#anyways!! that was just me rambling it was just such a weird experience for me

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I think I made some of you guys a little sad with my last post, so you can have some happy aftermath twins before part 2, as a treat ❤️

[keferon]

May I ask what were the best transformers media you ever saw/read?

Well Transformers Prime, Transformers 1986 and IDW comics are having the first place that’s for sure

And then the second place is kind of shared by Fall of Cybertron, Exodus, Prime wars trilogy, Robots in disguise(2001) and Transformers One.

The third place goes to G1, Animated, Earthspark, Armada, War for Cybertron Netflix series, Aligned Robots in disguise, Bumblebee, Rise of the Beasts and Cyberverse because I only liked some little parts of them.

And then I also saw some of the Bay movies, Victory and Headmasters and didn’t like them at all.

Separate first place for J-Decker. It is not exactly Transformers but it is a show about giant robots and I loved it

[sideblogdotjpeg]

ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally

(+ cropped versions !)

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[basu-shokikita]

on principle i fail to see the point in DNIs cause so often it's the same people that have a DNI interacting with the people their DNI is alluding to lol. but when it comes to singular posts having a DNI i'm like. are you a control freak? why do you care about what the stranger pressing like or reblog on a post you made is into. like how does that influence your online experience whatsoever. also why do you think said stranger is gonna respect the warning you just wrote. why do you think people online are on the same wavelength as you are when it comes to social etiquette. but most of it all, why does it matter

[slasherflicks999]

4am slasher doodle to recover from the fact i spent 2 days hand sewing a shirt that i don’t even like the fit of HELP

you can NOT tell but his necklace is made of teeth hehehe

whoever it was that reblogged the last drawing i did of him saying they thought he was cool and u dug through posts to find him……. you gave me a crazy case of the smiles lemme tell ya /vpos

oh how i would love to lore dump about him…. if he had any solid lore to dump about

[scintillating-scales]

I mentioned in a previous post that trauma and neurodivergence has influenced my nonhumanity. It's honestly a big part of why I've gone back and forth on whether or not I really am nonhuman, or if it's just like. A trauma response/coping mechanism. I know when I was very young, I liked to imagine myself as a dragon, and wished so much to become one. After all, being a dragon means you're big and strong and powerful and nobody can hurt you. And if you ever do fear for your safety, you can simply fly away. Being a dragon meant safety, and that was important to me, because I didn't feel it much as a human.

It's also a way to sortof reclaim the emotional isolation I've faced my entire life. Part of my particular brand of neurodivergence is my inability to connect with anyone, and my very low empathy. I don't know if I was born like this, or if it was stripped from me after a childhood full of neglect and solitude. But it's something I've had to come to terms with and learn to live with. Dragons in my mind are very solitary. Of course there are dragons who are social and feel things very deeply and have close-knit families. But I am not one of them. I'm the type to hold my own territory and immerse myself in whatever matters concern myself and myself alone, without care for the world beyond.

Then the trauma I experienced later as a young teen served to dehumanize me completely, and further divided me from the very few people I would've considered myself 'close' to. All the shame from what I went through manifested in a sense of deep self-loathing, that has never really gone away, and has only made me acutely aware of how inhuman and monstrous I am. Being a dragon then was less about safety, and more about embracing the alien, predatory sense of self I had. That specifically, in conjunction with my inability to connect, has created the very reptilian form I take. Nothing about me is soft or mammalian, and it feels wrong to ascribe any traits of that to what I am.

Because of all of my 'issues', every interaction I have involves masking. I like to think I'm pretty good at it. I come off as charismatic to those around me. But it's draining, unnatural, and it makes me feel even more like an impostor; like a coiled, tense predator. A dragon has no expectations of the sort. It can be distant and isolated and callous, with no mincing of words or faux platitudes. It can be vicious even, with no 'violation' of how a dragon is meant to be. It may be resented for its nature, of course. But it is no less draconic for it.

Ultimately, my draconity may only be a product of the hand I was dealt in life. A way to cope with an isolated experience. But my identity has been draconic for so long, I don't think I can dismiss it, even if it's not the typical experience for nonhumans.

[allthoseotherworlds]

Genuinely really loving the tendency of official Doctor Who stuff to now refer to the Doctor in general with they/them pronouns

[wackywatchdotcom]

hiii !!! love ur art lots, so i've been wondering, what program/app and brushes you use? i love the paper effect you give to your drawings, makes me want to eat em /pos

thank you so much!!!! i appreciate that a lot :D!!!!

(accidentally rambled a lot abt this HAHA)

i use medibang!! ive been using it forrrr maybe like 7ish years now... ive been meaning to one day get clip studio or something but i havent had the chance to buy it and im also a little intimidated at the idea of having to readjust to a new program HAHA

i use a few different brushes!! it depends on what im drawing and what i feel like using at the time (i should probably plan them out more often, actually)

oil paint, g pen, fluffy watercolor, and round brush (wet) are all brushes that come with medibang!!! i know i made Another Marker myself, and im pretttttty sure i made the first marker one too? my favorites are round brush and g pen though!!! i tend to use fluffy watercolor more for colors rather than lineart

(i also keep correction at around 12, i would use it more since my hands arent the steadiest but i find high correction to be kinda confusing so i just keep it low)

the paper effect is smth i learned liiiike maybe two years ago ish? and i have simply KEPT doing it ever since HAHA i do wanna mess around with more textures cus i dont want to be too reliant on just one texture for my art but it IS very fun and i like it...

medibang has a feature that makes it REALLY easy to do!!

custom noise is my BEST friend. the sand, watercolor paper (specifically 2), and marker paper (specifically 2) are the ones i use most often!!!

i also will copy n paste color layers and lineart layer, add gaussian blur and do like 200 layer effects (i most often do this to lineart, then set it to hard light and somewhere between 30-60% opacity to mimic bleeding from ink!!). i DO often experiment w messing w colors wo layer effects cus its fun but sometimes its just more fun to use layer effects instead!!

medibang also has materials!!

i dont use them as often but i like this one :D ive used it on a handful of things

and just for fun!!! things look suuuper different without this stuff. like the thing i just posted used a LOT of this (to be honest its cus i really really didnt wanna do shading for it LOL but it still felt too flat and i feel like these effects are a nice middle ground- but i will still often use this stuff when i AM shading things)

sometimes i will also use similar custom noise textures but for different parts of the image!!! like in this one i had a waatercolor texture for the bg but a seperate one for the foreground

i DIIID a while back post a pic of kinger (its an older post on this acc- not old by most standards but it was during the first little while after i made this blog while i was still finding my footing w the characters) that used a bunch of different textures which i got from freestocktextures.com!! but i havent used them since. i keep thinking i should again

ANYWAY thats basically it!!!! i looove medibang theres a bunch of little things ive figured out abt using it over the yrs that im so fond of it. and THANK U again!!!!!! :']

[carsickcrow]

they hate to see a he/she pronoun user in a select pronouns drop down menu

[crows-of-buckets]

Im still so mad about the fact that baldurs gate 3 is over 100gb. Like it's just wasting space on my PS5 rn there is NO NEED for the graphics to be that bloated

[thewhizzyhead]

if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-

[oraclebubbles]

haven’t been on tumblr (neither this account or my other one) in a hot minute.

I want to be more present on here but goodness gracious! The suggested tag section on the dashboard is such a drag to look at! (and since I reblogged some pf on my new account it put both boys’ tag on my feed, which means still seeing things I have deliberately blocked).

Honestly, what was the point in leaving this account if I’m still having the same issues? (I know I wanted a fresh start, but that’s another story lol)

I’ve been trying to figure out how to use my accounts since both are in a similar state right now. Might just use this one as the equivalent of a sort-of personal account (maybe to sometimes look at pf too?) and my other one for more aesthetic purposes (and to keep it from continuing to have the same dashboard issue…)? Idk, I’m always flip flopping (and forgetting things…). I will figure this out! eventually.

On a better note, life has been a bit better than it was the last few months? Less time spent staring at my phone and less time spent in fandom spaces is obviously going to be good for your mental health, so no surprise there!

Also, I have a few mutuals I haven’t followed back yet (I keep forgetting…) on my new account and wanted to know if it was ok to follow back from there? Some I’ve already reestablished mutuals with, so this next part is more directed at those I haven’t:

Could you please (only if you’re ok with it though!) like this post if you still want to be mutuals even on my new account? I really don’t want to bother anyone with a message about this, especially if you’re not ok with it, so this is the next best thing, I think?

I know I’m thinking about making use of both accounts, but I don’t know what the “rules” are regarding this sort of thing, since it feels like what’s considered rude/weird/clingy/etc. and what’s considered respectful/courteous differs from site to site (and day to day at this point…).

[kirintee]

these days i tag "q slur" not for the sake of tag filtering (since i don't think that anyone that follows me even cares whether it's tagged?) but rather purely to spite the people that get really fucking annoying when someone does

[wackywatchdotcom]

ok. ok im thinking about episode 4 again and its my favorite episode and like. im putting this under a cut bc this is sorta heavy but i wanna ramble abt smth w this episode cus its one that really hitss close to home in a really meaningful way for me

the thing is like ive mentioned before i have ocd nd stuff. and a few yrs back i got put on qelbree for my adhd except apparently it can be really really bad for people w like anxiety and ocd or smth. this waas 100% the case for me. i already have pretty prominent ocd, w a lot of existential and moral themes. and being on qelbree cranked up the fear enough that what would normally be already kinda bad ocd turned into genuine delusions and generally not being able to stop being scared at all times

this is tangentially related. but to me the mask gangle gets reminds me a lot of the feeling of getting a new medication that makes everything worse. not all medication is so bad, mind you, but sometimes you try one that makes you much worse off than you started in a really bad way

but then i have a distinct memory of when i was on qelbree that i kept thinking i could genuinely turn of my negative emotions. this was absolutely not true but in the moment i really felt like id figured out how to do it, like i was never going to have problems again in my life. and i remember going a whole day like this (i wasnt unfamiliar w this like masking nd stuff and ive obviously pretended i was ok when i wasnt many times before this but this was... far more extreme. it also had to do w the fact that i genuinely thought i really, really wasnt human at all which added a bad element) and like. by the end of the day i was doing so bad. bc id decided i just didnt experience negative emotions anymore even when i obviously did

during this time it was very common for me to just stop being able to talk or type properly (which still happens but its extremely uncommon. its not like a 'losing words' thing cus not being able to speak isnt too uncommon for me but i genuinely cant type full sentences or even think full sentences when this happens) and one of the most notable instances of that was absolutely after this day. i felt tired and upset and like id gotten hopeful over something that made no sense

anyway like. i think gangle can be interpretted in a lot of ways. this EPISODE can be interpretted in a lot of ways. and i certainly dont think that my takeaway from it was like... the end-all be-all for how the episode is meant to be interpretted. but this episode makes me think of this when i watch it. and it was genuinely a deeply frightening part of my life. it was thankfully not long but it still heavily impacted me. and seeing gangle in ep 4 could theoretically be like... unsettling or triggering but honestly it feels reassuring in a weird way. 'representation' or whatever but like. its such a specific type of experience that you do not forget and having gangle go through smth kinda similar is just. man. it hits really hard for me

[maybege]

btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST