#i can never get it back now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mystic-mauve · 2 months ago

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One of my greatest regrets is not getting any d20 or tma merch when i had the chance

Not like i ever had the money for it of course but still

Once, i budgeted everything just right after my birthday and was able to get wtnv merch (the literal only merch i own, and something i dreamed of since i was like 13)

I thought, now that I'm grown up and can take some control of my own life, there's always next year to get other stuff i want for myself

Later that year i got severe burnout, dropped out of uni, and moved back into my childhood home. I stayed inside and left my phone uncharged for about half a year. And then the next year was 2022

#ama-rants #what prompted this post is #i lost my night vale radio intern enamel pin #i can never get it back now #and that was on top of some other horrible shit that this september brought #sometimes things just suck man idk

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eydilily · 9 days ago

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would you bite the hand that feeds you?

#pearlescentmoon #smajor1995 #wild life smp #namemc spoilers #i hope these two never get along in the storyline i find them fascinating #OKAY SO #originally i had this sketch back in session 2 when scott manages to throw her something actually edible JUST IN TIME #and now with the namemc spoilers of pearl ACTUALLY having a yellow eye which does! kind of match scotts esp since he died for this #i figured itd be an appropriate time #i did edit it though the original was pearl eating smth #now do i think scott and pearl has had any Major (heh) interactions to warrant this fanart in WL?#frankly no LMAO theyve been very civil you go guys . but i like the dynamics between them anyway #also i finally got a piece with scott!!! hes been very hard to draw goodness #anyway long rambly tags #eydidraws #my art #mcyt #trafficblr #galaxyduo #majormoon #** i say civil because its just been more on verbal light jabs at each other rather than anything Really significant ?#and well. its obvious all 3Gs are being very careful around each other which makes me JUST A L IL SAD #id love to see them let loose and be vicious but i also understand the angle theyre coming from #anyway can you tell i like the 3g dynamics

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starry-bi-sky · 28 days ago

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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

#svsss #luo binghe #svsss au #scum villain #scum villian self saving system #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #disciple shen yuan #lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops #im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either #had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him #when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi #hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th #sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his #back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's #face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is #INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and #the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of #his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so #unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face #and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc #he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]

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letsplaythermalnuclearwar · 3 months ago

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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met

#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the #Epic!Odysseus: you��d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men #E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER #H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too #H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens #H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour #E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly #H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST #E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S #H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS #E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY #Epic the musical #Epic odysseus #The odyssey #odysseus #Homer #Greek mythology #Jorge rivera-herrans #nuclear war speaks

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago

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‘Poseidon left a party in Ethiopia because the sea vibes went rancid after Odysseus set sail’ feels like a bit I would make up, but no. That actually happened.

#poorly drawn odyssey #the odyssey #poseidon #odysseus #Continuing my running theme of bird gods - Poseidon is an albatross!#Following the whole theme of sailor’s superstitions - one must never hurt an albatross. Lest misfortune be upon ye.#This comic was a lot funnier in my head (though that might be attributed to the fact I’ve had so little time to draw lately -#So all my comics take a a few days to finish... I have more time to get pessimistic and weary of the joke not landing.)#But I hope fellow Odyssey fans can appreciate my vision for a critically underrated scene.#I am once again here to let all those uninitiated know about how funny the Odyssey is.#Poseidon flung himself from Ethiopia to the Mediterranean sea to vibe check a shriveled sobbing man.#Now *that’s* what I call petty bitch behaviour.#I will be back with more comics - ones that are a lot funnier than this one.#Nausicaa's scene is next. If you know you know.#(Thank you again to everyone who chimed in to let me know there *was* overlap and an interest in me posting more Odessey comics!)

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xxplastic-cubexx · 27 days ago

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anyone else get cuteness aggression whenever they see james mcavoys charles….. like i have to pace around the room everytime i see him (your art is not helping. /pos)

i can think of one (1) mate who also gets cuteness aggression

#xmen #xmen movies #charles xavier #cherik #professor x #erik lehnsherr #magneto #snap sketches #i am moderately tipsy so idk if this looks right. he looks right to me right now i think yeah he looks good ill post it #ANYWAY tahnk you:) i hope my art contributes to Not Being Normal about charles in any capacity #ask earlier about erik's face getting oevrshadowed reminded me i can draw one of my fave things for film erik too #drawing this did make me wanna rewatch first class tho ... 'snap how many times have you rewatched first class'#its a new month ok im allowed to rewatch it five times if i want to #i never draw fc charles .. i miss him sometimes mcavoy in general's fun to doodle #when speak no evil came out i was too stupid excited to doodle paddy after watchin the movie but this aint about him. we're MOVING ON #im gonna go start doodlin somethin goofy bye bye ill be back Whenever

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egophiliac · 1 year ago

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so on the subject of the "Crowley is secretly Revaan/Laverne/Levin/please Twst give us his name" theory, I think my feelings are best summed up as "I don't really buy it, but it's funny". like, in all seriousness, I'm not opposed to it; I have enjoyed the writing in Twst so far and I'm willing to trust that whatever happens will, you know, make sense and not be terrible. but I'm just not really convinced by the current evidence! maybe that'll change once we learn more, we'll see!

with that said, may I propose a few alternate theories about the possible Crowley/Revaan connection:

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #on this installment of things nobody asked but i'm going to talk about anyway #disclaimer that this is mostly a joke please don't get mad at me #(legit no shade to anyone) (speculation is one of the fun things about an ongoing fandom and you never know what'll turn out to be true!)#more seriously i do think there may be some connection that just isn't clear yet #but the more little breadcrumbs we get about what revaan was like the more i think crowley just doesn't act like him #i adore crowley don't get me wrong #(yes he's a dipshit. this is a feature not a bug.)#but like.#not to harp on the scene about lilia's nrc invitation (i am absolutely going to harp on it)#i do not believe that crowley would go through the trash to fish out the pieces and put them back together and save them #just because it was lilia's. just because lilia might want it again someday.#crowley can ✨yasashii✨ all he wants but we know what he's like #and i REALLY do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him. i didn't believe it before and i extra don't believe it now.#then again i do tend to be incredibly off about speculation so! who knows! i will trust the writing for now!#i do 100% believe that meleanor would fall in love with the world's biggest dumbass and then double down super hard. that part tracks.#that said i have decided that ambrose being revaan is actually the funnier option just because it would make crowley SO mad #it wouldn't make sense for him to be mad about it and that would just make him madder

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canon-gabriel-quotes · 2 months ago

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Transcript:

Machine, I just got back from therapy.

I accept I am not papa's special boy, but I'm still going to kill you.

Audio source

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #authors note: we are not *so* back. but posting should be happening again?#but the almost daily posting will never come back #sorry for disappearing. nothing bad happened i just did not have the chance to post anything #part of the absence was cause i was out of state #and i now have someone sitting behind me most of the time at work #so i can only edit when there is no one behind me and i happen to have no work to do #also the whole uh not really getting new clips thing. i mean there have been a few. but things will run out if i kept posting daily #so it will be slow

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mrsterlingeverything · 2 months ago

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I think its so awesome how everyone has completely different ideas of what is obviously right and wrong

#this girl on reddit was like today i fucked up by sleeping with my coworker the day i broke up with my ex for the 4th time #and i know its wrong and now we can never get back together #ok girl...#hows it wrong to sleep with someone when youre single

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marciaillust · 2 days ago

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I added some colours to her :)

#digital art #character art #character design #marcia #discworld #discworld fanart #angua von uberwald #bro i need to get weirder i need my art to be weirder i need the shapes i need the colurs i need to not play safe i need to be a freak #2025 goal become an even bigger freak i can never stop #i really like how she turned out #i never used such muted colours before i kinda like how murky she looks #a true ankhmorporkian #still making my way through men at arms they just found the clown #i am fascinated with the river that is running through that city #it makes me think of Bristol uk <3 #going back to angua i like to think the armour they gave her was already all beaten up #hello and welcome to the nightwatch. have the nastiest underfunded gear we could find this side of the city #also i like to think that the official colours of ankh morpork are greenred #two colours on the opposing sides of the colour wheel but they are forced together to coexist #ankh would be green morpork would be red #and now everyone and their patrician just gotta cope #worldbuilding through colour would be fun : )#ohhh the inside of the palace could look quite cool because it would have to utilize both to celebrate the union #but then you go into the city and across the river you can sorta see the divide #not that all the houses would be one colour or whatever thats a bit predictable #but through fashion statements or exported goods or family insignia #and then you could incorporate it further for example vimes the guy of the city would want to take on the whooole thang. thats his city #some criss cross apple sauce checkers quilted mismatched mumbo jumbo #and then in contrast to that you would have his wife-elected suit and tie getup that distances him from his duty and kills him #so many options i tell you

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choccy-milky · 3 months ago

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the place me and my roommate were supposed to move into today was so disgusting and uninhabitable we just took our stuff and left and now we're gonna be staying at airbnbs and hotels until further notice/until we can find a new place hopefully quickly...........im in my homeless drifter era y'all!!!😍😍so if im not as active then thats why LMFAO

1 like = 1 prayer

#bro was literally trying to rent us a silent hill apartment #we already paid first and last too which was 2700k and he said hes not gonna refund us EVEN THO WE DIDNT EVEN MOVE IN!!#like first month i get BUT NOT EVEN THE SECOND MONTH?? all landlords go to hell #looking back at the og listing like.....yeah i can see why he never took pics of the outside......literally looks like a landfill😃#we're SO LUCKY that uhaul allowed us to keep our things stored with them bc if they insisted on our shit still being dropped off #we woulda been so screwed/forced to move in and then would have had to hire ANOTHER uhaul to move back OUT lol #AND I HATE MOVING the idea of unloading all of our stuff just to pack it again literally makes me wanna perish #but even tho i may be a homeless drifter rn that wont stop me from also working on my oneshot between searching for places😍#the oneshot has a smut scene at the beginning LMAO and smut takes me forever to write so id been putting it off #but now that im over that hump (pun intended) i think ill be faster now brrrrrrrrrrr 9k words so far #its probs gonna be like 40k LMFAO maybe longer... idek #but also ill be hella busy trying to find a home so LMFAO who knows...chat im so fucking TIREDDDDD🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️#my moms trying to see if she can fight him and get our money back but it aint lookin good bros #if i randomly open commissions then youll also know why LMAO

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teaboot · 14 days ago

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you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy

It's my first time here and I'm never coming back

#I wanted to write something long and poetic and meaningful #About how I used to be suicidal #And sometimes still get that way #But still find wonder and joy in things #And have just learned to hold on tighter #But like #It's so much simpler than that #I don't believe in reincarnation #Or an afterlife #But I see things every day that are amazing #Things people can do with their hands #Animals I never could have imagined #New food and skills and art and music #And I just remember #Oh yeah #I'm new here #I've never done this before #The universe is infinite and I'm just a speck #And I'm never gonna be able to see it all even if I tried to #And when I'm dead it'll be too late #It's like having ten minutes in a museum before it gets demolished forever with everything in it #I've never been alive before but now I am and it'll be over soon #I'm never coming back #I'm just a tiny piece that gets to think and feel for a while before it's over #It's my very first time living and I'm never coming back #I'm gonna stop existing soon #I'm not gonna have feelings anymore #So what do I wanna do #What do I wanna see before the lights go out

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

#polls #tumblr polls #I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup #the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli #section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff #so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just #blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most #neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol #I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me #but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T #I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee #person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times #But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol #And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly #When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one #sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it #Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something #Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and #coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single #coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to #have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus #make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as #possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get #to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol

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super-nova5045 · 7 months ago

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sylvia plath, todd anderson and virginia woolf (aka ACTUAL tortured poets) watching taylor “im breaking up with my boyfriend for his intense depression and blaming it on him, im dating a racist who enjoys watching woc being brutalized and harasses young woc artists, i sent my fans out on a hate train to attack a young woc actress for a line she had to say as part of her job to show how mentally ill her character was, im dating a maga supporter, i refuse to say anything about a current genocide despite being the most influential person in the world right now, i am a billionaire, i fly 13 minute flights and have the highest carbon emission of any celebrity, i am a known white feminist who only speaks about issues when it affects me and has constantly let my fans get away with extreme racism and even encouraged it by associating myself with known racists” swift call herself a tortured poet (her writing sounds like a bunch of thesaurus words slapped over gabba hanna and rupi kaur-esque poetry that was created purely as a trinket for an edgy pinterest board)

#anti taylor swift #like she can be problematic that’s okay #there are SO many problematic artists i like #but she’s not even that good #like read sylvia plath or virginia woolf or listen to LDR or fiona apple or mitski or lorde or boygenius or olivia rodrigo #aka her peers #and realise how much better they are #they truly write art because they have a compassion and rawness for it #whereas taytay only writes to get more money LOL #she’s so extremely privileged that her life is not at all relatable and now she tries to make it so #by romanticizing the most mundane #thats never been your brand babe now it’s going to sound like dogshit #GUTS by olivia rodrigo is better because it has such an intensity to it. liv means what she says and you can feel it!#fiona apple means what she says when she writes about begging her lover to love her back!#mitski means what she says when she writes that she is self destructive and puts herself in bad situations since that’s all she knows!#lana means what she says when she writes about her suicide attempt at 15 because of constant abuse from her mother and crippling depression #all of it such haunting and beautiful works because it truly comes from the soul and isn’t a cash grab #Anyway i’m so sorry virginia and sylvia and todd #todd anderson #AND JOE ALWYN #joe alwyn my favourite man ever #joe alwyn #dead poets society #anderperry #sylvia plath #virginia woolf #the bell jar #lana del rey #fiona apple #mitski

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fiepige · 1 year ago

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Compilation of EVERY single time they changed Hobie's filter in the digital version:

Left: Theatrical release Right: Digital release

You might have to click on some of them to get a better look at Hobie, sadly I don't have a video editor that allows me to make better edits than these :')

#This took so long to make lol #cause I had to edit every scene with Hobie from both versions so I could watch them right after one another to compare them #I did this with ALL the scenes he's in also the ones where he's on screen as spider-punk #but they only changed his filters in these scenes so it was a waste of time :')#sidenote: no it wasn't it's never a waste of time to look at hobie I just couldn't use it for my GIFset lol #I also made a bouns one but I'm not allowed to post more than 30 GIFs in one post apparently so I guess I just won't add it then...#but Hobie was basically filterless during all these scenes in the theatrical version #I like that they gave him more different filters in the digital version #the only change I don't like is in the first GIFs #cause like that one post pointed out it looks like they removed his lipstick for some reason #also really wish I had a better video editor so we could get a closer look at Hobie but I did my best with what I had #also slowed some of them down to get a better look at them #been having this idea for a while and now I finally finished it!#which means I can go back to working on my fics now #hopefully lol #also lemme know if there are some other scens you guys want me to make comparisons of #cause I have both versions #the theatrical release isn't the highest quality though so if you know where I can get my hands on a better version lemme know ;)#hobie brown #spider punk #miles morales #spider man #peter b parker #jess drew #miguel o'hara #spider man across the spider verse #across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #atsv #theatrical version

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months ago

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Good Morning, World.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #'Good Morning World' because to wwx the jiang household is what grounds him. It is his burrow and blanket.#The familiar soup and banter is his home. The familiar arguments and tension are also his home.#Notice how quickly he throws LWJ to the side once he has JC back in reach! 'He was so boring; I wish *you* were there!'#WWX is very quick to constantly remind himself that he fits within a very specific power structure and role.#He pushes boundaries but almost always only the boundaries that he knows he can push against.#Sitting here now and realizing that if WWX did take life more seriously and act more diligent he would totally usurp JC.#Because the contrast with Them (tm) is wwx is the one that gets in trouble and JC is the one that sticks to the rules.#That responsible appearance especially in contrast is the thin line that holds JC's self-esteem together.#And lets be fully honest. From JC's perspective the last week was also extremely intense and stressful.#It truly was a feat to travel so far so fast despite also being exhausted. Never knowing if it is all in vain.#JC said with his actions 'I would move mountains for you and dig through stone with my bare hands if it meant reaching you.'#and WWX said '[read]'#It's about wwx chronically asking 'why would someone care for me? I'm always tool to be used' than accepting that people love him.

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