#and i still havent found a therapist to discuss the complex emotions i feel because my dad fucking died

[satansappendix]

These imaginary tigers are fucking me up

[tetedump]

Could you talk a bit about your journey with therapy, if you're comfortable and any tips you have for finding a therapist who clicks with you? I havent yet found someone who understands the complexity of my experiences and I feel like i'm losing hope.

for sure! <3 thank you for the question:) so proud of you for still trying to find someone who you click with—i know it can take like literally forever, so massive props to you for sticking with it and knowing what you want (or what you don't) :)

my therapists have spanned general talk therapy (i went in and said 'hi i want help managing day-to-day life/depression/my friend says therapy would be helpful for me so i'm here' and then i let them do their thing), an ocd treatment program, and cptsd trauma therapy.

the general talk therapists I liked because I thought they were kind, i felt heard, and i liked that they offered different perspectives than the other adults in my life at the time did. i only noticed the progress after months and months—it was slower changes to my thought patterns that taught me to think about what was happening more logically in addition to having my emotional reactions to it, as well as thinking about the likelihood of someone else actually feeling or thinking what i thought they did.

the ocd treatment program (i used NOCD, highly enjoyed) was really good for me because the end of my talk therapy I felt a bit like we were chatting, and like progress wasn't being made each session. like i had somewhere i wanted to go and the therapist wasn't finding the same things important that i was. i liked that the ocd therapist was younger (my prior therapists had been 40+ yo and this one was in her late 20s I believe) and she wasn't afraid to talk about intense topics—but i also wasn't afraid to talk about intense topics. her age helped, because it felt less like talking to an adult and more like talking to a peer i really respected, but I also was at a different point in my self confidence ~journey~. i like to think that if i was with the talk therapists now i would be more blunt/honest, but I think younger age therapists have definitely clicked for me more.

my current trauma therapist i found because after realizing that i needed/wanted specialized treatment for my ocd (exposure and response prevention, aka ERP), i went on psychology today and typed in 'cptsd' and 'ocd'. then i went and all the therapists that looked fairly friendly i emailed to confirm that they had experience treating both cptsd and using ERP. i just liked the vibe of the therapist who got back to me the quickest; i liked her website and she sounded kind on the phone and open to working with me even though i didn't know exactly what i needed. I appreciate that her facial expressions really rarely change when I talk to her—that would have terrified me in years prior, but now it just teaches me that she's going to react to everything i say the same, so i can share what i want. I like that she gives me ample time in our EMDR processing for me to work through things on my own, but she's there and doesn't leave me hanging if i'm stuck. I like that she's teaching me to do the work on myself—i liked that about the ocd program as well. i knew exactly what we were doing at any moment and how it was benefitting me, and how i could do a similar thing outside of the session.

questions for you—do you know what topics you'd like to discuss in your therapy? do you know if there's a specific 'disorder' you'd like to work on, or a specific type of therapy? you could put any of those things into psychology today to help narrow down some therapists, and those could be great things to bring up to the therapist. it's also 100% valid to want a therapist who identifies similarly to you—it's not weird at all to not go to a therapist bc they aren't the same or similar gender/race/age/sexuality/immigration status/literally anything. you could also always ask a therapist for recommendations if they don't personally fit what you're looking for—in emailing a bunch of people, i was like 'if you don't have experience in these areas, would you be able to recommend me someone who you think might be a good fit?'

i'm incapable of writing short things, particularly about therapy; we hope i'll get better at that in the years to come 🤦‍♀️ please ask any other questions you may have. it can take time, but you've absolutely got this.