#i am tired and do not see the point
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Me at 6 with undiagnosed depression and anxiety: everything awful and I don't know why :( but that's OK because when I'm older it'll all be good!
Me at 16 : yeah nah I'm depressed but it gets better you know. I'll be fine when I'm an adult.
Me at 26 in the exact same(if not worse) situatjon I was in 20 years ago: -_- fuck this.
#depression#keep fucking waiting and it just gets worse :)))#iiiiiii hate everything#i am tired and do not see the point#trigger warning depression#possible trigger warning#tw depression#hsjkskdkd just realised im 27not 26 fucking hell thats worseee
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something. about. the horror of being sent on an impossible (death) quest and obligations and hospitality politics. the trauma of not having a home, and then the trauma of being in a house that becomes actively hostile to you, one that would swallow you whole and spit out your bones if you step out of line. all of this is conditional, your existence continues to be something men want gone.
it's about going back as far as I can with the perseus narrative because there's always a version of a myth that exists behind the one that survives. the missing pieces are clearly defined, but the oldest recorded version of it isn't there! and there's probably something older before that!! but it's doomed to forever be an unfilled space, clearly defined by an outline of something that was there and continues to be there in it's absence.
and love. it's also about love. even when you had nothing, you had love.
on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is Not About Ovid Or Roman-Renaissance Reception, Depictions And Discourses On The Perseus Narrative.
edit: to add to the above, while it's not about Ovid, because I'm specifically trying to peel things back to the oldest version of this story, Ovid is fine. alterations on the Perseus myth that give more attention Medusa predate Ovid by several centuries. this comic is also not about those, either! there are many versions of this story from the ancient world. there is not one singular True or Better version, they're all saying something.
Perseus, Daniel Ogden
Anthology of Classical Myth: Primary Sources in Translation, edited & translated by Stephen M Trzaskoma, R. Scott Smith, Stephen Brunet
#perseus#danae#komiks tag#long post#every other week i start to say something about how greek heroes are a good case study in diaspora and exile trauma#but man perseus makes me so sad. so does danae. she loves her son :(#perseus turning a whole island to stone is a huge mood. i would also do that if i were him#anyway (salutes) take care everyone i gotta watch yunho's new video it looks like a fucking movie im so excited#(i singled out ovid bc i remember the fucking shit perseus discourse that ran through this site. i remember#im preemptively loading a gun and pointing at it before it can touch this post#it hasn't died out either i see it on twitter all the time in the most ANNOYING ways possible i am TIRED#esp bc they're actually doing medusa a narrative disservice like congrats! you made it worse! stop telling me it's better!!!!)#it’s all greek to me
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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people who undermine the importance of izuku and katsuki's relationship throughout bnha because of "annoying shippers" or because they just don't like katsuki are insane because their relationship is literally so? important??? to the entire story???? katsuki is the deuteragonist of bnha. he was one of the first characters to show up. he was the first other person to know about OFA. so much of the manga is spent showing his development. if you deny his character development and relationship development ("relationship" does not always mean romantic relationship) with izuku, you are quite literally denying a massive part of the series. the manga starts with them and ends with them. you're allowed to dislike him but if you dislike him so much that you, in turn, start hating how izuku is a "punching bag" or a "doormat" for the entire series because he doesn't stay angry and vengeful at people even though a massive part of his character is that he's compassionate and kind even to people who aren't to him or used to not be, and you seriously think that that makes him weak, and you just start to dislike the main two characters of the series, i think you should. idk. stop reading, probably. read the revenge fantasy shit that you obviously want to read. there are like seven million manhwa available to you where the character gets the revenge you so desperately want to see.
#someone on twitter kinda pissed me off#bnha#mha#bkdk#bakudeku#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#midoriya izuku#i hope this post is understandable bc i am so tired rn#also can i just mention how these people so obviously project onto izuku#how much does katsuki have to atone for you guys#i'm not saying what he did WASN'T fucked up but at what point do you guys think he “earns” forgiveness?#apparently he didn't earn it when he: apologized. took a hit for izuku. died because he became the closest person to him.#felt guilty over his actions. cried because he felt guilty and wanted them to compete forever.#spent 8 years funding a fancy expensive suit that could allow izuku to have his greatest dream back.#like i genuinely don't understand what else he could possibly do#he experiences misfortune for being the way that he is (even if not directly reprimanded for it often) and he learns and grows from it#and if you say “he could've permanently died” izuku would have Fucking Hated that actually.#the main character you project so hard onto would have hated it and cried his eyes out and mourned for his childhood friend-slash-bully#proof? see his reaction when he literally saw katsuki lying dead on the ground. he started hyperventilating.#izuku midoriya is NOT A SELF INSERT CHARACTER.
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i've compiled all the data from the past three years into one slideshow for easier access! a full spreadsheet can also be found below :]
full slideshow: [link]
full spreadsheet: [link]
#icarus speaks#species survey#now. those of you who have been here for a while#might recognize that that was Not the color i used for 2023#and you'd be correct. and is also the reason why this has taken me a few days#because i did. in fact. go through and have to re-add every 2023 chart#as well as every 2022 chart. because the text was black and at that point did Not match with the other two#the things i fucking do to myself 😭#anyways. u guys will likely not see me again for the rest of today 👍 again .#i am. so tired.#<- guy who did this to itself
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FINALLYYYYYY. My guys of the jury, this has a tracked 30 damn hours and boy does it feel like it. ANYWAYS, I return for more AU shenanigans because Get Redeemed Loser AU lives in my head rent free. Felt like a nice way to experiment with more vertical style comics? Which is SM EASIER TO PANEL THAN CLASS LAYOUTS. I get why they're so much more common nowadays. Comic,,, so satisfying but at what cost,,, i'm tired. So proud of the top half tho :3.
Okay back to AU brainrot, Mark and Wasp fighting over one of their core differences! I think this is early in their relationship where Mark still thinks Wasp can at least understand what it's like being Nolan's son, only to get smacked in the face with how pride Wasp holds in that title. Anyways, look below to see my suffering made into video.
local artist redoes like 4 damn panels 8 bajillion times and screams into the sky ♡ also if you want fic of this au you should read the fic that @avisisisis wrote about it, ooooo you wanna read it so bad, it's good :3
#invincible rotating in my mind#mark grayson#invincible fanart#fanart#procreate art#digital art#fan comic#fan art#mark grayson fanart#invincible series#i am too tired to elborate in the tags so take this: mark's thumb on his neck is a ref to a previous fanart / point in s2 when nolan-#-puts his hands around mark's neck while screaming at him <3#anways something something don't see eye to eye when they literally don't face each other in the same panel#totally not just the fact i can't draw side profiles to save my life#not that... no it has meaning...#no mirrored red eyes because it wouldn't look right but they both get red (blood orange) eyes#take a shot every time a re-do a panel and get alcohol poisoning immediately#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#resisting the urge to fix 3rd to last panel to this very second#hng#sometimes you need to spray bottle your own mind like no. enough. cease.#get redeemed loser au#FOROGT THE AU TAG DJKJDS
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I dont think Chilchuck would be sleeping with any of the other characters because those are his beloved coworkers and it would be too weird to even think about.
BUT, while I dont ship Laios and Senshi, I do think they have a weird bromance thing going on where they have sex totally platonically, in a "you will never understand a true warrior's bond" kind of thing. Like COD players giving each other blow jobs or whatever.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#i am Tired of seeing posts about chilchuck fucking that man is a boring office worker who spends all his free time doing dad hobbies#i refuse to accept that he is having sex at any point while on the job (i.e.#the entire time hes in the dungeon)#tracking
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realizing that communication actually doesnt matter as much as ppl say it does, bc most ppl glorify it and see it as a magical solution when in fact communicating your feelings/wants/needs only work if other ppl are receptible to it. which... most ppl arent, both bc many dont want to bc it requires too much effort of them and it's easier to shift blame on others not "communicating", but also bc many many ppl just have brains that arent wired to understand others, or other viewpoints and perspectives. thus, no level of communication will make someone who isnt capable of receiving it hear you. most efforts to "communicate" are completely wasted. and it's frustrating, but what can u do?
#one of my main examples of this is...#i clearly stated in the beginning of someone expressing potential interest in me#that i have feelings for someone and i cant help that or do anything abt and its just how it is#but that person continued to call me stupid for not just stopping my feelings for my person#thats just an example *i* FEEL is obvious#even if u tell someone or warn someone or give someone a head ups#if they arent capable of comprehending it or you... it wont matter#they will still hurt / punish / get mad at u for not being what they want#so yeah... makes me wanna scream#humans are just too much fkn pain in the ass </3#i barely even see the point in being upfront or direct or honest anymore#it doesnt even fucking matter bc apparently most ppl are fkn incapable of hearing u 😒#i've always thought it so important to be considerate to others#not waste their time... not give them fair warnings etc etc#but more and more i feel like 9/10 they just fkn lash out on u anyway#maybe i should just be sketchy and dodgy and vague distant and detached and avoidant like everyone else is#and just protect myself and my own selfish desires and needs and wishes. everyone else does that.#i just am not wired to look at ppl and see what they can give me or what i can use them for#thats why i often am just upfront and honest. i dont see ppl as merchandise or their sole purpose being to serve me and my needs#im just a human and theyre a human and we have a mutual thing going#but no. nooooo. thats how *i* work. i've learned that now#most (not all but far too many im tired) look at others and automatically calculate how they can use them#what they can get out of talking to u. what they can take and get from u. how to make u act the way they want to#idk where im going with this.... uh. i just dont see the point in communicating. ppl dont listen..#bc they dont want to cummincate. they want u to shut up and act like the marionette they see u as. they dont wanna hear u out or understand#they want u to just behave and act how they tell u. thus communicating is a total waste of energy 9/10 times#like .. for example on here. i can put like warning im mentally ill in my bio. but ppl will still be personally affeonted when i act that#way to myself ... most ppl just are not capable of listening to others or processing the fact that others dont exist for them#it doesnt matter how much u try to be honest or direct or upfront bc they dont care. they dont hear it. they wont adjust or respect u.#so why even bother communicating? or warn? or be direct? none of that even makes a lick of difference its so futile
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1x10 | Lovecraft
'I'll find your mole for you. Trust me - he'll belong to Fish'
#Gotham#oswald cobblepot#carmine falcone#season 1#Gotham 10 Year Anniversary Extravaganza#i originally planned to do the entire scene and a bonus aesthetic oswald set b/c he looks extra pretty here#Ha! what delusions i had#every ounce of spare time evaporated overnight and im now quite literally busier than i've ever been#but that's what happens when your wedding is less than two months away#so i slapped this gifset together instead of sleeping#enjoy#see you tonight for 1x11 - the halfway point!#i am so tired lol#my gifs#mine
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are u a medic fictionkin? /gq sorry im just really confused
there are some questions that science just cant answer-
#putting my longer answer in the tags#which is that 1) ive gotten this question so many times.. im wondering if i should put it in my pinned post at this point#2) its a very long answer but it mostly comes down to 'i have some hypotheses but i dont have enough data'#and 'i havent found a term that perfectly describes my experiences so i dont confirm anything in case it leads people to wrong assumptions'#2.5) no i dont really identify with the term fictionkin for the above reasons but its not Completely inaccurate either#theres just more too it than that#but i dont owe an explanation of my state of being to anyone which leads me to#3) why does it matter?#i am not mad that people keep asking#there is nothing wrong with being curious and i know this is the sort of thing that a lot of people will be curious about#but its also something im in no rush to answer nor do i owe anyone an answer to it#and certainly not until its an answer i am confident about#but i digress#im sure some of my other followers are tired of seeing this question so often too so i will leave it at that#im medic tf2 Real (not as a delusional attachment though i know someone asked about that too)#but beyond that you will just have to use your imagination#grins#alright that is enough rambling#the doc is in
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Okay so we're at 623/1025 Pokemon done right now that's 60.78%, and did you know that each 1 (one) new unique crochet brings us .09% (NOT EVEN A /TENTH/ OF A PERCENT) closer to 100%. That's 402 more Pokemon to go (currently) (not including ones that have different variants/forms). That's so many. Whoa. Wow.
#text#mind boggled again about the numbers#because like. literally if there is one thing i want to do in my lifetime that i am one HUNDRED percent SURE of. it is this project#and i know that i can do it. it is a feasible task. gargantuan. monumental. long. tedious. but doable.#and also what the FUCK i have made over#SIX. HUNDRED??? OF THESE??#AGAIN NOT EVEN INCLUDING DIFFERENT FORMS#at some point i will make an extended sheet with the different forms counted out too#but i don't think i want to do that just now or on my own because oof that's gonna be an even biiiiigger number#but oh my god i am so in disbelief of my own self. how did i do this. how do i do this. how will i do this. what. what.#i know some of yall get tired of seeing these moments but just like. this is insane. im insane.#if i had just a single dollar for every one pokemon i have done. that would be over 600 dollars. i could get a nice treat with that.#i wish this was like in school where people would pledge a penny or something for every mile you walked/ran. except for my crochets.#why cant this literally be how i make a living. why cant the universe hook me up with that. universe do you hear me?? manifesting
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can someone plz cry with me
#txt#so overwhelmed#and dreading work#I am so nervous about my future#I don’t see a point in working towards a career that isn’t based on passion#and I’m so tired of the advice I get being “do something you can tolerate that pays well so you can focus on hobbies outside of work#bcuz like where? how? I can’t do anything without a degree. and degrees are expensive. and even if I had a degree. I’ll need to have years#of experience#I don’t want to do something boring even if it gets me by#and there probably aren’t that many jobs available any#so I’m in this limbo where I can quit work yet cuz I don’t fucking know what I should have lined up#and I wanna go back to school but the only in person classes I can take are 2 hours from me#and I can do it online but I won’t get the same connections#so I just have to exist in this state of unhappiness and know in the back of my mind that no job will ever satisfy me#bCUZ WORK FUCKING SUCKS UNLESS ITS SLEMTHING YOU LOVE AND TJAHS HARD TTO COME BY#thank you this is my rant. if you don’t like it jump off a cliff. it’s my blog and I’m blogging dumb a as
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)
#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it#this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself#and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure''#but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given#which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin#it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo#like he's been through enough!#because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying#by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them#when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person#yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon#but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi#get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma#especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are#like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow#i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice#or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it#i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops#wtnv#wtnv spoilers#joyousposting
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Tumblr is way chiller than Twitter for sure but sometimes I see a post and I'm like. Y'all DO remember this is a block game, right? You're not gonna get legitimately pissy and passive-aggressive over characters doing things in a block game, RIGHT???
#i talk#qsmp talk#Chatter: Jaiden don't do this— twitter will cancel you!#The rest of us in chat: Why should she care about anything Twitter says#People on frickin twitter AND tumblr: *whining about Jaiden*#LIKE BRO YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS LMFAOOOOOO#fandom wank#I'm gonna start unfollowing people#not even just for bad opinions I'm just tired of seeing people being mean and bitter#I'm just here to have fun I don't want to constantly see whining#Critique characters and stuff all you want that's part of the fandom experience but some of y'all are so damn mean for no reason lmao#Touch grass and seek therapy#I know me posting this is part of the ''too many people complaining'' problem but Jaiden's my gal I am a little bit annoyed by that#Again: character critique is fine#but sometimes it's just so passive-aggressive and like. written like the character did a personal attack on YOU#<- the last tag is the most important point here I think
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