#i desire freedom
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Im stuck between Freedom or Safety
#I desire freedom#but its hard to leave safety and comfort#even if you know its what you need#Im really struggling
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#vincent price#quote#freedom#racial prejudice#this man was and IS a treasure!#hes everything good in the world#i love him#hes so sexy#so beautiful and talented#and well...i desire him carnally#respect#bicon#bisexual#i love him your honor#classic horror#photo edit by me#photo#meme by me#horror#old horror movies#vintage#movie#actor#handsome
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I haven’t read these books in years WHAT is the angel fetuses. What is happening
LMAO yeah there's actually been three instances where Warrior Cats made fetuses into StarClan characters. We're joking about Moonpaw's absorbed fetus twin (Starpaw/The Voice) meeting with Clear Sky's first dead wife's unborn kids.
The first time they did this was in the last book of DOTC, on Gray Wing's deathbed. Bright Stream, last seen in early pregnancy and being carried off by eagles to be gruesomely eaten alive, shows up accompanied by Tiger Tail and Pale Sky. Her embryos.
Because they show up in this big fanservicey montauge of all DOTC's fridged wives happily living as eternal mothers in StarClan, I sardonically call them the Dead Angel Fetus Children.
(It's dark humor to cope with how much the concept freaks me out)
And with Moonpaw, I have to explain how fusion chimerism works.
There are a few types of chimeras, but when a single individual is created from the combination of two fully fertilized zygotes, that is called fusion chimerism. That's what Moonpaw is.
And you have to understand, we're talking zygotes as in cells. The fusion of haploid gametes. NOT embryos (developing major organs) or fetuses (has major organs). When multiple embryos or fetuses are detected during pregnancy, but one vanishes, that is called Vanishing Twin syndrome (VTS).
There is actually very little linkage between VTS and the chance of a baby being born with fusion chimerism. At best it's an overstated link. At worst, it is a general misconception of Vanishing Twin syndrome.
Fusion Chimeras can happen in a lot of different ways, most of them fertilization errors, very few of them involving the multiple embryos of VTS. Likewise, the vast majority of VTS cases do not result in fusion chimeras. I explained Chimerism in-depth over in this post, and I encourage you to follow my citations to learn more if you're interested.
Sooooo... we're not even talking fetuses for Starpaw and Moonpaw. If they ever were separate, it would have been as embryos at best.
Which means that Moonpaw is haunted by cells that hadn't even developed major organs.
Ergo, we're joking around about how peculiar it is that Supernatural Utero Ghosts have happened thrice.
#In the desire to not gesture vaguely; it's because Canon!WC has strongly conservative themes and values imo#The exaltation of obedience to religion and clan/family/social group#Emphasis on traditional values and 'rejecting' soft lives#Constant assertion that there are Fundamentally Good and Fundamentally Bad people#Along with constant fearmongering and reliance on outside foreign threats to Threaten Your Freedoms#I don't even think the writers do it on purpose.#I wouldn't even accuse them of not being liberals/center left/labor/whatever#Mostly I just think this is what not examining your subconscious biases ends up looking like for White Middle Class Brits Of A Certain Age#Bone babble#Dead Angel Fetus Children
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I think Aventio and Screwtio shippers shouldn't fight. After all, Ratio has two hands!
That's right. Two hands.
One for his chalk.
One for his codex.
Both of which he's holding in an embarrassed death grip as they chat away with each other about him.
#I'm on to something here#screwtio#aventio#hsr aventurine#veritas ratio#dr ratio#screwllum#hsr#honkai star rail#now as a disclaimer I'm not personally a huge fan of aventio#exclusively because i think they are so SO much funnier as gay friends#but something about combining the two clicks really well to me#Aventurine and Screwllum would be pretty fantastic metamours i think#they'd have a lot of fun playing off each other#but also Screwllum being there to dispute Aventurine's doubts over whether or not Ratio cares as a verified outside perspective#listing off shit like upticks in heartrate pupil dialation etc on top of being like#he talks about you fondly he knows your favorite things i can personally attest that you are very evidently important to him#stuff Aventurine can't easily write off when coming from not only an outside perspective but also a literal Genius#and on the flip side Aventurine would finally have someone other than Ratio and the Trailblazer he can talk to with relative ease#someone who has also been through a frankly incredibly traumatizing historical event#someone who is also under constant pressure to perform a certain way#someone who has gained wealth and power at the cost of carrying responsibilities on his shoulders and never being truly free#appearing free to anyone who glances but neither of them really are#Screwllum seemingly able to freely pursue whatever research he wants but ultimately permanently shackled with his titles#and public pressure to be the perfect poised representative for all of inorganic kind#forever treading the line of being both a desirable ally and a sufficient threat that you wouldn't want to cross him#and similarly Aventurine stuck in his cycle that he feels only death can free him from of gambling with his life on the line#because the IPC basically owns him#because let's be honest Jade's offer was just a lifetime labor contract he couldn't refuse#granted the illusion of freedom through gaining money and power but never truly free
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Thinking about post game Illario again and the mental state he must be in. He's literally lost everything.
Things will never be the same between him and Lucanis. Even if they do get better someday, they can never be the same.
He is never going to be First Talon now. He's actually gone down the ladder, which I don't think he even considered as a possibility, since he figured it was a success or death kind of deal. The man who loves being admired and adored now has to face a future full of disdain and hatred.
He has to watch Lucanis become First Talon. Something he wanted (needed). And worse, something he knows Lucanis doesn't want. He has to watch Lucanis continue to be suffocated under Caterina's grasp and the weight of her expectations until it kills him. He's back to having to watch and wait for Lucanis to die. He was able to justify killing Lucanis in part to prevent this exact fate and now he has even less power to stop it than he did before.
Where do you even go from there?
#Not to mention that I think his life was pretty empty BEFORE all of this went down#Even Lucanis never mentions anything Illario likes besides his image and that's hardly a personal hobby#you could even argue that's just a survival tool for him it's no different than Lucanis and his knives#Illario Dellamorte#Does he have even one thing for himself?#Has he ever?#His only personal goals and desires seem to be living a comfortable life#(his likes include being First Talon and luxuries like fancy silk gloves nice clothes good wine etc)#(And 'debauchery' but that's just the unhealthy coping mechanisms talking)#He doesn't have any friends. Or hobbies. Or any general interests at all that we know about?#Lucanis knits and brews coffee and cooks and likes wyverns.#Even as children all we get is Illario listening to Lucanis talk about wyverns and going wyvern hunting with Lucanis#Everything about Illario is actually about either Lucanis or Caterina#Tbh I think getting knocked on his ass and having everything taken away from him could be the best thing to happen to him#If he can pick himself up and go on from here#He was probably never going to have the freedom to develop a sense of self as First Talon either#Use all this new free time to get a hobby Illario
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i know- i finally know what i truly deeply desire
need Lucifer to come ask me what is it that i truly desire coz God am i lost
#freedom#i desire freedom#to be free and safe and at peace#elaine blogs life 2024#elaine blogs#love and money would be great too but i don't think that's my deepest#from the trenches of my heart desire#i will have it
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The fact that Yuan was in Lili's room when Qian found the ultrasound meant that Lili asked for help from her brother to protect her boyfriend from...her brother.
And the fact that she knew that their best chance to convince Qian and make sure that he doesn't kill San Pang is to get Yuan involved. To tell Qian on their terms before he can find out for himself. Since it didn't go to well when Qian found out about their relationship and Yuan just sat there and did nothing (god bless him that's still my favorite scene). Qian was mad for a looooong time after finding out about their relationship.
Getting Yuan involved and also setting it up so Qian finds out while they're all in a relatively safe space but together while still telling him and not keeping things from him meant that Qian didn't stay angry for long. It also helped because as much as Yuan loves Qian romantically, he loves Lili as his sister. He is also protective of her but he's much more reasonable about it because he doesn't have the same family trauma that Qian has. Yuan can help smooth things over not just because Qian loves him and listens to him but because Yuan loves Lili and sees what makes her happy and wants the best for her.
This show is so good and I love the romance of it all but I just had to say something about how much I loved the siblingship between Yuan and Lili. Lili let Yuan into that home and in doing so gave herself something more than just a brother. She gave herself a friend that would help when she needed help and would love and support both her and Qian unconditionally.
#unknown#unknown the series#unknown series#unknown the series spoilers#i didn't think this should be in the post itself but#can yall imagine that home if yuan wasn't in it to help care for qian but most importantly#soften him?#lili would have felt suffocated at times because there wouldn't have been anyone to be a buffer#between qian's desire to protect her and provide for her at all costs and her desire for some freedom#anyway i need to go lie down now i think my brain switched on and now i need it to stop#the wheels need to stop turning i need a break
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Hey, I've seen your drawings from Neves. They are brilliant. I like her a lot, and are you writing fanfic about her?
Ahh thank you!!! That's really flattering fkljgfjf....It's always a pleasant surprise that people like Neves :'-) (and I love when I get an excuse to post my doodles of her and the Lamb lol)
I am in the works of trying to write a cotl fanfic abt this specific au (I call it The Apostate & The Martyr in my head lol), but writing doesn't come as easily as drawing to me SIGH. I've actually written quite a bit, but the problem is putting all these random excerpts together to make something coherent LOL. But yes, the fic is intended to be the story of The Lamb and Neves' friendship amidst the brutality and terror of the Lands of the Old Faith, how to deal with the consequences of their choices, and the mutual alienation they experience in their positions....as silly as that sounds lol. It's very self-indulgent! I just liked the concept of the "Outsider" POV, so to speak, being subjected to the sort of normalized violence that exists in cotl. Though, I might end up just making comics if I can't pan out this fanfic well enough!
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl lamb#cotl oc#cotl au#my art#literally one person knows whats actually going on with these two outside of me LOL HGDLGDJK#but i eventually hope to actually progress with fic / comics about them and their dynamic#theyre like the madonna and child to me. if the madonna and child were a depressive + reckless human and a Lamb crushed under the weight of#their megalomania and desire to gain freedom by any means necessary#Neves is just like i love you little lamb youre soooo cute youre my calling my duty and i have to keep you safe from the Wrath of Nature#and the Lamb is like aww thats so sweet ! i AM the wrath of nature ! i love you too thanks for giving me an unattainable goal !!#the lamb also just likes to sit in fresh laundry. as a treat#alright now i'm off to deal with requests and messages and asks and such!! sorry i am so busy sob
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...I should be editing my dissertation but now I'm thinking about how both Azula and Katara are perhaps the most "adultified" of the atla characters and...hmm. Interesting.
#something something about the primary female characters getting treated like grown women while the boys...aren't so much#except maybe toph...who is the least feminine of the girls#I mean all of these kids have to grow up fast and deal with responsibilities no child should be shouldering#aang sokka and zuko all deal with this don't get me wrong#but all of them have a lot more allowance for childish moments#iroh provides zuko the space to be...if not an ordinary teen than to at least express his emotions like a teenage boy#aang is constantly granted spaces to be childish and carefree#and sokka has always had katara looking out for him which allows him to be free from the parentification she was saddled with#meanwhile toph's entire arc is about connecting with the freedoms she wasn't granted as a kid in her home#so she's allowed to be wild and crazy and her desire for that is even explored in one episode#with there being some acknowledgement that she actually DOES appreciate katara's 'motherliness'#but katara is rarely allowed a moment to be a kid and it is arguably only in the first episode that aang even comments on that#and azula never gets a moment of levity#even in the beach she's not really granted the space to be as carefree as zuko mai and ty lee#...anyways get these girls a mother figure please#let girls be girls and not young women#atla
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Some aspects of Laudna's behavior from the most recent ep have really started to stand out to me re: her backstory. We're told basically that after leaving Whitestone she roamed to different cities and was subsequently run out of many places by the townsfolk for being...well, a creepy undead witch. This is really all we know of thirty years of her life, we have nothing more detailed than that until Gelvaan, which is also not very detailed on what exactly she was doing there. And it's interesting because this backstory feels like it's meant to elicit a lot of sympathy on Laudna's behalf--i.e. she is being wrongly chased out of places for the crime of being/looking different. But something about the way she approached Imahara Joe's establishment--sending in the creepy whispers, specifically making a bunch of terrifying "rattling noises", and responding with a smile and saying "It works every time" when they heard a noise in response--really has me like. okay. Laudna, did you get chased out of places because you were terrorizing people in those places? because it sounds like you've done this before, potentially many times, and what's "fun scary" to one person can so very easily be "scary scary" to the people on the other end of the schtick.
Laudna clearly loves people, but I do have to wonder if she experiences a certain amount of dissonance about the effects that her actions cause. She very much has this Manic Demon Nightmare Girl persona thing going on, and that delighted, manic energy mixed with her penchant for the macabre, often directed at other people where she enjoys their freaked out reactions? I think, perhaps, there were reasons she kept getting run out of places that we have not, uh, unpacked as of yet.
To go deeper with this, Laudna is a character who rarely feels like she's in charge of her own destiny. Some of this is intentional, like the repeated puppet imagery re: Delilah. But I wonder if, perhaps, Laudna is someone who has had so many things--bad things, terrible things--happen to her that she had learned to erase her own role in her life. There was nothing she could do when the Briarwoods took over Whitestone, there was nothing she could do when she was murdered by Delilah, and there was nothing she could do when she was resurrected as the undead creachure that she is today. But there are thing she could have done in the intervening thirty years to change her situation. She could have pursued threads about getting rid of Delilah for thirty years, long before meeting Imogen. She could have (somewhat) altered her behavior so she wasn't freaking people out wherever she went and maybe she could have stayed somewhere. She could have been proactive in making changes and pursuing things in her life and I just wonder if she has forgotten that she can do that for herself and that the things she does do have consequences. In ep 49, she told Imogen, "The gods have never kept us from our ability to have a choice." But she only says this to Imogen. When does Laudna finally make an active choice? When does she realized that her behavior and the consequences of the behavior are in her control? When does Laudna decide that it's time to stop being a spectator in her own story, a person that things happen to? Soon, I hope. She should be the main character of her own story, and right now she simply isn't
#I feel like I'm going to get cancelled for victim blaming but also#being scary toward people and then people not liking that feels like an excellent example of cause and effect#and tbh#even laudna's relationship with imogen feels like something that has happened TO her#what does laudna want? what are her desires? I feel like if you asked she'd respond with ''whatever imogen wants''#which just. makes me kind of sad. I hope laudna figures out how to be a person with desires and a future that are HERS unequivocally#that can (and probably will!) include imogen. but a simple cottage raising horses is Imogen's dream#what does laudna dream of? freedom? what does that look like? does she even know?#like I said. it's SAD#cr spoilers#this is rebloggable but I'm not maintagging this
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC.
Rafael is driven by his independence and his anger, fighting for what he believes in and deems right to free his people and return peace to Medici. But his tendency to push people away blurs the lines between selflessness and self-destruction, and his desperation for control greatly overshadows the true lack thereof— and it has turned his spark into an all-consuming forest fire, with no way to douse the flames. And everything burned, as promised. OC WEB WEAVE SERIES: RAFAEL RODRIGUEZ.
richard kadrey, aloha from hell // by eyedeeuhs // firestarter; torre florim // by gundula blumi // savannah brown, from 'closer baby closer' // leach; bones uk // ocean vuong, from 'to my father / to my future son' // by ysociety // maybe, i; des rocs // victoria chang, to love anyone // 'smoke and fire 1' by jennifer walton // burn; vorsa // vita sackville-west, from 'solitude' // by spelio // arsonist's lullabye; hozier // shira erlichman, from 'how to become a forest fire'
#jc3#edit:rafael#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#oc web weaves#no taglist i just want to have this on mein blog. starting a new tag for it as well to get them organized and all#previous weaves have all been for pairings so ummm. yeas. that's different those will just go in the normal edit tag. trust me#my tagging system is normal and i'm normal. if you see this. hi. welcome#this web weave from top to bottom kind of reads like rafael's descent into his own destruction#establishing him as who he is- a firestarter. someone who goes against authority (for good reasons bc he lives in a dictatorship)#someone who fights for freedom but at the same time he's so full of rage and he holds a grudge against someone else in the story#which just. consumes him. he gets too caught up in his desire for control and he loses all his control with it to the point he burns#and he burns and he burns and he burns until there's nothing left... and then the web weave ends with establishing that he's always known#'i knew that something would always rule me / i knew the scent was mine alone' followed by 'everything burned as promised'#this was always meant to happen!! there was no other way for this story to end!! everything burned and everything rafael did#led up to it in the end. there was nothing he could've done to stop any of it because he started it. he started the fire#and it burned along with him. and i'm normal about that. ok bye
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imayoshi: i’m here to offer moral support
aomine: with what morals
#knb#imayoshi shouichi#aomine daiki#i think they are so funny#they shld show more examples of imayoshi plotting and scheming#i love aomine’s poor first impression of imayoshi but the respect he simultaneously has for him#love imayoshi’s understanding of aomine as someone with baggage who just needs space instead of being coddled#teiko forcing a distance between aomine and the team because they didnt trust him#imayoshi creating space between aomine and the team because they all have unwavering faith in his skills#touou as the team of individualists bonded by their desire for victory and faith in aomine is so special to me#sorry for info dumping i cant be caught thinking tenderly abt imayoshi so i put it all in the tags#touou creating space for aomine without forcing a distance#touou redefining the idea of freedom as a testament to their trust rather than an indication of distrust#somethngnslmethingnfnfffff#AAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHJJJJJCJCCJFJFFUUKKKKKKKCCCKKK#sorry
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there’s actually something so incredibly sickening abt barbeloth’s character in the story being a dancing music box figure;; something that is literally DEFINED by its fate not being it’s own to control, or change, because it can only do anything if it’s winded up by someone else (with its one purpose, and ability, being to dance)
#BARBELOTH#UUGGHHAHHHHHH#I hate this old hag. (affectionate)#no mondstadt character can escape their desire for freedom#apparently.#crepe rambles#hexenladies#hexenzirkel#spoilers
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So I see folks pointing out that Louis' circle A tattoo is more likely an aesthetic choice than an announcement of a political commitment to anarchism, and saying basically that that maybe makes him a bit of a poser and I mean- I GUESS. But I don't like to look at things that way and I don't think it's useful. As I see it the subversive sexiness of the symbols of resistance have ALWAYS been gateways for people who are drawn to the struggle in vague ways and that's GOOD. Aligning yourself with those values is good no matter the reason, in my book, especially given the wretched options available out there, but also the journey doesn't necessarily stop there. Gatekeeping queerness victimizes people who are just trying things out and starting to discover that it may run deeper than just trying on a new look who should instead be welcomed and helped along their path, and I fail to see how gatekeeping political affiliations is any different (plus how counterproductive to actual movement building is that?)
ANYWAY. What I really want to say about Louis is that while I KNOW that Louis is probably not secretly a theory reading anti-state communalist anarchist, I think that actually Louis' optimism and idealism (and his unwavering commitment to allying himself with the working class and embracing those roots) are a perfect fit for the philosophy and always have been. I know that anarchism is mostly understood as being about throwing molotov cocktails and fighting the state (and the allure of its symbols are that they signify this, a terrific aesthetic for him to choose to sign on with in my book), but that's honestly largely cartoonish stereotyping that comes directly from anti-anarchist state propaganda. That resistance is necessary in this hellscape of oppression we live in and is super important, but in its heart anarchism is only about the state in that the state and capitalism currently stands in the way of its goals. The whole point of anarchism is that it's NOT about the state! It's about being able to imagine something better than a state, it's about how we live and about how we SHOULD live, it's about HOPE and picturing something utopian and something free of the ways capitalism pits us against one another! What could be more Louis than that?
"I need you and you need me and I love that" is as beautiful a way of talking about the cornerstone of anarchism that is mutual aid as any long winded essay I've read (even if what he meant was contextually different), and I think when he talks again and again about how special the space fans have made around him is he is expressing an intuitive understanding of the importance of autonomous zones, places and moments outside of the shitty life imposed on us by the system (also a huge part of anarchist thought). Maybe I'm just being an optimist but I think that Louis DOES understand that caring for people and wanting self-determination and freedom for all and allying himself with the working class involves a certain amount of resistance to and positioning yourself in opposition to the state. Thinking the symbols of smashing that state are cool isn't meaningless; it's a CHOICE. There are other cool symbols out there and I just happen to think that feeling a resonance with certain ones is something in and of itself, even if at this moment he does not choose to start a fight with the media about it all.
#long version of this part maybe later… (orrr maybe here and now oops lol):#I believe we are all born natural anarchists with a desire to live in mutually supportive ways and in freedom#it only gets beaten out of people by the trauma of the system and being forced to struggle to survive#Louis shares with many privileged people a certain immaturity of not understanding those struggles#but I think that 'immaturity' can include- in smart and good people- not having lost sight of that utopianism#because they are able to conceptualize it because they live the way we all should be able to#free of so many of the survival struggles#(I think that in some areas maturity is code for 'beaten down to a good capitalist')#anyway and that's why autonomous zones are important:#because you HAVE to have the experience of freedom sometimes to be able to move towards it#you have to experience wins to be able to keep fighting#it's the candy crush theory of organizing lol like: people will simply give up and lose hope if everything is struggle and despair#and nothing is hope and success#you don't have to win the whole fight to get glimpses but you have to have moments#anyway a song I love that is about that is Saturday Night by the Coup it's a BOP go check her out she feels like winning#boots is a commie but that's okay he Gets It :P#anyway#anarchism#blah blah blah#I love being a louis apologist I should add that to my header what can I say: I love him#also look how many WORDS I can churn out when there's no show😂gotta fil the time somehow#send me questions I beg you we've got a long couple months ahead#comrade louis
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Ş̸̻͕̺́̚Ṕ̵̛̪̃Ȩ̷̳̫̿̾Ã̶̞̺̇͐͘K̷͈̿̎̇.
This damn comic is fucking A N C I E N T but as far as like, the content of it- not necessarily the art because I always hate my older art, but the presentation, what is objectively here- still feels right to me, so I'm sharing it. again
#I do not have it in me to even begin explaining the layers of this horseshit lmao#one of these days I can try to actually like. talk about this thing#this beast of teeth and turmoil and shimmer and shadow#something so wonderfully beautiful and sickly foul#genuinely irritates me that i struggle to talk about them at all because I have drawn them. So. Much.#More than any other fusion. even the ones canon to the show lol#yes that includes garnet#Like in-universe sure i can explain. Karma is a manifestation of the one thread druid and sven share- control#Druid has had none. His corruption- the withering- took away most of his agency. and Sven needs control like he needs air#and both of them whether they admit it to themselves or not are more afraid of themselves than of any external force#Sven fears his emotions. fears feeling them. Druid fears his illness and what it does to his body and mind#And so Karma is fragmented into the parts that they want the world to see and the parts they're afraid of#Keeper is that fear. that need to contain. to control. to suppress. to hide. to mask.#Unbound is all inhibitions removed. it's the release. the freedom. the desire. the exposed. the raw.#Unbound is everything that Sven and Druid would never tell anyone. Desires buried so far down that they themselves don't recognize it#But that's all in-universe. That's not quite the scope of what they mean in a grander meta sense#that is too intrinsically tied to me in a way that I can't explain#because if I could explain... then I wouldn't need them#fucking. what the fuck do I tag this i cant keep shoving Karma under the SU tag lmao#nugget rambles#my art#au/niverse
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I can hear the desire for me in your voice, yet locked up and pushed away. Take the leap and be who you are, give in to thought of me by your side. Let us both enjoy life's pleasures together.
#desire#intimacy#all i want#quotes#thoughts#wants#freedom#be who you are#passion#compassion#be with me#love#lust
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