#anyways!! that was just me rambling it was just such a weird experience for me

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

I think I made some of you guys a little sad with my last post, so you can have some happy aftermath twins before part 2, as a treat ❤️

[sideblogdotjpeg]

ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally

(+ cropped versions !)

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[allthoseotherworlds]

Genuinely really loving the tendency of official Doctor Who stuff to now refer to the Doctor in general with they/them pronouns

[thewhizzyhead]

if I said eisa davis' influence in making lmm actually write something rather radically progressive has subsequently inspired me to return to my roots of actually fucking thinking of making radically progressive musicals after a 3-year long hiatus in doing so, then what-

[wutheringmights]

Spirit: When I graduated high school you were only 13 isn't that weird

Wars: Can yuo put that out on me

Based off that one chapter lmao

LMAO DAMN OKAY YOU ARE VERY CORRECT ABOUT THIS ONE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING THIS VISION INTO THE WORLD IT WILL PLAGUE MY EVERY WAKING THOUGHT FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT WEEK BUT PROBABLY MORE 💛💛💛💛

[scintillating-scales]

I mentioned in a previous post that trauma and neurodivergence has influenced my nonhumanity. It's honestly a big part of why I've gone back and forth on whether or not I really am nonhuman, or if it's just like. A trauma response/coping mechanism. I know when I was very young, I liked to imagine myself as a dragon, and wished so much to become one. After all, being a dragon means you're big and strong and powerful and nobody can hurt you. And if you ever do fear for your safety, you can simply fly away. Being a dragon meant safety, and that was important to me, because I didn't feel it much as a human.

It's also a way to sortof reclaim the emotional isolation I've faced my entire life. Part of my particular brand of neurodivergence is my inability to connect with anyone, and my very low empathy. I don't know if I was born like this, or if it was stripped from me after a childhood full of neglect and solitude. But it's something I've had to come to terms with and learn to live with. Dragons in my mind are very solitary. Of course there are dragons who are social and feel things very deeply and have close-knit families. But I am not one of them. I'm the type to hold my own territory and immerse myself in whatever matters concern myself and myself alone, without care for the world beyond.

Then the trauma I experienced later as a young teen served to dehumanize me completely, and further divided me from the very few people I would've considered myself 'close' to. All the shame from what I went through manifested in a sense of deep self-loathing, that has never really gone away, and has only made me acutely aware of how inhuman and monstrous I am. Being a dragon then was less about safety, and more about embracing the alien, predatory sense of self I had. That specifically, in conjunction with my inability to connect, has created the very reptilian form I take. Nothing about me is soft or mammalian, and it feels wrong to ascribe any traits of that to what I am.

Because of all of my 'issues', every interaction I have involves masking. I like to think I'm pretty good at it. I come off as charismatic to those around me. But it's draining, unnatural, and it makes me feel even more like an impostor; like a coiled, tense predator. A dragon has no expectations of the sort. It can be distant and isolated and callous, with no mincing of words or faux platitudes. It can be vicious even, with no 'violation' of how a dragon is meant to be. It may be resented for its nature, of course. But it is no less draconic for it.

Ultimately, my draconity may only be a product of the hand I was dealt in life. A way to cope with an isolated experience. But my identity has been draconic for so long, I don't think I can dismiss it, even if it's not the typical experience for nonhumans.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol

[maybege]

btw i am still alive now that i have recovered from swiftkirchen and i hope you are all doing super well this summer! i am FLYING through my reading list atm which is amazing and i am feeling more and more inspired for things (footballer!paz anyone? roommate!paz as well maybe?) so hmu in the inbox it is TIME TO THIRST

[hylianengineer]

The fun thing about living with a theatre major is that I get to be the rubber duck for art projects and literary analysis. This is great because I love literary analysis but don't get to take lit. classes anymore.

[wheucto]

finally decided to start watching s2e17 of ii

[gregmarriage]

okay, i’m genuinely curious: do people find me intimidating?

[quatregats]

Honestly don't think I realized that Valencian music was this much of an actual genuine special interest until I got here and had to start explaining myself to people

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

I've pondered and questioned a fair bit on if I might be autistic over the last year or two 'cus it came up as having a lot of overlap while I was looking into my presumed ADHD

and I think the conclusion I've come to at this point on that is kinda a "I'm not autistic but I believe in their beliefs" sorta thing

Like I don't think I actually fit the criteria for autism or fully relate to it as a whole, but yeah.

Change sucks, social stuff is weird and frustrating, idk how to make friends, I would love to wear the exact same brand, make, and style of pants for the rest of my life, and scratchy seams on clothes are hellspawn.

I do resonate with those ideas I see y'all talk about a lot for a variety of reasons that in my case I don't think are autism

[tvrningout-a]

do you ever get worried about how loud and/or popular your male muse is bc you don't want it to lead to your female muses getting overlooked bc i have to push that down all the time, and i'd just like to say thanks rpc trauma <3

[omegapheromone]

Oh my god I forgor to post about it bc I was too focused on getting back home and then cooling off from being outside in the sun but when I went to run errands (and picked up my drinks) but I had such a weird experience. Got hit on by a teenager. I'm assuming they must've been under 18 since they were lounging around on the entrance/doorway steps of a closed business front and in this weather, were they of drinking age, they would've likely been at a park or hanging out at a bar terrace instead. Plus the general demeanor and speech patterns kinda made me assume it too, and just as our lord and savior Gerard Way once said, Teenagers do scare the living shit out of me, actually. And I was very anxious!

Anyway, I was walking past them to the business next door from the closed one- they were chatting about whatever and I paid no attention bc honestly? My attention was 80% in trying not to get sweat in my eyes from my long ass hair, 10% in focusing on doing errand tasks, and the last 10% in actually getting from place to place. Iirc they were saying something and maybe commented on my appearance or something just between themselves, idk and honestly don't care either, I get weird looks enough to not mind people commenting or staring at this point. It was only really when I walked out and past them again after my errands that the one guy in the group (was like 3-4 teens, most of them girls and like one guy?) Kind of leaned forwards a bit and asked "hey what's your snapchat" (in common use here) loudly enough that I registered after like 2 and a half steps past them that he'd actually said it to ME, very obviously, because there was nobody else around and the girls were not sitting anywhere towards my direction. Of course at that point I was already well past them and continuing to walk away since it hit me with a delay but like.

I was REALLY contemplating on whether I should turn around and go, "geez kid, how OLD even are you, I'm pretty sure I'm literally ancient compared to you- what is this, granny-fetish weekly support group? Don't bother your elders like that" Or something once I realized he'd genuinely spoken to me, but at that point one of the girls laughed at him and said something along the lines of "(they) just skipped you like nothing lmfao" (again, honestly, I didn't, at any point, even look directly at them, neither when entering nor leaving the business next door, so I mean, she was right, I suppose?) And I figured to just let them sort their own stuff out, because kids, and also not my problem anyway. I was just running errands and minding my own business to begin with.

It wasn't rude or anything though, like there was no demanding or catcall-ish vibe, he just seemed to sort of? Be hitting on me at random and didn't do it in an uncomfortable or creepy way, I was just mildly taken aback when it happened because like, idk if I should feel honoured or not, that some 16-18y old kid would look at me and think I'm probably about their age, or if I should be worried that this is why I'm not having success in dating people I'm actually interested in, because I'm frequently seen as younger than I am. I suppose it's a compliment of some sort, but I can't help but feel sort of weird and uncomfortable about it. I'd guess that it was probably not a serious attempt at hitting on me, more likely just a dare from one of the girls or something. I'm quite used to that considering that used to be exactly the kind of shit my bullies pulled on me way back in elementary+secondary school, and now I date, according to my friends at least, "way below my own league" (very much in a joking tone, but I figure there's probably some truth in it too). Idk, I'm just rambling because I'm still not sure how to feel. If it WAS genuine, well- why? Was it because I wore short shorts with some frills at the legs? Or maybe just because I have some visible tattoos and piercings and look 'interesting'? Maybe it was the backpack for shopping that made me appear younger? Idk man. I just can't see WHY anyone would bother, I suppose. Especially when I was SUFFERING in the heat outside, I'm pretty sure I had sweat running down my neck and legs, and my hair was dripping with it + I was feeling super weak, like my legs were shaking and I was just Not Feeling Well. I definitely did not look cute, if anything my expression was probably that of someone who wanted to just get the hell back home as soon as possible, which was quite accurate. Idk. I just don't see any reason for why a kid would ask something like that unless it was one of those "hey ask that weird kid out as a joke" type pranks/dares.