#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem
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aropride · 2 years ago
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one thing i just do not fucking get is the difference between "regulating emotions" and "suppressing emotions" i cannot get my head around how those are different. like if im sad and then i go "well im not going to be sad anymore" that's "dissociating" and "suppressing healthy emotions" but if im sad and im like "well im going to cry until i actually pass out" that's "not healthy" and it's BAD to suppress emotions but it's ALSO BAD to get super upset so WHAT IS THE SECRET THIRD THING cuz i do not fucking get it. "feel your feelings But not that way that's not healthy feel your feelings but less than that" ???????
#text#IT'S DRIVING ME UP A WALL IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT FOR MOTNHS#LIKE????? is it like. like is this a me problem is this just me having feelings that are too big#like do other people just.. like for other people does 'feel your feelings' just mean like. feel sad for a while and then stop. cuz i cant#do that i dont get normal sad i get chest pain and think about killing my self for hours on end .is that the problem#like okay if i trip down the stairs and break my leg. im going to cry and go to the hospital. suppressing that would be just using my#broken leg anyway and ignoring it. would regulating it not also be Crying and going to the hospital. would regulating it be like.. putting#a bandaid on it or something is it like.. a middle ground . i do not fucking get it#like okay if i trip down the stairs and i scrape my knee and then i call an ambulance i see how thats not the right response . and i guess#regulating there would be like. calming down thinking things thru and choosing a less drastic solution like a bandaid. i get it#in that situation. but if ive ACTUALLY BROKEN MY LEG. then that would just be the first thing again essentially#but when i put that back into. real world not metaphor world. like. i dont get it again#because if theres not like. an obvious reason for however i feel how am i supposed to judge if im calling an ambulance for a scraped knee#ALSO I THOUGHT THERE 'ARENT ANY WRONG EMOTIONS' WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT -_-#okay no okay it's like. if i trip down the stairs and i skin my knee i dont have to call an ambulance. but if several times a day i fall d#down the stairs and skin my knee in that exact spot and now i can see bone. SHOULD I NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE?#cuz its not just one thing thats upsetting me most of the time it's a combination of a bunch of things and then like one extra upsetting#thing added on top of that. which would necessitate an ambulance. does this make sense#THIS IS GETTING ME NOWHERE IM STILL JUST AS CONFUSED AS I WAS BEFORE I STARTED TYPING. i need 2 remember 2 ask my therapist#what the fuck ''feel your feelings'' means and how it can coexist with ''regulating feelings'' or whatever cuz i feel like im missing smth#NIK OUT ! PEACE ! ✌️
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motionjames · 11 months ago
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More of me whining incessantly! I want to say that it's not all bad, but I can't say it's all good either... ^^" uwaaahhhn...
I will keep saying "it'll be okay!" even if I dont entirely believe it.
I don't want to complain to my roomates, I'm already lying around so much, and I don't want to cry in front of my sister... In the mornings I end up crying and she looks really worried. It's not out of sadness or even pain, it's just that my body is stressed from everything so it starts up like that. Most of all I feel frustration since I cant work and my day job is about to hit a deadline. I need to pay rent, and I cant let anybody down. But I've spent most of my days with this squeezing feeling and little needles.
It's probably some kind of heart condition but my doctor (who is very nice!) is unable to find anything at the moment. I always feel like I'm wasting her time, or that I'm lying about soemthing. But I'm not lying! I have to keep reminding myself! That kind of thing isnt normal everyday! But even then, I feel like I'm lying ^^"
So the only thing I can do recently is read and write. I'm almost finished with The Moon Is Down by John Steinbeck and om sort of sad that it nearly over because I've read everything else on my shelf... I should go to the library, but going out leaves me out of breath. Ah, I still have those books I need to return. Thank goodness there arent any late fees \( ^_^)/
That leaves writing. It's hard to focus for long periods so I try to cut it up into snippets. I have two vns I'm supposed to be putting out but I've been so slow... theres a story I wanna write that's really eviscerating, but I hafta finish these first. It struck me as really funny that I write about a buncha guys with pains in their chest and now I have a pain in my chest too. Wahahaha.
Growing up I would have a stabbing feeling whenever I felt some negative emotion, it was really embarrassing. It was like an intense squeezing with a knife in the side. But it's silly to talk about because it was all psychosomatic. Even as an adult I had those. I ended up writing about that kind of feeling subconsciously because I was so embarrassed.
There was a certain incident that happened and my mood worsened all around, even now I cant sleep properly, but around that time I started getting more intense pangs without warning. I started writing something on the side very transparently about that with a young man traveling around as a hole in his chest grows and eventually kills him. I dont know if I will ever put it out but I go back to it time to time for fun. Now, I have that feeling everyday no matter the mood. I wonder if this whole time it wasnt anything psychosomatic, but actually serious? I'm so dense! Uwaaaaahhh!
So all I can do at the moment is write. Not even that much, mind you. How annoying. I'm worried my bitter feelings will spill over or that it'll come out too ugly. I don't think so... At least the stories will be fine. Ah, but my head hurts. Everything is squeezing again. I wont cry, but maybe I will, but I wont! Ahhhh! I cant become more useless than I already am! I miss everyone a lot! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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violetnotez · 4 years ago
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HC: Seeing Them Shirtless for the First Time | JJK
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Should I be getting ready for work? Yes, yes I should be 💀
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Music Genre: Rock | JJK
Characters: Gojo, Itadori, Megumi 
Warnings: cursing, suggestive content
Music Collection | Tip Jar | Requests!
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Shop Owner Note: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS ONE-Gojos in particularrrrrr
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The first time you saw Gojo shirtless was during your first time being intimate with him.
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Gojo was just-perfect. You honestly couldn’t describe him any other way...yeah, he could sometimes be a pain in your ass with his boyish antics, but that somehow adds to that special charm he possesses. Even now, with his hands pinning yours above your head, lips molding into yours in a lustful heat, he was smiling as if he was having the time of his life. Gojo moved down from your lips, finally allowing you a second to breathe, instantly finding a spot on your neck, sucking and licking the skin as if his life depended on it. The sensation was overriding your system, your throat desperately trying to release a groan from the overwhelming sensation, intense heat traveling through your core. You felt him find the spot you were most sensitive in, that held back groan finally being stolen from your swollen lips. Embarrassment burst into your stomach, your knuckles tightening as you shifted to to the side, desperately trying to hide your face from making such a lewd reaction.
You felt Gojo chuckle against your skin, the vibration sending a shock wave throughout your spine and limbs. “Ah, Cmon doll, don’t be so shy,” he cooed, a devilish smirk encasing his features, “I like it when you make those little sounds for me.........and only me, right?” It was a taunt, a trap, and he knew it-if Gojo Satoru was anything, he was always confident in his abilities. And his ability to completely be able to control you, to keep you by his side, was no exception. Any other day, when you were thinking clearly you would Probabaly retort back with a back handed quip that would make him chuckle. But right now, with your head buzzing with adrenaline and only the thought of the way his skin felt against yours, his kisses burning into your flesh and the pulsating heat in your core...you just wanted him.
“Only you,” you whispered, voice wavering with nerves and adrenaline as your digits found the edge of his shirt, craving for more of his skin against yours. Gojo chuckled again, the sound warm and rich like molasses. Yet, his hand since again were on top of yours, now halting you in your pursuit of undressing him. “You really wanna do this doll? I’m not against it, not at all, but you dont have to-“
“I want to,” you interjected, face flushed with desperation, eyes wide with lust, “I want to so badly Gojo...I want you.” Gojo’s chest tightened at the words, a feral need exploding in his chest-god, the times he dreamed of this day and it’s finally happening...you were just too adorable, your hair tosseled from the heated make out sessions, lips puffy and skin so warm, your eyes practically begging him to devour you. How could he deny you that luxury, especially since you wanted it so much? He leaned in to your lips, digits tracing your skin in designs only he could imagine. He pulled away, mere centimeters from your skin. “You sure little one?” He asked again, using the nickname he gave you that always made you roll your eyes with a smile. It did just the trick, making you giggle at the name as you looked to the side-“I’ve always been ready, ya know.”
“Oh really?” He teased, that delicious smirk gracing his features. He leaned away from you, sitting up in the bed. “Well, I’m not too sure about that....” His digits wrapped around the hem of his shirt near his neck, pulling the fabric over his head and tossing it to the corner of his room. Gojo shook his hair out slightly, making the tendrils look even more chaotic than before. You felt your chest tighten by the sight of Gojo shirtless....you had imagined many times before, but seeing the real thing was way different, and way better. Gojo was built as perfectly as his personality, each muscle taught and visible in his abdomen and arms, the veins in his hand even more noticeable in the lighting. You gulped, staring at the way his sweatpants accentuated the dips of his hips, following down to the waist band of his boxers peaking out from his sweats.
Gojo noticed every gesture you made, loving how you drank in his form as he hovered over you. “Why don’t you take a picture-itll last longer,” he said as he leaned into your ear, earning a playful eye roll form you. He chuckled at your reaction, leaning back into your body, hands trailing the side of your waist. “Well if you’re not gonna take a picture....I don’t think it’s very fair that I’m the only one shirtless here....” your felt his digits find the hem of your shirt, teasingly tracing your skin under from underneath..
“So how about we change that, hm?”
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The first time you saw Itadori shirtless it was by pure chance- He just cant seem to remember to bring a spare tshirt into the bathroom when he showers.
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Yuuji cant seem to understand why your so flustered- he is so adorable and innocently oblivious its almost painful. Especially when he comes out of the bathroom from a shower, cotton candy pink hair still dripping with water droplets, slick adomen in full view, the “V” of his hip bones partially exposed from the band of his sweatpants. You just wanted to have a chill movie night with your boyfriend-but how can you think about choosing between a horror or a comedy when you have that in front of you? You gulp down a ball of saliva as Itadori casually talked about the different options of films, rummaging through his drawers for a clean shirt as if this was all a normal event-which it was not. Your eyes were glued onto him, drinking in every deifned dip and curve and trying to hold yourself back from thinking about...other ways this cozy date could end up....
But Yuuji knows you like the back of his hand....he knows when something is wrong with you, and you most deinfitely are not your self right now. He instantly begins to ask you questions, voice softly laced with worry. You reassure him your fine, really, but Itadori knows you way too well. He gently raises your chin with his pointer and middle finger, forcing you to look into his eyes. Your breathe gets hitched in your throat, brain suddenly and unbelievebaly clouded from being so so close to him, now knowing that the boyfriend you love so dearly looks like a damn god under his clothing making your heart ram against your chest. His voice was comforting and warm, eyes scanning your face for any sign of sadness or even maybe sickness. 
“Whats on your mind?” he asks gently, trying to coax a response out of you so he can put his worries at ease....until he hears the words “your abs”, blurt out of your mouth at warp speed, your tone dazed and then immediately embarrassed, horror on your face for saying soemthing so honest. He blinks a few times, clearly not expecting that to come from you....but he would be lying if he didnt say he enjoyed it once it set in. A warm chuckle tumbles out of Itadori, that bright boyish grin plastered on his face. He really didnt mean to make you so flustered,..but he’s not complaining
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The first time you saw Megumi shirtless was by force-he just hates being taken care of when he’s hurt.
Crimson red clumped against Megumi’s face, sticky and smeared glimpses of his pale skin glowing under the moonlight. His hair was matted down to his face from the slashes oozing out of his head, suit was slashed to bits, his ribs were killing him, and he had a limp on his left leg...but he was fine-honestly. Or that’s what he was trying to tell you...but you wouldn’t listen to a single second of the bull crap he was trying feed you. He was conflicted with emotions-on one hand, it almost annoyed him how utterly selfless you could be for him. It was 1am, the moon on its highest peak in the sky, and you were willing to play nurse for him....but on the other, it warmed him up inside that you did care so much. If he would allow himself to dwell on that emotion, he would admit-that it was .... nice....to have someone take care of him for once. He was used to bandaging each wound on his own, cleaning and disinfecting the soon to be battle scars, hissing to the walls at the pain it caused him. But with you there, you were soft, so gentle with him. Your touch was like a second adrenaline rush for him-you had yourself cradled in his lap, the skin of your thighs barely crazing his tattered uniform. Hands gently positioning his hair, pushing the wispy jet black strands away from the wounds.
“I can do this on my own,” he retorted quietly, his voice a few octaves lower from fatigue. “I bet you could..” you completely ignored him, continuing to busy yourself with closing a scrape on his skin with butterfly bandages. “-but why would I let you?” Megumi felt his breath hitch, taking a sharp breath in....any type of annoyance he felt with you being so god damn persistent instantly left his body, the only thing he can focus on was how much he loved your selfless nature-even if it could be annoying at times. But the instant he took in that deep breath, he felt a deep, guttural pain in his side, making him groan before he could stop it from spilling out of his mouth. That soft gaze you had turned to worry, your hands wrapping around his face, thumbs running smooth circles on his pale skin. “Your hurt....we’re going to need to-“
“N-no, I-“Megumi stuttered out, obviously flustered by the prospect of you seeing him so bare. “I-I’m fine. I can do this on my-“ his voice was stern and cold, yet the wavering tone made any attempt of sounding firm go invalid. You gave him a small smile, your fingers still running circles against his skin, making him look at you with nervous eyes. “Megumi, you are not fine,” you stated calmly, with eyes that simply said the opposite-you were genuinely worried for him. “please...you could have broken a rib, or done soemthing to cause a lot of damage...please, Megumi, I don’t want you to be in pain anymore.” You were asking him, pleading with him, and it broke Megumi in his core-he just couldn’t stand to see you look that scared for him of all people. Megumi sighed, eyes drifting down to the floor in hopes you couldn’t see his embarrassment as he gave in to you.
You helped Megumi shuffle out of his uniform, opting to cut it with some scissors halfway (as it was tattered to shreds already). Both of you were quite nervous...in your relationship, you had never down anything that would warrant for you to see each other’s body’s. So you being able to see him without a shirt felt like a huge step, even if it wasn’t such a big deal to an outsider. Once the fabric was finally off, you both sat in silence, your minds reeling. You knew Megumi was fit, but seeing exactly how much that work paid off brought heat flooding your body, your eyes focused on the way his breath contracted and relaxed his muscles, the moonlight catching the divots of his lower abdomen deliciously. Pale white Scars littered his skin from training, making his body even more mysterious to look at. Each scar was a story, some sort of battle, a lesson he had to learn...you wanted to learn about each and every one. Your hand felt drawn to them, digits slowly checking for signs of bruising, purposefully tracing those scars in order to burn them to memory. Fushigori was practically panicking, desperately trying to keep his heartrate lowered, the cool night air biting at his heated skin as your digits traced against his sides. You were only trying to detect the spots that could be damaged on his abdomen...but damn was it firing something inside him. He was feeling more comfortable like this, just relishing the feeling of your skin on his.
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whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years ago
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Denying Feelings on the Tiled Floor (Masky X F!Reader)
[Masky X F!Reader]
[Warnings: blood, angst]
[AN: I genuinely dont think I've posted this here before but it's from my quotev and I want it here lots of love <3]
Tim can’t really describe the first moment he knew he felt something for you, only that he did. And he knew the risks that came along with having such feelings.
Hanahaki, it’s a terrible disease, really. Instead of giving flowers to the person you love, you grow them in your lungs. If the person that you’re so willingly throwing your affections at doesn’t return them, you die. The flowers cloud your lungs and unfurl, sprouting and taking root as they invade your chest, making it harder and harder to breathe until you eventually choke.
He wasn’t supposed to have feelings for anyone, especially as a proxy and even more so as a respectable group leader. His job is to guide and lead, not feel softly for someone who might never return his feelings. Tim doesn't really think he even deserves to have these type of warm feelings, if he’s being honest.
Not after he failed to protect Brian. Not after he failed to protect Amy. Not after he failed to protect Sarah. Not after he failed to save Alex. Not after he barely managed to protect Jessica. And certainly not after he failed to do right by and protect Jay. His existence was always bound to be one of suffering, not warm feelings and sly glances at someone he feels so deeply for.
He supposes that’s where the Hanahaki comes in from. He can’t just have warm feelings, he must suffer for those two. The warmth he felt for you was at first a spark, small, floating on the wind from something greater and bigger than he could ever imagine. Then, it took hold on every part of him, consuming him until it was ablaze and the flames licked upwards to the heels of the sky.
It was something he never wanted to feel, something he wanted to shove back. But sometimes, it was pleasant, and sweet, and it lured him in like sailors to a siren song.
Sometimes it was just a little smile.
“Good work today,” Tim complimented as he patted your back, watching as you tiredly stumbled back into the house. “I wasn’t sure we were gonna be able to get that guy but you? You were on it.”
You glanced over your shoulder and smiled at him. “Thanks! He was a slipper bastard, but I make it work,” you giggled.
Tim chuckled and closed the door of the temp house his group was currently staying in. “Get some rest tonight, okay?”
“Why? We have something big tomorrow?” You asked, tilting your head slightly.
He followed you into the kitchen, watching as you began to rummage in the fridge for something cold to drink. “No,” he started. “I just want you to get some rest.”
You poked your head from back out of the fridge, genuinely smiling at him. “Sure thing, Masky.”
His heart skipped a beat.
Sometimes it was your laugh.
It had just been you and Tim in the car coming back from a late night convenience store run. Apparently, the rest of your group wanted to have a movie night but the snacks were severely lacking.
There was music playing in the car but he hadn’t been focused on it all. In fact, he was more focused on you telling him things from your childhood.
“I can’t believe they just let us do that,” you had giggled. “I know senior pranks can get out of hand but I’m certain we cost them thousands in actual damage and even more in water damage.”
Tim chuckled and nodded. “I remember for our senior prank, Hoodie and I got the bright idea to steal three pigs from one of the local farms in the area with a group of other guys, and marked them with a one, two and four,” he explained, watching from the corner of his eye as you began to grin. “So, we let them loose in the school and of course, the staff and the students that weren’t in on the prank spent the entire day looking for pig three-” he’s barely able to get the rest of the anecdote out before you burst into laughter.
Tim’s heart grows softer as he joins you, fighting the desire to hold your hand. You sound so beautiful to him.
Tim knows he can’t deny his feelings. He couldn’t try any harder, and unfortunately for him, he has the inkling you don’t feel the same. It’s painful because he can feel the seeds of that terrible disease spreading further and further, consuming him slowly.
You’ve mentioned it before, not wanting to be in love. Not desiring a relationship and by extension, him.
“I just don’t think I’m up for those kind of things,” you said one night as the two of you say up on the roof together.
He tilted his head slightly to the side. “What makes you say that?”
You shrugged. “I’m a proxy, and I don’t think love is in the roster for people like us.” You giggled slightly and fixed your posture before shaking your head. “I think the only types of people who would work with people like us is people like us. But, even then, I think we’re way too emotionally unstable.” You then paused and looked over to your group leader. “What about you?”
Tim shrugged, a small, sad smile on his face. “I think I’m in agreement with you.” He said it, but he doesn’t mean it. He watched you carefully after he said it, looking for any signs that you wanted to challenge him, and when he didn’t see them, he felt the flowers bloom.
Coughing is absolutely normal for Tim. He’s handled the Operator’s influence for far longer than anyone should, which has been since his childhood. It’s just his body’s natural reaction to being poisoned all those years. But what wasn’t normal was when he started coughing up petals.
Oh how he hates the color pink now. Carnations. They’re pink carnations. He has no idea why they’re pink carnations as you have shown no type of fondness or specific admiration for the type of flower, but they smell so sweet and the color reminds him of you. He tries to smoke his cigarettes more and more in a vain attempt to smoke the roots that have taken hold in his lungs before they consume him in his entirety.
But he knows he won’t stop them, and that he won’t give into that surgery. What’s the use of living if you cannot have the feelings that come alongside it? All of the things that still make proxies human, life, death, love and birth - peace and war? Happiness when you laugh with friends, confusion, anger and somberness. It’s worth it. Every single part of it is worth it. He doesn’t want to lose the warm feelings he has to you either,
Even if it kills him.
It’s not like you haven’t noticed Tim coughing up pink carnations. The way the sparsely blood covered flowers find their ways into vases or in the trash have been greatly concerning you, and as far as you can tell, it’s not from Toby, Brian, or Kate. The only habitual cougher is Tim, and that makes you concerned.
You don’t know how to feel about Tim most days, but you know it’s something sweeter than what should be allowed as a proxy. You’re finally making your decision when you think you’ve almost lost him.
It’s a warm summer night when you finally come to terms with how you feel. You’ve just returned from some kind of ‘cooperation mission’ with Eyeless Jack and Jeff and you are more than exhausted after the mess you had to put up with.
“Anyone home?” You call out. From the kitchen, you can smell fresh pastries. Looks like Kate and Toby have been baking again. You follow the scent and see platters of brownies, cookies and other sweets laid out on the countertops with little sticky notes telling you to only take from the brownies - the rest are for other proxy groups and independents.
You’re just about to pluck one of the fresh brownies when you hear coughing. It’s soft at first, thick, but sounds like normal Tim coughing. You wonder if you should head over and see if there’s anything he needs. “Masky?” You call out again.
He coughs again. “What?” He sounds exhausted.
“Do you need some water?”
“No, I don’t-” he begins to cough violently, and you swear you can hear something falling to the floor as he does so. Tim rumbles around his room, crawling out of bed as he continues to violently cough and to the bathroom.
Worried, you exit the kitchen hastily to see what’s wrong just to see him slinking into the bathroom. “Masky? What’s going on?” You ask in a growing concerned tone, walking down the darkened hall to where the bathroom light shines from under the door.
And there you see it, flowers. Pink in color, carnations. They’re soft under your shoe as opposed to the hardwood. You feel the blood run cold in your veins. “Tim? Tim? Tim, you gotta open up please-” you rush out as you begin to pound on the door.
“Don’t you dare!” He snarls, pushing his weight against the door, still coughing. “I don’t need your hel-” he practically coughs up his lungs as he falls to the floor.
You panic. “Shit, shit, shit!” You cry out as you lean back in the hallway. “I’m coming in!” You know he can’t really hear you as he continues to hack out his lungs, but you kick the door in, bursting it from its hinges. You catch it and practically tear it out of the frame before shoving it back into the hall.
You widen your eyes upon seeing the state of Tim and immediately fall downwards, your hands sliding over his trembling form. There’s blood all over the sink, the mirror, even some of the sub and on the floor. The red drops leave trails down his mouth like snail trails. “Oh my gods,” you murmur as you rest his head on his lap, stopping his skull from knocking around on the tile floor.
“You shouldn’t-” he coughs more. “You shouldn’t be in here!” He’s not able to reprimand you because he’s practically puking up a bouquet.
“Nonsense,” you shrug off, trying to bring him comfort. “What the hell brought this on?” Your fingertips gently trace around his mouth and help claw the budding flowers out. You’ve never hated carnations so much until now.
Tim glares up at you before closing his eyes in pain, feeling the flowers cloud his lungs further. “It’s nothing-”
“Does this look like nothing?” You sound so cross, but it’s just because you’re so worried about him.
A long, pregnant pause passes between the two of you.
You continue to pull the blossoms from his mouth before looking over his form, seeing how his hand is slowly reaching up for yours. “Tim…”
“I know,” he whispers. “I’m sorry, I never meant for you to-”
You shake your head, your hand reaching out to hold his. You grip him before taking his hand warmly up to the side of your face, allowing him to caress your cheek. “Don’t.”
“But it’s true,” he barely manages to wisp out. “I never meant to throw this onto you,” he finishes before weakly coughing up more petals and full budding flowers. He can barely breathe now.
You sigh as you press his hand up to your cheek just a little firmer, letting him feel your warmth before you softly pull him back. “Open your palm, please,” you say softly as your free hand fishes out yet another bundle of carnations.
He weakly nods, closing his eyes and giving into his labored breathing as his lungs compete with the roots and sick blossoms for air.
You sigh once again, a small smile crossing onto your face before you plant a kiss on the center of his palm, remaining for just a moment before allowing him to pull away all on his own. “You always had me you idiot,” you whisper as you watch his fingers curl inwards, gripping the kiss that you had just planted.
Tim looks up at you, starry eyed before resting his hand on your cheek again.
The garden in his lungs begins to wilt.
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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years ago
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Over.
For those who dont know here is the link for the first part of this lil thing :3
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You exhaled with a smile at seeing the new look on your apartment. It came with a generous amount of space on both living room and bedroom. Some of the Hassaikai members helped you with all the mobile and some boxes you still had to look over to put things back in order.
Humming to a song that was stuck in your head (and he wadled away wadle wadle) you kneeled on the ground to open a tiny box to start, but you soon frowned at seeing the contents of it...
It was a tiny little glass box, with a carnation safetly placed inside of it... along, it came a bit of your treasures you savored.. a pair of white yet with tiny little delicate detailsyou knrw he knew you love it; a tiny necklace, simple yet elegant, pingent of a heart attached to it; earings with the symbol of the hassaikai and others that were little white wings...
You soon took notice of the drops of tears that were falling down on your lap and inside the boz as you picked the earrings of the Hassaikai... Chisaki gave you this when you both started dating... it was the first ever gift he gave to you along with the carnation...
'I am by far one of the most normal men considering of what the society sees me... but I hope you that you have the patience to bear with me until I give you a life and a clean world to live in until there my dear.'
The words repeated on your head as sobs started to rip from your tgroat as you clenched the earing to the point they pierced your skin enough to hurt as you curped yourself on the floor in misery...
You wanted to forgive him. You wanted to forget what happened on that disgrace if a day...
But you just couldn't. You couldn't forget thhe warth yet neither that murderous gaze Kai had on you. You couldn't forget how his rough hands that usually touched you like you were made out of glass instead grabbed roughly on your arm to the point you cried in pain.
You couldn't forget how he used his quirk on you out of anger.
.
.
.
"Thank you." He muttered monotonously as he grabbed the bouquet full of roses, safetly wrapped up so it couldn't come in contact with him as he exuted the shop.
Ever since the accident, he hadn't been able to get sleep without having night terrors of the terrified look you had... the screams for him to get away from you, to not wven rouch you with a single finger...
He felt worse than the dirt his shoes collected while walking on the dirty streets of where he lived.
He stared at one single rouse out of all in the bouquet he just paid for it, sighing as he adjusted a petal that was a tad bit out of place only for him to accidentaly rip it from the poor flower.
He stopped at that, watching the petal dance while falling into the ground... his eyebrows frowned as he merely sighed after closing his eyes.
"It seems everything I do I end it up ruining it on a way or another..." he whispered to himself, lowering both arms in defeat.
In others it would be seen as childish for him to get all depressed over a simple petal falling from the bouquet... but not for him.
He was the one that was abandoned on the streets to starve; he was the one whose only brought problems more than pride to the man whose took care of him as his only son... he was the one that hurt and traumatized the one he loved over a anger tantrum...
What was wrong with him..? He though, bringing his free hand ro rub his face and sigh deepely.
Although, his ears peeked up at a sound of laughter. Your laughter. His precious angel's laughter which he hadn't heard from months... he swear he felt like crying in glee as he started to almost run towards that beautiful sound he oh missed so dearly.
What wasn't he expecting was get right in front of a scene that left his heart immediately dropping to his stomach... you were indeed laughing of course.
But in the arms of another man.
On the other side of the street he saw how the taller male bear hugged you and lifted you up off the ground and twirles you around as you squealed. Scrunching up your nose at him kissing hard on your cheek.
He slowly lowered down his hand where it held the bouquet as he stared at the scene that completely torn his insodes out as his eyes carried sadness and heartache...
Despite all of those feelings, he still found himself smiling as a tear ran down his face... it was better this way. You could have a normal life, not surrounded by body guards, not have to worry about constant magging of getting clean or sickness... having someone that could give you what you deserved...
He turned his back to walk away... but what wasn't him expecting was that you had noticed him. Walking away. You furrowed your eyebrows, and against your better judgment, you started to run toawrds him, not seing the open signal neither the car that was coming...
"Ka-Chisaki!" He heard you and let out a confused sound before turning and widening his eyes in horror and dropping the amount of flowers he had at the sign of a car coming and honking.
His feet moved before his mind could, his gloves already dissapeared as he shouted foe you or the car, he didn't know anymore, to stop.
Your eyes widened at the sound of honking and before could let out a sound you were engulfed in muscular arm, bringing you close to his chest as he almosy broke his wrist when making contact with the car and overhauling it in a question of seconds.
The screams were gone for a minute and all you could hear was your and Kai's heartbeat at top speed and his uncrotoled shorts of breath.
A half of the citizens clapped their hands while others immediately left the local as the owner of the car, a young man, finally recovered from the state of panic and got down angry yelling at both of you.
"You stupid bitch! Couldn't see a damn sign that I WAS THE ONE TO GO?! AND YOU TOO YOU DICK! You conpletely destroyed my car you asshole!" The male shouted as Kai put you back on your feet as he glared daggers at the short man.
"If a car cost more than a life so there-" the car was back in shape as soons as he destroyed "You can have it. But just for you to know I am not just an 'asshole' as you reffered me." He growled between teeh as you tensed... you knew that tone of voicw way too well...
"Pff-! Yeah whatever old man-" Chisaki grabbed the hem of the shit of the man and stared dead in his eye "H-Hey! Let go basta-"
"You're bold enough ti call the leader of the yakusa a bastard, arent you?" He growled, and the life of the brunnete seemes to fade away from his eyes as he heard those words.
Before you could say something the scared male face was brought to you as Kai growled and overhauled just a tad bit of yhe hem of his shirt to prove his point.
"This you rascal. Is not a bitch. She is a woman. One that deserves respects and was almost killed by you driving at an unforgible speed you irresponsible germ. So before I lose my patience, say your apologies. Now."
The man stuttered some apologies as your eyes widened at Chisaki before he let go of the brunnete to dall on his knees qs Kai glared at him.
"Get out of my sign before I change my kind on cutting your fingers off."
You stared dumbfounded at the zpeed the little man had to enter his car and get the hell out of thwre becore you gasped at seing Chisaki starting to walk away from you once again.
"H-Hey! Chisaki!" You called but he only stopped and crouched down "You're seriously not gonna say-" you stopped when he got up and turnes to you with a brojen face as he stared at the absolute destroyed bouquet... the majority of them were sprawled on the ground and somewere broken and petals lost and sprawled on the ground and on the street.
"I'm sorry," He mumbled as you stared confusely until he spoke on a sadder tone "Those were meant for you.." you hesitantly grabbed and stared in pity yet a tad bit of ahocked at the warmth you felt on your chest.
"You.. didn't had to." He sinply blinked at your astonished expression.
"I know. But is the least I could do." He muttered before a bit of awkward silence was in the air as you stared at the white roses in your hand, threatening to appear a smile on your lips until the man just sighed and turned midway away from you.
"Have a good afternoon." You eyes widened and before you could even mutter the words wait, he just left. Hands stuffed on his pockets and head hung low.
You furrowed your eyebrows before your eyes dropped to the ground where a mess of white petals and broken roaes were sprawled...
You buffed before looking at a meteo station and walking on the direction of your new apartment.
.
.
"You know," he heard the old male's voice ring from the door way as he tried to listen to some calm music layed on his bed and documments on hand "You could take a break now at then Chisaki, maybe some tea to help calm those nervs boy." He stopped reading for a moment as he sighed, looking at Pops unamused.
"Thank you for the offer. But I shall decline."
"Son you camt expect to just succumb into depression like that and think I would allow it." The words of the epder shocked him to some instant before he hesitantly locked eyes with grey ones "I bet you havent triies to verbally apologize to them even once, am I wrong?" Pops croased his arms as he stared at the man dressed in black.
"... try saying sorry for breaking a cup. The word itself wont make the cup return to its original form, it will still be broken." He sighed as he placed the papers on the desn after getting up "This is the same situation. Is not like I deserve or neither knows how to love someone anyway."
"So you just will accept (Y/n) to walk out, end things and be like that?" The elder gesture with his hand at Chisaki "You want to end things with the one you claimed to lo-"
"I didn't want it too, OKAY?!" he banged his fist on the desk as he droppes his head with closed eyes as Pops frowned "I didn't... I.. I cant take the thought of (Y/n) leaving me... but at the same time.." the elder widened hsi eyes at the drop of water that fell on the papers, staining a bit.
"I cant take the thought..of hurting such an angel like I did again... I wouldn't forgive myself." He spoke through teeth in hopes a sob wouldn't escaped until he felt the hand of his mentor pulling him into a firm hug.
"And you say you dont know how to love, huh?" Pops muttered with a smile whipe putting all of his force on the hug as Chisaki's tears deopped silently "Idiot boy, you are just as worth to love someone as anyone else. A mistake wont lwt you stop you if you do know you were on the wrong of it and want to be better." His hand patter the brown hair of Kai much as he did inumerous times as when he was just a child.
He pushed Kai away and sadly smirked at seeing the face of Chisaki all stained with dry tears but no traces of redness... just a broken look.
"When you act like this. Like a man. Is the times I am most proud of you, my son." His breath hitched at the male's words "i will get some herbal tea wether you want it or not. And believe me boy, things are going to get better soon or later."
"... sounds impossible." He muttered as soon as the elder left the room and closed the door.
.
.
.
It was his birthday. Tommorow was his birthday.
You frowned before inhaling sharply. It would complete almost three months since you just stopped talking with him. You were better. But you continually beated yourself up for craving that man's touch or just for hearing some word out of him.
The tiny little presents had stopped when you read a card where he apologized to seen like a stalker and would leave you alone for you to move on. One day after the day you almost got run over by a car and he had saved you and even defended your moral from that asshole that almost shitted his pants at only knowing Chisaki was from the yakusa.
You sighed... this was the first of a ever time Kai had hurted you... and this seemed like it did not only affected you. You sure was hoping for Kai to get possesive or even threatening you to come back to him like many cases you saw on the T.v. But you should have know that by now, Kai was different.
Despite how much he denied, he was a old and gentleman at heart, always looking for ways to please you through gifts since he hadn't has any form of touching in his lifetime that he didn't saw as sick...
... that was it. You had decided over fighting with yourself over three weeks by now.
You were going to give Chisaki. Your Kai Chisaki, another chance.
Packing your purse and everything you could carry on your suitcase, you locked the door of your apartment and left on destination of the house of the Shie Hassaikai.
.
.
.
The gates openes coincdentaly when a black car entered and you took the chance to sneak in. Tip toeing to your once shared bedroom and letting your things over there before you jumped with a squeal at a soind of cough.
"Is such a pleasure to have you back here my dear." You smiled at the old man's face and immediately hugged him, catching the elder in surprise before he chuckled and returned your hug "Care if I may ask why are you back out of the sudden?"
"I... I missed your son. So much." You spoke in embarrassment as the elder smiled and showed with his hand the hallway.
"I guess he is on a room reading something, go text your luck." You nodded, bowing with gratitide as you hesitantly walked and indeed found Kai sitting on a sofa, leg crossed over another as he read a book.
"'The only thing we never get enough of, is love; and the only thing we dont give enough of is also love.' Tsk... not a tad bit wrong Miller sir.." you heard your boyfriend mumbling to himself as he closed the book with a sigh to rub between hsi eyebrows.
You took careful steps while arms crosses behind your back as you looked at his hunched over form and messy dark brow hair.
"I never took you the type to read love quotes." You speak quietly, giggling at how Chisaki flinched and opened his eyes wide at seeing you just mere feet away from him "Hi."
"(Y/n)?" He spoke almost in disbelief as he stood up , hope on his eye swith a fraction of second before returning to that hollow look "What.. what brings you here?"
You rubbed your arm while taking carefull steps towards him, seeing how tense he was.
"I.. think we should at least had talked.. before all of this happened at least."
"You dont have too." He immediatly replied with a stoic look "Is all clear. And I dont take your reasons away from you. You have the right to have a life of your own." You furrowed your eyebrows and honestly being hurt by his words.
"What? So.. so you are okay with this? W-With.. is all this about us?" You pointed at the two of you as sadness overtook his features.
"... I juust know is for the best. For your happiness and safety at least. You dont have to make excuses to make me feel better. I know what I did. And believe, I regret it and hate myself with every piece of my soul."
"Well... I sure cant just pat your head and tell that 'aw baby it was nothing you want a cookie?'-" you saw how he cringed at your words and looked down at his feet "But... but I can say other things." He arched an eyebrows before his breath hitched when he felt your arma circle his chest as you rested your cheek where you could hear his heartbeat...
He stood there with hands on the air in both fear of hurring you and conoekte shock until you spoke something that completely broke him.
"I forgive you Kai... we can still be together... if you want of course."
The sobs ripped from his theoat without warning as his arms came down to gently hold you as he buries his face in your for the sake of his pride.
You felt tears of your own fall as well, staining Kai black social shirt, which he wa completely hot on it, as you clinged for dear life on him, after months finally feeling secure on his arms like you used to do...
"I'm so sorry..." he mumblex, swallowing a hiccup as he rested his chin on your head as you closed your eyes to let the tears fall.
"I know..." you mumbled before parting away from hin as you both stared at eachother until you smiled sadly as he wiped your tears away as you mirrored his actions. "Who would have thought.. a simple quirkless girl making the big bad yakusa cry like a child." You giggled as you saw the hint of tiny smirk beneath that mask.
You saw how he pushed down the said article to reveap his whole handsome face as he stares back at you.
"Should we start all over then?" You offered as his eyebrows quirked up.
"What about that guy you were talking with before... the almost acvident if you could say."
"... my friend thhat was telling me about his wedding in the next month you mean?" You asked with a tiny laugh as his face dropped in realization. "Y-You thought I was dating him?!"
"Well..." he sighed, looking away from you " You had your reasons to."
He widened his eyes at the sudden touch of your hands on his jaw and almost gasped when you pulled him to crush your lips with his... finaly registering what was happening he allowed himself to close his eyes and just... enjoy the moment.
"My jelly bean." You whispered with foreheads conected as Kai scoffed with a smile.
"Dont start with the stupid nicknames now." You smiled at him before he hesitamtly put his hands on your waist "so.. about what happened-" you shushed him gently before ppacing a more sweet kiss on his lips.
"Hush, is over now. In the past. I know you didn't meaant it, and I forgive you. Dont overthinking about it okay? Is over now my love." You nuzzled on his neck as he leg out a watery chuckle and engulfing you on his arms.
".. I guess.. I guess is over." He smiled as he closed his eyes and breathe din the svent he so desperately craved for months.
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jadedxrealityw · 4 years ago
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-Betrayed- Draco Malfoy x Female Reader
♡~🐍~♡
  Request:  Hi Kody! Can you do a jealous/protectv Draco where you're dating but every boy likes you and thinks you're super pretty and cute even though you're a Slytherin and you're always getting stare from boys especially your childhood best friend Lorenzo who also has a crush on you. He like pulls you aside to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom from Draco one day and touches you and you scream for Draco and that like the sectumsempra scene except as soon as Draco shows up and tries to help you, Enzo crucios you?
  Kody: Woke up and chose violence huh? 
  Year: 7th
  House: Slytherin
  Possible Triggers/Warnings: cursing, Draco being the badass protective boyfriend he is, attempted sexual assault, wack ass best friends, reader harm.
   ♡~🐍~♡
   saturday mornings were always the best. The weekend was starting and you were ready to just hang out with friends and spend some much loved quality time with Draco, your boyfriend. Yes. You, Y/n L/n were in a very loving relationship with the Slytherin prince himself.
   you remembered the day he asked you to be his girlfriend quite clearly. He was so surprised you said yes, saying things along the lines of “But your so out of my league” or “are you really sure” it took you a total of 15 minutes to convince him that you indeed wanted to be with him.
   now half a year later you both were the power couple of the school with people labeling you as the “hottest slytherin girl” which you found quite creepy. Boys always had there eyes on you and it wasn’t always the most pleasant feeling to be watched, unless it was Draco. Then you liked the attention.
   Draco especially didn’t like the looks guys gave you, calling them “horny bastards” and other insults. At least you had one normal guy friend (or so you thought). Lorenzo. He was your childhood best friend and couldn’t imagine your life without him.
   your boyfriend sure could. Draco knew Lorenzo was just like all the rest of the guys at Hogwarts. A horny bastard. He gave you the weirdest, lustful looks when you weren’t looking, but Draco was. He had tried to tell you about Lorenzo, but you always reassured him that it was just his jealousy getting to him.
   Draco would unfortunately be proven right today. 
    ♡~🐍~♡
   “Darling, it’s time to get up” Draco slowly shook your unconscious body. You start to stir, until your e/c eyes open up. As soon as you see Draco, you smile “Hi” you whisper in a tired morning voice. He cracks a smile and leans down to plant a chaste kiss to your lips.
   you had stayed in Draco’s dorm the night before because well- why not? “Do i have too?” you ask. not wanting to ruin the perfect position you were in at the moment. He lets out a quiet snicker before nodding his head “yes, my love. Now lets get ready. I’m sure you’ve left enough clothes here.”
   Draco pulls the black duvet off of his body and gets out of bed. You groan in frustration before getting up yourself. “Stupid mornings” you grumble, your boyfriend laughing at your childish behavior. “I know dear, so sad” he puts on a mock pout as he reaches down to pull his shirt off.
   you take a second glance at his toned chest. Hot damn. He raises a brow, a smirk plastered on his face “Eyes up here Y/n or i’ll give you something to look at” his tone was low and demanding. A shiver ran up your spine as you walk over to one of the drawers, face flushed.
   you dig out a dark green sweater, a light green plaid tennis skirt and black stockings. You began to put on your clothes and Draco did as well. The whole process only took about ten minutes. Once you slipped the skirt on, you felt a pair of hands grip your waist.
   a quick kiss was placed behind your ear “You look stunning. I wish no one else could see you this way” he whispers, his warm breath hitting the back of your neck. You let out a small whine “Can we hurry up and leave, so we can hurry up and get back” 
   he chuckles deeply and lets go of your waist, only to grip your hand. “I can agree with that” he opens his door and you both head out.
    ♡~🐍~♡
   walking down the hall, you feel Draco’s hand grip yours tighter “Honey, calm down before you break my ring finger” you spoke in a sickenly sweet tone. You tug your hand away and pout. He looks over at you and sighs deeply “I’m sorry, it’s just hard to not kill every male in this school”
   what a big baby “I know, but i’m all yours, remember that” you nod once. A smile graces his lips at your words as he looks forward. “Thank you Y/n. Sorry for overreacting again- Y/n?” he spoke, when he had turned to look at you once again. You were gone.
   as Draco spoke someone grabbed your arm and had pulled you into Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom. You squealed loudly and hit whoever had dragged you in here. “Ouch! Y/n what the hell?!” wait- you knew that voice. You look behind yourself and saw Lorenzo. 
   you let out a small laugh “Enzo! i’m sorry! You scared me. Real funny by the way” you chuckle. “I need to talk to you about something” he speaks seriously, which catches you off guard. “Okay? Sure” you shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. 
   his eyes wander your body a little to long as he gulps. Strange. “We’ve been friends a long time Y/n” he starts, stepping forward towards you. You nod with a small smile “Of course we have silly” he cracks a smile. “and i know everything about you and vise versa”
   another step forward. You back up a bit. “Uh huh?” you say, a little unsure about where this conversation was going. He seemed to be at loss of words for a moment. Before you could say anything else he had pinned you against the bathroom wall.
   your eyes widened in shock and you instantly went to push him away “Enzo?! What the fuck!? Get off of me!” you shout, using your hands to shove his chest, but he was way stronger than you. His hand went to your thigh, running it over the stockings “You’re so beautiful Y/n” he whispered into your ear.
   a terrible feeling churned in your stomach. You felt sick. Why was he doing this? “Let me go!” you protest, tears forming in the corner of your eyes. His hand gets dangerously close to your- yeah. “Why can’t you love me the way you love-” “DRACO!” you shout, his eyes go wide. 
   not even a slip second later your Slytherin boyfriend busts through the door. His eyes scan the sight and he looks furious “Get the bloody hell off my girlfriend you sick fuck!” venom laced with each word. While Enzo is distracted you duck under his arm.
   Enzo pulls out his wand and points it at Draco “Crucio!” he yells. Draco dodges the spell and rushes over to you “Are you alright?” he asked, grabbing your hand. You nod, which relieves him in some way. “You don’t deserve her! I’ve known her longer!” Enzo shouts Crucio again.
   Draco went to reach for his wand, but it’s too late. You drop to the floor, letting out a blood curdling scream. One that makes his heart tug harshly. “Y/n!” he drops to the floor as your body spasmed violently. Enzo dropped his wand and went to walk over to you.
   before Enzo could take another step Draco protectively grabs your body and pulls you closer to him by your waist “Stay the fuck away you piece of fucking shit! Never show your face to me or Y/n again i will end you! Remember this, your only alive because your her friend! Now fucking go!”
   your friend looked hurt by his words, but Draco was right in every word he said. Enzo collected his wand and left the bathroom. The pain had started to subside, but small whines and whimpers left your mouth, body shivering. He held your held close to his chest.
   “Fuck. i’m so sorry darling. I promise the pain will go away just breathe” he tries to give you a reassuring smile, but tears spilled out instead. “Shit” he cursed and scooped your body in his arms. He stands up and makes his way out the bathroom.
    ♡~🐍~♡
   he walked out, gazing at your face. It was tear stained and your eyes were shut tightly. “Malfoy?” his head snapped to the direction of the voice. Great the golden trio. Just peachy. “Piss o..off” he hissed like second nature, but his voice was cracked and hoarse. Harry looked irritated by his choice of words.
   “What’s happened to Y/n? Why is she shivering?” Hermione spoke up, pushing past the two Gryffindor boys in front of her. Draco looked away from her and at your face. His brain couldn’t function at the moment, unable to form words. “Draco? What. Happened?”
   Hermione spoke in a calm tone. She could clearly tell Draco was distressed, which was the cause of his silence. He sniffles before answering “C..Cruciatus curse. I..i was to slow..” he started to sputter. Hermione nods, smiling lightly “We need to bring her to the hospital wing. Okay?”
   Draco looked back and forth between both girls before nodding “O..Okay.” he repeats. Ron and Harry were confused as all hell about what was going on, but followed Hermione as she led Draco to the hospital wing where you could be treated.
    ♡~🐍~♡
   your eyes slowly opened. You saw white all around you. Where the hell were you at right now? As your eyes adjusted, the room started to look familiar. The hospital wing. “Madam pomfrey?” you spoke, expecting her to be near enough to hear. “Love?” that was not a woman's voice.
   you turn your head slowly to the left and see a very disheveled Draco Malfoy sitting in a chair next to the bed you were occupying. “A small smile forms on your face “Draco? You look terrible” he laughs quietly, grabbing your hand “I know. It’s been a rough day”
   you nod slowly, the memories of the previous events flooding your head like a harsh tidal wave. Enzo. He had betrayed you in the worst way possible. “It has. I’m sorry i worried you so much” a pout replaced your smile. He shakes his head “No, dont say sorry. It’s that bastards fault. He hurt you”
   “What happened to Enzo by the way? Is he in trouble?” you asked. Even if he did hurt you, he was still somebody important to you. “Granger ended up reporting him to Dumbledore on her own accord. He was expelled two hours later.” you looked slightly confused.
   “Hermione? Since when were you friendly with a Gryffindor” you asked. He rolls his eyes with a small grin “Oh yes. Potter and Weasley as well. I was a bit out of sorts when they found me with you so they guided me here. Helped me” he explained, his eyes averting to your hand in his.
   “I’ll have to thank them later then” You say, a crash is heard outside the door “No need!” Hermione yelled through the door. You chuckled as Draco narrowed his eyes “Get away from the door! Come back later!” he shouts. Shuffling was heard and a array of footsteps running away.
   “Come back later? Is this friendship i smell?” you say with a smug smile. He rolls his grey eyes as he plants a quick kiss on your lips “Maybe” he spoke, making you smile brightly. 
   “I heard a maybe!”
   “Ron!”
   “Ron!”
    ♡~🐍~♡
   Kody: Boom done. Had to add a bit of funny hunny at the end. My scoliosis is kicking in so in fear that my spine is going to turn into a wet noodle. Drink some water, eat some food, touch some grass. yeah i see you reading smut.  Anyways, peace.
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tooweirdforyou · 4 years ago
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Straw Hats With A Shipmate Who Feels Useless
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A/N : this was really sweet and sad to me when I thought about it so I wanted to write it. Hopefully y’all enjoy.
Summary : The Straw Hats react to their shipmate feeling useless and a burden to the crew.
You didn't understand why you were still on the ship.
The group had just left from Water 7 with a new recruit, Franky, Robin came back, Usopp had returned to join the crew once more and you all just managed to get past the marines.
Throughout the whole time on Water 7 and Ennies Lobby, the goal of retrieving Robin back from CP-9 from Lucci and the marines, you were completely of no help at all.
Literally. You couldn’t help Nami and Sanji with their separate battles with the CP-9 members, you couldn’t aid Chopper and Franky with their battles, Zoro and Sniper King with the cuffs and two CP-9 Zoan agents, and MUCH LESS, Luffy with Lucci.
You spent the whole time just struggling to get past the chaotic mess from Franky’s family, trying to find where Robin was, and let’s not even start on trying to even find your way through the maze of the building you were in.
When you found Zoro and Sniper King, you tried to aid them by attacking the Zoan agents to the best of your ability, but it didn’t take long for them to knock you out.
Then with Sanji who was completely soaped up from Khalifah and Nami currently fighting against her, you tried to help Sanji return to normal but only ended up just freaking out and growing frustrated that you weren’t able to do anything so you left him to find the others to help.
When the crew finally made it to the top, where Robin was free and Luffy still fighting with Lucci, you constantly needed to be protected by Zoro, Robin and Franky since you weren’t aware of your surroundings.
When the whole thing was finally over, getting back to Water 7, you just kept to yourself to deal with your injuries, refusing Chopper’s help with a simple smile.
“I’m fine, Chopper. Focus on the others and yourself. You worked hard.”
And then you would avoid them throughout the several days, waiting until Luffy finally convinced Franky to join them on their newly built ship, the Thousand Sunny.
Of course by then, the others got over the whole chaotic mess and were just relaxing. But the thought and memory kept eating at you and you couldn’t relax at all.
Not wanting to bother others, you only kept quiet most of the time and would offer small smiles to them so they wouldn’t worry.
So here you were.
Chopper was in the medical bay with Robin, Nami in the kitchen with Sanji and Luffy, Franky and Usopp on the main deck together, and you were sitting, leaning against the railing, continuously thinking about the events that had occurred.
Unable to stop the deep frown that forms upon your lips, you glance down to the floor of the ship, bringing your hands to your head and knees to your chest with your elbows resting upon them.
"You can stop that now."
Hearing a sudden voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you glance beside you, seeing Zoro with his arms crossed and eyes closed.
"Oh, Zoro.. I didn’t see you there."
Zoro opens an eye and stares at you, ignoring your comment. "You’ve been quiet ever since Ennies Lobby. If it’s about what happened, who cares. Whatever’s bothering you though, we’re here to listen. So don’t keep it to yourself and just tell us."
You purse your lips and turn back to the floorboards. "There’s nothing on my mind, Zoro. Sorry if it seems that way, I’m probably just feeling tired, so I-"
Zoro only stood up and made his way over, you watching him crouch down in front of you with a rather serious expression with narrowed eyes. “What is it?”
By then, the others were all outside on the deck, staring and listening in from where they were.
No one said a word to interrupt, just listening in since they too, noticed how quiet and different you’ve been acting.
You just bit your lip before looking up at him with a smile. “I’m fine, Zoro!”
You stand up and brush off your clothes before smiling at the others who were watching. “I’m okay, I’m just feeling tired lately is all. I’ll go get some sleep.”
Luffy stares blankly at you, the others not convinced either but they didn’t say anything as they watch you begin heading to the bedroom.
When you finally close the door, you lean against it silently before biting your lip and clenching your jaw.
You were silent for a moment, thoughts running through your mind.
‘Even the others are starting to notice huh?’
Unable to hold back the tears forming in your eyes, you silently let them fall as you clenched your fists and held your head down in shame and humiliation.
‘Why did Luffy invite me onto his ship? I’m not fit for a pirate life. I much less don’t deserve to be on the ship of the future Pirate King..’
You punch the ground hard, feeling your knuckles throbbing with pain and a bit of blood forming as you continued to punch the ground in frustration.
‘Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why me?!’
You continued to sit there and cry in silence, unable to stop the flowing tears as you bask in the misery you held.
Unknown to you, the members could hear clearly of your not so silent cries and anger with punching the ship. None of them said anything.
Deciding that it was enough, you knew what you had to do tomorrow.
-
When you woke up from your bed the next day, you were dehydrated and exhausted. You ended up crying yourself to sleep after crawling into bed.
So you got up, made sure your face was washed so it wasn’t so puffy and red. After you deemed yourself decent, you headed up to the kitchen where you found the crew eating.
They all turn to you in silence, a few offering smiles to which you return with your own small one and began heading to the fridge. Sanji was washing dishes, Zoro and Franky sitting on the couch whilst the others sat at the table.
It was quiet.
You open the fridge and grab a bottle of water, opening it up and taking a sip before exhaling softly.
You grip the bottle in your hand after you closed it tightly and then spun on your heel to face the crew, giving them your best smile.
“Hey! So..”
They all look to you, listening closely to see what you had to say.
“Yeah?” Nami asks with her sweet smile, patiently waiting. “What’s up?”
You saw how kind they were towards you, making you chew on your lower lip at their kind expressions.
It made you hesitate on your next words, but you knew you had to.
“Um.. the next time we go stop at an island..” you awkwardly shift your weight to the other foot as you cleared your throat, trying to recollect your thoughts.
“Can..can I maybe stay there? I can stay at the island, or maybe find a trade ship that docks there and ask if they can stop at another island or something!”
Silence overtook the crew.
They certainly weren’t expecting you to say that. They did expect you to insist that you were okay, or maybe talk to them about what happened yesterday.
They never would’ve thought that you would suggest for yourself to leave the crew.
“..No.”
Everyone turns to the owner of the voice, to see their captain with his head lowered and his hat sitting tightly on his head.
“Luffy?” You furrow your brows at his sudden rejection to your suggestion. “Why?”
“You’re asking me why? I already said no, I refuse to let you leave!” Luffy looks up as he shouts, eyes narrowed at you. The outburst startling the crew.
“Why not? I don’t belong here! I’m not fit to be a pirate, much less this one! I don’t understand why you want me here when I’m of no use!”
After having dealt with Usopp’s argument and leave of the crew in the beginning of Water 7, the crew definitely didn’t have the heart to handle another situation like that.
“What the hell are you talking about, [Name]?! I invited you into my crew because I liked you and the crew likes you, so of course you belong here!” Luffy argues, clenching his fists. He didn’t want another repeat of Usopp’s situation either.
“[Name]-Chan, lets calm down and talk this over.” Sanji reasoned, Nami nodding her head in agreement. “[Name], it’ll be okay, lets—“
Usopp couldn’t say anything, the memory of his own event flashing in his eyes and the regret running through his mind.
Chopper was too afraid to interject, tearing up at the thought of you leaving.
Robin frowns slightly, closing her eyes and waited to see what else would happen before stepping in.
Franky was the newest recruit and didn’t think it was his place to stop anything happening yet, but if it grew further, he’d step in.
Zoro was just silent, his eyes closed, but you could see how tense he was.
“Luffy, please! I’m telling you, I’m just useless here! I have no place on this ship. I’m not a cook, a navigator, an archaeologist, a sniper, a swordsman, a shipwright, a doctor and I’m not a muscian!.... I.. I don’t belong here, Luffy.. please.”
Tears welled up in your eyes as you drop your arms to your side, clenching your fists tightly that your nails dug into your own skin to make it bleed.
The others were stunned, unable to say anything as Luffy was growing even more irritated and annoyed with you. “Shut up, [Name]. You’re pissing me off.” He bluntly stated, shocking the others.
He widens his glare at you as he stood up. “YOU’RE MY FRIEND! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU DONT HAVE ANY SPECIAL POSITION HERE! YOU’RE ON THIS SHIP BECAUSE YOU’RE OUR FRIEND AND WE’RE YOURS, RIGHT?!”
Hearing his words made you gasp as you shut your lips and felt your tears falling faster at it, Luffy getting ready to lunge at you but Franky and Sanji held him back.
“SO STOP CRYING AND DON’T EVER THINK OF YOURSELF AS A BURDEN! I’LL SCREAM IT TO YOU AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS EVERYDAY UNTIL YOU FINALLY REALIZE IT! WE WILL NEVER MAKE YOU CRY TEARS OF SADNESS BECAUSE WE’RE YOUR FRIENDS! ANYONE WHO MAKES YOU SAD IS GONNA FEEL MY WRATH AND I’LL KILL THEM!”
You sobbed harder at his words, dropping to your knees as you brought your hands up to your face to cover it. The bottle long forgotten as the others just stare and Luffy finally calmed down, panting heavily.
They turn to you with small smiles.
“He’s right, [Name].” Nami says softly, Robin nodding along. “Yes. We’re always by your side. You are always our friend, and always welcomed here.”
Nami stood up and began making her way over to your side, crouching down beside you and wrapped an arm around your neck. She smiles brightly at the sight of you sobbing at their kindness.
Franky started tearing up, wiping his eyes. “HOW EMOTIONAL!”
Chopper and Usopp were also sniffling, trying their best to not cry but they couldn’t help it.
Snot already running down their nose as Chopper jumped down and lunges himself into you, clinging on, with his own loud sobs filling the room.
Sanji and Zoro only smiled at their captain’s effect and your figure, knowing that you finally learned how your crew and friends felt.
Suddenly, you felt a hand on top of your head, ruffling up your head a bit and you slowly glance up to see Zoro pressing his hand down on you, a small smirk present on his lips.
"No one is at fault. No one is useless on this ship. The captain invited you onto his ship because you are our friend, someone he cares about and would risk his life for. Everyone on this ship would risk their lives for each other, even if it meant death. You are now part of our crew so that means you too. So don't ever say those words again."
Listening and agreeing with the swordsman, they all offer you their signature smiles, your eyes widening more at them as you wipe your tears.
Seeing their contagious smiles, you couldn’t help but give your own genuine smile through your tears.
"Thank you.. everyone.”
Luffy, no longer feeling the anger from just moments prior, secures the hat on top of his head before grinning widely at you.
“Of course!”
You weren’t a burden. You weren’t useless. There was always a place for you here. You were part of their family, and they’d die for you.
-
A/N : This might seemed a little rushed or all over the place, so sorry ;-;
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heyitsyn · 4 years ago
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Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. ∞
a/n: this made me tear up a bit ngl bc haikyuu always hitting us with ‘theres no next year for us’ typa bull like BLS TAKE PITY ON MY SOUL AND STOP TIME AND KEEP MY BOYS TOGETHER :(((((((
it has an infinity symbol bc this is in the future so there isnt really an episode number 
for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!
anon:
the third years coming back to seijoh the following year for a surprise visit, and watching over practice cuz they were in town for break. being impressed on how kyo has calmed down (a bit), kunimi actually giving a sh-, yknow the deal. just the growth of their kouhai makes them 🥺🥺 but THEN- Y O U walk in with the team’s bottles n the small gasp that comes out of your mouth when you see them. they GAWK cuz you’re maturing SO well (stfu oikawa- my eyes up are here) and just 🥺🤲
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SO LIKE UNLESS YOURE NEW TO MY BLOG YOU KNOW THIS FINNA BE A SAD ONE BC SEIJOH THIRD YEARS ARE MY FAVORITE BOIS AND THEM GRADUATING MAKES ME :(
oh god here comes the tears
so
it was something you knew was coming since yanno, third years and all that
but you were so sure you had more time left before it happened
didnt you just join the team and met them like yesterday?
nope love you met nearly a year ago
and they made quite an impact on you in the short term you were together
so during the day of graduation
it wasnt really a school day since it was mostly for third years and the whole ceremony but kouhais could come so they could send off their senpais
you already called each third year the night before, nearly 2 hours per boy, to talk to them and cry with them so you didnt have to cry during the day
but ofc
you were sobbing already when you saw your captain walk up and get his tube with the diploma inside
they tried to remain strong as they sat in their seats but a single glance at you and the team at the stands above, the tears were already either forming or full out slipping
i know yall finna beat me up for this but im not really familiar with the other third years in the team bc theyre not really shown in the anime or manga that much so i dont have a good grip on their character so can we pls pretend theyre not in here?? omg pls dont kill me though
the ceremony felt like a long time for the seniors but when it was finally over, they ran out of that building and yall did too and you bolted yourself into the arms of your captain
oikawa held you tightly against him and he didnt care about being seen by his fangirls, who were waiting outside for him, or the others who wanted to have you to them too
‘i love you, y/n-chan’
he mumbled and you nodded
‘mhm. i love you too, oikawa-san. i love all my boys’
YALL MY HEART IS BREAKING BC OIKAWA ACTUALLY MEANT IT THIS TIME AND YOURE STILL OVER HERE THINKING THAT HES JUST SAYING IT AS A FRIEND LIKE IM-
iwa ripped you away from him and your face was buried into his chest
but it didnt last long since the others got a little impatient and just joined the hug turning it into a group hug
‘i dont want you to leave!’
kindaichi sobbed and kunimi sniffled, holding on tighter to the backs of his senpais
even kyo was sad but hes a tuff boy so he easily hid that behind his usual frown and glare
after seeing their parents and reassuring them they would be home soon, you started your trek towards your usual hang out spot
the second and first years were walking ahead of you while the third years fell back in step with you in between them
mattsuhana flanked your left while iwaoi were at your right
the tears were now gone but sniffles still filled the area and everyone was still down in their spirits
you held tightly to the warm big hands of iwaizumi and the soft touch of mattsun’s hand as if you were clutching your life-line
but you knew no matter how tightly you held on to them, they would still go and eventually leave you behind
the ramen shop was filled with another round of tears as everyone realized that this would be the last time seijoh og would have ramen here
‘WE DONT WANT YOU TO GOOO~~~~!!!!!!’
kindaichi sobbed while kunimi aggressively shoved noodles in his mouth to hide his hiccups
you refused to eat because you were so sad that you were scared you might end up throwing it all up later so you settled on relishing your time with the boys
oikawa was busy talking to yahaba and telling him tips and tricks for next year while iwaizumi was consolling the others who were crying
that left you to harshly wipe off the tears and focus on the jokes that matsuhana were telling to help and lighten up the mood
‘think of it like this! you won’t have oikawa and iwaizumi fighting anymore!’
well,,,,,
that kinda made things worse
geez makki stfu!!!!
you bursted into full tears and you sobbed, loudly and freely
‘WAAAAAHHHH!!!!!’
you wheezed and then continued to cry
everyone flinched and got startled at the sight of you crying
theyve seen you cry before but not this intensely and sadly 
‘DONT GO!!! OU-OUR FAMILY’S GONE!! ITS B-BROKEN NOW!!!!’
you wailed
everyone is so used to seijoh antics that they didnt even bat an eyelash when everyone started crying
‘damn it, i was trying not to cry!’
iwa growled and buried his face into his hands to hide the pain in his eyes
‘come here, y/n-chan’
mattsun cooed while sobbing and you went straight into his arms and his arms tightly wounded around you
he pressed kisses on your neck to calm you and he whispered promises to keep you from thinking that you would be alone
the boys were all still crying even when you paid for them and at the exit, everyone wouldnt let go of each other
ngl it was a weird sight of seeing these boys just hanging on and hugging the others and you were tightly pressed against makki’s chest 
‘dont cry, y/n-chan. we’ll be here, always. just a 4-hour ride to tokyo’
he promised but you shook your head
‘--too far’
you mumbled and he was able to make out a few words and he laughed
‘i swear you’ll see us in a few hours’
it took a few words of assurance from makki and eventually mattsun and iwa joined
oikawa stayed back because he already wanted to walk you home and iwa knew you were the one that was the hardest for oikawa to tell his plans to
waving them good bye, you fussed and made sure everyone was not crying anymore
‘you text me the moment you get home, all right? and kyo-san, let the food in your stomach settle before-’
‘before i take a bath-yea i know’
he rolled his eyes but he smiled lightly before hugging you
‘go home now, y/n’
he pushed you towards his captain but you pulled away one last time to give each boy a kiss on the cheek
their lips trembled, especially the third years, and wanted to keep their tears in but they rocket launched to space
yanno that one part in season 1 when kiyoko told them to work hard and then they just snot-rocketed and cried
oikawa interlaced your fingers as you both walked towards your house and it was quiet
you were sus bc it was too quiet and oikawa would usually be either skipping, humming a tune, or just yapping his ass off
but right now
he was quiet, slouchy, and,,,, not oikawa
you looked up to see his face and you knew it wasnt just the graduating part
it was like,,,, he was nervous
you squeezed his hand and that got his attention
‘oikawa-san, whats wrong?’
he suddenly stopped and your linked hands caused you to also stop so you watched him stare down at his shoes and you blinked at him in confusion
‘oika-’
‘y/n, tell me to stay’
he,,, sounded like he was begging
pleading
desperate to hear you say it
‘why should i?’
you asked and he finally lifted his eyes to stare into your eyes
he gulped before further explaining himself 
‘coach got me a volleyball scholarship’
he whispered and your eyes widened before you launched into him for a hug and pulled back to cup his face
‘oh my god! tooru! a scholarship?! im so proud-’
‘in argentina’
he finished and your eyes dimmed, the lifted corners of your lips falling into a frown
‘o-oh’
you stuttered and pulled your hands away but he grabbed them, placing them back to his face 
‘but if you dont want me to go, i wont-’
‘NO! what?! tooru, its your dream! you and iwa-san wouldnt stop talking about that match with argentina and-and you want to go there! dont you dare let that slip away!’
you scolded frantically however oikawa’s face scrunched before he started crying
‘i-i can’t! y/n, i’ll be alone! its so far away! far from iwa, far from you-’
then you reached to your tippy toes and kissed his nose then leaned back with a big smile
‘no matter how far, ill always be right here. im always going to be here, waiting for you’
you mumbled and oikawa hiccuped then leaned his forehead against yours, eyes clashing that was so full of love and fear
‘then dont you worry, y/n-chan. oikawa-senpai will work really hard and he will come back and make you happy’
he whispered and you pulled him even closer to give him the biggest hug
‘im looking forward to it’
TIMESKIPTIMESKIPTIMESKIPTIMESKIP
ONEYEARONEYEARONEYEARONEYEAR
truth to be told with guilty conscience, the third years havent really been in touch
yes theyve called and messaged but there wasnt a normal kind of communication, especially with oikawa
but they decided to go over there during a simultaneous week break for universities in tokyo and iwa, makki, and mattsun pressured oikawa to fly back to japan just for a week to visit
‘iwa-chan im so broke righ-’
‘fine, we’ll see y/n ourselve-’
‘OKAY FINE! HERE! IM BUYING THE TICKET NOW SEE?!’
bahahaha im sorry i love oiks so much its not even funny
they agreed to not tell anyone, even coach, to surprise you all and to see your faces of surprise bc mattsuhana are little shites and they love to mess around
it was a normal day during practice
yahaba was teaching some first years how to serve while watari was giving exercising tips on how to bend their knees without shrieking in athritis
kyotani was doing jump serves while kindaichi and kunimi tried to block him
it was a normal day
the former third years knew the ins and outs of the place and oikawa still had his keys of the gym since he never gave it back so they were easily able to sneak in
they sat on the bleachers and observed everyones growth which really blew them away and took them aback by how much they improved in little time
like kunimis actually huffing and throwing a mini tantrum bc hes so into it and hes mad he didnt get that block right
they also noticed the larger amount of new recruits and based on their practice, it looks like they would be in good hands for the next few years
however, the true shock settled in when this happened
kyotani cursed loudly when the ball hit out but yahaba scolded him for saying a bad word in front of the first years
‘kyotani, dont say that anymore! its not good to teach the babies bad words!’
he ranted and the college boys shared a look of caution and fear, bracing themselves for kyotani’s normal screaming and tantrum for being called out
but they were the most surprised when the bleach-haired boy simply glared at him and turned away to go pick up another ball to hit
‘did,,,, did kyoken-chan-’
‘was he just calm right now?’
‘oh my god iwa-chan kyoken-chan got abducted by aliens!’
I SWEAR TO GOD ITS LIKE THE CURRENT THIRD AND SECOND YEARS GOT AN OIKAWA ‘IWA-CHAN’ SENSOR BECAUSE THE MOMENT HE SAID THAT, THEIR EARS TWITCHED AND THEY JUST KNEW
THEIR SENPAIS WERE HERE
their eyes were wide and their attention snapped towards the bleachers where indeed, their 4 fathers sat
‘OIKAWA-SAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
kindaichi screamed and he NYOOMED towards the stairs but kunimi grabbed him by the collar
‘come down here, senpais!’
yahaba urged and coach and naoi shared a look of initial shock but then transformed into happiness
it was nice to see the family together again
they quickly turned into a dog pile with the hugs that were given around like kyotani actually giving iwaizumi a hug and makki and mattsun affectionately ruffling everyone’s hair
the other first years were just staring in awe at the legendary third years of seijoh that theyve heard so much about
‘everyone, these are your seniors!’
yahaba presented and the 3 third years became very flustered but ofc attention whore oikawa soaked it up
‘yes, hello, my little disciples! you are my legacy so work har- IWA-CHAN!’
he was cut into his famous line when his best friend bonked him for being too self-absorbed again
‘waaa, l/n-senpai was right’
some first year mumbled at the scene and their ears perked up at the name
‘l/n?’
‘where is she?! y/n-chan!’
oikawa shouted and looked around
BECAUSE OF FATE
YOU AUTOMATICALLY MANIFESTED THERE
‘YES YOU CALLED’
okay no but you actually walked in just in time, carrying the crate of water bottles, focused on not dropping them so you didnt really see the others
they were silent not because they wanted to mess with you and see how long youd figure out that they were there
no
they were silent because of how BEAUTIFUL you became
you gained a few inches and your hair is now longer with your baby fat slowly melting away and you were also finally showing your growth with your body
the eyes that used to gleam with childish innocence was now mature and poised like a perfect lady
even the way you walked with a crate made it seem like a ballet performance with the grace at every step and the flowery aura you exuded
you have turned from a ridiculously cute and pretty girl to a beautiful goddess
AND YOU WERE ONLY IN YOUR SECOND YEAR HOW THE HELL ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO HANDLE IT WHEN YOURE FINALLY A THIRD YEAR?!
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE AMOUNT OF BOYS THEY HAVE TO WARD OFF?!
‘my god’
iwaizumi mumbled, flushing red and turning away to hide his fluster
‘beautiful’
oikawa whispered and he gulped, not remembering how strikingly attractive you are
‘have mercy’
makki whined softly, clutching his heart as it started beating fast and made his stomach feel all funny
did they act like this back in the day?
mattsun doesnt have control so he ran forward and you were just putting the crate down when you were lifted off of the floor and twirled around
so like yahaba waved off the others to go back to practice so its like not awkward to be standing around and see this happening
there was only one person who did this to you
‘mattsun-san?!’
you shrieked and you giggled happily as he put you down so you were able to hug him properly and eventually, catching sight on the others behind him
your gasp made them smile widely and you pressed a hand to your mouth to hide the shock and your overjoyed laugh
if they could take a picture of this and remember the amount of love your eyes held and the pure unfiltered happiness that swirled in those orbs
it was like they felt themselves falling in love with you all over again
‘oh my god everyone’s here too!’
you ran to them and jumped at the awaiting arms of iwaizumi and he was still the bara arm babie you remembered
‘i missed you, doll’
he whispered
‘hmmm,,,i missed you more’
he let you go and you skipped over to makki who engulfed you in his arms and you felt his soft brown hair because you remembered he loved it when you ran your fingers through his hair
‘youve grown! so much! you got even more beautiful!’
he exclaimed and you giggled, bashful at his compliment
‘hmm~, no i didnt’
he gave you a deadpan look and you chuckled before scurrying away towards the one you wanted to hug the most
he definitely got more toned and he got taller too
you didnt have any time to react since he grabbed you and squished you against him
‘youre here, oikawa-san’
he nuzzled his head against your neck
‘mhm, im here now, y/n-chan’
he placed a kiss on your nose and you scrunched your face but there was a big smile that was clear
then oikawa’s eyes trailed from your face to your,,, ahem,,, girls
‘jesus, y/n-chan really grew, huh’
he complimented and you blinked confusingly before trailing after his eye’s gaze and it landed on your chest and you punched him
‘urusai, oikawa-san! my eyes are up here! youre so perverted. pervert oikawa-san’
you pouted and moved to seek comfort in the arms of makki
‘hmm, oikawa’s perverted as usual. i think it got worse with all those argentinian women’
makki teased and mattsun joined to poke fun at their captain
oikawa whined and told iwa they were making fun of him to which his own best friend betrayed him and starting teasing him too
you simply watched on and your eyes watered, your sniffles catching their attention
‘eh? why are you crying, y/n-chan?’
oikawa asked while approaching you to wipe your tears with his thumbs
but you shook your head with a teary smile
‘n-nothing-just,,,, i missed you guys. an-and im so happy because its like our f-family’s back together and i just-i-’
you cried but it was out of happiness and their hearts warmed
ofc they felt guilty because they were aware that they werent as in touch as they shouldve been so you probably felt lonely and casted aside without any contact from your boys
but they know now to make sure you feel loved and cared for because as you keep saying, they were your boys
they were a family
seijoh is a family 
and you love them 
but they love you more
a/n: okay im sorry this is probably trash and all over the place and im crying and stressing but ive been writing in between my college alg homework and its been so hard like WHY IS NUMBERS SO HARD LIKE WHAT-?! but this has kinda been the baby of my break time and relaxing few minutes bc i procrastinate too much and i want to do something i like before i actually go insane and i promise PROMISE that once everything is cleared up i will edit this and im already working on the other requests so expect a few to be out by the end of the week or something like that!!
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glitxhwayventeen · 3 years ago
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Lonely Together
Jihoon: Chapter 3 (Ain’t Easy)
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Characters: Jihoon x female reader
Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, potential blood mentions, genocide mentions, health issues, panic/anxiety attack. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written.
Author’s Note: Sorry for how short this is. The vaccine’s really killing my body. My head his pounding from how bad my headache is so I only managed to finish the one chapter. Let’s hope tomorrow is better 🤞🏼
Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!
Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts
🥀 & ☁️
Lonely Together Master List
Chapter 3: Ain’t Easy
You stirred awake, having been knocked out from your little outburst for almost a solid day apparently. You realized that you were now laying in Jihoon’s bed, it smelt like him. You could also see the sun beams make their way across the walls. Your apparent mate was sitting in a chair next to you, holding your small hand inside his. You fluttered your eyelids open completely, widening them hesitantly for the day.
“Oh good. You’re awake. I was getting really worried” He sighed, running his free hand through his hair and rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand fondly with the other.
“What- what happened?” You groggily asked, voice hoarse from the lack of use.
You sat up to sit upright and rubbed your eyes to awaken yourself more. You could tell you were in his room. You could smell him all over, that sweet honey smell was intoxicating to you. You could never get enough of it. You could also see you were in a bigger shirt still, though this one was different than the one you were wearing when you were awake before. It had 3/4 sleeves and was a soft cotton feeling that made you want to cuddle into your blankets and pillows to sleep again.
“Well after… everything, you go a little too overwhelmed and passed out.” Jihoon informed you, quickly pushing himself to sit on the bed next to you and rubbed your back sweetly.
You could also tell that you had been changed into a pair of sweatshorts, which you were grateful for. And given the conversation you had before you had probably passed out, there was a fairly good chance either Jihoon changed you or one of the other mates did. Though you highly doubted that Jihoon would let ANYONE else touch your naked body as your mate.
If he had known more about your love life and who you were attracted to, he may have been a little more open to someone other than him changing you. But for all he knew you were attracted to everyone in his pack. So he wasn’t about to risk it. He was a very private person and he figured from what he knew about you, you were too. Not that any of that even really mattered at this point, there was just as good a chance he would’ve refused to let anyone else touch you even if he had known about your sexuality. He could already feel his territorial wolf instincts for you getting stronger. And the more time he spent around you, the worse it got.
“Oh…” you trailed, still trying to come to terms with being suddenly so conscious after having been dreaming for such a long time.
“Does stuff like that happen often to you?” He questioned you, giving you a warm concerned smile.
He couldn’t lie, seeing you passed out made him beyond terrified. He had just confessed to you that he was your mate and then you blacked out. He was worried you’d reject him. But he was just as worried for your own health. You were small, even smaller than him, and you seemed really tired and weak all the time. What if this was something that happened to you a lot? What if he couldn’t help you get better? He didn’t like the idea of you being sick. He didn’t like the thought of having to see you unconscious from fainting. He didn’t like it at all.
“It used to happen a lot when I was younger, and only when I got scared or nervous. My tribe’s healer used to say that I was… missing part of me? Like part of my soul had been missing? Or something like that? I dont know, I don’t really remember. It was a long time ago. The passing out hasn’t happened much since I’ve been on my own though.” You told him, your head abruptly pounding at the mere mention of your health issues causing you to wince in slight pain.
“Are you okay?” Jihoon cautiously putting the back of his hand to your head, eyes full of panic.
“Y-Yeah. I’m fine. How- how long was I out?” You wondered aloud, turning your eyes to him to get a better look at him.
Truth be told, you were out for a while. Jihoon hadn’t left your bed for nearly three days now. And when he had to for bathroom or showering purposes, he had some of the mates sit with you until he could rush back. He was worried sick about you, Seungcheol had to have Soonyoung practically force feed him so he would eat. He could help it though, he knew that had it been any of his brothers with their mates, they’d have done the same thing. When your mate was sad or sick, you didn’t care about taking care of yourself. You only cared about them and their well being. It was just their natural instinct.
He hesitated for a minute before he spoke, trying his best to come up with words that might sooth you rather than worry you, “Well.. let’s just say You’ve missed a few meals…”
“How many’s a few?” You pushed him to give you a less vague answer.
“Wellllll… we just got done with lunch… so Nine in total give or take” Jihoon earnestly let out, bringing his hand to play with the small locks of your hair.
Upon hearing his answer, you nearly jumped out of the bed nearly three feet in the air. But thankfully, your mate had stopped you from moving your limbs so quickly. He didn’t want you to end up collapsing from the lack of muscle use you’ve had the past few days.
“Nine! Jesus why didn’t anyone try and get me up that’s like three whole days!?!” You almost started to hyperventilate again. Your sight was beginning to turn fuzzy. You felt your heartbeat fasten in your throat. Your mind was buzzing in thought, you couldn’t stop it.
The water on the bedside table started to shake and pull out of the glass while your state worsened. Jihoon quickly picked up on what was happening with you and grabbed you by your face gently to get you to focus on him. He didn’t want you to pass out again, but he also didn’t want you using your powers accidentally from the shock of the whole situation.
“Just breathe (Y/N) you’re gonna pass out again…” he rested his forehead on yours and continued to try and ease your heart rate and calm your anxiety.
“One in… Two out… Three in… Four out… Five in…. That’s it… Just like that.” He cooed at you, rubbing your temples lovingly before sitting you back up straight.
Your breathing finally evened out enough for your vision to return to normal. Once you felt your chest start to slow down, your brain started to cease in thought.
“You sure that doesn’t usually happen?” He joked, still clearly concerned and half serious about your current state.
You shook your head slowly from side to side in response. You were grateful he was there to comfort you, but you still had so many questions running through your head. Your thoughts were going a mile a minute again and you didn’t know what to tackle first or what was most pressing.
“…Jihoon?” You hesitantly spoke to grab his attention. He already loved the way you said his name, it was like listening to a symphony in his head and he couldn’t get enough of it.
“Yes (Y/N)?” He responded while holding your small hand in his larger one, enjoying the way it fit in his perfectly. He looked at you with eyes of such love and adoration that you began to feel nervous.
“What are we gonna do?” You looked away from the dazzling man in front of you to instead down at the both of your hands that were laying in your lap. You began to fidget with the tips of his fingers to distract yourself so you could get the burn in your cheeks to die down.
“I- I don’t know. I never thought I’d get a mate, let alone have one show up bleeding at my doorstep. But now you’re… here…” he thought aloud, confusion masking his face the entire time.
He was glad he had found you, but he definitely never even once considered that the universe would bring you to him. He never thought of himself as someone’s boyfriend let alone someone’s mate. He wasn’t sure he would be very good at it, but he knew with you there he had to try. He just needed to figure out how to be one…
You took a moment to think. He was clearly just as lost as you were. But you knew what your heart felt for him, and you knew that being mates meant one of two things.
“Well… do you even want a mate Jihoon? From what everyone says, you don’t like being close to people. And I know I work better alone. So what do you want to do?” You anxiously awaited his response.
You could practically see the gears in his head turning. On one hand, he liked being independent and preferred his solitude. But on the other hand, he knew he would already die for you if he had to choose between himself or you. So, logically, that only left him with one alternative.
“I want us to be together (Y/N). I know it’ll be… a challenge, but I also know that as long as I have you, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it work.” He finally answered, bringing his hands to cup your cheeks that were still semi-swollen from your long rest.
Tears began to form in your tired eyes, “But… how do you know it’ll all work out? What if we can’t figure out how to cohabitate. We’re both so single alone, what if we can’t be a couple?” You whimpered, eyes full of fear as you looked into his caring ones.
“I won’t lie, it ain’t gonna be easy. But together, we’ll be okay.” He assured you, moving his gaze down to your lips.
He looked back at your face, silently asking for permission. You gave him a small smile and nodded, giving him the go ahead. With that, he leaned down to press his pillowy lips to your relatively chapped ones.
He moved softly, careful not to move too fast or too far so you would stay comfortable the entire time. Kissing him felt like you could actually walk on water if you tried. He made all your worries melt away with such a simple action. It made your heart flutter in a way it never had before.
He soon pulled away from you and leaned his forehead against yours, pecking the top of your button nose gently before a large smile formed on his perfect mouth.
“I suppose you could be right…” you trailed, teasing the small wolf slightly before breaking out in small fits of giggles while you tried to hold yourself back.
“You’re gonna have to get used to that you know.” He chuckled while caressing your jawline and gazing at you like you were a piece of artwork.
“Get used to what? Kissing?” You blushed at the thought, nuzzling your face into his warm hand to hide it.
“No- Me being right.” He declared, pushing his chest out with pride causing you to really burst out in full on laughter.
You could already feel the difficult times ahead of you both, but you also knew you would do whatever it took to stay with him. He made everything around you feel safe and at home. He’s all you ever needed.
(Updated 9/6)
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diavolosthots · 4 years ago
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Hi! I saw that your requests were open! Could you do something where Mc comforts Mammon or Asmo when they are feeling particularly bad about themselves? Kinda angsty and fluffy? Love your writing!
I'm feeling this right now so it's time to tackle this mess. Mammon is a fan favorite but I thought Asmodeus might be more interesting
Warning: angst, a lot of self doubt.
Sometimes You isn't Enough ( ASMODEUS X GN!READER )
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You had never seen him like this. So secluded. So gloomy. So introverted. It's kind of sad, really. The usual bubbly demon was turned into nothing more than a glob of sadness and the worst part is, no one knew why. He didn't try to openly show it. He still made jokes and looked cute, but when he thought people looked away, even just for a second, his facade immediately dropped and it was hard to be picked up again. Like a mask that was sitting too heavily on his face.
Satan had said that he's probably depressed because someone won a beauty contest and that someone wasnt him. But really, you couldnt just brush it off as that. Asmodeus' feelings cant just be hurt from things like that. You're certain there was something else behind it. Something more. Bigger. Unexpected. But of course he would never openly talk about these things. As long as he put on a smile, the world was fine and no one needs to worry. Thats what he always says. Or at least thinks. To an extent, you understood that mindset, and you knew all too well the urge to bury it deep inside and never speak of it; the urge to be silent and deal with it yourself. But it's hard. And at some point, anyone bursts.
"Asmo?" You knocked on his door, determined to get it out of him. To get him to open up, because as much as you wouldn't want to bother anyone, you also know that you cant keep it inside forever because it kills, slowly, but surely. "Darling!" He seemed way too happy opening the door but you quickly noticed his grin didn't reach his eyes. You gave a quick smile and brushed past him, not bothering with formalities or beating around the bush. "Asmodeus. Talk to me." He looked at you, raising an eyebrow and slowly closing the door, "I'm always willing to talk to you, you know that." "do I know that?" You flopped down on his bed, patting the space next to you, "come sit with me." "Just sit?" He winked at you and for a moment, things seemed normal; they seemed easy.
"Just sit and talk." You turned to him, trying to take him in. He didn't carry himself as well as he usually did and his posture was actually kind of slumped over instead of the elegance he usually carried. "Asmo... You don--" "I know." He was still smiling, taking your hand in his, "I know what youre thinking. I dont look or act the same. I'm not, but I'll be fine. Dont worry." You frowned in response, knowing damn well that he's far from fine and that it will take longer than a night to sleep it off, or whatever.
"No." Now he was frowning. "What?" You pulled your hand back, crossing your arms over your chest, "I said no. Youre not fine and you probably wont be for a while. This has been going on for weeks, Asmodeus. Do you really think no one notices? You're not fine and i wont accept you brushing me off like that." It was silent after that, both of you just staring at each other although you noticed his eyes getting sadder and sadder. He quickly wrapped his arms around you and threw you back on the bed, burying his face in your neck, "A-Asmo!! This is not the tim--!" "I cant tell you. Or anyone. You'll think I'm silly, or dumb, or its unjustified. You'll think I'm another Levi with body and personality issues. I cant tell you, especially you (Y/N), because I don't want you to see how much I'm crumbling inside. " he took a deep breath, pushing his face closer against your skin, which was starting to heat up from the close proximity of him against you.
"I dont... Feel good. About myself. I haven't for a while now. At first i thought I just needed a wardrobe change, you know? Some cute new clothes, some sexy lingerie to spice things up..." He laughs quietly at himself, feeling the years start to form, "b-but... It's not that. I dont feel good in my soul. Funny thing to say, huh? A demon and his soul... I dont look in the mirror and get impressed. I look in the mirror and compare. I look at Beelzebub's body and get jealous of how he looks, or Satan's intelligence and realize how truly dumb I am. I look at all of my brothers, doing these amazing things, and realize I'm falling short.... What do I have? A plastic personality with a narcissistic disorder..."
You heard him get quiet, clinging tightly to you as he hid the tears that started falling in your hair. Slowly, you wrapped your arms around him, pushing him closer against you. "I'm nobody, (Y/N).... I dont have what they have... Im useless to my family, to you... To myself..." You squeezed him tighter at that, stroking over his back and feeling him start to shake.
"You're not--" "i dont want you to tell me I'm not... I just want you to... Hold me..." You nodded silently, staring up at his ceiling while you caressed over his back. You get it. Its not always words that you need and you know all to well that the people that held you were far more precious than any words you ever heard. So you held him, your mind racing with things to say because you needed him to know, and believe, that hes so much more than that. He wasnt okay and he most likely hasnt been for a long time. All these things build up inside of him over millennia and you could only imagine how much pain it has caused him. He's not okay. But you hoped he will be.
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homeofhousechickens · 3 years ago
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Noticed an influx of terfs harassing fellow agriculture blogs. And i want to talk about something pretty heavy, if you are one of those “terf” people or maybe you have found yourself following those types of blogs while also following mine please give my words a read. I know some people look up to me but to be honest I am not the most eloquent person but maybe i can convince you to look more critically at your world view.
Tw: Transphobia, abuse, trauma, Aphobia, Terf rhetoric
I will be honest and say that I also once attacked people who were different from me to, i used to be what i think is called an asexual exclusionist due to some of my own trauma and because of that i took it out on the asexual community as an angry autistic teenager. I was frustrated at my hypersexuality which was a symptom of my sexual abuse being treated like a normal sexuality so i projected those feelings of hurt back out into the world when their was better coping methods. I was frustrated at the well off asexual kids in GSA that couldnt understand why their fellow member was having a panic attack due to being kicked out of the house for being a lesbian, when i could have been just as frustrated at the other LGBT kids that had decent parents, i was just targeting them because they were different from me and it felt safe to.
Obviously as an adult I educated myself and no longer hold those ideas. I read stuff from outside of my own point of view and stuff that directly challenged me over the years, I know not everyone has the privilege to be able to do that but i did and the reason is is that i was tired of hurting and i was tired of hurting other people, I never harassed anyone but it did influence how i treated people when i was younger and i am sorry for it.
I know alot of terf rhetoric centers around the concept of women (specifically white women usually) being victims of the “other sex” or being them being the “better sex”. (i know because aphobic rhetoric is very similar) Due to this they genuinely believe that other women want to come into their spaces and “steal” this ideal away from them. Thats why they get so furious about the idea of functional uterine transplants. To them, their uterus or vulva is what defines them as “better” or the reason they suffer trauma but when the science is moving so where typical reproduction may not be the only pathway to child bearing they become enraged because they are no longer “special” to themselves. Their is no longer a reason for their trauma and pain.
This fundamentally is the basis of the hate they put out into the world. This is also why they attack cis women who do not conform to typical femininity. This boiling down of their worth to chromosomes or anatomy is literally just a rehashed version of the own misogyny they were likely fed as a child and it makes me sad. They say the same stuff my shitty relatives did about women but now terfs are the ones saying it about whoever they decide is the “other” sometimes that other is transgender women sometimes its intersex women and sometimes its women who just dont conform to their ideals. When you picture yourself happy, is it when your standing with your heels dug in on top of the people you deem “other”? Or is when your helping out your fellow human? When you tear down another person does it really build you up? When you see others tear someone down because of their appearance do you not care how it may affect the people you care about and the people who care about you? How many terfs have i seen brag about “hate saving” transwomens photos so they can make fun of them later? How does that sound when you say that out loud? Imagine going to the person you care about the most someone you deeply respect and saying “in my free time i save/take pictures of people i dont know and then i make fun of them and show them to a bunch of strangers so we can make fun of them together” like really say that out loud.
I would be ashamed. I want to make people happy not hurt them. I want connection and i think thats a base need for most humans. I want to connect with people who are kind to me and kind to others, if someone told me they were doing that i would feel ashamed for even talking to that person. Sexual abuse and trauma are no joke and there isnt an argument to say that women suffer gendered violence that cis white men simply never really will ever understand. But true of the matter is our trans brothers and sisters are treated just like woman are and worse. I feel like so many of us end up holding hate for a group of people due to bad experiences with individuals so our dumb brains start shoving people into boxes of “bad” and “good”. But a trans person can fear rape, abuse, trauma just as much as you do and they suffer from very high levels of it and thats a fact. They are not your enemy, hateful individualistic thinking is! and its that very same way of thinking that is killing the planet. I want to iterate that every single person you have interacted with on this website is a living breathing person. They have their own emotions, their own thoughts, their own dreams, and their own world view. When you say something mean or harass them you are actively hurting another person. Me typing this out right now, i am a person with my own flaws and aspirations. I think sometimes people forget that people are people not just faceless emotional less words on a screen. Trans women are women and this blog will always support that. If that makes you upset think about why, on your own at first, no social media to help you.
Maybe see a therapist who is well versed in gender and the lgbt. Therapists arent just their for when your depressed or anxious they are here to talk to. There is people you can read about or talk to, the worst thing that can happen is that you could change like i did. There is nothing shameful about changing and admitting mistakes. Sorry if i said some things wrong i just wanted to get it off my chest
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hcywards · 5 years ago
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comfort crowd — jj maybank
summary: jj maybank just needed someone around
words: 1.6k+
t/w: kissing, swearing, death and murder references, underage drinking, drug use, implied sex
note: gracie posting about someone other than jj? whats that, i dont know her
This hurt that I’m holding’s getting heavy
But I’mma keep a smile on my shoulders ‘til I’m sweaty
Begging on my knees
Screamin’, someone come help me
But by the time that they’re there
I’ve already hid the body
     “I was gonna kill him, Y/N, I swear I was gonna do it!” the boy stood inside the hot tub cried, his voice broken and his eyes wide. Tears streamed down his cheeks in a waterfall of anger, sadness and all of the words between. “I held a gun to his head — a fucking gun, Y/N!”
     “JJ, it’s okay,” she tried to soothe, stripping herself of her shorts and shirt and stepping into the hot tub with him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his and feeling the cold wetness of where his tears had been running. He shuddered in her grasp, arms wrapping around her waist weakly as he cried into her hair. She ran her fingers over his bare skin in soothing patterns, but that only made him sob more; Y/N’s heart hurt a thousand times more, because it was the comfort he wasn’t used to, the comfort he needed.
     “No, it’s fucking not, Y/N.” he mumbled. “I could’ve killed him — that makes me so much worse than him. I just— I just can’t take it anymore.”
     “JJ, it’s okay. You didn’t do it, that’s what matters, alright?” she whispered. “We’ll run away to Yucatan, yeah? You won’t have to use the gun, and your dad’ll never find us. Think about how calm we’ll be, JJ.”
     He nodded, taking a deep breath. He knew what she was doing. This was what she always did when she wanted him to calm down. They’d been talking about Yucatan since they were kids, when they thought that running away would bring them a better life; they knew different, now, but that didn’t matter, because all JJ needed was to hear her voice.
     And Yucatan with Y/N sounded incredible — even though they’d undoubtedly die if they went with as little money as they had now, it would be the time of his life, because she was his best friend, his rock, and she could make everything and anything seem fine.
     That was one of the many reasons why he was absolutely, head-over-heels in love with her — she was the only one who could calm him down when he got like this. She was the one he called, the one who’s window he climbed through at three in the morning, the one who could see the second something had happened and the one who wasn’t afraid to come and pick him up and take him back to her place if she felt even slightly suspicious his dad had lashed out again.
My breath’s getting short and I’m unsteady
Wellin’ up in tears as I lay upon your belly
Tellin’ you I’m fine
I don’t really need nobody
But you say through a sigh
That I said that lie already
     “Okay,” he let out after a moment, raising a hand from her waist to wipe a tear away from his cheek. “Okay, I’m fine, you can—” His voice broke, a dead giveaway that he was lying, but he continued on anyway, not wanting to be any more of a burden than he already was. He already had a suspicion that she was growing tired of his constant calling, and he didn’t know what he’d do if she told him she didn’t want to be his person anymore— “You can go home, go to sleep.”
     She shook her head, looking up at him with a knowing expression swimming in her big eyes. His throat constricted just looking at her, knowing he was stupid for ever thinking he could lie to her. “JJ, you’ve told me that a million times before. I’m not going home, okay?”
     He smiled gratefully, despite the guilt pooling in his gut, and lead her to sit down on the seat of the hot tub with him, unsure whether it was the steam turning to water or tears on his face. 
     “Thank you,” he whispered, and Y/N could only not, too busy trying not to cry at the sencerity and shock and the plethora of other emotions she could hear in his weak, raspy voice.
     “Always, JJ,” she soothed, grabbing a champagne flute and downing the whole thing before handing another to JJ, who took it gratefully.
     This was a tradition for the two — JJ would cry, show her her bruises, she’d hug him, calm him down, and then they’d get drunk and high off of their asses so that they could forget. Sure, it might not’ve been a healthy way to deal with it, but it worked, and that was all that they needed.
I just needed company now
Yeah, I just needed someone around
Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play
Or mess that we make
Just company now
Comfort crowd
Comfort crowd
     Y/N was JJ’s biggest comfort, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind about that. As they sat there, smoking, drinking, crying and laughing, with some unheard of song playing in the background, it was pretty obvious. The contrast between how he’d felt twenty minutes ago and how he felt then was immense, and it wasn’t just the drugs doing that to him.
     Somehow, she managed to take the pain out of his heavily bruised ribs, the pounding out of his head, the stabbing out of his heart and the self doubt out of his brain, all just by being there, and he was certain he’d either be dead, in jail or a murderer if he’d never met her.
     She laughed at something, and he grinned, putting an arm around her shoulders and sipping some more champagne. The sound of her laughter made him forget why she was even there, and, wanting to hear it again, he joked: “You know, this’d feel great if we were skinny dipping.”
     She laughed again, feeling drunk already as she slurred out: “Shut up, JJ.”
     JJ threw his hands up in defence. “What? It would!”
     She howled at that, taking his hand and pulling his arm around her bare shoulders again, resting her head back on his skin and smiling at him.
     “I love you, J, do you know that?” she asked, and JJ couldn’t hear a single hint of it not being the truth in her voice, causing a grin to break out on his face. “You don’t deserve any of this.”
     “Of course you love me, Y/N, I’m irresistible,” he managed to get out without breaking down at her words, the words he so wished he could hear from his father.
     “I’m being serious, JJ,” she stated, and his joking grin slipped to a geniune, happy smile.
     He nodded. “I know, and I love you too, Y/N.”
We rot, thinkin’ lots about nothing
Yeah, I could spend a lifetime
Sitting here talkin’
And even if I cry all over your body
You don’t really mind
Say you like your shirt soggy
     “Hey, do you reckon plants feel emotions?” JJ asked suddenly, looking up at the dark sky, framed perfectly by the soft yellow lights strung across the trees. “Like, because they’re alive, and everything.”
     Y/N pondered for a moment, grinning at the question. “No, but did you know that the smell of cut grass is the grass telling the other grass to save itself? Also, do you think pigeons are real?”
     JJ snorted at that, “Uh, yeah, duh.” Y/N just shrugged, smiling and awaiting another weed-fuelled question. It never came, though — instead, JJ pressed his lips onto her forehead softly, before she cupped his jaw in her hands and pulled his lips to meet hers.
     She wasn’t sure what this was. It could’ve been him seeking comfort in a friend, it could’ve been alcohol, or weed. It could’ve been his less than normal mental state, or his emotions raging, but she knew she liked it. And, judging by the way he so eagerly kissed her back, pulling her onto his lap and gripping her by the waist, he liked it, too.
Yeah, I just needed company now
Yeah, I just needed someone around 
Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play
Or mess that we make
Just company now
Comfort crowd
Comfort crowd
     Y/N stayed at his house overnight, having moved from the hot tub to the bedroom at some point. Her head pounded as she woke up, a stark reminder of the many bottles of champagne they’d had that night, but she laughed when she saw JJ walk in to his bedroom with a pained expression contorting his features at the headache he was obviously also experiencing. His hair was all over the place, and there were now red hickeys mixed in with the bruises coating his chest, but, despite how bad he looked, he managed a grin.
     “Yeah, you don’t look too great yourself, princess,” he responded jokingly, passsing her a glass of water which she took gratefully, swallowing down the pill he’d handed alongside it.
     She stood up to get dressed, stumbling into him on shaky legs as she did so, causing another laugh to erupt from the boy. She started laughing, too, resting her head on her shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back, and, unlike the hug they’d shared only a few hours prior, this one was happy, both laughing rather than crying.
We mess around
And laugh too loud
And make the sounds
We try to hide when people are around
By blood we’re bound
Through ups and downs
Through smiles and pouts
Comfort crowd
You can always count on
     “Thank you for being here, Y/N,” he said once their laughter had finally subsided, and she grinned into his shoulder — the shoulder she’d been biting into less than six hours ago.
     “Of course, JJ,” she responded. “You’re my best friend.”
     “You don’t understand how much I love you, Y/N.”
     “I think I do, JJ.”
Yeah, I just needed company now
Yeah, I just needed someone around
Yeah, I don’t care what song that we play
Or mess that we make
Just company now
Comfort crowd
taglist! there is a form in my description if you would like to be added!
@thorsangel @dpaccione @ceruleanjj @thatsonobx @spilledtee @supremestarkey @babypogue @sadcupofcoffee @sacredto @poguemacking @outrbank @ilovejjmaybank @calumbroutledge @headedfortheopendoors @thelocalpogue @decap-quadrant @everydayimfangirling @raekenliar @jayjaymaebank @apoguecalledjj
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justalokifanaccount · 3 years ago
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Episode 6-Play by Play Reactions (Spoilers)
I’m so nervous and excited. Disclaimer: I have spoiled a few minor things for myself for this episode because I’m a self sabotaging dummy who does this whenever I get anxious about a form of media I am watching.
I’m so friggin nervous ahhhhhhhhh
Please tom Hiddleston, don’t do me dirty
Screw you renslayer
Istg if anyone betrays anyone I’m going to riot
Man I miss Classic!Loki already
Isn’t this the music that played when Steve?
OH MY GOSH IM GOING TO CRY WITH ALL OF THE AUDIO REFERENCES
Lol the peter quill lines are perfect because I legit just watched GotG
Nelson Mandela?
Vision???
Lmao Sylvie saying “open your eyes!” Gave me legend of Zelda breath of the wild flashbacks
My heart is rattling against my rib cage with excitement and anxiety
Spoopy castle
Aha another scene or at least location from the trailers!
Oof they’re both anxious too
Pretty gold veins
You were pruned before he even existed? What? No you weren’t? You were kidnapped but not pruned. You were only just pruned lmao.
If kang isn’t the baddy I’m gonna look like such an idiot
AGHH!
Good God that stopped my heart.
He who remains?
KANG?
I don’t trust you Miss Minutes
Man I wanna kill Thanos
Miss minutes I don’t trust you, TEMPTRESS!
If he could make it work, then why couldn’t he allow the timeline to break free normally then huh?
“We write our own destiny now.” Bite me Miss Minutes
Ren Slayer I hope you get chucked into space
How self aware is miss minutes exactly?
I’m actually surprised that Renslayer doesn’t know who it is
Miss minutes is so creepy what the freak
The music is so damn good
“Are we sure he’s even still alive?” Judging by the opening of the door, I’m assuming that yes.
Uhhh hi?
Is this kang?
Or Ryuk lmao
I’m hoping he’s more serious than this jokey seemingly unserious dude. I need some angst.
Is this Kang?
Cmon
So much for easy to kill I guess
Where’s doctor strange when you need him?
I bet classic!loki could kill him easily…
I miss alligator Loki and kid Loki…
Doctor strange sanctum vibes
Hey heart, can you stop beating in my chest? You’re gonna kill me
HAHAHAHAHA YESSSS MOBIUS
Kill her please. I won’t be sad. Do it.
You’re not sorry. Shut up.
HAHAHAHA YEA BOIIIIIII
Ohio? Oh gosh is this a school?
RENSLAYER???
Hahaha she’s just a principal
HAHAHA BREAK THEIR MINDS
Don’t you dare insult my Loki. Love you Sylvie, but she’s nothing compared to Loki in my mind and never will be.
This music is gonna give me a heart attack
Help
Oh so this has happened before?
Wannabe God…
My BPM has got to be like 100
Paved the road? Soooo are you a Loki or???
Who are you? Please be kang or else I’m gonna friggin have to eat a rock like I promised.
This dude is literally a Fan Fiction writer oml
Sylvie? Please trust Loki. Don’t betray him.
Yea yea Renslayer I know that it’s crazy your whole life is a lie but you’re an idiot.
You’re a variant too you dumb dumb.
Yea you betrayed him. You betrayed the timeline.
Where the hell are you going?
PRUNE HER
DO IT
OH COME ON
PRUNE HER FOR CRIPES SAKE
Ughhhhhhh cmon Mobius…
In search of free will? What? Then WHY NOT TAKE MOBIUS WITH YOU
Dang that was disappointing Mobius got knocked down that easily…
Oh my gosh Tom Hiddleston’s voice is rumbling in my headphones good God
Kang?
Kang?
KANG THE CONQUEROR?
PLEASE
GIVE ME AFFIRMATION
Oof even he has variants
Dude loves Apples more than Ryuk
But he also sat on the chair like L
Is he like a celestial? Related to one?
Hush you wannabe Saint
Alioth?
Okay but HOW did you harness its power. What’s your technology then? You can’t just say that and not explain how.
Is he drunk?
Okay L
He’s like L, Light Yagami, and Ryuk all in one.
Your variants? Then who are you?
GAMBIT LIKE FROM THE X MEN UNIVERSE? I’m kidding… sigh…
Okay mandalorian
My heart is still beating fast why
If I don’t make another appearance again, know I died of a heart attack
Why would he give up control huh?
Is he a Loki?
“I’m older.” Dude you look like you’re 30 tops. What’s your secret? How are you immortal if you’re only man? Or are you not a midgardian?
Both sitting with swords.
Multiversal war heh? DOCTOR STRANGEEEEE THEYRE AT IT AGAIN
He’s kinda calling her out a lil lmao
Both of them
HEART CAN YOU CALM DOWN?? I TOOK MY PILLS! WHY YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A PANIC ATTACK.
Hello? Something happening you didn’t expect?
Threshold?
Of what?
This dude is a good actor. He’s playing the demented, crazed, power man well.
What’s the third option? There can’t only be two.
My heart is friggin dumb. Can you not??? I’m legitimately annoyed by how hard and fast it’s beating.
What’s that in your hand buddy?
Bud?
What, is it an honesty detector or something?
You can really tell this guy is tired of life and everything
Aaaaand they’re fighting
Girls girls, you’re both pretty. Can I go home now?
Oh no…
Sylvie, no, stop it.
SYLVIE!!! Trust Loki!
Cmon there has to be a third option
Sylvie DAMMIT
TRUST HIM
Protagonists fight before the climax cliche *ding!*
GET OUT OF MY HEAD CINEMASINS
Dammit now she knows magic too
HE DOESN’T WANT THE THRONE YOU DUMB DUMB
“I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want a throne. I just want… I just want you to be okay.”
OH?
OH?
HELLO?
It’s the onceler fandom all over again
Kiss and betrayal
COME ON MAN
Loki can’t catch a break. He just gets betrayed again and again.
How did she know how to use that.
Oop. Rip.
“See you soon.”
Sylvie, you messed up.
Now what?
Poor doctor strange. Dudes gonna have his hands full lmao.
Tom Hiddleston BETTER be in Dr. Strange Multiverse of Madness
My chest is actually moving from how hard my heart is beating what the heck
Poor Loki
All he knows is pain and hurt. And whenever he thinks he’s getting love, love, like a dagger, hurts him.
CMON TOM DONT MAKE ME CRY WITH YOUR STELLAR ACTING
How is this going to end????
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
Mobius???
WHY DID MOBIUS FORGET HIM
NEW STATUE? IS IT TOO LATE?
WHAT
THATS THE END????
WHAT?
BUT
BUT
BUT
WHAT???
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
HOW
WHY
WHAT THE HELL?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CREDITS??????????
Funky music but…
WHAT
WHAT IS HAPPENING
WHY DID MOBIUS FORGET LOKI
WHY DID THE TIME KEEPERS STATUE GET REPLACED?
END CREDIT SCENE?
SEASON 2 CONFIRMED OKAY SO
AGHHHHHHHHHH!
I—WHAT?
BUT
BUT
WHEN IS SEASON 2???
HOW LONG WILL I HAVE TO WAIT?
WAS THAT KANG OR DO I HAVE TO EAT A ROCK?
WILL SEASON TWO FOLLOW DIRECTLY AFTER SEASON ONE OR IS THIS LEADING UP TO THE DR STRANGE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS AND WILL SEASON TWO FOLLOW THAT?
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
MY HEART
SYLVIE WHY
YOU TRAITOR
BUT AT LEAST IT WASN’T A BETRAYAL IN THE WAY I FEARED IT WOULD BE
BUT STILL
I AM LOOKING AT THE CREDITS IN THE OTHER LANGUAGES TO SEE IF THEY REFER TO HE WHO REMAINS AS KANG
I DON’T WANT TO EAT A ROCK
MY BRAIN IS MELTING
MY HEART IS… AGHHHHHHHHHHH
18 notes · View notes
nakedmossy · 5 years ago
Note
hiii, i saw that ur request are open soooo, i was thinking something with the reader an jj, something like they both have feeling for each other but they never say it out loud, and one day reader hears jj talking to jb about how he cant relly see any type of dating, sooOo she ignores him for a while and it ends kinda fluffly o smutty or smutty fluffy and shit if u dont mind ofc :)
DAMN. LOVE THIS REQUEST. HECK YEAH!! Tried to keep this under 2k words and just *could not* so please enjoy this 3k word vomit. Love you!
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“I’m living for the thrill, man. You know how I do. Dank nugs and the stickiest of ickies.”
You heard JJ over the sound of the music blaring from inside the Chateau as you jogged up the steps, swinging your backpack off and throwing it on the porch sofa before pushing through the screen door.
“Hey, Y/N” John B waved at you as you entered the kitchen.
You threw a peace sign up and said ‘hey’ as you pulled a chair out and put your feet up to rest on the seat beside you. You hadn’t sat down since 6am when your shift at the docks had started and your feet were killing you. Your yellow vans had dirt on the side so you leaned forward to wipe it off as JJ pulled his head out of the fridge.
“Ah, m’Lady. For you” He tossed a beer at you, you tipped it at him in a ‘cheers’ as you both cracked your cans at the same time. “And how is our fair dock maiden on this beautiful day” He smiled at you like he had smiled at you a million times before, but softer, and like he was seeing you in a new dress.
You smiled at him and chuckled, you could smell the pot lingering on his shirt from here and his goofy grin always gave you butterflies. The sun coming through the window illuminated his soft golden hair and made his bare chest look even more defined and chiselled.
“Good” You said after swallowing your mouthful of beer, closing your eyes and leaning back in your chair.
“Anyways, as I was saying, it’s going to be an absolute and solid banger, my dude.” JJ resumed his conversation with John B while lifting your feet off the chair beside you and sitting down, placing your legs on his lap. “We’re going to be running away from girls by the end of the night, I promise you.” He started drawling circles on your ankles and playing with your shoelace. Your heart was fluttering.
You perked up at his comment, opening your eyes and looking from him to John B curiously.
“What are you two conspiring now” You prodded, taking another drink of your beer.
“Kegger. Tonight. The Bone Yard. You coming?” JJ looked over at you and smiled, his eyes soft. You swore you felt him outline a heart on your skin.
“Wouldn’t miss it” You said half-heartedly. You knew what this would turn out to be – you would have fun at the beginning of the night, then would spend the rest of the night watching JJ pick up touron girls and fully embrace his lifestyle of being an adolescent womanizer. It was a pattern.
You pulled your legs off him and stood up to walk to the washroom. While you were washing your hands you heard the usual lull of conversation drop and their voices become quieter. Your stomach fluttered, you felt like they were trying to be quiet on purpose. You pressed your ear to the door and listened intently, hearing John B say something about eventually needing to stop running after anything with boobs and a mouth. JJ’s voice was still quiet but you clearly heard him say “that’s not me bro. I’m not settling down, as if there’s anything to settle down for here.”
You felt your face get hot and your stomach drop. There it was. The confirmation you had been dreading but fully expecting for months. You had felt a connection with JJ since you had started spending more time together last summer, and throughout the entire school year you had felt like you guys had been clicking. Of course you had been hopeful he felt the same way, you hadn’t pushed it or asked. But you also knew what kind of guy JJ was, as much as it pained you to admit it. Of course he would never settle for a girl like you.
You cleared your throat as you opened the door and flicked the light off. When you rounded the corner, the boys sat back in their chairs again and kept chirping off about the party later. You barely said anything, just walked past the table and out the door where you saw Kie pulling up in her car. You grabbed your backpack off the couch and practically ran down the steps. You heard JJ call your name from inside the house but didn’t turn around.
“Kie” You said with a dramatic exhale when she got out of her car, grinning brightly at you. “Save me”
“What’s the haps my little sunflower” She lifted her sunglasses off her face on top of her head and put her arm around your shoulder, about to guide you back inside. You planted your feet and mustered the best begging face you could.
“Please, for the love of all things holy, take me away from here. I can’t sit there and listen to JJ talk about all the ‘fine ass’ he plans to tap tonight. Kie smiled sheepishly and poked a finger into your stomach.
“Girl. You know he only does that to make you jealous.”
Kie had known about your crush on JJ for years, but had promised to not say or do anything under fear of death. You shook your head at her and looked at your feet.
“Nah, Kie... I heard him….I heard him talking to John B when I was in the bathroom.”
“And?”
“And he literally said there is nothing here for me to settle down for. What more proof do I need?”
Kie’s face fell and she tilted her head, watching you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. Just come inside for a bit. We can get ready for the Kegger together.”
You bit your lip and shook your head, stepping around her. So she wasn’t going to save you then. Of course she just wanted to spend more time with John B, you had noticed how she had started looking at him since he had been threatened with being placed out into foster care.
“Forget it. I’ll see you later.”
“Y/N, wait! Come on!” She yelled, but you just waved your hand behind you and kept walking. You grabbed your bike from the edge of the drive and started down the road.
You heard JJ yell your name from the porch but kept going.
~~~
You arrived at the party an hour late and already drunk. You had pre-drank with one of the girls you worked the docks with, and had done little to get ready aside from taking your hair out of its braid and putting shimmer lotion over your darkly tanned skin. You had opted into wearing a skimpier outfit than you normally would have, but normally you wouldn’t be at a Kegger to pick someone up. Tonight was different. You had had a few hours to drink away your pain over JJ’s comment and come to terms with your new reality – the beer (and your co-worker who was 3 years older than you and known for working more than one job on the island if you catch the meaning) had convinced you it was a good idea to wear short shorts and a tube top (no bra which was weird for you), exposing so much skin your tan lines were visible. You tried as hard as you could to avoid JJ and John B and Kie for the first hour, but eventually Kie wandered over to you and stood with a hand on her hip, a very judgey expression on her face.
“You have a very judgey expression on your face” was all you said to her.
“So first you bail on me at John B’s and then you show up to the Kegger half cut and wearing a napkin as a top. JJ has been looking for you all night and said you kept walking away from him. What the fuck, Y/N?”
You grabbed a fresh beer from the too-young looking junior boy who was operating it and smiled hazily at him. When you looked back at Kie she was watching you like you had two heads.
“I just needed some space.” You said before taking a drink. Swallowing, you continued “it’s not every day you get your heart broken” you said blandly, then smacked your cup into hers and said “cheers” sarcastically before walking off.
~~~
Later in the night, after multiple beers and having seen JJ flirting with at least two different girls who were definitely not local, you stood over by the edge of the beach watching the waves pummel the shoreline rhythmically. That’s when you heard a boy say “you look lonely” from behind you. You spun around and smiled at the tall boy who had jet black hair and a Harvard sweater on. He had sparkling white teeth and dimples, even fairly drunk you could see how attractive and well-built he was.
“Alec” He smiled, stretching his hand out. You took it and loosely squeezed, shifting your weight to a different foot and losing your balance. “Easy there” he smiled, steadying you with his other hand.
“Y/N” You said in an embarrassingly slurred voice. You smiling knowingly and blushed. “Harvard?” You said tamely, pointing your cup hand at his sweater.
He nodded and flicked his hair, smiling. He started to say something but just past him you saw JJ standing next to a crowd, looking over at you. You felt your stomach plummet and your face get hot. He raised his hand to wave, but you stared back blankly. Perfect, this guy will do nicely. You thought and grabbed Alec’s face as he was mid-sentence, pressing your lips to his. He had frozen at first, but had quickly recuperated and started kissing you back, his hands moving to your back and butt. He was either more drunk then he looked, or he was a floozy. Probably the latter, being a Harvard kook.
You got lost in his mouth and his hands and his embrace for a few minutes until you heard someone clear their throat behind you.
“Y/N, time to go, bus is leaving.” The two of you broke apart and looked behind Alec to see JJ standing rather close, his arms crossed over his chest, unimpressed.
“Get lost, kid” Alec said to JJ, looking back at you and ducking his head to kiss you again.
“Seriously, Y/N. Come on.” JJ insisted. You both ignored him. “Alright, Kook. Kindly fuck off now.” JJ slammed his hands onto Alec’s shoulders and pulled him backwards off of you.
Alec spun around to shove JJ and JJ pushed his chest out, standing tall and matching Alec’s tall 6ft stature. They stood face to face, eyeing each other up and down.
“What’s your problem man?” Alec pushed JJ away from him with one hand.
“You’re mackin on my girl is my problem. Beat it!”
Alec looked from JJ back to you and rose his eyebrows before throwing his hands up and walking away muttering “control your girl then man, not my problem.”
“What the fuck, JJ!” You exclaimed, glaring at him. Your mind was still reeling, you hadn’t missed where he had said ‘mackin on my girl’.
“I told you, bus is leaving. You know the rules.”
“I’m not leaving with you.” You said with an ‘as if’ expression on your face. “I’m good. See ya”
You started to walk past him when you felt his arm reach out to block you. He looked over at you with a confused expression and moved to stand in front of you. Your eyebrows shot to 11’s as you stared at him.
“Seriously?” You said with an annoyed tone, trying to shove him out of the way.
“You’re drunk, Y/N. Let’s go.”
“I’m fine, like I said. And I’m not leaving with you, like I said.”
JJ looked equal parts confused and hurt now, but he stood his ground and held his arm out again when you tried to walk around him.
“What’s going on with you?” He said in a quieter tone now, trying to hold eye contact with you. You felt the sensation creeping back into your stomach that you felt so many times last summer and throughout the school year, the butterflies and the adrenaline. “Did you even know that guy?”
“No.” You stood firm and kept your head up. JJ looked at you expectantly and shook his head.
“Then what? What was that?”
“Oh, god JJ seriously? What!” You were raising your voice now. “I’m not allowed to have a little fun too? You’re such a fucking hypocrite.” You felt like you were sobering up slowly, but your words were still slurring lightly.
“What are you talking about?” JJ looked dumbfounded.
“Yeah, sure. Okay JJ. Whatever” You rolled your eyes and took a step back so you could breathe properly again, standing that close to him was suffocating. His eyes were wide and his face was genuinely confused. He opened his mouth to speak but raised his shoulders instead, pleadingly.
“Seriously? God…I heard you, okay? I heard you talking to John B. I heard you say that you weren’t the dating type, that there was nothing here for you to settle for anyways. I got it. Message received. So don’t act confused when I want to move on alright? That fucking hurt, man.”
Once you had finished your shoulders had slumped and you felt deflated. Oh, good lord. You hadn’t meant for the word vomit to come out that fast or at all really. Awesome, well done.
JJ looked taken back, then he looked concerned, then he settled on looking upset. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, turning around for a second before turning back to you, putting his hands on his hips briefly.
“Y/N….” He started, taking a step towards you, but you stepped back and put your hands up.
“It’s fine. I just….forget it.” You said, then a wave of confidence hit you and you perked up, taking a step towards him. “It’s just…we had the best summer, you know? Like, the best summer. And this year was like…the best year I’ve had, ever. And now this. I don’t know, it just sucks.” You watched the shock wash over JJ’s face and felt suddenly guilty. “Forget it, its fine. I don’t know why I expected anything, I know I’m just…me” You looked down at your feet and suddenly felt very dizzy. You swayed on your feet and felt JJ’s hand reach out to steady you. He took a step closer and was directly in front of you now.
“Y/N, hey. Hey” He said until you looked up at him, startled by how close he suddenly was. His face was gentle but firm. He saw your face, probably looking slightly green, and walked you over to a log to sit down. He sat so close to you that your legs were firmly pressed together, he kept a hand on your arm and adjusted his seat to face you more directly.
“You never…said anything.” He said quietly, his eyes on you. “I thought you…ugh”
You looked over at him, embarrassed and fuzzy. Probably blushing. Fantastic. He looked at you with a smile now, newly happy about something.
“What” You poked, confused why he was suddenly in a good mood.
“I mean come on, Y/N. Look at you. You’re….way out of my league.” He was almost laughing.
“What” You said, now squinting to see him better, practically glaring.
“I always just…resigned myself to thinking you would end up with like…I don’t know a pogue Harvard sweater over there” He pointed to the direction Alec had walked off in. “I’m like…a dirty but moderately smart street rat.” He said mildly joking, but you could hear the insecurity undertone.
You felt your chest constricting and your heart pounding. Was he joking? He must be joking. You stared at each other for a few silent moments until you finally broke the tense silence.
“JJ you aren’t even moderately smart if you didn’t notice. I wasn’t that discreet.” You said quietly, looking at your lap again.
You opened your mouth to say that it was fine and you understood but as soon as you started to talk you felt JJ move towards you and lift his hand to your face and then suddenly he was pulling you towards him, kissing you firmly. Your brain and your heart and your chest and your stomach exploded with fire and adrenaline and you could feel your limbs numbing. You had wanted to kiss JJ for so long but now it was happening and you were so drunk and you had made such a fool of yourself and you didn’t know what to do so you kissed him back and tried to enjoy the feeling of his lips on yours. After a few seconds he pulled away and looked at you, then smiled and broke into a grin so big his dimples were practically squishing into his eyes.
You felt so warm and so happy that you melted towards JJ again and kissed him until your lips were sore and the music had died down and you heard someone clearing their throat.
“Bus is actually leaving” Kie smiled at you when you looked over JJ’s shoulder. She winked and walked backwards towards where Pope and John B were gathered, finishing their drinks and whistling.
“No pogue on pogue macking!” Pope shouted over at you, laughing as John B whistled and threw his empty cup towards you, hitting JJ in the arm. JJ waved them off and pulled you into his chest, laughing as the crew started littering a collection of empty cups at the two of you and yipping and hollering. You nuzzled into JJ’s chest, not quite ready for the moment to be over yet, and smiled. Finally.
255 notes · View notes
psycho-pass-saiko · 4 years ago
Text
Wrote another sparring session 😚
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362230
‘’Focus on your core, Kei!’’
Kei, grunted with frustration to the comment of Ginoza; as Arata kept on analyzing one of the SAD member’s sparring with Kei, pinching his chin without even blinking an eye. Kogami slowly approached to the short inspector, exhaling a smoke from his lips to air casually.
‘’So, what do you think about it?’’ he asked. Arata, startled with his sudden presence next to him, smiled subtly.
‘’Oh, hello Kogami-san.’’ Arata greeted him, only getting a small nod from his superior. ‘’About what exactly? And pardon me but isn’t here no-smoking area?’’
Kogami, not even giving a reaction to his implication, gestured the two men on tatami rink struggling, with a swing of his chin. ‘’About their fighting.’’
Well, struggling part is most on Kei, Arata thought as his friend was captured now by his opponent. ‘’They are strong, i guess?’’ said Arata. Kogami huffed, taking another smoke from his halfly burnt cigar. ‘’Thats for sure.’’
Kei, now caged in Sugo’s steel like arm-lock, one arm over his neck the other pulling it back with his inner elbow, he was unable to move. He was almost same height and had similar athletic frame with this SAD member but somehow he looked bigger than him, now being choked between his muscular arms and firm chest behind his back. Kei, swang his body from side to side, trying to escape from his hold. But Sugo on the other hand, was not planning on letting him go just yet.
With a frowned face, he asked. ‘’Are you going to surrender or faint, inspector?’’ intensifying his hold around the neck. They were both on ground, Kei gasping and struggling over Sugo’s body. Kei, huffed, already seeing colorful dots in his vision, clenched his fingers on Sugo’s forearms, still not giving up. Sugo, with a sigh, opened his legs to cover Kei’s and he arched his body. With sudden pain in his spine Kei made an ‘ach!’ sound but yet again, he desperatly kept on trying to escape.
‘’Release the kid, Sugo. You will give him a whiplash in the neck.’’ Said Ginoza, wiping his sweat with a towel sitting on a bench. With his word, Sugo immediately loosened up his hold on the inspector and gently threw him to his side. Kei, gasped for air, now on all his fours, massaged his throat with his left hand. After letting him go, Sugo rose on his feet, adjusting his gym clothes which was consist of a pair of dark green sweatpants and short-sleeved shirt. He slicked back his dark hair and offered his open hand to Kei afterwards.
‘’Sorry, inspector.’’
‘’No, no, it is okay.’’ Kei, now breathing normally grabbed his hand, stood up. He gulped down, damping his mouth. ‘’Please let us have a rematch.’’ Sugo silently nodded.
Kogami, snorted under his breath, remembering the time when he also asked the same thing to him. Before fainting. No one except Arata heard him in the gym of Foreign Affairs’ headquarters.
Division 1 inspectors were here for a case, which was committed by a foreigner visiting their country, but after they realised they had to wait for a few hours for the case files, they searched for something to spend time with. They decided to explore the big building. Ginoza was the one who called for them when they were just passing by the entrance of the gym. Inspectors saw the long haired agent in his navy blue/black track suit and white sleeveless top, revealing his well-shaped biceps. He smiled at them as they slowly walked towards him. After a small chit-chat of why they were here and what they were doing Ginoza invited them to their exercise routine as an option for their search of distraction. Arata wanted to refuse but as soon as Kei saw the spiky haired agent on the tatami rink inside the gym he agreed instantly and bowed respectfully. Seeing him, Arata had to accept the offer too, rather reluctantly. Then Ginoza lent them some spare gym clothes from the mislaid-goods and all three of them went back to the main saloon.
Their gym was massive. Bigger and wider than the one in MWPSB. There were more then twenty of treadmills, weight equipments, even an indoor pool next to the main gym saloon. Arata and Kei, both in black short sleeved shirts and gray shorts, followed Ginoza to the center of the gym. Kogami and Sugo was having a sparring, but it was obvious they weren't serious, only discussing some tactics since their moves were controlled and calm. Kogami was wearing a simple pair of black sleeveless top and sweatpants. Sugo in front of him, arms crossed to Kogami’s forearms, was with his dark green pair of gym clothes. When they reached to the boxing rink with a tatami floor, both grey and black eyes turned towards them. Inspectors and agents bowed each other after they introduced themselves to both part. Arata was not sure why Kei was glaring at the agent named Kogami, but he ignored thinking Kei had his reason. Besides Kogami didnt look bothered at all. In fact he lighted a cigaratte walking to the edge of the rink. He leaned on the corner pads.
‘’We met again, inspector.’’ he said nonchalantly. Kei nodded. ‘’Yes. I hope we can have a rematch Kogami-san.’’ Kogami with an irritated sigh waved his cigarette holding hand on the air while murmuring silently ‘yeah, yeah’. After a short warming-up, Inspectors stepped up to the link from the small stairs at right side of the rink.
First pairing was Ginoza and Sugo. Arata had to admit, they had a strange chemistry together. Sugo was using his Karate knowledge yet was cautiously avoided a hit by Ginoza’s left bionic arm. They chatted while fighting, almost laughing with the comments they made to each other’s moves. In the end it was a tie, close to Sugo’s victory. At least it was what Arata thought. They bowed to each other and Ginoza jumped down the rink, pointing Kei to take his place. Kei, nodded and entered the rink with confidence.
Well, at least he was sure he would win over Sugo. Yet was wronged once again.
‘’Your partner,’’ started Kogami, next to Arata once again, watching them discussing why he couldnt break Sugo’s arm-lock. Former military captain was patient with him as if teaching to a kid. ‘’he is so confident with himself. This weakens his ability to analyze his opponent. He had plenty chances to bring down Sugo but he went in with the idea of winning in his mind.’’
Arata raised an eyebrow. ‘’Isn’t this what leads one to victory, Kogami-san?’’
Kogami, shrugged. ‘’For tournaments, maybe. But this is real world, inspector. Your opponent goes for your vitals, to kill you. They wont stop just before stabbing your chest. Winning sometimes is not enough.’’ He took one last smoke from his cigar, stubbing out the cigaratte foot in his palm. ‘’He is well-trained but as i said before, he is cocky.’’
Arata grinned to honesty of this man and shrugged. ‘’He is the best partner.I dont care if he is cocky or not. I wouldn't change him to anyone else.’’
Kogami, gave him an amused side look. ‘’Its good to hear.’’ He turned his face to rink where Sugo and Kei were exitting. ‘’So, inspector’’ he beckoned to rink. ‘’what about a match?’’
Arata, knew he had no chance against him. The aura surrounding his body, his calm movements, uninterested expression. Everything screamed ‘’ dont come near or bear the consequences’’. But he accepted. What else could he do?
‘’Why not, Kogami-san.’’ He started to walk towards rink.
‘’Kogami-san, i hope you havent forgetten about our rematch.’’ Said Kei as Arata entered to the rink where Kogami was standing. Kogami, eyes closed sighed looking at the ceiling.
‘’For fucks sake... Okay, i get it, i get it. Wait for your turn.’’
Arata, inhaled calmly. Kei sure was stubborn but it seems Kogami was the one who wounded his pride, thats why he was so persuasive. Otherwise he couldn't remember a time where Kei was so stubborn about a basic rematch.
At least it wont take long Kei, he thought already adjusting his body to a defense position, legs open hands in fists.
Kogami, took one or a two steps backwards, changing his balance from one feet to another,hopping on his toes. Slowly he raised his arms to air as well. Arata, observed his position, planning on how to attack.
Well he was thinking for an attack when he saw a fist stopping just centimeters away from his nose. Arata exhaled with confusion, his breath grazed his solid fist. With shocked eyes he looked up and saw focused grey eyes locked on his honey colored ones.
‘’React fast, inspector. One more time.’’ Kogami drew back his fist and got back to his starting position. Arata shook his head to sides, tried to focus. He knew he was no match to this SAD agent but this didnt mean he should surrender easily. Arata mimicked Kogami’s hopping earlier. He inhaled. But before seeing the attack he felt it.
Kogami, yet again moved fast, aiming to kick his side torso. But his leg found no target as Arata with an extreme flexibility leaned back to a bridge, then he kicked his legs backwards to stand on them again. Kogami narrowed his eyes.
‘’Gymnastics?’’
‘’Profesionally.’’ answered Arata, calmly when he saw a small grin on his lips. But he said nothing as he moved forward to hold one of Arata’s wrist. Arata bent his knees, slided to right. However this was Kogami’s plan as well. He ducked almost near to floor on his left foot, he streched out his right leg and with a twist on his toes he low kicked Arata’s legs. Arata instictively jumped and avoided his dangerous blow. Landing on the tatami he jumped further away from him. Kogami slowly stood on his feet, turning to him. Arata with adrenaline running through his veins, decided to attack at least once. When Kogami dashed towards him Arata threw his right leg to front, turned two rounds on air before giving a kick to his face. Kogami, leaned back, barely avoiding his leg. He still felt the skin of his heel. Arata, landed on his feet, but unfortunately not fast enough. Kogami, found his balance in a flash, grabbed his arm and pulled it towards himself. When Arata’s body bumped into Kogami’s torso, he wrapped his right arm around Arata’s neck, still pulling his left hand to further in front of himself. Kogami’s left hand twisted his left palm to upwards. Arata gasped with pain spreading through his whole arm, bending from his waist to front, he punched continuesly on Kogami’s arm desperately trying to escape from his grip. From afar it looked like a brotherly fight.
‘’Dont be so harsh on my bosses, Kogami-san. I still need my paycheck, after all.’’
A sweet giggle echoed in the gym at the same time his hold over Arata’s neck losened up. Arata had a chance to rise his head and saw a petite figure coming towards the rink. It was no other than Statutory Enforcer, Tsunemori Akane.
Kogami, Arata still whining under his arm, looked towards to the owner of the voice. He knew the second he heard her voice, but seeing her in front of his eyes was still like dream-like event for him. His expression softened as he released Arata, putting his hands to his waist line. Kogami shrugged.
‘’It’s a must for a good training.’’ He grinned at Akane.
Arata, now standing straightly, rubbed his left wrist. First thing he realized was the sudden change in Kogami’s expression. His cool, uninterested look was nowhere to be seen. Instead, shining eyes and a caring gaze took their place. Oh, i see, thought Arata.
‘’Enforcer Tsunemori, have the case files been filled?’’ asked Kei, without thinking.
Arata, felt the sudden tension growing in the air of the gym as three agents got stiff in their places when they heard the title of the woman. Especially Kogami, his chin clenched.
‘’Tsunemori-san, sorry we didnt had the time to tell you where we were.’’ said Arata quickly, trying to soften air.
Akane smiled. This made the agents relax a bit. ‘’Oh dont worry about it. Thought you would be here.’’ she turned her face towards Kogami as she finished her sentence.
‘’Tsunemori,’’ Ginoza turned towards her on the bench he sat. He had a small smile on his lips. Continued as he leaned over placing his elbows on his knees. ‘’It has been a while.’’ Akane’s smiling face turned towards him, nodding.
‘’Indeed, Ginoza-san.’’ She looked left of the rink searching for someone. That was when Sugo stepped forward with a soft grin too. ‘’Hello, Tsunemori-san. Its so good to see you.’’
‘’Hello, Sugo-san. Feelings are mutual.’’ said Akane, slightly lowering her head to left side with a big smile that hiding her eyes.
‘’You looking good.’’ A compliment came from top of the rink. Kogami was now leaning on red ropes of the rink, arms crossed. She was wearing a dark smoke colored two-pieced suit, a pale blue shirt under her jacket. It was rare for her to wear trousers as she would often prefered skirts. But as time passed, like her, her fashion sense changed too. Akane took two steps forward.
‘’Thank you, Kogami-san, you look sharp as well.’’responded Akane, lifting her face to meet with his eyes after her eyes gazing over his muscular arms. Kogami leaned a bit more, his smirk getting more coy.
‘’Want to go for a round?’’
If arata wasnt seeing them in front of his eyes, he would definetely thought they were talking about some other exercise. Something about Kogami's voice gave him this impression. He nodded abruptly to silence Kei’s almost interruption. Blue eyed inspector got the message and closed his mouth, taking his place next to smiling Arata.
‘’Now, it's a time to be alive.’’ Grinned Ginoza. Kogami’s judgemental look found him.
‘’What now, ponytail?’’ he huffed.
Ginoza, not losing his smug face winked at Akane. ‘’Blow him a hit for me too, Tsunemori.’’
Akane snorted, quickly covering her mouth shyly. Sugo, approached to the bench where Ginoza was sitting. ‘’Pardon me, Kogami-san but, it will be fun to see your ass get kicked.’’
‘’Hey!’’ Kogami, held the ropes and stood straigth, his body half-way turned to right, faceing his team-mates. Ginoza and Sugo shrugged, not even trying to hide their smiles.
‘’Dont bully him, you two.’’ said the female enforcer but her voice was full of joy. She took another step to corner of the rink, already taking of her jacket. Kogami, rolled his eyes, turned on his heels to face with Akane once again. She was folding up her blue shirt’s sleeves when they reached just above her elbows she nodded herself with satisfaction. As she quietly took of her flat-heeled shoes, Kogami leaned on the red ropes and held a hand to her.
‘’Do you need any help-‘’ but before he could finish his words, Akane hold the closest rope to her, pulled herself back and with the help of the bounce she jumped on the rink easily. She bend over and entered inside of the rink between two ropes with a smile on her face. Kogami, still semi-leaning down, smirked.
‘’Of course you don't.’’ Kogami, bounced himself back from the ropes and turned to his back, finding Akane already in her defense position. She saw him tilting his head to side a bit.
Akane raised one of her eyebrows. ‘’Hmm?’’
Kogami, shrugged and bent his knees, elbows and fist rising to air. ‘’ Nothing. Grey looks good on you.’’
Akane, clearly blushing, huffed from her nose. ‘’You can’t win without distracting me, can you Kogami-san?’’
Kogami narrowed his eyes as his grin became sinful. ‘’Oh, I can.’’ And he attacked.
For the next five minutes, Arata almost swallowed his tongue with the shock. He knew she was strong. But not she-can-lift-up-an-adult-man-easily kind of strong. He didnt expect to see this scene.
At the beggining, Kogami attacked her as low as he can get. But with a one hand carthwheel on his shoulder, Akane dodged his attack, lending behind him. She was fast. Almost as fast as Kogami. As a result Arata felt like watching two tigers fighting in front of him. She punched mercilessly to his torso, knowing that he would dodge the attack. In fact, he did, only to threw a fist to her which she avoided swiftly turning on her heels. She then grabbed him from his waist-line reversely, lifted him up on air, turned with him before throwing him to ground. Kogami, with a short laugh, did a somersault to front.
‘’I am starting to think you love lifting me up, too much, Akane.’’ Said Kogami, kneeling down on his left knee, one hand on the ground supporting him. Arata, still eyes wide, tried to digest the fact that she threw the agent whereas Arata couldnt even see his punch until it was in front of his nose. Dont make Tsunemori-san mad, he noted in his mind.
‘’What can i say, its an addiction.’’ Akane made a joke before dashing to him. Kogami, pivoted on his knee and rose on his two feet. Just before turning to his right side, he thought of a sneaky move. Quickly wrapped his right arm over Akane’s waist and this time, he lifted her up to air. Akane yelped when she felt the ground under her feet disappear as Kogami’s other arm wrapped over her stomach as well.
‘’H-hey! Let me down Kogami-san!’’ she swang her legs on air, aiming to kick him. Kogami leaned back from his waist, raising up her body more.
‘’You were right. This is addictive.’’ He whispered to her ear, smelling her flowery perfume. Female enforcer turned into a rose petal. She felt his fingers moving around her sides. Akane gasped with panic.
Ginoza with an irritated sigh, face palmed himself. ‘’You two, take your foreplay to a room not on a rink.’’ Sugo laughed under his breath, agreeing with him.
Akane with a groan lifted up both of her legs and with a force she kicked them down. Kogami had to release his arms to prevent himself from falling over her. Akane now on her feet, turned to him.
‘’You know that i am ticklish! That was a dirty move, Kogami-san.’’ she sounded heart-broken however a smile was trying to appear on the tip of her lips. Arata and Kei, for the first time heard Kogami’s deep laugh.
‘’It is not my fault that you have a weakness.’’
Akane lifted her eyebrow. ‘’You too, have your own weaknesses, Kogami-san.’’
Kogami with his softest gaze, looked into her eyes, calmly. Hands inside of his pockets. He didn't even for a second looked away from her eyes. ‘’Yes, i have.’’
Everyone in the room knew what was the meaning of this look.
Arata felt like he was interruping a private moment just then. He mildly coughed, as Akane also woke up from her trance. She cleared her throat as well before tucking her side cuts behind her ears.
‘’Yes. Shall we go then, inspectors? We still have a case to solve.’’ She already started to walk towards the edge of the rink, Kogami following her. This time she let him to help her going down. Kogami, jumped over the red ropes to ground, turned to her. He reached up and gently covered her waist with both of his hand, lowered her down. Akane with his strong arms landed on the floor, she felt a tingling inside her stomach. For a brief second, they both stayed in that position, absorbing the warm sensation between them, eyes locked on to each other’s. Kogami pulled his hands back, when inspectors reached to side of the rink where they were. Akane took the jacket he held out to her with a small thanks, their fingers grazed. She lifted her face up to him. ‘’See you later Kogami-san.’’
Kogami, with a subtle smile, nodded. ‘’Don’t tire yourself so much.’’
Akane giggled, fixing her hair. ‘’Okay, mom.’’ Kogami, frowned to her comment but only flicked her shoulder kindly as a response. She turned to her left, facing the inspectors. ‘’Let’s go.’’
Even though she was an enforcer, neither Arata or Kei felt like disobeying her. Never. They both nodded in sync. ‘’Yes, ma’am!’’
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cherishedkids · 5 years ago
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waiting || tokito muichiro x reader
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anime: kimetsu no yaiba  warning/s: sad, spoilers from the manga, character deaths, description of gore words: 1,349 pairing/s: tokito muichiro x reader request: “ hiiii may i request angst with fluffy ending for muichiro x reader who was also a demon slayer but died a few days/weeks earlier than him??? then both of them are reincarnated in the present and they became a couple again 👉👈 “ - anon
A/N: sorry for the wait!! ive been trying to get back into my groove,,, there arent much muichiro gifs so i hope u dont mind if i reuse them??? plz enjoy anon!! 💕💕
--
Blood.
There was nothing else that Muichiro saw except for the red liquid. The anger that resided within him was far worse, burning up everything and everyone in his path. He was covered in it, not sure if it was his or if it belonged to the demon in front of him. But it made no difference. By the end of this battle, the both of them were going to die.
He looked at Kokushibo in the eyes. Although his arm and leg was gone, Muichiro did not feel weakened by the pain. In fact, he reveled in it. It was the only thing keeping him awake, aside from his sheer willpower. Any moment, he would die of blood loss, but it was a fate he was not afraid to face. He was willing to sacrifice himself, for the sake of the corps, and for his fleeting dream of seeing you again.
His sword was already deep inside the demon, and all he waited was for the killing shot by one of his comrades. He was already feeling weakened and his head was spinning. It was fine. He was going to see you soon.
The hard ground below him did nothing to cushion him after the demon was defeated. He laid still on the ground, as his allies gathered around him, but he knew what would happen. He didn’t want to escape it. Death was always an option. It was one you chose, and it was one that he would be chasing now.
You stared at death in the face, but it attached itself to you, not wanting to let go. He swore revenge, and he did. The strongest demon, next to Muzan, was dead. His ancestor was defeated. You could rest easy now.
Tanjiro’s face was in front of him. The older boy’s eyes, full of concern and worry.
“Muichiro, hold on--”
He coughed, and the both of them knew this was his last hour. “There’s no need, Tanjiro, I…”
In the blinding light, all he could see was you. You beckoned for him to come forward, and he rushed forwards, refusing to waste a single moment.
“I’m coming for you, ___.”
Those were the last words of Tokito Muichiro, relayed by Tanjiro to the others. He recalled tears coming out of his eyes, as he tried to reach out for someone, his only hand shaking, as his life slowly dimmed. 
-
Soft hands touched his cheek, thumb rubbing circles. When he opened his eyes, he saw curious but familiar ones staring back at him. You smiled at him, one that he dearly missed. His head was on your lap, and you sat on the ground. There was nothing else around, only darkness. But you were all that he needed.
“___,” He whispered out, and the name coming out of his lips almost felt strange. It had been a long time since he last uttered it, but he repeated it multiple times. “___, ___, ___!”
You just nodded with him, and he got up from his position. He sat directly in front of you, and he cupped your cheeks with his hands.
“It really is you,”
Your hand came up to wrap around his. “Of course, it’ll always be me, Muichiro,”
Tears came out of your eyes, and he wiped them away. “Don’t cry,”
But you laughed at that, as you seemed like you were looking at a mirror. He himself was crying! “Look at yourself first,”
He embraced you, pressing you against his chest, seemingly never wanting to let go. “When we get reincarnated, I’ll find you,”
“I know,”
“I’ll make you happy and spend all my time with you,”
“I know,”
“We’ll be together forever, away from all this… bloodshed,”
“I know,” All you could do was reply with the same two words, as you were afraid that if you spoke anymore, your voice would crack. You didn’t want to cry anymore, so you did your best trying to cherish this moment. 
“Wait for me,” He whispered out, as a bright light enveloped the both of you.
--
Muichiro sighed for the umpteenth time today. His brother, Yuichiro, had forgotten to bring their lunch boxes, so he was forced to walk all the way to the cafeteria today. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, fidgeting with the coins he had. He could buy a few rice balls, or a burger, but neither of those appealed to him. 
“Man, what a pain,” He muttered to no one in particular, and turned a corner. It was almost deserted, save for a few people conversing with each other. Yuichiro had already gone ahead to the canteen with their group of friends, as he was asleep in the middle of the class. He grumbled, thinking why his brother didn’t think of waking him up for lunch.
It would be alright with him, but he shuddered at the thought of wrestling in line just for mediocre food. It was nothing compared to the cooking of his own mother, and there was no doubt in his mind that he would be in a bad mood today.
He came to a halt, as someone passed him by,  their shampoo leaving a pleasant scent behind. He wasn’t really sure when he saw this person, perhaps in a dream? But their face was one that he was mesmerized by. Judging from their uniform, he was in the same batch as he was, but he hadn’t noticed them before.
His eyes lingered on them, as their figure walked downstairs, never noticing him. Something inside him wanted to meet this person. His objective forgotten, he raced to talk to this person. He would never approach a complete stranger like this, but there was something about them that just reminded him of home. 
Was this love at first sight? His chest was weak, and his breath was becoming unstable. It sure didn’t feel like love. He didn’t know how to explain what he was feeling, but it did feel like he had just found something that used to be lost to time. Like he was honoring something his ancestor had entrusted to him. God, he sounded like a lunatic.
He had finally caught up to this mysterious person, and with bated breath, he asked. “Excuse me, can I get your name?”
When your eyes met him as you turned around, he swore he could feel his heart skip a beat. All that they said about feeling love was true. A hundred butterflies swarmed around in his stomach, his heart was beating like crazy, and his face was getting warmer by the second. It was all because of a single person.
“Oh, it’s ___… why?” You said, and he repeated the name in his mind. Familiarity surged through his body.
“Would you like to get lunch with me?” He put everything on this one question. He wasn’t thinking about being rejected--in fact, he wasn’t even sure if he was thinking. His focus was only on you.
You blushed, and you nodded, letting him lead the way. Under normal circumstances, you never would have agreed to a stranger asking you to lunch, but the second your eyes landed on him, it suddenly felt like everything was going to be alright. For some reason, in his presence, you felt at ease, and that you could trust him right then and there.
“May I also get your name?” You asked, waiting for his answer.
“My name’s Muichiro.”
It was a story you often told to your friends, and your children, if they were willing. There was familiarity in both of your eyes, and you just hit it off right away. Muichiro would half-heartedly dismiss it, saying that he was the one who saw you first, and you just followed along, but the both knew there was something deeper to it.
There was no question about it, it was a love that hoped for a better future. One with no deaths and only happiness before it. It was a hope that wished for better days. A hope that the both of you kept alive.
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