#i can't even say 'at least im not 15' at this point

[itstimeforstarwars]

It's extremely rude for stress to manifest physically in the body. I already feel like a caged animal in an unethical lab why must you also give me too much nausea to eat for days on end and off-and-on numbness in my face. Who authorized this.

[cy-cyborg]

I'm getting a little tierd of the idea because amputees get more representation in media, it means rep for our disability is better and we "have enough"

People are right, we do have way more rep than really any other disability, im not going to deny that, and ive joked before about how often people write amputees without even realising it. So you would think, by sheer numbers, we should have at least some good representation, but by-and-large that is not the case. Legitimatly, the closest example I can think of to point to of good amputee rep is Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood and even that uses multiple tropes I hate (the miracle cure/quest for the miracle cure, the almost perfect prosthetic replacement/forgetting the chatacter is an amputee until it breaks or needs repairs, refusal to call prosthetics, "prosthetics" (automail), the amputee who can't do anything without a prosthetic) and they call Ed a slur for another disability (m*dget) CONSTANTLY. I love fmab deeply, it legitimatly helped me feel seen and represented as a childhood amputee in a way no other show has even come close to, and when it gets it right, it gets it really right, but it's also very far from great and should not be the best example I can think of. Especially nearly 15 years after it released...

A big part of the reason why I don't read many books anymore is because of the sheer amount of books with downright offensively bad amputee rep, some of which were touted as good by people with other disabilities and were recommended to me as good examples. others times, I wasn't even looking for books with amputee/disability rep, it just popped up. It has ruined one of my childhood hobbies for me. Ive tried to get back into reading again as an adult but it hasn't gotten better in that time i was away. I was kicked out of 3 different scifi writing groups on facebook and reddit for asking people to remember "cybernetic enhancement" users are amputees - a real group of people, and maybe debating weather or not we're less human isnt great, and for pointing out seeing those discussions every day was making me feel pretty unwelcome in that space (yes i know, "real" cyberpunk isnt trying to say that, i had to turn notifications off on my post about the topic, it doesnt change the fact that newer creators in the genre dont seem to get that bit, that ive seen cyberpunk writers in these spaces say that debating weather people who loose more parts of their body were less human was, in fact, their intent but they hadnt even considered the fact this made their chatacters amputees, it doesnt change the fact that these tropes, intentionally or not, help make those spaces hostile for disabled fans/creators, especially amputees).

But yeah, I should be thankful I get more rep than other disabilities, no matter the quality, right?

It doesn't just stop at being me being made uncomfortable, though. The sheer, overwhelming amount of amputee chatacters with "perfect prosthetics" has had a noticeable impact on how we are perceived irl. In my lifetime, the general idea people have about multi-limbed amputees in particular has gone from "literally the worst thing that can happen to a person and the worst disability to have" to "is it even a disability? The prosthetic fixes it". These are both wildly untrue and harmful ideas about my disability that were both perpetuated by media, but now that the second one is taking root, it's causing real problems. I have not been shy in talking about how I have to fight to maintain my NDIS funding every time I get something done with my prosthetics, and had to get my prosthetist to sign off, twice, that my fancy prosthetic knee that costs the same as a higher-end new car ($125,000 AUD) is not, in fact a cure and I still need help with other things. It took me nearly 2 years to get a new wheelchair because they didn't understand why I needed it if I had the prosthetics - which to be honest, is not comfortable for me to wear, let alone use all day every day. Guys this isn't just assholes on the street or on twitter saying dumb shit, it's the people in the government body who decide how much funding I get to help with my disability who beleive it. People who have very real control over my life. It's not entirely the media's fault, but when the sheer, overwhelming majority of representation for people like me confirms that belief, it's hard to ignore the possibility that these portrayals are contributing to it, you know?

Which makes it so frustrating when I come on here and see other disability writing advice blogs saying to not write amputees because they have so much representation already. We do, I can acknowledge that, but the vast, vast majority of it is shit, and no one, not even other disabled people, are listening to us about it. And what makes it even worse, is the people they're advising to not writing amputees are the creators who care enough to be doing the research. They're the ones willing to listen, to ask questions. They could be the start of the positive change. But instead they're advised to not even bother with us.

And don't get me wrong, other disabilities ARE under-represented. There are so many disabilities, including some I have myself, that I've never seen represented as anything other than the butt of a joke. There does need to be more reprentation of disabilities other than amputation and limb differences. 100%! but can you please talk about that without saying "amputees have enough"

This isn't even touching on how amputees/people with limb differences who dont/cant use prosthetics, or even folks who use prosthetics sometimes but not others, are almost never represented unless it's for pitty-porn, or how the non-fictional media's (news outlets, etc) portrayal of amputees in particular is used to justify hurting very real, very vunderable people but this rant is long enough and honestly, ive got enough thoughts to make whole other posts on those subjects. That second one in particular deserves its own (more thought-out) spotlight and shouldn't be a footnote in a frustrated rant post lol.

[sicariodechinchulines]

Damijon headcanon: Dami doesn't flirt, he COURTS.

•We tend to forgot WHERE and HOW Damian was raised. He just doesn't get the concept "Highschool sweetheart". when he first mentioned that, they were at a gala.

"-Im not interested on playdates, that's a waste of time.-" and they nodded because that's SOOO him, but then... "-If someone is interested on my being and dare to ask for my hand, I expect them to be ready for marriage. If not, then is just to be mean a ephemeral game that I won't even bother to remember, they shouldn't either."

Unnecessary to say that reporters we're so fucking excited with that response, so much that they didn't notice Dick Grayson hanging from a chandelier.

• and yes, he had a girlfriend before, even shared some kisses with other ladies and acted like a gentleman for them, but the truth is: he didn't take them seriously.

• Dami was ready for living alone and single, that's not the big deal, but Jon appeared again, and things started to get weird... in an amusing and warming way. Jon was now a mature good looking man, strong and good-natured as always. The little naive and childish boy was gone, and now was a man; a man worthy of his attention, in any areas.

• Without saying ANYTHING about his feels, he started to court Jon in the way he learned was appropriate, the problem is: Jon Kent is not a lady.

AND IS NEITHER SINGLE.

• Flowers, luxurious gifts and expensive jewelry. People started to suspect if Jon became some type of sugar baby for Damian, but when is questioned, Jon unsuspecting, answer "I don't know, rich people are weird"

• yes, people, Damian does HOLD the doors open for Jon, while ignoring the people behind, usually ending on them smashing their faces with the door.

• They rarely travel on cars, but when they do, Dami open the door for him; the bats are BEWILDERED by that.

• Needless to say that Jay DOES want to beat the shit out of him. (I don't blame him, if a sort of Arabic prince- heir of one of the biggest fortune in the world- a fucking Robin is trying to conquer MY boyfriend, I would love to beat the shit out of him too.)

Even if he's mad at him, don't see the point on competing with a child, because after all he's not even 15.

• Everyone knows that this boy is weird in SOOO many ways, but waiting 4 years until the object of your courtship is legally able to touch you, is little to much... even for Superman, who lost his virginity in his late twenties.

• Clark never say anything about that matter, first because he doesn't want to feed rumors, and second..

Because if he ADMIT that he would be okay with Damian marrying his son, Batman will KILL HIM.

•Even if he is worried about the future that Damian and Jon hold as best friends or partners, he can't denied that Damian devotion to Jon is cute.

Sorry but Clark is a hopeless romantic who loves his wife DEEPLY

(and he doesn't like Jay at all, he doesn't knows him as much he would like, neither is happy with the amount of info about his son that is on internet now thanks to jay's activism... but this ray of sunshine don't talk about that because, wHAT IF HE IS BEING HOMOPHOBIC OR SOMETHING?? Don't want to stress his boy with that.)

• after the SHOW Damian Wayne gave at that gala talking about his expectations on a partner and the PROPER way of courtship, the rumors about the younger Wayne being a heartbreaker like his father were over. NOW, they love to talk about how amazing and romantic Damian would be as a boyfriend.

When in an interview, a reporter mentioned Tim Drake-Wayne the titular "The teens dream: A prince like Damian Wayne. His thoughts about dating and how court a lady" he dissociated for 1 whole minute.

• the worst-best come now. Still hanging from that titular a journalist did DARE to ask about PRE-MARITAL SEX. (yes, Bruce demanded that journalist, yes, Bruce won.)

"- Isn't obvious? I'm against it, at least for myself. I don't find shame on waiting the proper person to lost your virginity with... even if I fall in love with SOMEONE who isn't virgin anymore, I'll wait anyway."

And yes, that was a hint for Jon. Jon didn't get it, but the press did.

It was funny how teen boys were so spiteful towards him and how teen girls were so delighted. Damian set the bar so high for Gotham boys.

• even with all the gifts and flowers and food, Jon is the ONLY ONE who don't notice. His mother did, his father did, Batman, Redhood, RedRobin and Nightwing DID, even StARFIRE AND THAT'S A LOT. a night after a mission she just said "Correct me if I'm wrong... but the little Robin is courting Superman according his culture standards, isn't?" And the whole Bat Boys just stared.

"That's adorable... a little gentleman!"

• They usually cuddle. It was hard for Jon getting used to it after YEARS gone, but Damian was weirdly okay with it, even pleased Jon can say.

But there was something unsettling. He don't cuddle him as before, instead he do it in a way that makes Jon feel incredibly conscious about himself, but safe anyway.

Damian does it on purpose, holding Jon head close to his chest when they are on the couch, caressing the side of Jon's jaw and lightly touching his temple.

If Jon is being lucky and Damian too tired, he will press his nose against his curls and close his eyes, answering anything with a lazy "mmh"

• Bruce is worried. He's not Clark, he's not tHAT optimistic. He knows his son and how unhinged and dangerous he can be, and see this said devotion as a time bomb. What if Jon is not that good??? Or Damian manage to CONQUER the teen's heart and decide to guide him into a darker path???? Jon probed that he can DIE for him in most of one occasion, Damian is starting to act the same and is unsettling.

Sorry if isn't readable, my mother language is Spanish and i learned English from comics, translator and weirdly poetic AO3 p0rn. If you're that kind, please point out my mistakes or care to give me an advice so I can better my grammar, ty so much!!!!

[watermel0ns-dumb-cringe]

Okay SINCE I DID A YAP SESSION ANALYSIS ON CONNIE. IM DOING ONE FOR PENNY/JANE. buckle up this might be a tad longer since I'm obsessed with funky lil tragic girls that are doomed to the dramatic irony of their worst fears

Okay. So. Jane/Penny IMMEDIATELY sets up the overall undertone of the musical during Karnak's Dream Of Life. I was admittedly a tad confused upon first seeing it— especially with how it seemed to be brushed off for a good 15 first minutes of the musical. Then- woah. Holy shit. Jane appearing from behind the curtains out of basically nowhere as the "mystery contestant" gave me chills. Her tone as a character is so vastly contrast to the others in such a surreal and unnerving way that you can't help but be so intrigued but wary. Especially with how, like— so many characters similar to her that I've seen tend to be villianized a lot. But- no. She's- she feels more- human. To me, at least. That's the irony of it, huh? She doesn't know who she is. She walks with only the lingering regret & guilt of mourning a distant memory that she might never get back. Cursed to a fate that's admittedly horrifying when you think about it; all without knowing or remembering what she did to deserve such fate. Jane- DEFINITELY has some catholic guilt themeing going on, and it's fun to speculate all the religious undertones and details of her character!

She's just- so interesting to me. I deadass had to pause the musical and stare at my screen for a few minutes after TBOJD just so I could like- take it all in. Since it REALLY. REALLY. Hit close to home for me, as someone who's very much struggled and even temporarily lost their sense of identity, often being deemed forgettable by most— or just straight up cast out and alienated. Being formerly religious and deathly afraid of messing things up and ending up in the bad place was just the cherry on top!

Jane is. Such a complex character to me, ESPECIALLY if you bring (Legoland)Penny into the mix, viewing them as the same person. There's so much dramatic irony and slight foreshadowing in both shows that only deepens her as a character.

She's definitely not dumb or anything, that's for sure. She seems to be pretty damn smart! Guess it runs in the family, lol.

But like- being forgotten by almost everyone, well aware of the horrible fate you've been condemned to. Confused and lost, yet simultaneously an empty shell of someone who used to be "human." Now just. Only viewed as a creepy, unfeeling empty "doll." Not knowing how to properly express your emotions and desperately trying to connect with others, seeking that warmth of familiarity that deep down you know you'll NEVER get back. Nothing is waiting for you after the smoke clears. You've been abandoned by everything you currently know, including "god" itself. Swallowed up whole by time itself like you never even existed. You just want to go home. You just want to feel something— anything. You just want someone to treat you like a person and tell you who you are.

It's. So heartbreaking once you realize some of the implications and slight foreshadowing placed in Legoland. Penny says something about how she was afraid that nobody would notice if she died. There's multiple references to decapitation. Both Karnak & Ricky repeat lines that Penny’s said in the Legoland script. There's so many little details about her and it's just JRHRGSHAHAKJSEGGAJA/vvpos

SPEAKING OF LEGOLAND & PENNY!!

She. Probably harbors a lot of guilt, going off of all the implications & themeing around her in both LL AND RTC. Penny's shoved around a lot from what we know— even to the point of people burning her backpacks & having to avoid the stairs entirely just so she doesn't get shoved down them, risking breaking something. Yeah, she DEFINITELY has her flaws; but that's honestly what made me connect with her. Even without the flaws, I very deeply related to her as well, just as I did with her inevitable future "self." (If you believe in the LL! Penny = RTC! Penny/Jane Doe thing like I do!!) How she just- kinda attaches herself to her interests & the whole lashing out and fucking MAIMING A GROWN MAN reminded me of myself a lot. (I have not maimed anybody for the record. But I did lash out at other kids and have actually hurt them before. Not severely, but- I'm definitely not proud of it. I had BAD. anger & mood issues.)

OH. And then you discover Ezra's existence!! Which. Makes shit a LOT worse! Adds a lot more potential with how you see Jane Doe as well, along with a LOT of potential for Ezra's character as well. UUGauahah it's always the doomed siblings that get me I totally haven't cried over this damned trope before multiple times wdym

But yeah! There's. So many intricate details about everything— the themeing, the implications, hell- even in the character design & NAMES‼️‼️ (The last name being LAMB is just. Really ironic to me. Lamb to the slaughter,,)

RGRHJSSGHD THERES SO MUCH DRAMATIC IRONY ESPECIALLY WITH THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN TOWN THING IAAGKKFK AND ALL THE DETAILS WITH SYMBOLISM I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT ALL THE DETAILS THEY PUT IN THIS GOD FORESAKEN SHOW SOMEBODYHELPM

so yeah uh I'm. Not normal about Jane/Penny in the slightest! You can definitely tell the Lambs are my favorites JSHSHSSHSJ (Connie's also one of my favorites if you can't tell sHES SO SILLY AND DESERVES SO MUCH LOVE TOO AIAYSGSUIAK)

Everyone in this fucking musical deserves better you can't change my mind (excluding the carnie. That fucker can go die in a ditch <3)

[simplydnp]

personally i cannot get on the marriage hill because i feel like they have already crossed that hill without us knowing, or if they havent already they may just not be planning to. obv i dont know anything about their personal life so maybe im way off base here lol but i just feel like they've already committed to each other for the rest of their lives, thats been done! they did it 15 years ago and they've done it a hundred times since then! buying a house together is the big one where i feel like they either already got married before that and never told us, or they consider that theyre already committed enough that they don't feel the need to get married, since at this point marriage for them would just be a piece of paper. not to mention during the devan wedding video they talked about how uncomfortable a wedding would be so i feel like they've decided that they dont need to make it "official"

i think not being on it is fair. love it, hate it, whatever, but we would Know if they had done so in secret. at least, from a legal standpoint. who knows if they did a little thing for just themselves at some point--but to me, that's different than Marriage-marraige, if that makes sense.

they have been committed for a very, very long time. i hesitate to say right from the start because we just have the benefit of hindsight to know that it ended up there, but it's been there for a while.

maybe it's the romantic in me, but i want them to have that Moment. to celebrate them. where, truly, nothing else matters except them and what they mean to each other. for them to get to bring the important people in their life together and enjoy it. for them to finally breathe. and not have to worry, or think, or hesitate in living their life. obviously there will still be walls and boundaries and i don't expect to see them making out in a video, but to just exist without fear. or stress. or anxiety. to be able to show the things they really Do want to; to be able to go do the things they really want to do. that's what i want for them.

it's less about 'marraige is the final step!' and more like it's the first one into the rest of their lives.

one of the biggest themes throughout this fandom's existence, and particularly since the hiatus began, is that we just want them to be happy. to be free of expectations and pressure and speculation and erasure. and i think that's what marraige hill means to a lot of people.

to speak for myself for a moment: i've got very haggard relationships and depictions of love in my life. it feels hollow in many ways. it's described as vibrant and overwhelming and terrifying and beautiful--but for me it's... empty. i read about how it sweeps people off their feet, or it slowly builds over time, or maybe it's always been there--and i can't help but want that. even just being around it is filling for the soul. i think witnessing joy and happiness is critical to our existence. to physically see love in the world. and maybe it's cheesy and maybe it's parasocial, but i want dnp to have their happy ending. cause the twisted, chunk of meat in my head thinks that's how it's supposed to go. how it should be. is people should get to be happy, and for many of them, that includes being in love. maybe it's outdated maybe it's old-fashioned, maybe it's the ex-catholic in me, but that's what marraige should be. and maybe it's the idea that people do get there and it is possible. and it really is this beautiful thing.

in terms of their stances on it, you offer that you think they're committed enough and they may not want it--which, is a fine opinion to have. it's been a very long time since either of them have really truly talked about marraige and weddings, and add the fact that they're both private people and don't even talk relationship stuff candidly, so anything presented, i take with a grain of salt. and i don't think disliking aspects of a wedding and then also wanting one are mutually exclusive. i think there's plenty of ways to eliminate aspects and still do it. their agreement on it, to me, signals they've talked about it.

and especially with how things have been lately--with how much has changed in the last few months for them even--i don't think the option is off the table for them.

they well and truly killed the joint branding in 2018 and buried it. there were glimpses of their togetherness during the hiatus, but WAD especially pushed back on things. and yet, just a few months after it ended, they agreed to a why not--knowing it would mean inviting us back into it again. inviting in people to see. and instead of hard lines and rigid restrictions, they keep loosening the reins. and i genuinely think them being back, and us being here too, has completely changed the trajectory of their life. i don't think either of them expected to tour together again. for them to truly enjoy this. phil may have hoped, but he wasn't gonna push it if dan wasn't willing. so now that they're here, so many possibilities have opened up. and, to me, it feels like they're building momentum. and while some of that was likely for the tour, it still feels like we're heading somewhere. i've got that same gut feeling i did during ii.

take it or leave it, those are my thoughts. i doubt we'll truly know until they either do it or don't.

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both worlds (part 15)

Tw: just yandere but nothing much in this chapter, mentions of hospitalization

Vote for the chapter beloww im gonna start making the next part when it reaches 20 votes i do not give a shet beyond the first 20 ppl 💯 cause i wanna churn it out as fast as possible

part 16

He knows you're going to say no. That is why, Yves hasn't asked you to move in with him yet. Even if you did say yes, he knows deep down you would do it out of pressure and worse yet, resent him for flaunting his wealth. Yves has to be patient and make you think the relationship is going at your pace.

Your housemates had a field day with your landlord, ordering him around and whining about the condition of the house. He would begrudgingly agree to fix and pay for it, and if he showed the slightest bit of protest, they would yell out of Yves.

He doesn't even need to look in his general direction for your landlord to fold.

You still have no idea what the relationship is between him and Yves. If he was a coworker to him, why would your landlord be so afraid of someone on the same level?

Every time you ask Yves about him and the landlord, he would somehow manage to make you talk about yourself. When you caught your slip up, you would try again, he would smile sweetly and repeat the cycle.

At least you managed to find out that he worked as an attorney at some point in his life. That is most likely how he met your landlord, becoming his public defender or prosecutor when Yves was in his youth... even that wasn't made clear.

In the end, you decided to ask him one straight forward question:

'What are you doing at the University?'

That should be simple enough. You really hope he doesn't bring you on another trip of embarrassing yourself. Yves has that extraordinary talent of doing that.

He propped his head up on his elbow, he chuckled and shifted in his seat.

"Well, what do you think I'm doing at the University?"

You said you don't know. A studying? He's a student there?

"Then, that is what I am."

Is he?

"Perhaps." He crooned.

You pulled on your hair in exasperation. You asked why he won't give you straight answers.

"Can you look at me with a straight face?" Yves leaned forward, letting his luscious locks brush your arm.

You don't want to try, you know you can't. He's just too attractive and eerie at the same time. He laughed, his voice sounding like the loveliest melody to your ears.

"Oh, (name). You're so fun to tease." You whined when he tickled you under your chin.

You pulled away and pretend to drink from your mug to try and hide your embarrassment.

"Your cup has been empty for the last three minutes. What is there to drink, dear?" He stood up, smiling from your poor attempt to conceal your face as he picked up the kettle. "There is no need to hide your adorable face, no matter how flushed." He continued as he refilled his own mug.

You let out a loud 'damn' before pleading him to give you a break from his relentless ribbing. You knew he had a shit-eating grin even though his back is facing towards you.

He turned around, placed his filled cup on the table and took your empty one to refill it. Your teabag bounced around the water, releasing dark pigments and flavours to it.

Well, you know he likes tea. Jasmine and black tea are so far what you thought were his favorites.

When you stretched your arm to grab it, you noticed Yves staring at Montgomery's faded inked phone number with an empty expression. Which was jarring, because it was from a happy one.

You began stuttering and panicking. Yves merely stared you right in the eyes. Eventually, his gaze made you lock up. You don't know where to start. You don't know if you even want to tell Yves what happened at this point. It was a long story and an extremely stressful experience.

"You don't have to tell me what happened." He whispered, placing a hand on the top of your thigh and applying gentle pressure on it. "What can I do for you?"

You thought about it for a while. Then you eventually asked if he could dispose of your old medication for you. Yves looked at you expectedly, waiting for an explanation.

So you provided him with one; you had an allergic reaction that sent you to the hospital.

You began unravelling the details one by one. Being unable to sleep, trying to get some free drinks and snacks at the University, mistakenly bringing his powerbank instead, being kidnapped by Montgomery but he saved your life and paid for your bills, so you didn't rat him out. The 4 sandwiches and 2 hash browns you devoured, the $40 and the bus. And also how Montgomery wrote on your arm.

Yves watched you vent about the events that happened yesterday. He sipped on his tea as he listened, he didn't have to say another word for you to keep going endlessly.

He loves the sound of your voice, and to encourage you to keep going, he would provide subtle cues. Such as leaning towards you, nodding at the right time, maintaining eye contact and blinking appropriately.

With that, you're unstoppable. You kept talking and Yves kept listening. Yapping until the sun goes down and the sky goes dark.

Even by then, your landlord is still here fixing all the broken items he was supposed to take care of earlier.

Yves spared a glance at your landlord trudging up the stairs again after one of your housemates mentioned the flickering lights. A small smirk made its way to his lips, they're having their own fun, giving him and you some privacy in the kitchen.

__

You concluded your long-winded story and immediately after regained sentience. You looked around your surroundings and it's completely different. You're in your room, your lock is fixed, you're already fed and you're now on Yves's lap.

He's sitting crosslegged on the floor and you're sitting on the gap like a chair, his arms are cradling you close to him.

That was... easier than you expected. You got everything out in 5 hours. It's now 9pm.

"Thank you for telling me." Yves mumbled in your hair. You close your eyes and rest the side of your head against his chest. Neither of you had anything else to say, nor did you want Yves to comment on the events that happened.

You don't even know what you want him to do. That's why you're grateful he didn't ask you that question again. You didn't necessarily want Montgomery to face any criminal charges because you would feel guilty if he did.

However, you do wonder what Yves thinks of all of these.

"It was kind of that man to care for you in my absence. I appreciate that of him." As if he were reading your mind, he spoke once more. You nodded in agreement. "However, he is still delusional and demented. I do not know the full extent of his insanity." Yves knows.

"Regardless, I do appreciate the intent we share to ensure your safety and comfort. Even if he does it in an entirely different way than I would have approached it." He went on, holding you a smidge tighter to his body.

"What do you think about him?" He asked, twirling your hair around his fingers. You looked up at his face to see a soft gaze, you knew he wouldn't pass too much judgement on your opinion.

So you thought about your answer. Yves patiently waits for you and added to your growing collection of lipstick prints on your face.

[familyvideostevie]

on this fine night

this is the third-highest vote from this poll, about 1000 years after the fact. just a drive with eddie, friends to lovers <3 enjoy! | fluff, friends to lovers, 1.4k

It's finally that time of year -- warm enough to leave the windows open everywhere you go. You sleep with fresh air rustling your curtains and walk everywhere you can to get some sunshine. When night falls, you can't get enough of the gentle pre-summer chill.

Eddie is happy to indulge you. He picks up whenever you call and is at your house in less than 10 minutes, even though you know it should take him at least 15 if he follows the speed limit. And then the evening is yours -- you and your dear friend cruising around town until you yawn and he demands to take you home so you can get some beauty sleep.

Tonight is no different. He picks you up with a slight squeal of his tires and a grin that lights up the dusk.

"Someone call a taxi?" he says, leaning out of the car window so far you worry he'll fall.

"Hi, Eddie," you laugh. The passenger door requires two hands to pry open and the whole van generally feels like it's about to fall apart, but it gets the job done and you always feel safe in a way that doesn't totally make sense. Eddie even got the seatbelt replaced just for you. It's one of the first things you learned from Eddie Munson -- appearances can be deceiving.

"Where are we going tonight, esteemed passenger?" He puts his hand on the back of your headrest and turns to back out of your driveway. You lean back so you can feel his fingers brush the top of your t-shirt and hope you're not too obvious.

"It's your turn to pick." He pulls his arm back and you try not to sigh too loudly. Sometimes it feels like you're just living your life waiting for him to touch you. But you're friends. That's it.

Eddie hums, tapping his fingers on the wheel as he drives down your street. The mixtape he made you is playing softly -- you told him to keep it in his car since he always drives you around. Part of you wishes you'd never asked him for one because when he made it you thought your heart might burst from your chest. Guys don't just...make mixtapes for their friends, do they?

You wish you were brave enough to say something to him. Maybe even ask him if he wants to catch a movie or go to dinner instead of just driving around. But you worry -- what if that drives him off? What if you embarrass him and yourself and then you lose the best part of your day?

A hand on your arm brings you back to the present. You realize that Eddie has been talking to you and you didn't hear a word. "Sorry," you say automatically. He releases you and you turn to him, cheeks hot. He's smiling but his brows are drawn in concern.

"What for?" he says. "S'okay, I zone out too. Not while driving," he adds. "I was saying that I know a place we can go. I think you'll like it."

You roll your shoulders and try to smile as genuinely as you can. "And I haven't been there before?"

"Nope," he says, popping the p.

The rest of the drive goes by in comfortable silence. It's not odd for you two not to speak; sometimes you just want to enjoy the quiet companionship and the music and the night air. But by the time the van slows to a stop in the empty lot of a lookout point you haven't seen before, you're antsy to get out of the car.

Before he can say anything you throw open the door and hop down, making your way to the edge of the dirt overlook and bracing your hands on the metal barrier. You're not that high up -- there are no truly high places anywhere near -- but you get a decent look at the town down below.

Eddie's door closes behind you and you hear the drag of his sneakers as he walks towards you but you don't turn around. Why can't you shake it, tonight of all nights? Why can't you just be normal about this, be his friend, be as much as he wants and no more?

"Are you okay?" he asks, softly. "I'll take you home whenever you want if you're tired, or something."

You cross your arms and sigh, imagining him behind you. He's probably got his hands tucked into his pockets and his hair a mess over wide eyes. Intimidating to some, sure, but just a kind, cute guy to you. Your friend who you'd like to be more.

"What are we doing, Eddie?" you ask him. It's so quiet you don't expect him to hear, but he does.

"Well," he drags. "I think we're...hanging out?" Anyone else and you'd think they'd misunderstood you, but you know Eddie and you know he caught your meaning. Which means that this is a rejection. You can't help it -- you bury your face in your hands and groan. Great, you think. Now you've ruined it.

"Okay," you say, muffled. "Okay."

"Wait," he says. "Wait, hold on. I--" Footsteps and then you see him through your fingers as he stands next to you against the barrier, turns so that he's leaning on it and facing you as much as you'll let him. "I think I got that wrong, I'm sorry."

Oh god, this is even worse. He's backtracking because he's uncomfortable that you're upset . "I think I'm the one who got it wrong, Eddie," you sniff. "I'd like to go home now, please." You turn away from him and try to make your way back to the van but Eddie gently grabs your wrist.

"Please listen, sweetheart," he says. The endearment stops you but you don't look at him, instead eyeing your shoes. Maybe the earth will open up and swallow you right here and you won't have to keep living this moment. "I know what we're doing here. At least I know what I'm doing. I'm trying to work up the nerve to ask you on a date."

"Oh," you say. Your heart won't stop racing and sitting down sounds really good right now. Eddie...likes you? The reality of it is much harder to wrap your head around than you thought. "Okay."

"I should have said before," Eddie continues. He sounds flustered and maybe a little sad. Could he be upset that he's upset you? "I just really like being friends with you and I don't want to scare you away."

You finally look up at him and find his huge brown eyes blown big with concern and his mouth tugged down into a frown. You really do like him so much. "You don't scare me, Eddie."

He smiles a little at that. "Well, that's good." You step towards him a little and his hand moves down from your wrist to loosely tangle his fingers with yours.

Suddenly you feel brave. This boy who can be loud and messy and distracted but also kind and thoughtful and funny and sweet and every good thing you could ever want has just told you he wants to date you. "I would say yes," you say. "If you asked me on a date. But I feel like we have been going on dates already, Eddie."

His cheeks darken at that. "I mean, maybe. I guess so. That would make this our...what, fifth night drive? Sixth?"

"Have you been counting?"

Eddie tugs on your fingers a little. "Maybe! Can you blame me?"

The grin that creeps onto your face is so wide and genuine you're sure your cheeks are going to get sore. "I guess not."

He wrinkles his nose and leans in just a hair. Your heart beats impossibly faster. "Does that means I can kiss you? Since we've been dating for a while?"

You laugh, a giggle that sounds a little hysterical but in a happy, fun, unrestrained way. You're flustered and kind of worried you're dreaming but you might as well lean in to your dreams coming true, right? "Maybe," you tell him. "Don't push your luck, Munson."

Eddie laughs, too, but loudly and fully before grinning so wide you can see all of his teeth. His eyes are sparkling ."Me?" he says. "Never."

[me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink]

a dedication to someone that doesn’t deserve one

AroarA // june gehringer // sue zhao // ashstfu // ryebreadgf // sue zhao // rvbhleo // osamu dazai // ojibwa // ashstfu // anna ahkmatova // trista mateer // margaret atwood // unknown // mahmoud darwish // ocean vuong // yves olade // unknown // ocean vuong // lucille clinton // fleabag

[text IDs: Image 1: AroarA, #6: “that the house is slowly on fire / that the house is slowly on fire // and I can't get you to leave it / and I can't get you to leave it // and I can't leave without you / and I can't leave without you”

Image 2: june gehringer, I love you, it looks like rain: “the worst part of love is / that I remember it. // I walk around all day thinking: I'm going to die in the universe you loved me in. // I get so jealous of euthanized dogs.“

Image 3: sue zhao: He asks: “"how do I get over somebody I never had?" And says: // I did not love you but I almost did. At one time, I might have loved you - at least, I felt I might have. If you were never loved by me, then nevertheless you were lovable to me. Last night I dreamt that your head lay on my stomach and traced the rise and fall of my breath. It felt complete natural - even though I knew once, we had left each other. Even though I knew we had wounded each other. In the dream state, forgiveness comes easily. I never loved you but I almost did. There are days when the breadth of ambiguity feels much worse. There are days I wish I would have loved you so I would know how to stop.

Image 4: ashstfu, tumblr: “girls vs getting over anythings thats ever happened to them in their life”

Image 5: ryebreadgf, tumblr: “YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK! YOU CAN BITE AND SCRATCH AND BEG BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!”

Image 6: sue zhao: “How often are you violent against yourself? Does it horrify you? Can you stop? Do you want to? And if you did, would you know how to?”

the last three sentences spanning from “Can you stop?” to “would you know how to?” have been underlined in blue

Image 7: rvbhleo, all caps: “WHAT IS THE POINT OF LUKEWARM LOVE? IF IM NOT DROWNING IN IT I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR IT”

Image 8: osamu dazai, no longer human, highlighted in pink: “the wound has gradually become dearer to me than my own flesh and blood”

Image 9: ojibwa, tumblr: “Grieving, grieving, constantly grieving./I mourn what could have been, what will not be, what I can't save.”

Image 10: ashstfu, tumblr: sometimes getting over something is accepting you will never get over it”

Image 11: anna ahkmatova, parting: “I am very calm. Only do not talk to me about him.”

Image 12: margaret atwood, more and more: “there is no reason for this, only a starved dog’s logic on bones”

Image 13: unknown, all caps: “OTHER BOYS ARE BORING AND YOU ARE A BURNING HOUSE I WANT TO LIVE IN”

Image 14: mahmoud darwish, formatted as if in dialogue between two people: “ -Do you have any weapons on you?” “-I have a longing that's killing me.” 

the second sentence is highlighted in yellow

Image 15: trista mateer, honeybee: “I've gotten so good/about not flinching at the sound of your name/that people don't know I'd still throw myself/mouth-open into the ocean/for the chance to drown somewhere you might see it.“

Image 16: yves olade, bloodsport: “All that/matters is that you want to hurt me. // All that matters is that you want me/Say the word & I'll burn for ten days.”

Image 17: unknown, all caps: “LETS GO TO THE GARDEN./LETS BE KIDS AGAIN./I’LL CHASE YOU IF YOU CHASE ME.”

Image 18: ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous, highlighted in yellow: “When does a war end? When can I say vour name and have it mean only your name and not what you left behind?”

Image 19: lucille clifton, climbing: “maybe i should have wanted less./maybe i should have ignored the bowl in me/burning to be filled./maybe i should have wanted less.”

Image 20: fleabag, season 2 episode 6: a screenshot of the priest looking at fleabag, captioned, “It’ll pass.” below]

[tonydaddingham]

UM.

Update 2: okay fine then, fuck it (she says still suspicious that there's no way neil would ever confirm a s3 plot point so of course he'd say this BUT THEN AGAIN if time were stopped why would the clock move UGH if it is an error ill be so upset)

UPDATE: so neil answered this but hmmm? now i know fuck all about jack shit admittedly but idk, presumably the first half of the scene where crowley confesses was filmed in at least a few takes? or pieced together in a few takes? and the clock is resolutely at 0925, indicating it would have been stopped? then the second half, just before aziraphale leaves the shop, it's jumped by 15 minutes... precisely.

even if filmed on different days/different calls, you'd expect the clock to have changed hours too...? and i cant imagine that a whole ass week after s2 release that neil would reveal anything about s3 which by all accounts he hasnt finished and can't finish writing yet... yeah im not convinced 100% it's a continuity error

so here is where you witness rhi shit on every single thing she has written including the interpretation written with visceral conviction that I Forgive You was written in response to crowley tempting aziraphale with the kiss. but the thing is, i cant believe that neil 'master of detail' gaiman, douglas 'every prop is important' mackinnon, and co. would let this continuity error slide (*side eye to crowley's sideburns and glasses change*):

now i sincerely hope that this isn't a 'crowley stops time and they actually decide that they're going to swap places/come up with a whole plan to save the world etc without discussing their Problems' incident, because as it stands narratively i feel that could be a little cheap

but possibly more a 'crowley stops time to stay in this below moment and they talk a bit more, but ultimately argue a bit more too and realise that neither as of yet is going to see each others' whole perspective but hey communication of any kind is a revelation for these dummkopfs' moment

like, i still hope there's angst going into s3. i need these two to be worlds apart from each other so they fully recognise the void that the lack of the other has left, and actually their ideological differences a) can be discussed and reconciled, and b) are perhaps not actually that different after all

but whatever potentially happens in those 15 minutes i hope still explains the absolutely devastated look on aziraphale's face, the I Forgive You, the glance back to Crowley before he gets in the lift, aziraphale steeling himself in the lift before he arrives in heaven... does crowley actually confess to aziraphale who he is? who he was before the fall? why he can never go back? why he can never be forgiven in the first place?

this has set my mind on FIRE

[akiumzeno]

Ye-jun Im as a Survivor

(Outdated. Visit here for updated version.)

Title: The Protector

Perk: Concealment

Ye-jun can click on another survivor’s icon to make them Concealed. When a survivor is Concealed, it will raise their undetectability to 75%. Whenever the Concealed survivor avoids detection, Ye-jun gains a stack which gives him an extra 20 points of stamina. Ye-jun has a max of 5 stacks at a time and loses the stack once the stamina is used up but can regain it.

However, if the Concealed survivor does get detected, the detection stays for the Concealed survivor 15 seconds longer than usual. This ability can only be used on one survivor and cannot be transferred if the survivor dies and the perk disappears once Ye-jun dies.

“You're going to be safe. Don't worry.” - Ye-jun Im

Stats:

Speed: 9/10

Stamina: 8/10

Stealth: 3/10

Composure: 3/10

Repair: 7/10

Healing: 4/10

Voicelines:

"Call me a dancer."

"5, 6, 7 and 8!"

"I wonder how Dae is doing..."

"Run!"

"You never know who's looking."

"Can't find them, now can you?"

Backstory:

Ye-jun grew up in a well-off family that provided him with everything he could have ever needed. He knew he had it better than everyone but that still didn’t make him anyone spoilt. He still looked out for others and even shared what he had to those who needed it. Although, he still could say no if the time ever came. This made him generally liked among others even if Ye-jun only made his company reserved for a few.

One of Ye-jun’s surprising yet strong likes was his interest of pop music. He was interested in it and one day, he decided to audition for the position to be in a potential music group. Although he wasn’t expecting to get in, his talent and effort ended up landing him a position.

He soon met up with all his soon-to-be group members and he thought they were all polite and respectful but one of them stood out the most.

Dae-jung. 

He had this aura that just drew Ye-jun in like a fish on a hook. He was attentive, affable, easygoing, and not to mention drop-dead gorgeous. Before he knew it, Ye-jun had butterflies in his stomach whenever Dae-jung was around.

However, he knew that no matter how confident he was about his feelings and self-assured to take rejection, he couldn’t act on his feelings. It was only a matter of time before they became idols. And once they would make their debut, it was out of the question. But Dae-jung was so passionate about becoming one. He didn’t want to ruin his wishes before they could even flourish. So he stayed silent.

Eventually, their group, STAR*STRUCK made its debut and they became big. People loved them. Ye-jun and Dae-jung were soon big stars alongside their two other members Byung-ho and Han-gyeol. They were doing concerts, photoshoots, fan-meetups, making albums, even getting presents and letters from their fanbase. It became overwhelming.

But despite that, Ye-jun enjoyed every moment Dae-jung and him shared and he couldn’t wait for the next time they might lock a glance or have a conversation about whatever. This was all so exciting and new for Ye-jun to experience; he didn’t know how to contain his feelings.

He couldn’t contain his feelings.

Without meaning to, while Dae-jung and him were talking, his feelings bursted out. They were just leaning against each other while talking, Ye-jun didn’t mean to say he loved Dae-jung at that moment. Ye-jun grimaced, expecting a rejection at the very least and a scolding from the very worst.

“I love you too, Ye-jun.” 

None of the music STAR*STRUCK could produce could sound more heavenly than the words Dae-jung just uttered.

“H-Huh? You do?” Ye-jun blushed.

Dae-jung gave a nod back with a tender smile that could make Ye-jun’s heart melt.

Ye-jun soon started to smile. And soon, they shared a fleeting, but still passionate kiss.

Ever since then, Ye-jun and Dae-jung have been secretly dating. They didn’t tell anyone about it, not even their trusted members. They didn’t want to take even the slightest chance that they could be exposed. 

One day, they decided to have their first date. Of course, they first made it seem like they wanted the entire group there. But secretly, they planned it on a day where both Byung-ho and Han-gyeol were busy. They soon both went to a private spot on a hill. Just a simple romantic dinner for the two of them.

But when they woke up the morning after, they couldn’t have been expecting what came. They both woke up to a racket going on within the dorm their group shared. 

Their manager came in, revealing that their date had gotten out and how everyone was talking about it. They were soon swiftly fired for breaking their contract. Dae-jung and Ye-jun soon started to feel melancholic about what was in store for the future as Han-gyeol and Byung-ho left them to process everything.

As the two held each other for comfort, a white mist filled the room. And when Byung-ho and Han-gyeol went to check up on the both of them, there was no sign of them. Nothing that showed they left or were hiding, like they disappeared into thin air.

Quotes:

Picking Up Ally:

Dae-jung (Alternate Universe Skin)

[Ye-jun]: “Guess I’m going to have to be your knight in shining armour.”

[Dae-jung]: “Aren’t you always that though?”

[Ye-jun]: “Please, don’t go just yet.”

[Dae-jung]: “No need to worry, black cat. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dae-jung

[Ye-jun]: “Hang in there, Dae-jung! I’ll get you back up!”

[Dae-jung]: “Thank you, Ye-jun.”

[Ye-jun]: “You’re going to get out of here. I’ll make sure of it.”

[Dae-jung]: “Let's hope so.”

Chaoxing

[Ye-jun]: “Surprised to see you here.”

[Chaoxing]: “Same here!”

Yeona

[Ye-jun]: “Why in the world did you think of going to their dorm? Byung, Han and Dae got their own lives that you don’t need to spy on.”

[Yeona]: “I-I just wanted you guys to notice me.”

[Ye-jun]: “Sure, sweetie. That’s what they all say.”

[Ye-jun]: “Your behaviour’s revolting. Do you honestly think this is right?”

[Yeona]: “I-I don’t know.”

[Yeona]: “Thanks, Ye-jun!”

[Ye-jun]: “This doesn’t mean anything. Don’t think too much about it.”

Aaaqil

[Ye-jun]: “Why don’t you say anything to him? Perhaps it’ll be just nice to just get the feelings out. It’ll be cathartic.”

[Aaaqil]: “Thanks, but I’m not too sure about that.”

Crosby

[Ye-jun]: “Just so you know, I also know what it’s like to be in a forbidden relationship. If you need it, you got someone to talk to.”

[Crosby]: “Thank you! And I hope things work out for you!”

Rayner

[Ye-jun]: “Just so you know, I also know what it’s like to be in a forbidden relationship. If you need it, you got someone to talk to.”

[Rayner]: “Much appreciated, friend.”

General

[Ye-jun]: “Don’t worry. You aren’t staying down.”

[Ye-jun]: “Hold still. I’ll help you up.”

[Ye-jun]: “Dae is usually the one doing this but I can try.”

Picked Up By Ally:

Dae-jung (Alternate Universe Skin)

[Dae-jung]: “Don’t worry, Ye-jun! I got you!”

[Ye-jun]: “Thanks, bunny.”

[Dae-jung]: “Please don’t die on me, Ye-jun!”

[Ye-jun]: “I wouldn’t even dream of it, Dae.”

Dae-jung 

[Ye-jun]: “Take your time. You don’t have to rush.”

[Dae-jung]: “Thanks, Ye-jun.”

[Dae-jung]: “It still feels weird to do this with you.”

[Ye-jun]: “I’d imagine.” 

Yeona

[Yeona]: “Y-Ye-jun! It’s so great to—“

[Ye-jun]: “Just heal me and get it over with.”

[Yeona]: “Are you and Dae-jung dating?”

[Ye-jun]: “We are. If you have any problems with it, you better say them right now.”

[Yeona]: “I heard that you slept in the practice rooms after sessions!”

[Ye-jun]: “Ugh… You scare me.”

Chaoxing

[Chaoxing]: “Does it hurt?”

[Ye-jun]: (sarcastically) “No, of course not.”

Emery

[Emery]: “Oh goodness! It’s you! You’re even more handsome in person!”

[Ye-jun]: “Hehe, thanks. I appreciate the honesty.”

Taylor

[Taylor]: “I really liked your one song… Close To You?”

[Ye-jun]: “Thanks. That song became huge, now didn’t it?”

Dakari

[Dakari]: “Oh my gosh…! Ye-jun, it’s you…!”

[Ye-jun]: “Must be a fan, huh? Well, nice to meet you.”

Elijah

[Elijah]: “Hey, there. I’ve listened to some of your songs and they’re pretty good.”

[Ye-jun]: “Thanks. Glad you like it.”

Survivor Died:

Dae-jung (Alternate Universe Skin)

[Ye-jun]: “DAE!!! PLEASE, ANSWER ME!”

[Ye-jun]: “No… Don’t leave me! Please…!”

[Ye-jun]: “Could I not protect you?”

Dae-jung:

[Ye-jun]: “I swear when I see that guy…”

[Ye-jun]: “You son of…” 

Last Survivor:

[Ye-jun]: “There’s no one else?”

[Ye-jun]: “Time to get serious.”

[Ye-jun]: “Alright, I can do this no problem.”

Chase:

The Idol

[Ye-jun]: “So you’re dating Dae-jung… You wouldn’t mind trading places, now would you?”

[Ye-jun]: “You better not get close to him! I can fight just as well as you!”

[Ye-jun]: “So it’s true that he does love me! I knew it! He’s just in denial!”

[Ye-jun]: “It's over between you two! Just let him go!”

[Ye-jun]: “You’re sick in the head! What kind of monster are you?!”

[Ye-jun]: “You’re me and I am you. How come I am the monster?”

[Ye-jun]: “I don’t care if you’re me! I’ll get rid of anyone standing between me and Dae!”

[Ye-jun]: “Well, I don't care either! I'll die before I'll let you even lay a finger on him!”

[Ye-jun]: "Your choice."

General

[Ye-jun]: “I can dance and sing for hours on end! This is nothing!”

[Ye-jun]: “Get ready to dance with me!”

Escaped Chase:

The Idol

[Ye-jun]: “What in the world did I become?”

[Ye-jun]: “Why did I do that? What happened with me?”

[Ye-jun]: "He's so self-centred... It's disgusting."

(If enough people like this, I'll post the memories I wrote for this concept)

[bisan-is-trying]

Dec 24 to Dec 31 updates

Finished reading the first Percy Jackson book in hebrew. It was difficult at first, but I got used to it after a few chapters. Now, i can't say that reading is suddenly easy, but at least im no longer as terrified of it as i used to be in the past.

Started exercising again, granted it's minimal exercise for about 15 minutes, but it’s better than nothing. (Waking up early and having to get out of bed to actually do it makes it unappealing, but the cute small exercise corner i organised makes it a bit more bearable).

Downloaded a self care/ to-do list app(?) called Finch, it's really cute, and being able to customise my bird companion by gaining points every time i do a certain task makes it fun and motivating. Also, i can link a certain habit with an egg i found, so if i stick with it, i get to see an even smaller pet hatch. It sounds silly, but it works. Here my code if anyone has it and wants to add me (MBW8MTQYF3)

Revised old hebrew words and started a new unit in duolingo.

Developed a crush on a new random dude who works next to me, we barely speak with each other, and most of our interactions consist of me embarrassing myself, so that's fun ( i know nothing will come of it, it's the vibes plus i like when my heart is feeling something).

Got a black notebook that im hoping to use next year.

Finished a wattpad book in hebrew and started another one with plans to read more in 2024. As much as i love ao3 , there just isn't any good hebrew content on it.

Read If cats disappeared from the world by Genki Kawamura and it's my favorite book for this year, Romeo disappearing a three months ago might be a huge factor in that but it's a good book and it made me want to cry a few times, i even teared up near the end. Highly recommend.

[hello-naptiime]

Hi gang

I see were talking about Jonathan Piss ass ToiletJon again

And as someone who was fucking THERE, WORKING FOR HIM WHEN EVERYTHING DROPPED

Oh my FUCKING GOD AM I SO PISSED OFF.

Welcome to my rant/vent

Mutuals look away Im sorry

Tw// for grooming and manipulation. General gross things in that area

Also Jinbop.

First of all Ashlie and Jon did was gross, but where Jon failed at literally everything Ashlie succeeded.

When the news dropped of what happened in 2017 Jon made a fucking video of him crying like a little man child, and then pressed charges (also doxxed himself like an idiot) WHICH IS INSANE BEHAVIOR. Even in his written respone he was only making excuses.

At that time I was in very close connection with him, I was on his build team, I played multiple games with him. He would come into vc and hang out with us for several hours, you could consider us friend maybe! I wouldnt.

But I was at the very least in a lot of personal servers.

So when things dropped I knew almost all of the behind the scenes BULLSHIT that was happening. How everyone waited for it to blow over and stuck by him. (I got kicked out of servers too cause people knew i was against him but I was still told everything by friends who were still in there)

Then February happened. And so much more, much worse things got exposed. From only his end. I won't mention who was involved, out of privacy reasons and because I dont want to drag them into this. But holy shit dude everyone left him after that. It was over, his gross behavior with minors (included me now that i think about, sir why are you calling me and my friends cute we are 15-) His awful and manipulative behavior with people he finds useful, how he treats his teams

. He never credited anything, I made his goddamn Dimensions s2 designs, Eddie made the skins. Only Eddie was mentioned, once on a stream.

Eddie also made designs and skins for Rosethorn, and got credited in video no less.

Its not that hard and yet!

The main point is

He was still acting in 2020, the incident was in 2017. And he was acting like this, in late 2020. Into 2021.

I wanted him to get better. I really did, I had been hyperfixated on this group of people for years it hurt a lot.

But its been almost three years and he infact has stayed the same!

He is a grown ass man acting like a toddler on a public twitter account, what makes this man some one to respect in any sort of way.

Theres so much more shit I know about this man, that I can't fucking say because of the people involved not giving me permission too. And I respect that. Thats their story to tell.

Now ashlie on the other hand.

Ashlie made a concise apology and owned up to her actions, shit she made sure not to happen again. She went to fucking therapy, she broke off that relationship first and has made so much effort to distance herself from that and apologize everyday of her life.

She went to therapy after breaking things off, and she went again after the callout just to double fucking check she wasnt a horrible person.

She initially handled everything that happened in 2017 in private, like youre supposed to do. Not have a public twitter meltdown. And in late 2020 still handled mostly everything privately. She wrote out a full explanation and apology that is still very visible on her yt channel, not her twt her full 100k subscriber yt channel

I THINK, THATS GROWTH and she should be respected for that. She's actively changed as a person from the 20yr that made mistakes

And what's crazy is that Max and Ross still make youtube videos with her.

Max and Ross, YKNOW. The people who made sure fucking Jinbop got arrested and stomp Sky's name into the fucking ground for the shit that Sky did. I 100% trust those two to make a decision about a person in their circle when theyre doing some FUCKED SHIT.

IN FACT, THEY DID DROP ASHLIE WHEN THE ALLEGATIONS CAME OUT. SHE WAS IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF EVERYTHING INVOLVING THEM

And they came back. They came back and started making new things and videos with her, Ross is an active participant in almost all of her videos.

I think that speaks wonders about her.

Don't drag her name through the ground I respect that woman and all of her endeavors in the future, she has more than made up for the fact.

Jon is still an awful person, and I dont think he will ever change. He's had more than ample time to and acts like whinny child on Twitter. Actively tries to pull nostalgia bait on his dying yt channel and mocks his ex "friends'" work. I want him gone from the youtube sphere and to get an actual life.

[sodapopsolstice]

Homestuck^2 sucked because none of the trolls actually aged like they were supposed to. Like the humans aged (even though they're MEANT to be immortal and dont give me they're mentally 40+ JOHN NO LONGER FITS IN HIS GOD TIER SUIT HE HAS AGED) but we don't ever see the natural development of the trolls.

Vriska, Aradia and Sollux I can kinda give leeway since they've went through timelines and dreambubbles and double death and half death and yada yada those 3 are kinda fucked up timeline wise so I kinda see why they never aged.

But Terezi, Karkat and Gamzee? No fucking excuse.

Kanaya is a grey area however cause you know she's "Kanaya The Vampire Fashion Queen" but like no credible sources I can find SAY anything about age when it comes to rainbow drinkers and I can't find out if The Dolorosa was actually a rainbow drinker so we don't have a naturally lived rainbow drinker example so I'm just gonna have to assume Kanaya ages like a regular troll.

However, the other 3 have no right to not be ageing. For example, I'm gonna pull up a image of Commander Vantas here:

It's hard to tell with Cmdr. Vantas because THE ONLY TIME WE SEE HIS FACE IS IN HERO MODE OR IN A LIGHTING AND SITTING DOWN anyways. But with what we are given with Cmdr. Vantas he DOES in fact give signs he has aged, not as much as he should of, by this point he should have gotten a good bit taller than the humans and have completely red eyes, but it's better than THIS

what the fuck. Meat Karkat SHOWS NO SIGNS OF AGING AT ALL HE LOOKS THE EXACT SAME AS HE DID WHEN HE WAS 13 WHEN HE IS 20 AT BARE MINIMUM and you may think im overreacting, cause obviously its just his symbolic sprite he doesn't ACTUALLY look like that

You buffoon, you oaf take at look at this. HE ISN'T AGING IN THE SLIGHTEST IN MEAT.

Other than artstyle and change of clothes he looks the fucking same, at this point in HS^2 he should be looking like The Signless but he doesn't even look older than Kankri. But maybe Karkat is a bad example maybe the poor guy has a case of eternal babyface and he's just cursed to look 13 forever.

Let's take a look at Gamzee instead.

There's so little images I could find off sight of Gamzee in hs^2 and I did NOT want to be on that buggy ass website for long so this is the best you're getting. As expected, Gamzee ALSO has a case of chronic babyface and it's especially egregious as he's the descendant of THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD.

Tbh this is actually kinda a good image since we can semi eye measure Vrissy and Gamzee. Of which Gamzee seems imo taller than Vrissy, not in massive hulking beast like GHB but like and adult man to a 15 year old, which would be normal and expected IF HE WASN'T AGAIN THE DESCENDANT OF THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD.

That guy is literally known in fandom for 2 things, being pissed off and being huge, again Gamzee follows the trend of not having the adult troll characteristics of dark grey skin and whilst his horns are red due to being hero mode and we can't see his eyes i think we can assume he probably doesn't have some nice lavender lookers on him.

And there is a reason why I've spent the last 1 or 2 hour complaining about obtuse homestuck lore and it's simple it shows a lack of care.

It shows that Homestuck^2 on the surface is a mediocre at best adaptation of Homestuck but as soon as the thin surface layer is scrapped away, it shows a hollow project, it shows a project that generally proves itself to be a homestuck thing but it doesn't show passion, I could probably right now find you any HS fan and ask them what makes adult trolls different to young trolls and they could probably easily tell me how and why. So why couldn't a whole team of people attempt at the very least, a version like that?

Its little things like the trolls not aging/aging like humans to the damn table to the lack of acknowledgement for already accepted and semi canonised reps of queer culture in favour for rep that punches down to the outright ridiculous swivels in personality that's prove to me at least that HSE and HS^2 were dead on arrival.

[jakowskis]

Day 13 - Favorite ship(s)? Any Torchwood OTPs? Go ahead, gush about them!

dude i multiship so hard in this fandom i dont think there’s a single combination i havent thought of + found a way to enjoy, and that extends to trios. AND i like tw poly. i am mashing them together like barbie dolls. i am having sm fun here in my room

even the ones i don’t exactly “like” still make me Feel Things (more on that later), and even the ones i tend to prefer as friends (more on that later, too), i can still see it if i want to yknow. that’s what’s fun about the slutty bisexy show! woo! they all compel me. 

nonetheless, here are the pairings i like the most, ranked by how often i think of them + how insane they make me. im not gonna gush a ton, actually, bc i get annoyed w how much i talk, so ill keep every explanation under 15 words

owen x ianto: I Want Them Covered in Blood Together (Gnashing My Teeth) (by fall out boy)

owen x andy: golden retriever boyfriend for owen bc sometimes it’s nice to not be angsty (gooseberry who?)

owen x jack: i dont know how they make me feel but they make me feel Something :/

ianto x tosh: THEY’D BE SO CUTE they’d be precious that’s all

tosh x andy: see above. tosh deserves a sweet bf (there are no girls to ship her with 😔)

owen x suzie: they’re mirrors, they’re the same… they intrigue me. also Hawt xD (im bi)

owen x gwen: better as besties imho but im still a bi moron who’s not immune

jack x ianto: overrated imho BUT i do still like them. sigh. dead line speech wahhh

gwen x rhys: i love their relationship troubles n the way it grounds the show. theyre cute

jack x the doctor: sending jack off to harass the doctor so the team can Rest (+ Im Compelled)

jack x gwen: they compel me a little. a teeny bit. not too much but a little

(can u tell i like owen ships. he just has such fascinating relationships w everyone)

ok i lied ill say a couple things. firstly my otp being owento… i’ve talked a bit about it but in brief it started out because i can't resist having at least one enemies/rivals to lovers ship per fandom and ep12 blew my mind a little - and then something just Clicked and they somehow achieved top ten ships of all time status in my brain?? idk what happened there. i usually go for canon-based ships, so having one that kind of lacks substance in the source media (allegedly; i think they’re fruity in canon. but u know what i mean like theyre not ‘canon’ in a show where there is in fact gay TEXT rather than just the subtextual shit theyre doing yanno) and is largely a beast of my own creation (+ the influence of the wonderful handful of fic writers we’ve had over the years) has been rlly fun. 

im largely preoccupied with those two, but i’ve found jack + his relationship with ianto kind of inherently haunts owen x ianto… if you’ve read my fic you know what i mean by that. i can’t see owento existing on its own, like janto fundamentally co-exists next to it so i have to take it into account, and then jack and owen also have a fascinating relationship so i’ve kind of just ended up spending a lot of time thinking about and figuring out owen x ianto x jack in all combinations, because there’s a lot of fascinating stuff going on there from every end. introducing owen to the equation also kind of… ig redeems janto for me, bc i found them offensively underwhelming in s1 and s2. they should be dark and fucked up, and they’re not. owen kind of… brings smth dark and fucked up to the table, and a lot of why i like shipping him with ianto is bc they bring shit out of each other - and owen, for his part, is capable of bringing out ianto’s repressed rage and forcing him to deal with things he’d rather try to compartmentalize and ignore… i find that super compelling, and i also find it useful for breaking down my issues with how jack & ianto’s relationship is initially presented. like, he’s a handy narrative tool for that hfsdjkf. point is, whether i like it or not, jack and his relationships with my girlies (owen n ianto are the girlies <3) is kind of also an intrinsic part of what most of my fixation-oriented brain power goes into thinking about. i’ve been developing this huge fic ‘verse fdhfjk.... Im Very Tired

sometimes i like fun, though, which is what’s behind a lot of those other ships. i’m generally into very dark + angsty + psychological themes, but sometimes fluff and domesticity and occasional silliness is nice, and that’s what’s behind owandy (i have an au where they meet before owen dies) and iantosh (+ gwen x rhys) as my sort of… alternative endgame. my comfort ‘au’. not an au, exactly, but an alternative fluffier world to the darker owento-based one i’ve crafted and spend most of my time thinking about fdshkfj. i also like sending jack off to go bother the doctor, in this ‘au’, because unfortunately i don’t think he’s conductive to the team’s happiness. i think he needs to find his own way to heal and that should probs include the doctor, considering how obsessed jack is with them + how much he needs to unpack All That Shit he has going on before he can be any sort of truly positive force in the lives of the tw team. so for now he’s banned from the polycule for jack crimes. listen, i love that torchwood’s inherently sad and dark and lonely, it’s what compels me, and i’m ultimately glad that’s the core of the show - but it doesn’t have to be. sometimes i enjoy a nicer alternative. i think they could fix it. and that’s what fandom + fanfic is for. 

i also have several ot3s i enjoy, mostly owen ones. i think he deserves a bf + a gf, i think it’d fix him. put that bitch in a bisexual sandwich and maybe he'd behave. in particular, i love owen x tosh x ianto, it’s the only place i ship owen/tosh bc i think ianto would keep owen in check and they’d all better each other. i love owen x tosh x andy for similar reasons. can you tell the four characters im biased towards fhdskj. (i love gwen just as much but she’s kind of doing her own thing with just rhys and jack imo fdkfjsd. perhaps torchwood is composed of two polycules and jack is the link between both of them)

[sourbombz]

yuma kokohead as well

ALRIGHT LETS GO . Stealing the way you categorized them because yah organization Nice

Shinigami: 15/10. Idk if that's high enough. I think it's known that I ship these two queerplatonically a lot, I love them queerplatonically. BUT I love them romantically too!! You in particular don't need it explained why they are so great but yah, love them!! I don't even know where I'd start?? Number One being my Favorite and his and her relationship? Their conversation??? AAAAA!!! Iiii they make me sickkkkk oughh (/pos) No coherent thoughts I am simply shaking them both violently & affectionately

WDO

Pucci: 2/10 I don't know? Not for me? Like maybe if we had more time with them I would have grown really fond of them but for the life of me as a ship I can't bring myself to like them at all, I think they should be friends though

Melami: 3/10 Idkm I don't think about them, no thanks

Aphex: 2/10. Don't think about em, also no thanks

Zilch: 3/10 also don't think about. Uhhhh. Also no thanks

Zange: 0/10 No. He can have the Old Faker Number One so that we can have our Old Man Yaoi though.

Yakou: 0/10 Hard pass, Majorly not my thing. In a non-romantic/sexual dynamic they're EVERYTHING to me though!!

Halara: 6/10 they r cutev

Desuhiko: 4/10 they are fine

Fubuki: 5/10 their ship nameis clockhead and I am not kidding I am so easy to win over that's a banger ship name it earns them at least One Point. Otherwise yeah they can be cute, no real input on them as a romantic dynamic though outside of their ship name and my bias

Vivia 7/10 No but I used to be obsessed with them. And I still find them cute! Their bond means a lot to me, but like yeah I don't ship them as much and I've been taken over by a few other Yuma ships as a preference. also not to randomly bring up rarepair I like but like I think Viva should consider Makoto, please they'd be cute source: trust me. Okay that's all

Yuma Ramenhead (real Kokohead. I Call him Ramenhead. For ease in knwoing who tf I mean): 5/10 I think they're funny but like please add Makoto in and it's just really funny. I simply like it because I like things that make me laugh and that's litrally all. (There's more i could say. I wish we saw them properly interact desperately. But yah.)

Kurumi -5/10 I do Not like them. I hate them I hate how they're shoved at us like why do we need a love intrest character like this again?? I THINK I like em platonically? but also my dislike for Kurumi as a character/my opinion of her actively going down further somehow each time I replay the game & everything about her makes it Hard for me to really. Like. Care. About their bond at All Hhh. I dont like themmmm

Amatarasu

Makoto okay I have to straight up say I don't know. like, my opinion changes each and everytime I think about them. My feelings are far too complicated for me to neatly fit a number here at all, I love their bond, it's deeply important to me, I 1000% see the appeal of shipping them, I don't know how I personally see their dynamic and im not sober enough to activate critical thinking. When I play again eventually maybe I'll form a better opinion

Yomi 9/10 okay look. Look. I. Don't know how to explain Why I love them so much right now really I just feel Oddly Happy each time I see them. BUT I will say *Number One* x Yomi is banger oughhh theyre so fun, I will not defend myself I think I'm right. shoving the pathetic wet guy in there is hilarious too so yeah. Shove Makoto in there and it's Even. More. Fun!!!!! So yah

Martina 4/10 I can see it, I don't really have an opinion i care enough to elaborate on rn though

OK the rest of Amatarasu Is 3 and under OK. That's all I'm doing here

[syncogon]

lolol we're just going straight to the finals? okay i guess. we don't even get the pre-match trash talk 😭 wanted to see sx being obnoxiously smug

tka s3 ep 15 // ep 39

incredibly funny depiction of how playing mechanic might work. yeah uhhh gimme another five of these flyin little bad bitches

tacticiannnn

i need more good mf shots tbh

LOL

i do love how this battle depicts xsq's prowess as master tactician. it's so hard to write smart battles...

i think instead of showing random audience members they should've shown the other pros watching

"you could see this as a conversation between yq and his past self" WAHHHH qf wahhhhh

man i remember thinking some of s2's fights were lazy but showing their lil map icons moving around and bouncing off each other is a new low

love his eye color kinda wish it was this irl. also that fight was over so fast man but whatever. deadass can't remember if this finals had multiple rounds or not and if they're gonna show them or not

sx let's goooo

man the pacing of this season really does feel hella rushed. i feel it is really hard to pace this esp once they get into the story rhythm of battle after battle but like... all this unfulfilled char dev... deadass at least the live action did this well. like i forgot szp was here. anyway yay szp

shots like this remind me from a narrative adaptation perspective they had to make oal blond sx. haha.

wait did we see this shot already. i swear we've seen this shot. anyway, iconic. time to, as they say, teach you who your father is

wait THIS was the 0.03% battle? that felt so... anticlimactic. they didn't depict how close it was at all imo...

also what is that last row? "555+" lmao "no matter what you do im doing + better"

1v3 pikalul

if they're not gonna show a cut to zjl watching this literally what is the point. wheres my FANSERVICE in the form of pro cameos

seven fields ED cameo!!! wahhhh this gives me such feels. imagine being a member of guild happy in the tenth server 😭 😭 😭

not little moon moon being the one banished to time out for throwing a water bottle 😭 i totally forgot about that!