#i don't trust them and their pov in the narrative

[mikasa-stan]

What I hate about some EreMika shippers is that they convinced me that EreHisu was bad. But to be honest, I did ship EreHisu more before I did with EreMika. But then it turned into overly criticizing the EH ship and I focused more on EreMika. I forgot what it's like to feel shipping EreHisu. I forgot to enjoy it bc of the fandoms' hatred for it and surprisingly, it's like the majority ship EreMika now. Or maybe they're just vocal minority, but a lot of them are saying the same thing.

I don't understand the hatred for EreHisu, it makes a lot more sense in the narrative. Even tho, there were a few hints of EreMika, we never really got more of Eren's perspective until the final arc. And Eren and Mikasa never shared a personal conversation to each other before chap. 123. It was always Eren and Historia. In season 3, there were a lot and in season 4, when he talked to her about his plan because it shows that she was the only person he could trust at that time. He didn't even talk to Mikasa, for like a warning or something. They don't share a deep conversation or even secrets. Sure, the sign on her wrist was a shared secret but there wasn't anything like that again. And they were kids back then.

I want to enjoy EreHisu again and if I remember how it feels like, it's like when I shipped EreAnnie. I was squealing when I saw EreAnnie bits in the junior high show. And yes, I think EreAnnie is better than EreMika, narratively in season 1. Unfortunately, time has passed and there was no way that Annie still has feelings for Eren, vice versa. I know that their chemistry can be platonic but I LOVED their dynamic. The way Annie teaches Eren and he was willing to learn. They learn one thing from another and their differences. It's a good enemies-to-lovers trope and the angst when Eren found out Annie was an enemy, it was heart crushing. I really thought he had feelings for her because of how defensive he is for her. Mikasa even questioned it, which means she acknowledge what relationship they had. Anyway, this turned into EreAnnie lol. I guess it's okay to discuss it here with EreHisu bc the ship ended in season 1 and I have nothing else to say about it.

Lastly, I love EreHisu 🫶🩷

[butchriptide]

Urges to script out a small comic piece as a partial rewrite/reimagining sort for arc 2's epilogue, versus the fact that I will likely never actually finish it...

[valandherweekofwonders]

i just want to stop feeling suicidal so constantly and i want to stop having my paranoia spirals and i want to have peaceful sleeps without night terrors and i want to feel safe in my body and in my own space and i want to eat and i want to not be so overwhelmed by my psychosis and i want to be over everything that kennedy did to me but i also really wish i could contact him again so i could deck him in the fucking face and then i call c and ask her what the fuck why the fuck did she do that and beg beg beg my family to leave the church that is so clearly harming them and dooming them to tragedies.... and so on...

[nobodysdaydreams]

I have a theory about Wicked Part 2 and what they are going to add to it, and why it's going to add so much to the movie.

I think they are going to add Dorothy's POV.

In the musical, she's mentioned, but Dorothy never appears on stage. We never know her POV or how much she knew about the witches, Fiyero, Boq, the lion, or what was actually going on in Wicked beyond the Wizard of Oz plot. But in the Wicked two trailers, we see scenes of Dorothy and those scenes are shot as if from the Wizard of Oz, not the traditional Wicked musical, in which Dorothy's character is only briefly mentioned or shown as a shadow. Which means we're going to get to see her story this time!

However, if I was going to include Dorothy's POV for Wicked, I don't think it would be anything like the Wizard of Oz, for a few clear reasons:

Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz is a perceptive and animated child and unless they plan on erasing that aspect of her character, she is not going to go home from Oz at the end of the Wicked movie with the same beliefs as the Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. She sees the Wizard is a fraud and calls him out just like Elphaba does. Besides this, there is no way she would just not pick up on the fact that Galinda, the dead witch, Boq, Fiyero, Elphaba, and the lion have a deeper history together than meets the eye for the entire trip.

This one might sound stupid, but trust me, it's important: Toto as a character. Here me out. In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy's distress in the real world is centered around a mean lady trying to drown her dog and the Witch of the West tries to do the same in Oz. However, in this version, Elphaba's whole thing is animal rights. She'd probably be horrified that Toto can't talk or Dorothy would be surprised and delighted to find that in this world, Toto can talk depending on what they decide to do with the dog. And if Dorothy comes to this world distressed about a lady trying to kill her poor dog, Elphaba would surely empathize. There might even be a misunderstanding between them if Elphaba believes Dorothy is working for the Wizard and Toto is a dog that needs rescuing.

So how does this change things?

There are a number of wonderful options.

The most obvious one is that we could see Dorothy put together and discover the story of Boq, Nessarose, Galinda, Elphaba, Fiyero, and the Wizard. She and the rest of the gang would formulate a plan to help Elphaba fake her death to save her from the people of Oz and the Wizard.

Within that narrative, we could see Elphaba enchanting the sleeping poppies to stop them from getting to the Wizard with the goal of protecting them from the Wizard (rather than to stop them from getting home). In Act 2 of Wicked, the Wizard again tries to form an alliance with Elphaba but Elphaba rejects his offer when she discovers what he's done to her Animal friends. It's possible that Elphaba believes the Wizard is trying to use Dorothy too and is trying to protect her from the same fate.

We could also see conversations between Dorothy and Fiyero about Elphaba (and there are many AO3 fics that have been going with that concept. I see y'all, thank you for doing the Lord's work 🙏🏻) and possibly some conversations between Dorothy and Boq since they'll be traveling together and we don't really get to hear about Boq's ending in the musical. I think the last we see of Boq is that he's angry at Elphaba for his condition and rallying crowds against her, but with all that traveling time and secrets coming out, I could see him getting, I don't know if I'd call it a "redemption arc" per say, but finding his heart again (a real one). Additionally, conversations between Dorothy and the lion about how Elphaba saved him would be nice too. Even if the lion had learned to blame Elphaba for what happened to him, I'm sure Dorothy would be quick to correct him once she discovered the full truth.

But my favorite, my absolute favorite and darkest possibility is the interactions that Dorothy can have with the Wizard. In the Wizard of Oz, she exposes him as a fraud, but in the Wicked movie, he's much worse than that, and I can totally see Dorothy being the one to point that out to him. Why?

First of all, Dorothy is not from Oz. Most people there would never question the Wizard, but if he's so powerful and generous, why is he sending an innocent little girl and three down-on-their-luck guys to go murder his dangerous enemy? That right there is a red flag, and again, if they don't change Dorothy's character, she's going to be a very honest child and comment on how strange this is.

Second of all, if anything I speculated above is true and Dorothy realizes this the Wizard is an animal abuser who vilified an innocent woman, she's going to be very angry at the Wizard, and rightfully so (I hope Toto bites him).

Third of all, and here's where it gets good: in the musical Wicked, the Wizard discovers he is Elphaba's father at the very end because of the bottle Galinda has. Dorothy is not on stage for that because she's not in the main cast of the musical, only mentioned by the other characters, but what if she was? What if she's the one that discovers the connection? What if she calls him out the exact same way Elphaba did after the Wizard gave his little "I always wanted to be a father" speech?

What if the Wizard had a little animal-loving girl who reminds him so much of the daughter he just sent to her to kill standing in front of him with a horrified expression while he puts the pieces together?

What if Dorothy's POV in Wicked isn't about her exposing the Wizard as a nervous fraud, but as a heartless monster?

What if Dorothy's POV is about her exploring this new world and discovering for herself who is truly wicked or good?

[transhitman]

Yeah so like I think people trying to say whether Curly is like bad/good or like at fault/blameless are missing the point. Like 1) bad person is a term I have issues with in general (I don't believe a person can be ontologically evil and you shouldn't either, a three hour video essay) and 2) within Anya's story he is an enabler no question, but at the same time we don't really get to see what he would have done going forward and if he really would have taken responsibility or continued to let things go as they did. I think being in denial when your best friend is accused of something awful is an understandable reaction. Not that he did the Right Thing in the slightest, but his mistake is very human and probably meant to be sympathetic. Also, they were all gonna be trapped together for 8 months and we don't know the extent or timeline of what Anya told him so like. Who can say what would have happened. The whole situation is a time bomb whatever Curly might have done.

It is of course interesting to consider how much Curly is responsible for. Obviously he was supposed to keep the crew safe. If not for his overabundance of trust in his subordinates (because they WERE his subordinates, whether he saw them as friends or not), Jimmy wouldn't have been able to put them in that situation in the first place. But at the same time, the game is kind of screaming at us that Jimmy is responsible for his actions. Jimmy is the perpetrator. Jimmy did this to himself and to his friends.

All this to say that like... On a character-to-character basis it's interesting to consider all this, but the game is about Jimmy, at the end of the day, and his actions and his mindset. Curly made mistakes but Jimmy is unequivocally the bad guy in the narrative that has been presented. The story is not presented from Anya's POV, where Curly might be a villain, and Curly's POV segments are limited, meant to give us a more objective view of the OTHER crewmates that Jimmy dehumanizes in his narration, imo. And I find it fascinating that despite the game's insistence that Jimmy is at fault, and the way Jimmy constantly blames his actions on other people (look what you made me do type beat), we as an audience still want to consider that the blame could be split. Maybe it should be. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe the question is useless, because it already happened. It happened, and it can't be fixed. And only one of these characters was able to actually show us how they would act in the aftermath.

[juststandingthere]

ISTG this game is making me insane, brainrot strong enough for me to make my first analysis post

One thing i love about the narrative is how distorted the characters, relationships and events are from jimmy's pov. Most posts discussing this focus on Anya, and it makes sense bc she's probably the biggest victim of this. She's seen as less than a person, she's an incompetent nurse, she has a meek personality, she'll let anyone(jimmy) step over her and she still follows his orders, despite everything he has done to her. We obviously see, from curly's pov, that she's simply too terrified of her abuser to act any other way, and when she's not with him she's way more confident and competent.

I haven't seen as many people talking about how this "distortion" affects Swansea and Daisuke as well, including the relationship they have with each other.

We see, in the first Curly section, that Swansea is a great mentor to Daisuke (one might even say they have a father-son/uncle-nephew relationship). He takes his time to teach him not just the basics, but also how to do his job as safely as possible. He lets him take notes, he himself writes stuff down for him to remember and even lets him doodle on those notes! Sure he is harsh with him, but he clearly cares about him and wants him to be safe.

And in return Daisuke looks up to him and has great respect for him, as both a mechanic and a man, while he also makes some jokingly offensive comments towards the older man, showing the close bond they have formed.

But that's not what we see when we play as Jimmy.

In his pov we don't see them interacting much, when they do we either see Swansea insulting Daisuke for no apparent reason or, in one occasion, we see him leading the kid down a "bad path" wanting to teach him how to "drink like a man".

When they aren't interacting tho, we do see hints of their actual relationship: Swansea asking where the kid is when he is "partying" in the lounge, confirming that he does not, in fact, hate spending time with him; him looking desperately for something, *anything*, that could help Daisuke with his suffering after he's injured; how whenever Jimmy tries to bring up to Daisuke how "badly" Swansea treats him, or how he "lied" to them about the utility room, Daisuke immediately shuts him down, because he knows what he's saying is completely wrong (i'm pretty sure those are the only times he doubts something Jimmy says), showing once again the trust and respect he has for his mentor.

(this part is kinda speculative but i think it makes sense)

There are two other times where we see them interacting, where we actually see how much Swansea cares for the kid, and coincidentally, neither of them is seen through Jimmy's eyes, but from a third person pov: what Swansea says right before they knock him out with the drink, about how he resents the people that let Daisuke, someone with his whole life ahead of him, with so much optimism and joy, board the ship for a job that would inevitably leave him "mangled" and "smarter in a worse way" (i could make a whole other essay on this part but i won't), and what he says right before mercy killing him. In that scene specifically, as the camera pans out in the corridor as Swansea raises his axe, ready to take the final swing, Jimmy doesn't see the hesitation in his body language, the way his body tenses, the way he comforts the kid, telling him to close his eyes, the heavy breaths (crying?maybe?) right after the act. He only sees the older man as a monster that would take away an innocent life that jimmy would have been able to fix had he been given the time to fucking think.

Hell, now that i think about it, Swansea's final monologue, where we find out that he is in fact a good man who tried his best to better himself, who simply wanted to protect the kid and give him "a chance off this goddamn rock"(implying that the Cryopod was meant for Daisuke all along) is also shown in third person!

A few other things i found interesting:

1-The missing pieces between what happened to Daisuke in the vent and when Swansea started attacking Jimmy. There's a cut from when Daisuke screams to when he's laying on (Swansea's) bed, bloody and in pain; from when Jimmy uses the mouthwash to disinfect him (which only causes him to suffer more) and two hours later; from after the talk the two men have and the moment Jimmy decides to go find the gun, the axe gone from Daisuke's face. What happened in those missing scenes? Was Swansea the one who helped the kid onto his bed, trying to make him as comfortable as possible? Did he try to comfort him, to distract him, and ease his pain as well as he could? What was his reaction when he had to take back the axe off the face of the young man he had started seeing as his own kid, whose life he had hoped he could save but that he ultimately had to take with his own hands?

I personally think those parts are blocked out of Jimmy's mind, as he couldn't fit them in his own narrative, where he was the hero, Swansea the villain and Daisuke the innocent, young man whose life he tried his best to protect from this "monster" that was now going to come after him.

2-Swansea attacking Jimmy with the axe, especially the cemetery scene, and how it can be interpreted in different ways.

We, the viewers, knowing everything that happened, will see it as a desperate man, Swansea, trying to avenge the lives that had been lost on that ship because of Jimmy (wether directly or not), with Daisuke's death being the last straw. But i don't think that's how Jimmy saw it. He saw swansea as a crazed, mad man, a ruthless killer, coming for him after taking an innocent life, Daisuke's photo and mausoleum as a reminder for Jimmy of what the older man had done, and a justification for what he was about to do.

(not to talk about the implication that the fight against swansea was not as intense as we saw it, only confirming the idea that jimmy was looking for a justification for shooting him)

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

So It Goes...

Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Dieter Bravo x Female Reader

Rating: Teen. Summary: Today's the day you've been dreading... letting everyone know. Little do you know your day is about get worse... Dieter has to leave. Warnings: pov switching, pining, fluff, comfort, so much inner turmoil for them (don't worry they'll figure it out soon), call back to one of my favorite simpsons episodes, a secret reference to drag race because @devineconjuring is very funny, croissants Words: 3,400

A/N: Help, I've fallen for characters I've written and I can't stop writing out scenarios. If you love Dieter and Golden Girl like me, welcome back. The biggest most grandest thank you to @devineconjuring for being the bestest beta who lets me yell insane typo'd ramblings to her. She gave me the title suggestion and also is so smart and wonderful and excuse me, I have to go wave a flag with her name on it as I march in a parade in her honor. Previous Chapter Golden Girl Masterlist Masterlist

*** His phone shrills him awake at 8:25. 

ALEX DAVIES CALLING

Shit. 

He gently shuffles out of the bed, instantly missing your touch when he delicately lifts your arm off his chest. He quickly tiptoes out the room and answers the call.

“Alex,” he whispers, eyes focused on the framed wedding photos that hang across the hall from the guest room. 

“Sorry to call so early, Bravo, but Spencer’s decided to go a different way and he’s going to need you for reshoots on Bittersuite. He needs them stat, so your hiatus has been cut short.” 

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How short?” He steps closer to the collection of photos, focusing on the photo of you smiling in front of a grand bookcase full of leather books. Your white wedding dress with the delicate threads of golden ivy flourishing across it catches his eye. He had downed drink after drink that night, trying to quiet the thoughts that rattled through his mind. God, he wishes it was him.

“Shooting starts Tuesday… back in London.”

His head hangs down. “Fuck,” he mutters.

“Sorry, Bravo. You good to leave tomorrow?”

“I have no other choice,” he grumbles, his eyes focusing on a backlit photo of you laughing and dancing at the reception.

“You don’t. I’ll have Court get your travel and hotel situated. She'll follow up later today. Alright?”

“Alright,” Dieter sighs, his heart breaking at the thought of 7,000 miles separating the two of you and not being here for you. 

Ending the call, he opens his camera and aims it at a candid shot from your wedding. You and him are laughing, your heads thrown back, your arm grabbing his. Warren stands with his arm around you, wearing that same sly smile he always has. Dieter zooms his camera in, cropping Warren out of the picture. Now, it’s just you and him. To a blind eye, it looks like it could be a happy bride and groom on their wedding day. He snaps a pic, feeling somewhat like a criminal, rewriting the narrative of your wedding night in his head as he quietly walks back into the guest room. 

You’re still asleep, splayed across the bed, mouth slightly agape. Your green pajamas have your old initials embroidered on them in golden thread that reminds him of the ivy on your wedding dress.

He gently lays back down. His jeans annoy him, but he didn’t trust himself to sleep in anything besides them. Like a self-imposed denim chastity belt. 

He replays last night–the secret moments, half-spoken confessions, feelings, and declarations swallowed down before they could escape. One day you’ll know. One day he won’t feel like he’s crossing a line. He just wants to do good by you. 

Two days now, he’s woken up next to you, feeling like he’s been in a dream. But everyone eventually wakes up. Reality always returns. 

Today’s the day you open the proverbial door to hell, letting everyone know. Today, he has something to tell you: tomorrow, he leaves for London.

He watches you peacefully sleep, chest steadily rising and falling. You’re the first thing he’s seen when he’s opened his eyes for two mornings now, yet it feels like something he’s done for a lifetime. You’re not his, and yet it feels so right.

You sigh in your sleep. He wonders if you dream of him. Or is it Warren? God, he hopes it’s him. 

He shouldn't feel this way. Your life will soon turn too chaotic, too unknown. 

And yet he can’t ignore the way you looked at him last night, eyes heavy with words left unsaid. He wonders if you truly know how he feels. If you feel the same pull he’s always felt.

He pulls the sheet up over your shoulder with adoration. He wishes he could stay in this bed with you forever, shielding you under his heart and the soft blankets. 

Tomorrow he’ll be far away, on a film set–surrounded by people, lights, and cameras–playing the hero of the story. And none of it will matter. Because you won’t be there with him. Because he can’t protect you. Because he won’t wake up next to you, feeling the warmth of your body next to his. Because he won’t be able to get lost in this temporary illusion of him being the one who holds you and loves you. 

He could wake you up and tell you everything. Confess all the feelings he’s felt for all these years, risk it all, take a chance, and gamble with his heart. But he can’t. He’ll continue to toe that line for as long as he can, too terrified of losing you. He’ll take his unspoken words with him across the ocean and time zones. Where they can’t hurt you. 

The morning sun shines through the sheer curtains, backlighting you, casting you in a rich golden glow. For now, he’ll stay here, laying beside you. Pretending you're his golden girl for a little longer.

–

Your phone alarm rings, jolting you awake. Your head is pounding. The bed is empty, but you swear you remember placing your head on Dieter’s warm chest in your drunken haze and being lulled to sleep by the tranquil rise and fall of his chest. You try to rub the sleep out of your groggy eyes, letting out a large yawn. God, you drank a lot last night. Speaking of last night–the realization wallops you upside your already aching head–the song confession to Dieter, the way his eyes rounded in sadness, how close he held you against him. The press of his lips against your forehead when he wished you sweet dreams. The feel of his arm wrapped around your body, pulling you deeper against him. 

Another realization hits. You have to let people know today because, once they know, you can begin to move on. God, you don’t even want to think of the prospect of telling everyone. What will you say? Hey, it’s me, Warren left me for someone else, but it’s okay. I was kind of miserable in the marriage as it stood. Anyway, see you around!

You shake the thoughts out of your head. First thing first, find Dieter, then get some sustenance in your stomach and some Advil for your head. 

“Dieter?” you call out as you get out of bed.

No answer. 

You walk down the hall, and the house is quiet. 

“Dee?” you shout as you head down the stairs. 

Nothing.

Did your feelings offend him? Did your drunken confessions spook him? 

The only sign he was here is that the records are cleaned up, no longer strewn across the floor. No note left, nothing. There’s no way he’d do this to you… right? God, what did you tell him last night? You feel like a fool. Not even 48 hours after your husband walked out and you’re trying to confess your love to someone else… let alone his best friend. 

Why does this hurt more than your marriage ending? 

Flopping against the couch, you feel ridiculous at how sad you are over Dieter leaving you like this. You feel the trail of a lone tear as it falls down your cheek. You knew today was going to be awful. You just didn’t think it would be this ba–

The doorknob jingles open, and Dieter walks in with a white bag and a tray of coffee.

You can’t hide the smile that spreads wide across your face when you turn and see him. 

“Dee,” you whisper.

“Hey, Sweets,” he sends you a lopsided smile. “Was hoping I’d be back before you woke up. I got you your favorite.”

"You're the best, Dee," you say, gratefully accepting the coffee.

You can’t even recall the last time you told him what your favorite food was. Something as simple as breakfast is making your heart race in the middle of your living room. “You didn’t have to…”

“Of course I did,” he interrupts, walking over and setting the bag on the coffee table. “You need food, and I need…” He trails off, his eyes staying on you for just a second too long before he looks away. His voice softens. “...I need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Thanks,” you say quietly. “I am.” 

He sits down next to you, tenseness radiating from his body and the way he moves. He clears his throat, nervously raking his hand through his hair. 

You take a drink of coffee. Of course he ordered it the way you like it. “What’s on your mind?” you ask tenderly, turning to him. 

He looks up at you, and for a quick moment, you think he might tell you everything you want to know… but then he looks away and leans back, rubbing his face with both hands.

“I–uh,” he starts, then stops. His voice cracks. “I have to leave tomorrow.”

A bomb. Dropped in the middle of your living room. 

Your heart sinks. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” He whispers, as if saying it out loud will make it even more real than it already is. “Spencer wants me back for reshoots. London. I leave first thing tomorrow.” 

Your stomach twists, the thought of him being thousands of miles away hitting you harder than you expected. You haven’t even begun to process the end of your marriage, and now the one person who has held you together is about to leave.

“Oh.” It’s the only word you can manage. 

His brown eyes watch you, his brows furrowed as he tries to figure out your reaction.

“Look, I-I wish I could stay here and not g–”

“No, I know. You have to.” Your voice cracks. “I’m sorry, I’ll be okay. You can’t just stay because…” Your words trail off as they reach your mouth, dying in your throat.

Because you have to lie. Because you do need him. Because you know you can’t do this without him.

His jaw clenches. His eyes flash through something akin to anger, sadness, and frustration. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” His voice is so fragile, like he knows just how much this is going to break you. 

“Last night… What I said… Did I–?”

“You didn’t say anything wrong,” he interrupts, his voice soft but firm. “You didn’t.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, his hands clenching into fists as if holding himself back from saying more. He stands and paces the room like he’s trying to burn off the nervous energy buzzing within him.

“I told you I’d be here for you, Sweets, and now, I can’t.” He stops and turns to you. “I can’t be what you need right now. Not like this.” 

Your heart breaks a little more at his words. You want to tell him he’s wrong, that he’s exactly what you need. But you don’t. You just nod, because you think he might just be right. 

He moves closer, standing just inches away, his eyes searching yours for something. You don’t know what he’s looking for, but you want to give it to him.

“Dieter,” you say, your voice barely audible as a tear slips down your cheek. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to either,” he says softly. He steels himself with a deep breath. “But I have to.”

“Can we just have breakfast together still?” Your voice sounds so infantile and desperate. Another tear falls.

He kneels in front of you, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Of course,” he says, giving you the smile you’re going to miss. 

—

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a croissant, flakes scattering like confetti around you. This is undoubtedly the saddest party he’s ever been to. He smiles at you, and you return it, but the smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. He feels like a fuck up again. He feels sick to his stomach, his appetite waning as he studies you.

“How’s your head?” he asks softly.

You glance down at your cup, swirling the coffee absentmindedly, avoiding his gaze. “No complaints yet,” you reply with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood. 

Dieter laughs at the joke, but he knows you’re upset. Hell, he is too.

“You should have seen the line at the café,” he says, trying to distract you. “A guy recognized me and let me cut the line, so I got the last croissants of the morning. Sometimes this whole acting thing works out.”

You let out a weak laugh, but it’s barely a whisper against the silence that envelops you both. He wants to reach for your hand, to bridge that gap now clinging between you like a thick fog. “I’m glad I went, though,” he adds. “You deserve a good breakfast after last night.”

“Yeah, last night…” Your voice trails off.

His heart sinks at the way your words are left hanging in the air, raw and unspooled. It hurts to see you so distant. The croissant feels heavy in his hands. He places it on the table with a sigh.

“Look,” he starts, trying to steady his voice. “I-I hate this, Sweets. You nee—I told you I would be there for you, and now, I’m going to fail yo—”

“No, Dee. God, I’m sorry,” you turn to him, your eyes rounded with guilt. It breaks his heart to even look at you, sitting vulnerable next to him, still in your cute little pajamas.

“I didn’t mean to put you in this position.” Your voice trembles. “I just… everything is so overwhelming right now. I’m still trying to process all of it.”

He nods, his chest tightening with every word you speak. “It’s okay,” he reassures. The words feel hollow coming out of his mouth. He knows it’s not. He knows he’s lying. “You’re allowed to feel everything. I just…I want to help you, not make it worse.”

“I know you do,” you say softly. “That’s why it’s so hard.”

“Hard?”

You look away, fiddling with the edge of your pajama top. “Dee, it’s hard… because… I’m scared of what this means for us. For me.” You breathe in deeply. “Warren left me–no notice, no explanation. And now… here I am, sitting with you, and last night I–I–the song, you know. It feels like I’m just rushing into something I don’t understand, and now you’re leaving… for… so long, and I feel…you–you’re so important to me, and you’re–you–”

He interrupts gently, “You don’t have to say anything more if you’re not ready.” He can’t hear this now. He can’t. He stayed up holding you last night, thinking of that song and the lyrics. Eyes like sinking shipsOn waters so invitingI almost jump in

You nod, returning to your croissant. The bite you take of the flaky pastry echoes in the shared silence that hangs heavily in your living room. He wants to pull you close and hold you, but the fear and the quickly approaching deadline of his inevitable trip keep him at bay.

“What are you going to tell everyone?” he asks quietly. His shoulders hurt from the stress of holding everything back; he tries to loosen them. He feels like he’s letting you down with every word he speaks.

“I don’t know,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper. “I guess I’ll just… tell everyone the truth.”

You’re so brave. He swallows hard. Warren’s ruined your life, and now he feels as if he’s done something wrong too.

“Well, you’ve already told me, so there’s one person down,” he offers with a slight smile.

You laugh, and his heart soars, reminding him of the plane he’ll soon be on, traveling far away from you. Why can’t his brain just allow him one victory?

“I guess I’ll start with the important people and work my way down the list,” you shrug.

“Sounds like a plan, Sweets.”

“God, I am not looking forward to it,” you sigh, dusting off the crumbs that had fallen from your now-finished croissant.

He watches you with a mixture of admiration and concern. Your shoulders slump, pressed down from the weight of your own thoughts. His heart aches for you and all of the vulnerability you’ve shown him.

“Come here,” he finally whispers, leaning back on the couch. You hesitate for only a moment before sliding closer. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you in. His heart skips a beat when you lean against him, resting your head against his chest. This is all he’s ever wanted.

“Cartoons?” you ask, your voice already relaxed.

“Cartoons,” he nods, grabbing the remote. Now, this is all he’s ever wanted.

—-

The clock ticks above the television screen. Dieter has to leave your house by 3 to pack and get ready to go. You almost ask if you can accompany him, but you stay silent. You have too much to take care of today. Your family doesn’t even know yet. The sooner everyone knows, the sooner you can begin to heal.

It’s 2:45 now. Fifteen minutes left. You cuddle closer to him, relishing the feel of his soft shirt. He chuckles at Homer Simpson ordering a crab juice, and a small smile edges your lips. For a moment, you feel happy. You hum a peaceful sigh, feeling his strong arm wrap around you even tighter. His lips ghost the top of your hair as he takes in your scent with a deep breath.

The clock insidiously continues to tick. You wish it could just stop. That time could suspend itself here in your living room. But it won’t, and it doesn’t.

The Simpsons episode ends. Dieter reluctantly extracts his arm from around you. “I—need to get go—”

“I know,” you say.

He stands, the space between you widening, a chasm filled with unsaid words and feelings not realized. You watch him move, already mourning the warmth of his company as he slowly begins to grab his belongings. The sun filters through the windows, lighting your house in a bright glow, but all you feel is the darkness of your and Dieter’s impending separation.

You reluctantly rise from the couch, feeling foolish in your pajamas as he puts his sunglasses on and grabs his keys.

“Well,” he softly says, reaching for the door. “I should get… going.”

“Yeah,” you reply, trying not to sound as sad as you feel.

“You know, I’ll be back before you know it,” he offers, though the words feel like a fragile promise.

“I know,” you say, stepping towards him, bridging the distance between the two of you.

“And I’m always just a call or text away,” he says, his hand cupping your chin. “Take care of yourself, Sweets.”

“I will,” you whisper. “You too, Dee.”

You lean forward to kiss him. Just as your lips are about to meet his, he slightly turns his head, your kiss landing softly at the corner of his mouth. A bit of hesitation lingers between you, and a flush of embarrassment warms your cheeks as you pull back. He offers you a shy, sweet smile before he turns away and walks out the door. 

Why did you lean in? You feel like a fool.

He walks down your front path and unlocks his car, and with one last solemn nod toward you, he gets in. You can’t watch him drive away. You shut the door. 

Now it’s only you in your cold house, alone. You head to your kitchen and grab a bottle of wine and a wine glass.

It’s a pajamas and wine day today.

You pour yourself a glass and settle on the couch. It’s time to move on. It’s time to take care of yourself. You’ve got this. 

You spend a long time on the phone with your parents, reassuring them that you are okay and will be fine. Exhausted, you switch to Turner Classic Movies and find a marathon of war films. Oh good, nothing with love, please. You begin to write the list of everyone who needs to know as William Holden tries to escape a POW prison camp.

Dieter’s text tone dings from your phone. Two texts. Your heart pounds against your chest when you read them.

Hey, sorry about earlier. I just knew if I kissed you…. I wouldn’t stop

---

Next Chapter

[aroaceleovaldez]

i know a lot of people talk about the Cupid Scene as not being great as Nico's coming out story (which i think is a complex matter but that's a rant for another day), but I personally find it way more compelling if it's just not Nico's coming out story at all - it's the beginning of Jason's.

Because it doesn't really work or make sense to be Nico's, right? It's not Nico's pov. Nico doesn't have a POV at all in this book. And in House of Hades, the Cupid Scene is one of the first major things Nico gets to do right out of the box jar. Why introduce a character, have him be outed as gay, lead the crew around, and then leave to go travel with someone else all in one book where he's not even a POV? It's also contrary to the way Nico generally functions as a character - he's either exposition, dues ex machina, or damsel in distress. He's kind of a damsel here, but ultimately he doesn't need anyone else to save him - or even be there. He handles it on his own. Jason is mostly just a witness.

But, if you view the Cupid Scene as being about Jason, it narratively fits a lot more; Jason at this point is dating Piper, and they're three books deep into their relationship. TLH they start dating and are relatively happy with it and where they are. SoN is a skip but we know they're happily dating during that time, and then Mark of Athena we get a slight shift. Jason and Piper see Percy and Annabeth and go "Oh! They're perfect. Their relationship is perfect. We could be happier if we were more like them." Piper and Jason are also both characters who go through an identity turmoil in general - particularly about how both of them want to be perceived by others and who they are as people. The things they identify with - their parents, their heritages, etc etc. Their orientations. Piper's get more focus earlier in HoO, and Jason gets more later.

The Cupid Scene is from Jason's POV, in a book where he is beginning to struggle with his identity and what people expect from him - particularly him not feeling like he perfectly fits with "either camp." He's too "Greek" to be "Roman" but too "Roman" to be "Greek." He's not quite one or the other. He doesn't meet the expectations either has for him. (This is bi-coding, if you couldn't tell. Just replace "Greek" and "Roman" with "Straight" and "Gay.") It starts with Cupid addressing Jason first, before Nico, very directly - asking him if he's so sure he's happy in his relationship? Does he really think it's perfect? Even Favonius very pointedly asks him if he really forget that guys can date guys? Do you have some internalized bias around that, Jason? Hm? Heck, they're both specifically in their Roman forms, not Greek. Why would they appear in their Roman forms if they're there for a Greek demigod? And very notably, they have this exchange:

(remember what I said about the bi-coding with Jason's Greek/Roman identity crisis? I don't think it's coincidence that this so pointedly comes up during the Cupid scene.)

Favonius' introduction to the Cupid scene sets up Nico's portion of it, but Cupid almost exclusively speaks to Jason for the first half of it. Then Nico steps in. He diverts the conversation away from Jason and focuses the attention onto him. Nico's the one Cupid wants, he insists, not Jason. He's the target, not Jason. This is very in line with Nico's character - practically one of his core character traits is he trusts and starts caring about people very quickly, probably quicker than he should or even wants to, and will put himself in harm's way to prevent others from being hurt. The Cupid Scene isn't the start of Nico's coming out story - Nico already knows he's gay. He has no internal doubts about that. He's known it for awhile. He's just in the closet. And he starts coming out of his own free will in the next book, first to Reyna and Coach. The Cupid Scene is Nico recognizing that Favonius and Cupid are pushing Jason for something he's not ready for and hasn't figured out yet, but something Nico has and just hasn't said out loud yet. The Cupid Scene is Nico taking the proverbial bullet/literal arrow for Jason (Jason consistently describes the arrows as whizzing by him before striking near Nico, interestingly) and being outed so Jason isn't. And that presents Jason with the path to begin questioning his identity further. (Jason also then directly compares Cupid to Aphrodite, specifically her Greek form, which also ties into Jason's greek/roman stuff.)

And I don't think it's coincidence that Jason and Nico mirror each other so much, and that their arcs in HoH are so intertwined. The Cupid Scene functionally, on a meta level, establishes an explicitly queer character to parallel Jason and for him to bounce off of during his own arc. (And, also on a meta level, establishes to the audience to be sympathetic to queer struggles, with Jason's arc then proceeding to be a queer-coded struggle.) Jason is presented as having this strange level of isolation from how others perceive him in a positive way/the expectations people have of him that wraps around to something akin to Nico's ostracization as being an outsider and atypical demigod in general. Nico is a rouge - he explicitly expresses how he feels like he doesn't fit in at either camp (something he expresses explicitly during the Cupid Scene, mirroring Jason's simultaneous questioning his own place at Camp Jupiter) and a core part of his character is that he does function outside the rules and expectations of both camps. He operates on an entirely different realm to them. If the camps are an expectation of normative concepts of acceptable relationships, Nico is outside of that. And he recognizes that he operates outside of that and will never fully fit into the mold either expect of him, and he recognizes he doesn't need to fit in, even if he theoretically could force himself to fit that mold. Jason, meanwhile, is still locked within those boundaries, and grappling with this idea of how he can exist between them.

Nico hands Jason a goblet of poison and says "how much do you trust me?" and it's Nico challenging Jason to take his own advice about trusting others about their identities, and almost immediately after that Jason gives up his praetor title to Frank. Jason's Greek/Roman arc is directly tied to Nico and the Cupid scene. BoO ends with Jason asking Nico to stay at CHB so they can hang out that summer. By TOA, we learn that Nico has started dating and is staying at CHB (is exploring the niche of expected and socially accepted relationships) while Jason has broken up with Piper and is living away from both camps (rejecting hetero/allonormative expectations), still struggling with his own identity. They functionally swap places. And that's fascinating.

Anyways i think about Jason's bi-coding a lot.

[unlikelyjapan]

Full disclosure: I wasn't a Syd/Carmy shipper until two weeks ago. Hell, I don't think I've ever been a shipper of anything up until this moment - but I've been happily married to my slow-burn best friend for eons, so this all struck a deep, nostalgic chord for me. Consider this post my coming-out party:

This whole thing came about from that well-worn Freud quote that "friendship is the art of distance while love is the art of intimacy" that I recalled from a crude psychology class.

From the most shallow, birds-eye POV, Carmy achieved intimacy with Claire (while maintaining distance/friendship with Syd) by disclosing details of his family situation, his panic attacks, expressing romantic affection, and establishing physical intimacy with someone.

He even seemed more eager to relay and express these experiences to his friends (see the cannoli conversation with Syd and Marcus) as he went deeper into the relationship. From this perspective, I empathize with people when they say they see his relationship with Claire as real personal growth, followed by a steep regression.

Claire seems to pantomime someone who is secure, but is actually pretty anxious in matters of the heart - the idealized projections she places on Carmy based on her proximity to him a decade ago, her unwillingness to walk away from the red flag of the 'wrong number' fiasco, and her unrelenting insistence to know why he tried to dodge her in the first place. I'll say nothing of the constant placating.

Claire is a sort of a faux 'sword of destiny' for Carmy - he yearned for her attention in his youth, it was loudly proclaimed to be "the good thing" by his abusive family, and so it's the only logical choice in Carmy's mind once he's beaten over the head with it for the umpteenth time - it's the love chosen for him by his family and his past self before he pieced together ways to partially escape, it's fatalism, it's the end of the weary search for "fun" and happiness.

He's never truly happy or having "fun" (as he doesn't know how to define that in his mind - that's why we're tortured with 5 grueling minutes of Logan), but he feels cared for and is going through the motions of being "that guy who is fun and in love".

Love even had to be defined for him by his inherited family friend/handyman who he didn't even know was his "best friend" until Claire relayed it to him - he blindingly accepted both assertions from Fak, falling back into his family's narrative that he can't survive or be normal without their collective help.

By contrast, Sydney is probably the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself without outside influence from family or employers. She was his first hired employee, his first true friend who wasn't a blood relative, and probably the first person he feels mirrors his passions without a need to compete with her over them.

Sydney is a choice - she is happiness (in whatever shape or form that you choose to define it, it can be aromantic if you'd like) that Carmy found all by himself, without the narrative being driven by outside influences. They have fun together on their own frequency, but Carmy's black-and-white thinking can't recognize it for what it is - he's still reaching for a sense of "fun" that was repeatedly sold to him as his family tried to push him along the path of normalcy (an impossible feat for a Berzatto).

Syd and Carmy share a brand of maternal grief/strife and a profound love of service that breeds a slow intimacy. By saying "you deserve my full focus" Carmen is saying that Sydney's happiness is more important than his own, which can sound abysmal in type, but is also a natural pre-req for love when given willingly - which I think he is giving willingly for her, just not willingly for the anxiety and minutiae that comes with actually running a fine dining restaurant. He needs someone he can have absolute trust in to hold his hand through that part.

That's why he could only create The Bear with her, and why he says he wouldn't want to do it without her.

They're both fearful and avoidant, which is a fatally-wounding powder keg if they were to connect this instant, but with ever-growing intimacy and self-work (which Claire - however insufferable her dialogue - probably planted seedlings in with Carmy, and his openness and absolute trust in Sydney could drive her towards, too) their coming together could heal many of their longstanding wounds.

This was more of a meandering walk than I hoped, but I think it all comes down to actively choosing happiness vs. passively chosen happiness - Sydney is the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself, and we were beaten over the head with depictions of how much he cherishes that agency and Syd this season. I really hope S3 is a big mess of mirroring and sharing for them.

[oh-no-its-bird]

TORA AU TIME YES ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN !!!

Ok so first, quoting this from a previous tora au post:

Personal take here: I don't think Itachi likes being in charge! That boy is a born, built, and bred shinobi who follows what he is told to a perfect T, no matter how blatantly horrifically awful the order is! Even if hates it with all of his heart! He'll still fucking do it! And then only blame himself for it and not the guy who fucking ordered it! Because he'll still obey that guy after! Which also adds another fun layer of irony bc hes supposed to be clan head one day! To me, Itachi is a fascinating subject of having an unshakable, unbreakable iron will— and also having absoloutley no spine To be fair tho was also like. Fuckin 13. He was fucked up and was tricked at a very, very young age and unfortunatley that one mistake came to chain him to that one specific way of thinking. If he came to grow out of that way of thinking, he'd first have to admit he'd made a mistake, which wasn't gonna happen bc it was too late for regrets. But anyways: With Tora here Itachi has another "voice of reason" to help steer him away from other voices who might otherwise bind him. There isn't as much pressure on only him + Shisui to here and now choose what they (and only they) will choose to do to save the entire clan or Konoha Tora is a natural leader and quick to take charge, and Itachi is ok with that. When Itachi chooses to speak, he is listened to carefully and his opinions are taken seriously, which is all he can ask for tbh. Otherwise he's allowed to sit there and look pretty till given a nice, neatly wrapped plan approved by 2 people he can really, truly trust. So he's doing a bit better mentally than canon Anyways, in this AU I think Itachi should actually get to semi-retire as a shinobi and actually Sasuke gets to be clan head bc his brother ain't built for it. Plus it can play more into the stuff I was talking ab earlier about Sasuke struggling a lot more than those around him to learn different stuff (sealing especially) only to come out as one of the most terrifying in what he eventually masters. Let the second son inherit!! Let Sasuke have a defining character moment where he decides he wants to help guide the clan, and he's forced to kind of get over his brother worship to confront Itachi to say he doesn't think he'd make the best clan head. And Itachi let's out this sigh of relief he did not know he has been holding for his entire life and tells Sasuke he's proud of him.

With that in mind ^

I think the ultimate ironic pairing for the finale of the Tora AU would be Tora and Itachi ending up together, but with Itachi as the retired ninja housewife and Tora the big boi breadwinner

The ultimate fuck you twist call back to all Tora's parents talk of Tora needing to find a "good man to take care of you" + irony from them originally cheering Tora on when they learned he and itachi were friends bc they thought he'd snag him as a husband and the culmination of Itachi's "I don't really want to be in charge actually" arc

I love a full circle !!

Sasuke is Itachi's best man and Shisui is Tora's and Kakashi gets to walk Tora down the isle instead of his parents who he has no real attachment to

Actually POV I fucking kill off the Haruno's and Tora and Sakura have to deal w the death of their parents, who they both had very complicated relationships with but relationships nonetheless

Mmm I kinda like that, putting that in my back pocket for now

I honestly don't even know how the romance would happen, tbh I'm not the biggest romance fan but I just love the progression of it in the narrative. I think it'd be a cool end to their story, I'll sweat the little details later

Maybe they aren't even in love fr fr

Oh my god wait no hear me out

HEAR ME OUT

Itachi getting out of being clan head via marrying Tora. Don't ask me how this works. They aren't even like in love or anything but Itachi is using Tora as a political shield to fuck off and enjoy his housewife retirement actually.

Tora is similarly using this for one of his infamous political plots somehow, it's all part of his master plan and as usual itachi is just happy to go along for the ride

,,,the perfect queer platonic besties end to their arc ,, I love it this is my new ideal endgame

Sasuke drops that he's gonna fight Itachi to be clan head and Itachi one ups him by going "oh cool. Guess I don't need to marry Tora then."

Queue Sasuke spit take "You don't need to WHAT"

"Yeah we were gonna get married as part of a 10 step plan to help Tora take over the clan council + get me out of being clan head by abusing some old laws Tora found."

"??????????"

"I guess I'll tell Tora we don't need to do it anymore. I'm happy for you, little brother."

"???????????????????"

Anyways yeah, thinking ab tora au again.

I just finished re-reading my vault fic chapter for it and am having Thoughts(tm)

[rose-of-red-lake]

Unreliable Narrator in the Sith Show

I have seen a few arguments that the Acolyte is a case of total unreliable narration, that it's a new Star Wars era of storytelling, a "sophisticated" show from the "Sith's POV," which is why the Stranger/Qimir seems so calm, balanced, and sure of himself. But don't worry - according to these opinions, the modern audience will be able to see through his lies, being astute enough to know that he's evil, without having to tell us directly. Because telling us directly is too much of a mustache-twirling villain trope, or something.

So is everyone on the same page? Did we all get this?

Naur, I don think so... because I have also seen a lot of odd defenses of the character, that he's not really as bad as the Jedi make him out to be, that he's not a Sith, and that he wants to be left alone as a rogue, without any allegiances, just doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. I have seen people agree with his perspective, that the Jedi are the oppressors because they won't let him live how he wants. Someone even compared him to Mando with Osha as his Grogu. Man just wants a family without the government telling him how to live his lyfe. 😥

So if audiences are indeed smart enough to see through the unreliable narrator, why are they agreeing with him? Why are people sucked into his own perspective, which is Ayn Rand on steroids to my mind. Running through the galaxy, doing whatever you want? Okay, but look where that led. Once he wanted an acolyte to go out into the world and assassinate some Jedi, he isn't like Brendock or Dathomir witches anymore. That should have been a line, drawn, clear to the audience. But then the narrative goes back to extreme moral relativism. "Well, maybe the Jedi shouldn't have interfered..." or, "Maybe they were right to." So we have morally grey situations with a baddie POV mixed in, in a television show where we can't get inside people's heads? Okaaaay...Leysle with a Y. Good luck with that.

If this is all just unreliable narration, why is Sol so unsympathetic, unwilling to ask for forgiveness, even right up to the end? This just makes Osha look justified for killing him. The Dark Side doesn't even need to be "seductive" if Sol's actions were so bad. And I'm taking his actions that way because of what the showrunner said about him: Sol has a darkness in him that he can't control. And what was the content of this darkness, you might wonder? Well, he was being more like a "father" than a "Jedi" again according to Headland. Alright, why are those two roles mutually exclusive, at all? Doesn't her own mentor Feloni criticize Obi-Wan for not being enough of a father to Anakin?

But maybe the unreliable narration could come through with how the Order is portrayed in their scenes without Qimir. But nope, they're like the freaking police department in the Wire: cold, calculating, trying to cover things up. If it was an unreliable narrator, wouldn't we have a break in all of the bleakness that shows us, hey "Qimir is kinda wrong here." I don't think we do.

Beyond any of this, I don't trust this writer to write something as complex as a "Sith POV," or use unreliable narration effectively. I don't think she's experienced enough.

Not to mention, I don't think the showrunner gets the emotional turmoil of what its like to be a Dark Side user. They should be lost in their emotions, letting their emotions rule them, subject to constant turmoil, constant fear of losing what they have, and wanting more and more because of their greed. The unreliable narration should break at some point to show that, and it shouldn't be so subtle that it goes over people's heads. Moreover, a Jedi like Sol should be more sympathetic because they are at least struggling to suppress their inner Dark Side. Sol did nothing like what Anakin did. If he is truly acting like a overly-compassionate father, then he shouldn't refuse to ask for her forgiveness either. He shouldn't be dead in the mud, choked by his own daughter.

Goddamn this show is fucking bleak.

[di-42]

Apology of Aziraphale

Like for many of us, Good Omens has been an almost constant thought since when I watched season 2. Like many of us, I'm heartbroken and I need to make sense of something that appears to be senseless. Why were we led to believe we were in a much safer, if, admittedly, slightly less eventful, place for the whole season only to have our hearts mauled and our precious, peaceful  fragile existences turned upside down in the last 10 minutes?

So, like many of us, I immersed myself in fanart, fanfiction, more characters analysis than I can count and different interpretation pieces to try and make sense of it all and attempt to make it to season 3 (or the promised book, if it all goes horribly wrong) with some of my sanity left.

Although I am sure there must be analysis that read the (in)famous last 10 minutes the way I do -because I CAN'T be the only one- I am yet to read any.

So, though I'm no writer, I thought someone had to play, well, the Angel's advocate.

For the sake of brevity, I'm not going to consider the coffee theory, the body swap theory, the theories that see the Metatron offer as a genuine offer or the theories that see Aziraphale as a power-hungry angel (I mean, COME ON!)

The theories I'm going to confute here are the Aziraphale-still-thinks-heaven-is-good-and-can-be-fixed theory, the Aziraphale-hasn't-recovered-from-his-religious-trauma theory, the Aziraphale-wants-to-do-the-right-thing-even-if-it-means-sacrificing-his-own-happiness theory and the Aziraphale-is-lying-to-keep-Crowley-safe theory.

I do wholeheartedly agree with the theory that has the Metatron make an either, direct or indirect threat to Crowley's very existence were Aziraphale not to go to heaven. I believe this would be the only possible explanation for Aziraphale's choice, only not in the way it's been talked about so far.

It would also explain the narrative device of us (the audience) be shown the conversation between Aziraphale and the Metatron only through Aziraphale's recount of it. Not that it needs an explanation other than "we wanted to do it like that and if you don't like it you're at liberty to go". But still.

 Aziraphale-still-thinks-heaven-is-good-and-can-be-fixed theory

Good Omens is a story about Faith. Aziraphale is an Angel of Faith. Aziraphale has nothing but Faith. Aziraphale's Faith is unshakable. Going by what we are shown in season 2, Aziraphale's Faith lies entirely in Crowley. "I knew you would come through for me. You always do". In season one we see that he's not quite there yet up until just before the almost Armageddon and in the scenes set in the past his reactions at Crowley coming to the rescue are more "I was hoping but not assuming" rather than plain, confident Faith.

But in season 2 we are shown a different Angel. Someone, in another post, suggested that the minisodes in season 2 are in fact Aziraphale's memories, so we see them from his present day POV. I don't know if it's the case but it would make much sense as we see that Faith, that blind trust in Crowley that Aziraphale acquires during/just after almostgeddon in those minisodes. The whole season is shouting at us "The Angel trusts the Demon with his life! The Angel trusts the Demon with the humans' lives! With children's lives! The Angel trusts the Demon with his secrets, the Angel trusts the Demon with his bookshop, the Angel trusts the Demon with his magic tricks! The Angel trusts the Demon completely, blindly, unquestionably."Are you sure, angel?" "Yes, quite sure"; "I'm getting the humans out of here and then I'm coming back. I won't leave you on your own" "I know"; "I knew you would come through for me. You always do.".

Where does Heaven-is-good-and-can-be-fixed theory come into play in this? It doesn't. Aziraphale has all but forgotten heaven. He doesn't need it. It has been shown to Aziraphale, over and over, that heaven is not better than hell. Heaven is a distant, unpleasant memory of the past. It can be scary but it's certainly not where his Faith lies, certainly not something he sees as good, hasn't for a long time. Aziraphale is not a soldier of the army of Truth, Aziraphale is a heroic deserter of the army of Deception. "I've made my position quite clear". I believe we would be doing Aziraphale a great disservice if we quietly accepted that the Metatron's speech changed that quite clear position in a matter of minutes (or hours, or years, for that matters). If nothing else, I believe NG loves his and TP's child too much to set him back to a place where he thinks heaven is good and can be fixed.

So: Aziraphale thinks heaven is bad and can't be fixed.

Aziraphale-hasn't-recovered-from-his-religious-trauma theory

And thinks he can't love Crowley freely on Earth because that would be a sin. But he could love Crowley of a heavenly love were Crowley to become an Angel and that's why he let the Metatron convince him to return to heaven and take Crowley with him. He and Crowley can be together and be safe.

Have we watched the same series? Aziraphale is so ready! He's happily out on the other side waiting for Crowley to join him! I honestly think his arch regarding this is complete. He is a different character to the one we were introduced to at the beginning (and before the beginning, too), he's done the learning and the growing and HE. IS. READY.

Look at how comfortable he is when Crowley is around, look at his body language. Look at the way he looks at Crowley, well, always, but just to mention a few scenes: the apology dance, Crowley talking to Muriel about love; "smitten, I believe" and my favourite: the way Aziraphale looks at Crowley when Crowley mentions Alpha Centauri to Gabriel and Belzebub. Micheal-the-king-of-all-the-wild-acting-Sheen manages to makes his pupils dilate and tell us what Aziraphale is telling Crowley: "you are talking to me and I know you are talking to me. And I am ready. You just watch me pack my best waistcoats and we can be in Alpha Centauri tonight. I'll miracle an orchestra just so that you can invite me to dance and you'd better invite me to dance this time. I'll stare into your eyes for eternity and I'll kiss you and I'll love you like no one has ever loved before. And as soon as this lot is gone I'll tell you that because I. Am. So. Ready".

Aziraphale-wants-to-do-the-right-thing-even-if-it-means-sacrificing-his-own-happiness theory

Aziraphale senses that something is wrong and thinks that the only way to avoid disaster for humanity is an act of sabotage from the inside.

I believe this could be true to an extent (though I'm hoping to see something more dramatic that an act of sabotage) but I don't see it being the reason why he accepts the offer. It appears that Aziraphale learns about the Second Coming only after everything was said and done with Crowley and besides, didn't they manage to avoid Armageddon once before, the two of them together, from Earth? And if this was the reason he's accepting the offer, why hurt Crowley so badly? Aziraphale knows that Crowley won't go back to heaven, he knows that suggesting he be turned back into an Angel must be insulting, does he really believe this to be the best way to handle the situation? The Metatron might have been watching, someone will say but still, why hurt Crowley so much? He loves Crowley, he trusts him, did he really need to punch so low just to make him understand the gravity of the situation? It almost looked as he was deliberately trying to drive him away.

Which leads us to...

Aziraphale-is-lying-to-keep-Crowley-safe theory

This theory is the closest to what I believe happened in that it's based on the threat theory. The Metatron threatens Something Terrible will happen to Crowley unless Aziraphale goes back to heaven for good. Being erased from The Book Of Life comes to mind. That would of course be an ongoing, eternal threat to live under. Aziraphale can take Crowley to heaven as well, it doesn't really matter. If Crowley accepts, he will be reinstated as an angel so as not to cause too much trouble. If Crowley declines, it's just as well in the Metatron's eyes.

I'm not sure whether the Metatron really believes Aziraphale to be naive and easily manipulated or if he's having to make do with plan B given that (in my personal opinion) heaven doesn't actually have the Book Of Life and therefore can't take more drastic measures against Aziraphale and Crowley.

According to this theory, Aziraphale lies to Crowley as to what the real reason is of him accepting the offer. If he told the truth, Aziraphale knows Crowley will try and stop him,  will insist on running away together. Crowley won't care about the threat: the only way to keep Crowley safe is to hurt him, to break his heart.

Aziraphale knows that freedom is more important than safety for Crowley. Always going his own way, always asking questions.

Crowley WOULD tell the Metatron where to stick it.

Aziraphale knows that Crowley would always put freedom above safety. We have known Crowley for roughly 500 pages and 12 42-to-60 minute episodes and we know it, Aziraphale has known Crowley for over 6000 years, surely he must know too.

Except...

"I knew you would come through for me. You always do".

Crowley would always put freedom above his own safety.

"I knew you would come through for me. You always do".

But what would Crowley do once the penny dropped and he realised that he wouldn't be the only one in danger? That Aziraphale would be under threat too if he refused to go to heaven?

"I knew you would come through for me. You always do".

Crowley wouldn't allow any danger to come to Aziraphale and Aziraphale knows it only too well. Would Crowley just accept to part ways without the heartbreak, if he knew about the threat? If he knew this was the only real reason of Aziraphale "accepting" the offer? Would Crowley accept to part ways, knowing that Aziraphale is sacrificing everything? Knowing that Aziraphale would always be in danger anyway, no matter what? I believe Aziraphale thinks Crowley wouldn't just leave him. "I knew you would come through for me. You always do". 

I believe Aziraphale thinks, and I with him, that Crowley would hang his head low and follow Aziraphale to heaven, admitting defeat. 

I believe that over his dead, discorporated, erased from The Book Of Life body, would Aziraphale let that happen. Crowley, who gifted humanity with the ability to tell good from evil and the freedom to choose between the two, reduced to be an angel again at the mercy of heaven, deprived of free will. Aziraphale won't allow that. 

Aziraphale is not lying to keep Crowley safe. He's lying to keep Crowley free.

What Aziraphale will do is being the hero we always knew he was going to be. What Aziraphale will do is gifting Crowley the freedom he didn't know he was about to lose.

What Aziraphale will do is telling Crowley he's one of the bad guys but he can be turned good again and be second in command in heaven, nonetheless. The side of Truth, of Light. Aziraphale will listen to Crowley saying things that don't bear listening to right now and he will look at Crowley in the eye and tell him that nothing lasts forever. He will utter the words "I forgive you" after a kiss he has been longing for, for so long. He will break Crowley's heart and his own in the process but he'll make sure Crowley keeps his freedom, be that the last thing he does.

I believe that if we, the audience, had any doubt as to which side Aziraphale chooses, then we really weren't paying attention for the last 6000 years. 

I believe now it will be time for Crowley to complete his arch and do the growing and the learning. Wonderful, brave, generous, compassionate, wounded Crowley. He said "trust me", Crowley. He said "trust me".

But Angel, oh Angel. You, just like Crowley, mean so much to us. Oh, the magic of storytelling! You both really do mean so much to so many of us and we just want to take your hand and tell you that everything will be ok in the end. 

But there's sorrow on the way and pain and loneliness. And possibly another Armageddon to prevent.

But Angel, oh Angel. Don't lose your Faith. Ultimately, you do know it, do you not?

You know he will come through for you. He always does.

[flyingwargle]

sakuatsu fanfic recommendations!

i am back with more fanfic recommendations. i still have 100 fanfics to read so this will definitely be updated in the future x3 but away we go!

the highest rating for these recs is m!

oneshots!

soft but what light by min_mintobe teen. 2.1k. sakusa pov. atsumu woos sakusa by quoting shakespeare. very cute and endearing <3

i'll see you in court by yamscooper teen. 2.4k words. sakusa pov. post-anesthesia sakusa doesn't remember his husband. it's funnier than it sounds, trust me.

clean™️ by kiyoomi by sifuhotman teen. 3.7k words. atsumu pov. sakusa gets sponsored by mr. clean and sends samples to atsumu. he reads too much into it. fluffy and hilarious, especially the ending <3

the lovers' rivalry by strawberrypound_cake gen. 3.9k words. bokuto pov. the only thing bokuto knows about atsumu's partner is that they've been together since high school. after seeing him freak out that sakusa kiyoomi is trying out for msby, bokuto concludes that they must hate each other still and fears for atsumu. i love outsider povs, and this one was done very well!

let's get physical by rosegoldwriting teen. 4.3k. atsumu pov. atsumu falls head over heels for sakusa, the student nurse at the student center. cue atsumu doing whatever he can to cross paths with him. we love a pining atsumu in this house

the sakusa kiyoomi drunkenness scale by yamscooper mature. 4.3k. atsumu pov. atsumu discovers what six-drink kiyoomi is like. cute, hilarious, and the second part absolutely killed me (in a good way). we love drunk sakusa in this house (please drink responsibly)

raincheck? by escapist_090807 teen. 5.4k. atsumu pov. 3 times atsumu and sakusa postpone their first date, and 1 time they make it happen anyway. very fluffy and cute, especially when there's a weasel involved!

particularities by shizuumi151 teen. 5.7k words. atsumu pov. sakusa has sole claim of the apartment for deep cleaning days. roommates hinata, bokuto, and atsumu find him intense, except intense means something different for atsumu. absolutely hilarious, especially with osamu's part in the last half!

haha what if we kissed at the [undisclosed store name]-? by fried_squid teen. 6.9k words. atsumu pov. atsumu forgets his costco card and asks the first person he sees (i.e. sakusa) to help him out. i love the flirting through cash transfers, atsumu's wild goose chase to find out who sakusa's cousin is, and the pining! it's also very funny, go treat yourself to a laugh <3

sleeptalking by makemestagger teen. 6.6k words. sakusa pov. sakusa learns that atsumu talks in his sleep and uses this opportunity to see if atsumu reciprocates his feelings. fluffy and lighthearted!

on the back burner of love by aurite teen. 7.8k words. atsumu pov. sakusa leaves to play for a team in paris and atsumu pines. a narrative of two boys toeing the line of haha what if we're in a love but we won't tell the other until they're halfway across the world

the airport test by calicofern teen. 11.3k words. sakusa pov. how do you tell if you have serious feelings for someone? travel with them at the asscrack of dawn to assess if you'll do it again. i absolutely loved this, it's very much like sakusa to test himself (and affection) in this way x3 also with a sequel!

longfics!

under pressure by ghostystarr gen. 8.1k words. 2 chapters. sakusa pov. my first introduction to sakuatsu and damn is it a good one. sakusa learns how to flirt from bokuto and hinata. it goes as well as you'd expect. please read this.

(un-)deserving by sipsutus teen. 11.1k words. 2 chapters. atsumu pov. unlike most might think, atsumu cared and he can't believe that anyone would deserve him, until sakusa tells him he does <3 we love and care for atsumu in this house, no matter how painful it gets

the dos and don'ts of loving sakusa kiyoomi by liliapocalypse teen. 15k words. 2 chapters. atsumu pov. the jackals have a little game to try to make sakusa warm up to them and somehow, atsumu ends up with negative scores for four weeks. cue an intense investigation on how he can be the best teammate ever...and eventually gets the man, as well x3 very cute, highly recommend!

flowers bloom in our masks by unicornflowers gen. 24.k words. 3 chapters. sakusa pov. a beautiful exploration of sakusa's mysophobia in a developing relationship with atsumu. it has a happy ending, don't worry <3

point of view by lonelydoctors teen. 27.9k words. 3 chapters. atsumu pov. atsumu grows up thinking he's too much to love and sakusa shows him otherwise. deals with heavy themes, please heed the tags before reading <3

frankenstein's monster by starbeyy teen. 83.6k words. 10 chapters. atsumu pov. atsumu accidentally pisses off sakusa on the first day of practice and vows to avoid him, but this fails when they see each other for group therapy that same night. deals with themes related to ocd, proceed with caution <3 very detailed and personal, with comfort to balance the angst

easy to love by harubo teen. 145.5k words. 40 chapters. multi-pov. although this is mainly sakuatsu, i blame this fic for making me fall for sunaosa as well x3 canon divergence where sakusa is a food critic and stumbles upon onigiri miyas. the slowburn is so, so good, and the writing is so, so beautifully crafted and oozing with love. cannot recommend this enough, please love yourself and read this <3

your hands only by odd_bear mature. 200.4k words. 20 chapters. multi-pov. atsumu gets into a very dangerous relationship and those around him help free him. features multiple pairings, endgame sakuatsu.

[smeagol-on-my-deagol]

reading 'the secret history' by donna tartt for the first time, so here are my thoughts on the prologue through chapter 1:

[CONTAINS SPOILERS] obviously

— it is so spectacularly written that i don't even care how much richard complains and talks about nothing because it reads so nicely

— john richard papen is queer (derogatory (for him))

— francis abernathy is queer (canonically(??))

— henry winter and professor julian morrow are queer and i don't care that henry is a legal adult, i do not like whatever they've got going on with each other

— people probably want bunny corcoran to be queer (probably because his name is bunny and what straight man would ever go by bunny?? and also because he's dead), but he is not, i fear he's just pathetic and loud (so far)

— there is something very sinister about professor julian morrow, i do not trust that fugly slut

— nevertheless he does eat when it comes to in-class discussion

— i should probably read more greek classics

— also do not trust richard, i know first person povs pretty much always entail unreliable narratives, but this man seems particularly not at all reliable

— also also do not trust bunny,,,, idk he just seems too nice for the company he keeps and that doesn't make sense (well actually he does end up dead so,,)

— actually i don't really trust any of them,, it's probably because the book opens with murder, but there's something very unsettling about everyone and everything

— again donna tartt is a wonderful writer

[firesnap]

Also, as much as I joke about wanting to toss Tommy off a cobblestone tower for not sharing Wilbur's book with us, I get it. It's what we were saying meta-wise after the finale stream and Tommy gets it too.

That book isn't meant for the audience. The point of it was that Wilbur shared something with Tommy that was just for Tommy. It was more for Tommy than even L'Manberg was because it was only for him. It wasn't a grand gesture or a symbolic moment. It was a tangible thing that Tommy could hold and trust was real.

It didn't matter what the words were, and it left the audience to sorta make up what they wanted Wilbur to say to Tommy the most, but the most important thing was that it was important to Tommy to have it.

The book was about a genuine gesture from Wilbur when Tommy, and the audience, often struggled with reading the intent of Wilbur's actions. And what's interesting to me, as someone that was a c!Crime viewer from the start, is how it's sort of the natural conclusion of Tommy's narrative function in Wilbur's story (disclaimer, this is obviously not the role he plays in his own story, just the plotlines with Wilbur). He's always been sort of the main audience's filter for Wilbur's actions and thoughts. Wilbur bread crumbed things just for Tommy's streams during Pogtopia and before and after Wilbur's resurrection we had Tommy going out of his way to talk at length about Wilbur's actions and his thoughts of what goes on in Wilbur's head.

Wilbur was a character that was intentionally contradictory and difficult to read and Tommy's POV often hammered home that Tommy was often just as conflicted about what was going on as the audience. The closed book, given to Tommy during Wilbur's POV and kept private, marks the end of Tommy's time as a Wilbur-translator for the main audience. It's now the audience's job to decide to what happened and what they thought of the guy without Tommy's help. Tommy's got his opinion, and he has a book that you don't get to see to back it up, now you make yours.

Their story ended with a moment just for them without any ulterior motives to ponder or questions of sincerity and I do appreciate that.

[forgotten-daydreamer]

"I hate how they're writing Damian in Batman #146, he can't be that dumb, he's so ooc."

I mean, they're writing him almost as if he were a literal child who wants, no, needs to believe that his father's ideals aren't as fucked up as his mother's, who blindly believes in the man whom he learnt to trust despite being raised with widely different beliefs and ideals for the majority of his so-far short life.

Almost as if Damian were a pre-teen, or young teen at most (because how old can he be here, 13? 14?) who desperately clings onto the belief, onto the hope that his father hasn't really abandoned him, because his father is Batman, and Batman always has a plan, doesn't he? Obscure, complex, but a plan nonetheless, and it (almost) always turns out fine, so Damian needs to trust him, he knows he can, he knows that Batman is safe.

Logically, everyone else is older; I think the one whose age he's closest to might be Tim here, who's about 18 as usual, I guess. But Damian is a child, he's a child who's overall relatively new to Batman's antics, and he's a child who (unfortunately) rarely saw the difference between Batman and Bruce Wayne, a child who rarely got to meet Bruce Wayne at all, if you think of it.

You (you readers, not the characters in the story - because it makes sense for them to be so lost in the plot of their world that they lose sight of things) cannot blame a child for being delusional for believing with his whole heart that his father is not an evil bastard who's attacking everyone, allies included, family included. Because again, Damian doesn't really have a clear idea of how Batman and Bruce Wayne differ, he rarely got the priviledge to be with his father, Bruce Wayne, and not with his work partner, Batman.

You (readers) cannot really tell me that you're putting the blame on a child for 'snapping out of it' so late.

Of course, everyone is free to have their opinions, and if you think that this version of Damian is ooc or whatever, it's a valid, let's agree to disagree. But from a narrative pov, you can't possibly deny that it makes sense for Damian to be acting like this. He's a child, a literal child.

Expecting him to regulate his emotions as well as his sibs do is messed up. Which, by the way, they don't. Dick is a mess but keeping it together - except for the whole "punching your father senseless" thing, but good for him, I'd have done the same there. Jason is a mess and doesn't try to hide it, Steph is baffled and Babs is exhausted. The others are nowhere to be seen (and I'd have done the same pt2). Tim's the only one with a plan that's actually somewhat good - hope he makes Bruce snap out of his fear-induced little gateaway once and for all.

I know not many are fans of this run, but honestly? I'm digging it, it's possibly one of my faves. I love the drama, love the angst, love the plot-twists, like Damian snapping out of it just for Zur to silence him? Backup Robin who grins suspiciously like Jason? Tim ditching his phone - which is ossibly the most shocking thing? I'm hyped as hell.

All of this endless yapping to say that, okay, feel free to hate this or whatever, but please be humble enough to admit that Damian is being written exactly like he should be. I get it, DCAU gave us "Damian who talks like an old man, who never smiles and doesn't understand his peers" and it's cool. He's a bit like that in the comics too. But newer comics have a (very welcome, imho) tendency to write him as 'awkward' while simultaneously keeping in mind that he's a teen. And it's the best thing ever.

I, for one, needed reassurance at Damian's age. I needed an anchor and that anchor were my parents - growing up, the dynamics shifted but it's not the point. At 13, 14, or whatever Damian's age is, you're just a child who needs reassurance, because you're changing, the world around you is changing, and you're disoriented as if lost at sea. Writing Damian like that makes sense, it's not even up for debate.

He's not ooc, and he's not dumb either.

He's just a child.

Feel free to dislike how they're writing him, feel free to dislike literally every single detail about everything, this is a free world. But please don't tell me that needing a parental figure to be there for you, and that siding with said parental figure no matter what because they're essentially all you got left (rip batfam I guess?) - is ooc for a child. Damian is a child, don't forget that.