#i dont actively want to
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People really don't talk enough about how it feels to passively want to die all the time.
#i dont actively want to#i wont do anything to make it happen#i wanna live#but also i wanna just sink into a black void and float in nothingness for a while#personal#tmi#suicide tw#self harm tw#self depreciation tw
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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I think I made some of you guys a little sad with my last post, so you can have some happy aftermath twins before part 2, as a treat ❤️
#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls au#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU#gravity falls fanart#stan pines#stanley pines#grunkle stan#stanford pines#ford pines#grunkle ford#stan twins#i need to find a gravity falls discord or smth- it's basically a ritual for me with every fandom#i tried to find some on the internet but they're so... rude?? maybe it's just me but i dont think#openly cussing people out and insulting the people who want to leave the server is a very “positive and open” server they claimed to be#which was so crazy because Ive never seen a discord server be like that?? like usually they're pretty chill but these ones like actively#called people bitches and lame assholes after they left the server like CHILL my man- they're allowed to Not stay#it wasnt even just one- I had to go through like 4 to 5 different GF servers and they were all like that- it was CRAZY#anyways!! that was just me rambling it was just such a weird experience for me#GOD I am PLAGUED by thoughts of this AU
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“lilith got charlie in the divorce” “lucifer got charlie in the divorce” actually alastor got her
#update:#yall had your fun but i dont want a post this big#RIP MY ACTIVITY FEED FR#I DONT EVEN LIKE THIS SHOW LIKE ITS NOT EVEN GOOD#HE DIESNT EVEN LIKE KIDS??? HELP. IMAGINE GOING TO HELL FOR SERIAL MURDER AND NOW YOURE JUST BEING PETTY LIKE THAT#like i have a LOT of criticisms for this show but this one joke really got me holy shit.
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okay look, the real reason that zepotha shit is never gonna be Goncharov (besides it being a marketing ploy) is because Goncharov was treated like a fandom (collaborative including celebrities, built upon over time, openly fictional) & zepotha is treated like a tiktok trend (no collaboration, dies fast, treated like reality recklessly). it doesn't matter if it's interesting or cool or what, they've been built on completely different foundations. you're comparing Spiderverse to Endgame here. hydrogen bomb VS coughing baby. zepotha will never have Lynda Carter & Martin Scorsese's approval.
#zepotha#goncharov 1973#goncharov#i know i dont usually tag shit like unreality but like. yeah. the fact they're actively trying to gaslight for real here is just. ehh#like have fun but also. know what youre having fun with#im just really lazy btw i dont want to tag shit. youre allowed to unfollow me because of that i dont care#also yes zepotha not being capitalized (derogatory)
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I love the college of winterhold. everyone there is casually deranged and there's like an alarming number of students and staff who threaten you immediately when they meet you. it's always one of the first questlines I do. which makes it even funnier when you get made the arch-mage of the college. I'm level 12 and got through this questline knowing exactly 3 spells. what do you mean you want me to lead the college. this school CANNOT be an accredited institution
#i ask if anyone wants this job and everyone starts whistling and checking their phones#their magic phones. theyre scrolls#mia.txt#tes#skyrim#oh no wait i forgot j'zargo wants the position & actively tries to kill you (these are separate events but still probably not unrelated)#and nirya's gunning for it too. you know what maybe its a good thing im the archmage because im never there and don't do anything#i drop in every few weeks for 10 minutes then leave. the place pretty much runs itself right#reddit says “they have a bullying problem” yeah i know i married him#and he's the new boss' special little princess and he can do whatever he wants forever. call the police about it#dont bring your piddly ass problems to the archmage shes busy girlbossing (committing widescale atrocities)#(yes i know this is just how tamrielic mage guilds are but i just think its funny bc everyone fucking hates them specifically#like the rest of the town despises them and allegedly the nords have a special disdain for magic so its kind of funny that they make no#attempt to like. be more normal to gain the locals' trust#and you know what? good for them. fuck them nords)#ulothir#<- mentioned in the tags lmfao
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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insp:
#good omens#goodomensedit#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#long post#myedits#that comment made me stop dead in my tracks adhsfjksd#the way aziraphale goes from the passive “may you be forgiven” to the active “/i/ forgive you” !!!#while making this set i was really surprised by all the facial expressions in the lead up/after the forgive you's especially crowley before#he says the “dont bother” the way he almost smiles before raising his eyes up oh#(which is why i really wanted to include them even though it made the set a bit long hhhh)#shoutout to catabasis for suggesting making 2x2s to reduce size <33 (ik you meant all of them but i couldnt quite bring myself to make the#ones of the forgive-you's that small bc of the focus on their faces haha oops)
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That Good Ol' Fenton Charm
Hmmmm
Single dad Danny (to deaged Ellie and Dan) meets his neighbor Selina Kyle after one of her cats get into their apartment and he finds his kids playing with it.
Cue meet cute where Selina at first is just flirting like always but Danny charms her (aka being a bit dense but somehow adorkable, its charming)
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#selina kyle#dannyxselina#whats this ship name again?#danielle fenton#dan fenton#danielle phantom#dan phantom#Selina flirts but starts to fall for Danny#Danny is adorkable with Selina and the kids#Selina and Bruce broke up again so shes flirting#or isnt there a storyline where Selina and Bruce almost get married but dont?#maybe after that timeline?#Ellie finds Selina so cool btw.#she wants to learn EVERYTHING from Selina#Dan finds her awesome and he gets to pet all the cats she has in her place#i can see Selina denying actually having feelings for Danny for a bit#maybe even trying not to fall so he and the kids arent harmed if her night time activities catch up with her#but then of course the Fenton's have their own secrets Selina#some ghostly ones
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something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down
#all i want is chinese food#the closest one to me is 40 minutes away and its a /bad/ chinese place#its my worst option and its not even an option#‘fried rice is easy to make heres a recipe!’#i cant use a stove bc the heat will give me a seizure#even if i keep myself cool something that should take 15 minutes will take upwards of an hour bc i need to take breaks#even then ill probably be too nauseous to eat it after being active for so long#all of that for a bad cooks version of fried rice#more expensive and worse than a takeaway place#but i cant get it from a takeaway place#repeat ad nauseum for the rest of my life and is it any wonder im so sick of the same food ive eaten for 10 years#the only time i get takeaway is when my parents decide to go out and bring something home#can you imagine living like that for the rest of your life?#i dont have to#and its so dumb to want to cry over rice#but its not really about the rice is it#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#spoonie#chronic illness#disability#pots#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#ehlers danlos syndrome#fibromyalgia#chronic fatigue#chronically ill#mental illness#mental health
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daily musings of officer goldwood
#the cat witchs guild#the misc adventures of mochi and lime#tcwg#tmaomal#lime#limochi#clarinette#in the bg at least#art#ocs#original#note that those things dont actually happen when he goes home he just daydreams that it might#sometimes he gets pretty close to the top one#and sometimes she does let im lay in her lap#rare occasions#but when hes home at least theres a chance itll happen#when hes at work theres 0% mochi time#sad#the two wolves inside lime are (i want to quit this job) and (i need this job to be worthy of her)#country roadddssss...take me hoooommee....to the plaaaaace...i belooonggg...mochis laaaap....#- limes brain#spiral eyes lime is the Activation Indicator
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its weird how as israelis, or even just as jews in general, as soon as you extend sympathy towards the people who were massacred on october 7th u immediately get blamed for "supporting israel" and "not holding your state accountable".
when its like. WE are the ones who have been fighting non-stop to make our government and military officials take responsibility for this. WE have been begging our leaders to take accountability while u guys are sitting there overseas typing out shit like "its actually okay to murder babies as long as theyre settler babies"
#like assuming we're not criticizing Israel just bc we're not doing it on here or not doing it in english is stupid#blogging is not activism and my anti-occupation activism will always be offline and with other israeli and palestinian leftists.#why would i want to write essays in english criticizing israel-#only for them to be spread among people who dont know the littlest thing about this situation#and dont have any meaningful thing to add to the conversation?#jumblr#ישראבלר
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hi!! dropping off some of the things i drew on my break so far. ^_^
#☆ my art .#baconnwaffles0#planetlord#mapicc#princezam#wato1876#wemmbu#pangi#eggchan#spokeishere#vitalasy#itzsubz#ashswag#thats all of em i think#spacewaffles#tax duo#ohhhh how i miss them#eclipse federation#ashzam#empire duo#devotion duo#lifesteal smp#unstable universe#lsshipping#this is a mess but i dont feel like organizing it#its just an art dump i guess#i'm feeling better so i just wanted to drop these here#might still be low on activity but i'm definitely doing better#mostly thanks to people from silly time gc hi creatures#a couple of those are uh reqs i remembered i had
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REALLY considered not posting this one.......might delete later
ns//fw and/or ki//nk blogs please dni!!!
#PLEASE READ THESE TAGS:#I AM NOT A VIV///ZIEPOP SUPPORTER!!!!!!!!! I ACTIVELY DISLIKE HER#i have been watching haz/bin with my boyf. and for funsies weve been rewriting and redesigning it in its entirity bc....yikes#imm not adding this to my fandom list bc i dont like. the shows lol. so im not gonna do requests or anything probly#this is a one time thing featuring my redesigns bc i refuse to draw them how they really look you cant make me#anyway please dont unfollow me for posting this 🙏 (/j you can do what you want)#tickle art#hazbin hotel tickle#lee!husk#ler!angel dust#my art#please dont send me discourse about this i dont care if you Like The Show just take this at face value <333333333333
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ALSO being on bluesky is reminding me i used to be on social media bc it was kind of fun. i used to be less scared of strangers and of talking to ppl. i have already rambled about this at length other times but i am thinking abt it again relative to necrotech99 and how excited i am abt it. it makes me wanna talk abt my stuff again.... (not TOO much bc i don't like unduly influencing quest suggestions/audience participation lol. like one thing i want to avoid from the tvrn era is it was really fun to answer so many behind-the-scenes questions, but i did end up eventually feeling like it created a situation where like... ppl who followed me on social media were having a rly different experience w the story, and had way more info, than ppl just following the thread, and i don't love cultivating/encouraging that kind of divide?)
anyway. thinking about that again. bc i used to talk abt tvrn all the time and promo it like crazy. and i even remember sometimes thinking to myself "damn where did i get all that energy bc lately promoing stuff/remembering to boost things online is such a drag and a chore and i hate it." and now that im on the necrotech grind im like oh yeah it was easy for me to remember to promo it bc i was.... genuinely promoing it... like i was genuinely eager to re-reblog stuff over and over and get more eyes on it bc i wanted really really badly for ppl to read and suggest!!!!! vs w work stuff a lot of times it's like. "[HEAVING A SIGH] i guess i should re-reblog stuff for Engagement and Visibility and Reach" in an abstract "maybe this will help me out jobwise? maybe someone will see my stuff and want to hire me, or find my itch and buy some games?" vs the DIRECT "i am hyping this up bc i want ppl to look at it now now NOW NOW NOW NOW :D NOW" that i feel when im rly into a quest
#vs also it feels. fun and safe to Want something to blow up on bsky#on twitter i literally was like. scared of things getting too much engagement#i got to a point where i was like. NO MORE PEOPLE. I DONT WANT ANY MORE PEOPLE#and even on here sometimes im still a bit jumpy#but on bsky im actively Trying to rebuild which is. freeing in a weird way
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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