#i cant even stand on my own
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ragingextrovert · 2 years ago
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ive been giving myself grief ever since 2013 about not having every step of my life planned out
10 years I claimed depression
i am fine
except now, depression might have me like addiction to an addict
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mrmeepsmadmind · 2 months ago
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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crystalpallette · 9 days ago
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if I had a nickel for every time I fell in love with a character who has ringlets in her hair, is a middle schooler, breaks out into song at random, and is a pink magical girl, id have two nickels. how does this keep happening
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demadogs · 6 months ago
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some of you need to hate ai way more than you currently do
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rbtlvr · 1 month ago
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AND ANOTHER THING. i know that on a meta level this is literally just How Video Game Bosses Work. but also with how well the game mechanics work into the story in many other cases i don't think it's unreasonable to look at it from an in universe perspective
SO
i think it really says something that loop only uses their stronger attacks in their second phase. i think it really says something that you have to bring them down to 0hp four (4) times, attacking them repeatedly + proving that you are willing to genuinely hurt/kill them, before they'll use their most powerful attacks on siffrin
#talk tag#isatposting#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#man i am wordy today huh#anyways. i think abt loop a normal amount can you tell. i think about twohats a normal amount can you tell#also wait hold on i just checked the stats page again for this post and. it seems like loop Cannot crit in phase one?#unless im reading it wrong. but like. gestures emphatically if that is true#id need to go fight them again to check but i dont think attack buffs would do anything (bc their attacks are percentage based)#which would mean if both of those things are true the max damage they can do in phase one IS genuinely just 17% of ur hp#+ even if attack buff DOES do smth thatd still only be uhhhhhhh#like 25%? but even then they can only buff once per loop in phase one + they only do that 17% attack once every 3 turns#so theyd only be able to get one of those. so im just gonna say 17% max for simplicity sake#guarding halves the damage down to 8.5% and for the other attack halves it to 5%. you heal 6% every turn with the memory#you could literally just stand there and guard forever and absolutely nothing else. and stay at almost full hp the whole time#if im doing the math right then youd lose a total of 0.5% hp for every three turns. by just standing there and doing nothing but guarding#loop! does not! want!!! to hurt siffrin!!!!!!!! thank you for coming to my ted talk. takes a bow#wait thats not taking into account attack speed actually hold on#okay so its gonna vary based on level obvs + also my sif has the scissors equipped which lowers attack speed and i cant. unequip them </3#BUT. opened up my act 6 save to check. his attack speed is 186 (at level 76) and loops is 170. so sif outpaces loop#which MEANS [clears throat] sif can probably outheal all the damage loop does given enough time#okay. thank you for coming to my ted talk for REAL this time. maybe ill make these tags their own post i fucking went off so much help m#was joking abt being really wordy today and then went and wrote a FULL ESSAY in the tags like okay
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deadrlngers · 2 months ago
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ocs as patron saints
i was tagged by @katsigian and @ecofear to take this quiz for some of my ocs, thank you both so much!!! loved doing this sm, two things i love obsessing over: saints and ocs <3
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patron saint of relics. patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?
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patron saint of bones. patron saint of frameworks. of structures. of solidity. patron saint of things that break. patron saint of things that are left behind. the bones survive long after the body, the building: what is there left for them, when the rest has gone? what do bones do, with nothing to hold around them? who holds the bones?
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patron saint of heartbreak. not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.
tagging (under the cut!):
@marictheirins @mojaves @ruvviks @devilbrakers @dragonaqe
@pinkfey @aezyrraeshh @shadowglens @risingsh0t @ncytiri
@baelavelaryon @kibellah @pawnguild @roguette @hexmaturgy
@tethrras @lucaanis @auricfog @thedeadthree
and anyone else who wants to do it!!
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sea-buns · 1 year ago
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Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.
Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.
Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.
But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.
We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.
All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.
I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?
I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us
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daemon-in-my-head · 25 days ago
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Based on my latest post I'm overjoyed that my moots (whether or not tumblr officially recognises them thx sideblog doing sideblog sht) and those who randonly stumble upon my shit are objectively some of the greatest people.
I love this weird corner I found myself in and the general mindset and views on things.
And I may be too scared nd socially awkward to approach anyone directly but be assured I'm on the sidelines rooting for folks in a very cutesy, very demure manner and y'all should feel loved.
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nintendont2502 · 2 months ago
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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker
#ughhhh#travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting#wdym i cant just go do my own thing#what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont#have anyone to talk to#what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired#im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck#but ugh idk#its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there#constantly surrounded by people#constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it#cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you#cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around#constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss#'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio#you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit#paid for my own tickets) but#im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them#doing shit i actively hate all day#and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt#even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here#man i couldve gone to japan again#'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of#fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home#love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london
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nbmudkip · 3 months ago
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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isa-ah · 5 months ago
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for people who have anxiety but live alone anyway: how do u deal with the panic? I live with 2 other people and still have bubble burst moments of random fear that only gets soothed by putting myself in someone else's eyeline. what do you do when the catastrophising starts???
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holedyke · 5 months ago
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im so fucking fed up with this dog im petsitting and im only one day down out of a week 💀💀💀💀💀💀
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faunandfloraas · 4 months ago
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i saw ur tags earlier and i have, a controversial take for all the stays out there, but. i'll be honest i don't like LVs designs and i feel like they have Not #slayed with a lot of the styles they've put lix in
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Me reading this
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skunkes · 1 year ago
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yaay
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ballercollective · 5 months ago
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Im going to kill like 10 different people if i hear another peep about payjay because oj ans paper interact in the trailoR IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT IM GONNA GO FERAL STOPPPPPPPP
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kimodraw · 1 year ago
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sammy sunday is a state of mind. a monday can be sammy sunday
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