#i want to cry for my best friend
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ive been giving myself grief ever since 2013 about not having every step of my life planned out
10 years I claimed depression
i am fine
except now, depression might have me like addiction to an addict
#im getting a late start in life#i let a decade go by feeling sorry for myself#telling myself i was lazy because i didnt have everything in my life planned out#i nearly killed myself with my expectations#now ive gotta learn to live again#i cant say that i have every step planned out#but i think that doing certain things would be cool asf#the hardest part is remembering this#the hardest part is staying true to this#the hardest part is continuing even when it gets tough#I started to blame myself for the loss of my best friend#i am only human#i cannot always do everything right#but i can try and i can accept myself#i want to cry for my best friend#i miss him#God... I really messed up my life#It feels like Ive totally thrown away my future#How can i get back up again#i cant even stand on my own#every day i need help#and i PRAY with every fibre of my being for forgiveness for the soul of that man who is gone now#he is missed#every single day i miss that man#his death meant something to me#it knocked me out of my crazy spiral#he is my savior#Tyrone Alexander Bookard#its cheesy but...#I think he saved my life via martyr
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Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you
#‘Flowey would listen to i bet on losing dogs by Mitski and cry until he throws up and Chara calls him cringe from beyond the grave’#-me to my friend when I ranted about this last night#he has me so fucked up like oh my god#how is the best character a fucking talking flower#I love undertale’s writing so much like it’s mastered minimal evidence giving away the biggest parts of characters#i can analyze him i can study him under a microscope#i can put him in a terrarium with a sticky note that says gay baby jail you know#he has me SO fucked up#flowey#flowey the flower#asriel#asriel dreemurr#I’m talking about flowey btw not asriel i know they’re the same person but not to me#like how i consider little baby me and fucked up 13 year old me different people#asriel sits on the playground and cries when nobody wants to play warrior cats with him#and flowey sits in the back of classrooms and answers ‘life is MEANINGLESS’ to every question#not speaking from experience ofc (im lying)#love my edgy flower *puts a magnifying glass up to him and notes how fucked up he is*#i think more characters need to be fucked up beyond repair#undertale#utdr#character analysis
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I hate it when people don’t take aromanticism seriously. I hate it when they say “oh it’s just a phase I also thought I was aromantic but then I got a partner.” It doesn’t apply to everyone.
Respect aromanticism as you would respect any other identity
#aromanticism#aro#aromantic#arospec#aromantism#aro pride#there’s this girl who’s flirting with me and me being on the aro spectrum idk whether I like her that way#my friend is being super nice and helpful#however he doesn’t eben consider the possibility of me not liking her. he wants me to get a girlfriend.#he genuinely wants what he thinks is best for me based on his own experiences but#we’re not the same person#he thought he was aromantic but then he got a girlfriend so he figured he was heterosexual demiromantic#and good for him!#but I’m like also on the auto spectrum like him but I cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings#he’s trying his best but he doesn’t see not feeling love as a possibility#I wanna cry please I want to know if I actually like this girl and what to do if I don’t#I’m so fucking scared that I’m just overreacting and I’m reading too much into it#maybe I just want to be someone’s favorite person in a platonic way and I can’t distinguish it from romantic feelings#I hate this whole situation
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I want what they have. Where can I find my platonic soulmate.
Also the 2023 specials have reawaken my doctor who hyperfixation from 2011 and I’m perfectly fine with that.
#my art#digital art#illustration#artists on tumblr#doctor who#fourteenth doctor#donna noble#best friends#platonic soulmates#14th doctor#doctor who specials#the giggle#I’m crying sobbing#time to revert back to teenage hyperfixations#these two idiots#my loves#found family#i want what they have#gimme gimme gimme#Donna noble queen
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i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D
#undertale yellow#uty#my art#<- ifg#spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad#that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways#CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO???#i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly#but THE CUTSCENES?!?!?#JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD#ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO#LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER#ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD#BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK.#AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE#n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of#everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS#WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING#AAND THE GROUP HUGG#I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD#AND THE FUCKOGN#THE F U C K I N G#AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD#to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho#and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump#just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece#anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way#this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to#oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig
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I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING
Out of all scenarios to make Maggie and Nina fall in love, Crowley thinks of a sudden rain. They go under a canopy, lock eyes, vaboom.
A sudden rain.
#he 100% found that SO romantic#yeah he put his wing over Aziraphale first but MAYBE THAT'S WHEN HIS FEELINGS SPARKED#grrr I want to analyze so many scenes#the way the music changes when they're together alone is so sweet#like the violins when Crowley saved Aziraphale's books#or the little twinkle in the music when Crowley said “my god you're gorgeous” and Aziraphale thought he was talking about him#I am so unwell#i love overanalyzing scenes#god he sounded like he was about to cry when he said “I lost my best friend” to Aziraphale when he thought he died in that fire#bluebun talks#aziraphale#aziracrow#crowley#good omens
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#AUUUGH WAILING SCREAMING CRYING SLIDING DOWN THE WALL SOBBING#BROCEDES PLEASE WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO HAVE BEEN NON-FAMOUS#WHY DID YOU DRAG ALL OF US INTO YOUR SITUATIONSHIP#my mom is sick of me wailing about them. nearly collapsed at work when i remembered 'yes... and team-mate'#sliver springs is going platinum in my house rn#how can you be childhood friends and just fall apart like that? i think about falling out with tas like that and i go nearly catatonic#yeah you're a 7x wdc winner and you got the one wdc that you wanted but was it worth it? was this loss worth it? would you do it again?#going by the interviews they probably would and that's why they fell out in the first place. i literally cannot imagine caring about some#trophy over my childhood best friend but like i guess that's why they're pro level athletes and i'm in my room posting about them#anyway what the fuck was up during f1 photographers during their fallout? why is every photo of them cinematic? did you know we'd be using#them? did you know we'd go crazy? or were you also like 'oh this is cinema in the making. i gotta capture this.'?#anyway for all of that want to know where the quote is from‚ it's jacob black from twilight when bella is getting turned into a vamp#stephanie meyer had one (1) banger line and it was this#brocedes#brocedes edit#f1 edit#f1 web weaving#nico rosberg#lewis hamilton#nr6#lh44#formula 1#web weaving#please ignore my absolutely atrocious photo editing skills. thank you imgflip!!
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Maddie and Eddie need more scenes together in s8. They are so similar it actually makes me stomach hurt. Maddie raised her brother and Eddie raised his sisters cause they had parents that just weren’t there. They both have left their children at a big time in their lives because it was a lot for them (obviously Maddie’s is a lot different but still) they both love Buck with everything they have. They both have so much pain they carry yet they don’t let others see it because they are supposed to be the strong ones. Ughhhhhh! They are amazing parents and they have those big brown doe eyes! And last but not least maDDIE and eDDIE. I rest my case.
#911#911 abc#maddie buckley#maddie han#eddie diaz#Maddie and Eddie best friends s8#it’s a need#i love them both#so much#i want to cry#I love my big brown eyed babies#jennifer love hewitt#ryan guzman
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maybe if i just put these screenshots together youll understand why i think their relationship just Works so well as it pertains to the characters and themes of S4 in general
neither of them know what theyre doing, but theyre figuring it out Together. the old ways are dead. and together theyll build a new future thats worth fighting for
#twdg#violentine#clems “i dont know” paired with violets “lets figure it out together”. screaming crying throwing up#clem never knew what she was doing!! she was just trying her best!! and now shes tired as SHIT!!! she wants a break 😭!!!#vi helps take that weight off by supporting her as much as she does (which is A LOT!! and clem supports her in return. they grow together)#that bit in the woods where instead of getting grossed out by the guts vi crouches down to ajs level and keeps the situation calm#and she looks up to clem and gives her a little smile. and clem just relaxes and smiles back !! DO YOU UNDERSTAND !!!#clem being anxious about her reaction. violet putting her at ease. clem getting to Relax for 2 seconds. they help each other CHILL 😭#ALSO why their walk home talking about ericson and renaming it and imagining what they could add to it is just so good narratively#they turned that prison into their HOME!! a place worth fighting for!!!#tenn wanting to help rebuild. vi saying Everyone will :') its a home for ALL OF THEM 😭 its about the COMMUNITY !!!#this is also why i think the friends route still works but theres just even more Juice with the romance. even ignoring minnie#violets “you better not disappear on me”. friended clems “ok” to romanced clems “i promise”#in a season about building a home and a family that second one just hits harder you know? and like above with the learning to dance#i just feel like their romantic relationship specifically fits into the overall themes of the game the strongest and elevates it#me talking at the wall (tumblr drafts)#all of my friends who have played twdg are too normie so i gotta make posts like this instead. or i'll die#wont somebody analyze narrative with me#it speaks
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How are we feeling today, people who read pokespe?
#pokemon#hardenshipping#pokemon special#I CANT#Theyre living in my brain rent free#sometimes i just remember that Archie really called him friend after everything#after we see him being so cold to everyone and after he killed Maxie#and it makes me want to break walls#and then i remember how theyre die together peacefully after everything#theyre so calm because theyre together and theyre know they did their best#and it makes me so sad so sick so emotional im going to cry someday#also#the fact archie ask maxie about if he want to work together again#first of all thats kind of ironic and emotional after we knoe archie killed maxie#second thing its that jts funny because in the beginning its maxie who asks for working together perhaps#i can't#i want to write essay about them im actuallt going to do it and then post it here#so every one of you will cry again
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"Colin should have grovelled more!" "Penelope folded too easily"
I think statements like this typically come from people who like Penelope. . .but don't really understand her. And don't really understand just why she cares for Colin, and just why him groveling would not in any way bring her peace.
Penelope and Colin are kindred spirits in their loneliness, in season 3 more than any others. Penelope had lost her friendship with Eloise, and Colin didn't really have a close friend circle to begin with. Except with Pen. Pen was the person he could put the mask down for, could open up to, (in particular with their 'dreams' discussion) and that's why he couldn't even entertain the idea of giving up talking to her in Season 2. She is a vital part of his life, and holds so much significance and importance to him.
I imagine that's what made their silence over his travels especially painful for him. They spent such a long time talking after Season 1, and he even informs her that her letters were so encouraging, that it helped him heal something inside of himself. That if she could see him in a gentle way. . .so could he. (And he repays this, because he is honest to god out here acting and looking at her like she hung the moon in the sky). But without her presence in his life, he spiraled. Didn't feel confident in being who he is, and thus put on his persona more firmly. We know this because he wrote in his journal that "I want to be less needy, less insecure, while still maintaining the core of my vulnerability that makes me who I am". That he misses his family, that he misses home.
And we know, from the books, that Home? Home is Penelope. Penelope is his North Star, is his guiding force, and who I argue he feels he needs. In his very first scene, he looks toward her house, tries to find her in the window. When he does not, he returns to his family. In the outdoor gathering, he looks for her and finds her, eager to talk. He states aloud that he misses her, and I imagine he wrote it, too. Not hearing back from her over the course of his travels was surely something that hurt him, but he doesn't hold any ill will toward her for it, only wants to reconnect again. In fact, the one and only time he brings up how he misses her and that she didn't respond, she makes very clear the reason why: she heard what he said and it hurt her. And he's ashamed of it.
Colin hears her call him cruel, and instead of ruffling his feathers about it, instead of getting upset, instead of having a chip on his shoulder as I feel so many men would about it. . .he understands why she does so.
Penelope is a woman who has been largely treated poorly in her society. She feels unheard, she feels undesired, and in her circumstances, and I can't help but ask myself. . .has anyone ever truly apologized to Penelope for hurting her, before? Her mother? Her sisters? Eloise, likely, but. . .anyone else? And the way Colin did? Because of all the characters in the show, Colin? Colin knows how to apologize. He has a lot of practice in it. And very importantly: Colin, a man of privilege in his society, apologizes. . .predominately to women. To Marina, to his mother, and multiple times to Penelope.
Ultimately, Penelope wants to be heard, Penelope wants to be understood, Penelope wants to feel desired.
And Colin checks every single one of those boxes. He informs he is not who he was before, and then he proves it to her. He hears that he hurt her, and he comments on it directly. An entire night apart, and he comes back to her 'Because I embarrass you' with 'I am most certainly not ashamed of you', replies to her 'I am a laughingstock' with 'you are clever, and warm, and I am proud to call you my good friend'. He hears her proclaim her own insecurities, and empathizes so deeply with her. He listens. He understands. He makes clear that he cares for her, and that she *is* desired. 'You lift my spirits' 'I seek you out at every social assembly'. That she helps him see the world in ways he loves, that he sees HER and how much she has cared for HIM, that she makes him feel appreciated, that he appreciates her, in turn.
And then? Then? He shows her. He tells her, and he shows her. His actions all throughout Season 3 reinforce this apology. He continues looking for her in every corner of every ballroom, he continues complimenting her, he laughs at her jokes and respects her boundaries, he is ever so gentle with her, he listens to her with an attentiveness that no one else has ever given her. To Lady Whistledown? Sure. But to Penelope? Who else in the entirety of that ton has listened to Penelope the way Colin has?
Absolutely no one.
Penelope Featherington ghosts Colin Bridgerton for months with no explanation, and Colin comes back wanting to reach out to her, and she finally tells him why.
And he apologizes. Because he listens. Really, truly listens. And really truly cares.
I need you to understand how rare that is, even nowadays, but especially back then. That Colin is the kind of man who can put his hurt to the side and realize he made a mistake, that he said something callous, and he adores her, and he can't lose her, and he has to see her and make it right.
Because that's why Penelope fell for Colin. Not because he's beautiful, not for his charm, not for his family. But for his heart. Because he shows her kindness in a world that so often disregards her. Because he seeks her out and tries to understand her, truly hears what she has to say and compliments her, says he's sorry and looks at things from her perspective.
Because he saw her when she was invisible.
Penelope Featherington, who grew up in a house that made cruel jabs at her, has Colin Bridgerton come to her and say he regrets what he said, and that he was wrong, and that he understands why she's mad at him. Penelope Featherington who has so rarely had much of anyone tell her that they're sorry for what they said about her, sits before Colin Bridgerton as he professes how much she means to him. That he cannot even spend a full day away from her knowing they're on bad terms with each other without making it right. That he sees how she is hurting and he has to in any way he can amend it. She is lonely, with no one really in her corner at the start of season 3, and she feels like she lost it all, and Colin comes to her and says 'no, I'm here and I appreciate you and you are special to me, please let me in and let me prove it'. Is it any wonder why after she shakes his hand, she stands in the sun, and she feels the warmth of it, she can smile? That she can breathe, again? That she can be truly content for the first time in the season?
Because Penelope Featherington does not want Colin to beg. She knows him. She knows the tender, full heart he hides behind the new cavalier persona. She knows the soft underbelly of Colin Bridgerton.
He never had to grovel. All he had to do was love her. Assuredly. Fervently. Loudly. Unapologetically.
And he does.
#polin#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#sorry y'all i just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out like they invented love what am i meant to do witH THAT INFORMATION!?#they just care about each other so much and so deeply#and they see the best in each other#penelope was hurt but she never HATED him#penelope was hurt and when she said 'i never thought you of all people could be so cruel' she also knew. . .he isn't#he isn't cruel#he's a young man trying his best in the world and he wanted to fit in and that made him say something hurtful about her#but he has a history of uplifting her#and he continues to do so#not one bad word about penelope all this season#'you are penelope featherington. . .never forget that' (you deserve the world) (you are amazing)#colin bridgerton said 'i love you' over and over this season and in the seasons before but we didn't hear it because we thought#it was only professed in one language#'you really are very good you know that?' 'you only wanted to keep me from heartache' 'what could possibly measure up to all that?'#'that you would never forsake me' 'you are pen. . .you are my friend. . .you do not count' (i could never give you up)#'i will always look after you penelope'#they are friends to lovers but there is love in that friendship#a deep beautiful love they have with each other#and sorry i'm ugly crying but i just adore them
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why is bdubs the most sweet and lovely guy in the world..... i hope he streams more too
he really is :( he just loves minecraft and being moved by music and hanging out with his best friends whom he hasn't even met but he still loves to pieces!!!!
#every time he calls a hermit his best friend i do cry a little fyi#and i just love how passionate he is abt everything and how he loves thinking through things and how he'll encourage people around him#to think outside the box even if its the stupidest idea he's ever heard he'll still be 100% encouraging and GAH#i love him!!!!!#he makes me want to be more positive! he makes me want to be creative ! he makes me want to tell my friends how much they mean to me!#ask tag#bdubs
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God Evan's speech this episode just really really fucking got me. I too had to learn the hard way that found family only works when the other people are also looking for a family. And most of the time they already have their own.
#dimension 20#misfits and magic#possibly because i am already hanging on by a thread due to everything#but i was fucking crying man#i had that same fucking experience#i went to college looking for a found family#and found some of the best friends i ever had and we were so close while we were there#but they had families to go back to#and life pulled them in all different directions are graduation#theyre still my best friends and i love them to death#but i know itll never be what i wanted it to be
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Kept thinking about the decline in popularity of Christmas caroling from the 1800s to now and came to the following conclusions:
Would not go caroling in any time period:
Hickey
Gibson
Golding
Wall
Des Voeux
Fairholme
Crispe
Collins (would like to, but is too shy)
Would go caroling in the 1800s but not in a modern AU:
Goodsir
Hartnell Bros
Diggle
Morfin
Weekes
Hoar
Tozer
Dundy
Crozier (coerced into it by Fitzjames)
Jopson (moral support for Crozier)
Would go caroling no matter the time period:
The Franklins
Gore
Magnus
Lane
Fitzjames
MacDonald
Irving
Hodgson
Little (coerced into it by the former two)
(List not meant to be exhaustive. I left out anyone I was undecided on. Additions and edits welcome!)
#possibly my most inane post of all time#The Terror#Starky's original posts#Starky's text posts#I had to call him Magnus even though I used last names for everyone else (except Dundy TooManyNames)#because idk feels weird to call him Manson#That's literally Magnus my best friend Magnus#Some of these are HARD. Like with Blanky and Stanley you'd think probably not. BUT they have kids so...... hmmmmm#And yes I do mean that Fitzjames can get Crozier to go with him in canonverse but not in a modern AU#Partially because it's weirder to do now but mostly because he has to bring out the big guns of like#''Frauncis did you know that when I was DYING IN YOUR ARMS my ONE desire that kept me clinging to life was that someday--''#which he always uses as a last resort to get what he wants and Crozier is so fucking tired of it but it does work every time#and alas he does not have that leverage in a modern AU#made myself cry thinking about Collins being too shy to carol btw. FUCK. LET HIM SINGGGGG#and yes Crispe and Hoar are separated in this as well I'm sorry to say :(#''why'd you stick Lane in the last category that seems so random'' none of you are prepared to hear my Thoughts on John Lane#you are not READY#anyways hodgving + Nedward meetcute: going to cheer up their grumpy neighbor by caroling at his door :'3
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#(edit: it's been found thank you! original tags preserved below)#I cannot for the life of me find one specific reaction image and its source post#the one where the person is coming to in a hospital bed after a surgery#and they try to eat their own fist#and get stopped#and make big wibbly confused crying faces#it's smooth line images interspersed with text#does anyone have it?#cuz that '🥺???' was me most of the day and I wanted the image so I could convey it#but I Couldn't Find It#and neither my wife nor my best friend have any idea what image I'm talking about#so they can't help#(my partner isn't very online so there's no point asking them lol)#do any of y'all have it pls#I want the original post but I can't even find the standalone reaction image which should be enough to find the post#I've found one iteration of someone drawing their oc in the meme format and that's as far as I got even with as much as I remember about it#favorites
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two reverse - adrienne lenker
#patrick is so strong because if my best friend yelled at me like that I'd kill myself on the spot#just saying#this didn't come out exactly how i wanted it to but capcut kept crashing so this is what we get#anyway#they make me sick#genuinely#like my stomach HURTS#screaming crying throwing up#also art looks like a literal angel in that scene where he's looking down at patrick wtf 🫤#challengers#patrick zweig#art donaldson#tashi duncan#challengers 2024#artrick#art donaldson x patrick zweig
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