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Christmas One Gingerbread Cookie at a Time - Read on AO3

Love, loss, new beginnings, and bittersweet endings: a journey through Carlos and TK's holidays across the years.

December 2020

The car is quiet as they drive to a restaurant for date night. The silence only interrupted by Carlos' soft voice when he asks, "So, how are you celebrating Christmas?" His fingers tap anxiously against the steering wheel in a nervous gesture he had surely picked up from TK.

"Christmas?" TK raises an eyebrow and looks at Carlos questionably, but his boyfriend is doing everything in his power to focus on the road ahead of them and not on him.

Carlos sighs when they have to stop at a traffic light, reluctantly turns to look at TK, and smiles tentatively at him. "Yes, Christmas. You know, the holiday happening in one week. That ring any bells?"

"I'm Jewish, Carlos," TK says matter-of-factly, "I haven't celebrated a real Christmas since my dad tried when I was seven. He forgot to defrost the turkey, then burned the ham and had to call his own firehouse to turn off the fire alarm."

Carlos grimaces. "I know." He stops and swallows a few times. "That you're Jewish, I mean, not that Captain Strand can't be trusted with Christmas dinner."

TK smiles and reaches a hand to stop Carlos' fidgeting one. He squeezes once and lets go so it can go back to tapping a finger on the stick shift. "Why? Are you asking me to Christmas with the Reyes?"

He means for his question to be lighthearted, teasing even, for it to be a way to break away some of the tension in the car and put his boyfriend at ease. He doesn't have to always walk on eggshells around him. But the way Carlos instantly freezes and seems to have stopped breathing triggers warning bells inside his head.

Ever since Alex, he has been looking for red flags everywhere and he has been determined to stop after that fateful night at the police station, but, seeing Carlos stare wide-eyed ahead, his fingers no longer tapping but holding onto the stick shift for dear life, all TK can see is red.

Still, he tries to calm down his racing heart. Tries to breathe deeply a few times, which is decisively hard since he doesn't want Carlos to notice. A beat passes, then another and another, and only when TK is sure he can talk without bursting into tears or throwing himself out of the moving car does he speak again.

"I'm kidding," TK whispers, and his breath hitches on the last three letters. "I haven't even met your parents yet."

He wants to say more, thinks he should say more, but he isn't in control enough to trust what would come tumbling out of his mouth if he did.

Carlos doesn't say anything. He is grasping the steering wheel like his life depends on it, like it's the only thing tethering him to this world, to this reality, and he's scared of letting go and simply drifting away forever.

TK kicks himself mentally for making that comment, even if he doesn't know why it's affecting Carlos so much. And maybe he doesn't want to know. But he can't doom their relationship for the third time in less than a year, so he pushes past his own apprehensions and sets his hand over Carlos's that is resting in between them. He runs his thumb over the back of his boyfriend's hand and smiles to himself when he sees some of the tension that had been there a second ago leave Carlos's shoulders.

"I was joking, I promise," he tries again, wishing Carlos were less good at hiding his feelings so he could see some of it on his face. "I'm perfectly content with listening to Harry Styles on repeat and eating Sufganiyot my mom brought."

That finally makes Carlos look at him out of the corner of his eye, and TK chuckles at the incredulous look on his face. "Sufganiyot," he repeats, more slowly this time, "they're like a cross between a beignet and a jelly donut, and we eat them for Hanukkah."

Carlos seems to slowly mull over the new information before his face breaks into the most adorable and equally blinding smile TK has ever seen. "Do you want to come over on Christmas' Eve and help me bake some cookies?"

TK's first instinct is to decline the invitation. He doesn't like to be an inconvenience, or to be invited somewhere out of pity. But Carlos's smile is truly blinding, and TK doesn't think he's that good of an actor, so he must really want him there.

"Sure," he finally says. Because a night not so long ago, under a multicolored sky, TK promised himself he would be the reason Carlos' smile was there in the first place, and not the man that wiped it away. So now, as Carlos parks in front of the restaurant, he nods and smiles back.

Carlos jumps a little, clapping his hands together, and lets out an honest to God squeal. It's cute, but TK's not about to admit that out loud.

"You won't regret it. My Christmas cookies are legendary," he promises excitedly, before looking at his watch and ushering TK out of the car and towards the restaurant because they're already late.

-x-x-x-

TK does in fact regret it.

And in retrospect, he should have seen it coming. This is the same man that turned a casual dinner into a five course dinner that could rival the best three Michelin stars restaurant and made him want to run for the hills. But his smile had been so earnest when he asked that TK didn't have the heart to turn him down. Even if that smile, and everything that hid behind, sometimes still made him want to lock away his heart and throw away the key.

It's that smile that TK chooses to focus on now as he dips his hand in the bag of red and green M&Ms and dutifully sprinkles them over the dough still sitting in the mixer.

There are gingerbread molasses, Classic Sugar, and Chocolate Chip cookies cooling in various racks on the kitchen counter, Gingerbread Man on the dining table waiting to be cooked, Snickerdoodle Bars and White Chocolate Barks hardening on Carlos's bed because they ran out of space in the kitchen and Carlos is adding the jelly to one half of the Linzer Star Sandwiches while the tops finish baking in the oven.

The house looks like a poor man's bakery and TK belatedly wishes he had asked for more information when Carlos extended the invitation. Because apparently, to Carlos, baking cookies means baking hundreds of assorted cookies because it's a Carlos Reyes tradition to give a box to all his family members and friends, which also includes mailing one to those no longer living in Austin.

"Why did you wait until the night before Christmas if you wanted to bake enough cookies to rival an Oreo factory?" TK asks distractedly, his tongue sticking out as he concentrates on scooping the dough in the exact amount Carlos had shown him and setting them on the tray at the adequate distance so they don't, quote unquote, "run against each other, making one mess of a giant cookie like that one time his sister tried to help and ruined Christmas".

Carlos snorts and stops what he's doing to look apologetically up at him. "I usually start baking the week before Christmas, but work and other things have been keeping me pretty busy this year."

"So, you only invited me because you were behind schedule and needed an assistant?" TK shakes his head, feigning annoyance. "Unbelievable."

Carlos drops his spatula and turns panicked eyes to TK. He opens his mouth, but TK swallows whatever he was about to say with a kiss. "Hey, I'm kidding. I'm happy to be here."

Carlos' hands are sticky with powdered sugar and frosting, but he still cups TK's cheeks and kisses him again before he strays too far away. "I'm really happy you're here," he breaths against his lips when they part again.

TK nods, closing his eyes, and rests his forehead on Carlos'. "This sure beats listening to music and eating pastries alone," he says sincerely, before a cheeky grin overtakes his sweet smile, "and it got me out of trying new vegan eggnog recipes with my dad."

Carlos gasps, and dramatically clutches his chest. "You wound me, Tyler. Here I thought you genuinely wanted to bake together."

TK sticks his tongue out and fights the urge to remind Carlos he's never baked a day in his life. He likes eating pastries, not actually making them. Although, on second thought, he might actually enjoy baking with him. But he doesn't say any of that, instead he dips his finger on the frosting and smears it across Carlos' nose. "You're one to talk. I'm only here as your personal assistant."

"You're lucky you're not, or HR would have fired you already," Carlos mutters, catching TK's hands before he can smear more frosting across his face and licking it off his finger.

TK lets out a good-natured chuckle and accompanies it with a playful wink. "You'd miss me too much," he quips, a mischievous grin dancing on his lips as he reaches forward to snatch a gingerbread man out of the tray, ignoring Carlos' previous remark of no cookies until after dinner.

Were it anyone else, Carlos would have snatched the cookie right back, but seeing as it's TK, and he's been screwed since that night at the Honky Tonk, he just waits expectantly for his verdict.

TK breaks the cookie in half, offering one half to Carlos. He takes it but instead of taking a bite off it, leans forward and bites the exposed end away from TK's fingers, holding out his own half for him in return.

TK's eyes widen in shock at Carlos' move, but it quickly transitions into an infectious, delighted laugh. "Well played," he concedes, shaking his head in defeat before taking a bite off the offered half with a sigh of appreciation.

"Good?" Carlos asks, eyebrows raised expectantly.

TK finishes the cookie, and leans forward to kiss Carlos. "Delicious," he finally breathes out into the shared space.

Carlos rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face remains. "I meant the cookie," he jests, trying to fake annoyance but the affection in his gaze is unmistakable.

TK taps his chin, as if he was thinking it over. "Cookie was good," he confirms, his tone soft and warm. He leans in, swiftly licking the chocolate ganache off Carlos' nose. "Frosting was too. But you're so much better than both."

December 2021

On December 2nd, within an Austin apartment, a man leans forward, his hand trembling slightly as he lights a new candle. He's careful not to drop the shamash as he sets it back in the menorah, not wanting to incur the wrath of more than one version of his God. The warm glow of the candles reflects on his face, illuminating the tears streaming down his face, yet failing to reach the depths of his broken soul.

The space is quiet, except for the gentle melody of Christmas music resonating from the living room speakers. Discarded, burnt cookies lie in the trash, while an open recipe book on the counter remains set to a page featuring Sufganiyot. Despite the fact he still can't actually pronounce the word, he attempted to make them, yet the dough now rests in a bowl, half-submerged in water in the sink.

In a corner of the room stands a Christmas tree, its lights only partially aglow—the string ending somewhere in the middle. Sparse ornaments dot its branches, creating a feeble attempt at holiday cheer.

The rest of the apartment isn't much better and it mirrors the disarray. Pizza boxes occupy the coffee table, frozen meal cartons crowd the trash can, and the coffee pot wears the stains from previous mornings.

Settling onto the couch, the glow of his phone reveals a series of unanswered texts on his phone—Christmas party invitations waiting to be received, inquiries about lunch and dinner plans or post-work drinks demanding responses, family members and friends asking if he's okay and if there's anything they can do.

Shaking his head, he fails to respond to any message, except for a brief thumbs-up and smiley face sent to his mother confirming Sunday dinner plans. With a dismissive flick, he sends his phone flying to the other side of the couch.

The side of the couch that's empty and will remain empty, just like the unoccupied side of his bed.

That night, Carlos cries himself to sleep, his pillow the only thing absorbing his silent despair. He cries some more in the morning, then he washes his face, dresses up, and goes to work.

-x-x-x-

The following morning, a man arrives at his workplace in another part of Austin, awkwardly clutching tins of Christmas cookies, each adorned with matching ribbon and bow.

"When did you become the Pillsbury Doughboy?" teases one of his coworkers upon receiving a tin.

"Christmas cookies, sweet!" exclaims another, already savoring a bite of a ginger molasses treat.

"Did you bake this?" questions someone else, eyeing a Snickerdoodle Bar skeptically.

With a nod, the man meets their doubtful gazes. Beneath their skepticism, he senses their sadness. A shared sorrow that weighs on all of them, but nowhere as heavy as on his shoulders. It's an invisible cloak that threatens to choke him, gradually stealing his breath since that one fateful night when it all ended with a bang and not a whimper.

The previous night had been particularly bad, prompting him to bake. The first batch emerged too soft, the second too hard, the third burnt, and only the last batch turned out right.

He shed tears as he tasted the first cookie, yet he pressed on. His teardrops continued to glisten on the counter as he added ingredients to the mixer, frosted cookies and waited for others to cool down.

He didn't have a big family—no sisters, nieces or nephews, no brother-in-law, tías, or abuelos, to share the cookies with. But he had a work family and, thus, here he was, sharing with them the cookies born out of his despair.

Hesitantly, and then more animatedly, his friends sample the cookies, their expressions gradually softening into genuine smiles. He finds it in himself to smile back. And in that simple exchange of hesitant bites and shared smiles, a missing piece falls into place even if the greater picture is still missing.

An alarm goes off somewhere in the distance and it interrupts their conversation, though he wasn't particularly inclined to speak in the first place. Snatching a bite of a plain sugar cookie, he hurriedly exists, a solitary tear trailing down his cheek as he goes.

For the rest of the day, TK works, and that night, he bakes. Then he cries and eats broken pieces of gingerbread men with hot chocolate for dinner.

-x-x-x-

Weeks later, the two men step into the same Austin apartment, for the first time in weeks. The holiday decorations are gone and the place looks tidier than before.

"You moved me in," one of them says.

"Welcome home," his boyfriend responds, before leaning in until their lips meet.

They kiss like it's the first time all over again, but also like it could be their last.

Throughout the next few hours, their gaze remains locked in an unbroken connection as they reacclimate to the shapes of their bodies, the lines etched on their faces, and the cadence of their voices. All the while, TK's hand entwined with Carlos serves as an anchor to this lifetime, grounding him in the present, while Carlos' body pressed against TK is as a promise that, for as long as they're together, the chill of loneliness, and nearly dying, will never return.

December 2022

Carlos lugs the Christmas tree through the door, balancing it precariously as he kicks the door shut behind him. He glances around the apartment, noting the silence and lack of festive cheer. When his gaze lands on TK, he can't help but deflate a little. He's still sitting dejectedly at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone with a distant look in his eyes.

He sighs softly, deciding to give TK some space. Setting the tree in the corner of the living room, Carlos starts quietly decorating it, the sound of rustling branches the only thing breaking the silence in the house. Eventually, he goes to their room to get the remaining ornaments and out of the corner of his eye, sees TK staring intently at his phone, a picture of Gwyn and little Jonah on the screen.

Heart aching, Carlos skips the ornaments and walks to the kitchen instead. "Hey," he says softly, gently placing a hand on TK's shoulder, "Want to talk about it?"

TK looks up, his eyes clouded with unshed tears. "What's there to talk about?" He shrugs and leans closer to Carlos' side. "I just… I miss her so much, Carlos. I miss her every day, but I miss her a little more on Christmas because that's a time we were always together, even when I moved with my dad, and when we came to Texas. She always made sure to come visit even if just for a weekend."

Carlos pulls him closer and places a kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry, TK." He wishes he could say more, but what can he say when he has never experienced the kind of pain that envelops TK now. He knows loss, all first responders do to some extent, but his parents are both still alive so he feels complete in a way that he knows TK will never be again.

"How do you feel about baking some of her favorite cookies?" He proposes, wanting to distract his boyfriend somehow. "I remember you said she always made some when she visited. We can include them in the gift boxes I'm putting together for our family and friends."

TK shakes his head, a small, sad smile on his lips. "Baking was her thing… and it's your thing too. Not mine."

Carlos sighs dejectedly and sits down next to him, their knees touching. "Would you be open to me baking some of her recipes? You don't have to help if you're not in the mood. If not, I can just bake the gingerbread man I was planning for today."

Looking uncertain, TK manages an almost convincing nod. He stands and returns a moment later carrying an old recipe book, its pages wrinkled in the corners and stained from many hours in the kitchen.

"Thank you, I promise to take care of it." Carlos grabs the book and starts gathering ingredients.

Meanwhile, TK continues scrolling through photos on his phone, a lone tear escaping every time he sees his mother's smile. Eventually he takes a deep breath and joins Carlos at the kitchen island.

Quietly, Carlos turns the book so they can both see and hands TK a bag of almonds so he can measure the right amount.

In the next few hours, the broken pieces of TK's heart start to mend with each new ingredient added into the mix.

They work side by side in companionable silence, with Carlos guiding TK through the steps, their hands brushing occasionally, igniting invisible embers in their wake.

"I remember when I was little," TK says when they're forming the almond crescents to set in the tray. "Mom would let me roll the dough. I always made a mess, but she never got mad. She only laughed and said the messier the kitchen, the better the result."

Carlos chuckles, his eyes twinkling as he imagines a young TK with flour in his hair and his small hands sticky with butter. "Thank you for sharing that memory with me."

"Thank you… for doing this, Carlos. It means a lot," TK says softly, his voice thick with emotion.

"Anything for you, Tyler. We're in this together."

-x-x-x-

Later they move to the living room, the aroma of vanilla and almond heavy and familiar in the air.

Together, they finish with the lights and start hanging ornaments: glass globes and icicles, wooden figurines, iron snowflakes, and some vintage ornaments from past generations of Carlos' family.

Once they're done, just before they settle the star to finish the tree, Carlos asks TK to wait and rushes to their room. He comes out a moment later and hands TK a final ornament.

TK cradles the piece in shaking hands, and takes a deep breath. "This was my mom's favorite," he explains, his voice barely above a whisper. It's a Star of David made in fabric, with a picture of TK, Gwyn, and Owen in the center. He'd made it for his mom as a class project.

"I found it last week in one of the boxes Enzo sent, I thought you would want it near. I hope I didn't overstep," Carlos says, wringing his hands as he waits.

"You could never, but… are you sure you want it on the tree?" TK can't help but ask. "It's old and tattered, and everything else is so nice and sparkly."

Carlos smiles at the gesture but shakes his head anyway. "It's not about a perfect tree, TK. It's about one that's a little of you and a little of me… and us, and our families. It's about bringing a bit of her back into our lives."

TK looks into Carlos' eyes, seeing only love and sincerity there. "She'd love this," he says as he moves to hang the ornament, but Carlos stops him with a tentative hand on his shoulder.

"Then let's put it at the top." He takes the ornament and raises on his tiptoes, settling it in place of the usual star.

Seeing it there, some weight lifts off of TK's shoulders and the tightness in his chest eases just a little.

Together they step back to admire their work, matching smiles on their faces as they stare up at the small symbol of Gwyn's presence in their lives.

Carlos wraps an arm around TK's waist, pulling him close. "Merry Christmas, TK."

"Merry Christmas, Carlos," TK replies, a sense of peace washing over him.

December 2023

Their first Christmas as a married couple wasn't supposed to be Carlos' first without his father, just as their first Christmas in their shared apartment wasn't supposed to be TK's first without his mother. But life's a bitch and here they are (or rather Tim is a bitch but TK and Carlos don't know about the omnipotent God destined to bring them misery and leave them parentles, and so still, here they are).

It's December 15th, the last day of Hanukkah and less than two weeks before Christmas, and the Reyes-Strand residence couldn't look any less festive. The menorah is lit, illuminating the corner of the living room and casting shadows across the rest of the space. But the Christmas tree is still at the farm, and the flour for the traditional cookies is still at the store. Instead, there's a poor excuse of a pre-illuminated, pre-decorated tiny tree sitting atop the coffee table, surrounded by unopened boxes from Amazon containing Walker’s Assorted Shortbread, Royal Dansk Danish Cookies, and White Fudge Oreos—a makeshift substitute for the cherished baked goods Carlos usually creates.

Carlos sits on the couch, staring blankly at the Hallmark movie playing on the TV, uncharacteristically unmoved by the decorations the protagonist walks past. His demeanor is as blank as his motivations and he wants nothing more than for the holidays to end and December to go on its merry way.

The months following Gabriel's passing were undeniably tough, but eventually, in between the shared pain with his mother and sisters, and the love and support he received every day from TK and their friends, Carlos found the strength to move forward. Slowly, he reached a point where he could smile again without guilt or the threat of an imminent breakdown.

It all had gone well, or well enough, until December arrived. Gabriel had loved Christmas, and with his life also went Carlos' inherited love for the holiday. Despite his own sadness, he tried to be present for TK and their friends as they got carried away in the holiday excitement. Everything worked out until a few nights ago when he was driving home from work, and "Feliz Navidad" started playing on the radio. It was his father's favorite Holiday song, and it pushed Carlos over the edge. He parked his car on the shoulder in the middle of the highway and cried until TK called him an hour later, asking if he was working overtime and had forgotten to tell him.

And so, every night since then, Carlos had come home from work tired and sad, carrying takeout and apologies. They ate in silence and watched in silence as the Hallmark magic failed to reach their living room.

This night is no different. When the credits roll on Hallmark's 'The Secret Gift of Christmas', Carlos automatically kisses TK on the forehead and mumbles something about being tired and going to bed early.

At this point in their routine, TK usually takes a hold of Carlos' hand and follows his boyfriend into the room, getting into bed together and running his fingers through his curls until he falls into a restless sleep. Tonight, however, he says he's too awake to sleep and stays behind.

TK waits until the bedroom door closes, a hushed silence settling over the room. Then he tiptoes into the kitchen and starts planning.

-x-x-x-

The following night, TK is reassured he's made the right choice as soon as he turns to Carlos, who is sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the 'Holiday Baking Championship: Gingerbread Showdown', playing on the TV. It took TK a few months of knowing Carlos to realize he loved baking shows as much as he loved baking itself. Typically, his boyfriend is a bundle of nervous energy and excitement when they watch. Tonight, however, he's quiet and subdued, and TK dearly misses his running commentary about the contestants and the treats they're trying to make. He even misses his uncharacteristic snark when someone messes up and his adorable muttering that he could have done it better.

As the living room clock ticks closer to eight o'clock it's TK who becomes the bundle of nervous energy as his conviction wavers, and he begins questioning his decision. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, he has no time to wonder further as the doorbell rings, and Carlos turns to look at him uncertainly.

"Can you get that? Please," TK calls offhandedly, busying himself with some dishes that needed drying.

Carlos raises a suspicious eyebrow and gingerly lifts from the couch. "Are we expecting someone?"

"Just takeout," TK lies, shelving the plates and cups from breakfast but looking at the front door out of the corner of his eye.

"Right." Carlos stops by the antique mirror he inherited from his grandmother to fix his hair, straighten the neck of his Polo, and take a few deep, calming breaths.

A shriek welcomes him as he opens the door. Instead of a delivery driver, there's Judd and Paul struggling to carry a fresh Christmas tree in between them, Mateo fumbling with various grocery bags and a case of beer, Marjan holding Target bags of Christmas ornaments, and Nancy, arms full with a Yule Log Cake from their favorite local bakery. Grace and Tommy are standing at the back, alongside Charlie, Evie, and Izzy, the last of which is carrying three boxes of various gingerbread houses.

More surprising is the fact they're all dressed in Christmas Pajamas ranging from completely adorable to hilariously inappropriate.

"Hey everyone," Carlos says, his breath hitching, and vision blurring.

"Hi Reyes. Thanks for having us," they all say in chorus.

Their friends are already familiar with the Reyes-Strand residence as if it were their own and they waste no time making themselves at home. Judd and Paul expertly navigate the Christmas tree through the door, their laughter filling the air when they almost knock over a framed picture of the firefam plus Carlos last 4th of July. Mateo arranges the food on the kitchen counter with one hand, the other already holding a beer can, while Marjan untangles strings of Christmas lights and Nancy opens boxes of ornaments and arranges them on the coffee table. Grace and Tommy, with the help of Evie, Izzy, and Charlie, begin to set up the living room with festive decorations.

TK notices Carlos standing by the door, shocked by the unexpected gathering of friends, and gestures to the others to go on without them. Concerned, he makes his way to his husband, gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," TK says softly, looking into Carlos' eyes. "You okay?"

Carlos, still processing the scene in front of him, startles a little. Eventually he manages a nod and a tentative smile. "Yeah, just overwhelmed. I didn't expect…"

TK understands the unspoken words and pulls Carlos into a hug. "I wanted to make this holiday special for you, for both of us. Our friends thought so too. They have been texting all week asking to come over. They wanted to bring some Holiday cheer to us," he whispers, and his breath near Carlos' neck is warm and tingly and comfortable.

"Thank you." Carlos takes a deep breath, melting into TK's embrace. "I never thought I'd have this again."

TK sighs sadly and squeezes him a little tighter. "We can make new traditions, babe. We can celebrate with our friends, and just the two of us. We can create new memories," he pauses, letting his words reach Carlos before he continues, "and none of that is going to erase the traditions or memories you shared with your dad. Just like they didn't erase the ones I shared with my mom. They would want us to be happy and carry on enjoying the holidays."

Carlos nods into TK's shoulder, giving himself an extra moment to breathe him in before he pulls back. "How did I get so lucky?" He asks seriously, cupping TK's cheek and running his thumb over his bottom lip.

"I've been asking myself that same question for years," TK replies, without missing a beat. "We're a team, remember?" He closes the distance between them and kisses Carlos chastely, hoping to avoid the familiar groans and chants to "find a room".

"Besides, your smile? It makes it all worth it."

Before Carlos can respond, TK pulls him into their room and dresses them in matching pajamas before they rejoin their friends in the living room, the atmosphere already buzzing.

They decide to divide and conquer, and spend the next few hours setting up the tree, decorating it and the living room, baking chocolate chip and sugar cookies, and building three gingerbread houses because Evie, Izzy and Charlie couldn't agree on one.

Quickly, the room is transformed into a lively scene of laughter and friendly arguments, much like the Hallmark movies Carlos is so fond of. By the time the clock ticks midnight, the living room is no longer bare and shadowed, but adorned with twinkling lights, enough ornaments to rival Santa's workshop, and the fresh scent of a Christmas tree and recently baked cookies.

With the parents of the group having all gone home, way past the girls' bedtime, the exhausted remaining members of the group lounge in between the furniture and the floor, finishing the day eating cookies, broken pieces of gingerbread houses, and drinking spiked hot chocolate or apple cider.

When Carlos goes to bed a few hours later, he's still sad and a little bit overwhelmed, but he breathes a little easier. The holiday magic that seemed lost has been rekindled by the people who care about them the most.

December 2024

Carlos stands by the cabin's window, gazing out at the twinkling Christmas lights adorning the houses of their temporary neighbors. Snow had been lightly falling for hours, initially dusting the ground in a soft, white blanket. Now, it fully covers the yard, their car, and every road leading out of town and to the airport.

Resigned, he turns back to the room, which is filled with the comforting scent of pine and cinnamon. TK is bustling around, unpacking the luggage he had only packed this morning just before their phones buzzed with matching alerts informing them that their flight had been canceled.

After a challenging year in which they almost lost their way to each other, TK had convinced him to abandon tradition and embrace the new beginning that was thwarted before. No one had passed away recently, and their ghosts and demons were finally at peace.

So instead of spending a familiar Christmas at home, they had taken a flight to Aspen and spent a magical week getting familiar with each other and relearning the ways to make each other's hearts soar. The cozy cabin, with its roaring fireplace and rustic charm, had become a sort of sanctuary for them, a place where they could truly reconnect without other people and their jobs taking their attention.

Sensing eyes on him, TK pauses and looks up, a smile breaking on his face as soon as he sees Carlos staring. "You know, since we're snowed in, we might as well make the most of it."

Carlos raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh? What did you have in mind?" He asks, his tone light and playful.

TK grins and nods towards the kitchen. "How about we bake some cookies?"

"Cookies?" Carlos looks dumbfounded at the many boxes of homemade cookies Andrea sent "because it's important to keep tradition alive."

"We're alone in a snowed-in cabin, with nothing to do and nowhere to be, and you want to bake cookies? Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?" He asks seriously.

TK chuckles, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Do you have other ideas, Ranger Reyes?"

Carlos nods and beckons TK closer. "I wouldn't mind continuing what we were doing last night," he whispers, his breath hot on TK's ear. "We don't have a hot tub at home, after all."

"I like the way you think." TK leans back and kisses Carlos chastely, laughing when his husband chases him and stumbles as he leads the way to the fenced-in patio.

-x-x-x-

"This week has been perfect," Carlos murmurs sometime later. He wraps his arms around TK from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder as they stand in matching ugly sweaters and cozy sweatpants gazing at the Christmas tree they decorated on their first night here.

TK turns his head to press a kiss to Carlos' temple. "It really has. We should do it more often."

Carlos nods and pulls a small box from his pocket. "That reminds me, I have one more gift for you. I was going to give it to you when we were back in Austin to fight the post-vacation blues, but now feels like the perfect time."

TK's eyes widen in surprise as he takes it in. Carefully, he unwraps a delicate locket. Inside it's a picture of the two of them on their honeymoon, and their initials are engraved on the cover of the small heart.

"It's a promise that no matter what comes our way, we'll face it together. You're my home, TK. I'm sorry that this year I strayed a bit farther away." Carlos holds up the locket and clasps it around TK's neck, its length making it fall just above the insignia he's seen his husband wear every day since they met.

Tears well up in TK's eyes and he turns around, burying his face on Carlos' chest as he hugs him tightly. "I love you so much, Carlos. Thank you."

Carlos smiles, heart full. "Thank you, TK."

Lost in their own bubble, TK and Carlos lose track of the time. The cheers coming from outside are the only thing alerting them of the arrival of the new year.

Laughing, they turn towards each other. "Happy New Year," TK whispers, their foreheads pressed together.

"Happy New Year," Carlos echoes, pulling him into a slow, heartfelt kiss. One full of promise for the new year.

They move to the couch with a plate of gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate, and sit down, content to just hold each other.

Carlos turns to look into TK’s eyes, mesmerized at how they reflect the light from the fireplace. He chuckles softly, "We were supposed to be at Nancy's party, but I wouldn’t trade this for anything."

TK smiles, his thumb brushing the heart-shaped locket resting above the one beating inside his chest. "Neither would I. This feels right."

As the night gives way to dawn, the sound of distant fireworks and jubilant cheers fills the air, but in their cabin, the world revolves solely around the two of them.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fanfiction #tarlos #tarlos fic #tarlos fanfic #tk strand #carlos reyes #firehouse 126

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bluenet13 · 23 days ago

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A Very Marry Christmas - Read on AO3

Tim's plans to propose are repeatedly thwarted by Lucy's busy holiday schedule. Desperate to make it happen, he decides to take a chance during the team's gift exchange. A @chenfordsecretsanta fic for @mamadoc

'Twas two weeks before Christmas, and all through the house, the sound of Tim Bradford's footsteps echo steadily. Outside, Christmas lights twinkle brightly as Tim paces in his living room. Fifteen steps to the coffee table, ten more to the door. Another fifteen to the stairs, and finally twenty back to the opposite wall. He's counted them certainly once, possibly thrice, but most likely he's into double digits. Anything to distract himself from the small box burning a hole in his pocket.

Lucy is half an hour late. It happens often and Tim usually accepts it without complaint. But tonight, it makes him restless and so he paces. The food is getting cold in the kitchen, because it was either cold on the table or burnt on the stove. That also happens often, because one of them is almost always late, and because Tim is nowhere near a chef and dinner has been burned in more than one occasion. But not tonight. Tonight, Tim followed the instructions Genny sent to perfection, wanting the evening to be equally perfect.

It's another half hour later when keys jingle outside. Tim stops and stares, eyes wide as his hand inadvertently moves to cover his pocket.

A moment later the door opens, and Lucy is right there. She drops her bag and catches Kojo as he comes barreling down. She kisses him in the head as Tim continues staring. If he was a less confident man, he would get offended at his girlfriend kissing their dog hello before him. Instead, he patiently waits for his turn, and a minute later Lucy is back in his arms where she belongs.

"Hi Lu," he breathes into her hair, letting the familiar scent sooth the butterflies dancing in his stomach. "How was work?"

"It's been a day," Lucy sighs, "Had to break a fight at Best Buy, almost arrest a teen and treat the mall Santa Claus he brought to tears and help with a traffic accident after a poorly tied tree slipped off a car's roof in the middle of La Brea."

Tim grimaces and gently turns Lucy around so he can massage her shoulders and neck. "The joys of the Christmas season," he says sarcastically. Yet, he smiles to himself. Hoping tonight will make however many Christmases together life gifts them the most joyful of seasons as they celebrate their anniversary year after year.

Lucy nods and relaxes into Tim's touch. She closes her eyes and is nearly asleep on her feet when her phone buzzes in her pocket. Picking it up, she shoots Nolan a quick reply and turns to look at Tim apologetically. "Yeah, about that… The day is about to become a little more joyful."

Tim deflects at the inflection in her voice because they have been here before. "What did you do?" He almost tacks on a now at the end of the sentence, but he doesn't want to start the rest of their lives together with petty comments and unnecessary arguments.

"I sort of got volunteered for a community event tonight," Lucy explains, then breaks for a kiss to soften the blow. "And I sort of volunteered you to come with me."

To Tim's credit he manages to muster a tentative smile and almost convincing nod. "That sounds great, Luce."

"You're not mad?" Lucy asks, finally catching the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. "You made dinner?"

"I did, but it was nothing special. I can pack it, and we can reheat it tomorrow at the station." He fails to mention how dinner was Lucy's favorite dish as a child that she's mentioned a few times she hasn't eaten since the falling out with her parents. If she asks, he can just say he bought it, no need for her to know he spent hours cooking and start suspecting he's up to something.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Lucy smiles and it's so infectious that Tim finds himself smiling back even if his plans are completely ruined. "Let's go change into something more festive. I promised Nolan I would be there in an hour at most."

Making a silent note to have a conversation with Nolan, Tim follows Lucy into the bedroom. But not before making a stop at the highest shelf in the kitchen and depositing the ring safely inside.

-x-x-x-

Three days later, Tim puts the disappointment of the failed proposal behind him and tries again. He's just finished wiggling Kojo into a Santa costume, complete with beard and hat, when his phone rings.

He cringes when Lucy's picture pops into the screen and silently begs the universe that she's just calling to tell him she's on her way home.

The universe in turn laughs at his face, and keeps going on uncarily, as Lucy explains in his ear.

"I'm sorry, Tim. I know we had plans to go on a hike with Kojo but two of Harper's detectives called out and she needs help with an open case."

Tim sighs and lets the disappointed show on his face while masking it in his voice. "Isn't there anyone else that can help?" He tries, not wanting to read too much on the universe yet again conspiring against him.

"Yeah, but Harper asked me first. She knows I've been trying to make up for the detective's test and everything else that happened."

Tim hates that Lucy is still trying to atone for things she shouldn't be atoning for, but that's just the nature of the world and he promised himself he would be supportive. God knows he's the one that will be trying to make amends the rest of his life and it still won't be enough for what he put her through.

"It's okay. We can go on a hike another day," he says dutifully, silently beginning to get the costume off Kojo. "Be safe, I love you."

"Love you too, see you later tonight." Lucy blows him a kiss and the line goes dead.

Tim's heart sinks at the silence but he smiles down at Kojo and pats his head softly. "What do you say about going on a walk with just daddy?"

-x-x-x-

It's three nights before Christmas when Tim decides to try yet again. This time he's picked a day when they are both working so he can make sure they both end up at the restaurant like they're supposed to.

When the clock on his small office ticks five in the afternoon, he checks his phone and smiles upon seeing Lucy's text. She's just finished her last call and is on the way back to the station. Perfectly on time.

A few minutes later, Lucy pokes her head through the small gap he left open on the door and gives him a blinding smile. "I will go shower and get dressed and we can be on our way."

"Sounds great, Luce."

This time, Tim picked the fancy restaurant where they had their first date after getting back together. He almost picked a new place to signal a new beginning, but instead he chose the one that reminds them that even in life's darkest moments, when destiny or each other pushes them apart, they're still stronger together.

He reserved a cozy corner table, ordered Lucy's favorite wine in advance, and rehearsed his speech more times that he knew were necessary. Trying his very best to keep things on track and his plans in motion.

But as seconds then minutes start ticking by and Lucy still hasn't returned, Tim starts to get antsy. He glances at the small velvet box he's been holding and curses when he sees his sweaty hands are getting it damp. He dries it on his jacket and puts it in his pocket, so he doesn't oust himself when Lucy comes in.

When the door finally opens a few minutes later, it's not Lucy, but Angela. Tim curses softly, unclenches his hands, and settles on his chair. He forces his tense shoulders to drop and focuses on his best friend. She has that funny look on her face that he hates, and he just knows his plans are about to be ruined again.

"Sooo…" Angela begins and Tim cringes.

He waits and cringes some more when Angela raises her hands apologetically without having said anything that needed apologizing for. She glances at his attire and decides to sit down.

"I was talking to Nyla when Lucy came in to change and she heard us talking," Angela finally explains and Tim already doesn't like where this is going. "I was telling her how the latest case forced me to take overtime three Fridays in a row and I missed Wesley's birthday, plus the anniversary of when he proposed."

"Okay?" Tim prompts, trying but failing to wait calmly for the rest of the story.

She takes a deep breath and explains everything so quickly that Tim misses half the words, but he still gets the gist of it. Lucy felt bad so she offered to babysit the Lopez-Evers siblings so Angela and Wesley could take their reservation to make up for their missed celebrations.

"I'm sorry, Tim. Lucy looked so earnest when she offered that I really thought you guys wouldn't mind, but seeing you now…" She trails off, looking him up and down and taking in the freshly pressed suit and expertly combed hair.

Tim's shoulders slump but he nods anyway. He loves Lucy's big heart, he really does. Yet still he wishes her big heart would stop getting in the way of his.

Angela coughs and Tim realizes his silence has stretched too long to the point of suspicion. The last thing he wants is his detective friend to start detecting so he grabs her hand and squeezes supportively.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it and just enjoy the evening with Wes." He tries not to sound too annoyed, but the way Angela's brows furrow makes him think he's just failed spectacularly.

"Timothy, is there something you're not telling me?" Angela asks sweetly, in her most dangerous voice.

Tim opens his mouth to try to form an excuse when Angela lifts a finger silencing him.

"Wait, I got it." She starts ticking fingers as she goes. "You made reservations on a Friday night to one of LA's busiest restaurants and one I know for a fact you have only visited once before, when I helped you finally get your head out of your ass and ask Lucy to a first date, again. You are wearing a suit that I also know for a fact you didn't own before because I've been in your closet, and I know I would have picked this one for my wedding had it been there. You combed your hair in a way that I last saw… Never, you have never combed your hair to make yourself look like a Hollywood star and not the guy that catches people pissing on the Hollywood Stars."

She pauses, takes a big gulp of air, and goes for the killing blow. "And you're really trying to be inconspicuous, but you have been staring at the ring box-shaped lump in your pocket ever since I came in."

Tim has known Angela long enough to know that lying would be pointless, so, uncharacteristically, he decides to open up without her having to threaten him first and tells her everything. She spends about ten minutes squealing, demanding to see the ring, and hugging him to his dismay, before quickly sobering up and starting to plan with him.

-x-x-x-

In the week leading up to Christmas, Angela dutifully helps Tim plan perfect proposal after perfect proposal. They end with Tim in a Santa costume delivering gifts at the local children's hospital, Tim and Lucy babysitting Lila and Leah, Lucy volunteering them for an extended patrol so another officer could finish gift shopping, and party after party that was fun but too crowded for him to propose.

Out of ideas, and time, Tim decides to propose during the gift exchange Nola and Bailey organized for the team at their home. There are a million things that could go wrong, but everything has already gone wrong when it shouldn't, so he figures there's not much more he can lose.

With Angela's help he wraps the engagement ring as Lucy's Secret Santa present and manipulates the draw in a way that he knows for certain Lucy's name will be the one on the last paper left for him when he's purposely late to the drawing.

The evening goes well for the most part, but he's nervous as hell so Angela keeps topping his whiskey glass to keep him relaxed. He's a little tipsy by the time Bailey declares dinner over and the exchange beginning, but at least the gift is still where he left it, Lucy hasn't volunteered them for anything that would cut the night short, and no one has realized what he's planning.

As planned, Bailey opens the first gift from Celina and rejoices at the LAFD onesie. Then Nolan fist bumps James, smiling at his new tool kit, and Tamara squeals at the blouse Angela got her.

The rest of the exchange proceeds in controlled chaos but things take a turn when it's just Harper and Lucy left, and Harper grabs a box that looks suspiciously like Tim's box, same wrapping paper and all.

Tim turns panicked eyes at Angela and silently begs her to do something. Always smart and quick-witted, she clears her throat. "Harper, wait! I think you might have grabbed the wrong gift," Angela says, trying to sound casual. "Unless you have a secret admirer that's not James?" She pointedly looks at the box that clearly contains jewelry and at Nolan's gift from her husband. "I think that one is for Lucy."

Harper pauses, a skeptical look on her face. "Nice try, Lopez. But the name tag says it's for me."

She slowly unwraps the gift and by the time the lid comes off, revealing the sparkling ring inside, Tim has fully stopped breathing. Harper gasps and the room falls silent.

Harper's eyes widen in shock, and she looks around the room, confused, her eyes finally settling on Tim, then Lucy, then Tim again. "Uh, Tim? I think there's been a mix-up."

Lucy, equally shocked, looks at Tim with wide eyes. "Tim, what's going on?"

Tim's heart drops. This is not how he imagined it at all.

Still, he stands up, his face flushed with embarrassment even as his eyes shine with the determination to make this right and finally propose to the love of his life. He steps forward, takes the ring from an apologetic Harper, and drops to a knee.

"Luce," Tim begins, his voice steadying as he looks into her eyes as if they're the only two people in the room and the whole damn universe. "I had this all planned out, quite a few times actually, but life and your big heart had other ideas." He laughs and recounts every failed attempt that preceded this day, gently shushing her when she rushes to apologize in the middle of his speech. "Lucy Chen, you're the most incredible person I've ever met, and I'm the luckiest guy because for some reason you chose me, over and over again, even when I didn't deserve it. We've been through so much together and it's all taught me that life is not worth living without you. I know things haven't gone exactly as planned, tonight and before, but maybe that's just our way. Nothing about us has been traditional or easy. But through it all, we have stuck together, and it's only made us stronger. Will you make me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?"

Lucy, her eyes filled with tears, nods. "Yes, Tim. Yes! A million times yes!"

The room erupts into cheers and applause as Tim slips the ring onto Lucy's finger. He pulls her to her feet and captures her lips in a kiss that promises the future he's always dreamed of but never dared believe would happen to a guy like him.

When they break apart, their friends are right there.

Nolan clasps Tim on the back. "Congratulations, man. That was a rollercoaster."

Tim laughs, relief and happiness flooding through him. "You have no idea."

"Well, it wouldn't be a Mid-Wilshire proposal or wedding without a little drama," Wesley jokes.

Bailey grins, shaking her head. "Don't forget honeymoons, those can go awry too."

After every member of their little family has congratulated them, only Angela remains. Her familiar cheeky grin is gone and there are tears in her eyes as she smiles at them. "Congratulations, you both! I couldn't be happier." She pulls them into a hug and saves the rest of her words for later when she's writing her co-best woman speech.

Tim and Lucy forgo the rest of Secret Santa and steal a moment alone on the porch, the cold night air a stark contrast to the warmth they feel inside.

"I can't believe you did all this," Lucy says, looking at Tim with adoration. "And I can't believe I ruined your plans so many times that you had to propose in front of all our friends." Lucy grimaces and buries her face on Tim's shirt. "That's very un-Tim-like."

Tim nods, a sheepish smile on his face. "It wasn't my first choice, but it makes sense for us."

He spares their friends a glance and his mind's-eye flashes with countless snapshots of moments together. The near misses and the relief afterward, their concern after the breakup and joy when they got back together, the countless times they’ve supported each other through thick and thin. Every trial, every laugh, every moment that has led them to this point.

"Let's make a promise," Lucy says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"What's that?" Tim asks, swaying slightly with the wind in tune with the soft Christmas music coming from the living room.

"Let's promise to always find time for each other, no matter how crazy things get. To always support each other, even when plans go awry."

"I promise, Lucy. Always." They lean in, sealing the promise with a kiss, the world around them fading away. When they pull back, Tim holds Lucy's hand, the engagement ring catching the light and sparkling brightly.

"I love you, Tim. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Lucy," Tim replies, pulling his fiancé close.

They stand in comfortable silence, the sound of laughter and celebration drifting from inside. Tim gently brushes a stray hair from Lucy's face, his touch warm and reassuring. "Should we go back inside or call it a night and move the celebrations somewhere more private?"

"Let's go back inside," Lucy suggests, squeezing his hand. "But only for a little while. We have a lot to celebrate."

Hand in hand, they walk back into the house, greeted by their friends' cheers and smiles. The night continues with stories, laughter, and joy, each moment a precious memory in the making.

When they finally announce they're going home, Angela pulls Tim close and raises her glass in a toast. "To Tim and Lucy, may your love continue to grow, and may you always find happiness in each other."

"To Tim and Lucy!" everyone echoes, their voices ringing with genuine affection and joy.

Tim and Lucy thank their friends and leave the house, their fingers intertwined as they step into the night. The sky above is clear, the stars shining brightly in their honor, each one a distant reminder of the infinite possibilities that await them.

"Ready for our next adventure?" Tim asks, his eyes twinkling bright.

Lucy smiles, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Always," she whispers in the night.

And thus begins the next chapter of their lives.

#the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenfordsecretsanta24 #chenford fic #the rookie fanfic

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