#i cant to to 'therapist' because Reasons | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pageofheartdj · 6 months ago

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Ugh, I don't want to, but I feel resentful towards medicated people. When they discuss taking aderall(or what's thename), other medication options for ADHD and depression.

And I just know, I just KNOW, none of it is legal in my country.

Aderall? Not legal. That one med for depression that is good? Not legal.

I fucking hate my life.

#i cant to to 'therapist' because Reasons #i want to self medicate with something not strong for safety #but i fucking CANT #the only shit i have is fucking uselss or has TONS of bad side effects

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crazylittlejester · 9 months ago

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people are getting way to comfortable on the fucking internet good fucking lord i might actually delete tiktok this time

#i cant even say what the fuck i saw because it was so vile it has my agnostic ass believing ill go to hell if i say it out loud #if i had a therapist they would be finding out about this #i have to kill myself i think i actually have to kill myself this time #(for legal reasons this is a joke)#jes talks #jes rambles #jes is going to go lay down aftwr whatever the fuck that was #hell cannot compare to the torment that tiktok just put me through good fucking god

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rapidhighway · 4 months ago

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i might've fucked up -.-

#idk what's wrong with me #god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it #just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing #im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation #i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to #be a whole thing #idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go #but i feel sick at the thought ugh #i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home #ughhhhhhhhhhhhh #im so tiredd i cant do this #i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either #vent #sorry sorry sorry #i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me #feel worse ughhhh #idk if i should even go #i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing #that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this #has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day #but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something #tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an #less lazy i could do it all easily

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 1 year ago

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Being queer and neurodivergent is great and all until you're with relatives and you watch other people and feel like an outcast in your own family

#extra fun that i cant exactly tell my therapist that being queer is one of the reasons i feel this way #because peoples opinions on queer people here generally arent good #idk sometimes it feels like I dont belong anywhere and feel really alone even though i know im not #its just the way other people live and do things seems genuinely impossible for me. i dont get how they do it #sometimes wish i wasnt who i am ngl #can someone please tell me something nice. my self esteem is buried deep underground right now and i feel not great #sorry for bringing vent posts here on tumblr. i just genuinely dont have many people or places that I feel okay talking about this stuff #especially no one irl i feel okay telling all this to #and dm'ing people is also really difficult. i genuinely struggle to do it #vent post

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absolutelyzoned · 8 months ago

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how do i find out exactly what is wrong with me . help. olease

#i dont trust doctors i dont trust therapists i dont trust my parents theyre all gonna say im faking it or doing it for attention or that im #being dramatic or its all in my head or its just puberty or its just anxiety or some other bullshit reason #there is something wrong with me and its not any of those fucking reasons no one believes me and i cant tell anyone #because im always so fucking scared of. everything really.#i actually need help #or advice #or something #ill shut up about my problems eventually i promise

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lesbiansanemi · 25 days ago

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Getting ready for my psych appointment like “I will get a good grade in adhd, autism, and bpd. This is something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve”

#I mean ik that’s the real reason I’m so nervous. that this person is gonna be like wellllllll I don’t think you actually have these things #(unlikely considering my… everything and also that my therapist and psychiatrist have both told her ‘yeah they have these things’#but it’s just. ugh.#like I understand WHY they want to redo my adhd and autism diagnosis #it makes sense and I’m not like. upset about it and I know it’s not cuz they don’t think I have it #it just does make me a bit anxious though cuz like yeah it IS a possibility this person could decide I don’t have them….#which would then fuck up the whole reason I’m doing all this in the first place #(redoing the diagnoses because the psych who diagnosed me years ago rushed everything through #because she was convinced I had them wanted to treat me and had treated members of my family who also had them #so y know the genetic component was a strong factor in it #but because they were rushed through I didn’t go through most of the testing #so now they want me to do that so the testing is officially on my medical record #which again I understand and that makes sense. just. also nervewracking you know)#but anyways trying not to be nervous I know it’ll be fine just. probably very long and tedious #but it is what it is #complete refusal to make eye contact with anyone don’t fail me now !!!!!!!#I JUST WANT TREATMENT I FEEL LIKE I CANT FUNCTION AND I KNOW THIS IS THE NEXT STEP I HAVE TO TAKE #SO I JUST WANT IT TO GO SMOOTHLY 😭😭😭😭#(also have very very tentatively have started squinting at going back to school #and I know if I do I will NEED accommodations or I will quite literally never make it #that was the reason I originally got diagnosed years ago after all)#kaz rambles

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widevibratobitch · 2 months ago

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havent gotten a single tattoo this year. why are we here just to suffer

#my bestie wanted us to get a tattoo together and normally id say 'this is the dumbest fucking idea ever it never ends well dont jinx it'#but we HAVE been besties for like 8 years now? so its not like its a new relationship really #except now she's not speaking to me over something i said about the newest guy she's obsessed with #so now im actually considering apologising to her and getting that tattoo after all so that she thinks twice before deciding to leave me #when i inevitably fuck up next time <3 #honestly i dont think my therapist was right about the ✨fear of abandonment✨ but yes i will tattootrap her if necessary #but like. for entirely different reasons really. anyway. normal again <3 #like its not 'fear of abandonment' its just plain pragmatism really.#i really cant be bothered to put this much effort into making new friends as ive put into this relationship over the years #partly because i no longer have the capacity for it really. so she's stuck with me. we are getting that fucking tattoo

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kitkat-of-doom · 10 months ago

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#lmao this is the worst #i just got denied my appointment for a formal autism diagnosis #after finally managing to send all the correct documents #their reason???? “oh your case isn't complex enough for us you should go see somewhere else”#like bitch i already have another fucking diagnosis that isn't even receivable #because no one fucking told me that you're actually supposed to go see a psychiatrist instead of a fucking therapist #and now you're telling me that i have to pay 400€ more to a psychiatrist just so they can tell me the same thing as last time #“oh we cant conclude anything cos adhd and autism are so close you're gonna have to go to the actual hospital to figure that one out”#just so i can come back in 2 years #like come on your creteria for taking people in was that they had to have had a diagnosis already #i fucking have one !!!!#im so tired of this #like i feel im never actually gonna see the end #why can't it just be easy for once #crying in class because of that shit was not on my bingo list for today

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 6 months ago

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it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent

#blue chatter #EMDR therapy is genuinely helpful #but I’m starting to hate how much it impacts my ability to function afterwards #I don’t wanna feel like my consciousness is detaching from reality like a moist sticky note after every session #I don’t want to have gaps in my memory for hours afterward #it’s not fair that other people inflicted all these traumatic experiences onto me #and now I have to process them and suffer the consequences #I told my therapist today that I’m angry at myself for not being able to spin enough plates #that if I had just been more attentive and had more energy and worked on my homework like I should have #I wouldn’t have suffered nearly as much from the deep distrust and constant surveillance academically #and if I hadn’t been so easy to manipulate and groom #my parents wouldn’t have had a good reason to violate my privacy and read all my text messages and browser history #I’m angry that I never earned my right to privacy #and I’m angry at my brain now (even though I know it’s unfair)#why can’t I just process this like a normal person #why do I have to have all these new scary symptoms I’m not used to #why can’t I just get therapy and face my traumas and anxieties and get over it quickly #and I know that’s unfair. and I’d never say that to somebody else.#I just want this all to be over with. I want a life where I don’t just stop functioning once a week.#I hate having to write off the rest of the day after a session because nothing gets done #and my brain turns into goo and I feel floaty and spacey and strangely unable to move or think #it’s not usually like I can’t respond at all. or pay attention. it just takes so much effort. and my body and brain feel strangely heavy #and clumsy. like I’m walking in a mech suit or something.#I want my brain back.#but I know that getting it back means doing this work now #which sucks and I don’t like it. esp since I don’t know for sure that this will ever go away.#it’s scary to lose memories of important events and lose chunks of time and feel like I can’t trust my own version of events #how can I know if I’m being gaslit if I cant trust my memory already? it terrifies me that I’m so vulnerable #anyway. rant over. sorry y’all.

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lapdogchase · 2 years ago

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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????

#text #IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS #LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big #like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant #do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem #like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my #broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting #a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it #like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess #regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it #in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially #but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again #because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee #ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d #down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting #thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense #THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist #what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth #NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️

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littlest-bugz · 7 months ago

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not to be dramatic, but I really wish I could be vulnerable with someone

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autisticlee · 2 years ago

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I hate when people who want to "help" me are only doing it to make themsleves happy or comfortable and not me.

when people are basically like "how dare you not take my advice and do what I told you! dont dismiss me and what I say! I don't care if it doesn't work for you/make you happy/makes things harder for you, it makes me feel good when you do what I say and listen to me!"

i've had friends like this. one more recently from an ex friend group who straight up told me I was dismissing her for not even "trying" to do what she says, despite me saying I tried it previously and it didn't work. she always got upset at me if I had any problems with her advice and it didn't work. telling me i'm lazy and dismissive and giving up and making her feel bad because she's "just trying to help"

if you want to help someone, you have to make then happy, not yourself. meet their needs and work out the roadblocks that get in the way. dont call them dismissive for not taking your advice when YOURE dismissive of their needs and struggles. it's not about you of you're "juat trying to help" and especially of you claim you care about the person.

#lee rambles #dont know what to tag this #the ex friend who most recently said this to me was also the same one who claimed to be autistic as a gotcha moment #to be dismissive of my struggles with being autistic because she can do thjngs easily so that means i should 🙄#she really is good at projecting. being dismissive of me and claiming im dismissive. gaslighting me and saying i am instead #idk what her issue was but she seemed to take out her issues on me??? after she kicked the one she liked least from thr group #who she previously projected her issues onto it seems like she moved to me until i was basically booted from the group through ghosting #and getting uninvited from the group trip for no reason. and she cant even talk to me herself. she sends our other friend to do it #one who i believe didn't actually have an issue with me but she still chose the manipulative one over me so i have issue with her #and they stole my pther friend from me and turned her against me #so i just left and gave up #screw them!!!!!#oops tags got super off topic um ignore these................#lee rants #i did manage to actually find a therapist that takes my insurance though so i cam discuss these things with her #so the more i write about them the easier i will be to collect them when i need to email them to her once we get there

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soft-bugs · 2 years ago

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!

#also update from one of my previous posts:#ive cut off a friend because i dont like how they treat me and our other friends and i have a lot of mixed emotions about it #like i dont hate them but i cant help but feel slight resentment after dealing with this for so long #i wish them nothing but the best but i just cant take it anymore im tired of being afraid to do or say literally anything #ive tried all that i can do and given all i can give to try to help them but nothings ever good enough i didnt ask to be a therapist #and im like devastated that its come to this it never used to be like this or at least ot was never this bad #it hurts so fucking much having to lose your friend of like 11-ish years for several reasons that have all just been building up #more and more over the course of like 3-6+ months #vent #bugs agere journal

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sanchos · 2 years ago

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just letting everyone know i absolutely SLAYED my first ever uni presentation🥲

#this was a BIG part of my grade and it took me so fucking long to do #but the presentation was the hardest part bc i have been avoiding it for 4 YEARS !! i lichrlly went to see a therapist only for that reason #bcs i knew i wouldnt be able to graduate if im not able to do presentations in front of the class #like id rather fail the entire class than speak in front of the class #also bcs i couldnt focus for shit like i couldnt even do the most simple assignment #BUT ANYWAYS #he interrupted me when i was at the end of the presentation and i was like 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️ but then he said thats hes gonna give me maximum #points #by he i mean the prof #and he was super impressed and didnt ask any follow up questions because he said i already said everything and that he sees that i get the #assignment #and i just….: ive always been a terrible student and this was just 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 one of my proudest moments fr #and the fact that i did the presentation without a panic attack……#i owe it all to my therapist love her sm cant wait to let her know !!!!!#GOODBYE AND EVERYONE IN CLASS WAS SAYING HOW SCARED THEY ARE TO DO THEIRS BC MINE WAS SO GOOD.. EGO BOOOOOOSTTTT thanks everyone 😎

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