn era is it was really fun to answer so many behind-the-scenes questions, but i did end up eventually feeling like it created a situation where like... ppl who followed me on social media were having a rly different experience w the story, and had way more info, than ppl just following the thread, and i don't love cultivating/encouraging that kind of divide?)
anyway. thinking about that again. bc i used to talk abt tvrn all the time and promo it like crazy. and i even remember sometimes thinking to myself "damn where did i get all that energy bc lately promoing stuff/remembering to boost things online is such a drag and a chore and i hate it." and now that im on the necrotech grind im like oh yeah it was easy for me to remember to promo it bc i was.... genuinely promoing it... like i was genuinely eager to re-reblog stuff over and over and get more eyes on it bc i wanted really really badly for ppl to read and suggest!!!!! vs w work stuff a lot of times it's like. "[HEAVING A SIGH] i guess i should re-reblog stuff for Engagement and Visibility and Reach" in an abstract "maybe this will help me out jobwise? maybe someone will see my stuff and want to hire me, or find my itch and buy some games?" vs the DIRECT "i am hyping this up bc i want ppl to look at it now now NOW NOW NOW NOW :D NOW" that i feel when im rly into a quest
#vs also it feels. fun and safe to Want something to blow up on bsky#on twitter i literally was like. scared of things getting too much engagement#i got to a point where i was like. NO MORE PEOPLE. I DONT WANT ANY MORE PEOPLE#and even on here sometimes im still a bit jumpy#but on bsky im actively Trying to rebuild which is. freeing in a weird way
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