#i can convince myself that its gonna be fine
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bruhh just cuz i act like im calm doesnt mean im actually calm , why tf are u getting angry at me
#like gurl ok u are freaking out#i am too but freaking out abt smth that i can do properly in a day isnt worth spending time now#basically my frnd is freaking out abt our science paper which we have day after tmrw and im showing that im not freaking out too so that#i can convince myself that its gonna be fine#plus we have another exam tmrw#worry abt that#ughh#al shitposting
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Every day I am reminded that 90% of my problems would be solved if I actually listened to my intuition like ever
#my intuition: 'thats stupid. dont do that'#me: hm.. anyway ! :D#literally it does not register.. 😒#ok so what i did that was embarrassingly stupid.... ugh ok.. eh..#its like genuinely genuinely stupid ok like actually#ugh#ok so im making a new passport and i assumed that since the old one is old i didnt need it anymore#and so i cut out the cute little picture of myself for my travel journal and threw the rest of the passport away#meanwhile thinking: hmm. well this doesn't feel right but google said it was fine so i guess its fine. anyway look at that cute picture :D#and now i realise that the police need the old passport for when im taking out the new passport#so yes. embarrassingly stupid. there u go#i feel not great abt all this tbb. my brain has a tendency to overreact so now im convinced im not gonna be able to travel like i planned#plus im totally going to passport jail for idiots who cut up their own passport and throw them away#WHY LITERALLY WHY#i just wanted the cute little picture IM SORRY DONT TAKE ME TO JAIL 💔💔💔💔💔#no but actually i do feel very not great about this genuinely actually genuinely </3#the curse of scrapbooking i guess#is there a way i can tell the police im literally a neurodivergent (ex)minor ? and that this old passport thing is very offensive to me#anyhow.. yes its ok to laugh at my stupidity here but pls also remember im fragile 😢 💔 a poor little meow meow or something to that effect
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getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend
#snap chats#a weekend is generous im only going to the con on saturday#i like how im making it sound like anime nyc is this weekend when its at the end of august LMAO BUT NO LISTEN#unfortunately beauty influencers have finally done their job right and this one guy was reviewing an eyebrow pencil#but the twist is that this pencil was like. SUPPPER STUPID FINE im talkin .08mm and he demonstrated how it could imitate stubble#SO OF COURSE. my ass wanted to see for myself cause as much as i like my sponge-stippling method its not super precise#and that shit gets annoying when most of it looks fine but then i press too hard or i angle the sponge wrong and now i gotta start over#In Any Case the pencil i got did exactly as i hoped and its actually p fun putting on LMAO. i prefer how it looks too#anyway how this all relates to this post. im probably gonna go as y2 daigo again for anime nyc in august#and I Repeat im not cutting my hair for that LMAO so. Wig 😩#i like it when i cosplay him cause i just go by his actual design cause if i even breathe near skinny jeans ill wanna kms#also i just like to be as accurate as i can be yk. plus the leather pants i have are cozy and theyre one of my fave pairs of pants 🤤#in any case. whenever that wig comes in ermmmmm i dont trust myself to take pictures 😞 my selfie game is dick#maybe ill stream yk2 LMAO but anyway. good night i think im gonna force myself to sleep now#i got back to my dorm like four hours ago or whatever and i am not looking forward to doing school shit again. alongside comm shit#OH WELL we ball good night#wait before i Good Night cackling as i have my meds next to my aoki tablet and plush#great reminder honestly. Take Your Meds Or You'l Convince Yourself To Be A Republican#ok goodnight fr now im gonna giggle and kick my feet thinking of cosplay
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One of my big compulsions is taking a fuck ton of screenshots Just In Case a piece of information is important in like 4 years and I can't remember it (sometimes the information is an instagram post that I might not remember later and of course needs to be recorded everywhere (I will Not be looking at that again)) so today is my transfer 16000 images off my phone admin day (woo)
Like yeah I never looked at any of them and they were completely irrelevant to my daily life, But what if I need them ✨️ later ✨️ (you'll see that the idea of Later is doing a lot of heavy lifting here) OR what if there's a vital piece of information in the mix somewhere that I'll lose forever if I delete them? So: onto the external hard drive they go
This is one of those cases where. Yeah. Ideally I wouldn't take 16000 screenshots in half a year. And YEAH ideally I'd just delete them and not transfer them somewhere else to never look at again. BUT at least I get a clean slate and I can maybe not mindlessly save everything for 2 seconds. It's like. Small wins? Progress. Yknow.
#rangnar rambles#i also use my tumblr drafts this way which is how i have probably 2000 drafts for this blog that are just? like me saving a post for 'later#and then theres too many in my drafts for me to even find *MY* drafts#i need to just hard reset the draft function bc its literally unusable for me#'matt this is all irrational and weird' by god. my irrational thoughts disorder makes me do weird shit? are you fr rn??? 😨😨#i get so stupidly in my own head and then i dont make progress towards Anything#even like a fun sideblog where i can actually yknow. post that 2k nightmare? i just cringe myself out like a dumbass 😔#i feel like ocd thoughts always sound lame out loud (and in my head to myself too)#like the Urgency doesnt come across#like in the moment i am Completely convinced that my national insurance number and bank deets are in there somewhere#and theres suddenly no way on earth i could ever find them again if i delete the picture. so to the hard drive they go#i Would go through that whole thing if i suddenly needed a screenshot from 2019 btw. like the crazy isnt theoretical#ive hallucinated gas leak smells before and woken up my flatmates bc i couldnt convince myself i was over reacting#its just cus the seasons have changed that everythings ramping up but omg its hard to do anything but spiral nowadays#thats a little dramatic but i am losing like. a quarter of the day to my ocd#its like. not great 😬#im not back to convincing myself i gave my dad cancer but i am not letting myself use half the kitchen again#but eh soo la voo we ball#HAH i checked my drafts after this and i was lowballing so hard#5.7k on this blog. 12k on my main 💀. its not funny but it kind of is#this is why youll never catch me running a queue#this is such a miserable post but i do feel the need to not let it sit in the drafts pile. to prove the point i guess 💀💀💀#'no one gives a shit this is your blog' 'oh my GOD WHAT IF PEOPLE GIVE A SHIT' <- omg shut upppp youre so embarassing 🙄#one more time for the gallery: i am like. aware that these feelings are irrational. like i am fine it just takes time for reality to kick in#ANYWAYS what was that who said that that was so weird im gonna go look at old romantic era paintings now#if tam is a screenshot fiend in the next fic u know what happened
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anyone else learn about the nuclear arms race and mutually assured destruction at an impressionable young age, had an existential crisis about how we almost ended all life on the planet in thermonuclear hellfire and made it uninhabitable for thousands of years multiple times because of political differences, and we still have enough warheads on earth to destroy it a hundred times over sitting in the hands of insane megalomaniac politicians who could just end it all with a press of a button and never fully recovered since?
#hahhahaahhahahaa#im fine :-)#in high school i had a bad case of 'no hope for this world' disease which was real hard to parse out from the major depressive disorder#it got real bleak! not gonna lie!#its hard to care about your math homework when youre convinced the world is going to fucking end bc we live under the rule of insane people#looking back now its easy to think i overreacted a bit. but holy shit being a teenager fucking sucks#you cant do anything about how bad the world sucks. all u can do is sit there and look at the news and get fucking depressed#cant vote. cant protest. cant articulate how i feel bc my brain is still growing and i have a math test tmrw.#its like. i just wanted a fucking break.#i didn't want to kill myself. i didnt necessarily want to die. i just wanted a break. bc everything fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!#god im so glad im not a fucking teenager anymore. wow this derailed a bit. hi. im okay now pls dont worry about me#personal#but yeah i still have nightmares now and then about nuclear war. shits scary as hell#and then u look at all the fucked up shit happening around the world and its hard not to lose hope for humanity :|#i want to like humans but unfortunately a lot of us seem to fucking suck. hopefully its not the majority#im doing waayyyyy better as an adult but damn its hard sometimes :/
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sometimes i realize that its not fair of me to hate myself so much that i just automatically assume that i deserve nothing good but then thats immediately ignored because ive just convinced myself that thats 100% true and then i realize i shouldnt be doing that and should stop but then i further convince myself of how worthless i am so then its a messed up cycle
#ive also throughly convinced myself that true happiness is only achieved by having a partner and i know thats toxic for myself but thats#neither here nor there now is it#ive just come to the conclusion that i dont care what happens to me if i jump headfirst into any toxic relationship like its ok#ill probs just pretend like im fine? like yeah thatll work no biggie. as long as i can keep up an ok front about it then thats chill#no im not ok i am so so sad#its ok im gonna reblog some shit rn 2 hide this
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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I'm really,, not looking forward to work tomorrow
#open to close by myself#which is fine its whatever there's only four appointments#but at least two of those appointments are babies#and one of them is the woman i already did a shoot for last week who didnt like them#and like. idk man im not gonna be able to do anything different for her#im hoping i can just convince her to reschedule when someone else is in the studio
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#omg truly over here working on the fLAkiNeSs of my test like 🤡#because my test isnt the problem its the fuckin app lmfao#hey maybe my test fails a lot because this page doesnt fuckin work? JUST AN IDEA!!!#why am i spending hours on a workaround so people can have nice good seeing green feelings?#lmao SNAP OUT OF IT AL!!!!#let it fail let it fail let it faaaaaaiiiiiil#the test will be stable when the fuckin app under test is stable!#let me be clear no one is pressuring me to get this green! one dev was like. uhhhh add a sleep here maybe?#but just a suggestion until they eventually fix this... which they will have to!#this problem isnt going to fly with customers#so in fact its my RESPONSIBILITY to make this test reflect reality!#my job isnt 'make the test results green and pretty' THATS THE DEVS JOB! hello!!!!! AL WAKE UP#Im just trying to convince myself that its fine to be finished with this test lol#MOVE ON ALREADY#oh shit I'M the one who craves the good seeing green feelings!!!!! 💀#im just gonna have to get over it! these tests pass when the app works#and they fail when the app doesnt work. and thats what theyre designed to do!
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#diary#personal#im gonna finish eating and go back to lay in my bed all day...#im just sorta. it really really hurts and i honeslty cant handle interacting with others right now.#hell. everything just hurts so much right now.#like. i tried to force myself to do something and just. i end up getting instantaneous backlash.#im really tired. and id just like to exist calmly.#so imma go back to bed after eating and using the washroom and do nothing else at all today.#i honeslty dont think i can today. like. i obviously can. but at what cost?#im beyond burnt out. still recovering from a meltdown/shutdown/breakdown/whatever. and im sore and in pain#im really tired of living like this. and id rather stay in bed. and actually feel okay there instead.#here? its just painful. i barely got out of bed to eat and now i just regret it.#i wouldve not eaten. i would've liked to have not eaten. but i barely convinced myself to get outta bed.#but then the thing i was gonna gave we were out of. and then i got stressed while making porridge#and while i barely finished everything hurts beyond all else.#i just. im used to this. its fine. but i still hate it.#i dont mind taking care of myself. really. i just wish i had enough space to do so without being set back again and again#im so fucking tired. and i dont think anyone ever really understands what that means?#not to me at least. they seem to think itll be fine#but its not. its really not. i have to keep supressing the urge to just quit my job and actually just be okay.#but i have to press on. i have to work. i dont know why. but its not like i have much of a choice?#i dont know why im bothering. i dont know.#im really tired. and theres no break that could ever realy fix this. im sorta just fucked arent i?#haaah. what i wouldnt give to live differently. what i wouldnt give to just live elsewhere.
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Typing that out has had me panicking and freaking out sweating for the past few hours. I've been miming to myself and rehearsing talking to the woman about it and the only way I can describe how overwhelming and intense this feels is that it's like when I came out to my mum. What the fuck does THAT say
#i feel like throwing up#like anger mixed with shame mixed with a very strange relief mixed with a lots of hating myself and being exhausted#jesus christ its like hard to think about#to be honest i convince myself i have a new mental illness every few months this is probably just the next in a long series#ive had this realization several times over the years but i normally block it out and it makes a huge mood drop#talking to the alcohol guy and this woman and what the p.doc said where theyve been questioning my usual excuses or reasons i tell myself#has got me thinking about it again and this time my mood is clearer and ive typed it out rather than passed out and reading it back is#extremely fucking exhausting#it literally feels like coming out to my mum#what the actual f u c k#bro this is too much#jesus christ#its fine its probably just traits lol like its not the end of the world im literally fine#it literally cant be bad if i can see it#maybe its not true at all like im just completely wrong about this or im missing something or not understanding myself clearly#i need to feel like i can live the life i want one day otherwise i dont know how im gonna cope lmao#im tired of grieving for a person i never was#i cant cope with the idea that i might never get to be that person#ive been too scared to try on my own and if people cant teach me how to try or tell me I'll likely never be able to have normal relatnships#and be liked and secure and feel proud of myself and stop disappointing my parents#oh my god#anyway#just got a notif from the abstinence counting app it says#continuous effort is the key to unlocking our true potential#ig mb thats cool#whatever
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the reader has been begging rafe to watch vampire diaries with her because its her favourite show but its always been a firm no. rafe did something ( it can be anything ) and it upset the reader a bit and rafe asks the reader how he can make it up to her and she asks for girl night with rafe. face masks , making tiktoks , listening to music and of course watching vampire diaries
Vampire Diaries
Word count: 0.8k
Warnings: none
A/N: thank you for the request <3 Rafe would've definitely pretended to be annoyed but secretly enjoyed it lol
“I'm sorry, baby, okay? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.��� Rafe kneeled in front of you, as you were currently sitting on the couch, endlessly scrolling tiktok and paying literally no attention to your boyfriend.
You two just had a small argument, and with Rafe’s short temper, it quickly went downhill. Even though there was nothing too serious and you knew that Rafe didn’t want to upset you, it still hurt you a little bit, so you wanted to teach him a lesson.
“Please? Look at me, pretty girl. I’m really sorry.” He rubbed his hands up and down your thighs, leaving a few soft kisses. “How can I make it up to you, huh? Do you want to go shopping? Spend all of my money? Go on a date to your favorite place? Kick me? Just tell me and I’ll give it to you.”
You were trying so hard to keep back a smile forming on your lips. Because who would’ve thought that Rafe, the big, scary and moody guy, would beg for your forgiveness, literally standing on his knees? You finally put your phone down, looking at your boyfriend and studying him for a few seconds.
“Have a girls night with me.” You smirked, seeing how his brows slowly furrowed.
“Excuse me?”
“Girls night. Masks, snacks, music and vampire diaries are included.” His eyelids lowered, looking at you suspiciously.
“Were you planning on pulling me into that shit? ‘Cuz I ain’t doin’ that. Told that a million times already, babe.”
You just rolled your eyes, going back to your phone and acting like you didn't notice the way Rafe was burning holes into you with his stare.
“Are you really gonna ignore me again? I said, I’m sorry.”
“And you also said that you'd do anything that I asked for. That’s what I’m asking for. Just one night, Rafe. No one’s going to see you being soft and cute except for me, you grumpy ass.” You held eye contact for a few seconds, already seeing how Rafe was hesitating between giving in and continuing to act like a child.
“Fine. But only one time, got it? And you can’t tell anyone about it.”
***
“Did you just take a photo?” Rafe’s head snapped towards you and you innocently bit your lip, locking your phone and putting it away.
“Maybe… But you look really cute, just wanted to have it for myself.” You smiled at him, moving closer on your bed and fixing a few strands of hair that fell out of Rafe’s white bunny headband. He did look cute, laying and watching your favorite series only in his gray sweats, with no shirt, and most importantly, with a Hello Kitty sheet mask on his face.
Before that, you had already cleaned and exfoliated Rafe’s face while sitting on top of him, which was the only reason why he didn’t complain every second, and then you brought all the possible snacks from the kitchen and took your favorite masks with you. It took quite some time to convince him to put it on, but a few kisses worked just perfectly.
As the twenty minutes on your timer went off, you took both of your masks off with Rafe mumbling “finally” under his breath, and with another bag of chips, you snuggled into your boyfriend’s side. “Vampire Diaries” that you convinced him to turn on were currently only on the third episode, and you looked up from Rafe’s shoulder, noticing that he was actually looking at the screen.
“I told you that it’s good.” You giggled, shoving chips into your mouth and then giving a few to Rafe. His hand wrapped tighter around your body, bringing you even closer.
“It’s not.”
“Then why are you watching it?” You arched your brow when he looked down at you.
“Because you told me too. You know that I hate this type of stuff, right, babe? This girl shit is not for me.”
“Whatever you say, Rafey.” Your hand stroked his bunny ears, which were still holding his hair, then cupped his face to place a kiss on the lips. You knew that Rafe was just being stubborn and that he actually was enjoying your evening together; it was obvious by the way his body was in the most relaxed state possible, there was no usual annoyance, and he had that look in his eyes. The one that you always saw whenever you two were alone, when you were wrapped up in each other’s arms, when you made him happy and safe. “Thank you for this. It means a lot to me.”
“ Anything for you, baby.” Rafe softened, lips curling in a lazy smile, as he caught your lips in another kiss. “Now watch your goddamn show, or I’m gona turn it off.” Rafe pulled away, playfully rolling his eyes at you, yet still looking back at the screen, now also too hooked on to miss any second.
#rafe x you#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe x reader#rafe obx#rafe imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#soft!rafe cameron
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update: just hung around my brother mostly and my ex-neighbors WERE NOT THERE! idk why because they lived next to my grandmother for like 15 years but. i am so glad they werent there! but my moms bf was and he is still the worlds biggest asshole and why my mom stays with him i have no idea!!!!!!!! but. yaknow. sooooo cool that she chose him to stay with her rather then i (the ultimatum i gave her) (which was long overdue because who moves an adult man whos rude into their home when their child (afab because it feels important in this situation specifically) is like 12 years old dawg) (nothing bad happened besides the casual me hating his presence so much that i went without food and water but like did she not realize how easily something worse couldve happened?) (when i told her i was visciously uncomfortable with him around did she just think i was gonna be chill with him being around forever?) (she seemed unhappy around him today. does she not realize that she doesnt have to stay with him?????? surely she realizes that he is awful????)
but my little cousin who went off to the navy said hi to me and gave me a hug and that was nice :-) he always was the least-judgemental of...... literally everyone whos around my age in my family. so it was nice to see him. i also saw my niece and nephew and they are like. actual teenagers now. and that was freaky because i know them as young children in my head. idk. its crazy that everyone ages bro
the pros of going to my grandmothers funeral/celebration of life tomorrow: closure or whatever. i dont really know ive only been to two funerals in my whole life and i dont fully get what im suppsed to feel and do there
the cons: i dont talk to literally anyone on my moms side of the family. i could follow my brother around but he's gonna be mostly around my mom, who i do not talk to for a thousand reasons. and my ex-neighbors who are very openly transphobic to me will be around her. and no one on her side of the family really Gets that im trans either so like it just all sucks. i will surely get emotional because y'know, and that means that i will be emotional in front of my mom, which is bad for me. all my cousins are weird around me because we were close as kids but now no one knows how to approach me because ive only gotten more awkward and more unable to verbally speak
#the last funeral i went to was my grandfathers on my dads side and it was open casket and inside and im glad this wasnt like that#we were outside and at the end they put the urn with her ashes into the ground#and it was nice#idk i cant think too hard about it all because ill get emotional and im already rocking a headache i dont need tears#other then my cousin no one else tried to hug me which is good but also sad#good because i was forced into so many hugs i didnt want when i was young bc my family is very physical#sad because it really highlights how far removed i am now that i didnt even get a hello from more then like 2 people#the problem is that usually in person with my mom things go fine and i go ok. this is fine#but then afterwards i must live with the knowledge of every wrong she has ever wronged me with#and i go wow. theres a reason i dont want to be around her at all#im so bad at defending myself and being strong in-person but theres really not much i can do when im mostly non-verbal#how can a man stand up for himself when he can barely say 2 words at a time#whatevs. im gonna go curl up in bed with my longfic#my whole body hurts soooooooo bad. my whole face radiates pain. my brain my forehead my eyes my jaw my cheeks everything#my backkkkkkkkkkkk my back. just like spiderman. but instead of falling off a building i just existed#my hips and my legs and my ankles. stood on lots of uneven ground today. they didnt like that#practically every muscle feels a little achey because i tense them something fierce when stressed (as u can imagine. 24/7)#im having cramp-like sensations#but surely its just stress or something because my period can NOT try to come right now#i just took my shot 2 days ago dawg#i need my testosterone to be beef mode and just convince my body i dont need to be shedding any uterus whatever
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Hiii. Hope your doing well🥰 may I please request an Azriel x reader smut where the reader safe words because she just wasn't feeling it that night but still did it for Az but it became to much?
If you don't want to write its completely fine🌺
Safe Word
Azriel x reader
Warnings: Smut for a brief bit at the start, safe word use, tbh its mostly fluff
Prompts: N/A
Summary: Azriel comes home stressed from a mission and he needs you but it becomes too much for you.
a/n somebody give me this as irl
Azriel said he would be home in the evening from his mission, it's almost midnight. Laying on the bed, I was trying my best to read the book in front of me and stay awake to greet my mate.
It wasn't helping that the book was painfully boring.
My head rested on my hand convincing myself that I can stay up longer. Just as I'm about to doze off, the door slams open. Jerking up, I run to the living room.
"Hey baby," I whisper as I jump into his arms.
Without a word, he closes the distance between us, his hands reaching out to pull me into a passionate embrace. The hunger and need in his touch is palpable, his desire for me evident in every caress and kiss.
As we undress, our bodies intertwining, I can sense the tension in my movements. But in my single-minded pursuit of pleasing Azriel, I fail to stop it before it gets too much.
I keep convincing myself that I'll get aroused soon enough. But then he shoves into me without warning, taking me against the door. Unlike usually, he didn't give me time to adjust to his size and the friction hurt. I waited to grow wet at some point. To want him the way he wants me right now.
The pain starts becoming unbearable my attempts to push him off started to grow desperate.
“Az, fuck” One last push, I had lost all energy at this point.
“Rose” I gasp out in relief as he pulls out.
“Shit fuck love, are you ok, I’m so sorry,” he panics.
“No Az it’s not your fault, I’m sorry,” I apologise.
“Well it’s definitely not yours, I’m gonna run us a bath. Again I’m so sorry my love,” He walks off, presumably to the bathroom.
Maybe I should have let him continue, he was probably really stressed. Shit now I’ve made him more stressed. Is he mad at me? Oh my gods I’ve probably ruined tonight for him.
“Love I can hear your wheels turning in your brain, stop thinking,” Azriel comes and picks me up to take me to the bath.
“And it wasn’t your fault, I got stressed over a mission and took it out on you, I’m so sorry,” He places me across from him in the huge tub and pulls me in his lap.
Facing him, I lay a soft kiss onto his lips. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier that I wasn’t feeling it,”.
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice the signs,” he sighs.
I kiss him softly one more time before laying butterfly kisses on his neck.
His hand slips under my chin and gently pulls my face to meet his. Hazel eyes meet mine, my breath catches in my throat, my blush increases when he pulls me closer and whispers “I love you,”
“I love you too, pretty boy,”
a/n i love soft!az
#acotar#acourtofswiftiesandshadowdaddies#a court of silver flames#acotar series#azriel acotar#a court of thorns and roses#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader fluff#azriel x reader#azriel#azriel loml#azriel x reader angst
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It's home cinema manufacturing time! 🏴☠️ Gonna put my pirate show on my shelf! (I'm doing an Arts and Crafts Project and I'm making it everyone's problem.)
After seeing how much they cost, I abandoned the idea of getting a Blu-ray writer for now. For the time being, good old DVDs is what it's going to be! My TV is old and not very big, so DVD resolution is gonna be fine.
It's been ages since I last burned a DVD. For the full experience, I'm gonna create nice menus and pretty sleeves for the boxes. Graphic design is my passion! Um.
Well. First needed to find a program to do stuff with. I'm a Linux guy, so I'm using Devede. (Which is free, btw. In case someone else wants to do a low cost spot of putting pirate show on the shelf.)
DVDs fit a maximum of 120 minutes of video. So, four episodes, I thought. But after a quick attempt, the program refused to do more than three (maybe because of the menu also taking up space, and four episodes cutting pretty close to the 120 min mark?). Anyway, three episodes per disc it is. It's a pretty nice runtime for watching the entire disc, IMO. An hour and a half, and then you can return to reality to realise you should probably eat something, or go to bed because it's midnight.
OFMD with its current two seasons has a total of eighteen episodes, which is divisible by three. You get the following setup:
Disc 1: Pilot, A Damned Man, The Gentleman Pirate - That's pretty good, Stede's introduction to piracy all on one disc!
Disc 2: Discomfort in a Married State, The Best Revenge is Dressing Well, The Art of Fuckery - All bangers. Great to watch together, our boys meet and shenanigans happen!
Disc 3: This is Happening, We Gull Way Back, Act of Grace - Many romantic moments, lots of great scenes, shit hits the fan at the end there. Alright!
Disc 4: Wherever you go, there you are, Impossible Birds, Red Flags - ... Pain and angst! What have I done!?! The disc of horrors. Gotta make sure to have tissues at hand when I watch this. But hey, it also has messy bun Ed! Small mercies.
Disc 5: The Innkeeper, Fun and Games, The Curse of the Seafaring Life. - Another disc with all winners. I love all these episodes so much! (You can watch this disc to recover from the trauma of the previous one!) But seriously, this one slaps.
Disc 6: Calypso's Birthday, Man on Fire, Mermen - Great combination again. Season finale! Love and excitement!
... Honestly, except for the psychological damage of putting all the most painful episodes together, this is coming out pretty cool. Says a lot about how good the show is. I actually really love all the episodes (yes even the painful angsty episodes of massive depression). Thinking about this little project really reminded me how much I love this entire show.
So, we got a tracklist, now menus, then we can burn this stuff!
I did the menu backgrounds in GIMP. Realised I have a big folder full of screenshots I took myself, screenshots someone else took and posted on Tumblr, official promo pics for the show, and I have no idea anymore where most of them are from, because I named the files according to what's on them. Which is useful for when you want to find pics (Need a picture of cursed suit Stede? I have files named that, easy peasy!), but not so great if you wanted to give credit to whoever took a given pic you used. (It's probably @sherlockig or @ofmd-ann or @blakbonnet. Please feel credited, your beautiful screens and gifs brighten my day, and some of them are now probably part of my DVD menus. Shrunk down and cropped, but, yeah.)
I originally wanted to structure my menus as having the title of an episode, then some pics from it, then the next episode, then pics from that, and so forth, but I couldn't convince the program to give me the necessary padding between the menu items, so I ended up just putting the episode images below the menu. Still like it.
Anyway, DVD menus can also play sound! Behold a crappy video of my beautiful creation (provided entirely for sound):
It plays Gnossienne N°5!
More crappy pics of my other disc menus:
Gonna make them some nice sleeves next. Some day. Gotta make sure they all work properly first. So. I'll be on my sofa, watching my DVDs. With menus! (Edit: here are!)
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hihihii !! ( i absolutely love your writings. )
before i start the request i just wanted to day english is not my mother tounge so sorry if i am messing anything up. <3
but can you do something with sub!bill x reader? maybe something where reader hasnt let him cum for a few days and hes like begging her to let him cum. obviously reader lets him but yeah thats just the request !! if u can do it its completely fine also xx.
thanks for the request! and don’t worry anon you’re english is really good :3
i love this ideaaa
(also; yayy i got this out finally!!)
Too Much
a sub!Bill Kaulitz fanfic
content: femdom!reader (but honestly there are no mentions of it being a fem!reader), begging, edging
synopsis: after “so long” Bill’s gotten desperate..
translations: “Schnucki” is a german term of endearment that translates to: “Sweetie” or “Sweetie Pie”
“Oh c’mon! It’s been three days,” Bill pleads, walking after you, “Do you know what that will do to a man?”
You chuckle softly and turn back to look at him. His hazel eyes are wide and needy, his cheeks flush, and his breath heavy. “It can’t be all that bad, Billy.”
Bill whines at that and throws his head back, “It is!” You turn back around to grab your car keys. “Please! You can’t leave me like this!”
“Can’t I?” You respond teasingly.
“C’mon.. the way you were kissing me, and- and touching me, I thought you were finally gonna let me..” He trails off with an embarrassed whimper.
“Let you what?” You say, running your hand up his side.
“I’m going crazy here, Schnucki…” Bill whines, burying his fingers in your hair, “Please…”
Smiling, you can’t help but pity your poor boyfriend. “Hm, maybe with a bit of convincing, I’ll let you.”
His eyes light up and he nods eagerly. Bill grabs your wrist and begins to pull you back to the bed. Incoherent thanks leaving his lips.
For the past three days, the only slack you’ve cut him is some kissing and heavy petting. His libido, as strong as ever, has basically short circuited his brain at this point. He’d do anything to cum. You knew it, and he knew it.
Sitting on the bed once more, Bill was practically shaking with excitement.
“Beg,” You say sweetly, carding your fingers through his hair. He whines and kisses her cheek, his fingers curling into your thighs as he looks at you like you’re the sun, the moon, and the stars.
“Please… I’ve been good. I haven’t touched myself or- or done anything bad. I swear I’ll be a good boy..” He mumbles, “Please, please, I- I need this.. I need it.”
Bill continues to plead incoherently, while a smile is painted on your face. He’s always so cute when her like this, it almost makes you want to torture him a bit longer… but you won’t. Not when he wants it this bad.
You shush him and he quickly stops his begging, just limpid panting comes from him now. “Okay.. okay…”
A broken little grin pulls at his pouty lips and you begin to pull his pajama pants off. Leaning back obediently, he squirms with excitement. Bill’s erection springs out and your sure you’ve never seen it so… intense. The tip is red and leaking, twitching. He bites his lip and looks at you hopefully. You slowly lean over and kiss his lips, taking the base of his dick into your hand. Bill groans like it’s been years since anything has touched it, babbling your praise as you begin to slowly stroke his weeping erection.
He reaches out for you so pitifully. Giving him your free hand, he holds it in both of his, gently kissing your fingers as you give him what he’s begged for. “I love you so much…” Bill pants against the skin of your palm. You continue with your slow, but firm strokes. Bit by bit… you speed up. He whines, and squirms. His body twitching, his mouth agape.
And just as quickly as it started, it ended. A white hot flash of light splintering up through Bill’s body before a sticky white substance covers your hand. You let go of his overwhelmed, twitching dick and smile. Licking his climax off of your hand, his body twitches at odd times. Bill’s eyes are heavy lidded and his breathes are deep and short.
“Pl-Please..” You hear Bill breathily say.
“Please what?” You say back.
He whines and reaches his arms out for you again, his eyes basically shut, “Lay with me,” Bill whines. With a soft giggle you tug his pajama pants back up and settle in beside him. He wraps his arms beside you with the little strength in them he has left.
“I love you…” Bill mumbles.
“I love you too,” You respond, “Did it feel good..?”
“Amazing.” He says in a boarder line moan.
“Good.” You mumble back.
With that, Bill softly falls asleep.
deine, kirsche. ✮
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