#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!

[phagodyke]

anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶‍♂️

[celticbotanart]

the other day on bluesky I made one of those "1 like / 1 song" sort of post, and I decided to make all songs BR music to celebrate our BR community in there, and I decided to also put a brief description on each song to give non-BRs some context [LINK to the post on bsky!] Well, I got like 64 likes lmao so I made a playlist out of the post - here it is!

and to those curious, I'll also paste the context I gave behind each song, down the cut. BR music is SO incredible and so full of colors and variety, you guys should really give it a try 💚💛💙 I hope you like it!!

commission info | patreon | Ko-fi | VGen | bluesky

1. Caxangá - Elis Regina and Milton Nascimento Opening the thread with two of the biggest singers in our BR history, Milton Nascimento & Elis Regina (who has passed already years ago, unfortunately). They were best friends when she was still alive, and their synergy is out of this world, both with super unique voices <3

2. Domingo no Parque or "Sunday at the Park" - Gilberto Gil & Os Mutantes BR used to have these big music festivals back in the 60s, this is one of these performances. Gil is this larger than life singer, and Rita Lee,lead singer of Mutantes (RIP) was so full of energy too <3 This is a song about love and jealousy that ends in a tragic murder 👀 3. Construção or "Construction" - Chibo Buarque I'm only bringing the big guns to this thread lmao this song is NOTORIOUS for the way it was written, musically and lyrically. It's a protest song commenting about the BR dictatorship (1964-1985) in many layers. The orchestra here is insane, mimicking the sound of a busy traffic!

4. Faraó or "Pharao" - Margareth Menezes this song is iconic AF in so many levels!! Lots of African-BR influences, and Margareth sings about the golden era of Egyptian gods as a way to celebrate the black community <3 (pretty much a fast course on Egyptian mythology in the lyrics, no joke!) 🚨🚨🚨EU FALEI FARAÓOOOOOOO!!!🚨🚨🚨

5. A Vingança de Cunhã, or "Maiden's Revenge" - Pietá this one's about the boto(river dolphin)myth we have here(river dolphin turns into a man to seduce young women and leaves them after). Here the dolphin seduces this girl but she reverse-uno-cards him and he cant shapeshift anymore. Very pretty song full of BR folk instruments!💛

6. Malandragem or "Trickery"(???I guess??) - Cássia Eller time to show what BR music is widely known for:LESBIAN / BISEXUAL / WLW SINGERS lmao (I'm so serious!!) Cassia Eller (RIP!) had the most unique voice, and had such a great stage energy! This one is one of her most well-known performances in an MTV Acoustic <3

7. Nós or "Us" - Cássia Eller bc I can't get enough of Cassia, I'll add in another one from her, legit MY FAVORITE- a torch song with this flamenco-like sound???? It's just so cool!! And she showcases her voice skills even further here, she was incredible!

8. Vamos Comer Caetano or "Let's Eat Caetano" - Adriana Calcanhotto I love this performance bc this song is so fucking weird but also such a bop (and hard to explain, if anyone wants to try, be my guest lmao)

9. Veleiros or "Sailboats" - Ney Matogrosso singing Heitor Villa-Lobos this is a 2 for 1 situation, the song is performed by ICONIC BR singer Ney Matogrosso in an album of songs written by BR conductor and classic composer Heitor Villa-Lobos! I'm crazy about the entire album this song is in for real, it's called "O Cair da Tarde", I highly recommend it!

10. Bachianas Brasileiras n5: Aria (Cantilena) - Heitor Villa-Lobos and since we are at it, here's the most famous song by Heitor Villa-Lobos (I'm a Villa-Lobos stan ngl) Full on opera mode!! It's a beautiful aria, sang in BR-Portuguese <3

11. Choros no 10 - Heitor Villa-Lobos Another Villa-L just to showcase his range - last 2 I mentioned were very romantic / operatic w/ solo vocals,etc. This is an instrumental orchestral movement and here you can see how he mixed in classic European orchestra with our identity, using folk/indigenous instruments on the 2nd half!

12. Miragem do Porto or "Harbor's Mirage" - Lenine Perfect segue into this performance of Lenine my beloved <3 <3 He sings as if he's a castaway, dreaming of going back home. This version has a full orchestra, also full of folk instruments and influences. It's so full of energy even the conductor can't help but sing along! EASTER EGG TIME cause this version I described on bsky is not on Spotify, I had to use the album version on the playlist. So if you are A TRUE CHAD reading this, here is the version I described!

13. Preciso Me Encontrar or "[I] Need to Find Myself" - Cartola Cartola was the most important samba composer from the early 1900's <3 And YES! Using the Cowboy Bebop AMV someone made w/ it, bc it's so beautiful and I think it's so AWESOME how this song echoes through all culture and ages! And it matches CB's aesthetics so well!

14. Preciso Me Encontrar, Liniker cover I have to throw in this AMAZING cover of "Preciso Me Encontrar"; it's sung by Liniker, an incredible BR trans singer! Again, I think it's beautiful how this song resonates so much after so many years (it was originally released by Cartola in the 70s), and this video is just gorgeous overall <3 - ALSO NOT AVAILABLE ON SPOTIFY, here's the link!

15. Floral Fury - Cuphead OST Thread intermission - Cheating a little bit here, since this isnt composed by a Brazilian person afaik, but!!! I have to include Floral Fury here bc it's literally early 1900's samba! IT EVEN HAS A CUÍCA (the "straw through plastic cup sound" lmao), it's very accurate and ngl, it's FUN AF!

16. Um Girassol da Cor de Seu Cabelo or "A Sunflower in the Color of Your Hair" - Lô Borges / Clube da Esquina Clube da Esquina is formed by this group of singers from Minas Gerais (including Milton Nascimento from the first song in this thread!) Vocals by Lô Borges, it really has a melancholic, storytelling vibe to it,especially through the arrangement <3

17. Cantiga Por Luciana or "Song for Luciana" - Evinha Another oldie from the 60s I love so much, she has such a pretty voice ahhh<3 She's one of the "voiceclaims" for an OC I have (AME from my drizzle/LAND OCs!) Fun fact! Evinha was the one who sang the BR versions of the songs in Disney's "The Rescuers" (I'll link one next so you can hear it)!

Brazilian dub version of "The Journey" from "The Rescuers", performed by Evinha, from the previous post! Here, the movie was titles "Bernardo e Bianca", after the protagonists I legit think this is one of the best BR versions, and this animated intro in general is a freaking masterpiece. THIS BR VERSION ISNT IN SPOTIFY, HERE'S THE LINK!

Favo de Mel or "Honeycomb" - Milton Nascimento Speaking of BR singers in animations, I HAVE to link this one from no other than freaking Rio 2. It's "Real in Rio", that intro song from Rio 1, but a "sad version" of it performed BEAUTIFULLY by Milton Nascimento my beloved <3 I legit teared up watching the movie when this song came up. NOT ON FUCKING SPOTIFY, HERE IS THE LINK!

"Only a Dream in Rio - Milton Nascimento and James Taylor On Milton Songs That Makes Me Teary Eyed, this one which he collabed with James Taylor?? It's such a random, unexpected feat, but it turned out so beautiful! I think it's a good one to share in here, bc the song is sung half PT-BR, half ENG, I think it's rather appropriate for this thread <3

21. Fairy Tale - Shaman LEGENDARY live performance from metal band Shaman from the early 2000's, when their original vocalist Andre Matos (song writer, pianist, conductor; RIP) was still in the band. Here you can see why Andre was so, so beloved, guy was skilled AF and this song SLAPS SO HARD. BR IS SO AMAZING, GUYS (the version I mentioned above is the one on the playlist, HOWEVER I encourage you to actually watch the video of him performing!!

22. Carolina IV - ANGRA Still on Andre Matos, this is a song from his previous band, ANGRA. This song is part of a concept album where ANGRA mixed in metal+BR elements, you can say this is BR folk metal! The album Holy Land was all around the concept of Brazil, its culture, the colonization and so on. SO COOL!

23. Dança das Borboletas or "Dance of the Butterflies" - Sepultura and Zé Ramalho I can't talk about BR metal without mentioning Sepultura! So here's their cover of Zé Ramalho's song, featuring Zé in the vocals. This was used as soundtrack in the BR movie "Lisbela e o Prisioneiro" (a fave)(Don't be fooled by the butterflies in the title lmao)

24. O Matador or "The Killer" - Sepultura another Sepultura song for the soundtrack of "Lisbela e o Prisioneiro", I like that movie a lot. This is the theme song of Frederico Evandro, a character who's a badass gun for hire. I love how it sounds so metal but still so Brazilian!

25. O Encontro de Lampião & Eike Batista or "The Meeting of Lampião & Eike Batista" - El Efecto More BR folk metal! This is hard to explain w/word limit but TL;DR this song criticizes capitalism and colonization by corporations using the images of Lampião (BR historical figure) and Eike Batista (a real BR CEO); it uses lots of northeast BR influences!

26. Cílio or "Eyelash" - Casa de Caba YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IS IT ITS TIME FOR LUSO-BR PIRATE SHANTIES OK not really but this is how I see this song! Again northeastern BR influences + mention of Yemanjá (yoruba orisha of the seas, she's a big deity in afro-br religions!). If this isn't BR pirate enough idk what it is hehe

27. Arueira - Geraldo Vandré Another one in the "BR pirate shanties" list, which is kinda funny - is a protest song from the 60s and it in fact has elements in common with some sea shanties - CALL/ANSWER singing, it mentions how workers are suffering under hard work / a master,it even has nautical themes (sailors,sea,etc)

28. Canção do Mar or "Song of the Sea" - Dulce Pontes cheating a little again cause Dulce Pontes is a Portuguese singer, but mentioning all the "Luso-BR Sea Shanties", I had to mention this ICONIC performance! This is "fado", a melancholic Portuguese genre of music; I like to parallel it a bit with Irish keening style of singing

29. Canto de Oxum / Inscrição or "Oxum's Song" - Maria Bethânia still in the theme of waters! Iconic Maria Bethânia sings to Oxum, the orisha of fresh waters and beauty! Here in BR, we have afro-based religions that worships such yoruba deities, and we often hear songs praising them like this. The second half praises Yemanjá, deity of the seas!

30. Deixa a Gira Girar - Ana Mametto This one is a cover of Ana Mametto (og song by The Tincoãs released in the 70s), praising Iansã the orisha of the lightning and storms! This performance is so cool cause there's a dancer there with Ana, as Iansã herself dancing onstage + lightning sound effects. ITS JUST INCREDIBLE [LINK TO THE VIDEO!]

31. Vapor Barato or "Cheap Vapor" - Gal Costa and Zeca Baleiro this version of Vapor Barato/A FLor da Pele is everything. Gal and Zeca being fucking iconic for 6mins straight, this song is so melancholic, almost theatrical <3

32. Garoto de Aluguel or "Rentboy"- Belchior and Zé Ramalho it's easy to say Belchior (RIP) is like. Pivotal BR music icon. And here with Zé Ramalho they perform together in this song that's lowkey my favorite lmao, the tango vibes ARE STRONG and I love it so much!

33. Na Hora do Almoço or "At Lunchtime" - Belchior Another Belchior banger-it describes this young person talking about their family at lunchtime, and how everyone is so disconnected from another, "I'm still too young to be this sad", damn </3

34. Trem das Onze or "Eleven's Train" - Adoniran Barbosa ADONIRAN BARBOSA, PORRA <3 another super important samba composer~ In this one, the protagonist laments he can't stay with his love a bit longer, bc he has to go home and he can't miss the train that leaves at 11. The way the choir ends with a train-like sound, SO GOOD!

35. O Rei do Gatilho or "Cowboy / Old West King" losely translated - Moreira da Silva THIS ONE I SWEAR. It is a SAMBA THAT MIMICS A COWBOY/WESTERN MOVIE. But like, in a BR way of course. It's a pretty hilarious song with Moreira making different voices, it has sound effects of shots, horses running, applauses and so on, it's so fun!

36. O Vira or loosely translated as "Shapeshifting" - Ney Matogrosso Going back to Ney Matogrosso, I have to mention this one, the title kind of means "Shapeshifting"(as in werewolves)but it goes beyond that,it's hard to explain lol Ney has always been very out & about on genderfuckery and being gay so this song plays with that. a true icon Also THAT OUTFIT! 👌👌👌 [Link to the video so you can see his cunty looks!]

37. Rosa de Hiroshima or "Rose of Hiroshima" - Secos & Molhados / Ney Matogrosso on a more serious note,this is another famous song from Ney/Secos & Molhados (his former band). It's a tragic song where he lists the victms of the bombings in Japan, but in a very poetic manner BR and JP have history, so this is in a way our tribute to that sad event

38. Hinamatsuri / Se Essa Rua Fosse Minha or "Doll's Festival/If This Lane Was Mine" - Iuri Salvagnini speaking of BR/JP ties,this is one I found totally by chance and I'm SO HAPPY I did.This album has medleys of both JP and BR nursery rhymes. Se Essa Rua Fosse Minha is a very famous BR folk song and so ominous in a way, this version really reflects that!

39. Pegasus Fantasy - Edu Falaschi And speaking of which - ANIME TIME! Edu Falaschi, the vocalist from ANGRA that came after Andre Matos, was the iconic voice of Saint Seiya's first opening theme, "Pegasus Fantasy"! Saint Seiya was HUGE here in BR/Latin America in the 90s!

40. Descobridor dos Sete Mares or "Seeker of the Seven Seas" - Tim Maia Tim Maia (RIP) was like, a BR soul singer, his performances were all like this, full of energy with a big band and everything! (There's also this meme where ppl say this was supposed to be a Jojo's opening song, lmao)

41. Mania de Você or "Crazy About You"- Rita Lee and Milton Nascimento LEGENDARY performance of Rita Lee (RIP) and Milton Nascimento! A very sexy song, and their performing energy just brings everything to whole other level. It gets even better when we see Rita teasing Milton (around 5:33) haha <3 so cute!

42. Chuva or "Rain" - Gaby Amaranthos This one is kind of funny, but also kinda moving??? The lyrics are about the cycle of water -literal, textbook information about the cycle of water and how rains are formed At the same time she also sings "Water cycle is an eternal dance" which is such a beautiful way of putting it??

43. Ela Disse Adeus or "She Said Goodbye" - Os Paralamas do Sucesso I remember watching this music video as a kid and I loved it. It stars the incredible BR actress Fernanda Torres & the members of the band, all of them mistreating her character so badly until she just decides to kill them one by one lmao this song/mv still is so good!

44.Segue o Seco or "Draught Goes On" - Marisa Monte I also remember watching this one as a kid and being just fascinated by the video, it's legit a fucking masterpiece, the aesthetics and everything are very dramatic and theatrical. Marisa has such a GORGEOUS voice hnggg Still a favorite to this day [LINK TO THE MV!]

45. Ainda Bem or "Thank Goodness" - Marisa Monte another one by Marisão that I thinnk is so cool, especially the video, I love that's pretty much her just dancing with no one other than MMA wrestler Anderson Silva??? lmao so random but so cool!

46. O Céu é Muito or "The Sky is [Too] Much" - Lenine Lenine's heavy metal phase dkjfhskdjf jokes aside, I freaking love this one bc it's a bit different from his usual stuff (which I also really love). I think it's so cool when singers are so versatile and their voice will fit into any genre!

47. Matheus Embaixador or "Matheus, the Embassador" - Antonio Nóbrega Antonio Nobrega is an actor/folk musician that I really like. He plays rabeca (that folk violin he's holding) in his music as well! This goes into the BR Pirates Playlist thing for sure! hehe

48. Abrição de Portas or "Opening the Doors" - Antônio Nóbrega is a folk song / adaptation from Cantigas de Santa Maria, a compilation of medieval Portuguese poetry/songs! This one goes way back haha. And it really has the Royal Castle vibes to it, it's very Brazilian High Fantasy 👀

49. Bandolins - Oswaldo Montenegro This one is another mix of kind of funny with brilliant - Oswaldo wrote this song based on a friend of his, the song is really heartfelt and the last portion really GOES HARD with the vocals and harmonies holy fuck; but is also has some weird word choices lmao overal, it's a true bop, so dramatic!

50. Admirável Chip Novo or "Brave New Chip" - Pitty more BRmetal! This one was popular in the early 2000's and now I look at the lyrics like DAMN.She didnt have to go this hard-it has the obv ref to Brave New World on the title and she heavily criticizes consumerism and the lack of critical thought thats encouraged by capitalism??

51. Garganta or "Throat" - Ana Carolina Ana Carolina, BI ICON from my teenage years fr fr, I was obsessed. She has a very unique, deep voice, and her guitar skills are pretty insane, this one really shows all of that!! [The version in the playlist is the same as the video, BUT linking the video bc SHE'S SO BADASS!]

52. Eu Comi a Madona or "I Fucked Madona" - Ana Carolina lmao this song is what is says on the tin, Ana came out of the closed in the early 2000s as bi and ever since she has been VERY UNABASHEDLY BI and honestly good for her Iconic song for real kdjfhdkjfh [LINKING THE VIDEO OF HER LIVE PERFORMANCE. BECAUSE OF REASONS.]

53. Auroras Flamboyans - Sofia Freire I don't even know how to explain this one, Sofia has such a dream-like songwriting - she keeps saying things, listing them as if to paint an imagery, it's kinda abstract and so beautiful tbh. She also layers her vocals and plays piano for it, honestly just give it a listen, it's legit so good <3

54." Valsa Pra Lua or Waltz to the Moon" - Vítor Araújo absolutely gorgeous piano instrumental that's soundtrack to the BR movie Elena. I never saw the movie, but this song is soooo good <3

55. Espumas Ao Vento or "[Like] Foam in the Wind" - Elza Soares another version done for the Lisbela e o Prisioneiro movie (srsly that movie has SO MANY BANGERS in the soundtrack it's ridiculous). Elza (RIP) was another huge name in BR music, here you'll hear her iconic voice and singing style!! <3

56. Fixação or "Obsession" - Kid Abelha a song that's super relevant even nowadays lmao she describes the PoV of someone obsessing over a celebrity 24/7, how they keeps making up scenarios in their head featuring their fave. It really contrasts w the way she sings/the arrangement! I really like this version a lot ngl

Ragatanga - Rouge BRAZILIAN Y2K GIRL BAND TIME. Rouge was a girlband formed in a reality show, designed to discover "the next pop stars and form a pop group". Rouge was MASSIVELY successful, at least for a while. This one is their master hit (which is actually a cover from pop Spanish trio Las Ketchup)

58. Lua de Cristal or "Crystal Moon" by Xuxa and the Paquitas PERFECT SEGUE INTO XUXA'S MASTERPIECE lmao Xuxa ("SHOO-SHAH") is a former kid's show host and in the 90s she starred the Cinderella retelling movie Lua de Cristal. Big bop song, the movie not really,its kind of a cult for meme reasons lol the song is very Sailor Moon-coded too ngl

59. A Lenda or "Legend" - Sandy & Junior speaking of kid-oriented 90s pop music, I HAVE to mention Sandy & Junior, a duo of siblings that were super famous back then. A Lenda is definitely their best song, I non ironically still listen to it, cheesy-ness and all, it'ss dramatic AF dkjfhdkfjh

60. Sete Vidas or "Seven Lives" - Marcus Viana & Adriana Mezzadri this one was soundtrack to a historical period BR miniseries in the 2000s. It was composed by musician Marcus Viana (the guy playing violin in the Shaman video from before!) and it's sung by AMAZING Adriana Mezzadri, (actually Peruvian and not BR!) I LOVE this song, it's so good!

61. Sob o Sol or "Under the Sun" - Marcus Viana Marcus Viana also composed the ost for the absofucking popular 2000's telenovela O Clone! The songs were so iconic; the version in the playlist is the og version, but I linked this version in the thread, a version that's in Arabic! Lebanese singer Raya Hilal also sings the PT-BR version on the second half <3

62. Romance de Duas Caveiras or "A Skeleton's Romance" - Alvarenga & Ranchinho this is like. Old BR country/folk music and still hilarious AF lmao They are describing the romance of two skeletons in a cementery,how they go on with their...lives...death...?Until the day one of the skeletons ditches her skeleton bf over another guy(a fresh corpse lol). The video of them performing seems straight out of the Pixar movie Coco in every sense lmao

63. O Bêbado e a Equilibrista or "The Drunkard and the Tightrope Walker" - Elis Regina second to last song has to be Elis again! This one is a notorious protest song, really about hope and just waiting for things to finally be better

64. Evidências or "Evidences" - Chitãozinho & Xororó AAAAAAND LAST SONG IS, IN THE GREAT BR SPIRIT, EVIDÊNCIAS LMAO, it's a widely cherished song, but also kind of a meme, and everything in between. It's a cheesy love song in the classic sertanejo style (BR country genre), sung by Chitãozinho e Xororó, a duo of brothers!

[selfshipgushing]

I just joined tumblr after years of not using it to consume self-shipping content since now I finally don't feel ashamed about it anymore <3 I've been checking out your page for a while and I love the space you give people to express themselves! It's so fun :D thanks for the community service!!

Also UGHHHHH I LOVE MY BOYFRIENEHWUJWKQOQOQKQLQKQKQLQPQL so much that it makes me angry i wanna flap my hands and roll around euwhwkwjw I'm autistic and every time i see him i start stimming ughhhhh shkw <33

skipping the queue bc i wanted to touch on this for a bit;

i really think parts of the selfshipping community is toxic. there's so many different ppl that have different opinions n shit and so many ppl that put others down for f/oing villains. and I really hated that

so i just wanted to make a space for people to talk about their f/o safely. especially without the presence of nsfw (for the minors and anyone that it makes uncomfortable) and pro/dark/comshippers (its really... upsetting to see ppl ship minors with adults and incest and severely abusive relationships especially when you go to a space looking for likeminded people like yourself).

i see so many ppl get attacked for selfshipping with a character who like, committed murder or like is an asshole or whatever. especially since my main f/o is a serial killer (which I wont lie to you. i regularly forget. that was dropped in the lore and then he fuckin died ten minutes later). and then I also feel like too there's a lot of weird shaming in the community for how ppl see their f/o. maybe in canon your f/o is a cishet man and you hc them as a transfem lesbian, or maybe you're an age/pet regressor or shit even the people whose f/os are objects, they get shit too. and I just don't like seeing all that, because when you think about it, were all the same breed of weirdo, right? stop making others feel bad because they don't love their f/o the same way or they headcanon their f/o something that isn't true in canon or whatever. cant we be kind and stop pissing in others cereal.

and then theres individuals thatll be outright mean to you because your f/o hurt their f/o some way in canon or they don't have a good relationship. and I hate to see that kinda thing. so since I have the ability to moderate this account and what goes into it, I hope I can make a space where people feel safe to talk about their f/os.

[unexpectedbrickattack]

You know, a bonus to designing the oc is that other people will drawn them in the scenarios you share! I know your lore really made me excited to see your little fella ^^) it's so nice to encounter someone eho likes SDV in the wild and your world building makes me want to boot up my computer and deal with the lag to see everyone again. I do have to wonder though, what's your take on how the valley feels about JojaMart? It seems like it replaces extensions on the Vally's magic if you fund it.

TRUE…U ARE SO RIGHT!!! Luckily I have a small little ref sheet for him already made heehee. But ill post it on my sdv blog (when i make it). I can put it here too but ill do that under a readmore 😌

Also. U are so sweet 😭 I am so sorry ur game is too laggy to play but i am touched that my little bit of lore is enough for u to want to brave through that mess anyway LMAO

FIRST OF ALL….here is my boy….

His name is June and ive since tweaked some stuff about him. You dont need to know much about him, just that hes a bit of a cryptid among the town for almost two years before townspeople start interacting w him on their own volition. His best friends are Marnie, Kent, and Caroline, and he is really cool w Willy, Linus, and Marlon (old men gang rise up). Also romances Shane which is funny to Me bc whenever shane gets a male farmer to romance i am constantly rotating this image of vincent getting upset and saying ‘gee jas how come YOU get two cool godfathers’

To answer ur question about Jojamart; i feel like it truly wouldnt mess with the balance of magic in the valley. Magic is powerful BUT. It is adaptive. The Junimos harness the magic of the valley to fix things in the broken down community center, but if someone else came along and fixed it for them, well thats one less thing the magic of the valley is used for. Theres plenty of talented people in the valley that dont need magic to get things done 😉 (Robin my beloved)

But i do think jojamart is a big indicator that something is amiss with the town. I think it is a common idea to believe that jojamart is like. Evil. And like. Its totally a soulless corporation, but i think its filling a very specific Need of this town. Pelican town has some very skilled laborers that sell their work and services to help provide not just for themselves, but FOR pelican town; if that still leaves people unable to pay rent/mortgage or groceries, then people will absolutely swoop in and offer ‘solutions’.

I have more Thots but basically……magic is powerful, but it cant do anything on its own. Its utilized by magical beings to make tangible change in the world. But humans are capable of making real and tangible change without the use of magic. Jojamart says ‘here, give me money and time and ill fix this stuff 😉’ and that is not anymore different than Robin, Clint, the junimos, etc saying ‘give me some money and time and i can do this thing for u 😉’. Jojamart is like. Bad. But bad in the same way Pierre owning the only grocery store in town wo employing anyone is bad, and how Lewis is okay with all of this Mess. Its indicative of a bigger problem in the valley that magic cant really fix

[bonesandthebees]

that ties into the fact that we have no idea whatll happen to wilbur afterwards

I would love to believe that he wont be forced into any roles (maybe even get to figure out his relationship with clara, communicate it out with her in a way or something tho that is very hopeful and foolish) and get to live as a person if he wishes to (which im confident to say he does)

he has phil on his side (and surely also tommy, niki techno, some other deathlings too) and I would even dare to believe eret wouldnt force him into a strict role like that, plus he did agree to the plan but im not sure if that really accounts for any insurance

but does any of that really matter if he still keeps getting visions

at this point it doesnt feel like enough for wilbur to get to be a person while still getting and relaying vision, bc there is deep rooted trauma

I think he either ignores the visions or fixes his relationship with clara ig (idk how that could even happens but it would definitely be very interesting ngl)

not sure if that makes sense but in general im just praying for some closure and freedom for him, my boy deserves at least that

wilbur has made some insane progress lately and it can be seen, especially in the last chapter and I go over that in my comments but just trusting more in general, less afraid to break pythia rules, ... im so proud of him

what I do want to point out is how, despite the deathlings being his friends/family now, the good ones basically, and even kristin being more there than clara ever really was, wilbur still doesnt like kristin and doesnt want to be a deathling

like hes with them and hes one of them in a way, but hes not a deathling, he isnt switching to kristin just bc he hates clara

and I absolutely love that, bc while switching to being a deathling would make sense, his journey here is about discovering himself, without the influence of anyone else, especially not goddesses (I think if he werent chosen as the pythia he wouldve been an atheist, talking to q about it was very intriguing to him)

on completely different note I noticed that the kind of visions wilbur receives (or maybe how he perceives them) is relevant to how he feels about something rn, like the vision about escaping vs the new vision being confused bc hes confused

not sure if thats what's actually happening but it feels like it

and ofc I cant forget, THAT SANDDUO SCENE? WITH THE NAME REVEAL? BONES YOUR SANDDUO ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

so unbelievably proud of wilbur for how far hes come and prying this all goes well and he gets to live the life he deserves

and a mandatory "the pythia"/"wilbur" narration changes bc I dont think ill ever be normal about that, it just always gives every moment even more meaning, its genius

2/2

hm... while it would be great for wilbur not to be forced into any more roles he IS still clara's chosen. he is still going to receive visions of the future whether he wants them or not. and that means something even if he doesn't want it to.

guess you'll have to wait and see how that turns out :)

yeah the thing is I think a lot of readers expected wilbur to switch to kristin since she's the 'opposite' of clara in a sense, but that's not the route i wanted to go down. wilbur's trauma is so deeply ingrained, any kind of religious institution leaves a bad taste in his mouth now. the past ten years of his life have been dictated by the rules of the divine, but he doesn't want that anymore. he wants to step away from the divine entirely, and get the experience he's been denied for so long: just being a person.

aaa thank you I loved writing that sandduo scene so much. he's made SO much progress it's been so fun to write his slow character growth throughout this entire fic, and finally reap the rewards.

[away-ward]

After reading some of your fics about will and alex, just wanna drop some thoughts. I hope u dont mind, and dont need to feel pressured to reply or anything, i just wanna rant. Correct me if im wrong, but im pretty sure will only knew alex for about 3-4 years not 7-8 years, a few months after he went to prison, and he started to get close with her since hideaway ONLY BECAUSE 1. Em wasnt with him (so he needed a distraction), 2. Damon hurt him (so he lost a bestfriend, bcs he felt isolated by michael and kai), 3. Because alex went through similar things with aydin (they never thought em and aydin would want them). But even then, alex and will was never close like that, no. Because if they were close, then why wouldnt alex knew will's personality, passion, motive in life etc.? I guess their relationship is still shallow af. Like this woman got shot and abandoned in blackchurch by aydin, and will (the selfish bastard he was) still didnt gaf enough about his allegedly "new best friend" and only cared about emmy. So i guess these two people really fit each other in a way lmfao!

Damon and alex were always just tools for will to not face reality and not to be alone (even though this fandom really did love to overly romanticise, sexualise and fetishise willdamon's relationship possibly bcs its MxM unlike Rika and Alex who were FxF pairing). One thing to note though, i dont think alex and damon ever truly knew will bcs it always felt like will cared about them more but they only cared about using him to enable themselves? But will wasnt innocent andhe used them too so yeah. Will had been doing drugs and alcohol even random sex even before prison/ before damon hurt him right? So i also dont understand why the fandom likes to act as if damon's hurting him was the worst because every time he was at his lowest, it was shown it was always related to emmy. Sure, did the drowning made him feel sad? Yeah, but he only wanted to die because he thought no one, not even damon the tool he used to forget emmy was there by his side anymore. Then Damon always made up by trying to control will via sex, drugs or even alcohol, so their relationship was never healthy anyway. Idk, their relationship is always icky to me. But thats not the most icky thing about the dn series so idk 😂 willdamon fans are gonna come at me for this lmfao but idgaf!

On a separate note, i feel like the relationship between the horsemen or even will and alex was always a tad bit too shallow. Granted that they like the mystery behind not knowing everything about their friends and family, it's still unsatisying to me because there were many times problems could be solved by simple communication or understanding your friend's situation. Like!! Theyre friends and family with will but they never really knew shit about him because 1. Will never took it seriously, 2. They like to dismiss will even when he brought something to the table. Like how come damon and alex who was will's "bffs" didnt know shit about will's personality and why he was in blackchurch (bc)?? And emmy just figured out that they would need aydin as an ally after a week? Theyre so fucking dumb istg 😭☠️ dumb and annoying af! Like?? I cant stand them, they be on a whole ship in conclave but they still cant figure shit out, but from whaever tidbits that em got about bc since high school, she figured that its a good place for ally... god em's the smartest in this group for a reason. Her pride might blindside her sometimes, but shes really the smartest out of everyone, even above banks. Like banks was amazing and all, but she was RAISED that way, and she perfected it later on, but em had no one to teach her, yet she still stay on top. And thats on being a lone survivor with no one to care about you while having to be the one to care about others! I think it's also bcs emmy always watch things from a far and dont get insider information so its easier for her to not get too caught up with her heart and mind about inside info of the horsemen, until she became their fam too yk.

Also when em scolded alex for not telling alex aboutwill's disappearance and alex said about its not like em would care as if alex being by will's side ever did something good for him 😭☠️ like they were literally sex addict, drug & alcohol overdose partners! They both need help! They were only enabling each other because of reality that they never want to confront (surprise surprise just like emmy but emmy handled it differently) but then they turned around and judged em, like wtf??? I cant stand will alex sometimes ngl. Like even if alex cared so what? Will wouldve died from poisoning so her presence in his life would still be useless af, along with his friends. None of them cared enough until they couldnt deal with his shit anymore and he needed to grow up now. Like alex didnt even know he went missing and people ship them??? Taking care of will?? Listen to him??? Huh??? Did she? Maybe? But only on a shallow level because how come are yall friends but yall still dunno each other as well? To me, if alex was replaced with someone else, lets say rika, it still wouldnt make much difference. Thats how insignificat she was to will's story in his own narration. Bcs she, just like damon, at that moment was just a tool for will to not be alone since he loves being around people and the one prson that he wanted most wasnt beside him then.

Its also interesting how contrasting rika, banks, damon and emmy's pov of will alex's relationship are. Rika (the initially male pleaser and apologiser) thought that they were taking care of each other and holding onto each other. Banks (the initially stupid man and preppy woman hater) thought they were just casual friends who hooked up but friendly towards each other, damon (the initially over indulging man and woman hater) saw alex as a temporary distraction, and em saw them as enablers. None show any romantic intonation at all. Only rika saw their relationship as this holding onto each other when in reality, just like emmy said, they were enabling each other before one of them eventually injured badly first. I dont know what kind of care is that, but deffinitely not something will needed. Thats why even damon said that in conclave that will never needed alex. But its also intersting how contrasting rika and emmy's povs about willalex. rika saw it like that because of her naive shallow privileged world but emmy saw that because she never grew up privileged so she did not have as much opportunity to look at this kind of dynamic in a kinder manner. Like when she kinda blamed banks about kai's disappearance. Rika and alex kinda simikar that they thought love can save all and thats why their comversation can become too icky for me.

+Tbh, blackchurch was already weird with all those rapey assault drugged jokes, so on the basis that men can be scums, why cant women, so if aydin taylor will can be shit, why cant emmy?? And people always like to act as if the women always had to be good even when her circumstances shown otherwise. No one needs to be the bigger person here. If the men can destroy, let the women go ballistic too yk. Purity culture, misagony, sexism and double standards for women is truly something else in this fandom. Anyway, these days, emory scott haters been increasing, especially on tiktok, twitter and goodreads. I hope they burn in hell xoxo, hope u had a good day! Thank you for your willemmy fics <3

pt 1

[quenthel]

💔🛑🔞???? omg im so sorry i didnt see that u were doing these

Hii Ella hiii <3

💔: any hated npcs?

uhhh honestly even the annoying ones I have a fondness for bc they are like... interestingly mean or it makes sense for them etc etc what makes me hate characters if they are stupidly written and with THAT I really hate the battlebliss guy (Irmangaleth or whatever his name is) and the aasimar guy in the abyss he can eat a dick. Also my god the trickster king guy and Socothbenoth i hate those guys

🛑: least favourite quest, or a quest you refuse to complete?

Blackwater and the Fallout reference quest. They are both boring/fustrating AND give no loot at the end. For non-backer content that one puzzle w the treant lost lands or whatever that place is called and the heart of mystery shit bc its too long... cool story beat and we learn more abt my friend Storyteller but experiencing it once was enough lol

🔞: do you have any nsfw headcanons, either for ocs or canon characters?

oh my god i have some... under the cut (also i have a lot to ramble abt sfdgfsdhf)

Ok first abt my ocs:

Bell has a lot of negative connotations w intimacy in general bc of the cult he was in and also towards sex since most of his sexual partners in the cult did die in childbirth (the whole glippothspawn deal). So he is almost scared to have sex with people and tries to live in a way where he does not do it a lot while also struggling with his own desires that he cant properly communicate or cultivate because intimacy is just too wrapped in for him in sex and death (like he finds casual hugs strange etc, very touch starved and isolated). He was also forced a lot into a more dominant role during that time and during the Cam romance he was forced into that again and he did it but he simply just does NOT enjoy that sort of stuff at all but he still needs an outlet etc. Thats why his romance and sexual life with Nocticula works better bc she is the one holding the reins and he cant possibly hurt her bc she is powerful and strong and his equal and likeness etc.

Cass is similar since she was also isolated and affection starved as a child but she was also trained to use intimacy and sexuality as a weapon almost to keep herself in the good graces of her superiors (she was in a s/m "relationship" with some priestesses of Asmodeus who were her employers). She does enjoy exploring that power dynamic tho but she has a hard time being intimate and soft without bringing sex into it so her love w Wendu starts with both of them almost hate fucking eachother a lot lol. Then she opens up and learns to be soft and teaches Wendu along the way and they start to care about each other more deeply its very nice.

Marci is just ig very sexful (high sex drive) and while she is generally very well composed and stable that can cause issues with her. She probably has a lot of casual sex. Like I was thinking abt her having sex w Sister Kerismei (the woman from Woljif's quest), one of her army generals (the elf lady), and having a few lovers in Drezen too. She and Arue can bond over that too while she is in horny jail.

Masha is also pretty horny and she has sex with people before feeding on them (i know...). I had an idea for a scene where Lann catches her doing it and he is so crushed bc the girl he likes is fucking other ppl and eating them but they talk it out. She also probably gets it down a bit w Cam (her bicurios moment) and they drink blood together (weirdo besties for like 2 seconds) before Masha offs her (by sucking her dry) in the Abyss (sorry Cam).

Tessa is generally very chaste and she is more focused on the intimacy sex provides. Not the type of person who feels desire a lot. Also she has some baggage after being a Nocticula worshipper around sex bc she used her beauty and sex appeal a lot to hurt others and she prefers having relationships that are no longer centered around that.

Duncan is just chill. He has no isses anymore, he had many long term relationships in his time. He is like 40 also and he had a wild time being a teen/young adult around sexuality but its like mostly behind him. Like in the relationship w Daeran he is clearly the more well composed and at peace one so Daeran is just going trough it trying to untagle the mess of his emotions while Duncan is just there supporting him, hanging out and smoking weed lmfao.

For canon characters I mostly have thoughts of Woljif, Lann, Wendu and Daeran... less nsfw headcanonc and more of an interpretation of their characters bc i am insane

Like Daeran very clearly cant separate affection and being horny so he always tries to sleep with people he cares about and is attracted to thats why he goes so hard for the commander lmao. He is probably a good lover tho but he has issues. Lann is probably very worried about everything and lets his insecurities show and is generally stiff in those situations so its very awkward. But once he gets over that he has a fucking job to do. Wendu cant separate pain and pleasure properly AND she probably has that specific issue where she does not let herself want casual intimacy and soft affection bc she convinces herself tht she does not need it so she is all sexhorny instead and tries to channel her frustration into that. She is also probably very unhealthy in the S/M relationship too like type of sub who wont rly talk abt boundaries or safewords or shit which causes issues. True love Wendu however learns that those are important and gets better at communication so there is more aftercare.

OK with Woljif... Its less about his sexual habits but his connection towards sexuality ig bc he gets no action very clearly. He is bisexual tho but he is also very insecure and never have been loved. He kind of strikes me as a Denji Chainsawman type character who wants to be loved and cared for but he is also a horny young adult (instead of being a teen like Denji) so he probably conceptualizes those wishes as "omg i need to have sex" instead of him needing love and care yk.

[comphetkoncass]

intro scene to the DCYJ fixit fic im writing. bc kon being angsty abt dying in that series doesnt make sense, but giving him 'the world moved on w/o you' trauma fits soooo much better. especially since his lines about "you want to go back to the real world? the one where i died? you think that world was so much better than this world where we get to be heroes in our glory days?" doesnt even make sense since the current 'real world' is, uh, the world where kon never even existed... cant die if you never existed, idk what to tell you

///

The statue of Superman at the Justice League is giving Kon whiplash, because he’s pretty sure he used to have one that looked almost identical. Same material, similar pose, similar size. But this one is Superman – in a way, it reminds him of the future that never was. The one where he eventually became Superman, himself, instead of the mantle getting passed onto Jon, because of course it would pass onto Jon – Kon didn’t exist in this timeline until this year. ...Plus, that Kon-El Superman  went evil, so. Maybe best to leave this all to Jon.

The Superman memorial statue stands next to several others. The Justice League assembles once more just to reflect the bright sunny day off their gold silhoettes – and it's a perfect atmosphere for a funeral, he thinks sarcastically.

But in the bright, overwhelming brightness, for a second, Kon truly sees the statue as his own memorial statue. Reality shifts again, then, and it’s back to being Superman. 

He still feels dazed. Dizzy. 

Cassie reaches for his hand, and it grounds him. Kon lets out a breath, and now it’s hard to imagine he ever saw himself in this stupid memorial. 

It’s funny. Remembering his own statue, Kon should really be more traumatized by dying. And he totally was, he won't deny it messed him up – but the thing is, trauma sort of has a recency bias. And losing his entire dimension, having the world re-written without him, knowing none of his friends remember him – that’s also right up there with dying. Top ten worst moments of his short existence, and the list is pretty damn competitive. And it happened within the last year, compared to not actually remembering how long ago he died anymore.

He remembers the day and time, but who knows when it would've been in this dimension, seeing as it never happened at all. Can't die if you never existed.

Besides... However bad dying was, even if he never really processed that one or told his friends about it – at least his friends had been there for him afterwards. And at least his friends had grieved him. It's selfish (and Kon feels bad, but not that bad; he's always been little selfish with his friends' affection) – but he misses knowing they grieved him. Because it was solid, concrete proof that they’d loved him, that they'd missed him. Missed him to the point of real, genuine mental health crises, sure, and there's a lot to unpack about the particular ways Tim and Cassie grieved – but there was no questioning that they cared. That he had mattered enough to care about. 

...In this world, he didn’t even exist. 

His friends remember grieving him, now that they’ve met him. The spark is there; the realities crashed together and now his friends just remember two timelines. But that doesn’t change that there’s a timeline where he was never there at all. 

Sometimes, he wonders. With the amount of grief he gave them, do they look more fondly on the one where they never had a Superboy to mourn?

Cassie squeezes his hand again, forcing his attention outward. He must not react enough, because she bumps her shoulder against his, leans up and mouths 'Are you okay?'

Even Bart and Tim are looking his way now. Way to make a JLA funeral about you, Kon, he thinks. He gives a quick thumbs up, and tries to stop zoning out. There are speeches, after all. He should probably be taking notes on the eulogies. Given how the hero community keeps dying, he'll probably have to start writing them soon. If he doesn't get his own first, he thinks. If he even gets one. He hasn't left much of an impression yet.

Selfish, he thinks. Got to stop being selfish. Roll with the punches. This is the real world now. Considering it was rewritten without you in it, you should probably just be thankful to exist at all.

The speech ends, and Kon joins his hands together to clap along with the rest of the world.

[polandspringz]

tried writing about it in two diaries but im gen z and cant resist making a spectacle of myself by posting online or vague posting or whatever i just dont feel satisfied until i yell my thoughts into the void of the internet even though i know its not a void

been very frustrated lately. my irl friend pool has grown smaller since graduating high school, which is normal. i never had a big group of friends to begin with, and so the core group stuck, but it got smaller and smaller as we all went different paths. one of them is basically MIA in another state with a whole new life, so i dont even know if i should count that. one of my friends is no longer an irl friend as theyve been moving around since graduation and i only ever talk to them online, and every time they announce to me that theyre coming back to my state, its followed by a "oh well im actually visiting a DIFFERENT friend so idk if i have time to visit YOU" and its like why are you even telling me to begin with

and i didnt make many irl friends in college. the curse of community college + pandemic lockdown + transfer student to 4 year school meant nothing was permanent. no one was going to last in community college because we're all trying to go our separate ways anyway. the lockdown isolated me to the point i turned to dating sims so severely i started having weird delusions about reality. at least that was somewhat comforting. then transferring into a 4 yr school for the last 2 yrs of my degree meant i really didnt fit in anywhere. orientation put me with all teenage freshmen, who then all got close by having to take a freshman seminar class together. everyone in my major knew each other already. and everyone lived close to the school while i was a commuter. i made friends in my club but again everyone lives so far from me despite being in the same state. its hard to make plans with the one friend i did get out of college bc she cant drive and lives basically 2 hrs away.

my work doesnt put me with a lot of young ppl. my internship was all middle aged women, and my current job has been so trigger happy about firing people i cant get close enough to people/ the commute makes it impossible to hang out with anyone.

so the few friends i did have left im dependent on. but theres been problems there too. 2 of them are basically MIA. and all of them i just feel the friendships have become so one sided. for my entire life im always the planner, the one reaching out, making the plans and itinerary. and if im not the one doing it, nothing happens. i do not see people for months, for years. and its been a pattern my whole life but its become more and more exacerbated by my friend pool shrinking.

im just. im tired of seeing months of my own discord messages at attempts for conversation with no replies in between. im tired of reaching out to someone and them ignoring me, even if they have a good reason (mental health, deleted social media, etc.) because then I'm left wondering how to even keep up the relationship. when i decide to take the risk and not be the one to make plans, every falls apart. conversations dies. it feels no one actually wants to hang out around me. and (using this word again) its been exacerbating feelings ive been having about weirdness in my friendships, of wondering if people even LIKE me anymore.

I keep feeling like this one scene in A Silent Voice (timestamped) where Shoya keeps trying to make plans but is sort of just satisfying himself by dragging everyone around with him

idk im just getting frustrated. but theres no way for me to convey this people without sounding like a bitch or a horrible person. i just feel selfish, but im tired of putting all the work into my relationships. im tired of indecisiveness and then just getting silence for months on end. im tired of staring back at my own messages and then hating myself for just talking too much and being annoying. one-sidedness is my biggest pet peeve, and probably really a trigger, because it was what led to my bff in ms/hs falling out bc i felt like i was the one always making the plans or messaging and they were ignoring me. so to feel it happen again and again with my other friendships just. its so upsetting

and its also frustrating bc then i really have no one to share my interests with. bc my family doesnt really share the same things. like yes i watch anime and tv shows with my family, but when it comes to like. my interest in musicals, dance, singing, etc. i dont have anyone irl for that. my attempts to get friends into it gets me pushed away. and then i feel selfish anger which makes me hate myself, but i get these annoying "transactional" thoughts of like "well i get into x for you, so you should make sacrifices and watch y for me". but its frustrating bc i genuinely try out things i dont normally would like to try and build a bridge with my friends in hopes theyll try out something i like. and do it without making fun of it. idk i probably sound like a selfish or like a baby being like "I just want someone to watch a musical or smth with me" but to me friendship isn't necessarily transactional, but you try new things you may not like to make each other happy. and my brain rationalizes it as transactional as i try to make the bridge happen but im the only one crossing it ever. so i just keep building bridges and bridges and bridges and following after people but they never cross back over to my side

ive been feeling worse and worse since this summer, and 90% of it is likely my job stress just affecting all my other relationships. but ive been hyper sensitive (i hate that word so maybe hyper aware is better) of little comments. little things that just rub me the wrong way. change an interaction from 1 little thing to an "oh. I guess im bothering you after all" big thing. "Well I'm doing this for you" --> oh so you didn't want to do the thing we both agreed to do that I was actually only doing to make YOU happy. (again, i view relationships of transactional but that doesn't mean i LIKE them to feel that way).

ive made posts about this before i think but psychoanalyzing myself here- i like KNOW 90% of my problems with friendships stem from ym bullying and being taken advantage of / just trying to be accepted as a kid. i used to give away my snacks/lunch to people to try and get them to like me. and thats why gift giving has unfortunately become my love language. to the point where i freak out if i cant give someone a gift because its the only way i know how to calm my brain being like "check the box, i gave them smth so they have to like me at least another two months or smth" and the bullying def added to this bc i used to have to deal with my entire class not speaking to me for entire days which is why i panic when IM the only one reaching out and getting silence back

but at the same time i know im a hypocrite. i see a friend message about smth and i dont really care about it so i dont respond. or i dont want to watch smth. and so then i feel like i shouldnt be keeping tally in my head bc im just as guilty. and i shouldnt keeo tally to begin with bc thats still transactional. but its hard to ignore the feeling like the tally is still uneven

idk im just. upset. frustrated. tired. really im just lonely. the past few months i feel like the ppl i do still talk to have been growing distant and starting to dislike me more and more. i feel resentment from them, and its scaring me, because i feel like im losing the few people i have left.

and at the risk of the ppl im vague posting about reading this and connecting the dots by giving identifying conversations- like idk ive just felt so stressed when im with ppl. simple things like. oh no the playlist played more of my songs than theirs. oh im bad at parking the car. oh i did this. oh i did x. oh they made a joke about me having too many ideas. every time smth happens i just. shut down now. im just tired bc i feel such resentment and im trying not to cry when i do hang out with people but i just feel like no one likes spending time with me anymore and im tired of putting so much energy into keeping relationships alive but if i dont then they crumble. i feel like no one likes ME anymore or that they never did and I'm just a bitch and that feeling of "everyone secretly hates you" coming back full force.

all this to say im probably very depressed, but thats not going to solve anything knowing the obvious. im just tired. im tired and its exacerbated by the christmas shopping season bc im forced to face my own thoughts as i have to buy them a gift or else i dont have an excuse or reason for them to stay with me for another few months.

anyway im going to bed

[bloodglucose]

i kinda hesitated posting about this esp bc ive been putting a very happy front lately but given ive been stuck in the middle of it all it wouldn’t hurt to share.

about a month ago, my mom found out my dad was cheating on her with a woman over in mexico. since then, my parents stopped talking to each other. neither of them would tell me about it until today, at my mom’s bday brunch when she finally told me and my brother.

bc they are not speaking to each other, my dad has been trying to communicate with my mom through me.

on one hand, i really hate seeing my parents like this. my dad was a very romantic type with my mom, he is a very “acts of service” man and in a way he kinda set the standards for me in relationships.

on the other hand, i cant forgive him for betraying my mom this way. my mom always talked about her retirement plans that involved taking care of my dad as he’s pushing 70 and hard labor is starting to affect his health. now that she isnt doing anything for him anymore, i see just how much she cared for my dad because he is struggling without her. and its incredibly hard to watch. he has GERD and my mom always cooked meals that met his dietary restrictions. now he has been eating mostly street food that upsets his stomach and he is noticeably sick. i have to stop myself from trying to intervene bc i think he deserves it for being a traitor, but i just hate that part of me is hurting watching him sick bc inside me is going “thats my dad and i dont like seeing him ill.” its so complicated that all i can do is just sob in my room about it.

its naive, but i really did think my parents would grow old together. and this is going to change everything.

[captainsquality]

i love sports i fucking love sports i miss playing sports

my greatest agony is that ive been sick literally half of my life and havent been able to actually PLAY sports in any formal capacity, especially not the ones I enjoy the most(which are team sports) since my mid/late teens. for reference I turned 31 at the start of this month.

I would play SO much soccer and volleyball and baseball, if I could. I would do so much rock climbing and cycling. I would skateboard so much more often(and probably better) if I weren't just so fucking fragile and unhealthy at my base.

I do think that if not for a lot of my non-physical health issues getting in the way of me keeping healthy routines and exacerbating my physical problems I could be a lot more active at least in solo sports. I want to see about hitting up hiking trails here locally as the weather finally starts cooling down this autumn bc sure its rly just walking but I love being outdoors and rolling in the dirt and climbing shit and the thing is that i havent gotten to do those things in any actual, real capacity in years and years and years

if I had been able to have a normal school experience, if I were able to have any semblance of a normal adult social life, I would probably spend a TON of time still doing team sports in community leagues(soccer especially, I miss soccer so much), and I would probably commute by skateboard or bicycle wherever possible.

I wish to god i could figure out a way to beat back some of my mental issues enough to get an actual workout/exercise routine going, even just low impact, improve my health so i can actually do some of these things I love doing but cant bc of health limitations. One of the greatest agonies of my disabled life is that I actually adore and love a huge breadth of activities beyond the few very sedentary ones my body actually ALLOWS me to enjoy with any regularity.

I fucking miss soccer, man. I literally loved playing soccer SO much. I don't even have opportunity to just. pass the ball around with people anymore. Not even fucking THAT much less actually playing on a team, even for just like futsal. I was actually pretty good as a player. Not Star Player worthy, but I understood the game reasonably well and I had tenacity and good passing skills so I tended to do very well as a wingback or midfielder and made some pretty damn good assists and even goals when I was playing in leagues.

as a teen, pre-HRT, a tiny willowy soprano playing casual keep-away with my three brothers, I was the smallest and weakest person the field, functionally. but I was fucking STUBBORN, not because I was determined to win, I was determined to participate. I wanted to play. I wanted to be part of the experience.

which means that despite my brothers ranging in height from 5' 10" to 6' 1" in comparison to my 5' 5" with the weight of a six pack of sodas behind me, I was still making steals and connecting passes to my younger brother with actual, genuinely skilled maneuvers that left my oldest brother, a college undergrad, jawdropped at my skinny fourteen year old ass swiping the ball from under him and into the 'goal' (two predetermined trees acting as posts).

I never WON a game in those little sessions but god did I love just getting to play and I fucking miss it! I miss soccer and I miss swimming, I miss baseball and volleyball and rappelling and skating and I hate that doing any of these things again, even in a casual context, is so completely inaccessible to me. and not even just because of my physical limitations.

there are not places for me to do them. there are not people for me to do them with. there are not accessible resources for me to find either of those things.

anyway sorry im done ranting. i didnt have a cohesive point other than i miss sports and felt a need to vent about it. thank u for letting me complain, carry on

[myownprivatcidaho]

thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him

[yesimwriting]

hi, i love all your work! could i please request headcanons for what it'd be like to go from being enemies to lovers with nikolai lantsov.

thank you:)

A/N maybe i moved this up on my request lists bc i woke up today and went 'nikolai lantsov'

--

- i'm being a little liberal with cannon bc my mind first went to 'princess! reader who hates nikolai bc they're competitive and then they have to team up together to try to get their parents to break up their arranged marriage but fall in love in the process (this might be a little undetailed but i'm thinking of writing a full fic or mini-series with this plotline so let me know if you'd be interested!! i could see a smutty ending to that fic but idk,, lmk what you thing ig lol)

- Ok so first off enemies to lovers with the loml nikolai lantsov would be SO GOOD bc he's so dramatic and obviously attractive so even though you hate him you know he's hot,, there's never a dramatic realization that he's attractive bc it's just a fact

- butttt you'd rather give up any claim you have to your family's throne than feed his already gigantic ego

- okk but lets get to the beginning of your enemies to lovers relationship

- so basically every summer your parents go and stay with Nikolai's family at this super fancy vacation home bc your parents are both royalty and your kingdoms have a very healthy relationship

- just bc it's the summer season doesn't mean it's summer vacation,, so as children for about a month you two share a tutor,, and when i tell you that created a rivalry so fast i mean it

- you're not the eldest princess and you're always trying to be the best for your parents approval, nikolai just wanted to impress the really smart girl who had a pretty laugh (poor nikolai lol,, he had no way of knowing how important being the best in school no matter what was to your self esteem)

- maybe if you two could communicate you’d like each other a little better at this point but it starts when you’re pretty young and by the time you’re like 13 it’s a solidified dynamic (and 13 year olds are the MEANEST and most insecure people in the world so that’s when your relationship turns to full enemies)

- now that you’re 13 you have more princess-y requirements, especially over the summer. So when you see that Nikolai gets to practice with swords and gets more free time while you have to practice setting tables you hate him more than ever. 

- Nikolai senses that you’re extra hostile but he has no idea why,, he tries asking once but he makes a joke about how ‘maybe you’re jealous bc youre no longer the center of my attention’ and even though he’s just trying to ease the tension you feel like he’s making fun of you

- so that’s when things get aggressive, but at that point summer is almost over so it’s whatever

- next summer comes and you’re still SO MAD at him,, so when you get to the estate you’re like ‘i’m not even talking to him idc how quiet these next three months are’ 

- and you get there all determined to hate him,, but once you get there and see him something in you cracks bc he had the audacity to spend the last year going through puberty AND LIKE HE’S ALWAYS BEEN CUTE BUT THIS IS SOMETHING ELSE 

- so youre mentally panicking bc how do you even talk to someone that looks like that now???? but then you remember that you didnt even want to talk him so in a panic youre like ‘maybe i can avoid him and he’ll just assume it’s bc i hate him bc i do,, who cares if he’s unbelievably hot now’ 

- nikolai doesn’t assume anything, he just gets to the estate and is like ‘why hasn’t she insulted me yet?? is she suddenly too good to give me attention?’ so during the lessons that you still share he gets an idea

- he decides to one-up you in everything bc that’s always gotten a reaction out of you 

- it works,, every time he corrects you or steals an answer from you, you’re ready to snap but then you look at him and take in his stupidly perfect face and  you just shut up 

- nikolai thinks it’s not working so he just tries harder

- by the end of week one you can’t take it anymore so when the tutor leaves at the end of lessons you snap, you tell him off for how often he’d repeat what you said and change a few words and get all the praise from the tutor

- on the inside he’s like ‘took long enough’ but the more you rant he’s like ‘is she okay???’ he’d be more concerned if you weren’t threatening his pride and at this point he’s still annoyed bc if you were that annoyed you should have just talked to him instead of ignoring him for a week

- he’s thinking that just bc you got really pretty over the last year doesn’t make you too good to yell at him on the daily

- the worst thing anyone can do to nikolai is ignore him LMAO (lowkey relatable)

- so he starts arguing with you and you’re so upset that you forget about how aggressively attractive he is 

- and you two are alone in this room and the more you argue the closer you two get

- the climax of the argument is when neither of you are yelling, you’re just so mad you’re beyond raising your voice and once you’re both at that point it goes like this: 

“Nikolai Lantsov, you are the most insufferable person I’ve ever met” 

“Well then, Darling, you should look in a mirror.” 

“You are so entitled, so ridiculously self obsessed that it ruins your attractiveness.” 

“...” he literally just like blinks twice. “You think I’m attractive?” 

“Uh? No--i didn’t say that at all, maybe if you didn’t have the language comprehension of a child you’d understa--” he just reaches forward, grabs the collar of your dress, and kisses you. 

- it’s your first kiss so you have no idea what you’re doing and it’s with some one you CANT STAND and you’re so mad bc you had expectations for your first kiss and he’s taken that from you--but the thing is,, 

- he’s good at it. Like really good at it. Like so good it makes you curious about what he does the nine months of the year he’s not stuck here with you bc there’s no way he hasn’t had practice. 

- but you’re also extremely confused and nervous and aware of how stupid you’re being (and a little hormonal bc being 14 isn’t easy) and then he places his hand on your cheek and that snaps some sense of reality into you bc it’s one thing to enjoy the kiss but another thing entirely to want him to escalate it

- so you place one hand on his chest and push him off of you slightly. He takes the hint, pulls away enough to look at you and then you two just stare at each other 

- your hand is still on his chest and you have absolutely no idea what comes next, but you find yourself looking at his lips

- since you haven’t slapped him or pulled away more than a few inches he thinks maybe things are okay so he leans forward slightly and kisses you again. 

- you reciprocate a little too fast, the kiss lasts two seconds before thinking about how insane you’re being so you push away entirely. 

- He lets you go,, and in the most awkward display ever you’re like ‘uh I need to go,, i can’t be late to ball preparation lessons’ and you leave that room faster than you’ve ever left a room in your entire life. 

- the next day you consider pretending to be sick to avoid him but that would only give him more power over the situation so you go,, and he’s just sitting there calmly

- youre on edge the entire day but he never even jokes about it

- a part of you is a tiny bit annoyed bc who kisses you and then pretends it never happened? but overall, you’re relieved 

- the days pass and it never comes up but now whenever you two argue you think of how quickly kissing him both shut him up and got rid of your tension 

- the summer goes by quickly, your usual dynamic has returned and you wonder if he even remembers kissing you. twice. in a row. 

- the next couple of years are normal,, even when you two no longer take lessons together you still dont like him. He’s just so assured and he takes such joy in bothering you. 

- and then one summer your parents sit you down and they’re like ‘we need to plan the future alliance of our kingdom’ 

- you’re a little confused bc you’re rarely allowed to sit in on these things bc you’re a girl and you’re basically meant to just be a royal’s bride--and then you realize why you’re there. 

- you start protesting before your father can finish announcing your engagement 

- the parents were smart bc they announced it at the end of summer so you two couldn’t drive them crazy or conspire

- the first thing you do when you get back to your castle is write to him for the first time ever 

- your letter is basically ‘pls tell me you’re doing something’ 

- the two of you talk until you come up with the plan to get your parents to break up your engagement 

- your parents dont really care about your feelings and they expect the two of you to argue with them,, but they care about the kingdoms

- so you two decide that if you act like youre so in love that you let your duties slip the engagement will end,, especially if you two are in love in a toxic way 

- so the next summer you two make sure to flirt and act like youre totally obsessed with each other and skip lessons together and just are constantly together and acting like you’re on a honeymoon

- your parents are like ?? since when 

- at one point you flirt with a random guard just so Nikolai can have a ‘jealous outburst’ while your families are strolling through the garden 

- ngl jealous nikolai had you ready to RISK IT ALL,, you were ready to drop the plan and marry him on the spot 

- he notices bc he notices everything about you and when your family walks away he gives you a quick kiss and youre stunned,, much to his delight 

- your desire to break up your engagement takes a slight backseat in your mind bc you decide to set off on a secret goal to make him flustered

- it doesn’t take much, your dresses get a little more risky, your comments get a little more suggestive

- the only problem?? he seems to have his own personal goal and it’s to make you even more flustered than he is

- soon the two of you are lost in layers of pretend and competition

- when your parents are finally thinking about delaying the engagement and keeping you two away from each other until you calm down a little (i feel bad for them,, an entire summer of being surrounded by the ULTIMATE sexual tension) 

- you’re sad and you don’t know why bc this is what you wanted, but then Nikolai stands up and says that you two planned for this and he has the letters to prove it (he was ready to drop the receipts LMAO) and youre like ??what are you doing?

- and he says he’d rather marry you then never see you again bc now all he wants is to get know you bc he has no idea how he wasted so much time arguing with you 

- and you just meltttt but your in front of your entire family and his as well so you just sit there for a minute and then you tell him you feel the same way 

- but the summer’s over

- you kiss him before leaving and he says you’ll have to visit bc he can’t go an entire year without seeing your ‘pretty face’ 

- you promise to visit him soon

- your at home for exactly a day and a half before getting an invitation to visit him 

- you laugh bc the only way that letter could get to you that fast is if he mailed it before you even left 

- you say yes obviously,, and spend some time having a really cute fall-dating vibes together until you figure out how you really feel 

- and you feel like he makes your heart STOP and that’s why you hated him,, bc you didn’t like being vulnerable 

[a-dragons-journal]

hi, im sorry in advance if something like this has been answered already or if im just wrong but ive been trying to research the topic but really wanted to ask someone personally

does this 'count' as fictionkin? ive first encountered this character in a series a couple years ago and instantly got really attached, ever since then ive mostly been daydreaming(madd) about him and i have an entire plot dedicated to him just living his life and its always from i guess my point of view?? like its him but its also me living through the scenarios,, i often go by his name online use him as pfps and just generally tell people "if they want to perceive me as something just have it be this character". i even feel uncomfortable using other names or at least not nearly as comfortable as i am using his. i sometimes even feel uncomfortable or weird about my appearance bc we dont look alike. i remember one time an ex-friend called me crazy or obsessive i cant remember for introducing myself w his name or trying to dress similar and ive been really embarrassed to admit how i feel ever since,, around that time i learned what kff was and have just been using those terms for now to describe how i feel and now idk anymore, this doesnt seem casual at all and ive never felt that way about a character before from what i remember (though apparently as a kid i did this with dorothy from wizard of oz but idk if thats just what every kid does, i would also try to dress like her and introduce myself w her name and i had a toy dog i would carry w me everywhere bc dorothy had one(i cant remember its name now unfortunately) and tell people about what going to oz was like)

sorry if i got the terms or something wrong im really new to this and it seems pretty complicated but i just want to learn and possibly know myself(??) better

I can say that what you're describing sounds extremely typical for fictionkin, yes. I can't tell you whether you are a character/thing or not - only you can - but I can say that "I prefer to use his name and feel weird about not looking like him, and I tend to imagine his life from first-person perspective as if it were me going through it" sounds pretty directly like a longform description of what many if not most people mean by "I am [x]".

I'm also sorry about your experience with your friend there; it happens to a lot of us, I think. The good ones will understand, or at least not be dicks about it.

Probably not as sure-fire an answer as you were hoping, but unfortunately that's the nature of the beast - hopefully it gives you some reassurance and help, if nothing else.

(Also, just as a disclaimer that you may or may not need - there's a heavy emphasis on past life stuff in this community, and you may feel kind of pressured to think of your "plot" and MADD daydreams of him as past life memories. Know that you don't need to. It doesn't need to be a "real" past life, as it were, to be "valid" and to have a real impact on you and your identity.)

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since