#i cant do this for much longer guys
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became the ONE THING she hated, for the ONE PERSON she loved.
I'm sorry I can't bring her back, but please just... everyone in my life has changed. Promise me you won't change.
VI in ARCANE (2021-2024) ↳ ACT I (SEASON 2)
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binding vow
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#done....collapses#up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d#the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse#as is Correct and Just#real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes#w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean#but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death#((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire#like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating#also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys#in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay#if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant#but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours
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man rodeoh hasnt added my not so good review and now im starting to wonder if theres some suspicious reason they dont have any reviews under 4 stars
#its an underwear brand i tried out awhile ago#they felt really cheap and thin and unstretchy when they arrived and within a year completely fell apart at the seams#like i ripped the waistband right off from just putting them on.#the croctches wore right out to nothing and im not even active! i hardly do anything!#and like maybe a year is too much to ask for clothing nowadays but idk i feel like they should last longer than that#i cant afford to replace all my underwear every year#also for tboy oriented underwear i was sorely disappointed that they didnt have pad functionality#idk man#rodeoh#maybe they just arent made for big fat guys idk#the inseam was awkwardly proportioned so it crumpled a lot under my belly but wasnt long enough to go over it#i tried to record a video of how easy it was to pull em apart but it just made me look really strong and also like the start of an OF#i need some validation that im not the only one that experienced this iim dying squirtle
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hiii mimi voiceofsword it's me back with another random line because it's been a while 🫶 i thought this one was cute . he brings up other people so often like okay girl we get it you love everyone ! i love the idea of him seeing anzu and being like "omg anzu let's go on a picnic to this really gorgeous place and Of Course i'll get niki to make us food and tag along"
( don't repost w/o creds etc tyty )
i like that rinne's the oldest in the cast but man hes so excitable, like idk how people can think hes entirely self centered when he looks for things that make him happy and could make his friends happy too and wants to share it with everyone (thinking about this tl and him showing beetles to kohaku thinking itd make him happy too, rinnes the best...)
also love that he has to include niki in his plans too dbfhgbdfh they couldve easily just made this into him hanging out with anzu but thinking about rinne being like oh it was so beautiful i have to share it with niki too :) makes me tear up a little (like u said, oh Of Course — to rinne, niki being there is a given!!!) (even tho most likely the implication is simply just him hounding niki to make the food, which ig is valid but why would he ask niki to make bento and not have him come with, rinne's a bit of a romantic, come on!!)
spoiler he did not look at any blossoms, he looked at niki the whole time. and when niki turned to look at him he'd deflect by grabbing a shit ton of petals and dropping them on nikis head and making fun of him for it. nikis nagging continues to be like music to his ears
anzu looking at them like are these really grown men? oh my god
#im the asip guy with bulletin board but thinking like how can i make everything about how much rinne cares about niki ?#and vice versa ofc. but in this case ^#poor anzu i thikn this is my first time drawing her. im sorry. i should draw her in another context to make up for it#anzu in her head like can they date already. Please i cant chaperone any longer i have work to do...#once again tysm eve for the tl ;w; and if anyone wants to share please respect his tos#rinniki#mine
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guess who got lovebombed and blocked again!!!
#😁😁😁#im just chilling at this point guys (i cant do this much longer)#vent post#rachel speaks#not writing
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One day I'll run out of photos of aegon targaryen to paint, but not today evidently
#well technically i painted this last night#i cant tell if it sucks or not but i thought id post it anyway#aegon ii targaryen#been doing less fanart lately#art#my art#watercolor#gouache#its so much easier to paint them at this scale#i keep trying to paint bigger portraits but they take so much longer so i lose interest#also cause if i start another i never finish the old one. ive moved on#also just found out tom glynn carney was the kid from dunkirk??? id heard he was in it but i didnt know who#i watched that movie in history class and afterwards somebody was like 'harry styles was in it' and i was like “what”#they were all british guys with brown hair i have no idea which one he was lol#aegon the second#hotd#hotd aegon#house of the dragon#hotd fanart#im almost done with the dance section of fire and blood#ive got to return it to the library soon im out of renewels#ill probably post a pic of it before i do though cause i added a ton of paper tabs and sticky notes to mark stuff and take notes#but i didnt wanna write in it cause its a library book#not that it goes out very much
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hc that Hatake females grow fur in between their breasts because their body recognized that the children weren't surviving long enough after childbirth so it provided a way to keep them warmer (ex. put that baby in fur when it's too windy or smth) and somewhat hide them from any "predators" (ninjas basically)
(changed this post up a bit bcuz another post gave me something to think about so I'll put what I sort of changed here:
The Hatakes being a somewhat migratory clan that will to places that are early spring wait will early autumn to leave and then travel through mid-winter
them traveling through mid winter also fits with headcanon as winter winds can be especially harsh on kids so having fur to hide in would raise birthrates (is that the right word?)
also i fit in the dog characteristic by having the Hatake's also herd animals as well as farm so the dogs could come in as helpers and do some weird chakra partnership thing that gives both qualities of the other to become more in tune
i dont rlly know anything about farming or herding tho so take what I say with a lot of salt
#im sorry im cringe#you cant just say hatake have animal like qualities and then not give them fur#hatake clan#headcanon#after konoha was built fur on chests died out as babies were living longer#males have chest fur as well just not as much as females do#however if a dude is left in the company of a baby without a parent long enough he WILL start growing more fur to accommodate for the-->#missing parent's fur usually this ends up with the male in this instance gaining even more chest fur than the female to compensate!#i love silly little headcannons teehee#hatake clan lore#this is all hcs please don't come for me I'm just a silly little guy you wouldn't come for a silly little guy would you#dont answert that actually#cringe
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if my parents keep talking to me im going to (remembers that suicide jokes are bad for mental health) go outside and dig a hole to narnia
#borbtalks#'borb u got a letter from vsp. why are you paying for vsp. i dont think u need it bc of xyz. oh you're getting mail from y insurance?#they're a good company. im also covered under them. are they cheaper than ur previous one? they must be. did u know medicare has a page#online where u can compare all the plans? well did you? ik you've been on medicare longer than me but idk if you knew :/#sooo do u have a valid drivers license? oh when did u get it renewed? when does it expire? we were looking at car insurance earlier...#oh btw when are they gonna reevaluate u for disability? do u know? when did they last reevaluate u? when do they reevaluate others?#ANYWAY. what if i brought over x's dog. the dog that stresses ur cats out so much that they puke everywhere and spend all day hiding :)#wdym it'll stress [cat] out. what if he. didn't get stressed? :)'#like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#cant even walk into the bathroom without her trying to talk to me. can't make dinner w/o her trying to talk to me#and of course im the bad guy in telling her not to stress the cat out#just by saying 'vet says he's not supposed to get stressed out. he's at a higher risk for blockage if he does#which will KILL him.'#same woman who sat next to me while i was the phone w/ the phone company. petting the cat and whispering 'oh borb abuses u doesn't he?#maybe ill just steal you away one day. keep u away from borb. oh yes borb treats u oh so horribly.'#and my dad. sitting on the other side of me. said absolutely nothing.#i get it. im the family's designated fuck up!! the designated brat !!!! and no one gives a shit if my feelings get hurt !!!!!!!#i swear. my mother could smack me and everyone would rush to her side and comfort her stinging hand
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I'm so mentally ill I can only draw in my cheaply bought pre-owned tablet from 2015 using my computer in my silly little room in my house and not anywhere else
#what the hell#also idk how you guys can do it but drawing in ipad is so difficult#screen too tiny every button is so tiny half of my shortcuts doesnt work#sobbing#i wanna go home#oh i never told people but im at my parents house right now and i cant go home until uhm indefinitely#so not only my work commute is much more longer i also cant game#but also#i cant draw#even though i brought my ipad with me#because???? idfk#my brain suckssss#and if i push forward and keep drawing the result ended up looking shit and my mood just got worse and AAAAA#Also everybody here is on diet so no snacking!???#im gonna cry#also i have 2 comms right now in the work but i didnt upload both in the cloud so i dont have the files rn and im crying and aaaaaaaa
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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the trials and tribulations of a post from 2019 that still rings true
#stormlight needs to slow down i think. this is crazy but i was thinking abt it the other day#and i think the everstorm could happened like two books later we needed to dwell a bit on what had already been set up#theres just soooo much from books 1 and 2 and rysn is the only plotline that had pay off#the veden king plotlines with the heterochromia guy and the riots in alethkar could have been longer#though i guess they do go there irl and see the effects#tbh the parshendi reveals and the fused couldve waited a couple books. as much as i like them and those plots a lot#obviously mistborn is a trilogy and u cant compare it but ruin was only there for the back third. odium shouldve become a problem in book 6#earliest.
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this + opening linkedin for the first time in weeks to see my feed pure flooded w cunts saying how theyre starting new jobs + studios all hiring right now but NOT hiring me + cant drink/go out/do anything to distract myself + + + why dont i just kms atp
#booooooooooo this is so lame#like whatever i guess it is what it is as always and im sure ill end up w something. at some time.#but im so sick of this shitttttttttttttt can i not just win once. just once and it doesnt fucking collapse under my feet this time#christ alive#whatever. at least i have a free roof over my head i need to just be grateful#and i am fr. no matter how much i bitch on here i AM grateful#but jesus fucking christ. sick of having to feel like the luckiest boy in the world just bc im not roadkill ykwim#guy whos only ever had work going for them when they no longer have work. to be honest.#but really like. im getting to the point where i just dont know what the fuck im meant to do. what the fuck do i do.#i cant stay HERE for the rest of my fucking life. fuck me.#few more months and im straight up going to find a deckhand job im so serious
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sometimes..so.etimes they change something even after the premiere. sp you appear and watch an entirely new and prolonged monologue. and it's like. FUCK YEAH.
#me showing up at the theatre: be normal be normal be normal be normal be no#me realising they added some things and it adds a lot of characerisation: BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL BE NORMAL!!!!!#(misson failed but at least i was Quiet lmao)#the fun thing about seeing this several times tho is that by now ive stopped trying to figure out the plot#bc i Know the plot by now and i can speak along to a decent portion of lines#so now i focus not on what they mean but what exactly they say in any moment#i notice all the small irrelevant lines that still add so much to the characters voices and dynamics#its sooooo fun#and sometimes its also just really funny#'hell do good' 'didnt you just talk to him? the fuck he will. that man cant even pretend to have any self control'#i mean she was RIGHT#my man is out here being such a miserable little fuck being dramatic about his problems#if he could get a grip on himself for like five minutes everyone could have lived! idiot <3#AND THE OTHER GUY#if you had just KEPT AWAY instead of Walking Up To Your Murderer and distracred them for like. a few minutes longer IT WOULD ZAVE WORKED#like yeah youd still be dead BUT THAT WAS THE POINT WASNT IT#LIKE THIS YOU JUST DIED FOE NOTHING#YOUE BUDDY DIES TOO BC YOU GOT YOURSELF MURDERED TOO SOON. idiot#ill be honest. if they had kissed (and if youd seen rhe way they LOOK at each other) things might have actually gone well#im convinced of this#i have Textual Evidence#anyway. i should read the og play and find out if its the play or just the actors#like do the characters actually constantly refer to each other as 'my [name/title]' or did the theatre make it even gayer themselves#ik the actors are doing it on purpose anyway. that is Not coincidence#a biscuit's rambles
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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