#i didnt even notice at first help
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also give Tonkla his own room challenge lmao 😭😭
#my golden blood#my golden blood the series#my golden blood ep8#marktong#jossgawin#tonkla#bl drama#help i didnt even notice him in the preview at first jkdhfgf#i cant stop laughing
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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#boink#oh instagram reels#btw in this video she had a “glow up”#which was basically having aged a little#like regular young adulthood early 20s type you're not gonna look the same as time goes on#like she got bangs and new glasses#i didnt even notice the first two times the video looped#like what#like cool!#yeah!#having a partner who loves and supports you will probably make you look happier! since you feel happier! ok!#also everyone looks different after a year when they're like twenty one!#what!#that's not the boyfriend effect that's just! being human! what the fuck!#also--- divine femininity??????#oh brother#for pete's sake#if you will#look for the most part i think that in general the women and girls and ppl that go with this kind of thing#the divine femininity and girl math and girl pretty and boy pretty etc etc etc#like i hate this kind of stuff but im not about to say that theyre at fault for it#like this is not helping anyone#and it just#god#it makes me upset!#maybe im overreacting but also i kind of think that we're collectively underreacting about this#like i dont wanna see it all over tiktok /let alone/ from my actual real life friends!#earlier this year my friends (women! women friends! staunchly feminist friends!) were joking unironically about girl math#like do we not see how that's harmful. when we talk about poor financial decisions and completely seriously call it girl math.#how do we not see a problem here
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Does anyone else find it really funny that in 601, when running to Barius in his bakery, Callum was going so fast down the steps or whatever that his BOOTS squeaked on floor? That's probably made of stone or pavement? I don't remember his boots squeaking before from him going so fast, or anyone else's for that matter. He's not even wearing rubber sneakers!
Bro, Callum, I'm glad you're excited, but slow down, please. You'll eat shit.
#that very obvious squeak makes me laugh SO hard now every time i watch that scene since i first noticed it#they didnt have to put that squeak in there. i dont recall even hearing a shoe squeak before#but he was so excited and stumbling and slipping that in the quiet of the bakery his boot fuckin squeaks#its so funny#tdp#callum#the dragon prince#continue the saga#continuethesaga#give us the saga#giveusthesaga#someday hes gonna be running to do something really excited and he'll eat shit as he loses his coordination and rayla is just gonna lose#it while making sure hes okay and helping him off the ground#dragon lady letters#and by lose it i mean laugh her entire ass off
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I recently got diagnosed with autism. The doctor said I've been in autistic burnout for the past 5 years and im tipping into DPDR (she was right but its too late, my baseline has been aware but temporally fragmented. The new development is sometimes i feel 0 sensation)
The doctor said i can fix this if I unmask and do things like wear compression gear and noise cancelling
turn my devices to greyscale
Live in dim lighting
She gave me a lot of small tips and they were good at first but now I'm getting worse. I have days now where I'm too tired to stim, too tired to bathe, too tired for everything (except schoolwork for some reason) (all of these things I enjoy).
How do I fix it? I haven't had a hobby in 5 years. I don't want to be in burnout and I want to fix all of it. Does anyone have any tips? Anything at all? Theories? Fleeting thoughts? Hearsay?
The one thing I can't do is stop. I'm a graduate student and I'm working on thesis and papers. And also it's a secret. Or else I'll get brutally harassed and shunned (it's a very strange neighborhood)
#autism#actually autistic#i went online like my doctor said and the first thing i saw was euthanasia and i was like BRO 😭#i dont want that but thanks. any advice except giving up or killing myself. any tips please#im stuck in this self destructive loop where art is my connection to the world but skill regression and mental pain but i cant stop#thats why i wanted to get rid of the burnout. and then my body started physically shutting down. uh oh#my doctor is useless as hell. bro started yapping about how its so hard and poor me and how she couldnt ever be me#and i was like wtf i dont want to bond over autism. we are entirely different people. im just fine. could be better if i be better. help me#she didnt help so im planning to get rid of her. she offers me sympathy when i ask for solutions#this wouldnt be a problem in normal circumstances because i know what it means when someone performs this#but im lowkey kinda tweaking. also i paid her and she didnt give me practical advice except. drop out and live off my parents#my parents???? how do you know i have any? wtf is this advice i live alone because people set my nerves on fire these days#she told me ill die if i dont change my ways. i know what she implied but holy shit tell me how to fix it then#im scared for the first time in my life#ive done everything she said. im breaking the mask. i stim even in public. what else?#neurodivergent#autistic adult#autism struggles#i shutdown and i dont notice because im extremely low interoception. but im trying. now i remember to snap myself awake and check#and worst of all i still do everything im supposed to. i never miss any deadlines. i stepped down from lecturing for now.#my duties are at bare minimum. i dont think im missing anything obvious. i dont know how to be autistic and im fading away now#please help me. i still want to be a person. i dont want to dissappear. im watching it happen#but im doing what i was told.
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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aaaaaa I'm so excited you got the ARE YOU from Jere!!!!! Are you designing the tattoo already???
I am still not over that and especially now with his story like how dARE YOU 😭🤣
ARe yOU 👀👀👀
I have most of the design ready i just went into a state were i can nothing but fanboy for a hot minute so I hope to get myself calm enough to transfer my pictures and scan the page so I can work on it 😍
#his stupid face (affectionate)#he freaking knew how to trigger me omg xD#if anybody is curious/confused here is a run down#so i had barricade at backas where the boy noticed me twice#the first time he commented on my hair (you have my old hair)#the second time he commented on my bulbasaur hat and called me denmark guy (gender affirmed)#and after being noticed twice i was so starstruck i didnt know what to say so i started are you'ing him#after are you'ing eachother twice he directly went to ask people about ruisrock (subtle)#two days later i decided to say fuck it and make a sign for an are you tattoo#i had one at home i hadnt take with me bc i didnt want to stress myself#but now i felt brave#then jere starts freaking are you'ing the crowd#and i get my sign in the air#and he sees it!!!#and jokes he will write it on my ass#later i get help from a generous finnish kääryle to actually get jere to write are you for me#and i had already been insufferable before that since are you is my comfort stimm#so now i even more annoyed people around me are you'ing everytime i could#and now his freaking story is triggering me to start are you'ing again#and i am so freaking excited!!!#JERE YOU BASTARD!!!#replies
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tell us about ancient spanish?
Yeah!
so. In the beginning of my comic (I'm assuming you havent read it, if you have I'm sorry) the main character is getting established as sort of a "master bullshitter" and very lucky. He's not stupid, the reason he's alive is because he reads situations quickly and lies very well... and at this point my editor had been repeatedly treating him with this sort of bumbling idiot trope, so I was already a bit frustrated.
He's caught as a stowaway on a pirate ship, and is bullshitting a treasure hunt so the pirates keep him alive long enough that he could escape. So, he makes a fake treasure map in Spanish, hoping that the pirates won't know any... because if they can just kill him and take the map, they will. And one of them knows Spanish!
So, the joke I put in to resolve the situation (which I kept) was "but can you READ Spanish?" where he's banking on the pirate's illiteracy, and he lucks out because she can't read.
but my editor wanted him to say "but do you know... ancient spanish?" which makes no sense and isnt funny LMAO to me.
There were a lot of instances like this, but this is the one I remember the most because my editor like. argued with me on putting ancient spanish in there... It was a back and forth for a good bit.
#like. they can see the map. in his hands.#if she knows spanish and can read it. she will know he is lying#and they will kill him#it doesnt resolve the situation#and its also not funny. like. what the hell does ancient spanish even mean. its nothing.#like I would have much rather resolved the situation by no one knowing spanish.#cause that requires him to stay alive to read the map. which was his goal. this whole time...#so her joke wasnt funny. makes no sense like. historically. AND doesnt even address the situation.#like a good edit understands the intent of the situation.#she gave a lot of what I like to call 'lateral edits' where they dont fundamentally change a scene at all#but they dont really make anything better. like it's not getting worse but its not helping anything either?#but then she had some edits that made things worse...#so I would do some of the lateral ones to sort of appease her and then she wouldnt notice that I didnt do the ones that made thing worse#but this was in the very beginning so I was combatting all the things I didnt want to do. instead of just not doing them#I'm not even getting edits anymore at this point in my career LOL#my second editor was amazing. she was sometimes slow to understand the point of a scene but she offered some really amazing edits#my current editor does literally nothing#she has not given me one note. like literally not even one. she sort of offhandedly said “enjoying reading it!” like ok... great...#and then my first editor. well. ancient spanist LOL#there were a few things I said I fundamentally refuse to do and she kept. asking. me. to do them#one time I had to argue with her that I wouldnt make a joke making fun of hairy men??? like I like hairy men what the hell???#ANYWAYS. yeah. thats ancient spanish#tried to be short but all my jokes are like extremely contextual so its hard to get enough context for them to make sense
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so anyway here's me and the besties
#i got gifted this game around almost a year ago and just recently started getting really into it#you know to help combat The Depression#its sooooo addictive lol#sorry for ddv posting it will happen again#kenzie.txt#kenzie plays ddv#i didnt even notice mickey photobombing in the first picture until now lmfaoooo#expect an annoying ass post once i unlock belle and beast btw#OH and anna and elsa
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Thinks abt my lob corp nuggets oh so hard. I may only have second hand half remembered knowledge of project moon worldbuilding but I will still forever obsess over my lil guys who suck absolute ass
#rat rambles#oc posting#I <3 women who are just straight up bad people#this is mostly abt my girl yuri but its also abt my girl juliet#yuri is well. she's certainly smth.#she's very fascinated in psychology and in particular the psychology behind abnormalities#and it is for this reason that shes in disciplinary#for most of her life one of the things that had facinated her most is the mind'd reaction to pain and suffering#so she finds suppressing abnormalities to be very fun and interesting#her girlfriend maxy certainly has an interesting perspective on this aspect of yuri to but it kindly#maxy has a lot of self loathing mostly relating to how numb shes become to everything and how unatural it is for her to care abt stuff#so she sees yuri as a far better person than she is because she still manages to care and be passionate abt things#she deeply admires and loves yuri and feels like she doesnt deserve yuri's affection#maxy is also the only person that I say yuri genuinely cares abt on a personal level#most of the time even ppl yuri rly likes arent safe from her morbid curiosity but she genuinely cares abt maxy's wellbeing#now juliet is generally a lot less extreme than yuri but shes still not great#juliet and her bestie loki both are genuinely very invested in the cause and goals of lob corp which is the first red flag#but juliet is the more noteworthy of the two actions wise because she actually interacts with fellow employees#she was among the first employees here and while she comes off as friendly and nice she takes her job incredibly seriously and doesn't fuck#around when it comes to productivity levels#she generally respects malkuth a lot more than any of the other robots and actively dislikes most of the others#most newbies tend to like her because of her being one of the few higher ranking employees thats friendly and welcoming but most that make#it longer term tend to realize quick that she doesn't care abt any of them#but whats often worse than her not caring abt you is her seeing potential in you#if she sees potential in someone she will make it very clear and do everything in her power to help them realize that potential#one of my other higher ranking guys mason very much hates juliet because of that exact situation#mason rly didnt know what she was getting into when she got hired at lob corp and mostly worked with the much softer abnos for her first#while at the job until she was thrown into the deep end to work on censored#most of the other higher level employees at the time wouldnt be able to make it through a work session with censored but she was#barely. but it was enough that juliet took notice of her and decided that maybe this guy was worth keeping around afterall
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#yo it's amazing how fast the 5 senses thing helps get focus off panic attacks#im still anxious and had to divert scent and taste into more touch but guess what#i have a fuck ton of yarn out rn so i went and touched them all and described those instead of finding things to smell and taste#((rly dont like smelling or tasting when im not in the mood to do either thing))#but describing the yarn qualities was exactly what i needed#fuck man that shit seriously scared me so badly#im still anxious but thankfully not panicking now#i also started blasting music in my headphones as soon as that started so i went and picked out the 4 instruments in it instead of...#...things in my environment rn. i love mentally picking out different instruments in music. always something small i miss on regular listens#like a weird subtle hidden synth bit in a song i never noticed on my first hundred listens#fuck anxiety man. this shit is so fucking embarrassing but its been a build up of anxiety ive had for years#i never used to be scared of rockets or thunder but when that rumbling feeling is what i feel when i have a regular panic attack...#...its like well fuck youre pavloving my body to feel like im about to fucking die how else do u expect me to react#im sure its only going to get worse from now on the way politics are going. i wish ppl would understand how serious this is for me#especially when most of the launches happen at night when theres less ambient noise and im in my room where its louder#(i feel earthquakes way harder in my room too)#its frustrating and theres absolutely zero empathy from anyone about it due to blind obedience to their leader#i really hope i dont get a heart attack one day lmao its that fucking bad#i cant take my anxiety pills at night either bc one of my sleeping meds is in the same class#at least i remembered the senses thing this time!! it helped a bit. wish i could do more. wish we didnt have launches.#im not even in the town that has them (it was so embarrassing being on a call while house-sitting in that town when a launch happened)#so yeah sorry needed to talk this out bc i was really panicking#imagine the thx noise except youre feeling it in your chest and entire house and it keeps getting louder/feeling more rumbly#...over the course of like 5 whole minutes and then 2 minutes after it stops suddenly theres a huge blast...#...that sounds like if something exploded above your house and theres a meteor the size of planet fucking jupiter about to drop on you#thats what its like for me#its horrible#it should be unacceptable#delete later / /#anxiety / /
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ive joked about it before but man i really am the only person on earth who remembers the gun commander is a character that exists arent i . because the other day when the shadow panel was happening and the voice actors were talking about their characters and how they were eachothers only friend and maria was completely isolated from other people i was like What about the gun commander . and i havent seen anyone else point the contradiction out . lmao
#okay well i cant find a video of the full panel so i cant recheck that they said those things but i swear they did i remember hearing it#for people who never played shadow the hedgehog and dont know what im talking about#its shown that one of the guys whos currently in charge at gun lived on the ark as a kid and was close friends with maria#but he hated shadow because he witnessed his creation and it scared him and he always blamed him for marias death#and its NOT one of those extremely minor details only hardcore fans would notice either . its shown in the main story#to be clear i dont even care about the gun commander as a character. hes one of the sonic characters i care about the least#i just cant help but notice people always forget about him when talking about stuff related to the ark#(like saying that maria didnt have any friends aside from shadow or that her and shadow were the only kids who lived there around that time#or that shadow was the only person who lived on the ark thats still alive)#i mean hes one of those things that wasnt in sa2/sonic x and was added in later so i guess its fair a lot of people forget. but lmao#now im wondering if sega forgot he existed or if the current voice actors just didnt know he existed in the first place#i think the second option is probably more likely because from the way they talked#it seemed like they dont really know muhc about the sonic lore aside from what theyre told about for upcoming projects#so maybe the gun commander just isnt relevant right now so they werent told about him?
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/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh
#kats personal#talked to the gp today (that works alongside the psych) and super long story short#she said the best course of action would be to just stop taking vyvanse for 2-3 weeks#primarily bc shes concerned about my shortness of breath (which i feel like im so used to i dont notice it unless its super bad#or someone asks me about why i keep taking deep breaths)#but also (tbh idk if she implied this or not) to see how its affecting my energy/mood? bc uve been exhausted the last month#and part of thr struggle is not knowing what symptoms are being caused by what bc there was and is so much goijg on all at once#obvs i didnt plan for it all to happen at the same time but it just. worked out that way unfortunstely.#BUT vyvanse shouldnt ??? make my mood and energy drop as early as it does??? and my first month and a but on it i felt Good tbh#(re: energy and sociability) but now i just 🧍🏻♂️🧍🏻♂️🧍🏻♂️#and then yeah okay my sleeps fcked as well so THAT doesnt help at all#and my diet and weight post-op is ugh#and then the additional stress of thr family stuff#anyways what i set out to say was idk how im gonna. manage uni and family if going off meds actually causes a crazy crash#like im lowkey scared that the only reason im even managing to do the bare min these days is because of tje meds giving me a lil boost#but anyways guess we'll find out#but i have so much shut to do these next two weeks that i just 🫠
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Labels aren't a be all end all, but they're still important. If I'd had the words to explain myself as a kid I could have avoided so much frustration and confusion and pain.
If I knew the term gender fluid and what it meant, or hells, just the term nonbinary, I could have been a happier kid. I wouldn't have spent so much time trying to get people to not see me as a girl. I wouldn't have felt like being a girl was something I couldn't escape if I didn't want it. I wouldn't have felt like I needed to escape being a girl because I wouldn't have felt trapped.
If I knew the term asexual, I wouldn't have spent weeks in my bedroom terrified of getting married because marriage meant needing to have sex. I wouldn't have panicked and been hurt over the idea that no one would want me if they couldn't touch me like that. I wouldn't have just decided not to have relationships so I wouldn't have to explain to my partner that I didn't want sex. I wouldn't have felt broken for hating the idea of something supposed to be wonderful so very, very much.
If I had known what it meant to be ADHD, because I did know that term (thanks Riordan), if not what it meant, I could have pointed out my problems so much earlier. I could have asked for help instead of spending years thinking that it was normal to feel like you couldn't do anything you wanted, like it was normal to forget what was going on as it happened.
A label isn't just a little sticker saying "I'm this!" A label is access. To a community, to help, to resources. A label isn't sticking you in a box, it isn't limiting you down to being only this one thing. It's screaming into the void, begging not to be alone, and hearing hundreds of voices call back from the dark that you aren't.
And sometimes that's all it takes to make things a little better.
#sorry for the downer post#i got the paper results of my adhd testing last night and even though i knew what they said it still felt like a punch in the gut#i got tested because i was starting for fail classes for the first time and because id noticed symptoms earlier#but i can't help but wonder what it would have been like if i had actually had the words to explain what was going on sooner#i know it sounds lame but i read percy jackson as a young kid (7-8) and just... got percy#and i thought it was because he was the main character (as my parents probably did too)#but i didnt get what riordan meant when he talked about the adhd symptoms#my kid brain went “i dont have it THAT bad! im just sorta hyper like him”#“and i don't feel like theres missing puzzle pieces in my head. sometimes im just dumb!”#and i didnt start to get what that meant until more recently#kinda makes me wonder who i would be if i could have understood sooner what that all meant
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Aaaaand I ran out of tags to gush in 😔
endless possibility 🔮
#okay lets actually dive into this#the translucent sleeves immediately have my love#i adore that kind of thing on my own drawings and these are just so! delicate looking!#and billowy! the soft folds and wrinkles so good#and then theres the shading#like all of it#but especially the coat/robes#hatching is always so pleasing to me and it looks so.... smooth? idk i love the color choices#its almost shiny!#the beacon!!#the teimming combined w the inner glow is so nice! very ethereal looking#the hands too#love me some delicat hands / wrists and theyre so good here#i can 100% see those hands doing pretty somatics#of course the pose is great!#loved it in the last one love it in this#over all it feels almost more silvery the the original's gold#very cool comparatively#its v interesting#excellent choice on the background#it isnt distracting and draws the eye in#i almost didnt notice it at first its so... fitting w the pic. and subtle#ugh that blue tho i absolutely adore it the color choice there is so beautiful#the sharpness to some of the wrinkles there too is just so pleasing#im in love i just wanna stare all day#it all feels a little muted and that somehow brings attention to the beacon?#which is super interesting bc the beacon isnt too different a color but somehow u pulled it off#im thinking the background helps w that but again not completely sure#(honestly its probably a dozen little things im not even noticing consciously lol)#the dichotomy btwn the simplicity of his overall outfit and the detailed ...charm? on his back is super neat too
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