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titan-fodder · 4 years ago

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Prima Vista Part IV

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Rating: E (explicit; mdni) Pairing: Mike Zacharias x fem!reader wc: ~ 9.6k

Warning: a big helping of abandonment/daddy issues, lots of feelings, explicit sexual content A/N: y’all are gonna be so soft and then so mad lmao.

The plan was to go to Mike's house then back to campus. You said you didn't have anything to do at your mom's, that a long phone call would suffice, which is why Mike is confused when you ask him if you can stop by before going back. It's an hour out of the way, but it's not like he has anything better to do, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious about your humble beginnings.

The house is in a decent-looking neighborhood, small, nearly identical one-story homes surrounded by cracked sidewalks. He has to be careful not to trip as you make your way to the front porch, pots of dead or dying plants along the edges of it. You shove your key into the lock, twist and open, then motion for Mike to follow.

The den is dimly lit, ceiling fan above with only one working bulb. A crime show is playing on the TV but there's no one watching. There is, however, another light pouring from a back room, and as soon as you drop your bag on the couch, a head pokes out from the doorway.

"Baby girl!" A shrill voice cries, and Mike sees you grimace. "I thought you weren't coming by!"

A woman walks into the den wearing long, cotton shorts and an old tie-dye shirt then pulls you into a hug so tight that it makes you cough.

"Mom," you take a deep breath as if to refill your lungs with all the air that was pushed from them. "This is Mike."

He holds out a hand and smiles, but all your mother does is stare with round eyes and blurt, "Oh, he's a big boy."

"My fucking god." You don't yell or whine, just pinch the bridge of your nose and mumble, "Just shake his hand please."

"Sorry, I'm sorry, just was not expecting… You didn't tell me how tall he was."

"'Cause it doesn't matter. Why would I—nevermind," you cut yourself off, face falling flat just like your voice.

Mike isn't sure if he should be flattered or offended or embarrassed, so he just ignores the comment entirely and says, "Nice to meet you."

You make your escape to the back, dragging Mike with you before shutting your bedroom door and leaning against it.

"Mom is a little weird, but you'll always know where you stand with her," you tell him. "Also, sorry about the house. She’s a teacher, so she’s usually pretty beat at the end of the day. Not enough energy to do a lotta cleaning."

"Didn't even notice," he reassures you.

Mike unpacks his bag next to you, and you gather the dirty clothes from both yours and his, balling them up and taking them with you out to the garage to throw into the washing machine. Mike should have done it at his parents', but as you were packing up that morning, his mother got all teary eyed and his dad just kept shaking your tiny hands and telling you to come back, so it just didn’t happen.

Back in the living room, your mom is sitting in an old rocking chair, and Mike thinks you'll take a seat on the adjacent couch, but instead you ask, "You need help with anything? Dishes or vacuuming or somethin'?"

She looks up at you, fly-away hairs sticking out around her temples and forehead and responds, "It'd be nice if you could do the dishes. I just haven't gotten around to it."

"Can do," you nod and walk into the kitchen, opening the dishwasher and making a displeased noise at the dirty plates and bowls inside. There's room for a few more, but once it's full and running, you just clean what's left in the sink by hand. Mike finds a towel, stands next to you, and holds his hand out for every scrubbed dish, drying it and placing it in the rack to hopefully be put up later.

"You hungry?" You ask when you're done and drying your hands. "It's almost one."

"Uh, yeah. I could eat."

Truthfully, he's starving having only had a small breakfast at his parents'. He doesn't want to say that, though, doesn't want you making a big meal for him or apologizing for anything.

"Sandwiches okay?"

Something in your tone has him on edge. Your voice is too quiet, deflecting downward as if you're forcing each word from your mouth.

"Yeah," he nods. "If you get the stuff, I can make 'em." Mostly so that you can relax but also because there's no way he's gonna let you make him a fucking sandwich.

You shrug your shoulders, grab bread, lunchmeat, cheese, and condiments, then say, "You can make ours. I'll make mom's."

He knows he's missing something, but he doesn't know what, and right now he's too afraid to ask.

He eats next to you on the couch, you and your mom watching TV as Mike tries to subtly glance around. Mounted shelves are decorated with dusty, mismatched figurines, cracks opening at the corners where the walls meet the roof. The brick fireplace is stacked high with plastic tubs and books, probably from your mother’s classroom, and the carpet has seen better days.

Mike isn't judging—not in the least—but he has a feeling he knows why being here puts you in a sour mood. The house feels lived in, cluttered and cozy and worn around the edges, but it's still empty somehow.

After the three of you are finished eating, you take the paper plates and dispose of them, then tell your mom that you'll be in your room. She gives you a soft smile that you struggle to return.

It's a little more you in the bedroom, blue walls covered in old posters and collages, a quilt similar to the one in your dorm folded at the bottom of your bed. Your pillow cases are faded and covered in an old flower design that matches your sheets, and there's a small nightstand next to the headboard that's bare on top with wrinkled papers poking out of the bottom drawer.

"It's not much, but if you wanna snoop around like I always do, feel free."

Mike doesn't really want to, especially since you already seem so uncomfortable in what should be a safe space for you. The only thing he feels okay investigating is the old bookshelf next to your closet—mostly YA novels, some poetry books, an old set of The Lord of the Rings series, a textbook over rocks and minerals and another over volcanoes. Tucked away in the bottom shelf is a tiny booklet that looks like a photo album, and Mike has to fight the urge to pull it from its place and flip through the plastic pages. Anything to get to know you better.

You lay in bed, eyes locked on the ceiling, and Mike doesn't know what to do. There's a very small TV sitting on your dresser, an old DVD player next to it, so he figures he'll save both you and himself from talking by picking out a movie.

He fingers through them, not that there's a lot, just skims the spines until he pulls out a copy of Space Jam. You only glance at the screen when the intro starts, and Mike immediately zeroes in on the way your jaw sets and your brows furrow.

"I can pick something else," he tells you quietly.

You take a deep breath and shake your head. Slowly but surely your features begin to soften.

"'S'fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. My, uh…" You swallow loud enough from Mike to hear, neck bobbing with the motion. "My dad and I used to watch it all the time."

He doesn't know what to make of it or how to respond. In the months he's known you, Mike has never heard you mention your father a single time, and he's never asked in fear of what your response might be.

He moves your quilt to sit on the very edge of the bed, a little too tense as he heavily contemplates ignoring what you'd said and still switching movies.

"You can lay down, you know," you mumble. "I'm not gonna bite you."

"You have before," he tries to act casual, but it comes out too stiffly.

You laugh through your nose— "Suit yourself—" then get more comfortable on the mattress.

Michael Jordan gets pulled into a golf hole and the Loony Toons journey to retrieve his shoes from the real world. Mike is barely paying attention, more focused on the way your breathing evens out until it becomes slow and deep.

That's good. You could use a nap.

He watches you for a while, the way your eyelashes flutter against your cheeks and your lips part. You're all curled up on yourself, hands tucked under your chin, knees to your stomach, and Mike wants to slip behind you so badly, to pull you to his chest and lay with you until his heartbeat syncs with yours.

But first.

As carefully as he can, Mike stands from the bed and glides to the bookcase. He lowers himself in front of it, quickly finding what he's looking for and pulls it from the shelf.

It's a small little album, full of polaroids and old pictures cut in half. The first page sets the tone for the rest of the booklet, a photo of a very small you outside eating a popsicle next to a man that is most definitely your dad. You've got a similar facial structure as well as his coloring. Not to mention the expression he's wearing is one Mike has seen you make many times before.

The next picture is the two of you dressed up for an event. He's in a striped Polo and slacks while you're in a little checkered dress, a rose corsage on your tiny wrist. Some kind of father-daughter dance, Mike guesses.

Sitting on his lap at a fair, a chubby little boy a few years older than you standing close with a stuffed snake around his neck. A party where you're posed with an honestly frightening costume character. You in a bright, mesh jersey standing back to back with your dad, arms crossed, looking at the camera with your chins tilted upward.

They all look like good memories. The little boy in the fair picture appears several more times, and as he loses his baby fat, Mike sees the resemblance he shares with you and your father. It's too close to be a cousin—your eyes and mouths shaped the same—so he must be your brother.

Mike doesn't know how to feel about that because again, you've never uttered a word. As far as he knew, you were an only child, so why…

He gets lost in the pages, watching you grow and pose mostly next to your dad. Smiles and laughs and silly faces with your tongues sticking out. Your mom is in some, brother in others, and then, you're in a cap and gown, grinning widely next to your dad who's beginning to gray at the temples. His own smile is barely there now, a ghost of what was seen in the previous photos. It's forced, it's sad, and it's the last picture in the book.

Mike's chest hurts. He wonders what happened, when exactly you'd lost him. Was it a quick goodbye, or had it been drawn out and painful? Had he been sick for a long time? He'd looked perfectly healthy in all the shots. Maybe a car accident that took both him and your brother…

He flips to check for one last photo on the back of the page, but it's empty. However, tucked in a tiny, paper pocket is a folded up note that Mike stares at for a few solid minutes, debating the pros and cons of reading it. He knows he's already violated your privacy by looking through the album, and fuck, he's only been in your house for a couple hours at most—how has he already managed to tumble down such a humongous rabbit hole?

Your tiny snores reach his ears, and Mike gently pulls the note out, biting his lip as he unfolds it as quietly as possible. It's soft, like it's been read too many times, and the letters scribbled in all caps are beginning to fade, but the words are still legible.

It starts with your name, and then it's all apologies—sorry I can't stay, I have to leave, you don't understand how much this hurts me and so on.

Mike's eyebrows pull together the further he reads, blood pounding against the walls of his arteries, pulse picking up because he understands now.

Your father wasn't in any sort of accident; he just left.

The letter ends with a gut-wrenching, You'll always be my little girl, and Mike nearly crumples the paper up to throw away. He resists somehow, simply folds it with shaky hands and slips it back into the pocket at the back of the album.

He's never been so mad at a stranger in his life. This must be it. This must be why you are—

"Should've known you'd go straight for the photo album."

Your voice makes Mike's body jolt, his face heating as he turns to look at you with wide eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"

You wave him off and prop yourself up on an elbow. "It's whatever."

But, it's not. It's this huge part of you that still affects you to this day. Mike is no psychologist, but he has a pretty good feeling this is the main reason you hold everyone at arm's length.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"What's there to tell?"

Sitting up fully, your gaze moves to the screen just in time to see Michael Jordan step off of the spaceship and onto the baseball field. I Believe I Can Fly is playing, and you're gritting your teeth.

"It's not anything that comes up in normal conversation anyway. I wasn't just gonna hit you with it outta nowhere. Also," you look back to Mike, eyes still sleepy, lips pulling downward in a frown. "I'm not the only one who hid stuff about my family."

Mike sighs and quietly tells you, "That's different," as he closes the album and slides it back into the row of books.

"Is it, though? Is it really?"

"I..."

Mike shuts his mouth and actually thinks on it. He wasn't trying to lie to you about his home life or his heritage. He's only half Greek on his mom's side, after all, and he's only been to the country to visit family a couple of times—once when he was a child and once right before college. The culture is a little different over there, but it all seems so natural to him, especially after being raised to speak the language.

Honestly, he didn't ever tell you because he didn't think to, but Mike can understand the shock of walking into his childhood home and getting thrown through that loop. It must have been jarring for you.

It's a positive aspect of his life, though. It's not something that's damaged him or made him cold toward others. And, he hates describing you in such a way, but it's true.

At least it makes sense now.

"I guess not," he shrugs. He's not about to fight you on it.

You stare at him for a while, waking up a bit more as you rub your eyes and stretch.

Then, you flop back down on your pillows.

"So. Any questions, Zacharias?"

He's surprised that you're asking, and though he doesn't want to twist the metaphorical knife in your gut, he still replies honestly: "Too many."

A long exhale through your nose, and then you're patting the mattress next to you and grumbling, "Fine, I'll do my best, but you gotta come up here."

"Why? You gonna need to cuddle afterward?" He can't help but tease.

"Fuckin' maybe, dude! We're about to get into my god damn trauma so—"

Mike is up on his feet and flying toward the bed. He isn't about to sabotage the one fucking moment you're opening yourself up.

"Alright, what first?" You ask, trying to look bored, but Mike can clearly see that you're nervous.

"He left."

"Yeah."

And then he gets the full story.

Your dad was pretty perfect during your younger years—a bit of a workaholic but still good. He took you to dances like the one you'd both dressed for in the photograph. You'd spend days at amusement parks where he'd carry you on his shoulders. He coached the basketball team you'd played on as a child.

"Not saying he played favorites, but I was definitely closer to him than my brother was."

The brother who developed a drug problem at fourteen, who was always either out with his little addict friends or at home where he would just scream at you and your mom.

"He went to rehab a couple times, but it didn't stick."

He left home at seventeen and hasn't gotten in touch with you or your parents since.

"I keep thinking one day we'll get a call from the police saying they found his wallet on a fucking corpse, but who knows. Maybe he got clean. Maybe he started a family somewhere else. He'd be twenty-five now."

"Were you ever close with him?"

You shrug. "We spent a lot of time together when we were really little, but even back then he was kinda a mean kid."

It very quickly circles back to your father. Mike still doesn't feel like he has all the answers, so he asks through the skin of his lip, "Why'd he leave?"

At this point, you've got your head in his lap as he sits against the wall. He smooths your hair back from your face every once in a while, something his mom used to do to him when he was very young that always soothed him.

He hopes it's having the same effect on you, thinks it might be considering you've had your eyes closed for a while now, humming now and then as you talk.

"Honestly, I don't really know. I don't think he and my mom were ever in love. Like, they just kinda settled for each other," you sigh. "They didn't have a lot in common. They had different upbringings. But, they didn't fight or anything—not in front of us. They were good at hiding the hard times from me and my brother. They just didn't… click."

Mike bites his tongue, wonders if that was hard to watch or if you'd been too naive to notice.

Then, there's his second train of thought that's really just the voice in his head screaming, we click, though! You and I work! But he keeps it to himself. This isn't about you and him.

"I think maybe dad had, like, a 'stay together for the kids' mentality 'cause as soon as I graduated, he was fuckin' gone. And, I mean gone. We went to a graduation party the next weekend that lasted a few hours—just me and mom—and when we got back his truck wasn't in the driveway and his drawers were empty. He left that note you read on my desk."

Mike breathes. Just breathes. He tries to make sense of it, how someone could just do that without a real reason. There hadn't been any explanation in the letter, only apologies.

"Have you seen him since?"

You open your eyes and reply, "Nope," popping the 'p'. "I don't know where he is, and he hasn't reached out. Mom made the drive to my grandma's—his mom—but she said she didn't know where he was either. Pretty sure she was covering for him, though. She was always kind of a bitch. You know, save for the whole paying for my college and all."

Mike snorts at this, not that there's anything funny about the situation. It's just his first reaction.

You ignore it, moving on with an, "Anyway."

"Anyway," he mimics.

"I don't know if you've noticed in the short time you've been here, but my mom is a little… off. Not super good at taking care of herself."

"Is this why?"

"Clever boy," you show a bitter smile. "I didn't really understand since they weren't, like, in love or whatever, but… I think it was the betrayal more than anything. Like, it came outta nowhere, a big ol' slap in the face."

"Plus, he left you behind," Mike adds, as if you don't already know.

Looking up at him, you raise your eyebrows and smirk. "And, now you know about my abandonment issues." The last part comes out in high-pitched, melodic syllables, a little song that would be funny if Mike didn't know it was a coping mechanism. It most definitely is, though. He can tell that you're the type to mask every issue with humor and sarcasm. It's how you've been dealing with him for the last several months.

"So, that's my story," you conclude on an exhale. "Now you know all my dirty secrets."

"For some reason I don't think that's all of them," Mike pets your hair again. "But, probably the important ones."

"Mm. I guess."

The rest of the day is really just spent killing time. You cook an easy dinner that you refuse to let Mike help with, then sit in the den with your mom just like you did at lunch. A medical show is playing. Then a reality show. Then a game show. None of you say much of anything, and it's painfully awkward for Mike now that he knows what happened, but he can power through a few days of this if it makes you feel better.

Hours pass until you can retreat, and moonlight shines through your bedroom window, not that Mike needs it. He's memorized your body at this point, knows where to touch without even seeing. He makes sure to be gentle, to suckle and blow on your pebbled nipples as you card fingers through his hair and breathe faster and faster.

Leaving love bites down your chest and stomach, he sucks on your skin, gently grazing his teeth over every bruise. Mike wants you to see them all the next day—not a staked claim, just something you can't ignore when you look in the mirror, evidence of his feelings in every mark.

When you're finally nice and relaxed, he spreads your legs and licks into you, trying not to be too rough with his beard, but a few swipes of it over your clit leave you shaking in his grasp. You whisper his name, the common one that everyone knows him by, but then, rolling off your tongue like a prayer, you call him, "Miche," and he can't help the rumble that rises in his chest.

It should be strange. That's the name only his family uses, the one he was born with. He only simplified it so that kids in school wouldn't ask questions or make fun of him, and after that, it just sort of stuck. But, here and now, falling from your lips, it's so soft. So intimate.

You whimper when he sucks on your folds, making them swell, making them sensitive. And then, he's pushing his tongue inside of you and humming happily at the taste. His nose is bumping against your clit, and Christ, you even smell good to him—that ripe, tangy aroma that has Mike going a little crazy. He has to make sure he doesn't get too carried away. You can't make very much noise even with the rattling of the air conditioner, but as he slowly slides a finger into your pussy, he hears you moan around the fist you're holding to your mouth.

He stretches you just enough to get you ready, then he holds himself over you and pushes into your wet cunt. Your eyes are open, locked with Mike's as your brow raises and your jaw drops. It's erotic, something you've never done with him before. You typically either gaze somewhere other than his face or keep your eyes squeezed shut.

Tonight, though, you've been vulnerable and apparently want to stay that way for a little while longer.

He bends to catch you in a kiss, lips and tongues moving just as slowly as his hips, and when you reach to tug at Mike's hair, he pants into your mouth.

Those words are there again, stuck in his throat but slowly crawling upward until they're just there, pouring from his tongue, "I lo—"

Until you cut him off with a sharp, "Don't."

He makes a noise of frustration, wants to protest because he's so deep inside of you, and you're holding onto him like you want him—truly want him, but you mutter once more against his lips, "Don't say it, Miche."

So, he doesn't. He bottles the confession up and keeps it locked away, hoping like hell that one day you'll let him tell you.

After you climax and coat his cock in slick and cream, he gives a few more thrusts and comes inside of you, filling you with himself and wondering why you're so willing to accept him in that way but not in any other.

He's hurting again, like he did at his parents' as you walked around like you belonged there. Except it's worse now.

If you don't want him to say it, that means you don't want to say it back.

He stays with you for a few more minutes before pulling out. You leave to clean up, and while you're gone, Mike sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he tries to get it all out of his system, whispering it out loud to himself:

I love you. I love you, I love you.

You still let him hold you as you fall asleep, gripping his hand until you can't anymore, and as Mike drifts off behind you, he has one last thought—Just let me.

* There’s only three weeks left of the semester when you head back to campus, and you intend to make the most of every passing day.

You pay better attention in class. You study harder in the library to prepare for final exams. You go to a few more Pi Alpha Kappa parties, making sure not to burn yourself out. And, you let Mike fuck your brains out every few days. Sometimes it’s late at night after those parties. Sometimes you're too tired after the nights of drinking and end up just going to bed only to wake up in the morning and have slow, sleepy sex. Sometimes it’s in the middle of the afternoon when you both have breaks between classes.

Neither of you bring up anything that happened over the break—meeting families, details about your childhoods, how much you learned about one another in general.

Most importantly, neither of you address that first night at your mom’s, the way Mike had basically worshiped your body, how he’d come so close to uttering the three words you least want to hear.

Thinking about it still makes your chest tighten, your heart beat faster. Sometimes when you’re sharing his bed with him, back pressed to his chest, large arm slung over your waist, you think about why it is you’re so vehemently against it. The two of you already act like a couple most of the time. You walk with each other to class when you can. You stick to each other’s sides at parties. You fuck like rabbits and don’t care who knows about it.

And, though you’re hesitant to admit it even to yourself, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have feelings for him. Mike is your best friend at this point. He’s insanely hot. He’s goofy. He’s kind. Yeah, the frat boy persona he puts on around his friends is annoying, but you understand it a little better now. Plus, he always takes off the mask when he’s alone with you, giving both you and himself a break from it.

You know your time with him is quickly coming to an end—for about two months, at least—and whenever you think too hard about it, it makes you pout and huff. You’re not looking forward to your summer classes without him, but he promises on several occasions that you can call him while he’s at his parents’ if you ever need help with the material.

It’s impressive, the way he’s able to act like nothing happened. You know it must be troubling him, but it’s not like you can do anything to soothe him. If he was really upset with you, he would have stopped spending time with you, but he hasn’t. He just bottles it up, keeps smiling at you all crookedly, and keeps satisfying you in the bedroom (more than satisfying honestly. There’s really not a word to describe what he does).

He’s back to getting along with everyone in the Pike house, everyone being Erwin. It’s a relief just because you don’t have to put up with the tension between them, but it’s also awkward. And, a little frightening.

The brothers have Smash Brothers tournaments and movie nights, a few date parties here and there, and it never fails that at some point during the evenings, you find your neck prickling as it always does when you feel someone staring at you. You always hope it’s Mike. Fuck, you wish it was him. But, when you glance up and around, it’s Erwin. Every time. His deep blue eyes are trained on you, the corner of his mouth twitching upward on one side. It doesn’t matter if he’s alone or if he’s got Maddie or some other girl sitting in his lap. He's fucking shameless, and it makes your stomach hurt.

You keep your mouth shut for the sake of the friendship but also for the sake of Erwin’s pretty face. If he and Mike ever got into an actual fight, Erwin would probably be able to get a good few punches in, but you’re nearly positive Mike would end up destroying him in the long run. That could get him kicked out of school. That could get him thrown in jail.

Finals roll around, and you manage to pass all of them without issue, even getting grades above the class average. You feel fantastic, like your long term goals might actually be attainable. You have a long road ahead of you, but your GPA at the end of the year is more than enough to raise your confidence.

Mike asks you to come back to his house for the couple weeks between the end of the semester and the start of your summer courses, but you turn him down, too scared of what might happen while you’re there. Acting like a couple in front of his parents will only exacerbate his feelings as well as yours, and you’d like to avoid that as best you can.

Even now as you’re standing outside by the Jeep, he tries to persuade you one last time, almost pleading, “Are you sure you don’t wanna come?”

“Miche, I’m sure,” you tell him, trying to stay stern, but it’s hard when his sea glass eyes light up at the sound of his real name. It’s a habit you’ve gotten into, a bad one considering how much he likes it. How much you like it. “I already told you I wanna spend the free time I have at mom’s. I need to check up on her and… Probably clean, honestly.”

He lets out a little grunt of disappointment, then nods. “Yeah, I get it.”

“You saw what she’s like,” you remind him. “Someone needs to drop in every once in a while to make sure she isn’t, like, wasting away or something.”

“Makes sense. I’ll be bummed, though.”

“Be bummed all you want,” you smile. “I’ll probably still bother you over break. A lot.”

He sounds terribly sincere when he mumbles, “You never bother me.” It makes your stomach flip in the way you do not enjoy.

Mike sighs, taking in one of those deep breaths that makes his broad chest rise then fall, calling attention to it and making you bite your bottom lip.

“Alright, I should get going,” he concedes, bending down to kiss you too deeply for simple friends with benefits. It doesn’t stop you from humming into his mouth and smiling against him. You hold him by the back of his neck as he pulls your body close to his, his voice muffled when he tells you mischievously, “Don’t forget to send pictures.”

It makes you laugh, and you lean back to swipe your tongue over his lips so that he groans and chases after you.

“I promise I will. Perv.” The beating sun is nothing in comparison to the way your body heats at the thought. You’ve sent him nudes before, but the idea of him looking at them from hours away, fisting his cock as he admires your body through his phone… It makes seeing him off even harder.

After a couple more softer kisses, Mike swings into the Wrangler and pulls out of the lot. You stand in his parking space and watch him until he’s out of sight, then walk back to your dorm, dragging your feet the whole way.

You only stay at your mom’s house for a week, and just like you predicted, you spend most of it cleaning. She thanks you the whole time but makes excuses in between. You just reassure her that you don’t mind even though you do. She really should see a therapist and sort out the depression she’s been stuck in for a few years now, but telling someone they need professional help is easier said than done.

Sleeping in your old bed is much harder this time around. You're all too aware of the weight that isn't behind you, and most nights you lay awake for at least a couple of hours trying to imagine it.

Like you’d promised, you send him a few pictures, some of them just lewd selfies with your tits pouring out of the cups of your bra, but others are of your naked body in the bathtub, sometimes a shot of you with your hand between your legs. It feels wrong to touch yourself in your childhood home, but it’s necessary, especially when Mike sends you a few pictures of his own—one with his torso on display, defined abs absolutely mouthwatering and the V of his hips suggestively leading into mesh shorts. Another is of him in the gray joggers he wears all the time, the ones that always show off his cock.

He’s so fucking hot it atually hurts, makes your pussy throb as you crave his touch. It’s an awful feeling honestly, but even worse than that is the way you miss him. You aren’t supposed to miss him. You’re just supposed to be friends who have sex. Nothing more than that.

It's why you’re glad to go back to school. Your classes will distract you, keep you from thinking about him too much. The semester is shorter during the summer, so you have to work even harder than you do during fall and spring. You don’t really think it’ll be a problem since you’re trying to cram your brain full of anything other than Mike which is great motivation for studying.

Nothing is gonna get you off track, you tell yourself. Nothing will interfere with your studies. That’s the plan.

Then, you meet Zeke Jaeger.

* You're studying in the library. It seems like you spend most of your time here, nice and quiet and empty. The campus isn't nearly as busy in the summer as it is during the rest of the school year. No parties, no sporting events, just you alone with your books.

It's nice. Most of the time. A little boring but mostly nice.

Your eyes are getting tired, and when you check your phone, you realize why. It's almost eleven PM, meaning you've been studying for about six hours. You've had longer nights, usually spent on the phone getting quizzed on the information you're learning with a few breaks in between, but that wasn't the case tonight as Mike had to spend the day with family from out of town.

It's okay. You're supposed to be distancing yourself anyway.

Taking a deep breath, you pack up your books and slide your laptop into your bag, then stand and swing it over your shoulder.

The strap is too long. The bag swings too hard, and your heart sinks when you hear a little grunt followed by a, "Agh, hot!"

Turning with wide eyes, you immediately start apologizing, "I'm so sorry, oh my god, fuck, I'm so sorry!"

A head of light blond hair looks up from the brown stain on his white t-shirt, icy blue eyes narrowed behind wire-rimmed glasses, but when he sees the mortification on your face, his own expression softens, and he chuckles.

"It's fine. You can calm down."

You're still breathing heavily, guilt making your hands shake, but he really doesn't look angry. In fact, he's grinning now, eyebrows raised like he's amused.

The longer you stare at him, the more familiar he looks. You're pretty sure you've seen him before. Many times before, actually, and then it clicks that this guy is on the front page of the school website. You see him every fucking time you log in, looking much more stern than he does now. Baseball hat and jersey, mitt on one hand as he hides his other in it, and yeah, you know him.

"You're Zeke Jaeger."

He makes a face, scrunching his nose up and squinting. "Yeeeeah, I guess I am."

Best pitcher in the college league despite being a sophomore like you. He's beaten the records of some major league players.

You don't give a fuck about baseball, have never even been to any of the school's games, but you've been hearing about Zeke since the last season. You've learned to tune it out because, again, no shits given (and also you're much more partial to lacrosse now), but he's hard to ignore when he's staring you right in the face.

"Well, uh," you try to act casual. It's something you're pretty good at these days. "Cool."

He snorts, picking his shirt off his chest to air it out like it'll help, then says, "I don't know your name, though."

You run your tongue over your teeth, wondering why he cares, then introduce yourself.

"Oh, you're Zacharias' little girlfriend, aren't you?"

Your stomach flips at the mention of him.

"We're not dating."

Zeke cocks his head to the side. "No?"

"No. Just friends."

He hums but doesn't say anything, and your eyes are once again drawn to his chest as he fans over the stain.

"Okay, let me get you a new shirt or something," you try.

He laughs again. "I highly doubt you've got a men's shirt tucked in that bag of yours, sweetheart."

"I—" you pout for a second, mumble, "Okay, yeah, fair point."

"Another coffee, though," he muses out loud. "Wouldn't be the worst thing."

You shoot him a finger gun and smack your lips. "On it. Where do you get coffee at eleven o'clock?"

"I'll walk with you," he states more than offers.

Then, you're both leaving the library, leaving campus, and going to a little 24 hour cafe where you blow on lattes and cover the basics about each other—philosophy major, valedictorian of his high school class, playing baseball since age seven, etc. You should sleep. You should get ready for another long day of studying.

But it's hard to make good decisions when Zeke Jaeger is smirking at you from across the table like you're the most interesting thing he's ever seen.

* Zeke gets your number that night. You're not exactly sure how, but he does.

Then he doesn’t text you for three days. It doesn’t bother you that much. You figure he has other things to focus on. He’s on campus to take a couple courses and practice for the upcoming season, so he’s probably just busy. If that night had just been a one-off, it’s fine with you. It was cool to talk to him, but your heart isn’t broken.

These are all the thoughts and justifications running through your head when you’re in class on Tuesday and your phone lights up during the PowerPoint lecture. You glance down, expecting Mike or Hitch, but it’s an unknown number instead. Eyes flicking from the projection screen to your much tinier one, you slide to open the message and chew on your lip.

Hey, it’s Zeke. You have classes this afternoon?

You do not. And, you are too quick to tell him that.

He takes you to a little Mom and Pop restaurant, too far to walk so you end up riding in the black Bronco he drives, trying to convince yourself that it definitely does not make him any more attractive to you. Because you aren’t attracted to him in the first place. Right?

You sit at a table for two eating paninis and fruit. Zeke asks how classes are going, you ask about practice, and as you talk, he gets that look in his eyes again, like you amuse him or interest him or something.

It confuses you, and for a moment, you’re taken back to last fall at that first Pi Kappa Alpha party, the one you met Mike at when he tried to get you to shotgun a beer. God, he had been so obnoxious back then, always following you around and flirting and—

“You listening, sweetheart?”

Your eyes refocus on the man in front of you, his raised eyebrows and little smirk. “Looks like you’re a million miles away. Sorry if I’m boring you.”

“No, no,” you try to defend. “I just zoned out for a second. Realized I, uh, got an answer wrong on the quiz I took today.”

“That sucks,” he hums. “Anyway, I can stop talking about baseball.”

“It’s okay. Just go over the last, like, ten seconds,” you say with a laugh, hoping your cheeks will stop burning sooner rather than later.

Zeke chuckles and does just that, doesn’t seem irritated or put out. He tells you about how he has a new trainer this year to warm him up and make sure his throwing arm is in top shape. “I hope he’s as good as my last. Colt was always on it, knew exactly how hot to make the warm compresses and how cold to make the ice packs. Stuff like that. He learned my needs.”

You both laugh, and if it was anyone else, you’d have an innuendo sliding off your tongue, but for some reason, you don’t think Zeke would want to hear it, like he’d be unimpressed with your vulgar humor.

Back at the college, he drives you to your dorm, explaining that he lives in the apartments on the other side of campus and wouldn’t want to make you walk that far. Then, as you slide out of the Bronco, he stops you with a smooth, “Hey,” that makes you look over your shoulder at him. “Make sure you save my number in your phone, okay? I’ll text you soon.”

The way your stomach flips is worrisome, a feeling you’re only used to when you’re with…

“Yeah, okay.”

He grins widely and nods, then waits for you to get a good distance away from the car before driving off.

No distractions, you’d said. It’ll be good for your focus, you’d said.

What a fucking joke.

Mike has to help you with some homework that weekend. You can hear his smile through the phone, snort when he makes his little nerd jokes, then sigh when he gets to the actual subject and explains it to you without a problem. His brain is incredible, and when you think about it too hard, it makes you warm inside.

“You’re so fucking smart. Why don’t you let people know?”

“Maybe I just want you to know,” he chuckles. “You think I wanna spend my days tutoring every idiot who needs help?”

“Miche, did you just call me an idiot?”

You hear another breathy laugh followed by a sigh. “I have many, many names for you, but ‘idiot’ isn’t one of them.”

“Oh yeah?” You play. “And, what might those other names be?”

He lists a few, all of them making your face flush and your body tingle, and before you know it, you’ve got your pants off and your fingers between your legs. You can hear Mike’s heavy breathing on the other end, the wet sound of his hand stroking his lubricated cock, and when you reach your climax, you moan out your usual, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, Miche.”

He tumbles down right behind you, panting and telling you in a voice of disbelief, “Jesus, it just keeps coming.” It makes the pulses of your orgasm even stronger, remembrance of all the times he’s painted you in white, and God, you are so ready for him to get back to the school.

Then, there’s the voice in the back of your head that makes you think maybe it’s better that he’s gone for now, that he might not be too pleased that you’re spending time with another guy. But, it’s not like things with Zeke are going anywhere. You wouldn’t even call him a friend. You text on and off, have brunch or lunch or coffee depending on the time of day.

And, yeah, he calls you pet names, tells you that you look nice even when you’re just in leggings and a t-shirt, talks about his family and…

Okay, it could potentially lead to something more, but it’s only been a week, and considering his golden boy status, he could have anyone he wants, so why would he even be interested in you in any way, shape, or form?

Naturally, your thoughts circle back to Mike and the way he could have any girl on his arm, but he still chooses to spend time with you. To fuck you. To nearly confess his feelings to you. You have to wonder if you’re emitting some kind of scent or beacon, if there’s a sign hanging above your head with an arrow pointing down. Sports gods, come get a piece.

If only you’d never gone to that party. If you had just kept your head down like you had freshman year. Your life would be so much easier now.

But now you’re in Zeke’s apartment listening to him rant about some philosopher you’ve never even heard of. He’s gesturing with his hands, flipping curling, blond bangs from his face, and whenever he pauses to think, he scratches his beard. He’s very fond of the white t-shirts and jeans get-up, sometimes switches it up and wears a button down under a sweater vest. Both looks are becoming of him no matter how much you try to deny it, but when he drops down onto the couch next to you and peers into your god damn soul with those piercing, blue eyes, you have to choke back a dreamy sigh.

What is happening to you?

“So, what do you think about it?” He asks, looking hopeful that you might have some insight on this matter.

But, you simply laugh and shake your head. “Zeke,” you start. “I’m gonna be real honest with you here. I didn’t understand a fucking thing you just said.”

You assume he’ll be disappointed, maybe tire of you since you can’t be as intellectually stimulating as he’d like you to, but Zeke exhales in a lighthearted sort of way, shows one of those amused smiles, and tells you, “You’re cute.”

Anyone else and you would have snapped back, something along the lines of, don’t fucking patronize me, but with Zeke, all you can do is stare at him and let your lips part, silently asking for something you won’t speak out loud.

His gaze moves to your mouth for a split second. That soft smile turns into one of his famous smirks. Then, he’s back on his feet and asking, “You wanna go to dinner?”

You are more than relieved at the shift in atmosphere, but your heart is still beating too hard as you follow him downstairs and to his car.

* Summer is passing quickly. Too quickly. The eleven week classes are kicking your ass, or are close to kicking your ass. Lucky for you, you have your own private tutor just a call or text away. Mike helps you, and you laugh and goof around, shoot off innuendo after innuendo, but the phone sex slows to a halt eventually. You tell him that you’re tired, and you are. It isn’t a lie. But, it also isn’t the full truth.

Between classes when you could be resting, you’re eating out with Zeke. Or, watching him and the rest of the baseball team practice for the upcoming season. Or, sitting in his apartment, watching movies and chatting about all manner of things. Nothing important, of course—there’s no diving deep into your life story like you had done with Mike over Spring Break, but Zeke still learns the little things about you. Why you’re majoring in geosciences and how you became good friends with some of the Pike guys. You don’t give him the full details on that one—that you got blackout drunk and fucked Mike and just couldn’t stop. You don’t think Zeke would be interested in hearing about it anyway.

You learn a bit about his dad and stepmom, the latter of whom he isn’t very fond of. He also has a little brother who’ll be attending the college starting this fall, and he’s interested in the Greek life. Naturally, you build PKA up. Even if there are some… Problematic people in the house, there are also a lot of really good guys.

“I’ll make sure to pass it along to him,” Zeke tells you one evening as you’re both sprawled on the couch, backs against the armrests as you face each other. It’s how he seems to prefer to sit when the TV isn’t on. When you asked him why, he had told you, “Just like looking at you,” and you didn’t know how to respond. You still don’t know how to respond.

“Eren thinkin’ about joining any sports?” You ask now. “Does baseball run in the family or anything?”

Zeke snorts. “Kid couldn’t hit a baseball even if it was on one of the t-ball stands.”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then.”

“I would say he’s more academically inclined, but,” Zeke sighs. “That would be a lie.”

You can never tell if he actually likes his brother. Most of the time he complains about him, but every once in a while he’ll bring up something cute Eren did as a little boy, and you see a fond glimmer in his light eyes.

“Anyway,” Zeke waves off the subject and transitions to a new one—one that makes your stomach drop. “Are you gonna tell Zacharias about us?”

You choke on your own spit, leaning forward to cough a couple times, then challenge him with a nervous laugh, “I wasn’t aware there was anything to tell him.”

Zeke tilts his head, mouth pulling up as he raises his eyebrows. “Come on,” he chuckles.

“Come on, what?” You frown. If you were with Mike, you both would have died at that. Come on my face, you can hear him say, and you have to fight a smile because there’s absolutely no way you could explain that to the man in front of you.

“You don’t have to play coy, sweetheart. We both know there’s something going on between us.” He says it with such confidence that even if he wasn’t right you wouldn’t be able to argue with him. The assumption should annoy you, should make you scoff and leave, but instead you sit there staring, caught up in his gaze and cocky grin.

“I—”

“It’s okay, you know. Not like you’re alone in this.”

Those questions swim through your mind again, all the insecurities that you’ve been sorting through with Mike, but now that voice is louder because that sense of trust hasn’t formed yet. You’ve only connected with Zeke over meals and movies. It sounds domestic, but despite your apparently obvious attraction to him, you still don’t feel like you really know him.

But, he draws you in, like a moth to a flame. You can’t help it. There’s just something about him that makes you want him to like you, like you want to impress him, like you want to be good for him. You’ve been trying to ignore those thoughts, but they’re much harder to fight now that you’re sitting in front of him, taking in his wavy hair and pale blue eyes, that ever present smirk on his face, the curve of his neck that disappears into his shirt.

He could just want sex. He could just want a fling. Wait for everyone to get back on campus and drop you for another girl. You tell yourself you wouldn’t care; you’re good at keeping things casual.

Wouldn’t it be fun to be his arm candy for a while, though? Let people look at you and whisper louder than they did when they’d see you and Mike together? You don’t care about status, about being in the spotlight. It’s more for the experience, dating someone who could teach you things.

Mike teaches you things, that voice pops up again. He’s been helping you with your work for almost a year now. You can’t just overlook that.

“What, are you weighing the pros and cons over there or something?”

You snort. “Maybe. We still don’t really know each other all that well, Zeke.”

“Might I remind you that we’ve been hanging out all summer? Did you honestly think it wouldn’t lead to anything more?”

“Honestly,” you mimic, “I never thought you’d be interested.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” His brow furrows like he’s genuinely confused. “You’re smart. You’re funny. You’re cute.”

God, you can’t even count how many times he’s called you ‘cute’, how many times it’s made you blush over the last several weeks, just like it does now.

Then, he pushes, “Do you not find me at—”

“Of course I do,” you cut him off. “I don’t know who doesn’t, which is exactly why I don’t know where this is coming from.”

Zeke sighs like he’s annoyed, then turns the hand on his thigh palm up and beckons you with two fingers. “Come here.”

“What?”

“Come here.”

Your blood pressure spikes, breaths coming in little puffs that have no way of getting to your brain. It’s probably why you obey, rolling to your knees and clumsily crawling over to him. You stop short, right between his bent knees, but Zeke sits up, straightens his legs, and pulls you into his lap.

More of that precious air leaves your lungs as you exhale too sharply, staring at him with huge eyes. You don’t know what’s happening, can’t believe it’s happening. It doesn’t feel real even as you rest your hands on his shoulders, even when he holds your hips and pulls you so that your full weight is on him, but fuck, you can’t say anything. You can’t make a sound. All you can do is wait for him to make his next move.

“Why do you look scared?” His voice is just above a whisper, but at this proximity you can hear him without a problem.

“I don’t have a lot of experience sitting in men’s laps,” you manage, trying to keep your usual careless tone, but you doubt it works.

“For some reason I don’t believe that.”

You rear back, actually offended. “Excuse m—”

That ire, however, melts away as quickly as it arose. Zeke slides fingers up your waist, all the way to the back of your neck to bring your face to his—your lips to his.

He feels different, not at all what you’re used to. His kiss is more demanding, hungry, and God, you still can’t breathe, can’t think straight because his tongue is moving past your lips, and you’re letting it, letting him taste you as your fingertips dig into the flesh of his shoulders. You lift yourself from him just a little only for Zeke to pull you back down with the hand still gripping your hip. He makes sure you feel him when he grinds up into you, the zipper of his jeans rubbing you through your little shorts so that you gasp into his mouth.

You both stay like that for what feels like a fucking eternity, biting and sucking on lips, stroking over each others’ tongues until you absolutely have to break apart. You’re panting now, body still tense on top of his, and Zeke stares at you with half-lidded eyes and shows the ghost of a smile.

“Oh, I’m gonna have so much fun with you.”

The statement sets you on fire, so much so that all you can do is whimper quietly and lean in for more.

And, as you get lost in Zeke Jaeger, you decide for yourself.

I need to tell Mike

[ next ]

#mike zacharias x reader #miche zacharias x reader #aot x reader #aot fanfic #aot fanfiction #mels prima vista

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axe-of-ender-moved · 3 years ago

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ive been thinking about dsmp but like, rich people au because those are unfathomably funny

eret's like a noble or something and all the high society bigots hate him bc he deviates from their "norm" so much . he once attended a gala in a dress and a bunch of people collectively had a nuclear meltdown

puffy started a business and made it big after she adopted foolish, dream and drista (but before michelle) so they're new money

sbi is old money but they each made their way into the world like techno does olympic-level fencing wilbur's a famous musician

the bench trio + purpled + eryn + drista ig??? are still in high school and it's some pretentious private school with a zoo in it because im projecting and they hate it so they cause as much trouble as Possible and they really should get expelled but they aren't because their parents donate a lot of money

ranboo's also old money. he doesnt know how to make his way into the world yet 😔

tubbo sCIENTIST FELLER!!! the only thing he likes abt the school is the opportunities hes given to do whatever he wants in the name of science

michaels just a Kid . a Dude . an orphan who had nothing to do with high society until beeduo found him somewhere and got attached to him and everyone thinks it's a really bad idea but they literally do not care . they get a mansion built amidst philza screaming TUBBO STOP WILL YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE 18 AT LEAST and move in before they graduate from high school . they get married for tax purposes as in canon. it's stupid because they have no reason to commit tax fraud anyway so tommy still thinks there's another reason . is there another reason? perhaps we'll never know ....

- marina

start to finish this is so good i love it. eret making all the bigots explode? perfect. and they can’t say anything because she’s rich as hell and royalty <3 i didn’t know schools could have zoos in them (like. animal zoos??) but i love the idea of them slowly realizing they can do almost anything because their parents are so rich. tubbo impulsively ordering a mansion for him and his orphan ‘son’ is so perfectly in character too like i could imagine everyone’s reaction as this little scientist genius makes the absolute worst decision and makes it the best one yet.

eat the rich etc etc but this is such a funny concept. bless 🙏

#marina anon #ALSO WELCOME BACK! you’ve got a group of fans awaiting your arrival it seems LMAO #the council’s mailbox #dream smp #rich people au

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helpistolethesecharacters · 3 years ago

Text

Stealth Mission Part 2

A/N I finished the request, queued it up ready, and then was hit with inspiration. Since the other one is already 1611 words, I thought I would just make a part 2.

Also,

Y/n - Your name

Y/n/n - Your nickname

Bucky Barnes x Male Reader

Word Count: 1636

----------------

Y/n was going out of his mind. He had woken up in the medical bay after their last mission, totally confused. It had been a long time since he had been so seriously injured on a mission.

He went back through his memories looking for clues. He knew he had been on a mission with his team, but something had gone wrong. They had been found out and then it got hazy. The only thing he remembered with absolute clarity was getting stabbed in the side.

Y/n felt a sinking sensation in his stomach. He must have been captured. But if that was true, why would they have healed him. Surely they wouldn't have bothered if they didn't have to. If they had needed to heal him, maybe they needed something from him. He must have been right when he thought earlier that they wanted information. You can't get information out of a dead man after all.

Y/n swallowed heavily. If he had been captured, and he couldn't get himself out then that would be the only way to stop them from getting what they wanted from him.

'Better to save that for when it becomes necessary.'

He glanced around to get his bearings and his eyes landed on the medical gear attached to him. That would have to go, but then someone would be alerted to his escape by the monitors changing.

Y/n felt his heart speed up in anticipation. He swore loudly as he realized that his escape was probably already compromised. He had been laying here awake for a few minutes and he knew that your vitals change when you are awake.

He ripped the IV out and pulled all the other unnamed wires and cords away from the machines. That might buy him a few minutes.

He bolted up and to the door, but just as he reached out for the handle he heard a loud click. He tried it anyway.

Yep, locked.

He spun on his heel and took in the room he was in. There, a window. His captors must be pretty sure he wouldn't wake up if they were stupid enough to put him into a room with a window big enough to escape through.

"Woah, slow your roll there Y/n/n."

The voice made Y/n spin around, but there was no-one there. He felt disoriented. The world was starting to spin again. He stumbled back from the window, he hadn't even realized he had made his way over to it, when had that happened?

When Y/n looked back up someone was in the room with him.

He stumbled back a step in surprise and cried out when he realized he had moved into someone else.

The walls were closing in now and he knew he had missed his chance to escape unnoticed.

-----------

Bucky was mad. He had been assured that there was no way that Y/n would wake up just because he had left his room for long enough to grab a quick shower and a bite to eat. He hadn't even eaten the food, planning to bring it back to the room that Y/n was still unconscious in.

He was on his way back to the room when the alarms began to go off in the tower. It didn't take long for the voice of Stark's latest AI to start talking to him.

"Mr Barnes, might I suggest you make your way back to Y/n's room? He is awake and seemingly unaware of his situation."

Bucky didn't bother responding, just dropped his food where he had been standing and sprinted for his boyfriends temporary room.

He reefed the door open and stepped in just in time to see his boyfriend spin toward him. He looked past Y/n to see Clint in the room already, standing near Y/n's bed.

Bucky stepped forward to help, but this apparently was too much for Y/n, and he swayed dangerously before loosing consciousness once again.

Bucky barely managed to catch his boyfriend before he hit the floor.

He carefully lifted Y/n up onto his bed and tucked him on once again. Then he turned to Clint for answers.

He was very aware that he was more Winter Soldier that Bucky Barnes at that moment, but he couldn't bring himself to care. The most important person in his life was once again laying unconscious on a bed in the medical bay, and it was Clint who was supposed to be watching him.

Clint swallowed obviously and held his hands up in surrender.

"I swear man, I didn't do anything. He woke up and I don't think he could hear or even see me. I was sitting there the whole time and it was like he didn't even register it."

Bucky glared frostily at him, jaw clenching tightly.

He took in a deep breath, then another. He couldn't bring himself to start yelling in your room, but he damn well wanted to.

"Maybe you should go get someone from medical to fix that." He ordered pointing at the broken machines.

Clint was out of Y/n's room before he had finished speaking.

--------------

The next time Y/n woke up there was a familiar face leaning from near by before he even had his eyes open properly.

"Hey"

Words were a thing right? It felt like words should be a thing that he knew how to use.

The familiar person handed him a glass of water and held on as he sipped it.

It didn't take long for Y/n's head to clear enough to recognize his boyfriends face.

He sighed and leaned back against his pillows, feeling like he had slept for the last century and like it still wasn't enough.

"Hey, just take it easy. You weren't really all here the last few times you've woken up. Just take your time."

"Ugh, what century is it?"

Bucky's low rumble of a laugh rolled over Y/n and he felt something relax inside. He knew he would be alright now that he was back with Bucky.

-------------

Y/n was going out of his mind. He had been on bed rest for the last week after he was well enough to leave the medical bay, and Bucky had taken that to mean that he needed waiting on hand and foot. Every time he tried to move at all, he got an attentive look from his adoring boyfriend.

"Do you need something? Should I get you something to eat?"

It was very sweet, and Y/n had been soaking up all the love that his big fluffy boyfriend had to offer, but it was starting to get old.

He was now at the stage where his body needed to start moving more, so that he could start working through the stiffness and build himself back up to where he had been before.

Unfortunately, Bucky didn't agree with him. Y/n was sure that he had been enjoying spending so much time with him and do things for him, but he was done now.

"Bucky, Doctor Cho agrees with me. It's time to start moving around more myself, or I'm going to lose these muscles that you seem so fond of. Besides, I need to start working through the weakness that stabbing caused. It's a liability out there, you know that."

That got him those dang puppy dog eyes that were the absolute worst. He must have learned them from somewhere, but for the life of him Y/n couldn't picture any of their friends ever making a face like that.

He shut his eyes and faced the ceiling instead.

"That isn't going to work this time. I've given you a full extra day, but now I need to start doing these things for myself again."

Better to keep it to himself that at some point he was going to have to go back to sparring with the others and all kinds of more dangerous things than simply getting his own food. They both already knew, but rubbing it in Bucky's face was probably not the smartest move in trying to win this argument.

Y/n was met with silence. He just knew that if he opened his eyes his boyfriend was going to be right in front of him, eyes bigger than ever.

He held out for a full two minutes more before peeking an eye open.

He was right. Bucky was standing right in front of him, but he wasn't pulling puppy dog eyes at him anymore. He had the softest smile on his face as he took in Y/n's antics.

Y/n opened both eyes fully and looked his boyfriend full in the face. Was he okay?

He went to ask him a question, but was met with a soft kiss. It was just a light brush of lips, but it caught Y/n by surprise. He melted into Bucky as he pulled him into his arms.

"I'm sorry, I know. This job that we do is dangerous, but it's something that neither of us would give up. It's a part of us, individually, but also together. I just worry. If something happened to you and I never got to see you again, I just hate that thought."

Y/n snuggled closer.

"I love you, you know that? I wouldn't choose to leave you if I had the choice."

Bucky was silent for a second and Y/n hoped he had read that right. It was the first time either of them had said anything like that, but what Bucky had said had sounded like a confession of love as much as the words themselves would have been.

Y/n looked up and was met with the biggest smile he had ever seen on Bucky's face.

"I love you too."

Neither of them were able to stop smiling enough to kiss properly, but that didn't stop them.

#Bucky Barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x male reader #male reader #bucky barnes #Stealth Mission #Part 2

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kookingtae · 4 years ago

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the equation of love (pt. 10)

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7 | pt 8 | pt 9 | pt. 10

professor yoongi x uni student reader

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 10.5k

→a/n: alternatively: fuck it, it’s been five years and this wip has been staring at me for three of them, so im just gonna post it. i have not read this over since 2018, so pls dont judge me too harshly hhsdg it’s unedited and probably a bit cringy, but then again what ch of teol isnt? this is NOT all that i have planned for the series, but i figured something is better than nothing, right? and perhaps the saying better later than never applies here, too. maybe one day i’ll finally get around to finishing it (by then im sure no one will even be around to remember what teol is lmao) but until then, enjoy what ive been sitting on! and as always, if you’re still here, thank you for your endless patience and support with this series <3

→another a/n: after this will probably be an epilogue!

→tw: mentions of blackmail, r*pe and sexual assault (we mostly just get closure on the whole professor lee & jun situation!!)

→warning: this chapter is not a happy ending, but it’s not necessarily a BAD one either, so for those who don’t like to finish on an unhappy note, it’s up to you on whether you’d like to read it or wait for the epilogue to be posted!

Running water.

It was such a simple yet fascinating concept—atoms and molecules coming together to form the only substance on earth that has a natural state in all forms, while having the power to kill in three different ways. Solid, by hypothermia; liquid, by drowning; gas, by suffocation. This substance can take three different forms, yet it's most commonly a liquid, covering nearly 71% of the world with translucent bodies of water. Oceans, ponds, lakes—though the most enchanting of them all were rivers. They were always moving, crashing beyond rocks and bustling with the flow of the current and gravitational pull of the earth. Rivers were passionate, and strong, and no matter how hard one tried they couldn't break the whipping tide that was pushing against them. Nothing could cause the powerful force to falter.

But, like most things, even rivers must come to an end. The current stops flowing, and the waves stop breaking around the jagged rocks, and the powerful force that seemed it would never end dulls to a still, calm lull, as if the river was nothing more than a brief yet raging storm. All the passion, all the fight—over in a blink of an eye, left to dissipate into the mysteries of the vast ocean.

Staring down at the picture on the cell phone screen in front of me was like getting pulled by the current of a river; down, down, down I flowed until there was no river left around me and I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. Yoongi and I were once raging, and passionate, and ready to fight against anyone who tried to tear us down, but now the fight was over. We had been dragged too far, fading into a body of water that was not our own. This was bigger than us.

Yes, like the flow of a river, all things must come to an end.

"That's it," Yoongi gritted his teeth, and I felt the dip of the mattress beneath me as he rose to his feet in anger.

"Yoongi," I called his name in a warning tone, warily standing up from the bed and watching him move around the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm over it," he said, hastily throwing the first articles of clothing he could grab from his drawers over his body. "I'm done dealing with all of this, Y/N! I'm going up to the school."

Despite the flare of determination that sparked in my heart at his words, his rage seeming to radiate off of him and onto me as well, I couldn't help the trepidation that I was also filled with; Yoongi didn't have a history of making rational decisions out of anger.

"Don't you think you should calm down first?" I offered, trying my best to match his pace around the room.

"No!" Yoongi suddenly skidded to a halt in front of me, his eyes wild and crazed. "I'm going to find her and I'm going to fucking kill her!"

I could only stand with a gaping mouth and watch as he stormed out of the room, leaving me with no choice but to pull on my old clothes and chase his stomping foot steps. He grabbed his keys before storming out of the apartment, down the stairs, and outside into the parking lot. I tried to ignore the blindingly bright sunlight as I squinted my eyes and continued after him.

"Follow me up to the school," Yoongi barked as he hopped into his car.

"Yoongi–" I started, but my consoling voice was cut off by the slam of his door. I frowned, scrambling to unlock my vehicle as his engine roared to life.

The drive to the university was a nerve-wracking one. I kept a watchful eye on Yoongi to make sure he wasn't speeding or swerving all over the road; they say you're not supposed to operate a vehicle while you're upset. Though it would seem my efforts were futile, because he did in fact speed and swerve, and all I could do was frown and try to keep up.

It wasn't that I wasn't angered by Professor Lee; I was furious, rage and disgust and frustration all stewing inside of me like a pot of water that was ready to boil over. But I just couldn't help but worry for Yoongi. I had always been the non-confrontational type, always hoping that with a little time things would get better if they were ignored long enough. But it would seem that my method was proven inefficient today, because as much as I had tried to ignore her antics, that wicked woman wouldn't stop at anything to make sure Yoongi and I were properly dragged through the mud and going down like a ship engulfed in flames. Yet as much as that angered me, I couldn't bare the thought of the turmoil it was causing Yoongi. I didn't know when I had started casting my own feelings aside and putting his above—it was a gradual thing rather than one, defining moment—but it was only another factor that proved how much I actually loved this man. And that very thought instilled a fear that shook me to the very bone.

We had a lot more to lose now than just his job and my education. We could be losing us. And that was more important now than it had ever been before.

Once we arrived at the university there were a lot of screeching brakes, messy parking and fumbling hands as I scrambled to catch up to his looming figure that seemed to stalk towards the building at an unnatural pace. The pounding of my heavy heartbeat was what drove me forward, anxiety rising with each quickened step that I took.

"Yoongi!" I yelled once I had lessened the distance between us, now dead center on the campus sidewalk. "Yoongi, wait!"

All of a sudden he whirled around, his abrupt halt causing me to crash straight into his chest. I let out a yelp in surprise, eyes wide and ready to interrogate him, before I felt the smooth curvature of his palms on either side of my face as he tilted my head up to his and slammed his mouth onto mine.

The world stopped spinning for a moment, everything around me fading into the motions of his plush skin, his soft lips exploding with flavor and spilling over my tastebuds, satisfying my thirst in a way that no water ever could. I didn't even question it for a second before I was melting into him, quite literally becoming putty in his hands as the rest of the world instantaneously escaped my mind.

It's funny the way that worked—the way he was able to completely erase everything that had once existed in the blink of an eye, just by his simple touch. Whether it was magic, or I was just that fucking whipped, I didn't know. But either way, I didn't possess the power to stop it even if I wanted to.

When Yoongi finally broke away, he was breathing heavily, his breath fanning across my face in cool puffs of air. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore," he spoke onto my lips, his forehead pressing against mine with a firm force. "Let them see. The only thing I care about is you."

It was then that I was suddenly aware of our surroundings, the reality of our world crashing down around me as I glanced around at all the eyes watching us. It varied; there were those choosing to spare us a glance as they walked to and from their classes, those who stalled their current actions to lift their heads to us not once, not twice, but three times, and then there were those who stopped altogether, their widened eyes and slackened jaws dead giveaways that they knew exactly who Yoongi was: Professor Min, Algebra 101 instructor.

A stroke of his thumb across my cheek brought my attention back to him; I stared up into his eyes, the desperate look in them captivating me and making it impossible to look away. His chest was rising and falling beneath his shirt, his fingers were grappling at my face as he brushed my wisps of hair out of the way, silently begging me to understand, to agree with him.

And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.

My lungs were filled with a breath of newfound determination, dazed and driven by Yoongi's words and embrace. "I love you," I spoke with conviction, caressing the nape of his neck as if to give him more reassurance. "Let's go.”

With that I grabbed his hand, holding my head high for the rest of the campus to see as I started up Yoongi's stride towards the school's building. He was right beside me, weaving his fingers through mine and giving my hand an extra squeeze as if to say that he was here, that he was proud to let the world know that I was his and he was mine, and that he wasn't going anywhere.

We were going to take down Professor Lee.

The seminar room was empty of students when we stormed in. Seats were placed throughout the floor, papers were scattered on the desks, and Professor Lee was at the front of the room, fiddling with the cords from the projector screen.

At the sound of the door opening, her head snapped up. "Well well well, look what we have here," she smirked when she saw us, making no plans to move as she saw me marching over to her. "You know, I really don't think–"

Slap!

The impact of my palm to her face cut off her words, skin on skin contact crackling through the room and echoing into a deafening silence.

Professor Lee gasped, immediately grasping where a red mark was now forming on her cheek before looking up at me with wild eyes. "You just slapped me!" She cried in disbelief.

"You're damn right I did," I gritted my teeth, taking a threatening step towards her and raising my palm. "Want me to do it again?"

It was then that I felt Yoongi's hand on my back, the feeling having an instant calming effect over my senses whether he wanted it to or not. I sighed before visibly relaxing and lowering my hand.

"You're barbaric!" Professor Lee was foaming at the mouth, still holding her face with a slack jaw. "Are you forgetting that I'm a professor? When Dr. Kim finds out about this, I swear he'll–"

"Tell him!" I roared as loud as my vocal chords would let me. "Tell whoever, tell the whole world, I don't fucking care! I'm done with your bullshit, you selfish psychotic witch!"

With that I gave her one final shove against her shoulders, and when both of her hands flew out to grab ahold her surroundings in an effort to keep from falling over, I planted another slap right across her face. The impact stung my hand, but I didn't care. Seeing Professor Lee stumble through the air was worth it.

"Baby," Yoongi spoke in a gentle yet warning tone next to me, and I had almost forgotten he was there until I felt his grip slightly tighten around my waist. It was a comforting hold, as if to say he completely trusted and supported whatever I chose to do in this situation, but still a protective hold nonetheless. He wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get myself hurt.

"You know, what is your problem, exactly?" I tilted my head at her as she struggled to get her bearings straight. "Is there an actual reason you're doing all of this, or are you just mentally insane?"

"It–it's not right!" Professor Lee stuttered with wide eyes, raising a shaky finger to point at me and Yoongi. "Your relationship, it's–"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Sara," Yoongi let out a sound of disgust from beside me. "We all know that's not why."

"I... I..." she stumbled for words, wide eyes glancing back and forth between the two of us. "Who do you guys think you are? You can't just storm in here and start attacking me–"

I took a menacing step forward, pure rage making up for what I lacked in intimidation. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I fumed, reaching out to grab her again.

"No, please!" She suddenly cowered before I could get to her, shielding her head away from me with her arms. "I—Yoongi, I'm in love with you!"

Her confession sent me reeling backwards in a downwards spiral, my body instantly going limp as I watched her with a dumbfounded expression. A vast silence echoed throughout the room that could be cut with a knife before she finally spoke again.

"Ever since you started working here, I knew you were the one. I just knew it." Her voice was sad, exhausted now, and a look of defeat washed over her features.

"What?" Yoongi gaped in disbelief. "Sara, that was two years ago!"

"I know!" She spat harshly. "You don't think I know that? For two years, I had to deal with this silly crush I had on you. I had to spend every day with you, watching it bloom into love overtime, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"You could've just told me!" Yoongi exclaimed as if that was the obvious answer.

Professor Lee snorted humorlessly. "Yeah, and be made a fool of? No thanks." She lowered her eyes to the ground.

"Sara, we're grown adults. You could've acted like one and fucking said something to me about it, made a move, anything but drag my career under the bus!" Yoongi's voice was strained now, his eyes wide as if silently begging her to understand him while he was equally trying to understand her.

"I was going to!" She lashed out again while whipping her head up towards him. "I was working up the courage to ask you out on a date, and then I see that fucking slut on your lap and I–"

"Don't you dare call Y/N that," Yoongi suddenly growled, pushing past me and stepping towards her intimidatingly. "One more thing out of your mouth about her and I swear to god I will kill you right here, right now."

My breath hitched in my throat at his threat and I couldn't help but weave my arm around his to grab his hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly. He gripped mine back even tighter, as if he was desperately trying to latch onto whatever calming effect I seemed to have over him.

Professor Lee swallowed, choosing to stay silent and watch him carefully as jagged breaths rose and fell from her chest. "The point is," she continued on, "I saw you with someone else—someone who wasn't me. And that completely tore my heart to shreds."

"So the only solution is to ruin our lives," I chimed in sarcastically.

"I may not have gone about it the best way," she quickly gritted her teeth and shot me a glare before turning her attention back to Yoongi, "but I had to act on instinct. I still wanted to be with you, so I figured that maybe if I split the two of you up, you would have no one else to turn to but me."

Yoongi just stared at her, his face scrunched up in a mix of confusion and disgust. "Do you know how sick and twisted that is?" He asked.

"All I ever wanted was to be with you, Yoongi," she pleaded, her tone vulnerable now as she took a tentative step towards him and started to raise her hand up to caress his cheek. "I still do. It's not too late; we can leave now, just you and me and forget this whole thing–"

"Don't fucking touch me," he knocked her hand away with his forearm just before it could reach his face. "If you think I'm going anywhere with you, you're even crazier than I thought." He then stepped back to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me securely into his side. "I'm in love with Y/N, and I don't give a shit what rumors you or anyone else wants to spread about it. You're fucking pathetic."

At that moment there was the sound of a door bursting open, causing the three of us to turn our attention to the entrance of the room. There, standing in the doorway, was Dr. Kim.

The sight of him immediately deflated the elation I was feeling from Yoongi's words, instantly replacing them with a sense of anxiety and fear that lodged its way into my throat until I was sure I would die from suffocation. This was it; according to the text from Professor Lee, he had already seen the picture of me and Yoongi kissing. This was the moment that would decide our future forever.

I just hoped we had enough evidence against Professor Lee for him to take our side.

"So let me get this straight." Dr. Kim folded his hands on the dark oak wood of his office desk. "Professor Min and Y/N had relations before Y/N became a student here, while Yoongi was unaware of her age?"

"Yes sir," Yoongi nodded his head in assurance.

"And then you continued your relationship, even after finding out that she was your student."

"He didn't at first," I interjected in hopes of getting some of the heat off of Yoongi. "He tried to call it off, but I kept pushing it. The reason we got back together during school was my fault, not his."

Yoongi's eyes met mine from the chair next to me, his gaze seeming to hold the words that silently spoke that's not true, and I instantly knew what he was thinking. In actuality, he had been the one to give me after-school tutoring on that Saturday during the homecoming football game, not I. He had been the one to kiss me first that day. But there was no way in hell I would ever tell that to the dean.

"I don't care whose fault it is; all that matters is that it happened," Dr. Kim frowned. "And it's still happening if I'm not mistaken, correct?"

"I... um," my eyes flickered to Yoongi, every fiber of my being starting to fill with panic. Shit, we should've discussed this beforehand. I wasn't going to willingly rat Yoongi out, no matter how many times he's said he didn't care anymore if people knew about us.

Suddenly I felt the warm, soft sensation of skin wrapping around the curvature of my hand that was resting atop the wooden armrest. "Yes, it's still happening," Yoongi spoke, and then his fingers were intertwining with mine.

I practically choked on my own spit at his words; did this boy have a death wish? A cough came sputtering out of my lungs, the sound causing everyone in the room to look at me until I'd settled down. Even Professor Lee leaned forward from her seat on the other side of Yoongi, bewilderment written all over her expression as she gave me a look of disgust.

"Well there's your proof right there." She threw her hands up in defeat before gesturing to the two of us. "What more do you need? Expel them, Dr. Kim."

"B–but that's not it!" I suddenly exclaimed and lurched forward, feeling the heat of everyone's stare on our embraced hands, which in turn only made me grip him even harder for support. "Dr. Kim, you have to believe me when I tell you that Professor Lee has worked hard to make my life a living hell ever since I got to this school. She had a vendetta against me; she's in love with Yoongi, and so she–"

"That's not true!" Professor Lee screeched.

"She worked to turn people against us rather than coming to you because she wanted to blackmail Yoongi into being with her," I ignored her interjection and continued. "She even made a seminar about it—the mandatory seminar that everyone attended today!"

The dean turned his attention towards her. "The seminar about the importance of practicing safe sex?" He questioned in bewilderment.

My eyes practically bulged out of my head at his words; that's what she was telling everyone it was about?

"It was!" She scrambled in defense. "I mean I... I may have brought up Yoongi and Y/N as an example, but that's only because they fit the part! Y/N had a pregnancy scare not too long ago, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to our students!"

I felt the color draining from my face, blanching it a stone cold white and decimating any feeling I had left in my body.

How the fuck did she know about the pregnancy?

My head instantly whipped towards Yoongi to see if he had any logical explanation for this, and his face was as poised and stoic as ever in front of his two colleagues—but I could see through it. I knew him well enough to catch onto the slightest falter in his blinking, the increase in heat that collected between our palms, the small twitch of his mouth that would've gone unnoticed by anyone else who observed him. I knew there was no way he could've told Professor Lee about the pregnancy, because he was just as blindsided as I was.

Dr. Kim simply raised his eyebrows in interest before turning back to Yoongi and me.

"Dr. Kim," Yoongi spoke, his voice dripping with amusement, "I mean no disrespect, but do you honestly think that if Y/N had a pregnancy scare, we would tell Sara about it? Come on; not after all she did to us."

"They—they didn't tell me!" Professor Lee huffed out a desperate breath. "I overheard them while I was–"

"While you were what?" I interrupted with a raise of my eyebrow. "While you were spying on us to find any blackmail you could use on Yoongi?"

"N–no!" She stuttered, though at this point it was obvious that she was making up lies on the spot. "While I was walking past the classroom!"

"Why would we be talking about that with the door open?!"

"Enough!" Dr. Kim barked, his deep voice rumbling throughout the small office. We all grew silent as we turned our attention to him. "There will be no arguing of he said/she said in my office," he scolded, then turned his attention to Yoongi before speaking. "I understand that there was someone you wanted me to see?"

Yoongi, who had remained calm during all of this, simply nodded his head before releasing my hand. "Yes, sir," he said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

My eyebrows were knitted in confusion as I watched it all transpire: the words exchanged between the two men, Yoongi rising out of his seat, the sight of my biology professor being revealed behind the closed door. The whole thing came as a surprise to me, and my emotions seemed to be having a war between the shock and relief that I felt raging like a storm in the pit of my stomach.

Why didn't Yoongi tell me about Professor Park being involved in this discussion? When did he have time to ask her to come? Did it even matter at this point?

"Professor Park," Dr. Kim widened his eyes, his frame physically reclining back in his seat. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"As am I to be here," she smiled though her voice was venomous, eyes flashing to a very alarmed Professor Lee.

"Mia?!" The woman barked in disbelief at her friend's entrance. "What are you doing here?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago," Professor Park replied, and with that she turned towards the dean and opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm here to testify on the behalf of Min Yoongi and Y/N."

Earth-shattering elation rippled through me from the inside out, starting at the base of my toes and spiraling to the top of my head and the tips of my fingers, causing them to tingle and buzz with a newfound sense of hope. We might actually have a chance!

"What?!" Professor Lee's voice ripped through the air in a deafening screech. "This isn't a court case! You don't get to play witness!"

"Actually, if Professor Park has witnessed anything, I would definitely like to know," Dr. Kim chimed in, raising an eyebrow towards my biology professor.

Professor Park nodded her head towards him in appreciation before speaking. "A few months ago Sara approached me in my classroom to tell me about the nasty rumors that were surrounding her and a student. She singled the student out, saying to purposely damage their grades because they were treating her unfairly and disrespecting her rules and authority as a professor; she even went so far as to say that they were sending her death threats"

"What?!" The word ripped from my throat faster than I could blink as I stared jaw-dropped at the women in the room.

"That's not true!" Professor Lee instantly protested as expected. "Sir, I can assure you that I never–"

"I have the text messages if you want," Professor Park offered in a tone so nonchalant one would've thought she was conversing about the weather.

Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow. "Text messages? I thought you said she came by your class?"

"She did, sir." Mia interlaced her fingers in front of her and bowed her head politely. "We spoke about it on multiple occasions. I asked why she wouldn't just go to you, or even the authorities if the student was making death threats, but Sara was adamant. She didn't want any scandals revolving around her so that she could maintain the level of professionalism that she had developed here."

I heard a snort coming from next to me, and it was with a swollen heart of pride that I realized the sound came from Yoongi trying to hold in a laugh.

Professionalism? Her? I had never heard anything so far fetched in my life.

Sara simply glared as Mia ignored him and continued. "She assured me that the best way to deal with this pesky student was to slowly start to fail them, and I'll admit, I was angry for her. Sara was my friend, and I respected her enough to believe what she was telling me and follow her requests." She turned her head to where I sat on the other side of Yoongi. "That student was you, Y/N. And I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the way I handled things. You were treated unfairly and poorly due to false information."

"It wasn't false!" Professor Lee jumped in to defend herself, but everyone was pretty much ignoring her. Even the dean could tell she was playing the part of the boy who cried wolf at this point.

"I'd like to see those text messages, if you don't mind." Dr. Kim reached his hand out expectantly.

There was a brief moment of silence while Professor Park nodded and tapped away on her phone before handing it to him. His cold and calculated eyes scanned the screen while saying nothing, all three of us waiting with bated breath for him to come to a decision in his mind.

There was no where left for her to run. With these text messages, all the constant denying that Professor Lee has done will be proven false and she will be exposed for all the hell she's put me through this semester. My heart was practically bursting at the thought.

"Well I would've appreciated it if you ladies had come to me with this information instead of handling it amongst yourselves, true or not," Dr. Kim finally sighed before giving Sara his full attention. "Ms. Lee, you have three people accusing you. Even if you didn't do it, there's obviously something that's turning them against you. And here at this university we strive to hold cooperation and communication above all else. If you don't get along with the fellow staff here, then why should I believe that they're the problem and not you?"

"Um, because Min Yoongi is fucking his student?!" Professor Lee was fuming now, her upper body lurching forward in her seat and her hands gripping the arm rests for dear life. "He literally just admitted to it!"

"Language, Ms. Lee," Dr. Kim scolded calmly. "I still like to maintain a professional attitude here in my office."

"I apologize sir, but that's beside the point." She was sitting back in her seat now, though her tone was no less frantic. "Min Yoongi is in a relationship with his student, and staff cooperation or not, I don't really think that's in the teacher handbook." She raised a snarky eyebrow at us as if believing that she had finally won.

I knitted my eyebrows, my palms feeling slick with a nervous sweat against Yoongi's as I realized the bigger problem here. It wasn't whatever lies and schemes Professor Lee had cooked up with my biology teacher; it wasn't even Professor Lee herself. It was the fact that Yoongi and I were in a relationship, and that was going to have enough consequences alone to shake me to my very core with fear.

"She's right," Dr. Kim uttered the words that I was silently hoping he wouldn't say, my grip tightening on Yoongi as I anticipated whatever outcome he's decided. Our fate was in his hands.

"Of course I am." Professor Lee crossed her arms and sat back in her seat with a smug grin.

"I'm afraid I have no choice." He was shaking his head, frowning at us apologetically though the sentiment didn't reach his eyes. "Mr. Min, I am sorry to inform you that you will have to be forced to resign from our university."

The color instantly drained from my face, and with it pulling all five senses that I have into the depths of the earth until I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't speak—I could barely even breathe. There was a lump that was forming in my throat and settling deep within my gut, all of this feeling fake, too fake to be real.

Yoongi was fired, and it was all because of me.

"I understand, sir."

It was Yoongi's words that were pulling me from my fog of disbelief and devastation, my eyes blinking in an effort to snap back to reality as I looked from him to the dean. "No. No, there has to be something we can do, please!" I begged, my voice starting to get frantic the more the severity of the situation hit me. "I–I'll drop out! You don't have to worry about me ever coming near here again, just please, please don't fire him!"

"Y/N..." Yoongi's voice was quiet and full of resignation, defeat, but I wasn't giving up.

"Yoongi is an amazing professor who has worked here for, what, two years? He's extraordinary at what he does and students love him. It's not easy to find a professor like that everyday." I was staring into the eyes of the dean now, trying to move him with my words. "You shouldn't throw away someone as great as him just because of some stupid 18 year old's mistake! Please, Dr Kim." I leaned forward in my seat, the room silent as I spoke. "He wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me. Please, let me suffer the consequences, not him."

I continued to stare in Dr. Kim's eyes, silently channeling my emotions through the pleading expression in my eyes, and it wasn't until I felt a comforting hand on my back that I was instantly drawn away into a more calm state in my chair. I gazed over at the owner of the hand, and he flashed back that smile I loved except it was sad, and it didn't reach his eyes, and I could tell there was so much he wanted to say to me right now if we weren't in the confinement of his boss' office.

"I understand your efforts, Y/N, but there's nothing I can do." Dr. Kim shook his head, and it was as if the world around me was shattering into blades of glass, scraping at my skin and leaving bloody wounds that I knew would never heal. "Mr. Min was involved in this relationship as well, and no matter whose fault it is, the professor needs to be held accountable. There is a level of professionalism and maturity that he must possess in order to work here; he's your superior, a respectable authority figure, and so he should've known better."

It was all I could do to keep from crying as I lowered my eyes and shook my head, every inch of my heart breaking for Yoongi until all that was left were tiny fragments to scatter in the wind. I couldn't believe I'd done this to him. The very thing he'd been worried about from the start—I had ruined his career.

"It is our goal as a university to see our students succeed," he continued, though I could barely hear a thing. "As for you, Y/N, I see no reason as to why you shouldn't keep attending this university."

I blinked a few times, confused. "You want me to... what?"

"You will have a suspension on your student records, mind you, and one more of those will lead to expulsion," he explained. "Though that doesn't mean that you can't keep going to school here. You will have to meet with an advisor every two weeks, though, who will be keeping a close watch on your behavior."

I could barely even believe my ears; had my hearing been completely lost due to the shock of the situation? "That's totally a double standard!" I gestured to Yoongi in disbelief.

"Y/N, it's okay..." Yoongi tried to calm me down.

"No, it's not okay!" I roared, eyes wide and brows furrowed in disbelief as I glanced at him before turning back to the dean. "Where do you think you can get off by treating people like this? This is his career—his life!"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Y/N," Dr. Kim bellowed in a stern voice as he frowned. "I'm doing you a favor here by letting you continue your education. Speak out against me one more time and I will be revoking that offer."

His words were deafening throughout the office; it was suddenly understandable why he was so feared by those who worked under him. Yoongi started to run his hand along my spine in a soothing manner, and though it helped relax my fiery nerves and clear my foggy mind, I was still just as upset—if not more, now that the information was beginning to settle in.

"So that's it then?" Professor Lee spoke for the first time in a while, her lips pressed into a firm line, obviously disappointed by the turn of events though she didn't dare to speak out against Dr. Kim as he had warned. "Yoongi gets fired and Y/N gets a free ride?"

"Not so fast, Ms. Lee." The dean turned to her. "What you did was beyond unprofessional. You violated several school policies as well as bullied a student! Do you think that type of behavior is acceptable as a professor?"

Professor Lee opened her mouth as if to protest before slowly shutting it again, realizing that she had nothing left that she hadn't already denied. It was obvious that the evidence given to him by Professor Park, who stood silent in the corner of the room, was incriminating enough to sway his decision.

"I'm sorry to have to inform you that you will be fired as well."

"What?!" Her shrill voice screeched through the air, tearing whatever I had left of my eardrums and rendering me deaf here in this office. "What I did was no where near as bad as Yoongi and Y/N!"

"If anything, it was worse." Dr. Kim folded his hands over his desk. "Let's not forget that you managed to involve the entire student body in a false seminar that maliciously exposed one of our students and professors," he raised an eyebrow at her, "and that was just today."

"Yeah, not to mention all the other shit you did behind my back to make my life a living hell," I couldn't help from interjecting in a heated tone, though I backed off upon seeing the dean's stern gaze.

He redirected his attention back to Sara. "Here at this university, we strive to have a professional relationship, safe environment, and healthy lifestyle for our students. Neither of you achieved those three goals, so both of you will have to be let go."

Yoongi's expression simply remained placid and free of any emotion while Professor Lee's reaction was practically visceral, though neither spoke a word as heavy silence fell over the small office.

"Am I... am I still needed, sir?" It was Professor Park whose voice broke through the tension, everyone having forgotten she was there in the midst of the emotion-filled chaos. "Because if not, then I'm going to go."

"No, I'm just about finished here." Dr. Kim let out a sigh, as if what just transpired had been hard on him out of all people in the room. My blood boiled just looking at him, though I know I had to learn when to speak out and when to bite my tongue as Yoongi had taught me.

"Dr. Kim, is there any way you can reconsi–"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Lee," his booming voice interrupted the frantic professor. "I've said all that I need to say on the matter. I'm not changing my mind."

"Dr. Kim?" I spoke up just as Professor Lee and Professor Park were getting ready to walk out the door. "I–I have something else to tell you. Un-related to this," I threw in when I saw him throw a glance in Lee's direction.

The man sighed before waving them out, leaving his office empty of visitors other than me and Yoongi in the chairs. I wasn't going to let that boy go anywhere.

"Y/N, I'm sorry that the outcome isn't exactly what you wanted but I'm afraid there's nothing I can–"

"Choi Junwoo tried to rape me," I blurted out.

There was a moment's pause as the dean was stunned silent with wide eyes, and out of my peripheral vision I could see Yoongi tense up and inhale sharply next to me.

"W–what–"

"Choi Junwoo," I spoke slowly for him so that he'd understand, "a student here at this university, tried to rape me at a frat party."

I couldn't leave the office without saying it. I couldn't leave the office without telling him. This wasn't just about me or the turmoil or trauma he caused; this was for every other girl in the future who might be a victim of Jun. Though in my heart I truthfully believed he was a good person, and that he really was just intoxicated beyond belief that night, it was still no excuse. If he had rape-tendencies while he was drunk and I didn't speak out about it, then I would be no better when it came to helping other sexual assault victims.

"Are you sure–"

"I found them at the party while he was mid-act," Yoongi jumped in, probably figuring he was already fired so there was nothing left for him to lose when it came to revealing details about our relationship outside of school. "It was... disgusting. I got her out of there immediately, but not before punching that bastard in the face."

"Metaphorically, of course!" I couldn't help but chime in, not wanting an assault charge to be on his record as well.

Thankfully Dr. Kim simply brushed off that minuet detail in favor for the more important issue at hand. "Y/N, what you're telling me will ruin this student's future. Are you absolutely sure you want to file this?"

Despite the anger that swelled up inside of me from him questioning my accusation, I still couldn't help the little trickle of doubt that crept in as I considered his words. At one point, Jun had been a friend... maybe even a potential lover had Yoongi not been in the picture. Dr. Kim was right, this information could potentially ruin his reputation, his education, his record... was I ready to carry the weight of knowledge that I've ruined someone's life forever?

"What are you talking about? Of course!" Yoongi spat an answer before I even had a chance to finish my thoughts. "She told you what happened, didn't she? Why would she speak out about something like this if she was making it up?"

"Maybe a personal vendetta?" The dean shrugged his shoulders. "People will do crazy things for revenge."

Now that got me heated. "The only one who wanted revenge here was Junwoo!" I stood up from my seat to yell. "He liked me and was mad that I turned him down. As if I owed my feelings to him or something! And when I told him no, he forced himself on me?! Is that really the type of message you want to send at this college? You know, since you're so high and mighty on "cooperation"," I did air quotes of sarcasm around my last words, my ears practically steaming with boiling rage.

"We will come out about this story, by the way," Yoongi added in, his voice full of venom. "And how will that look if you tried to keep us silent?"

"You can forget about me attending this university," I hissed.

"Alright, alright, settle down, the both of you," Dr. Kim lowered his hands in a calming manner. "I was not suggesting I buy your silence or anything of that nature. I was simply making sure you wanted to go through with this."

"Yes," Yoongi and I both answered in unison.

The dean nodded his head before clasping his hands together. "Alright."

The rest of the time in the office with spent filling on paperwork on a claim against Junwoo. I'd been given the option to be kept in the loop or even present when everything went down, though I politely declined. I wanted nothing more to do with that boy.

Though it would seem Professor Lee didn't share the same sentiment when it came to me, because as soon as soon as the two of us walked hand in hand into the hallway and Dr. Kim's door was securely shut, she sprung into action.

"You bitch!" She shrieked, not wasting another second as she leaped through the air and onto my body like a crouched tiger that was waiting for the right moment to attack. I felt the pressure of her weight against my chest and the sting of her nails scraping against my cheek, and before I knew it I was stumbling down, down onto the ground with another vicious blow to my jaw that was accompanied by her fist.

It all happened within a matter of seconds, but it wasn't long until I heard Yoongi yell Sara! and then her weight vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

All I could do was stare with wide eyes as Yoongi slammed her shoulders back against the wall, though it was the look in his eyes that caught my attention. I had seen that expression before.

He was about to throw a punch.

"Yoongi, stop!" I cried, summoning all the strength I possessed to push myself to my feet and stumble over to the pair.

Yoongi whipped his head towards me with exasperated, almost wild eyes and his brows knitted in confusion and disbelief. "Y/N, she attacked you!"

"She isn't worth it," I spoke firmly in an attempt to get through to him. "Yoongi, just let it go. She isn't worth the trouble anymore."

It was when I placed a soothing hand against his back that Yoongi finally sighed, his stance visibly relaxing and his hands dropping from Professor Lee's shoulders. "She's right," he spit in a low, venomous tone as he turned back to her and grit his teeth. "Thanks to Dr. Kim, you already got what you deserve."

"Yoongi," there were sudden sobs that were tearing through the hallway, and it took me a moment to realize that Professor Lee was now... crying.

"Yoongi," she continued as she clung onto his shoulders. "Yoongi, I loved you!"

Somewhere deep inside of me, past all the burning hatred for what this woman has done to my life out of pure jealousy, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for her. This was once me, heartbroken over the effects of unrequited love. Yoongi was a very sought-after man, I'd come to realize, and it wasn't about my feelings or Professor Lee's or anyone else's. It was about his.

"Sara," Yoongi sighed, and there was almost a wince in his tone from how hard he was trying to make her understand. "It's over."

"W–what?" The woman was scrambling now. "It doesn't have to be! We can go back to the way things were–"

"There never was a ‘we’!" He ripped her hands from his shoulders. "We were friends, and then you sabotaged my career and Y/N's education. You never once spoke out about your feelings, came forward, handled things like adults," he stressed the last line. "You never once did any of those things! Instead you belittled another woman and cost yourself your job all for a man—someone who until now, was your friend." Yoongi sighed again and shook his head. "I hope you get the help you need, Sara. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally... but that person is not me."

And with that, he put a gentle hand on my back and we walked away.

“Oh my god.”

Those were the first words out of my mouth the second we exited the building, my hands resting on my head in disbelief as I turned to Yoongi. “Holy shit, Yoongi–“

“Shhh,” he instantly consoled me, his arms engulfing me in a comforting hug and my face tucking underneath his chin as he held me close. “We did it, Y/N. It’s all over.”

I stayed in his embrace for a few moments as his words sunk in. It was all over. No more secrets, no more Professor Lee—no more anything.

“B–but your job...” I pulled away to look up at him with a shaky tone, my brows furrowed in concern. “Dr. Kim fired you, he–“

“I resigned, Y/N. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” I couldn’t help but look up at him with a hopeless expression.

Yoongi simply nodded his head, the picture of nonchalance as if his career hadn’t just changed forever. “Yes. If I had gotten fired, it would look terrible on my resumé should I apply for another teaching position. However, given the circumstances of our arrangement...” he paused, no doubt thinking of Professor Lee, “I suppose he decided to take it easy on us all.”

My shoulders deflated in relief. “Well thank god for that...” I sighed, not even wanting to think of what could’ve happened if Dr. Kim had given us the harshest punishment. In an ironic, twisted way, I suppose I have Professor Lee to thank for that. If she wouldn’t have made my life a living hell, it would’ve been that much worse if Dr. Kim ever found out on his own.

“But none of that even matters to me right now,” Yoongi suddenly snapped, and then in the time it took me to raise an questioning eyebrow he had already grabbed both sides of my face and rammed his lips into mine, the same as he did before we went inside to confront Professor Lee.

Only this time, the kiss was different. It didn’t hold promises and potential; it held freedom. It held the success of finally getting through everything by the skin of our teeth, the relief and the pride and the pure love that we have for each other after overcoming everything that we’ve been through together. I kissed him and I didn’t care who saw—because he wasn’t my professor anymore. There were no invisible chains that bounded us apart. It was just me and him sticking together against all odds. Never in my life did I think I would ever be a part of a relationship so committed, so passionate, so determined. He and I would never stop fighting for each other.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” I murmured against his mouth with a grin on my features that was hard to disguise—especially when I felt the corners of his lips pull up into that gummy smile that I adored with all of my heart.

“God, I love you too, Y/N,” he replied back with a content sigh, and then he continued to kiss me on the busy campus sidewalk until we were both breathless and blue in the face.

Because we now had nothing to lose.

Despite finally being released from the clutches that school had on us, the days following the meeting with Dr. Kim were not easy.

Other than having to put on a fake smile and continue attending a university where practically everyone knew about my relationship with now-former Professor Min (my mother would never let me drop out—not that I could ever tell her the reason I'd want to, anyways), there were the stresses that Yoongi was dealing with of now being unemployed. And what with all but abandoning my dorm room to instead spend my nights with him at his apartment, it was impossible to not feel the weight of his problems on my shoulders as well. No matter how many times Yoongi tried to put up a façade and reassure me that he was okay, I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault.

"If I just never would've made you dance with me at that club..." I'd say at times, unable to keep from tracing back each and every one of our interactions and blaming myself.

"Cut that out," Yoongi would snap.

"What? It's true!"

"You know I don't like it when you talk like that!" He'd turn to me with a stern tone. "I don't regret anything that happened between us, okay? Not one single bit." There was a heavy silence as his words would hang in the air. "If you wouldn't have asked me to dance, then who knows if I ever would've worked up the courage to kiss you? And I wouldn't be here, sharing this bed with the love of my life."

"Aw, Yoongi..."

And the two of us would make love, again and again until we'd have a similar argument some time later and repeat the whole process all over again. I'd feel guilty, Yoongi would remind me of exactly how much he doesn't regret meeting me, and we'd get lost in each other's embrace.

That is, until a simple Sunday morning suddenly changed everything.

"I got it."

I casually peered over at the sound of him from my spot in the living room, sitting criss crossed on the couch in my pajamas with a laptop in my lap. "What?"

"The job." Yoongi's voice was low, serious as he stared at the paper in his hands that had previously been so carelessly disregarded on the kitchen island along with the Sunday paper. "At the university in Seoul."

"Wait." He had all of my attention now as I sat the laptop on the coffee table and rose to my feet. "Like the Seoul National University university?"

"Yeah," he let out a single chuckle of disbelief before he pressed the paper against the counter and turned to me. "I got the job."

"Oh my god, Yoongi!" I exclaimed with my own chuckle of disbelief before running forward and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms immediately engulfed my waist and lifted me off the ground as we spun around in place, my lips instantly finding his in a searing kiss that was full of passion and excitement to match our current mood. "That's amazing!"

"I know," he replied as he placed me down. A tentative smile was frozen on his lips as he stared off into the distance before letting out another sound of disbelief, his head shaking before his palm slid down his face. "I can't believe it!"

"I'm so proud of you!" I mirrored the grin of pure elation on his features, my chest swelling with joy and relief and most of all, pride.

I was so, so proud of Yoongi. I knew how much his job meant to him, and the feeling of guilt that weighed down on me from knowing that I was the one who inadvertently took that away from him, that I was the one who inadvertently caused all this stress of job hunting was instantly lifted off my shoulders. I knew how much he wanted this. I knew how hard he had worked to get this job at such a prestigious school, and god damn it, I knew how much he deserved it. If Yoongi was anything, apart from being an amazing person and a wonderful lover, he was great at his job. He was a natural born teacher.

Though no matter how many times I've willingly showered him with endless compliments about his work, he'd blush sheepishly and simply swat away all of my words with a simple kiss, or an "if you don't shut up your food is going to get cold. We're unemployed now; we need all the nutrition we can get. Haven't you ever heard of the Great Depression?"

So instead, I just chose to beam at him while he basked in the euphoria of the moment that this job acceptance brought on. After all, I knew he was well aware of how proud of him I was and how supportive I'd always be when it came to anything he wanted to accomplish.

Though the bliss was short lived.

I watched as Yoongi's expression slowly fell, the smile on his face slipping into a deep frown and his eyes turning to stone. "No."

"What?" I furrowed my brows, concern filling me and etching onto my features as I cupped his cheek in my hand, trying to figure out why his mood had changed so suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not taking it." His tone was cold, definitive, as if the subject wasn't even up for debate as he grabbed the letter.

"Wait wait wait," I hurried to stop him from tearing it in half. "What are you talking about? Why not?"

He turned to look at me with cold, incredulous eyes, as if he couldn't believe I was even asking a question so stupid. "The university is in Seoul, Y/N."

"Okay...?" I shook my head in confusion, still not understanding what the issue was. "And?"

"I'd have to move." He was taking the paper back out of my hands and ripping it right down the middle before I got the chance to stop him.

I suddenly deflated, the severity of his words dropping in my stomach and wrapping around the anchor of my heart, sending it down, down, down through the floor of his apartment and hurdling towards the center of the earth.

"...What?"

"I'd have to move away from you."

And there is was, the bomb detonating an explosion and demolishing whatever was left of my heart.

"No... t–there has to be another way, there has to–"

"Seoul is hours away from here, Y/N," Yoongi barked out, his tone angry and harsh as it always was when he was upset. "It's on the other side of the country; there's no way I'd be able to commute without living there."

"Okay, so why did you apply then?" I couldn't help but snap back defensively. "You knew the distance to Seoul prior to applying for the job. Why even bother if you're just going to get pissed about not taking it?!"

"Because I didn't think I'd get accepted!" His voice was loud, almost yelling now. "It's the most sought after, prestigious school in the fucking country and I didn't think some young idiot who got fired from his last job would be able to get in!"

It was silent as his words settled over the atmosphere, clinging to the air that filled the room around us and encasing my lungs until it was impossible to breathe.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I finally hissed. "You're a great teacher, and you know it. If anyone's a young idiot here, it's me!"

Yoongi scoffed with a shake of his head. "I'm the one who kissed you again during that tutoring session after telling you to stay away. I'm the one who fucked you against that desk." His tone was low now, and his eyes seemed to grow harder in realization with each step that he took towards me. "I'm the one who asked to take you out on that fucking date and I'm the one who pulled you onto my lap when Sara caught us in my classroom! God damn it, I'm the one who tracked you down at a fucking frat party and punched one of my students!"

His voice slowly raised until he was yelling again, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was now standing chest to chest and cornering me up against the countertop of the island, I would've winced at the loud volume so close to my ears.

"Stop blaming yourself, Y/N, when I'm the one who was the authority figure. I'm the one who should've had my shit together, but I just couldn't around you!"

I felt myself soften at that. As angry and intimidating as he seemed right now, surely frightening whoever would come into contact with him when he was like this, I knew that it was all a front. Yoongi wasn't the best at dealing with emotional situations—he'd all but bite my head off any time I even tried to mention his father—and sometimes lashed out in anger when he was upset or hurting inside. I knew how badly he wanted this job; I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he'd first submitted the application. And now, when the career position of his dreams was finally right under his nose, he couldn't have it. Because I was holding him back.

"You have to take it." My voice was solemn and steady as I stared him in the eyes.

He instantly frowned. "What? No, I–"

"Yoongi."

He fell silent, all signs of anger and malice wiped from his features once he saw just how serious I was being. A soft, bittersweet smile that had nothing to do with happiness slowly tugged at my lips as my eyes gleamed with pain. My heart was breaking with every word I was speaking, but I knew it was something I needed to do.

"You have to take the job."

The silence that ensued my words only further proved my point, simultaneously stabbing a knife into my chest with each passing second. He knew I was right. He knew it. He just didn't want to hear it.

"You don't..." He sounded smaller, more pitiful and confused as he tried to make sense of what I was saying. "You don't want me to stay?"

The hurt, the sadness, the utter hopelessness in his voice absolutely crushed me. I couldn't help but fall into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his chest and squeezing tightly as if I could somehow hold the pieces of him together that I knew were breaking. The severity of what was happening, of what I was doing started to settle within me the moment I heard his voice break.

"I do, baby," I replied, the sound muffled by the skin of his neck that my face was buried in as a sob threatened to claw its way out of my throat and swallow me whole. "God, you know I do. But you can't."

"Y–you can come with me." He was shaking his head now, his hands gripping at the shirt on my back with closed fists while he desperately tried to hold onto me, as if I would disappear beneath him at any moment. "We can move together to Seoul and you can–"

"You know I can't, Yoongi." It was my turn to shake my head, and with it came a heavy tear that fell down my cheek. "I have to go to school. I have a family who's helping pay for my tuition, and my mom— you know it's not all up to me."

I heard him sniffle as he pulled away, and even though I felt no evidence of tears from him against my skin or my shirt, his eyes were bright red when he stared back at me.

"I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

The sheer determination in his voice had me shattering like broken glass. "I'm not letting you do this, Yoongi. I'm not letting you waste this opportunity. Do you know how many people are waiting to work at Seoul University? How many professors would kill to be in your position?" I kept my gaze steadily on his as I slowly shook my head. "I care about you... so fucking much. I've never loved someone so much before... not like this." I paused, asking myself one last time if this was really the decision I wanted to make as my words settled in. I took in the sight of his beautiful, breathtaking features silently begging me not to do this. "I'm putting you above my selfishness," I finally decided with another shake of my head. "You need to do this Yoongi, for you. You know you do."

Yoongi slowly shook his head, though the expression on his face told me he knew I was right. "I don't want to lose you," he spoke as a tear spilled over the brim of his eye, dampening his lashes and leaving a wet streak in its wake as it rolled down his cheek, and the sight was the final breaking point that had me bursting into tears.

"Neither do I."

His fingers dug into my skin as he tightened his grip on my body, his forehead leaning against mine as the only sounds exchanged between the two of us were the unspoken words of labored breaths and soft sobs.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to do what's best for them.

And I knew this was what's best for Yoongi.

#yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #yoongi smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #lmao why am i so impulsive #i decided i was gonna post this all of ten minutes ago and here we are #anyways this will help my peace of mind to know that at least SOMETHING is out there #some sort of closure to the series #not everything i had planned but #it'll do for now #i hope u guys can forgive me for whatever tf this is fjshgdkfd

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allthingskenobi · 4 years ago

Text

Obi-Wan in Exile – Vader

(Originally published on AllThingsKenobi.com December 13, 2020)

Welcome to the first in a series of looks into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s time in exile on Tatooine between Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. We’ve tried to mine as much Legends and canon material as possible to help guide you through some of the period’s most common and repetitive themes so that when the new Obi-Wan Kenobi series airs, you’ll be ready.

Not everything he ever did in the entire 19 years will be explored here, but as we said, we’ve tried our best to pick out the most prominent and impactful moments to give everyone a better understanding of exactly what one hermit had to endure out there all alone in the sandy deserts of Tatooine.

While Vader himself was not a common reoccurrence throughout Obi-Wan’s exile, the threat of him certainly was…well until now that is. As Vader so often does, he’s recently made his way back to the forefront of the story and will seemingly loom very large over the upcoming series, thus moving us to start with exactly what that might mean for Obi-Wan and how it might work with the canon boundaries we currently have. Yes, we understand that canon can change and probably will, but we do love a challenge.

“Vader,” Obi-Wan muttered. “Vader’s alive.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Let’s start at the beginning. We have one instance in Legends where we see Obi-Wan learn that Vader survived Mustafar and it comes mere months after his exile on Tatooine begins. He first hears the name “Vader” mentioned again on the HoloNet during one of his trips into Mos Eisley and nearly faints before panicking to find a way to take Luke and run. (1) This early recognition seems to be reconfirmed in later canon as one of Ben’s greatest fears in the third year of his exile continued to be “sand crunching beneath heavy black boots, a dark cape billowing in the desert squall, the mechanical wheeze of a respirator.” (2) So will we see Obi-Wan only just learning of Vader’s fate in the tenth year of his exile? I’d say that’s highly doubtful unless the show provides a flashback for us—which we will gladly accept.

“Instead, Padmé was dead and Obi-Wan was running for his life, as stripped of everything as Vader was. Without friends, family, purpose…”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

At the same time, Vader was also very convinced that Obi-Wan was still alive and would remain so despite his greatest efforts. Because if there was one thing Vader was good at it, it was holding a grudge like he held a lightsaber, and he would expend quite a bit of energy over the 19 years between episodes III and IV searching for his old Master. (Just ask anyone he comes across in the comics.) Oh, and let’s not forget that it’s also Vader who would later inform a disbelieving Tarkin, in no uncertain terms, that Obi-Wan was still alive and on the Death Star. (3)

“No, I can’t [leave],” Ben said, firmly. “I must be here.”

KENOBI BY JOHN JACKSON MILLER L

“The core of Anakin that resides in Vader grasps that Tatooine is the source of nearly everything that causes him pain. Vader will never set foot on Tatooine, if only out of fear of reawakening Anakin.”

DARK LORD: THE RISE OF DARTH VADER BY JAMES LUCENO L

Now that we’ve established that they both knew of each other’s survival, it begs the question as to why their paths never actually crossed in 19 years. Personally, I think it’s fairly simple: Obi-Wan would never leave Tatooine and Vader would never go anywhere near it. We will discuss Obi-Wan not leaving Tatooine more in-depth at a later time (and yes, we know what Ewan said about having a ‘rollicking time’), but Vader would canonically never visit his home planet until well after Obi-Wan and Luke were both gone. (4)(5) And by then it was much too late.

That brings us to the most recent ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ news and how that fits in with what Legends and canon have told us so far. We received a lot of exciting and thought-provoking announcements in a short amount of time, and frankly, our minds haven’t stopped spinning since. Could the show undo what we currently assume to be true? Yes. Could the show work within those same parameters? Also, yes. Do I personally have any idea what’s going to happen? No. DO I THINK THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT? Y E S. The goal of this exercise is to simply try and reconcile the new details to the existing Star Wars lore because I think that’s what makes it interesting. So you can take it or leave it. The choice is yours. (Until it isn’t because the show has aired and this is all pointless.)

HERE WE GO.

“[Deborah] Chow confirmed that audiences will “definitely see Obi-Wan and Darth Vader get into it again” as we see the blue blade of a hooded Obi-Wan clash with the fiery red blade of Darth Vader.”

“McGregor knows the battle will be eagerly anticipated, and he’s looking forward to performing it just as much: “Having another swing at each other might be quite satisfying for everybody. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we’re going to enjoy making it.””

DEBORAH CHOW AND EWAN MCGREGOR DURING THE DISNEY INVESTOR’S REEL

Not only was the “Hayden Christensen returning as Darth Vader” bombshell dropped in our laps, but we were also fed the above morsels (not once but thrice) and told to digest them. Our first reaction was a hearty and well-deserved cry of rejoicing until the realization of what this could all mean set in and it turned into a hearty and well-deserved sob.

There’s hardly a way to be disappointed in the fact that we will see Ewan and Hayden not only together again, but “getting into it” as well, but we do have to wonder what this means for the moment where Obi-Wan and Vader face each other again on the Death Star. The moment is not only pivotal to Episode IV, but I would argue, the entire saga. And it’s made even more impactful by the fact that the two men have not physically confronted each other since their fateful battle on Mustafar.

What we do know, and that which should not change, is that Vader never knew where Obi-Wan was hiding nor that he had Luke, his son, with him. That tells me two things: whatever kind of “rematch” happens here does not endanger Luke’s safety in the long run nor is it probably something that would occur more than once. I think what we’re going to see happen is isolated and “unexpected,” occurring only once ten years into Obi-Wan’s exile.

You: But, All Things Kenobi, if they could never physically meet on Tatooine or elsewhere, then what does this all mean??

Us: Do we look like Deborah Chow or Ewan McGregor? Do we have all the answers for you? NO! But can we try to help ease your mind until the show airs and I’m proven all sorts of wrong?? YES! SO PUT ON THAT TINFOIL HAT AND LET’S DO THIS!!

“I sense something. A presence I’ve not felt since…”

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE C

“Obi-Wan once thought as you do.”

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI C

Instantly our minds turned to these two particular comments from Vader in Episodes IV and VI. They’ve always stood out as peculiar, demanding explanation, but even more so now. The first is a vague, open-ended statement that leaves us to assume they hadn’t met again since they parted on the slopes of Mustafar. The second is a seemingly wistful reminiscence of a memory Vader has of his old master.

Luke had just finished making a heartfelt plea for Anakin to remember his “true self” then says, “come with me.” Where did Obi-Wan make the same appeal to only be shunned by Vader as well? Is it possible the series will show us this after all these years and possibly solve the riddle of both enigmatic statements at once? Is it possible that any such conversation might quickly devolve into another lightsaber-fueled clash??

“Count Dooku was Yoda’s apprentice.”

“And Count Dooku has fallen to the dark side.”

“All of us have apprenticed to Master Yoda.”

“He cannot be held accountable for Dooku’s descent.”

“But they are connected. Profoundly.”

THE CLONE WARS 6×11 “VOICES” C

A distinct bond exists between each Padawan and Master and unfortunately that bond does not disappear when one or the other becomes a Sith Lord. Despite the bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin being firmly closed at both ends, there’s no doubt that a presence remains. And even the most sturdy walls might crack from time to time.

Even after 19 years apart, Vader is quick to recognize when Obi-Wan is nearby and goes so far as to know his intent. “Escape is not his plan. I must face him alone.” And he’s right. (3) As for Obi-Wan, the Force has plagued him with dreams and visions, even showing him “a limbless wreck hanging in a bacta tank, necrotic skin pallid and scarred.” (2)

Could their strong connection be the vehicle that allows Obi-Wan and Anakin to confront each other once more? Within the Force they could not only converse, but we could also see them “take another swing” at each other without any physical consequences no matter who “wins.” The mental toll would also make for great drama for both men and bring a new perspective and emotional weight to several scenes in the Original Trilogy.

“If you loved me, Obi-Wan, you would have killed me.”

STAR WARS: DARTH VADER 24 BY KIERON GILLEN C

Finally, it’s quite possible that Obi-Wan might not physically be involved at all in their “rematch” and it might be entirely from Vader’s perspective. One theory could be as simple as the fact that Vader once had a training droid whose deadliest combat setting took the form of his former master. (Oh, Anakin.) (6) Another theory, and a much more likely one, could be that Vader has a Force vision or dream that allows him to recreate and relive various moments between himself and Obi-Wan, including, but not limited to, another lightsaber battle. This would be interesting to witness as every time it occurs, it means that Vader is wrestling with Anakin.

Although the Obi-Wan that continues to exist in Anakin’s psyche doesn’t seem too different from the real thing, just imagine Ewan McGregor getting to play Obi-Wan from Anakin’s point of view…I’ll just drop my mic there.

Star Wars: Darth Vader 24 by Kieron Gillen (2016) C

Star Wars: Darth Vader 5 by Charles Soule (2017) C

Citations:

(1) Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader by James Luceno L

(2) “Time of Death” – From A Certain Point of View by Cavan Scott C

(3) Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope C

(4) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2016 by Kieron Gillen C

(5) Star Wars: Darth Vader 2020 by Greg Pak C

(6) Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (2008) by Haden Blackman L

#Obi-Wan in Exile #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Kenobi Series #Anakin Skywalker #Darth Vader #long post #text post #crossposted from wordpress #allthingskenobi

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chocoholicannanymous · 3 years ago

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If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) Pt XVII

This is the penultimate part. The last one is written and drafted - I did finish while on vacation. Expect it for next weekend.

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, pt VI, pt VII, pt VIII, pt IX, pt X, pt XI, pt XII, pt XIII, pt XIV, pt XV and pt XVI.

It's as everything happens in May. Kurt feels as if he should be used to it by now, but this year is worse than any before. It's understandable, he guesses, what with it being his senior year, but understanding doesn't help. Some of the squares on his wall calendar has so many things on them they're barely legible, and there are days when he wants to just quit it all.

He can always work in his dad's garage for the rest of his life. Surely that's not the worst thing ever?

The only reason he's not a complete wreck when Nationals comes is the Warblers meeting held right after Regionals where David had used logic (how dare he) and suggested their approach to Nationals.

Kurt's first, immediate reaction is “we're never going to win with that” which he also says out loud, only to be met by “so what”.

“I don't say this lightly. I've been a Warbler for four years. It's been amazing to be surrounded by all of these talented people, and make music just because we like it, and that's why I've kept it up even with all the hints I've gotten that my 'future career' would be better served by me spending that time on learning another language or studying harder. After all, what use is singing and dancing for a lawyer?”

There's a bitterness in David's voice, and it's echoed in a number of murmurs around the room.

“This is the one thing I do for fun, that I do just for me, and some days the only thing that makes slogging through my mountain of homework bearable is knowing that once I'm done I can go enjoy Warblers. This year's group hold more talent of all my years here, which is why it hurts to say that I don't think we can win, no matter what setlist we go on with. We're simply not the kind of group that wins a contest like this.”

Which, probably true. The Warblers are good, yes, but they're an all boys a capella group performing in uniforms. They don't have the productions that teams who wins Nationals do. Doesn't mean that it hurts just as much to hear as it hurts to say.

“The truth is – and I'm sorry, I know we don't talk about him, but I have to – the truth is that we didn't even compete before Blaine.”

Kurt expects it to sting to hear his name. It does, but not much. He's moving past that.

“Blaine walked in here and wanted to compete so badly. He spent his first semester here trying to talk us into trying, even with all the reasons we had for not going so, and he got his way. That doesn't change the fact that this is only our second year competing, and we've surpassed all expectations by making it to Nationals. To do so again and win, or even place in the top... I don't think we can do that, not even with all the talent in this room.”

No one likes hearing that, but no one's disagreeing either. They aren't going to win. That's just how it is.

“So why not do that we like? Why don't we pick songs we like and that showcases our strengths? Why don't we sing a song that will make you happy, Kurt? And if it knocks us down in the ranking to do so, who cares? I don't.”

To hear someone say that Kurt's happiness should matter more than placement – to hear David say it, after everything the year before – causes tears to well up in his eyes. To hear every single Warbler agree make those tears fall.

They'd walked out of that meeting stronger than they'd gone in, and Kurt lets himself gather strength from that memory for a few seconds before he steps forward and lets his voice soar.

“Something has changed within me, something is not the same / I'm through with playing by the rules, of someone else's game”

They finish eleventh. It's better than they'd dared to hope, with all the absolutely excellent teams competing. It the joy is tinged with a little bitterness? Who can blame them? Maybe, more than one of them wonders, a more conventional setlist could have placed them among the top ten. At the same time they're all aware that maybe it would have have placed them dead last. There's no way of telling, and no use speculating.

They did their best, enjoyed their performance and finished eleventh at Nationals. That's nothing to look down on. In fact...

“We did better than New Directions last year” Kurt says with a smirk.

They've beaten his old team, his so-called friends, in every way possible and he allows himself to see that as a win.

Finn posts video of all their songs on his Facebook and is proud (and smug) enough to also post the “Defying Gravity” performance in the Glee group with a comment about how Kurt obviously could hit that note, tagging both Rachel and Mr Schue. It's petty, and Kurt should be big enough of a person to ask Finn to remove it, but no. If his brother wants to stand up for him Kurt isn't just going to let him, he's going to be grateful.

Feeling loved and protected is not something he's ever going to scoff at.

Nationals is followed by finals, the less said about the better, and then prom. Or well, “the Dalton Academy and Crawford County Day Joint Spring Formal”. Same thing right?

Wrong.

The spring formal is every thing junior prom wasn't. It's not really the fact that Sebastian asks Kurt properly to be his date for the formal, and compliments his outfit. It's not that even without decorations Dalton's auditorium is more grand than McKinley's gym. It's not even the grand dinner with lit candles, waiters and three courses before the dance or that there's a band that plays waltzes and foxtrot for the first two hours before the DJ is allowed to take over.

It's that even before they've entered the transformed dining hall Kurt spots half a dozen same-sex couples, a number that keeps going up during the evening. It's the fact that he gets to dance the whole evening, not in a group or with a girl, but with Sebastian and the occasional Warbler. Mostly it's Sebastian's arms he's in, and it's amazing.

It's so far from his junior prom and Blaine that it almost hurts.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No. Everything is... This year everything is perfect.”

Sebastian doesn't look entirely convinced, but decides to drop it and instead lean closer for a kiss.

The evening really is perfect.

The morning of his birthday Kurt walks into the dining hall alone only to be met with a table full of Warblers that stand up and sing for him as soon as he clears the door. There's one place left at the table, next to Sebastian, set with the kind of breakfast not even Dalton serves (fresh croissant, strawberries, a piece of brie and a one-person pot of tea) with a rainbow rose in a vase. Kurt sits down with a smile and leans over to kiss his boyfriend's cheek.

“So, rainbow roses are going to be our thing, is it? I love it.”

He spends the day with a smile on his lips, because his boyfriend took the time to do something special for him on his birthday and his friends have promised cake in the Warblers' room after dinner, and he feels loved.

“Cake” turns out to be cheesecake and presents, and more singing, and so much more smiling. Afterwards Sebastian walks him back to his room. There's no kissing though, which Kurt finds unacceptable.

“Isn't there some kind of rule that you get kisses on your birthday? I would have thought that was a part of the boyfriend experience, and to be honest I'm feeling very much unkissed.”

That nets him a crooked smile, but still no kisses. It's almost enough to worry him.

“You can have all the kisses you want, and not just on your birthday, you know that babe. However, there's something else I wanted you to have first.”

Sebastian pulls out a small package from him pocket and hands it over with a smile, which begins to fade when Kurt doesn't immediately take it. It's just, well.

“Another present? You shouldn't have.”

“Another? What do you mean?”

The truth is that Kurt fully expected breakfast and a rose to be the whole of Sebastian's congratulations, and he doesn't quite know how to take getting more than that. He doesn't really know how to explain it though, and definitely not in a way that won't start Sebastian on another rant about how Blaine was unworthy of Kurt's affection. Especially since it's not just about him.

Turns out he doesn't need to say anything – and apparently he's getting yet another present in the form of the absence of that rant.

“Breakfast was a treat. This is your actual present, which I hope you'll like at least as much as that.”

Sebastian looks a little worried as Kurt removes the paper and opens the small box inside (and if he's a little shaky to open a jewelry box from his boyfriend no one needs to know). It's a pair of gorgeous cufflinks with just the right balance between classy and unique and he absolutely loves them.

“These are amazing! They're too much, really, but they're so gorgeous that I'm going to pretend they're not. I love them!” I love you. But that's a bit too early to say, and so instead he leans forward and does his absolute best to communicate exactly that through kissing.

#chocoholic fics #kurt fic #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe #kurtbastian #itshtf

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yourclownpal · 4 years ago

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A comprehensive list of all my Ghost au's

this post will be talking about all of the ghost au's ive created or co-created including talking about ghost au's from old fandom's that i am no longer in. if you want to ask about any of my au's my ask box and dm's are always open this includes the hermitcraft au but keep it to a minimum please also if any of the creator's of the characters have said that they arent comfortable with what im making ( with proof ofc) i will edit or delete what is needed to fit in the boundaries also another thing this is a long post if you just want the art go under the cut! this post will discuss how each au works and basic plot stuff about them the fandoms in this post are hermitcraft, epithet erased, and dsmp okay first things first-

my hermitcraft au (what a pity)-

On my old tumblr account I made a few posts about it along with a fanfic which never got finished due to me not wanting to interact with the fandom any more due to personal reasons and also I'm not very good at writing imo but I think I'm ready to talk about it again. Just keep in mind i will most likely not talk about this fandom ever again at least not on here again for personal preference : -) it was about season 6 Grian since he was who i was hyperfixating on at the time, being haunted by the ghosts of Sam and Taurtis, both of them from the old roleplay series' Yandere High School, and Tokyo Soul, and taurtis from Grians old-ish smp Evo. Since I never finished the fanfiction nobody but me and close friends ever got to hear the full story i had planned but now you will i guess. It was mainly just grian stressing about Sam and Taurtis being ghosts and him worrying about being crazy, though he would still join the hippies during the area 77 war he would be significantly more stressed especially when finding out that Sam and Taurtis have been possessing his body during the night, he’s more worried about Sam though because of his track record back in the other servers( yhs and ts) it was going to be that Sam (although death isn't permanent) would go on a killing spree in Grians body which would cause the area 77 guys to put him in the facility to see what's going on with him, and it didn't get further then that. My favorite part of this au much like all of my au’s were the design elements i had for it which i'll have under the cut with the other designs. Now for a rundown of how the ghost physics work in this world, in typical ghost fashion Sam and Taurtis were not able to touch or move anything, but they were able to interact with Grian, him being the only person who could see/hear/or touch them. Their only super natural abilities is being able to possess Grian.

Okay! Time for my Epithet Erased au!: Unlike what a pity this one doesn't have a name or a fanfic to go with it as said before i'm not exactly a writer but i have talked about it a bit before on this account along with posting the designs and general concept but i'll go more in depth here! As said in my original post this au was a co-creation with my best friend and sibling @brocolibean so go check bun out ^^ Unlike ‘What a Pity’ it was more lighthearted and comedy centric because it dealt with a bit more and also the original show is a comedy. This au didn't include the character’s epithets so they are all humans. This will also include talking about house each ghost died so if your uncomfortable hearing about that you might want to skip the ghosts portion Just like the original post I'll separate the story summary into 3 parts with intervals in between to talk about the ghosts. First we have the Banzai boys part of the story. Giovanni, Spike, Dark Star, Crusher, Flame Thrower, Car Crash, and Ben all decide to move into a house together so they could all easily split the rent since its close to their collage, the house, which they get for cheap, is aa very old house with sketchy history. But it's a huge house for cheap so they don't complain they encounter the ghosts very early on living in the house and they swear to figure out how they died so they can get their memory back! The ghosts, Molly, Sylvie, Trixie, and Pheonica have no memory! All they know is that there are ghosts! They are connected to the property of this house but if you where to get something- like perhaps a stone from the property the ghost is still technically attached to it therefore the ghost can go with you anywhere Speaking of- -Phoenicia Fleecity is one of the last ghosts to show herself, her body is found in the overgrown garden flowers growing over her skeleton, she is from the victorian era making her the oldest out of the ghosts though he death is the most mysterious -Molly Blindeff is the first ghost the group meets her decomposed body is found buried in the floorboards of the living room, found when gio decided that the house needed renovation and taking matters into his own hands, she died via blunt force trauma i will not be going into detail here because i'm still thinking of doing something with this au she died in the early 2000’s -Sylvester Ashling is the second ghost to show himself though he didn't want to, his body was found in the bottom of the pond in the backyard of the house in the garden. His body while it was decomposing and falling apart was still intact, bloated from drowning. Again i wont go into detail but this wasn't an accident time of death is unknown -Trixie Roughhouse is the third person to show themselves to the Banzai Blasters she is found in the bushes in the backyard her face disfigured from some sort of explosion unlike the others it seems like it was purely an accident, like sylvie their time of death is unknown Mera Salamin is the collages part time librarian nicknamed “the library witch” she started seeing her ghost after obtaining a neck bow with a blue pendant from a pawnshop she got it cause it was pretty and didn't expect a himbo to come along with it -Indus Tarbella is a ghost who is attached to the pendant and bow Mera wear it used to be his own until he was decapitated wearing it through he was properly buried he has no troublesome memories about what happened even after seeing his body he’s just happy to be with Mera Percival King is a security guard at the college and one of the best at that, she wields a story she got from a pawn shop as its her preferred weapon she takes her job very seriously -Ramsey and Zora both died by the same sword while fighting neither remember who wielded the sword, even after death they hate each other and hate being bound together even more Everyone ends up meeting and finding out they all have ghost hijinks ensue. The way ghosts work in this world is a bit strange I'll admit but it's one of my favorites. The ghosts can interact with the human world(menma style) but

they can only talk to the others who can see them (the Banzai Blasters, mera and percy) and the ghosts can interact with each other ghosts in this au attach themselves to an item or property that has someway to do with their death, the kids in the property, Indus it's the bow, and the sword duo is well, the sword Percy carries. As alluded to from before Gio and the rest of the boys end up carrying a bit of the property with them in the form of friendship bracelets four for each of them which makes 28 different bracelets so the kids can decide who to follow around for the day.i talked about how percy and Mera’s items work enough but i would like to mention that Indus does most of the heavy lifting around the library but becaus enoone else can see indus they assume she’s magical, the glowing pendant doesn't help.

The last two au’s i want to talk about are both dream smp au’s

though i've never talked about them online until now, again thanks to @brocolibean for letting me brain vomit my way through these au’s and helping me out with things i love them please check him out I'll be honest i'm so scared of this fandom so i'm afraid to talk about my au’s please be nice to me Also this is all roleplay and fiction!<3 The first one i'll talking about is the dsmp ghost hunters au Sam runs a company where groups of people hunt ghosts for money! Those groups being Phil, Technoblade, Wilbur,Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo Dream, George, Sapnap, Quackity, Karl Bad, ant, Skeppy, and Puffy There’s most likely more but there the only people i can think of at this moment The only canonical ghost being Schlatt This au doesn't have a proper story perse it's more about gags and stuff about the different character fighting over ghosts for money but the story stuff i do have- Sbi family dynamic is real here you can rejoice, Phil adopts Tubbo after his dad (Schlatt) kicks the bucket and fucking dies , Tubbo befriend’s Ranboo some mysterious teen who just desperately needs a job so he- and the rest of the Minecraft family help him get one- though they find out Ranboo isnt as human as he was made out to be and he finds out he’s this worlds version of angels called ender’s and he’s there to protect Tubbo and Tommy which explains why the more violent ghosts start being less violent at the arrival of Ranboo joining their team. Bad isn't human either being a demon his entire group know’s plus quackity. Quackity found out but squirting him with holy water through a water gun but don't worry he promised not to tell anyone; -) Bad and Ranboo know about each other because they see each other as their true forms The minecraft fam found out about Schlatt being a ghost through Tommy- despite Tubbo telling him not to- telling them from calling up and paying for them to investigate their own house saying “technically i didn't tell them” they ended up not getting rid of Schlatt though I'm not going to talk about how the ghosts here work because it's not super important to the plot

The second au is another ghost au where the main characters are ghosts themselves,

like the others its mainly lighthearted and comedic with dark attributes The plot surrounds the sbi family moving into a new house and Tommy finding out it's being haunted by two ghost’s. Those ghosts being Tubbo and Ranboo This au isn't fully figured out but I know that he found out he was haunted by sending a selfie to someone(possibly Drista and Purpled? Since there are only other minors who were part of the dsmp lore? But ultimately idk) and them being like “yo i didn't know you had friends” and him being like “?????” Tubbo died from a boiler exploding and Ranboo died from drowning (which are apparently my two favorite deaths) this also doesn't have an official story? It was just an excuse to make ghost designs with a bit of a story without the commitment As said before it's a sbi au but also a Dadschlatt au cuz I like Dadschlatt au’s. The main story bits i have are background stuff for Tubbo and Ranboo which ill elaborate now The house was originally meant to be just a summer home because it had a large lake in the backyard Ranboo’s family would go there often but that doesn't mean his family liked him very much because of his heterochromia, Vitiligo, and his height his family thought he was strayed from god and drowned him Tubbo died during sleep while Schlatt wasn't home either out drinking or just at work he came home to the house being partially blown up and his son nowhere to be seen he calls Puffy out of fear and she calls the cops. He moves away and most likely starts drinking a bit more. The house gets rebuilt and now the sbi live there hijinks ensue! The ghosts in this au work in a simpler manor only Tommy can see them unless a photo is taken but even then they are blurred, they can float and go through walls and their ability to touch things is limited Ranboo’s memory is worse then Tubbo’s but Tubbo’s isn’t much better.

below the cut will be designs and stuff be safe pal's- there will be minor/cartoony blood-

rip me exposing my old art on this account also i'm ripping these from my fucking amino account that i don't use but still have the password too

gonna do the original what a pity drawins first them ill show a more recent rendition because i hate the old drawings

these are the old drawins i hate them

then,,, i just drew them,,,,, fuck these guys/j

thses are the old sprite edits of these four! trixies design is the only one that really changed

the ded;-; i couldnt fit him on the page

there he is! ft indus and very much alive mera(who i cant figure out how to FUCKING DRAW-)

gay's get wilbur'd/j

they lookin for ghosts

the whole fmaily is here but its quality is shit

these bitches dead! good for them,,, good for them,,,,,,/j/rp

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reallifesultanas · 4 years ago

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Portrait of Murad IV / IV. Murad portréja

Birth and childhood

Murad was born in July 1612 as the second son and fifth child of Ahmed I and his favorite concubine, Mahpeyker Kösem. In addition to Ahmed's two sons from Kösem, Ahmed had another son, Prince Osman, the eldest child. Murad belonged to a generation of princes who, for the first time in history, did not have to fear the law of fratricide. According to a tradition enshrined in law by Mehmed II, sultans had to execute all of their brothers in order to maintain order. However, Sultan Ahmed did not do this when he left his brother, Mustafa, alive after his accession to the throne in 1603. Thus the sons of Ahmed were already born into a new world. It is a fact, however, that Ahmed was not sure of his decision for a long time, so he repeatedly attempted to execute Mustafa, but in the end, his conscience and Kösem Sultan convinced him, so Mustafa was saved.

Murad lived his early childhood in relative calmness, as his father was a popular sultan, his mother held the rank of Haseki Sultan, and she was a very influential and popular woman. However, all this changed in 1617. Sultan Ahmed died and a kind of inheritance chaos broke out in the empire. The people had enough of the fratricide but Ahmed had not left a legal decree about who should follow him on the throne: his younger brother, Mustafa, or his eldest son, Osman. Eventually, with the accession of Mustafa to the throne, the inheritance officially changed, the throne no longer passed from father to son but was taken over by the oldest male of the dynasty. So Murad and his siblings could survive, but they lived in solitary confinement in Topkapi Palace, while their mother Kösem Sultan along with her daughters moved to the Old Palace.

The following years were quite chaotic, Mustafa was soon dethroned because of his mental illness, and Murad’s half-brother, Osman, ascended the throne. Osman was a very unpopular, bad ruler who, although tried to maintain a fair relationship with Kösem Sultan in his early reign, he later in January 1621 executed Kösem's son so Murad's brother, Prince Mehmed. Murad and his younger brothers certainly lived in awe away from their mothers, their sisters, locked up, exposed to a tyrant ruler, and it cannot be ruled out that they witnessed the execution. Eventually, Osman's brutal murder brought relief to them. But it also gave Murad a lifelong lesson that not even a sultan can be safe.

Accession to the throne

The brutal execution of Osman was attributed to Halime Sultan and her son, Mustafa I, so that Sultan Mustafa was eventually dethroned again and his mother exiled to the Old Palace. Murad, just 11 years old, was the next in the line of inheritance. Given his age, the divan and ulema appointed his mother Kösem Sultan as a regent, until Murad himself became mature enough to rule. Although Murad could relief as he became the sultan, it was certainly not easy for him to start a new life after such a difficult childhood. It is also important to note that Murad was able to spend some time with his mother last time in 1617 at the age of five. He lived separated from his mother for six years between 1617 and 1623, this presumably caused serious difficulty for the two of them to re-establish a mother-son relationship.

Murad was a difficult child to handle. Several letters of Kösem Sultan have survived in which she complains to the Grand Vizier about how much Murad does not listen to her, and sometimes he even refuses to meet her for days. In addition to the long isolation, their similar personalities did not help to form a nice relationship much either. They were both leading individuals, with a very strong will, so they had a hard time getting along with each other. They argued many times, after which Kösem Sultan was the one who wanted to reconcile with Murad. After one of their big quarrels, for example, she gifted a horse to Murad, and at other times she organized a huge ceremony for him. In addition, Kösem has regularly expressed concern about Murad’s health, suggesting that perhaps Murad was already struggling with health problems at the time.

From the time of Ahmed's death, the empire gradually fell into anarchy. They lost several important areas and tried in vain to recapture them. Furthermore, Abaza Mehmed Pasha, who revolted after the execution of Osman II, refused to recognize Murad as his ruler and continued his rebellion. Nor did this rebellion was suppressed by the pashas sent against him. To exacerbate the situation, in 1625 a plague broke out in the capital, killing thousands of people. For the first time in the same year, Murad rebelled against his mother’s will. Kösem made a treaty with the Spaniards at the time, but Murad did not like that, so in the end, Kösem gave up.

Then in 1628, Murad became seriously ill, lying in bed for weeks. His exact illness was not revealed, some said his epilepsy started at this time, others said he had digestive problems. But good things also happened that year, Abaza Mehmed Pasha’s rebellion finished and they captured him. In the same year, Murad gave another signal that he soon wanted to take over the reign and openly confronted his mother when he dissolved his sister Fatma’s marriage to Admiral Çatalcalı Haşan Pasha, whom his mother had given special attention to. In addition, Murad was increasingly disturbed by the fact that his mother let corruption go on. Kösem Sultan herself also gave special attention to pashas she liked and this provoked resentment from many, especially her son, Murad. For example, Kösem gave a very important Janissary position to Hafiz Ahmed Pasha, the new husband of Murad's sister, Fatma. However, this was too much for the Sipahis and the Janissaries. In the end, it was the event that marked the beginning of Murad’s absolute monarchy.

The absolute monarch

In 1632, after the appointment of Hafiz Ahmed Pasha, a Sipahis and Janissary rebellion broke out, during which the rebels executed several loyal men of Sultan Murad, including his close friend Musa Çelebi. To make matters worse, the soldiers publicly demanded that Murad show them his younger brothers. By doing so, they wanted to signal to him that if they wanted to, they could replace him with one of his brothers; on the other hand, such unfounded rumors circulated that Murad and Kösem got rid of the princes. Murad was forced to show his younger brothers. Murad never forgot this and never forgave either the rebels or his brothers. In fact, Murad was immeasurably humiliated at that time, he lost his allies and close friends. No ruler could leave that unrevenged. However, Murad was thoughtful and intelligent enough not to take revenge immediately but only execute the chief rebels when his power was consolidated a few months later.

Either way, after the rebellion in May 1632, Murad took control and resigned his mother from the regent position. Kösem Sultan did not object, she stood aside, but she would have tried to help her son, show him the way. Murad did not appreciate this and did not listen to his mother's advice. Murad was compulsively trying to keep his mother away from politics, and it is clear from his actions that he was disturbed by his mother’s great influence. That is why, as soon as he took power under his own control, Murad sought to replace his mother's men, such as his own brother-in-law, Hafiz Ahmed Pasha, who had already been mentioned, so that he could begin his monopoly by withdrawing himself from his mother's influence.

Although Kösem and Murad's relationship was undoubtedly stigmatized by the 1632 uprising, it would be a mistake to think that Murad completely excluded his mother from his life. He always respected her as the leader of the harem and as his mother, and according to a report from 1632, he even asked for his mother's opinion on his private life. Namely, Knolles reported at this time that after the birth of Murad's seventh daughter, he wanted to marry (or rather gave the Haseki rank) to the child's mother to express his love for the woman, but before he did so, he asked for Kösem's opinion. It is an interesting question of who this woman was, for we know of the only privileged consort of Murad’s early reign was Haseki Ayşe Sultan, but we do not know exactly who her children were and when they were born.

Also, when Murad left the capital for a shorter period, he always left his mother as a supervisor, and Kösem Sultan always reported everything accurately to her son. When Kösem noticed a problem, she immediately signaled it to Murad with the most detailed description. A concrete example of the former occurred in 1634, when, in Murad's absence, Kösem learnt that a mufti had not accepted one of Murad's decisions and wanted to review it. She immediately sent a message to her son, “My heroic lion, come immediately. There are rumours of intentions towards the throne and people are starting to gather”. Murad didn't need anything more, he returned immediately and executed the muft without any investigation. It was the first such event in the history of the empire, they had never executed a mufti before. On another occasion, Murad asked Kösem Sultan to do a diplomatic talk with the Crimean Khan.

The tyrant

Murad's personality is very divisive. Many consider him simply a tyrant, but he is more than that. Many times his cruel acts certainly stem from his difficult childhood and his fear of dethronement. Plenty of legends are known about his cruelty, like that he killed people for pleasure and often tortured them innocently, but also we can hear such things that the Sultan ran through the streets at night with a sword and killed anyone who came face to face with him. In this form, these are, of course, just lies and very strong exaggerations. But it is a fact true that he had many acts that did not make him particularly popular. Kösem Sultan tried to influence her son in every possible way and tried to cushion her son’s aggressive actions with her own charities.

Murad banned alcohol and tobacco and even closed all cafes because he thought the Janissaries and Sipahis gathered and allied against him there. And whoever broke the rules could face severe punishment, even the death penalty. To keep his orders, he often go to the streets in disguise and acted in person against those who violated the ordinance. But it is also a fact that if he experienced an injustice or a frustrating thing at these times, he also tried to do against it. He also changed a lot of basic laws, tightened penalties, and made the death penalty more common for even minor offenses. Legends commemorate a case in which he executed a vizier for beating his mother-in-law. At other times, an ambassador, Alvise Contarini, was imprisoned for a minor crime. Contarini's accounts became unreliable after this incident, as he often wrote lies and exaggerations about Murad because of his personal resentments. This was the case, for example, when Contarini reported that Murad was systematically threatening his mother, siblings, and concubines with a beating. However, all the other evidence reports statethe opposite, claiming he was very nice to his family, so behind that account, perhaps Contarini’s dislike have been the only reason.

While there was no doubt that Murad’s austerity was excessive, he managed to put the empire in order, chaos and anarchy seemed to actually be resolved. Murad sat on the throne after chaotic times when the sultans were less respected by the people than any time before. In the time of Suleiman I, the sultan was almost a deity, an inaccessible, superior creature. And a sultan had to maintain this appearance in order to rule an empire of this size. In the chaos that followed the death of Ahmed I, the people saw, on the example of Osman, that the Sultan was indeed a mortal, simple man, the divine image built over the centuries was destroyed. Murad tried to rebuild this. When this did not go in an easy way, he did so in the way of violence and rigor, but anyway he established order in his country.

Not surprising, that Murad considered Yavuz Selim I as his role model, who controlled with strictness, and who did not tolerate contradiction. Murad, following the theory of his teacher, believed that the decline of the empire began during Suleiman's reign, so it was clear that a former successful sultan had to be imitated by him. In addition, Murad had an undisguised goal of restoring the old succession-system. Although he owed his own life to the change of the succession-system, he still believed it posed too many dangers if a Sultan had rivals roughly the same age and same education as him. While many people clearly condemn this, we have to admit, there was truth in this. The brutal execution of Osman and the way as they used Mustafa as a puppet, are all good examples of how dangerous was the existence of brothers. Murad wanted his own son as his heir, which is why he executed his younger brothers over time, except for the mentally unstable Ibrahim. This, by the way, raises several questions, especially about the sons of Murad.

There are quite a lot of question-marks about Murad’s children. We know from Evliya Çelebi's accounts that Murad had many sons, but almost without exception they all died in infancy, for they were born in rather poor health. Unfortunately, for most of his children, we don’t know when they died. What is certain is that in 1634, according to an ambassadorial report, he had two infant sons in poor health. However, despite these, we must assume that when Murad executed his brothers (1635, 1638) there must have been at least one living son of his who was no longer an infant. His eldest son, Ahmed, was born in 1627 and many say he lived the longest, though no exact date is available for his death. There are also those who say that Murad did not have an older living son at these times, he simply wanted the end the dynasty, so he killed his brothers. The latter is supported by the fact that at the time of Ibrahim I's accession (1640) there was not a single son of Murad alive, so perhaps none of them were alive in Murad's last years. However, this does not mean that in 1635 and 1638 he did not have a son who was still alive. All we know from an ambassadorial account from 1637 is that at least 6 sons of Murad died before the age of one, and the health of the others was very fragile. But we don’t know what and how many children the author meant by the others.

Murad, the individual

We are forced to consider Murad as a tyrant in some ways, even with the utmost benevolence, as his decrees and his punishments, often unbalanced with the degree of sin, suggest so. At the same time, Evliya Çelebi's descriptions reveal much more about Murad's personality. Based on these, it seems that the cruel Murad was just a mask behind which the sultan hid his true nature. Murad believed that people and his soldiers will respect him only if they were afraid of him. We must understand that in such era it was logical. All his actions suggest that also, so maybe that’s why he played the cruel Murad role. Of course, this could not have been very far from his true personality, since otherwise, he would not have been able to carry out his cruelty that much.

But what do we know about Murad, the individual? According to others, he was an extremely intelligent, educated man with a very good sense of humor and was a talented poet. According to Evliya, "He was an emperor with a dervish’s nature, kind-hearted and devil-may-care." The latter analogy may have been particularly fitting to Murad because he had great respect and appreciation for the whirling dervishes. So much that he honored a dervish named Ömer with the address "my father." By the way, they often made music together with Ömer. Murad wrote the lyrics and the dervish added the melody. And we know for sure that, contrary to rumors, Murad was not crazy. He was characterized by a certain level of paranoia, but given what had happened to him in the past - he first-hand experienced his brother's death and then his half-brother's brutal murder - was not particularly surprising. However, among the people he loved and trusted, Murad blossomed and showed his true face. The real Murad was a young man in full force, with whom they could humorize even about the most personal things, with whom they could have fun and converse about serious things at the same time. However, Evliya did not doubt that Murad was a very stubborn and strong-minded man, especially towards his mother.

Evliya is also associated with a famous (or infamous) story that many consider the Sultan to be homosexual. The point of Evliya’s story is that they talked to the sultan about a beautiful person, Handan, who the sultan loves and who Evliya says is really charming also. According to the story, the sultan asked Handan to take a rose from his/her hair and give it to Evliya to cheer up the grumpy Evliya. There would be basically nothing special about the story if it all happened in a Western empire. However, knowing the customs of the Ottoman Empire, it becomes clear to us that Handan could not have been a woman, since a harem concubine could not be in the company of foreign men, especially not with uncovered hair. It also makes it difficult to accurately recognize Handan that the name 'Handan' is a unisex name and that there is no male or female gender in the Ottoman language so we cannot know if Evliya talks about a he or a she. Because of this, many people think that Handan was a eunuch or a young man. It is important to know that in the Ottoman Empire until the mid-1800s, homosexuality was accepted, not punishable. In most brothels (because they were also present in the empire) not only women but also men were available. In addition, since Sultan Mehmed II, pederasty has been accepted among sultans and pashas. Mehmed II (who was probably really gay or bisexual) inherited this ancient Greek tradition, which refers to the homosexual relationship between an adult man and a man much younger than him, after the conquare of Constantinople. Later, there were sultans who took advantage of this opportunity and there were those who did not. However, pederasty was primarily a status symbol rather than a relationship driven by sexual desire.

Many have also rumored that Kösem Sultan has sent men to Murad’s bed when he was young, but there is no indication that this is true. Either way, Murad’s sexual orientation will probably never be revealed and maybe it doesn’t even matter. There were two significant concubines in his life, Haseki Ayşe Sultan, who dominated his reign almost throughout, and who, in addition to Esmehan Kaya, must have been the mother of several other children; and there was another woman whose name could not be reconstructed and who came to Murad's life in the last years of his reign and who became a Haseki also. Ayşe, however, was certainly Murad's favorite throughout his reign, as he even took her with him to his Revan campaign. This thing occurred in the case of the early sultans quite often, but from the early modern period of the Empire, sultans did not let their wives and consorts accompany them to war as it was quite risky.

From the tyrant to the adored sultan

Like Murad’s predecessors, he was aware that the fastest way to gain popularity was a successful campaign. Murad was under particular pressure, for at the beginning of his reign they lost particularly important territories, so he had to somehow rectify this. Murad was truly a man of a warrior nature, and there are also legends about his physical performances. It is true that his health was not very good, but he had a very strong physique. He was a tall, robust man with black hair and eyes and pale skin. So Murad, in addition to being handsome with his physical strength, was also able to impress his subjects on a regular basis. Legends revolve about bows that no one but him could stretch or maces that no one could swing but him. According to Evliya, the sultan often dropped his clothes from one minute to the next and began wrestling with a guard just nearby. On other occasions, the sultan simply lifted Evliya over his head without any particular effort. Such a fit, and quite an agile sultan in relation to his stature, was well suited to warfare. And such a sultan was finally able to convince his subjects and soldiers that they could win the war with him!

After several unsuccessful attempts by his pashas in the first half of his reign to reclaim the lost territories, Murad decided to embark on a campaign in person. His first campaign took place in 1635, and the goal was to recapture Yerevan (Revan). They left Üsküdar in the spring and although they often stopped on the way to execute some bandits in Anatolia or to execute those against whom there were many complaints, they even reached Yerevan by July. Roughly a week after the siege, on August 8, Mirgune Tahmasp Quli Khan, the governor who ruled the castle, gave up the castle and surrendered. Murad appreciated that Mirgune Tahmasp Quli Khan accepted him as his new ruler and a deep friendship developed between them. The man's new name became Emirgün and he was with Murad until his death. According to some, it was Emirgün who pushed Murad to start drinking alcohol more and more often.

After the victory, Murad went to Tabriz with his troops, but they could not keep the city, and Murad also got sick, so they traveled to Van in the winter. And by the end of the year, they had returned to Istanbul, where Kösem Sultan was waiting for her son with a huge ceremony. The whole city celebrated Murad’s victory. Murad immediately ordered the construction of a pavilion inside Topkapi Palace in honor of the victory. It later became the Revan Pavilion. Murad planned every step wisely and always acted when the conditions were right. He did so when he dealt with the chief rebels of the 1632 uprising, and he did so when he wanted to get rid of his half-brothers, Bayezid and Suleiman, who posed a great threat to him. Murad knew that fratricide was not to the liking of the people, he knew that a sultan could easily be dethroned for this, but he definitely wanted to carry out his plans and bring back the inheritance from father to son. He, therefore, ordered the execution of the two princes at the moment when his popularity was at its highest and when the whole empire celebrated the victory of his. Although the execution of the two princes naturally shocked the people, everyone was preoccupied with the victory, the booming economy, so they did not turn against Murad.

Murad's popularity was not really diminished by the fact that the Safavids recaptured Yerevan in the spring of the following year. Of course, he had no idea to accept this either, but he waited again for the most opportune moment. It finally came in the spring of 1638. This time, he did not satisfied with Yerevan, he set a goal for Baghdad. By the end of October, he had already reached Baghdad and encamped around the city, and began the siege. On December 24, Bektash Khan, the governor of Baghdad, surrendered, so in January Murad was finally able to enter the coveted city, as did his great predecessor, Suleiman I, 100 years ago (in 1534). In Baghdad, Murad ordered that the mausoleum, previously built by Suleiman, be repaired and renovated.

Although Murad had a strong physique, his health was never good, and the horrific camp conditions worsened it. Especially since he mostly trained with his soldiers, he spent a lot of time with them to gain their support. His worsening alcoholism also did not help the situation. In Diyarbekir, the sultan eventually became so ill that they had to station there for months before they could reach Istanbul. While Murad was lying in bed, his Grand Vezir Tayyar Mehmed Pasha made an agreement with the Persian Shah to finally end the war that had lasted since 1603 and restored the Amasia Treaty of 1555, restoring peace between the two countries and allowing the Ottoman Empire to keep Baghdad.

Returning to Istanbul in June, the Sultan was greeted again with a huge celebration, glorified by all. True to his custom, he crowned this victory by building a new pavilion the Baghdad Pavilion. Unfortunately, he also tried to keep his other custom, so he ordered his brother, Prince Kasim (and perhaps Prince Ibrahim along with him) to the Revan Pavilion, where Prince Kasim was executed, and some said Ibrahim's life was saved only by the prayer and threat of their mother, Kösem Sultan. Others say Murad didn't want to execute Ibrahim just Kasim. Kasim's execution was particularly significant because, unlike the two princes who had been executed earlier, Kasim was a full-brother to Murad, and, according to contemporary accounts, they were even close to each other. By this time Murad was beginning to be overwhelmed by his illness, alcoholism, and paranoia.

His death and legacy

After Murad returned to Istanbul, he was in very poor health for months. He had several chronic diseases, but we don’t know much about them. Some said he may have had epilepsy, others said he may have had similar digestive problems as his father (Ahmed I) and grandmother (Handan Sultan). These were further aggravated by combat injuries, as Murad himself fought in his campaigns; and cirrhosis due to alcoholism.

Murad was able to recover from his fighting injuries, as in the early 1640s he celebrated Ramadan without any problems, met his vezirs, and took part in events. In fact, to further tire his already sick body, he regularly horse-rided to places, went hunting, and alcoholized with his friends. On one such occasion, Murad lost consciousness and was taken back to Topkapi Palace by his guards. The sultan sometimes regained consciousness, it seems that by this time he already knew he was dying. At his special request, he was transferred to the Revan Pavilion, where he had executed his younger brother a few months earlier. Maybe that's why he wanted to die there too. Not knowing who had been by his side in his last hours, but they probably couldn't have kept his mother away even if they had wanted to as they both were in the palace. According to some, on his deathbed, Murad also ordered the execution of Ibrahim, but there is no evidence of this.

A huge crowd gathered for Murad's funeral, his black horse was walking adorned in front of his coffin, and several of those present sobbed loudly. Thus, it is not true that the people rejoiced at the death of the Sultan. Although Murad was not perfect, he performed many cruel deeds, yet after decades he was the first sultan to conquer and he was the one who successfully restored the peace of the empire for which the people loved him. Murad IV was the last sultan to conquer in the true classical sense since no more sultans led a campaign in person. Murad resembled Yavuz Selim I or Suleiman I, who ruled in the early 1500s, rather than his immediate predecessors. Thus his person gave a strong end to the age of conquests and the heyday of the Ottoman Empire. He was buried in the mausoleum of his father, Ahmed I, because during his short life he did not have the opportunity to build his own mausoleum, and, according to many, he was not even preoccupied with architecture.

Used sources: C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; L. Peirce - The imperial harem; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; F. Suraiya, K. Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey 1453-1603; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; : F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad; G. Junne - The black eunuchs of the Ottoman Empire; R. Dankoff - An Ottoman Mentality: The World of Evliya Çelebi; R. Murphey - ‘The Functioning of the Ottoman Army under Murad IV (1623–1639/1032–1049):Key to Understanding of the Relationship Between Center and Periphery; S. Faroqhi - Another Mirror for Princes, The Public Image of the Ottoman Sultans and Its Reception

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Születése és gyermekkora

Murad 1612 júliusában született I. Ahmed és kedvenc ágyasa, Mahpeyker Köszem második fia és ötödik gyermekeként. Ahmednek Köszem két fia mellett volt még egy fia, Oszmán herceg, a legidősebb gyermek. Murad ahhoz a herceggenerációhoz tartozott, akiknek először a történelemben nem kellett a testvérgyilkosság törvényétől tartaniuk. A II. Mehmed által törvénybe foglalt, de nála sokkal idősebb hagyomány szerint a trónralépő szultánnak minden testvérét ki kell végeztetni, a rend fenntartásának érdekében. Ahmed szultán azonban ennek nem tett eleget, mikor 1603-as trónralépése után életben hagyta öccsét, Musztafát. Így Ahmed fiai már egy új világba születtek. Tény azonban, hogy Ahmed sokáig nem volt biztos döntésében, így többször is megkísérelte Musztafa kivégzését, de végül a lelkiismerete és Köszem győzködése használt, így Musztafa megmenekült.

Murad koragyermekkorát relatív nyugalomban élhette, hiszen apja népszerű szultán volt, édesanyja a Haszeki szultána rangot viselte, igen befolyásos és népszerű asszony volt. Mindez azonban 1617-ben megváltozott. Ahmed szultán meghalt és egyfajta örökösödési káosz sújtotta a birodalmat. Az embereknek elege volt a testvérgyilkosságból, azonban Ahmed nem rendelekzett arról, hogy ki kövesse a trónon: öccse, Musztafa vagy legidősebb fia, Oszmán. Végül Musztafa trónralépésével hivatalosan is megváltozott az örökösödés, többé nem apáról fiúra szállt a trón, hanem a legidősebb férfi foglalta el azt. Murad és testvérei így életben maradhattak, azonban elzárva éltek a Topkapi Palotában, míg édesanyjuk Köszem a Régi Palotába költözött lányaival.

A következő évek meglehetősen zavarosak voltak, Musztafát mentális betegsége miatt hamarosan trónfosztották és Murad féltestvére, Oszmán került a trónra. Oszmán nagyon népszerűtlen, rossz uralkodó volt, aki bár uralkodásának korai szakaszában igyekezett korrekt viszonyt ápolni Köszem szultánával, később 1621 januárjában kivégeztette Murad édesbátyját, Mehmed herceget. Murad és öccsei minden bizonnyal rettegésben éltek innentől, anyjuktól, nővéreiktől távol, elzárva, kiszolgáltatva egy zsarnok uralkodónak, és az sem kizárt, hogy tanúi voltak a kivégzésnek. Végül Oszmán brutális meggyilkolása hozott enyhülést számukra. Ám ugyanakkor életreszóló leckét is adott Muradnak arról, hogy még egy szultán sem lehet biztonságban.

Trónralépés

Oszmán brutális kivégzése Halime szultánához és fiához, I. Musztafához volt köthető, így végül újra trónfosztották Musztafa szultánt, anyját pedig száműzték a Régi Palotába. Az öröklési sorban a mindössze 11 éves Murad következett. Korára való tekintettel a divan és ulema édesanyját, Köszem szultánát nevezte ki régensnek, míg Murad maga elég éretté nem válik az uralkodáshoz. Murad bár fellélegezhetett, hiszen ő lett a szultán, ilyen nehéz gyermekkorral bizonyára nem volt könnyű új életet kezdeni. Emellett fontos leszögezni, hogy Murad utoljára öt évesen 1617-ben tölthetett hosszabb időt édesanyjával, az 1617 és 1623 közötti hat évet anyjától elszakítva, bezárva élte, így feltehetőleg az is komoly nehézséget okozott kettejüknek, hogy újra kialakítsanak egy anya-fia kapcsolatot.

Murad nehezen kezelhető gyermek volt, Köszem több levele is fennmaradt, melyekben a nagyvezírnek panaszkodik arról, mennyire nem bír Muraddal és, hogy az mennyire nem hallgat rá, sőt olykor napokig találkozni sem hajlandó vele. Amellett, hogy az elszigeteltség éket vert közéjük, hasonló személyiségük sem segített sokat. Mind a ketten vezéregyéniségek voltak, igen erős akarattal, így nehezen jöttek ki egymással. Sokszor vitatkoztak egymással, mely viták után Köszem volt az, aki békülni szeretett volna Muraddal. Egyik nagy veszekedésük után például egy lovat ajándékozott fiának, máskor hatalmas ünnepséget rendezett neki. Emellett Köszem rendszeresen fejezte ki aggodalmát Murad egészségével kapcsolatban, ami arra enged következtetni, hogy talán Murad már ekkor egészségügyi problémákkal küzdött.

A birodalom Ahmed halálától kezdve fokozatosan süllyedt anarchiába. Több fontos területet is elveszítettek és hiába próbálták visszahódítani ezeket, nem jártak sikerrel. Továbbá a II. Oszmán kivégzése után fellázadó Abaza Mehmed Pasa dacára annak, hogy mindenkit felelősségre vontak a gyilkosságért, nem volt hajlandó elismerni Muradot új uralkodójaként és folytatta a lázadást. Ezt a lázadást sem sikerült leverni az ellene kiküldött pasáknak. A helyzetet fokozandó, 1625-ben pestis tört ki a fővárosban és több, mint százezer áldozattal járt. Murad először szintén ebben az évben lázadt anyja szava ellen. Köszem ekkor kötött egy megállapodást a spanyolokkal, Muradnak azonban nem tetszett az egyezség, ezért azonnal visszahívatta azt.

1628-ban aztán Murad is súlyos beteg lett, hetekig feküdt ágyban. Pontos betegsége nem derült ki, egyesek szerint ekkor kezdődött epilepsziája, mások szerint emésztőrendszeri problémái voltak. Öröm volt az ürömben, hogy legalább ebben az évben sikerült leverni Abaza Mehmed Pasa lázadását és elfogni a férfit. Ugyanebben az évben Murad újabb jelét adta annak, hogy hamarosan át kívánja venni az uralkodást és nyíltan szembe ment anyjával, amikor felbontotta nővére Fatma házasságát az admirális Çatalcalı Haşan Pasával, akit anyja kiemelt figyelemben részesített. Emellett Muradot egyre jobbn zavarta, hogy anyja szemethuny a korrupció felett. Köszem maga is nagy előnyökhöz juttatta az általa favorizált pasákat, ami sokakból váltott ki ellenérzéseket, különösen fiából, Muradból. Így került például fontos janicsár pozícióba Murad nővérének, Fatma szultánának az új férje, Hafiz Ahmed Pasa. Ez azonban a szpáhiknak és a Köszemet szerető janicsároknak is sok volt. Végül ez volt az az esemény, mely kijelölte Murad egyeduralmának kezdetét.

Az egyeduralkodó

1632-ben, Hafiz Ahmed Pasa kinevezése után szpáhi és janicsár lázadás tört ki, melynek során a lázadók kivégezték a nagyvezírt és Murad szultán több hűséges emberét, többet között közeli barátját, Musa Çelebit. Hogy a helyzet tovább bonyolódjon a katonák nyilvánosan követelték, hogy Murad mutassa meg nekik öccseit. Ezzel jelezni akarták neki, hogy ha akarnák le tudnák cserélni valamelyik öccsére; másrészt pedig keringtek olyan alaptalan pletykák, hogy Murad és Köszem megszabadultak a hercegektől. Murad kénytelen volt engedni a követeléseknek és bemutatta öccseit, akiket a katonák ekkor éltetni kezdtek. Murad ezt sosem felejtette el és sosem bocsátotta meg sem a lázadóknak, sem testvéreinek. Muradot tulajdonképpen ekkor mérhetetlenül megalázták, szövetségeseit, közeli barátját meggyilkolták. Ezt egy uralkodó sem hagyhatta. Murad azonban volt annyira megfontolt és intelligens, hogy nem azonnal kezdett bosszúhadjáratba, hanem csak akkor végeztette ki a hangadókat, mikor néhány hónap múlva hatalmát sikerült megszilárdítani.

Akárhogyan is, a lázadás után 1632 májusában Murad saját kezébe vette az irányítást és lemondatta édesanyját a régensi pozícióból. Köszem nem ellenkezett, félreállt, azonban igyekezett volna segíteni fiát, utat mutatni neki. Murad ezt nem értékelte és nem hallgatott édesanyja tanácsaira. Murad kényszeresen igyekezett anyját távol tartani a politikától és cselekedeteiből egyértelműen kiolvasható, hogy zavarta őt anyja nagy befolyása, az, hogy az elmúlt években sokkal nagyobb hatalma volt anyjának, mint neki. Épp ezért, amint a hatalmat saját irányítása alá vonta, Murad igyekezett anyja embereit - így például saját sógorát, a már említett Hafiz Ahmed Pasát - sorra leváltani, hogy édesanyja befolyása alól kivonva magát, elkezdhesse egyeduralmát.

Bár Köszem és Murad viszonyát kétségkívül megbélyegezte az 1632-es lázadás, hiba lenne azt gondolni, hogy Murad teljesen kizárta életéből édesanyját. Annak hárem vezetői tisztségét és édesanya mivoltát mindig tiszteletben tartotta, sőt egy 1632-ből származó beszámoló szerint kifejezetten fontos volt neki anyja véleménye a magánéletét illetően. Knolles ugyanis arról számolt ekkor be, hogy Murad hetekik lányának születése után feleségül akarta venni (vagy inkább Haszeki rangra emelni) a gyermek anyját, hogy kifejezze szeretetét a nő irányába, de mielőtt ezt megtette volna, kikérte Köszem véleményét. Érdekes kérdés, hogy ki volt ez a nő, ugyanis Murad korai uralkodásából egyetlen kiemelt státuszú ágyast ismerünk, Haszeki Ayşe szultánát, azonban nem tudjuk pontosan, kik voltak a gyermekei és mikor születtek.

Emellett mikor Murad hosszabb rövidebb időre elhagyta a fővárost, mindig anyját hagyta meg felügyelőnek, Köszem pedig mindig mindenről pontosan beszámolt fiának. Amikor Köszem problémát észlelt, azonnal jelezte azt a legrészletesebb leírással Murad számára. Előbbire egy konkrét példa történt 1634-ben, amikor Murad távollétében Köszem arról értesült, hogy egy müfti nem fogadta el Murad egyik döntését és felül akarta azt bírálni. Azonnal üzenetet küldött fiának "Én harcos oroszlán fiam, gyere azonnal! Pletykák terjednek a trónoddal kapcsolatban, az emberek pedig mozgolódnak." Muradnak nem kellett több, azonnal visszatért és minden vizsgálat nélkül kivégezte a müftit. Ez volt az első ilyen esemény a birodalom történetében, korábban sosem végeztek ki müftit. Egy másik alkalommal Murad Köszemet bízta meg, hogy diplomáciai megbeszéléseket folytasson a Krími Kánsággal.

A zsarnok

Murad személyisége nagyon megosztó. Sokan egyszerűen zsarnoknak tartják, azonban több volt ennél. Sokszor kegyetlen cselekedetei minden bizonnyal nehéz gyermekkorából származnak és a trónfosztástól való rettegéséből. Rengeteg legenda ismert, miszerint élvezettel gyilkolt embereket és sokszor ártatlanul kínozta őket, de olyanokat is hallani, hogy a szultán éjszaka kivont karddal rohangált az utcákon és megölt bárkit aki szembe jött vele. Ilyen formában ezek természetesen nagyon erős túlzások, ám tény, hogy sok olyan cselekedete volt, melyek nem tették különösebben népszerűvé. Köszem szultána igyekezett minden létező módon hatni fiára és saját jótékonykodásaival próbálta tompítani fia agresszív cselekedeteit.

Murad megtiltotta az alkohol és dohány fogyasztását, sőt minden kávézót bezáratott, mert szerinte a janicsárok és szpáhik itt gyülekeztek és szövetkeztek ellene. Aki pedig megszegte a szabályokat, súlyos büntetésre számíthatott, akár halálbüntetésre is. Hogy parancsait betartassa gyakran ment utcára álruhában és lépett fel a rendeletet megszegőkkel szemben személyesen. Ám az is tény, hogy ha ekkor igazságtalanságot vagy elkeserítő dolgot tapasztalt, az ellen is igyekezett tenni. Emellett sokat változtatott az alapvető törvényeken is, a büntetéseket megszigorította, gyakoribbá vált a halálbüntetés kisebb vétségek esetében is. A legendák megemlékeznek egy esetről, amikor egy vezírt végeztetett ki, amiért az megverte saját anyósát. Máskor pedig egy követet, Alvise Contarinit záratta börtönbe egy jelentéktelen bűnért. Contarini beszámolói ezen eset után megbízhatatlanná váltak, ugyanis gyakran írt hazugságokat, túlzásokat Muradról, személyes ellenérzései miatt. Ilyen volt például, mikor Contarini arról számolt be, hogy Murad ütlegeléssel fenyegeti rendszersen anyját, testvéreit és ágyasait. Azonban minden más bizonyíték épp az ellenkezőjéről számol be, így emögött a beszámoló mögött valószínűleg Contarini ellenszenve lehetett az egyetlen ok.

Bár kétségtelen, hogy Murad szigora túlzó volt, ennek köszönhetően sikerült rendbe szednie a birodalmat, a káosz és anarchia ténylegesen megoldódni látszott. Murad olyan kaotikus idők után ült a trónon, mikor a szultánokat kevésbé tisztelte a nép, mint régen. I. Szulejmán idejében a szultán szinte istenség volt, egy elérhetetlen, felsőbbrendű teremtmény. Egy szultánnak pedig, hogy uralhasson egy ekkora birodalmat fenn is kellett tartani ezt a látszatot. Az I. Ahmed halála után bekövetkező káoszban, mikor a nép Oszmán példáján meglátta, hogy a szultán igenis halandó, egyszerű ember, lerombolódott az évszázadok alatt felépített isteni kép. Murad ezt igyekezett újjáépíteni. Amikor ez szép szóval nem ment, akkor erőszakkal és szigorral tette, de rendet teremtett az országába.

Nem is meglepő ez tudva, hogy Murad példaképének I. Yavuz Szelimet tartotta, aki vasszigorral irányított, nem tűrte az ellentmondást. Murad - tanítója elméletét követve - úgy vélte, hogy a birodalom hanyatlása Szulejmán uralkodása alatt kezdődött, emiatt egyértelműen egy korábbi sikeres szultánt kellett imitálni. Emellett Muradnak nem titkolt célja volt a régi öröklési rend visszahozása is. Bár saját életét a törvény változásának köszönehtte, ő mégis úgy vélte, túl sok veszélyt tartogat magában, ha a szultánnak vele nagyjából egy idős vetélytársai vannak. Bár sokan egyértelműen elítélik ezért, be kell lássuk, volt igazság ebben. Oszmán brutális kivégzése, Musztafa bábként rángatása mind jól példázza, hogy a szultánok egyeduralma és kiemelt státusza megszűnt azzal, hogy hozzájuk hasonló vetélytársaik voltak és azzal, hogy elkezdtek érző lényeknek tűnni. Murad saját fiát akarta maga után a trónon látni, emiatt végeztette ki idővel öccseit, kivéve a mentálisan sérült Ibrahimot. Ez egyébként felvet több kérdést is, különös tekintettel Murad fiaira.

Murad gyermekeivel kapcsolatban elég sok a kérdőjel. Evliya Çelebi beszámolóiból tudjuk, hogy Muradnak rengeteg fia született, ám szinte kivétel nélkül mind elhunyt csecsemő korában, ugyanis meglehetősen rossz egészséggel jöttek világra. Sajnos legtöbb gyermeke esetében nem tudjuk, hogy mikor hunytak el. Annyi bizonyos, hogy 1634-ben egy követi beszámoló szerint két gyenge egészségű csecsemő fia volt. Azonban ezek ellenére is azt kell feltételezzük, hogy mikor Murad kivégeztette testvéreit (1635, 1638) legalább egy élő fia kellett, hogy legyen, aki nem csecsemő volt már. Legidősebb fia, Ahmed 1627-ben született és sokak szerint ő élt legtovább, igaz pontos dátum nem áll rendelekzésre halálát illetően. Vannak olyanok is, akik szerint Muradnak nem volt idősebb élő fia ekkoriban, egyszerűen csak a dinasztia végét akarta, ezért ölette meg testvéreit. Ezutóbbit alátámasztja a tény, hogy I. Ibrahim trónralépésekor Muradnak nem volt már élő fia, így talán Murad utolsó éveiben sem élt már egyikük sem. Azonban ez nem jelenti azt, hogy 1635-ben és 1638-ban sem volt már élő fia. Annyit tudunk 1637-ből egy követi beszámoló alapján, hogy Murad legalább 6 fia még egy éves kora előtt meghalt, a többiek egészsége pedig nagyon törékeny. Ám nem tudjuk, hogy a szerző mit és hány gyermeket értett a többiek alatt.

A magánember

Szultánként Muradot a legnagyobb jóindulattal is kénytelenek vagyunk valamilyen módon zsarnoknak tartani, hiszen rendeletei és sokszor a bűn mértékével nem egyensúlyban lévő büntetései erre utalnak. Ugyanakkor Evliya Çelebi leírásaiból igen sok minden tárul fel Muradról az emberről. Ezek alapján olyabá tűnik, hogy a kegyetlen Murad csupán egy álarc volt, ami mögé valódi természetét rejtette a szultán. Murad úgy vélte, hogy csak akkor tiszteli népe és katonái, ha félnek tőle. Minden cselekedete erre utal, így talán emiatt játszotta ezt a szerepet. Természetesen valódi személyiségétől sem állhatott nagyon távol ez, hiszen máskülönben nem tudta volna végrehajtani kegyetlenségeit.

Mit tudunk azonban mégis Muradról az emberről? Többek szerint rendkívül intelligens, művelt férfi volt, akinek igen jó volt a humora és tehetséges költő is volt. Evliya szerint "egy császár ő, lelkében egy dervis természetével." Utóbbi hasonlat különösen illő lehetett Muradhoz, mert nagyon tisztelte és elismerte a kerengő derviseket. Olyannyira, hogy egy Ömer nevű dervist az "apám" megszólítással tisztelt meg. Ömerrel egyébként gyakran szereztek zenét együtt. Murad a szöveget írta meg, a dervis pedig a dallamot adta hozzá. Azt pedig biztosan tudjuk, hogy a pletykákkal ellentétben, Murad nem volt őrült. Bizonyos szintű paranoia jellemezte ugyan, de ez figyelmebe véve a korábban vele történteket, azt, hogy első kézből tapasztalta bátyja halálát, majd féltestvére brutális meggyilkolását, nem különösebben meglepő. Azonban azon emberek között, akiket szeretett és akikben bízott Murad kivirágzott és megmutatta valódi arcát. Az igazi Murad egy ereje teljében lévő fiatal férfi volt, akivel a legszemélyesebb dolgokkal is lehetett humorizálni, akivel egyszerre lehetett mulatni és komoly dolgokról társalogni. Azt azonban Evliya sem vonta kétségbe, hogy Murad igen önfejű és hirtelen haragú ember volt, különösen anyjával szemben.

Szintén Evliyához köthető egy híres (vagy hírhedt) történet is, mely alapján sokan tartják napjainkban homoszexuálisnak a szultánt. Evliya történetének lényege, hogy egy gyönyörű személyről, Handanról beszélgettek a szultánnal, akit a szultán szeret és aki Evliya szerint is igazán elragadó. A történet szerint a szultán megkérte Handant, hogy a hajából vegyen ki egy rózsát és adja Evliyának, hogy ezzel felvidítsa a rosszkedvű Evliyát. A történetben alapvetően nem lenne semmi különös, ha mindez egy nyugati birodalomban történik. Ismerve a birodalom szokásait azonban egyértelművé válik számunkra, hogy Handan nem lehetett egy nő, hiszen egy háremhölgy nem tartózkodhatott idegen férfiak társaságában, különösen nem fedetlen hajjal. Emellett nehezíti Handan pontos felismerését, hogy a Handan egy uniszex név és hogy az oszmán nyelvben nincs férfi és női nem. Emiatt sokan gondolják, hogy Handan egy eunuch vagy egy fiatal férfi volt.Fontos tudnunk, hogy az Oszmán Birodalomban az 1800-as évek közepéig a homoszexualitás elfogadott volt, nem volt büntetendő. A legtöbb bordélyban (mert ezek is voltak a birodalomban) nem csak nők, de férfiak is elérhetőek voltak. Emellett II. Mehmed szultán óta a pederasztia elfogadott volt a szultánok és pasák között. Ezt az ókori görög hagyományt, mely egy felnőtt férfi és egy nála jóval fiatalabb férfi közti homoszexuális kapcsolatot jelenti, II. Mehmed (aki valósznűleg tényleg meleg vagy biszexuális volt) vette át, Konstantinápoly elfoglalása után. Később volt olyan szultán, mely élt ezzel a lehetőséggel és voltak akik nem. Azonban a pederasztia elsődlegesen inkább státuszszimbólum volt, mint szexuális vágy által hajtott kapcsolat.

Sokan pletykálták azt is, hogy Köszem szultána gyermekkora óta férfiakat küldött Murad ágyába, azonban semmi nem utal arra, hogy ez igaz lenne. Akárhogy is, Murad szexuális orientációja valószínűleg sosem fog kiderül és talán nem is számít. Életében két jelentős ágyas volt, Ayşe Haszeki, aki uralkodását szinte végig dominálta és aki Esmehan Kaya mellett bizonyára több gyermek édesanyja is volt; és egy másik nő, akinek nevét nem sikerült rekonstruálni és aki Murad utolsó éveiben került mellé és lett Haszeki. Ayşe volt azonban Murad kedvence minden bizonnyal uralma alatt végig, hiszen a nőt még revani hadjáratára is magával vitte. Ez a korai szultánok esetében előfordult, ám évszázadok óta nem éltek a hagyománnyal, hiszen megleehtősen kockázatos volt.

Zsarnokból az imádott szultán

Murad elődeihez hasonlóan tisztában volt azzal, hogy a leggyorsabb út a népszerűséghez egy sikeres hadjárat. Muradon különösen nagy volt a nyomás, ugyanis az ő uralkodása elején veszítettek el kifejezetten fontos területeket, így valahogy helyre kellett hoznia ezt. Murad igazán harcos természetű férfi volt, emellett fizikai teljesítményeiről is legendák szólnak. Igaz, hogy egészsége nem volt túl jó, de nagyon erős fizikummal bírt. Magas volt, robosztus alkatú, fekete hajú és szemű férfi, halvány bőrrel. Murad amellett tehát, hogy jóképű volt fizikai erejével is rendszeresen tudta lenyűgözni alattvalóit. Legendák keringenek íjakról, melyet rajta kívül senki sem tudott kifeszíteni vagy buzogányokról, melyeket senki nem tudott meglendíteni, csak ő. Evliya szerint a szultán gyakran egyik percről a másikra ledobta ruháit és birkózni kezdett egy éppen a közelben lévő őrrel. Más alkalmakkal a szultán egyszerűen felemelte Evliyát minden különösebb erőfeszítés nélkül a feje fölé. Egy ilyen fitt, és termetéhez képest meglehetősen mozgékony szultánhoz remekül illett a háborúskodás. És egy ilyen szultán végre el tudta hitetni alattvalóival és katonáival, hogy vele megnyerhetik a háborút!

Miután uralkodásának első felében több pasát is küldtek, hogy visszaszerezze az elvesztett területeket, ám minden kísérlet kudarccal végződött, Murad úgy döntött személyesen indul hadjáratra. Első hadjáratára 1635-ben került sor, a cél pedig Yerevan (Revan) visszahódítása volt. Tavasszal indultak Üsküdarból és bár útközben gyakran megálltak, hogy Anatoliában leszámoljanak kisebb bandákkal vagy kivégezzék azokat, akik ellen sok panasz volt, júliusra el is érték Yerevant. Nagyjából egy hét ostrom után, augusztus 8-án a kastélyt uraló helytartó, Mirgune Tahmasp Quli Khan feladta a várat és megadta magát. Murad értékelte, hogy Mirgune Tahmasp Quli Khan elfogadta őt új uralkodójának és mély barátság alakult ki köztük. A férfi új neve, Emirgün lett és a szultán kegyeltjeként haláláig mellette volt. Egyesek szerint Emirgün volt az, akinek hatására Murad egyre gyakrabban kezdett alkoholt fogyasztani.

A győzelem után Murad Tabrizbe ment a csapataival, azonban a várost nem tudták megtartani, ráadásul Murad is beteg lett, így telelni Van-ba utaztak. Év végére pedig visszaérkeztek Isztambulba, ahol Köszem szultána hatalmas ünnepséggel várta fiát. Az egész város Murad győzelmét ünnepelte és éltette a szultánt. Murad azonnal elrendelte egy pavilon építését a Topkapi Palotán belül a győzelem tiszteletére. Ez lett később a Revan Pavilon. Murad minden lépését okosan megtervezte és mindig akkor cselekedett, amikor a körülmények megfelelőek voltak. Így tett akkor is, mikor leszámolt az 1632-es lázadás hangadóival és így tett akkor is, amikor féltestvéreitől, a rá hatalmas veszélyt jelentő Bayezidtől és Szulejmántól kívánt megszabadulni. Murad tudta, hogy a testvérgyilkosság nincs a nép kedvére, tudta, hogy egy szultán könnyen belebukhat ebbe, azonban mindenképpen véghez akarta vinni terveit és vissza akarta hozni az apáról fiúra szálló trónöröklést. Ezért abban a pillanatban adta parancsba a két herceg kivégzését, amikor népszerűsége a legmagasabb volt és az egész birodalom győzelmét ünnepelte. Bár a két herceg kivégzése természetesen megdöbbentette az embereket, mindenki el volt foglalva a győzelemmel, a fellendült gazdasággal, így nem fordultak Murad ellen.

Murad népszerűségét az sem igazán csökkentette, hogy következő év tavaszán a szafavidák visszafoglalták Yerevánt. Természetesen esze ágában sem volt elfogadni ezt, de ismét kivárta a legalkalmasabb pillanatot. Ez végül 1638 tavaszán jött el. Ezúttal nem elégedett meg Yerevannal, Bagdadot tűzte ki céljául. Október végére el is érte Bagdadot és letáborozott a város köré és megkezdte az ostromot. December 24-én Bektash Khan, Bagdad kormányzója megadta magát, így januárban Murad beléphetett végre a hőn áhított városba, úgy mint nagynevű elődje, I. Szulejmán is tette 100 évvel ezelőtt (1534-ben). Bagdadban Murad elrendelte, hogy javíttassák meg és újítsák fel a korábban Szulejmán által építtetett mauzóleumot.

Murad bár erős fizikummal bírt, egészsége sosem volt jó, a rémes tábori körülmények pedig tovább rontottak állapotán. Különös tekintettel arra, hogy legtöbbször katonáival együtt edzett, sok időt töltött velük, hogy ezzel nyerje meg támogatásukat. Súlyosbodó alkoholizmusa szintén nem segítette a helyzetet. Diyarbekirben végül olyan rosszul lett a szultán, hogy hónapokig kellett ott állomásozniuk mielőtt Isztambulba érhettek volna. Amíg Murad a betegágyat nyomta, nagyvezíre Tayyar Mehmed Pasa egyezséget kötött a perzsa sahhal, hogy lezárják végre az 1603 óta tartó háborút, és visszaállították az 1555-ben kötött Amaszia egyezményt, így a két ország között helyreállt a béke, Bagdadot pedig az Oszmán Birodalom megtarthatta.

Júniusban, Isztambulba visszatérve újra hatalmas ünneplés fogadta a szultánt, mindenki dicsőítette. Szokásához híven ezen győzelmét is pavilon építéssel igyekezett megkoronázni, így megépíttette a Bagdad Pavilont. Sajnos más szokását is igyekezett megtartani, így édesöccsét, Kasim herceget (és talán vele együtt Ibrahim herceget is) a Revan Pavilonba kérette, ahol Kasim herceget kivégeztette, Ibrahim életét pedig egyesek szerint csak Köszem szultána könyörgése és fenyegetőzése mentette meg. Mások szerint Ibrahimot nem is akarta kivégeztetni Murad. Kasim kivégzése különösen jelentős volt, ugyanis a két korábban kivégzett herceggel ellentétben Kasim édestestvére volt Muradnak és korabeli beszámolók alapján még közel is álltak egymáshoz. Muradon ekkorra kezdett elhatalmasodni betegsége, alkoholizmusa és paranoiája.

Halála és hagyatéka

Murad Isztambulba való visszatérése után nagyon rossz egészségi állapotban volt, hónapokon keresztül nyomta az ágyat. Több alapbetegsége is volt, azonban ezekről nem tudunk sokat. Egyesek szerint epilepsziás lehetett, mások szerint neki is hasonló emésztőrendszeri problémái lehettek, mint apjának (I. Ahmed) és nagyanyjának (Handan szultána). Ezeket tovább súlyosbították a harci sérülések, hiszen Murad maga is harcolt a hadjáratain; valamint az alkoholizmusa miatt kialakuló májzsugor.

Murad harci sérüléseiből képes volt felépülni, ugyanis 1640 elején a Ramadánt minden gond nélkül ünnepelte, találkozott a vezíreivel, rendezvényeken vett részt. Sőt, hogy tovább fárassza beteg testét rendszeresen járt lovagolni és alkoholizálni barátaihoz. Egyik ilyen alkalommal Murad elvesztette az eszméletét és testőrei vitték vissza a Topkapi Palotába. A szultán néha magához tért, úgy tűnik ekkor már tudta, hogy haldoklik. Külön kérésére vitték át a Revan Pavilonba, ahol néhány hónappal korábban öccsét végeztette ki. Talán épp emiatt akart ő is ott meghalni. Nem tudni, hogy kik voltak mellette utolsó perceiben, de valószínűleg édesanyját ha akarták volna sem tudták volna távol tartani. Egyesek szerint halálos ágyán Murad kiadta a parancsot Ibrahim kivégzésére is, ám erre nincs bizonyíték.

Murad temetésére hatalmas tömeg gyűlt össze, koporsója előtt fekete lova sétált feldíszítve, a jelenlévők közül pedig többen hangosan zokogtak. Így tehát nem igaz, hogy a nép örült volna a szultán halálának. Bár Murad nem volt tökéletes, sok kegyetlen tettet vitt véghez, mégis évtizedek után ő volt az első hódító szultán és ő volt az, aki sikerrel állította vissza a birodalom békéjét, amiért a nép szerette őt. IV. Murad volt az utolsó igazi klasszikus értelemben vett hódító szultán, hiszen többé egyik szultán sem vezetett személyesen hadjáratot. Murad inkább hasonlított az 1500-as évek elején uralkodó I. Yavuz Szelimre vagy I. Szulejmánra, mint közvetlen elődeire. Így személye erős lezárást adott a hódítások korának és az Oszmán Birodalom fénykorának. Édesapja, I. Ahmed mauzóleumában helyezték örök nyugalomra, mivel rövid élete során nem volt alkalma saját mauzóleumot építtetni és sokak szerint nem is foglalkoztatta az építészet.

Felhasznált források: C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; L. Peirce - The imperial harem; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; F. Suraiya, K. Fleet - The Cambridge History of Turkey 1453-1603; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; : F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad; G. Junne - The black eunuchs of the Ottoman Empire; R. Dankoff - An Ottoman Mentality: The World of Evliya Çelebi; R. Murphey - ‘The Functioning of the Ottoman Army under Murad IV (1623–1639/1032–1049):Key to Understanding of the Relationship Between Center and Periphery; S. Faroqhi - Another Mirror for Princes, The Public Image of the Ottoman Sultans and Its Reception

#Murad IV #Kösem sultan #kösem #mahpeyker kösem #Ahmed I #ibrahim I #Osman II #Mustafa I #Ayse #haseki ayşe #sanavber #emirgün #fratricide #sehzade bayezid #sehzade kasim

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bluenet13 · 4 years ago

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It's All In Your Head (Chapter 2/2)

Written for @badthingshappenbingo

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Characters: Matthew Casey, Sylvie Brett, Kelly Severide, Stella Kidd, Wallace Boden, Firehouse 51.

Prompt: It’s All my Fault.

Story Summary: Post-ep to S09E09 "Double Red." Casey's life continues to spiral as his friends worry around him; or what happens when no one notices Casey is struggling and our captain is too stubborn to ask for help. AKA, I enjoyed the ep but needed more angst, h/c, and Brettsey, so I'm fixing it.

Ch2 Summary: After the events of chapter one, Casey is not doing so well but Brett, Severide and the rest of his 51 family are there to help.

Links: ff.net - AO3

Chapter 1 Link

As the call ends, and the five vehicles return to Firehouse 51, Severide and Sylvie feel like they're getting their wish. Because Casey is standing in the apparatus bay, waving at them.

But then they get closer. And they see Casey stumble, what looks suspiciously like blood standing out on the left side of his head. He doesn't seem to be waving, but calling to them. He takes a tentative step forward, then wobbles, and his face scrunches in pain and something more. And then Casey is no longer walking towards them but collapsing towards them.

And before most everyone else has a chance to react, or even process what they're seeing, both Sylvie and Severide are out of their vehicles and running towards their friend. Severide is faster so he reaches Casey first. The squad lieutenant extends his arms and catches his best friend just before he hits the ground. Then Brett is right there, kneeling beside them.

"Matt, Matt! What's wrong? Are you okay?" Brett is practically shouting, then mentally berates herself for asking dumb questions. He's obviously not okay. And it's her fault.

But Casey doesn't respond. Can't respond. His eyes are shut tightly, his breathing coming in slow gasps.

Before anyone has a chance to say anything else, the paralysis that had seemed to overtake the rest of the house gets broken and everyone is moving and becoming part of the action.

Mackey gets out of the passenger seat, leaving Ambo 61 awkwardly parked in between the street and the apparatus bay. Moving to the back she grabs their med bag, ECG monitor, and oxygen, while Cruz gets the backboard.

"Severide, step aside," Brett directs as soon as she sees Mackey and Cruz standing next to them. "Now," she shouts after Severide hesitates.

Letting his weight fall backwards, Severide sits down and slowly backs away. Eyes wide as he takes in the scene before him. He's been a firefighter for a long time so he has ample experience with rescues, fires and emergency treatment, but it never gets any easier when said treatment is done on a coworker and friend.

For their part, Brett and Mackey waste no time in checking Casey's pulse, breathing and pupils. Getting their first warning sign as soon as Casey grunts when Brett shines a light into his eyes. "Mackey, check him over," Brett instructs, while she connects her patient to a monitor, sets him on oxygen and starts an IV, just in case. The patient, she inwardly chuckles at the thought. Knowing Casey is so much more than that. But trying to see him as just another patient is the only way she can think of not to be paralyzed with fear and instead be the PIC he needs right now.

"He has a cut here… but it's starting to scar so it didn't happen now," Mackey says, pointing to a cut and small lump on the side of Casey's head. "He probably just reopened the old wound."

"So this is because of that call," Stella says slowly, joining the scene for the first time. She kneels next to Brett, and grabs some gauze, setting it carefully over the newly bleeding wound on Casey's head. The crimson color taunting her, as Stella wishes she had called him out on his lie this morning.

"What call?" Severide asks, turning to his girlfriend.

"I told you about it, Casey tried to stop a drunk driver from fleeing the scene and he was thrown out of the moving car," Stella explains, not sounding defensive, just regretful and apologetic.

"You didn't make it sound as if it was serious," Severide continues, not sounding accusatory, just worried.

"It wasn't. He got right back up and started doing his job." Stella whispers, deep down knowing she had missed something and this was partially her fault.

Severide nods and turns back to his best friend. Brett is just finishing getting Casey strapped to a stretcher with Cruz and Herrmann's help. And that is what seems to bring him back from wherever his mind had gone to while everyone freaked out around him.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," Casey tries to argue. "I just lost my footing."

"Shut up," Brett says, no longer able to treat him just like any other patient. "You're going to get checked out and that's the end of this discussion. Cruz, Herrmann help me get him into the ambulance!"

"But really, I'm okay," Casey tries to say, but Brett's glare silences him up. Then he seems to realize there won't be a way out once Cruz and Herrmann finish loading him up into the ambulance. "Come on, hear me out. I just got up too quickly and got a little dizzy."

"How long have you been dizzy? What other symptoms do you have?" Brett starts questioning, not missing a beat.

Casey shuts his mouth, knowing he already said too much.

"Matt, please. Help us out here. What other symptoms do you have?" Brett more like pleads this time. "It's my fault this is happening. I missed it on our last shift. I don't want to miss anything now. So please, don't play tough right now and tell me everything."

Seeing the desperation in her eyes and pleading in her tone, Casey sighs and closes his eyes. "I have had a headache since our last shift… Also nausea, dizziness and ringing in my ears." Seeing everyone's eyes go wide, he opens his, trying to give them his best apologetic look. "But symptoms came and went, it wasn't always so bad," he finishes weakly.

"You're an idiot, do you know that? And an even bigger idiot than I thought," Severide says through gritted teeth, his voice raising with every word. "How could you not say something after what happened the last time?" He asks dejectedly, remembering the time a beam crashed into Casey's head and almost ended his career. "But I guess all this just makes me an idiot too, cause I'm your roommate and I missed it."

"You weren't even there," Stella adds sadly. "I was right there, so if anything, I'm more to blame than you."

Brett cuts everyone off with a humorless chuckle. "I'm the PIC in charge of the firehouse and I saw everything happen, so it's all my fault."

"You were taking care of the crash victims," Stella says, ready to defend her friend and stop her from blaming herself.

"Hmm, I think this is really Casey's fault. We wouldn't be here if he had just said something." Severide interjects, while he helps load all the equipment back into the ambulance. Not wanting either Brett or Stella to get down on themselves, and feeling the need to add some lightness to this moment. Because if they can joke about it, then everything will be okay in the end. Or so he tells himself.

"We shouldn't be blaming the guy in the stretcher," Casey mumbles from inside. "Besides, I'm really okay. I don't need to go to the hos…"

"Everyone please be quiet," Boden's voice booms from behind, successfully silencing everyone. "Casey, we will have a serious talk about what happened here, but now you're going to Chicago Med and getting checked out. Brett, Stella, Severide, this is no one's fault."

Everyone nods, as Mackey runs to the driver's side of the ambulance, and Brett gets in the back, next to Casey. The decision not even spoken out loud, both knowing that's just the way this needs to go.

"And… I missed it too." Boden adds to himself in a much quieter voice. If anything this is all my fault, Chief Boden thinks before his thoughts are drawn back to the present by the sound of Severide closing the double doors of the ambulance.

"Severide, you're in charge of the firehouse until I am back," Boden directs, then runs to his SUV so he can follow the ambulance to Chicago Med.

"I still think this is Casey's fault," Severide says quietly, trying again to add some levity to the situation, for his and his teammates' sake. "Everyone, time to get back to work. Tony, Stella get squad and truck parked properly. Gallo, Ritter get started on lunch. Herrmann, come with me so we can locate Casey's sister's phone number," Severide directs, even as he stays rooted in place, staring at the disappearing Ambo 61 and Battalion 25.

-x-x-x-

"This can't happen again," Brett says, as she sits inside Ambo 61, on the bench next to the stretcher.

Casey turns to Brett, but says nothing. They haven't been alone, together since that fateful night and his brain seems to be short-circuiting, and not because of the head injury. Because even if Brett's words and tone say that she's angry, her hand is still clutching tight to his and her eyes can't help but show the concern she's really feeling.

"I'm serious, Matt. This can't happen again. Whatever happened… or didn't happen, can't interfere with our jobs again. If you're hurt, you need to tell me."

Drawing the oxygen mask down, Casey sighs before he bravely, or dumbly (it could be argued either way), intertwines their fingers together. "I could have told Mackey, this has nothing to do with us," he explains, doing his best to sound like he believes his own words.

"Then why didn't you?" Brett challenges.

Casey opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again. And repeats the same pattern a few times until he finally whispers, "I was scared." He settles on a half-truth, cause he's in fact scared, but decides not to mention how he purposely hadn't asked Brett for help, even when Chief Boden suggested it.

Brett's first instinct is to respond that Matt Casey isn't scared of anything, but the still rational part of her brain realizes that won't help the situation, so she just raises her eyebrows in a silent question.

"I'm not supposed to have another head injury," Casey says softly.

"Do you think avoiding the issue will just simply make it go away?" Brett asks, the first of her barely suppressed anger and frustration beginning to filter into her words. "Because let me tell you, Casey, it won't. In life we can't just run from our problems. We can't just say things and then avoid the issue completely. We can do things that hurt people, then try to move on with our lives and hope time solves everything. Because, again, it won't! We have to fight for what we want and be brave enough not only to walk into a fire, but to handle the consequences of what happens next."

After the last word leaves her lips, Brett seems to deflate. The void left open by her departing anger and frustration now occupied by the concern and love she feels for this man. Because she can no longer deny what she's feeling is so much more than simple infatuation.

Staring at Brett with wide eyes, Casey almost bares his soul to the woman he knows he's in love with, instead he just breathes out a simple question. "Are we still talking about head injuries?"

Now it's Brett's time to open her mouth, then promptly close it again. They both know this is about everything but head injuries, even if they're both still worried about that, but Brett knows this is not the right time to get into it. But Casey's expectant, and slightly hopeful, eyes still stare at her, seemingly looking directly into her soul, so Brett parts her lips but before she's able to say anything, the double doors of ambo 61 open and just like that they're parked in front of Gaffney Chicago Medical Center, a group of doctors and nurses surrounding them.

Without even thinking of what she's doing, Brett jumps out of the ambulance, and starts to recite Casey's stats and everything she knows about this injury. Then he's gone. Wheeled inside the hospital, while she's left standing alone, not only to worry about his physical condition, but to think about the words she just spoke. She thought, or hoped, if only for the sake of her broken heart, that she was moving on with Grainger, but evidently her heart is still stuck on one Matthew Casey.

-x-x-x-

By the time Boden returns to firehouse 51 it's almost midnight, but he's not surprised to find the entire house sitting in various places in the common room as they wait for news. Usually they would have all been waiting in Chicago Med but protocols still limit the number of people in the waiting room so they had been ordered to stay home.

"How's Casey doing?" Severide asks as soon as he sees his chief walking in.

Boden sighs and lifts his hands in a placating gesture as soon as he's instantly surrounded by the expectant faces of the men and women of Firehouse 51. "Casey's stable. They did an initial CT, then just in case also an MRI since this is his second head injury and because he didn't go to the hospital right away after the hit to his head."

"Another epidural hematoma?" Stella interrupts anxiously. Remembering Severide telling her the story once, and not wanting Casey and the house to go through that again. Because when one of them is hurt, it feels as if they all are.

Boden shakes his head, but still looks troubled. "Not this time, no. But the MRI did reveal a very small bleed. That's why he seemed to be okay after the injury. But without any sort of treatment, it was always going to get worse with time. However small, a brain bleed can't be trusted to resolve on its own without medical supervision, especially given Casey's history. Dr. Halstead said if we hadn't taken him to the hospital when we did, his intracranial pressure could have continued to rise and we could have been sharing a much different conversation."

"So, what's the prognosis? Is he having surgery again?" Severide asks worriedly, thinking not only of his friend's life but also his career as a firefighter. They had once dreamed of ruling the firehouse together along with Darden, and even if their friend had been gone for a long time, Severide still hopes to someday retire alongside his best friend. But only after many years of Chief Casey and Captain Severide in command of 51. The thought making Severide chuckle inwardly. Because at one point in time, he would have imagined himself as Chief in that little scenario, but nowadays, he's just content with the idea of being to Matt what he's to Boden now.

"Hopefully not. Doctors are already giving him medication and they're hopeful this time it will be enough to reduce inflammation and pressure. They're leaving surgery as a very last resort, but Dr. Halstead doesn't think they will get there. They also did a neurological exam and cognitive testing as precaution, and these didn't raise any red flags. He has the typical symptoms of a bad concussion but nothing that won't go away with time and no memory or strength issues. Dr. Halstead did put in some stitches to the wound on his head as he kept reopening it." Boden explains, grateful the news he has are mostly good, or at least not as bad as they could have been. "He should have been okay. If he had gotten checked out and given treatment right away. The hit wasn't too strong, so there was no reason for his symptoms to get so bad. They think that's also what made him collapse. He had probably been experiencing the headaches, nausea and dizziness since he got injured and without treatment it was all bound to get worse."

Sighing, Severide closes his eyes, still not able to shake the feeling that he should have noticed and knocked some sense into Casey before his situation got this bad. What help would he be to a future Chief Casey if he can't even help ensure he lives long enough to make it to chief? But then he opens his eyes and turns to Stella, finding her hands closed into fits, a scowl on her face. And looking to his sides, he sees similar expressions all around him, every member of 51 feeling this way in some way their fault.

"I missed it too," Boden says, recognizing the guilt in the faces of all the men and women he sees as family, and wanting to draw their attention back to him and away from any self-deprecating thoughts. "We all did. But really, this is no one's fault. But it should be a lesson for all. I will speak to Casey about this once he's on his feet again, but since I have you all here with me, I might as well use this experience as a reminder. Regardless of how simple an injury seems, we have paramedics for a reason. Regardless of any worries you might have about time off or your careers, you can't help anyone if you first don't help yourself. You all know I trust you, and don't like to micromanage. But I will have to start, if something like this ever happens again."

A chorus of yes, Chief follows Boden's words as everyone nods their agreement. Shoulders sagging as everyone seems to deflate, because even if they understand this wasn't their fault, still no one can shake the feeling that they could have done more.

"Now, everyone go to bed, you all deserve to rest, too. Casey is okay and being taken care of," Boden finally adds with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Just then, both Severide and Stella realize Brett isn't with Boden. Mackey had returned after dropping Casey off but they hadn't seen Brett since she climbed into the ambulance next to their roommate.

Bumping their shoulders against each other, Severide and Stella share a relieved smile, before walking together to the officer's quarters. Both, happy their captain will be okay and silently promising to keep a better eye on him, God knows he needs it. But both also hoping they won't have to and wishing this is the push their respective best friends need to finally give in to their very obvious feelings for each other and give their relationship a real try.

-x-x-x-

Casey opens his eyes to the telltale signs of a hospital room... antiseptic smell, incessant beeping, colorless walls and ceiling… All things he hates, together in one room.

Closing his eyes again, he releases a sigh in frustration. Having enough presence of mind to admit to himself that he has no one to blame for single handedly landing himself in this situation. Well, okay, the drunk driver landed him on the ground, but as Halstead told him, what happened later could have been avoided if he had just gotten checked out quickly. Now he should just be grateful his stupidity didn't end his career as a firefighter, and trust his doctors' words that medication will be enough and he will make a full recovery.

Finding himself alone in the room, Casey also wonders if protocols are to blame or if maybe everyone is pissed off at him, and makes a mental note to apologize not only to Boden, Brett, Severide and Stella, but to the rest of the firehouse as well. He's supposed to be their captain, second in command, and needs to set the right example. Not only for doing the right thing, but also apologizing afterwards for a momentary lack in judgement.

Be brave enough not only to walk into a fire, but to handle the consequences of what happens next, Brett's words then replay on his head, and a treacherous smile escapes his lips as he remembers her worried blue eyes and the feel of her hand in his.

And just like that, the power of his mind seemingly conjures the one thing he wants most in the world at this moment. Because one second he's alone in his room, and the next, the door is creaking open and Sylvie is standing next to his bed.

"You came," Casey breathes out.

"Who said I ever left?" Brett shrugs but asks sincerely. And looking at her tired eyes and paramedic uniform, Casey takes her words for nothing but the truth.

"I thought you were angry at me," Casey says, wincing as he remembers her demeanor and words in the ambulance.

"I'm not mad, I'm just…" Brett begins but cuts herself off.

"Disappointed?" Casey provides helpfully, a childish grin on his face.

Brett has the sudden need to kiss the smile off his face, but instead seems to deflate as she decides to go for honesty. "Yeah, I guess that's the right word. I'm disappointed you didn't feel like you could trust me on this. I know I should have noticed something was wrong, and even more, I should have checked you out right after the injury, but that's my mistake and I will do better next time. But Matt, promise me you will never knowingly hide an injury or illness again."

"This is not your fault, Brett."

"Promise me," Brett interrupts before Casey can say anything else. "I can't lose you too, Matt. Even if we can't be more than friends, I still can't lose my best friend."

Casey wants to say he wants to be more than friends, that they still can, but he just sighs, knowing it's not the right time. "I promise, Sylvie," he says softly. "I can't promise nothing will happen, because that's just the nature of our jobs, but I can promise not to hide things again."

"Okay." Brett whispers, relief evident in the way her shoulders slump. Still her eyes look worried as she searches Casey's eyes and body for any signs that he's struggling or in pain. Eventually, her eyes settle on the bandage covering the left side of his head.

For the next few minutes no one speaks, as Brett and Casey just look at each other. Both their minds, lost in the sad memories of what happened last fall, worry for what could have happened today, and a small seed of hope for what they hope will happen in the future.

"Did you really believe I wouldn't come?" Brett asks eventually, when the silence stretches for too long.

Casey ponders the question for a moment, before a sad smile reaches his lips. "Yeah, I guess I did."

Brett smiles sadly in return, her eyes losing some of their spark. "I will always be here for you, Matt. Like you're always here for me. Regardless of our relationship status."

There's no regardless, Casey wants to say, remembering Brett's comment about Gabby, but he doesn't. They're here because of his inability to let go of the past, and commit to fighting for the future he wants, and Brett doesn't deserve him taking advantage of the situation to win himself a second chance. He still wants it, he just needs to stop being scared and find the right time and way to do it. Because Casey can't deny that he's in love with Brett, and God knows his feelings for her are not going away anytime soon.

"Besides, I'm not going anywhere. Dr. Halstead says you will need some help. You need rest to recover, and light and sound will still bother you for a few days, but you still need to eat and take care of yourself. I already told Severide and Stella I'm sleeping on the couch until you're back on your feet." Brett continues after Casey's silence, the words rushing out of her as soon as the first one leaves her parted lips, not wanting to give herself any chance to back down now.

"You can't just up and leave your apartment. You're a pet owner now," Casey teases in response.

"You heard about that?" Brett asks, blushing as she remembers how she ended up with Veronicat.

"There's a lot of gossip around the house," Casey says with a shrug, "it's hard not to listen."

Brett mentally wonders what other things has Casey heard, her blush deepening when she remembers her night with Grainger. Not surprised at the feeling of shame and regret the memory brings. Choosing not to say anything else she makes two mental notes, one to text Severide to find out if the Loft accepts pets, then to call Grainger and respectfully end what they have. He might be a great guy but her heart belongs to another.

"I won't be alone. Severide and Stella are almost always there. You really don't need to disrupt your life for me," Casey explains seriously this time, mistaking her silence for agreement, and still determined not to take advantage of Brett's good nature, even if he wants nothing more than to take her home with him.

"This happened on Severide's watch," Brett reminds him softly. Knowing there's no way she will leave Casey out of her sight so soon after this little incident.

"Don't you trust Stella?" Casey tries instead.

"I do, but she will be outnumbered. We need even numbers to fight the likes of you."

"Who says I want to fight you?" Casey asks, his treacherous eyes going from Brett's eyes directly to her lips.

Brett notices, and bites her own. "I don't want to fight you either, but I will, if you don't start taking better care of yourself." She answers, forcing herself to be professional and her mind to stop remembering the taste of Casey's kiss and the feeling of his hands on her.

"Do you go home with all your patients, PIC Brett?" Casey challenges, suddenly less interested in not taking advantage of the situation, and more into beginning to win his second chance.

"Don't be unprofessional, Captain Casey," Brett tries to admonish, but her tone makes it sound less like a reproach, and more like an invitation.

"I'm high on painkillers," Casey says innocently. "What's your excuse?"

His comment only makes Sylvie smile. And Matt does too. Their eyes locked as an intangible something passes between them.

And the moment they share is not a guarantee for the future and their relationship working out. But a promise, that they will talk, and give what they have a real chance. Because they can no longer ignore they're in love, but they can learn from the past. Last fall, they kissed and tried to talk later. This time, they will reverse the order and make a different outcome. They owe it to themselves, their love, their friendship, and one another.

So this moment, more than anything else, is just that. A vow to fight, but only for each other.

#Chicago Fire #matt casey #sylvie brett #brettsey #brett x casey #kelly severide #stellaride #chicago fire fanfic #bad things happen bingo

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nahoyaglock · 4 years ago

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📃 AS I AM CHAPTER 3 — Discovery

SUMMARY — You knew Kageyama Tobio since you both were in diapers, being close family 'friends'. You always wanted to befriend the quiet kid but no matter your efforts, he would never crack. When you transfer schools and meet Kageyama again, what will happen to your relationship?

PAIRING — family friend!kageyama x y/n

GENRE — fluff/crack/angst

WARNINGS — kags being a bigger meanie

WORD COUNT — 2.6k

FIND THE MASTERLIST HERE

It has been about more than two weeks since your first day at Karasuno, already creating good bonds with Hinata, Nishinoya, Yamaguchi, and even Tsukishima. You were pretty close to all of them, spending alot of time together at lunch or after school, and even during the weekend. They wanted you to feel welcome, after all, you even had a little text group chat.

(Sent October 10th at 11:15 am)

Y/N: [Good morning yall, and happy birthday noya!]

Shoyo: [HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOYA!]

Tadashi: [goodmorning and happy bday!]

Tsukki: [morning, happy birthday]

Noya: [GOOD MORNING, AND THANKS GUYS!]

You smiled down at your phone before shutting it off. Since it was Noyas birthday, your mom let him and your friends come over, it also being a Saturday. You planned to have a sleepover with your new friends, Kageyama, and Tanaka of course. You had finished cleaning your living room, and despite it being small, it was big enough to fit a bunch of enthusiastic dorks, and Tsukishima.

You had begun cooking lunch, making sandwiches for you and Hinata, who was already on his way to your house. "Good morning honey," your mom spoke softly, rubbing her eyes as she walked past you to the coffee maker. "Good morning mom, Hinatas on his way here already," you smile and finish the sandwiches, putting them on a plate and walking to the living room.

"Okay, I have work today so ill be out for a little bit, tell Nishinoya I said happy birthday and Kageyama I said hello," she chuckled as she started the machine. You nodded and heard the doorbell ring, causing you to sit up and smile in excitement, placing the play down on the couch. "Thats Shoyo!"

You hop to the front door and immediately unlock the door, greeting the orange haired male with a smile that was matching his. "Hey y/n!" He greets and you let him in, closing the door behind himself. "Hi Shoyo, I made lunch," you say and lead him to the living room. "Wow, your house is really cute," he giggles and sets his bags and blanket in the corner next to the couch.

"Im glad you think so, I think Tanaka is arriving next, but i could be wrong," you say and plot down on the couch, hinata following your movements. "When is Kageyama coming?" He asks and rests his head on your shoulder, head tilted so he can look at you, but you just shrug. "He hasn't answered me since I sent him the invite yesterday," you say before handing him the plate and taking your sandwich.

"What? He answered me this morning," Hinata said and pulled his phone out of his pocket, going to his text messages with Kageyama. "Yeah, he texted me this morning, asked if i was coming to the sleepover," he said and you sae him typing on his screen. You felt hurt, Kageyama always answered you, whether it was one word, or even one letter, he always answered.

"Ah, he might've forgotten, i wont hold it against him," you smiled and decided to shake it off, it was Noyas birthday and you were ready to have fun. You and Hinata watched a bit of Netflix and ate a bit more than just the sandwhiches you made. It had been about more than an hour since the next person appeared, hearing the doorbell ring as you were in the middle of showing Hinata baby pictures of you and Kageyama.

"Ah, I bet its Tsukishima and Tadashi! Or just Tadashi!" Hinata shouts, jumping up, you following after him with a big goofy smile on your face as you both run to the door. "Its definitely Tanaka! Im calling it!" You laugh, barely able to keep up with the small male as he opens the door. As you looked at the male at the door, you and Hinata both shouted at the same time.

"Tadashi!"

"Tanaka!"

"K-kageyama?" You questioned and Hinata sighed, walking back to your room, sulking. "Its just Kageyama," he complaimed and Kageyama glared at him. "Whats that supposed to mean dumbass!" You let him in and close the door behind him as he kicks off his shoes. "Kags, you didnt bring any bags? Like, more than one?" You ask and walk to your room, seeing him hesitate to say respond.

"I'm not staying over. I just wanted to wish Nishinoya a happy birthday, i thought more people would be here by now," he nonchalantly responds, almost irritating you. "Well, you could've answered my text with a yes or no, or tell me that," you say and turn to face him, kicking his ankle softly. "Sorry," he muttered.

You entered your room with Kageyama and saw Hinata checking out your wall of pictures, filled with pictures of you and kageyama as children, you and your mom, and your friends from Nekoma. "Hey, is that Kenma?" He asked, turning his head to look at you and Kageyama with a curious face.

"Oh, yeah it is," you answer and walk over to the spot next to hinata. "Ah, Inuoka! Lev!" He exclaims with a excited expression, carefully scanning the pictures. "Is this the Nekoma volleyball club?" He asked, looking up at you with admiration as you confirm that it is.

"Thats so cool! You know Kuroo?!" He said, looking at another photo, one dear to your heart. It was the last time you saw them, you had a sleepover at Kuroos house, all the boys attending. You were wrapped in Kuroo and Inuokas arms, the 2nd years sitting on the couch in the back with the rest of the members asleep, or running around.

"Yeah, he acts like my brother sometimes. This was from our last sleepover before i came here," you state and he puts it back in his place when he hears the doorbell. "Okay, this time its DEFINITELY Tanaka!" You slap Hinatas arm and you two, once again, race to the front door. "Its gotta be Tadashi!" He once again opens the door to be met with Tanaka, causing you to shout in glory, hinata groaning.

"Uh, hello to you too," he laughs and steps over Hinata who dramatically fell to his knees. "Sorry, we were betting on who would arrive next," you laughed as he put his stuff next to Hinatas and saw Kageyama come out of your room. "Hey Tanaka," he greeted and you all sat on the couch, continuing the movie you and Hinata had started. After about 30 minutes more, there was a knock on the door.

"Thats definently Tsukishima," You say and Hinata nods as you stand up to open the door, greeting the tall blonde, noticing Tadashi and Noya behind him. "Hey Tsukki, Tadashi, and happy birthday Noya!" You greet, patting Tsukishimas arm and hugging the last two. "Everyones here, so lets get started, hmm?"

As everyone gets their stuff situated, you head to your room to get your phone and order some take out and remind your mom to get a cake before heading back out to your friends. "Noya, you ca– Noya?" You giggled softly, seeing him wrapped in a giant fluffy blanket, and he smiles. "Yes?"

"Ah, I was gonna say you can choose a movie, unless you wanna do anything else before the food arrives," you bounce before taking a seat between Tsukishima and Hinata. "Movie please, i dont want to even know what hes thinking right now," Tsukishima said, his expression was serious. You elbow him with a chuckle that follows, "its his birthday, cut him some slack."

You all decided to play a few games with an old movie playing as background noise. Truth or dare, would you rather, never have I ever, and some board games, Tsukishima winning monopoly. He was currently boasting to Kageyama with a smug look on his face as the doorbell rang.

"Food!" You shouted and jumped up to answer the door, quickly paying for the food and closing the door before bringing it to the small coffee table in your living room. "Also my mom should be home in a few minutes so call down with all the cursing Tanaka," you laughed and opened the food boxes before grabbing some plates and utensils for them to serve themselves.

You guys ate and finally put on a movie, moving the coffee table to you, Noya, Tanaka, Tadashi, and Hinata could all huddle up on the floor infront of the tv, leaving Tsukishima and Kageyama on the couch. "Hey, im home honey. Hi boys," your mom called, a big bag in hands as she slipped off her shoes. "Hi y/ns mom!" Noya called and she brought the cake over to you.

"Happy birthday Noya, and hello Kageyama, its been a while since ive seen you, you're so big," your mom patted his shoulder and he nodded. "Hello Mrs. y/l/n," he spoke politely as Tsukishima quietly laughed at him. "Behave okay? Im heading to bed. Oh, and Kageyama, your mother invited us over tomorrow so i can take you home tomorrow, " she flashed a warm smile and your face lit up as you sat up from the cuddle pile.

"I haven't been to your house in years," you exclaim and placed a hand on Kageyamas knee, giggling. He shifted a bit, causing your hand to fall and he hummed, "because Tokyo is far." You roll your eyes and lay down back between Nishinoya and Hinata. "And im not sleeping over, my moms coming in 10 minutes to pick me up."

"Ah, well either way, ill see you tomorrow Tobio," your mom waved and left to her room. It was silent as you guys kept your eyes glued to the screen. Eventually Kageyama left, so Tsukishima joined the cuddle pile until you guys got tired. Hinata and Tadashi took the couch, Tanaka and Nishinoya draped over each other near the couch, Tsukishima laying next to you on the blanket that covered the itchy carpet.

You sat up, on your phone after your friends from Nekoma decided to blow up your phone.

"You still awake?" You jumped at the voice, thinking everyone was asleep, and you turned to the voice to see the salty blonde slipping on his glasses. "Yeah, my friends texted me," you whispered before turning off your phone, the room being engulfed by darkness and you took your spot next to Tsukishima. "So you and Kageyama?" He propped his head up on his hand as he looked at you.

"Yeah, he's weird. He hasn't been talking to me that much the past few weeks." You rest your head on the pillow and pull the blanket up over you. Tsukishima hums lightly before fixing his pillow, "is he always like this? He doesnt seem that way around the team."

"I guess? Hes always been dry and stand offish since we were children, but to other people he was different." You felt tired, and Tsukishima could sense it. "Rest, worry your head tomorrow." He pats your head before taking his glasses back off and lays down, you smile. "Thanks Tsukki."

"Dont call me that."

—

Once it became morning, Tanaka and Nishinoya were the firsts to leave, followed by Tadashi. You had just come out of the shower, finding Hinata folding his blankets and cleaning up the living room, and Tsukishima talking to your mom in the kitchen as he helped wash dishes. "Good morning mom," you yawned and grabbed a key from one of the drawers. "Im gonna stop by the store, wanna come with Tsukki? Hinata?"

Tsukishima looked at your mom and she nodded, telling him it was okay and that she'd finish the dishes on her own. You left the house with the two males, taking the short walk to the store. "You're going to Kageyamas right?" Hinata asked, bouncing to keep warm in the cold air. You nod and swing the keys around your finger, "yeah, in a few hours, oh! Let me text him."

(Sent October 11th at 1:17 pm)

Y/N: [Morning Tobio!]

[I'll see you in a few hours!]

As you waited for his answer, Tsukishima spoke up. "Not to.. seem like im putting you on the spot but.. doesn't he ignore you?" He kept his hands in his pockets and his gaze forward and Hinata gasped, "Tsukki that sounds mean!" He smacked his arm, causing the taller to look down at him. "I'm just saying that its not the best way to treat someone," he rolls his eyes and Hinata scoffs. "As if you can talk."

You sigh and laugh, placing a hand on both the males arms, "calm down you two, geez." They relax in your touch and Tsukishima continues. "Seriously tho, he could be just, y'know.. being a bitch," he he spoke, putting an emphasis on bitch. "Or he could be hiding something!" Hinata gasps and you laugh at them. "Yeah yeah, but its whatever really, this is how ive always seen Tobio, it'd be weird if he was any different. Though id like it alot if he DID be a little less dry."

You remembered the talk you and Tsukishkma had before, he always brought up Kageyama and your relationship with him. Soon you started to think the same was he did. Was Kageyama really just being mean? Isnt that just how he always is? Why does he act different around others? Was it you, or was it him?

—

You kicked off your shoes as you stepped into the warm house with a bright smile, "hello Mrs. Kageyama!" You greeted as she pulled you into a hug. "Hello y/n, my you've grown! Tobio is in his room, can you take him his plate? This one is your" She said and handed you two plates. You smiled and nodded your head like a gibby child and she patted your back as you made youe way to Kageyamas room. You kicked on the door because your arms were occupied.

You heard a bed creak and a few seconds after, the door opened and was almost closed back in your face if it weren't for him catching a glimpse at the plates. "Come in," he mumbled and let you in. You walked over to his bed and put his plate down on his bed and sat on the end as he closed the door. "Wow, your room has changed alot," you smile and look around the room at his posters and pictures on the walls.

"Mhm," he plopped back down on his bed and went on his phone. You noticed this and furrowed your brows, taking a bite of your food. "You know, for someone on their phone alot, you sure do ignore my texts alot," you mainly joked, but you guessed that he didnt catch on when his expression changed and he mumbled an apology. Was that guilt on his face?

You decided to stay silent and just scroll through social media and eat your food. After a few minutes of just silence, Kageyama finished his plate and got up to take it upstairs. "Hey Kags," you called before he left and you held your plate out to him, "can you take this for me?"

"You barely ate any thing," he said and you shook the plate a little bit, causing him to grab it, scared it would fall. "I'll bring you a meatbun," he murmured and left the room. You smiled slightly at the mention of meatbuns, and stood up to stretch your legs.

You grabbed a napkin from Kageyamas bedside dresser and wiped any food off of your mouth. He had a small trash bin in the corner of his room, so you went to throw away your napkin, looking at his posters and pictures on the wall. When you opened the bin, there was a large stack of pictures atop all of the trash.

All being pictures that had you and him in them.

#as i am*series #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama tobio au #kageyama tobio fanfic #haikyuu fanfic #hq fanfic

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axemetaphor · 3 years ago

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im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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maydaymemer · 3 years ago

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Ultimate Spider-Man (2005) - Short Review

Just replayed Ultimate Spider-Man for PS2. And ive got some thoughts on it

Overall it’s still really fun to me, I think it’s way ahead of its time graphically, it looks amazing with the only problem being terrible draw distance. the city design is super underrated, theres lots of landmarks and little areas you’ll find swinging around that are detailed. The city doesnt feel copy paste like spider-man 2. the combat is kinda button mashy but i like that alternating between attacks causes more damage, but when the combat asks you to go up against groups of tough enemies like the combat tours do it kind of falls apart. It feels more luck based because you do more damage alternating between enemies and that can be used to break thru blocks. But if you are constantly hitting kick and punch and moving the stick you dont always switch to another enemy and just button mash at one guy. Luckily the combat doesnt ask you much in the main campaign so no worries there

Swinging is momentum based which i prefer over the more automated feeling of the new games. Not that the new games are bad, theyre an improvement on for example the TASM games but what i like about these old games is you handle spider-man sort of realistically it you had his powers. You’d fumble about and get caught on things at the start and then slowly get used to it and as you got a handle on your powers and became familiar with the city youd get really good at it. tho its not as good as how sim-like the swinging felt in spider-man 2 but i feel what usm does better is great missions and a great campaign. Especially the bosses I found really enjoyable for their variety, uniqueness and how they used good picks from classic and some more obscure villains. Also you get to play as venom. Hes not got much depth but the novelty is excellent

The story is really good, it’s penned by an actual spider-man writer and it has a good sense of universe thats intriguing as someone whos never read ultimate comics and heard bad things about how edgy the non spidey books could be. I actually did laugh at one of his quips too, about the parking attendant during the rhino mission. spidey humor is the only superhero humor that i get a kick out of

Where the game falters is in its structure. The game is short, i beat it in two hours and 22 minutes but ive beaten it loads of times already mind, and i dont falter the length at all as i dont think you could stretch this story and gameplay over eight hours, but the way they lengthen the time is by forcing you to do some of the side stuff like races and beating up muggers and stuff in order to unlock more missions. Now i like that the game makes me feel like a superhero, of course im going to help people it makes sense. I especially like that they do it within missions in certain scripted moments which is very spidey as hes always getting inconvenienced. But I dont think the way they encouraged it by making it necessary was a good choice. I think the way spider-man2 did it by having it so helping people gave you points to use for upgrades was better. I also think it was just there to prolong the game’s length because i was able to beat it in two hours with experience and i bet half an hour was just waiting for crimes to appear and doing those and then having to swing from Manhattan to Queens or vice versa to get the next mission. I also have a bone to pick with that. Most of the time you swing over to manhattan, do a mission, then if youve reached the requirements the next mission is in queens and thatll happen for the next mission but the opposite too. Seems padded

Theres also two moments i want to point out where i got the requirements to unlock the next “story mission” in the games own words but as soon as i went to the marker i had to do a combat tour, which is one of the game’s many side activities. Then after finishing it i get told to do more side content to unlock the next mission. So i unlocked a tutorial that i had to do before i could do another mission. This same thing also happened again but this is funny and a better example of the game’s padding. I met the requirements and went to a mission marker. A cutscene played and then i was told to do more things to unlock the next mission. So i unlocked a cutscene

Id still recommend it to anyone. It’s fun to play and the short length and its loads of side distractions does make it replayable

#ultimate spider man #spider man #review #ps2 #gaming #spidey #spiderman #ultimate comics

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heywardsarchive · 4 years ago

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STAR CROSSED LOVERS~ JAMES SIRIUS POTTER

Summary: Harry Potter does not get along with his old Slytherin classmates. He doesn't let his son talk to his either. But what happens when James Sirius Potter falls in love with the Slytherin daughter of Blaise Zabini?

Warnings: fluff, kinda angsty, slightly ooc Harry and a few swear words

This is for @im-a-writer-right writing challenge

Gif not mine

Being the daughter of Blaise Zabini is not always easy. My mother had left us when I was just a child. I was left in the care of my not so motherly grandmother and her troupe of new husbands and my father, who was really trying his best. He wasn't very fatherly by nature but he tried to be there for me whenever he could.

After the war things were better for the wizarding community. They tried to be mom judgemental based on blood status or house, but old habits die hard. My father and his Slytherin friends especially uncle Draco were shunned and looked down upon. All for the mistakes made by their parents. People would glare at them whenever they passed by. Finding jobs wasn't that easy for us. Not that we needed it but dad wanted to find a way to redeem himself. So he and uncle Draco joined auror training where obviously they were most disliked. Seeing all this around me made me determined to grow up and fight this prejudice. I told my father what I thought and he smiled and patted my head saying that he believed in me. That was all eight year old me wanted to hear and she believed it thoroughly.

But things are not as easy as it seems. I started Hogwarts soon after. I sat in a carriage all alone for a while for no one wanted to sit with a Zabini. Then came in a boy with messy black hair and brown eyes. "Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full." I was delighted! "Yes ofcourse!" "James Potter." He said extending his hand. Oh. A Potter. He'd get up and leave the moment I told him my name. "Y/n Zabini." I said preparing myself for him to walk away disgustedly. I looked up at him after a few moments. "Why didn't you run away screaming?" "Why should I have?" "Because your dad hates mine. My father is Blaise Zabini. Draco Malfoy's best friend." My words sunk in. "So you're the girl my dad told me to stay away from." I felt crestfallen. Why had some old mistakes caused me this? I blinked away tears that threatened to fall. He made no move to leave and continued to stare at me. "Why are you still here then?" "You seem like a nice girl and I think we'll be good friends." "What about your dad?" "He'll get over it and besides rules are meant to be broken." Hd said winking. I laughed. Maybe things would not be so bad.

An hour into the train ride, a boy with tan skin and red hair came to our compartment. "James! There you are. Ive been looking everywhere for you." "This Fred. He's my cousin." James told me. "Now who might this pretty girl be?" He said looking at me. I introduced myself to him, waiting for a reaction. "So this is the girl your dad warned you about?" "Yep." "Nice." "As he already told you, I'm Fred, Fred Weasley. My parents warned me too, but you seem nice and I love breaking rules so, let's be best friends." He said with a genuine smile. I nodded. My biggest fears were wiped! I hadn't reached Hogwarts and I already had two friends!

"Anything from the trolley dears?" Said the trolley witch. "Just jelly slugs thanks." I smiled. She handed it to me. I opened it and shared it with the boys. "So which house are you going to be in?" James asked me. "We're certainly gryffindors." Fred finished with a smirk. "I, uh, I think I'll be in um Slytherin." They had a shocked expression but wiped it off quickly. "Well, Slytherin would have gained a brilliant witch then."

The rest of the journey was quite uneventful. We were nearing the castle and I was quite excited! I had heard so many stories of the castle from my dad. We exited the train and walked up to this giant man who was calling all first years to him. I started walking toward him with Fred and James behind me. We reached a large lake with lots of boats. The boys ran ahead and sat on a boat. They beckoned me to them. Honestly, I was still shocked they actually wanted to be my friend! I climbed on with them and we looked at the castle in awe. The ride was relatively silent as we were all mesmerized by the view. The boat ride was over and we were at the entrance to the great hall.

A tiny profesor who introduced himself as professor Flitwick gave us an introductory speech. I listened intently getting more nervous as the time passed. Seeing my face James squeezed my hand and Fred (who was half a foot taller than me) patted my shoulder reassuringly. The large door opened and we walked in. The great hall was everything I imagined. I looked at the celing it was enchanted with the night sky and floating candles. It was beautiful! The sorting ceremony was about to begin. There was a wierd hat that burst into a song. I got quite the shock.

Professor Flitwick called out names. Some girl names Jessica Greene was sorted into Slytherin. Daniel Walker was sorted into Hufflepuff and so on.

"Potter, James." I squeezed his hand and he gave me a small smile and sat on the stool. The hall started murmuring at his name. The hat had barely been placed on his head when it called "gryffindor!" James jumped up in glee and ran to the gryffindor table. "Weasley, Fred." I smiled at him as he sat on the stool. "Gryffindor!" The hat called after a few seconds. Eventually only I was left. "Zabini, y/n." I breathed in trying to calm myself. Dad would love me no matter what house I was in. Grandmother was a different story, but still. Calm yourself y/n. I climbed onto the stool and the hat was on my head. "You are different." The hat told me. "You've got great ambition and thirst to prove yourself and to change the world. But you're also very brave and chivalrous. Where to put you? Better be Slytherin!" I smiled to myself and walked to the Slytherin table. James and Fred smiled at me and threw me a thumbs up.

"Jessica Greene." Said the blonde girl I had seen earlier. "y/n Zabini." I smiled and shook her hand. She smiled. "I think we're going to be great friends." I felt so happy! I had made 3 friends when I thought I'd make none. Headmistress McGonagall gave us a welcome speech and gave a list of forbidden places and objects; which by the look James and Fred shared and then gave me; they intended to break all of them. i giggled to myself. Hogwarts truly was a magical place. After the speech was over, the tables magically filled up with the most delicious smelling food ever! I immediately piled my plate with a variety of dishes. " You look like you've never seen food before." snorted Jessica. "I have seen food before, just not as good!" I proceeded to finish up my food while conversing with Jessica and the rest of my housemates. They were all very nice, none of them having pureblood only ideas. the feast ended and we were led to the common rooms. The Slytherin common room was in the dungeons. It was green and very cozy. i liked the vibe of the place. i shared my dorm with only 3 other girls since there were only 4 slytherin girls in first year. My bed was beside the window and i loved it!

Jessica decided that since there were so few of us, we needed to bond and stick together. So after all of had got dressed we sat down in a circle and introduced ourselves. "I'm Abigail Larson." said the girl with long brown hair and green eyes. The other girl introduced herself as Anika Smith." she had tan skin and deep brown eyes with dark brown hair. The four of spoke till late that night. I woke up a bit early the next morning, excited for our first day. I got dressed into my school robes and then went to wake up the others. Anika and Abigail woke up easily while Jessica was a whole different story. "Five more minutes." she groaned. "Ok sleepy head, but if we miss our first day of classes i doubt the teachers will be happy. She groaned again but woke up anyway. While i waited i wrote a letter to my father. I told him about my house, the sorting and my new friends." I had just finished the letter when Jess was ready. "Ready to go?" i nodded and the four of us head out to the great hall.

I split from the group so i could owl the letter. I was on my way to the owlery when i felt an arm wrap around my waist and another around my shoulder. "Well, look who it is Fred! Our little snakey friend." " Why yes it is james, say y/n already forgotten about us have you?" I giggled at the comment. "Ofcourse not! I was just about to send this letter before you two slowed me down." "Our sincerest apologies." said James not looking sincere in the slightest. They continued to follow me to the owelery talking among themself. i quickly tied the letter around my owl's leg and gave him a few treats before he took off. " Lets head to breakfast before we get late yeah?" "oh little Zabini, ever the punctual girl." Said Fred snickering slightly. I hit him in the arm and walked toward the great hall. I bid they boys goodbye and sat at the slytherin table with my friends.

First year passed by relatively fast. I topped most of my classes and was the favourite student of most of the professors. Potions was my favourite class, closely followed by charms. The year was at it's end and Fred, James and I were walking by the black lake. I kicked at a pebble before turning to the boys. "Did you tell your parents that you were friends with me?" i asked hesitantly. "Not exactly, no." they said. "Our parents would not be too happy about that." "I understand." i said sadly. I should have known,their family wouldn't welcome me with open arms would they now. "Don't be sad little snake. We'll figure it out. I promise." i smiled.

I sat in the train carriage with the girls, excited to be home. I was top of the class, a slytherin and the teachers loved me. Grandmother would be pleased. Dad, well he is proud of everything i achieve and i love him for it. During the ride James and Fred walked in. "Hello ladies, mind if we borrow our little friend here for a minute?" They nodded and I walked out of the cabin with the boys. "So we have come up with a plan for you to meet us during break without our parents getting to know." I looked at Fred and motioned him to go on. "Our close friend and fellow gryffindor, Alec Thomas lives near diagon alley. We have made a plan to meet him during the break at his house. We spoke to him and he agreed to let us stay over at his place during break. If you could come to diagon alley around the 13th of july (thats my birthday lol) we could meet up for ice cream!" "That seems like a good plan." I said thoughtfully. I was planning on telling dad about the boys anyway, this could work. They grinned. The train sounded as we drew nearer to the station. I grabbed my bag and got ready to get off at the station. I hugged the girls who had grown to become my best friends although i was closest to Jessica.

I walked around the station looking for my father. "Y/N!" His voice came. I dragged my trunk and ran to him. He pulled me in for a hug. "I missed you so much!" "I missed you too dad and i have some great news!" I told him about all my achievements and my new friends. "Your grandmother will certainly be proud. She missed you although she won't admit it." I giggled at that. We apparated home where grandmother was waiting for us. A there was a man behind her whom i did not recognize. He must be her new husband! Yeah, grandmother changed husbands like she changed clothes. I went and hugged her. "How was school?" "It was great!" I told her too of all my achievements and dad was right, she was proud of me.

The days flew by quickly. I received an owl from James asking me how I was and reminding me of our meeting in a few days. Right. I had yet to tell my dad about them. I would do it now. As i was preparing to tell him the door opened and there he was. "Hey darling." "Dad I need to tell you something." "Okay." he said cautiously. "I am friends with James Potter and Fred Weasley. Please don't be mad." He smiled at me. "I am not mad dear. In fact i am happy for you. You have made so many friends! And besides I am not going to control who you are friends with. It isn't fair. But darling, be careful. James and Fred may be nice but their family won't accept you easily." "I know that. And i will be careful. Besides, they have asked me to meet with them this week at diagon alley, Can I go daddy?" He thought about it and and sighed. "Alright. You can go." "Thankyou so much!" I hugged him.

On the morning of the day I had to meet the boys I woke up early out of sheer excitement. I ran down and ate breakfast quickly. Grandmother looked shocked to see me up early but didn't comment. I ran up to my bedroom and got dressed. "Ready to go?" Dad asked coming into my bedroom. "Yep!" We were going to get my school stuff before I met the boys. We apparated to diagon alley. Dad said he had some work to do and told me to go and buy some quills and ink in the mean time. As I left the shop my father walked toward me grinning, holding something behind his back. "As a reward for doing so well, I decided to get you this." It was a broom! Oh I loved quidditch. I used to play with dad and uncle Draco sometimes. Scorpius never liked the sport. "Thankyou so much!" It was one of the best brooms out there. Oh I'm definitely trying out for quidditch this year. He patted my back. "Looks at the time! You'll get late to meet your friends. I'll get the rest of your stuff. You go ahead." I bid him goodbye and ran to the ice cream parlour.

There on a small table were James Potter and Fred Weasley. "Hello boys." I said as I walked up to them. They greeted me cheerfully. We ordered our ice cream and sat down. "Shit!" Said James loudly. He frantically pointed at the window. I looked to see what on earth was bothering him when lo and behold the famous Harry Potter was walking toward the shop. "What do we do?" Mr Potter had already seen us so I couldn't exactly run away. "Don't mention your last name no matter what ok." Fred told me. "Hey kids." Said Mr Potter. "What brings you here dad?" James asked a bit nervously. "Oh I was just in a meeting near by and thought I'd come say hi to you both. I called Dean up and he said the two of you had come here to meet a friend who I'm assuming is this young lady here." He said pointing at me. I shot him a nervous smile, not quite knowing how to react. "Yes. Dad that is y/n. She's in our year. Top of the class." "It's great to meet you." "You too sir." I started to get nervous and I think James noticed because he said. "Dad it's getting late we better get going. Good bye!" Mr Potter looked confused but left anyway. "I'd better leave too boys. See you at school." They hugged me goodbye and I went to find my dad.

***

Fourth year

The whole incident was long forgotten. The boys and I became very close. We decided not to meet such a way ever again. The stress was too much for me.

The boys had decided that it would be fun for them to join me and the girls on our train journeys and while eating dinner ever since Albus and Scorpius had been sorted into slytherin in our third year. My friends gave me suggestive looks but eventually got bored of it and accepted the boys joining us. The train journey wasn't that different this year. "Hello ladies." Said Fred sliding into the compartment. We greeted them with a chorus of hellos. Fred sat down opposite me beside Abi. Although there was a ton of space next to him, James squeezed himself next to me almost pushing Anika off her seat. She glared at him and stood up muttering coulourful words while setting herself next to Abi. "How was you guys' summer?" He asked. "It was terrible!" I cried. It truly was. "Hey! you spent half of your summer with me." Said Jessica in mock offense. "Jess, you know what i mean." She simply smirked. "What happened?" James asked. "Well, for starters I had to help set up this stupid wizarding gala with my grandmother. She wanted to show off and sell her jewelry to other folk while at the same time hosting a ball like thing, whih mind you was boring as hell. The only people who showed up were stuck up old ladies. They had brought along their reluctant grandsons who i am sure my grandmother wanted as a potential suitor for me, and had she had her way it would have been so, but my dad would not allow it. Anyway, I spent a week of my break in that way." I finished with a sigh. I could see how badly everyone wanted to laugh or sympathize with me. "Go ahead and laugh." Everyone burst out laughing and i found myself laughing too.

We spent the rest of the journey laughing and having a gala time. We reached hogwarts and watched the sorting. Slytherin had gained 9 new students. We heard the standard starting of the year speech and tucked in. We chatted merrily until bedtime like every year. It had become a tradition to chat all night on the first day of school. I went to bed that night with a smile on my face.Hogwarts is truly a magical place.

Today was the first day of classes. I had dropped divination and taken arithmacy instead. I had heard it was a wonderful subject. Professor Howard took arithmacy and he was a brilliant teacher. I truly loved the class. I sat down at my place when in noticed a head of shaggy black hair in front of me. "James?" I asked surprised. "Y/n!" James said. "I didn't know you took this class." "Neither did I. But apparently I do now." He joked. "Only kidding. I never took divination after hearing how boring it was from my dad." 'Why don't we sit together?" He nodded and jumped over his seat and onto the one next to me. "You could have just walked you know that right?" He just grinned and shrugged innocently. I just rolled my eyes.

Fourth year wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I actually quite enjoyed it. I was sitting by the black lake. "I need your help!" came the voice of Scorpius Malfoy, following behind him was Albus Potter. "Whats up Scorp?" "Well, I like this girl and want to ask her out. But I think she hates me." "Who is this girl?" I asked. "It's my cousin, Rose." Albus cut in. Rose Granger Weasley. Another person who hated people like Scorp and me, it was because her dad doe s not like ours, but unlike the Potter boys, she refused to change her views. "Well Scorp, you should be nice to her, try being her friend, only then ask her out. If she refuses to be your friend, then I guess she is not worth the trouble. No offense Albus." "None taken. I know that Rose is a bit stuck up which can be pretty annoying." Scorpius looked dejected but nodded nonetheless. I felt a bit bad for him. But I can't really help him can I?

Today is the first quidditch game of the season. Our captain has been working out butts off sine a month. "Ready to get your arses beat?" I smirked at Fred and James. "You wish Zabini." They retorted. I walked to the slytherin changing room where our captain, Elena Johnson was waiting. "Alright. We have worked long and hard for this. Use your strategies and no cheating and we can win." We cheered and got to the pitch. I was a chaser on the team and so was James. I mounted my broom and smirked at him. He smirked back. Madam Hooch blew the whistle and the quaffle was in the air. I dived to catch it, but James caught it first. Dang it. I chased after him to try and catch the quaffle. He threw the quaffle to the hoop and just as it was about to score, my fellow chaser, Andrew caught it. He passed the quaffle to me and I scored! James was behind me now, I threw the quaffle to the third chaser, Ben who threw it at the hoop. We scored again. Slytherin was in the lead and I was ecstatic. The gryffindor chasers were trying their best to up their score. The beaters were sending bludgers left right and centre. Fred knocked a bludger in our direction, not intending to hurt anyone, but unfortunately James had come in the way and he got hit. He was a foot away from me when I saw him fall. The crowd gasped. I don't know what came over me and I dived to catch him. He nearly hit the ground when I broke his fall. I set him on the ground gently. "James. James?" I tried to shake him, but he was unconscious. Madam Hooch took him to the hospital wing and the game continued. I hoped the seeker would catch the snitch because I was unable to focus. My wishes were answered because the snitch was caught and Slytherin won the game.

I should have stayed back to celebrate but I was too concerned about James. I changed and rushed to the hospital wing. He was lying there asleep looking so peaceful. I sat by his bed and looked at him. I think I must have been there a long time because I had fallen asleep and for some reason when I woke up I was holding James' hand. I quickly retracted it. "Y/n? Is that you?" James asked. "Yea, it's me. You took a pretty bad fall there you know?" "I know. I did it so it would not hit you." "What?" "Yes." He said and before I could say anything else he fell asleep again. Typical.

What he said that day never left my mind. He obviously did it because he's my best friend. Right? RIGHT? I voiced my thoughts to Jess but she simply have me a knowing look and was no help at all. I eventually decided to let it go and move on with my life. James seemed to have forgotten he said it too. So I pretended he didn't and we were back to being best friends.

Sixth year

Although I pretended that I had forgotten what James said, I never did. His words kept resounding in my head and he never left my mind. All the tiniest things he did made it seem like he liked me. Although, he's been like that since the start. I spent the entirety of fifth year deciding whether I liked him or I was just being paranoid. Eventually I decided that I did like him and I was just lying to myself saying that I didn't. I told my friends about my revelation when they stayed over during the summer and they all responded with a "Finally!" Or something along those lines. Rude.

After I accepted I had a crush on James, I because hyper aware of him whenever he came near me. I would immediately tense and blush. I think I was pretty obvious but James was oblivious as always. Even Fred noticed and asked me about it. I tried to avoid answering his questions but he is a stubborn prat. I made him swear not to tell anyone and told him of my crush. He jumped and screamed. "I KNEW IT!" he was convinced James liked me too, but how could he? He was my best friend and besides, his father would probably kill him.

Fred seemed to take my confession as a challenge to set us up. He even managed to rope in my friends. They made us sit together I'm class, while eating. They left us alone for long periods of time but nothing. I decided that it was worthless waiting for James since he obviously didn't like me back. I would try move on. It was hard, obviously when I so clearly in love with him.

I was sitting in the library finishing my potions homework when Andrew Higgs came up to me. He was a sweet boy and was in the quidditch team with me. "Hey y/n." "Hey Andrew. What's up?" He rubbed his neck. "Do you want to go to hogsmeade with me?" I was about to say no but then I remembered that I wanted to move on. "Sure!" "Great! I'll see you tomorrow then?" I nodded.

I skipped back happily to my common room. "What's got you so happy?" Abi asked. "I got a date with Andrew." "The chaser?" "Yep!" "But what about James?" "He doesn't like me. I may as well move on." I shrugged. The girls didn't look convinced. I ignored it and left the common room for my prefect rounds. Yes I was a prefect. I had rounds alone today so I had plenty of time to think. I spent most of the year pining after him and now I only have three months left of sixth year. I may as well go on a date or two and see how it works out. As I was lost in my thoughts, I bumped into Fred. "Well well well. Look who is out after curfew." I grinned at Fred. "Is it true you have a date?" I nodded. "Don't go! James will be crushed." "I am going and he's made it clear he doesn't like me. And even if he does maybe this is the push he needs to ask me out." Fred sighed in defeat but headed back to his common room.

The weekend was here. I dressed up in a cosy but warm outfit and left for hogsmeade. I met Andrew at the three broomsticks. He hugged me and pulled out the chair for me. He was a perfect gentleman and was so much fun to talk to, but something was missing. He wasn't James. "This was fun-" I started. "But you don't like me that way?" I sighed. "I'm sorry Andrew, you're a really great person and I'd love to this again but as friends. I don't like you that way." "It's fine. I know you like Potter and it's ok. I like this ravenclaw girl but she doesn't seem to notice me so I thought I'd try to move on." I grinned at him. I bid him goodbye and headed to honeydukes to re stock my candy. I was about to pay for my sweets when fred and James came up behind me. "How was your date Zabini?" Fred asked. "It was ok." I shrugged. "You went on a date?" James asked a bit accusingly. "Yep." "Oh um that's nice. I uh I gotta go." He said practically sprinting out of the shop. " I told you he liked you." "No he does not." I was still in denial. I paid and left the shop.

James started to act wierd since that day. He started to avoid me and barely spoke to me. Heck even Albus and Scorpius noticed it. I asked Fred about it but he always just shrugged. I started spending less time with the boys and more time with my friends.

The year was over and we were on our way home. I decided that I would speak to James no matter what. "James!" "Yes?" He asked avoiding my eyes. "We need to talk." He shuffled nervously and looked at his feet. "Why have you been avoiding me?" "Avoiding you? I have not!" I gave him a look and he gave me a nervous smile. "Look i-" the train stopped and all the students came rushing out. "We'll talk about this later ok?" He said walking away. I sighed. I'll never get anything out of him.

Seventh year

James ignored all my owls that summer. He didn't even respond to the one about me becoming head girl! I told my dad of it and he sighed and patted my back. Fred still spoke to me though. He told me that James wasn't doing so well. He was always moping. That is very unlike him. Summer before my last year was pretty uneventful. Scorpius and his dad spent a lot of time in our house, not that I minded ofcourse. I wrote letters to the girls who were all travelling to different countries. Since it was my last year, I wanted to try interning with a lawyer of the wizengamot just to get a feel of what my life would be like. It was quite fun to be honest. Summer passed quickly and soon I was walking through the platform for the last time as a student. It was a bitter sweet feeling.

I dropped off my stuff in my compartment and chatted with my friends for a while. Since I had become head girl, anika was the replacement prefect. We headed the the prefect compartment where I had to give out duties. I still didn't know who the head boy was but I guess I'd find out. "James? What are you doing here?" He turned around with a guilty look. "I'm head boy." He said. "But you weren't even a prefect!" "I know, it's odd." I glared at him. He ignored me all summer and now I have to share a dorm with him?! What a life.

I ignored his presence and instructed the prefects of their duties and responsibilities. I have them the schedule and sent them off. As I was about to leave James called out my name. "I don't want to hear it Potter." I threw him an icy glare and walked out. My heart hurt. After all this time I still liked him.

After the feast we all headed back to our respective dorms. It was the first time I'd be away from my friends in school since first year. Usually I would have been happy with James as head boy but at the moment I was very angry.

I set my things in my side of the dorm and head downstairs to the common area where James seemed to be waiting for me. "Y/n! Please just listen to me." "No James. I listened to you last year during school, in the train, I sent you letters but you never responded to them. I think you've lost your chance." I said turning around. He grabbed my wrist and kissed me. I found myself kissing him back.

Realising what I did I pulled away. "No you can't do that! You can't just ignore me and then kiss me!" "I'm sorry I did that to you. When you went on that date with Andrew I got jealous. I was going to tell you I liked you that day but then you went on a date with him and I just snapped I guess. I thought if I distance myself from you my feelings would go away but they didn't. They just became stronger. That's why I didn't answer your letters and I'm sorry." He said looking genuinely sorry. "Why didn't you just talk to me?" I asked making him look at me. "I don't know, I just felt guilty after a point I guess." I wrapped him in a hug. "I forgive you but please never do that again." "You mean that?" I nodded. He immediately kissed me again. My heart fluttered excitedly in my chest. I pulled away for air. "But James, your dad!" "He'll get over it. For now, I just want to be with you."

We didn't plan on telling our friends they way we did. They walked in on us kissing and boy were they pissed. They got over it though. James and I spent most of our time together. It was quite nice actually. Our NEWTS were coming up and I decided to stay back at Hogwarts for Christmas to study. James stayed back too. We occasionally tried to study together but it always failed.

The NEWTS weren't as hard as they were made to be. I think I did quite well honestly. On our last week of school, James and i called our close friends to the head dorm where they would stay the night and we would have fun. We stayed up for most of the night and i cuddled into James' side. "You two are sickeningly sweet." Fred fake gagged. "It's not like you and Audrey are any better." I stuck my tongue out at him. Audrey was Fred's girlfriend. She was nice. "I will really miss this place." Ani sighed. "Me too." "We made so many memories here!" "Let us all promise to stay friends after hogwarts and for the rest of our lives." Said Fred. "Deal" We all said together.

Our graduation ceremony was everything I imagined and better. We sat in the Hogwarts Express for the last time ever as students. I walked onto the platform and sighed. "There's my dad." I pointed in the crowd. "Can I meet him?" James asked me. "You want to?" He nodded. "If you can't meet my father yet, atleast i can meet yours." He followed me to my dad. "Dad, this is James. He is the boyfriend I told you about.""So you are the handsome young lad who stole my daughter's heart? It's great to meet you son. I hope you're taking good care of my daughter.""It's actually her who takes care of me, but I try my best." Dad chuckled. "Good answer. You've got a good one." He told me. I moved to kiss James on the cheek but he moved his face so i kissed his lips. "I'll see you soon, hopefully." He grinned and walked away. I followed my dad and we apparated home.

James' POV

Just as I was about to find my parents, dad walked upto me. I was startled to say the least. "Who's the girl?" He asked me. "Oh no one." I shrugged nervously. "So you just go around kissing no one?" I laughed nervously. Thankfully mom came and saved me. "Ready to go?" She asked. I ran up to her and we apparated home. I spent a few days avoiding dad. I didn't want to answer unnecessary questions about my girlfriend. Unfortunately luck wasn't on my side for long. I was sitting in our backyard when he sat down beside me.

"So tell me about your girlfriend." Well, there was no escaping this now. "She's really sweet yeah, cares about me alot. She's smart and great at quidditch. She's perfect in my eyes." "And her father, doesn't happen to be Blaise Zabini does he because I remember her with him." I started to get angry. When would he see past this silly prejudices. "Yes dad she is his daughter." "I want you to stay away from her." "DAD NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" I yelled at him. "I can do anything I want because I'm your father. That girl is nothing but trouble. Look at his family tree! A whole lot of death eaters they are." "Her father wasn't a death Eater. And nor is she. She's the best thing to happen to me and you can't make me leave her." "Then you leave us. It's either your family or that girl." "THEN I PICK Y/N! Atleast she doesn't make me pick." "Alright then. Leave." "You can't be serious." "I am." "Fine!" I stormed up to my room and whipped out my wand. I packed my belongings and went to Albus' room. I hugged him and then went and hugged lily and walked out the door. But where would I go? I can't go to Fred's house because dad would obviously find me there. So I apparated to the Zabini manor.

I knocked at the door hoping she would be home. "Coming!" Came her sweet voice. "James? What are you doing here?" She asked looking very confused. "I'll tell you everything, but can I come in first?" "Yeah ofcourse." She let me in and I told her everything. I could see the regret and heart break in her eyes when I told her the story. "Oh James! You shouldn't have left!" "What and break up with you?" "If it means you wouldn't lose your family then, yes!" "But what would I do without you? I love you!" "James, my love, you mean everything to me. But family is always more important. You will find someone else to spend your life with. You need to let go." " I can't do that. I need you." "You need your family more. I'll tell you what. Spend a few days here and then go back. Cool your mind. But I'm not going to be with you if it costs you your entire family James. I love you too much for that." I felt years brimming in my eyes but I nodded. She stopped me in a hug and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Y/n? Who is that?" "It's just James dad. Can he stay here for a few days? He got into a fight with his father." "Alright. I'll tell Jenny to fix up a bedroom for him." "Wait dad, is it ok if he sleeps in my bedroom?" "Ok but only for tonight. And no funny buisness you two. I don't need grandchildren this early." She chuckled lightly and shook her head. We went up to her bedroom and got changed. She lied down and pat the space next to her. I joined her in bed and wrapped my arms around her. "I'll love you forever no matter what." I heard her whisper to me before I fell asleep with the love of my life in my arms.

I had stayed with her for a few days and I had to return home that day. I grudgingly packed my things. I kissed her one last time and apparated home. "So you're back I see." Said dad smugly. "Yes. And only because the girl you hate so much forced me to come back." "See. I told you she would ditch you." I started to get angry. "She did not ditch me. She said she'd rather I break up with her than lose you and my family. But clearly she was wrong." Dad looked a bit embarassed after my out burst. I went back to my room and ignored him for the rest of the day. Albus was the only person I talked too because he understood my situation. He was sad too because he liked her in a sisterly way very much. It was a week after I returned and I was looking at career options when dad knocked on my door.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I realise I was wrong in making you break up with that girl who you clearly love. I spoke with hermione and your mother and they too agreed that what I did was wrong. So I am now here to say you have all our blessings." "Really?" I asked unable to believe my ears. "Thanks dad!" I hugged him. "Now go get her tiger. But wait. I want you to give her this." He pulled out a box with the most beautiful ring. "But dad we're so young!" "I know. It was my mom's. I got it back much after I got married so I kept it for you or Albus. You don't have to give it to her right now. But if you do, I wish you all the best." He gave me the box and left. I thought about what he said. Maybe I do want to marry her.

I apparated to Zabini manor and frantically knocked the door. The door opened revealing a disheveled y/n. "James? Why are you back i-" I cut her off and firmly kissed her. "I missed you so much." "I missed you too but what about your dad?" "He's ok with it. He realised his mistake." "That's great James! I'm so happy for you!" "Yeah me too. I also wanted to give you this." I got down on one knee and opened the ring box. "I know we are young, we have so much of our life ahead of us! And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you more than words can say my love. So will you y/n Zabini make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?" Her eyes started to water and she smiled at me. "Ofcourse I will! But not right now. I will stay engaged to you but I want to settle down first you know?" "I understand I do. And I totally agree with you. I'm with you all the way." I got up and spun her around.

I heard a sniffle and we jumped apart. "That was cutest proposal ever!" Said Mr Zabini. "Thank you mr Zabini." I grinned. "Well you might as well start calling me dad." There was a knock on the door. "Oh that must be your father James. I called him when you started your speech." The house elf opened the door and I saw my parents and siblings enter. "I guess it's time to make amends." Dad said to mr Zabini, I mean, other dad. "You must be my future daughter in law." "Yes sir. I am." She smiled at him. Mom came up and hugged her. "It's great to finally meet the girl who is going to marry my oldest little boy!" Mom gushed. "Mom!" I said embarassed. They started to mingle among each other and I sighed happily. Things did get better and I could not be happier.

Four years later

It was finally the day I was going to marry the love of my life. I flattened the non existent creases on my black suit when Fred walked in. "Chill out James you look fine." "How is she?" "She's good too." He was my best man and also one of y/n's best guy friends and so he got to see bith of us but we couldn't see each other since a week which was a bit unfair you know? We were engaged for 4 years which is a long time. In that much time, y/n became a lawyer, I became a professional quidditch player. Time sure flew by.

"Alright James. It's time." Mum said entering my room. "I can't believe you're getting married! It feels like just yesterday you were in diapers." She sniffed. "Mum!" I groaned. "Sorry. Let's go now." I walked to my position on the altar waiting for my beautiful bride to arrive. What felt like hours but was infact only five minutes I saw her. She looked like a godess. Radiance reflected out of her. She looked gorgeous in her white dress. I felt myself tear up as she walked down the aisle with her father. She stood infront of me and grinned.

While the priest spoke I could not take my eyes off her. I was so distracted I didn't realise I had to say my vows. The crowd laughed and I blushed. I recited my vows and so did she.

"I do." "You may now kiss the bride." I was waiting for those words since the start of the week. I kissed her with all the love I held in my heart and the crowd awwd.

At the dinner table fred who was my best man had to give a speech. He spoke of our time in Hogwarts and all the embarassing things I did. Next Jessica who was the maid of honor spoke of y/n's side of things. The guests laughed at our antics. It was time for our first dance. "May I have this dance m'lady" "Yes you may kind sir." She smiled and extended her hand. I pulled her up and we walked to the dance floor. I out my arms around her waist and she on my shoulders. As we swayed to the music I could only think of her.

"I love you Mrs Potter." God I loved saying that. "And I love you Mr Potter."

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